Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 09/19/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #8

Episode Date: September 20, 2012

Joey and Lee talk music, the best comedy movies, and about the character of the people in this country. Joey's childhood friend Martin calls in for one of the best conversations so far.  Live streamed on 09/19/2012

What's happening boy lickers not my steak hot suckers are beautiful day to be alive welcome to the church of what's happening now Joey Diaz my main co-host Lee fucking aka the flying Jew what's happening baby not much man how you doing you know me it's fucking a beautiful day to be alive it's Wednesday a lot of people don't like Wednesday I'm tired whatever fuck you stay home smoke some dope and watch Sun's anarchy last night Jack's got man who the fuck gets married when the cops are looking for you I'm saying that's a brilliant move that's brilliant because now he gets better visitation I was gonna say that yeah you get married right

before you fucking turn yourself in I mean the episode was great last night they've been they were looking for brothers they ended up finding a black guy fucking a white chicken the muffler but it was the but it was the fucking bike his daughter the guy got married fucking now you like that joke is I haven't got into it and it's on Netflix and I yeah you know what man I said I've said it before that I had friends on there and my wife would watch it sometimes and then Katie Segal I mean half of us grew up on Katie Segal married with children that was the best show on fucking TV 20 years ago yeah I was in

prison when that show aired wow like when that show started coming out I was locked up and I thought it was just a man I thought she was hot like then she was kind of a big with her fucking head doing the little blonde little fucking nerdy looking boy and by the black belt jiu-jitsu zone that's a great show so it uh it just but it's so weird what it's becoming a lot of people don't see what Sun's anarchy is becoming well a lot of people know is the soprano's had a plan okay when the soprano's first started the deal was it was gonna end with the mother running the family but it didn't end that way she died during the fucking

episode season two okay in real life so what's going on right now with this is at the end you're gonna see it that it's gonna be him and her running this fucking family this this Sun's anarchy but it's an interesting show you know why bro because it's like when I like I don't want to see the same shit fucking over and over again yeah at least these guys are fucking trying you know I got a problem with fucking Fox but FX is doing a phenomenal job boxes a bunch of fucking sheepy fuck but FX somebody's over there I think it's Fox 21 over there whatever they're really trying you know when you watch Sun's anarchy they're

saying cotton cock and they're selling drugs and Mexicans are getting shot there's a great scene with Jimmy Smith's last night in the Jack's where they're getting chased okay and they and Jack says you know drop me off at the corner fucking Jimmy Smith's turn makes a U-turn and goes no let's go straight at him I mean it's just the fuck is what supposed to be balls to the wall and a motherfucking Wednesday what you think a Monday night football I told you that that game there that game that was that's what boredom was fucking invented this is football on Monday it's tough this country forgot you young motherfuckers

don't know what it was people didn't go out on Saturdays to go out on Mondays really yeah because it was huge I could wait to go on my we used to go to ground round and then you were clips and we were going there and they would have a happy hour on Monday nights ribs chicken wings you know shit like that but I didn't know and go it's down it's like a bad sort of revolt is from but we go up there but I don't remember what we did the interview with George and he was talking about the place I used to dine and dash out of yeah running out of that was the place oh Jesus but we go at night for Monday night football and it

was rocking they put music people get a half gram of coke you know Monday night footballs was rocking in the old fucking days yeah no it was a it was a it was a boring game but Matt Ryan looks really good he's the Falcons quarterback right he was great and then Peyton Manning well there's the thing about this fucking country all of a sudden when I was a kid growing up we had a fucking win six seven games and get all fucking excited now a quarterback has a great weekend oh my god it's the return we're fucking return he won't fucking game you know it's the same thing happens in UFC some guy has two good fucking fights and also oh fuck

this guy he's got what's wrong with you and what the fuck is wrong with you some guy wins two fights and this is still been winning fights is two thousand fucking one and people are still doubting them but some guy wins two fights one with a lucky punch and one by submission against some guy that's overweight or whatever oh no this keeps you back to return get the fuck out he's gonna bang it off the six to seven fights who's the guy who's had like 50 fights and he had the arrow with his chest hair like the last couple fights he fought he fought in two like two or three fights ago and then the next card

they brought him back but he's a he's a guy who I think you'd like because he he's bought like 50 times he's never been the champion but he always fights hard and he's I had like 50 professional fights so it's a it's a difference between a guy like that who's been solid in the UFC like 40 or 50 times and a guy who I don't really like what's it Benson Henderson he's like the champion right now right right I don't really like him he's fighting Diaz in November Diaz gonna fucking line them up but there's a UFC fight this week oh yeah John Jones against fucking Vito Belpo the people been hitting me up

already Joey what are your picks it's fucking Wednesday yeah it's fucking Wednesday I don't know I want to see the way and I want to see that look on the face so it's very tough to give a pick right now with the fight I like this weekend the best I mean one thing about the fight card this weekend is that they've got it's a tendency against whatever Vito that's a great fight but the fucking cards got some bangers I don't have time to go into this cuz we only have an hour but between you and I the fight I like this week is fucking better videos against little Johnson but that's gonna be a hell of a fucking

bang these two guys these two guys are gonna throw punches at each other from from all angles you know you don't wear 3d glasses and don't get stoned because this is a fight of fucking speed this motherfuckers are going to be going in out in out in out punches kicks and that better videos kid is fucking solid he could anyway I like I like Joe better videos so far that's what I'm going with so far everything else is background is like I said there's no reason to sit here and tell you eight fucking pics because nobody's gonna hit them anyway get one pic blast it like you fucking own it and go for it you

cock sucker anyway what's going on over there it's a beautiful day to fucking be alive I'm not smoking on air no more I'm stonk getting stoned in the morning and I'm also not eating those edibles Lee I was getting too fucked up oh you know by 12 o'clock that other boy fucking six in the morning is ruining my fucking day exactly I come in and you want me to do the chocolate I'm like I'll get your day off a little Pete like Sunday we're doing a special beauty to be Sunday and that's when we're fucking get blasted off because what are you doing on Sunday but you want me to do four hours before I go a little piece

you get the winged on the other I need a whole fucking bar oh I don't know how you're selling live no I eat a whole fucking bar so by 12 o'clock I'm walking around thinking because it's like by 12 o'clock you're feeling like you're either gonna have the diabetes is kicking in and yeah it's fucking amazing you don't know what I was walking around I found myself on Lancashire and fucking Congress oh that would never happen oh sweat and profusely I don't know how you find yourself walking around on that I can barely find myself moving when I get high the first thing I get like ten years

ago you know for years I love getting high and working out not any better than fucking smoking a half a number putting the fucking why started with the fucking Walkman now it's a night part yeah putting your speakers in and going to the gym and just letting it all hang on if you're your own personal fucking gym I got the kennel next door if you got your own personal fucking gym you just go blast you know whatever music you listen to and start fucking lifting and stuff like you know you forget I get so into the workout when I get high and I go down there forget when you eat an edible like I like eating an edible

Monday mornings because I'm tuned up by the time I get the yoga 11 30 yoga was meant to do with a fucking edible inside I'm over there stretching I'm doing yama stay I was gonna ask you I'm doing downward fucking dogs to stretch when you feel the stretching that she says breathe into the stretch if you're a little high you're more conscious of it you're looking the other way I focus on my breathing cuz I have a hard time fucking breathing you can hear on the mic that's why I say low the mic they think some fucking guys whatever but I love it but I can't do no one besides you know fucking piss me off that I

believe bang chocolate and talking about bang for a long fucking time they make a great product guys yeah they really do I like the cookies and cream I like to fly at three straight and don't get me wrong there's stuff that's stronger out there don't fuck yeah that's tough to kill that but I like the taste of that chocolate it's fine chocolate to do a good job but it's low on points if you eat like one strip it's like three points of weight watches but here's what fucking kills me that I've been putting it on you know listen guys I ain't looking for dick from nobody as you motherfuckers know I

don't time waits for nobody you know me and we put a CD together we do the testicle testings I don't wait for a record label I don't got no mind fucks either you're on the program in my life or you don't that's part of the church what's happening now this is our motherfucking playing field I come here for months we go on fucking podcast we talk about you know I want 30 million podcasts I talk about weed there's that the bad edibles you know I I I tweet them I reached out to them a couple days ago a bang we show you a thing you know send us some fucking love say support church or what's happened now send the t-shirt

send me two free chocolates I don't give a fuck I'm gonna go buy your product these motherfuckers on Twitter act don't like you know they shit don't stay don't return nothing then I went yesterday to divine wellness to get the chocolate bar and I asked the guy did he come yet with the cookies and cream guy goes no he hasn't returned our call hasn't done nothing so I go you know what these motherfuckers suck cock from head to toe listen you know me and Lee were discussing something before I didn't want to bust it out early but I'm gonna go into a little bit you know he's waiting for Obama and fucking Romney or Jesus or

fucking Mormon God what the fuck you got is to save the world that's not gonna save the world character is gonna save this motherfucker this guy was telling me I said he's called bang ten times and they haven't returned his calls or fucking even brought any more chocolate down that's number one number two the fucking guy I've emailed them I read his fucking I've twit him like twice told him about bang how I loved it they don't even have the fucking from you listen over at bang go fuck your mother I'll never fucking put bang chocolate up here again you miserable motherfuckers now you're gonna fucking respect because in this

world listen these motherfuckers I had a situation yesterday where I've been talking to some guy and I've been calling because I call people I don't have time to be texting people hide behind some fucking phone I call people motherfucker didn't show up to the meeting and two hours later he texts me nothing pisses me more than that shit call me at least the guy text me I ain't mad at that it's these dumb motherfuckers who you leave a message for and they don't find the time to call you back especially when you're doing them a favor whatever you know what have some fucking balls somebody calls

you pick up the phone and call them the fuck back let them know you're near it but there's a lot of motherfuckers especially in Hollywood in this area here who thinks that I don't have ever understood who think they think their fucking time is more important than your fucking time absolutely nobody's time is more important in your time if you treat it that way if you don't treat it that way then that's what people gonna do you know what somebody fucking calls you call them the fuck back but these motherfuckers don't even call the weeds to a back a place that sells them they're up there wherever the fuck they

are walking around with sandals on looking at high times hey dude the motherfuckers call back bang we need your fucking chocolate you fucking douchebag or twit me you fucking cocksuckers story for this shit Lee Lee let's talk about the fucking arm of the week because I dropped this on people because people don't know yesterday it was Jimmy Hendricks 42nd birthday whatever was that a verse he was dead okay and you know I played dad I played fucking Soundgarden I love Pearl Jam I like all this shit and it's funny that people understand you know I got so deep into the coke after 85 and 86 I didn't even

buy fucking new music I remember bits and pieces of history like I remember pour some sugar on me from 87 and you to you to whatever bullet for blue skies whatever the Joshua tree which is a brilliant album I remember bits and pieces don't ask me who won the championships 87 or you know who won baseball in 89 I have no idea I blacked out I was just on drugs I was another trick you know sometimes you had somewhere else and I fucking was dead basically and for some reason in 94 I was living in Boulder I was living in North Boulder crossing the North Boulder Recreation Center that's to keep

myself in shape and I was walking I said I heard these guys had to be like 17 you know I'm probably 30 or something I see these guys listen to this music and they're banging their fucking heads right I'm like look at these fucking momos this is our future right here right but what they were listening to it was so fucking unreal that after like 10 minutes I had to walk to these idiots and go listen now for nothing guys what the fuck is this yeah and they showed me the album cover and I listened to the name of the band and that afternoon I went after I worked out I took my fucking bike and I went over to

whatever record store I was going to in Boulder at the time sorry people and I walked and I bought this album and I brought it home and after three songs I had to get up put the album down to cassette whatever the fuck I had bought yeah the CD was and I got a bag of weed and come back and stuff in the beginning because it had moved me so fucking Jesus I like this style of music so much and if you look at me you can't tell I love grunge I love it I love it in Seattle yeah I loved everything there and I was an old man when I lived up there considering what was going on mm-hmm but I loved the

whole thing about it I loved fucking when I heard pro jam I lost my mind but the album that pushed me was now I'm called bad motorfinger by sound guard it is one of the great and it opens up a brush decayed I know right away 200 you momos are gonna say listen to the Johnny Cash one listen you dumb motherfuckers if I wanted the Johnny Cash one I'm gonna put on the Johnny Cash one so when I put on music don't hit me with what about the cover from fake no more suck my dick I don't want to hear fake fucking no more I want to hear by Sabbath that's why I'm fucking playing it but the funny thing is this sound guard now I'm

destroyed me like I sat there for two hours smoking dope rolling joints and crying when I listen to music and I cry that means I'm just and then I put on you know then after that didn't stop then I was some chains and that's that other band up there there were like four bands up there that was throwing fucking heat and I moved to Seattle and I go to this club giggles in the U district okay it was run at the time by a Vietnam vet that uh that uh he was a pilot and he got hit in the head with a fucking missile or something and he would lose his memory so I would work all weekend right yeah I would call him Bob or

something was his name I call him on Monday and go Bob who's the feature act this weekend and he would say nobody I go can I feature and he go yeah show up Thursday's Tacoma or forget whether Thursday night gig was on Friday and Saturday you're in Seattle at the U district so I would work but I knew the waiters are so good that Sunday nights I would ask Saturday nights I would ask the waiters call back there and see who's featuring them next week and they would come back and go nobody and Monday 901 I would call Bob and go Bob who's featuring this week who's this Joey Dears why you want to feature yet when

was the last time you were at the club he'd ask me I'd say nine years ago right see you Thursday I would do this three weeks in a row and he would never remember but the best was you know the mind of Joey Dears I'm always fucking criminalizing you know I would go in there on Thursdays and ask him for a draw okay on Thursday and then by Saturday he forget and then I call him again on Monday go hey cocksucker who's there on this week and nobody was the last time you were at the club 18 fucking years ago see you Thursday that's hilarious there was a waitress there a little white dirty fucking thing I love

she was just I never fooled around a little never fucking and we were just tight with small joints together uh-huh she had the blonde streaks in the hand real fucking petite dirty feet like I like them little tits no bra the bra smell like fucking ginger snaps that that patchouge juice they're fucking monkeys probably smell like pussy juice and patchouge juice meets with a little Chinese fucking deli you know it's tremendous that little noodle smells like that little way like when you lick the noodles sometimes got that that glaze down pee like it's like glaze caramelized onions you never eat that

clip when it's got that little fuck I never liked it before it's got a little baby pee smell for that little clip just pops open like a fucking soldier anyway she would always tell me anyway if you want to get fucked up come with me to Queen Anne Hill and I would go what are you talking about she's like the people from Alice in Chains the band the singer has a house and a bunch of people go in there and they do fucking H and I'll tell you what guys God did me a favor when he put me on this planet he made me not like fucking needles because if you go to a guy that shoot nature and you go to the house and tell him you know you

know I'm smoking I'm gonna snort it they'll look at you like you know me somebody coming here me going hey let's do a bong it and they're like no I just want to vaporize my lungs I'll smack you so that's you can when it comes to heroin you can't be playing with these people like hey you know I'm gonna come up here and do a line so I never went up there with this girl trust me I want to do anything to rape this fucking girl she was beautiful she was be able to love to freak out with honor and age you don't know what it's like a little sex on a fucking age your dick it's all hardly you get a little feather and

ticker asshole forget about your nod your drool heroin looks like I can never mess oh it's tremendous I just I'm telling you I'm scared of it you know like I did it that's how I got on blowing five years ago that's a different fucking story but it's funny I would never go up there and I asked the one day who you who's this bad she's like Alice and motherfucking chains and I'm like are you fucking serious and then I went home and I got some album by them the first time and I nearly fucking freaked out I wasn't there there was something else I forget the fuck I'm up to too high we're gonna call coming in

do it baby yo yo who's this Martin Perez oh shit Martin we were talking about something but let me give him a little insight into who the fuck Martin Perez is when I first moved to North Bergen I lived downtown and given a terrace my mother had a barn Union City and one of the guys she hung out with his name is Machito and he had a kid named Julie and cousin it was Martin Perez and me and Martin became friends and we fuck around I mean this is somebody that I met in the sixth grade of Mr. Lovito's class he had the wig then correct the what the wig Lovito had the wig right in the sixth grade already you know I just talked

the fucking Lovito a couple weeks ago he was a Mario Arias in Las Vegas Mario and what was the guy's name? Zaldivar? Louis Zaldivar was his name Louis Zaldivar and Mario on the pilot program in the sixth grade correct they were like 16 in the sixth grade they had the mustache the beard they drove their kid to school and they came upstairs in North Bergen right Martin they had the uh Zaldivar was strong as shit oh Zaldivar bro I seen him smack Leo Gattone one day the principal he smacked them downstairs in the fucking basement that's the way I said we lit the all the all the bathrooms on fire and we got suspended

Zaldivar was the one that snitched on us McKinley me and Peter Jimenez had to do this that's right the coolest thing for arsony we had to go like for a month every day and I used to ride my little mini bike because it's arsonist thing what kind of mini bike did you have did you have a little Honda trail like me or did you have one of the ghetto ones that you had the lomo no I had come on man I had the Yamaha 80 oh shit that's right we all have a little fucking bike is remember we used to go down and rob the trains you go down there Martin and rob the trains by sea caucus yeah the ones we robbed the eerie like a water and all that shit remember

they used to shoot us with something like 20 motorcycles from a train we were 12 we were 12 one time we robbed a bunch and you had to carry them home they weren't built remember they were in a box there were small bikes like that not that you had to build them the gas tank was off the seat was off so you had to put all this shit on once you got on you open up the carburetor in those days and remember they used to shoot us with salt and pepper guns down there you ever get shot with a sort of pepper gun I still got my scar on the side like a motherfucker bro it's like rotten pussy juice in your eyeball you know I'm saying

it's a gun with like salt yeah with the cubes and when they hit you they blow up pepper you scratch like a motherfucker Martin tell these people who your father was and what you remember from these times brother oh my father was a colonel in Cuba second chief of police of Batista and he was a real real strict guy unfortunately I was born he I was raised in Jersey and I couldn't he could keep a good eye on me all the time so better do a lot of mischief and he would always sell Martin's seat oh it's real real you know strict and my my mother's side of the family was kind of wife my cheeto you know that was the

front of your mom's go go my cheeto your uncle yeah and when they used to go to the bar and all I said what what do we call a middle-class gangsters yeah yeah we were we were a middle-class fucking gangsters I one day I was sitting there writing one of the testicle testaments I wanted somebody other than myself to describe my stepdad one and I have the only person so I called Martin and I go one Martin if you had described one how would you describe him scary he was he was a real you know a you know very very hardcore guy I don't know if you want me to tell him what he did for us no you can tell him I don't give a fuck the

fucking guy was a hit man I mean it was amazing you know they had an article the other day by Jose battle in the fucking and then somebody on Twitter hit me up again do you know who Jose battle was Martin or say about where they say I'm outlet in battle was a guy that fought for you he went down with with the United States of CIA to to Cuba for the Bay of Pigs and when all that shit went down he got pissed off when they let him out of jail he told the fucking the CIA that he didn't care about he didn't wasn't mad at them he just wanted to do his own things for 10 years so he ended up becoming one of the biggest fucking

bookmakers and fucking and he lived in West New York so that's not all those people you call and fucking one and all that shit but I wanted to tell a story with you Martin real quick about a when we were we did two things I really remember about Martin that we laughed our asses off in the sixth grade where one people used to put glue on trees on the wall and you light you fuck the fire on the glue then you blow it out and the fucking your initials were on the wall right this is what was big day and on 26th Street project so I used to hang out and Martin used to live down there which was a tremendous fucking place

tremendous there was a tree and one night me and Martin and his cousin went and bought the fucking glue and we were gonna you know put on a tree and me and Julie did it and when it was Martin's turn he put his initials on the MP he lived on fire but some glue or some hit a leaf and it could only happen to Martin right so here for two months everybody's been right in their initials nobody gets in trouble next thing you know the tree is on fire and Martin is blowing on it go that's what I remember you blowing on it me go why are you blowing them we and all of a sudden out of the corner he's like a golf cart

coming with fucking three or four cars and with three or four guards on it and they went and arrested him so this is a way they took away his cousin with downstairs howling oh Jesus howling with downstairs and how about that how about the time that Julie Julie Julian was my cousin he was like two years younger than me was yeah yeah three years younger because he was two years younger than me so he looked exactly like me so he beat up a little kid that was his age I don't know if you remember a couple he beat up a kid that was his age and the little kid thought it was me and he came into my house and said I

was in he beat me up he beat me up I like to beat you up and go yeah yeah he beat me up and my father was ready to kick my ass for beating up on somebody's left you know underage until right when my father had the belt in my and his hand in the air ready to beat the shit out of me Julian comes out it goes oh it was me so he read my ass for a minute hey talk to these guys about McKinley about mr. King well how many beatings did mr. King will get the seventh grade teacher from students and I remember what I remember about King well what he was a seventh grade teacher when we walked into that we walk we used to go in the day

before the day the last day of school used to go to your next year's class so this is the first day I ever go to his class and he's standing in the front of the door saying you're gonna fail you're gonna fail you're gonna fail remember that Coco yeah he used to poke you in the fucking ear and punch in the ribs like give you little taps and now who's sister beat him up your sister your sister my sister he dropped the shit out of me one day my sister goes over there and go my sister's like half his size is poking on his stomach and telling him what the fuck hit me hit me you lucky my father doesn't come over here the shit

out of you now were you in the class when he hit one of the Carvajals and mr. Carvajal not now to describe the Carvajals Maria is on Facebook beautiful you guys were like me and me and just all humans they were all like chunks the whole family they called the one son the beast he's a truck driving bigger than a truck now but the father was gigantic and he was from the week what was the Cubans called Guajito right or wrong where they country motherfuckers okay but those are the ones that'll kill you and he used to wear his little YOLO shirt with a fucking cigar that looked like a baton his cigar looked like a baton in

front of 26th Street and I guess one day unbelievable one day fucking he hit one of his kids and at three o'clock that day you heard and they're like open up and it was mr. Carvajal mr. King will look so he goes I'm gonna do to you what you do to my son and he smacked the fuck out of McKinley was crazy man and remember who replied one you had left already but you know that the guys that replaced mr. Lindsay Wally Lindsay repaid replaced like what was the Ethel Welsh and Ms. Virga right with the eighth grade teacher oh my god and Ethel Welsh was we retired them based on to the we retired she kept saying I'll be

here after you come and go Ethel Welsh we retired and Ms. Virgas retired first after Walsh we tortured but the guy that replaced Ms. Virga his name was Wally Lindsay he was the mayor of we walk him but he was also a school teacher in North Bergen and he's the one that sold the waterfront out in Hudson County there so they erect the ATF arrested him in the eighth grade think about being your fucking class sitting in the school and on some of the fucking ATF shows up and take your fucking school teacher that's the school we fucking grew up man what did you leave Bergen that guy remember when we were in P.E.

there was Joey the Coco got a more cocoa cocoa and then the P.E. teachers sniped us Mr. Totora tell him the story huh tell him the story tell him this I'm sorry I don't remember the guy's name his father came in with his his mafia brother and told the principal I want to see the the P.E. teacher I want to see the P.E. teacher no no no we can't what was the guy's name Carmine Balzano Balzano Anthony pulled I want Totora pushed me you and Anthony Balzano for speaking Spanish and Anthony Balzano stuck up for us he's like I don't give a fuck you can't tell these guys what to do it not

to speak and this teacher halls off and starts hitting us but he pulled mine in Martin's heads and he banged them like when we went upstairs we were going through our hair and there was hair on the sheet so Carmine came in he got caught you know right away Anthony's like dad let me tell you what happened he didn't let these guys talk Spanish fuck that it's a free country but he's like but Anthony you're Italian so what you gotta stick up for spanks you know I'm saying and the next thing you know this fucking guy went into that principal's office and was the was that fucking teacher there next day hell no they

transferred the tour no he was gone and go go when we counterfeited the lunch tickets oh yeah we were having that one oh fuck is I forget all this shit dog this is how much we sold more counterfeit tickets than this whole day no this is fucking classic shit not very good but we fucked up 12 year old counterfeiters 12 year old fucking counterfeiters we used to deliver paid everything that hold all those neighborhoods were never safe with us we were always trying to flip a buck you've been doing your whole life we were kids that were always trying to flip a buck man there's no fucking games and playing

game boy and all that shit we lived it though we'd have time to watch a TV and steal a car in my mind we lived it fucking little momos today let's go play fucking game boy don't live it bitch good one hey Joe when we used to take the orders from people give me your order for lunch give me your order for lunch and then get a hosea hertano to go steal it from something better from a shop right shop right he'd go to shop right and take all our orders and just pack in a brown bag he'd walk down the aisle just putting it

in the brown bag and walk down to the store like it was his house we grew up with some pretty fucked up fucking people hey did you come with us to do our confirmation go come no I got thrown out of of that it was double-placing Union City say not St. Michael's but the other one not St. Rocco's but there was another one where I went like two or three times and one of you guys asked the fucking priest who wrote the Bible and was it real and how did we know that this shit was real he threw a bunch of us out you don't remember we had to go to we had to go to come I remember and then

it was me Dean LaPri John Bender Vanichek you like 20 of us we used to go to blimpy smoke dope and then go to fucking in the seventh grade we go to blimpy smoke dope and then go to community instruction so if you ain't topping that one kids go fuck yourself if I look in the confirmation again I don't know if you went but we changed all our names our last names ourselves like Dean Dean LaPriq Martin Pricces John Fender and this is the priest the preacher the priest and our confirmation saying all these names and we were rolling in the middle I gave the fucking words and they gave the wrong fucking

names man now this was Martin I'm happy you called because you had come to my house swimming at the pool you had come to my mother's bar I mean you were around for years with me we used to go to movies together I used to go to 7th Street and watch Martin do judo class remember Martin down with the Lalu remember Laluper and her son Lalupe and her son Lalupe is a Cuban performer that's on YouTube that while she would sing she would rip her fucking clothes off who would not even pink doing somersaults could do that shit this Cuban lady used to rip her fucking clothes I can't remember you I can't believe you

still remember Lalupe at my house yeah Lalupe used to go to your house too right yeah yeah I used to watch her unchanging shit she has skinny pussy I remember I was a young kid her pussy was skinny a little hair look like a like Eddie Munster a little pussy hair was scraggly Martin hey what was it Dave everybody was well you were back in big time when she was like a cousin of yours I banged on my cousins you know me now she wasn't a cousin see my mother had baptized a Evie from the Bronx the Puerto Rican girl yeah she taught me how to eat pussy a little nasty bitch I remember the first time I ate a monk and

even have hair or nothing Evie I forgot all about it Evie I had Evie and I had the other Puerto Rican that my mother my mother would baptize all these kids she'd be their godmother and they have to spend a week with us or something oh okay after the third night I'd be driving a Cuban yeah that's very big being a guy it's big in the Catholic religion being a godparent you know Matinsito I love you all my heart for calling bro anything you want to say at the end I just want to say go I love you brother I love you my brother no no no I thought I would give him my social I didn't see Martin for 20 years and he

showed up to Miami Improv and he gave me a hug and I almost fucking died so we brought this bro I'm 49 years old Martin how old are you 50 50 so we've been fucking with 13 and 12 and 11 with Peter Jimenez and we used to walk up and down that hill and what about the fucking riots against you in the city throwing eggs the projects with oh remember the war day before Halloween the mixed devils devils mission night devils night dog they don't do this in this country war wars war eggs like war remember throwing eggs at the Jews and they chase you from Union City to fucking Jersey City those little

stinkies they don't stop dog remember we used to go and glue the pennies on the remember we used to throw them we used to go to Duratest and throw light bulbs at people and the fucking light bulb remember that with the irregular light bulbs yeah they made all light bulbs and beams you know those long tube so I would come up to you with one of those things and hit you and the thing would just blow up and wipe out of going your face and shit oh my god and then we used to have remember the binoculars when Calvaha was one of through an apple through the Jewish Temple thing and then they said it was a brick and they put them

in prison and they put them in jail and everything yeah yeah yeah yeah Alex right in the in the in the tunnel which one one one arm what was his name oh the one guy who got yeah he got caught by he was robbing trains wasn't he and his arm yeah he got he got he got the electrocuted yeah he that's the last time I went down there once somebody gets electrocuted the party's over they gave him a mother what I forget what his name was he's driving a cab now yeah and you remember Louis the the the crippled guy on the bottom and we used to take him into a man that was fucked up that be slow you remember

that be slow that be slow we used to have a lot of crazy people that they would I got a run a month you see don't they gave him in my brother I'll call you next week a lot about the Churchill bye bye that's fucking nuts huh now for people my age and he brought it up but I didn't want to stop you guys talking explain who Bautista is because it's a story that I don't think people like people my age would understand Bautista was the guy who was running Cuba before Fidel that's who Fidel wanted succeeded it was a guy Bautista who hence you Bautista and reality Bautista was a bad motherfucker I mean because yeah on one

hand he had Cuba it was it was booby I mean all the stories you hear by Cuba is when Bautista was running that motherfucker but on the other hand he was the poverty was at fucking tremendous levels he was robbing his people it was worse than communism away because he was shaking them down to live so when Bautista got knocked out of there Bautista got had to go in exile because fucking Cubans don't fuck around they don't forget nothing they forgive for a little while but they'll go get them you know so I don't know what the whole thing was Bautista but a lot of people like Bautista and a lot of

people were fucking against Bautista and at the end when Fidel came in he brought a promise Fidel lied to the Cuban people he brought in a promise that he was going to change things and look he was a Tommy so so but my point was so his father was like a general or very high up in very very high so the people around you I can't even imagine how how strict his father would be and then there was your father and it's just Martin's father was a no-nonsense guy whenever he said Martin Seathal everything stopped he was big you know and what made me think of Martin was I was at Eddie Bravo's house and I watched a fucking

video about Cuba that he had with Bautista there and I seen Martin Perez standing next to him he looks just like Martin who I had on the phone yeah and I go look I gotta call Martin because they talk to Martin a lot I thought you know we thought he has a big company in Florida I mean he's down there fucking fucking making it happen but I'm just happy that we're still talk I mean how lucky am I yeah you know he's one of the few people left from that side of my life from that side of my life the life before my mother died that could vouch for me in any situation there's maybe three or four yeah and that's why I

honor this guy so much and I believe all your stories I don't like I never in my head think you're lying but you know I have stories from my childhood that are are kind of they they grow over the years and I couldn't imagine out 12 stealing motorcycles off of a train and he called and he brings it up listen I get like he's throwing bikes off of a train listen first off I have nothing to lose so you know I had nothing going on in my comic read I had nothing I was doing sets yeah I was doing movies of my name is around people impressed or whatever but I didn't know what was going on and I started doing a podcast with Felicia and

I started telling stories about my life man you know a lot of them you forget they're so fucking terrible a lot of them you forget I'm not gonna lie you don't want them you don't want nobody you know and I started saying them and you know what I would show up to fucking these shows and people be all around going dog tell us that story again do this and I go you fucking people can you know I always thought everybody had stories yeah that's why I didn't want to tell nobody some of them I can't listen I got 800 stories 300 of them I can't fucking tell you yeah I'm saying because it's just not right and you'll hear them

as they go along because people gonna call and slip or whatever but I got no reason to learn I'm the real fucking exactly I'm the real fucking deal and this is just I sit here sometime like I said I thought everybody lived a lot I thought everybody went and robbed trains when they were 12 and these are middle what do you call that middle class kids middle class kids these are middle class kids that hung out at projects to hang out with the other kids that didn't have so much you know I'm saying we didn't judge there was no judge and we knew who to hang with who rocked who had your fucking back in those days yeah not

like these fucking momos with a skateboard girl at the fuck you know after school some of the kids had money some didn't we would walk a mile to the fucking metal ends where the metal ends are now there'd be trains out there by a sequel because every like a wanna and the trains will go by and we were positioned ourselves and you'd have to jump on a train and break the fucking seal and then open the door and then get in there with 12 was the train moving the train was moving on a slower pace still Jesus Christ the cops would be driving the the not the regular cops but the truck you know

Amtrak I don't even know if it was Amtrak that yeah so you had to take the boxes throw them off the fucking trains hide them in the weeds like sons anakin episode last week with the guns and then have walked back to North Bergen eat dinner pray that nobody steals your stash and then get one of your older brothers and one of his friends you got to pay him 50 bucks you're 12 so that means you guys say listen dog I have six motorcycles help me along them back once I sell two of them I'll throw you a fucking half a yard a hundred dollars we were 12 wow and that's that's something when he was talking it made me

realize when you were talking about selling the lunch tickets and then going before church going to blumbies to get a sandwich and then smoke you really haven't changed that much no life no I mean you grow up and you mature a little bit but you're doing the same stuff listen man all you do is rub out the edges and make them not as sharp that's how you do but you are who the fuck you are I am who the fuck I am you know in those days the deal was I'm from let me tell you let me break it down more on Fridays if you didn't want to go to school in the afternoons you either had to go to school or you had to go

to Catholic Community Education CCD I don't know what they call it they still have it so you had to be there at one so basically you would go to school from 9 to 12 some of the pimps would sign up and go to CCD and the other ones would stay because we had Levito so on Fridays Mr. Levito at one o'clock since half the kids were gone he would put a record play on and you roll out to listen to music but guess what Mr. Levito knew I was crazy so he let me go on stage every Friday after they threw me out because I went for like two weeks and one of the kids raised their hand he's like excuse me Padre how do I know the shit this

book is fucking real I giggled and somebody else giggled he threw all of us I didn't make my confirmation I was 29 years old okay I went back to get the Holy Spirit put into me because I thought I was crazy I thought that would help me but that's a complete different that was in my Buddhist molded day that was when I was because I don't believe in organized real religion I'm like I said I'm a jicundo I got the Catholics the Buddhists the Santorias and the Jews and I put it all together and it works you know I'm saying so some days so me some days I got a yama gun I gotta cut a chicken's head off fucking you gotta do

what the fuck you gotta do so on Fridays you had to either walk up to that thing uh-huh which was a blast you got to walk from that school up route 3 which is a thousand million cars coming at you you went to shop right you shoplifted gun gum guns gum then you walk like three blocks and then there was the the four-star diner which had a tremendous BLT one of the best I've ever had all those agree you had to cook the burger place on the corner you had all these fucking places to go mingle but you had a blimpy base and those days a roast beef from blimpy was trying to look at the go to blimpy now I'm gonna

roast beef like a roast beef from Subba let's say Rosie's pussy it's all brown and fucking the noodles brown I don't eat roast beef from Subway another shit they should kill you but in those days we we go to fucking Subba blimpy on 31st and burger land we blast off a fucking joint we go in there and they put on oh my mommy oh my mommy we giggle we go in and giggle at waitresses we giggle at people and then we in those days we used to smoke with a fucking glass tube okay somebody had a we used to go to a headstock or east west and it was a glass tube and you rolled the joint you put the joint in the tube and

that was the card in like the fucking the last fucking thing and we get hammered no matter what we knew you were 13 12 6th grade bitches for all you people like well I'm considering go fuck yourself this shit goes deep deep deep into the mental block anyway anyway yeah what do you get me all hot and sticky for so we would go to sit in this fucking Catholic fucking thing over that and and listen to this priest for two hours talk about the Bible yeah do that for like eight months 18 years to turn into your confirmation once we got thrown out I had to stay in school till three but guess what all the boys would

go up there so all the chicks would stay hang around and on Fridays I still listen to music at one point in the afternoon this is I've never repeated this in a podcast okay he let me go up on in the front of the class and sing a song and I would lip-sync my eyes adored you by Frankie Valley in the four seasons that's why when I was in Jersey for the UFC I was standing Mario Arias called me from Vegas another kid that was in our class in the sixth grade to tell me that he was hanging with our sixth grade teacher Mr. Lovito in Vegas holy shit so this is how tight we are like this is something that everybody

was in a Lovito's class and I still talk to people who I had with that the teacher King well the one he was saying that he would hit people yeah that's the motherfucker that left me back wow he's the one that left me back for eating yorker reads his pussy in the seventh grade that motherfucker I'll never forget him but you know what it was a wake-up call because he was a good teacher King well you had to read a book every month I'll never forget that you had to read a book a month and he gave you an oral book exam well so you had to read you had to read you had to read and guess what today I read because of that fucking guy

he got me into read like this summer when you get put into his class in the seventh grade he'll give you three books and say you got to read these three fucking books so when you come back in September the first week it was what what they call book reports about all examination before we get the fuck out of here excuse me people before we get the fuck out of here I want to show you something I got yesterday just to let you know where I heads at first off thank you very much for all the love we got on this fucking podcast you guys are some bad motherfuckers I know Lee wants to thank you and it's unbelievable everyone

who writes to me on the email and Twitter everyone's so nice so thank you guys so you know my brother Joe Rogan always talks about being positive and stuff I don't talk about it that much I just live it and it's it's just an understanding none of them the same what we're all positive you're gonna have good and bad days and shit like that listen man I got up at five in the morning I come here for the last two years I've been on Twitter and I got up at five in the fucking morning I'm with you people playing I'm smoking with you through osmosis we're having a great time I started doing videos and shit Joey

Karate's years ago and it was the weirdest thing man I would get these I would you know at those days I didn't know much about the computer and I would fucking shoot a video with my friend Dan his son's gonna be a year old happy birthday my man Dominic my nephew and we would shoot a video and put it up and you know you get great video funny joey's funny whatever and then somewhere in the middle of night I'd wake up and I check it all week late and I get like you fat fuck I hope you die figure out what it was like click onto the person's link and I go to the YouTube page and I would go you know

fuck you you motherfucker hope your mother gets hit by a train and then I realized I'm doing the same thing he's doing you know what the fuck is wrong with me then I understood what people do that they just go from computer to computer site and they write shit on people's thing I never understood it I wasn't raised to shit I was raised belly-to-belly I'm a belly-to-belly guy that's why I don't text I don't do nothing I want to look at your fucking eyes take your sunglasses off when I talk to you that's how I was raised yeah I wasn't raised with sunglasses with flip-flops trying to be cool and shit

talk to me like a fucking man I'm all about fucking before we become anything directors comedians stupid stars podcasted you know with fucking men so you always have to act like a fucking man that's the bottom fucking line right so you know I was raised I gotta say something I'll say to your face I don't fucking say they're all for yesterday after all the shit we do you know the filipino we have we have a great time this is what I got yesterday sent to me he sent it to me your fucking worst nightmare right this is classic hey fat fuck retard hack lose a piece of shit Rogan shine boy bitch go fuck your

dead fat mother hope you stroke out before that whore has your cock cold kid can you believe this shit now my whole take on this and for you people let's hunt this motherfucker down because he doesn't know I call the buddy of mine in Jersey they got a buddy in Jersey that love is doing this you pay them 200 hours may trace this in 70 fucking two hours and then we send two other fucking guerrillas to knock on your fucking door and let you know what you did now this guy hit me up before as something else one time and I fucking shut him down to we he called me a fat nigger and a spake I mean just you know

but this one here it's the weirdest thing because whether this guy's 13 or 27 he's got no fucking life he's got no life he's got no he can't claim responsibility he can't do nothing he's got no this guy's gonna be living behind the fucking shadows all his life these are the kids that you see walking around this the kids are going to a fucking post office and kill somebody a waste of kid this is how it starts yeah because the who raised this fucking maggot who raised this fucking kid a computer raises fucking TV a computer raised this fucking idiot because he's been listening it's not like he downloaded the

podcast he knows my wife's pregnant he knows my mother died he knows I'm with Rogan this is what he writes it cracks me up I laugh because I turn it around in my mind but I feel bad for this dumb fuck I feel bad in the sense that he has to go through life living like a fucking mobile and that's how you so you're supposed to look at it if like if I got that that would destroy me for no because you're not supposed this guy doesn't have to if he knocked on my door set that to my face I'd shake his hands because at least you had the fucking balls to do it in the fucking honesty and you know what get your

mother on the phone she did a fine job she instilled fucking you know not hiding behind a computer but how do you hide these are the same and I get these on Twitter and and you laugh you sit there so if you do this by the way let's hunt this motherfucker down people because I know there's some fucking 10 year olds that could find you they'll find fucking Obama Apple 6 at gmail.com I got it working from the other side when we find you we're gonna fucking make you fucking right an apology and I'm gonna go to your hometown I'm gonna pay a black guy with the biggest dick in town I'm gonna go to one of those sex clubs and

go I want the biggest blackest motherfucking here with a big pink fucking helmet one of those Mike Tyson Cox which so big and black the black goes pink from black to pink like a fucking like a fucking scale on a toaster you know I'm saying and I'm gonna make you suck his dick just like that how's that one for you let's have some fucking fun oh I'm sorry about talking that way yesterday somebody sent me a flyer saying you're invited to an evening of smart comedy so we're back to that again oh my god we're so intelligent we're voting for around me that smart comedy we're doing at 7 30's and the thing about that is is he

definitely knows you yeah he's probably the type of kid or person whatever however old he is probably goes down he's like who do I follow I'm gonna send us to every single person I follow like a different one for each person it's very sad I never understood that I never was raised to act that way so I don't understand it shocks the fuck out of me Lou it takes me and it just rips me apart in sight for two seconds because not because of what he said his words come on I've heard fat fucking cunt mother all but my life and words bother you it's just that where the fuck is he coming from yeah what's he gonna do the rest of

his life fucking wear a fucking dress and I would make upon and this is coming from you who's who Rob trains and did all that bad stuff you know because I know you gotta look at a man's eye dog yeah always gonna look at that's why I don't like texting when I text you for I text somebody when I want my dick so that's a booty call when you want so many calls you call him back this is all part of being a fucking man this all part of being Wednesday every fucking day you gotta act this fucking way these fucking jerk walks doing this kind of shit I'm like get the fuck out of here Lee tell these motherfuckers what's happening

Sunday Sunday we have the biggest show we've ever done we have the recap of the John Jones finally fighting we have a preview for Sunday football and Monday night football no Monday nights we don't preview Monday nights here because that's a loser night and my people aren't getting back the people we run with we're fucking winning we're winning we lock it up we go upstairs we give mom a stab in Monday morning wake up and go to work and we don't gotta worry about who's playing Monday if I gotta win my money back fuck no why are you chasing fucking Mondays fuck Mondays we do our work like silent fucking savages we're

chasing your fucking jewels like Tupac says on a Sunday so we'll try to make some money as we can lastly add the under other giants the week before that I had debt I had against them right back against them so I'm one-on-one this week I'm gonna redeem myself for the winner as far as the UFC like I said dog it's fucking Wednesday I got to see the Wayne's but right now my heart I really like better videos and sometimes your first your first fucking thing is the it's the other and I want to go back to what we're talking about only play a little bad motor finger for your fucking Uncle Joe here I gotta get some

of the drink real quick I'll be back bitches all right yeah I want to get my tremendously but the second jam only come on what after that one it's the album correct no no this is just the first one let me get let me get the second one forget I don't worry about it if you didn't get the album this morning don't worry about it all right brothers it's fucking Wednesday well if you want to talk about Lee what's on your fucking mind we got bad motor thing oh I know what I want to talk to you motherfuckers about very important man I begin all these fucking messages about movies listen I love

movies but I hate this new shit that fucking comes out last movie I seen was a Disney one with Jennifer Gardner and the fucking kid with the leaf on his fucking ankle I went to see with my wife and she cried I got high whatever it doesn't fucking matter but the other night I was sitting with goddamn living room and all of a sudden death wishes on right and it's the part where they raped his daughter they rape his daughter and his fucking wife and it's Jeff Goldblum so I I'm sitting there like it's nine o'clock I don't have to be on on stage so 10 30 I might as well watch it I've seen this movie I mean I

seen this in the fucking movie did I might as well watch this room well I'm fucking sitting and I'm watching this and I'm getting sucked in Lee just sucked in yeah because after you know on paper it's a movie about Charles Bronson who they kill his wife no biggie you know revenge fucking movie and then he goes on he shoots people that's what is on paper that's what I remember that as but for some reason when you don't see a movie for a long fucking time you see all these things that you haven't seen before you know I watch the Chinese connection since I gave it out last week I watched it the other day and I saw

shit there's a move when he goes to fight at the last scene he walks out and he throws a kick and he turns around with an elbow I've never seen that move I've seen that I've been watching Chinese connections is 1971 it's fucking 12 12 2012 and I just caught that scene so now I'm watching death wish the other night and he goes to Arizona and he meets this fucking guy who was a big character actor in Arizona Tucson and he teaches him how to shoot and they talk about the service and what he had done before and on the way up to the fucking now on the way out to the airport you know he's explained to him he should get a gun

to live in that big bad city yeah he's like I don't want no guns so fucking he puts a gun in his suitcase oh Jesus did you know that they didn't know that you seen this you see this yeah so I had forgotten all this shit you know I forgot about it way I mean fuck you have a lot of other things on your mind he gets to New York he finds the gun you know he finds out that the daughter's not gonna be the same she's in shock so it starts hitting him and he takes the gun to go for a walk one night for protection because throughout the whole movie they met listen New York City in the fucking 70s was horrible it was

horrible you got to applaud whoever Giuliani whoever it really was bad if you have a problem go to YouTube go to our Latin thing the first scene and watch when they're on the streets in New York the trash was everywhere I remember I was a kid even I love them Riverside Drive I live on 89 stream Riverside Drive with the Jews then I moved to 205 West the A Street with more fucking Jews so don't tell me about my fucking goddamn New York and they had trash all over the place and whatnot so he goes out and some guy comes to attack him on the side he goes hey man give me your money and Charles Bronson looks at the guy and he

looks straight he's over by like Battery Park or something and all of a sudden he turns around and the guy's like hey and Charles Bronson turns with the gun already Pam he shoots the guy and he runs home he holds on to the gun he gets home and the weird thing is when he gets home somebody remember as a kid or anything he breaks down he breaks down he goes on his hands and knees and he looks at his hands they can't believe what he's done a real reaction to what we just did yet we all reaction like I'm like look at Charles Bronson dropping you know knowledge on the acting department then he was creating like an

archer like I was fucking really impressed I'm like look at Charles what they did and this is a Dino De Laurenti's movie these were fucking movies Charles Bronson movies Dino De Laurenti's is like Spielberg today you know even bigger Dino De Laurenti's walks into a place takes his dick out everybody's gonna suck it even the bus boy so fucking it's brilliant you know he starts crying then you see him watching you watch him grow as you know it's like anything else he got the smell of blood he got the taste of blood you watch him fucking grow as a vigilante and now he's shooting motherfuckers every

night he had a cop phone so if you get a fucking chance I know that you guys like Joey you're an old fuck you don't know what the fuck you're talking about movies watch Death Wish or watch the art and watch Death Wish one and two Death Wish two wasn't bad Jimmy Page did the fucking soundtrack that one's a good one 82 or something like that I remember I was at the movie there was a senior in high school and I'm sitting in front of these fucking women and the one lady goes look at Charles Bronson he's so ugly he's good looking I was like what the fuck is these freaky motherfuckers but please you know these

movies from the 70s and 80s sometimes you're watching a little slow yes that was an IMDB for some and I was watching somebody's list of movies you know for top comics I was shocked by their fucking predictions or selections but what I really was you know like they have no planes trains and automobiles on there and they don't know and to me if you don't have trains planes and automobiles and caddy shack on your comedy list I can't look at it if you don't have easy money on your comedy list you're wrong you know you're just wrong you just fucking wrong and being if you don't have ghostbusters on your

comedy list I can't talk to you if you have stripes on your comedy I cannot talk to you if you have animal house on your comedy list I cannot talk to you whether you fucking people make these fucking lists from have you not watched a movie you just watch three fucking movies and make your fucking pitch you dummies and was hangover on the list oh please hangover one and two and everybody's dancing singing and you know Chinese people with their dicks out oh yeah you know but if you don't have any of these fucking comedy if you have a Woody Allen movie as intelligent and smart and witty as you think you are the one when he

fucking blows the coke when he goes to go over he goes to snort it he blows it out the one with the fucking house and boulder that they use if you don't have bullets over fucking Broadway is honorable mention with chess commentary as a mobster with that guy as the writer I've never seen that oh oh my god these are fucking comedy jokes these are things that you don't have to push you know again I read an article on they're still working on the funniness of a rest of the but I mean how much fucking writing does this thing need oh my god they've collaborated you know two of the funniest writers have collaborated oh

my fucking god and poor night Michael Jordan can't say just do it one more fucking time just fucking do it you know yeah yeah this bio channel from time to time has a history of a movie okay oh that'd be great you see that like yeah what happened on the movie and they had caddy shotgun on Sunday oh Jesus and I was coming back from fucking Minneapolis which guys I still fucking love you Tom Bernard your bad motherfucker please support a house of County this weekend my man I don't know who's there I'll find out for you anyway what the fuck was I done I also want to give a shout out in Minneapolis to a

cool motherfucking black dude I met with fucking cool sourdee I love you to death I forgot to give you some love everybody else I met out there we were smoking out there and that fucking momo that's me but anyway so yeah you're talking about the history of the movie the history of the fucking movie and they went and they were going about catty shack how in catty shack they were fucking doing pounds of both Tony Montana was on the set on a fucking roller skates to give them all blow so they had to go down there they had to stand the studio down there to see what the fuck they were doing yeah like what

the fuck you guys doing like you can't snort for two or three days and the one guy said if you weren't caddy shack and you remember you weren't there because nobody fucking remembers I mean those guys and like Bill Murray was the big star of the movie but he was only coming in Brian County but by the time you get the fucking name but time you get the name of BX Monday you're fucking there what they still there they still view on their website so then who don't view who is you who the house of comedy you're still on the front page like this oh really dancing singing yeah oh so yeah Brian Callins there from went from

tonight until Saturday so go enjoy that but yeah I heard stories about that especially that scene with bone Murray knocking the flowers with the golf like that was just improv and I mean I'm sure the writing was great for that but it's uh it's kind of like well like the music of the 70s and 80s it really is the voice music now I watched 16 candles the other day and I was fucking giggling how can I look you in the face and tell you I wasn't giggling with the some dumb young guy yeah you know come on guys you fucking giggle you laugh from your fucking heart you know I got this movie on DVR that I adore guys and you're gonna laugh

at me and think I'm a fucking faggot and I don't give a fuck splash because you have to see John Candy I'm gonna get fucking emotional when I see listen guys I didn't go to no fucking I didn't go to the fucking what improv Olympic I didn't go to no fucking groundlings and jump up and down with kids and IO which is great for them coming out of college I don't come to the other fucking way okay I learned it by watching Jackie Glees you know what's the honeymoon is at night on Monday nights by mistake at the end of the brilliant episode of honeymoon is like when he handcuffed each other with the fake fucking things

look and see how many writers are on this too there was two Jew writers and Jackie fucking Glees and Jackie Glees and rode them like like he just was on them but you watch the end of sign that live they got 90 fucking writers yeah what are they getting an hour and a half two fucking sketches so look at the work we're doing look at what we've been I'm a pioneer I watched the fuck pioneer I ain't no fucking pioneer I always get high and I forget my words you know I learned on watching timing from Jackie Glees and and fucking you know dick van dyke and fucking the odd couple and red fox and Sanford and son I mean

that's what my comedy balls came from and then I became a fan you know I listened to Richard Pryde by Centennial Nigger and the niggas crazy and all three or four George Collins though was the fucking one I can't remember the one name where I sat there and wrote it out and I would practice it in the fucking mirror when I was you know 12 comedy wasn't something that I did to pick up checks it well comedy was for me listen I was I got out of prison I was just getting divorced I was illusion I had nowhere to fucking go and I figured I killed some time and do some comedy for a couple years and I was still crying me

next thing you know what he had 30 years fucking later but that's not the point the point was I was a student of the fucking game and I watched it and I give props to anybody even if I don't like them if somebody takes me to that next level in comedy you watch Bill you watched Tom what's his name and yeah he's great and Uncle Buck and he's great and fucking he's brilliant transplains an automobile he's opposite Steve Martin I mean when Steve Martin got that call that day and they said you're working opposite John Candy when you hung that fucking phone down we think went through his head what am I

gonna do against this savage yeah you know you're gonna read the script and go up head to head with John Candy that's never gonna fucking happen so he sat back and he played this character who they just jizzed together and he let John Candy do listen when you go up against guys like John Candy the guy from 30 Rock the black dude from 30 Rock that the natural fucking people they can rock but the best of you you play a square or you play a four what's that defense they play on Michael Jordan when they guard they let him do what he does but they fucking guard everybody else tight yeah that's what you do against

those guys you guard it with fucking people like John Candy just let them go they know what they're doing don't look over their shoulder and you could see it in splash in splash he's so fucking strong but that one scene at the bar where Tom Hanks is up and he goes listen I gotta leave he goes where you going he goes I'm going to Cape Codd he goes why hang out I got these two chicks and you look at John Candy the lighting was brilliant they made it red and he had a red shirt on but guys he was fucked up I've been fucked up on coke and weed and booze a million times he was buzzing on that scene and you could see

it in his face and he's like come on over I'm dancing with these girls and you could see him shake his little fat body he's like we're going down to Rio baby that just got some type of condo and also he goes no no I'm gonna go find myself I'm in Cape Codd and he looks at me goes really you okay seriously he goes you got enough money yeah he goes can I have some fucking timing I have it I watch it when I go to an audition I watch fucking John Candy and he was brilliant so you know before you motherfuckers make a list make sure John Candy's and even if he did a fucking camera even with all spaceballs are you

fucking kidding me are you fucking kidding me you fucking morons hangover with this other oh please don't get me started more good movie but they're not fucking classics they're classes because they're coming out now and nothing comes out now it's a fucking classic how many classics you get a year how many people gonna see these movies in the coming out 20 years from now nobody so what the fuck are they talking about and you brought up Steve Martin a couple minutes ago and does that does that kill you when people came to stop like he's in the he's in a couple movies but nothing that great and doesn't do stand

up anymore does that does that kill you or is it just what is it coming out doing what the fuck these people know he doesn't do stands I mean it was a fucking tremendous stand-up he had a fucking arrow in his head you know he had a fucking arrow in his head and he quit he quit I wasn't around for his fucking stand-up nobody was do you nobody would what are these kids he doesn't do nobody was around when I was a kid I see them I sound like do King cut with the fucking arrow in his head and I don't even know he did stand-up I've never seen him do stand-up even heard of it I watched Richard Wright what's his name the guy

from Boston do stand-up I see those guys later on but I was too young for Steve Martin nobody remembers fucking Steve Martin doing stand-up these guys are walking around like nobody remembers him I don't remember okay yeah no no no no I don't know what the fuck happened with him he was he was one day I see him do Ken cotton the next day he was in a man with two motherfucking brains another classic you know Steve Martin all of me yeah are you fucking kidding me one of my I think my favorite or close to favorite of his is the jerk oh please you know this is just guys we have there are so many movies the history of the

world part one and two Monty Python oh guys there's so much shit you we have catching up to do but we can't do it all in one day because it's motherfucking Wednesday shit to do it's a church of what's happening now you're smoking dope you're eating breakfast you're trying to get healthy what's your fucking day look like the rest of the day my days my days looking like work and then that's it man but I'm happy to be here and this is it just great being here with you okay I'm happy you came over this morning I'm happy for you motherfuckers for tuning in listen do me a fuck big favor right tomorrow night I'm in Madison

Wisconsin bitches with Duncan yeah it's great Duncan fucking trust will take two tickets of $20 they're on fucking line we're at champs come on by eight o'clock show Friday I'm in Milwaukee Wisconsin the home of Duke motherfucking Rufus hopefully we'll get to see him and we will be in Germantown tickets also I'm paypal with fucking my brother Duncan trust with brown paper tickets brown paper tickets I'm sorry next week we're fucking Baltimore what else we got going on here brother thank you for all the fucking love on this podcast I mean me and Lee every day Lee we just giggle it's funny George really intense but

he'll call me like oh he's the number one yes I can't believe it you fucking guys we never expected this we just want to try to give you a great podcast and try the best we can that's all when I hear the lay claims when I fucking you know you know I'm saying but I love you motherfuckers from bottom my heart I really do I know Lee does least really starting to get into this we love you I'm sorry if you get offended today I really not fucking sorry but I'm just saying this you know the sponsors or whatever thank you for all the fucking people who are coming calling us and contacting us for sponsorship you know

I'm gonna run it but my attorney and we'll get to you guys next week I'm gonna run by Lee and see which one works best for us so it you know slow down for a few days because we got overwhelmed and I'm just looking at them now and I sent them to my attorney so thank you very much for the sponsorship consideration all that stuff thank you for buying the CDs thank you for coming to the shows hopefully I'd love to see you motherfuckers Milwaukee I'm gonna go down to that little Italian neighborhood where they had Donnie Brasko you know Donnie Brasko arrested people Milwaukee it's not in the movie but if you get the book

he went there to meet with some people and he arrested a lot of bosses out of the Midwest they have some Italian food and motherfucking Milwaukee and that little neighborhood where the comedy cafe used to be I think it's still the comedy cafe amazing and cheap I got a meatball sandwich with $2 10 years ago the fucking fat was running down my face it's another Midwest place like Minnesota hey man the fucking Midwest food I'm still counting points Lee's going back to the gym I'm working out this morning guys have a great fucking weekend I love you motherfuckers all my heart today for people who are looking

at this today I will be on the Rogan podcast at 3 o'clock with a director from cocaine cowboys oh shit I'm bringing my books I'm bringing the whole fucking thing all right I love you guys stay black please support that squad beauty the beast Duncan Joe Rogan give him all love get your alpha brain stinking your asshole fucking rocking and shit stay black please give him a kiss cocksucker bye guys got Frankie Valley my eyes adored you on the way there you go brother my eyes adored you

oh I never laid a hand on you my eyes adored you like a million miles away from me you couldn't see how I adored you so close so close and yet so far carried your books from school play and make believe you're married to me you were afraid I was sick when we came to me