Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #095 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Monday, September 6th..... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, CBD Lion & Better Help..... Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook Bet $1 & get $200! Go to https://www.CBDLion.com PROMO CODE: JOEY, CHURCH or JOINT Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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If you don't have a problem, download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and let's win some fucking G-DIS. You can't get into any problems in DraftKings because you gotta pay as you bet. This is not betting over your head. This is more fun, cocksuckers. So download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. The joint is also brought to you by CBDLion from the CBD capsules to broad spectrum to the vegan CBD gummies to the CBD cream to the extra smooth. I mean, listen, the bath balls, the hemp flour. I can't talk. I can't even tell you all the great things about CBDLion. What you need to do is go to CBDLion.com, read the third party lab results and ask yourself, do I need this in my life? I got a knee that bothers me. I got some anxiety. I had some problems sleeping.

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The joint Monday morning. Check one, two. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. What's happening you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday, September the 5th. Just sounds fucking good saying September the 5th. Like I told you in the beginning of the, the 6th. Oh shit. Wow. The 6th already. Holy shit. This is what I'm fucking talking about. It just feels good. It just fucking feels good the first week of September. I know by you guys, it just feels great. Happy Labor Day. I know a lot of you use the fucking plan on barbecuing and seeing your buds this afternoon and whatever. It's great. I'm doing the same fucking thing so I don't feel bad. I had a great weekend. I'm doing a lot, a lot, a lot fucking better. As you could tell by looking at me and how I'm talking, it's been quite a fucking ride. But the weeks are getting easier.

I took my daughter to see the fucking 10 rings of Chin Chow on fucking Saturday. Tremendous movie. Fuck yeah. Let me tell you something. All those Disney movies are a lot better than anything you'll fucking see on your own. I am just convinced they, they, you know, from Despicable Me to fucking all those movies you sit there with your kids. If you have kids, I don't know. I'm talking to young people or old people. I don't give a fuck. But if you sit there, you know, you're like, oh, this is going to suck. And then you start paying attention and watching it. You're like, you know what? This isn't bad. And they're playing good music. What Pixar did was start playing good music to get the parents involved. So now my daughter is sitting in a fucking car. We'll be driving. We'll listen to seventies on seven on Sirius. And she'll hear, I'm still standing by Elton John and she's like, dad, it's Elton John. So it's fucking tremendous.

They get to learn a little bit. But I've been to movies like regular movies. They just suck. Disney and Marvel put so much into their fucking movies, like especially Disney, Pixar. It was just great. My daughter drank a fucking whole thing of slushy. First off, the movies in Jersey are fucking rip off. Listen, I'm not a cheap person by no means, but when I pay 701 for a bottle of fucking water, let me tell you something. I drank that fucking water all the way to the end. I melted it. I snorted it. I fucking shit it out. And then I got a nickel back for the fucking bottle. It's $7. I'm drinking every drop of that fucking water. When I got water, a popcorn for my daughter, I hate fucking popcorn and the fucking smell of it. And I'll eat it though. If it's buttery and I'm stoned to the gills, but I wasn't stoned and whatever.

So I fucking got a popcorn, a slushy and a water. And it was $23. And I fucking could not believe it. And then I went back for a hot dog and it was $7. And I was like, what the fuck is this shit? And you don't say nothing. You were your kid. You know, you don't even think about it until you get in the car. Trust me, I didn't even think about it in the car. I thought about it as I was giving it a $7 that this fucking hot dog better be that good. Do you guys remember when Vinny, I don't know if you remember, there was this guy, Vinny Curdo, a boxer, great guy. He did Beauty and the Beast fucking great episode. And then he did the church once or twice. Great episodes. Always a T-Jerker. The guy's fucking got a, he's just a fucking knowledge. He's just a fountain of knowledge. Vinny Curdo. He's a boxer. He's a great guy.

I haven't spoken to him in like four years. He disappeared. I called the number. But Vinny used to have a story about fucking Sinatra. If you get Sinatra live at Caesar's Palace, Vinny Curdo spread all over the fucking album. He's in there, pictures of him, the whole thing. And he has a story that he went to Sinatra's in Palm Springs at one day. And he's sitting there and that Sinatra came out of the room, hung over and he's like, you know what? I'm going to move for a hot dog. You're in the mood for a hot dog, Vinny? I'm in the mood for a hot dog. He called the pilot and he goes, do me a favor, go to Vegas and pick up some hot dogs and come back. The fucking plane trip was like $3,000 and the hot dogs were maybe like $14. You know, it was more for the trip to Vegas than the hot dogs, right?

So Vinny Curdo said when the hot dogs came back, he was poor. You know, he was impressed that Sinatra got fucking hot dogs from Las Vegas and got them flown back. And he goes, he ate every fucking single hot dog because he clocked them at like 100 hours a piece. So he just kept eating them. He goes, these are the best fucking hot dogs I've ever eaten in my life at 100 hours a piece. And that's the same way I feel about this water. It's this fucking water. It's a Desani water. They charge me $7 for. I brought that motherfucker home. You know how you usually throw away a water when it's got two inches in it? This motherfucker, I'm drinking every fucking lick of this fucking thing.

So that was great, you know, going to the movies. I'm a movie guy. I don't know if you guys noticed or whatever. I grew up a movie guy. It is a shame what's going on in this country today with theaters. It's a shame. I told my wife yesterday, you know what? I have a new mission in life. I think I want to open up a fucking small theater, like a small theater in Newark. There's a theater in Newark that's old and ratty. You open that up, you clean the rats out of there, you take some of the sperm off the fucking floor. You put a nice carpet in there, you make nice brownies with fucking walnuts in them.

You make a nice popcorn with fresh butter, not that fucking liquid fucking shit they give you at the movie theater. And you just have like chocolate chip cookies that are made every 30 minutes, even if they're fucking popping fresh dough, you know, the ones you chop. Just something nice at a movie theater. And just, you know, let the people know, listen, man, I got nice stuff here. I'm going to put couches, some couches, some foot rest up, some nice chairs. You know, I'm going to charge you 20, but it's going to be an experience like any fucking other. You know, that's what I'm thinking of doing, but I know I'm going to get raped, you know, to fuck.

I heard that when you show a movie, you don't make a dime. You don't make a dime on the movie. You have to pay. Everything you make on that movie, you have to pay. You make your money on the popcorn and the $7 fucking waters and the fucking, you know, the whole thing. So I get part of it, but no, I don't get part of it. Why the fuck should I pay seven bucks for a fucking movie? Pay top dollar for the fuck. You got to give me a breather somewhere. My wife, when I came home, she's like, well, you're part of the fucking AMC club. Who gives a fuck? It's still fucking 650 for a fucking hot dog that that's just unheard of.

And then today, some guy told me, uh, Sunday, I went to a football game and some fucking guy told me, he goes, nah, that's why I sneak my own shit into the fucking movie theater. Waters, raisinettes, goobers, the whole fucking thing, because if not, you get raped in there. You know, you feel cheap. You feel like you're robbing from somebody. It's not what I'm into doing, but what are you going to fucking do? But I think the highlight of my week, I went to a football game, a kids football game and started raining. It was great. I think the highlight of my weekend was last week I was watching something on Showtime and they said that they were coming out with a Rick James documentary.

And I was fucking excited. I don't know if you guys know this. I love Rick James. Love them. Love them. I've seen over a hundred concerts. Okay. I've seen some phenomenal technical concerts, like people doing their job, like Pink Floyd, Judas Priest was always tremendous. Errol Smith was always shitty. Uh, you know, Ted Nugent was always great. Pat Benatar put on a good show, but then I went to see shows that were buck wild. What do I mean by buck wild? That they didn't give a fuck. And the two bands that I have to tell you that I went to see one was to be 52s on New Year's Eve. I think everybody was on fucking quailudes. And the second one was Rick James and 84 in Buffalo.

I never saw anything like that in my life. I never saw anything like that in my life. I got like a side invite from a friend of mine that I wasn't really tight with. I knew he was from Buffalo and I knew he was a Rick James dude, a white dude. And he had told me and asked me about Rick James and how crazy the shows were. People sucking dick and women flying through the fucking air. And you know, and I was like, come on, man. And he goes, no, it's, it's the craziest thing you see. Fucking pills flying everywhere, reefer. It was fucking insane. It was at a bar like, uh, I don't know if it was a venue. I shouldn't say a bar. It was a venue.

And you know, I went, I had the grandma blow in my pocket for later. I never did coke at a concert. I had it for later. I had a few fucking quailudes with me and I went up to this fucking Buffalo. I flew up there out of Newark. My buddy picked me up. We went to his house. We showered. And then we went to the show with another girl and I got to tell you fucking Rick, it was three hours. I was wiped when I left there. You ever go to a concert? You're fucking tight. Like, thank God that fucking finished. Jesus Christ. I'm high. I hear fucking trumpets in my ear. My legs are sore. I got sweat fucking everywhere. I had sweat in every orifice. Madonna was there. Madonna was somewhere around there. Fucking people are saying Madonna was there.

I mean, Rick James put on a hell of a fucking show. So when I heard the documentary was coming on, I'm like, I'll keep my eyes open. Friday night, I'm fucking around with the girls, we're playing games, whatever. I come downstairs and I threw the TV on and the documentary had just started, maybe 30 minutes in. And I was so fucking happy. It was a two hour documentary. It's on showtime. Fucking tremendous. You know, there's a lot of people that I like as musicians and there's a lot of people I respect as musicians. Do you know what I'm saying? Like they've done something to make me go, what the fuck was that? You know, Rick James was all those things. I don't know why.

I think I had like three of his albums, you know, street songs, fucking the one with cold blooded. I think it's cold blooded. It's not that good as street songs. And then I had another album. I definitely had the Temptation song he put out. He was, he produced on it, standing on the top. It was just, he, he's just a fucking mess. You know, me, though, I love messes and I relate it to messes. You know, I found out watching the documentary, his mother was a bookmaker. I found out he was a draft dodger. I didn't know about this shit. It's tremendous. He was a draft dodger and he went to Toronto and he ended up being in a band with Neil Young.

Fucking the stories were tremendous. He got into a fight one night with these rockers and the rockers that stuck up for him with this band that he found out it was fucking Robbie Robertson and the guy that just got accused of rape and all that shit that he molested a girl, Bob Dylan. It was dumb guys. It was that band. It was the band that stuck up for him. He was hanging out with the band. He was hanging out with Mick Taylor from the Stones. He was hanging out with fucking, I mean, he was the real deal with Crosby Stills, Nash and Young. He knew Young. I mean, this is fucking, and you know, when you, when you see something like that about a person, you're like, oh, this guy's just not a fucking, there's more behind the bandana.

You know what I'm saying? Like he explains that he was on a plane one time and he saw an African woman with her hair and he went up to her and he goes, what's that? And she showed him pictures and that's where he got his hairstyle from. That's where he got that fucking Jerry curl from. I mean, he, you know, it's just, it reminded me of songs he had. I forgot that he had a song about the police way before Ice Cube and NWA. I mean, Rick James was the real fucking deal. I was sad that I only got to see him one time, but it gets better. Then when I started comedy, Rick James in 91 was when he fucking burnt the chick with the crack pipe.

And I remember I was an open mica and I was grasping for straws. I was grasping for fucking material. I didn't know what to write. When I read the Rick James incident, Rick James and his girlfriend, Najaki, whatever a fucking name is, some Arabian chick, they fucking were out partying in Hollywood one night, snorting coke. They would bring home chicks and they would, you know, bust them out. Fucking the chick would bust their asshole and then Rick James would close the deal and fuck her up for sure. Rick James would tape them having sex and eating each other out. Rick James is a super freak. That's why this song worked.

So that's why it worked. You know, you can't sell something if you're not that person, you know what I'm saying? So he fucking invited a girl over and they got all fucking coked up. They were smoking crack and supposedly this is the story I got before the documentary that he tied her up and burned her with the crack pipe. The documentary goes more into it. It explains that the girl robbed coke like when fucking shotgun dug. Remember the shotgun dug story when he fucking went into the room and he came back and he took the chick, robbed him. So he put a gun to her head. Same fucking deal. Cocaine is a fucked up drug.

You know, so Rick James tied her up and was burning her with a crack pipe. So that was what he did. So I wrote a joke. I was an open mic. You guys, you can't fucking be mad at me for this. At least I got the balls to tell you how bad the joke was. My joke was that who was the first black superhero? It was Rick James, you know, put down a gun bitch or I'll burn you with my crack pipe. It was the dumbest fucking thing to come out of my lips, but it worked for the time being who gives a fuck.

But I love Rick James, you know, he went to jail, whatever. I always loved his music. I love the fucking. Let me tell you something. When he would sing that song, Mary Jane, the whole place would spark up and this ain't 2010. This ain't 2020 when we just legal. They have weed stores. This was when weed was totally legal.

The whole place was sparking up at a fucking at the fucking venue. So I had never seen anything like that. Yeah, I went to see rock bands where a couple kids would smoke pot and pass to join around. Ooh, you go see fucking Rick James. Everybody in that motherfucker was sparking up a number. It was tremendous. It was one of the best nights of my life. If I got to go back to the best concerts, like I said, it was definitely Rick.

I never met him. I wanted to meet him. He was in jail. And sure enough, one that I met the motherfucking comedy store and I walk out to the front. It's a boring night and who's there talking to the doorman, but motherfucking Rick James. So you know me, dog. I'm not a fucking pussy like that or anything. I went back inside.

I had a long talk with myself. I said, what do I do here? I love this fucking guy. So I actually went up to Chewie. That was the dog guy's name who was outside with him. And I go, Chewie, I hate to fucking bring this on your man. Can you introduce me to Rick James? I'm a big fan of his, you know, I go back to 78 with the motherfucker, you know, because he busted out in 81.

Rick James with street songs with super freak and the other jam and the other jam. But in 78, when I went to five star basketball camp and I was up there with some brothers, they were already playing Rick James. They were playing a song called you and I Jesus fucking Christ. It was one of my favorite fucking songs of that summer. You know, my friends were all into rock music and here I show up with Rick James like, what the fuck? You're into the fucking yams. Yeah, man. So I loved earth, wind and fire at that time.

I loved the Isley Brothers. I loved all that shit. But Rick James, when I was in the eighth grade already, I already knew what Rick James was. I had bought that album that you and I is on. I forget the name of it. I'm very sorry. You know, you can't remember fucking everything, but I just love Rick James. So when I saw him at the store, sure enough, I went up to Chewie like a gentleman.

He goes, you know, I don't want to fuck up your, I don't want to blow up your spot as a young kid say, but I want to meet him. Do you think it's okay? And I didn't get a picture. I didn't ask him for the fucking picture. I just went up to him and put my hand down. What's up, Buffy? You know what I'm saying? That's what people from Buffalo, New York call each other.

You know, so I said, what's up, Buffy? What's going on? Nice to meet you. We started talking. I told him I went to see him in 84. He told me the name of the venue. I forgot now. You know, he was very nice.

He was sober. And that was it. I went on stage on my own business. What do you think? He invited me back to his house to do coke. I'm never that fucking lucky. You know that nobody wants to do coke with me. And I probably didn't want to do coke with him, but it was, uh, if you get a chance to watch the Rick James documentary, if you're into that shit, then, uh, I suggest you give it a fucking spin.

It was great. I enjoyed it. You know, and, uh, it's just fucked up when you're a fan of somebody and you have sort of like the same flaws they had, you know, it makes you relatable. Like I still remember like looking up to Rick James, you know, and I don't want you guys to think that just because he did coke, I was a fan of his. My other biggest influence at that time was a guy named Michael Coran, a basketball player. He's an announcer for the Nets now. He's never been in trouble. That guy, like that guy's never been in trouble.

And I hold him sacred as I did when I was in the eighth grade, how I do today. As a matter of fact, my friend Jim Hay called me yesterday to ask me a question and I got to call him back today. I'm going to ask him if he can give me Michael Coran's number and maybe get him on the podcast this month because I love fucking Mike. And now that I'm in Jersey, he lives in Jersey. I live in Jersey. So what the fuck? We might as well get Michael Coran on here before we even move any further. I know why you guys are watching this today and we're going to talk about a little bit when I got the call on Saturday.

As of Saturday day, I wasn't going to talk about this on the podcast because it's none of my business and it's a fucking tragic fucking story. But it's in front of us. Saturday night, I started getting calls that it was on TMZ and I read the article and it broke my fucking heart. She was just on the podcast last fucking Wednesday. And I don't know if you guys know how much I love Kate Quigley. I mean, with all her faults and everything, I mean, we all have faults if you want to judge whatever. I didn't realize until about two weeks ago how good of friends we were, you know, and what she meant to me. I had a lot of friends in LA.

You guys know that, but Kate was a super friend with all her faults, with all her nonsense, with all her little fucking craziness of fuck boys and everything. I looked past that. I looked past that because I always knew where Kate's heart was and that's very important for me. I knew where Lee's heart was. I knew what the Agostino's heart was. I knew what Joe Rogan's heart was. I knew where all these people's heart was, you know. So I turned the blind eye.

When I love you, I turned the blind eye. And it's, it's not good. It's not good when I do that, but I have to do that because I can never pull you aside and go, Hey, man, you shouldn't be smoking pot. The amounts that you do. Hey, man, you shouldn't be doing coke and the amounts you do. Hey, man, you shouldn't be doing pills. There's not a lot of things I could pull you over for, pull you aside for and say, Hey, I'm your friend. I'm worried about you.

I think you should give this a breather. It's never been one of my best traits. That's not my best trait. Yes, I have taken people aside that I care for and talk to them, you know, if something like now is the time to talk to Kate. But before this, I didn't see it in my heart. I had heard saying, you know, what you guys don't understand is when I have a friend and I hear stuff about him. Sometimes I confront them knowing them. Like if I really, really know them that well, but sometimes I can't confront them because I know that don't ever talk to me again.

I had a dear friend who was on the podcast, maybe three or four times. I had heard some rumors around about him. One day I pulled him aside and I just asked him a simple question. I said, Hey man, I heard some stuff, you know, take it easy with the nose candy. It's been about three years. We haven't spoken just from saying that to somebody just because you care, you know. So I've learned my lesson the hard way. I know, I know that I had dear friends that came up to me when I was in my dilemma getting high seven days a week and they would pull me aside and say something.

And it was a 50 50 whether I talked to them again. You know, something, it's something about people's addiction, something about people's problems. Then unless they bring them up to you, you don't want to pull them aside and go, Hey man, I heard you got high in Pittsburgh and that's not, that has nothing to do with me. And I had, it happened to two people. And I think now I have a problem. I think now I have to change my friendship ways because I turned the blind eye to Ralphie May. I heard all about the pills and all that shit, but I never questioned them on it because I know if I questioned them on it, he wouldn't be my friend for much longer. Some people are like that.

I don't know why I'm sure he wouldn't have talked to me for like three or four months and then we would have spoken again, but nothing would have been brought up. So that's why I didn't bring it up. But with with Kate, I never brought it up. We spoke a couple weeks ago about it. She told me that, you know, she just gets higher in there. So I didn't think it was really a problem. When I got the call, I was at a blues jazz thing, like a blues cookout. There was food trucks.

It was really cute. It was really fucking set up great yesterday. I took Mercy to the movies and then me and my wife hooked up. We hooked up with the neighbors for a while. We bullshitted with them. And then at about five, we went over to this thing. You know, my wife doesn't cook on Saturday nights. I was like, don't cook tonight.

Let's just fucking go out and, you know, watch the game and I'll go to the blues thing and eat out there. And then I took the girls there first. And while I was waiting online for the barbecue, the phone rang. It was Ryan Sickler. And I go, Ryan, can I call you back? And he's like, Joey, you have to hear this. And he told me he just got the call that two of the guys were with Kate and, you know, they did coke and she's in critical condition.

And I just like dropped the fucking brisket sandwich. You know, I got on a call. I got on a call. I got on the phone to wherever I could call. And I, uh, I made like 10 calls before I got to anybody. And I finally got my man, the Agostino, and he's dear friends of one of the guys that passed. My heart goes out to the Agostino and Rico's family in Boston. You know, hasn't been released yet.

I'm telling you guys because I knew Rico. He was a very sweet kid, you know, and, uh, food. The other kid that had died was also a very sweet kid. I got to be honest with you. I know Rico had demons, but I didn't know food did coke or anything like this. This is how listen, guys, I am so out of that. I am so I am 26,000 degrees from cocaine. I don't know who does it.

I don't know who doesn't do it. You know, I heard at the store that there was a big cocaine problem. And this is between us. I never saw it. If you want me to fucking, when I was doing it, yeah, there was a fucking problem. I was snorting half the fucking snow storm. I was half the fucking blizzard. I would go walk in the halls and you hear like a fucking blizzard.

Yeah. When I was there, I was doing coke and I knew the people were doing coke. But once I stopped doing it, I'm so removed from that world. I didn't even know who the fuck was doing it. And when they told me that there was a cocaine underworld there at night, Kate Quigley's name never came up. So I was like, okay, we don't have a fucking problem here. You know, once they start talking about it, the comedy clubs, that's where it gets bad.

Trust me. I was one of those people that they started talking about. You know, there was a couple of club owners that said little things about me. And I wasn't getting high at the club. I was just getting high in my room, but you could tell when you look, when you walk in to do a show at eight o'clock and you look like you got hit by two cars, you know, they know that you're up to fucking something. So I don't know what the fuck to say, guys.

I know you guys are looking to me to do a reaction on this. I have no reaction. My heart goes out to her like I told her agent who called me last night. I don't know. I don't want them to reach out to her mom. She mentioned it last week and she's mentioned it to me various times that her mom's a little sick. You know, so I don't want to push the mom over the top. Obviously you guys saw that she answered back red band on Twitter.

So red band Twitter and she, uh, or text her red band, text her red band was one of the concern ones. Ryan Sickler was very concerned. The Agostino was concerned. Lee was concerned. You know, the thing I didn't understand the most about this was whoever spoke to TMZ, they threw hoodie and all this. You know, why would you throw hoodie and all this? I can't imagine what he must feel like right now. Who do you had nothing to do with this?

They hadn't been seeing each other in months. Why would you mention hoodie and then on the bottom of the TMZ article? It said that she was knee deep in the Hollywood scene with Jeff Ross, Donnell Rollings, myself and some other fucking names. What was that there for? To make me fucking feel bad? To make Donnell feel bad? I mean, what was that there for? I didn't get what that was there for.

It threw me for a loop and I put a tear in my eye. I was like, I hope people don't associate me with fucking cocaine. I had enough problems with it. It's been 14 years since I even held that shit in my fucking hands. So I hope people aren't put me with this. I'm in fucking New Jersey for people who don't know. And this went down in California. So I have no fucking idea of what's what guys.

So before you even go there and start saying, Joey, you're good friends with it. I am dear friends with it, but I have no fucking idea, you know, what's going on. I don't talk to her on a weekly, you know. And when I do talk to Kate and I say to her, what'd you do last night? And she goes, I did a spot at Nova. I did a spot at the haha. I don't ask if she snorted coke last night. That's got nothing to fucking do with me.

You know what I'm saying? That's got nothing to do with Uncle Joey. I'm saying prayers for her. I hope that, uh, I hope that she gets out of this. Okay. I'm going to call an attorney. When I finished the podcast today, I'm going to make a few calls tonight. You know, once the holiday, I don't think fucking it's a holiday.

Nobody's working. I'm going to call an attorney and just to see, you know, I have an attorney friend here. I'm going to call in a little while and just talk to him and see if she's going to be in any trouble. If she needs an attorney for, uh, you know, when they sit it down around the cops, I don't want to say anything that's going to get her in fucking trouble. You know, and, uh, that's the next step. I'm going to just talk to her when she's ready to talk to me and no judgment. I'm going to try to help her out as much as I can.

You know, I'm going to try to see if she wants to move back here with us for a month or two, just to get a family's love. And I'm going to turn around to better help. That's the least, you know, that's the least I could do real quick. Uh, the joint is brought to you today by better help. Better help is, uh, is an experienced, I love better help. I don't know my life has changed after better help. I never thought I would be a student of therapy, but I was so fucking confused and the no standup and the fucking withdrawals. And the whole world had me twisted around.

If you watch any of the podcasts in October, November, December, January, I just wasn't myself. And, uh, I reached out to a few people because I always believed that your friends are the best, best, uh, therapy you could have. But I think I was a little wrong and better help.com really helped me out. It's affordable and you don't have to be fancy ass New Yorker to pay for this. Financial aid is available and now you can send messages to your therapist anytime. They'll get back to you in between sessions. Okay. It's all remote.

You want to have the fucking, you'll never have to lay on a stupid fucking couch again. It's a flexible schedule. You could do it on the phone, on a video chat. It's at your convenience. You could do it on zoom and it's that they'll match you with a perfect therapist for me. It was one shot Dana. Dana is tremendous. She's helped me with the comedy thing.

She's helped me with the fucking pill thing. She's helped me with some coping skills. I had problems with just, you know, listen, man, we all have behavioral problems. We don't know how to fucking act and I'm one of those people. I'm not scared to fucking admit it. You know, I'm just one of those fucking people. So if you're having problems, if you need to talk to somebody, this is very impersonal. You could do it right from the comfort of your own home and guess what?

Take a look at me. It fucking works. I love it. I got a call with her tomorrow at 5 30 with Dana and I got some stuff written down. I run with it through her and that's my world now. I mean, I'm 58. I've never gone through. If I knew what I knew now, I would have done therapy while I was doing stand up.

Last year, 2019, 2018, I really need to see a therapist and better help fill the fucking void for me. So do me a favor. Just for our listeners at the joint, better help has a great offer to help you get started. Okay. What we're going to do is this. We're going to help you out with better help.com slash Diaz Diaz. And I'm going to give you 10% off your first month. First off, it's affordable.

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I just come back here, throw the computer on. Boom. It gives you a link. You have a password onto your site. She could send you messages through there. The scheduling is through there. It's nice and easy to do me a favor. Go to better help.com right now.

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You are getting sleepy. I don't want to do that either. That's too much drama for Uncle Joey. Better help.com. If you want to ask for Dana, she's done wonders with me. You know, I was stuck in some places. I've been stuck since I'm a kid. You know me.

So go to better help.com slash Diaz. So as far as Kate's concerned, you know, I mean, this is what makes my fucking ears stand up. Three people died. Three people died. Santeria type shit. Like I got to go get a goat. I can't even a chicken won't even fucking help me. I got to get a goat and like a lizard and offer them to the fucking gods, you know, three people passed away.

Three fucking people. You know, and what I tell you guys in the beginning of all this shit COVID is about fucking debt. This whole period has been about debt. They've been negotiating for our lives since last fucking March. This can never happen. This can never happen. I've known 20 how many fucking lines that I do 29 years of cocaine. I never bumped into fucking fentanyl, you know, and now it's in everything.

Guys, if you're in California, it's in everything. I don't I don't know if you guys know this. I don't know if you don't know this. I don't know if you want to hear this. You know, I don't trust anything in California. Listen, thank God, thank God. I had a friend here in Jersey who from time when I would fly back to do comedy shows. He would wrap up two or three Xanaxes, the blue ones and an aluminum foil.

And like I told Mike, they would last me fucking two months. You know what? I would get my Xanax from the doctor. I would get all my blood pressure medications from the doctor. I would get my weed from a legit place. I knew the grower. I knew everybody because I'm going to tell you something that fucking fentanyl isn't everything in LA. Everything.

If you buy Mexican Xanax, it's in there. If you buy Mexican paint pills, it's in there. You buy those fucking pills. They look like the ones that you buy. Get them from the pharmacy, but they're not. They're Mexican. They make them in Mexico and they throw a bunch of fucking shit in there. You don't know what the fuck you're taking.

How do I know because about when I pulled my fucking hamstring November 18th, whatever the fuck the date was November 8th. When I pulled my hamstring that night, I'll never forget Whitney coming saying, does anybody have a pain pill? And nobody had anything. People were like, what kind of comedy club is this? Well, there's no fucking opioids up in this motherfucker. I was walking out one of the young girls. It's a doorman. She was like a phone girl or whatever.

A sweet girl came up to me. She goes, Joey, I went around. All I could find for you was a little pain pill and a fucking Xanax. It was one of those blue Xanaxes. I bit off half of one. Now my friend in Jersey had been giving me one. I would just take on the road. You know, if I had problems sleeping, if I got to somewhere where there was a time zone difference, I would have to pop one.

Now the one time I popped one from my that night after the fucking that I pulled my hamstring the next morning I woke up. I'm like, mmm, something doesn't feel bueno. I took that pill, what was left of it, three quarters. I threw it in the fucking toilet. It just didn't feel good. And I'm going to tell you something else. There's fucking edibles that got fentanyl in them. Mike and I were just talking about an edible.

I used to get here that I've been telling people for years that this edible has something weird in it. There's those hashtags I used to get. Listen, no more power to them. I'm not mad at them. If they gave me one now, I'd probably take it that 30 milligrams, but think about it. They were 30 fucking milligrams and they would put you on your fucking ass, these things. I remember one day I did two or three of them and I was falling asleep at a restaurant. And that was the night my wife pulled me aside and she's like, listen, Joey, you're 50 fucking seven years old.

You can't be falling asleep at a fucking restaurant at seven o'clock at night. And I'm like, you got a point there. And that's when I stopped doing edibles in the daytime. It was because I was on those fucking hashtags and I was fucking not. So I've always said at the pharmacy years ago, I'm talking 15 years ago, had a cookie that people were getting fucked up on, especially me. Wasn't that a fucking brownie from them? And I had that restless leg syndrome from fucking LA all the way to Pittsburgh on a connecting flight. When I was walking through a connecting flight in Chicago, my legs were buckling on me and shit.

And I'm like, I'll never eat this fucking thing again. I never did. And then I kept saying, you know what? I'm going to give those pharmacy cookies and those pharmacy brownies a little fucking breather. But what do you think happened? Somebody fucking ate one of those cookies, slipped, banged their fucking head. They went down to the pharmacy, bought a cookie and had it tested. And sure enough, that motherfucker had maluchia juice in it and like heroin. So you could feel when something's not, you could feel it guys.

Even with the fucking edibles, I could feel and I swear to God, I heard they're putting some fentanyl on wheat. So you have to watch what you get and what you, they even put the fentanyl on the vaccine. How's that one for you? So if you do a little fucking vaccine, you're going to get a little fentanyl doubt, fentanyls and everything you got to assume. So do me a favor, do your uncle Joey a big fucking favor. If you go to a party, if you're out, unless you know the fucking drug dealer and you've known him for years and he's a reputable drug dealer, which that's a fucked up oxy, whatever oxymoron, a reputable drug dealer. There's no reputable drug dealers.

Even the fucking big farmer motherfucker is a fucking TV fucks and they're trying to fucking kill you. They really are big farmers, a bunch of TV fucks. So when you say a reputable drug dealer, no, I'm talking about like a street dealer. Like if I was to do coke, which I'm not after 14 years, there's only two people I would buy coke from, two people. That's it. If I was in Jersey, there'd probably be three people. I got a guy here that's legit. He's been doing it since fucking the Colombians, you know, opened up shop and he knows where to get it.

Do I talk to him anymore? No, I haven't spoken to him in three months, but if I was to do coke, that's where I would go to this guy because he knows where to get the best fucking powder in the world. You know what I'm saying? So I don't know shit. I don't know. I know where to get weed. I know where to get great fucking weed. Speaking of great weed, I hope you stop by fucking the ice cream shop laughing gases and full fucking effect.

People hit me up on Twitter going Joey. I'm walking around feeling like Kate right now. I smoke some of that laughing gas. I'm fucked up. You know what I'm saying? That laughing gas ain't no joke. And this ain't no joke. These are little grand bags for biscotti, biscotti fucking tremendous reef.

That's a little Mikey to get him going for a few days. But back to what we were talking about here. Yeah, I want you guys to, I hope there's a wake up call for a lot of fucking people. And I hope this is a big wake up call for Kate. I love her. This does not change my admiration for her or my friendship status with her. And if you guys don't like it, I don't know what the fuck to tell you. Go fuck yourselves.

You don't abandon a fucking friend when she goes through this right now because I'll be honest with you. I'm not concerned about the fentanyl and the coke with Kate. I'm more concerned with her insides. Kate's got a great heart. I told you motherfuckers in the beginning. The most important thing, the most important gift that God gave me ever was not comedy, was not my fucking tolerance to weed, was none of that. God gave me a gift to understand where people's heart was. I just always, when somebody gets in trouble or whatever, I know you want to kick them in the fucking stomach because that's what we're trained to do is fucking douchebags.

But I want you to step back and look at the whole picture and go, you know what, I know that person. I know that person well. I don't know that person as like these people know him, you know. So I fell in love with Kate years ago because she was just a simple little girl that wants to be in love. That's it. That's it. And she doesn't know where to start. She's in a society that everybody's pointed to your tits and your fucking pussy.

That's a society she's in. You know, I've tried to talk around and I tried to explain to her that she's more than just a pair of tits and pussy and a pretty fucking face. She's a warm fucking woman, man. And she's always been very warm to me. And there's comics that don't have her warmth. And she's been thrown under the bus for years. Female comics have always shit on fucking Kate. They've been rude to her.

They've been mean to her. And that's why I was her friend all those years because, you know, I felt the same way. A lot of people didn't like me for whatever reasons. And you know what? They could suck my dick because my heart's always been in the right place. If you meet me, if you know anything about me, you'll say, hey, he's a little fucked up, but his head's in the right place. His heart's in the right place. At least he fucking tries, you know.

And that's the most important thing. So when Kate gets out of this, she doesn't need help for a drug treatment or whatever. She's going to need help in her heart. This whole relationship thing fucked her up. You know, hey guys, you know, throw a fucking rock if you've never been fucked up over something. Then you could cast a fucking stone. But until that time you can't, you know, I don't know what the fuck is happening in today's world that everybody feels like they could, you know, say shit to you automatically.

Doesn't work that way. You know, I was looking at what happened last week with Rogan. Listen, man, I spoke to Rogan way before the fucking we got COVID. He was leaving for Florida on Thursday. I think I spoke to him on like Monday. We spoke about alternative treatments to COVID. We didn't speak about the horse dewormer, to be honest with you, but we spoke about the monoclerial, whatever the fuck, you know, he's a smart dude.

He looked into all this shit, you know, if he didn't want to get vaccinated, he didn't want to get vaccinated. People don't want to get vaccinated. I ain't fucking managing. But, you know, he got it on Sunday. He really got it on Thursday night because it showed up on Saturday night. If you read the fucking article or speak to him, he'll tell you. So Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. That's five days the last time I fucking checked.

Five, not three. He didn't get clean in three days. He went where everybody else went through. Five days. Some people go through 10 days. He sped up the fucking thing. Like he said, he threw the fucking kitchen sink at it. I mean, listen, if you had the means and all this shit, you would too.

You know, people are mad at him for doing it. People are mad at him for doing the fucking worm. People are mad at him for a thousand things. He did it all right. He fucking quarantined. He kept to himself. He didn't work out. He didn't go out of his way to fucking spread him.

He's resting this week. He's resting for a couple of days. He's tired. You know, he was just being honest. What he showed you is what they're saying is bullshit. What they said, listen, I sat here with you guys and we talked about vaccines. You know, listen, I wouldn't have gotten vaccinated, but I knew it was going to be this. I got to go to a fucking premiere this month.

I wanted to go to the movies yesterday with my Saturday with my daughter. There's things I got to do that they're going to ask for fucking vaccines. I knew this in the very beginning. That's why I went to get vaccinated. I know if I listen, people are getting it even though they're vaccinated. That don't sound good. And now they want you to run down and get vaccinated. Something here don't sound fucking right to me either, but it's too late.

I did it. Let's move the fuck on and we're learning as we go on. You know, you could order fucking the Trump shit from fucking India. Look at the therapy they're doing in Florida. DeSantis is doing with the fucking cold bag and the Z pack and all that. Guys, that's all he said that there's alternative remedies than getting a vaccine. That's it. I don't know why people are losing their fucking mind and he proved it to you.

That he had the alternative medicine to get rid of it in five fucking days. You can't be mad at the guy. Listen, I feel a lot better now. I feel a lot more confident now. And so should you motherfuckers. Now, you know, if you get this fucking thing, you're not going to fucking die. And Rogan fucking proved it. I think he fucking did great by it.

So what he did. Hey, listen, that's what America is. We have our own choice. If I said to you right now, I'm going to go do cocaine because cocaine kills fucking COVID. It's like you ever think about the guy who invented mushrooms? Like who sat there one day, tipped over a cow and said, whoa, there's a mushroom under there. I'm going to fucking eat this thing. So the guy who did the horse, the worm, you know, he was looking at his horse asshole.

He saw the worms climbing out of it. And he's like, maybe this will save fucking COVID. I don't fucking know. Let me fucking eat it. I don't fucking know. But if he's cured in five days, he didn't have to go to the hospital and he didn't die. That success in my fucking world, if you're healthy, and this is what we've been discussing. He was prepared for it.

He was prepared for it. Sleep, water, vitamins, sunlight, no stress. You know, he was prepared for it. He was prepared. So when you're fucking prepared, this is what happens. Who the fuck is bothering me now? I have no fucking idea. Everybody wants to know how Kate is doing.

I don't know how Kate's doing. It's like I'm calling the fucking hospital. The hospital, I know what hospital she's at. And I was thinking about calling, but they're not going to put you on the phone unless your family in the hospital can't tell you nothing because they'll get fucking sued. So that's the problem we fucking have. But listen, I'm not here to shit your fucking week up. I'm here to tell you that we learned something. We learned now that can't be doing shit from the street no more guys.

It's over. You got to know the people you're copying this shit from. If not, this is going to be the future now. Who the fuck? I think six people died in Long Island last week from it. Maybe it's the same. Maybe it's not. I don't fucking know.

So it was Rico fool. Somebody told me last night the dealer died and his girlfriend passed. So that's four people that are, you know, two that were with Kate, obviously, or maybe three. I do not know. I will keep you guys posted on Wednesday's podcast as this opens up, you know, we're trying. And I am going to help her. So for you guys that checked up in on me this morning and on Patreon and on Twitter and thank you very much, you know, I'm okay. You know, I'm feeling good.

I feel bad in my heart for her. I feel bad about how she must be feeling right now. You know, this has to be a little much for a little fucking head. You know, I'm not going to put any pressure on her. Like I said, in a couple of days, we'll get ahold of her and we'll explain there that we have a home here for her. I spoke to my wife about it and love and a family and a child, you know, when there's a child is a little warmth. So I'll open up my daughter and maybe she stops doing this shit. And maybe some of you guys will just open up your eyes also.

Like I said, the joint is not about fucking the boasting. It's not about fucking. We're better than you. It's not about anything. It's just opening your eyes to things that got me in fucking trouble the last 40 years and trying to let you know that don't stumble upon it. And if you do get in trouble, you're not fucking done. There is an answer and there is life after that. You just got to figure it out on your own, fucking man up and move forward and keep your fucking chin up.

And that's it. And that's what I'm going to tell Kate to do. Keep your chin up. Who gives a fuck? They're going to talk bad about your fucking anyway. Who gives a fuck? They could all fucking suck your dick. And you have a job to do now.

You have to prove to them that you're a bad motherfucker. The same way I did. I got locked up. Yeah, I made some mistakes. Who gives a fuck? I'm a bad motherfucker. Now it's time to fucking prove it. Nothing wrong with making a fucking mistake.

Like I tell people all the time, I'm not the smartest motherfucker in the world, you know, but I made 2000 fucking more mistakes than anybody else. I do know a couple things about fucking mistakes and I do know a little bit about getting yourself out of a fucking hole of misery. And that's what we're here for on the fucking joint. So write a little message for Kate there. Send Joe Rogan some love. You motherfuckers tortured him on Instagram last week. He got like 40,000 fucking horrible messages, but it doesn't matter, man. As long as you survive and what works for you, that's all that matters.

We've forgotten this. COVID has fucked up our brain. This whole thing has fucked us up completely. I don't know why we've gone away from our humanity and we got to go back to it because it's going to be a long motherfucking winter, guys. If not, so prepare for it. Swallow your fucking pride a little bit and man the fuck up. Like I said, that's it. It's time to take motherfucking responsibility.

You got the fucking world by the balls. It's Monday. It's Labor Day. We got a whole new fucking month starting. We got a whole new fucking season starting. We're going into the winter. We're going into COVID fucking cave over here in Jersey. I hope not.

I hope that we blow past through this. I hope that we don't duplicate what happened in Israel, which is what we look at the model. We're looking at what happens in Israel and Great Britain. We expect it over here. So we're expecting a horrible fucking winter, but I'm hoping for a good alternative. I'm sorry about my fucking gums. They cut into them again and they have to replace the fucking bridge and the bridge fucking fell off the other day. So if I'm talking a little weird, I got to wait till this afternoon to go back to the fucking dentist and put the fucking bridge in.

And you guys want to know why I'm fucking cracked, but I'm good. I'm having a good fucking day. It's going to be a great week and it's going to be a great month. I made some fucking calls. I think I'm going to do the Q&A at, I forget what it is, a festival they're doing, the 28th and 29th. I think I'm going to do Eaton Town, the movie theater in Eaton Town for the many saints in Newark. Yeah, we're still working on. I'm trying to get, when I went down to AMC yesterday, I spoke to them and they're like, well, we don't know if we could do that here.

We have to check with management. So fuck them. I'm going to get a movie theater for fucking kills me or an outdoor parking lot, a driving. That will be the ticket. A driving would be a lot better if we could just pull in with our fucking cars and pull the fuck out of there when the fucking movie's over. That would be the best bet. I'd like to do it outside, you know, so we could, nobody could get COVID. Nobody, you know, I don't have to feel fucking guilty.

That's the thing I'm feeling most guilty about. But we're all fucking adults and, you know, we'll give a little space in between chairs. Nobody have to smell each other's farts. I promise. I don't like smelling farts. If you can smell a fart, you can smell COVID. You know what I'm saying? Nothing fucking changes.

I love you motherfuckers. Thank you. Happy Labor Day. That's it. The winter is fucking coming. Kids are going back to school this weekend. I'm fucking ecstatic. You understand me?

But I'm more ecstatic about today's podcast. I think it was fucking great. I think we got the bases covered for a fucking Monday. And I think you're on. You're ready to sling some fucking dick and let them all sniff your fucking nut sack. All right. I love you, cock suckers. Thank you for supporting.

And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsor, Jack. All right. I want to thank you guys for listening on a beautiful Monday morning. Happy Labor Day to you guys. You know, I love you and I want you to have a great week. The joint is brought to you by BetterHelp. What's standing in the way of achieving your goals? Nothing.

Figure it out with BetterHelp. You know what's standing in the middle? You. Listen, I was having some problems. I had some doubts and a friend of mine referred BetterHelp and I got on board with Dana and it has been tremendous. We talked about the comedy thing. We talked about my personal little couple of little problems I had.

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