Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 09/03/2012 The Church of Whats Happening Now #2

Episode Date: September 4, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about everything from cats, sports and music. Joey's childhood friend Loubs calls in. Originally aired 9/3/12. 

My man Frida Lito Say hello to these people. It's Monday morning. What's happening? You fucking savages. Good morning guys. Good morning you fucking savages man. Flavor here in full effect. They got the fucking goggles on. Welcome to the church of what's happening now Monday morning September fucking 3rd. What's happening Lee? It's unbelievable man. No, I'm excited. Did you hear about the earthquake last night? What fucking earthquake? 3.3 in Beverly Hills. Come on. No, it was big and I work in Beverly Hills. The one night I'm out there a week, thank god. But Justin Beverly Hills, that's it. Nowhere else? Well, that's where that's like where the the center of it wasn't there around there, but yeah, right in center of Beverly Hills.

Yeah, holy shit. See that people fucking earthquakes. I don't even know what the fuck's going on. And you know what? That's what it means to be part of the church of what's happening now. I don't give a fuck. I was driving that was at a Mexican bar last night where they really killed fucking anybody. I'm lucky I got out of there alive. I went down to do some benefit for some kid in the fucking wheelchair or some shit. I thought they were gonna kill me, but anyway, I made it home alive. What's happening? Labor Day weekend. Nobody's got to go to work. We're right here with the church of what's happening now. Sparking. We got music. We got movies. We got everything. Sports today. We got everything. You know what I'm saying? Only there was no NFL. NFL stairs day, correct?

I think the Giants and the Cowboys are playing Wednesday, maybe? Yeah, it's like they're getting the fucking gambling started early. It's a bad motherfucking economy. So let's spark the holy smoke. This is white debt from fucking divine wellness. I know your people saying, Joey, what the fuck? They're supposed to close the weed stores as we've been closing dick. What happened was, I guess they had to have an addendum of 25,000. They got 50,000 signatures. So they're pushing it back to a fucking Saint Gennaro's Day. And you know what? It didn't mean much to me because I knew they weren't going to close. Some guys looking at all these people like, ah, your motherfuckers are out there selling weed illegally.

Let me explain some to you. They voted in me. They wanted to have like people working on fucking their own grass or some shit. Like you had to do your own growing. That's the new thing. They're going to close the stores, I guess, and you got to grow your own weed. Do I look like Dr. Greenfucking Thumpy? No one's going to do that. I've never grown fucking dick in my life. I tried growing weed one time and I smoked it before it hatched. I smoked it like when it was real smoke. I couldn't have it. It's like Christmas fucking day. I couldn't wait to smoke it and I let it dry. The only thing that's going to do is bring back the drug dealers and make it worse. They're going to create more crime for them and they're going to arrest more people. Listen, who gives a fuck? They're still drug dealers no matter what. The problem is that, you know what, it's nice. We're already used to it.

For me, I get weed no matter what. I don't give a fuck if you close them, let them open, light them on fire. It ain't going to stop Mr. Flavor. I've been smoking since 79. Flavor ain't going to stop now because you closed the stores and neither are a lot of people. Now, let me ask you this. I smoke a little bit, but in California, since it's legal, are there still weed dealers? I mean, I know there's dealing with other stuff, but do you think there's weed dealers still? Yeah, some people don't want to get a license. Some people don't want that. It's pays to smoke the best. Fuck the lung. Fuck the lung. When you're smoking, good reefer fuck. And I have to vaporize. I'm trying to keep it healthy lately.

But for you guys in the morning, I smoke a bone because, hey, we're all smoking a bone. Not everybody has a vaporizer in the city. You're like fucking thirst and howl at third. You know, oh my god, I'm so fucked you. We're all together on this one. So if I get the fucking cancer from the paper, you get the fucking cancer from the paper. Yeah. College football on last night. I've seen that. Yeah. Miami won, right? They're winning. They're winning pretty big. Yeah, I don't know who the fuck they be, but who played last night? I have no idea. I don't really follow. I don't really follow college.

That's a church. It's too confusing. It's every week and some people. But it's what it's all about. It's where the fucking money's at, man. A lot of people like college. I used to, I watch it. Yeah. I just don't know what the fuck's going on. A lot of people like it better than pro. And they say I'm like the players are playing for more. I like watching professional. I like watching people who get paid for the best. The players play for white women. When you're black, that's what you're playing for. Those white little chillies from fucking

small towns. When you're a pro, you don't give a fuck. You got money. You get whatever color you want. Black, white, Chinese, Filipino, chicken, the hospital. Yeah, that's something I never got into, man. But I don't understand how they, there was something in LA a couple weeks ago, how the quarterback of USC was on a billboard promoting getting to sell tickets, but it was near UCLA and they got all upset. But I don't understand how colleges like this can make millions of dollars off of the players and then they don't get paid. And that's why some players have to go and do other things on the side. And they got to suck dick and strip. Get the fuck out of here. They get envelopes like everybody

else. It's these little rats that, you know, there's little third bench guys that rat on the other guys. Let me tell you something. Would you play for free for a fucking education? Yeah, you know, most Americans would, but trust me, they got something else going down there for your ass. No, yeah, they have to. And they just about fucking free. They got to give you something else. Listen, come on down, play some ball. We'll give you a little. You ever watch a movie one on one? No, what's that? It's an old movie with Robbie Benson. About a small time, all American that goes to a big fucking

school and it's like nothing. He sits at the end of the bench. Like he was this big time fucking kid and all of a sudden they torture him. He's too short, but he has a job fucking $50 an hour. The teacher would suck his dick. You know, he had perks, you know what I'm saying? And in those days, a teacher could suck a dick with a clean conscience. Now a teacher sucks a dick. She's got a worry. She can't sleep in there. She got a toss and turn. These little faggots are going to rat her out. Yeah, there was one in Texas that got caught having sex with like five students. Listen, there was one when I was growing up in North Bergen that sucked everybody's dick. She's still anonymous. Now everybody's getting caught. All these kids go home and they fucking

crack because she won't give them a game or whatever. In my day, you got your dick sucked in the B and everybody was fucking happy, you know? Nobody fucking complained. These little fucking faggots today they go home. Mommy, the teacher sucked my dick. What the fuck is wrong with you? How are you going to cop to that shit? You don't say a fucking word somebody sucks your dick. But these fucking weaklings today, you know, what are you going to do? They're too busy. They got to get their dick sucked and get on the skateboard. You know what I'm saying? Why is it such a huge difference between female teachers with guys and male teachers with girls? Because a female could suck your dick when you're 12 and it ain't creepy. A guy could touch your titty and

it's fucking creepy when you're 14. He can't do that shit. But listen, like I said, there was never, I grew up in a different time. There was never a fucking sexual deviant guy in my school, but there was some sexually deviant fucking teachers. I was an ugly guy so the chick didn't want to suck my dick. She didn't suck my dick. I'm not going to sit here and tell you she blew me. The teacher that was sucking dick in high school never sucked my dick. She sucked other people's dick but I was an ugly fuck so she didn't bother me. But none of those kids till today, nobody knows about that teacher. That teacher's still fucking teaching and dancing and whatever. She's about 60 now. She ain't sucking no more dick. But back in the day she was giving head in our

school. That's just the way it works out. That's it. What are you going to do? I don't know about I don't know about no fucking billboards. What are you talking about billboards and quarterbacks? This is the church what's happening. I don't know about this shit. All I know is who covered the fucking spread. That's all that you need to know about sports. That's it. Anything else is background fucking music. When I was a kid I'd sit there for hours and watch basketball and then as you get older you get all the shit going on and you don't watch that much. Like I don't watch that much baseball till I was told but I like baseball. But if you think I'm going to sit there all fucking summer long with a hat and a kazoo at my house doing the wave solo and I went to a

couple dodgy games. They're a fucking blast. I might go to one. I go to Costco. I get two fucking tickets for 25 bucks. Yeah they sell and you get floor tickets and they give you a hot dog and a fucking soda. Jesus Christ. Yeah I love baseball but it's just you can't you have to be there. Watching it on TV is murder. You go to the game. You smoke a fucking number. I went a couple weeks ago. Let me tell you something. Those hot dogs don't go right through your asshole eating a hot dog until they and they gave you like the first one. The first one I took a bite out of it tasted like tofu. Then my uncle goes no no no no don't eat those. You got to eat the fucking all beef ones. The all beef ones tasted worse than the other ones. Then they had a higher level. The black

angus ones. Let me tell you something. There was no angus in that fucking hot dog. It was just black. I mean the hot dog was even fucking great. So forget about eating. The only thing about Dodger Stadium is they have like a they have other type of restaurants and they have mean garlic fries but you know what man you go to those things you eat a hot dog. So I'm already fucking full. The games are at seven. You know what I did my uncle was a fucking peanut guy. So he ate 92 fucking bags of peanuts my uncle. You know he's 76 from Cuba old school. That motherfucker he's more peanut. There was an Irish affair. It's the only Jew that could eat a peanut like it's the end of the world. The UFC will get fucking stoned and he'll buy a bag of

fucking those peanuts with the shells. My uncle killed him. My uncle did three bags in fucking 90s. I helped him. You know I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that he was a fucking solo artist that he was Joe Perry when he left Errol Smith. Speaking of Errol Smith you know what I never broke down the arm the full way and I feel bad. The album of the week this week by the way the church what's happening now is coming at you two times a fucking week. Monday early to get your week going nice and Wednesday early in the middle week. Sometimes you fall behind you forget to wipe your ass. It's fucking Wednesday and also an uncle Joey shows up and says hey it ain't that fucking bad of a day. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive by the way. It's Monday. I love being

home Monday mornings. If you have a good Monday morning it makes the rest of the week go by early. People always say to me oh you don't work Sundays and commas. You know why because I want to be in my bed fucking Sunday nights or Monday morning I wake up. Play a little fucking Tony Bennett I want to be around. Play a little Tony Bennett I want to be around. Every Monday when I was a kid every day when I was a kid I'd go to my mother's bar and she'd open up the door turn off the fucking alarm and she'd go to the jukebox turn on that turn on the fucking little game that you go back and forth and on Mondays especially she'd get a glass of water put on the table and she'd play I want to be around because it was her and my father's song when they came from Cuba. You know I don't know

when Tony Bennett wrote the fucking thing but she would play that first every day out of respect for my father. It says it was the number 14 bill war hit in 1963. That's tremendous play the fucking song now you want to be Casey Casey on cocksucker. That's one too. Alright. 63 that's the year I was born I didn't know that it was in 63. So every time my mother would go to the fucking bar she played this song first just to give a reference to my father so every Monday morning is what I do is I get up early I make the coffee I clean the fucking litter boxes and I get on hand I play I want to be around and I respect every fucking Monday morning and I love it. Sometimes I do it during the week too first and Lee what are you looking for? Nothing it's all play give me a second keep

talking. Yeah it's right there Lee it's two clicks away. I'm clicked on it it's just the video is not playing give me a second keep talking. I thought you got the fucking you verse cocksucker is what I'm talking about I gotta watch Lee even though he's Jewish I love him to death but I gotta watch him. We're bringing back the yarmulke people this week we're gonna have it online. Fuck you pay me the new yarmulke line from Uncle Joe he tremendous nice little white yarmulke would fuck you pay me they know exactly where you're coming from because let me tell you what the thing about it is in life you know a lot of people are kind of half a phony because they want people to know or people to lure or they they want people to think that that nice motherfuckers or whatever.

I always I'm how I am I curse in front of people I'm home I am because I want people to know where they're coming from when you're friends with me this is what the fuck expect this is why I'm like here you go beautiful song. I used to listen to this shit this is the first song my mom played every morning she died in 79 I mean if I would have brought it back to the grave it would have been easier for her to play this fucking song and find it took you an hour to detox. your heart sun somebody twice as smart as I

it's a beautiful jam on a monday morning because that's what monday's about getting the weekends it's a beautiful motherfucking way to be alive week you got football this week you got the day of you go to a barbecue and grill at your buddy's house and scratch your fucking nuts all day I think there's a law and order marathon there may be not oh there's always a law and order I work nights and that's the best part about working nights is on two o'clock tan t tbs two three but they cut them down they've been replacing them with the fucking mentalist they pissed me the fuck off lately a little fidget guy with the fidget fucking girl you know I like the show it's a good show but law and order is a staple been around for 25 fucking years you're gonna change it up on

me now yeah two o'clock sometimes I come home I'm running around all afternoon I want to see law and order I get up here there's no fucking law and order no and they did that show was on for 20 years and I can't believe they canceled it I mean 25 years that's a lot of residual money right there a lot of criminals yeah but then they they tried law and order LA for a while and that that can't it's not on I don't think so it's they canceled it with a little cool jay and the other if they didn't they're about to yeah I don't know you know it's about fucking real stories we're talking what's the one we're talking about last night wasn't it you we're talking about law and order episode no don't fuck with me lady you're trying to put something out there and you're trying to change

it up on me cock sucker church of what's happening now Monday morning I'm happy you're fucking here last week we were talking about uh Aerosmith you know I was telling Lee yes I was telling Eddie Bravo last night that you know sometimes you have all your life to have a great first album yeah then your second album usually tells you what's going on the reason why I like those older guys especially Aerosmith was that third album is a masterpiece but so is the second album get your wings don't get us confused here the first one was dream mom with walking the dog you got one good song and the other one the second one was get your wings which is a fucking masterpiece because they didn't come out fucking throwing heat right there's a lot of slower ballads on

that same old song and dances in the slow ballad but you got train kept a rolling where they went from a studio version into a fucking live version but Jesus Christ fucking rocks you know throw me a song from rocks anything not back in the saddle but there's gotta be you got back in the saddle you got nobody's fault let's see what else if they have the full album on there maybe yeah they got the full out rocks here we go full album all right you're pressing rocks there's a lash child rats in the cellar combination sick as a dog do you have one you want to start with let's start with nobody's motherfucking fault go to the 20 minute mark right there it's gonna take a while to to link up i know that but these motherfuckers you do let's see that's

my main man lily's one of the baddest motherfuckers i've known you know that a lot of people always said yesterday to me huh let me tell you something about lily got the ball going lily's the executive producer and fucking it's either you or the priest li also helped me with the documentary the man flavor world the mind of li he's like he's a crazy motherfucker he wouldn't be doing this he'd be doing fucking arson he's that type you'd be lighting buildings down to the fucking nub that's how he rose jewish lightning motherfucker we got to take beauty and the beast today 11 o'clock not you you'll be in bed by that time dreaming of fucking cheeseburgers what's that don't play the fucking song absolutely my little brother where the cats the cats are fucking asleep i don't

why bro these motherfuckers they're uh they gotta get it together they really gotta get it together they disappear i didn't say lower i said dance they can't hear so slash joey koko dies we're back ready for the fucking day today and for everyone who doesn't know we made the facebook page yesterday facebook.com slash the church of what's happening now there's a stick em cap uh stick em app on it so you can watch it straight on facebook uh stick em also has a uh iphone and a uh an droid app so you can watch it on your phone if you're in the car

we're gonna do this every week two times a week so bring us with you in the car man sherry i didn't know nothing about this this is why i fucking leaves the savage see me i'm trying to make moves i'm trying to figure out who's gonna win next weekend so i'm gonna have some picks for you hopefully next weekend it's tough the first fucking month of football it's really tough you gotta find the gauge i mean you could gamble if you want but whenever i give you whenever i give you something it's to give you something so you can bang it to the fucking walls you follow me i don't want you out there fucking hanging out with one nut you got two of those motherfuckers make them wiggle cock suck them last last night i was coming

home and a buddy of mine called me who i haven't heard from me saying hey man we're having this fucking party at the strip club and uh in downtown LA i'm like downtown LA i didn't even know there was a strip club down you know downtown's creepy and strip clubs are creepy listen bro i've been in LA for 13 years and i've been to two strip clubs i'm not a strip club type of guy no i'm not like uh i've been to the the the lasienica one because i had to pick up my ex there it's funny i should call my ex and have a call in she called in last week the strip this is the same one i fucking uh pulled her she wrapped her out of her muffler she called in last week and told me that uh she was she maybe we should call her the fuck up and see what she's doing that dirty bitch maybe

she'll call in and talk about having arthritis and her wrists from giving out fucking hand jobs hysterical that's what she told me last time i talked to there's some women who who don't mind talking about stuff like that no no no she's the fuck she's the original she's the last of the real motherfucking deals but what were we talking about oh and i was thinking about how you know why don't i go to fucking strip clubs ever i never really go to strip club and i don't like how i feel uncomfortable in there but the real reason was because i was like fucking 15 there was a bar in my home town named the meadowlands and it was run by a bunch of fucking cops and they had a couple broads that danced on there that weren't even hot broads they were good looking broads but they were fucking animals

they were way beyond the animal mark there was this one her name was tina she was beautiful long legged but the claim to fame of this bar was that they put a uh a gallery she would sit on a galliano bottle and go up and down a galliano bottle they would take Budweiser and put them in their fucking monkey and drink with their pussies take all the fluid out of the fucking Budweiser and then splash them back on your face wednesday night was erotic banana night and fucking that and uh they would you give them two dollars at the door and they fucking take two bananas and put them in their pussy and give you one and you had a heated in front of them they peeled the banana and these chicks had been they had had a thousand dicks in them right there the whole fucking all the apostles

fucked them i mean these chicks were just dirty filthy fucking animals you know but you don't know when you're 15 you go down there but i remember i was down there one christmas eve and i seen some chick take an old man's teeth out of her fucking mouth and put him in a snatch and give him right back to the old guy he loved it he had his glasses were all fucked up and this bar was really small this this place was like uh the bar was small so the chick was right in front of you so all she would do is throw her leg you'd be drinking right here and understand how leg would be right here they'd come over you'd help them over and they'd squat right in your fucking face like a savage you're like two bucks i mean what type of woman lets you eat a pussy for two bucks i mean that's

what you gotta think about but while you're there intoxicated two bucks seems like a bargain to eat some chick that's been passed around the fucking room god knows what's in that fucking dirty snatch but anyway the church of what's happening now let's keep it positive hey you know what i'm talking about dirty fucking monkeys on a monday remember wash those nuts you might bump into a hot chicken a fucking barbecue today she needs to suck you dick you don't want to have stinky fucking nuts you wanted to call again you know what i'm saying leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave the fucking house here what's today's day at least september third that's crazy man what's crazy it's december third already what do you expect this day goes by was that jointly you smoke it by your

You fucking self-cut something. You see me here all solo. I'm over here smoking like fucking John Lennon when he left the Beatles. You got me over here fucking doing my thing here. I gotta cut this motherfucker. I wanna give a shout out to everybody from Twitter that's out there.

My man little fucking Leon Ali Baz. Fucking monkey Todd breaking my balls yesterday. I thought it was somebody else. Fucking Fist of Cuff Radio. I mean, come on now. Everybody's up watching fucking Stickham. That's why they're soldiers, shit. There's a chat going on Stickham

and someone just said that someone owns the church of what's happening now.com already. Someone bought the website. I don't give a fuck. You don't need the website to fucking own it. You know what I'm saying? I've been living under that genre of umbrella for 40 years in the original church of what's happening.

Now you can do whatever the fuck you want, own it, suck it, fucking lick it. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, you were saying yesterday after I brought up Breaking Bad that some people said watch Breaking Bad. You lived with Breaking Bad and then you told me a funny story about you dealing with someone like that.

No, I was in 1985, I left North Bergen and I went to live with a fucking teacher that I knew from North Bergen named Mr. T. I still talk to him by the way, he's two boys. And he took me to an AA meeting. He was an AA at the time. It was 85, I was fucked up. He goes, maybe you need to go to a fucking meeting.

So I go to this meeting and I'm sitting there. And at that time it was 85 and I was a movie buff. I was always a big movie buff. Scarface was the movie. And I remember this thing, I look at this fucking guy and I go to him, did you see the movie Scarface? And he just looked at me and he had like fucking missing teeth that were green.

He goes, see the movie Scarface? I lived it. And he just turned his head. I understood not to mess with this fucking guy ever again because what are you gonna do? You know what I'm saying? You gotta do something. I mean, you know some people who were real

and you know some people, this guy was real. And he was a white guy. I forget what his name was, Captain or something. Captain? Something, because he was friends with Mr. T. That's the teacher I was down to. Mr. T's a good man. Mr. T kept me together in high school.

You lived with him for a while, right? I lived with Mr. T in 85. I graduated in high school in 82 and I had lost contact with him in 83, 83 and a half. And then one afternoon I was standing on a corner in North Bergen 85 and he pulled over 84. And he told me I looked like a fucking mess that I had to get my life together.

Look at you, you're a fucking savage. But you gotta get it together, da, da, da, da. So I had the plan. I was gonna take Coke from this Coke dealer, not pay him back. And with that money starting a new life in Crestgill, New Jersey. Crestgill's this high grade fucking white community.

It's a great community, man. And it's real close to New York City. And that's where T owned the house. So that was my plan. So it was funny that T picked me up that morning, New Year's Day 1985 at like eight in the morning. Like I did Coke all night, I had like 1600 bucks. My plan was to take a plane to Arizona

to see a buddy of mine, Gerard Bizzacco, who was a study chiropractor. He was studying to be a doctor at ASU. That was my plan. But that plan got changed like two nights before that. Mr. T said, if you wanna come over here and get your life together for a few weeks, you had two little baby boys at the time

and he goes, come on over and I'll have somebody hang out with. So the whole time, I think I stayed there for like two months, I didn't drink at all. I didn't do blow, I just smoked pot. He didn't know, he knew it. But I had a job at a liquor store, at a place called Crestgill fucking liquors. And brother, they had one of those old registers.

Oh really, like one of the button ones? One of the button ones, well let's say you came in and got something for 11.50, I would just press 50 cents in and keep the 11 dollars. So I mean, I was just robbing these guys. I mean, this is when I had no responsibility and I thought I was slick and a cute guy that I was getting over on people.

You know, you always pay for everything, but anyway, that's a different fucking story. The funny thing was that I stayed there for a while and the guy fired me, he eventually caught on and I was robbing blind at Crestgill liquors and I moved to Tenifly. Then I got arrested in Tenifly for possession of whatever. And then I finally got the balls to move to Colorado,

but it was funny because one time T said to me, listen man, I tried to give you a life, we're done, don't come back here unless you drive back in a fucking Cadillac. And he goes, don't talk to me unless you come back in a fucking Cadillac, so I said fine. And I think by 95 I called him back. Well no, no, once I got baseball, like in 98,

I had the balls to call him back and tell him, man, I got my life together. I still was doing powder and shit, but I called him and I met him in Jersey at a comedy club called Rascals. And we've reconnected, we talk once or twice a week. And he's in Sarasota and I like to go back to Sarasota, Florida and see him, but there's a club there called McCurvy's.

So anybody who lives in that Florida area, Sarasota, please start calling McCurdy's, tell him I'm gonna come down there and rock the house. Plus, I lived in fucking Sarasota in 82, I went there on the lamp when I rocked the jewelry store, I went to Sarasota and at that time, Sarasota was where boredom was fucking invented, I understand that, but it was fucking boring.

There was one movie theater and the Road Warrior was playing. The Road Warrior and Rambo, the first one. And I would go every day to watch either one of them or both of them. That's what I do every day. I go to Barilo Nietzsche, which is a black neighborhood, and I get weed, me and Gary Hartman, and then from there we'd fucking shoot to the movie theater,

I was living with Gary, his mother was fucking cooking for me, it was a crazy month and a half, but what are you gonna do? The church, what's happening now, bitch? Number four, calm as a motherfucker, you're always gonna pay for it, remember. Nothing is free, you're always gonna get a fucking receipt. So if you do 783, they might cash it back in in 2012,

look it, my wife is pregnant. Here I thought for years, the feds were gonna kick the door down for something I had done. Somebody did whisper in my ear, my wife, she's like, guess what, you knocked me up, chubby. I don't even know the fuck she's at, she's still sleeping. When I woke up at five, she was wide awake. Oh wow, yeah.

She was on the couch, watching the fucking Discovery Channel, something about guns and some shit. Yeah, TV, that lake gets creepy, it's weird. Well, last night we were at a friend's house for dinner, and she was almost falling asleep, because the History Channel was on, and when she got in the car, I go, Jesus Christ, we started talking,

and you woke right the fuck up, and she goes, well, when we got in the car, she goes, think about it, if you wanna go to sleep, just put the Discovery Channel on, the History Channel, they got boring shit on late night, I don't look at it that way, I like it, but she'll fall asleep to the History Channel, with all these motherfuckers.

Don't forget, for all your little fucking cat treats, these are right here, Temptations, this is the Dairy Flavor, these motherfuckers go crazy. Except now, I don't know where they are, see, when Terry's fucking sleeping, these cats don't come out, though. Damn, their mom is cats, so right now they're trying to wake her up,

look, a one cat came out, this is my girl, Gray, come here, Gray, say hello, Cox. Gray learned from yesterday. Oh, there's Harry, come here, come here, say hello. Oh, people are asking for skinny fanny, where is he? Skinny fanny, you hear him, he's fucking yelling at sweetens. They're super bad.

It's amazing with doing this, cats, cause they, it's like Pied Piper, and it's something crazy to watch. Here's my Gray, Gray, say hello to these people at home. Here's my Gray, Gray. I got these fucking momos, who are gonna fight right next to me, you can't see them, they're on the floor.

That's how they roll, those two fucking idiots, super bad and Harry. When did you start getting into cats? Well, I met my wife, man, I met my wife, and, you know, I didn't know about cats, I was like everybody else, I fucking hated cats as a kid, you know? And then my mom died for the people I lived with.

I know, I know. They had a cat named Frisky, that looked like that black and white, but Frisky was a tough motherfucker, he was missing an eerie shit. He had an high patch, he smoked cigarettes. He was a crazy motherfucker, Frisky. Frisky, you wake up in the morning,

there'd be a skunk in your living room, or a fucking possum, or a fucking two pigeons, or a chicken, or a kid's hand. Frisky came home with fucking something, that was my first discovery. I remember one night being on the couch, when you wake up in the morning hungover, you just stay in bed and think about your night,

who's pussy-aid, who's your stabs, who's Percy Robb. I'm laying there on this couch, and I'm watching him meowing at me, like he was meowing at me, because the window was open. And when I turned around, I'll never forget this, when I turned around, there was like a blue bird, whatever the fuck, I'm no bird ontologist. There was a bird with fucking wings on or whatever,

and Frisky kept meowing through the window, the window was half open with the screen. I swear to God, man, I got up to puke, or whatever it was, by now away, that fucking same bird was on the front doorstep, that decapitated. Frisky was that type of cat, so I met Frisky, and then I didn't have contact with cats

for close to 10 or 15 years, I had dogs, I had Hercules, I had the black German dog, I had a couple of dogs, my wife took Hercules, he was my little German shepherd, that was bad for the bone, my wife took that motherfucker. Those are beautiful dogs, man. This guy was beautiful, this guy was really beautiful. He lived through, it was tough,

because I was getting chased by the cops, I had Hercules since 86, and obviously I got in trouble, 88 and 91, then we got separated. So Hercules went through all this, but Hercules is very good, I don't have any pictures of him, he's a beautiful German shepherd. Then when I met Terry in 90 fucking, in 2000,

she had Frit Finney, she had skinny Finney already. Skinny Finney was a year old kitten. And you know what, I liked them. At first it was hard, we used to have wars, because it was like that was his mother, it was like a stepfather moving into a fucking house. Really? Yeah, it was hard.

He used to bite me and he didn't like, but I always played with him. Oh, okay. And now I look at Finney and it's like, he's the longest male that I've had around me, as a kid or whatever, a pet. So in reference, he's my child, he's my boy. That's crazy.

He's been around me for 13 years, I've woken up with Finney every day. When I met them, he was just a little fucking kid. And it's weird because cats, listen, man, animals are weird. I mean, some people don't like fucking snakes. I dig it, some people don't like parrots. I dig it, you know, it's whatever you fucking like, but you know what, I like every animal.

I mean, I would feel uneasy with a snake in my house, maybe, maybe not. You know, I'd feel bad for my wife or the kid or whatever the fuck, but I like animals, so no animal. I'll find the beauty in a fucking animal. Absolutely. I'll find the beauty in an animal, that's no biggie to me.

And these cats, I'll tell you, I wouldn't know what to do about. Somebody just sent me an email to the Beauty and the Beast page about they lost a cat, how would I handle it? And my answer was, I look at my cats every day, and I say to myself, what, oh, no, I say to myself, like, I don't want to outlive that because the pain's gonna be too much. When I move super bad or Finney or Harry or Demi,

I mean, I don't know what my world is gonna be like because I get so much laughter and satisfaction from them. But I'd do that if I had a dog, a chihuahua, a pit bull, you know what I'm saying, like, if somebody came to me and said, dog, I gotta get rid of this dog, I'd probably take him, I don't care what, he's an animal, he's a human being to me.

I don't know, I feel weird about animals. But I don't know what my day would be like without these cats. I'm telling you this as reality, as honest as I can be, I don't know what my day would be like because they take half the pressure off my day. And people who are animal lovers know, or animal owners know, that you could be in the worst mood of your life.

You could walk in and the dog is once to go out and he keeps bringing you the leash. And just about, you're about to stab him. You look at his beautiful eyes and you go, I get it. You know, if this was a human, I'd probably stab him. But this dog, this cat, they don't want nothing from me, they don't want money, they don't want me to go on a date, there's no bad intentions.

All they want from you is love, you to feed them and take them out or walk in. You know, I spend, you know, I can be honest with the general public here, my whole fucking day is revised around these animals because I want to come home every hour. No matter what I'm doing, I want to be around every two, three hours just to check in,

say good morning, feed them, give them a treat. They're part of my fucking day. Yeah, for me to just leave for 10 hours and my wife will leave for 10 hours. When I go on the road, yeah, I miss my wife, but I'm concerned about them, what if there's an earthquake, they're not gonna know what to do. They look at me for fucking help

and advise these dumb fucking animals. Didn't your wife go home to visit family or something and you stayed home? Yeah, we won't go on vacation because that's a commitment I made when I adopted these animals. Yeah, I'm gonna have to now with the baby. We've left for three or two days

and gone to Tennessee together or I'll go do comedy or it should come with me to go do comedy for a few days. But we've never really left for seven or eight days because I worry, I can't put them on somebody else. Yeah, now can cats, because I had a dog back home and you can bring them to a kennel and you go on vacation, do cats do that? Yeah, you can bring them to, they have tons of places.

But cats, the reason why I get along with cats so much is because they're only fucking childs like me and you gotta consider that, they wanna be alone. These cats sleep 16 hours a day. They're only awake eight hours a day, these motherfuckers. But they can just fall asleep in and out quicker than fucking we can. So what they do is they take little power naps

when we're not around. Yeah, I'm home as soon as I'm home. I just gotta mess around with them. Who's home by you? Nobody? It's Grant. It's just Grant, yeah, they're over there torturing Terry right now, they're trying to get Terry up.

What time is it? It is 6.45 AM. Yeah, they're trying to get Terry up. But I'm back to the hotel, I gotta go get something to drink. I'll be right back, don't go nowhere. Welcome to the church of what's happened now. I'll play something from arrows. Holy smoke, number one has gone down.

I just gotta get a sip of something, I'll be back bitches. What's up? All right Leon if you want for a couple minutes when Joey's taking a drink if you guys have questions for me I'll answer them Oh they asked me to answer questions so when you were gone I was gonna answer some questions. Don't be answering no questions. Many friend here for you motherfuckers the man of steel this is my oldest son right here many friend he's 13 he's a good fucking man this guy's solid right daddy look he opens up his legs my boy when we first started hanging out and

doing the man flavors role you can make him meow and I if you can see it in the first couple videos with him the camera is jumping all over the place it was the most hysterical thing in the world get it together get it together cut get it together I know he's my boy he's a tough guy he just hit me with a shot of bad breath in the fucking here get it together coxson here's my little boy this guy digs me and I dig here you give me cash coxson huh huh don't make me go this skinny fanny from the brain oh skinny you know look I think she's fucking big who you think you're fucking dealing with who you

deal with say hello to these people because he's unhappy how about I give you a fuck oh now he wants to be my friend yeah one of the weirdest things that you got me high one day over here and you had to walk outside for a second and Fidel had me cornered on the couch and he just meows at you and stares you in the eyes and it petrified me he was chasing I was running around the coffee table cuz I was scared he was gonna attack me but he's just saying hi but you gotta deal with this fucking this is all day don't be licking this bitch look eating up that cat in it getting ready to get high with

his uncle Joey look look at that that's the real deal right there see and these are buds of cat name I ain't messing around don't be calling the pop cop somebody saying Joe is giving it this is cat in it this is some of the best shit if you got a cat look when he's gonna fuck the crazy cat in it buds by pet dreams get it together coxsucker get it together don't you talk back to me marine because and don't come back coxsucker see I gotta deal with anyway you want to answer an email man sure let's answer a fucking email which one you got for your uncle Joey all right we got it from

TJ yesterday we got a bunch while we've been on there TJ has a question for you Joe he said me brother come on TJ Joey can you please talk about why you think unemployment rate in New Jersey is so low I've been out of a job for four to five years now and I can't do shit except try to get involved with in what interests me I'm at the end of my life with who with what interests him he he got a felony when he was 20 and with all the red tape for four or five years he hasn't been able to get a job he says I'm not a bad guy and I'm a good worker but this red flag should just driving me up a wall do you have anything they

would say to encourage me listen things are fucking bad all over okay things are bad all over now and I agree with you first off get the felony off your fucking thing stop with the felonies no felony once you walk out of prison or once you walk out of that courtroom there ain't no fucking felonies it's over they don't need to know they're on a need to know basis if they fucking find out then they find that who gives a fuck but you got to go for a bro so as I walked out of that prison I don't know what family they were talking about I don't give a fuck until recently I wasn't gonna work with kids I'm gonna take an

assistant coaching basketball job with kids that's a about that because I wouldn't do it because I was scared that they're gonna find out first off I'm a different person was when I had done the only felonies I have on this kidnap and the only aggravated robbery I got an assault up in Seattle shit like that but there's no finger little kids in the answer taking up Paula Sandusky and other that shit not to mention when I thought all that shit went down you know I was a different fucking man so you're a different man now from whatever felony or whatever probation you got so get that right off the board you don't have a

you paid your due to society now you moved the fuck on you've been unemployed how long four or five years well we got to get it together starting to kick it up a little bit obviously you're not trying hard enough a year ago I got an email from a fucking little Jew kid asking me if he wanted to do videos and the year later we're doing a fucking podcast together we've done two testicle testaments and we lost two or three of them we've done a CD we've done a documentary we've done videos we opened up a new chapter of work for ourselves yeah I know that you want to there's no work so you might as well do

what the fuck you want to do now if you start a collecting cans a year ago right now you would have a huge can collecting company so the quicker you start something it that's what this is all about this economy this economy isn't about why I'm gonna sit around and find the job no no they're doing you a favor this economy because they're making you do what you really fucking like now you could do what you really like you got nothing lose you're not working so you're not making money so you might as well do what the fuck you want to fucking do whether it stand up whether you want to fucking you know I have a friend that's

unemployed and I keep telling them that listen man I was out there for you so you can't bullshit a bullshit there's a job up here where people saw warranties on the phone this is an actor community here this is actors and agents and so not everybody could work a fucking full day people go to auditions so they have all these jobs I got I did this dumb movie and I did I played though I'm telling you I played the cameraman yeah and the producer on that has a great story one of the best stories I've ever heard he was 49 years old and he was addicted to crack and coke and he came out of a rehab at 40 fucking 9 49s at age 49s

how old I am 49s an age where you look at yourself and you look at what you got left you like fucking the average age of a man that's 74 years old yeah I basically got 15 years what is it that I really want to do so this guy started selling tape on the phone from a rehab with no teeth in his mouth he couldn't take a job that you kind of see him yeah because he had no teeth from the crack so he had to get a fucking job that you couldn't see him so he started telemarketing for starters he started a whole new career 49 he was something else he was an ass juggler and now he went and he worked for a company after

two or three years he said that he took a bus he lived downtown in a shelter but he had to take a bus to Pasadena every day so he watched the Disney Center or something get built that's how long he was on a bus for until he put away money to buy a car and then after that he decided that he had learned to sell tape so he moved into his girlfriend's garage right and he started his company in the fucking garage and he goes at that time he was making so much money it wasn't even about putting the money away it was where the stock to tape that UPS couldn't come to his house that much but it was killing the trees on the block

it was destroying and he had no credit so he had to put away a hundred thousand for a security deposit for a warehouse because he had no fucking credit this guy listen to me a hundred thousand and it was a while ago and it was he was getting ten dollars an hour so he said for months he only ate potato chips and something else and fucking put away money until he bought that warehouse in Glendale so he got a down payment on hence 12 years fucking later at 62 years old or 13 or 14 years old he gets eight million dollars from 3 a.m. because he becomes one of the tape guys so he signed an agreement where he couldn't he

couldn't open up he couldn't go to work again for a tape company had to wait five years or something okay so he recently opened up a tape place in Van Eyes if you're looking for work he's told me a thousand times you're going there at seven in the morning from seven to one and from one thirty to seven this guy's making eight nine hundred dollars working part-time selling fucking tape on the phone wow yesterday I met Marie T waiting for you to show up maybe yesterday or the day before yeah yeah was it yesterday but I got there late yesterday no no I got there late it was the day before I had to meet

somebody I was there right and some kid came and I asked him I go what do you do for a living he goes you know for a long time I was here for six months I couldn't find a job in production so he goes I'm selling warranties on the phone I was happy to talk to him how long you've been there goes about nine months I go you like it he goes dog I'm making fucking back there I go to Javid do it before he's a young kid and I go what shift do you work and he goes I work from 12 there's a different company up in van all these telemarketing companies are Van Eyes yeah so they have tons of them up there that you go

one at seven or more you're going right now and be out by one it makes six seven hundred dollars and have your whole fucking day ahead of you what the fuck is going on over there is that you know that's one of the cats which one that's gray she's hiding until she fucking gets electrocuted you see a cat go up in the air wow that's the end of that shit stop fucking around back there great but if you really want a fucking job they're out there guys I know what they tell you 8.4 unemployment 8.7 and that I understand that's what engineers were skilled workers a skilled labor or whatever listen there's jobs

out there go be a fucking Mexican for a week I'm sure when they jump a fence and come from Mexico they find the fucking job when they go down a home depot if you really want to work in this country there's fucking work I know I don't give a fuck what anybody says I'm not insulting you in Jersey especially in Jersey you can pay somebody to get you a fucking job so you know what you're talking to the wrong fucking guy there's work out there you just got to become a Mexican go out there and find it get up at 7 you know brush your teeth shine your fucking shoes there's a lot of people go looking for jobs at 11 o'clock or 12

in the morning I never understood that you're gonna get the fuck up no yeah you get the fuck up and comb your hair and put on a shirt and you know what man I've slept in fucking cars the guy I sent the email to I got an email from a guy yesterday this is the last two years email he's in a bad position he's in Florida he's living in his van well so did all of us you got to get up and you got to justify your fucking existence you got to get up smoke a half a joint figure out your plan what is your plan I'm gonna live in the van for three months ooh there's the first part of the morning I hope you guys enjoy I have I'm

creating a system from the podcast that you can actually smell these motherfuckers it'll come up over your speaker like you porn you know I'm saying like a you point has that you press a button you can smell the pussy and the ladies feet it's fucking tremendous anyway Lee what is this podcast gonna be a this the video is up I submitted the last one to iTunes so I'm hoping by the next one we do that'll be up but if you want we can go you can go to our RSS feed which I know everyone from desk was gonna find hilarious but if you go to let me find the exact website for you right now but it's on it's on Lipson and

we have our a website we can download them but I'm assuming if you listen to this one you're gonna be listening to the last one let me find the website Joey real quick what page you looking for cock looker everybody's sleeping on Twitter this morning what's going on everyone has a day off the sleeping everybody's fucking sleeping hard I don't mind I love it I love that you motherfucking sleep but I'd be up early getting out there and shit we got to get over to Denny's before the church crowd the fucking satanic shirt don't they go to church on Mondays the same people I don't know when they go to church man

that sounds creepy so yeah if you want it before it gets up on iTunes or you have droid or a weird epi-3 player if you go to the church of what's happening now that lives in libsyn.com then you can go and download this the straight audio and yesterday's is up and today's will be up later today but hopefully it'll be up on iTunes and then eventually stitcher and like the next next couple days and I want to thank everybody who fucking supported me on testicle testaments to this last week in a testicle test one and the CD in the documentary on fucking Amazon I mean we've done this together but you guys

are the real fucking test call the number lose I'm gonna have my buddy Jimmy little lubes call in so call that number I gave you right right now Joe people people are asking if they're gonna do gigs in Europe and who what people want to know if they're gonna come here and who what sorry yo yeah you what was your question just call that fucking number doesn't have a passport so probably not all right bye what no I can't do fucking gigs in Europe until I get my passport you guys know that I got no fucking passport I'm gonna do again how am I gonna get on a plane what do you want to do send a fucking tanker in

the back with three Chinese and go the other way stop it that's too much fucking action I'll be there though I'm gonna come to the UK I'm gonna come to fucking Ireland I'm going I'm going to Melbourne Australia I'm going to Sydney I got a couple spots I got some people I got a fucking visit you know who the fuck you are I got I got some freaks in Hong Kong they want to sit in the living room getting it on and they ain't leaving till six in the morning so what you want to do what's this motherfucking supposed to call up I don't know when I love this vaporizer people ask me all the time Joey what vaporizer is it's called Eureka

vapor the reason why I went back to the vapor for eight days I didn't smoke reefer because I spoke to a referee a friend of mine he was telling me that ever since he stopped smoking his his low capacity got better and stuff so I wanted to give it a shot so I didn't smoke I was smoking just this vapor this Eureka vape is the shit you take it in every week they installed the oil in it see you turn it off you go one two three four five beep beep beep you can turn it off like this and then it breaks away from the compartment they fill this up and every week you go in there I think it's 40 bucks and they fill it up with a

eighth of fucking weed or something that's crazy that's my man right there is Jimmy Loops what's up what's going on buddy how are you my friend Jimmy Loops is a documentary Jimmy Loops is one of my childhood brothers I love this guy you know I was thinking about lose the other day in 83 when I left the half ounce at your house and you went into the city and I went and woke your mother up and took it out of the jacket you imagine you get home with your mother's like your friend was here at four in the morning he wanted some out of a jacket what's up buddy you're off to no school yeah I'm off from school studied studied

all weekend what'd you study what are you thinking about which is which is long weekend and time time me you're sticky with what's on the show yeah the Volkswagen Beetle yeah and we stood the weekend inside the room oh that's the time we were on the gas station yeah we robbed the gas station and we went down there in the fucking Volkswagen that you couldn't it didn't go in reverse so you had to take your feet out of something pushing into fucking reverse we went down the show we sat in the hotel room we snort like an eight ball but that's the week we bumped into a go down there and the black maid the brago was

down they're doing coke with us I think it was a brago or conty stinky we would do he didn't say where the deal weekend the whole weekend this guy would not say a fucking word he's just looking around they've seen a black word he's remember there was a black maid or something and she knocked on the door with toilet paper stinky almost had a fucking heart attack oh is that the one who was in the car yeah he's like there's a fucking black maid at the door I don't know what she wants what's up Louie what are you gonna do today on Labor Day not that I was studying this weekend that's it yeah you don't know nothing

like my athletics and that what's that non good boy no no more work I'm being good now you know I think he closed up shop you know who closed up shop yeah you did me it's over yeah basically this well just a couple of you know select customers you know I hate you want to make my I just want to make my you know 300 a week you know you know for gas money or cigarettes and we're told money you know that's it that's it just keep it low fuck it I ain't mad at yeah we can't sling forever Jimmy hey I'm not I'm gonna follow you up for I told you I'm up for probation now you are probation all right so did you see Steve

I'm done I'm done I'm finished in that I went to see she violated me again right but missing classes and that's the time going there but what happened was Stevie Stevie running used to was was working inside the probation office so as soon as my probation officer left for lunch he would call me I'd be in school I would run over go upstairs she wasn't there I would sign in and leave in there so she goes she goes I would see you in like two months and then I said well I'm there every you know I have lunch from school I go there she was you're never there I said I I basically signed signed signed in and then I said I said I basically no

de cop told he's seen me so that she she violated me I I went in front of the judge I said listen John I said I've been coming every every week she should be give me a house I said I've been doing it for eight years now the eight years he let's get it good done so he just terminated me you were probation for eight years over you're a fucking sad I'll tell you what man we're gonna get gone we're gonna send you a fucking plane ticket now you if you leave the state gonna come out to California hang with us on your next break bro I might want to watch it once I finish school I might come out that way and just look for

jobs there we need to work is here brother let me Jimmy Lewis I've been friends of you since 1979 I love you man you're a you know last weekend 79 was the first time we played hooky we robbed that beer thing with the house with the I would not with that we drinking the I I remember taking taking tests and then you guys change changing my answer then I said pass on my my test saying this is easy hundred then and I get it back and I get a 20 in that because Coco was looking straight out of all my answers I was you have to pass the paperwork up to the front but this kid's real fucking mojica what happened yeah what were you

saying and I wound up being I and I want them again getting pushed back into all like the easier glasses what are you guys in there that's right but you end up going to MIT you you're a smart motherfucker you're a bad dude though yeah they don't even make it like you no more you know what I'm saying and I teach graduate don't forget about me I'll give you a call during the week Jimmy Lewis next week we'll talk to you got it every week you're gonna call and I love you buddy have a good week what are they making today what are they cooking I'm gonna have to make it I'm gonna have to get some adventures for you then

so what so in a week okay I can give you stories about about my dad that's unbelievable he's got worse or worse oh please how old is he now oh 86 you still take him to the track every day 86 yep he's got one more good good fight left in him he said one more good fight I'm saving it so be careful one more good when he goes what's your mom cooking for anything good today look look it's Monday late you guess I should make homemade raviolis in that my brother and his son came down oh that's fucking nice and your mom's one of the best there is one of the best there is a fucking dog nice from the

chicken cutlets everything all the dog bread nice oh made a salad so what's a salad we have raviolis man and it got there and it got them blunkey bread not the hot blunkey bread yesterday nice now you allowed to smoke reefer again yeah oh shit I never stopped though I already had that's like three years they kept on violating me they kept on saying you're casting them come back come back come back so it took me like a eight eight years to do like a three years thinking that I just didn't fuck alright I love you buddy have a good week all right stay black let me explain some to you people for your people at home when

I started hanging with this kid in 79 like a month before my mother died we robbed the beer truck yeah now explain that cuz people know what you mean by that we we didn't rob a black hijacker beer truck we we in the old days people would pull up with a beer truck going to a liquor store by themselves we'd watch you and then we follow you for a couple blocks and when you unloaded like a lot of cases of beer we don't go to one side open up the latch take a case of beer put it in the fucking car and take off you know when you're 1615 or we take it and run and you had and if you chased us then we robbed the whole fucking truck

yeah so you had an option so most guys just let us rob a fucking a beer truck just would like to steal a case so me and this kid robbed the case of beer like October or September of 79 and we got a and is that and vodka and we shaved ice okay and we put it in a rock glass we didn't know what the fuck we were doing and we went out I had stolen cocaine from downstairs in the basement that my mother was hiding for somebody like a couple pounds I was a sophomore in high school and I took the bottom out and I went to his house and we drank the beer was quartz okay so when you steal a case of quartz they're warm so you fuck they

take a longer while to chill so we put them in the bathtub but we had a little bit of money and we got the vodka and this is 79 were sophomores in high school we mixed the vodka and peppermint snaps together then we sprinkled the coke on top we put in the freezer we didn't know what we're doing we're just stupid kids but it was weird because there was a gang of kids called the little boys there were the boys and the little boys and the little boys didn't fucking like me because I was a druggy I was kind of crazy but lubes was part of the little boys and he always hung out with me but he didn't give a fuck what they said

even though his brother wasn't that gang and all that lose to hang out with me so what happened was I was put into the little boys and then I had a party in my house and I invited people from outside circles and the little boys got mad at me okay I'm like fuck you guys I can't bring my friend I'll get the fuck out of here I just got to be with 16 guys and they wanted girls they sang in a corner and they'll hugged each other at the end of the night I want to get my dick sucked I don't want no guys fucking hugging me yeah but that crew lubes is the only one that always hung out with me so it was weird we graduated high

school we both got into crime he didn't know he's a genius and he went to like MIT you know he was working at a gas station Hesse's a manager but all those binds I got into from 81 to 85 I talk about 87 and when I went back in 94 all I gotta do is call this kid and it's over yeah you said you calm anytime of night anytime any day you know he's my right hand for years he was my little brother and till this day he does he's a tough kid doesn't get along with a lot of people I still back I'm 150% I'm friends with everybody but I back him 150% because I can't start to tell you I mean I could tell you stories of me

going to New York and it being cold out I gotta do a set in the city and I'm still strung out on coke like I want to get coke that night he would fucking pull over with his car give me right into the city give me 20 bucks give me a rock of coke and give me a couple Valium's that's not a friend I don't know what the fuck you know so it's just amazing how lucky I am to talk to somebody that I grew up with and I don't just have him I have ten other guys that I still communicate with on a weekly basis we're gonna talk to Roger we'll talk to a villa on the show these are guys who made me who I am that I

can't move forward unless I talk with them you know this last week we did a testicle testimony is about making people proud of you yeah people that you're fucked over proud of you you know it's such a great feeling you can't give them money there's nothing you could give them but to make somebody proud of you after they they wrote you off it is a very big fucking gift in life you know so that's all I want to do with these people is keep in mind that listen I don't want to be rich I want to do that I just want to be happy that's all the church of what's happening now is about being happy and getting you

motherfuckers off on your day because that's what it's all about it's what happens in that first hour of your day that gets the rest of the fucking day going if you have a shitty first hour in your day you're gonna have a shitty fucking whole day I don't want that to happen that's what I'm here for to avoid that we got the music we got the reefer we got the conversation we got Lili Leland we got the fucking cats and that's it it's Labor Day what are you gonna do the rest of the day Lee the rest of the day man I'm gonna sleep and then one of my friends is gonna have a barbecue over in Culver City gonna go there gonna go

there and have a good time okay I'm not gonna do deck this is it I'm gonna take my wife for a nice long walk in the park to get a move until we're not gonna do nothing my wife's enough yesterday when you're fucking pregnant man things changed like this I mean I'm looking at her my wife's got beautiful blue light eyes so sometimes you look at it you're like oh that bitch is doing heroin because their eyes get no my wife would never even look at a heroin capsule this is just that she gets tired it's just she's been pregnant we could be doing something one second and the next fucking second those eyes get pinned on

you got to take a home I got to bring her home yeah it's tough on us and today I got a spot at the lab factory tonight oh wow yeah I got a spot at like 8 30 so if you want to meet me down there after the barbecue you're gonna be quick you know next week I'm a Minneapolis at Rick Bronson's house a fucking comedy from Thursday to Sunday for a lot of people I don't know call tomorrow I don't even know what the fucking number is the number got taken down I had it over here this is history here well the joey Diaz does another phone number off the top yeah I didn't know it I usually haven't prepared this stuff so next week I'm

also on the 20th and 21st we're doing two clubs we're doing me and Duncan Charleston doing that's a great show I do a Milwaukee and we're doing Madison with motherfucking constant all right for everyone in Minnesota the phone number is 952-858-8558 and if you go to houseofcomedy.net you can get the tickets so that's and then you're and then you're with in Wisconsin and then you go to Baltimore right then I go to know then I go to what days what were you saying just now I'm sorry after after with Duncan you go to Baltimore no yeah after Duncan I go to Baltimore to Baltimore's comedy factory that's a 27

through the fucking 29th and that'll be great too let me just give you the exact dates because I get confused Lee you confuse me that's why I love you that's the joy in it you fucking confuse me and for all the Jews out there the real motherfucking Jews out there good morning you bad motherfuckers that's why I love you where's my beautiful wife we're going for breakfast what are we doing all right September 13th to the sixth week you got Rick Bronson in Minnesota House of Comedy 952-858-8558 September 20th we're Madison Wisconsin with my man Duncan tickets on prime paper tickets it's a Callahan

sports pub my career is on a fucking upswing and then in Milwaukee I'll be performing at a place called Bubbs Irish pub in Germantown tickets are 20 bucks for me and Duncan that's a fucking steal with doing one show and I don't want to get no fucking drama and then the week of September 27th to the 29th we're at the Baltimore comedy factory Lee you gotta come on one of these gigs with me I love to get the fucking know you I love to people are asking you to go to Boston and when you go to Boston there's no way I'm not coming all right we're going to buy that I want to give a shout out to my girl Taylor Marie in Puerto

Rico and the show no damn mama you know I'm saying and to all the motherfucking savages I have on Twitter let me tell you something I love you motherfuckers Twitter Facebook my day wouldn't be complete without you from whiskey jack the fucking monkey tied to Ali bars the fucking leash the Luke and the DD I mean it's you guys have really taught me a different way to live man because I was a little fucking bored and lonely I was just about to break the law like Judas Priest in 82 and then I bumped into you motherfuckers so what's up we're here we're done for the weekly we're done till Wednesday what do you want to do

yeah we'll do it once and speaking of Facebook again we have a new Facebook page right Facebook.com slash the church of what's happening now and we we're gonna post I posted like an event when we're gonna go on the next day and just go on there man ask us questions we'll read more emails just what you want you involved we want to be involved we want to be we want you to wake up with us every fucking morning let us know what the fuck we got to do we got to play more music then we'll decide you want more news you know what you get news for fucking free if I'm gonna sit here and tell you about the shooting in Pat

Muck in New Jersey it's sad I don't want to open up your day with that I want to open up your day you ever sit in front of the fucking TV in the morning and they're talking about a kid they got fucked in the ass in the sixth grade and the three people who died in the car accident who got hit by a DUI I don't want that going into your head I was trying to look at stories to see if there's something I wanted to bring up and seeing in the videos I watched were kids getting bullied a guy in the army getting hazed and then what's going on in Iran and it's just depressing I don't want to do that to you people I want to

give you more than that I want to wake up in the morning in good mood I want you to smoke a fucking number or not smoke a fucking number I want you to eat your oatmeal I want you to get an apple inside you get the day going I want you to take a walk I just want you to live that's what the church of what's happening now it's about bitches don't forget about the Chinese connection will be checking emails and see what your motherfuckers think watch Bruce Lee's performance not only does he kill people in that movie he fucking hangs them afterwards that's Clint Eastwood dirty type shit from the fucking early 60s

Giovanna Rabisi she doesn't even know what the fuck I'm talking about man I'm happy you guys tuned in thank you very much thank you the fucking stick in forgive us the show go to Joey Coco Diaz net and get t-shirts and whatever you fucking need yeah so Jordan if you're up or I don't know he was wearing one of the stay black with Fidel on the front it's a nice shirt man that's a nice shirt yeah that's one of our risk that's when the Irish of your collection no no it's on your website isn't on my website that one yeah it's not from the Tory you guys didn't buffalo at the same picture but it says add that flavor on the

bottom okay all right I didn't see that one that's the one of the fucking JR making shirts that black dude up and fucking rock chest I love you cock yeah I can't wait till we start selling the Yama cuz that's gonna be because it gonna be good they're gonna say fuck you pay me that's what's in a real fucking Jews mind all day Lee you know I love you one of my favorite Jews behind Ari and what's the mafia Jew I like I don't know the guy the main mafia guy of all time I didn't know there are Jews in the mafia man fucking the main the main guy is fucking Jewish nobody knows that shit no by the way go to your library

and get this book this is given to me by Philippe Esparza this book is like 300 dollars online but you go to most libraries and read it there they want you to take it out it's called a pleasant avenue connection when it explains when the Jews ran thing selling heroin in the 60s in New York so this is how deep my Jimmy go I just don't talk shit I do the fucking work and I'm saying stay black have a great Labor Day with your family fucking God bless you motherfuckers have a great barbecue powder your balls go out there and do what the fuck you want to do today stay black I love you mother that's awesome for

people asking my Twitter's le s y a t t enjoy we're gonna leave them with we're gonna leave them with some sick as a dog from the Aerosmith rocks you