Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #094 | KATE QUIGLEY | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, September 1st..... Today we talked with our Friend, the Great, Kate Quigley…. Follow Kate everywhere….. https://www.Instagram.com/kateqfunny https://www.Twitter.com/kateqfunny https://katequigley.com https://onlyfans.com/kateqfunny This episode is brought to you by DraftKings & Stamps.com & Boll & Branch..... Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook Go to https://www.Stamps.com Promo Code: JOEY | 4 Week Trial with Digital Scale & Free Postage Go to https://www.BollAndBranch.com Promo Code: JOEY 15% OFF YOUR 1ST PAIR OF SHEETS! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #KateQuigley The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's Wednesday the first of September the rent is due cocksuckers and it's a month away from the many saints in Newark no more fucking around the joint is brought to you by DraftKings the NFL and college football is back Jack you're getting paid like a fucking hooker on Friday night DraftKings Sportsbook the official sports betting partner of the NFL is giving all new players a hell of an offer you ready for this for the first week which is next week you can bet a dollar on any game and cash $200 and free bets instantly no matter what DraftKings is giving all new players 200

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Joey J-O-E-Y that stamps.com promo code Joey stamps.com you'll never ever go to the fucking post office again fuck those motherfuckers the joint is also brought to you by Bowl and Branch listen there's nothing more important than a good night's sleep period Bowl and Branch knows it tastes more than just a good fucking mattress you gotta have nice smooth comfortable sheets Bowl and Branch sheets are ultra soft like cotton plus they're a hundred percent organic and sustainably produced listen to me my wife's got two sets of these sheets they're always on the bed comfortable cool it breeds check out

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know a lot of years of fucking happy I'm happy I can't wait for this to come out and get this shit over with already enough with the fucking suspense that's it the rent is due and the rent is due motherfuckers the moratorium is fucking up Jack you better sell those stamps you better sell those fucking bonds your grandmother gave you remember you thought you were going to college you dumb fuck you ain't going to college no more you got to pay that rent on my heart goes out to a lot of people a lot of shit's going on I was talking to my friend over in LA and he was telling me that his weed store was not doing that

fucking well like people are just not fucking coming out but on the other hand laughing gas is alive and kicking good weed is good weed I fucking somebody sent me an email from them the other day that people are fucking selling laughing gas like fake laughing gas in LA when does it fucking end this and then you ask me like Joey what the fuck why you like this because people don't fucking stop and I'm not angry I'm not mad it doesn't surprise me you know for years people been selling Joey Diaz weed I don't even fucking I never even spoke that fucking weed I'm not dead a fucking okay it the only weed I've ever

okayed is laughing gas that's it that's the only weed I have up in the market and if you don't get it at the ice cream shop you're not really getting laughing gas guys so it's up to you if you want to get fake laughing gas I will let you know what stores is on what you do is you go to laughing gas on Instagram follow them and I will keep you posted as soon as they start going into the stores we're gonna go through Southern California Northern California Vegas Colorado and then these two fucking states whatever the fuck they decide to get this shit together Jersey and New York even though my friends go

to weed stores in Jersey and they like it they're having a great time they're getting good weed you know it's not some of the shit I show up with but it gets you fucking high and you know it does the trick no you don't need to get it from Cali you don't you know it's no big fucking deal it's like people still ask me about the stars the stars have been out of business for four fucking years get your fucking clocks fixed but on the other hand you don't need to the stars you can make great edibles at home that's what I don't understand about people they can make great edibles at the house if I fucking put my head to it

I'll make you a fucking brown I mean I don't know how to make gummies and all that other shit I'm not Joe the fucking baker but any fucking retard can make fucking brownies with some nuts in them and I'll fuck you up you asked my wife about the brownies I make I mean I don't know nothing about nothing I take a little butter I take a little fucking olive oil I cut the weed really fucking small I just keep cutting it cutting it cutting it if you want to throw an eighth of that in there that's all you fucking need for the regular pan of Betty Crocker that's all you need is just a fucking eight to some good weed cut that

motherfucker cut it cut it cut it keep cutting it cut it cut it don't run it through a grinder cut it because if you run it through a grinder the fucking that that shit breaks off and it has a catch in the bottom and then you I use I have maybe three ounces of keef that I'm thinking about fucking you do a little olive oil first you don't burn the olive oil you throw a little fucking butter in there nice you keep the flame fucking low I'm no chef of the future I just watched Bobby Flay from time to time you keep that fucking flame low and you keep pushing that when you take just let's say you have an eighth that'll

that'll give you probably three times you could put fresh weed in you make your brownie batch right I make my brownie batch I have it ready and then while I'm frying the fucking weed I press into that weed and I take all the juice out of it and I put it in the fucking thing then I put the frying pan back I throw some more weed in there some more olive oil I leave the old weed in there and I keep fucking cooking but I stir this motherfucker I'm like Henry Hills retarded brother and good fellas member stir the sauce that's me I'm just stirring the fucking brownie mix and then I fucking throw more weed in this motherfucker and

I get that motherfucker going I squeeze it more put it in the fucking weed and then I stare at more and more and more and I'm fucking crazy afterward and every time I do it you lick that fucking spoon every time you fucking finish fucking spinning around listen you don't even eat the brownies to cook you'll be fucked up before the brownies even come out of the fucking oven the brownies would be what you eat because of the fucking munchies then you're gonna get more fucking munchies it's tremendous it's a it's a great fucking cycle I don't know if you've ever done it or not but I love all that craziness that's just

me dog yeah little laughing gas brownies you'll be fucking I don't know if I want to spend that weed on my brownies though because it tastes good you got to use weed that is strong but doesn't taste good you ever have your friend that brings you that fucking Mexican weed that tastes like fucking a dead taco but your eyes get fucking red you can light a cigarette in your eyeballs from how high you are that's the weed you need when it the weed tastes good that's why when they make crack when they started making crack it was a coke you're gonna see in this interview you're gonna learn about washing cocaine I got Kate

Quigley on today we were talking about washing cocaine with different fucking you know gasoline and fucking acetone and all that shit I don't even know what we're talking about who gives a fuck I'm all fucking confused it's Wednesday motherfucker September 1st you bad cocksuckers I'm feeling good I'm looking good Labor Day is here you know college football is here it's a whole new fucking season you can't dress them white after fucking Monday that said it's over but your white clothes away you fucking white people with your little white clothes on haha somebody was telling me one of my neighbors told me they had to go to a

wedding in the fucking the night before they had to go to the fucking rehearsal dinner dressed in white hair why why she sucked 50 dicks already well you know what's the big fucking deal what I fucking hate weddings I really do and I'm back in Jersey where people talk about them and they actually go to weddings like I had a friend I got out of Boston for a wedding what I wouldn't go to Boston for a wedding if you fucking pay me put a deuce in the envelope and tell them give him a hip and a fucking hoe you know I'm saying I don't want to go no fucking weddings right now I'm all wedding the fuck out

man and you got to put and if you don't know the people it's terrible because the wife she's walking around like she never sucked the dick before get it together you've had 10 dicks in your mouth and now you know everybody has to dress and why give me a breather come on my movies suck dick outside of White Castle now you're trying to be fucking you know I can't stand that shit people forget their fucking past that's why I'm happy I don't forget who the fuck I am I know I'm a fucking criminal I know I'm a dirty bastard and guess what I love it and I'm saying it's who the fuck I am we think I'm gonna be

walking around like Eric Clapton making fucking vaccination songs he's going off that motherfucker that motherfucker has been going off Eric you're 75 you defend who gives a fuck nobody wants to see you on the road anyway last time I started clapping on the road he was really fucking good he did a blues album and he tore it people were pissed he didn't do Layla who gives a fuck you know but guess what I don't want to see Eric Clapton no more he's about 80 slow hand is officially fucking slow hand you know you know he's not gonna play lay down Sally and shit so but anyway it's a fun filled day and it's Wednesday

so that means there's an interview upon us it's not just me giving you a fucking ear beating like Monday on marriage today we got a good guest she's a dear friend of mine you know this past years gave me a chance to reflect on what happened the last 23 years that's all this has been it's just a reflection year on what the fuck happened the last 23 years how did I get the point a how did I get to the longest yard you know the people I met what happened to this guy what happened to that guy you're gonna hear me talking before that I just finally started mourning Jeff Scott the piano player from the store you know I

had so much on my plate when he passed away I never even had a chance to warn him properly you know but I got a chance to think about my friends who were my friends out there who I loved and now you know I spoke to Kate after I moved a few times she had her own life you know she was going on the road she had a little dilemmas and somewhere along the line we lost contact for a month or two during my surgery and stuff and we started talking and I realized how much I loved her how much I enjoyed Kate you know you always have to have a you have to have a couple female friends that you don't have sex with that's some of our

biggest problems as men that we see a woman we think we have to have sex with her I knew as a young man you're not gonna have sex with everybody and you got to keep some women on your corner cuz you never fucking know look what happened to me last year who stuck up for me the women didn't the women got me out of that fucking mess all of a sudden I know them for years he's not that type of person so you have to have if you're a comic whatever the fuck you are in your life you work with some women you know you're next to women every day I know that sometimes you say to yourself she's got nice tits I wouldn't mind

eating a pussy but you can't think that way you got to keep some women as friends it's a great fucking experience to have a female friend I love it you know it's it's sad that here I don't have that many female friends like it you have friends from high school and stuff but they're married they have their own things going on you know they're my age I need like a young friend like a girl just to just to bounce shit off tomorrow at the gym I have a friend at the gym that's a great girl she 24 she's a nurse up in Bronx and she's a good friend of mine we talk all the time so she's been come but she's been out of

town the last three weeks she went to Albania then she went to Mexico everybody's a fucking travel now but I'll get to see you tomorrow anyway you put it listen enjoy Kate Quigley she's one of my dearest friends I love her to death enjoy cocksuckers oh my god you look beautiful thanks just for you I put on makeup shit okay quickly it's been a year I can't believe it holy shit holy shit I just want to stare at you me too I want to stare at you can you hear me okay I want to turn you up a little louder I could hear you look beautiful you look great with a

sudden it's fake but thank you what you just prayed on I've been getting spray cans where do you go like the bed or something they fucking just I bring her to my house you're a bad thank you thank you if I could do that I would do are you front what's that you just do the front no no it's that if I could do the back myself I would just do it okay she does the whole thing for you the back the front yeah the whole thing I wear a bikini because I want it to look real so I have like tan lines and everything you're a fucking nut you know how was the weekend in Canada it was so fun man it's like weird Canada I

think is easier a lot easier go no you can't go though right yeah I'm not a lot of Canada they won't let me and they won't forgive me yeah I was sneaking in there you are not I swear to God the last three times I snuck into Canada wait you just like walked in a hit through like a hidden location no before 9 11 if you went to Buffalo Canada has casinos oh yeah and they have a casino right there on on the border so I had a friend in Miami who dated a girl in Miami that was from Buffalo so I was talking to him one night I gotta go to fucking Canada I gotta sneak in they're not gonna let me in and he goes I got you because my

father-in-law is like a fucking high roller at this casino and there's a side entrance so what he would do is I'd like to fly to Buffalo the guy would pick me up take me to his house feed me with his wife yeah and then he would go to the casino he was just an old Italian guy he don't stop you at the border at all no there's no him not at that time it was pre 9 11 still they would let him go into the casino and then he would pull out and take me to the bus stop in Ontario Canada and I would take that bus to Toronto or Montreal or wherever the fuck I was going but the fun part Kate started on the way back because I would

go through the border yeah oh so they're like they didn't know you were there in the first place no and they would type my name and they would go what the fuck how did you get in here when did you come through I go last week you were here I didn't let you in don't put that on me I kept doing that that's so funny I got stopped well last time I played Niagara Falls I flew into Buffalo just cuz I guess it was like cheaper or whatever and the guy picked me up and we're going across the border and I had an opener I forget who I brought but we're almost to the border the guy goes hey you guys don't do a blow right and

we were both like I mean every once in a while maybe the guy goes all right well the last comics I brought through they took their keys and their credit cards and they swiped them so the guy goes if you think there's even remote residue wipe them off so the kid that was with me pulls his keys out starts sucking on all his keys like everything we get there he was so high I was like you should have handed them around before but we made it through let me tell you something I had a key that was fucking black like that from the coke from all those years God knows how I didn't get hepatitis C B isn't that crazy yeah

because those keys are filthy those dollar bills that you roll up and put in your fucking nose yeah not to mention everybody who's like terrified of the vaccine that I know in LA who will do blow up like the back of a toilet seat in a dirty bar but they're like I can't put anything in my body that's what I was saying a couple weeks ago all these motherfuckers that did pills and coke yeah do you know one night I was watching like Narcos years ago when it first came out the season with Pablo and I gotta tell you something I was pretty bummed the fuck out because when you find out what they put in coke you're like what

the fuck was I snorting all those years I haven't watched it I haven't watched any of those gasoline turpentine you know they put so much shit in cocaine to wash it I still remember snorting coke Kate that smelled so bad because there was a time way before you were even born there was a time in the 80s when the biggest problem was getting ether into Columbia it wasn't getting cocaine up ether is what you use to wash it it's what gives it that nice little taste and that smell but when they didn't have ether you know the stuff that's a nail polish remover yeah you have a nail polish remover it smells fucking great no

way yes oh yes you I think well that's what's in blow that's what they wash it when they don't have ether or acetone they use gasoline or fucking turpentine or I could tell that I smelled that you know the whole pandemic I mean it really turned me off it completely because I think like well first of all you were alone like I was so alone at the beginning of lockdown Joey I didn't see anybody for probably three months at least two months three months yeah yeah and I couldn't go see my family or anything you know it's my mom's lupus so she's like autoimmune and even after the vaccines I mean she's

still high risk so I can't go there much but I was by myself and I was like you can't sit alone at home and drink and do job like I would have gone crazy crazy if I was doing yeah so I just worked out a lot I looked a lot better and then I got happy and I got fat and now I'm getting back in shape you look great great you look great I've been really last time I slept nine fucking hours last night I haven't slept nine hours and 40 fucking years and the night before that I slept eight and a half I sleep great here you know I'm on a fucking timer 11 30 I go upstairs and happy new no I get up at eight this morning I got up at fucking

nine wait a minute you thought there's a nap at noon no I go upstairs 11 30 at night 11 I was wondering that cuz like a couple times I text you around probably 12 12 30 or time I'm already fucking snoring so I figured that's the difference with my life that I'm paying attention to little things I didn't pay attention to before cuz you got to take care of yourself now you know yeah this shit catches you in a vulnerable minute you know you're out fucking 30 hours you not sleeping that's when this shit slips into your body you know so yeah not just that but also I think just this whole thing made me appreciate like the

stuff in my life that I mean comedy is obviously like we love it and comedy I realized this past weekend how much comedy helps me to work through shit that's in my head to like we're so fortunate that we get to work out everything in our lives and make it funny like we have to make it funny but it helps me kind of like process things in a weird way and this pandemic especially like I really realized how much I missed just working out my family the beach I moved to the beach I'm so much happier at the beach I love being I surf I go surfing I suck at it I like can barely stand up but it's fun

how's Venice looking it's still looking like a fucking war zone actually no they moved a lot of those tent tents out but you know all of LA I mean it's there's still so much homeless here it's kind of dead line is tomorrow I think what's that the judge gave them till tomorrow or October 1st one of those so they better get to chop chop and those motherfuckers you know what's weird is the block I'm on at the end of the block is Hunter Biden Joe Biden's kid so they he lives like four houses down for me so they put secret service on my block so I'm so lucky because it became the safest block in the neighborhood so you

fucking scored yeah I go over there too all the time and just talk to them stuff then one night I thought I had a stalker had this creepy guy hanging around my place for like about a week and I went over there and told secret service and they were walking by like every hour checking on my place it's off so I feel happy yeah are they yeah I mean two of them are pretty hot but I think they're not allowed to like mingle you know yeah nah those motherfuckers mingle they pay for pussy with government money that dirty bastards remember when they went to Columbia and they all went to a strip club and shit and they got yeah yeah fuck

yeah who are they with who are they protecting I think Obama that's a little bit of a freak you know that I mean I would imagine he gotta be because he's too clean yeah he's too you know something yeah go off there yeah if you can't find a scandal you know there's lots of scandals I'm grateful because I spoke to my ex-drug dealer during the pandemic like I kept in touch with him you know he was lonely lives by himself he lives by himself so I made a point to call everybody who was single you know yeah stay in touch with like Dean del Rey yeah I mean I was having a hard time and I got a wife and a kid what about the

people that are fucking alone in that apartment all day there's no Friday Saturday weekend you're not going anywhere so I would contact like every day I made it like even for myself help you know from my mental being I go let me reach out to these single people and I started talking to my drug dealer and it was funny because he's like I can't fucking talk to you right now I'm busy I got to live a coke he was busier during the pandemic wow he ever was he says he was selling numbers that he never even touched before you're kidding no he went from like selling an ounce let me put this way he went from selling an

ounce a week to three ounces a week wow if you think about it I mean nobody was spending money on anything no he was saying that he couldn't figure out what people were getting all the money from oh the liquor stores and the liquor stores will fucking packed you know on a Mercedes karate teachers is a lick of salmon and he's like you have no fucking idea the numbers of Tito's he sells Tito's I definitely bought a lot more booze than you during the pandemic but I never got my unemployment either like it was really hard in LA for self-employed people even though they said they came out with

unemployment money for us but it was basically like you know when you act how they take taxes out like if it's a SAG job or whatever so if you had like two or three jobs where they took taxes they would base your unemployment on that instead of your standard money so like you're getting you know if you made five grand in the whole year acting but you made 50 grand doing stand-up your unemployment was based on the W2 money so it was like nothing like I got literally 300 bucks total or something it was nothing so it was rough I was stealing I was stealing ice cream I was like stealing food from CVS everybody's

stealing everybody's robbing the fucking CVS now from Walmart everybody people just taking shit and walking out and showing security here you go thank you I mean you have a mask a hat sunglasses it's like what do they I mean really you could rob anywhere it was the best time to rob any I didn't rob anywhere but I did just ice cream I took and pop corn a little pop not them wrong with that man you had a fucking survive you had to do what you had to do you know yeah you're a single woman in a land the alligator's out there and yeah it was done what's your love life now have you seen any dicks lately what's going on I saw so

many dicks in Canada actually but not like no but I didn't have sex with them I just I realized that in Canada all the men's rooms the doors are wide open like every bar nobody closes the door so I was at a club well there's a club a bar I walked by the men's room and I'm not kidding it was like eight guys peeing and it was just a clear shot like a row of dicks so I didn't touch any but I Knife none you got a knock on the door guys can I sniff one of those just to get me back in the fucking game let me sniff one of those piece of dicks piece of dick um no I it was funny Canada was so hilarious because the drinking age

there's 18 you forget that so like one night after the show these guys were like meet up with us at this bar and I was like that'd be fun they're kind of hot why not I go to this far like about 30 minutes later it's packed with like 18 to 22 I had to be the oldest person in there by like 15 years at least and I couldn't find these guys I hung out for about an hour looking for them and then I just stayed for the entertainment because every time I went in the bathroom there's like five girls crying and girls kept telling me how pretty I was and touching my hair and then they were asking me for advice and telling me I was wise so I just stayed

there and hung out it was like the bathroom therapist I love hanging out with you because you always break it down like I'll never forget being at the comedy store where you and that chick showed up that sucks like 20 dicks online don't say her name because I don't want to fucking hear it remember you remember she was a blonde she's cute she came into the comedy store next to me and you're out of town you're like let me tell you something I'm crazy but that chick is fucking crazy she is crazy she is insane and her husband they're both nuts now you met her and her husband I yeah I met them at a show I forget what town it was

on the road they came to a show and afterwards we went to a gay bar okay this chick I mean I like her if they watch this I like them both no I like her I really like her yeah who wouldn't what guy wouldn't if I was single I'd really fucking like that oh dude we went to a bar after the show that was like it was like an applebee's it wasn't like a crazy bar and people were asking her for photos they kind of knew who she was and she was taking her tits out for pictures in this family right I mean there weren't kids I saw but it also wasn't a place to take your tits out but no one was really complaining or anything and then we went

to a a gay bar and I don't even know how her husband got kicked out somehow like I don't even know what happened I mean one minute he was fine the next minute he was like sweating he probably took like a Molly or something he's like yelling at people and then some guys started hitting on him and he was like you're not my type and the guys shoved it before I knew it they were kicked out like I don't even know what happened and then they hit me up to come to their room later and I was like this is probably not my probably not the best time for me to get arrested so I stayed home and then you didn't see it until that time at the

comedy store with me never again till then wow yeah yeah she was at the comedy store that night she sat down in the back she had the other porno chick with her I was watching her very closely I was talking to people but you know like when you're talking to people but you're watching people and I'm watching her and she's like I gotta suck a dick like what was coming out of her mouth was fucking crazy yeah she's so nice though she's very sweet and she's yeah you know that's what confuses you really hot she's really fucking hot but at the same time

she's talking about breaking her record sucking dicks and all this shit so finally I couldn't take it no more so I told I said do you make videos because I didn't really know what you just told me she was crazy and shit and I didn't know her either and it all came to me after she was yakking because she was talking about sucking ten dicks at a fucking pool or something like that so I was like did you make a video because I saw she puts her videos up on Twitter oh okay yeah surreal because you could be getting up at six in the morning you know you're out of it you're drinking

coffee you put Twitter you scroll and there's her fucking like ten dudes that's I haven't seen that I actually have um lead or not I have like the graphic nudity muted on my Twitter just because I get on Twitter on the plane so much and I just don't want like the grandma sitting next to me to have to view every time I open my phone it's like if it's the last thing I watch it's usually porn because that's all I really use my phone for when I get on you know chrome so so I try not to show it to everybody

so yeah she makes videos and after she was talking like wait a second I saw one of your videos and she goes I go like ten guys fucking you but the the reason why the video I stopped and watched it I hate porn but the reason why I watched it was because there's like six guys around the fuckinger there's she's sucking their dicks you know they're coming on her tits but there's one guy in the corner like the ugly chick at the prom she's just in the corner jerking off by herself right like he's jerking off and I swear to god so

they're all around the like fucking barracudas they're fucking they're hitting it with dicks and shit and there's a guy in the corner by himself just wacking off so I said to her is that your video of like six guys fucking you I felt bad saying it to her but I didn't know how else to say it I'm like is that you with the video with six guys I go there was a guy in the corner jerking off it may not be you she goes that was me she goes that guy in the corner that's a complete different story so she was telling me

he's on paypal not paypal what's the shit that you show people your pussy only fans I'm on there I don't do that she's on only fans and she has raffles or contests to fuck her or jerk off on her or whatever so he won the contest so she invited him to the gang bang and he's just in the corner jerking off so she told me she goes you're not going to believe the story at the end of the night I asked him if he had a good time and he goes yeah so she asked him do you want to fuck me you were the contest winner and he goes not really I just want to hug you

and he laid next to her and they they uh what do you call that when you spoon they spooned each other no she said she threw him out like an hour later he wouldn't fuck her he just wanted to spoon her and suck his thumb like a fucking momo would you want to watch a girl get fucked by 10 dudes and then put your dick in there well you're there well I know you're there already you know that would freak me out that would freak me out I mean listen I'm not that type of duty they would freak me out to get sloppy seconds after everybody but you've got to find the

hole something even just put your fingers like this you know what I'm saying I mean you're already 10 guys you gotta yeah put your fingers like this do something so I can put my you know something the guy was like no I just want to spoon with you and he's spooning and I was the end of it you know it is weird when you have to ask somebody something like that but you know it's what they do but you still feel weird right I felt fucking weird like I thought like she was gonna press charges on me but she was acting all about it

and there was witnesses there you follow me like it wasn't just me and her so she could say well he was sexual with me that was we were outside we were in the back people were smoking pot god yeah yeah god rest his soul the piano player and all those people were back there so when he's back that could say anything to anybody because he's honest and people believe him the gay guy that died jeff yeah yeah yeah jeff jeff I miss him man it hit me like three months ago that he was dead and I fucking I was driving somewhere and I just broke down oh somebody said they went back to

the store and it's not the same without jeff it hasn't been I'd like uh have moments like that with Eric Myers you know what I mean Eric Myers was a weird one for me because I mean it sounds so odd to say this but you'll get it because you've had friends who are addicts like I almost felt in a way happy for him when I first heard it was like I was shocked but I wasn't all the way shocked because you know you kind of expect at some point when somebody falls off the wagon that many times you like prepare yourself but then the big thing was

he was always so anxious like even sober that I felt like you could finally chill out but I didn't really feel it till like it was like last week some photo popped up of me and Eric in Las Vegas just having fun together and it suddenly hit me I was like it's weird that people that died during this because you already haven't seen them in a while so then it's like it doesn't really hit you till a moment where you would see them or memory or something at least for me I felt really bad for Eric Myers I wasn't best friends with Eric Myers

but I cared for him as a comic because he was really good really do you know what I'm saying when somebody's really good you look at them and even if you're not best friends with them yeah you have this secret adoration for them oh he's incredible he was you know he lived in my kitchen right yeah he told me I remember that he was always at the ha I became friends with him at the ha yeah about eight years ago before mercy was born about nine years ago I would walk my wife to the train station in the mornings and he would be going to an AA

meeting oh really way up there I didn't know he was up there remember he lived with the Agostino for a while hmm that's right he kind of lived with everybody for a while yeah he was a good kid you know I felt bad for the way he went yeah usually when an addict dies when somebody says to me well this guy OD you know what are you gonna do that was his life you know that was what he was shocked he never did I was shocked I was shocked I never OD'd fucking Tom Seguro did when he was in

college I've never OD'd that is shocking that is shocking that Tom Seguro did I never fucking OD'd but it's uh when he passed and I got the call that he got hit by a boss or something I immediately little candle and I felt bad I felt bad for him I felt bad for his family and I gotta be tight tell you something honestly I was a little angry with him me too because the talent was so fucking good like he was he was so if he would have put the drinking

aside but it listen he tried so hard but that's the thing he tried so fucking and he was like Eric was the most extreme case I've ever seen of somebody that was so different the second he fell off it was like he would go from the sweetest most sensitive guy to I mean one sip might as well be five fifths of vodka he just could not stop and he would he would pass up he showed up once I naked at my house at two in the afternoon naked in the middle of the day in Hollywood

he'd been missing for like three days he was all beat up and stuff I mean he just there was no moderation whatsoever it was zero to a million you know the the way he went did not shock me to be a totally honest with you because I just I know that he would get to the point of he had no idea where he was what he was doing I mean yeah he would every time it was funny though every time Eric would fall off the wagon everything he owned would get stolen or sold right so every time he'd need new clothes

and so he didn't want to buy extensive clothes so he would go to Hollywood in Highland and buy just those souvenir t-shirts all he ever wore were those like Hollywood souvenir t-shirts all the time everything he owned said like Hollywood Boulevard or man's Chinese theater or whatever the fuck they were like those four for $10 shirt deals he was awesome I missed him a lot but he was also so such a good writer I mean he was a great writer that's what the jealousy was from I was fucking jealous I would see him perform a ton I'm like that kid is dangerous but then I saw his drinking

yeah you know and this is crazy I gotta tell you there's like five comics I've known that they let the booze and the drugs get in front of their talent yeah and I remember when I made my decision 14 years ago I was like I'm not getting nowhere in comedy I'm doing movies I'm doing all this shit but I'm not getting anywhere and it was like this has to be the answer yeah so let's push it aside for a minute and see if this is the answer thank god it's stuck yeah thank god and I didn't go back to it or didn't

fucking relapse and I was done with it like once I was away from it for three weeks I'm like I'm done with it that was the that was the victory it wasn't succeeding in comedy then what ended up happening was you know you take away that drug focus and all you have left is comedy yeah so you really life is easier yeah it's just a lot easier when you're not waking up going well tonight you know when you're fucking on drugs you wake up in the morning you're like I'm not gonna do coke but it's still in your fucking mind

also though like like I literally feel like two days of nothing I mean the energy is insane just two days even of no drinks like because for me I would have a drink like every night after a set at least one two drinks every night and then I went home about a year ago for just a few days to Ohio and three days or something like when I'm in Ohio I don't really drink my mom there's no liquor in the house I was like wow this is like taking five at all just being sober I mean it's like crazy how much more energy I had I woke up like really happy

so now I take breaks all the time and I look better when I do that so I'm very vegan I'm gonna tell you something I went to I went to a get together a few weeks ago and I knew a lot of the women there you know I had grown up with them and I tell you something that's sad I could tell the women that drank and the women that didn't I could tell the big difference yeah there was one woman that was beautiful growing up I don't know what the fuck happened to her nose it looks like she'd been smelling farts the last 20

fucking years her nose got so fucking thick I wouldn't invite her to do coke at all how does that happen I don't know you see the you're smelling farts or I don't think that's sad on your fucking nose you know I lost weight my nose got bigger like sometimes your nose gets bigger but it got bigger that way like you know your nose did not get bigger yes it did trust me I got a fucking flute in front of my face and shit you're hilarious but you could tell that it really affects women alcohol and it affects men too

you know what it says too you know we don't look too good if you drink every fucking day yeah and the cigarettes it all fucking adds up you know I love I love fucking smoking a good cigarette you got the wrong motherfucker a good marlboro after you smoke a joint whoo I don't like it I don't like it but you know what I've really gotten into what you say sorry amelite after you smoke a fucking fat joint whoo amelite oh my god I don't miss that I don't miss being around it either

I did start micro dosing mushrooms during this whole pandemic and holy shit that has helped me so much everything anxiety oh my god Joey life changing I get so much less stressed out than I used to I like what when I I don't know it's just it really makes me happier and it's just the baby is little I mean you know a tad little tiny teeny bite like I can't feel high I don't feel anything but I'm happier it's crazy that I've been reading a lot about micro dosing lately a lot more

like people I just was reading something they just opened a ketamine treatment center oh I've heard about that I never tried that friend of mine did it he went you know you you shoot it and then you talk to a therapist and they did you shoot it like a shot I didn't know that yeah they IV you you know they give you like an IV I think I think that's what he said yeah they gave you an IV it's pretty interesting and you look good so it must be working the micro dosing I gave away all my fucking mushrooms now I'm pissed

because why because people I gave them away because I had no use for them you know what are the chances of me in the fucking two mushrooms in the afternoon so I gave them to somebody who's gonna fucking eat them quickly so they don't develop mold in my draw so I gave away is it bad if they get more I thought there are more I don't know I just don't think it's okay you grind them up right you put them in a capsule or you bite it um I've had the capsules but I just take I just break a little piece off and eat it

once or twice a day so small that's it even with like I gave up the reefer for like five or six months I wasn't smoking at all really wow you know when I was doing the longest yard I was over smoking on the longest yard we all were there was a group full of the actors football players the wrestlers we were smoking as much as we could you know as long as I would bring an ounce every fucking day Nelly would bring an ounce you know everybody had a fucking ounce of weed on that set and I remember one day the costume girl

she was a little older really pretty from New York at the time she was like maybe 55 real good-looking chick yoga clean living you know flip-flops nice toenails the whole fucking deal we were talking and she told me I go you don't smoke and she goes no I did for a long time like you did but once you stop the day you stop you you're not gonna want to stop but the day you stop you're gonna see life's fucking beauties huh and I was like why is she fucking talking about I'm seeing life's beauties

every fucking day when I get stoned this is fucking white talking about I tell you what man I told about her when I was clean those months because it was I was seeing life for what it was and now I'm in them I'm in like a vac because I don't smoke in the daytime no more Kate at all wow at all holy cow it's not even in my fucking yeah I only smoke right after I drink my tea and like an hour before I go to bed to get me there

I'm so proud of you yeah yeah that's great man I had to do you know I was just getting to I I looked at the things that were I was doing that with two out of control what could have been cleaned up in my life now that I'm here and that was one of the things I felt you know my coffee drinking I love staying up at night Kate nobody likes I don't like it I don't like watching TV at night and riding a little bit and practicing your guitar but dog I get away with you know it's like every night uh well just another half hour

let me watch this another half hour let me play the guitar another 10 minutes you know it's two in the fucking morning yeah I'm one of those jerk offs and then I'm up at seven with mercy you know in the morning talking to him whatever and then you walk around the whole day like what the fuck no I don't want to do and you know I was drinking you know why I was I wasn't sleeping in LA right I was sleeping like you know two to seven five yeah you weren't sleeping at all no and then guess how I was staying up expressos and that takes fucking toll between the fucking

stevia the fucking you know I wasn't just doing two expressos like a normal person I was doing eight a day even two at night a lot I was doing four that's insane you're doing before I left the house it was a coffee mug filled with espresso that's that you know what espresso like that gets me so anxious and jittery like worse than anything I can't I barely drink coffee now I have like a half a cup if I have it it's like speed to me because I cut it out every morning and that's it

no more wow that's amazing I listen this is my coffee life in LA an american coffee then a double espresso and then wash my pussy I do what I have to do I realized that the energy drinks you drink before you work out a shit oh yeah so I would drink an espresso or two and go to jiu-jitsu with Brett oh my god I can't do that I can't work out like that oh my god you have a stroke or something oh my god then I would come home and pop another one around five just a single

I was telling myself just a single Joey you'll be fine and then I would eat dinner you know do whatever I had to do but before I shot to the store it was a four fucking shot espresso cute style how does that do anything after all that it can't do so I was forcing the anxiety and I mean I get down to the store and I look at the comics on the stage and I go how am I gonna follow him I suck I suck and then I start to fuck over my head oh my god you have no idea and then I get this fucking anxiety and remember when they quote

the original room was fine for me it still is you know I don't want people to think I'm a fucking mook but when they tape that window when they tape the window oh so the front bar you mean to the front bar that killed yeah I love that window that was my little fucking anxiety window I would look out the window when I was on stage and I was okay I don't remember having that where you couldn't look out when did they have it so you couldn't you can still look out for 20 fucking years they had it for 15 years they had

it that you could look out no I know I mean I didn't I don't remember that when you couldn't look out you can't look out before they closed it yeah before I left oh like the two years before I left you couldn't look in anymore oh well then they reopened it yeah that's when I started getting anxiety was when I couldn't see outside oh yeah I hate that you know like when you hear police siren and you're on stage you want to know why the side you know what direction he's going and shit now you can't fucking see where the cops

going because the windows fucking blocked yeah that I don't like that it's like when you're on I hate when I'm on a plane and it's starting to land and everybody has all their windows closed and nobody opens what like I don't like to be on a plane that's landing and I can't see what's happening I open the window I don't give a fuck open that window guy like you tell him I don't tell people I'm too polite and then the fucking store this comes on can you please close the windows because other people gonna come in want to keep the the plane cool go fuck yourself

keep the only turn on the fucking Iran on it's 90 fucking degrees in here I got to tell you something that you brought up before here's the funny thing a lot of people don't know I didn't know this and it changed my life and when I found out I was hesitant about it I didn't do it for like five times and then I did it and I was at peace with myself you ready yeah whenever you work on a tv show or anything a commercial a tv show a movie the fucking day that motherfucking movie raps or that commercial raps that tv

show raps you get unemployment on the phone oh yeah did you know I always did that I always did that yeah when I had my playboy tv show yeah fucking saved me oh yeah even a commercial from 2008 to 2011 12 I collected unemployment because for all those years I worked I did movies commercials tv shows and I never collected then Ari told me the mind of the Jew Ari goes dog after all those commercials I fucking how did you not know I thought

that everybody in LA knew I didn't know I didn't know and it was like oh wow it's like an illegitimate kind of scam like you work one day and you can file for unemployment and then if you work you just take it off your unemployment they don't say nothing to you they know you're an actor but don't you only get it for like the length of time that you were on the job or something I don't know no I got it for fucking four or five years I was never broke again after I got on the unemployment like I always had those gaps of being broke like for a week you're broke you need 200 no because

they were paying me 450 a week yeah oh yeah I got a hundred a month yeah so I was like I'm staying on this motherfucker no check they just put it on your ATM card you go to the weed store with it you could take the cash out whatever so I didn't fucking know that you could do that oh yeah I knew that even extra work I think like even if you do extra work uh through central casting and then you have like a few weeks you can't get a job or something like that they'll give you unemployment so for all the actors watching this maybe you didn't know maybe you knew you book a job you're eligible

for unemployment even if it's fucking one hour on the set they'll give you unemployment no questions asked they'll work around you to fucking schedule the whole thing how much comedy you got left this year actually I got a bunch now thank god like summer I actually worked quite a bit at the beginning of like when things were reopening before a lot of comics wanted to work yet you know I was like I'll go anywhere I remember you did the fucking campsite tour that was tremendous oh that was so fun and truck stops I was like telling jokes in a bikini at truck stops it was so stupid it was so fun but you

were put together you were happy that's what this pandemic was about figuring out how you could put it together and not catch him fucking COVID yeah it was really fun man and then uh and then it was awesome it was like really hilarious because everywhere I would go the minute I would leave they'd shut the city back down it was like literally I would come in do a weekend everything's wide open I'd leave they'd be like Phoenix is the newest hotbed for COVID awesome wherever I was so I was just kind of avoiding it and then uh then it got real slow and now it's picking back up I've got a bunch of dates coming up I've got like

Texas Phoenix uh Vancouver a whole bunch and I'm doing this rock and wrestling cruise it's like rock bands and wrestling fans and like wrestlers and it's me and Brad Williams doing shows on it it's going to be so fun that's in October I'm so happy how's it going huh what rock stuff is there I don't know any of the bands like they're none I've ever heard of but it's Chris Jericho's cruise do you know who he is yes the wrestler yeah yeah he has a band and then it's like some of his friends bands that sounds fucking cool where's the cruise going to COVID uh it's oh wait I don't know it's Caribbean cruise I don't even I don't even look but I know I get a basket when you stranded out there

hot in the fucking I can't get out they won't let me out send the helicopter go fuck yourself I told you not to go on a fucking cruise to culvertville I'm gonna be fine I'm gonna take a raft it's gonna be fine and then when you're bored they're not gonna let you get back out in Florida you have to go to fucking Mexico and shit and walk with the migrant kids and fucking jump the fence Jesus Christ the best is it's like uh they asked me if I want to bring somebody they're gonna bring a date I'm like are you kidding me it's like all wrestlers and wrestling like this is gonna be like one girl for every 25 guys and then they were like do you want security I'm like I have Brad Williams like a midget he's gonna keep me safe I was a bread doing these days

he's doing great you came over we went rollerblading I saw that he went to visit his family good for bread he's always a good fucking dude yeah okay it's not when we spoke a few weeks ago I realized how much I loved you I realized that we were a good team in California we always got a long it was weird you know it took me a while oh no you froze I froze is that what you say I got you now you're back now I'm back like herpes oh god you know it's just nice to be able to zoom with some of my friends and do a podcast and to smoke clear you know like there was a lot of shit when I got off the plane I had to take care of here there was no school my daughter COVID the bus there was a thousand things not everything's take yes she's she rides on a bus there was no bus

so now but the bus is working we're fine well she's going back to school next Thursday she's playing softball starting tomorrow thank fucking god practices back so let's see my favorite parents and shit we get to sit there some of the parents drink I sit there like a mook with a blanket on that night because it's cold that's hilarious that's fun man I'm living a different life Kate you know I I love it I'm living vicariously through you guys I look at your pictures Gabriel fucking selling out arenas and shit and joe koi so many but at the same time I'm enjoying my time at home I'm enjoying what I'm doing you know yeah I already did my time out there in the road you know I did all that shit I want to give it a breather and I'm not putting any pressure on myself

one day when I wake up I go tonight's the fucking night I'm getting back on stage or tonight's not perfect get back on stage I think that's perfect man that's the biggest thing that I changed in terms of just kind of one day at a time and just being happy just doing whatever makes me happy there's no like end goal and it's just being happy man I went home and saw my family too and it was so funny I went to my nephew's band like they had like a band show you know the marching band I went to my old football stadium where I grew up and it was just it was so cool to watch the band practice and just it felt like I haven't done that since I was probably 21 or something you know like to go back home and do something like that it was it was wild I was like oh there's

the bleachers I first made out under and like back there's where I got like arrested the person whatever so it's fun it's crazy whenever I drive on route three whenever I go up north by the way when I went up north last time I thought of you because I saw uh hoodies got a fucking huge spillboard on Times Square why I don't know I called you from the light I was at the light on Times Square that's so funny this is the biggest fucking thing but there's a there's a place that whenever I get on route three and I drive back home I always have to drive past my grammar school it's right on route three it's across New York Motel McKinley and I always think about one night it got fucking it was freezing down this girl's like I thought you were taking me home are we

gonna make out and all this shit and I'm like she was older than me by a year I was like I didn't know what to do and I'm like listen you can't come home I can't go to your house let's just swap spit with we had like parkers on and I'm like we could zip up like I was thinking that we could zip up like I could zip connect the parkers oh my god that's so funny so I'm like we'll connect the parkers and we'll just fuck under the parker you know when I got there you couldn't fuck under the parker I never fucked before I knew nothing about that was just a young kid and we started swapping spit and next thing you know fucking I'll never forget this is embarrassing she's like let's have sex so she pulled off a little cheerleading bikini on you know you have a skirt

with the little fucking red bikini you you show people a monkey when you kick your leg but it doesn't show the hairs or anything and I don't forget that she took off her panties I was petrified I had never I had seen a pussy before but I had never she kept saying you're gonna put it in I'm like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and I remember I put it in and she started yelling the whole fucking thing and squirming and I don't know I got dizzy I don't know if I came I don't know what happened but when I fucking looked down there was a little puddle of blood I divergenized that no there was a little puddle of blood so we got up I go don't step on the blood and she's like oh thank you for being a gentleman I want to show my friends you know I'm saying like that it's too

late to let them smell my finger tonight oh my god tomorrow and show them the pool blood you know that's how fucking baton I am so how do you know how do you know you did virginizer maybe she was just getting her period I don't fucking know I didn't ask I was too stupid to ask I was 14 I walked to home she was crying you know she was crying because she got divergenized what am I gonna tell God and all that shit I had to walk home and pat her back the whole way it's gonna be alright the only embarrassing part of the story is that she was crying after she's still gonna let you in you know she was crying and shit and the next day I remember waking up early and knocking on all my buddies there's a good sign when they cry I'm like no no it's not a good sign you I didn't

know what she was crying about I'm like are you crying because you're upset she's like no I'm not gonna my husband's gonna send me back now and all this shit I'm like that anyway there was another girl that was my husband yeah because there was another girl in my business law class that was a freak when I was like a junior in high school and she would only get fucked in the ass because she was Greek when you're Greek if you go home with a busted pussy I swear to God if you go home with a busted pussy your husband could send you back so when you're in high school you only take it in the ass in college and you're a Greek chick because your husband will send you back if you're little monkeys damaged so she would only let people fuck her in the ass and give you blowjobs

so listen who the fuck knows I just know she was upset because I divergenized her and I rubbed her back and the next morning I got up and I went up there with my friends like for my friends I'm going to show you this fucking I busted the pussy last night you know like trying to be one of the monster guys and when we got up there there was no blood well disappeared where exactly was this the outdoors yeah it was outdoors there was a wall disappeared an animal probably ate it there was a door to the gym a back door to the gym and there was like a wall there so I took a behind the wall if you were driving by you couldn't really see behind that wall so and plus it blocked us from the elements you know I'm saying it was cold out it was like January or December so I thought the

blood was gonna freeze because it was so cold out but the next day I got there it was gone there wasn't even like a fucking like a sketch like a fucking like a how was the blood are we talking I mean it's a little not I doubt it was like a puddle like maybe six inches long a puddle but right just to fucking disappear Jesus Christ what the fuck is going on in this world I don't think there's that much I think it's like just a drop of blood when you de-virginize someone I'm not sure because I think I accidentally de-virginized myself you know like how sometimes you break it by mistake on a bike or something I never had blood the first time keep telling yourself

you got fingered at the Girl Scouts and shit you traded for a box of cookies oh that's probably how it happened you got fingered today yeah I forgot about that at the skating rink look at these fucking fingers if I finger you I'm busting everything I'm busting your hymen I'm busting the noodle I'm busting the bubble for the fucking with the baby Satan you're poking the heart Joey you're poking the heart I'll poke the fucking kidney look at these fucking gorilla fingers this sausage you're crying me up so you got a boyfriend now no nothing are you gonna stay single what's the future like for Kate Quigley I'm gonna stay single for a minute because I just I just kind of got out of this thing and I'm just trying to

figure out sort of I mean I'll be honest like I haven't done my podcast in a while like this was not easy to date someone so public for me because I'm so open you know so I felt kind of restricted in terms of what I like being myself what I can talk about and stuff so I kind of want to find like like just get myself back to normal so I'm just kind of I'm about to start a new podcast I'm not going to say the name of it but it's really funny it's gonna be really funny and and then I've just been writing a lot and stand up and stuff like that but oh and then the only fans I've never been naked on my only fans I've been using it to do like life coaching with people and stuff like that like funny life coaching and stuff so um but yeah

no I'm gonna stay single I'm gonna stay single have some fun for a minute and you know that's it fun fun when are you gonna come business actually I was just talking about that with my buddy Adam from counting pros I his girlfriend's in New York while he's on tour we're good friends so I'm gonna go visit her so I'll be there soon maybe a few weeks will keep me post any dates you want to pump um actually I'd have to look at my schedule but you know follow me on social media I post everything there and uh go check out my only fans because I don't have a job so that's it yeah you look beautiful you look happy I miss I miss you too man I miss you too so you're always welcome here I got a spare bedroom Jim's got a spare bedroom you know you

got family here so Jim's right around the corner thank you so whenever you want to stop by but please you know let's keep in touch we've been having a good time lately keeping in touch and it means the world to me so I didn't know we were fucking so tight so you know yeah you think your friends were people and then you let the coffee sit for a while you know and then you see what cream rises and you rose to the top so I appreciate you with all my heart for being my friend and for the friendship that we have it's funny as fuck we talk about weird shit all the time eating assholes and doing all crazy shit but that's what it's all about sometimes I think that uh you know all these yeah yeah have fucked us up and people can't be friends no more because you

know I gotta be careful what I say you know she's gonna get pissed off at me fuck all that shit we're friends yeah so I know I love you so much man I miss I'm so happy we did this like it's so me too yeah and send you to my to your mom yeah my mom loves you my mom my mom wants to make more scrunchies for your daughter so make how many you want she'll use them or she's still using them she shows me a day this is one of kates it was a purple one so she loves you very much so thank you for coming on the joint today and we will talk during the week all right I'll call you later all right all right any other spots tonight or anything what's that you got any spots tonight or anything uh no but I do tomorrow uh oh I'm doing that supernova show tomorrow

and then uh the improv on Thursday Hollywood improv okay I love you k thank you for being my friend stay black beautiful all right bye all right you bad motherfuckers I hope you enjoyed k quickly I enjoyed the shit out of her it was great to see her she looks fucking beautiful she's healthy and that's all that counts right now thank you very much for supporting the joint for supporting my patreon I don't know when the nfts are coming again I think I'm gonna switch companies and go to a different company uh laughing gases in stock and that's it we got 30 fucking days to the many saints in Newark that's all that fucking matters today if you got anything from this podcast that's what it is today I want to thank Kate but most importantly I want to thank you

motherfuckers for always having my back and now supporting the podcast have a great Labor Day weekend we'll be here Monday morning for your Labor Day we will have a podcast out early Monday morning for you so don't sweat the small stuff if you got nowhere to go eat a hamburger watch the fucking podcast and relax with Uncle Joey it's that simple don't forget college football is here and don't forget next weekend after Labor Day the 11th 12th and 13th is fucking pro football's back the NFL so we're back bitches I love you cocksuckers have a great week have a great Labor Day and I'll see you Monday morning Tip Top Magoo now for a word from my mother fucking sponsor Jack all right I want to thank Kate Quigley but I want to thank you guys for always having my back on a

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