Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 10/05/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #14

Episode Date: October 8, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about what it means to have character, how to be confident and what confidence can do for you. Also, even though Joey is from New Jersey, you may be surprised to find out how he feels about the Boston Red Sox. Joey's adopted brother Mike calls in and they talk about their days living in Mike's basement. Streamed live on 10/05/2012

Oh shit, put that musically. Hit that fucking music. The church of what's happening now Friday, October 5th, you bad motherfuckers. It's your day today, so get up. The world is ready for you. Go out there and kick it right in the fucking balls, this miserable cocksucker. Black Sabbath never say die from their final album. Hit it baby. Louder, louder. Let these motherfuckers know. Here you go. It's the part of me that tells you. Don't chew air, but don't ever say die to these motherfuckers. First song on the album, never say die, goes into fucking Johnny's Blade and Julia's Eyes. Check it out today in your journey. It's happy Friday. Joey Coco Diaz here, the church of what's happening now. My main man, Lisa Yat, the flying fucking Jew. Are you kidding me or what? It's Friday, bitches. Today's the day you've been waiting for all fucking week. All week you're getting a band, but half of America's fucking paid day. A lot of guys get paid on the 5th and the 20th, so you motherfuckers are ready to go. And I know what it's like, man, you get paid on the fucking 5th, your whole week starts. You go right from the fucking paycheck to the check cash in place to flock those house to get a package, a bag of weed, make another stop, and then it's off home.

You take your socks off, you rub your feet, you roll the joint. I don't know how it is for a lot of people, but for me, I'm using this paycheck for rent, so I get it and it's already gone. Yeah, it's gone. That's it. It's gone, but you save a little bit. There's a little bit left and you cut that up. So the first week, you're eating good. You're eating leftovers in the second week. You got fucking Oscar Maya fucking cold cuts. They taste like dick by Thursday, but today you're ready to go. You don't give a fuck. I have no other feeling. Do you eat those Vienna hot dogs? I worked at CVS for them. In the cans? Oh, fuck, yeah. And she would get cases of them. She loved them.

Oh, you cut those motherfuckers up with some yellow Spanish rice. It's like a fucking filet mignon when you're broke. And when you go to prison, those fucking sardines and those cans of things with some crackers at night, where you're watching Mary with Children, stop it. Stop it. People don't fucking know, man. You got sardines with the mustard on them or sardines in line with some crackers. You get that can and you eat that olive oil. The shit comes right out of your muffler the next day. No huffing, no puffing, no sweating, no pushing. You eat that in an apple before you go to bed. I ate some fucking cantaloupe last night before I went to bed. I was blasting this morning. Thank God I came in a little late. Oh, fuck, yeah. I got up. Listen, I went to bed at 8 o'clock. I was so fucking tired. Yeah, you call me at like 7.30. You're like, I'm going to bed. I'm like, oh, shit.

Oh, I was stoned to the fucking gills. I ate a lollipop at 5. I almost went to bed at 5. What happened was the night before I went to the ice house, we did the chronicles and I came home and I fucking was wide awake. I was wired. Yeah. So I said, you know, and this is what I wanted to get to today, which is really funny. A lot of times we all do this. I do it more than anybody. I watch something and my reaction is my first reaction to it. And what I don't realize while I'm watching a movie, that's why I don't go to movies in the daytime because my mind is always going. So I'm watching a movie, but I'm really thinking about something else. And if it's a slow part, my mind really drips until somebody gets shot or somebody gets mugged or somebody gets fucked in the ass. So my attention span goes away. So sometimes I just see bits and pieces. Well, that night I came home and I watched Sons of Anarchy again because I tape them as I'm watching them. Yeah.

And God fucking damn that fucking episode was good. I mean, I read this week, we beat every fucking show hands down. Like it's just smacking people. You know why? I mean, it's an hour of entertainment, but at least it's fucking real. It's a character that and it's so funny because when you watch shows, if you're as old as I am, when you watch shows, you see where they fucking took them from. Like where they got like, you know, there was next week scene, the guy goes to buy weapons and he tested out and he blows up the guy's fucking car. That's been done 1987 Miami Vice with fucking Don Johnson when they blew his Lamborghini. And then last week there was a line when she said, I don't even know who you are anymore. And she goes, why don't you put my face in the fucking floor and maybe you can recognize me like BP up. That line was done by share 85 mask. Don't be stealing lines with my girl fucking mask. I love you fucking curtsuit. But don't be doing that shit. I see that shit. You know why it's number one? Because NBC has a show called Animal Hospital where there's vets and like in a hospital talking to dogs. The fucking show is funny with Bobby Lee. It's a fucking show. Yeah. I didn't even give it a chance.

They turned it into a monkey. That's a bro. Bobby Lee's a funny motherfucker. It's a funny show. I like him, but I just I saw the reviews. I saw a sign. I was like, oh, let's be honest. Half the shit that's on television. You sit there and you ask yourself why you're watching this shit. You sit there and you're like, when do I get the shotgun? Like I've said before, we pay a hundred a month in cable and I got to come home to watch a movie from 1980 fucking to, you know, the other night. Thank God it's Boogie Nights. Boogie Nights is an Academy fucking award winner. And if it isn't, it should be. Those scenes with Marky Wahlberg is getting interviewed. He's got the glass. Have you ever seen it? Yeah. It takes you there. It fucking takes you there, by the way. But that scene when he's getting interviewed and he's got sunglasses on like he thinks it's a Bruce Lee interview with his sunglasses.

He did one time and he's smoking a cigarette. Either he's coked up or he should win an Oscar for playing a guy that's fucking coked up. He was brilliant. Julianne Moore was fucking brilliant in that. I mean, there were so many great people. I'm excited about next week. We've got the second Seven Cycle Pads with people saying there's a great movie. Okay. And we also got another fucking great movie that coming out next week, Argo with Ben Affleck. And it's funny because I don't even know about it. Yeah. It's like a movie about like what happened now. They got to make a fake movie to take people out. Oh, I have seen that.

Ben Affleck, man, is becoming a fucking force to reckon with. One movie that's always on, that is always on. Well, if these motherfuckers don't understand this, I got no rivalry towards Boston. I'd never have. You know, I was raised in a house where my mother was a Boston Red Sox fan. And let's get something out of the way. Louis Tien, way before you were born and you were even dreamt of being a Boston fan. They had a fucking Cuban up there. His name was Louis Tien. Yeah. They had a big fucking mustache. And Louis had a weird way of pitching. He would turn his body and throw the ball at you. And he was Cuban. He was as Cuban as can be.

And when the Cincinnati Reds played against the fucking Boston Red Sox in the finals that year, one of the greatest World Series of all time. One of the fucking baseball history. Fuck Abe Lincoln cutting an apple tree. It's got nothing to do with us. It's got nothing to do with us. I've caught an apple tree. You understand me? Fucking when the Cincinnati Reds played the fucking Boston Red Sox that year, that was one of the last World Series I watched.

And I had to get on my hands and knees and pray to God that Boston wouldn't beat them. When Carlton Fisk hit that fucking home run, off a fucking and they hit the wall and he's running around cheering. Look at me. That's emotional baseball. That's the last real fucking baseball this country has seen. And I remember sitting there and praying, do not win Boston Red Sox because I'll never hear it at the end from my mother. My mother would make me red milk and red eggs.

You know what I'm saying? Where's my shirt? It's red today. My mother was, you know, we're Cubans, so baseball is a part of it. It's in your fucking veins. Yeah. So here I am cheering for the greatest baseball team of all time, the 73 Reds or the 75 fucking Reds. Please don't correct me because I'm stoned and I'm emotional. And you know, Carlton Fisk, you're Strimski.

Don't never be a team like that again. Ever, ever. And boy, and there was a shame they lost that year. They should just give it to them and they should have two World Series champs that year because they were really two tremendous fucking teams. I don't give a fuck what anybody says. But Louis Tiant, you know, was pitching in the World Series, game five and game six.

I don't fuck it. No, I'm not a boss. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. People come up, game four, you stupid fat fuck it. Don't matter. We're telling the story here. And, you know, they've been known in those days that the Red Sox were a cheap organization.

Yeah. Like they didn't pay five price, but they flew in Louis Tiant's parents from Cuba. Yeah, you told me that story. And that to me meant more from a baseball team. Because think about it, your parents were in Cuba. He fucking, remember the guy from Boston then just sent a plane ticket to Hawaii to get them over. He had to go send an envelope and a fucking representative to Castro. The guy had to show up on an envelope.

Castro's an old Cuban Jew. He just can't show up in his house with chocolates. And they go fuck your mother up the ass. You got to show up on an envelope, 50 large, bro, just to come over here and talk to you. Out of respect. And he's got, he's sitting there with his little fucking army hat with an X in the middle. Like are you on because that's where you put the envelope. Put it on the X cock sucker.

You got to play. They went down there and got this guy's parents to come to one day for Fenway Park. That meant more to me. That's why I got no beef with Boston. I got no beef with Boston as a city. It's when, when I started, when I started doing comedy, your whole life is to work Boston. Really? Fuck, bro.

Look what's come out of Boston. Yeah. My idols came out of Boston. Lenny Clark, that's my fucking idol dog. When I first started doing comedy was Lenny Clark on that Rodney Dangerfield special. Yeah. You know, Lenny Clark, the one guy from, from fucking, you know, the guy that is the first fireman on call when the guy gets his ball caught in something about Mary.

There's two guys. It's Lenny Clark. Lenny Clark plays the fireman. Then there's another guy that comes in as ball, lanky. That guy's a Boston. All those Boston guys. And your name slipped my mind right now. Fucking stone.

But all those guys, it was an honor for me to go up to Boston. When I first performed at Grill 53, even though it was the back of a restaurant, I had a ride, bitch. I'm in Boston. There's some places where you perform in this country where your resume goes up, at least in my heart, in my stock, when a buffalo, Boston, those motherfucking cities, those are killing cities right there. Yeah.

You got a kill up there. You got, and that's my blood. You got to come out with that kind of Bill Burr sense of humor. You know what I'm saying? No, there's one place that, if you didn't, I'm guessing it'd be your favorite place. It's not there anymore. I moved it, but there used to be a comedy club on top of a Chinese restaurant. Oh, it used to be off of Route 1.

Yeah. And the- The Kowloon. The Kowloon delicious. I was there with two of my friends, Joe Dee. Joe Knee, he's a Boston cop, fucking hit me up on Twitter and took me there. But I had been there before. The Kowloons, they got the shrimp and lobster sauce.

They got the spare ribs. Fucking delicious. I never performed up there. If I performed up there, I'd be talking shit right now. Fuck you, motherfuckers. Because that to me, I forget who was booking it. There's a big time booker up there that is a great guy. And he helped Joe Rogan out a lot.

He booked some of those rooms. But my favorite all time room was the Aku Aku and Worcester Mass. I've never heard of that. Everybody is always gonna puke because they had those big Chinese drinks with the straw. So everybody would puke. I did it with Joe. Scorpion balls. I did it with Joe V.

I did it with so many people and everybody goes, dog, it's Worcester people gonna puke. Yeah, the scorpion balls. People would heckle you. I did it with Doug Stanhope and Chris McGuire. Oh, Jesus. We had a fucking blast up there. But delicious food. Something about that whole, I like Chinese food.

I'm sorry. Everyone likes Chinese food. Oh, Chinese. There's no even points. If you look at the Weight Watcher guy, look at Weight Watchers Plus. They have like a little section for Chinese and everything's over 15 fucking points. Yeah, I mean, it's all five. And it was the last time you see a fat Chinaman.

You never see it. And they eat carbs all fucking day. Everybody's like, oh, don't eat carbs. Don't eat carbs. These fucking Chinese people eat rice and noodles and fucking chopsticks. They fucking eat everything. They fucking eat everything. What's happening, Lili?

Lili, it's Friday. You're in a good mood. That's it. I'm happy, man. I'm working and doing the podcast. But there's something, and you've talked about it before, but we had to have a meeting when I worked because the producers didn't want to talk to the low level editors. And it's just, I never understand that.

And when we first started working, we met at a comedy club and I waited outside for you. And I was petrified. Like, I used to be scared to talk to anyone who had a little bit of fame around them. Who's famous? I know, but there's people who now we're friends, but I was petrified of it. And I just don't understand that the people who think they're better than anyone, like, the producers at the show I work at talk to our boss and say, we don't want to talk to them. They had to have a meeting.

And I just don't understand that. And it's a credit to you just for not, like, you'll talk to anyone that comes up. And that's all I could think about when we were having that 20-minute-long meeting tonight. You know, bro, listen, this town, people confuse with this fucking town. And people get confused in this town. I have a situation. Now I shot a movie for a guy. And I called the guy one day, and I'd like to meet with you just to talk it over.

This guy blew me off three fucking times. Now, if this was a regular guy in regular days and regular streets, I could smack the fuck out of this guy. And anybody else would smack the fuck out of this guy. But in this town, ladies and gentlemen, people think they got a little better than you are. And I've been getting emails from this kid lately talking about confidence. Confidence is the opposite of fucking fear. I've discussed fear before. Listen, I'm the biggest pussy in the world.

I'm scared of everything. I drove around the doctor's office four times before I went in for a blood test. Took me fucking a year and a half to get up on stage. Okay, I got the fears like everybody else, but fear can't conquer your all your life. And your confidence level comes as you tell fear to suck your dick. You want to work on your confidence, you got to tell fear to suck your dick. And you got to tell fear that fucking you put your pants on one leg at a time like the rest of these fucking motherfuckers that think they're better than you because they got $3 or they sold the show.

They don't know what we've gone through. They don't know what I've gone through. They don't know about all the sets I've done and all the jokes and the writing and the fucking traveling. And now I do it and I'm fucking 50 every week. I try to get the fuck out there and you try to write and we're still here. Don't ever, you know, these people here, when I was doing coke up to 2005, you know, I always had this thing, Lee, where I didn't want to rock the boat because I couldn't snorkele. You can't snorkele in jail.

You know what I'm saying? You can't. You can't snorkele in jail. So I didn't want to rock the boat. And then when I got off the coke, my insecurities were at a high top. My insecurities are always fucking high. I'm a fucking comic. That's why I do it to fucking shove this shit in.

That's why over the years, I've remembered all these stories because for years, I've, you know, piled them on top of my soul, you know, and you think that these people are better than you because they're a director or a producer or whatever. Nobody's fucking better than you, Lee. You're only as good as you think you fucking are. And you know what? There comes a point. It's like people here in this town really shows up late. It's like cool to be a half hour late.

Well, you're a half hour late. I'm gonna fucking say something to you. You've got to respect me the same way I respect you. Yeah. Lee, don't ever get intimidated. And nobody listens to this podcast. Fuck these motherfuckers. Don't ever be intimidated by a boss.

You know what? You were looking for a fucking job when you found that one. You were looking for a job when you found that one. Do you understand me? The money you're paying me is not worth you fucking me being scared when you call or you walk into a room. We're fucking friends, man. We're friends. And I'm high fucking level and I'm high strong because I come from a different fucking society,

but I still have that common belief. You know, these movies, people think they're doing it. Especially in this town. Yeah. People, I'm not gonna talk to. Who the fuck do you think you are? What if I fucking put this hand across your fucking face? And it grinds us all back down to what we are, the fucking street.

But no, you're a tough guy till the fucking cops come. Everybody's a tough guy till they call 911. Everybody's a tough motherfucker. But you know what? Nicole Brown thought she was fucking tough too. And then they get restraining orders. You know what? You get all restraining orders you want.

They're still gonna fucking kill you if they're gonna fucking kill you. Yeah. So you know what? Suck my dick. You put your... And sometimes you just gotta let people know that. And they'll get mad at you for a couple of days and then they'll think about it. If they're real, they'll think about it and go,

dog, I was a little out of fucking line last week. Guess you were a motherfucker. Yeah. You know, I did this movie Boilermaker. I always tell the story that they were putting food out for the fucking people. You know, they're supposed to fucking put food out. And here's all these actors. Oh, there's no food.

I said, say something. Nobody fucking said something. Finally on the Lord's Day, they had us going there, which I hate fucking working Sundays. And there's no food. And I tell the fucking guy, what the fuck? And I go off. You gotta put food.

And they're like, calm down, calm down. I call fucking after. I'll be a crime stopper on this fucking job. You know what, brother? People stop fucking talking to me on the set. Really? Because I spoke up. Same thing that happened with Joe when he spoke up against Carlos.

All those fucking comics at the store. You know that? Oh, you spoke up. You're the bad guy now because you spoke up. That's how this town is. If you speak up, you're the bad guy. And any other fucking town, somebody does something. You say something.

You stick up for yourself. Yeah. That's all you're doing. Remember, you gotta stick up for yourself. So the guy that kept tweeting me on confidence, there it is. You want fucking confidence? You gotta beat the fucking fear. Nobody's better than you.

When you're going for a job, it's either you or those 10 motherfuckers online. You need to tell me, you know, when I get up in the morning, though, somebody's gotta pay. Yep. When I wake up in the morning, I'm a fucking Jew. As I'm washing my pussy in that fucking shower, I'm thinking of myself. Who's gonna pay for me being up today?

Somebody's gotta fucking pay. This is when I was stealing. This is when I was doing blow. This is when I was working as a fucking civilian. Whether I was selling cars or selling roofs or working on a roof. Somebody's gotta fucking pay. You gotta put value on your fucking life and your work. You know, I don't like working Sundays at comic clubs.

This week, Rogan, those guys are going down there. And I had it called Joe and said, I don't like working Sundays. Yeah, I gotta do something next week. I gotta travel next week on Monday to New York or whatever. But the point of the matter is, 10 years ago, I was in a hotel on a Sunday and I said to myself, if I ever get the opportunity not to work Sundays, I'm never gonna fucking work a Sunday.

Yeah. And the clubs will respect you. They might pay like, I had a job before this and the boss was an asshole to me. And she never thought I would quit. I was there for two years and I quit. And as I quit, she offered me like 10 bucks more an hour and I still quit and actually called me every other week.

Can you come back? So if people are going through that, they might, like more often than not, they're gonna be shocked when you actually step... You stick up for yourself, people, be shocked. Until this day, I have a choice to work Sundays. And you know what? The dinner I spent with my wife on Sunday

is worth any more money than anybody's gonna pay me on a Sunday to do comedy. Because I've been divorced, I've lost it all, so I know how important those little moments are. That Sunday dinner means more than my wife than anything in the fucking world. Just us sitting watching Dexter together, she goes to better fucking 9.30, who the fuck are you kidding?

I could go do whatever the fuck I want. If I'm in town, I'll do comedy because it's local, I might travel on Monday mornings, but the point being that I took a stand and I stuck to it. Same stand I made when I quit doing coke. I'm never gonna do fucking blow again. I never fucking did it again.

Same stand I made when I said, I'm not going to the comedy store no more, out of respect for Joe, out of respect for me. I didn't go no more. Once you fucking, you have to set your mark and enforce it, like fucking Tony Montana said, and that's when you grow as a human being and that's when your confidence grows.

You know, when I go to take blood out, as they're taking the needle out of my arm and I fold it up and put the bandage on it and they tell me, are you okay? If Chuck Liddell, Rampage Jackson and John Jones came into the room at that minute, I fuck them all up just on straight confidence because it's my biggest fear is needles.

So when I don't fucking pass out and I look over and I'm like, I made it, when I get up right there, if three guys are in that room with knives, shivs, sticks, helmets, I will fuck them up. Just out of principle because I overcame one of my biggest fucking fears. When you stick up for yourself,

you get this sigh of relief sometimes. Like after you quit your job down there for a couple of days, you were scared. But after you sunk in, you stepped up to life. You didn't step up to the pump. You stepped up to fucking life for yourself. And now when she calls you like, suck my dick and call me shorty bitch.

I got a great guest today. I did a documentary with Lee. We did a documentary together and we went to North Bergen. We only had one day and I got to interview Joan Runny who was on the documentary and she spoke about when her family adopted me. That was the second family that took me into the house.

And last night I was looking for guests and I stumbled upon Mike Runny, the brother who I was best friends with that got me into his house. And talk about confidence. Before I met Mike, I was a crazy spick and I had my faults. But Mike instilled no fear into me.

Mike's motto was in that day everybody was doing steroids and he was still 160 pounds. They looked at me and they go, they could do all the steroids they want. I'm still gonna knock the fuck out of him. And he was absolutely right. He was 5 foot 10, he was 160 pounds.

This morning we were laughing. When he spit in the umpire's face in high school, spit in, call the umpire to his face. Come here, can I ask you something? Guy want like this and he's spitting his fucking face. You know, Mike instilled something in me that not to have, Mike didn't give a fuck about anybody. Mike played the game.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A fucking store owner came to me once and said, can I talk to you personally? They go, can you talk to your brother, Mike? And I'm like, why? And they go, because he comes into our store, goes behind the counter, takes a pack of cigarette and leaves. In front of everybody.

He don't give a fuck. He didn't give a fuck. Took it, went from behind the counter, took it, said see you later and left. That was Mike. I used to sit there, I had two friends that had no fear, no man. They didn't give a fuck who he was, how he was.

When the chips were down, Mike Ronnie and I learned from him and I'm happy that he crossed paths with me until this day. That's one of the reasons I talked to him. He was my best man at the wedding. He showed up, he had so much coke on his nose on his rings that the priest was like

no, no, no, no, we got to get a substitute. Because me and Mike, that was our thing. We fucking robbed motherfuckers. That was our thing. We were together when I was a junior in high school. He took me in and I moved into his basement. And we were a fucking,

I mean I remember until this day one of the greatest movies you want to see is The Thief with James Cahn, Tuesday Well and Willie Nelson. Michael Mann. It's one of his first movies, a slow paced movie. But it's about James Cahn being a thief and he comes out and he tells two great stories in that.

He tells the lie to no one who the fuck are they, that you have to lie to them to if there's somebody special you're going to ruin it with a lie. Lie to no one. That was a fucking great Willie Nelson. Oh my god, Willie Nelson. Because he goes to Willie Nelson, the prison.

He goes, hey, this girl I'm dating, she doesn't know I'm a thief. He goes, what do I do? And he goes, lie to no one. You know, you're going to ruin it if there's special with a lie. And besides that, who the fuck are they? You got to lie to them. Just fucking drop it on this motherfuckers.

It's a fucking hysterical movie about kids pledging in Hollywood here. And it's funny to see that movie because Mike Binder's in it. They went into the comedy store and they pulled a bunch of comedians. Arliss is in it. A black guy that I'm friends with.

I can't remember TK. TK Carter's in it. It's a young comic. And the girl from the Jewish girl. You know, the girl that had the dick. She's really hot. She's got a show now. She's got great legs.

I forget what her name is. She's on that movie. So we were in high school. We would walk down to fucking Pathmark. Like 10 blocks. We lived on 85th Street. Pathmark was on 75th Street. We'd walk at 11.30 at night

because we knew there was no security. And we'd go in there and we'd rob everything. Milk, eggs. And we'd go back to his place and make milk protein shakes. Fucking with peanut butter in them and wheat germ and protein powder and fucking tremendous.

And I'll tell you, if it wasn't for Mike, I don't think I'd be here. Mike and still. Really? Yeah. Mike put a lot of fucking. You know, my mother had died. I was crazy enough as it was.

You know, I could pull a gun. I had all that shit. But Mike did the last touches. Mike's attitude really grew on me. He didn't give a fuck. He deterred all. You know how people, when they were great, like Mike was, got drafted for baseball.

Whoa. And he was a great pitcher. But all these kids would come in with bags and they all had pomp and confidence. And they all had the nice white baseball pants and the new cleats. And they'd come and their girlfriends. Mike would show up like he just walked out of a bar

smoking a cigarette. And he'd go up there and pitch your fucking heart out. And then in between innings, smoke a fucking cigarette. He didn't give a fuck. I seen him throw a beating on his high school baseball varsity coach downstairs, Mr. Gallo. Really?

In fact, one Gallo hit me up a couple of weeks ago. Is this him? Is this him calling off? I haven't called yet. The one Gallo call hit me up. Lisa Gallo hit me up on Facebook. Mike smacked the fuck out of his high school baseball coach. At 1 6.

That's not caring. We used to rob beer trucks. Here he is right there. What's the story Tarzan? What's going on? I'm here. You don't work today on Fridays, brother? No.

I'm off today. And what are you going to do the rest of the day? You're going to smoke some dope. You're going to watch some TV. You know, I was just telling these fucking... There ain't shit on TV. Well, watch Goodfellas. Watch fucking something old.

Hey, I was just telling these guys when... You got Lee Syat in the room, the flying Jew. Say hello, Lee. Hey. He's the guy that taped your sister. How you doing? So he knows your sister. He knows Joan.

He knows your nieces. The whole fucking thing. In fact, Joan's going down there today, correct? Next year. It should be rubbing around three. All right. There you go. We're going down to Delaware today.

Mike, I was telling them stories that, you know, your family, they know it. They know the stories that your family took me in, that you took me in, how much you taught me on how to have no fear. And we were talking about my wedding when you showed up to be the best man, but you had rings around your nose. The priest was like, nah, nah, nah, nah. How about your mother-in-law? Your mother-in-law said, what's wrong with your jaw?

Oh, your jaw was gone from... Remember when Vanirri had the... A lot of people don't know when you do a line of coke, your jaw goes from side to side, but his jaw would move most in anybody. So one day, Vanirri, our friend Vanirri has a party. He's like, listen, guys, my family's going to be there till 10 o'clock. Nobody does no fucking powder, please. I walk into this thing at seven o'clock.

I'm like, where's Mike? Mike's under a TV and his jaw is going from side to side. And Vanirri was pissed off like a motherfucker. Look at the shape of him and shit. Oh, my God, Mike. How much fucking blow did we fucking snore when we were kids? And how funny were we? Hey, hey, how about when I came out to see Vanirri?

I came out to see you. We were so frigging wired, we could have frigging lit up New York City. And you frigging probation officer had to come in. Oh, my probation officer showed up. We're at the house getting jarred up to the gills. It's three in the afternoon. We snore. We're hiding in the fucking closet.

We're hiding in the fucking closet. The probation officer is knocking on the door. And I'm hiding in the closet. Then another time you came to Colorado with Mikey and you guys were playing. For some reason, we got a hotel room, right? Remember, we got a hotel room. Well, you were out there. We got the hotel.

You were out there. We got the hotel room. And we're fucking smoking. We're smoking, fucking with free basin. And you fucking decide you want to play Rambo. Shit. They're out there. They're out there.

They're coming to get me. I had never, listen. I was never really a big free base. I was always a snorter. So they're free basin coke playing cards, right? They're snoring on the floor. I told you, I told you they're fucking Vietnamese. Oh, my God.

I started smoking. I got so fucking paranoid that night. I started crawling around. I was hiding in the fucking showers. It took me like six fucking hours to come down off that fucking paranoia, Mike. It was fucking terrible. Listen, it was fucking pitch black at night. You tell me, look over on that roof over there.

You couldn't see nothing but dark. There was no fucking roof. They're out there coming to get me. They were always coming to fucking get us, though. Oh, my God. Mike, how many times have we robbed the house? How about when I came out to see you? Me and Al came out to see you.

We're all fucked up. We decide to go to sleep. And this motherfucker's on a 1-800 and I'm calling fucking sex lines. Not me. I'm going to dial Bill later. The guy he came with, we passed out from the fucking cocaine overdose. And our buddies started taking my phone calling sex lines. My fucking wife found the fucking bill.

She almost had a heart attack. So we been calling fucking sex. No, I don't call that shit. Mike, you used to come to Colorado every fucking year, twice a year. We went to Aspen. We got coked up in Aspen. We got coked up in every fucking state of your jaw. We'd go from fucking side to side.

I mean, what about when we'd watch college football on Saturdays? And we'd pick up, you'd go to the city. What was it, Dominican's name? We used to get it from in Harlem. What we used to call him? Socapinga. What you used to call him? Mamaricho.

You used to call him dick sucker in Spanish to his face. The guy was Dominican. Oh, we had some fucking dick. We were getting back to when you first stayed over and fucking adopted him. We were fucking having a party and you asked me if I could stay over. And I said, go where's my momma? And my momma fucking never left. That was it.

That was it. And we had good times in that fucking basement. We took that basement from zero. By the time we got out of there, I was just telling them, we used to walk. That basement could talk, boys. Oh, if that basement could talk. They still blow it.

There's been a lot of trouble. You know, I had a one hitter, one of those things that you put in your nose, the rocket ship, remember? And you did a line of coke and you turned it around. I was trying to hide it one night overnight where we had the beds against the wall and the fucking thing fell under the plywood till this day. It's under there. That cocaine is 80 fucking years old.

It must be. I'm hoping it's still fucking good. Not that I could do it or anything. What about the time when I robbed Mike Mullica and we were lifting and you got to blame? We were lifting weights and his brother came and the one that was a gorilla and me and me and Glen Conte a howling because we robbed it and they're blaming you because we went to his house first and I left the window open. I went over to get blow and I left the window and then Mike came after me and he asked to

go to the bathroom like a fucking Momo. So now the guy pins it on him. I went to the bathroom first and left the bathroom window open because it's all over the shower. Everybody always leaves that bathroom window open. And then you were a fucking mailman for a while. Tell him the stories and you were a mailman, Mike. Tell him.

You fucking throw it. Throw the mail away. Yeah. You used to throw the mail away and go to the track. Fuck it. And then go to the city with this little mail cart and get an eight ball of coke with the fucking mail cart and shit. This is real stories, people.

This ain't no fucking disco. This ain't no fooling around. You understand me? This is North Bergen and it's fucking realish. You know, I was thinking about the shower mic on Monday. It would have been your dad's whatever birthday, you know, and I loved your dad a lot. How much fun do we have with that motherfucker? What about the night I puked on his jacket?

Tonight his mom died or something? Yeah. How about the time when he came home and he was all fucked up. He thought he was going to the bathroom. It was the closet. He pitched all over. My mom was closed. And I remember that Mike would go in the living room and in those days your phone had a long

cord. And you could go from room to room. There was no cell phones. You'd go from room to room. And Mike would hide and blow smoke cigarettes. And the cigarette smoke would blow and his father would be saying, who the fuck is smoking? Because he didn't know Mike smoked. Who the fuck is smoking?

He thought weed downstairs and his father could smell it upstairs in the chair. He'd say all the time, I'm getting a cheap eye. He wouldn't say nothing to us until he drank. Once he got drunk he'd say, you know, I can smell that pot up here. I'm getting fucking high up here and shit like that. He used to put on a fucking load still, didn't he? On Saturdays. Just on Saturdays.

Fucked up. Fucked up on Saturdays. Then we could borrow money from him and he'd forget. And he wouldn't forget. He'd fucking figure it out by Wednesday. I gave you eight bucks the other night when I was fucked up. Cookie, where's my Cuban sandwich? What about when we robbed a neighbor across the street?

How many times I robbed that fucking house across the street? And a fucking guy. That poor fucking guy. He's stupid as a motherfucker too. The first time we robbed him we even took his house phone, remember? We had everything. We had those phones that you put down that didn't have a bottom like they were like a fancy phone. We robbed his house phone.

We took like a bureau. Remember he had a bureau that we thought had paperwork. We took just about everything in the fucking house. Everything in the house. But here's the best. I took the bureau, right? And the bureau had a piece of glass on it. So when we broke the bureau, we fucking threw the bureau away.

But we kept the piece of glass to snort coke on it. And we put it in Roger Holloway's car. And one night we were rolling this fag one night, right? We were rolling this fag by Hudson County Park. We were going to take him into the park and mug him. But he was across the street at A&P. And we would tell him how we wanted to suck his dick. And we were the best at sucking his dick.

And he waved down a cop, right? And the cop pulls over. And he tells the cop the story that these big muscle guys are trying to suck my dick. And the cop comes over and he's like, listen guys, what the fuck is wrong with you? All right, you want to mug this guy? Take him across the street. He goes, that's not my jurisdiction. He goes, you're going to bust my balls now at a quarter to 12 at this shit.

I got to do paperwork at 12 o'clock. Take him across the street. Beat him. But Roger left the coke mirror on top of his hood. And he got in his car and he put the car in reverse. So the mirror slid off the fucking hood, landed in this A&P parking lot. It's not like a bomb went off. This fucking cop, I mean, Mike, I can't even repeat these stories to people, Mike,

because they won't believe us, Mike. They wouldn't believe how we do that. How about Louis the spider? Oh my God. Tell the spider story. When we used to put fucking bets in for horses, the ranks went off. We knew the winner. We used to fucking put money on it.

How do you guys know that? How do you guys know that? Tell these fucking youngsters how lucky they are. We had to call a sports phone every fucking night for 35 cents. Your mother got the bill. You had $2,000 in sports phone and shit. That's how you realize the scores of the games. And they would clear up like every 10 minutes.

So you could wait every 10 minutes to get the score. And when you call, they wouldn't have to score your game. And it was always last. Your game was always fucked. Mike, you know, today's supposed to be a gambling edition. How much fucking gambling did we do? How much did we lose and how bad was it? Oh, Jesus.

Too much money. I wish I had all the money that I did lose. Not that I paid him, but... Oh, remember you beat spider. You used to change the bets on spider. That poor guy ended up getting hit by a car, didn't he? Yeah, he got hit by a car and died. Yeah.

And in fact, I think I owed him a couple thousand dollars. Fuck you. I'm good to go now. You're good to go. Did you send flowers? Yeah, he sent flowers. With a dollar bill stuck on it. See you little stumbling, mumbling fuck.

He was. He was fucked. He used to get fucking lit and then sit in Lushi's bar. I hit Joe Lucci up on Facebook to do the podcast. What do you think about that? What's that? I hit Joe Lucci up to do the podcast. I hit him up on Facebook.

I'm waiting for him to hit me back. Really? Yeah, Lucci's... I haven't talked to him in ages. She's got it. Some fucking parties we used to have down in that bad room. Oh, my God. I've been partying with the Luchis.

I mean, I almost died in Luchi's backyard. I ate a quailude and I must have done like ten fucking lines of coke and a bunch of... They used to have it like a keg and I got fucked up with the keg. Remember when we used to rob and bring it to... Remember when we used to steal jewelry and bring it to Nick, the pizza man, next to the high school? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They used to steal it back from him, bring it back to him three days later and he'd buy it again and he'd go, Speak, I've seen this jewelry before. No, you haven't, Nick. What the fuck is wrong with you? Did Mike go to those parties in the shadow? No, no. Mike was an uptown guy.

We had good times growing up, Mike. I sit here and I laugh. I still remember the night when you broke up with Denise Mick and you took your jewelry back and you sold it to Tommy Russo at half price and he gave it to his girlfriend. So we were all at a party and Denise Mick is looking at Linda Black going,

I know that jewelry, that's... No, no, my fucking boyfriend sold it to me. This motherfucker took his girlfriend's jewelry. How many fucking houses did we rob, Mike? How many fucking things did we do? How lucky are we that we're here? What about when you got attacked by the cat? You're the guy that...

Remember when you got attacked by the cat? Oh, fucking, what's his name? Don't say that name. Don't say that fucking name at all. I'm still paying for my sins, dude. Don't say that fucking name. That was funny. I said, I'm not fucking going in there.

You see that fucking cat? Fuck that. The fucking... That thing was fucking nasty. That thing was fucking nastier than... What was the cat you had? Chee-Chee. Beep-E.

What was that crazy sign means you had? Fee-Fee. What was his name? Kiki. Kiki. K-I-K-I. K-I-K-I. That crazy motherfucker.

That guy used to hiss at you. That cat was ten times crazier than fucking Kiki. Well, fucking, she was asking that guy. Mike, uh, Mike, uh, I don't know. Not one day it doesn't go by that I don't think he even fucking giggled for one reason or another. I don't know why. And now that I have you on the phone,

I can't even think of all the fucking shit we did all the mayhem, you know? I was just telling the story yesterday about the probation officer. When we were upstairs in the probation office, the probation officer's knocking on the door, and then we rented the car and we went to Aspen, all coked up, and we came back on that pass.

Me who was in the area. Me who was in the area. Remember you rented the Lincoln Continental? That's right. A big Lincoln, and we had to go over that canyon. What was the name of the Aspen? There's a way to go to Aspen. It's on Room 70.

It was like a two-way in Iowa. You made a mistake. You're fucking done. You're done. You're off that fucking course. Remember I was hiding in the backseat? I can't look at this. And you were probably coked up and fucking...

I don't think we were coked up in the daytime. Oh, okay. I think we were just smoking dope, and I was on probation. I was smoking. Yeah, we were smoking on our way up there, fucked up. I was hiding in the backseat because I was afraid

we were going to go off the mountain, and fucking go down. Mike, how many places did we go to in Harlem for weed in those days? All over the place. Hey, how about the time when we fucking mugged a hooker? That's right. And we lit a wig.

You remember? Clayton County's birthday. That's right. We wanted to get him a blow job. We wanted to get him a blow job, but he goes, no, I can't do it. I can't cheat on Regina. I said, do it.

So she starts fucking blowing me, and fucking... We had every intention to take it over to New Jersey. So I said, I said, I'm going to get the blow job, so everybody's outside the car. Come on, let's go. So somebody yells, the cops.

So she goes, just pull around a corner, pull around a corner. So we pulled right around a corner, right into the Lincoln County. Remember, we were driving, and we fucking thumped right out of the car, while we were fucking rolling. That bitch had $60.

Mm-hmm. Yep. We mugged that bitch for $60? The one time, the one time, when we were over the city, fucking... Oh, that was the same time. That was the same time. And Valino goes, it's a guy.

I said, no, it's a fucking smell my finger. We used to go over there and fuck with those hookers. That's when there'd be 100 hookers on the street, we got a Lincoln tunnel door. Tons of fucking... New York changed completely. If you live in New York now, the tunnel rats, you're getting beat if you live in New York now.

New York was a complete different fucking city, man. You go in there, there was a lot of fun. You ate those old fucking pretzels from the fucking train there. I mean, I must have copped everywhere, and we used to go, that's what used to call the Dominican to his face, which means sperm fucking drinker.

He used to call him sperm drinker to his face, you go upstairs, and they'd sit you down, it was 35 a gram for pure shit, or 25 for cut shit. Remember, we used to go over there? That's the shit that was good. That's the shit that was fucking smoking in those days, on 100, yeah, it was 170, 90.

You made the left after you got off the Lincoln tunnel, and then you made the other left after you went behind. Come on, who the fuck you think you're dealing with? We used to go to 143rd for eight balls when we were in high school, when we were 18, but we used to go to 143rd at Amsterdam to that Colombian disco. Yep, yep.

Remember I had the aunt that used to give us shitty coke on 113rd and 5th Avenue in Spanish Harlem? Do you remember that one? Yeah, yeah. You used to go over there? I remember going over there a couple times. Yeah, 113rd, and we'd get some money and the fucking coke, it was fucking horrible coke.

You know, Mike, I wish I had half the fucking money I had that I spent on coke. The other shit that we robbed, who gives a fuck? I remember robbing Perry Vigiano's house, that fucking mutt. I always hated that motherfucker. You threw a beat on him one time on 51st Street, and one night, oh yeah, 50th Street Park. With Alex Wallace?

I beat the living shit out of him. Oh, I hated that little fuck. He was a rich kid, his father was connected, and he thought he was bad to the bone. One night, I was with him, and he was really cheap. Remember, he would roll really skinny joints, and that pissed me to fuck off when somebody rolled skinny fucking joints,

and they had money. It was tight. And we used to date Peggy Assafe, but before he started dating Peggy Assafe, she was dating some guy from Cliffside. Remember, he had a deli called Rocco's Big Motherfucker? So one night, we're in the fucking car, and we pull over, and she's talking to this guy.

Perry jumps out of the car, and the guy throws a beat on him. So for like three months, Perry was telling people that we should have stuck up for him. And I'm like, no, you attacked the guy. It was one-on-one. But that really pissed me off. And he started selling coke, like an 85, 84. He was selling coke.

And he took me to... He had the aunt that lived downstairs. That was half retarded or something. She was the security for the house. And I remember I walked right the fuck upstairs, took the fucking 8-Ball, and walked right out of the fucking house. And about three hours later, I'm downtown, I had that shitty apartment, and he came into the window,

and I kicked him in the fucking stomach so hard. And he's like, I know you robbed my house. No, we fucking didn't, Cocksucker. He never talked to me again. Who gives a fuck? Fuck him. Who gives a fuck? He was mad. He wouldn't talk to none of our friends.

Mike, man, I don't know what to tell you. I can only thank you. I can't thank you enough for being my brother. People don't know in this world that you do have brothers out there without blood, and we're two brothers, man. I called fucking Stevie last night. He hasn't called me back, that Cocksucker. That's our other brother.

His real brother. That motherfucker called him September 8th for his birthday. He still hasn't called me back. Nah, dawg. He don't call nobody back. You know what you gotta do? You gotta put something on his Facebook page. Like, hey, Cocksucker, he hates that shit, and he'll call you right back.

What are you gonna put that on my page for? Because that'll get you to fucking call me. Remember the time you guys came to see me in New York when I first started comedy, Mike, at that club and stand up in New York, and you guys spent like 300 at the bar. Everybody was fucking coked up. That's all they did. That's all we did, dawg.

Yeah, that place was fucking called... It had something to do with Aberdeen Costello, didn't it? No, that was a different place. I'm talking about the place that was like on 76th Street, and it was a side street, and you, James, Steve, Ronnie, a bunch of you guys came over, and then we... You guys used to come to a couple of my contests when I first started doing comedy in the city.

They were fucking bad motherfuckers. Then I lived with you, and we got the fucking limo job. Remember? You got me the limo job in 94 and shit, and your last daughter, Alexa, was born, and we had a Coke party before she was born, me, you, and Conti. And that's the night... Oh, you remember that?

Yeah, I remember. And Seacorkers, and that's the night Conti was telling us that he didn't fuck hookers no more. He just let them jerk them off with his feet. He's like, yeah, dawg, I don't fuck hookers no more. He just let them jerk me off with my fucking feet. And now, man, with both men, I'm about to have a fucking kid. You got four of them, and here we still are, brother.

I got three grandkids. Three fucking grandkids, and here we are, and we still talking about... And I'm getting ready to roll fucking joint right now, so I gotta go. I love you, man. Thank you for calling in with all my heart. You're my brother till the end, man.

Stay black. We'll be in touch. We'll call you again. Have a great weekend. You too. Bye. That's crazy. That's as good as it gets.

Every person that calls, it just blows my mind a little bit more. You have no idea. You just have no fucking idea. You have no idea how lucky I am, people. You have no idea how lucky I am. That's why I've never gotten caught up in this Hollywood shit. That's why I know what it's like because I talk to these people. I keep in contact with them.

They keep me grounded. This is my life. These people fed me. These people took care of me when I was a kid. They looked out for me. I learned from them. You know how come I'm so lucky, Lee? Because I didn't just learn from my mother and a father.

I had 60 people that I took a little piece from. I took his balls and his craziness. You heard his voice. He has no fear of nothing. You know, most people call and they go, hey, man, you know, I got a job doing this and I gotta be careful. I got kids.

He doesn't give a fuck. That's the society I came from. We don't give a fuck. He's got no tattoos. He's got no long hair. He's got no earrings. He's got no black t-shirt on that says nothing. He's just a skinny fucking white guy

that'll light you the fuck up at any given time. And he'll take you to the fucking hoop psychologically and physically because he snorts. He drinks. He just told you he's a grandpa. He's got children. He makes great money at his job. His wife makes great money.

They got a great fucking house. And he has Fridays off. And he's got Fridays off. And guys, you have no idea how lucky I was to have this kid in my life. You have no idea. You know, when God took my family, I was pissed. But he gave me something better than a family.

He gave me these people that had no reason to care for me. And we talk once a week. And we tell those stories and we giggle and he's probably gonna get a package. He says he's wrong in joint. Yeah, his jaw goes from side to side when he snorts coke. A lot of people could snort a joint

and one night they were at Lucci's backyard. They were at Lucci's back bar and they were getting high. And Mike had a cigarette in his mouth and his jaw was going from side to side so the cigarette was moving in his mouth and the lights went out. So everybody in the thing was like,

you didn't see nothing except the cigarette going from side to side. He looked like a fucking conductor. But he has it. His brother has it. His sister has it. Anybody in their family that do a line, it's a dead fucking giveaway.

Mike, I know one thing in this world. It's funny how you open up People Magazine and you see a picture of Brad Pitt and George Clooney and they're laughing. Yeah, listen, when those guys take a picture and half of these other much, you see, they do that. They act like that

because they know there's a camera close by. Oh, of course. These guys don't care about each other. These guys don't communicate. That's all a lot of people. Oh, they party out. They get the fuck out of here. I always have these guys.

No matter what happens in my life, I got these fucking killers behind me. And these are killers. These guys, trust me, when it comes to me and when it me comes to them, they know there's nothing in the world that wouldn't do for them or they would do for me. When I was in Colorado, these guys came out to visit me.

Mike is a sewer. He used to sewer everybody. We forgot about that. He's got Jew in his blood. He had this attorney cozy that was suing people weekly. I didn't know what you meant. I was like, sewer?

That's hilarious. You know, if Mike, people would say, they don't even have Mike come to the house. Because if you had to move the table, he would hurt his back. Next thing you know, you get a letter in the mail. Mike's suing you. And he come to the house and say,

look, let's sue him when I get the money. I got you in for 20 points. Yeah, because they have homeowners insurance. Yeah, they have homeowners insurance. Mike sued everybody. And he had an attorney that all he had to do was call him. The guy gave you advances.

I mean, this is old school fucking living. The guy would give you an advance. You go to this attorney. That's how much of a Jew he was. You go, listen, dawg. You can get an advance on a suit. Yeah, listen, dawg. I just seen the supermarket.

It's prime location. You know what I'm saying? I'll go in the back. You take a little jar of applesauce off. You let it fall in the aisle. OK. And then you walk in the aisle and slip, right? See, they got cameras today.

So you got to do it right. That's why whenever something breaks, you always hear aisle cleanup. Because there's motherfuckers that just, where's Jews that just walking around looking for that shit, making notes. Nothing in their cart? Nothing in their cart.

Just some fucking yarmulke salt, whatever that Jewish kosher stuff. What's yarmulke salt? Yarmulke salt. You know, whatever. Dandruff for Jews. I don't fucking know yarmulke salt. The shit they put on crackers.

So you're walking down the aisle. Jew on fire. Jew on fire. I'm telling you, take that water off the board, leave your electric, you're both of us. So what you do is, you know, these guys in the old days would go to the supermarket. And they throw a jar of fucking, you know,

something gooey down. Water, applesauce is the best because you're going down. You're going down with applesauce. No matter, you could be the anti-slip man. You're going fucking down, all right? And you go down. And then once you land on the floor, there's always somebody who runs to you.

Okay, safe to stand. You have to make sure there's people around. Yeah, you have to make sure there's people around. You got to take the fall with two or three people. You got to make noise. You know, there's no mattress. You got to do the whole, when you land, you got to bang your head,

but you got to bang your head. And you got to bang it in a way that nobody sees you, right? But then when somebody comes to you, the first words are, and this is the attorney would tell you, this motherfucking Jew will go, this is what you do. You hit the floor and you want to get, you're going to get money, but you want to get big money.

And you're like, yeah, make sure that when the first person comes up to you, you look them straight in the face and go, did I pass out? Those four words, that's 100,000 right there. So that's 100,000. We just go right from there. You know what I'm saying? We just work it from there.

Did I pass out? And then you got to go to the hospital and stay a few weeks. You got to stay for a few weeks to get to the hospital. So this is a full-time job. Oh, it's a full-time job, but you always clock it in. You know what I'm saying?

What's called? It's called clocking in. I was talking about I'm beating the beast yesterday with another criminal on that. It's called clocking in. The Jew attorney will tell you, listen, I know this takes time, but you're clocking in, though.

It's like when I tell people you're doing free sets. You know, in comedy, your first three years, you're doing three fucking sets. I still do three free sets. You're clocking in. You're putting a coin in your karma bank. That's all you're doing. And with the fucking sewing, with the Jews,

you put your yamagon, you get your robe, you're going to work, motherfucker. You understand me? And you go to the hospital. You stay in the hospital for like, so don't be farting in the fucking office. You fart in here. No.

For two days, the cats wouldn't come in. Right, the fuck. They love it. They love it. They love it. They love it. You throw the fucking jar down. You assume.

You go to the hospital for like seven days. That costs about two, three grand a day. That's 21 grand. And then when you get out, you got to go to chiropractors. You got to go to specialists. You got to go to masseuses. You got to go to acupuncture.

You got, because you're just, you're raising your bills. So you tell everybody on the program, listen, you're going to treat me every day, but you ain't getting dicked until I get the court settlement. And then you'll get yours. And that's what you do.

Did they ever like, I don't know if you had to go to the farm with a judge or anything, but they were like, you've had fucking four, four slips and fucking. I had a bad year. You can't keep slipping.

I had a bad year. You can't keep sleeping in a supermarket. So if you slip in a supermarket, you slip there like in January. Okay. Then in April or March, when you snow, you slip on a bus.

You always got to go down on the bus. The bus is prime. When it snows, there's water in the pasture and the bus is stopped and you just stay on the bus to the stop. A bus makes a sharp turn.

Boom. Then you go looking for properties around town. And you see like a dent in front of you. You have a trip on something. You look down the sidewalks, blocked. That's a city suit.

That's going to take like five years to collect. But when you collect, it's a fucking paid day. You follow what I'm saying to you? You fall on one of those. There's a thousand of them. People do the car ones.

Oh, jumping from cars? Yeah. From cars. From cars. From cars. Yeah. I had friends that were good at car. That's not my world.

I ain't no fucking Johnny Knoxville. That ain't me. I do the easy shit. But I only sued one person. I only fell one time. It was a long time ago. I had people that would fucking sue you once. I'm just done fucking, you know.

The fuck? You never sued nobody? What kind of fucking Jew are you, Lee? You never sued nobody? You never ate a black ass? You know. I'm missing out. I got to take you back

to fucking Jew seminary somewhere. You're slipping, cock-sucking. It's fucking Friday, people. Let me tell you something. I was looking at some action this weekend. You got a lot of tough games. You got New England and Denver. That takes a Houdini to pick that one.

No. The game I really liked this week. You know what game I like? I like San Francisco against, who the fuck are they playing? San Francisco. Are they playing the Jets? They're playing the Buffalo Bills.

And I like the Under 44. Nice and easy at home. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. You know, there's a good eight o'clock game. I don't know what that is, but I'm not looking at the eight o'clock game. I don't give a fuck on my mother-in-law football. Way to get your fucking paid.

Tonight, there's a fight, but you know what? By the time you download this, the fight will happen, so it doesn't really matter. There's a couple good fights in the car that's Travis Brown. There's a couple.

I don't want to give a pick on it. I'm just going to give a pick on the big thing like that. But my football pick this week is my man, is the San Francisco 49ers against the Buffalo Bills. The Under. That's it.

44 points. No fucking drama. Nobody fucking loses. It's a beautiful day to be alive, Lee. You know what I'm saying? Lee, hit me with some fucking music. What do you got for these guys today? We have Soundgarden, don't we?

Soundgarden, Jesus Christ pose. Let me tell you something. This is off the bad motor finger round. Play that motherfucker, Lee. This song has some fucking lyrics. I mean, Chris Cornell's an amazing fucking writer. Let's listen to the fucking beat. Let's crank that motherfucker, Lee.

Oh, yeah. Where's that fucking reefer? Lee, you didn't smoke no reefer this morning. I'm watching you, Lee. You're fucking slipping, cop sucker. This is the holy smoke. How are you gonna go to church if there's no fucking holy smoke?

Look at this fucking butt I got yesterday. I don't even know what this is called. This is called, like, Juto's. This is Juto OG and shit. They walked a mile on Israel and you're smoking. Crank this motherfucker, Lee. Listen to this guitar, shit. Little Kim Zaya off the floor

with some fucking music, you know. Lee, how come they're saying that? I can't hear it. Did you talk it over it? Crank it, Lee. Crank it, Lee. Crank it, Lee. Crank it, Lee.

Get ready to take a hit with the holy smoke. This is the party church one. Oh, yeah. I want to see his fuck with it. His motherfucker turns around and he's doing it live with his knees and shit. Oh, shit, Lee. He loves it.

Oh, shit, Lee. His face is red. A lot that needs to be... from everyone watching. I have my medical card. I have my medical card. I have my medical card. I have my medical card.

I have my medical card. I have my medical card. All right, Jo, that motherfucker, Lee. Unfucking believable. You stare at me with your Jesus Christ paws. I'm wide out like you've been carrying a load. But you're swear to me you don't want to be my slave. Are you fucking kidding me or what?

Are you fucking kidding me, Soundgarden? Thank God for fucking Seattle and heroin and fucking dirty white people. Thank God for Seattle and heroin. Fuckin' love you motherfuckers up there with your plaid shirts on. This morning I woke up for some reason to come as you are.

Last two nights ago, they had a show on Nirvana from the Paramount Theater 2001. And I'm watching this and I'm saying to myself, even if you want me to lie to you guys, I'll lie to you. For some reason, he rubbed me wrong. For some reason, Kurt Cobain rubbed me wrong at first.

I wasn't... And about a year before he got killed, I think it was either 94 or 95, was when I heard something that blew my fucking mind. What's that? He does it live too. And it's a remake, but I still love the way he sang it.

It doesn't matter. And I felt the heroin in his voice and I felt the kid's heart. Then the kid got shot. It was too late. And I got into them. And I fucking love Nirvana. I really do.

I love Nirvana because I see what makes them tick. It was the same thing. They got this... Kurt Cobain is a fucking another... And I hate saying this, it's another view of John Lennon. They both had a beautiful view on music and what they could bring to it,

what their soul. I mean, you listen to fucking Shave Fish and imagine those albums are fucking classic. Say what the fuck you want. Abby Rhodes and the White Album. John Lennon's Tomorrow Never Fucking Comes. Tomorrow Never Fucking Comes. Tomorrow Never Comes The Beatles.

That's it. You got me fucking all emotional here. This type of music. I mean, we were listening to something in this country that was great. It was called Rock and Roll. And then John Lennon showed up with that fucking long head Paul McCartney

and that one-hound revolver. I mean, it's just too fucking much. Tomorrow Never Comes The Beatles. Tomorrow Never Knows The Beatles. Tomorrow Never Knows The Beatles. I mean, Tomorrow Never Comes The Garth Brooks. Another great song I fucking love. No, listen to get the other one.

That's a different version of it. But when you listen to this fucking music, you know where the fuck they're coming from. And I'm sorry, you know, I was watching this thing and I'm watching the guy from The Fool Fighters playing the drums in the back. And he's fucking brilliant. He's a young kid.

He's back there banging them fucking drums like he owns them. And that tall, lanky fucking bass player and Kurt Cobain's up there playing. I mean, I watched the whole fucking concert the other night with tears rolling down my face. It was so inspiring because I forgot how brilliant this motherfucker was.

And the same thing, a lot of you young guys, man, sometimes I play the Beatles and you boom me and you get pissed off at me. Listen, motherfucker. Who can hate the Beatles? This is where it started. You know, I don't like, hey listen, I don't want to hear all she do.

You know I love you. Hit me with Tomorrow Never Knows The Beatles. See if this is the right version. No, that's not the right version. That's the one they keep having. No, Tomorrow Never Knows. Click it with the Beatles, you'll get about 19 different versions.

Yeah, that's what I'm fucking doing. All right, let's see. Why are you making me do this, Lee? Why are you embarrassing me? You know what I'm saying? You're gonna get me smoking and then I know I can't find the music. You're embarrassing me now.

This is fucking easy here. It's fucking easy. What's the Beatles and shit? What's the problem here? Just put a T. Tomorrow Never Knows. There you go. Oh, because they're mono and shit, whatever.

Mono to fucking mono or something. You can't play the mono to mono. I can't, let's see. Let's see. Oh shit. Turn that down for a second. I think I'm gonna have it. Oh shit.

Oh shit. Listen to this shit. Look how he opens up. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Oh shit. So you motherfuckers got nothing to do today. Smoke a fucking joint.

Listen to the Beatles revival. Put on Abbey Road. I had Ari here with me. One of the best Jews since Maya Lansky because I just run with the Abbey Duty Jews. And I played from the live thing from the footage on the roof. Have you ever seen that?

No. Don't bring me down. Put it on. Don't bring me down and watch the video. I mean, watch. If you watch, not let it be, but the long and winding road and watch Paul McCartney singing in that fucking studio

where he looks in the fucking camera with that little fiddle beat on. These motherfuckers are bad. Never forget about the fucking Beatles. Is it yellow, right? What's that? Don't bring me down? Yeah, but there's a live version where they're on a roof.

Okay. They're on a fucking roof in England and they're surrounded by gods and shit. It is fucking amazing. They're out there. I think John Lennon's got like a mink on. Yeah, it's the second one. Don't let me down.

Okay. It's the second one. Look at John. Look what he's got on. He's got a fucking fur on on the fucking roof. Are you kidding me or what? That's 20 a life, no parole in most fucking circles. Are you fucking kidding me right here?

I got it. Let me tell you where it reads. Presents. Don't let me down. Recorded in 1969 in Abbey Road Studios. It's never before I heard version. It's from the original studio recording session on. This ain't the one I'm looking for.

Oh, that's what I open to. I'm looking for the fucking. Oh, yeah, they're on the roof. Look at them on the fuck. Look at John Lennon with a brown fucking mink on. Look at Bringo Starr with a red leather fucking jacket on. Look at them. There's people on the roof watching them.

Put that music on, Lee. That's the one. They're on a fucking roof. This is 1969. Look at them. Are you fucking kidding me? So please America, do me a favor. It's like everybody gets crazy about LeBron James.

Before LeBron James, there was fucking Michael Jordan, but there wouldn't have been a Michael Jordan if it wasn't for Julius Irving. As long as you know that it makes your life a lot fucking easier. This is the beginning, guys, right here. These motherfuckers. Look at these guys with guards. These motherfuckers got reefer in their pocket,

coke, heroin pills, yum-yum pills. They got condoms that have been used already. Fuck it. Look at fucking George Harrison with this black fucking mink on. Guys, please, if you're not doing anything this weekend, smoke a joint. Fuck it. This is the root.

This is the fucking beginning. Again, fuck Abe Lincoln cutting on the apple tree. He got nothing to do with me. It wasn't Abe Lincoln or George Washington. Fuck George Washington. Dude, you're a motherfucker. Fuck them. They ain't got nothing to do with me.

And remember, this is a long weekend. I want to give a shout out to the veterans of the United States, the motherfuckers who've kept us here, the guys over there fighting a real motherfucking war every day. Trust me, it ain't Puff Daddy and all these rappers fighting a war. It's the fucking soldiers. Give them some love this weekend.

You got Monday off. We're not going to do one on Sunday, because I'll be coming back from Arizona. Monday night, I got to leave. We're going to do a podcast for you at 6 a.m. Monday fucking morning. Churchill, what's happening now? Holiday presidential fucking edition.

Lee, what else you got cooked for the weekend? Tell your uncle Joey, what are you guys doing going on? That's it, man. Just work. That thing with Felicia, that is coming out soon. And fucking watching football. There's something about watching football on Sunday, and not just the team you like, man.

That's fucking great. You like it, Lee? Oh, I love it. What do you do? What's your whole process? Do you shower before football? No, not on Sunday. Nothing, you just sit there and scratch your fucking nuts

with sperm on them. From the whack-off you did the night before, it surrounds your little helmet like a fucking salt around a margarita glass. Oh. You've had that sperm around the side, it turns fucking green. Yeah, of course I've had it.

So the best part is living on the west coast, because you can wake up in 10 a.m. first game. It's awesome. You like that. Oh, it's fun. What are you for breakfast? I fucking, and this is one of the things I have to work on for losing weight.

I don't like breakfast, man. Especially when I just wake up, I can go five, six hours without eating. So you won't eat oatmeal to save your fucking heart? I will. That's what you're trying to tell me. I'm just saying it's been tough. That's one of the issues I've had.

I started eating oatmeal, cuckuckers, because I love you. I even went to the doctor this week and got blood work done. Just check, man. I'm doing it for you guys, too. We're doing it for all together because I want to be healthy for you guys.

I'm definitely going down to 260. I've got to do this, man. I'm going to drink something now. 304 or something... lifting I'm trying to lift weights for some reason I shouldn't be lifting I should be jumping up and down and shit like that but Felicia Michaels text me before please don't forget to vote for Beauty and the Beast for podcast awards.com is that it? Yeah and I look at it tonight you scroll down and there's a

comedy section and just go and put the Beauty and the Beast and go to their websites BeautyandtheBeast.com or something very similar to that just Google it and yeah just and next Thursday motherfuckers I'm gonna be in Portland Oregon you cocksuckers but it break out the Goodwill last time I was out there you motherfuckers brought out the shit that killed Frankenstein this shit I want the shit to kill Frankenstein and the motherfucking wolf man have some of that up there November 8 tickets are on sale me and Ari Shafia the other fucking how smoking Jew are gonna be at Chicago House of Blues

tickets are on sale don't fucking complain to me because the tickets are gonna go fast Joey you didn't tell us I'm telling you right now it's fucking October what is it fifth yeah I want to thank my man Mike Runny I'm gonna thank you guys for listening for fucking downloading don't forget to subscribe we need all the subscriptions we got we're trying to take this motherfucker to the top and I can only do with you guys I don't do so much the flying Jew could do so much we could drop balance but that's all we fucking got I love you guys Julie you love these motherfuckers I love you guys we got nothing I love you guys

I appreciate the love you give me the support on testicle testaments the fucking CD the documentary you know what man we doing this together right thank you very much for all the love you give me I'll see you guys Monday have a great weekend get high pussy floss listerine you know I'm saying you go to the doctor with pussy breath it'll kill a motherfucker went down a little bit get high you pussy floss yeah don't forget to wash your pussy and go to the doctor and do all that shit but I did get a blood test as we got in faint but I do it because of you guys thank you very much I love you have a great weekend the

church give me some music I'll never say die what do you got I need to get up nirvana come as you are all right hit it