Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #086 | GEORGE PEREZ | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: August 4, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, August 4th..... Today, we talked to our Friend and Comedian, GEORGE PEREZ…. https://www.instagram.com/georgepcomedy https://www.twitter.com/georgepcomedy This episode is brought to you by DraftKings & CBD Lion..... Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook Go to https://www.CBDLion.com & Enter Code: JOEY or JOINT Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #GeorgePerez The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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They got hemp flour. They got the capsules. They got fucking tape. Listen, if you need CBD in your life, a CBD lion will make it happen. Start with the fucking gummies with melatonin in it. They will rock your fucking world. If you get too high in an edible, what do you do? You sit there and complain? No. You eat a little melatonin gummy with CBD in it and it calms you down. That's some free advice of you from your uncle Joey. Now do me a favor. Go to CBDLion.com, read the third-party lab results and get back to me. This ain't some fucking guy in a liquor store fucking around. CBD Lion has done the research and they will let you know what's good for you. What ailment you have, what to take, how much to take, what to rub. Listen, from the roll-on to the cream

to the bat ball, CBD Lion has your covered. Go to CBDLion.com, order some CBD pressing code Joey. Join and get 20% off your order to live it straight to your house. It's time to start the fucking joint cocksuckers. It's a beautiful Wednesday, August 4th. Let's do this fucking shit. Hey, how you doing? Come on in. Yeah, Joey's in the back. Check one, two. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, the fourth of all August. Thank you very much for all the fucking emails I got about Monday's podcast about comedy. It was time I busted out and let you guys know what the fucking rules were.

A lot of people out there fucking around with comics and I don't like that at all, whether you're my friend or not. That's a comic. People have no idea how hard we fucking work to have some guy that didn't have the balls to do what we did tell us and fuck with us. That's not gonna happen ever again. I got a lot of emails from a lot of young comics asking me to comedy coach him and shit that I can't fucking judge your material. That's not what I do. I've never jumped in on somebody and said, hey, the material, look at my fucking material. It sucked. I did it on presence and I was a good storyteller and I had good presence, but as a writer, I'm not Bill Burr or millennia, those guys, but I could just give you rules like I do on here. That's just fucking

fine. Today we have a guest on Wednesdays. I always have a Zoom, but we'll do that later. I'll talk to you about what's going on and whatnot. I'm feeling good. My teeth feel better. The stitches, I spit out my last stitch last night. I went to watch Jimmy's son play basketball on the way out of the park. I felt something in my mouth. I'm like, what the fuck is that? I took it out. It was a fucking stitch with old blood on it. Whatever. Fuck it. I just spit it out of my mouth. The birds eating it right now. Some shit. That's what usually happens. I threw a piece of gum out the fucking window about a week ago. I come back an hour later. Bird was fucking eating the gum bouncing around the nicotine gum. He didn't know that that fucking

nicotine will fuck a bird up. But anyway, today we talk about comedy again. I have a nice comedian, one of my tight friends, George Perez, that you guys love. He's got a great fucking podcast. I'm going to do it in a couple of weeks, but we covered a lot of comedy shit on here today. I got to tell you a story real quick. When I was doing comedy about three years, 95, that put me at about three and a half years, January of 95. I was doing comedy and I was doing great. I was in Colorado. I was in Boulder and I was doing, I had about 20 minutes, 22 minutes, you know, and I went out every night. When I was in Boulder, the comedy scene was fair to Midland. I mean, Monday night, she had like some fucking room at an outback. It was, it's not the same

outback you guys think this is an outback bar that was Australian also. But and it was like a recording room that sat like 20 people. That was my Monday night. Tuesday night was the comedy works. Jimmy, a beta had a room on too many on Tuesday night. If you didn't get the comedy works open, Mike, Wednesday night was club 52 in Commerce City. Thursday night was El Torrito in fucking Englewood or wherever the fuck it is. I forget what part of Denver it is where they do did a Littleton. I think it's out there by John L. Way fucking Bill. And then Friday and Saturday, I would do guest spots at either the comedy club or I would deliver Chinese food or whatever the fuck I was doing on Fridays and Saturdays because, you know, a lot of, but you can't call the same

club for guest spots every week. But Tuesday, Wednesday nights at club 52, it was buck wild. They gave you, I think it was 25 cash and a steak, a fucking delicious steak. So we, you would go earlier and I would leave there and go to the Italian restaurant. I told you guys about in the church with the Elvis impersonator. It was a big fat Elvis impersonator. He looked nothing like Elvis, but he was an impersonator in Vegas. They cashed him out and he did like 20 years or something. I don't know what hotel and he opened up a little Italian restaurant and he would do Elvis with the belt and then he'd give out food. It was a fucking nightmare, but I did it. It was part of the fucking game. But what I'm going back to is

one that I was a club. This just approved to you motherfucker as I wasn't taking shit when I was an open miker. I'm at this club and I'm eating my fucking steak and I forget who the, I know who the headliner was. I still see his face. I can't just remember his name, you know, and I get there and he was headlining. We were both eating. I was doing like 15 minutes. There was some other comics there eating and we're watching the comedy show. There had to be 20 people in the audience, maybe two of these dudes were sitting there on a table like this one and they were flicking beer caps at the comedians. You could see like that. It wasn't lit the room. There was just a light on the comic on stage and you could see him ducking

from the fucking bottle caps. I'm like, these motherfuckers, they look kind of tough and shit. So I was like, you know what? I'm not going to say nothing to him. I'm just going to say something when I get on stage. I don't know. Maybe four or five comics went up. They kept flicking the beer caps at him. The whole fucking deal. I go up there. I get to grab the mic and I go, listen, the first beer cap I see, I'm not fucking with you motherfuckers. I didn't even stop. The words didn't even come out of my mouth and a beer cap flew through my fucking head. I mean, these guys were not playing. I go, fuck you motherfuckers. You bunch of cocksuckers. What I wanted to do is I wasn't going to go to them. I wanted them to come to me and one of the guys

actually got up and he goes, you're a tough guy. I'll fucking beat the fuck out of you. I go, come up here and say that before he could hit the stairs. It was a portable microphone and shit that was out in the thing. I fucking picked up the stand and I just belted them on the fucking head with the microphone. The microphone broke. The batteries went off everywhere and shit. He was holding on to his head. His buddy got up and ran out. I just got off the stage, picked up my steak and gotten the car. Like the cops are coming and I took off about a year later, two years later. I'm at Harvey's Comedy Club in Portland and the headline is there and he comes up to me. He goes, you're opening up for me tonight? I go, yeah. He goes, just don't hit nobody with the mic on the

head. And I was like, fine, fuck it. Nobody will get hit. And that was my classic story. I didn't take shit as a fucking standup comic. As an open mic, you have to lay the fucking rules down. And I'll tell you what, after I hit that kid in the head with the microphone, nobody fucked me in Denver again. The word got the fuck out. So don't worry about nothing. Don't let nobody fuck with you if you're a comic. I told you guys on Monday that nobody could shut you down only yourself. Nobody, not Rogan, not Chapelle, not fucking, well, Mitsy sure is dead. I don't feel so good myself. Nobody could fucking shut you down. So keep doing what you're doing and watch the podcast and I'll drop comedy tips on you from time to time. I'm not the best fucking comic in the world,

but I'll tell you what I did do. I didn't make it work for me. I don't know how. I don't know what the fuck happened, but eventually I'll make it work for you, cocksuckers. Anyway, today's guest is my main man, Mr. George Perez. I've known George since fucked a long time. We did the comedy Latino thing for Showtime together. We fed each other. We had each other's back. I miss him with all my heart, you know, but we're still tight and that's all that matters. We were a great team on the road. I used to take him on the road with me and I miss him. So now enjoy George Perez. I'll be back after the fucking show, cocksuckers. Oh shit. What's up, brother? What's happening, my brother? How are you today? I'm a beautiful

fucking Wednesday morning. No, I'm good. I'm good, man. I'm good. I like that shirt. Thank you, brother. That shirt says fucking Rodney. That's a good album. Yeah, that's a good fucking album. You got some good albums there on the wall, fucking Wanted, Dead or Alive. The pride behind you. I don't even want to say it because people get pissed. You got my fucking album back there. That's a nightmare. I like it. I remember when you did it. Oh, I do too. I don't want to remember. It was fucking horrible. I bombed the first show. I had to change the set around. It was a fuck. I'm not good with specials, George. I'm just not a good special comic. I choked on the pressure. I'm only good when I'm live. Fuck that shit. Yeah, I feel you. What's up, buddy? Nothing

much, man. We podcasted last night, chilled, you know. It's weird not having my dog around, man. I'm sorry about your dog. It's a fucking nightmare. But give it a breathe and then go get another one. And now I'm not going to get no more. That's it. You're done? I'm done. Yeah. My daughter wants me to get a dog. Okay, I got to wait for the cats to die and then I'll get a fucking dog for I got the yard and everything. But you got to be careful with dogs here because they got the ticks from the fucking deer and shit. And next thing you know, you're dizzy. And that's fucking it. How's work? How's California treating you? California's good, man. The strip club's good. But you know, the comedy store, they want like a full background check now.

It's motherfuckers. They're checking the bar code on everything now. So what's the bar code? It's on the on the on the fucking vaccination. Yeah, it's on the vaccination. That card looks bogus. Yeah. But the codes are put in the computer and your phone number and your email and your birthday come up. Okay. So and you haven't gotten vaccinated yet? Hell no, but I got the card. Okay. Yeah, that's the way it is. Fuck it. Don't let a lot of people know they'll give you a fucking felony. That's the last thing. Can you

imagine going to fucking having a felony because you use the fucking COVID card and they give you like three years because they want to make an example and shit and you're in jail with COVID. Oh, shit. That shit is running through prison. Oh, it ain't that shit was running through the prisons. That's why they inoculated those motherfuckers first. But you know what? They were sharing. If you had COVID, you were supposed to give it to the whole dorm. So people people had COVID. We're getting released early. Damn, what a fucking scam. Yeah. So you're fucking CEO and coughing his face. Hey, dog, I seen videos where fools are like, Hey, I got COVID drinking at each

eight, eat off his bowl, get it, get it. You get to go home. No shit. How many people did they release in California? I think they released like 30,000. God damn. That's a lot of criminals walking around, dog. Yeah, but it was like, you know, drug charges, nothing major, you know. Can you imagine George being locked up with COVID now? I would have fucking, I don't know. Fucked up. It is to be locked up now. I've stayed out of that fucking hole for 30 years. I can't imagine we're going to prisoners like now. No smoking. Yeah. Fucking just, it's a night. You know, you did it. We did it already.

We got it out of the fucking way. You know, I'm happy I got it out of the way. It's never going to happen again. I can never get fucking locked up again, dog. That was, that's fucked up when they take away your freedom. That is fucked up, man. People have no idea how fucked up it is when a man wakes you up and kicks your bed. But you got to sit up for a count. You remember that shit? You got to sit down and wait for a motherfucker to walk by all quiet. Fuck that. Eight counts of fucking day. They come in and move your sheet at night to make sure it's you that you haven't escaped because I was at a camp. I ended up at a camp. You know, I went through the fucking, I was thinking about diagnostic the other day, dog. I had to go for a blood test

and I'm like, dog, I'm going to faint in this fucking thing. They had us like in a little pod. I'm going to faint and they're going to fuck me in the ass. These motherfuckers. I was petrified. And dog, usually I tell a lady when she's taking our blood to be a little careful because I faint. I didn't say nothing. No way. And I sat down. It was one of those fucking school chairs. The desk. I put my little fucking faggy arm out in the shit. I looked the other way. I was trying to make believe I was hard and shit. And I'm like, yeah, I'm going to do this and fucking she shot me. George took blood out and Uncle Joey didn't faint. I walked in that fucking thing with a stroll to me and shit. Like what bitches say something later on. I went to my room.

I'm like, I'm straight. I put my arm down and I go, let me see what happened. I took the piece of cotton off. There was a piece of cotton with a little dot of blood. I fainted in my fucking cell, Doug. I went down like a bad habit. I woke up 20 minutes later with a lump on my head and shit fucking walking around with ice to fucking nightmare when you try to be hard and you ain't dog. It's a fucking nightmare. My diagnostics was different. We were at war with like the prison was at war with each other. So they made us sit in these fucking cages like in like, because no one was allowed to wait in the doctor's office because fools are fighting right there. And we were just waiting in those fucking cages, man. And it's Bakersfield fucking freezing at six in the morning,

dog. You're just sitting there waiting and fucking honestly, I was worried because I was fucking a lot of chicks back then and they're like, yo, dog, you find out if you got AIDS today. Like I was worried. They were like, yo, they do every test. And I was just like, damn. Yeah. I think of the magic Johnson and everything at that time. I was like, damn, dog, I'm going to own the Dodgers. It's crazy how when I got locked up, it was 87. So 88 88 is when I got locked up. I'm coming on the anniversary now, August 15th of 88. And when I got locked up, HIV was huge. Oh, yeah. So the prisons had a building HIV wing. Every jail I was at was under construction. But when I got to Camp George West and Golden,

they already had an AIDS unit. George, you had to see this fucking thing. I'm a state of the state of the art appliances. They didn't want these motherfuckers in the kitchen or nothing. No, no, they had their own setup state of the art the fucking they had a TV in their big screen TV already in 88. I remember going in there and watching the Dodgers. So we would hang out at the age unit. My headquarters was the age unit. That's why I took book. That's why I brought my food. That's why I did everything was the HIV unit. They only housed five people and they only had three people in the rooms. Oh, wow. So they were like, nobody talks to us because they treat us like fucking willepids.

So when I got there, the one black dude was tremendous and he's like, come on over, say hello whenever you want. I went over there one time. I didn't leave. I didn't leave. They're like, dog, you got HIV. I don't give a fuck. I'd rather be in here with you guys. I would wake up and shoot over there. Those guys had everything. They would have huge parties on football Sundays because they were all into football, food, tacos. You know, they didn't fuck around those jailhouse tacos that are fucking good. People would bring in Popeyes fried chicken. The brothers would always bring in Popeyes fried chicken on Sundays. We'd watch football and then marry with children and you know you watch America's most wanted in

jail. All day. That's the favorite show that in cops. They love all that shit. They will sit there and clap for the criminals and shit and fucking tell their stories. What a blast it is. People have no idea. Sometimes you have a good time in jail. I had a good time, dog. I kind of miss it, man. Like sometimes I'll get like little messages here and there from people I was locked up with on my Instagram or Facebook and it's, you know, like they can only trigger memories that we've gone through in there and they're just like, yo, dawg, we were locked up. We were dorm 307. I used to stay right there by the shower. We used to hide the thing by the tie on. I was like, oh, shit. And I do miss it. I just, like you said, dawg, it's just a man telling

you what to do. Fucks me up now. That fucks me up now. I enjoyed it. Listen, I knew I wasn't going to escape. I knew I wasn't going to leave, you know, because I had a friend that told me goes fuck that. I got a Hertz rent a car that you could be a manager training at and like El Salvador or some shit. They wanted me to go to like one of our South American cut and I thought about it. I thought about fucking running and not doing the time, but you know what, then you have that shit on there. One day when you do get your life together, you got to go to the hospital with your kid. They run a background check and there you are. And now you got to do that 30 fucking years still plus the escape plus all that shit. So I was like, you know what, I'm just going to go in there,

do my time and make the best of my fucking time. And that's exactly what I did. I got into running. I got into book, you know, I got into booking fucking football games. I became a jailhouse attorney. I helped people with their appeals and shit. I took the test, you know, I made the best of it. So, but I knew I never wanted to go back, George. Now, now, Joey, were you your healthiest when you were in like, I could imagine you dog, like were you healthy and 88? Yes, I got in shape. Yeah, right. I knew that, you know, in the back of my mind, I'm like, I'm going to beat this thing. But in my head, I ain't that stupid because they told me there's no way you're not going to do something. They caught you with a machine gun. That's a lot of

shit could have happened with that machine gun. So we're going to give you something. So yeah, I was hoping that maybe, you know, God would, you know, you ever hear the story of St. Francis of Assisi? He got fucking, he got fucking, you know, they set him up. He was innocent and he went to court and the window was open and the note blew in that said he was innocent or some shit. You know, I was like, maybe this will happen for me, the story of St. Francis of Assisi. But in reality, I was getting ready, though. I was hitting the bag. I was riding my bike. I was swimming. I was running. I was, you know, you never know. So I was just getting ready. They had weights on back in your day. They took weights out when I got locked up. You guys had

weights? We had weights. We had a punching bag. They had a little laundry room with weights in there. They had a card game. That's where the brothers would play cards in the laundry room. That was just a little weightlifting. And I would eat breakfast and shoot to the gym. You had to sign up. So I had like a 930 window. You had a half hour at the gym. So it was okay. I hung out with a Crip. And then I became friends with a Crip that was fucking dynamite. I saw him. What happened? A Crip. A Crip. He was fucking filthy rich. Okay. Filty rich. He was younger than me. If I was 25, he was 23. He had seven cars and seven girlfriends. Each of them had one of his cars and all of them had one of his kids. Wow. He made sure. You got

a car. You got to suck my dick and have my kid. He had seven, eight, nine kids. And he had his main woman that had two kids or three kids. Then the rest of them wore side pieces. Yeah. So all the side pieces would come see him on Saturday and his main woman would come on Sunday and they would bring tons of food, especially nutter butters. Yeah. Those are the thing right there, baby. So we would eat nutter butters on Sunday night watching America's most wanted what in the HIV unit. What? We'd get green chili burritos and shit with mashed potatoes. It was on dog. It was really a lot of fucking. And I know people are going to watch this and go, how the fuck was prison fun? It was fun. For me, it was fun. I didn't get high in there. No, I mean either. I refused to get high

in there. No. I didn't do coke. I didn't smoke weed. I did acid because I couldn't test for acid. So acid was running rampant in that motherfucker. Me and the fucking librarian, the black grip and another white dude used to get fucked up and sit on the park bench and the guard would see us. Then he pissed us the next day. If a guard sees you out late, fucking around, they piss you the next day. So my number will come up. I go in and piss all happy and shit. You ain't going to get me because they said they had to require a special test for acid. Who the fuck knows, man? Nah, dog. I remember where I was at. Like, see when I'm locked up, everything's banned. There's no cigarettes. You don't smoke either?

No. Arnold Schwarzenegger took that shit out. He even took sugar shit out. You could only buy like candy bar. You couldn't buy that from the, you had to get it from a package. So I remember one time we were bored, Joey, you know, when you're bored, it's you and your boys. And I was living in a dorm at this time because my points dropped. I was in all good behavior and they're like, all right, fool. You don't got to live in a cell no more. You can go hang out with other inmates. And this is the first and only time, dog. You know, those plastic spoons, the sporks. My fucker, he put a little liquid in there and he was just like, look, dog, we call this a calito. I'm like, what's a calito? He's like, it's heroin or something else.

All you got to do is snort it. And I guarantee you your troubles are going to be gone for today. Now I was like, you know what, a fucking give me half dog. I don't, I'll never feel like that again, man. It was like 10 blunts to the face and one hit a death star, the fucking blackout brownie. I remember just kicking a dog and then like that was when I told myself, shit could have happened you today, fool. Don't ever do this shit again. Were you fucked up? I was fucked. They wouldn't even let me go eat. They're like, yo, dawg, we're going to bring food back to you. Stay in this bed. Because I've never had kind of that shit in my system.

It was bad. I did some, I did some brown tar in there. Yeah. I did some brown tar with the Mexicans. They fucking took a dropper and put it in my nose. I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't get high at all. I didn't feel nothing. It was a waste of fucking heroin, but I was so bored. One day they were like, dawg, we got some fucking black tar and you don't have to shoot it. You could just drop it in your nose. I said, give me a fucking drop. Then there was this crazy white dude from Philadelphia. His name was John Clark. I'll never forget this dude. He had like a reputation, you know, those dudes when they land in jail, like they've been, he did like 20 years and I caught him the last fucking six months of the

sentence. And he hated everybody. He had a big fucking picture hit on his chest. This dude hated blacks, whites, Spanish. He didn't give a fuck, but me and him hit it off. So his girlfriend were coming on Sundays, make out with him and spit a fucking balloon in his mouth with speeding it. And fucking Sunday, I would never see him, but I'd see him Monday afternoon. He'd ask me, you want a line? And I'd say, fuck yeah, because they couldn't test you for crank either. So I'd do a line of speed with him and I'd be losing my mind. And Monday nights, we played basketball. Doug, you should have seen me. I was like, Robbie, you fucked them Benson and one on one when they got them all fucked up. I don't know if you ever see one on one.

That's an old school basketball movie. 77 with Bob Benson, whatever that little cute little white dude. He went to college and they fucked them up and shit. But he got fucked up during a game of practice. They gave him like reefer and he's putting the ball behind his back. That was me on the speed that night. I'm putting up a ball behind my back. I was fucked up. You go up in the air and I'm like, holy shit, I'm not going to come down. Like that's how fucked up and fucking high would be. And then I just stopped. I'm like, I'm not doing no more speed, no more basketball. I'm not doing that shit no more jumping up. And I don't think I'm going to come down. That's fucking crazy. How old are you, Joey? When you were locked up? 25.

Fuck. Sentence when I was 25. Nice and young. Right there to get you out in the system. It saved you though, right? It saved you. Yes. I have no regrets. Yeah. I have no regrets. It made me at least realize that the life I was living, you know, when you go to prison and you come out. Now, how many times did you get locked up? Twice or once? I've been in law. I've been to prison once, but like I've been in that county fighting cases like

five to six times. Yeah, like the first time I fought a case was a gun charge. And then the, I remember the DA was just like, look, man, just they dropped it on me. It was like 93 misdemeanor in California. And they were like, just fucking let it go. And then yeah, the county sucks. You guys don't have the county out there in Colorado, right? Yeah, we had counties, Jefferson County, Boulder County, jail, shit like that. Yeah, it was cool. They had it down over there, but it's crazy how when, when you got locked up, when you came out, you knew you weren't going back in. No, I didn't know that yet, dog. I did not know yet. Cause it was weird dog. I don't know if you heard the story, but you're the only,

you're the first person to give me on stage after I got out of prison. Cause like I was kind of like, I don't even know if I want to do comedy and shit. You know what I mean? And like, nah, man, I never wanted to go fucking. I'm sorry. My mind just flipped to every fucking dude I was locked up with. Yeah, it happens. It happens. I get caught up sometimes too, man. Yeah, cause they were like, yo homie, we don't want you back here. Represent us out there, George. You're a fucking funny. You're a homie. Show the world that we're funny. I could just remember those faces, dog. It was a shame for me to be in there with them. They were ashamed of me. Like, what the fuck's wrong with you? Yeah. You watch your showtime special in prison.

Yeah. That's fucking crazy. Cause that came out after you got locked up, right? Dog, I was in Bakersfield and you guys were doing a show in Bakersfield. Really? Yeah, we turned the TV on because you don't, and in Wasco, they give you like a day room TV. You can see it through the corner of that little, that little window they have on your cell, that little door thing that was like a pussy stripe. Yeah. Yeah. And I just remember looking at shit and that's when it set in, dog. Like, in my head, I was really going like, Hey, dog, this is how childish I was at the time. In my head, I was going like, you know what, dog? I think these fools are going to come

bail me out for one day. I'm going to go tell jokes and then they'll probably let me back in. Fuck. What a dumbass. Bro, it happens. Listen, I felt shitty when I got out, but now I hold that prison sentence like dear to my heart. It's like a medal. Because without that fucking medal, I would have never ended up here. I knew prison was in the cards. When you throw enough spaghetti against the wall, it's going to stick. And I was doing a crime every fucking day. Every day I did a felony, something, a misdemean. I did something. I crawled, I jaywalked. I did something when you do something every day, eventually. So I knew,

I knew when I was like 23 and I would have police contact, I go someday this is going to get more serious. And I didn't know if I was going to be 33, 43 or 53. So I'm happy it happened when I was 23. It happened when I was 24. I got pinched for the kidnap in the 24. And I did the time a year later. The youngest kidnapper I know, Doug. Usually people that kidnap their older and they get younger people. You're a younger person that kidnapped the older person. That's crazy. Doug, it was a fucking bad day. What were you thinking? Honestly, like you threw a motherfucker in the trunk.

George, when you're doing a crime, you're not fucking thinking, you know, I've done a thousand crimes. And as you're doing it, you know what the fuck you're doing. Okay, you know what you're doing. You know that it's bad, but you pray for the best. With that day with me, it's funny because I went to the dentist last week and they gave me gas. I asked for the gas and the doctor asked me, when was the last time you got gas? They put like a little pig nose on me with two little things in your nose. And it didn't really fucking work that good. But the last time I did gas was the day I kidnap Kent Vella. November 17 November 18th of 1987. I went to the dentist at nine in the morning.

I still got the fucking the silver in the cavity. The feeling is still fucking good. The cap is still go. Those people that said silver sucks. Fuck you. That motherfucker is in there. That tooth has never heard again. They never had to do a root canal on it. Nothing. So I got gas that morning. And then that afternoon, I can't blame the gas, you know, I could have probably got off. But I was like, I ain't gonna say nothing because I did it. You know, what good I did it. If I get another excuse and I get let out, I'm gonna do it again. I'm going to keep doing this after they arrested me. I got to be honest with you. I was happy.

I was happy that it came to an end like karma was going to change. So if they would give me probation and 90 day work release, I would have learned my lesson. I just knew I never wanted to be in those fucking in that fucking cell again. I just knew it. But I knew that that was going to happen to me. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I didn't know I was going to go to prison. I knew I was going to go. I quit high school. I didn't have a diploma. Once you ain't got a diploma, you're on the fast track to prison. Yeah, you ain't got a GED. Yeah, you ain't got a high school diploma. You're on the fast track. All you need is a knuckle tattoo. All you need is like a tattoo on your neck or one on your

knuckles and you're official. Yeah, that's it. You're official. They're going to throw you in jail eventually. That comes with the fucking program, you know? So when I got, when they told me I was going to prison, yeah, I was a little upset, but not really, George. I knew it was coming. As long as you know it's coming and you know the day is going to, you know, I was okay with it. And I'm proud that I did my time. I'm proud that I went up in front of that judge and didn't leave. I didn't talk to people who were saying, leave, leave the country, come back in 20 years. You know what, man? I wanted my life to move forward and I wanted, you know, I wanted it to go somewhere. I always wanted my life to go somewhere. I did 30 years of comedy, but I really, it took me 30

years to become a man, George. Hey, I feel you dog. Comedy got me to this spot today where I am. All that comedy and dealing with people, you know, when you, when you jump into comedy, you got to work hard. You know, I was talking about Pete Rose this morning, how I patterned my comedy career after Charlie hustle. You know, you got to hustle that word in the seventies was huge. They even wrote a song about it due to hustle. It was huge. That song, that word was huge in the seventies and early eighties. It's not used anymore. Hustling, hustling, hustling is a fucking thing that you put in your soul and you'll never miss a meal. Yeah. You'll never miss a meal. Who guy was it? Immigrants, immigrants, immigrants, hustle dog. You got to hustle because if you

don't hustle, so with comedy, anything I did, I added that hustle, but that hustle was built in the seventies. This country was huge. That word was huge in the seventies. You don't hear it no more. Now it's getting hustled. Yeah. Now nobody hustles no more. And it's a very easy concept to add to your life. It means that you ain't stopping. And when you, you know, you have to, like I remember talking to Dom Marrero one day, we were talking about basketball. When you play basketball and you're serious about basketball, there's no sitting on the couch. There's no fucking sitting around because you got to think Mike is the guy that I'm going up against. He's the other guard that I'm trying to start. What is he doing? Is he fucking practicing? Maybe, maybe not. That means I got

to go practice. And that's the hustle. The hustle never fucking stops. You know, it's not the big things that you do. It's the little things. So I'm just trying to bring hustling back. I want these fucking young kids to get hustled back in their vocabulary. Hey, dog, remember when I remember when I first got out of prison, I fucking had five rooms a week. I had the sunset room on Tuesday. I had Casa Latina on Wednesday. I had Roscoe's on fucking Thursday. I was doing a ghetto hotel in Monobello. Don't Dan hit me up? He's coming. Dan hit me up. He's coming to New York. Oh, shit. Yeah. Dan Ebert. Dan Ebert hit me up. He's coming to New York. I hit him back and he was like, dog, I didn't think you're going to hit me back. I said, how many fucking sandwiches you give me

to take home on a Wednesday fucking night? When somebody gives me a sandwich, I never forget about you. Those fucking triple deck of sandwiches he would give me for the way home. You give me a little weed. By the time I hit the five, I had to eat one of those fucking sandwiches. How big was I? And then I'd stop at fucking King Taco. Oh, I was addicted to Mexican rooms, Doug. I love Mexican rooms because I knew on the way back, I was going to King Taco and I definitely have $40. Either you would give me 40. Felipe would give me 40. Edwin San Juan would give me 40. Everybody gave you 40. Fly would give you 40. So you do two spots a night, Willy Bar Center would give you 50. People have no idea how much, how grateful I am to all those

Mexican rooms. They have no idea. That's how I cut my teeth. Yeah, I remember you telling me this shit, Doug. Doug, I fucking loved that Monday night room you had that started at 11 with the fucking chicken wings and shit and the chick, the pretty chick that worked that I never talked to. I never said two words to her. I was always embarrassed to talk to her. She was beautiful. Tuesday's Casa Latina. I remember still for, oh my God, I remember going in the backyard there. They had a little door in the back and Edwin San Juan had a fucking glass pipe in his arm and he took the pipe out of his fucking jacket. It was this fucking big, the pipe. I'm like, you've had that in your arm all fucking night and we would just puff fucking 20 fucking joints.

Rodrigo, you, me, Edwin Felipe, Fly, Jeff Garcia. I mean, it was a fucking one, one. Chapel. Oh shit. Ivan. Oh yeah. Ivan. Speaking of these Mexican rooms, like a lot of people, you know, a lot of Mexican fans, they know the underground shit like, hey, was there a room, a room in a Denny's and Downey that Gabriel Iglesias and Willie Barsena used to host? It was a Denny's. Yes. They told me it was cracking. Bro, Tuesday nights, it turned into a Denny's. Oh, you're right. It turned into a Denny's. It was something else. Doug, I went down there one Tuesday night, like the first time Willie booked me down there. And where was it? It was in Downey. Downey. And it was a Cuban neighborhood.

Downey's got like a little Cuban neighborhood to it. How could you tell? Because that's where all the Cuban restaurants are in Downey. There's a big population of Cubans in Downey. Two people had rooms in Downey. Willie had one and another guy had one. I forget who was the other kid who had one. But Willie's room, the first time I went down, I went on stage and I did that shit with my jaw about doing coke. And, Doug, every time I went down there, some guy gave me a block of coke. I would go down there every Tuesday, whether he gave me 40 or not, I'd go down there for a guest set. Because I knew I was getting a chunk of fucking coke from that fucking Cuban dude. It was some fucking Cuban dude. But till this day, your boy, Gabriel, had the bicycle

casino when he first started. Gabriel Laces paid 35 bucks at the bicycle casino on Thursday night. You had to drive back on Friday and get paid. Why? I don't know. It was a fucking nightmare. You had to drive down there on Friday at three o'clock to get a fucking paycheck, you know, with all that traffic and shit. Gabriel used to book that when I first got there. And your other boy, Gilbert, had a room in Long Beach. They had a taco truck outside for 50 cents, a taco, and the tacos were world-class. I still remember bringing my coke dealer with me, did I gig? Because I owed him money. He's like, I'm going with you. I'm collecting tonight, cocksuck. I have like three gigs, 50 a piece. And what's the show? What's the room we used to do

in Universal on Monday nights? John Lovitz. John Lovitz. The conga room. There you go. That was Ernie G's. Wow. Wow. I went there the night before I left for the longest yard and I had not a dime. And Ernie gave me 40 bucks. Jeff Garcia gave me like 25 bucks. And I think somebody gave me a half a pack of cigarettes. So when I left for the longest yard, that's where I got the cash room from those fucking people. Yeah. What about wild coyote? Remember that police to make a sign of fucking voucher and shit? Trying to get tremendous, tremendous wild coyotes. The name was Oscar. Oscar. Yep. Now he runs the hotel across the street from the Long Beach lab factory. Really? Yeah. The Long Beach lab factory right across the street. You know me back when I used

to do all coke. I'd go outside and hide and smoke cigarettes. And then I seen them. Oscar. Nobody could imagine that's why I'm very grateful to you, Felipe. Even the dude who had the room in the Chinese town. What's the Chinese town where they have all those fucking things that people sit down? Remember we used to have a Chinese restaurant that was mobbed up by the Monday night room that you had. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There was the restaurant. The restaurant. They'd be playing cards in there. I remember I went in there one night and the waiter looked at me. He's like, nah, we don't serve white people. It was by the KFC on Hacienda. Yep. By the KFC and the donut shop. The donut shop was across from it. It had some badass fucking donuts.

That room used to start at 11 o'clock on Mondays. I still remember driving back at two. I go, what the fuck was that? Two in the fucking morning on a Monday. We would start at the lab factory, the comedy store, and I'd shoot to you out there. Three fucking spots. Fuck, yeah, 50 bucks. 50 bucks is 50 bucks back then. Let me tell you something. I didn't know how much money I was making till they took it away from me. What do you mean? I was doing all those rooms from 1997. The Mexicans opened up their hearts to me from Rudy Moreno at the Brave Bull to Sebastian Satina. The Brave Bull. I mean, all those dudes fucking opened their hearts to me. In 2007, the economy flipped. Remember? Everything washed out. 2007, 2008. We were doing an acting class behind my building

in Hollywood. Me, Felipe, Silent Bob, Edwin. We were all getting together Tuesdays at 11. We'd stay there till one and then we'd go to the wheat store on sunset and the guy would make edibles. He was a baker and he would make like fucking apple pie and all this shit. So I remember in 2008, my wife asked me once, she goes, where's the money? And I go, what money? Because I was living off residuals and a little bit of the road with Joe Rogan. And she's like, you usually have money during the week because all those rooms went down. I got locked up. You got locked up. That's what it was. All those rooms went down. So my income, you know, those rooms were making you an extra 800 a week because I was doing and we were doing

up north. They had a Mexican room up north that they were booking. We had a lot. We had a lot of fucking work and it shut down. So that cash, we missed that cash. Those fifties and those forties hundreds. Yeah, they add up. It's gas in your car. It's reefer the next morning. It's, you know, that money added up. I never knew because I was always doing coke. So I was always broke. But once I quit doing coke, those rooms were fucking paying my bills. I'm like, look at all this fucking money I got. Dog in those days, I would check my bank account and I would always be at $18, $16 every once in a lot of $23. And I could take a 20 out and buy a sack of weed from the fucking weed store, a gram of weed or something. But I never had over 20 bucks in that fucking account.

Once I stopped doing coke, those Mexican rooms, I had six, seven hundred in my account. I'd be walking around like, what? Look at Uncle Joey with 600 in his fucking account. All right, with the new leather jacket, with the new leather jacket and shit. But yeah, after those rooms went, it left us out in the fucking cold. We didn't really know how much money we were making. Yeah, I remember. Do you remember the first time we met? It was like an underground room. It was it was peppers in the city of Garden Grove off of Harbor and Chapman. Who used to run that room? Rick Martinez. Yes. That's the room where he fucking taped me the week before and people come up to me going, do you have a DVD? And he goes, I got your DVD.

What? He taped me at his show the week before without telling me. He was a sneaky dude, Rick Martinez. God bless him though. I don't know where he is. He disappeared. He was fucking a new chick every week with a BMW, Doug. He was. He was getting married every week. He really fucking was. And you know what, dog? Yeah, he was a little overbearing, but he had the gift of hustle. Yeah, exactly. That dude, he had a room one time with Samoans and they threw a knife at Darren Carter. Darren Carter was on stage with the light and a knife went flying right past him and it hit the door and Darren Carter looked at the fucking thing and he like melted. They threw a knife at him down that dog. It went right past him and hit

the wall and it stayed in the wall like Rambo and Rambo fucking too. When he chopped the fucking Vietnamese heads off, Doug, they just threw it at him. Listen, when you get a knife thrown at you in a comedy room, that means don't go back. Like don't ever go back there. And I think I went back there and I'm like, what? What about the room that you had when we got there? They were that shot the doorman the night before and there was a bunch of Mexican candles in front of it and shit. They shot the guy the night before and we're doing comedy the next night. Yeah. What was the name of that? Oceans. Oceans. Oceans. You're right. Oceans. I was there one night when Noe's, Noe's, Noe and Martine ran it. That's right. I was there one night when Noe's wife just got out

of jail and she came in with the fucking, with the wristband and she's like, you got to lend me 20 bucks. I'm like, lend me 20 bucks. I need to buy Coke. Who's got the Coke? And she's like, I'll get your Coke if you lend me the 20 bucks. I just got out of county jail. I've been doing 90 days fucking Noe. No, we throw him through me in jail or something. They thought she was, bro, that bitch was crazy. I still remember, Doug, I still remember being in La Jolla with her. I was the headline of me and Marilyn Martinez with co-headline and Noe would open up for us. So Noe would sleep in the couch in La Jolla and him and that girl would get fucked up. And I remember one night I walked, I opened up that thing. We had a bathroom in the main bathroom

in the main big room. I had a bathroom in there, but I think I needed water. And I opened up the door. Noe was passed out and the chick was still playing with a pussy with a little paddock. I'm like, what the fuck? She's like, oh my God, I didn't think you were awake. I'm like, no, no, leave the blanket off. Let me look at that fucking monkey. She was beating that motherfucker up. Dust was coming out of it. The whole thing. I'm like, what the fuck? But oceans was the room that I went there one night and the doorman got shot the night before. And I'm like, I'm on stage doing comedy. I was there at a place where a motherfucker got shot last night. The families were out there praying for the body and shit. He didn't get shot on comedy night. No, like a hip hop night.

Right. He got shot like the night before or something like that. But you tell people those stories. They won't fucking believe you. They're like, there's no way you were doing comedy in those rooms. We didn't give a fuck. We didn't give a fuck. I got fucked with a lot at Wild Coyote. Did you? Yeah, because a lot of comedians that understand that I'm an Orange County gang member, and I was in fucking Montabello. You notice not one black fool lives in that city? In Montabello? Yeah, Montabello or Almonte. It's just Mexican. Even the Asians, they get their eyes fixed to look

like a cholo. Like, yo, dog. Hey, dog. So there's no COVID in Montabello? Yeah, no. There's no COVID in Montabello, dog. And I was there with head. Remember head trend? Sure, sure. Dog, I was doing good on stage, but the fool was like, hey, homie, get off. We want to dance. Hey, everybody knows you're funny. And I fucked up, Joey. I fucked up. I started fucking going at that fool. Boom, boom, boom. Because you know, that was the code. If someone heckles you, eat them up. Out of fucking nowhere, dog. A spooner hits the stage. You know those big drinks they used to have

over there? Amber was the waitress. And they fucking threw the spoon around me. That shit hit the big sandal behind me. A dog. I tried to go out there and head was like, hey, homie, I gotta escort you out to the kitchen or they're going to get you. And then fucking head took me out through the kitchen. I ain't gonna lie, dog. I could have thrown like, like, you remember those dope feed punches you could throw back then? You're like, I just got to hit this fool once, keep the car running. Keep the fucking car running. But head was like, no, dog, I work here. Officer's going to get tripped. That was like the craziest incident I got over there. But like, remember when they jumped flying Tommy John? I kind of remember that.

I got jumped in San Bernardino. No way. That's why I got jumped. It's ghetto over there. They tried to rob me, dog in San Bernardino. Then another night I went up there with Felipe and they were they set up, they set us up. They were going to put us in a car and rob us. Oh, me and Felipe. Yeah, they don't fuck around up there. Now, you know, I've been robbed once by a gun. And I remember I remember my tight ass homie Evans. He was just like, look, dog, whenever someone pulls out a gun on you, do you want to keep that 200 bucks? Or do you want to have another chance to get that money back to live? He's like, someone pulls out a gun. I'm done. Now, if you ain't got none on me, I remember they pulled our heat on me and took my cash once.

It's kind of fucking like, I don't know, dog. I felt like I got, you know, I'm not trying to diss no one, but it was like my my only way of rate. I feel like I got a rate that was under no control. There's a fucking strap to my head. I only had 30 bucks. They were mad at me. I was like, I already paid everybody, dog. There's nothing wrong. Let me tell you some plenty of times I got broken through a house and there was only a gram instead of an ounce. I was pissed off as a motherfucker, dog. You can, you can mend the felony to get no fucking dough. You put a gun to somebody. That's a felony and they show up with 30 bucks. You're like, God damn it. A minimum I needed 300 minimum was 300. But you know what, man? What comes around

goes around. How many moves? How many fools did we mug? Yeah, straight up straight up. So what comes around goes around, man. So as long as you understand that concept, you know, I used to mug those dudes at Hudson County Park when I was a kid, make believe I was a fucking stalker or some shit and fucking, you know, and you got it coming to you. What are you going to fucking do? But nobody, one time a guy pulled a gun in Harlem when I was copping, but they didn't rob us. What happened a year? Was it 81? Yeah, because there's no cameras out. No, there was no camera. We grew up there. No, there was no cameras. You could have got robbed before it just had a gun in a fucking trash bag. You would have been like, Hey, and I had two friends that went over to the

city got a blowjob one night and they got out of the car and the chick was blowing them in the park. And next thing you know, it was a setup. Three guys came with guns and robbed them. I mean, took their sneakers, took their belts, took everything so they couldn't chase them and shit. So I made a mental note. I was like 16 when they told me that story. They're like, dog, we just got mugged in the city. We went for a blowjob. The chick was sucking our dick and they pulled guns on us and shit. And I'm like, fuck it. I ain't never getting myself in that position. But I went over that city a thousand times to cop and nobody ever pulled the fucking gun on me. Knock on fucking wood, you know, so now I don't cop no more. The other day I was,

I hang out with a newer cop and I was talking to him. We were watching the kids play and I asked him, I go, they sell drugs and he was telling me how the streets are buck wild in Newark, dog. Pisaic somewhere, Pat, Paterson, that's where everybody goes to get their drugs on the street. Pills, you'd get anything down there. I couldn't even imagine going down there now. I couldn't even imagine rap. My, you know how many fucking things I used to walk into all those weed circles and Harlem and cocaine circles that everybody's slinging on the street. And I would talk, I would, I used to live for those things. I love those walking into those things. I couldn't even imagine copping drugs off the street. Now I didn't even know where to start.

Hey, so is, is Harlem like the capital of New York? As far as like, is that the easiest place to get it? Like, say you go uptown, say you go Brooklyn. It's like people set tripping on you. Doug, I don't know anymore, but I remember 20 years ago, maybe 1997, I went to Port Authority and I couldn't get ahold of my friends. So I went to Harlem looking for drugs. After Giuliani came to New York, he cleaned that shit out. So I don't even know, like I haven't been to Harlem yet. I've been here 11 months. I've been to the city, but I haven't been to Harlem. I've been to Brooklyn. I've been to Queens, but I didn't see no drug dealers out on the streets, but he was telling me that in Jersey

and Newark, they got fucking drug people on the street. Nah, they're Paseik, Patterson, they got them out there selling heroin, the whole fucking thing. Yeah, Newark, they have $3 bags of heroin. That's right. They saw heroin on the street. I wouldn't even to know where to fuck to start, George. Can you believe that? I mean, either. I wouldn't, you can, we get weed online now. There's a site that I tell people here in Jersey where they get weed from in California. That's tremendous. You have to send them cash and then they send you to weed three days later. It's fucking tremendous. My brother orders from them all the fucking time. They're popping up here like left and right now from California.

No, you can't grow weed on Jersey, right? I think so. I think it's legalized. I don't know the it's hard to grow though, because of the weather, right? They grow in the house. Fuck it. Yeah, they grow in houses. So I wouldn't even, I don't even know where to start copping now. If I need to cop, like if I need to cop weed, I would go to North Bergen. I got a kid up there that sells pretty decent weed. He gets it from Cali, supposedly, you know what I'm saying? He gave me a bag one day, but it didn't look that good. I gave it to a friend of mine. But yeah, I don't, I don't even know where the fuck to start with copping anymore, dog. The hardest weed I had to find was your laughing gas, dog.

Well, there was only one store that has it. Yeah. And like, I had to fucking, I had a full waiting out there. Like, you know how they wait in line for sneakers? That's all that for you. I need a fucking bag, dog. And I, the A that shit fucked me up on me. I don't know what they put in it. You know, when you smoke a new strain, it was a new strain to me. I don't know what that is, but it was some good shit, man. Are you sold out of that? There's a little bit left. And then more comes out on the tent. Are you going to have it in Jersey? I'm going to have him send some to me. Absolutely. I already smoked what he sent me. That shit was deadly, dog. I gave a bag to Mike. I kept the bag.

That shit was deadly. All right. You know what, man? I hate to tap myself on the back, pat myself on the back, but that's good fucking reefer, man. I liked it. Hey, I was, I smoked it and fucking Carlitos way was on the part where fucking I suck it. But remember when he goes, he's doing the court appeal and he's like, your honor, it only took five years, not 30. Oh my God. Broome fell. Sean Penn hit it out of the fucking park with that movie, dog. Sean Penn hit it out of the fucking park with that movie. He was tremendous as the fucking attorney. He was tremendous.

You know what? I saw that in the movie theater. I didn't like it as much as I like it now. Yet now I really liked that movie. That was the beginning of the movie when he's in with his appeal and then they get him out and they go to a Puerto Rican bar and they're dancing with the girl from Miami Vice and the two girls say, what the fuck? You want to hang out with each other and they're both drunk at the bar. That's a great fucking movie. I like the better now than when I did when I went to see it. Why, you don't think you understand it like you understand it now? Yeah, it was completely different when I saw it deferred. I'm like, what the fuck is this? This is like a redone. This is like a remix. Have you seen the prequel

Carlitos way? I won't watch them. Horrible, horrible. With Louis Guzman and puff daddy and shit and the Puerto Rican kid. Fucking terrible, terrible. And I was in the ground floor in that movie. They reached out to me. I'm like, nah, nah, that movie looks a little fucking fishy. But I love you, George Perez. I'm fucking happy to see you. This is just, this wasn't even like a fucking podcast. This is just great to see you, man. Yeah, I can't stand up with you, man. I miss you, dog. It's been three months since I saw you. Is it different now? It's different, dog. It's like, yo, man, I've never felt like a dinosaur. Like I feel old to these fools. But I'm still not, I know I'm not. It's just like, like, yo, dog, I went to go to Hollywood to try

to hang out at the three clubs. And it was like going to a prison yard that like nobody was there no more. Just the guards, just the workers. It was fucking weird, dog. Weird. No Jeff at the store. That shit hurt. That was weird. That was weird. That was weird. I hear the store isn't the same. I hate to say this as it was. I'm hearing little things. You know what, man? I'm going to be as honest as I can with you, George. I don't feel old. I am old. Thank you. And I have to be honest with myself that I didn't want to have white hair on stage and tell pussy jokes. You know what I am? Like I look fucking like who's this dirty old man on stage. So if I do go back, all those pussy jokes are going to change. You know what I'm saying?

But I already think I don't think I'm done. I just think I did what I had to do. I feel you, dog. You know, sometimes in life, you do what you got to do and you move the fuck on. You know, but I feel like I feel like an old man, you know, being around young kid. Like it would feel creepy for me. I remember when I was 21, the 25 year old dude would come to a bar and I tell that dude to go mend the sweater. You're too old to be hitting on 21 year olds. Do you know what I'm saying? And that's how I feel now. I have to be honest with myself and go the opposite. Listen, you're too fucking old, Joey. You know, if I get back on stage, I got to wear a suit. Yeah, I got to put on a fucking suit. Yeah, you know, I got to do it right. There's

no way I could go back up there with a leather jacket like this. This is my favorite stand-up shirt. I bought like 13 of these. I only wear three of them. I still got them in wrappers and shit. This is as comfortable as can be. This, this is my comedy shirt. This is what you wore in the showtime special, dog. Yeah, yeah. With the boots and shit. I love all that stuff on stage. But now if I get on stage, I got this white hair. It's a different story. I'm just trying to be honest with myself. You know, it's, it's, I don't want people to go, look at fucking Joey dying his hair and going up there telling pussy jokes. It's not the same. When I left LA, I said my goodbye to the comedy store. And I think I said my goodbye to the

whole, that whole fucking world. I hope not. I hope not. I hope in three months, I'm on stage fucking around having a good time locally at Uncle Vinnie's or something. But that's how I feel, George. And I miss you guys. I miss you too, dog. My realm of comedy is gone. That was it. That's it. It's time to go home. You know, pick up your toys and your ball and go home. Yeah. You know, I've hung out a couple of times. It's still there, dog. There's spurts of it. Like, you know what I mean? But I just feel like you, Rogan and Redbad came and revolutionized it when they fucking fired Tommy. It was, it'll never be like that again, but it's, it's still there, dog. It's still there. You know, it's like the Raiders dog. We're trying to make it look like

how it was in the 80s. The Raiders in the 80s untouchable. It's going to be tough with a gay Raider. I ain't got nothing against gay people, but how the fuck is there a gay Raider? That coach, the old coach must be fucking spinning in his grave. Al Davis and all those dudes are like, how the fuck is there a gay Raider? Where do we go from here? I can see a gay 49er, a gay giant, but a gay Raider. And I got nothing against gay people. You know, I'm part of the LGBT community. I love you. Got motherfuckers to death, but there's no way on this earth that I ever think there would be a gay Raider. When that dude came out of the closet and I saw the Raider shirt on him, I'm like, this ain't right. This is part of God's joke with COVID. How is there a fucking gay Raider?

We got any dates coming up, George? Yes, August 21st. I'm at the continental room in Fullerton, September 8th, American Comedy Club, San Diego, September 4th, Novo Theater in LA. I'm on that Fool's Gone Wild. You know what I mean? It's a bomb ass new website. They always throw you up though. You got to check out Fool's Gone Wild, Joey. I'll check them out today. Send them my love. For sure, brother. I give you a man. Like, I don't even feel like we park. I don't want to hang up. You got to work today? Huh? You got to go to work? I got to work tonight, man. Hey, dog, I feel old when I'm at the strip club, dog. I'm ready to let that shit go. It's fucking with me. But everybody that works with me is older

than me. That's the crazy part. Pussy is pussy. You know, you can't touch it, but you can look at it till you're 90. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I haven't hit nobody in 20 years because I don't want to show nobody wants to see a 40-year-old dick. You know what I'm saying? After your 40, when I became 40, I'm like, that's it. My slinging dick days are over. I better find the girlfriend. And I did. I found the wife. I found the wife at 37. But at 40, I go, I'm off. If we break up, I'm done. Nobody wants to see a 40-year-old dick and a 58-year-old dick. I don't even want to see it. When I look at it, I go, I can't believe it's my dick. It was ugly to start with. Now it looks like a fucking art bark. I don't even know what the fuck to do with it. I got a rash. I got

to put fucking Petria all around my dick, my legs. What the fuck is going on with this dog? I don't know. Getting there, man. I'm working out again. Little slow steps and shit. I'm on my seventh day today. I'm gonna work out in like an hour. Feels good, dog. It's the fountain of youth, brother. When you're a man and you're getting older, weights is the fountain of youth. Anything else will get hurt. Jiu-jitsu, I'll get hurt. Kickboxing, I'll get hurt. You know, I hit the bag still one day a week, twice a week, but the fucking gym is my bread and butter, George. It's really helped me to get to here. So I'm trying, brother. You know, like I told you the other night, no weed till nighttime,

no edibles in the daytime, you know. Fucks me. Because whenever I whip you, you always be like, where's it at? Where's it at? Where's it at? Can you fucking believe that, bro? So that's why I'm saying that wasn't like a change I implemented or never, you know, I never even dreamed of quitting smoking pot. I never even thought about it. That was never even a fucking thought to me. Like when those guys would do sober, I'd go, go fuck yourself. I'm on a big fucking sober. I got sober on my own because my body ain't needed no more. Yeah, your body, I've been there. I think that whole game had me all fucked up and I feel better now. A mind is fucking powerful, dog.

Dog, I was getting anxiety. They put a fucking heart monitor on me. I got no anxiety now. You know what I'm saying? When I test my blood pressure here, I'm always high. I go to the doctor, I'm right on. When you scam me with the doctor, everything goes away. You tell me you give me a needle, everything goes away. I went for a blood test. When I left the blood test, I felt a lot fucking better, but I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. You keep doing what you're doing and we'll meet in the motherfucking middle. I love you with all my heart. I miss you and I wish you nothing but success. In about two weeks, I'll zoom into your podcast. Fuck yeah, man. I appreciate that, brother. All right, brother. I love you. I didn't forget

about you. I'll never forget about you. You're one of my closest friends. You're always at my back and we did great together on the road. We were fuck up audiences together. So I wish you nothing but love, good health, and I'll see you sooner than later, dog. Make sure to go triply to book you here and I'll come see you. You know what? They've been hitting me up out there. I'm going to go out there, man. Hey, I had a dream, dog, that I had real quick. I had a dream last night that I flew out there and you were all mad at me when I show up. I was you. You were like, what the fuck are you doing? You supposed to call me if you're going to come.

I want to fucking make that it was funny. Doug, listen, if somebody else don't call, I get pissed at them. You don't need to call. You just show up in Newark. You call from Newark and say, get the bomb ready. I'll put it in the freezer and we'll get that freeze pipe and start smoking that motherfucker. I love you, Doug. Stay black and keep in touch. We always talk twice a week. So I love you, brother. Stay black. Love you too, dog. Late. Late. All right. I hope you enjoyed that little fucking Tate Tatte with George Perez. It was a hell of a podcast that broke back a lot of memories. I worked hard guys and that was, I wanted to prove to you fucking guys that LA was no fluke. We fucking killed it. I used to have spots at the store

every night following Mooney. But before I used to do that, I would go out and do other spots. I would do open mics. I would do paid gigs. It's all a gig. You gotta get on stage. You know, when I lived in Boulder, my motto was get on stage once a night. When I moved to Seattle, it was twice a night. When I moved to LA, my goal was 40 spots a fucking month, but I would take 30. You know what I'm saying? Like if I did 30, 30 times 12 is 360 spots a fucking year. I used to average somewhere in the 400s every year. So it's 400 spots a year. That's a spot every day and a half a fucking spot when you had it up. So if you're thinking about staring to do comedy, that's the fucking way to do it. A spot a night and then you graduate the two

spots a night, then you graduate the three spots a night and then get back to me. I'll tell you what your mission is then. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. Thank you for supporting the fucking joint this week and I'm happy you enjoyed it. I hope you have a great weekend and we'll be back Monday tip top Magoo with Uncle Joey's fucking joint. Have a great weekend and now for a word for my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right. I want to thank my man, George Perez. I want to thank you guys for watching and you guys for the support. But before I get the fuck out of here, I want to thank my sponsors for the week. CBD line coming at you again on a beautiful fucking Wednesday in August. How does CBD line going to help you? Simple. Go to CBD line.com right now.

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laughing gas is still available. It's still fucking people up and it's fucking tremendous. I'm patting myself on the back. Like I said during the podcast stay black. Have a great weekend and I'll see you Monday. Tip top motherfucking magoo. Who's better than you? Nobody.