Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #099 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: September 20, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Monday, September 20th..... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, Lucy Nicotine Gum & CBD Lion.... Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $150 in Free Bets when you Bet $1 on UFC…. Bet $1 to get $200 on the NFL….. https://www.Lucy.co Get 20% OFF with PROMO CODE: JOEY Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's Monday the 20th of September from the heart of New Jersey the join is brought to you by DraftKings UFC 266 is coming at you this weekend Nick Diaz versus Robbie Lawler oh shit and Volkanowski against Ortega oh shit DraftKings Sportsbook the official sports betting partner of the UFC has a tremendous fucking offer for you DraftKings is going to give you $150 in free bets instantly just about a dollar on any fight before the main event what did I say any fight before the main event a dollar gets you 150 in free fucking bets now MMA isn't you don't worry about it DraftKings Sportsbook has you covered they got great odds and promotions on football

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right now and download not download read about the tablets the cbd mental gel which is fucking tremendous the bass balls listen enough go to cbdline you're going to be as surprised as i was let's get this motherfucker party started it's monday you ain't got time for chitter chatter honey check one two welcome to uncle joey's joint so what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday september the 20th another fun filled day here on uncle joey's mother fucking joint it was a great weekend i didn't do

dick i went through a couple softball games my daughter's softball games i uh watched some fucking football i bet the rams you know same fucking shit now it's monday night tonight i got fucking green bay against detroit i'm excited thank god for draft kings for eliminating the boredom from my life a $25 bet and i have a great fucking time i'm a loser but sometimes i went on accident for example saturday my brother was going to the yankee game right so he goes i'm going to the yankee game at one o'clock i don't know who the fuck they were playing cleveland so i wake up fucking saturday morning i gotta go to the softball game at 9 30 then i gotta run home go to the bathroom and shoot back to the second game i fucking do the first game i run home

i check the computer i check my emails i go let me just see what the line is on the yankee game my brother's going at least i have a good time you know thinking about him listen you can't bet the fucking yankees to that the yankees are horrible they're just fucking horrible i've tried to watch them during the fucking week and they're just missing something listen i'm not a baseball fucking impresario but i know when you're missing something when i watch fucking san francisco that's a great team when i watch the dodgers that's a good team you know when i watch Milwaukee houston they're good teams the yankees are missing something right so i'm like even though i'm just betting 25 i'm not in business to throw away fucking money you know

so i said i can't bet the yankees and i can't bet fucking cleveland because i don't know if they're gonna if they're gonna show up or not who's gonna ship with the yankees you never know who's gonna show up fucking willy mays could show up or like uncle joey could show up i can't play baseball so i said fuck it the line was over on 10 listen if you got draft kings do me a favor you want to win some quick money i'll teach you how don't tell don't tell nobody you heard it here you're ready you open up the lines for baseball there's some inside information i'm giving you cock suckers you open up the lines for baseball you see who's got a heavy over like look at all the over and unders right the help for you people don't know gambling over and under is the total of the game

you could bet whether it's going to go over or it's going to stay under right like i'm the king of sunday night football because i don't bet a game i bet the total and you go opposite of what they're thinking so if you're going to bet too highly offensive teams go to yonder because you never seen a bookie with a part-time job everybody their mother's going to bet that so you might as well bet against the fucking grain and bet against everybody's betting on that's how you win fucking geetus so i can't bet cleveland i can't bet the fucking yankees like oh what am i gonna do here i looked at the over and under it was 10 good good i fucking put 25 bucks in just to listen guys just for the excitement i forgot that my daughter had a game i wanted to watch the game just for a

little while just to you know maybe see him in the fucking front bleachers wherever the fuck he was sitting next thing you know i fucking put the over and i forget all about it i go i go to a game i do a bunch of shit i come home and i open up the computer i won i was like holy shit when i opened up the computer they were winning 10 nothing i hit the fucking the over just with the cleaver indians they had 10 over so i was pretty fucking excited about that that was my weekend that's it i watched uh honeymoon is saturday night sunday we went to the st gabriel's uh carnival fucking tremendous listen man i except for the fucking one guy there was a a guy that was running a ride that had a black eye let me tell you something if you're

working at a kids festival and fucking you got a black eye it's not gonna be i remember when i was pulling my daughter in the gates and i saw his black eyes like what the fuck really these carnival workers again i mean they hit the rock bottom with this there was one carnival work with a black eye and i looked at the other ride and the motherfucker was out there surrounded with 20 kids smoking a cigarette like he was the world's most interesting man i'm like this is fucked up and mothers were looking at him weird like i didn't say you know who am i to say something i just looked at him and said jesus christ you're smoking a fucking cigarette out here you're surrounded with 20 fucking kids but those carnivals just get the worst fucking uh you know they get the bottom

tier of fucking people not that i'm some fucking uh noble prize winner but fuck you don't see me showing up in places with a black eye and a missing tooth that's when you know there's been a problem the week before well it could have been the night before who the fuck gives a shit the one thing that happened that was pretty interesting saturday night i got a call from eddie bravo i called him in the afternoon to check up on him and he called me back saturday night we had a fucking great talk about shit and it and it made a lot of sense because we'll get to what where this story is going you know he checked in with me we were bullshitting about that weed smells good jesus christ uh that's some fucking ziki weed that's a rocky road from the ziki family only at mother fucking

ice cream shop cocksuckers that's like 30% they'll put a fucking they'll give you that dead eye the other night i smoked some weed from zika had the dead eye you ever get that dead eye like you can't fucking shake it and shit i had dead eye from some weed i didn't know what the fight was like a half a fentanyl joint oh whatever the fucking was i was fucked up my fucking had the dead eye but anyway i was talking to mr bravo my brother from another mother and i a lot of fucking shit happened this weekend to be honest with you a lot of uh mental shit that had a breakthrough i'm doing a lot better guys i feel i can't tell you where i was and i can't tell you where i am you guys have to figure it on your own if you have any doubts

just turn on this podcast from last october november december i didn't know what was going on my head was in my ass and my mental issues were fucking bad i didn't know what was happening and you know you never want to admit your weaknesses you know but you have to you have to look at your weaknesses and go what the fuck how do i make my weaknesses stronger you know and my weaknesses on this one was the move was a lot bigger than what i anticipated um you know i lost a lot of friends with the move i had to break a lot of patterns uh you know my adventure with my old friends here you know when you have old friends for 40 years would it get when you take a guy like me my loyalty takes over and i don't remember anything but the good things they did for me you know which is

nothing wrong with that and uh i stayed loyal to a lot of my friends here of of you know when i was a kid a lot of you guys know that's no secret and i stayed loyal to them because of what they had done for me growing up but i stayed loyal to them over the years not knowing the men and women that they had became you know so when i got back here i was expecting the people from 1983 and i got the evolution of that you know so a lot of people change just like i change i'm not a thief anymore these people or whatever they were in their lives were they were hustlers like me whatever they changed and somewhere along the line we just don't click anymore i was very sad about that but it's a part of life it's a part of that's what happens sometimes you know you can't

keep all your friendships and tax you know i have a couple buddies that had mental issues that it really uh fucked with me you know like i had the mental issues too but they had mental issues that were like accusing me of robbing something shit like that i was like no this is too deep you stole my picture in 1982 i can't i can't i can't deal with that that was 40 years ago i hope by now you got yourself a new picture because jesus fucking christ you know so it was one of those weekends you know i realized that uh the thing with comedy was i said to buy at the comedy store i missed the comedy store how can i not how can i not and why should i feel bad because i missed the comedy store it was 23 years of my life you know take away seven that's still fucking 16 years

of your life what what do you think is gonna happen you have to have a job for 16 fucking years and it overhauls your fucking brain you know so um it was uh that was what was great about the weekend you know i went back to acupuncture and that's been fucking great she's you know i had to go back to what i was doing back there when i was feeling good what happened when i got here what was taken out of my life what was put into my life you know what was removed from my i mean all these different things i had to look at and i was like wait a second i started feeling shitty when i stopped going to acupuncture maybe i should get back to acupuncture i looked i asked around dog i found the right lady the first time knock on wood thank you god for hooking me up with her

because if you hook up with the wrong person that's a fucking nightmare she took care of me the first week this week i'm gonna do a little cupping a little needling get some circulation going you know i'm saying and that's what it's all about i'm just trying to stay healthy i'm not worried about what's going on or what's not going on or vaccine passports i don't give a fuck i'm not traveling i don't need to even think about that shit i'm gonna stick around my my business and get stronger get healthier the book is going fucking just great you know what's crazy that i could tell how much my life changed by writing this book because i gotta be honest with you the first fucking eight chapters it gets uncomfortable to write guys i wish i could tell you that it's fun

to write about your fucking life it's not you gotta think back and you gotta drag dogs do the mud again and it sucks dick there was mornings when i was on the phone and i'm like why am i telling this fucking story this is horrible whether it's finding my mother or dead on the floor or fucking seeing somebody get shot these are all horrible stories but now i'm starting with comedy like we're talking about the beginning of comedy and i could tell the difference in the chapters i could tell that my happiness was picking up it's it's it's it's been a fucking nightmare and a pleasure doing this fucking book it joints my memory it brings me back to different situations some of them i don't want to think about but some of them you have to look at

and go fuck i learned a lot from that fucking situation you know i learned a lot so back to the conversation with eddie bravo when he called me the other night i was happy to hear from him you know we were just talking he was in uh he was in kansas city on friday and that's why when i saw the picture he was doing a seminar and giving somebody a black belt i said let me give this fucking guy a call you know i had i had a great week all together with so many different fucking facets so i fucking uh saw that he was in kansas city and i like why fucking miss eddie you know just the conspiracies and all that shit they're fucking hysterical so i call him up in the daytime i get no answer he calls me back saturday night i think i'm watching the fucking ufc saturday

night no bets on the ufc i didn't even know i have to fucking people i knew rachel pennington that was it i'm getting fucking old and uh we were talking and he was saying that he was in uh oma Nebraska he wasn't at the funny bone he was at a different club he was at sam they were doing the 10 for that stuff and he was saying that you know he's happy to go up on stage that he's not expecting anything no you know it's like me with the guitar i love playing it because there's no expectations i'm not looking to get on hbo with the fucking guitar i'm not looking to get in the bed i can't even play the guitar standing up that's how bad i am i gotta sit the fuck down like a country folk fucking singer you know but that's what it is i'm not good my fingers you know i

everywhere you know but i stick with it it's therapeutic and i fucking enjoy it you know i never really hung out with a guitar player like i never really hung out with a guitar player so what eddie was saying to me basically was that you know he had just gotten on stage he opened up for sam and sam was on stage killing he put the phone out for me that he has sam and she was great and uh when i was talking to eddie he goes you know what did i expect he goes all those years i hung out with you and joe and arie and duncan and i listened and i sat back i mean i gotta say i think anyone on the road with us for maybe three or four years this is when we had the entourage fucking uh tour you know it was joe me duncan red band tape eddie you know so when you're

around it so much and you hear about it's like elinor elinor was around after so long once she got into it she picked it up like nothing because she'd been around it she heard people complaining about it she picked up all the uh idiosyncrasies of comedy you know that's what you have to cut through the fucking chase you know sometimes sometimes you might try comedy and it might not work out for you but then you start talking more comedy and you get like a different experience you watch it more and now when you try it again it'll work out for you you know never quit never say well i'm not gonna do it because not working out for me but that's what he was saying he goes you know it's crazy how i picked up all those things just from hanging out with you guys all

those years and then watching you going to the store and watching you eddie was always at the fucking store all those years just watching and watching and you know it's it's i never even thought about it you know i never even thought about it's like me getting a job at a fight it's like when i worked at my mother's bar you know when i was a kid it wasn't an official job it wasn't like i had to be there from three to nine i would just go in and there were no kids around i would do some fucking work but while i was there listening to music listening to fucking this this guy talking different entertainers coming in i would take the fucking conga drums and play that's all part of my entertainment experience so i had been entertaining people since the beginning of

fucking time i didn't even fucking know what i don't even know what fucking entertainment is so when i was talking to eddie it was funny because i said to him eddie it's it's interesting that you called and the other reason why i was thinking about eddie is i took a private i finally took a fucking private uh one of my friends came down uh he's a brown belt and he brought some mats with him and we went in the fucking garage at his house and we uh fucked around a little bit and we rolled i was out of breath i almost died i was busy but i gotta tell you something man i fucking miss it my legs were fucking sore my lower back was hurting but it's so weird that i hadn't done a fucking i hadn't swept anybody i hadn't had a man on top of me i hadn't been on top of

anybody it's going close to 20 fucking months 21 months i haven't rolled or anything nothing nothing not a hip escape no nothing when i you know we did like stationary hip escapes where you don't fucking go down the mat i mean we was in the fucking garage we were gonna do three hip escapes and then turn around so i did a couple hip escapes and then we just practiced like a fucking uh a hip bump sweep you know just to get my legs going that's why my legs are so fucking you know i wanted to see how the brace worked on my right knee i had to put two braces on that i can't fucking kneel down but it's so crazy how i thought i was a i was in really bad shape b i would be really winded and c i wouldn't remember anything listen after the first time that he swept me and

my balance was off after i got my balance again and shit on the mat i was really impressed with what i did i was very fucking impressed after 20 months not remembering not even fun and i don't do shit i watch a hodja gracey video once a week some nights i'm bored and i just watched my fucking jujitsu idol hodja gracey do his fucking thing so it was funny my buddy fucking uh helped me out i was over there it was like a 45 minute we rolled like two three minute fucking rounds nothing i just wanted to get back go and see if i could even hip escape see if i could even move on the mat listen i'm no eddy bravo i'm no hodja gracey i'm no joe rogan but i have to go to jujitsu and i'll tell you why

i need a hobby i don't have any fucking interest my wife asked me at this she goes can i ask your question i've been with you for 21 years what are your interests and i go drugs i i i don't know i don't have any fucking interest that was my weakness in life i have no interest maybe you collect stamps maybe you collect butterflies i don't know maybe you collect cars maybe you work on cars i have zero fucking aptitude for anything zero do you understand me zero i really want a major d job i don't know anything about fucking wines and i don't even want to know nothing about wines i don't like people who drink wine i'm sorry i i hope i don't offend nobody you wine drinkers drive me crazy with your fucking vineyards and whatnot but i'm sorry i'm also an old man i'm

sure i drove you crazy with my reefer talk and all that shit so i i get it but i'm not a fucking wine dude wine people drive me fucking crazy i'm not gonna lie to you especially in new jersey i don't know i was gone for 30 years all some people drinking wine where where's the bud light where's the miller where's the radioactive beer here all of a sudden a bunch of wine drinkers now i'm going to a vineyard in jersey i didn't know there was any fucking vineyards in jersey but i wouldn't be too fucking happy about drinking a fucking grape out of this motherfucker i don't mind the tomatoes but you know i'm not a wine fucking drinker so i can't do that i can't fucking work you know i could get a job with the felony i did find that out like some corporation could hire me they got second

fucking chance whatever the fuck it is for people i'm thinking about doing something like that but i have zero interest i have zero experience at anything else but mixing drinks which i don't want to fucking do at my age now i can't imagine being at a bartender dealing with fucking drunk people at this point now i can't do that now i listen i would love to fucking learn how to lay brick now or whatever i'm too fucking old i i gotta carry bricks and shit i'll die i'm 58 fucking years old i'm two years from fucking 60 and i'm looking to start a new fucking career i really am i'm looking to do fucking something yeah somewhere along the line i'll get back on stage and i'll crack some jokes by the time we get to phoenix you know i'm saying if you're waiting

for me to fucking get on stage don't hold your fucking breath i just don't see it i don't see the organic in it you never know i might just pop up on stage wednesday night and tell a fucking story somewhere but it's doubtful don't expect it right now you're all looking at your calendars where's it gonna be i know where i'm just fucking with you guys but it's the truth i don't see it fucking happening but i gotta pick up something i gotta do something else with my time i got the podcast twice a week i got my daughter i taken a kickboxing yeah you know i'm a fucking show for all of a sudden i take it a fucking i go to her baseball games i go to her events this afternoon i'll catch up with them after school you know i try to do the best i fucking can but there's

something missing from my life so i gotta do so i gotta figure out a fucking gig so i gotta figure out something i'm a little bored i can't lie to you people i'm a little lonely at times you know i'm surrounded with kids and parents you know i'm still a fucking savage from time to time i still have savage fucking thoughts from time to time so you know so i gotta do something so i figured the best way to get out and meet people you know i don't want to meet people in a fucking bar because that's not what i want to do i think i'm just gonna join a jiu-jitsu school so that's what i came up with my mind i was just going to take privates with a friend of mine but then i called my friend alberto crane guy used to be on the podcast a lot he's a badass uh

uh tactical fitness guy tic fat whatever the fuck they call it tic tac fit i don't fucking know so on my days off in the gym sometimes i actually get the club bells and just to work out whatever so i called alberto the other day i think it was like thursday i called alberto and i'm like so this is fate you know what i'm saying i called alberto i'm talking about you know tic fat my wrist you know he always helped me work on my wrist to open them up so when you fucking when you're in jiu-jitsu and you're on your back you want to frame up or whatever you want to get up and put this hand down to do a hip bump or whatever hip uh hip bump sweep whatever the fuck they call

i'm sorry for you jiu-jitsu people that are watching it and you're like what the fuck is he talking about you know the hip bump when i grab the arm and i'm trying to bump him that way from a closed guard so i called him just to see what type exercises whatever and we were talking he goes listen can i call you back i'm getting ready for the rose gracey fucking seminar i'm like rose gracey rose gracey has a school close to my fucking house are you fucking serious so he goes yeah rose gracey see i go he goes do you want me to talk to him before he i go well i'm gonna do privates with this other guy just until i get my bearings back you know i'm gonna start again this wednesday but i love to fucking join rose's fucking school so i guess i'm gonna fucking go to rose's school

an old bridge i i you know not right now i'm gonna just do a couple more privates the next couple weeks get my footing under me you know tuesday one day i got weights tuesday i got acupuncture wednesday i got my private thursday i got dick friday i got weights again i try to lift twice and then saturday and sunday i fuck around the garage and i hit the bag but again that's something i do by myself i gotta figure out something i could do with listen man when you join jujitsu i'm gonna tell you something my good good friends in la the people i miss the most and la are all jujitsu people from matt bacon to bret over at subconscious to alberto crane you know yeah i miss a lot of my comedy friends but i miss a lot of my jujitsu buddies in la jujitsu

was very fucking good to me i don't know if you guys have ever even gone to a jujitsu gym whatever if you have a board or tired or whatever the fuck you are if you're looking for something to do i'll tell you man when i joined jujitsu the benefits for me of jujitsu the real benefit was pulling me away from the hollywood mentality that stupid fucking hollywood mentality you guys see and shit like that i didn't i was a comic but i wasn't involved in the comedy mentality i was hanging out with jujitsu guys you know when i would go to breakfasts and stuff i would see bret a lot i would see alberto a lot i would see joey alvarado a lot i would see the uh a guy i used to do jujitsu with nick papadakis that he does uh the sticks he's a black belt and the sticks

he trains with the dog brothers and all that shit i was friends with him i spoke to these guys these guys kept my powder dry comedians with my friends but the jujitsu guys john salami ricky rocket from poison these were all my jujitsu friends you know i mean when i was with ricky rocket we wouldn't even talk about fucking music or poison or bret michael's or why he wore the bandana we didn't talk about any of that shit we talked about fucking jujitsu like you know and i enjoyed it you know i used to talk to i still talk to hegan on the phone from time to time so for the last fucking year i've been sitting here doing nothing with my time staring at two geese that are in the closet you know i had like 22 fucking geese people giving me geese i gave a bunch of

them away i kept the machado gi that my cousin gave me and i kept my subconscious gi out of respect for fucking bret and i also kept all my alberto crane stuff because i love him with all my heart also but that that's gonna be the fucking key for me i think is for me to join a jujitsu school maybe go twice to start off with do weights twice a week and do jujitsu twice a week you can't fucking beat that you know so i was really in fucking shock how well i did and uh i have a plan now and i'm happy you guys got to witness it you know you always hear stories about people like oh he did this he did that no on this situation you guys witnessed me making this comeback me going back to fucking speaking correctly being funny having a look on my face

you know yeah i got healthy over the year and i quit the reefer and i came back to it and blah blah blah blah blah but what really fucking happened that's what happened the move destroyed me you know the fucking the comedy store destroyed me you know i'm happy that i nailed these things down for a long period of time i was walking around knowing something was bothering me but i didn't know what the fuck was bothering me i had no fucking idea now i knew it was bothering me was basically rediscovering new friends fucking you know to move you know you know no more cryotherapy like i was left with my dick in my fucking hand like i had this full fucking day seven days a week in la and also i moved to jersey and i had to restart again a little by little

and i'm happy listen it took me a fucking while between the anxiety my fucking teeth my knee hurt and you know i ran into a fucking wall of injuries which happens from time to time like you know i didn't let myself go under i was a little depressed at times but you know the weights pulled me out my daughter pulled me out i'm grateful for her that you know when whatever the little depression i was going through at the time i would look at her and go how can i be fucking depressed i you know i got the world by the fucking balls you know and that's the main thing you know you have to really like yet like saturday for example you know saturday i we had the baseball game and then i came home my the yankees and then my daughter played the two games then after that i went on

my merry way and they went on their merry way you know they wanted to go to the carnival a bunch of little girls went and i was alone i was alone for maybe four hours uh me and my wife decided don't don't worry about dinner i'm on my own tonight i went over and got a nice little pastrami sandwich and a nice conditioner my jewish friends they hooked me up when i'm fucking lonely i ate a little sour fucking pickle tremendous little water no chips no not like that i'm still watching my weight and i came home and i was like you know what man i'm fucking lonely i'm alone you know and i was like but wait a second see this is where i've changed and this is going to help you guys at home too because this is what we never fucking do and i started doing it when i moved here because

i started hearing people complaining they're complaining about jersey and i'm like time out bitch i just came from fucking california you got something to say about government murphy i ain't gonna fight with you but why don't i give you a fucking plane ticket to california and you could go hang out with nuesome for a couple weeks and then get back to me bitch then get back to me bitch you know that that was my big thing like i don't like you know we don't ever see the big picture me included i am the biggest fucking guilty fuck around this but yesterday for the first time i've been doing it since i moved here like people say something when i go you know oh this pizza was cold today obviously you haven't been to california where the pizza sucks fucking everywhere even if

the pizza's cold here at least has some flavor to it i'm not tasting fucking mozzarella cheese that's not even real mozzarella fucking cheese it's like mozzarella fucking goat cheese or some shit so i'm grateful for watching in front of me me doing those grateful things what we were talking about the other day with catherine narducci which was a great podcast and it also brought me back to smelling the grass and having this talk with you guys was being grateful for what you have right now so yes they yes i was a little bored i was thinking saturday i was like maybe i'll go see the count i was gonna go see the black rose i called a friend of mine when my wife was gone i go fuck i'm close to the pnc center why don't i just go see the black rose jimmy

flaunting said i could pick up fucking lawn tickets for 20 bucks they're doing the concert from cover to cover the first album which is a great fucking album hot to handle whatever the fuck and i'll hang out i call my buddy guy he couldn't do it i must have called like three people and they couldn't fucking do it so i said you know mike lives in philly he would have i'll come anywhere really fuck yeah you just gotta call me dude you would have gone to the concert yeah i thought you had plans with your family that's why i didn't call it was all it'll be cool but yeah yes it was like a 730 show it's 20 minutes from my house i don't think all the way to met life it's easy you could park you're out of there in 10 minutes somebody told me it took

them 30 fucking minutes to get out of the metalance the night of guns and roses an hour and a half or something 30 minutes an hour and a half i can't deal with that shit i would have a fucking heart attack so you know but i couldn't find anybody like in time i didn't think about it i know why i didn't call you because i didn't think about it till late i had forgotten my wife was gone at my wife left at lake four and i'm sitting here i ran some errands i had to go to the supermarket had to go to pharmacy i ran some errands i'm like maybe i should go see the fucking black crows tonight the black crows are fucking hot and something's going on they need money they sound fucking good so i think the the two brothers got back together remember they didn't talk to each

other for a long time things are bad all over covid's a motherfucker cocaine is a bitch so fucking they're talking they're fucking jumping up and down they're skipping rope they're going on walks everything's fine when you're low on cash you get along with a motherfucker real fucking fast to get your chicken cutlet fixed so i got your dog so i wasn't gonna go see the fucking black crows i was like man i couldn't find nobody goes to the black crows and i got depressed for one minute for one second i don't know i got no fucking friends i go whoa i'm feeling a lot better i brought myself back from the fucking crypt because i was in a fucking crypt guys i really was i'll never forget when my friend brian came over here he was managing me for a while and he came downstairs

when i was recovering from the fucking knee surgery and we were talking you know man to man i love brian it's like the way i talk to mike or the way i talk to lee and i looked at him i go there's nothing i really want to do he was talking about all these big plans well we'll start this tour and this and i'm like it's not happening guy well don't you want to do this not really don't you want to do this not really and that's when i realized i had the beginning as a fucking depression i called arie you know arie had gone through it before and i'm like something's going on with me i don't fucking feel right you know and uh the best advice he told me was the the gratitude thing with steve samon just wake up in the morning tell yourself five things you're grateful for and i'll

tell you what man i've been doing them ever since i talked to you guys about it on the fucking podcast and it's worked fucking miracles man i mean when i first started this podcast with mike if i could describe it to you guys my insides were like cloudy dark clouds you ever see dark clouds outside that's what it felt like those puffy ones that's how i felt like man i i and i was getting up out of bed i was shower and i was where i was doing what i had to do i just was not feeling i didn't have control of my thoughts uh it was just horrible so compared to how i felt to compare to how i feel now it's a million fucking dollars and i'm very grateful that i fucking did it and i walked to walk and i journaled and i did what i had to fucking do you know i have

no fucking regrets about comedy or anything let me tell you something uh two nights ago three nights ago i was waiting for my wife to come downstairs and i was just scrolling through the tv and i hate to uh talk about it again but the rick james documentary was on and it was starting from the beginning and i watched the first i don't know 30 minutes my wife even said i didn't watch this part let me watch it with you and we were watching the first 30 minutes of it and this one thing i'm very grateful for that i did in my comedy career that a lot of people don't do and they can't really look in and say that they did was i really put the work in one thing that i realized about rick james when i watched that

documentary why i enjoyed it so much why i pushed it on you guys you know was because i related to that documentary in so many ways i related to him being a criminal at times i related to him running numbers when he was a kid you know i did that i related to when they called him a survivor because i was a survivor at times you know when i first got to l.a. 97 i wasn't making no money as a comic if you want me to lie to you and tell you the truth i was i was getting you know like when you get algorithms like i was getting big burst of money and then nothing for six months big burst of money and then nothing for six months like i had booked like a commercial shit like that but when i went on those down ends guys i'm not gonna lie to you i sold coke

that was what i did i sold i did whatever i had to do to pay the rent not to let my wife down not to let my friends down they didn't know rogan didn't know red band didn't know a lot of people didn't know these were deals i was cutting the side i still remember selling an agent to pound the weed like every week he was my agent like in 99 2000 and 2001 his name was greg a real fucking slimy fuck i was selling him a pound of fucking weed and i swear to god i still remember pulling away and going where the cops like where's the undercover fucking cops where are they the fucking uh where the fuck are they the fucking arrest me i mean i was doing some wild shit from 97 to 2000 2001 whatever i had to do to pay the fucking bills it didn't matter to me

you know i i i sold coke i sold pot you know i i did a lot of fucking shit you know and that was what it was when i started comedy in 91 i wasn't working after uh you know i divorced my wife i lost my job as a roofer what the fuck do you think i was doing yeah i hosted a car wash i delivered chinese food which i'm thinking of doing again i went to get some chinese food the other night they're looking for a part-time driver and i asked the lady just not to let her know that i'm a loser i go hey i have a nephew that's uh looking to drive what nights do you need a driver she said like three nights a week i got deliveries all around here she goes yeah pretty much i go all right so i'm gonna go again maybe tuesday if the sign's still up

i'm gonna fucking apply i got a clean license i just need something a couple hours a night just to get me out of the house just to giggle a little with people i would love to see people's faces when they open up their front door and it's me delivering their fucking chinese food you know what i'm saying i'll bring some fucking refood with me give them a little bud you know take this with you for that thank you for ordering chinese food for uncle joey that's why i want to make sure d because i told the one restaurant i go listen i'll i'll tweet that shit i'll tweet that shit but i made sure d in here i have people in this mother fuck every night i'll be doing five minutes a night in the middle of the guy's like well you

have no wine experience well what am i gonna do like it looks like i'm not gonna be a fucking major d but that's the the main thing that i enjoyed that i'm really proud of there's something that's really i think that's made me different than a lot of people i was hanging out with and not in a bad way and i'm not saying a lot of them didn't do this i could tell you a lot of people who i saw them i saw with my own eyes bust their fucking hump the biggest one being bill burr bill burr is a hard worker i knew bill from 97 man and that dude worked bill is where he's at because of his work ethic you know rogan's got a tremendous work ethic you know so many people have had a great work ethic but i'm gonna tell you something part of my success part of my happiness

today it's like sanat just said i did it my fucking way after watching that rick rick james doc again the other day you know what i thought of i thought of all the things i had done i'd done voiceovers i've created shows i've done stand-up i'm a storyteller i've done television i've done i did fucking general hospital can you fucking people believe uncle joey the general fucking hospital you're like joey come on stop pulling my leg that's right bitch benjamin brought noah fucking drake what's his name jesse's girl that good looking dude what's the fucking the guy who molested a bunch of chicks uh from fucking uh he was in every fucking tv show and now he got in trouble he had an acting class him and him and the pot smokers they did pineapple express

oh daniel masters no that's that's the 60s that's that's a new show that motherfucker's going to jail for rape yeah um i don't know you're talking about but those dudes what am i talking about anyway i forget now i don't fucking i don't fucking know we're going back to the old days when he's to get so high i can't remember nothing but i didn't get high today i can't get high in the daytime holy fuck i tried it two weeks ago cannot do it it's over but my nighttime eyes oh my god i got so i got so stoned last night i had to go on the garbage saturday night and take the half commission i threw away out of the garbage that's when you know you're fucking stoned my friends i told you saturday night my wife went to the fucking thing and i had four hours alone

i go you know what i'm gonna go eat dinner with the fucking jews i got a pastrami and i said let me get a kinesh i'm not gonna eat the whole fucking thing i usually eat half and i put a half away from my wife i said you know what i don't want the rest of the kinesh it was fucking good sometimes when something's too good i just throw it away because i know i'm gonna fucking finish the whole thing and the kinesh is like 10 points i didn't have 10 points left so only at half of it sorry charlie saturday night i got so fucking stoned i had to go upstairs to the kitchen go in the garbage and i'm like please tell me i put the kinesh back in the container because sometimes i just throw them back in the bag i actually put it back in the container

and then i fucking threw in the bag thank god i wanted that garbage i took the container the kinesh was cut right in half perfectly i put in the nuka for three minutes not even three 10 seconds and i put a little fucking brown mustard on it i slept like a fucking baby you understand me that fucking kinesh had that valium in it like a motherfucker that's why i love the jews memories of waschwitz they don't fuck around jack you can't sleep we'll fucking we got the recipe for you cocksucker but anyway i don't know what the fuck i was talking about it's fucking monday it's a beautiful day to be alive we have a great fucking week coming up laughing gas is back bitch unfucking real they're back they're fucking selling and we're gonna go into some

new stores in san diego and shit if you have uh mother fucking uh dispensary and you want your you want uncle joey's authentic real laughing gas in there from the ice cream shop contact the ice cream shop they will put it in there and they will also put you on my personal laughing gas fucking instagram page for everybody to see and i will mention you motherfuckers weekly on the podcast to let people know where my weed is at so attention san diego within about two to three weeks you'll have laughing gas there you won't have to fucking get the roller skates on and go up to studio city all right cocksuckers you know uncle joey's taking care of you wednesday night is the premiere of the mother fucking many saints or new work i'm very excited you know uh a couple of my friends bought

tickets you know they're paying all the dough to go to the movie theater it's a shame we can't sit together i mean they've only given me two tickets you know how that goes people especially now with covid they're scared that but it's okay they're going to charge everybody else to go in there so it's going to be a a brain fuck but i don't give a fuck i'm looking forward to it you know man after last week's episode with cat when i realized what this whole was this was it for me this was you know i've shot three things since i shot the sopranos and i'm happy i shot him but i'm kind of not because i really wanted to end everything with the many saints and new work just for me just for me to say

after that i bought out but it's too late now i did the apple show i did great garcia's show sprung and it's uh i don't give a fuck it's work i gotta keep fucking working but i'm very proud of this movie guys and i'm very proud i was in it and all that hard work i did in the beginning you know like i was telling you guys when you look at somebody's history you know like when i was telling you guys about rick james working with emison lake and palmer the guy robert palmer and he worked with neil young and he knew the guys from the band robbie robertson and all those guys he was he also knew uh the chick i forget what her name is he was friends with her a canadian girl uh

joni mitchell you know he he he had done you know it's it reminds me of me in seattle with josh wolf and brody and tayna manu and and fucking uh you know mitch headberg and all those guys up there you know that little you know me and mike always talk about open mic open mics for musicians you know it's so important it's so important it's it's like daycare for a toddler you know like when your kid seriously you know when your kid hits two you're like fuck we gotta get him some social fucking skills he has to learn how to share you know yeah he's got a cousin but the cousins have fucking retarded you can leave him with the cousin half the day but that don't work his aunt's a fucking retard the uncles and alcoholic whatever the fuck uh it's the same thing with

with comedy yeah you you should be in a comedy club but you should also be you know at bars doing comedy at the at the lowest fucking levels that on the way home you're like i can't believe i was in there what is going on with my fucking life you know that that's how you should feel but that's okay you have to at least you could tell somebody i played it listen how bad did i feel when i used to do the bus rides you had to get on a disney bus from fucking seacorkis new jersey to port authority in new york and do stupid fucking jokes for people how bad would i fucking feel do you have any fucking idea how bad i would feel i'd feel pretty fucking shitty because i was i was getting paid to eat a bag of dicks i get it but you're not eating a bag of dicks you're gaining

experience so when you go on to do other things and somebody hides you you don't make a fucking jerk out of yourself 10 years later i'm as experienced as it gets and i am very proud of that it's like when you read about somebody like prince that played every instrument on a fucking song like he played every instrument on a fucking song that's putting in the fucking work that means he did it i'ma tell you who else does that as crazy as he is when he makes his music eddie bravo plays every fucking instrument the drums the piano the fucking skin flute whatever the fuck you got eddie's playing you know and that was me i'm very proud of that when it comes to me that i did it all i dove in there you know i remember doing marin i'll never forget when

marin called me because i have an episode for you well about to me it was going to be like you know i learned my lines whatever but as i was shooting it the way i dove into the character when i got in my car and drove away if you don't think i was blown away fucking impressed you got another thing coming i was fucking blown away i'm like where did this come from oh the three years acting clown i'm exaggerating i didn't go to acting class for three years i went to acting classes for like five months you know the the the fucking five months acting classes plus yeah if you look at my imdb there's 50 fucking movies on there but guess what i didn't learn shit on those fucking movies i'm lying to you i learned the shit on all the fucking college

movies i did which you guys will never see and never get to see i must have done 25 college fucking films and guess what all of them sucked i don't have a reel from that one of them how many short films that i do i had to be fucking 20 20 30 short films you know many of those reels i have i don't want nobody to see that shit that shit was terrible but i was in the process of learning and i didn't even fucking know it i was getting frustrated but there was no reason to get frustrated i was gaining experience and that's what god is here today all that experience put into one and i even use it towards the podcast at times there's times i do things like oh what did i fucking learn that oh episode three or fucking whatever my name is erl you know that's

where i get my fucking chops from and i'm very fucking proud of that that's one thing i've always been fucking proud of man that i i put in the work and nobody could ever take that away from me so if you get anything from this podcast on a monday morning what i was trying to say in this podcast that i couldn't was that put in the fucking work you know never mind the universal take k and all those cliche terms i use never mind that put the fucking working there's a guy on my instagram my patreon his name is john every week this guy is doing something different and i admire him like this week he did something like he was a warm-up at a fucking college fucking football game you know last week he did a short film the week before that he worked a fucking theater

play the week before that he did a commercial you know he's probably making peanuts he's probably all nine union stuff some of it being saggy's in oklahoma i guess oklahoma put up tax breaks and they're going crazy down there with shit but one thing i admire about this john character is that he's not too good to do anything i had a conversation with a friend of mine before the pandemic two years ago and i asked him why didn't he go to that audition he's a young comic always wanted to be gung ho i want to do this and so i asked him when they go you go you got that audition didn't you go and he goes now they want to go because i didn't want to be known for being a fact i go i didn't want to be known for being a fact i either i ended up losing the weight

but when i got into this i was the fact i you take your shirt off you let your titties go up and down people see the hair on your nipples that's all a part of it don't be embarrassed when people laugh at you laugh at them go a number one you didn't have the balls to do it and number two i got something that you don't have and that's experience from doing it i did all that shit look at the first joe rogan cd ain't i in there topless with my balls hanging out i did it all you cannot dog when you went a half years didn't know i did a soap opera half years i had no idea i did industrial videos in seattle you know what industrial is when some guy's talking and you're in the back making believe you're moving boxes

for ups me and josh wolf on a fucking saturday morning one hour shoots fucking 125 dollars and you gotta wait three months for the fucking check do it all if you're gonna be a fire man learn everything there is to be a fire lighter fire even lighter fire go burn a house down learn you have to know these things inside and out you have to be confident you could put me in any situation and i could be confident the other day some lady came up to me at the gym she goes hey man i'm a cop i need a big favor from you i need for you to make a video for us we do this thing and i go i go do you want me to do it at home or why she goes you could do it at home and then send it to me i go i don't know what the fuck i'm doing tell me what the same we'll do it right now

and she looked at me weird she goes here and i go yeah right here i turned her around like we went against the wall i go tell me what i need to say she told me and i just fucking blurred it out this two minute video for the police and she's like i go thank you cut and she cut it and she goes how did you do that she goes i usually have to prepare for like two or three days and write stuff down i made like some stupid remark to her like you know we think you're dealing with joy bananas but when i got in the car i go how did i do that 30 fucking years of experience 30 years of you know what it's like to go see a comic how many times i went to see raffy man he's like you're doing 10 minutes and you don't even have it in your mind that you're gonna do a set and now

you're about to go up on stage in two minutes you gotta do some quick fucking thinking so all those things that i thought would do she to me and all that they all come in later on and help you so whatever you're gonna dive into this week just remember one thing put all your heart into it you know listen i'm a hobbyist guitar player i play a few fucking chords i'm not looking to go to open mics or nothing i'm embarrassed but if this was going to be my life i'd spend my hours taking the strings off and putting them back on you know you know i do all that shit because i want to know the insides and out of what i'm doing that's what i did with comedy that's what i did with acting that's what i did with writing that's what i did with you know podcasting that's what i

did with storytelling and i got the most out of it and that's why today i consider myself like a choral belt i'm like eddie said to me yesterday he goes you're a fucking choral belt you and joe and it's a it's a compliment it's it makes me blush a little bit to say it but i gotta go back to what captain nadoo she said it's the fucking truth i'm a fucking choral belt so i'm gonna this is what the fuck i do so the message for the week is whatever you decide to dive into dive into it 159 fucking percent whether it's a guitar whether because it doesn't matter at the end you're just getting that dude that you think is ripping you off well he's only giving me $50 for the gig yeah but you're learning something

and three years from now when you put that bitch out of fucking business that's what you're gonna do you're gonna put him out of business with all the things you learned from all the different people because you had all these different fucking experiences so don't worry about who's ripping you off think about how you're gonna rip them off with your confidence you know when you're around the UFC fighter one thing i've always noticed about fighters the first time the first time i really noticed it was around bj pen i was busting his balls and he did not get mad why because he was overconfident he could blow on me and i could fucking die bj pen that's how tough that mother fuckers but anyway that's the monday morning

fucking podcast that's today as uncle joey's joint i hope you enjoyed the message and i hope you got something out of it i'm always learning something from it like i said last wednesday's podcast was one of the best podcasts i've been involved in it was uh it was a fucking uh it was a podcast i needed i needed to hear that from somebody else so i appreciate it if you haven't watched it go back and watch kathryn narducci do not forget laughing gas is stocked back at ice cream shop and the many saints and new worker be out on october first i will be putting a screening together for my high tier patreon people i am gonna hear something they will not give me the first week of october because obviously they want all the fucking dough so they offered me a weekday

which a lot of years will be can't go so i'm trying to get it for a fucking sunday so you could all make it um and i'll keep you mother fuckers posted that's it and that's that thank you for watching uncle joey's joint and now for a word for my mother fucking sponsor jack all right cock suckers thank you very much for listening to the podcast today i'm good today i was good and so were you mother fuckers it's monday morning i want you to fucking look at the week and say you're gonna suck my dick this week but before we get out of here i want to talk to you about a few things first off lucy nicotine gum tremendous i love the flavors pomegranate cinnamon winter green and if you don't like those you don't like gum cherry ice flavor joey why do i need nicotine

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importantly i want to thank you fucking savages for always having my back i love you mother fucker stay black tip top magoo i'll see you wednesday the 22nd um You