Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 09/09/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #4

Episode Date: September 10, 2012

Joey and Lee get ready for the first week of the NFL season, and more important betting season. Joey tells us about something great he saw at the ATM drive thru. And childhood friend Greg calls in.  Streamed 09/09/2012

what good morning bitches the church of what's happening now is in full of fucking fact Joey Diaz my main man the fucking flying Jew Lisa yeah it's fucking Sunday I'm fresh I'm back with fucking church everything's beautiful thank you for coming in and sitting around for an hour before football you know and I'm really gonna do that watch him and I found all these fucking old guys this guy's gonna win this guy who the fucking gives a shit these motherfuckers never put a bed in and all that goddamn life we got the fucking Eureka vapor smoking like a fucking doctor to the chronic one of the best albums ever put

on vinyl in 92 the reason why I love that I'm so much there the chronic the fucking music all that shit Snoop Dogg by wow wow yippie yeah all that shit don't matter I just want you to do something when you watch that when you listen to this album next time look at the cover oh it's a great look at the cover it's a picture of Dre surrounded but look at his eyes look at his face look at the expression on that fucking day he could have been anything he wanted to do when he took that picture fucking president a pilot he could have been a cop a lawyer doesn't matter about color or was he Chinese or was he Filipino was

he a spade gives a fuck on that fucking day when he took that picture he could have been president of the United States just like you motherfuckers today on the church of what's happening let's get this let's get this party started for starters the weed stores are opening up they're staying open till March so stop with the fucking haters what are you gonna do now Joey there's no stores listen even if there's no buildings I'm still gonna be smoking dope with three fucking hands so relax this is the morning you I went to church this morning they gave me the body of Christ this what I'm gonna give you motherfuckers and

take care of Lee is the body of life you see that what it says on their motherfuckers prescriptions are X you see that I'm gonna say on the bottom thank you not only are they weed doctors but they're also fucking polite you open this motherfucker sorry about that links like Christmas day here and you got bang chocolate Lee what do these things fucking do to you Jesus Christ I one slice that's one that looked the bar I Joe gives me about a third of it and I'm gone for hours Joe eats the whole thing he's gone but like a soldier now that I'm not smoking like our physical weed just a fucking vapor pen forget about it

might I want to send some love over to my people over there I fucking no whole organic they sell the Eureka vapor pen all different flavors bird bank and go give them some love and cocksuckers we got the bang chocolate bar these in the valley the only people I know who have them are my people over at divine fucking wellness Lee get ready for the body of Christ Jesus it compels you something comes a rapper and this ain't chocolate it tastes like Hershey's chocolate this is fucking French fucking Bulgarian chocolate here you go Lee I'm gonna give you one slice and this is the fire the power of Christ compels you

Lee there you go cocksucker okay look at this a double hmm mr. put that music on cocksucker that's how we do it here the church what's happening now the holy Eucharist you thought everybody do a fucking bonnet let's get this motherfucker started right and this is Joey at 9 a.m. in the morning fuck it we gotta live this motherfucker outright oh yeah if you ain't high by two go fuck you your mother for raising you cuz she fucked all right big topic today last night I gotta tell you what

I see buddy I went to the to get this bang bar and this is the fire this is the shit that they gave Madonna up her asshole before she's a lucky star but uh because it comes in different flavors I usually get the cookies and cream oh yeah they're out of cookies and cream so I had to go with the fire which is spicy what is like pepper chocolate I don't know orange I can't really taste the difference I just gave us a fuck you just want the THC to go into the fucking molecular structure and spread the beauty anyway that's not about 80 club ain't a fucking club my wife's pregnant she gotta go to fucking bed you know I'm

sitting here like a fucking momo I don't know what let me go get a vapor and let me go get a chocolate bar for the morning leaves coming over I want to be empty fucking handy you're a good house man I go over and I didn't have any cash I like a little cash we go let me go to the ATM machine but I go to a fucking drive-thru I'm not gonna tell you what bank cuz they all suck dick with their rents I'm not advertising banks here but I go through the drive-thru and there's a car in front by the window it's a middle car with three white dudes in it you know I didn't know how young they are I'm myself the car in the fucking front

getting the money out of the ATM and some fucking Arab the BMW real fucking cool I got none against Arabs I'm just trying to tell them the story he's and he's taking his fucking time young guy 26 27 the jewelry the fucking tap-out shirt they're going out he's got the chicken the car but he's standing in front there's a drive-thru he's staying he's taking his fucking time don't look at the clock three minutes go by four minutes go by five minutes six minutes you waited five I'm on the phone I was on the phone with a friend of mine just talking so I wasn't notice what's going on finally I see this motherfucker go into the

passenger seat and his fucking country girlfriend takes her credit card out and puts it into the machine after nine minutes of fucking being there so so just so people understand this is the drive-thru ATM this isn't like outside this is a dry crew so I'm sitting there I'm gonna and I'm about to say something but the windows close I didn't need to one of the white dudes yell that hey what the fuck this fucking guy pops out of the car with fucking he's wrong for starters listen you got to be considered other fucking people and here's the funny thing 20 yards away there's the regular fucking ATM machine two of them

yeah but this motherfucker didn't give a fuck about nobody he just thought about himself which if you ever come to California especially Hollywood you'll notice that these motherfuckers just give a fuck about themselves don't double park I mean you wait nothing to go down the block and all soon you're looking it's a fucking guy making out with his fucking girlfriend you want to get out of the car and smack him but they don't think of it because they're stars or the broadsuck somebody's dick last night that was important they could just double fucking part but there's some motherfuckers that don't tolerate it so I'm

sitting there and I see the Arab guy get out what motherfuckers what this fucking two white guys got out the driver and the passenger side usually you know white dudes get out and they start arguing what what they go back and forth I didn't do nothing next to this one I do say what the fuck walked up to him and hit him with three fucking shots to the fucking head holy shit guy turned around fatherhood of his fucking car the bitch girlfriend gets out you know miss white America comes out crying what happened with him call the police call the police these white dudes get back on the car that was from

Jersey and New York and Connecticut cuz they fucking just drove right off the guy they picked him up a little bit he was yelling help me she's looking at me by this time she moves the fucking car of course people were behind like beeping like move the fucking car so she moves the car she got him he's holding on to his face he's bleeding and the fucking pussy that he is he was a tough guy he's called the police so she looks at me and like she's like hey you know are you gonna wait you excuse me sir you have to wait and talk to the police I didn't first of all from New York I didn't see dick motherfucker and two if it was the

three guys that jumped out and beat him up we have a problem you know what he was a fucking tough guy he was wrong he was fucking weak in his fucking character like half the fucking morons that are walking around Hollywood in this area here that think they're cute because they got the BMW but they ran into the right with the wrong white guy he fucking knocked his fucking mouth was bleeding it was big his nose was bleeding he had a patch of blood motherfucking wants to call the police and it happens I see it all the time these tough guys that happened to me at the ice house about two years ago I'm up there with

Felicia and some dude I had a beef with this Jeff Valdez his fucking douchebag a producer he you know Latino producer he cares about the PD don't give a fuck about nobody but his pocket I see him at a fucking ice house one night two years ago Felicia and this motherfucker's like eyeballing me he's like let's fight come on you're scared of me so I spit in his fucking face which is what you do to people he didn't know what to do so I fucking bit slapped him and he calls the police after all that shitty talking 9-1-1 and all this shit he gets bit slapped you know me the cops they got to work hard to catch me because he calls

9-1-1 him another comedian I'm not gonna mention one of these country ones they call the police because there was like 50 comics but only him and the other comic we're really gonna testify I'm the way I told everybody you don't see nothing and you didn't do nothing that's the way fucking there's nobody seen nothing they were all Mexicans they knew what fucking time it was the guy that was rat me out wasn't even white I can't he was black we'll discuss it some other time that fucking mutt but it was funny because as I was walking out they had a helicopter and a cop car coming in and I was walking out with a friend of

my Rick Ramos and we walked right past the fucking cop car like I've done a thousand times it's your body language and I get the fucking car and I take off on the 134 my buddy Felipe as far as it's calling me he's like hey fool the cops are here looking for you fool they're taking the CSI is taking the spit off Jeff's face and putting it in a bag for fucking but I don't even give a fucking the cops gonna get me now the problem was he opened up his mouth he thought he was a fucking tough guy and he got whacked don't open up your mouth unless you're gonna cover the fucking spray and that's what it's all about on

the Lord's Day NFL fucking say you gotta lower this mic dog it's on fire you know that I can fuck out if my ball moves right now though fucking pick it up on a thing you motherfuckers are complaining you can't you can fucking hear me you just want HD fucking sound you can fucking hear me okay you know I move around I get animated I get a fucking aggravated but he's gonna get me a mic for my neck in fact not even gonna work they gotta put it in my fucking bro I gotta come out here stutter like Lebrano anyway so Joey could Joey call me you call me like last night right away and it made me so happy because I don't know

what it is I don't know if it's here it's here it's here I think it's a lot of rich people to be honest it's rich motherfuckers that are confused because they got a BMW and he had like a three which I don't even know why you got the fucking beam of stupid yeah gotta got a fucking Hyundai Elantra it's a better fucking car yeah like they'll do anything you know and every time I see those guys I mean listen I fucking hate BMW owners anyway because they're doing 60 on the 101 in the left hand lane you got a BMW 5 step on it you can afford a BMW you got no problem with the fucking tickets and you can pay off a fucking

judge if not don't get a fucking BMW that's me I got a BMW I'm doing fucking 90 with a car pulls me up I ripped the fucking ticket up in his face and I call the baddest fucking Jew out there returning we take care of it that's how you gonna do that go fuck yourself get a tricycle or Prius with the rest of those fucking momos and do 45 another thing they do in California don't do 60 in the left hand lane all the way over they won't move oh no people are polite those are the same motherfuckers that were at that back last night that's why the way life is yeah you know what man let me tell you something I thought I was cute

too thank God I got that shit out of the way when I was 18 a fag beat the fuck out of me when I thought I was fucking cute and that's what happens in life so if you're gonna be cute expect the fucking beating if not don't think the cops are gonna save you because they didn't save Nicole fucking whatever name is those restraining orders don't work either so if you're gonna be a man act like a fucking man that's it that's it fucking Churchill what's happening now is in full effect bitches little Sabbath bloody Sabbath for these cock suckers to get you fired up I listen to Sabbath bloody Sabbath every day from the

age of 15 when my mother died to about five years ago just to fire me up to get me back at these cock suckers listen to this shit and I'll play this every fucking episode because this should be a motivation one fucking song cock suckers dig it you know you have to learn the execution of your mind you really have to learn the race is full the moon is red and begins to show there you go cock suckers the truth is out the lies are old but you don't want to know kill it Lee cut this shit when you and your best reasons why who gives a fuck who gives a fuck get out

there get up smoke some reefer get a yo-yo in a knife and go earn you cock suckers you're on your own all right cut this shit that's it what's happening so today is the kickoff and people always ask me Joey what's your favorite team who do you I look like a fucking cheerleader you guys shows up with a hat with a dream see those momos of the game they show but the whole outfit doesn't the team lose you gotta walk out of it like a fucking moe oh yeah they each team has like I know the jets have a good fireman and or whatever and they show up and in full paint and yeah it's ridiculous get it together cock if you're over 10

you know once you put a hat with the kazoo away you're a man now you go to fucking get me a fan I'm a fan of other covers the fucking spread all right some people go to a game with a little hat I go to a game with a fucking hat with a minus seven bitches cuz that's how I give seven by the way today is a fucking big day in football cuz you can't pick this shit let's get this started a lot of people gonna email me a lot of parents and say hey Joey you were talking about gambling whatever listen parents your kids are gonna do it they're gonna fucking do it you got cigarettes you got booze you got drugs you got gambling

you got prostitution you got eating pussy got sucking dick your kids are gonna do one of the fucking seven evils what I'm gonna do today is control them a little bit and how to teach them how to make a living see when I was 18 I didn't know gambling was about making a living I thought gambling was about going to the bar with those fucking idiots you hang out who should we bet so here you are sitting with six other losers and you gotta go partners with them they're gonna take it's like going out would you take six like guys out to go get pussy no because not only one guy has to drive home the other guy gets

sick in the trunk no when you gamble it's a solo fucking sport don't listen to these idiots when you do go to the bar you ask them who they like and with five or more of them say they like that team bet fucking against them because you go against popular fucking opinion when you come to sports better again you know when I was 18 I thought it was about talking shit and drinking it's about getting paid every fucking Thursday whether it's a hundred whether it's $50 you're in this for business Vegas is not a fucking playground they tell you it's a fucking playground it's not a charity they're not running a bingo game

they're getting fucking paid I like all these idiots I went to Vegas last weekend I want 800 know you didn't you fucking Momo if they if everybody won how come it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger so get your shit together what we're gonna do today is how to teach you how to bet a couple fucking bets and pick up a payment on Thursday that you don't need a part-time job how's that if I can make you an extra 10 fucking G's a year Uncle Joey wouldn't that be better if I could teach you how to make it so I'm not supporting gamble at the present time I do not gamble I put a bet every once a

moment I fucking love something and you know what I usually go fucking six for six in a year because I don't do it as a gavel I don't do it with my nostrils wide open I do it as a hobby I know it is to be 18 19 25 and think you do it to make a living when I was fucking 20 in fact 30 years ago September 15th I robbed a jewelry store in Jersey because I had to pay a book out I didn't have to fucking pay the book but he was one of my high school teachers Mr. McGrath the guy we're talking about I didn't know I didn't do that to pay a book I don't pay the fucking bookie okay so that's the trouble I had gotten into now I

have to pay that bookie I could have told to suck my dick he would have gone back and forth I'm gonna break my legs but it was the character type thing I beat a lot of people don't get me wrong I'll beat you over something stupid but at that time I had to give him like three or four grand I had Monday night football like Pitt Pittsburgh against Dallas and I made the wrong call and I had to give him money and they collect on Thursday it took me that lesson to rob a jewelry store and then six months later my friend Frenney boss a pseudo for the Super Bowl was up 20 grand and up losing 40 so I seen both nobody wins

my knees get weak when you tell that story yeah but you could win if you do it right I like these idiots that get Joey I'm going six for six on the UFC no you're not no you're not you might do it this week but they'll get you three weeks in a row stupid I'm gonna teach you how to do it so you make a little fucking Dory week you start off on a Wednesday like this week football started on Wednesday can you believe that you know why it starts on Wednesday you think it starts for your entertainment look at how nice he nice they are that no they start because they're looking to get fucking paid on

Wednesday because they're gonna put who won Wednesday night who really had the Dallas Cowboys nobody the Giants are at home they're breaking up the Super Bowl thing all you and all those idiots with the blue shirt the Giants stadium all those momos are screwed out fucking shopping today because now you got to bet that Thursday night game who was that Pitt against somebody else Thursday night in college football oh I'm Friday you got a bet fucking baseball cuz now you're two down then Saturday you got listen to the opportunities again when you got one two three then Saturday you got the early game in college the late

game if you and then you got another game if you lose all three then you got a bet fucking Hawaii and do coke and stay up till four in the morning just to bail the fuck out trust me I've been there you're like Joey how do you know my life cuz I fucking been there then you gotta get up Saturday Sunday morning and watch those dummies on TV because now you're lost to go to the bar or call your grandmother who went seven for seven on a fucking Paul eight card which that never fucking happens every week either and now you're down so they have a ten o'clock game they got a one o'clock game then they got that America's fucking

game which America's mean getting fucked in the air it's not you remember Jesus you go to church you see the 12 stations of the cross that's the 12 stations again when they start fucking you on Wednesday Thursday with Friday with baseball late two games my fucking son my Monday night football or you're waiting on is for them to put the crown on your head like they did Jesus you're already fucking hang and this week there's two fucking games on Monday night yeah they're gonna fucking put thorns in your head they're gonna fucking take your balls off and feed them tears you're fucking dying I'm here so that

doesn't happen okay you down some money gotta look at this shit scientifically the way what time is it because we have my main man Greg calling and I grew up with North Bergen talking about getting this guy was a he's got some fucking heavy-duty ones today this is going back to Louie Fries from the FBI that's how deep our Jimmy runs and fucking North Bergen when he busted one of our but anyway let's talk about the situation at hand right here for example not right now you're down I'm sorry about the glasses I'm an old fucking man if you want me to read it to you what brother I have all the lines if you want me to

read it to you now I'm okay I don't even know fuck what's wrong with you you gotta land that Kansas City at one o'clock that I don't even know who's giving through I don't even know how to fucking read this shit I'm looking at something that has just bet as global bet online five dimes in bovada five dimes it's 5g bows for you fucking moments like on five times I got my no you got Philadelphia giving ten to Cleveland that Cleveland you got Washington giving eight and a half or New Orleans getting that eight and a half correct New Orleans is getting New Orleans is getting yeah I would imagine

let me I can't fucking figure out that Washington New Orleans getting a Washington half and I got New England against Tennessee I got Miami Houston now if I was a betting man today well they give a Houston 13 13 fucking points now if you call your bookmaker you don't know Houston's giving Miami 13 yeah they're at home if you call your bookmaker and that line shifts to 14 take your mother punch her in the head bandage her up and bring it to the bookie's house and bet the fucking farm I learned that in the 70s from Celtics on Friday nights play at home the line would always be heavy 12 13 you call the book you went

up to 17 but everything you got something's never fucking losing home on Friday night in the old days Jojo White have a check Dave Cowan you know I'm saying old-school motherfuckers not these fucking punks walking around with the LeBron James glasses look at me I'm fucking smart but you didn't get out of college you fucking momo I hate that shit with the fake fuck that's why I don't put them on around because I don't want people to think I think I'm fucking intelligent just you ever see those swarmy motherfuckers like they put on glasses like you look at me there's no way this guy should have he hasn't

read a fucking magazine in 10 years but if they wear glasses you people buy into it oh my god look at him he looks so stuff the fuck out of you still a dumb fuck you still fucking take the fucking 405 to the airport you fucking cunt anyway I'll tell you what if I was a betting fucking man today and I tell you what other people like you get sucked in avoid the TV games okay I fucking hate TV games because people think they're gonna get back on them what's a TV game Wednesday night it's a huge game everybody's watching Thursday night is a college football college football big game in college when I used to bet

college football I like to whack because nobody watches the whack nobody want you in New Mexico given this those teams nobody's watching them so you could bet fucking two thousand on them and win big so nobody's watching so they wouldn't play wouldn't pay as much attention right you think I'm gonna sit here and figure out of Auburn's gonna beat Alabama I can't figure that shit out nobody can nobody fucking configure those those top five teams you can't figure it out but if you take those teams and you fucking bet them the top three every week and you put a hundred on at the end of the year you'll be a

winner if you just did that do you understand because even if Alabama goes six and three you still got three net winners so if you put two thousand on each you still want six thousand fucking dollars for the year on them so this is how you bet ladies and gentlemen not those parlay you fucking idiots what they bookies love when you call a parlay you call a book you can go hey I want to bet with you and he goes no you owe me ten thousand and you go but I got a walk what is it and you say I got a parlay he'll take your fucking bet because he knows you got to go for two you know what the odds are to get to you

have a hard time getting one so what you want to do is maybe start Saturday morning forget that Thursday night game with this NFL game of the week start Saturday morning with some small fucking college and nobody's even looking at your bet your money you went to three thousand what are you gonna do you're gonna go back and play fucking games no you take your money and run worst case scenario is you lose a thousand on Sunday you still clear two thousand but you were fucking winner that weekend why would you try to swam it up again you know why because it's about our greed all we're looking to do is get fucking paid and hey listen I

was one of those guys before the best thing about getting old or the best thing about going through shit is once you go through you go woof I'm never gonna go through it again I went through my gambling phase of 20 when it used to kill me to pay a bookie I finally figured out if I'm gonna fucking pay some man I was gonna snort blow and get something out of it at least look out a fucking window I'm gonna get go give some guy money on a fucking Thursday you follow me so let's say you win earlier you win the late game on Saturday you win two three G's maybe a thousand maybe 800 but you don't want to go over your

head hold on to your money you know you want to go to the ball on Saturday and Sunday what you good you want to go to big wangs and watch but 200 you know never bet on the team where you live never bet on the team where you live never bet on the team where you live never bet on the team where you live out if the Giants are fucking your team do not bet with them or do not bet against them do not let emotion get involved with the Jets I won't even look at those motherfuckers because I dare in my backyard when I was a kid and every time I bet the Nats or the Jets or the Giants I take a fucking beat okay

okay so if you're in that bat like right now I wouldn't bet the Ray I wouldn't even touch the charges nothing even though that is a good game on Monday I again Monday night football is to get back to your paper so let's pretend you win another 200 on fucking Sunday you bet two fucking teams so you bet Saturday one game and you won Sunday one game and you won do you want to bet Monday night if you're gonna go to the fucking bar or if you're gonna sit at home and watch cuz I know what it's like to watch a game without betting it there's nothing fucking that yeah I'm not ten anymore I don't give a fuck about these guys they

don't give a fuck about us it's like what's his name sitting Bronx tail the Joe de Maggio Mickey Mack don't care about you no they don't so what are you guys jumping up and down for I see people at these UFC matches jumping up and down like in Denver one time some guys in my face yeah yeah and I go what were you jumping up and down for he goes caught check what I go what'd you make out of nothing how about I piss on you're a grown fucking man let me smack you to fuck now even with UFC betting that's great fucking bet UFC but again people get fucking greedy the best way to better UFC though is to go there and

bet as the fights are going on you put a pigeon at the fucking casino and call him that would be the best way to bet you a secret sometimes shit don't go but on every UFC card there's one fight you can pick there's one fight on every fucking card I give out a parlay on the video because people will play what picks all you need is one one pick and if it's on the fucking prelim card then so be it you want to sit there and scratch your head and see who's gonna win between those Santos the fucking Kane and straight you don't need that aggravation I love those medium cards those prelim cards it's like

college football those guys want to get to the fucking top that's great you figured out that fucking Anderson was in a dumb chair or something nobody knew that whoa but there's easier fights in the bottom what we're trying to do is get you a fucking envelope because at the end of the week that's a most fucking important thing you want to go around I want 800 no an envelope you keep it to your fucking self you shut your fucking piehole and you can win every week football the reason why they give out injury reports in football and all the shit that football has because it's built for betting they don't have

football here for you to jump up and not yeah in the Midwest with a cheese heads but half of those motherfuckers in the stadium are betting big money in college football all those boosters we think they're boosters because they want to be boosters they bang half of those motherfuckers are banging up by the way Penn State lost the squeaker like Sandusky the squeaker you know what I'm saying they lost the squeaker 17 to 16 they got the kiss of death on them they lost by a fucking field goal supposedly and Miami one of my tight tight friends growing up at the not frills down there coaching the fucking defense seriously

one of my boys I coached the defense they took a fucking beating yesterday against Kansas State so I do pay attention it's just not my life like when I was a kid and you told me Julia serving son dick I'd stab you the next 15 fucking times but I was a fan of the sport you know once you see right through the fucking curtain and whatever you know it gives a fuck you gonna sit there and talk about sports and meanwhile the fucking neighbors fucking your wife up the fucking ass you're at the ball your friend you know I'm saying pay attention this is a living guys that's why they do it and you could either lose I know

fucking guys that make a fucking living what's a living you drive a Mercedes and get your dick sucked by no a living you have a car you get up in the morning you get a bagel nobody bothers you you may fucking help somebody load a truck once a week or something just to make ends meet but you're making a fucking living which a lot of people in this country ain't fucking making gambling is a living it's not just a do-it-all twisting by the fucking pool you know telling people your girls like and it's funny because I used to work for a sports betting service and that's you know I grew up in numbers which is the

Cuban lottery out of Tampa started out of Tampa which is three numbers but at the places they took numbers they might as well take gambling so I seen gambling since I was a little kid but the biggest lesson I got with gambling was my mom my mom lost it all those fucking Yankees and those fucking mats like a fucking move and the Red Sox too because she was a Red Sox fan all those years betting the fucking Red Sox with nobody I mean I bet her when Cincinnati played the Red Sox in 75 Lewis Tianton shit and in my heart I was a closet Red Sox fan but I couldn't let her beat me because that's a Cuban house in the Cuban house if

you stake a fucking baseball team and you lose I would have got red eggs every fucking day everything I would have done that all my socks would have been red you know that's a Cuban fucking mentality they're gonna torture you where's my fucking cell phone I gotta call my buddy what time is it he'll know shit he's about to call see I could feel this shit it's ready whenever he said whenever he calls he'll call right now hopefully let's see so so the main point you're making is is just relax and don't don't go after like the Patriots or don't don't bet on the Super Bowl of the week bet on where you're gonna like tonight

the big game and everybody in this country is gonna watch it is fucking Pittsburgh against Denver and Denver yeah that's the premier game it was only be watching my man everybody's gonna be watching my man the line on that fucking game is line on Pittsburgh and Denver is to Denver's giving two points to Pittsburgh which doesn't make sense at all but why doesn't it make sense cuz Peyton Manning was out all year last year great granted he's still probably great and he has a pretty good receiving core but Pittsburgh made it to the playoffs last year against Denver but I mean it just and that's that's probably

where I'd get sucked in I'd see Denver getting to or giving to and I'd be like all the Pittsburgh and then of course I lose cuz that's probably what they want you to think this is a tight game I know what they want you to think I know that they want you to fucking think that Manning is only going in blowing the fuck up that's that's what America everything their mother's gonna be betting it okay if you ask 50 fucking people they bet tonight they're gonna be betting on it's America's team what's happening Greg what's up Coco how are you my little brother it's been fucking 98 years since the last

confession when I talked to Greg this morning at 8 30 I said Greg 30 years ago we'd be getting ready go make the fucking third one of the night for that last eight ball and go to liquor store and get a fucking cotton a cigarette so look at us now we're talking early in the morning like over coffee and a fucking donut yeah things fucking change we're talking we're talking about gambling today Gregie and if anybody had their fucking flavor with gambling it was us coming out of North Bergen because it was all around us I mean how old were you when you were fucking gambling first you know honestly it started at a very

young age I mean I can remember catching pennies when I was six years old up against the you know the back of the church yeah that's gambling but you know honestly we were doing the football tickets and all of that when you were like 10 11 you know we started going to the track when we were 13 years old so you know there was always a way of life back there when the track first open I mean we were there we were there when the track first open we were there when the metal ends first open I remember when the track first open mr. bender would take me out to the track and when people would win I'd cash in their tickets

and make money I was 13 it would go on my social fucking security card they would win 800 they owe child support or something I would get like 30 fucking bucks or something like that I love that he would say to me none of my boys go out there with me you're gonna come with me they're like fuck you here I was 13 I go home my mom would what did you get $90 from I don't worry about hustling out the fucking track walking home I'm walking you ever walk home from the fucking middle of his crack I never did but I can tell you honestly I know my brother did a lot I did twice he bet his last friggin dollar and then start crying

and then just start walking and this is the brother the crazy brother we're talking about the funniest man in America well yeah you can say that yeah the funniest motherfuckers in America I remember hanging out with you on 80th Street and now but as we got over you know what this week is Greg just to let these motherfuckers know because the show is about gambling I put a bed in on a Monday night on Pittsburgh or Dallas at Joan Marys with Conti and the boys and we lost and I had to give him a graph like two grand and he was my high school football you know he helped us and we had to rob that jewelry store this week

is 30 years ago since we robbed that jewelry store on Bergen Line Avenue the driver is gonna call the show on Wednesday 30 fucking years ago Greg and it was all cuz of gambling but what's your best gambling story drop one on me really brother so many I mean me myself or I could tell you about other people oh remember we used to we were talking we're having discussion about the gangsters in our neighborhood how we used to put bets in William I always used to put bets with the Avelis and they'd always try to fucking beat me and fucking it was amazing and I'm putting in five timers and ten timers and 20

timers and next thing you know you're putting in hundred timers and you're fucking losing it we had to go down the Boulevard East and roll some fucking sanduskies and yeah go fag begging go fag I gotta tell you I remember you know I started to tell you last night about you know my brother he got really heavy into it I mean you know you talking five ten timers matter of fact I got him calling me right now with his pick of the day but he can wait but uh you know I remember going we were going to visit my grandmother who was dying of cancer in the hospital down at Cal State General Hospital and we got the what I think we

had the Yankees and the A's on the radio and you know he's like if this one doesn't this one doesn't come through I gotta get out here well what are you talking about he goes you don't know because I've lost everything and you know you have a lot of money so anyway the Yankees wound up losing and he just hung his head out the window and started crying I mean crying like a baby Mike what did you lose what you had oh one game eight thousand eight thousand what the fuck is wrong with you next day he was done on a plane out of here but uh yeah there's so many stories to tell I mean you know I could tell you

the Palosos came to my father's house looking for one of my brothers Chris Costa and oh I shouldn't say name should I whatever they're fucking dead and gone by now there's somewhere fucking doing time yeah it costs it I don't even know if that's still around you know those are two fucking degenerate gambling bastards but uh yeah they came they Paloso came to my father's house what about I'm like what the fuck you've done with that back where's your brother yells me three grand I don't get in line buddy I go he ain't around and you don't ever come to my father's house not what about I'll shove it up your ass but

um I don't know brother it's just and you know what it's funny if you go back there the same people are still doing the same things it's crazy it's fucking crazy I couldn't Greg I could put in like two bets a year now I don't you know I don't mess around really at all I mean you know once in a while if I go to Vegas I have a little bit of fun but you know I got I got kids to take care of buddy you know how it is no it's weird because I used to always gamble when I was stealing and doing this and that because you don't give a fuck about the money but when you get up early in the morning you got to work for it that

motherfucker hurts when you got to pay a bookie every day that hurts when you're selling coke and hustling and beating people who gives a fuck this is another part of your agenda I know I know it's like you know you got all this money what do you do with it you just so many people did the same thing back there like that people that was selling drugs and had all that money that was more money that the bookies were making too because when you're all fucking banged up on coke and drinking every night and you're losing you're not making money till you you don't even think straight when you're gambling when you're all

banged up you know I would gamble to figure out Friday like I would go all right the bookies gonna pay me on Thursday what do I need a hundred a night to drink and Joe Marys I need a hundred a night for Graham I need 50 for quailudes I want to fuck Lisa's I need another hundred so I go all right I need 700 for Thursday that's what I'm gonna gamble and all of a sudden you lose we have to go to the fucking owner of Joe Marys George and borrow money on the juicer you know many times I fuck I owe that guy like $80,000 a juice George remember the owner George from the Joe Marys with Lyle and all that shit I

used to take 500 a day from him 500 to pay back 750 I go to him and go hey you know Greg got his girlfriend pregnant needs money for an abortion and I would he would give me 50 bucks for getting the loan but he little did he know the loan was for fucking me wow so he would give me 50 bucks for giving a loan to Greg but little did he know the money and then he wouldn't ask you so he would ask me about it so one of once I left one day he started asking people where's my 800 like what fucking 800 I lent you 800 years ago your girlfriend I don't even have a girlfriend you know Greg I laugh because it's like we're

here in Cali now together you know I saw you last year one of the shows and we both cried because we grew like little kids together but it's I always tell stories on these things I want you to verify one thing remember when we were in high school weren't we getting California we'd sent out to us from California Greg absolutely federal express packages baby do you remember mr. Pullman that used to get weed from Hawaii for us do you remember that yeah Bob moment I used to do all kinds of cope with him that is that his fucking apartment ladies and gentlemen you fucking morons with that these young

kids today that the teacher sucks dead dick and they go home and tell their mom what do we do with teachers remember that shit they used to they used to fucking sell weed to us when I was a junior he used to get these weed sticks these Hawaiian tie sticks tied up and he'd sell for you for 35 bucks for three joints that was a lot in 1979 and 80 we were 16 up there was that the home and used to get them sent to him and like these like cookie cans and he'd get them shipped over from Hawaii and they were there was like a tie stick it was really some of the best shit I ever remember having oh my god it was fucking amazing we can they

only had like two remember we used to get the sense from fucking LA and the tie stick from New York that was it these idiots today walk around oh my god I spoke to Sativa get the fuck out of here just go smoke and shut your fucking mouth what's that I said the chocolate pie all the chocolate time we used to call it the chocolate traumatized your brother used to have it too your brother used to have a down on fucking 80th Street down there those are the days man but I want to let people know Greg how deep we were in when we were 16 and 17 I look at kids today 15 I look at them when I go they couldn't handle what we're

doing at 15 we were crazy bro I mean seriously we were I can't I tell my kids things and they just look at me like you know you know they don't believe it but when I take them back there and they hear from other people and other family you know but yeah we we did some absolutely crazy shit I mean I remember James you know he's a kid who had three cars before he ever even had a fucking license I remember he used to do the the drive-by 88 Street Park he would just drive by in that big Plymouth Fury and just take he had everybody's order and he would just throw the fucking bag out the window and he just kept driving up

the hill to make his other deliveries it's crazy you know I get sad when I think about that because we almost didn't make an outbreak we're very lucky to be here man there's a lot of people look at Rago's dead a lot of people that you know we were with I mean I get sad because I'm very fucking lucky when I wake up every morning I did a podcast last week and some guys like well what do you really want that you're in California mate these motherfuckers don't know I'm just happy to get up every fucking morning that's why I'm doing this to let people know man we were almost done Craig there's so many

things that could have killed us drugs number one everybody was had that fucking head in the bag back then it was the 80s it was like weed is in California the coke you know they talk about her cell done shit we had fucking blow in North Bergen in 76 by 80 everybody in high school I've been doing lines in sophomore year and fucking Susie and mr. Zink's class with lubes doing fucking lines passing the packets as a sophomore as a fucking sophomore you know and some of it I'm proud of him some of it I'm not proud of but thank God we got it all out of the way and it took me 30 years to get

off that garbage but in the gambling you know I learned all my lessons early you know and we used to have some fucking laughs though Greg I mean none of us came from the Brady Bones type of house but we kept it together who disciplined you Greg nobody no not really I mean you were 15 and 16 nobody disciplined ourselves we took care of ourselves I mean it's it's a fucking wild thing I read when I seen you and your brother in San Diego I had to leave because on the drive home I had a cry great because it's just amazing that we're still here I mean where's fucking Freddie Hawthorne who the fuck no you

know where's half of these fucking guys so any other gambling stories you got from you go Greg something to hit these motherfuckers heavy you know I like I said I could I could tell you a lot of them but I don't want to like really you know I don't want to hurt anybody by saying the wrong thing about you know me myself I never really got that bad with it you know I would you know I did my you know my little ten and twenty time is back in the day and never never crazy crazy like I mean the bookies never came looking for me you know but like I said I could tell you stories about other people but I don't I don't

want to I don't know if it's the right thing to you know say that right now at this time I was telling me about your crazy cousin the sports guy you know which one I'm talking about right the one that the one that bit Roger's ear off New Year's Eve 1983 and we had to put in the baggie and take it home on ice long before Tyson and only long before Tyson didn't well I was thinking about a story about him when I used to live in Colorado and I used to bring them guns remember that I do remember those days and one day I'm at his house and he's got the safe open I could see all the little vials of steroids and stuff and

he's snorting coke and at the same time he's shooting a fucking steroid in his ass do you know they all did and Russo Rago do you remember that you remember when I got the back of my whole night he'd make me stay up all night good then he would want to smoke it there'd be nothing or smoke it out of he'd go upstairs and his mother's refrigerator get a fucking pickle jar main age jar make a pipe out of pull the screen out of the dry event cut it out make it make a base pipe and then he'd want to go work out that burglars garage I remember when I brought the bag of mushrooms and yet his younger cousin the crazy one

was 14 or 13 I left the mushrooms on the table and we were in the back bedroom when he started eating those fucking mushrooms thinking they were potato chips oh god he was 13 he must ate a fucking quarter of fucking mushrooms Greg it's a fucking pleasure man I'm happy that you took the time to come on today you know I love you to all my heart and your brother and your families I just I do this church so that motherfuckers know dog what the fuck is really cracking I'm not one of these ha ha he comedians they think they see and with a real deal here so I'd like to let him know that we came from a fucking heart dog I can't

believe we're here Greg yeah I mean you know we could talk for hours and hours and weeks about a lot of stuff but you know thanks for inviting me appreciate it anytime I love you too who you bet into that who you like ah I gotta tell you that usually the first week or two I got the lineup right now you know it's it's really it's tough you got to kind of let like a week or two go by so you get a good feel of what's going on I like the under on the Pittsburgh Denver game that's my pick right now the under on the Denver fucking Pittsburgh game that's my lock of the fucking week right now because everybody's gonna be

watching it and this is what's gonna happen those fucking Pittsburgh 530 games tonight yeah that's America's game and I usually don't like fucking with it but I'll give out the fucking total on it because Pittsburgh's always the lowest payroll and they got the fucking they got I call you know what they call I call their defense night of a thousand niggas they just come at you from every fucking direction it's like the fucking Disney it's like a Wizard of Oz when at the end what the fuck you laugh about it's true they're the lowest paid team and it's not of a thousand niggas every time you turn around there's a black

guy right there fucking blocking you that's the way defense is supposed to be if they come out like that this guy is no snowy Joey Montana move Montana got hurt and they said he got hurt for six fucking weeks and whatever it wasn't hurt he was in a fucking rehab that's why he came back after six weeks and through 3,000 fucking touchdowns this guy I don't think you do it he never had the mobility originally I love him he's one of the funniest fucking guys I've ever fucking met my life to call it back from the Broncos him you know whatever even a manning is hysterical but today we're talking about you this so I'm gonna

go with the fucking under because if they knock them out actually that's a good fucking bet right there I don't have to worry about who's gonna win or who's gonna score nothing I'm just cheering for them not to fucking score that's the lock of the fucking week right there you know I know I know that's where a lot of people make their money is on under and over that's it you don't have to worry about that there is a strategy to that you're praying for fumbles can be made I'll go down there and put butter in all their fucking hands those cock suckers I love you Greg stay black cock sucker we'll talk during the

my best of the family that's how we do it here and I know I said a couple fucking damn fucking you gotta stand by it that's what the church of what's happening now is I'm taking I'm giving you some so you can take out of here all fucking week and live by it that's how we do it here Lee what's up in your fucking world you haven't said much today cuz I haven't shut the fuck up it's like somebody gave me I'm getting off on that truck I'm getting creepy oh yeah I know it's it's I it starts tingling up in your head oh yeah oh yeah but uh no I'm I'm one of the guys I'm I can't wear the New

England game is about to start I'm DVR'ing it and that's why I can't bet cuz I like I'm doing fantasy football which I'm not even gonna bother asking you about cuz I'll get yelled at but I can't I like I can't bet on New England cuz I'd always bet for them to win I can't bet for them to lose and I look I went to Vegas last year was friends when the Celtics were playing the heat the first time in the playoffs and I had I was up for the weekend granted of course I paid a bunch for the hotel and I was down overall but I was up for the weekend and I was stupid and bet 200 on the Celtics to beat Miami and the first

game of not last the last playoffs but they'll peel off before it and the heat destroyed the Celtics so I just I'm a fan so I and I'm I'm too stupid not to not to bet on my team so I just well now you know nothing you didn't stupid you didn't know Lee and that's the same but I bet the giant I remember going to see the Nets against the Sixes with Julius Irving playing for the fucking Sixes given four and I knew it and I bet the Sixes and they lost to the Nets so I don't bet with or against them yeah don't bet with or against your own team just don't do it it's not with the aggravation you'll say to yourself fuck

I could have done this I got emotionally covered this that by the way I do like the end of the Denver game so if you are gonna put it better tell me Uncle and that's 45 and a half and then like that's just like we were talking before it started the guys who do it or fucking if the guys who were doing this were trying to get the cancer cure they would get it because it's it's perfect it's just enough because they have been office burger and paid manning look at the fucking totals they're 46 and a half that's 23 points that's fucking the that's like fucking the three touchdowns in a field goal right so but in

reality it's what six fucking touchdowns right yeah six touchdowns in a field goal they could fucking Hollisburg Ross of Burke had scored 10 by himself and Maddie could throw 10 by himself so her being their mother's betting the over especially when they call and the point goes up or the point will go down they'll push you down and you'll bet the over if it stays where it is don't worry about the points just go with the under because they're trying to they're gonna pull some scam on you tonight you have to assume it's like when you jerk off in Las Vegas in the hotel room you have to assume they're watching you on fucking

camera you have to assume they're gonna throw over by the way at you tonight don't believe the fucking hype just bet the understay right there there's a problem we'll talk that's what the best thing about football is this 17 weeks in the playoffs you always make your money back because you get stronger but you strengthen your picks but there's nothing there there's nothing there if you don't see nothing there why are you fucking betting it what you think no go home go for a fucking jog and forget football for football for the day away for tennis or whatever fuck it is you do yeah that's that's tough especially when

people are in Vegas they're there to have a good time and and especially during baseball season when games take fucking four hours and it's one run games it's it's killer betting baseball is like having a black dodo up your ass you don't do it it's just it's just a fucking night man till the series till the series then you can really back cuz it's really true to form but if you get caught it's a basketball if you get caught up a basketball it's like there's an old joke Robert Schimel God blesses soul used to do he used to say in the 80s you guys are too young there was a commercial the guy would be on his on

his front step he'd be landing he pop his head up and he'd go I lost my house I lost my wife I lost my job I lost everything to cocaine and the camera were going to partnership for a free cocaine he had a joke that said I lost my house my wife my car my job my dog let's party dropping on a fucking Sunday today leak what we got on top of the week we got a podcast tomorrow the church on Monday 6 a.m. 9 a.m. New Jersey time which is East Coast and Wednesday and then Thursday I'm going to fucking Minneapolis to the Rick Bronson's then the 20th and 21st the 20th I'm going to Madison my man Duncan

Trussell get your tickets on brown paper tickets on the 21st I'll be a Milwaukee with Duncan Trussell get your tickets on brown paper fucking tickets of brown paper back what do you gotta say you got something like somebody's fucking choking nothing I was like I was wondering if you were like I know you don't work Sundays but like I listen to Bill Burr's podcast when he does it when he goes he does the road he goes to like a football game every weekend and I would like I haven't been like I'm only been to like the Patriots I would love to go to each stadium do you do you do that at all when you would travel yeah I used to go to a

lot of more baseball you know like if I'm like if I'm in Texas and Houston especially Houston's a good picture that hold their fucking tough but it's the first game of the season the bookmakers are in the mood to fucking the ass this week I also like New England not covering winning they given six I like them winning not covering winning by a field goal they still win the wing Patriots fans don't get mad at me but they just don't cover and you know the England's known not for fucking covering every once in a while so they have a pretty bad defense that's why it's not a fucking bad pick and I just want to say

some league first off thank you very much for convincing me to do this I don't think you're a gentleman you're a top-notch producer you know without Lee and Joe Rogan I have dick because Joe gave me the light and Leah passed the torch up and something else I want to thank you people for the bottom of my heart when we fucking called me and said that we were on the charts I almost blew a gasket but when he called back and he said that we were number five that's something completely different that guys that means you guys are doing this from your heart and I fucking appreciate it because you know I I love you guys I'm

here for you motherfuckers I'm crazy and nobody gave me a chance but you guys have you guys are my fucking world on Twitter and Facebook and iTunes I love you motherfuckers and Lee loves you and we're gonna do this twice a week when I give you the best fucking Joey Dears rents night of a thousand niggas we're going deep because it's the only thing that's gonna get you motherfuckers going guys I don't have time no more I've been busting my horn for 15 years nobody did nothing I see you guys on Twitter tweeting me going how come you don't go on this guy's podcast they won't put me on they won't put me to fuck on but now

we're gonna make our points for all you motherfuckers that supported me and Lee and gave us love with the CD the testicle testaments it's about to make our point I'm gonna take you motherfuckers into deep water in the year you're gonna be telling motherfuckers on a daily basis to suck your dick because I got uncle Joey in my corner in the fucking flying Jew and the year Lee's gonna have a fucking yarmulke with diamonds in it you understand me old-school blood diamonds with a black fucking finger hanging from the top a little blood on it I was hoping you'd say that fuck yeah cuz that's how we do it here in the church

what's happening now listen man give a lot of love to Joe Rogan and all my death squad fucking brothers from Shafia to Duncan Felicia's gonna stop by tomorrow Tuesday me and Felicia gonna go do a be in the beast acupuncture we're gonna go interview her she's gonna take pictures of putting needles in my asshole I'm gonna even try to put a needle in my nutsack for you motherfuckers look I get excited I got saliva I'm high on the chocolate listen have a great day with your fucking families okay love them do what the fuck you need to do your animals take them for a walk exercise Lee I often have a BLT they

want none today in the morning I'm sick of fucking eggs all week Sundays when I get my PowerPoint from motherfucking weight watchers see I got the menu going I got my workouts for the week what days I'm gonna work out I got the flying in there and then already I had to think I got an extra like 30 or 40 action points the reason why I fucking ate the bar so early is because once Lee Lee's I'm gonna go shop with my wife because I hang out with her on Sunday she's pregnant then when I come back I hit the fucking why let me tell you something when you eat an edible and you go to the why you got on that

bicycle and you put on your fucking little itunes the iPad whatever the fuck it is on your ears and you start peddling and all of a sudden your heart goes it's like 140 on that thing and you listen to let's get it give me back my fucking bullets oh my god and you start hitting it let me tell you why I eat the animals and I don't want you people to think well Joey you're a fucking idiot or whatever when Bruce Lee died they found weed in the system a lot of people don't know is that weed of marijuana or even what we have is hash takes the acid out of your body like out of your muscles it gives you the

same reaction you get when you eat lettuce like people always say eat lettuce after you work out because it takes the acid out of your muscle and won't be that sore you'll be that tight oh TAC does the same thing a lot of people don't know that people have told me on the slide they don't have to get out because then whatever people who work with you privately or will say well you can't be smoking pile whatever fuck people stare the stigma that's why whenever I work out heavy I always eat one of those hash bars because the next day I won't be sore when you're 300 pounds your joints are just the way life

is that's why I tell people you're 300 you're starting exercise routine you're gonna go run you're gonna quit after four days because your joints are gonna hurt they're just gonna hurt if you eat the marijuana don't smoke it just eat it after you work out it will take the storm this away and I'm gonna get tweets Joey you're a fucking savage or you're an asshole check it out I wouldn't fucking lie to you I'm the one that started at 415 and that's what I used to do nobody knew that whatever used to have hash butter cookies that you take them and the next day you felt like you went for a massage so I put two into

the gathered that's why Bruce Lee used to eat that shit because he wouldn't be sore all the acid would be taken out of your fucking muscles no I feel great the next day I don't know about smoking it but I know when I eat something hash concentrated and I work out and I do like the bag for 30 I'll do the bike for 30 I'll do the treadmill for 30 guys I'm still fucking 298 around there my joints hurt when you eat a little piece that takes that tension off whatever I know you're saying Joey you're a junkie I was a junkie today I'm just a medical marijuana practitioner my brother Lee Lee any kind words to get these motherfuckers

going today no yeah we've got a bunch of great songs openings which I've gone in if you want to send one it's a church of what's happening now pod at gmail.com and send any questions there we've got a bunch of great questions and we're gonna keep we're probably gonna do another week of the song send it for a song and then we'll get it going tomorrow I'm gonna have Devon call my ex-girlfriend from Seattle the one with the model in her pussy the blood came out is the one the little Hershey chocolate came out of her ass she's calling tomorrow and Wednesday I'm gonna have my buddy Timmy called who was the driver the getaway driver of the

jewelry ice 30 years ago that I did for gambling because I lost money so I'm not talking to you guys out of just some tongue and jerk off I'm talking to you guys on experience do me a favor wash your nuts it's real out there go out there and do what the fuck you want to do because this world is yours motherfuckers don't let nobody stop you don't let nobody tell you no I love you guys Lee throw a kiss love you guys stay black motherfuckers the church of what's happening out tomorrow 6 a.m. have a great day off the chronic here is these nuts yeah

this bitch hello what's up what you doing I'm just kicking it are y'all guys thank you now what you gonna do today I'm gonna get my nails done see why what's up hey did they watch a name and get out you yesterday I want to ask you one question if I had some nuts hanging on the wall