Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 09/12/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #6

Episode Date: September 14, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about his betting days, his days as a thief, and Joey gives dating advice to Albert, a 50 man from Boston. Tim, the driver in the Jewlery store heist calls in to talk about the upcomming anniversary.  Live Streamed on 09/10/2012.

I Happened now is in full effect Joey fucking Diaz the flying Julie sciat. What are you fucking shaking your head for Lee? I was waking Ari to fuck up. You're on the phone who gives a fuck I was waking him up and then you and then you went before I could start up your microphone Come on guy. That's why you always got to be fucking ready Lee always always before you start up the microphone Good morning. The church of what's happening now is a full motherfucking effect Just that Ari should fear the other fucking cuz he's the flying Jew fucking Lee sciat, but Ari's on the plane So obviously he's the flying fucking Jewish

So I thought I was waking him up, but he's already on the fucking plane great to have you here happy fucking Wednesday You know The day after fucking 9-11 so thank God it's over. There was no Whatever my heart goes out to the families and everything But it's like Lee was saying you know I'm saying every fucking 9-11 you get all these fake patriots up there Putting fire hats and kazoo's and cops and well He was all fucking upset about he's like what the fuck is wrong with these people I you know, I don't even like talking about it. Like I was watching all that discovery Nat Geo stuff about it and the voices

It's a fucking heartbreaker and it happened in my city. You know when I grew up I know that fucking place, but why started on a fucking then we got shit going on today. Lee. What's happening over there? He's giggling. I didn't want to fucking smoke the pot. Whoa the vapor pen is here already I already had a slice of my fucking bang chocolate from divine wellness now. I'm over here. I'm saving the lunch late Hey, I'm just vaporizing all day like a doctor Through Osmosis for you motherfuckers Welcome to fucking Wednesday who's seen the Sun's anarchy last night seen the fucking premiere Let me tell you some I was driving around all goddamn day yesterday

Thinking about sons. I came home. They were fucking some shit up Gemma is tremendous. Did you watch a leak? No? You're probably fucking watching some Momo show about some guy throwing rocks at pigeons or some shit Fuck no, it's my favorite show. There was some fucking heavy-duty shit. Jacks took over the fucking clays got that to clay looks rough Too he looks like he did 55 fucking G-Bos over the fucking summer and then you got ticked. They burned his fucking door They threw in a fucking hole They were shooting some people the feds are looking for him. So that was a season fucking open That's usually a way of fucking show up closes So and I guess that's the most violent thing that ever happened on fucking FX like the most violent scene ever

Happened last night. I never got into it. Is it a good show? You know what man? It's as good as it's gonna be I listen. I don't want to watch fucking modern family of people hug and I'm fucking people shooting each other You know I'm saying I want my heart to beat for fucking an hour. Yeah I don't want to watch some fucking dumb sitcom anymore and I'll tell you what like Sons of anarchy I got opened up with him banging fucking I mean the opening scene was Jimmy Smith's banging the chick from Mario with children and two chicks are having a two-some What the fuck are you gonna get that on seven o'clock at night? Where the fuck are you gonna get the entertainment tonight with the chick with the big fucking horse teeth?

What are you fucking gonna get that? I need that in my life once a week. I don't want to live it no more I just need a couple people getting bits lab. You got the Mexicans. You got the fucking yams You got the fucking dirty white dudes on bicycles selling fucking guns. You got the Irish You know I'm saying it's a fun fucking hour. Yeah, everything else. I said to he get the fuck out I want to giggle like a four-year-old and you know you have a friend on there from the view He was on the beauty in the beast with you, right? Yeah, Emilio I've known Emilio since I fucking first moved to hit man and that guy has been I just seen something with Tom Cruz the other day the one when he's a hit man with Ray, you know the fucking guy who played Ray

No, Jesus and what's the name of that movie? I was I knew I know you don't even know what the fuck I'm talking who played Ray Yeah, so it's him and him when they're in a cab and and he's in the fucking movie Oh, I didn't know what damn You know, he's been around for a long time. So when he told me was on Sunday I didn't watch it for first three or four So I didn't know how many seasons it's on when he told me I started my wife would watch it from time to time I started watching I liked it Lobo wasn't another friend of mine Lobo's cousin was in it So you got to watch the fucking things to support. So I really enjoyed it last night. I was I'm gonna watch it again

That's why I ate that fucking candy bar bang chocolate. So I get ready for the fucking morning I got a big I don't have dick today dick. I'm leaving them all to Minnesota nice and early like a doctor Yeah, really early like five in the morning. Yeah, why don't you fucking tell him cock sucker next thing? You know, I got fucking three dudes with fucking things on their head really a blow to play next to me cock sucker. You know what I'm saying? Let's piss everybody off today Fucking stick them took our shit off because we're throwing heat who knows who fucking knows what happened But no, no, I like all that stuff yesterday. I had a fucked up daily. What do you yesterday? I went for acupuncture. Oh, and Dr. Amy must have put 92 fucking needles in me

She put two needles under my armpits To them I could feel and the day before I had gone to yoga and I did a thousand downward dog So she was sticking the needle right into the fucking muscle which supposed which supports the chubby side of the downward fucking dog And I'll tell you what she put two of them in there two of them in my hand. I had them in my neck my ears I had them all down my back because she cut me deep last night because there's a problem in my back But she cut me deep when you go to acupuncture when I leave I don't like to plan a lot of big shit I like my day to be slow and relax and I get good sleep. You sleep great I do really all the night after fucking needles like the night after you get the needles use what the fuck is this the

Kettle next door five during the morning's dogs outside. Yeah, don't tell him where you live man. The guys will be outside So anyways, you sleep pretty good. Yeah, you sleep like a fuck I mean, I all I remember last night was looking at the clock and closing my eyes. Oh, those are the best Demi was next to me the cat. I closed my fucking eyes. Bam done like a doctor. I woke up to some fucking Macho Macho Macho man, you know, he's on the fucking alarm. Yeah, whatever fucking song who the hell knows So no, no, I feel great. I look great. I'm gonna feel the needles I took you take a fucking gigantic shit when you come back from acupuncture She puts a needle like in your liver and spins that motherfucker around and lights it on fire

Your fucking stomach fills up. I drove right home. It's like you just tap it and this thing comes out of you Oh, I love it. If you're not in that get bunch, you know what? I've been doing it for six fucking years Look at the pictures of me in the longest yard. Look at me now. I don't look bad. I'm an old fuck I mean, I'm 49, but I'm a hundred and twenty two in cocaine years. It's like a fucking dog You know I'm saying toast to that bitches What do we got today? Oh, we got my man Timmy Marblehead calling and Timmy calls it on the pile Let me explain to you what happened Timmy calls it on the pilot when we did the first episode just fucking around

He's gonna call back again today because like they celebrated some 9-11 yesterday the 11th anniversary This Saturday is the 30th anniversary When we robbed the jewelry store together when we had gotten on high school the summer of 82 and every year I like to celebrate because it was what gave me balls, but took them away kind of sort of what's going on You're right. Yeah, you're over there reading shit thinking you're fucking Copernicus and whatnot Yeah, that um Fucking acupuncture scares me up my needles aren't as bad as yours like I don't pass out But I was I've been scared needles for my entire life and the thought of having needles in my hands and yeah, I can't do

You'll be fine though. It's gonna be you don't even feel it. I fainted a couple fucking times Oh, yeah, I've gone in there and I felt the needles too cuz I was a fucking Momo I'd eat like a Edible before I go in there. Uh-huh. I used to go on when I first started going on on Tuesdays I used to eat a fucking edible my friend Worked in a weed store and he'd say come over at 9. I'll give you the edibles We've made tonight before so by the time I get up there at 1 o'clock My head would be fucking spinning like Jusin and Janet get down. Where's the last time you heard it like this?

No, and by the time I get up there, I'd be fucking high You know, I feel the edible kick and then she stick needles in me and you feel the needle going in you a lot more And I would faint like one time I hurt my knee from fucking fame that the needle That's how I twisted it. Oh, so I fainted an acupuncture. I hurt my fucking knee in the meanwhile, you know So I was gonna go smoke free, but this shit from fucking no hole when I get this no Organic is fucking tremendous is where I got the vapor pen to the vapor pen if you're in the neighborhood stop in there Get a little vapor pen by Eureka Mm-hmm

Stone to the fucking gills by 6 30 in the fucking morning. Who's better uncle Joe? What the fuck? We got the whole day today, you know, we're gonna write today everything But like I was telling you while I was rudely interrupted by Lee with fucking needles What the fuck he was talking about my brother here, you know, we always celebrate September 15th. I always talk about it because It was the first time I really wanted a fucking big-time limb, you know when I was in high school I used to walk past this jewelry store to go to the burglar line every dad walk past this jewelry store One day I look in there and I see what the fuck I go in and there's two old ladies and the guy the guys got like a bad Wig and I go in and look at jewelry

I always like Joe my mother wore a lot of jewelry going in look like a fucking jewelry and I said, let me see that ring I was dating this little fucking half Italian chicken girl Let me see that ring and they put out a fucking tray, you know in each tray at like two rings in each fucking slot Took a ring to look at it. I looked over nobody was watching me and I did like a magic trick and I put it in my sock Boom I walk out of jewelry store. This is the first jewelry store. I mean the 80s. They still didn't have the buzzer Yeah, you just walking and walk out I tell one of my friends he said that's impossible about a month later I go because I would go to there was a Burger King on the corner my friend

Darcy worked in there when we were like 1980s We're going to get the free chicken sandwiches. I used to eat those motherfuckers To a day and then down the corner was a sporting goods while you can buy sneakers Like fucking going there. So I always walk past his jewelry store. Okay, so when they walk past the jewelry store Yeah, I go in there again. I asked lady for a tray again She gives me a fucking tray two rings in each thing I pop the fucking ring this time with a diamond on a little baby diamond. I put it in my fucking dream fucking walk out I couldn't believe this is going on. I would tell my friends

I'm going in there every two months and stealing the ring the people don't even know what I'm doing it guys And they didn't recognize you each time there were two ladies to like 60 year old fucking ladies They just fuck they forgot about you before you're out there. Yeah, so it was like kind of weird So one day I go in there We go to the Cuban for this place Gilberto's on Burgling Avenue me for any Boston pseudo a bunch of us and on the way back I go guys I got this football shirt on like a high school football shirt from my team and it was mesh With the shoulder pads will be tough over here. I go in and I'm talking to the lady this time

There's one old lady and the guy I asked her to see the tray again She turns her back on me walks away. This is summer of 82 I take the fucking tray put it under my shirt and walk out of there. We get to the car We got 30 engagement diamond rings. Whoo. I take them to my buddy Chris the fucking fish He's all coped up and shit. I go. I need to suck it was only fucking not 17 18 He goes I'll get your money for these he beat us He gave it he gave a 600 per ring or something like that, but it was fucking 30 rings We made some fucking cash that was some summer money bitches

Plus I threw his mother a ring a friend of mine a ring, but we had robbed a tray of fucking rings Just just under your shirt. I couldn't believe it But the payoff was they had this thing that spun around on the counter Oh, I love that you spin around and the jewelry would spin by so the top things had bracelets and the bottom had long fucking Changed it was stacked and I would go in there from time to time and move it a little bit Like to see how heavy it was and they had just a plug for the wall to make it spin around It wasn't alarmed. It wasn't wired. It wasn't whatever and I made a mental note to fucking but if I get in trouble That little towers going down a little fucking tower, you know, yeah

So I had enrolled at a glassboro state University, which is now rowing Okay down in Philly by the by soft Jersey Philly area, right and it's rowing now But this time it was glassboro state. It was like the fucking number two-party school. They take me down there My buddy signed me up as I get you in I get your student loans I figured to myself, you know what? I'll scan the student fucking loan people. I go in there They signed me up for like 13 40. I don't even know 15 credits. God damn it. I get I get uh, I get a Loan and I sign up for these classes. I made it three fucking weeks, bro

I couldn't take it. I was home sick, you know, and I was like three hours away Like go fucking home and we get this fucking party going and we get all cocked up and we start gambling sad I haven't seen my friends in three weeks. I was heartbroken. I'm saying like I was like a little you know those people Oh my god, I haven't seen my friend who gives a fuck I'm down in Philly living with this guy that walks around with a night patch bringing two girls home One night I woke up and he was fucking dressed in a mask and he was banging this shit. I mean it was fucking crazy I never heard about this guy before. Oh, no, his name is Curt. I that it's a fucking long. He's still alive in Miami He's my brother. He's just doing he's just fucking surviving. I love him with all my heart

So I go back up to fucking North Bergen for this weekend and my buddies are going nuts They're snorting they're fucking eating kway ludes They're eating gorilla biscuits and they're gambling sadly and they're winning and they gamble fucking Sunday and they win So Monday I go fuck. I'm not going on those days Monday night football was huge kids. This what's going on like this Monday. I forgot there was football Oh, yeah, like 8th 30 at night. I go, honey There's a fucking football. I hear I was watching eyewitness news. I always watch Diane Sawyer except when George saw the robbless He bothers the fuck out of me. I like him. I like Diane Sawyer watch fucking world news tonight to watch Diane Sawyer

That's my girl. So I'm sitting there trying to uh, you know, you know, I'm like, when is football gonna fucking start And sure enough, it's on ESPN with or whatever the fuck it said Whatever the fuck it is. It's a double head out of here. Yeah So, uh, Finney, give me a cock sucker. Come say hello to the american people American people, australians, england, you know, I love you. So I don't give a fuck who's watching I hope you all why I hope you're watching and fucking appra everywhere. You thought I hope there's anyway So this monday night monday night used to be huge guys Okay in the 80s and I don't know what the fuck happened. I don't know what you little motherfuckers are thinking

Mondays is the first day. Listen, you know, I don't work Sundays because I like being home monday If you're not home monday, that's the beginning of the fucking week. How in this country did monday night football go out of fucking business? It all started with that fucking What's that kid's name? I thought he was fucking smart and they put him on to a host on monday nights denis miller I love denis miller as a comedian But when he took monday night 40, he added fucking intelligence like he was fucking smarter with his big fucking words Go fuck yourself cock sucker. You brought down fucking monday night football by yourself cosel died They took fucking oj or all these motherfuckers that were the real deal and they put denis miller on that was the beginning of the

Fucking that I don't give a fuck who gets mad at me But that's the fucking truth monday night football used to be goddamn huge in this fucking country. Any way you went there was happy hours We used to go to a ground round and go with new jersey with the fucking brothers. You understand me? You think i'm fucking kidding you we go to a ground round because they gave out free meatballs And little appetizers we go there fucking tear up the fucking appetizers on a monday night It was nongo with new jersey. I was fucking called george collard I was the king of dining and dashing at the fucking underground So then george tell the story remember when we used to go to uh ground round

I used to take the check and walk up to the fucking manager and talk to him like this place is beautiful Let's get out of here and he'd go. What were you talking to the guy about? He comped us to fucking the other never got comp nothing. We're going in destroy the chicken wings. But anyway Let me take you back to september fucking something 82. So we go down a monday night and we bet This uh all of us four fucking little young losers You know with btl tattoos on a fucking fourhead instead of fucking mans and family Go to ground round. We bet it was either dallas against pittsburgh or pittsburgh. It would that was the game

I just forget who the fuck we bet. Yeah, but we didn't put in like a 10 time Who were 18 10 times in those days were 55 of your lord if you lost 50 if you were not us We were gorillas. We put fucking 300 times on this which is 1800 or something 500 times That's what we bet. We got a fucking we got my high school teacher george the camel breath To take a 500 time bet, which is like 20 like $3,000 if you lose or something This is just out of high school. But here's the clinka. We go to this fucking ground round. Okay Now it was us that was white everybody else's brothers. He's too fucking. I'll never forget this as long as I live that night

It will stick in my mind And he's too yahoo's walking I don't even know where the fuck they were from. I've never seen these guys This is a big city angle with this is online up to that street that connects right by the george Washington bridge I've been out there for 30 years. So don't fucking be mad at me And I go in there and next you know, they throw a pass to lynch one. Okay, one of those receivers on pittsburgh He drops and that weren't a black bar I don't know what these fucking white guys were thinking but the one white guy yelled and I'll never forget this

He goes it was off if it was a fucking pocketbook. You wouldn't drop it Right. I'll never ever forget this and dirty fucking heavy duty black militants from anglewood, new jersey Just looked at the motherfucker One guy went up to talk to them. They escorted him out. I never seen the motherfuckers again. There was clothing ripped outside That's all I say. No, you don't give a fucking those days When the when you from the church what's happening now? Listen Rule number eight, you don't give a fuck if they ain't got nothing to do with you and they're getting beat up Mind your fucking business look straight make believe you're looking at the tv

It's got nothing to do with you. All right, all you're gonna hear It was like when we used to mug fucking guys at the Hudson county park That's all you're gonna fucking hear mind your fucking business a lot of heroes out there And every time I seen a hero get shot or stabbed mind your fucking had nothing to do with you He opened up his mouth and he took the beating. So now we lose Dallas fucking loses or whoever the fuck we bet. Yeah, they lose huge. We got to come up with this money by thursday Hi gray gray. We got to come up with this money. You guys want to see gray. Come here, mama Look at all these people

This is my little princess gray gray say hello This is my little girl This the last one we fucking adopted look at she's looking right at the camera like what suck my dick Hi mama She these little fucking animals love to me love without these animals Lee I couldn't make it happen ever seriously because they put me in a good mood every morning When I got here and your wife opened the door, there's about all of them just sitting around your wife was watching tv I before I met you I didn't like cats and they were just they just looked up at me and they all smiled

And they got used to me so they don't run anymore And they just want to like fiddle me out at me. It was just it's it's it's very happy and I mean But I never liked cats either. We all fucking chase cats into rocks at cats as a fucking kid My friends used to take cats and throw them off a roof to see how many clothes lines like a knock down Oh, that's right. They wouldn't kill them. They just throw them off a roof You think I feel bad about that she only told me that's where I want to stab myself But whatever as long as you have an animal with a dog Cat go to your fucking shelf to listen people they're fucking overflowing

I go there sometimes and I'm fucking heartbroken. I can't put no more. I can't I can't help no more I feed the three down the block. I got two around the corner. I got a pigeon. I got my own shit I'm about to get a parrot do me a favor go down there. They bring a lot of joy to your life cat dog Fucking chill. I don't give a fuck what it is. It's really nice. It's responsibility and they're gonna fucking Zoot these motherfuckers anyway, they're gonna shoot them or whatever the fuck they do that They call them like a name to make them look nice and republican They're gonna emancipate them whatever the fuck they're gonna. What's the name? They there's a name for them Euphonize and what the fuck does that mean? I'll set there for 10 years

Euphonize I'm only gonna give them a shot or something for fucking hunger. Yeah, my wife. We know they fucking kill them. So You know how that goes but uh back to the fucking back back to the story back to the hotel talk suckers Great week this week. Wednesday motherfuckers. I'm happy here with mad flavor the church of what's happening now The flying jews lisa. Yeah one of the baddest motherfuckers. I know putting shit together Like a real fucking jew not like these fucking momos walking around with no yama because it's starting next week Lee's getting his birth yama. He's gonna start wearing on the show. We're gonna get two cameras We're gonna work on this motherfucker to get some eyeball I just don't want you to see this fucking ugly face when we get lee on there

We're gonna get charles bronson up there from my man mic max. Well Anyway, back to fucking what time you got here because my man temmie marble heads gonna call Uh, he's gonna call like seven minutes beautiful. We'll set him right to fuck up. So we fucking uh So you lost the we lose this money Four of us lose this fucking money And not one of us has a dime to fucking pay so just because i've never placed it bad with a bookie Okay, when you place his bed, you don't have to give him anything. No, I just call him up and say this is the silver Cavalier

Every name had a different one. I look at my four buddies when I got him on hold like oh, what's the line? He tells me six and a half forty four and a half the over nothing I go All right, hold on and you cover the fucking phone you go. What do you want to do guys? 100 times one of you walking on ice you might as well dance 500 times all right. Listen, we're gonna put in 500 fucking times which is 500 to win Or no 100 times it's 500 to win or 600 to lose in those days or whatever for 550 That makes me nervous. Oh just thinking about it. I was 18. No job. No prospects Just gambling to make it happen because they pay you on thursday

So I want to make it happen the next weekend. I'm telling you the other day. I was telling you I would figure out what do I need it for the week? I need 50 for coke 82 for quailudes a knife A yo-yo and then I figured and that's what I bet like a fucking idiot and then I bet in a group with four guys When was the last time you seen four guys go out and get a piece of ass? They don't because they're in a group Why would you gamble by your fucking stuff? That's the same way I was looking at it. So I'm sitting there We lost this money We lost like four of us lost this money. We're like, we're gonna get the money. So either we had to put a move together Go to the city get an ounce of blow salad, which in those days coke was still 300 a fucking eight

But you had to cut it 80 times. I mean it was just a nightmare. What are we gonna fucking do? So I said, you know what man? I've been going into this jewelry store for the last year. I've been setting them up I'm gonna rob this motherfucker and they're like, no, no, no, no, no. I wasn't kidding you though. I had no prospects I had nothing to lose. I had no parents. I'm 18 on the street. I'm having an apartment. I had some shit going on but I had nothing to lose. It's a dangerous fucking man So I told my buddies i'm gonna rob fucking michael's I called up an attorney friend of mine. I go go buy the jewelry store

And take a look at let me know what happens That part cracks me up every time. What happens if I fucking rob this thing? What part? What part? No, just like the fact that you were like, all right. I'm gonna call. Let's like that's like the inner june You're a call lawyer and find out what's gonna happen He calls me back. It's like if you get caught it's grand larceny or some shit and it's 12 years We get you out before I'm sitting around and what really burnt me up at that time is how fucking crazy I was that

Yeah, I was gambling. I was doing all this stupid shit But I had to pay this guy and other times I would have told the guy to suck my dick But because he was my teacher and he had helped me out so many times I felt loyal to pay him And I couldn't let him down. I called him up like a man. I go listen dog He goes you're gonna have my money on Thursday. I go yeah You're going to put together a move If this move goes down, I'm gonna give you money plus a little extra

But you got to promise me that you'll try to fucking bail me out Okay, you know, I had a couple of my friends. Please promise me. Don't leave me in there I'll come out pay the bail And I'll fucking just don't leave me in there, you know, and I went to a couple friends. I told him the truth And I'll never forget I went out that Wednesday night. It was a Thursday fucking morning. It was the third of september No, no, it was a Thursday morning I'll never forget that I went to bed like on a quailu and shit like I was And I heard the horn beat and I was drunk the night before talking shit at the bar

Telling this kid that's about to call that we're gonna rob the joint. I'm all coked up. I'm talking shit I'm gonna rob the joint dog. We'll take him down And next thing, you know, he took it for granted. He took it for real. He showed up I was just talking shit. I could be honest with you guys. I was just talking some rob the jewelry store This motherfucker shows up that morning. He had the horn beat when he's got the other kid in the car glint That's a good friend and he goes we doing this and I was like, oh, I'm in I'm in it now Yeah, I'm in it fucking now. I committed, you know And I and he had a girlfriend like he basically did it to give her like a gold chain

He picked me up and we fucking went over the plan the night before in our heads how we were gonna do it Went over there. He parked, you know at the top of the block and the the deal was I was gonna walk in take the jewelry Run out and my friend who was faster than me. He was gonna jump a fence. I was gonna throw it to him He's gonna catch it run up the hill I'm gonna run up the hill this on the street and I'm gonna catch him when he comes over He's gonna throw it to me. I'm gonna put in the trunk of the car. He's gonna jump the fence and we're out Okay, now this I've thought about this and it's probably because you didn't want them to see the car But if you're gonna steal it and why are you boarding up a hill? Why not just park right there?

Bergen line was too accessible to police. Oh, okay We wanted to go on a side street together We had two ways and we would have to make a left and would have been two witnesses Okay to do it in front of the place It was 9 15 in the morning. There was nobody on that strip. That means the cops are out all over pulling people over So basically I just wanted to do it so we could go straight out We had the car pointed all the way to where I was if not We would have had a color you turn and make a left and then go down this tour much action on that street

Okay, so when he throw I let's do this. Let's fucking do it. We pull out. We go to the front I walked in lady comes up to me. She goes. Can I help you? I mean I've been there every other month for the last two years And they were still coming up to me going. Can we help you? Like nothing. I'm like, yeah, sure. Why not next thing, you know, she goes, uh What do you hear that? I go, I'm here to pick something up. I gave her some fake name and she went into a safe Here I was I mean I I look at the door and the deal was that my friend was gonna open the door So just in case They put a buzzer. I wouldn't get stuck in there. Oh, okay

So when I pop out He lets the door go. I give him the fucking thing of chains And he what what what it really was was that the building next to the jewelry store was condemned It was knocked down. So they had a chain A fence around it. Okay. So if he's sitting right, you know, I'm saying I couldn't jump a fence I was never a good fucking fence jumper. I even got caught. Look at this fucking I got a scar right here. We're a fucking A bob wire went in and I stayed stuck to the fucking fence with the blood hit me in the face

And the cops are coming at me with the fucking dogs a dog that I fed all week I was had him on the fucking payroll and he turned on me the night of the fucking but anyway, so I throw him the fucking jewelry he walks He runs up and I run around the block to meet him by the time he's a he's a running back in high school By the time we get to the top of the fucking thing. He throws it to me. He's supposed to throw it to me But he dropped it I go where they change and he's like they fell And I'm like, well pick them up. He's like, why hear the sirens? I don't give a fuck

So finally, you know what? There was money on the floor. I jumped the fence. Oh, yeah, you should have seen me I jumped it like a high fucker. I heard a whoo Nothing I picked up the fucking chains. I had chains on my arms I picked up the thing and then I ran back to the fence. We jumped oh we both got in the fucking car And the and the trunk wouldn't open and the trunk wouldn't open So I had to put it in the front seat in the back seat I'm in the back seat. So I closed the door You couldn't even see my feet from all the jewelry we had we got a call coming in. Oh shit

What's going on marble head What is it Joey, how are you my friend and you can call me cocoa fuck that Joey shit That's what these fucking republicans. Okay, you know the deal It's cocoa to you guys. Jose to the fucking judge What's up, baby? Where you at today? Tell these beautiful people at the church of what's happening now. Where you at? I'm on roosevelt avenue in the beautiful borough of queens new york. Oh shit right underneath Right underneath the outtrain having out there's shea stadium. You'll hear at any minute. Oh Shit, that's why I fucking love you little shout out the queen's motherfucking new york the home of john motherfucking gotty

I love it. What's happening, baby? How's your brother doing? He recovering? Everybody's good your mother's good your father's good. You call me a pig. Well, you don't call me a pig You ate me. You're the fucking pig anyway. I'm over here smoking the vapor pen I just told them the jewelry store story What do you remember from that day timmy? Well the names uh Can have to be changed to protect the guilty. I hate you. I hate you. So it's marble head. Don't worry about it

Yeah, cocoa, whatever you want to be called. Um What I remember from it was uh Wow, it was so long ago, but uh, I remember being really scared Mike when I was waiting on the next box these guys to come running out of the store The bandana is tied around your face. You look like the fucking uh The ability to kid and his partner. I forgot all about the fucking bandana. Do you know that? Yeah, and uh, the trunk was open. I left the trunk open And you guys popped the trunk open and who that uh, that big he was a big glass case, right?

That was a big I'm over here smoking dope with three heads. I'm over here smoking dope like You threw that thing really about jumped in the car and we took off but there was some small streets and uh You know, I only had my license for maybe six months. So I wasn't uh, I wasn't too great of a driver, but uh Remember we uh, like you said the last time we talked, uh, I had a stop sign and the And the truck popped open and there was a cop sit around the fucking corner. We we didn't know what to think We didn't know what to think, you know, uh, marblehead. We were fucking stupid kids that uh But we had a lot of heart and a lot of balls and that's why you know, I regret it till today marble, but I don't because

It defied who the fuck I was, you know, we had I had to do it I had to pay that fucking bookie that we're gonna fucking stab us, you know And he wasn't gonna stab us camel breath, but it's still we loved them and uh And we had a good fucking time Well, my uh, well everything that I got out of that went right up my nose I remember me and my girl a nice big package here of coke and uh, we had a good night there and I went to a hotel room and You know, we had a good time. What how close did you go to which hotel did you go to?

Maybe it was the one on the avenue down there the chris an or one of them other the fucking Three hours, which one was the one that was Yeah, yeah, which one the one that was in the bottom of 64th street hill across from duffy's tavern not duffy's dolens I'm sorry. Remember on tundra. Yeah, it was a whole town Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was uh Yeah, remember that place we used to steal trinitrons out of there Yeah, they used to have so many trinitrons. So you you check into the room for like an hour You know, let them calm down and then you unplugged it to have like a little alarm system

But didn't matter by the time you got to the car the hindu's weren't gonna chase you up We musta robbed 22 televisions that one the tick tock The liberty motel that's what it was deliberately fucking motel And then there was the other one up by lebrano's house there the tip top Then there was the one on the bottom of 90th street many a night I got coped up there with some filthy fucking animals many a night many a fucking night You woke up you got crabs just sleeping on the beds in those fucking hotels You don't have to fuck nobody you got stuck one night and slept there. You wake up a fucking crabs and a black eye

It's like the uh Stop touching them places. That's always common. It looks like fucking. Oh my god. Look like a fucking It looks like a drop soup to fucking jacuzzi That's what the sperm would look like. I swear to god Like if you thought you were they had these hotels that like prostitute row And and they had jacuzzi's in some of the rooms and one night I got remember that girl that uh, what was her name? What the fuck? They she was from Wayne, New Jersey. She was really hot

She was dating mike walters for a while with the camaro They said she they used to call a fair view because she was a dry hump a pussy wouldn't get wet Do you remember that girl laury something? I picked her up one night at louis donado's house And I took her down rob louis donado took her to the hotel and I woke up as Doug flutie was throwing that famous fucking touchdown. That's what I woke up to I remember those hotels fucking those hotels were disgusting. I drop soup. That's such a gross That's right. Tell them tell them to me those fucking jacuzzi's look like a drop soup from chance dragon They got glass web and glass ceilings and I can guarantee it

There was some fucking curve behind them walls jerking off watching your fuck You know they had mirrors. They were fucking disgusting. I lived at one of those places like two or three months at a time Man, he's I used to live in that place on tumbly avenue And I also lived at the one off right by a Fort lee there right as you're making the right onto the george washington bridge That last one on your roof or you know what you're talking about. They redid it They're like little hudson shit there. You know what I'm talking about marble Stop beeping at motherfuckers

Marble we had a good fucking time growing up and I you know a lot of guys don't know I grew up with him And his fucking brother and this guy's brother is probably 90 percent responsible for me before becoming a fucking comedian Because his brother's one of the funniest men in america. Fuck Eddie. He's one Eddie Murphy was that we put him up next to Eddie Murphy this guy was my uh He saved my life because I was going through so much inside every time I hook up with the pelican I get fucked up. You know what I'm saying? timmy Yeah, did I lose you cocksucker talk to me here?

Tell these guys one last shot. Tell these guys about luci's bar and grill Yeah, it was just your neighborhood Hang out, you know, it was uh It was a patch to the fucking bathroom because that's where everybody's had most of that time in the bathroom That's where it lines off the back the uh brother paper holder the Not gonna point it with me. There was a fucking disgrace

but uh you know But what it was back then it was all about everybody was just getting their paycheck on friday and just Send it all on fucking blow. I don't know if you call a blow. I don't know what the fuck we were snorting but It was something it was ugly, but you know what brother was still here, man I couldn't even think of doing a blast now. I couldn't even think of I think my fucking eyeballs would pop out of my goddamn head I don't know what would happen to me. I smoke weed and I go fucking nuts I smoke weed and I start thinking about michael jackson stabbing people, you know, I can't imagine

You know, I was watching uh, I was watching boogie nights the other night And have you seen that movie? That movie caught the the 80s perfect that scene At the 19 will win it when it switched over to the 1980s That they did that that seemed so perfect everything was perfect in that scene. What about You take a little hit and put your head back and get the drip Oh, that's exactly the way it was man. Whoever Whoever whoever came up with that scene really nailed it man. It was perfect

What about the scene where they go to that fucking guys house and the chinese guys lighting fucking firecrackers? and three guys show up That's one of the greatest scenes it stresses me out marblehead when I watched that scene because I've been there We've all been there. Well, that's the guy that you were in uh, in uh, that was doc ock. Yeah, that's doc You know what and while I was shooting it with him. I didn't ever thought I asked him about where he Fucking I mean he was a man. He's sweating. How many people's houses did we go to? I remember I used to go to boulevard He's to some guys house to pick up quailudes and every time you went there

He'd invite you in with a robe and he was free basin. That's before crack. Tell these motherfuckers marble. That's way before crack Remember where you were putting this kid's microwave We were putting the microwave and packing a joint calling the fucking bazookas But before that remember we went me and your brother took this guy steve remember that dude that kept saying Make a right and after you make the right turn he goes that was tremendous Remember that story? I was What was that? Remember that shit every time you did something go that was tremendous

So he took us to this fucking black My brother said there were one more tremendous out of you and I'm gonna fling you right out the fucking wing Oh, yeah, yeah, he kept saying that was tremendous So he takes us to tony avenue down there by like third street in jersey city To get to see this fucking pimp to meet this pimp and sell him coke and the pimp was gonna teach us how to fucking free base So we had to go to east west the head shop on bergen line avenue 48 and they used to sell a free basin cake I know it's still fucking there Still there and they sell underground albums

They do the whole fucking thing and we go there and you buy the whole free basin cake and you bring it home And we brought home that's when the camel breath used to sell cocaine too And he'd give you a gram of coke and the little bottles already grind it up And I would go to his house and he'd give me 15 fucking bottles at 60 dollars a piece And I have to sell them for a hundred dollars. I come back the next day with no fucking money I would do every bottle So I got that free base kit and I got like 20 of those bottles and I went to mikey devos house And I'll never forget that waking up the next day every bottle was upside down empty

And I had like another dollar in my pocket and I had to wake up and go pay the fucking camel breath Oh my god, thank god. Thank god. I go to fucking yoga Hey, uh marble, I seen that your wife was putting something up yesterday that she needed 500 bucks for like some cancer fund Do you know what the link is? What was that joey, I didn't catch that the train was going there. Jesus. What are you on the train or you're driving a truck? I'm underneath the train. I'm underneath the train. I've got the owl and queens. I'm underneath the train You're underneath the fucking train. All right. Listen yesterday your wife posted something About a cancer fund or something. Do you know what the web page is?

Uh, no, I don't but I'll have a closer back up. What's going on joey is uh She lost her brother her older brother billy in 97 to lung cancer and now a younger brother tony Is battling he's got tongue and neck cancer And uh, you know, it's it's really bad man, you know, um, the doctor gave him a 50 50 shot You know, but he's going through all kinds of chemo and uh Radiation and it's it's really bad man. It's just fucking so hard to watch Now it's it's a fucking nightmare. So tell your wife to repost it and I'll put it on facebook and We could get some people to help out with a dollar here a dollar there. I'll put a 50 or whatever your wife needs. All right, brother

Yeah, yeah, I'll call the repost. Thanks joey. Hey man. I love you to death timmy I love that you call in and you know tell these motherfuckers how tight we are how long your brother How many meals do they eat it? You're fucking woman tonight We were taking food out of your house at four in the morning and your father woke up and he was like what to go A lot of fucking trail a lot of laughs were coming from me and you brother. I love you know call me yesterday my man guy Tabasco Okay, yeah guys he got a lot he's uh, he's out in seaco. He's got a beautiful family Oh guys are great fucking little daughter and the son man. He's doing really good. Yeah, I'm gonna have him call him next week I gotta tell you cocoa like when uh, when I used to hang with because you guys are a little bit older than me

You you were my brother's friends, but I remember when you used to come to the house It was just non-stop fucking laughter and fun man. I I look back on that memory just You know what I mean? You can never recapture times again, you know If you were just everything was just so much fun. We ain't we didn't have a worry in the world It was just about kicking back smoking some weed You know and just having a great time laughing about crazy shit going up the calla hand I'm the calla hand. Yeah with those hot dogs and you shit blood for a week But they had the you on top the you who was fucking whipped. It was delicious

You know man and when you say that to me and you say we laughed But you had no idea what I was going through inside man You have no fucking idea. I had no parents. I had nothing. So You guys were my family man. So thank you. Thank you for still calling me and shit You never you never talked about that stuff when we were when we were You know, you just did what you had to do and you know, I I told you a couple months back man I'm I'm really proud of you man because you see a lot of guys that we grew up with man They just fell to the wayside and they're just you know, they're sucking off the system and they you know

And you're out there breaking the balls, you know what I mean doing you got to do to feed your family and you know And uh, you did that all by yourself. You didn't have nobody, you know helping you and stuff like that And uh, I told you, you know, you should be proud of yourself. So you're you're a good man and I'll always remember you man from from them days man. We had some good times and I hope to see you soon if you come back Yeah, I'll see you November 9th and 10th up in fucking Long Island, buddy So this time just uh, don't even go home after work. Just have your wife take the train and we'll all go up to uh The comedy club and do our thing and I'll go into north bergen on monday and see your brother and Put some flowers on the cemetery and I love you to me. Thank you for calling up today, brother

Have a great week. Have a great week. Stay black Sorry about that. I got emotional, but it's the truth. I mean, uh, these kids with my family grown up You know, man, I just gotta say from just hearing all that stuff I mean, I think I have some pretty good friends in my life I like I do the way you talk about the the guys you were with I don't I don't think I have anyone that could even compare and I have friends who I grew up with that I don't it's not it's not that we were mad at each other which grew apart and I don't I don't think I have anyone that I talk to at once a week or listen, man

You know, you hear about these kids, uh, these young kids going to vietnam or wars and When you go do shit with people It makes you feel differently about them. You know, I I'm very lucky. Have you as a friend that has felicia Have joe rogan who's my brother arisha field dunk and I love these guys red man. You know berkreich. I love you guys I don't hang out with nobody. I don't fucking love. I don't hang out with you. There's a problem Why fuck around you know another type of guy If you got weed and I don't and I don't and I don't have you know smoke. I won't even talk with you Why waste each other's time? Why use somebody? There's too many people using people

You know, I went through something dramatic as a young kid losing your balance These motherfuckers covered the spread for me in the biggest way ever and they never repeated it You know people I lent you ten dollars three weeks ago These motherfuckers were men and you hear these stories of what we were doing. We were doing this at 16 17 18 So when you build that bond at a young age with these guys, you can't remember that I could never fucking not call these guys They these guys could never not be in my life. They fed me They took care of me somewhere along the line. They came through for me

You know, and I was a fuck up they put up a lot of shit After I left my friends put up a lot of shit because of me, you know, where is he people coming around cops? And they never gave me a I had to do something in my life. I I I kept stealing whatever and one day to the grace of god I had the fucking balls to go on stage And uh, you know people fucking write me emails all the time We're gonna talk about an email we got people write me emails all the time. You gotta stick with something Before I was 20. I never stuck with none. I was a mason. I was an electrician

I was a fucking an assistant. I worked construction. I tried to be a fucking mechanic. I was a service rider I was a roofer. I did everything But you know what problem was I quit You know, I quit at everything because I would get coked up and I'd lose my fucking job Like a fucking mo mo and finally by the grace of god one day I got the comedy and I got the comedy on accident I wanted to do it, but It worked for me. I could live in my car. I didn't have to have responsibility I could disappear. I could just sink my head into comedy and it evolved and I stuck with something and then I started looking at different

Um, I like this. I like doing this You know what those people that I fucked around with as a kid that wrote me off because then I went to prison You know, these guys once I got locked up. They didn't write me off. They're all my brothers But it wasn't a shock to them that I got locked up I had to prove myself to them, but I want them to be proud of me. That's at the end of the week before anything dog I want them to say. Yeah, he was fucked up back then But right now he's keeping it together. He's talking to people and all this shit I do is so people learn from me I listen I'm 49 years old and I wish I had 10 more fucking years

But when I was a kid people come to me and go, hey dog, don't do that I didn't listen you don't listen because you think you know all the fucking answers If you watch this church or what's happening now, whatever I'm a fat fucking comedian the smoke was dope. You can't take me serious But I've gone through some shit and I can help you out. Just take a little bit of this advice I'll get you 10 fucking years on your life. Why be 49 and go fuck. I wish I was 39 with what I know now You know, so that's all I could offer these fucking people in the podcast We get a couple laughs. We make fun of some fucking Puerto Ricans

We smoke some dope and I get you ready for the fucking day when I was a kid I used to you know, I was a catholic, right? I'm a jew that went to catholic school All right, because my mother wanted me to cover all the fucking bases when you're a jew that go to catholic school You got all the fucking bases covered with some santeria and some fucking buddhism involved like a g kundala comedy So, you know, I used to go to church when you go to catholic school You have to go to church fucking at seven in the morning before school. Did you know that Lee? Five days a week I would sleep at sacred heart school for boys and you wake up at six

They give you a fucking thing of milk and a banana and you want the church on an empty stomach I'd hour the church on an empty stomach You know what they're kneeling getting up and then you want a cookie They wouldn't give you a cookie because you hadn't had your holy fucking communion so far So you had to sit there while everybody else was eating a fucking body of Christ and you sit there The point is church used to get me ready for the day as a young kid. That's why we call this church We call this church for a couple other reasons But that's elite read me that fucking email you got

All right, uh, we got an email from albert in boston And he said he's uh, 55 and gay and he spent he lost 50 pounds over the past year and and worked on self emotionally But he he can't find anyone to be with and I read this And people have given you shit for talking about uh mugging bags and shit like that But I thought it'd be interesting to get your perspective on what he could do to get better himself and And it's dating for anybody but first of all, I gotta drag a dog in here and talk about mugging bags That was 30 years ago and that wasn't that but there wasn't fags that were saying duskies They would come all from new york have a couple cocktails

I'm gonna young kid to suck their dick and then we'd mug them. I should correct that. There were a bunch of saying duskies Number two, you know, you're right. It doesn't matter whether you're gay or whatever There's sights for you, you know, I don't know what he looks like or if he's handsome or not or whatever But you don't need to be handsome a good look in the day You know, you gotta find the person that's right for you 9 out of 10, who gives a fuck what they look like if they click with you and you're like eating and hanging out with them And you're like eating their fucking pussy You know I'm saying there's a there's a fucking ass for every chair, you know, just because he's gay and he was 50 pounds

He could have picked him up with the 50 pounds. He's probably a beautiful man. He's emotionally ready Just tell him to go out there get on a couple max.coms, you know, you're not gonna find dick of the bar All you find that a bar was fucking crabs. You ever get crabs in your eyebrows guy? No, that's all you get in a fucking bar. I got crabs in my eyebrows one time You don't know what it's like to be combing your hand and see a little fucking crab on your eyebrow You got you know, that means you're a soldier. You want into fucking murky waters of the asshole, right? You don't like the asshole. He don't even like He hates it. He hates that and I tell him if you're a real g you gotta lick that ass. That's part of it

Just put a little tongue in that muffler. You gotta sniff it You know what I'm saying, Lee, I like whenever he hooks up with a chick, I said Lee eat that ass I don't know. I don't like it. So give me to do that You would have to take like eight million showers and you and you do it and you're pulling pieces of tinfoil That's an adventure. It's like going to the museum. You don't know what's down there You know fucking no, but you gotta take a chance Columbus did you know what I'm saying? You gotta go on to the murky You never miss snow like a muffler. Just put your nose up to your asshole. It smells like a gunpowder Not the residue. It's a fucking party where I come from. You know what I'm saying?

What's the music you got for me, Lee? Give me these motherfuckers something man. All right. You got a biggie small as a warning Oh, shit. Let's do this real quick Crank that motherfucker Great album the first one one of the greatest rap albums of all time dropping it. Oh Dropping it baby. This is it to get you going motherfucker. It's all about getting the fuck out of the house Six in the morning What what? Don't leave cocksucker dance bitch dance the drink back go home and get your fucking shine box

What else we got here to talk about Oh This is brilliant. There's a great video of you on youtube of you singing the song in the plane Oh my god, that's like one of the first videos I saw and that one we took we talked to store this into let me sing this Oh, this is a great fucking jam tremendous jam biggie small my heart goes out to you Every motherfucking day today. I got nothing like I said, I went to yoga monday uh sunday. I hit the bag I'm losing a little weight. Um, I'm just on the fucking 300. I've been stuck But this thing I'm taking says that it retains a little water. I don't give a fuck

I'm stronger than that but the yoga Lee's getting on the program. I know Cindy hasn't called you the fuck No, yeah, I'm doing other stuff. I'm uh, you've been working out the fucking thing working out And then I've been on nutrition system, which is it helps but after the however long I've done The food is for people who don't know they send you food And it's it's the most disgusting food I've ever eaten and Joey's been on me to try weight watchers And I think I'm finally gonna buy the bullet the problem I've had and what you've you've tried to talk to me about is I work 10 hours a day

So with driving that's 12 hours and the thought of cooking when I get home It just I would never do it But what I have to do is get in the habit of like sundaes just cooking a bunch of chicken or just something for the rest of the week About a loose way to taste and it's tough It's tough, you know, I could tell you because I I don't have a job So I got time to go to this and I could go get a salad You know what everybody's giving you options now for healthy stuff. I'm even a little healthy when I go

You know, I used to go to I still go to big Tony's the Mexican place on They got a tremendous chicken salad for 6.95 to give you a chicken breast on a bed of lettuce With lemon vinaigrette, that's pretty good. It's not bad You know, better than getting the chicken burrito or whatever habit The fucking habit has a great garden salad A great garden salad that you could add avocado to and a piece of fucking tuna for 6.99 You got to stop hitting this fast food. Yeah, you got to stop. That's what the product's killing you You got to cut the lettuce at that, you know, man, I always lose weight when I eat at home

Even if I'm drinking a protein shake or two protein shakes, I always lose a pound or two Or I stay at that weight at home And I listen nobody likes to eat on more than me, bro. Yeah, I love it. I fucking love it I love getting sandwiches and shrimp, but even when I go on I eat healthy. I always get a salad first I try to eat fucking an apple before I go You know, I'm getting to be fucking 50 my goal is to look like Charles Bronson in hard times Oh, that's a great movie You know, did you finally see it?

I watched it with you Because I had a fucking Lee's 24 and he shows up here and he's seen Hangover too, but I told him about the fucking classics And you know, he sits there like mummified. I got a bunch every time somebody's guys come over you I show them movies and I get fucking amazed that they don't know what the fuck I'm talking about I'm like, you really never seen this and you're walking around this fucking planet You're walking around and you didn't see the fucking mechanic with Charles Bronson. Don't let me fuck You know, sorry. Anyway, don't get me started. You know what happened last week. I didn't know this Let me tell you how bad the fucking movies have gotten all people saying nothing came out

But no, no, no last week was the worst fucking weekend in movie history Since like 19 fucking 70 or something. Did you read that? I didn't I don't know exactly what year But I know it was just a fucking and not, you know, bro that embarrasses me. Yes. That was another breakdown They really need to they're making the little rascals on film again Again, we need this shit. Yeah, meanwhile. I'm sitting at home doing a fucking podcast with Lee I should be out there stabbing motherfuckers on Sons of Anarchy. I gotta get on Sons of Anarchy I gotta get a hold of Kurt Sutter I want to be a fat fucking Cuban biker that comes out

Fuck people and fucking stabs motherfucking and jimmy smiths kills me or some shit. I don't give a fuck I always get shot in fucking movies. What a nightmare kill king. I shot me Doc I got shot and analyzed that what the fuck, you know what I think I I think that the movies the studios that's why they're catching up to them. I think it's the ticket prices I worked in the movie theater for three years and when I left to go see a 3d i max movie was 20 bucks a ticket So if your family of four, that's 80 bucks before you get any of the food and when the movies are shitty They're coming out now Why you guys spend 80 bucks when you can go on netflix and watch one of the good movies?

I think it's finally catching up to them. I go to three listen, bro. I grew up in a fucking movie theater Who the fuck are you kidding if you were a product of the 70s you grew up in a fucking movie theater There was no internet the fucking twitter You know you grew up in a fucking movie theater and if you had time to kill you sat and watched the movie fucking twice You know after the movies came out of run then they would go to another movie theater mix with another Top movie for fucking two bucks, you know, so it'd be like You know the outlaw josey wells and fucking the mechanic or some double feature your head would blow uply Now you don't even have that they don't have they don't cater to like the classics

We have the bevely No, the bevely is great. The bevely is fucking great, you know, but besides that I went to the archway last year I had to do a podcast with this girl and she sent me an on assignment to fucking Watch a movie a disney movie. I said fuck. I like disney movies. I really do I I just seen a disney. I seen the one with jennifer garden with a little boy with a leaf on his fucking ankle That's the type of guy. I okay. I like disney. I support fucking the disney all those little Movies beating the beast. I'd rather go see one of those and an i max Eat a fucking one of these a bang chocolate from divine wellness and go see one of those kid movies before the adult movie

Anyway, but here's the story. I went to the archway in holly, which I fucking love But listen go to the archway. You walk out of there. You're $50 light minimum. Yeah with with my wife I was $50 light Look, it didn't kill me, but you actually got to think I just dropped a half a fucking yard at the movie theater Yeah, you know, I went to the dodger game my uncle couple weeks ago. Great fucking time I'm not gonna lie. I didn't tell you it was great, bro Listen, there's nothing like going to see a fucking baseball game in this country That's what this country was fucking built on not eating pussy. There's nothing

Like going to see a fucking baseball game in this country and I and you forget you really really fucking forget Lee You know in 90s and the late 90s when I go on the road that was the you asked me I said, did you ever go to camden yard? Was it you? Yeah? Yeah? We were talking about I went everywhere I would go by myself. We as a feature. Oh, that's the best I was getting 600 a week on the road Three of it went to blow the other half went to the plane ticket But I would always put away $30 and on sunday after I would schedule my weeks around baseball games. Yeah And I would go to Houston. Yeah, I would go to fucking Atlanta. I went to see uh, Baltimore the boot pow I went to the barbecue place. I'd go by myself, bro

I remember one time I was in Dallas solo. It was 104 I was at a bar at a An Addison at the the fucking gumbo bar the chili stop or whatever the fuck there's tremendous little bar right down the corner from the Addison improv There's a guy coming up to me the dog. Are you by yourself? I go. Yeah, just nice guy goes you from new york I go. Yeah, because I got an extra fucking giant ticket for you against Dallas This is when the giants were back to the ball and Dallas was back by the way remind me about this Okay, and some guy gave me a single ticket now

I go to the game thinking I got to sit up in the back with the fucking savages with the crack ups up there This was like third row On the 35-yard line What all the way down there on the floor. It was 130 the fucking greens down there I was shriveling up. I must have spent 30 on the waters and walking back and forth I had to leave at halftime but the point being that Bro, I went everywhere whenever at Pittsburgh. I went to the Clementi thing I rubbed the statue when I cry I get emotional

I went to every stadium and but like I told my wife, bro I'm a fucking idiot because I'm not aware of prices sometimes You know, I took my uncle to Dodger stadium on the on the Costco You get two tickets for 50 bucks a hot dog and two sodas But you get ground fucking tickets any day you go you have to pick you pick the game when you want to switch an open game Oh, wow, they got a great deal at Costco guys You're gonna fucking Costco and they have two tickets to a stadium Plus two sodas and two hot dogs for 50 bucks or something 44 hours. That's great. You can't and it's any home game

Oh, wow, so no guarantee you got to be there four o'clock. You got to go through shit But it doesn't matter guys, you know, I took my uncle and I got to tell you it's part of being fucking american Even though there's no americans on the fucking field It's Puerto Ricans dominicans a couple cubans with a fucking with a fucking thing on to float But you know a couple argentinians a couple white dudes, but the Dodgers doing good, right? The Yankees suck They're doing okay. Apparently I I don't even really fall baseball anymore But like the Red Sox talk and the When baltimore is gonna win the AL East, you know something bad's going on

Wow But your fucking team is giving 92 points to uh, arizona this week, correct? Yeah. Yeah, you should have like 16 or something Yeah, it started at 14. It's going to 16. I'm not gonna talk about gambling no more. I had the under I know motherfuckers, but I'll tell you who I do like this week Who's ever playing the giants bitches? Oh, who is it bet against them bet against them they're giving nine points I forget what against the giants. Yeah, because everybody's gonna say the giants aren't gonna lose two weeks in the fucking row Okay, there's no everybody's gonna go the giants aren't gonna lose two weeks in the run. They're gonna fucking not cover

They're giving nine Wherever the fuck they're playing so they're giving nine let me check for it. That's crazy But hey, we're wrapping this motherfucker You told me to remind you about the about the giants ticket. Yeah, the giants. I'm telling them about the fucking giants I'm telling them that uh, what was I telling them? Duh, they're betting against the fucking giants because the second every time somebody wins the super bowl They lose the first two games or they don't cover the first two games. Give it a shot Even if you just put 50 dollars on if you lose, fuck joey, I'll give it to you later around or whatever

If you win you pick up 50 fucking bucks. Everybody in the country's gonna be saying the giants are gonna lose two weeks in the row They're playing Tampa Bay, which sucks. So that would be a big upset. They're giving nine. They're giving nine So everybody everybody their mother's gonna bet the giants don't fucking hang out with the rest of these moosh What can I tell you? What are you gonna tell these people my main man? Lee that flying fucking jewel of love. What's going on flying jewel of love? Well, we're on stitcher now, which is great. So if you don't like downloading it go on there Uh, send us emails church of what's happening now pod at gmail.com and uh, thank you for listening guys It's a I've been I have I was telling joey. I'm excited

I have a hundred twitter followers now and that's like a huge deal because I don't I never was on twitter before So it's uh, it's great. I'm I love to do this. Hey, thank you very much for paying attention to the church. What's happening now? Thank you for coming down. Thank you for listening. I love you mother fuckers. I'm headed to minneapolis tomorrow Next thursday. I'm in madison wisconsin tickets on brown paper tickets at a place called champs Friday, I'm in german town. I don't know. So I'm hanging out with some germans even sour brought and farted my ass off Lee, you're not invited to hang out with fucking germans. You're the flying jewel My fucking life. I don't think they'd like it. Listen. I love you guys. We got stuck fun itunes We got stuff on amazon, you know, go to joey. Coco Diaz dot net for t-shirts blue cheese stay black

Fuck your mother all that stuff and as usual Lee throw these motherfuckers a kiss. I love you guys at all my heart Thank you for supporting. Thank you for listening. Uh, you guys are making my fucking dreams come true, man Have a great weekend suckers Oh I Like