Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #085 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Monday, August 2nd..... Today’s episode is called “IT’S YOUR FUCKING DREAM!” This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew & CBD Lion..... Go to https://www.BlueChew.com Enter Code: JOEY 1st Month Free | Just $5 Shipping…. Go to https://www.ZipRecruiter.com Enter Code: JOEY & Try it for FREE! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #Seattle #Comedy The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's a new month it's a fucking new week and we're ready to rock the joint is brought to you by bluetooth joey what the fuck is bluetooth bluetooth is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as viagra or psialis at a fraction of the cost now i'm 58 years old i get a hard on maybe you know i got a nice hard on but it's not the hard on i used to be when i was 21 22 bluetooth is fucking tremendous you could take it anytime day or night the process is simple you sign up at bluetooth.com you talk to one of the licensed medical providers and once you're approved you receive your prescription within days you're like joey but i i get a great fucking hard on let me explain something you can never have a good

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to receive your first month for free and as always i want to thank bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast the joint is also brought to you by zip recruiter listen everybody's looking for fucking people right now you know i'm excited things are opening things are open like the movies and restaurants but everybody's looking for a fucking job you want a job every place is hiring right now force magazine says gyms hotels and salons are set to go on an epic hiring spree in the next few months millions of jobs will need to be filled as businesses keep reopening how do you hire people fast here you go cock suckers zip recruiter try zip recruiter for free joey what are you talking about you got none to lose here's the difference with zip recruiter

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what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday the second of august another fucking month flies to fuck by unbelievable 2021 is flying to fuck by the numbers are going up but we don't give a fuck we're tight our fucking vaccine is in and we'll see where the fuck this takes us it was a great week i got my little heart monitor on for 10 fucking days but i gotta tell you something ever since they put the monitor on my anxiety has gone away it's the story of my fucking life i could test my blood pressure here in my pulse three times a fucking day i go to a doctor the blood pressure is perfect the pulse is perfect everything's fucking perfect once you see needles and shit in my world everything goes away it's amazing i go i have anxiety i can't i can't

focus i go get a needle everything goes away i'm fucking whistling in there i'm whistling fucking dixie feeling good the whole thing it was a great week i want to talk to you a little bit about comedy today uh i did ryan sickler's podcast a couple weeks ago and i talked a lot about seattle and let me talk to you about ryan sickler's podcast whenever i'm ryan sickler calls me or i call him and we make plans to do a podcast i don't really fucking know where we're at till that day i don't it's not like i prepare the story for you guys he tells me the night before and i don't even think about it i just show up that morning and work from memory you know and i watched a little bit of uh of his podcast josh wolf called me and he goes that's amazing that you remember that story

it was absolutely true you know all this shit but i didn't forget to mention a few things you know about seattle and i want to talk about them i have a lot of young comics that follow me a lot of i did not know this that a lot of young comics on patreon and a lot of comics follow me and they ask me questions and uh i still talk to a lot of comics you know established ones and non-established ones that my friends what am i gonna do you know it's not like i don't talk to non-established comics and they've been telling me lately that uh comedy clubs i have not really been really good to them lately uh you know comedy clubs make that money off established guys you know tom sagura bird alley wong you know shit like that rogan you know but those comics are in arenas and in theaters

so all that's left uh are you know non-established comics trying to make a name for themselves now one thing about me is i never forgot where the fuck i came from i never ever forgot and if you talk to young comics i've always been the voice of reason for them if they have a problem they could call me we'll talk about shit uh you know i like the established guys but i learned more from the non-established guys the non-established guys are the ones that keep me afloat let me know what's going on out there you know i really really want to go back out there and just do little sets uncle venny shit like that you know but and uncle venny and dino at uncle venny's is one of the best club owners you ever do business with one thing i got to talk

about him is that i got to give him props i enjoyed my little uh couple weeks down there when i go back when i'm ready to go back i'm definitely giving my loyalty to dino he's a great guy it's a great club but i'm hearing a lot of clubs i used to go to the clubs are turning on the comics they're cutting their pay they're fucking taking away bonuses you know half of these clubs got big time loans during the pandemic some of them fucking stayed open because they're greedy fucks and didn't give a fuck about you or your family or anybody else and if you went you know i'm happy that you're still supporting comedy but i wanted you more to stay away from co-video situations and you could watch there's a million fucking specials you

could watch if you need to laugh i mean you know i'll watch rodney's specials you know with fucking sam and dice and all that stuff but you know i one thing i forgot to mention in that thing about seattle with sickler was how good the scene was to me you know i was very fortunate i was very fortunate trust me there was a lot of comedy club and one night owners that were scumbags to me that there were scumbags to everybody that's part of the business if you're young comic you've already seen it you see how you get treated they don't give a fuck it's like being an extra when you're starting out you know jujitsu jujitsu is a game of percentages and they tell you that a lot of people staying jujitsu till they get that blue belt it gets really tough

after your blue belt you know now you know what's going on you know what's happening so it's your ego now and a lot of people just you know if you make it to a blue belt the odds are going up are not that high it's a lot of people quit when they have that blue belt i had to stop going and i got my blue belt i just it didn't work for me anymore i miss it you know my knees are fucked whatever but it's the same thing with stand-up if you could go past the fourth through 60 year 70 year you're in this for good it's that four through seven year that gets really hard if you don't adjust it's going to get really hard i know comics that have been doing comedy for 20 years and never got nowhere i respect them because at least they went up there and they tried it and they stuck

with it that's the most important thing you never know when that knob is going to turn and when it's going to be your favorite listen i never thought it would turn for me and it did and it wasn't a movie it wasn't a set that changed my life it was podcasting because now people could see who the fuck you are not just judge you by your stage performance you're telling them what's in your soul what's really going on with you and they really appreciate that but one thing i'm gonna start doing is i'm gonna start every episode especially when i do a comedy episode i'm gonna i'm gonna thank the people who helped me there was some really decent fucking people you know i got on stage in 91 and i went to comedy works in Denver great club and you know in 94 i got

thrown out of there you know i got asked to leave because some managers said some shit about me whatever it didn't really matter i never stopped loving wendy and i'll tell you why most people were going you know fuck you i didn't do that with wendy wendy ran and still does runs a great fucking club wendy is king and let me tell you what she did when i when i first i don't i didn't really start my comedy career i started in july of 91 but i didn't know what i was doing i really didn't and and i'm not mad at myself for not knowing you just don't know you just you're told to go up on stage that's it i read some books i watched specials i did everything i can but comedy is something you have to do from experience people could just tell you so much it's like being a

musician people could just tell you so much you have to get up there and do the fucking rest so wendy did something in 94 that i'll never ever take sides on wendy for wendy put together she paid a comic to sit with young comics on tuesday nights and go over the material and answer their questions i never forgot that that was aces in my book the guy the comic who was doing it was named was matt woods coincidentally he was also a comic that was on stage the headline the first night i went up on stage long island guy and he was the same comic in 93 that got in my face and told me how much potential i had and whatnot so he is very special in my heart matt woods matt woods jimmy abeta and andy payton wendy todd jordan rick cernes all those comics and although you

know wendy's not a comic she's a club owner but they really fucking helped me they nurtured me the whole thing my feelings were very hurt when i got thrown out of the comedy works i knew it was a business i'm not that fucking retarded and i didn't take it personally a lot of people would have taken it personally now let's talk about seattle what i forgot to drop ah you gotta dehydrate what i forgot to drop on the ryan sickler podcast was how special that time was for me you know if you listen to that story i got arrested six times you know this i took a gun out of a cop's hole i mean it was a fucking adventure but the comedy was so high level i think about seattle one thing i forgot to say on that podcast was how thankful i am

to that scene i was involved with how thankful i was to brody how thankful i was to josh wolf how thank you know it prepared me for la it was the next level you know right now you live in boston right now you live in nashville you know right now you live in minneapolis you're an open miker you're on that cusp you're starting to get mc spots in the house of comedy you know uh you're doing one night is around town maybe you're running your own night you know you're in you're in but there's always one comedy club owner that wants to bust your ball so he doesn't like your material and you know what man at that period from four at that period from four to six years your ego is very soft you're not uh you're still looking for an identity up on

stage the last thing you need is some fucking owner telling you you suck you know which they will they'll tell you to your face we think you suck you're not good enough you know you're not allowed in the green room they play games like that with you you look at them and you go you know what go fuck yourself you know i'm still a fucking man never mind the open mic i don't need to kiss your ass i have a thousand situations where i could tell you people told me you're never gonna have a fucking career if it's up to me and i'm like i bitch you're down here in fucking dallas and some fucking back road and fucking dallas you're not stopping me bitch you know there was the guy from dallas there was a guy from fucking san francisco that said if i said something to him he'd never

i'd never work in this town again and i told them all to suck my dick you know me you know i told you motherfuckers i used to send out blank tapes to bitches i didn't give a fuck somebody asked me for a tape i would send them a blank tape how many people hired me and i caught them in a fucking lie your tape was great oh was it there was nothing on that fucking tape like i told you on the church helsey handley used to send a porno to people of her getting fucked on a washer and dryer you know on a fucking thing from the side people were blown away they didn't know what the fuck they said then somebody tried the blackmail a years later like hey we got a tape you having sex she's like stupid i sent it out you fucking morons that go fuck yourself that's how creepy

people are but you know there was no up and you know after about a year and a half ago we had that thing with rogan and the tape rogan was laughing at joey getting a blowjob you know when when all that shit went down it even hit seattle there had been something going on at the coma comedy club or something like that and right away sexual tensions heightened and they were looking for stuff listen when i lived in seattle i had a fucking girlfriend you guys forget i had a steady fucking girlfriend and it was uh it was great you know we had our little fucking situations but even now whenever i talk to that woman i thank her i thank her we talk once a month twice a month i thank her for her time with me in seattle for the support she gave me because your ego is very fucking tender

you know i i shouted out laury kill martin she was the first headliner i opened for as a feature act you know that i i cherish those fucking memories but the two guys i dealt with up there in seattle the most were ron reid this guy carl womanhoven carl womanhoven worked the open mic he's not the guy i stuck up for i stuck up for ron reid but i would have killed for more uh you know the fucking carl i would have killed for carl carl took me from a to b when i got to seattle i used to do the open mics and i was the number one i was number one i was the first comic up when you don't have experience they don't know what you're about they put your first second or third you get to go up there and bomb early

and really show people how bad you suck right so i did well so what they made me do is i saw myself go on the list from number one all the way to number 15 that's what i accomplished in those 18 months it wasn't me i would love to say oh it was me no it wasn't it was carl and ron because after you'd come off stage everything in seattle at the time when you live in seattle for comedy i mean now i wouldn't live in fucking seattle i don't know what they're doing up there they got zones and whatever but back then in seattle even for me i had carl and ron reid but there was a couple of women that were booking rooms and they didn't dig me because of my material because of this that who we hung out with i never ever in all my fucking you know 20 whatever 30 years of comedy

and 10 years of podcasting did i talk about that woman she passed away years ago whatever she didn't like me she was josh wolf's manager she didn't like me but let me tell you what i did i turned her not liking me for you comics that are like well joey how do you handle those type of people you know that that are fucking mean to you you fuck with them you know you fuck with them when a book of tell you should tell me ah you're too dirty ah i don't like your style i don't like this you know what that's fine you don't have to fucking pay me i'll do the set for free and let the club owner decide and she did not like that but guess what one day i actually called her and she said to me you know i don't want to book you i don't like your material

blah blah blah blah i was like that's okay can i do guest sets and i would do guest sets in her rooms on tuesday wednesday or thursday she would sit there like in her glory like i'm not paying him i didn't look at it that way i looked at it as i'm gonna get better even though you don't like me i really don't give a fuck you mean shit to me you're just in a little pocket of fucking seattle in the big picture you don't matter in your mind these comedy club owners think they matter but in the big picture they don't they can't control you they can't stop you they have nothing to do with los angeles or new york nothing if a comedy clone a comedy club owner calls from minneapolis to salon in new york he's gonna hang up on him i don't want to hear from you i'm in

the big apple banging my head together there's fucking junkies trying to knock down my door and you want to call me to tell me that i don't want to hire some fucking guy go fuck yourself that's never gonna happen so don't ever worry about that comedy club owner in mississippi or fucking uh you know vegas or whatever they can't nobody's gonna listen to them trust me trust me what i'm telling you i've told millions of people in my open my career to go fuck themselves you could just take so much you could just take so much and you have to have a certain belief in yourself and at that time i was stupid i was a fucking junkie and i didn't give a fuck i had one goal in mind 30 spots a month that's all i gave a fuck about that's it i didn't give a fuck about

the politics of the club who ran the club look at this guy he's got a spot in the tonight show that's got nothing to do with you the only thing on your plate is where i'm going up on stage today and who am i what room am i blowing up tonight even though you're gonna go bomb trust me i was calling them bomb alerts every fucking night i was bombing once a night in seattle it wasn't about the bombs it was about getting on stage getting on stage and like i said to you i am so grateful i could and listen there were a lot of scumbags you know i had the fucking booker from texas i had the guy from cobs that was a fucking scumbag when you were an open miker they wouldn't even let you put your name on a list he would come over to you and point at you you want to talk

about feelings being hurt and shit like that so you would get there to the open mic and you go up to him like a gentleman and go hi i'm fucking mic slots you know i like to sign up for fucking the open mic and he'd look at you like you know really okay and you could tell him whatever you want i perform in seattle i i'm a feature act yeah yeah whatever they got their favorites and they're there to irritate you and if you have somebody call like let's say you have me call for you like the guy and i get along and i'll call him and go hey my friend mic's going up there tonight to do five minutes they'll really put you in the fucking ring they'll put you up last just because you had a friend of yours called that's how cold fucking blooded it was up in fucking seattle and all the

other fucking states i performed that i remember going from seattle and having a i was a feature act in davie florida and it was how i met jimmy florentine it was 1990 fucking seven in davie florida and it's how i met jim florentine i worked with the lady from night court i opened up for her and i'll never forget i was a feature act i was doing spots at the fucking store i went to florida for 400 bucks for six shows 400 it covers the plane ticket and a grandma blow and your fucking broke and i did it 400 bucks going to florida in 1997 and you know what she was a fucking scumbag to me they didn't care but that's what i'm saying about today that if they didn't give a fuck 30 years ago about you can you imagine now after the fucking pandemic and i don't my whole point of doing this

today is letting you know that no matter how much of a scumbag these club owners are it should not deter you from your dream not even at all if you let them fucking win you're not gonna have a fucking career if you let them get to you you're not gonna have a career whether it's a guy in the audience a comedy club owner anybody says something derogatory to me i got my fine man hat on it rolls right the fuck off and i keep fucking going because i know in 10 years i could call you and go hey remember me you said i'd never amount to nothing go fuck yourself bitch you know that guy from san francisco i talk about he fucking went up to raffie may once and asked raffie may this is even after i was in la after i was a regular at the comedy store he asked raffie why rogan brought

me and aria on the road he goes there like two fucking bums i can't believe rogan brings those two bums on the road and i told rogan and i went up there one time but rogan i pulled the guy aside i'm like hey man i heard what you told fucking raffie what the fuck do you think you are the guy's not even in the fucking business anymore so don't ever get like don't ever let a comedy club owner ruin your fucking dream or some fucking jerk off booker ruin your fucking dream your dream is solid you don't need them trust me what i'm telling you i got into altercations there was a chick that used to run the funny bone in idaho that used to wear like lisa lobe glasses and she thought she was fucking cool and i remember one time i went up there like in 98 to open up for

christopher titus and like two nights in i couldn't get coke and i did like a fucking couple lines of speed and i was up for three days and she came up to me one day like on a fucking friday and she was like i gotta be honest with you i don't like what you're saying on stage you know she was very like you know she thought like if you if you were anybody you wouldn't be in fucking idaho if you were anybody as a comedy booker you wouldn't be in fucking idaho so do me a favor take your little fucking faggy fucking glasses and go fuck yourself you know she was one of those lisa lobe not lisa lobe uh she was one of those fucking like you know she was all doodled up she would wear the the shirt rolled up to show her little parrot tattoo on her arm like i'm supposed to be impressed

she would wear different hats there was a chinese chick at the cleaning improv she was hot and fucked sarah and i hotter than fuck that bitch didn't get dick she was getting fucked by somebody with a little dick she was the most evil mother fucker in the world i'll never forget that bitch she got out of the business i'm telling you half these people got out of business they don't matter they don't fucking matter if you're a young comic look at them go okay good and steam roll them you keep going out and you keep getting better don't let them deter you any club you start at any club you start at like if you okay for example i started in denver okay the comedy works like me i could always work the comedy works then they fucking banned me but there was two other clubs

in denver there was the comedy club that the owner was great he recently died about 10 years ago god bless his soul he gave me a he helped me out a lot and there was a club in west minnesota let me tell you about life i started at this club as a fucking doorman i went from doorman to sound guy and doorman to bar back sound guy and doorman i did everything for them they loved me and i loved them until i got up on stage then they fired me and for years i would call and go can i work the club nah we don't like it and my feelings will get hurt listen if i could do it all over again my feelings wouldn't get hurt don't ever let your feelings get hurt because the club says he doesn't like it it's like anything else in life there's 400 clubs 100 clubs aren't gonna like you

don't take it personal it's part of the business 150 clubs are gonna adore you and 100 clubs are gonna be okay you know in your world but you gotta understand if there's 450 comedy clubs 100 of them aren't gonna like you okay who gives a fuck i still got my fucking dream i still got my fucking dream so who the fuck are you to tell me i had so many fucking people tell me i didn't have a career i had so many fucking people listen the guy from the laugh factory when i got off stage the first night and i love him now he's a great guy i love jaymond massada but back in 97 you had to fucking wait all day you had to be there at six in the morning and wait till six o'clock at night richard louis would stop and bring you

waters so for all you people who talk bad about richard louis richard louis cared about young comics and he would say to us he would drop off the waters on tuesday and go i wouldn't do this if i was you guys have a little fucking class but you're too stupid as a young comic you don't understand where he's coming from me if i could do it again i would have done it again it was a great 12 hours to stand out there i got to see what other young comics were thinking how confused comics were how i'll never forget there was one guy out there this is the i got the la on a on a monday night i went to the store and on tuesday morning i was told to go to the fucking laugh factory and i waited online with a dear friend of mine from seattle the second day i was in l.a

and there's a guy out there that knew everything about everything you know those guys they know everything about it meanwhile he was an open mica but he knew everything about everything okay okay he didn't shut the fuck up all fucking day long i didn't say two words i just kept my mind shut i watched and i listened this the comedy store the improv this guy knew about every club every booker i was like wow this fucking guy is great he didn't shut up the whole fucking day loud big guy sweetheart of a guy we became dear friends later on down the line sweetheart of the guy but that first day he wouldn't shut the fuck up 12 hours he didn't stop guess what happens he's like number three on the list they say his name he goes on stage all

something becomes a fucking mouse you can't even hear me say me me me me what the fuck you out there for 12 hours talking shit all day like you knew everything about fucking comedy and you get up on stage and you're a fucking dunce he was like retarded he didn't say a word he didn't get a laugh and then years later he used to sell crink little trinkets at the store and bracelets and shit like that nice guy sweetheart of a guy was from another country whatever he was like an immigrant from another country great guy became we ended up becoming good friends i forget what his fucking name was but you know he all day he's fucking talking now it's time to perform and he fucking shits the bed me i went up then i did okay and afterward you have to wait online to get feedback

from jamie and when i sat down jamie's like i don't even know what you're doing in la this is my second day in fucking la not even a full fucking day i just get there and jamie says to me i don't even know what you're doing in la you don't belong here you belong in las vegas you're a club act you're not a big time actor how do you think i felt most people would have folded up their chairs and gone home after that i looked at him i said thank you for your input i appreciate it you know you don't think i belong in your club i could live with that it's not the end of my fucking dream and let me tell you what happened that friday i talked to felipe spaza and felipe told me to go to the brave bull rudy marino great guy we're still friends we still talk on facebook

rudy wouldn't call me back because rudy was getting overwhelmed with phone calls felipe said just go down there fool and show up and i went down and i showed the fuck up and blew up the fucking room i'll never forget there was a guy named gilbert escaval another great fucking mexican dude he pulled me aside he goes hey what are you doing on monday night i go nothing i'll probably go down the store i got an acting class or something he goes why don't you come by the laugh factory i go jamie massada told me i didn't belong in the laugh factory he goes fuck jamie massada he's not there on monday nights i run the show i'm putting you up and even though jamie didn't like me gilbert put me up every fucking monday at nine

25 9 15 9 o'clock i would get 25 dollars i would go next door and eat for like 10 bucks the sandwich place and what was the you know so i didn't do spots at the laugh factory during the week but i did monday nights in part of a fucking great crowd at a great time and guess what half the movies i got on my resume half the deals i got half the things i got were from monday nights at the laugh factory so i didn't give up don't ever give up as a comic i don't give a fuck what anybody tells you you have a dream keep fucking pushing and that's one thing i learned that's what i learned in seattle that nobody fucking matters in your dream not even me if you call me tomorrow and go joey go fuck yourself and i have the balls to say to you

you're done in comedy it's a lie there's nothing joey could do to you there's nothing nobody could do to you and if they do what it's gonna be some fucking some fucking worm comic who's gonna call and say don't give you fucking work well guess what when you start selling tickets you think the kind you think the comedy club owners give a fuck why do you think i'm so fucking done with this business because for 10 years when i was opening up for rogan they would pull rogan aside or they would pull me aside or they would talk to rogan and not talk to me and duncan or they would not talk to me and arie or they wouldn't talk to arie and duncan people didn't really want to talk to us they just wanted to talk to joe and that was fine your feelings get hurt for about a minute

and then you realize what's going on here and you fucking run with it and you look at that guy and you go someday you're gonna fucking pay me and someday i'm gonna shove my dick up your ass and you're gonna you right now you're looking at me going joey how can you say that about comedy club owner it's the truth i had many a club owner that said shit to me and guess what 15 years later they were paying me telling me how great i was i laughed i took the check i cashed it but on the way home i felt sorry for them because they weren't really being them you know there was a comedy club owner a couple years ago i'm not gonna throw him under the bus great club great city he told fucking uh burt creischer that this podcast thing was only gonna last for a year or two that he'd

be begging him to come back burt's doing fucking arenas with tom now but he told burt that burt told all of us he goes this is what this guy feels about you nobody's ever gone in there to work now he sends office but we all time to go fuck himself you know he was already backbiting already saying that we weren't shit at the podcast oh aria ain't shit you okay don't worry about it and i could have called them up and got on the phone i did the theater across town and guess what at the end of the day they'll call you and say can we come to the show and you're like no i'm not giving you free tickets this is a great story jim florentine told me that that fucking remember the time i did the church and we were talking about danie murr had just died i think burt was on the church

me burt and lee and we're talking about danie murr and i said rest his soul fucking cocksucker anyway danie murr told jim florentine he didn't want to hire him god rest his soul danie murr he's been dead for like fucking five years now nice guy but fucking what a fucking puke uh fucking guy all that guy was a fucking puke but you know he wouldn't hire jim and then jim went to do a rock club somewhere and the guy called him and said can you leave tickets at the door and jim's like fuck no i'm not leaving shit for you that's what i'm talking about that's a real fucking comic when you don't give a fuck like i said the name of this episode today is it's your fucking dream why are you letting somebody piss on your fucking dream whether

you're a comic a musician a fucking a tap dancer a stripper it's your fucking dream how can somebody fucking shit on it and even if they do push them out of the fucking way that you can't deal with that comedy is hard enough don't let anybody make you quit this fucking game do not give anybody the satisfaction trust me remember when i told you guys i used to go home at night and fucking cry when i lived in bolder i didn't cry in seattle by the time i got to seattle i wasn't crying anymore i would cry in bolder because i really wanted it i knew what i had wanted for the first time in my life i figured out what the fuck i wanted to do with my life and i wanted to be so deep in it i wanted to be so good at it i wanted to put on such a fucking good show i wanted every joke to

bounce well guess what my dream happened it took 20 years for it to fucking happen but it happened and that's all that matters in my fucking world don't let anybody piss on your fucking leg especially now you you know right now we're still in a fucking pandemic because everybody's still thinking like that everybody's still thinking like that when i found out that the comedy clubs were doing that to young comics and they told me what clubs are doing it i'm not gonna call them out listen it's none of my business i'm just letting you young comics know that it's fucking open season on you guys and they're trying to derail you don't let the money derail you the money will come later do not when i first got into comedy there was so many people who made fun of me under

my breath like so you do this for how much $50 if i did it i'd get paid a lot more i'm sure you would you know i'm sure you would dick and get paid dick you know how many people i i saw even in la try to fucking say to me so you do sponsor the store for $15 why would you do that i'm going here tonight i'm making $150 god bless you god bless you how long is it gonna last how long is it gonna last you're not you're not that good they're blowing smoke up your fucking ass that's how it starts you know seattle was such a good scene to me i was very blessed in comedy i was very fortunate and i'm giving the universe thanks for taking care of me because i seen it i seen people who got out of the business listen if you want to be in this

fucking business find the city not la not new york find the small city where you could grow detroit's a great place you know utah has a great comedy scene texas has a great scene don't move to texas to try to get on the joe rogan experience that's not gonna work out for you but texas is a hole to do comedy you could get good quick in fucking texas everything has a time if you're a young comic everything has a time so for two or three years you stay in fucking your neighborhood you know when i came to new york in 93 i didn't come to new york to be a comedy star i came to new york to get my head together to walk the streets i had walked as a young man to get strong again to prepare me for the journey i was gonna go on i knew that when i got came back here in 93

i went into new york i worked a little bit it wasn't i i could tell i wasn't gonna stay here so i decided to just get strong take care of myself i i lift the weights i walked and i studied comedy i went to comedy clubs and studied it i even if trust me i was getting treated like shit at that time i remember going to the comic strip and they were like oh you want to get on stage you have to sell tickets on the street and they would give you a book of tickets so you had to come back with 40 bucks you made you made 100 bucks but you were gonna keep 50 you know what i sold the tickets i kept all the money and i never fucking brought back their 50 fucking dollars fuck them i bought coke with it you know i didn't i didn't need to perform at the comic strip that

fucking bad i took their tickets i'm like what am i doing selling tickets for these fucking Jericho are you are you fucking retarded joey i'm not selling no tickets for these motherfuckers i took my money i bought coke and i never went back to the comic strip the new york comedy club was taking care of me your old triple in was taking care of me there was a couple young comics that ran rooms they were doing rooms in north bergen there was a restaurant on 69th street that did comedy like on wednesday one wednesday a month i was going in there i found my fucking thing but i knew i wasn't gonna stay there i knew i was going back to colorado to try to be a fucking dad that didn't work out but let me tell you something those 18 months in colorado thanks to jimmy at beta

bill bower and fucking andy payton those three guys i'm gonna give them fucking huge thanks because they took me under their wings they gave me work i was getting on stage every night and fucking dem before i left the only thing that made me leave dem was my problem with my ex-wife i got a feature week in michigan at joey's comedy club i met the stripper i went back to fucking boulder i made up my mind about my future she came by stayed with me for a week we talked about seattle i made some fucking calls she went to seattle i went on a huge fucking triple run for like five weeks to make money and i ended up moving up there with her and i got there on a saturday night and i was at the club the next morning sunday at fucking

12 o'clock to see it it was closed i went back monday i got on the open mic night and i pushed the fuck forward and yes i had a couple fucking problems up there but it didn't stop me from being a comic and i'm very fortunate that i went to seattle and i did it the way i did it i went to boulder i went to new york i got awakened to new york of who i was and what i was gonna do and that this is a real fucking business you had a tough enough for this fucking business this was not gonna be a walk in the fucking park i've never said that comedies are walking the park it's fucking hard and like i said to you from four years to eight is the hardest if you could push through that you're good to go i i became a regular at the store after six and a half years was i ready

not really but i'm gonna tell you what i had at the time i'm gonna tell you what got me through all those years my stage presence my stage presence was second to none from the very beginning i knew how to lie i knew how to listen when you use a stolen credit card and it's like an asian guy's name like wing ho and you go in then try to use this credit card you got to act jack you know what i'm saying you got to like like pablo eskibar the guy that played pablo white wagna mora whatever mora wagna whatever his name is he walks fat like he's skinny but he walks fat like he's fat i've never seen that done before when i've never seen that done before a skinny guy walk fat if you watch narcos watch pablo eskibar the guy that acts him he walks fat he walks like he's 400

pounds but he's really in fucking shape i mean towards the end of season two he gets fat he lets himself go they put batting on him but don't believe the fucking height that guy was such a good actor he walked fat that's fucking amazing well you fake the funk i watched bill hicks i watched andrew i watched kennison i watch robber i mean i watched so many comics and one thing they had was on stage they did not care they faked the funk i didn't know what i was doing i had no idea but when i went up there i didn't fidget i gave you the impression that i didn't know what i was doing i didn't touch the mic awkwardly my elbow didn't go up when i picked up the mic if you touch the mic don't let your elbow go up that's your years of insecurity and that's your years of an experience

don't touch that mic don't touch it talk with your fucking hands and that's what i did in the very beginning i just copied that from other people it's not that i fucking invented it it's not that i read it in a fucking book god no nobody fucking told me these are all the things that you pick up in the beginning to fake the funk you know walk in the room like you got 200 000 in your pocket meanwhile you got eight cents and three pennies are fucking browner than debt they're not even those shiny pennies you know i'm saying they're those brown pennies that nobody wants even the hindu at 7-eleven looks at you when you give it to them like i don't want this fucking brown penny like that's how fucking brown the pennies were i don't give a fuck how broke you are or whatever

you walking on that fucking stage like you own that fucking club you own that fucking club don't ever let anybody they like people always told me we didn't like your material like that i don't give a fuck you know what i'm gonna sell it to you in a certain way you may not like my material but i'm gonna sell it to you in a certain way and guess what i don't like my material either but i'm gonna sell it to you tonight i'm gonna sell it to you and you're gonna pay me and that's the way it's gonna be so again and rapping don't let nobody fucking piss on your dream as a comic right now it's tough out there it's tough in the world right now it's tough all over getting a laugh is probably a little tougher than it used to be i i i don't know i don't believe in that

shit all audiences are the same dongle joey i'd never said to you know in the beginning i didn't like performing for people who had hair like me like white hair people i would go fuck i hate these people they're not gonna laugh i would i would bomb before i even went up there don't do that to yourself i loved every fucking minute of it as a young comic get yourself into a groove get yourself with the right listen i was i was very fortunate that i had josh i had tainam anu i had brody i had there was some comics that died from seattle i forget what his name is he went on later on and bought a club in love book he was very good to me you know you have to find your little comedic circle learn from them take from them don't get mad at them you know listen

this is a business it's not a fucking it's not a uh you know if somebody doesn't pick you for something it wasn't your turn it wasn't your time keep your mind open you know for years i wanted to go to montreal montreal montreal montreal they didn't want me i mean they were making excuses all he does this with his hand on stage it's annoying really my little hand twitch bothers you on stage obviously we don't after a while give up you don't need that shit like give up naturally i'll give you an example there used to be a club catch a rising star they used to be in renault princeton new jersey and las vegas the people who ran it were nice fucking people i sent them a tape and i called them every fucking day for a fucking year maybe two years

maybe two and a half years i was dying to work renault i was dying to work vegas i was dying to fucking work princeton well let me give you a story princeton sucked i got into an argument with the fucking guy nick and he banned me from princeton i was dying to do renault you want me to tell you how i got into catch a rising star three years i called that dude and if you know anything about me i will call you till you die change your number or fucking hang up and if you hang up i'm gonna call back when i'm looking for when i was looking for work i didn't take no for a fucking answer i don't give a fuck you're gonna give me work i'm gonna continue fucking torturing you i'm gonna keep filling your fucking message box and i'm gonna keep

mailing your shit i am a fucking brutal when i was into comedy when i was in that level oh my god you would hear from me monday at nine a.m monday at nine you don't know how many bookers would pick up the phone hello joey dears here i want to know if you have any availabilities this week and they would go like joey why don't you call me back after 12 fuck you clock starts at nine cocksucker i didn't give a fuck i didn't give two fucks whether you were sleeping you weren't sleeping it's business time i never gave up on myself i didn't give a fuck keep calling them keep sending them tapes i remember when i moved to l.a. there was this there was this movie that marky wallberg was gonna do and it was uh viny kurdo termion told it was viny kurdo story it was marky wallberg

and denier was gonna play angelo dundee it was a great story and i forget that sheila jaffee if you look at the sopranos casting in l.a it was sheila jaffee and in new york it was whatever something walking it was christopher walken's wife she cast the soprano they were partners sheila jaffee was in l.a she was one of the biggest casting directors dog when i found out about that movie i would go home every night from the comedy store do coke and lick envelopes and send them out to people i would lick envelopes lick envelopes lick envelopes joey what's lick on an envelope you take a manila envelope you put your resume in there with your bio and you write a letter handwritten not computer written handwritten and i'd also

include two tickets four four people to come see me at the comedy store i would send those motherfuckers out every goddamn night to movie people casting directors commercial agents i didn't give a fuck my goal was to send 10 envelopes a night and i'll never forget that after three months sheila jaffee agreed to see me for one of the roles guys i went in there and ate a bag of dicks i'm not gonna lie to you i went in there it was a slow death but on the way out i'll never forget her looking at me going joey before you leave hold on and she turned around and she gave him back to me and when i say it was a bagged it was fucking eight inches of headshots bios and envelopes with free tickets she goes joey i don't need all these i was like holy shit she saved them

she didn't even throw them away between me and you collectively there had to be 30 headshots and i would send her a new headshot every time my resume would improve like every time i added an extra credit or a club to my resume i would send them out to people i was notorious for that shit sorry about that fucking lawnmower guy comes monday morning early cocksucker well anyway listen to me i uh i just wanted to add on that seattle thing that i didn't say with sickler that seattle was probably one of my favorite fucking times in comedy it was a smart move i was up there for two and a half years i got my head handed to me a lot of times but sometimes you got to get your head handed to you when you're in the process i'm very very grateful

to seattle as a comic today you know i don't know what podcast i was saying that or who i was talking to about it and you guys know when it comes to ego that's not my thing but before the pandemic a year or 18 months before the pandemic i was the best that i ever was as a comic i'm probably was probably was a fucked up human being the thousand milligrams addables and all that shit weren't helping me i was a good husband i was a good dad but i gotta be honest with you guys i was a great fucking comic up there and you know i i have a hard time i beat myself up i'm gonna tell you what i remember i just remembered wanting to go out there and i didn't think about bill burr i wasn't thinking about dave chappelle i wasn't thinking about all the guys that are funny than

me and all that shit i was just thinking about what i was gonna fucking do tonight and you don't know how many times i was on stage and people were rolling and i would say to myself quietly this is from my days in seattle these are from all the triple runs i did now i'm starting to see it like you know i would go on stage and say to myself wow where did i learn this these are from the nights i would do jimmy abed is rooms like it was i was very thankful for all that i suffered through those years and it wasn't suffering it was just struggling you're struggling with drugs you're struggling for money you're struggling to be the best you can be and people trying to take you out from all fucking directions and they're not people it's just life the way

life this is comedy this ain't a fucking you know but i was very grateful while i was on stage i would think back like where did i learn this from and i would think back to my time at the underground i still remember a monday night that i got into a fight with my stripper girlfriend and she threw me out and i was so angry i had one place to turn and i was the underground her and i had plans and i wasn't going to go down to the underground that night but i ended up going down there and car brought me up and for some reason somebody had a camera that night and i remember they taped my set and i against everything i believed i went home and took a look at that set and that was the first time i learned to go off like i went on stage

improvised what i was feeling and i was like fuck i got to do this more often this is fucking amazing i still remember the sweater i had on i had one of those fucking tennis sweaters that are white with the fucking lines coming through it the last copy of it i gave to rogan i did this uh college film at the university of colorado where i kidnapped the guy the whole thing i still remember the director and name was kashina kessler uh and i had it was a short film like a 10 minute film so when i got to la the only thing i was sending out was this set from seattle that was a killer fucking set i don't know what i was talking about strippers i was talking about you know this girl that i was dating now she threw me out and i forget the jokes i said but

it was the beginning of my energy like it was the first time i learned about energy like a holy shit i raised my voice like i was going on stage for four years just being monotone and then i learned that your voice controls the fucking room the volume of your voice i learned it that night from looking at that tape i was like wow i remember sending that tape to latino lab festival i sent that tape to a couple fucking people i didn't get nothing from it but i remember that that was that was the breakthrough night for me and it was like six and a half years into comedy so i just want to let you know there's a bunch of guys on patreon sam he's a doorman at ac comedy club there's a couple guys that follow me on facebook there's a couple guys that message

me on twitter and ask me questions about comedy it's your world guys don't let nobody piss on your fucking leg and trust me i know what you're going through i went through it i know what hate is i know what people not wanting you i know how that feels when somebody doesn't want you i know exactly how that feels don't let that deter you hang in there hang in there and when they're talking to you telling you whatever just think how you're gonna come back and shove your dick up their ass and hate a nine years think about how they're gonna suck your dick and light your cigarette and tell you you're the funniest person in the world even though you're not they're gonna say that to you once you start selling tickets and making money and you get your first little 20 minute special

wherever whatever's available next netflix hbo yahoo wait till they come around that's why i always tell young comics when they come to la they get a commercial agent get a commercial agent why joey so you start booking as soon as a club owner or a club booker or a club manager see you on tv whether it's a commercial is you dressed up as a chicken whatever the fuck it is as soon as they see you on tv they know they can't fuck with you because you booked a commercial and now that commercial could turn into a movie or a series or you could blow the fuck up and that's what saved me in la in 98 i booked those taco bell commercials and all those comedy club owners saw it i kept booking if you look at my mdb i booked early on why to let them know i was going to be fucking

dangerous because once they see you on a commercial a video a tv show they go hmm let me treat this guy differently because if he did this he could do that take that to the motherfucking bank i love you guys thank you for watching uncle joey's joint always representing laughing fucking gas what do you think about that huh you guys have been doing great with the laughing gas uh thank you very much for fucking support me george perez called me last night said he loves it people loving it my friend brett whites take the jiu-jitsu lessons from loves it it's a great fucking weed and i love you guys i'm feeling a lot better thank you for all the support and the kind words you guys know i was struggling for like 11 months i put that shit behind me uh like i said i had all this

anxiety they put a hot monitor on me the anxiety fucking disappeared i'm good tip top magoo the teeth are okay my gums are turning purple but what are you gonna do it could be worse you know what i'm saying this tooth is a little fucked up i've been to a sandwich last night i started bleeding but this is all gonna be behind this fucking soon guys thank you for all your support thank you for being on patreon uh thank you for supporting the ice cream shop and laughing gas and i'll see you motherfuckers wednesday august fucking fourth can you believe that it's fucking august already cock suckers the rent is due i love you cock suckers stay black i'll be back wednesday with another fun filled episode of the joint thank you very much for watching on a monday

morning i hope that this helps a lot of young comics don't let nobody fucking crush your dream like i said while they're telling you this you're thinking you're seeing yourself fucking them in the ass and i'm going all right all right i'll write you the check i love you guys have a great week stay black all right i want to thank you guys for listening today i loved going back and thinking about seattle because uh i didn't mention a lot of things during the fucking whatever during ryan sickless podcast so i wanted to get out there i know there's a lot of comics young comics struggling right now with the clubs and what the fuck's going on but anyway the joint is brought to you by zip recruiter listen people are hiring you want a job everyone is hiring right

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