Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 09/30/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #116

Episode Date: October 1, 2013

UFC fighter Pat Healy calls the podcast. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Streamed live on 09/30/2013.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey that's huluplus.com slash joey and by dollashaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollashaveclub.com slash church that's dollashaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollashaveclub banner. fucker it's monday cock suckers it's over what kicking me oh shit golly bounce motherfucker oh good morning glory oh shit what's it gonna do i'm the fat of the land in a rock and roll band

moving cock sucker little something fucking new england last night what what oh yes we are cuz get the fucking grandma speed breaking bad is god you fucking cock suckers it's time to live your life instead of sitting there sweating watching the show like a bunch of fucking faggots get it together the church little fucking aro smith heavy duty at your league what's happening baby i'm fucking fired up today i got like i was asleep i took a nap in the afternoon i was in portland oregon i just smoked some super fucking blue dream from the rosebud dispensary up there what's up dog what the fuck you've been you don't call you don't write

you know i always call that mexican chicken they take away your immigration card you don't sound here for me for two fucking days they take it deep into fuck the mexican territory what can i say what's going on though it's fucking awesome good morning glory hallelujah to you no you were you were you were really excited when you came in you must have been listening to this all morning listen girl you fucked up what i do you fucked up all right you made your last slip all right because uh i lost my ipod and i got a new ipod and i hope the music kind of leaking you put some music on for me he goes what do you want i go put some aro smith i you know leasing boston that's why i like leasing so much is the aro smith family and uh i love anybody from boston

because aro smith and uh he put the first out mom by mistake now aro smith didn't become aro smith by putting out bad music and i was telling joe rogan on the phone sadly we were talking from portland and i told him that uh you know somebody in portland gave me a joint where was rosebud gave me a joint of the white and i smoked the whole thing and i fucking couldn't sit in my room though i had to get out i went to the fucking wall i went to the why i went to the downstairs gym at the crown whatever and i put the earphones on and that's the album i picked i was on the uh elliptical and i didn't know that i just put aro smith and this first album has dream on it it's got some it's got a bunch of little weird songs but it's raw and it's dirty just like the

suburbs of boston were in the 70s you understand me you know boston's nice downtown but once you get to some of those suburbs you feel this nitty gritty toughness you never feel that like worcester worcester just has a fucking toughness to it you could stop a skinny kid in worcester call him a cock suck and you're gonna fight for nine minutes you're gonna fight for 11 fucking minutes he's gonna scratch he's gonna rip your fucking shirt even if you beat the fuck out of him you knowing you're in a fight that's what this music reminds me of when i was a kid there was a kid steve uh a vella there was a couple of vellas when i was growing up and they were all a little touched you know the father was a gangster so they were all a little touched they had the world by the

balls but the oldest one was very certifiably gone and you didn't want to be in a car with him when aro smith came on why that was the word on the street don't be in a column because he lost his mind even more he would start doing u-turns fucking cutting people off and that's what it does to me the first five aro smith alms guys are pure gold what happened in this country was they went into a deep fucking drug haze i mean nobody remembers like the early 80s aro smith fell off deep like fuck guns and roses and fuck the chick that died in fucking england these guys know that they live on an edge every day i swear to god they were real heroine junkies if you read that book if you listen to their music from uh rocks to to to all that shit is

dark it's fucking dark rocks and there's something else so i'm just a narrow smith type of motherfucker i like the first five albums what happened is when they made a comeback they went commercial by mistake it just happened you know i'm saying so all those first five albums have been overshadowed and a lot of people like the newer the younger people do yourself a favor bro by get your wings buy this one but dream on it buy fucking uh toys in the attic and rocks those are just tremendous sound just a little something for new england i was watching new england pages last night i got all fucking fired he called me i was fine i love to watch good quarterbacks man like when they're solid fucking cool i like to watch anything that's fundamental

once you start going crazy i don't like that shit you know like he fucking made matt liner with a minute left through a bomb on first and ten yeah that was fucking for now you saw that you know i watched the whole game oh you watched it through a bomb like old school football like you know what let's get down you ready let's get down go to the fucking car and make a left you know i'm saying like that tight just just sit by the fucking car i'm gonna put it right by the fucking windshield boom he threw the fucking ball and i'm sitting there and that's when i called you but i love the other dude i love tom brady yeah i've always been a fan of tom brady i love all those big white fucking quarterbacks like that him and the dudes from dollas i like all that

shit you know and they're big and white and they fucking elway oh elway was a fucking bull when i lived in boulder i used to go those bronco games he was a fucking bull though oh how was that no i heard that if you stood next to elway you could hear the ball whizzing like off his fingers and shit like that's what's up lee you cock sucker so tell people what's happening tomorrow i'm going back on juicing oh i'm excited you can yeah i can tell i used to come in here and his eyeballs he was like one of those methodics and they're breaking bad and shit he just his eyeballs would be pinned oh it's great i can't wait to add onion to it tonight get the fuck out of here telling you all you had to walk around the block and get in that pool you don't need this now when you're like

you were joking now when you're getting a mexican girl i told you eating that food so well you got exercise you got to break those fucking tamales up they develop on the armpit you see those mexicans are fucking around you got the fat on the arms you got to go out there and do jumping jacks and shit unless you get those wings and you fly over to the fucking border oh Jesus good morning glory huh let me tell you let me tell you something in a real world in a real motherfucking world portland origan is on their own axis in a real world was that fun yeah it was a lot of fun it really was a lot of fun even though if it was raining didn't matter that's what part of the patois you know it's gonna rain up there yeah it's always gonna fucking rain they're allergic to

the sun but they had a nice summer they did have a fucking really nice summer i just happened to breathe up there the week with the fucking rain you know like every every time you go to oh you should have been here last week you know son's anarchy was here giving out joints the chicks were giving out blowjobs you just missed it by an hour that's the way to oh shit look what i got here one of your favorites green hornet chibo chew it's monday we gotta go deep you know what i'm saying why not fuck why fuck around why fuck around it's monday you want to take a little bite because you're about to eat 200 milligrams 300 milligrams of fucking THC what's me what do you mean us we're a team this is the church we're a team yeah yeah you're the fucking you're the backbone of

your organization i am and i do it on weekends i don't know how you serve tomorrow tomorrow you're gonna start juicing you might as well take a little bite today just to get you know i'm saying after tomorrow i have no idea what it is you know i'm saying tomorrow you start juicing when we were talking about it last week that she would do guys uh tweeted me during one while we were uh streaming and they're like be careful with the green hornet but it was too late you had already been succumbed to the death of the green hornet on friday night kato kicking the pussy oh jeez fuck it green hornet for breakfast six in the morning we ain't fucking around it's monday dog what the i want to be around what the fuck where's the music here you're slipping you're talking

about el smithy juicing you're all excited about eating onions and kelp and shit it's monday it's time for 30 o'clock suckers uncle joey loves you a lot of candles somebody's watching over you here you go huh i want to be around to pick up the pieces you better be around because i'm gonna drop on this fucking gooey band there's a strong one they fucked up on this one there's an extra strong one get up wash your feet obamacare goes in tomorrow clip your toenails and send the payment don't bounce the check obama gets pissed notice thinking about yesterday that's weird and he got me high so this this comment is your fault but uh i was i was driving around because people were always complaining about obama

and i was like how come when like presidents get like are running we never hear from like a guy who hates him like there's always a guy who you hate in school or whatever someone as a kid hated obama why don't we ever hear from a guy like a who's an asshole he he beat me up and he stole my money you never ever hear that you never do because the guy tried to raise his hand like four years ago and somebody's chopped up and shoved the pineapple up his ass and it's over now the guy's sitting there going i knew obama no i didn't yeah there's like there's never that nobody comes out against the president no i understand what you're saying ah monica louis you ever listen nobody's gonna be happy with whoever can you even when george washner was present there was somebody walking around with

wigs going to get rid of that fucking guy you know what i'm saying we gotta get rid of that fucking guy there's always somebody who's unhappy you know live your fucking life would you vote if you couldn't listen even when i could vote i wouldn't fucking vote yeah i was embarrassed to go down i don't know why i don't know as long as i was being a fucking criminal i don't want to vote you know okay i don't want to be a fucking hypocrite i can't be one of those fucking people that go down there and vote and mean one of your robin purses and someone coaxed behind fucking alleyways and shit mucking people oh i told the mom the girl's mom might come and join you with your tutor because she's starting to become a citizen so it's like oh shit joey's

doing essentially that probably that course have you started that tutoring friday you started friday friday because i got the movie we're gonna meet on tuesdays or mondays but today i got you know we got to do it early in the baby sister so we have to pick a time every week where we can meet that works for her and works for me so this week we're gonna do on fridays i'm gonna read the assignment over the weekend then we're gonna start meeting monday mornings that's awesome well yeah she because uh she's a she's like an interesting lady she she had a kid and my girlfriend's mom had a kid in mexico then came here like in trunks of cars and stuff and had two more kids but she would constantly be going back and forth she did the trip across the border six times and she worked

in sweatshops and and restaurants and and so a lot of shit yeah on the weekends to go down and bring that money back to her daughter and live without her daughter you have no fucking idea the stories yeah and we have we walk outside and have a flat tire and think we're having a fucking bad day the lady who takes care of my little fucking baby mm-hmm same thing she did the trip from fucking old salvatore all the way up and she said she'd do it wait she goes before 9 11 you could do it every other day mm-hmm people jumping that fence running up the fucking five every fucking day then after 9 11 it got really bad yeah i can't imagine having to my mother did that my mother did that with my sister really yeah because she had this business

going excuse me she had this fucking business going and my sister wanted to stay with her grandmother and sometimes you got to do what you got to do to make the family together to make this drag you know how many fucking cubans have left their wives or wives have left their husbands or you know just to try to make it here to bring them out you know that's that's the american thing i bet the chinese do and i bet the the arabic ravers have done and i bet a lot of nationalities have done you know yeah that's how you get started it made me feel i was picking up something on friday after work i was kind of pissed off because i have to switch my schedule on for work and i but when i went there i was talking to her and i was like how are you she's like i'm

kind of tired i'm like oh when did you start work because i was thought she was just had worked out that one place that day she's like oh well i did the opening shift here from five to whatever i worked late here last night until 11 so she has two jobs then she has to walk two miles home because the the buses don't go like in between the side streets and then she has to cook for everyone and go to sleep and wake up two hours later to do it all again and we complain and i'm like fuck i just have to switch my schedule around to sit down and watch videos all day so i was like oh it makes it kind of makes you put everything in perspective and i tell people that all the fucking time i feel that all the fucking time you know i do a lot of shopping at target and uh to some

other place i go to and i go out of my fucking neighborhood and i see you know spanish races i don't know whether they'll salvador or nicaraguan or mexican and i see a pregnant woman walking across the street pushing a kid with a kid holding and now some people say look at that dirty bitch she's a whore whatever the fuck she's got kids it's her problem no she's got kids and she's fucking making it without a car they might not all be her kids yeah like they should be like her friends like that's what that's what that lady was saying she was saying her sister's kids over there so she has to she cooks at night because the mom other mom works during the day i was like fuck you know they they they know how to put it you ever go to you know uh people always call

americans whatever i remember being a kid and going to the new moon chinese restaurant and seeing uh the same people working there every night and and getting to be friendly with them you know we we had this conversation last week and it really it got i i tell you i got a lot of fucking emails last week about that stupid story i told about people handing you fruit when you go to a community like what communities were like in the supermarket when there was butchers got a lot of fucking emails on that this week what was i just talking about about the chinese restaurant the chinese restaurant you go to chinese restaurant you see two little kids sleeping on the table in the back yeah do the homework yeah you know that's a family that got together and said we're gonna buy a business and

we're gonna work it together and we're gonna make it work and we're gonna buy a house and you're gonna get the upstairs and i'm gonna get the downstairs and when i rent out the basement and we're gonna do this until we keep making money and i'm gonna buy the house next door and i'm gonna buy the house next door and you see it and that's the american fucking dream yeah but you have to sacrifice you know you've talked about the kao loon in boston yeah chinese place they have because my dad was friends with the owner but they have houses like all and they just they ferry the waiters back and forth and that's what i'm saying so we get pissed off because people are crafty yeah people are crafty we don't want to be crafty we're born here we're fucking americans well not me but

you were born here you're an american there's a lot of other people that were born here but right away you get pissed off you get fucking pissed off because somebody's crafty and you aren't i want to play get you want to fucking play grand theft auto grand theft auto you know not you i'm just not pointing you out but you want to play grand theft auto instead of being crafty instead of going you know what i'm sick and tired of having this fucking job from 10 to 6 this is what i need to do and that's what the choices of living in fucking america that we don't take advantage of them once you take advantage of that it all goes down the drain you just become one you know i'm saying that's the fucking thing i talk about that's why it's hard

for me to sit there every week and watch a tv show because i know i should be doing something that's the other end of the fucking calling for a guy like me that's why when i see those immigrants how they work you know these fucking cab drivers whatever the fuck they are indonesian whatever the fuck they are the ones that work at burbank i take cab home from burbank those guys work seven days a week whatever the fuck they are whatever you call them terrorists iranians arabs whatever the fuck you call them they work seven days a week but you're too busy on sunday watching the nfl god forbid you fucking miss the nfl i'm not talking about you no i understand i'm talking about america and fucking general no and it's that we've forgotten i'm i'm in that fucking guilty boat too it's true

i don't like working fucking sundays but i work six days a week and i give it all i got remember my wife goes to better day 30 at night and i'm not doing nothing i get on the fucking computer and i fucking write for an hour and even if i get a half a fucking joke i just worked for a fucking hour that counts that means i work six days a week and i really do work seven days a week because i fly on fucking sundays you know i'm saying i fucking fly so in my mind listen when i was growing up i my mother didn't have a fucking day off you think i don't like vacations because i don't like vacations no because they were never instilled in me as a young man yeah you know what fucking vacation vacations when you go to a mech game for three hours that's your vacation after

that you gotta get back to fucking work if not you're complaining oh my god i got no money but here are big wangs dropping 40 bucks on a picture to watch the pittsburgh play cleave which at the end of the fucking day don't put nothing in your fucking pocket yeah see how many mexicans with fucking eight kids are watching football on a fucking sunday you know i'm saying i got a family down my block remember the tv red band gave me yeah you remember that big one who helped me carry that up the stairs did you ever hear that story no but who helped me carry weren't you there me you jerry laroka no my wife maybe jerry was jerry was there well we got red band had two big tv's and one day he gave me a fucking tv and uh i fucking brought upstairs and it just don't happen that the

remote broke something happened with the remote control that uh that uh it wouldn't that was the defect of the television so i had to get a new television so i didn't know what to do i got two mexicans that live next door to me okay and they got two fucking beat up trucks and every day the trucks are filled with junk but on the other side of that they have a Mercedes van a Mercedes wagon like a station wagon and the kids live good okay but the father and the fucking son they're always working like i go i get home from doing comedy 11 and they're out there fucking tying down the truck at 11 o'clock at night so i asked them on there i said hey i got this tv do you know anybody we can move it we go let's take a look at it this fucking thing had to

weigh 800 fucking pounds there's one of those old school big screen tv's yeah you know how some people sit there and oh my god well how are we gonna figure this out well take the door off let's open this up and get a rope you know and they think they're fucking swarming these two mexicans look at each other they looked at me and they go we'll take it and i go you how do you want to do it you want to come back in the morning they're like morning right now they fucked the old man the father turned around i don't know how the fuck he did and he said something going on going on they fucking picked up this tv that me eight guys and a fucking chinese guy couldn't fucking pick up him and his son picked this fucking television up and walked down the

stairs like they do with every fucking day like nothing there was no planning there was no stretching they had no belt on you know the belt the gloves you know the hat the fucking they had no no costume was on they just knew one thing they were fucking going to work me and my wife fucking looked at each other our jaws dropped till this day we fucking talk about that night really well there was no drama my wife was like i'd never seen anything like that in my life that's the difference when it's time to get fucking down it's time to fucking get down i was thinking of an interesting story about when i left boulder you know i watched the somebody on twitter twitter i love you motherfuckers i love twitter i love facebook i love all you guys and i'll tell you

what when i do these shows and you guys come out to the show and i put the face with the thing i love you even more like this weekend i met like eight people up in oregon and i fuck around with on twitter and it feels great and i love what the people on twitter do for me i love what the social media does for me they send me shit that i've never even seen and somebody sent me the trailer grudge match but the one from kevin heart oh they did a second trailer kevin heart i think i don't know okay and it opens up with me oh cool like when you open it up it opens up it's the same scene whatever but something just hit me for one minute i got sentimental and i was thinking about how lucky i am and i remember leaving boulder and i still remember what i had going on like i had nothing

going on i was just doing stand-up i was getting a little funnier i was still hooked on blow i was a good dad to jackie but everything else is falling the fuck apart you know and i said you know it's time for me to get the fuck out of here let me go do some stand-up and kind of clear the air and make something of myself you know and make her proud that's all i could do right now i'm not gonna win if i stay here and i gotta tell you something i got in that call you ever hear people how yeah me and lia are gonna move out to boston in a year what i hate that i have so many people say that what and me and i had a hundred eighty dollars lia 108 dollars when i left boulder i had a hundred eighty dollars and i moved the clothes in my trunk

a basketball you know i did i traveled with the basketball shoes so i could stay in shape you know and i remember i had two licenses the same license and i went into a gas station on the corner i knew that i could do this i filled up my tank and i left left my license because i wasn't coming back but did i have your actual name on it yeah but who cares they don't give a fuck i filled them 30 dollars worth of gas what are they gonna do go up me down for 30 dollars they got the license i forgot i left something you know whatever you know it's the time i already had a spare license okay and that's the story that's the story i even stole 30 dollars worth of gas on the way out of town i had a triple run you know what a triple run is when you drive eight dollars in between

and i had to go to utah and that was it i had whatever money i had and the 80 dollars from utah that's how this whole dream started with 80 dollars from a triple run and 180 i had maybe two joints maybe some change in the ashtray cassettes you know and you sit there and you go can you what kept me on that path and now you're opening up i'm trailer with yeah but no no no but the other thing the other side of this like how fucking broke was i like i had this dream and i was just fucking broke and i lived broke for fucking 10 years i'm still fucking broke but at least now it's manageable you understand me now like you could you understand how to make it but i'm talking about broke leave go in the bed with not a dime in your pocket nothing in the bank and just waking up

and going i got a half a joint and i got credit at the diner that's it that's all you have so at least you could get half a joint in you go to the diner and get a good meal and get ready for the day and whatever the fuck that that's what it was i can't imagine living i know i got closed but i can't imagine i never lived like that bro oh no it's it's a fucking nightmare it's a fucking when i when i first got to the store and i spent that 80 thousand from the commercial and for two or three years when i met terry i was broke i remember one of the first dates me and terry went on i took her to eat we went back to gardener we hung out and then i go i gotta go to new york in the morning and she goes well you want me to drive you so that saved me the thirty dollar cab ride that

day it was thirty four dollars i had like fifty dollar bill and that's what was gonna get me to new york buy me cigarettes get me food until i did the gig i knew once i get to new york i could borrow 20 from a friend of mine what's up this is fucking 15 years ago this one i was 35 fucking years old i got no reason to lie to nobody i was 35 fucking years old and i remember that in the morning she goes how much money do you have and i told i got 50 bucks and she looked at me and terry only had 44 hours and a half a pack of cigarettes and she gave me 40 of that money after i took her on like the third date she goes take this 40 dollars give it to me when you come back and take these five cigarettes i'll buy cigarettes tonight and i'll sleep all day i'll

get cigarettes at the comedy store that's how broke we were 15 fucking years ago is that like kind of when you knew like like she was like like they liked her or that's when i knew that she was in my corner i mean how many girls can you tell the truth on the third date that you're a fucking yeah and how many fucking people can you tell the story to that that's how broke i was i'd go to new york at another time jesus and my friends would pick me up at the airport and i would hit him up for a 20 and i would do the weekend and pay him the 20 back with a 30 now since you had to be like is it harder like it's like like just thinking about i'm like okay well you're doing comedy but you probably have the urge to get a job like that's what i was thinking when you told me

but then i was like shit joey you wouldn't go get a job you probably start stealing her or doing the coke isn't that harder for like how hard is that for people who get out of prison to what to try like when they're that broke and had like i had the money a year ago when i was selling weed we'll just do that until i get on my feet well think about it think about you having nothing once and i come over here one day yeah and i say the elite we gotta make a move let's start selling weed and we go from fucking zero to heroes and i'm not saying become a millionaire i'm saying that we went from making no money to 1200 a week that's 4800 a fucking month that's 60 fucking thousand a year 60 thousand a year when you pay 600 miles a month rent is a lot of money yeah okay

and then you double that you go to 120 thousand dollars a year and you do that for two or three years and then you sell a pound a week to an undercover cop and you end up going to jail or whatever you get arrested and you get put on probation that money you put away is going towards your defense you know what your fucking defense is nowadays gotta start at 30 thousand fucking dollars 30 thousand miles to get a good fucking law or you could take your chance with a public defender hopefully you get caught up in a fucking ring and somebody has a public defender so now it's a conflict of interest so they have to give you a real attorney somebody outside the public defender's office okay you're in the stand so when you get arrested in a circle of people

the first guy that fucking uh goes down in and he gets a public defender everybody says who because now we got a real attorney oh because you and i can't have the same attorney from the public defender's office it's a conflict of interest so they'll give you the state of pay a fucking real attorney that puts his name on a list instead of getting 300 an hour he'll take 180 just to have work and he'll do a fucking great job for you so that's what happens you understand me so still a great defense is gonna cost you 30 grand and i'm talking fucking conservatively i know i'm gonna get 100 people gonna join where the fuck do you get the vote no i know it's 30 000 conservatively and i know that's the first check they ask for yeah yeah they want 10 000 just to take the case you know they're

not gonna take a fucking reefer pound case pro bono but that's not what the situation's about so you you remember the best time to get arrested is after you got arrested okay remember that the best time to get arrested is after you get arrested because now you got the stink of arrest on you i know people that have gotten in trouble driving and getting pulled over for coke and a week later they sell two ounces to an undercover cop oh so you mean yeah just in luck just just the fucking common knowledge always remember the best time to get arrested is after you've been arrested i thought you meant like it was like a good time oh yeah hey no no no so the rest when you come out of that jail you got that stink

on you know yeah now it even becomes even more thinner what the cops looking for you like you're like no we got him but if you're a big high profile guy now isn't they go to work because they want to see your reaction to that movement you know they want to see your reaction listen when the feds are watching you either they want to they want you to see them or they don't want you to see them if they don't want to see your the feds and you're that high level if you're fucking terrorist or when you're moving 20 000 kilos the fucking blows the feds don't want they'll put a fucking satellite right over there with a camera they'll put the fucking sound in your glass or even your fucking glass adhered to the fucking sound whatever you're saying in the

living room yeah i mean today's in today's society you're caught you're dead can't talk on the phone can't talk on the cell phone so they fucking got you okay but if one morning you wake up and there's a fucking cop car in front of your house Lee and every morning they're out there watching you they're not watching you they're watching your reaction they're watching if you come to my house and go joey get rid of everything the cops are watching me they want to see where you go after you watch that cop car yeah do you understand me it's it's a great fucking tactic they want to just see where you're going so you come out of jail or whatever the fuck happens to you get a year probation but now you you have a family so you can't sell weed no more so now you

can't make a hundred thousand dollars no more but you still have that hundred thousand dollar mentality now california just raised the uh level of minimum wage ten dollars an hour oh they did so if you work forty fucking hours a week that's four hundred dollars that's before taxes yeah so that's sixteen hundred dollars a month which comes out to fucking maybe eighteen thousand dollars a year so you're really gonna take that forty eight thousand dollar now you're gonna take that forty eight thousand dollar knock for about six weeks and then one day when you're digging that trend so you're taking shit from that customer you're gonna go i don't fucking need this i could go make and you figure out a way that's why i tell people sometimes when society puts a criminal in

jail a smart guy somebody who has like a criminal mind like somebody like me i had i was born to have a criminal mind if i really wanted i just was saved by comedy but when you put a guy in jail if that guy's smart guess what happens when he gets out of prison he's even smarter he just planned it all a guy like you that goes to prison yeah gets eight years for like uh computer fraud or whatever you're gonna navigate to other computer fraud people when you go to prison oh yeah and now you're gonna know how you got caught i'm gonna know how i got caught he knows how you got caught so now we just get smarter some people go to prison and become institutionalized and they're fucking damaged goods some people go to prison to become better fucking criminals jesus you know the

guy that took over melaine cartel carlos laid there taught the columbians how to import the coke where he get those routes in his head when he was in prison when you get better at some after you make a mistake right yeah if i keep kicking in the left side of the fucking face or if i keep kicking it on the right side of your face with my left fucking after four fucking kicks you're gonna start putting your hand up right yeah and now you could attack and now you took away one of my weapons same thing happens in life once you get together with three or four criminals are the smart criminals you got yourself a fucking problem so they come out even stronger it's like going to prison you get stronger it's a two type of people come out a guy like me gets locked up for weave the two years

i come out i can't feed my family i'm gonna make my system even sharper now especially if i was successful especially if i was a successful guy not a lot of people succeed as a criminal you've seen television shows true tv people that bang their heads through glasses but a lot of people succeed they go under the radar they know that you can't be flashy they know that you got to hide your money they know you got to have a day job they know you better account for everything they know the people around you better be fucking good and better have shut fucking mouths it takes a lot it's not easy being a drug dealer because it's not you it's the 50 fucking people in that you're selling to yeah what happens if they get pulled over three in the morning what happens if they get

caught talking on a fucking fucked up phone that's the shit you got so but now what do you do when you come out and you can't feed your family you're 48 thousand dollars minus after a while you gotta go back to selling fucking weed yeah because no one would hire you like at some like i can't i can't imagine a lot of these places because the minimum wage places have so many people applying i was very lucky remember i came i got arrested at the beginning of the computer thing at the computing of the background so they couldn't do a couple fucking jobs that hit me with background checks and became corporate i couldn't get a job today but like i could because it was 20 fucking years ago yeah i could talk my way out and go what are you fucking crazy it was 20

fucking years ago but now to have a felony and get out of prison and go to apply for a job everybody there's a background check the ten dollars now they're fucking eight dollars now and they tell you and they throw a piss test in there for fucking free so now people judge you on that fucking thing so what are you gonna do some people in there for fucking ever but what are you really gonna fucking do you're gonna go fuck it i'm gonna sell this shit and get better at it and in three or four years i'll probably take another bus or by that time i'll figure something the fuck out yeah i mean it just happened to our friend gary he fucking was in there for 20 years he was it seemed like he was trying hard and he wasn't trying hard he wasn't you know i talked to danny and gary gary uh went

into jail coming out thinking that life owed him something and that's what gary went wrong you know and danny's very generous danny'll give you three quarters of what it's it was pocket so danny tried to help him and danny brought him out to his house uh he loved gary danny like i said if you called danny being cool up right now and said danny a place to stay you you be at his house bro and he'd wake up and make yags that guy is straight that guy is solid solid solid i have no fucking doubt that guy takes care of more fucking people and he makes money to take care of people he's got more than just his family's payroll he's got his mom and his payroll and the cousin who's fucking half retarded so so gary to him was just another bill was just another two or three thousand he tried

to move gary in but gary wasn't doing the right thing okay i move you into my house you can't do blowing my house if i'm not doing blows especially if i got kids you got to make my life easier if i moved you winly it's because you're gonna make my life easier do i want you rubbing my toes or opening up my car door no but make my life a little easier the first time my wife looks at me and goes you gotta talk to lee i gotta get rid of you yeah you're following saying to you and most of the time when people stay in your house they're gonna have to say you gotta talk to lee you gotta do the right thing you're gonna sweep you gotta pick up the dishes you gotta you know be nice to the wife you gotta wash the car and you gotta have your own life but you're on the couch so you gotta

be at do it the right way and you know when the probation thing came to danny and said that he couldn't stay there danny was relieved in a way because he did him a favor he couldn't grow his brother but he saw his brother wasn't getting no better okay enough to make positive fucking strides and you know you know listen i've never liked last night i was sitting there watching that game before i called you it was nine ten right when i called you by nine o'clock yeah and i'm watching this game and i'm thinking to myself like how 30 years later i still don't like going out at night like i work at night you know like everything i hate going out at night like i lived my life on probation and when i was younger i couldn't because i lived on people's couches so

you can't stay at somebody's house all night how are you are you watching dynasty i'm gonna watch dynasty too you gotta get out of the house and i fucking hate it and how now i'm really happy because i get to stay home at night that you know i've always lived my life on the on the daylight the daylight probation i get out of the house when it's sundown i try to come in if i go out at night it's to fucking get paid yeah you know a lot of bad shit happens at night and when you're staying at somebody's house so you're trying to you know you're in a bar you're having a fucking drink a fight breaks out somebody gets stabbed the cops come in they shut the bar down they ask you for your id you want probation and parole you didn't even do nothing you just want to have

a beer and to a fucking smoke a cigarette you're not even high on drugs maybe you didn't even drink you're on parole maybe you just went out we're having club soda and i'm talking to li and his girlfriend two friends of mine from high school it's 11 o'clock at night guess what's gonna happen the next time you fucking go to parole or probation they're gonna go we got an incident report you were out of the bar 1130 you know yeah but i wasn't drinking but you shouldn't have been there and you're gonna have to go to court and put up with all this shit and you weren't even it wasn't even worth it for you to be out it's like bringing a woman to your room she's not gonna suck your dick don't waste your time why you're gonna have a body up in your fucking room if she's not gonna

you know what i'm saying then the then Michael remember Michael Irving used to get in trouble and all that shit yeah remember and Mike Tyson they couldn't rape him if they weren't in your fucking room you know there's always a fucking payoff for all this shit that's why you gotta live so fucking careful yeah and like i'm not i know like you didn't live care like you weren't an angel when you got out of prison but you kind of at least when you got to LA it seemed like you stopped a lot of the other i was an angel and bolder but i stayed under the level there's a big difference between i stayed under the radar you could be a criminal stay under the radar it's just small pickings but that's one thing so like why at a certain point when you're to survive you're stealing

30 dollars of gas and like what's what like why aren't you something like fuck it like what like i'll still do like comedy is not that important or or staying in a jail is not that important like what like why did you not revert to it song blow and doing all that craziness like the like amount and an amount that would have made you more money like more money than getting 30 bucks of gas it wasn't even about stealing the 30 bucks of gas it was talking about how broke i was no that's what i'm saying i wasn't really stealing about 30 bucks of gas when i got out of prison i knew i didn't want to go back in there but i also knew i didn't want to work for ten dollars no no so i had to find a happy meeting so the first thing i did was cover my income and when i looked

at you know i left boulder there were so many variables by left boulder but do you want me to tell you what the main variable was was i was gonna either kill my ex-wife and her husband but there was one other thing you know how much my rent was how much 400 dollars a month you know what that meant what that meant i had no i can make 400 dollars on my couch i'm the type of guy can make 400 fucking dollars on my couch so i had no drive all i had to come up with 400 dollars a month i used to work at the sports betting service and i put 20 dollars away a week or whatever i put away 50 dollars a week in the off season they mail your checks so they'd say how much money do you want a month i said 650 because i'd pay 400 for a rent and 250

for groceries or for the light or for power and the rest i could earn on the street there's a gift that i have a lot of people do not have and that's how to rock and roll you've been around me for a long time yeah you know i know how to rock and roll now there's two people who know how to rock and roll there's two types of rock and roll there's people that you could say hey we got to get a job and they'll go okay i'll put resumes out online and you know no i'm talking about it's monday at eight and you got to have a job by the time you get back on tuesday that was me i know how to do that i also know how to put money in my pocket like that i know that that's okay and you're right that's a great question lee when i got out of prison i made little moves

but i made little moves for example instead of buying a half ounce of coke and selling it grand by grand i still had somebody who would call me once a month and go hey i need a half ounce of coke do you know i get one oh and i'd say sure and i call the guy and say what do you got for a half ounce of coke well i need a house give it to me for seven dog give it to me for seven cash i know you're a long time i called the kid back and go i need nine fifty so i made two fifty on the top plus bam i'm gonna take a gram of two out and throw two grams of aspirin in that motherfucker so i could get my dick sucked and have a party too a lot of people don't have that gift that could flip money on the fucking dime that's one thing i was always very good at

so right there i dealt with somebody who i knew it wasn't like i was going to a bar to sell coke to fucking strangers you know you would call me and say joey i just want my girlfriend's coming over she wants to get an eight ball and i make fifty bucks on you fifty bucks is a lot of fucking money when your rent is four hundred and you're and you're broke my rent was four it cost me whatever to eat and i'm my child support at the time was three thirty five so that's how easy my life was it was no challenge it was a shit challenge so that's why you left i was the other reason i like challenges four hundred a month rent i was lazy you know i delivered chinese food i sold coke to people i knew i delivered chinese food when i tried to do comedy that's what i did

you know i wouldn't carry a weapon so like i said to you there's little things you could do to get by eventually you're gonna get caught on some bad day you're gonna get caught you're gonna be driving the coke to your friend's house and you're gonna get pulled over and he's gonna see that you're fucking jittery so the odds are always against julie you know thank god that i stopped thank god you know and and even in seattle maybe i sold a little coke from time to time and then here i sold a little coke from time to time but one day it fucking ended you know i sold coke to like 2002 probably and just little moves like a war party and somebody says hey i want again somebody you know i got coke for people you know what i'm saying like i did that so that's what i'm trying to

save you what is there any amount like someone guy was like listen like let's say like if it was someone like who you knew like is there like a guy who'd like i have a million like this will make you a million dollars would you do it today no no not today like i didn't i didn't like i didn't feel like a crazy number where you like fucking like like there's no part of god i can't i can't imagine giving that up to be honest what's that all that like easy money like it like if i i'm not in that world and i wouldn't survive in it but if i get something that was making me 20 000 a month it'd be hard no matter how hard it'd be hard for anybody listen to be hard that is why good people get caught up in things good people get caught up in things it's not that they become

bad it's that they just good people get caught up in things breaking bad with such a great show you want me to tell you why breaking bad was such a great show why because it related to everybody at this country at the time it came out everybody knows what it's like to be unemployed to be sick to have a problem with your health nobody wants to help you get sick in today's fucking economy i don't know what obama's are cares gonna be like you know i just i'm very happy i have insurance and if you listen to these podcasts and you listen to the one before i did this in a podcast i've always preached for everybody to have the number one thing going is insurance if you don't have insurance in today's country it's a fucking nightmare for you it really fucking is can you

and you don't have insurance either your parents and yeah i'm lucky and you're lucky you know not having insurance and today's economy is fucking have death if you get sick at an early age with no insurance you're gonna fucking have a hard time they're gonna put you in state hospitals they got you know i'm saying it's fucking hard even with insurance there's a bunch of scumbags out there i can't imagine living your life with no fucking insurance and and thinking it's cute let me tell you something i had insurance for years it never used it like an asshole that i am never used it world-class insurance sag insurance never used it thank god this girl talked me into going down and going to the dentist and going to the doctor and taking care of my sleep apnea

whatever the fuck it is you know you have no insurance and today's fucking economy you're fucking dead dead yeah dead you know dead that's why they don't know what to expect i don't want to get into politics here but they don't know i've been reading and i've been listening to this it's just because it scares me you know we've been hearing about no social security for 30 fucking years eventually it's not gonna be you're gonna be 65 and get who gots in the fucking mail i was saying you're fucking toothpaste that's it you're gonna get toothpaste and a fucking aspirin you know you can't fucking do it so uh it's it's it's very they make it very difficult for somebody to turn i was very fortunate dog you have no idea that how calmly saved me for some people it's a

dj calmly fucking saved me calmly fucking saved me i don't know how to say it or thank it and it and it might and it's not going to be calmly for you it could be plumbing it could be jujitsu it could be running it could be just getting into something that you love and weigh the odds do i rather would i rather go to bed on a peanut butter sandwich and do what i love tomorrow or sell coke and have a chance of going to prison and not being able to do what i love or putting my family in a bad position that's the fucking thing you have and i get one of those emails a week today i can't make it no more should i go back to fucking selling drugs whatever i don't want i don't want anybody to sell fucking drugs but you can't starve either

and you know what there's so many oh shit oh shit good morning my little brother how are your friends what's happening my man not too much it's trying to get through this uh crazy storm that we've been having here in uh portland so it's still continuing since friday it's still coming down man i think it's got worse yeah well it's supposed to get worse that sunday night was when the typhoon was coming in they said yeah it's uh i mean last night was crazy i kind of live out in the mountains so uh when the wind gets going you know trees are blowing down and man it got crazy last night it's still pouring and and crappy today what is what is the weather station how long is going to stay up there like how long is the bad weather going to stay in town for

uh i mean you never really know looking at the weather report but uh i mean it's said till uh i think till wednesday wow on the on the line is the fucking man of the hour my man pat haley thank you very much for coming to the show and for the support you've always given me you're a fucking great guy how you doing today my friend every beside the fucking rain hit me with something good now i'm good man it was a great weekend uh really enjoyed the show uh you know uh it was just uh yeah it was all around good weekend so you know what kills me about going up there to that part of the country like there or seattle that you know you live here in california and they have all this medical marijuana and stuff like that and you're like you know it's a great day to smoke a

joint go out in the sun well up there in portland seattle it's a fucking great day to smoke a joint just stay the fuck in the house like typhoon weather you're like fucking i'm just gonna stay home get some donuts and watch a breaking bath from season one that's what i would do now because i haven't seen the whole show but you know that's what's good about living in that weather even even works for training you know you just say fuck it for three days i'm gonna do jumping jackson yeah i know you definitely got to find your inside activities and you're gonna have that uh a couple of go things that things to do inside where you don't leave not does it stay like that the rest of the winter pat uh yeah i mean we had a really good summer so

i'm expecting the winter to be really bad uh but i mean it does i mean it's just a rain it never gets too cold but it's just like man you get those days where you like 15 20 days of pretty much no sun and straight rain that's what it kind of gets to you that's what makes you so fucking tough after 20 days of seeing no sun you want to punch somebody right in the fucking head that's what's got it i would love it i would love to be up there 30 days before a fight just to get pissed off like when is this fucking sun gonna come on i'm gonna kill somebody and you just fucking karate chop some butt let me let me tell you something like i told you the other night i'm really sorry about canceling the podcast last week like i said i i booked the tv show

and i really wanted to have you on and i wanted to tell the people from the church what i told you the other day and we're outside i uh you said hello to me in new jersey backstage at the wayans before you fought jim miller and you're like oh we had a great time and i was like that guy's big like you were a big guy i couldn't believe how big and strong you were and in the back of my head i go that motherfucker might beat up jim miller and i'm sitting there stoned in the stadium watching you come out and jim miller comes out and they go crazy and his family's there and his third grade teacher's there and you know his cub scout friends are there and you fucking come out and roll over him in new jersey and i'm sitting there thinking this fucking

guy didn't get the memo that he's not supposed to beat up a miller in new jersey but you didn't get the memo you wiped your ass with it and i always want to shake your hand and hug you like you blew my fucking mind that day well it was definitely a good uh you know i think well anytime the crowds like involved uh uh you know that makes it fun or even if they're bullying you if they're cheering you up but just like the energy they bring when when they're really excited i think that's uh the funnest times of the fight so and actually i was really expecting new jersey i expected people yelling at me when i was walking out and and hecklers and but it was uh it was all good they were just fired up and and were cheering uh you know mostly for jim but you know it worked so you just beat off that

energy i think it's not like you know you squeaked over a decision and they were unhappy i mean they knew that you did a great job so they're not going to heckle you're nothing those are they're realistic people that was a good night uh a fight now you your base pedigree is wrestling correct yeah and then you got into MMA later on yeah sure i got actually got into it like you know we had kind of a friend up the street who was into it in our neighborhood and uh me and my brother got into it pretty young like like 15 so that kind of was always like i was always really into MMA and uh you know wrestling kind of was something i was doing like with my uh you know uh mind still on MMA and it's so funny how i only know you from the UFC like i saw you fight

Miller and then i saw you fight once before both in the UFC and i and i liked both fights and i was like wow that guy's a fucking savage and then the other night somebody said something outside and i went back to the hotel room and they said you're one of the guys to beat carlos conduit early on i didn't know what they were talking about i'm like did i miss that fucking fight well you know and i went back to the room i seen you fought him and paul daily early on you fought everybody yeah uh you know i think that was kind of an organ thing at the time where uh you know we had like like denis holman was kind of like an early like guy who uh was real well connected in the area so they could kind of get you fight with whoever and uh you know when i was kind of growing

growing up through that stage it was you know didn't have a lot of money and they just offer me a fight i'd be like yeah that sounds great you know you want to fight this guy in two weeks uh sure yeah sounds great so i mean that's how i kind of got into it was like take anything they throw at me and didn't really have anybody like guide in me or looking out like hey man maybe you shouldn't take a fight like that yet but uh you know it's all worked out for me yeah no you had paul daily jay haran i mean you fought and it's so weird how comedy is sort of like fighting except without the beating like the audience doesn't laugh but you still get the mental beating with fighting they just punch in the face and end it for you but it's so weird how the beginnings of comedy and

fighting are pretty much the same because you go through the people that you're gonna see later on like you're still with something like eddie bravo was talking to him one day and he was telling me that he knew you know uh uh the big guy from vegas you know the big guy what's his name uh the black belt and jujitsu that's a big guy that we are royer roi nelson that he was roi nelson 10 years ago when he was a fucking purple belt from tournaments you know that he knew frank mere from jujitsu tournaments and now you see each other again and now you're not even doing jujitsu you're on to the next level you know when i started comedy in seattle i lived in seattle for a while it was aisha taylor that has her show and josh wolf and and brody and this is the people that i ran with

and now we're on to different things so that's what i try to say it's it's kind of weird how you see people early on then you meet up with them later on in your in your careers that's what i'm trying to say so yeah but you have a an impressive goddamn fucking resume man you wrestled the southwestern i mean you're no fucking joke you're a killer guy you're a killer yeah it's been uh you know it's been a good ride i mean kind of like how you were saying i remember like those early years especially the guys that that who were big at the time like like randy josh barnett i remember being at this little amc uh with matt humor on vision uh a little grappling tournament and it was like randy couture bob sap uh josh barnett like all these

people you'd like seen on tv and they were just at this grappling tournament with maybe 20 people you know in the crowd and just everybody was hanging out so it was cool to kind of be there you know at the start and see you know get to know a lot of people before you know things got bigger you know that's amazing you said something you said that people would come up to you and say hey you want to fight in two weeks i would fucking die if somebody came up to me and said hey i got to fight for you in two weeks two fucking weeks two weeks it would have to be like three months for me and then i tap out after with a month left i call you and say dog i twisted my ankle like that's enough fucking time but two weeks that doesn't give you enough time to quit

like once you say yeah you're in for fucking good you know oh my god just saying that when you said that i swear pat my heart stopped like somebody going hey you want to fight like somebody just calling you in the morning like there you are watching like the view or sponge bob and also the phone rings hey were you busy no no i'm what's up i gotta fight for you in two weeks what okay yeah i'll be there are you fucking crazy i ain't showing up now if it happens then i'll fight you but i can't just imagine like having to show up like in two weeks like yeah i'll come down but it's just fear it's just fear but i get the same fear with com sometimes like i gotta go down there people are gonna fucking hate me it's fucking great man yeah man i think what you do is way

way worse is like if things go bad when you're up oh like there's no oh you know it's like when you're fighting you're in the fight but you don't really notice but man when it goes bad when you're up there you just gotta kind of like ride it out or try to swing the tide like i listen if you get hit in the head and you go down right and you wake up and you know you look at fucking you know masagati's there and whatever is putting fucking ammonia under your nose and they carry you out that's one thing but i couldn't even remember when uh what was the name kelly barnes ran around in that fight and everybody started booing him oh yeah like i would the calib that was his name nice nice kid i met him at one of the way into some but that's that would be fucking mind boggling to go out

there i've fucking bombed pat i've bombed hard and i've bombed in hollywood where at the three minutes you want to faint like you just fucking feel your knees going out when you could hear the air conditioner that's terrible when you could hear the fucking air conditioner and the dishes clanging in the back and they're just staring at you oh my god i don't know what it would be like to get hit in the head and to wake up that would be fucking horrible well uh i'm telling you because if you get hit hard and stuff you kind of like you wake up like you know you're in kind of this like dream state so it's never you know it's never really that bad until the next day when things kind of sink sink in like oh man like that was a terrible performance or something like that

like if that's the harder part is like the next day and then you have to like face all your friends and family you know who like you knew you were fighting like everybody's it all is an expression to win and they're all excited for you and if it doesn't go well then it's like come back you have to like run the gauntlet and everybody wants to call you and like oh man you are you know like yeah i'm fine man you have to just roll with that stuff but and i'm telling you like i'll think about that when i go to comedy shows like man if you start bombing up there like that's gotta be so much worse i don't know i i mean i mean you know you bomb so much in the beginning and then the more you do it your percentages go against you so you'll bomb

two out of every ten times i bomb a lot pat even recently i bomb not in big shows like when i go to cities like that because i come out so fired up but when i'm in LA i bomb a lot people fucking hate me and when i do shows it's it's hysterical but i'm used to it like i you know what bombing is to me pat like getting put on my back like to me bombing would be equivalent to getting put on your back and the guys in the mount over you and i don't mind being in that position for a little while you know it's great to get out of fucking when somebody's mounted on top and that's what it feels like for me like that will be the comparison and sometimes it's good to get yourself in that position and to get yourself out of it and the only way you do that pad is by keep going

down to that fucking gym for me it's to keep going down on that stage you know it's so weird how this works you ever watch a fighter and like he gets taken down they can't and you're like fuck that happened to you the last fight how didn't you work on that uh i mean like you said just getting putting yourself in that position and trying to work out of it yeah and that's what bombing to me seems like in the beginning i would take bombing and i go home and maybe cry or i would fucking go home and do blow or something and then i thought to myself bombing was an education and then i read something about a year ago about jujitsu that when you get tapped out when you get choked out you learn something and i started making correlations how it's the same fucking thing you

know what next time i'll keep my elbow fucking lower you know sometimes you go on stage pat and you come out with something real strong at first and if you hit them a little too hard you lost them for the rest of the show that's a long fucking knife you that's 45 minutes of yeah but you know i've learned i've become a better comedian since i watched MMA you know sure well it makes sense the way you put it i mean uh i never thought about you know because like the time that i saw you here i couldn't i like i couldn't imagine you bombing you know like your shows here the two i saw was so strong they were hilarious from start to finish so i you know i can't

believe like uh you know you still have to experience that every once in a while well you kind of thought you have to you i mean i and i love it i love having mediocre sets sometimes so i go back to my room and it you know it makes me want to stay up till three and maybe make adjustments it's the same thing the fighting and comedy it's just making adjustments and the more adjustments that you make the better you fucking get you know and that's it until you're a fucking champion like you i can see you being a champion pat you're a bad motherfucker dog it's right in your path you know it and i know it you know well i'm certainly working towards that i got certainly the goal you've got the fucking tenacity what are they saying what's your next fight anything

have you heard anything no i should know i think they'll throw one at me here pretty quick so uh i'm expecting to hear something in the next week or two maybe super bowl weekend in new jersey again that would be uh an unreal thing to be a part of yeah that would be great i mean you know what man i'm not gonna go oh yeah i'm scared i'm scared myself it's too much traffic but you guys are gonna be great because you're gonna be in new work and you just fighting new work you know you don't have to drive around to move around sure but the fucking super bowl and a UFC there the same weekend that's a lot of people that's a potential for a lot of fucking stabbings hey pat my uh this is lee i produced the show uh i was one i had i was thinking about that

when when joey said he was he would uh bomb he could go on stage the next night and kind of try to fix it you have like months off in between fights what's that like when like when you want to work on something new because i can imagine during practice you kind of work on it but it's not the same as being in the in a real fight yeah i mean um i guess just you know like you know you have to be pretty it's not like you can just like put yourself in sparring and really bad positions and just take a beating trying to work it out so it's more like uh when you have to break this stuff down like you could focus on uh you know if it was your ground that was uh even you trouble then you can do it in jujitsu and really break it down that way with a bunch of different guys everybody kind

of uh working trying to help you work it out um or like you know if it's stand up then you can work with your boxing coach or whatever and try to figure out like okay you were doing this or that wrong you know and just try to work on it that way but uh yeah i mean that's the only real way to is doing it in the gym well yeah even well joe like even like let's say you won like let's say joe you had the best set of your life but you couldn't go on stage again for three months like how like that's that's that must be weird oh my god that's like again that's like getting tied up and somebody tickling your asshole with a feather you know that's a fucking nightmare right there that's a god damn you know it's it's so weird i was talking to joe one day and he was saying that after chris more

wideman uh beat anderson silva he was walking back and what's uh what's the one of his trainers wideman's jujitsu guy that's like a genius you know what i'm talking about pat oh um yes you know what i'm talking about yeah i know yeah i can't think of his name off the top well this guy is like eccentric and he knows a lot of jujitsu lee i forget what his name is and he goes the guy just beat anderson silva and that he went to congratulate the coach and the coach looked at joe and goes i don't know i'm not too happy he couldn't take those leg kicks like the guy just beat anderson silva but this guy is talking about how he couldn't take fucking leg kicks like that's a true professional right there and that's how i think sometimes even though i bombed i fucked up

that joke i didn't know well let's say even though i did great i fucked up that joke the audience didn't know because the energy of the joke kept it going but i really fucked it up and and that's what i feel sometimes when i get off yeah i had a great show but i fucked it up another there's another thing that happens that you have a good show but because they kind of like you it becomes a better show but you know that you did a bad performance you ever have one of those bad where you're sure yeah when you're still in but you know you lost like you go home going fuck those people didn't see my flaws tonight they like me and we got along so they just went along with it they're very nice people but in a real world i didn't do a good job tonight and that

happens too i mean it's uh you live and you learn pat you know what i'm saying brother yeah that's what's good about this yeah no i mean you can nitpick uh nitpick everything you know like kind of like i said uh white man's guy was you know saying that after e1 like you can always find something that wasn't perfect or something you can improve on and uh yeah i mean i think that's the struggle of the things we do you know like there's never gonna be really that perfect performance you know that's when that's what ego gets in the way when you think that you're fucking too good and then you really get the fuck knocked out of you and that's when in comedy when you really fucking bomb and they start throwing tomatoes at you and shit like that thank god people

don't throw tomatoes no more thanks fucking god i'd have a thousand red shirts pat man i'm happy that uh you called we're gonna get a date to go back up there on a thursday like an isolated one uh she's gonna call my agent this week and i'm gonna call you back because i want you to come down and we're gonna talk training and fucking backflips and the whole thing and hunting and everything you still go hunting a lot oh yeah man i uh i just do bird hunting i got a dog who's just great with it and he's like my best friend and so i really just do it for him i enjoy it it's it's harder than you know regular hunting you got to have some actual skill in it so that's really what i like to do you shoot fucking birds jesus christ i love you i like everything about you

i gotta go up there shoot some fucking birds you're some pigeons and shit i hate fucking pigeons yeah that'd be a perfect thing uh yeah i'll take you when you come up the next pat you're a good man and then you know i'm always cheering for you man in my heart you're after what i saw you did that was fucking amazing so you're a friend of the show and please call it anytime and anytime i'm gonna go up there i'm gonna call you and we'll hook up all right i want you to teach me some jujitsu moves i'm only a white belt with no stripes but i got a lot of potential that's it and that's where it starts i show up you know i show up that's all i can do dawg is i show up i try to mount motherfuckers and you know i put my sternum on this sternum and i let it go to work

that's all i can do dawg that's perfect that's how it starts that's how it starts have a great day buddy thank you yeah i really appreciate you guys taking the time man yeah man i wanted to talk to you for a long time so now you're a family now you call in once a month and we'll fucking break your balls and shit all right that sounds good to me give the white give the girlfriend a kiss he's very cute all right all right stay black all right is his name uh van van john danagher the coach john danagher yeah yeah yeah yeah john danagher that's hysterical and that's what you really when you're a champion dawg when you want to be good at something that's how honest you have to be with yourself yeah there's a lot of people that aren't honest with themselves i was one of

those people i was never honest with them now i'm over honest with myself because i never want to get you know i'm saying you don't need to get lied to you know what you do that blows my mind like i like you got me too high before the solo when he said when i was thinking about it i like it blew my mind like i know like just for me who i have a regular job if i make a mistake i get pissed off like oh shit i can't i shouldn't do that but i get to go in the next day and kind of fix it i can't imagine either making a mistake or even if you do great and you can't do it again really for three months you can practice it but i can't even that's so weird to me i love what i do and part of the reason why i love what i do is i get challenged every time i go out there i see

you people when i get up on that stage now i get fired the fuck up because i know that the effort you put into coming to see me before i never appreciated that i never really did until about a year two years ago i just thought that everybody liked that no you have to get in your car and come down on time and drink and bring your girlfriend and eat a pot cookie and make sure it hits and all this shit so i appreciate that's on my end now i gotta be the best that i can fucking be you know i used to go on stage and do a lot more wing material i don't do that no more if you pay to come see me i want you to fucking leave i'm gonna machine gun you to fucking that with you know i'm saying and i'm gonna keep writing but i used to do a lot more newer material now i

don't release that until i got something really for them to bite on you know like i really care about my audiences now because i want them to leave with a good i don't sell t-shirt at my shows i don't sell CDs you know widely i want to focus on the stand up i'm too embarrassed for them to even i'm embarrassed i'm to pay the twenty dollars never mind another twenty for a shirt another fifteen for i don't want that i don't want that to get in the way i don't want that you know i gotta sit there and pace because there's no fuck all that shit i don't want that i just want to go there to do fucking comedy that's why there's a lot of people i can't work with because they want to do this and this and there's too much movement and they want to take pictures no you know somebody

came up to me and they important and said can i ask you a question why do you come out here and talk to us you know why do you come out here and talk and and before the shows and talk to people i don't like taking pictures before the show because then we're all over each other there's too many combinations but i like if you come up to me and say hello because i want to see who comes to these shows i want to see who i'm dealing with here yeah i'm saying i love you fucking people i love lee i got a fucking life now man i never had a life before i got people that depend on me and i depend on them and that's completely different that's never been thought of in comedy i depend on you guys and you depend we got we i'll make you laugh i'll give you the whole

fucking thing we'll smoke dope we'll eat a fucking goomy bear you know look i said you did the second half i just said the second half and it's the energy look at this i still got my little rosebud fucking weed container see i don't fuck around with these people you know and then you gotta take care of yourself like i i fucking went i smoked so much fucking dope on friday night with these people i went back to my room friday night i had a little sore throat so i had those on it things from the flight oh the fuck yeah i took like two of those and i fucking slept like a baby i took the the night one night pill i'm fucking i went to sleep i got up i went downstairs i had oatmeal some fruit i went back upstairs took a shit and slept another three hours that's how good that

fucking new mood was so when you're on the road like i want to take care of myself this week because i got to shoot this movie from fucking tuesday to thursday right down the block but shootingly oh shit oh yeah you're gonna stop by they're not gonna have no food there but you cheat motherfuckers but it was weird how i tried those powders and and when i talked to arby because we're gonna make them better look at me i feel great today i took a two-hour nap yesterday afternoon don't fuck around no more go to honet.com i'm not gonna fucking tell you people again my skin looks healthier everything looks better that's why i'm looking older though my fucking head is turning white they won't fucking die until i have enough time i'm gonna go cut it

and shit today for these fucking people at disney i don't have time for this shit no more i just want to do the podcast leave that's i'm do stand up on the weekends that's all i want to fucking do you know what i'm saying but go to honet.com see what they got get the mix and match collection get some alpha brain some new mood and some shunt tech and take it to the fucking bank and i'm saying why get sick this is flu season now i swear to god i don't feel that bad i smoked a thousand fucking joints in the rain in portland orion they know it i saw you walking in the rain go motherfucker that so look at me i ain't coughing i ain't sniffling that's that fucking alpha brain and that's that little package i got from fucking honet so where you don't need no flu shot where

you're gonna go shoot fucking duck flu in you for what take the fucking alpha brain go to honet.com knock yourself out let me get some shout outs here yeah what the fuck it is uh mac bligh rose buds in orion i said i love you chris crazy you black motherfucker i love you chris mankey larry something greg lin powers they brought us some beautiful fucking sweatshirts oh nice with north bergen i brought mine i forgot to bring yours you gotta come over and monster bound nice office and shit like that down there they're jumping up and down we're not releasing the cd we're gonna re fucking do it and release it around the fucking holidays around the movie and then we're gonna have the fucking uh close the window tour 2014 along with the podcast tour

that's what we're gonna do it we're not fucking around can't wait we're taking it to the hoop what else is going on you bad motherfucker look at you so you're back on the fucking carriage use tomorrow i'm gonna hold you to it that's it for a month no food no tamales no tacos and she made me dinner for the first time what she make you chicken broccoli and mashed potatoes was delicious oh like i was like oh actually should i help and no she like she's like made me stay in the room and it was uh like those little things really mean a lot like especially like i don't know like it's with i don't like you're in love yeah okay she's listening so i'm happy you're in love you love what i said and those other freaks they got and they called you to go to a party with their boring

little penguin looking ass is for what these motherfuckers don't know you're over here with your feet up like a doctor yeah mama was making chicken they want to call go to north ridge with those freaky motherfuckers the fuck out of here a major league pimp now you know what i'm saying you got time to hang out with peasants she's still dating the fucking guy from work yeah is she yeah don't lie to me how would i lie to you i don't know what about a little chinese friend what's she doing still living there the fuck out of here come over here and bore me to death nobody's sucking dick they want to come over and eat your chips and not suck your dick what kind of respect is that lisa yeah you know what i'm saying let's smoke some more dope please my lord

you want to eat this edible no put on fucking uh walking the dog by aerosmith this is all the first album by the way like i was telling Lee that fucking song we're gonna call moving the second song on this album that i love from there walking the dog it's an old fucking jam but they redid it and then they also have uh dream on on here let me tell you something about aerosmith for them to come out with this do me the favor man don't even buy it on i don't know where it is online it's on youtube the 48th anniversary of the first aerosmith down put it put that song on for them while we smoked this number monday the last day of september get out there cock suckers you're gonna smoke some dope on me

what are you doing me come on take some more hits with uncle joker oh boy it's a sativa make your feet you didn't put you didn't put fucking glue on your head like kick it let's do it kick it is a jam oh shit oh shit renee up in portland who loves you cocksucker here you go where you going oh shit i know do it link wiggle fun for joey it's monday cocksucker watch that pussy wash those feet trim your toenails here we go

are you kidding me what do you think you're dealing with some fucking novice i'm just a walking young do it leave we're gonna get some heroin after this leave it's all over we won't not only get some black tar with the mexicans fucking no one from aerosmith died right all of them survived no all of them survived they're all fucking 70 they're fucking gazillionaires probably now the guy was a host on american night he's all boston motherfuckers and if you look at the cover of the album the guitar player joe perry has got a fucking feather in his ear or it's died on the side oh it's 1970 nobody did that nobody did this shit do yourself a favor

why listen to the same shit that everybody else is listening to this is the shit right even though i've been listening to that bruno mars new album it's fucking kicking little fucking bruno with the hat on he ain't fucking around he sounds like stinging michael jackson put together that fucking little young i love him oh shit i never do you like him i don't like him i don't buy the album but i've heard like three different songs on fucking spotify and all that shit fucking not bad that one jam now he's got sound like the fucking police i heard i don't know who else is jammin who else is fucking jammin you want me to listen to what do you want me to listen to fucking the skinny little white chick with the bony ass i love her and she's telling them she can't

fucking jam the guy she runs with that robin thick that ain't fucking shit you know what lee what you fucking cocksucker what's what else is going on with did you watch any hulu plus this week i always watch hulu plus did you really yeah i moved i got a tv in my bedroom because no you know what kind of tv you got samson uh flat screen of course look at one of the ones that connects to lean in that so you can watch hulu plus on it come on but no i got it and i i moved my playstation three what you could also watch hulu plus on it um i just moved it in there because i'm like i want i'm with the girl i wanted to i don't want to always have to go to the living room uh and i never had a tv in my bedroom when i was a kid my mom wouldn't allow it so like

finally when i'm 25 i'm like so you gotta refrigerate it you know no no that would be eight thousand pounds if i had a refrigerator next move we got a little refrigerator i want one in there but you get some chocolate covered strawberries for mama when she comes over you suck her toes you pop your strawberry forget about it who's better than you lee no one is wait i finally i moved it in there and fucking went to town i love it i love having hulu plus right there you're like a fucking rag you just wash the helmet and just draw it out well baby wipes look at you what about those peppermint fucking things from the dollar shift i tried on my asshole and it wakes you up no no it didn't stink it doesn't sting but it puts like it's like putting it's like putting color

it's like putting half the shave on yeah that's what it smells like i was like oh it smells like peppermint like i opened up the new package because the new package and the peppermint cleans over the ass like sometimes you sniff an asshole and it's clean but you can still smell the residue of the muffler not with not with the fucking uh with this one white charlie and that comes in a nine dollar package no you have it comes extra it comes actually you can add you can add on the shave butter and the i use the shave butter this morning i got my razor i used that this morning it's fucking smooth dollar shave club one dollar six dollar a nine dollar you can't fucking go wrong you can't go three different price programs 60 dollars a year you get raises sent to your

fucking house two raises you could knock a motherfucker out with it bam who's better than you you know i'm saying the shave butter is nice it shaves fucking nice it's putting some skin back it's taking the scars back off my face what do you think you're fucking dealing with you know i'm saying what else what else i gotta talk to you about the fucking uh and now that the one white charlie is a tremendous because my safe my shit stinks sometimes my asshole's on fire so what i do is i get the one shot fire with the one shot one white charlie sorry that super blue dream put me the difference oh my god that shit's good we gotta smoke some more i love because every you called me yesterday and she was in the car and we made a joke after because no matter what i tell you

i eat i could tell you i eat anything and your line is jesus christ you know what your asshole's gonna smell like tomorrow so i can just imagine you definitely need one white charlie's because i could eat anything i had Thai food and i said it with you on tomorrow but i thought i was like jesus christ you didn't have any idea what your asshole's gonna smell like what did you eat from thailand yesterday uh pad thai and some shrimp and uh she had some spicy noodles and once you have the coconut milk that's when pollute your asshole it's not i gotta tell you something i know people on twitter and facebook read this the other i blew a fart at the front desk the other this whole time you know when you're waiting you know when you ask a question and there had to be eight people

but the best with them is the mom with two kids and the mom was hotter than fuck with two kids and she was even at the gym working out later and i almost said something to her she was the prettiest mom i ever saw but i saw her work out and i saw why she was doing that ball work out she had a hand on her phone she would pick up the fucking ball and work on her abs her ass was beautiful she was blonde she looked like she was fucking 22 and the husband was 40 so she had to be fucking 40 she was older i looked at her face but it's amazing when people take care of themselves what was i talking about all the fun i fucking blasted authority about nine maybe 10 o'clock in the morning the other morning and it was i went to eat i went to eat chili oh and it was vegetarian

and not in the morning no i ate chili the other day of my wife and the baby okay and i knew that the next day was gonna come out of my ass was gonna be tear gas i fucking knew it and i blasted the fart in the morning in the room but i left and i drank coffee the whole thing i ate breakfast i had oatmeal and then i let that thing work and i went to the front desk to schedule the ride to the club that night and to schedule the shuttle to the airport and i said nobody's around me let me just blow this fart and it was one of those farts that you stand there and it's so good that it makes you twist like it makes you fuck like my whole body aligned and i blew it that way and i could feel like hit my leg and bounce off and next you know i smelled this hot fog that was in the hallway

and i started looking around all of a sudden i was so high that i forgot there were people there but it didn't make a noise i just it just you could feel the hot air around me yeah and i started looking around at people and they were fucking dying and there was three women behind the counter but they were looking at a fat guy there was a big big fat guy so everybody looked at him thank god he was a scapegoat i walked out and went into that computer room and i sat in that computer room that's when i wrote twitter and facebook but when i walked back out it was worse like the fart had triplified it was fucking worse people in the hallway were holding on for the fuck it let it loose it's monday the 30th get up wash your feet get out there you dirty cocksuckers

there's an asshole out there waiting for you to rip open you know what i'm saying there's something out there waiting for you to fucking do today what are you on the agenda today leah no i gotta go back to bed because i have the i started new hours tonight unfortunately want to smoke some more i am so stoned right now dude get it together leah you said this is grown outdoors i don't know what the fuck this is grown this is fucking seattle this is fucking this shit from my daddy i brought this back for me to show you what they've gotten fucking portland and look how you're behaving yourself cocksuckers you maybe do this all right so it's fucking over i got shit to do today we gave the shout outs right yeah we gave the fucking thing i didn't

talk about fucking hulu yeah we did two weeks 795 after that you get two weeks for fucking free you're a momo if you don't sign on as far as dollar shave club you're slipping for six dollars a year a month 60 a fucking year bam you look like look at me i look like livorachi when we left new jersey what the fuck and we can tell you all the names to put in why don't you make it easy go to joeydiz.net we got an on it banner we got a hulu plus banner we got a dollar shave club banner you just do three clicks you go see where joey's gonna be and then you go back and the t-shirts are coming soon i got some beautiful fucking shirts i got hats i got fucking hoodies i got fucking everything it's all overly patches for your jujitsu suit oh you're gonna be a

fucking new man and we got a leaves gonna have his own podcast pretty soon he got bumped oh shit he's a made dude now he's a fucking look at him he got made he's gonna have his own fucking podcast now lily we'll see yeah we'll see what happens see what are you gonna talk about did you tell people what you're gonna talk about no i have a couple ideas in my head what kind of ideas do you have in your head lily you want me to just okay well because you called me the other day and he said you should start it you should do it and i was thinking because my job's gonna end i was thinking about doing it i kind of want to do one where i just talk to normal people i actually put it on twitter a month or two ago just like the first person i wanted to talk to was my dad because

he's gonna come in november and he was on the radio for 20 years and i was like i should record it with him the girl's mom who fucking had to jump across borders and i was thinking about people like that but then when you called like you said you didn't want to interview people and i see how much trouble you go through so i know i probably couldn't sustain a week to week thing interviewing people like that and the thing i think i'm gonna end up doing uh if i do it by myself is the the great thing about podcasting has been it introduces people like it's not like radio like they in it's you're talking to them and that's great but the one thing that i think is kind of missing is it's personal but it's not super personal and there's i know of one podcast really that someone

calls in but it's kind of a joke so i'm thinking about maybe doing like a call-in thing like i every once in a while i'll get questions like how did he move out there so i think i think i'm gonna try to do like a mix of interviewing normal people and i trust me i understand the reason why i never brought it up is it's a lot like arish if you're a show and i didn't want to encroach on it but he talks to a lot of comedians as well that's where i think the difference would be and i don't want to offend him or do anything but i think i'm gonna do a mix of talking to normal people and i'm gonna do some call-ins i think i think that would be the next step because the only thing that's missing is actual conversation like we have we have it on twitter

but it's never i don't know there's a ton of radio shows like it and that's what i was thinking about you got me high and i'm talking too much get it together cuckucker right here we have mumble and stumbler you brought me you brought it up you're getting high you're fucking and you're back on the juice tomorrow cuckuck i don't want to hear those stories look at your giggling show what are you gonna do and eat that carrot juice what's your first juice you're gonna make the i make the same juice every day which one uh kale broccoli cucumber celery carrots on the weekends and mama comes over and she's eating that it's four weekends and you guys you're sitting there drinking that fucking juju juice like a communist what are you gonna do that green

juice look at your face you can't even deal with it right now you're so stoned you can't even think of not eating that mexican food and eating that green shit because you don't want to jump in the pool you're gonna jump in the pool you jump in the pool you wouldn't have these problems you'd be 20 pounds 30 pounds why are you being a sexy motherfucker you have a little son in your head and shit you got the pool i was telling people i go they don't want to jump in the fucking pool wait when i when i don't have to go to work all day yeah you gotta go even when you gotta go to work every day that's how you start i don't know how people do it and you'll get your energy trust me if you jump in the pool it's not an energy thing it's just working 12 hours a day i have no

interest in going working out so i rather you jump in the pool first and get that done because you're not gonna live by work and sitting all day yeah but if you jump in that pool do a couple of jumps you do some jumping jacks this weekend no why not i'm retarded i do a couple of jumping jacks you understand me 10 jumping jacks you gotta do something to get that the neck moving what kind of jumping jacks are you doing that's gotta get the blood moving you know what i'm saying you gotta move the wrist you gotta you gotta fucking pop these motherfuckers you gotta move hands if not you're a good looking dude i'm trying you gotta get out there and get some sun you might be vitamin d deficient i probably am yeah you're sitting in the fucking house all day

you're allegedly you like a fucking juve empire you don't even bite them in the fucking neck you just take their pennies what the fuck get it together you dirty bitch you just take their pennies what else what we got going on i'm not nowhere i'm home for the next 10 days that's what i do is in carves in san francisco then i'm in ontario and then i'm in jackson tennessee for one night only oh shit that's my october are you excited are you excited to be home for a little bit i'm not really home because i'm shooting this fucking movie for six days and i gotta shoot on the lords day on sunday i hate them i shit but there i go see there i go they didn't get them i know you didn't you didn't be like what are you gonna do look dog you know me when it's work

sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do oh no and and if you had said that to them they'd be like we're a movie we're gonna keep shooting no there's a lot of movies that they don't shoot on saturdays and sundays you know a lot of big names won't shoot on saturdays and sundays they want to be with their families but this movie don't have a big name so they have to shoot it in 16th to 18th fucking days i'm shooting six of those days they're gonna fucking kill me it's close to the house tomorrow night we're also shooting the fucking stories yeah that's exciting it's pretty interesting i really i'm working on it like i'm you know my my show i know rogan's doing the nine o'clock seven o'clock show and you got four tickets you know yeah i got that email you coming or no no

yeah i'm gonna come how'd you get the night off i think i'm gonna go in after all right you're slipping so no no it's and it's pretty interesting because i gotta do it on fighting and for four weeks i wrapped my fucking head i didn't know what to do you know and what i really want to talk about is what pisses me off every fucking day of my life whenever i see something bad that happens you know they always blame it on something it just can't be the right blame but just can't be that lee just had it with life and he wanted to stab a motherfucker in the neck you know they always they always blame it on uh you know lee's parents or because he went to catholic school or because when he was a kid the cat bit him and they made him want to stab fucking people with the last name z

you know whatever the fuck it is and i started thinking about my life and i started thinking about the effects i had but seeing what i watched growing up and at first i was very against those like these people don't know what they're talking about but there's a couple stories that you could see the the correlation correlation so i'm gonna just compare them and talk about those let's do my stepfather beating up the cab driver that time in the Bronx oh shit yeah so it was a good fucking day for me you know because like i said in testicle testaments whenever you see a dead bit slap somebody what's better than he's better than him no nobody even if your father's a fireman who fucked him so what he saved the cat today my father bit slapped the motherfucker you know what i'm

saying yeah are you gonna tell the one with the him and the dog the guy with the dogs no no no no i'm gonna tell the one when my mom and me were headed to a mech game oh no oh shit yeah and then i'm gonna tell the story of how you know because afterward years later i found out that one at the time was on parole and he wasn't allowed in New Jersey part of his parole was he wasn't allowed in New Jersey for book making like i said book making is a felony in New Jersey but a misdemeanor in New York City so eight minutes away it's like there's rules in New Hampshire like there's strip clubs in New Hampshire right but not in Boston so you have to go to New Hampshire to go to a strip club and it's 20 minutes away from Boston or something like that right yeah i don't know exactly

i'm just saying that i know that there's cities like that that have that same thing so it had been like this third book making violation so he wasn't allowed in New Jersey for a year so it and and he was on parole so he had to do all his beating up in in New York yeah well the day that he beat this cup he just happened to be in New York and when i got into the fist fight with john my wife's boyfriend yeah i had two felonies and one more i would have three felonies and i only got in the prison for 25 fucking years so they have that in colorado yeah they have that fuck yeah that's kind of i don't know if i agree with that yeah they have that so that's what it's about that's how we're gonna correlate but anyway why fuck around it's monday i want you to get up i want you

to give thanks for god putting on this fucking planet and i want you to go out there and have a fucking great day and we'll be back wednesday hopefully i shoot uh in the afternoon like i do the fucking podcast and that's it i love you cocksuckers we're all in my heart portland it was fucking great you guys are savages look at the weed you got lee all fucked up and i didn't even get to the core of it i still got another joint there and look they even give it to you like medical to them they come and test you oh this is what they take blood out this is what they this is what your asshole's gonna sound like when that chick fights in your eyeball oh yeah why is my asshole gonna do that because that's what assholes usually do okay what do you what would i get for it on

her asshole would do it my asshole's gonna be fine it's hot wire keep sending me fucking emails don't even go in hot wire they're worse than the city jews they won't leave you the fuck alone you know what i'm saying they won't leave you the fuck alone all right i love you guys stay black have a great fucking monday today don't forget hulu dollar shave club dollar shave club and on it and if you want to look and fucking good you gotta go to on it they got the ropes and they got the kettlebells 10% off have a great day stay black now that the show's over don't forget to sign up for your free trial of hulu plus hulu plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your tv pc smartphone or tablet support this podcast and get an extended free trial

of hulu plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey or go to joeyds.net and click on the hulu plus banner don't forget to sign up for dollar shave club dot com you'll get a high quality razor sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail now go to dollar shave club dot com forward slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollar shave club banner in the mirror hey hey

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