Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 08/21/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #106

Episode Date: August 21, 2013

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Oh shit, oh shit, it's that motherfucking time, Wednesday, August 21st, a beautiful fucking day to be alive. As good as it's gonna fucking get. If you don't wake up with your ass busted or something, it's a beautiful day. Here you go. Here you go. Oh shit. It's for you, Lee.

Oh shit. You let me cost a crate you. It's just a crate. Whatever the fuck. Oh shit. Oh shit. Here you go, Lee. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive.

Get up. Thank the Lord for giving you another fucking day in this fucking beautiful jungle. You gonna get up, have some eggs, some bacon, maybe some toast, maybe a dolce bowl, whatever the fuck he's got over there. And that's it. That's how it ends. It's that simple. Mmm.

That's it. You gonna go to work. There's a little chick in your office. You're gonna look at her. You got that little thong on today. You start imagining what it smells like under that fucking monster. Ooh. Oh.

Oh. Like a fucking savage. At least I got no lighters. I had like two fucking joints at once. I'm over here like a Manchurian candidate. You know what I'm saying? You're not on fire today. I was saying, I don't like it when you sleep before the podcast because he came in today

like criticizing everything. Everything about everything that I have. First of all, I come in the kitchen looks like a fucking bomb hit. Yeah, I'm a single guy. I'm a single guy. I just did the dishes. What did you cook for dinner? What did you cook for dinner last night?

Spaghetti meatballs. How long did that entail them with turkey fucking meatballs? Yeah, I made turkey. Fuck you. I made turkey burgers the night before. I had leftovers so I threw them in sauce and I made spaghetti. How'd you make the turkey burgers? I had ground turkey, oregano, red chili flakes, salt and pepper.

Very nice. Italian bread crumbs and an egg. Very nice. When you tighten those motherfuckers up like a frickadel. The last time I did them. You put some onions on there, some teriyaki? No. Mushrooms?

Last time I did them, they were too big though. So this time I had to make them small. Did you do my Fred Flintstone fucking burgers? Yeah, so this time I tried to make them small and they turned out more like sliders. So I'm like halfway in between now. You're looking good. Look at you. You're not swimming though.

I know that. No, you asked me if I'm swimming today. I've been at work for 12 hours. I'm not swimming. What fucking 12 hours? You leave here at 9, you're up at 7. No, I leave here at 8. I get back at 8.

You don't know my schedule. Get out of here. Can you go to DC on Monday? I'm gonna fucking leave tomorrow. What are you busting my balls? Let me tell you what happened to fucking me yesterday. No, I had a good time. I went to Jitri yesterday morning.

I had to drop off two envelopes and I got home and I'm fucking starving. You're dizzy starving. Yeah. Like the ship sail. Like you can't go somewhere they're gonna fuck around like the ship sail. It was 12 o'clock and my daughter's there looking at me and my wife and I. Let's get out of here. So we get in the car.

We're gonna go to Jersey Mike's first. Okay. And have a roast beef sandwich. But the fucking place is always packed. Yeah. So we said fuck, let's go get Cuban food. But we went over, we went that day. And we got an order and bananas.

We split them and then we split the black beans and white rice with the fried pork chunks. Lee, they were on fire. So in the middle of all this, Terry fucking makes a crucial mistake. She gave her, the kid was eating a banana and a thing. Yeah. Just a banana that we cut up. And finally Terry goes, let me see if she likes these sweet fried bananas. Oh, of course she does.

And she gave it to her and she lost the fucking money. So I said to her, let me ask you a question. Why don't you just turn around and give her a taste of the black beans. And she tasted those black beans and that was it after that. She started yelling and screaming like a cable. And she would look at me and look at the kid, look at me and look at my wife. I go, we created the fucking monster. She drank the whole bowl of that fucking bean juice because you can't get with a bean.

She only got two little teeth on the bottom. That's a picture I tweeted. I was like, you guys got to see this shit. She's on fire. My wife was like, what the fuck? I go, that's it. It's over. You just gave her a taste of blood.

That's like a shark when you give him a fucking taste. She was like a cave woman. Yeah, it was fucking scary for a minute there. She did that a couple of weeks ago. She got pissed at my wife or something. I was like tremendous. I'm raising a fucking cave woman, an Irish Cuban cave woman. But I had to run around yesterday.

So I had to go to post office. I left my key, my box key at the house. So I went all the way to post office, waited on the line. I had to mail some shit. But it was pretty interesting. When I got out of there, I bumped into a kid. Now when I first got my medical marijuana license, it wasn't like it was now. There was 2,000 stores.

There was maybe, in my neighborhood at that time, maybe two stores. But I was very blessed to have Kushmart. I used to live on Schrader then? Kushmart. What's the Schrader? Yeah, Kushmart was on Gower. You know what Gower is? You know when you pass Hollywood Boulevard, before you hit the studios,

you wouldn't know it was between Hollywood and Sunset. And one of those acting little houses, that was Kushmart. Only you could go into the store by yourself. It was that small. So there was a line outside the security guard. You went in. And in those days, they had a different kind of weed. They had Matzo G.

But why people went in there at the time? And this is fucking seven, eight years. Seven years ago was these candies. Not good and plenty. Those things are like wax that come in a... Now and later? Now and later. All right.

This guy had put together Now and Later seven years ago with THC. Oh, Jesus. And not just Now and Later is that you get high and they taste good. These things would fuck you up. They came in a baggie and when you opened the baggie, it would just slip out from the hot oil, the THC oil. You could see the green in the bottom of the bag. Again, this is what you see now with the Chibo chews.

When you open them up, you can see the green in them. And the thing dripping. No, no, no, no. This motherfucker was doing that with Now and Later seven years ago. Seven, six years ago. It was over the holidays. I'll never forget that I encountered them. And I went back the next day and bought like 10 of them.

And I started giving them out to people and they started having a heart attack. That was the first time I really started burning people with THC things. Because these things tasted so good. I had a friend then. He was on a producer kick. Whether the fuck he is now, mind fucking himself. And I remember giving him one and him calling me the next day going, that was just fucking crazy.

Like these things were already strong seven years ago. So my point being that this guy already had the chemistry to it seven years ago. How to get the best THC and put it in a candy. This is 2013. Now, I got a couple of reasons here. Ever since I started having the panic attacks, I knew they were being driven on by the edible THC. And then I spoke to a friend of mine who's 20 years old, this girl.

And she goes, she had to stop eating edibles because it took her over the hill with her anxiety. On top of that, you know what? I have the baby in the daytime sometimes. Whether it's for an hour, whether it's two hours, I may have her. I don't want to be high on those things. She falls, I'm going to go into a panic attack. So I stop eating edibles. And besides that, I know that they're affecting my weight.

Because I'm fucking starving at night. Especially if I work out, it's like opening up a fuel. Like you just eat so many bananas, so many peaches before you go fuck it. I got to get a cheese sandwich in me. And then you just devour everything. I'll devour the special K chips. I'll devour fucking everything. So about 10 days ago, I said, that's it with the edibles.

No more fucking edibles. Well, Lee, let me tell you something. Who do I bump into yesterday at the post office? This kid. And I go, where the fuck you been? And he goes, man, I moved into the valley. The guy fucked me over. He owed me eight grand.

And I had to get rid of my fucking apartment. And my wife almost left me. And now we got it together. I go, so what are you doing? He goes, I'm making these other edibles. Now, Lee, it was like a gummy bear. He goes, man, you caught me at a bad time. I only got one of them.

But in my world, this is all you need, he said to me. I go, how many milligrams? He goes, ah, anywhere between 200 and 300 a piece, just very round. He goes, I've been making these. I haven't pinpointed none. He goes, take this. Here's my number if you like and give me a call. It had to be about four o'clock when I went to the post office.

Because it closes at five, right? I went about 415. In fact, I saw him about 420. Is that your fucking phone going off? Where's your phone at? Right here. Yeah, it is. That's why my phone's not going anywhere.

It's going, eh, eh, like a half a fact. That's probably your phone. My phone hasn't done shit. No, my phone's in my fucking pocket. I think these go- You hear it? No. You don't hear that?

It's like something's coming and shit. I think the gummies are- I inhale the fucking gummy bear. I inhale the fucking gummy bear, dog. About 430. I got to say, right around Diane Sawyer, I'm starting to fucking see the devil. I'm getting uncomfortable. It's hot in this motherfucker.

I got the baby. I'm like, Terry, take the baby. Something's not right. Holy shit. This can't be that fucking edible. Oh my God. Next thing you know, I get up, I eat a banana. I eat a peach.

It's about 715 and I'm on fucking fire. I'm high in shit. The back of my eyes, I call you- Yeah, that's what I called you. Because we were supposed to meet last night. And because the whole day, you're like, yeah, I'll see you at 830. And then I called you right when I got out of work. And like, I can always tell when you're high because you're very quiet.

But then like, right when I said, okay, I'll see you in like an hour. He's like, dog, I'm leaving him or I'm going to hang out with my wife. I'm like, he doesn't want to hang out with his wife. He's not going to leave the house. No, but I was hanging out with her. We were just talking about shit. She was helping me put something together on the computer. The one site kept saying that my credit card expired.

We couldn't figure that out. Why I kept saying that. They said to give me a new credit card because the old credit card expired. So we're trying to figure out, we have two IMDB accounts. It was just fucking craziness. And all this time I'm getting higher and higher and higher. And I go to, I look a straight in the face at one point, I go, listen, it's over. And she goes, what are you talking about?

But you know what else? The night before I only slept four or three hours. Like I went to bed like one or two. No, I went to bed at two. Yeah. Two Monday night and I got up at six. And I figured I'd take a nap somewhere and I went to ju- Oh, I went to fucking jujitsu Monday night.

I took the, I took the, I took the shuntek. Shuntek. I took the shuntek. It's an eight o'clock class. So I popped the fucking shuntek and I went to jujitsu and I stayed until 10, 15. It was one of those nights where it's like, holy fuck, I'm still rolling. And at the end he kept doing these exercises and I kept joining in. But I knew I was going to go to class Tuesday morning.

And what happens is when you're 50, you get excited, you get loose and you fucking say, oh, I'll keep, I'll keep wrestling. And then you get home and you're a fucking mess and you can't make class the next day. Yeah. I had a private yesterday morning. So I wanted to make it at 1030. So I'm sitting there going, should I keep fucking rolling with these guys? Yeah.

And the wind was great. And I went home and Lee, I had some fucking water. I had a protein shake and I could not fucking fall asleep from that fucking shuntek. Oh, really? That shuntek took me to another fucking level. So I just put ice on my foot and watched TV. And I had a notebook and I kept making notes and I ended up going a better two. But you know what?

I woke up the next day feeling great. Guys, I'm really impressed with this fucking shuntek. I'm very fucking impressed. I didn't know it would work for me this much. I know the alpha brain, I feel a lot better. And what the protein shakes are great, but the hemp protein is great. And I had one of those chocolate bars there, the hemp force proteins. I don't know if they're in stock of those things, but they're fucking delicious.

But this shuntek has really helped me with my endurance. Maybe you should mix it with Numu to help you fall asleep next time. I think it's two different ways. It's like doing vodka and drinking Red Bull. And then you're walking around with that stroke face. You know what I'm saying? Half of you wants to jump and the other half just wants to chill with a finger up. It's fucking ass.

I'm in business to confuse anybody, you know what I'm saying? But Lee, I drank a bunch of fucking water. I had a little taste of peanut butter and it had to be 8.15, 8.20. I turned those lights off and that was it. I woke up at 4.15 without the alarm. I was feeling like a soldier. I got up and made some fucking coffee. I played with the cats.

I fed them. I walked in the room. My wife was awake with the baby mode. I was like, get out. I'm like, no worries. When I watched my pussy and that was it. Let me tell you what else happened the other day after I left here. I don't know if you...

Because I never understood. I love my friends. I love all you guys out there. I love my friends in there. And people always said to me, aren't you into conspiracy theories? I give a flying fuck. I give a flying fuck. I think about it for 10 minutes and I go, it's got nothing to do with me.

And I move the fuck on. It really doesn't. Yeah. I'm more concerned with human behavior. Human behavior has always fucked with me a lot more. The other day when I left here doing the podcast, we did a later podcast here. There we stayed until like 7.30. Yeah.

I talked to a friend of mine in the car. I haven't programmed a new iPhone into the car. Oh. So I don't know how to do it yet. So I'm just talking to him out there for like 15 minutes. I was driving home by 10 to 8. Okay. He was in front of your house.

And as I get home, I see a bunch of cops on the bottom of my corner. Yeah. And you know when you get like a feeling, you just get like, ah, it's got nothing to do with me. But it doesn't feel right. Mm-hmm. You know? And I pull up to my house and I walk out and this is the block, the end of the block is

the yard. I just went that way and cut up. And I saw there was a bunch of cop cars and there was an ambulance there. Mm-hmm. I get home. I put fucking Facebook on. You know, you get on the phone thing. And that kid shot himself.

Lee Thompson from the Disney show from the Zulean Isles. Yeah. Now I used to go to Kung Fu with Lee down with the black guys. Really? Yeah. And Vermont. That's where I started that. At, uh, at, uh, one Hopkins Dome.

Mm-hmm. 2007, 2008. That's how I lost all the weight. I was down there. Kung Fu with the brothers. That's my joke. But they're the fucking best. Uh, you know, Earl White, we did a podcast with, uh, Seafo, Earl White.

Mm-hmm. We did a podcast with Duncan. And I would go in there and Lee Thompson was always taking privates. And I said to Lee one day, why don't you take the fucking class? He goes, ah, you know, he was like a shy type of guy. I go, nah, you handle yourself. They're normally going to beat you up in the class. We don't even go there.

It's more of a workout. So he started coming to the classes and I would talk to him. I tell you guys, he was my best friend. How you doing, man? What's happened? Nothing. I'm dope. I didn't know you did comedy.

You know, that type of shit. It was never to the next level. Hey, meet me for lunch. But we was very cordial with me. Yeah. And then I started seeing him in the neighborhood. He would make less because I lived down the block from him. He was in that big fucking expensive building.

Yeah. So I would see him making left some rights and he'd beep and pull them one day. About a year and a half ago, he pulled over and he goes, hey, man, I'm learning jujitsu. Down the corner over here on Lancashire, swing by. And I was going out to do a spot at the, like Frank Kelly's joint, you know, the Universal before Frank Abandoned Ship. I was going over there and I went down Lancashire and I was 15 minutes early. So I pulled into the jujitsu school and I went in there.

The guy had four students, one of them being Lee and they all had their socks on. They were learning like basic shit, but they weren't really rolling like they were just fucking around. I was like, eh, this is like a weaker type class. I'd rather go somewhere where they have more contact. So you, not only, I'm not scared of getting hurt. You know, the only way you can learn how to roll is to roll. Yeah.

You know, you could do the simultaneously drills all you fucking want and that helps build your cardio. But after a while, you need to roll a little bit just to really get the full patois and learn what they're doing. Enough. You can just learn so much classroom shit. So I didn't like it. And I never, I saw Lee like maybe two other times when I went down there to say hello to

Stiefel. I went down there with Duncan one day and said hello to Stiefel. And then I went down there about two months ago and Lee was there and all of a sudden I come home and I turn on Facebook and they say that 29 year old actor shoots himself. And it's just fucking mind boggling. Yeah. You know, every time I saw him, I couldn't tell you if he was on drugs. I doubt it.

He wasn't one of those yo, yo, yo, yo brothers with, you know, gold teeth and a chain and a black chain. You know, I never saw him in any negative fucking manner. It always affects you. And again, I'm not telling you guys that he was my best fucking friend. I know him as an acquaintance. At least we spoke with the civil. But still, even that level, I can't imagine what makes somebody fucking want to take their

life. Lee, you know, somebody who ice themselves. I know a couple of people who tried. Do I know anyone? I do. You don't talk to the people who tried. Yeah. The people who tried.

Yeah. I did. You know, like here it's not a block, but in the suburbs, it's like two streets down from you. His brother was my age and he was my brother's age. And like his first or second year of college, you know, in Boston, how they have the subway, but then they have like trains that go into like the outer suburbs. Yeah.

He was at one of those stations one day and he just jumped in front of one of those bigger trains. And then, and then actually there was a guy who I went to in my grade who was at the Marine Base in San Diego and shot himself. So yeah, there's a lot of kids my age now doing that. Unfortunately. What's the reasoning? I don't know.

With those two people, I don't know. I think there's a lot more. I don't know if there's a lot more mental illness or I don't want to. This is hard because you don't want to say it's anything their fault because if you're getting to that point, it's definitely something probably out of your control. But I think I think people my age might not either want to deal with it or know how to deal with it or because I mean when because like the kid who did it and call it to is my brother's age always had a lot of pressure on himself and and that might have built up

and I don't know what I honestly don't know why people do it. I I've been depressed before, but I know I've never gone to that stage. So it's hard for me to say what I fucking gun, put a bullet in it, write a note or maybe not write a note, but just stick a fucking gun. The only people that you really fucking kill is the people around you. Like you just kill them inside. Like I couldn't imagine having a close, close, close friend and to get a call that he shot himself.

I would I would I would start to doubt my friendship. Whatever my friendship to people in a way. I at first you you kind of got mad like for the people who for the few people who I've known who who have tried. I got mad a little bit. I get mad. But then then like you can't like I've learned to not try it like you can't take it personally. Like it's not like they're doing it because they don't care about you because I feel like

if you're getting to that point, you're kind of it's just like it's something that you can't even control anymore. So like if you're doing it, it's not like it's kind of it's kind of like I felt like when I when I looked back at it, I felt bad that I was mad at them like like they're they're important to me so they shouldn't do this to me like no, they're they're feeling so bad that they're willing to kill themselves. So it must be pretty intense. You know, like I felt I felt mad at them at first.

I was like, well, how can you leave me? But then I'm like, well, if they're willing to leave all the people that care about them it must be pretty fucking mad. That's the only thing I could think about. Like even when I was snorting coke, it was the same thing. I was killing myself every night doing it grand by myself. Same fucking difference. You want to kill yourself.

You just don't have the balls to pull the trigger. That's all. Yeah. You know, there's a point where you party. There's a point where you sit back and then you go, Doug, I was doing a gram of coke by myself and I was four hundred pounds and smoking three packs of cigarettes. I remember how my neck would hurt. Like I would get jokes in my fucking spine towards the end of my addiction, which was

a sign that I was going to fucking die pretty much. And it's the same thing. It's the same fucking thing. And I thought about Terry. That's what really made me stop on there. I thought about this poor girl having to fucking wake up one morning to go pee. And then she's thinking about coffee and how she's hungry. She's going to get eggs with potatoes and she goes into the living room and she thinks

I'm sleeping on the floor, but I'm really fucking dead. Yeah. You know what her days are going to be like? You know what her weeks are going to be like? So you're going to die in this life. You're going to fucking die. I just didn't want somebody picking me fucking up, especially from Coke. I did not want that.

Yeah. You know, if I died of doing coke, they want. That was the way it was always in my head. I swear to God, it's not a selfish way to lead that to think about who won. Society beat me. If I get shot by a gun, society won. If I was to get shot in a holdup, society won. What everybody says about me, they won now.

Whatever my ex-wife says about me to my little daughter was now a woman. I don't talk that she won. I told you he was a piece of shit. Do you understand me? Those kids in North Bergen that I grew up around, they won. So if I was to die in the can, if I was to die, I'm getting shot. If I was to die robbing a jewelry store, if I was to die doing any type of fucking drugs, they won.

That was the way I looked at it. I don't think that's selfish. I think that's just the way you decided to kind of clean yourself up. But it's true, they won. You just became a fucking statistic. I never wanted, I tried hard never to be a fucking statistic. And that was what really got me that day. That's it. They won.

You know those people who doubt you in life? There's always those motherfucking lies. He's not going to do nothing with his life. You give them fire. That's it. They're going to go, that's another fucking casualty. Fuck no, I was going to let them win. Even after I was dead, I was going to die of a fucking heart attack

or get hit by a fucking helicopter or something. I don't want to die because of something that, you know what I'm saying? I was playing with guns. I told you, that guy never changed, you know, shit like that. He got into an argument at the county store and pulled out a fucking knife and they shot him. They're going to say he never changed. So to me, that's how it was.

I'm sorry to open up with this today. I just want to see how you thought about. I think it just sucked. It sucked. It sucks. It sucks when it's even when I did the time that time. Let me tell you something. I could do time standing on my fucking head now.

I don't want to go to jail. Nobody wants to go to fucking jail. But if I had to, I could do it. But you just know the way you console yourself, the way you compose yourself, your self-confidence, the thing you think about are the people around you. That probation violation, you're thinking of getting out, get high. What about the fucking people around you? What about your niece?

You're going to have to go to jail for a fucking Halloween. Nobody wants to be in jail during Halloween. I was in jail during Halloween. It sucks. You sit there, no candy. It's a thing. I don't fucking matter. There's ugly people, but there's ugly people, but no fucking candy.

Lee, where's the music? Lee, you're killing me here. You know what I'm saying? It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Get up. Nobody's killing themselves. Get that fucking reefer. Do it, Ozzy.

What? The cops are coming today, Lee. I don't give a fuck. Oh, shit. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Walk is 21st. Won't you listen? Listen, cops suckers.

Listen. Don't kill yourself, all right? Lee, how do you even have fucking matches? How are we going to smoke this? You're going to have to eat a fucking gummy bear now. Which one do you want? I got some nice gummy bears for you. I got these gummy bears.

Like, Lee, these things, this whole bag is 100 million. No, it's not. Yes, it is. I don't trust you. So 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. So they reach 10 million. Do you want one? No.

I got to go to work. That's OK. That little guy will put a little pep in your step. I have enough pep in my step. No, you don't. You put a little, a little, a little fuck in that. I was going to do one last night, but you got to fuck that. Oh, my god.

Lee, boom, boom, crank that motherfucker. We got no matches. How are we going to burn this fucking? How are we going to burn this number? I don't smoke. And then you had this big thing that I don't know what this is. I don't give a fuck. Ugh.

Get down, Lee. Oh, you got your little woman coming over this weekend? Yeah, we're going to a doctor game on Sunday. Oh, shit. Who are they playing? Red Sox. That's where we're going. Oh, shit.

You're going to get beat up, Lee. Don't do it. No. I wish we're staying in the white people's section. We're in the Lowe's. That's don't mean nothing. You're still going to get beat up. People are going to know you're going.

They're going to buttbang you in the muffler. But I was, I actually meant to talk about this the other day, and I forgot. We were looking at, we were looking at what tickets to buy. And this is new to me. They don't have this in Boston. But in the bleachers here, it's all you can eat, which is for like all the hot dogs, all the notches,

all the soda. And if it was just me going, that's the first place I would have gone, to be honest. How much is it? $60. All you can eat, the fucking, like I was, I joke with you. But they give you all the old food. They give you all the old hot dogs and shit that's.

But I was joking with it. Like, we should probably just buy a ticket for that section two, and then we would spend less money on food. So you're going to walk over there, walk up the stairs? No, no, no. I don't know. We didn't do it. You're going to set her up there?

No, no. We're sitting in the lows together. But don't kill you in those bleaches. So yeah, of course. Of course. But I was thinking, because we talk a lot about staying healthier. And I was thinking, like, there's really no need for all you can eat nachos and hot dogs.

Like, yeah, it's good money-wise, and it sounds like a great deal. But what good is going to come from eating six hot dogs and three things in nachos and eight cups of soda? Like, let me ask you something. How many of those fucking disgusting nachos can you fucking eat? I don't know if it's all you can eat fucking.

No, no. They're fucking, it's these old chips with a cheese dip with jalapenos on it. That's the creativity. Yeah. That's what you're going to eat. No, I'm not going to eat it now. Those hot dogs, listen, when I went to Costco

and got the tickets from my uncle and I, and I got them for a couple of seasons, they give you two hot dogs and two sodas. I'm looking at you as a brother. I got to ask them, Maya's at the house right now. We got to call them in. Oh, shit. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Danny B fucking wins. Here we are. Danny B wins. Again, magic. Let's open up with, let's- That's fucking, that daughter of yours, that's the first time I saw her, second time,

but that picture yesterday- Oh, that was just, I gave her a Cuban food and she was grunting like Herman Munster. She was grunting at my wife after she tasted the Cuban beans. Hey, D, so let's open up with your fucking brother. What happened? Let us know what happened from the start here. People want to know.

Well, you know what? Honestly, I don't know every detail, like I said to you on the side. You know what? He couldn't stay here in Pennsylvania for, first of all, they didn't want him to stay with me and I told him if he doesn't stay here, chances are he's going to get into trouble,

but it is what it is, you know? So they sent him back in New Jersey and the bottom line is Gary wasn't prepared to fit into society, you know? He didn't want to go out there and do the regular nine to five. So he resorted to what he knows, you know? And that's what ultimately led him to get in court.

I don't know how many bank robberies he did pry it to get in court, but I know that wasn't his first. Also, he had robbed the bank before he got caught that day. Oh yeah, actually earlier in the day, before that bank, he was in Manhattan trying to take down a chase bank and that didn't work out.

Well, you know, when you delusion him enough for two or three days on a marching powder, that could, there was no game plan, man. He just went there with a butter knife and a BB gun, you know, and balls, jumping the counter. I, you know what, in the funny clock, I'll throw him all over the place because it really, it's sad because one day,

when he was here, he's telling the old types of shit how he can do this and how he can carry things that change. There's a camera in every fucking corner. You can't rob banks the way you did in the 90s in the late 80s. It's just because, you know, Gary, for some reason, Coca-Cola thought he was a successful bank robber. I can't tell him, Gary, they always knew it was you.

They just couldn't find you. So you're not like a professional at this. You got balls, but you're gonna get caught and, you know, sure enough he did. You can't do anything anymore. Like the way we were making a living, like pirates and shit, it can't be done anymore. There's too many cameras.

There's too many cameras. There's not a living out there. I'm telling you, there's a fucking camera in your daughter's diaper bag. There are everywhere you can't go anywhere. Anywhere you go into, they just did a thing on Channel 4 News, ABC, that they robbed this pharmacy here in Orange County.

They robbed it six times in the last two years. And even with the cameras, they showed a guy breaking into those doors that you step on, the pharmacy opens up. The guy goes in and takes those vikings and oxy-cotons and oxy-cotons, and he gets out in 10 fucking minutes. It's amazing.

Yeah, you know what? But Gary wasn't, you know, Gary, like I said, he's got the biggest balls in the world, but he was never the sharpest knife in the toolbox. You know, he was always delusional. And we saw a comment. I hate to say it. We try to be positive.

We did everybody, not just me, Coco. Guy's in North Bergen. Scotty Swites, maybe you don't know some of the guys. Yeah, I know Scotty. I know Scotty. But they all tried to help him out. Craig Tesla, Darren Legos' brother, Craig, his step-brother, Craig,

you know, we're in touch still. So they saw a comment, you know, he was partying a lot and took down a couple of local drug dealers and, you know, whatever. That's fine. You know, that's in his league. You know, you can take out a little street jockey for a couple of Gs.

But, you know, one morning he called me up, it was like 10 in the morning. He was up for fucking, he was delusional. He told me he just took a guy down for $2.2 million and I'm like, Gary, lose my fucking number or run, whatever, just fucking, just keep that for me. But he was delusional.

He didn't rob anybody that night. So it was just a matter of time, you know, and they didn't say it because he's never gonna see the streets again. No, I mean, how fucked up is he? He goes into Fairview. He's staying by the high school. It's a fucking mile away from the bank.

They don't have a getaway car. No game plan. The fucking town work is chasing him. He tries to car jack somebody. He don't know how to drive. He crashes the fucking car into somebody's fucking house. And then they find his little skinny white legs

sticking out of a truck. You know, he was underneath the body of a truck. And I was like, you know, I think 90 something street jockey, right off the Kennedy. Let me tell you something, Danny, you made a fucking great point that my God, for years I was thinking about the how I ran on balls.

You know, it doesn't take a genius to buy a grand from somebody, watch where they hide the coke and come back an hour later and kick that door down and steal that coke. I had no creativity at all. I was just, it was basically balls. I was robbing these dealers and these.

And after a while, you know what Danny, I wasn't gonna get caught. You just made a great point. I just, I was gonna get caught. And that's what happened with the kidnapping. I actually thought I was gonna take a guy, put a gun through his head and put him on a bus to Arizona.

That's bull. There's no brains there. There's no brains involved. Well, you know, back in the day things, I guess still, you're right. It is what it is. Back in the day, it just seemed different than today. You know, just today,

it's just such a heart of challenge in everything that we do. You know, but yeah, we all had balls. I did some crazy shit. You did some crazy shit, but this was really not necessary. Gary had it made. Let me tell you something.

From somebody who just got out of jail to 20 something years, you know, my house is beautiful. I have a couple of Mercedes Benz. It was eaten like a fucking king. All that kept saying is be patient, Gary. Be patient. But no, he kept going on the damn internet,

fucking around with hookers and this one. And I know it was gonna lead to something bad. And I saw a comment, because he kept saying, I just want what you got, bro. I just want what you got. I gotta get mine. I gotta eat too.

I'm like, Gary, I didn't get this overnight. It took me, you know, many years to get here. A lot of struggles, a lot of errors, you know, a lot of bumps and downs. He just don't want to, he didn't want to accept that job. Work, it's called work. Danny Bianculo, it's called work.

After a while, it's called fucking work. You know, when I was 28 years old, I sat there and I had done everything. Danny, I did construction, I sold cars, and I was good at everything. But I didn't want to put the work in. I was always a salesman, but there comes a point in selling

and everything that one day you gotta make do work. Now you gotta work. I want this as a living. So instead of being a fucking hot carrier, I gotta be a hottie and a bricklayer to make it profitable for the guy to teach me how to lay brick. That's work.

That means you gotta do two jobs at once for eight bucks an hour. And that's when I'd crack. I'd quit. I'd become a fucking burglar again. I'll rob the neighbor. You know, it was easy, you know what I'm saying? One day I finally said I got no money. I got no family.

I just lost a marriage. What else am I gonna do? I'm gonna try this comedy shit. Either it works or it fucking doesn't. I end up in North Bergen as a fucking MUA worker and vote for Sackle every year until fucking I die. That's funny. That's what captured him.

That's who caught him, the MUA guys out of the Hudson County Park. They're the ones who got him. He hijacked, actually it's really ironic because one of the guys he wound up carjacking was a worker for Eiffelies. You know, Eiffelies, the name Eiffelies? Yeah, the gangsters.

Yeah, exactly. So it was like really weird. And Eiffelies, this guy that hijacked his truck, was like the ex-husband of the girl he was dating. He was like, well, everything was just bizarre from the BB gun to the butter knife to, I mean, the dye bags blew up. They were walking around naked.

They had their heads that they got blown up. They were all blue. They looked like the blue band. Fucking idiots. They were calling them the bumbling bandits. That's at least the last time when he took a hit, he went down with the Russian mob. He was doing high-end burglaries, you know,

riding with the crew. This time he got caught with a 20-year-old drug addict, all painted up in blue, half naked. And, you know, with a BB gun and a butter knife and crash, and so this time he's going down not with that reputation. You know, he's going down, he's a fucking idiot. You know, and I don't know, man, it hurts.

It hurts, but we got a family. We got everybody. We got to do our thing, too. You know, we spent a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of emotional support and money, which I don't give a fuck about the money. But my kids, now he's gone again, and they'll never see him again.

They got used to having an uncle, you know, so. He hurt more than himself this time, Coco, you know, enough. That's what we're just talking about. That's what we're just talking about. That's why I stopped doing blow, because I didn't want my wife. It comes a day where you do it, you don't give a fuck. And one day you go, you know what the last thing I need

is Danny's wife picking me up off the floor one morning before she makes breakfast. Right. You know what? Yeah, I mean, your basement getting high all night, your wife comes down to fucking tell me to come up for eggs and there I am dead. That's when you start thinking about other people's feelings.

You know what? She doesn't need that in her life. Danny, I don't give a fuck where he finds me dead. If Danny finds me fucking, pump me up and give me a line to go. You know what I'm saying? That would be sad. That would be terrible.

No, no, but I'm just saying, Danny, that when we were young, we were doing blow for three fucking days. A thousand things could have happened. How could we alive? A thousand things could have happened. Danny, a thousand, every morning when I wake up, I think to myself as I'm peeing,

a thousand things could have gone wrong, Danny. At that, you do that one line in the morning after you do 22 weight balls. You know, you got that little bit left in the morning. You look at it and it's a heartbreaker to throw it away. It's a heartbreaker, you know? I just have to flush it away because that did come a time

where I just didn't even want it no more. I was kidding myself. I'm gonna flush the last half gram away and then five hours later, I'm making phone calls to fucking Carlos Acosta. So yeah, it's fucking, I'm so glad that that shit's beyond me, behind me for many, many years, you as well.

But I saw it with Gary. He was getting very impatient. Gary's like a very, I'm high strung, you're high strung, but he's high fucking strong. So, you know, one day, you know, I'm the one feeding him money, by the way, you know, so I don't mind. He's taking girls to the fucking hotels,

20-minute blowjobs, whatever, and all this crazy shit. And then one day he says, I gotta get high. I'm like, what do you mean? I said, you can't, you'll get, no, I'll get the coke, it'll end down my system. I go, I don't know where to get that. He jumped on a fucking bus from Allentown

to New York City, like it's an hour and a half, two hour ride, to try to score some, grabbed the bag, came back, and acted like he wasn't high, and he was fucking just twisted up. He said he couldn't get any, and then I was like, oh, here it comes,

here comes the end, it's coming. And then he just, you know, just be sort of common. You see things coming, when you're an addict yourself, you know what to look for, you know? I might be sober and everything, I like my weed, of course, you know that, and I'll never take those fucking things you gave me again, by the way.

Although Chiba Chew was all, you left, you were sweating and shit, your face was all red, I loved it. Your wife said you're on a room service. I was hit under the fucking covers, it was fucking frightening. My wife was like worried about me, and I smoked enough pot to kill a small army,

but this shit was whatever. And the Philly Godfather was on fire, too. The Philly Godfather touched me the next morning, so he had to pull over three different times to get home, and he only lived like 10 minutes. All those fucking Chiba Chew's, he's coming back, he'll be back next week. I guess Rogan took one and fucking,

he's seeing the devil. Rogan, I gave him a 70 milligram healthy one, the one with the PEDs in it. I had to guess Rogan contacted them on his own. Now, Danny, it's amazing how one day you start thinking about the people around you. It's, and you, you have a beautiful family, but can you imagine getting arrested now, Danny,

and doing time, and having your kids visit you on Sundays, and you give them a hard time? Are you fucking kidding me, Danny? Listen, back in 04, you know, when I got hit with the Wyatt Wager, I'm in Florida. I'm a millionaire, I'm floating on top of the world, I was eight months pregnant. I got a quarter of a million dollars put aside

for Jayden's, who's not even born yet at the time, his college fund. Then we got hit, you know, we got raided. 14 of us got rounded up, seven, eight different agencies, and it was an ugly, ugly thing. And then when I was going to cop out, because we pled to the Wyatt Wager Act, which we were referring people to, casino.

It was not even a big deal, everybody was doing it. It was all about the money. They confiscated like 14 million from us. So I'm going to get sentenced now, because I had a past prior to that, and this is federal. By the point system, I'm gonna do three to five months. My baby's a few months old. Jamie had nobody to help us, so she flies down a friend.

The only one that'll be there to help us, you know, I didn't like the girl, but hey, she was there. She showed up looking like she was fucking on a four-day mission herself, and I'm like, oh my goodness. When I was going to get sentenced, they told me not to bring the baby into the courtroom. It wouldn't be a good idea. I had to turn my three, four-month-old,

three-month-old baby over to some crack addict, with fucking bloody skin from scratching her fucking method, but whatever the fuck she was on, it was the hardest thing I can do. And then when I got out of the courtroom, because the judge just gave me probation, because they felt that my role wasn't whatever in. So they downgraded me with the points,

and gave me probation like everybody else. So I just took that baby out of her fucking arms, like, give me that baby back. And I held it, and I promised that I would never. But then again, I wasn't, that was something that was totally unexpected, you know? I minded my business and got into trouble. Didn't know what we were doing would get us into trouble,

but yeah, I know it's all, how close it is to almost go to jail again, Coco, and have a baby that's, and then they took all of our money, too. So I would have left my family with no fucking money and gone to jail, so that wasn't exactly a- It's amazing how that's the first thing the feds do is take your fucking money.

That's amazing. So we couldn't get attorneys. They take your fucking money. They take your car, your attorney, right? Everything off the bat, so you're fucked. They close your fucking, but they freeze your accounts. Because, yeah, I managed to do okay out of that. I had found a great attorney, yeah.

But you know what, that was a scary time, so no. But yeah, it does make, I won't even watch movies that have anything to do with prison. If I turn it on, the longest shot I watched, because you were in it, but any fucking thing else, I see fucking sure-shot click. I see prison-wise click.

I don't even want to see anything that at the worst shuts and slams. Fucking prison-wise. Is that the dumbest? If you're a fucking broad and you're making a- But then again, when you're inside, you meet people who are professional, people who want to go to jail.

There's these idiots that you meet in prison that that's their life. That's their life pressure. When you talk to them, they'll just tell you their resume or the places where they've been. You know how people go, I've been to Europe, I've been to Italy, I've been to Spain, Barcelona.

That's what they say to you, and they're proud of it. And you sit there and go, you're fucking retarded with your fucking sons of anarchy sweatshirt on, you fucking Momo. Dude, I did 32 months, I did a two-year bid, then I did another eight months after that. And I got out, it's been almost 20 years. But yeah, you definitely got some Ritos in jail.

And Gary, Gary, instead of getting smart in there, he thought that, oh, I learned more in there. I was, you know, because Gary was locked up with some real hard and criminals. You know, Zoliac killer, the guy who killed John Lennon, Mark David Chapman, and you know, some real chiefs, professionals, gangsters. So he, you're learning in there,

or you think you're learning in there. Instead of learning a lesson, oh, I see, that's where I went wrong. Next time I do it, so yeah, you know, but again, getting back to Gary, it's sad, he'll never see the streets again. He's kind of probably wind up in Trenton, you know, down there with, you know,

what is that triple max down there in South Jersey. So yeah, you know, I'm confused how to feel, you know, because I knew he was gonna hurt some, but he tried to shoot the cop, too. He was trying to pull the gun out of the cop's holster to shoot him. So, because that's what he said, I ain't going to jail, I ain't going to jail, you know.

So it's kind of, I guess, sad, nobody got hurt, so that's the good thing. You said something that fucking kills me, Dee, it's he'll never see daylight. Can you imagine that? Are you people at home, like, what that means? Never seen fucking outside again, no Chinese food, no nothing, no walking, that's the biggest freedom

that you lose. I remember that was how, what do you mean I'm not gonna be able to eat Chinese food no more? I can't even get delivered? No, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. That's it, just those simple things. You'll never see that again. They gave us chop suey in it, it was absolutely horrible.

Horrible, anything they give you in there is fucking horrible. And you mean it? I did time with the guys from Newark, you know, a lot of wise guys, they get the food packages, they were eating fucking lobster. I was like, this is fucking unbelievable, and I didn't have nobody sending me shit, so I wound up being a little prison cook,

just like in fucking good fellas. I'm fucking sitting there cooking for these guys, cleaning, but I was eating like a fucking champ, and they took care of me, but some guys got those fucking fat ass food packages, but I think they took away all of that shit now. Yeah, it's a different part. You know what we had?

You know what we had, the place where they put me, they had an age unit, at that time, 88, 89, they didn't really know about age, so what they did was built them a complete fucking unit, complete from scratch, couches, microwaves, so I had everything in my whole operation, I ran out of the age unit, because they had TVs in there,

I used to watch Marriott with children, and the age guy didn't give a fuck. If you brought food, they could put it in their refrigerator, what am I gonna get, age from the food? So I would go in there and cook everything, and you know what, I got to learn a lot about age, so I got to learn about these people who had age, and their struggles, and here I was thinking,

I felt bad, because I had to do a year, and these motherfuckers are doing time with AIDS. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? When you stop and you start thinking about how fucked up your life is, it isn't, do you look around harder, and further, and you'll find other people have a much worse than us,

so when, you know, everybody britches about their life, say, listen, people have it a lot worse than you trust me, some people have it better, but a lot of people have it worse, so. D, so last week, no, no, no, you're right, you're right, I'm sorry. No, it's just, yeah, you know, I can just go on and on about the Gary thing,

but positive things, what's going on with you? I know you're hitting D.C., you're gonna hit the White House, or what, did they invite you? No, you know what, I'm gonna go down there and try to take some pictures of me in front of the White House, so hopefully we, what idea for the CED

that me and Lee taped in the last week, a couple months is American felon, you know what I'm saying, so I'm gonna take some. You guys are killing it, man, you guys are killing it, I'm watching your audience grow, and lots of love, rightfully so, though, man. Oh, we're having fun. Everybody loves Lee, they're loving Lee,

that's good, and Lee's a couple with us, so. Let me tell you something, my little brother, so the other day I'm sitting there, and you know what, time has creeped up on me, Danny B, because, and it's true, the older you get, you run out of time, and I'll tell you what, football is fucking upon us, like that's it, like now on Sundays you have something to do after church,

and here you are, you've been doing this 20, 30 fucking years, I've known you, you know, since we were kids, and we've been doing, I mean, if I'm gonna refer anybody to any service at all, and me and Danny talk about this all the time, Danny and I, we know, you have your own system, and you're gonna win this September, and you're gonna get shoes for your kids,

and you're gonna go to a Reuben, you're gonna get your dick sucked, that's a great dream, but it's probably not gonna happen, and you can run on muscles and luck as long as you can, and after October you're gonna be looking for people like Danny, who are honest at least with you, and if they're losing, you're losing. It's not some guy, Danny's banging it out,

Danny's out there making a living doing this, so if I was gonna become a professional gambler, this is who I want in my corner, Danny, drop it on these cock suckers. Well, you know what, that's well said, first of all, you did this business for a bit, most people, they have that full sense of confidence, this is gonna be my year, I studied hard,

I've been, you know, I'm on my game, and bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, next thing you know, they're calling me the first week in October, last week or September, same year, you know, they need more help than I can give them, or they're in so deep I need a backhoe to get them out of debt,

but you know, it's true, you know, I'm here, and it's not just me, I told you, I'm very honest about this, baseball, I kicked ass, I had a cold spell, I got a little hot again, but it's about balance, comfortable, see, you know, I got the best contacts out there, it's really Godfather, they wrote three or four books about this guy, there's a new book coming out

called Lost Me Games, the author's name's Brian Tuei, and they mentioned the Philly Godfather, and that whole crew that was involved with the Tim Donagy betting scandal, see, they were in business years and years before the Tim Donagy thing, you know, and they mentioned this guy

with the likes of Billy Walters, and anybody out there that's gambling, Billy Walters is Donald Trump to the, you know, somebody, he's just huge in the business, he is the man, if anybody wants to be anybody in my world, it's Billy Walters, so they got this guy mentioned with the likes of Billy Walters, so that's the ultimate compliment,

and I have access to these guys, and they don't win all the time either, man, you know, you're looking to hit 58, 60%, and maximize what you're doing, anybody out there, listen to me, listen to me carefully, there's nobody out there, if you call around, they're gonna hit 75%, 68%, they might have runs, they might do 68, 90, no, for a month,

but at the end of the year, nobody's gonna maintain that, nobody, I've been doing this my whole fucking life, it kills in valleys, it's about having a fucking bankroll, and not being a superman, don't be a superhero, you know, don't get that full sense of confidence, if you do good on a Saturday, don't be in a hurry to give it back on a Sunday, and a lot of people do that, Joey, you know,

they win big Saturday, and now they feel like they could cop at a fucking world, come Sunday night, they're sitting there, biting their things, you know, fucking should've listened to Dana, should've listened to him, fucking. Now I'm betting fucking Hawaii, the late show, sweating bullets that Hawaii loses by fucking 82.

Remember Glencampi back in the early 80s, fucking, he was the degenerate there for a bet, he was always in trouble with the book, there was so many of us, we all had the same story to tell, kinda, everybody on Coke, everybody gambling, everybody yelling money or robbing somebody, it was a fucked up time, but we had some good times.

But yeah, getting back to this football season, people would play on their own, and I recommend play on your own, rather than call a lot of these clowns out there that are offering, you know, seven and no guaranteed, or they're gonna triple your bankroll in two days, and just be careful, there's a lot of shops out there, and I'm gonna be honest, I work with these guys,

I work with the douchebags in the past, so I know how they think, so, you know, just take my advice, if you're gonna do it, be smart about it, allocate whatever you can afford to lose, that's the key word, allocate what you can afford to lose, with the right strategy, patience, discipline, you can make it fun, and pick up some change,

that's what you work for. And you do a daily thing, you do weekly, you do monthly, you know, give this motherfucker, he'll make you some cash, that's all the bottom line is, it's fucking cash, some people just don't know how to gamble, and even if you school him a little bit and show him how to breathe here and lay low here, it's an education, if you're gambling and you're losing,

you're gambling, you're making a hypothesis, and it's not, and it's even uneducated, so it's not even a hypothesis, with Danny it becomes a fucking hypothesis, he's fucking educated, it's a guess, but your guess is a little fucking strong with Danny B, you know what I'm saying? You know what, it's an educated decision that we make,

educated decisions, and I've been living with them too, and you know what, I can go back to Gary again, because with the gamble, they tell me, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying, you're right about that, I shouldn't play a lot of games, they tell you what they think you want to hear, just like Gary, he was yesin' me to death, and ultimately he came to his demise,

and Gamble will do that too. I know these motherfuckers, the sooner they get on the phone, I know them, I can read them, that's what I do, I know where they're at, I've been where they're at, that's the most important thing here, you can't lie to me, I've seen it all, I've been broke, I was desperate on a Monday night, many times, bettin' $2,000 Paulie's just tryin' to hit that two team

at a, to get that five grand back that I lost to Mr. Holloway, or the jumpers, or the English brothers, or, remember the English brothers, do you remember the 100,000? No, I remember the jumpers, though, the jumpers are big time, though, Joe jumpers to man. Don't get the rope, I think Joe got bigger than Frank, and Governor Christie, Governor Christie at the time

was the prosecutor in Jersey before Governor, he took down them, he took down Frank in like the late 80s. You had Joe still in there. Yeah, you know, yeah, it is true, football starts actually next Thursday, at a 29th college, then the following week he got the NFL kickin' off on a Thursday, he got Memorial, he said Memorial, what's Labor Day, Memorial Day?

Labor Day weekend, September, that's it, it's over, next weekend, next Monday, Wednesday, after that, now Dee, one thing that we wanna stress here, and we love you, and we see it comin', one thing about Danny, one thing about me is we're the king of addictions, we see it comin', we're tellin' you to put some bets in if you'd like to, we're tellin' you to keep it under control,

because on the other hand, like you said, yeah, you have seen the Contys, and my brother, who's gonna be at the New York shows in Gotham, was the biggest degenerate out of all of them, his name was Mike Runney. The biggest, he's called into, let me tell you how big of a junkie he was, he would bet with Spider, oh please,

he would bet with Spider at Luchy's Tavern, and he would go there, he'd put the bets in, and then when he would slip a quailute to Spider, when he'd pass out, he'd take the book out of his jacket and re-change the bets, and still fuckin' lose, he'd still fuckin' lose, he'd still fuckin' lose, that's how much of a loser he was, the mailman. The mailman, yeah, fuckin' unbelievable stories,

man, you can, oh, we could do a movie about North Bergen. Just running alone, just running, he called me Friday, he called me every fuckin' Friday at nine o'clock, Danny, there's nothin' that bothers me more when somebody calls me on a Friday or Saturday at nine o'clock and wants to talk, because I can't give you my attention, I'm about to get on stage.

I call Mike Runney 18 times a week and my mother fuckin' never calls me back. Friday night at 8.45, my phone rings, it's Mike Runney, and then after, I go, Mike, what's up? And he'll go, nothin', I'm sittin' here, calling you back, and I go, Mike, you had all week to fuckin' call me back, you're calling me back now, you know what he says to me?

I just bought a grandma bomb over here doin' a couple lines if I could give you a call. 30 years later, he's still doin' fuckin' bumps, calling me up back, oh, that's why I love Mike Runney, he's comin' to the New York shows. I am too, listen, man, I fuckin' love Mike Runney, I played Little League with him, Babe Ruth, his brothers are all cool, Ricky and Steve,

you know, I got the chance to see Steve in Philly, that was cool, I haven't seen him in a long time. Oh my God, those guys used to get fucked up. It is, you know what, we all were doin' that, though, we had fun, but goddamn it. You know, it's surprising only a handful of us died, you know, a couple of us died, I forgot the guys named Pedro or somethin' like that,

he had died from an overdose, Darren, a couple of people killed themselves, but you know what, it was a long time ago. Who else killed themselves, who else killed themselves? Johnny Cowan, remember John Cowan? He killed himself? Yeah, he hung himself, man, he hung himself at the Liberty, not the Liberty, Domino,

at the Domino Motel. Why'd he do that? The baseball player hung himself? Yeah, he was, you know, he was playing baseball for the Orioles, he was in their farm system, because he was gay, and his father was a tuffled Irishman, and he just, he didn't accept it, and Johnny had to live with that,

and that's, you know, I didn't know it at the time, we thought it was drugs, it was drugs too, but came out later on, and of course he was gay, and his father wasn't accepting him, and you know, that's why he took himself out. So yeah, Johnny Cowan's a good kid, he was my paper boy when I was in, he was my paper boy. But yeah, man, we can go on and on about this shit,

but yeah, when you were saying Friday night, I was like, it's cause Friday night, he probably picked up a little package, and he's all geared up, ready to talk, and fucking diarrhea out of the mouth. You know who else fucking killed herself? Lila, the bartender from Joan Mary's. I pissed on a dog one time, behind the bar on a quailude,

I fucking pissed on that stinky fucking dog. Remember, we would just lay there, so I would take my dick out, order a drink, and just shoot some tropical helmet juice on the fuck. I hated that fucking dog, that dog, yeah. I mean, I never, I would never, I would never kick that fucking dog, and I'll never forget the time that Roger puked

in the fucking bar, and George gave him a bucket to clean it up, and he gave the bucket back to, that was a bar that, that's a bar that if I had the balls, I have to sit down with somebody, give them a grandma blow, and just, to tell me all the stories again, but I do remember one thing, they were serving us when we were 16.

I know that they served me when I was 16, I was a junior in high school, I could not drive, and you'd go there about one in the afternoon, and they'd have sandwiches, cut up, dug, under a little plastic thing, you'd order a gin and tonic, you'll get a few sandwiches, in high school, fuck the coffee shop, and fuck you. Tell him, tell him Danny B.

You know what, it's fucking crazy, I think that, I remember going through the scoreboard at the age of 14, the scoreboard was on 75th Street, right off of Bergen, you know where the blimpy base used to be, blimpy, Bergen? And big mouth, big mouth subs there, was there too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, big mouth, yeah, it was, but we used to go there and put on our overalls,

like we just got off of the docks down at APA truck, and the pork worked, walked in there, like you're fucking parted, I'm more fucking the fuck, and when you're over with the fork, if you're gonna give me a beer please. And the next thing I know, the old bike, what the hell was her name? She knew everything about baseball,

she looked at it like he learned sprangles, 25 cents of fucking beer, I loved it. Then there was Ernie's Bar, remember Ernie's on 38th Street, if you bang on the door after three o'clock, he'd give you the coldest beer in town. You don't know how much money you got, $18. Amos is too, Amos is too.

Amos is too, they would serve you, they didn't give a fuck, they didn't ask about IDs, I remember one night we were doing blow at Joe Marry's, and they bought us an ice cream cake for our birthday, and the ice cream cake melted, nobody touched the fucking ice cream cake, because everybody was so fucking high on blow, it was just craziness, craziness.

That was crazy, even the last time I was up in Norfolk, I told you I had the place up in Weehawk and up to last December, so I bumped into John Meenhan and Sabatino, you talk about him a lot, so they took him to the theft hour, drank his service food, and Gino DeCarlo, a really young, he was a degenerate kid,

his father was tied up, Gino thousands at the age of like 12 years old, but everybody's geared up, and he's breaking out fucking like tomato and what sort of shrimp cocktail, I'm like looking at him, like who the fuck's gonna eat this, you can't even fucking, the jaws are going so fucking fast,

look I just figured you guys want something to snack on, I said I don't even have some, but look at those fucking guys, don't knock buildings down with those jaws. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. Right man. Where can they find you, D?

What's the website? Well, usually in Allen, Tom, Tonsa, then you can knock on my door anytime, my wife makes a good chicken cutlet. All right, no. If you want to look at me, you come to DannyBWins.com, bro, DannyBWins.com, simple stuff,

and I got my podcast there, you know, we're just kicking it off. And I'm calling, I'm calling it on Monday, I'm calling your podcast in Monday. I'd rather, I would be, Monday morning. You're looking real quick, real quick, I just got an email from HBO.

Oh, right? It feels sports. Now, you know, back in 97, I did a thing with that. Right, yes, yes, yes, I remember, I remember that one. Well, they're coming back for part two, I guess. They just sent me an email this morning,

some producer Chapman Downs or something, I looked them up, he's renowned. So, I'm gonna see what the hell's going on there. I think they want to follow up story on me. Where is he now, kinda? Where am I now? I'm fucking in Allen Town. You're in Allen Town,

giving information to Billy fucking Joel. You know what I'm saying? I think, no, honestly, you know, it's been a fun ride. It hasn't always been smooth. And, you know, out of the North Oregon, I feel that you and I have come a long way, especially you.

I'm just like, so happy for you. I'm in a different league than you. You're just... Oh, you're a fucking star. Dude, you've been fucking them up for years. You're a star. You're a star, that sucker. And D, am I gonna see you in New York?

You coming up? I love these people, these people are fucking solid. These are soldiers, D.B. Soldiers, they are D.B. Am I gonna see you in New York? You coming up? You will see me there Friday night to 13th, I believe.

I will see you there Friday night to 13th. I think it's Ronnie, Mike Bartulovic. We got some people coming over. Jennifer Askelis, Mikey Askelis. Yeah, we're gonna have a nice time, brother. So, Mike Ronnie's coming, it's his anniversary. I'm not worth the next day. They're going to, I know, they're going to,

they're going to Segovia for dinner. And we're all gonna go to the Feast of San Gennaro. So let me know, I gotta run. I love you at all my heart, you're a sucker. I love you too, brother, keep it up and give that little beautiful girl a kiss. Thank you, God bless you and your family. And I'll call you next week, Monday, be on your,

what's the name of the podcast? Keeping it real with Danny B. Keeping it real with Danny B. Keeping it real with Danny B on iTunes. And we're on there next week. I'm calling on Monday when it talks with sports. I got some great guests too, you know? But anyway, thanks for having me as always.

Pleasure, all that neat stuff, Shalom, all that good stuff and all. To John Petruz and whatever else you thought. I love you, brother. Take care, my man, bye-bye. Let me give him some a shout out. That's a good one. Danny B in the house today.

Yes, that went to the Cuban joint. I bumped into one of the guys in the podcast. Cool motherfucker, listen to the guitar player from Sun Guard, Kai Lego. I want to give a shout out to Stefania, Kenja, Stefania, Mackenzie Tittle, Matt Zills, NB Leaf, Iris Ibar, and my man Cruz Jackson up this morning,

giving us some fucking love. We talked about fucking on it this morning. I'll tell you what, I told you motherfuckers, the other day I got that Dollar Shave Cream, it's a bargain and people ordering that shit, they send me pictures of what they got. People are happy, I told you. That fucking razor, you can kill somebody

with that heavy fucking razor. That's the one that's going on the road with me from now and I'm packing it to go. Yeah, no, every fucking month. It's great for that, if you go to the gym, why not, it's a dollar a month for the two-blade one, why not have it and you can just leave it at the gym and you don't have to bring it.

People, we look after you, I'm not gonna tell you again, Hulu Plus was one thing, two weeks for free, 7.99. Now we're throwing this other fucking thing out here, this Dollar Shave Club, six months a fucking month. That's what's 12 times six, 72 fucking dollars a year. 74, thinking about how many you and your fucking faggy friends drinking those Starbucks, and I'm talking about places you ain't never gonna go.

I'm just getting your twizzled up for fucking 72 dollars for the fucking year, you got a razor and you can shave your fucking wise monkey with it, whatever, Alex, you ever shave your girlfriend's monkey before you give her a stab? I'd be too nervous. You get a little straight razor, a straight razor. Do you feel comfortable?

Oh, it's a part, I used to do it in the old days before I started shaking. I wouldn't let a girl shave me down there. No, why would you, I don't trust anyone with like, what if I cut her, ooh. You're not gonna cut her, just shave down. You take the whipped cream and you lick the fucking monkwa, you shave her monkey and lick it at the same time

they go fucking bananas. I think I scared her a little. That's old school shit. I think I scared her a little bit last night cause she said she is gonna be on that time of the month later this week, and I said, I don't give a fuck, I'll lay a towel down and she's like, what? Fuck, you're not gonna suck that bloody monster?

I'm not gonna suck it, no. You suck the little red devil, you like the juice, it's the same difference. You get nutrients. No you don't. Yes you do, you get nutrients from the fucking clam of love. You just stick that fucking tongue in there and machine gun that red fucking monkey,

it's all over Jack. You got a little red on your face, you never got a little red on your face, like that you come up and wipe your arm, you think you got a bloody nose. No, a poor Dollar Shave Club. They never signed up for this. Yes they did, Dollar Shave Club knows what time it is.

I'm not saying to cut the bitch with the fucking Dollar Shave Club, I'm saying to shave her little monkey with the razor, lick that fucking thing. Ooh. So yeah, it gets a little bit confusing, but for Dollar Shave Club, you go to dollarshaveclub.com slash charge,

or there's a banner at joeyds.net, and same thing for Hulu Plus, we can't say enough about it, they've been awesome, they have the new show, The Awesoms, which is really cool, it's a new animated show by Seth Meyers, and for Hulu Plus, you get two weeks free, go to huluplus.com slash joey, or there's another banner at joeyds.net,

we have banners everywhere. We got t-shirts on joeyds.net. Get them up, we're gonna have a clearance, get rid of those things, we got new designs coming from the fall, new sweatshirts, it's just a matter of time to give J.R. a call, we'll get this fucking party started, I'm gonna call him till they get a clearance going,

so we get this party fucking started for the winter jack, and always on it, fucking putting it on it. I'm feeling good, I'm looking better, I'm getting stronger, my fucking oxygen levels are up, what the fuck you laughing about, cock sucker? I'm fucking good, I'm feeling good. That's right, Billy Ray, who the fuck you think you're dealing with here, you shit?

Yeah, I was fucking great talking to Danny today, are you listening, you know what, man? I keep my friends close like that because they keep me sane. I know that I'm fucking crazy, but when I talked to my friends about growing up, where we grew up, this girl's coming to see me Saturday. Her name is Tanya, I grew up with Lisa and Tanya,

they were two sisters in the neighborhood. The one who we had on the documentary? Documentary, but the younger sister's coming, she's a doctor and shit, she told me, she goes, Joey, I can't wait to see you. I grew up with Tanya and the other day we got into it on the phone, am I growing up in the neighborhood,

in the diner we used to go to and snappy nappies and you know what, man, I love Jersey, I fucking love it, I'm so proud to be where the fuck I'm from, so I'm sorry people, sometimes you're like, Joey, what the fuck? No, dawg, we grew up in a fucking great neighborhood, I'm telling you, we was getting served, we were 16, it was like,

without even asking you for a fucking idea, this Joe Marries was crazy, dawg. That's where we beat the Janet up, that's where we took the epileptic pills, that was it, but the fucking owner was a loan shark, I stole $20,000. Can't believe he peed on the dog. One time, it was Golden Retrievers,

he would sit right fucking there by the thing and he bit by your fucking legs and he stunk bad, the dog stunk and he was always asleep and she, oh shit, I had it, you know, I don't fucking know. I kinda hate it, Lila, but then when I heard she killed herself and I started loving her again. She was one of those bar moms,

so at the end of the day, don't mean dick, she's just a chief alcoholic, I fucking enjoy it. But she was a very sweet lady and she gave you white vodka tonics, white vodka cranberry juices. She'd give you two inches of cranberry juice, everything else was just white. She was such a fucking alky

that she gave you drinks how she drank them. Her fucking pour was all vodka and you were 16 and she just like, this is the grapefruit, and give you a drop in grapefruit, you'd be fucking hammered, hammered and we fucking grew up in there, and it was like anything else, we all used to say how much that bar sucked,

but anytime we were anywhere else, we couldn't wait to go back to that fucking bar. You know what I'm saying, we couldn't wait to go back. We were talking about Mike Runney in there one night, me and Mike had to be 18. Mike's got a black eye, he walks in there, he's a little gacked up. I was on a little acid and I gave Mike a hit of acid,

we're in there just minding our business like on an off night. I'll never forget that these three fucking white dudes came in and I knew one of them, I can't remember what the fucking guys name, but they were from a big family, they were bulky. And the other guy was a basketball player. And we were having, talking to them,

but they weren't our cup of tea and we're not their cup of tea, we grew up completely different. And I could tell that those three guys would have jumped us, you know, if anything was gonna go down, they would jump us. And they were already sitting there with that, people sit a certain way,

but you know what they mean. They sat there in that aggressive type style, like they were there to fuck with us. And Mike walked in, so I felt a little better now, right? So we got into a conversation with my family and the guys over there like, yeah, I'm three for four with the Carl Rowe Jr. handbook. So what you did was you sent this guy like $9

and in the mail in those days, it's 30 years ago, he's sending you back like a sheet and how to gamble and all this stuff. This guy takes the fucking sheet out and starts looking at it and he gives it to Mike Ronnie. Oh, sit next to me. Mike Ronnie opens the sheet, looks at him, crumbles the fucking thing

and throws at the fucking guys. And I know it's on, it's fucking on. I'm like, what the fuck are we gonna do now? And next thing, you know, Mike grew the thing. He knew, you know, this is one. I learned a lot from Mike Ronnie growing up. Mike is my brother, Mike, I love Mike. I talked to Mike once a week, I yell at him

because I know Mike. One thing about Mike was he knew the brain strategy. He knew that if you thought about hitting somebody, you fucked up. As soon as Mike threw the fucking paper at them and they went like this, he took a beer can and that came flying after that. Jesus.

And now we were on them. That's my brother, I got to jump in and that wasn't a tough guy. I grabbed one of them, we grabbed him, Lila and the other bar people broke it up and that was the end of that. But I learned, I always think of that night. Mike had just come from a basketball game.

But during the basketball game, he got into a fight. He had the black eye from the fucking fight. And now we're at a bar where I know those three guys would fucking turn on us at an heartbeat. And before they could even turn, Mike turns on them and fucks that night up. That was the beauty of how I grew up. That's why I am who I am today.

Because that was, they just knocked them off their guard. I sat there going, oh my fucking God. And nothing happened and we probably all went home. But it was just, I think of that shit. See that story, just hearing it makes me nervous. Like people talk about people fighting in Boston and they do, but I'm never around. Like the thought of seeing someone at the bar

and then, hey, check out this little paper I got. And somebody's taking it. And then he takes it and he's like, fuck your paper. Oh my God, I fucking lost it. Like what if they just wanted to show you a thing? And at that time, that wasn't my world. That wasn't my world at all. But I love Mike for little things like that.

Another time we were waiting to see Mike play, I was living with Mike and I go to see Mike play baseball. Mike's my brother, I love Mike. I go to see Mike play baseball. And one thing leads to another, what the fuck? One thing leads to another and the game ends and Mike calls the umpire over. Now Mike's a fucking senior in high school.

Okay. All right, Mike's walking this fences. So there's a fence this way and you have to wear a Hudson County park. And all of a sudden next thing, you know, Mike walks over and he stops. And he says, oh, come here for a second. There was a fence in between.

The ump walks right up to Mike and he goes, what's up Mike? Mike spits in his fucking face. This is the shit. I grew up around, but the thing that taught me from Mike, people at home were going, so he's spending this, Mike never took shit from nobody.

And for years that was my big problem that right there I'd stop a motherfucker because of Mike. Mike never took shit from anybody. I mean, it was brilliant. From the time he was, I remember he would be smoking cigarettes in his kitchen and the father would be in the living room and he'd go, Mike, is that you smoking?

And Mike go, nope. He never claimed responsibility, but that was the beauty of it that, until this day I talked to him, like I said, he calls me every Friday. He irritates the fuck out of me when he calls me because it's always, I'm always getting on stage, but I'm very fucking lucky.

I'm very lucky. I have these motherfuckers. Then I got you, you fuck sucker. No swimming. Please don't, please don't attack anyone in a bar. I don't know if I can take it back. Fucking lighters. I didn't know I'd have a CVS in my fucking.

You can eat that bloody monkey this weekend, you filthy animal, and then you're gonna go to grandma's and eat some potoli. No, we can't, we're not going to her mom's because we're going to the game. All right, so you're gonna walk around with that little bloody breath all fucking day. Yeah. Get some listerine, all right?

You nasty motherfucking. Just in case you get that tampon string. Fuck, why are you saying all this, man? You never pull the tampon string? No. You like this one and lick the monkey. And you pull that, it's like, yeah, you gotta pull the,

tell her to leave the tampon string in there. You're gonna jiggle it. I don't wanna touch the tampon. Like a broken fucking, like a broken toilet. You ain't gonna jiggle that motherfucker. Yeah. Don't forget, you DC Baltimore, New York, Philly, South Carolina,

I'm in fucking DC improv this weekend, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, next week, next Wednesday, we're back at the fucking ice house with a live podcast. You don't even know who we got planned for you as a live guest. Get your tickets early. What else we got going on? That's it in that New York city in September.

But for right now- And then we got Portland in September too. We got Portland in September, but you ain't going. Am I going anywhere? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't need you around no more, you don't wanna eat animals, you. Yes, I do.

I don't see what I wanna do right before I go to work. I've gotta eat a little Gummy Big before you go. No, I don't. Just so you could be better on the 405. I'm never as good with a 405. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't wiggle for me this morning, put some music.

Wiggle for me. You haven't wiggled for me, Lee. You don't do dick no more. Put put a little disco for your uncle Joey something. Yeah, what can you dance to this morning? Oh Let me see you wiggle for John get up. We go for the camera. It's Monday. Oh Shit wait Are you fucking kidding me or what I love you cocksuckers have a great weekend you guys are great. I'll see you somewhere What's up, let me see you wiggle you ain't waiting. Come on, baby

No, get up Lee. Come on cocksuck. It's dirt Wednesday. You didn't do a jumping jacket and wiggle. No, I don't come on Let me see you wiggle wiggle for the camera like this The other way in front of the camera Jesus Jesus Christ. It's fucking Wednesday. You're fucked up Get up. Well, you ain't burning calories. No more a little wiggle What if there was three fucking chicks right there with thousand dollar bills in their mouth? You just dance like a fucking top. No, you gotta you gotta shake that motherfucker Let me see why we don't scratch your head. We scratch your beard for you got a fleas Don't move your shoulders your hips. Give them the hip action showing how you gonna put that fucking caputa. There you go

You filthy fucking savagery We love you cocksuckers. Have a great week Make it happen don't take shit from nobody and happy birthday metal Brad. I love you at all my heart you cocksucker You hear my stomach growling. Yeah, I do is your stomach not my phone shut up cocksucker Now that the show's over don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu plus Hulu plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your piece TV PC smartphone or tablet Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu plus when you go to Hulu plus comms last Joey or Joey Diaz net and click on the Hulu plus banner

Lastly, don't forget to sign up for dollar shave club calm You'll get high quality razor sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail Joey loves these guys and you will too now go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church and go to joey Diaz net and click on the dollar shave club banner Baby You For You