Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 10/08/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #15

Episode Date: October 10, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about fake people, being upfront with people and what Joey thinks people should know when looking for a new car. Joey's friend from North Bergen, Guy, calls in and talks about music and growing up in North Bergen. Live Streamed on October 8, 2012

I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart oh shit it's Monday motherfucking morning we're back like herpes great to be here Joey Diaz the church of what's happening now my main man Lee boom boom sciat aka the flying Jew and he put the music only let him hear some fucking Tony Bennett on a Monday more that's what's all happening a lot of you motherfuckers are thinking that Joey we're young why we're listening to this old fuck Tony better I'll tell you why cock sucker Lee said to tell you so I'll tell you when when I was a kid my mother whatever she'd start the fucking bar every day every day the first song she played was this while she was cleaning she played out of respect for my father who was

dead so I try to do the same you know I'm saying not every fucking day just on Monday because you want to be around bitches all right Lee what's happening not much buddy I had a great weekend I saw Al magical the ice house and it was a it's good I love I love him always loved comedy and it's it was great seeing him and Kevin Christie was there and it was a great weekend but you had a great weekend in Arizona right four fucking shows I was in and out of there Southwest airline they dropped me off like a fucking parachute over Arizona I did two shows Friday two shows Saturday it was great I had a great time thank you for you fucking savages that came out a couple of people came out gave me their hands and said that they really enjoyed

doing that the flying juice somebody gave me a bag of weed for you thank you very much yeah so I didn't bring it back from Arizona somebody gave me that the other night the ice house for you uh it was great you know the first night was me myself Ari Joe and red band and the other night we switched up a Brendan Walsh in the last night they stayed I gotta fucking take a trip today so what do you call that shit I came in yesterday had the Lord's Day with my wife watch fucking Dexter tremendous I've never gone into that you like that yeah I've been watching this the season one last year was a little fucking weird but they're trying to make a comeback this year you know fuck last week was a weird week for me in a sense of I had controversy around me

last week really yeah a lot of fucking drama last week you know I was shooting this commercial and I got this fat ball under my chin with their popping out on the fucking 23rd you know they took half of it out of my chin that's why I got a band-aid on there okay so it fell off because I was sweating so the you know when you work on movies or all these things the commercials they give titles to people this whole country they give titles to people so these people think that they're fucking you know it's like today a fucking kid got hit by a car or something somewhere and some doctors say if it's fucking life but us as Americans we don't want to give a fuck about that no we give a fuck about whatever Brad Pitt did or Kim Kardashian did like their life is more

interesting to us fuck the guy who saved some kid who had stomach cancer or something like that or somebody who got their head knocked off in a fucking car accident you know those people don't matter in this country what matters is all these fucking celebrities and everybody with no fucking opinion just uh and it's so weird that we don't give credit to the people that really fucking matter so you know like on movie sets I mean people cut themselves or whatever you just can't call the guy a fucking nurse they gotta call him a medic like it's fucking Vietnam and he's coming in with missiles coming into some shit you know so the bandaid falls off this fucking guy look a a bandaid falls off all you gotta do is come over wipe it give him another fucking bandaid and that's it leave

it took this guy fucking 20 minutes to come over he came over with all these things I see the tuba crazy glue oh I go to him what's a crazy glue for he goes it's gonna go stick because I go bro just give me the fucking bandaid you know it was 20 minutes they're holding they're waiting you know he was just trying to make his job bigger than what it was like he could have all been handled with a fucking bandaid but this Momo had to show up with like gauze and q-tips and all this shit with his gloves on I mean you know people are such fucking waspy fucks sometimes and this would really piss me off he had one of those little fucking hats on like Sinatra and he didn't look like the medican one of those hats yeah let me tell you something when I see a guy with a

fucking hat you're telling me that you took time to leave the house so you put a hat on because you think it's cute or for your dumb fucking Momo girlfriend thought it was fucking cute because that's the only reason that guy would put on a little hat like that like a magician like he looks like a fucking fat slash with a hat on like that like to think you're fucking cute because women come up to you and go oh my god the hat fuck those dumb fucking bitches don't wear those hats guys real motherfucking guys look at you guys with those little hats on and we know you're a fucking fake you might as well put cologne on and put an iphone on your arm and walk around with two things he might as well get a pit bull too while you're at it and be a fucking mutt you know

I got nothing against pit bulls but you can always tell a guy you know he has like the guy that we kidnapped Vella with the biker yeah he had the whole man attention package from the fucking car with the tinted windows and the loud stereo to the motorcycle to the pit bull to the tattoo the whole fucking attention package so you know he comes over and he's like I mean this guy cut three times to get a fucking band-aid and finally Lee I couldn't take him I'm like oh hey do me a favor just give me a fucking band-aid he looked at me goes that's not nice I go because you're fucking here 30 minutes guy you could have just given me a band-aid and he got this over with yeah that wasn't nice go fucking get your band-aid bro go home and get your shine box go home and

get your fucking band-aid so he comes back gives me a band-aid shake his head I'm sorry but you're holding production for no fucking reason what's all the fucking drama he gets paid by the yeah he wanted just to make a production to let people know he was working oh my god it's so fucking fake and then the other day what the fuck happened the other day the other day had a beef with somebody the airport no the airport was yesterday the fucking airport I got to the airport yesterday I got this priority pass on Southwest I paid the extra 10 fucking bucks to go through the line so what you do is you pay for the fucking uh the early bird boarding but you go through a priority line if they say to you you're not priority what are you gonna do throw you out and make you walk

out not they'll let you go through it's the oldest fucking trick in the book you fucking I'd be too nervous to do that no what's to be nervous you don't know the problem with life is everybody's too fucking smart but when you go to an airport there's little things you could buy when you fly that'll help you get ahead like let's say they have a jet blue they have it they have priority boarding and they have the bigger seats so for $69 you get bigger seats right right there that qualifies you priority boarding they don't know that in my mind I just pay $69 and that's what should be in your mind you dumb motherfuckers and you go right up and what are you gonna say Southwest or any other airlines no you didn't pay for this get back on the line no they're gonna run

you through you fucking dummies yeah they're gonna run you fucking through you know I fly American Airlines I don't I'm not better than you guys I fly American Airlines all the time so I get these fucking points you know so sometimes I upgrade to business but I'm still going the first one the first class line yeah why not why why are you here business you're not supposed to be here next time don't be here we'll run you through this time I got through that's all that fucking matters that's all that fucking matters so if you're flying buy the packages and then play stupid you don't know nothing you don't know nothing those are the those are the fucking best words you could ever use in your fucking life I don't know nothing it'll never get you in trouble you didn't

claim my ability you didn't do fucking dick I don't know nothing so that's actually probably smart because I was thinking why even buy the package but when you buy the package you at least have a little a little bit of like oh I bought this I thought I got in here it's not like you're trying to sneak in without having anything there you go you're a fucking genius and if they tell you no you're not supposed to come in you're not gonna throw you out they're gonna say next time and guess what you're doing next time you're doing the same fucking thing you're doing the same motherfucking thing dog so I get I have this priority boarding I go to southwest yesterday it's a 740 it's an 840 flight the place is fucking empty you know but it's funny because

I see him walking through the priority line he's a guy on the phone you know he had to be about 48 49 but he thought he was 20 yeah he had to hold on 20 alpha down which is more fucking embarrassing than anything I'm fucking 50 I dress like I'm fucking 50 get it together right I go behind him in the priority line and I see that he's walking taking his time you know like he's on the phone with his girl like whoever's important to him at the fucking time so even when he gave the lady his ID he put like the phone down and then once he got through so listen to the story once he gets through he gives the card he goes through he goes through this line that's completely wide open there's not a soul on this fucking line not a fucking soul late so now you have to it's two she

looks at one side then she looks at the other side yeah she looks at one side she looks at the other side she went to the other fucking side and she let a couple come through then she looked at me and I went through so the couple is in front of me okay okay the couple goes no no no you go they can they see me they go you go because she has to get undressed she had like a fucking you know these fucking women they travel a thousand things yeah so I get on the line one guy's in the back of the fucking line where you get the two cases to load your stuff and he's in the back and we're right there and he's taking this fucking timely now it's me the couple this other couple comes behind me this other fucking old man comes behind me we're all standing on this

fucking line waiting this guy's on the phone taking his shirt off he turns Lee and he fucking sees us he sees us Lee you know yeah of course I'm sitting there I don't say a fucking word and the lady is like what is wrong with this guy you know and finally the guy goes excuse me and he doesn't even fucking turn around to acknowledge people he's better than everybody else right he finally turns the fuck around and he looks at us and I go hey can you move it down a little bit so we could go he goes no just go around me and then he told whoever he was on the phone with like some fucking guy just came up to me so I just told him to fucking go around me or whatever and the guy's like no move it up the whatever the TSA guy he looks at us and he's like you see he said something

and I go hey man you should have fucking moved it up in the first place we don't have to fucking tell you what you're supposed to do yeah you know what the fuck is wrong with people claim your response oh I'm sorry I was on the phone my wife is having a baby my fucking girlfriend's asshole is falling out whatever this guy hangs up the phone he's like fuck you guys no fuck you motherfucker oh shit so we didn't know who you were talking to it wasn't even that he was like he started with the couple first really yeah he started with the couple first it was kind of fucking weird this is seven this has to be of my flight's 840 this had to be fucking 730 in the morning you know you start your day I mean my day was shit after that because the fucking kiss of death

this motherfucker dropped on me but it was just he's like hey man and I just started going back and fuck you and the guy says to me well come to Vegas I'll beat you up in Vegas oh you're a fucking genius and he had like his front was balding so he had one of those make believe hairdos where he pushed everything back and I go look at you with your fucking George Washington haircut get the fuck out of here and his face went pale his face went pale what was a little George Washington faggot fucking haircut but it's just so weird how he sat there Lee and he didn't give a fuck about what I had to say or who I was talking to he didn't care like even if he was being a douchebag at first with the phone and he said keep moving he's like oh I'm sorry yeah

like that would have been like I I was surprised it didn't happen in LA like one time I was flying home in LA and I was waiting at the gate for like half an hour and this person this guy was walking back and forth at the gate screaming on himself like not screaming but talking like way louder than you ever need to talk and he wants people to hear him talk because he's that fucking important and he was like marching he was like doing turns he was like playing with things and I never understand that sort of like need for attention yeah it's just bro they they love it they love it and they gotta talk and listen when I see somebody on the phone like I'm I get fucking pissed off if I'm in a car and somebody comes in talking on the cell phone you know what you just got in a car

bro we were talking about something you came in with your fucking cell phone or your stupid story get off the fucking phone that's what a normal person does anyway I don't want people listen I never want nobody hearing my fucking conversation never yeah never I'm one of those guys I don't need for fucking the people to hear my conversation but here in the mind the fucking small heads here in fucking Momo land with all these fake motherfuckers they think it's beautiful to be on a phone and to talk loud and what about the budget three million dollars I remember I used to do comedy in Denver when I first started there was this club called the Diamond Cabaret they're still there it's a strip club okay and we go into do comedy and it was really funny that I'd always watch these guys

that were coming dressed to the nights you know dressed up beautifully and they'd sit down and they'd order a steak and a bottle of wine and when a woman came over to say a lap dance they go no we're here to talk business listen when you're talking business you don't have to mention that you're talking fucking business you fake motherfucker anybody who says I'm a business you're not talking business you're fucking stroke you know so you came here to a strip club all fucking dressed up all fucking done up with your outfit on and you're talking business you're gonna talk to a strip club and the girl comes back every like 20 minutes are you ready for the lap dance no darling we're still talking about this construction project we're doing now you couldn't do this at Starbucks

with the rest of your waspy fucking friends you couldn't do this at Starbucks you had to do this here so everybody knows your business that's what I'm talking about I mean it's just we live in this gross fucking where and people applaud that all business what type of business do you do oh well you know that's just to open up the fucking door shut the fuck up you don't have to tell nobody what the fuck you do it's like the people at the ATM a couple weeks ago that that we're just waiting there and holding up an entire but it's not even that it's just need for people no listen people one thing about life is that you only do it one fucking time and this is something I learned early to fuck on a lot of people don't like me for this and I don't give a fuck you have to

let your heart dictate what happens in a room or anywhere you know what I don't like being in a room with somebody I don't like I just don't fuck I like it I just don't like it because I want to say something I don't need to be that there's some people like well you know Joe leave a fillet or just you know what just don't go yeah don't go and I'm not mad at you because you invite them and nothing I know you got to do whatever you got to do but don't invite me then I'll call you and tell you the truth you know if I don't like somebody I don't like being around them that's why my mother raised me if you don't like somebody let them the fuck know or don't let them know just don't hang out with them you know one thing about the we had a great call Friday from my

but my brother Mike Ronnie that was one of the best calls I had he talked about pushing a hooker out of the fucking car a free basin coat the reason why I talked to Mike is that's a credit Mike taught me when I was a kid my mother taught me at first but he lived it but Mike didn't like you he fucking told you to your fucking face so you knew where you stood dog I don't like you go to the other side of the bar you got two options you could throw down or we don't need to fucking talk no more you know we don't need to fucking talk no more but I'd rather do that than be a fake nice to people don't be a fake don't be a fake there's there's so many fucking fakes out there you know people always write me fucking notes and shitly and it's so weird that I didn't

have a career at all I had nothing going on I did all these movies but then I did something that nobody else has thought about doing I told the truth and when you tell the truth people fucking love that shit when you tell a story and you fucking tell the truth people love it it's such a breath of fresh air you know we have great numbers with the podcast we're not the top fucking podcast we're not the funniest fucking podcast but whatever you hear around here you're hearing from the fucking heart and the soul I know but people that do podcasts that these motherfuckers are the fakest fucks in the world it's a comedy act it's a comedy act yeah you know what I don't want that I don't want if you listen to Beauty and the Beast if you hear me on the podcast I do

I don't even fucking gig I want to give you something that's real so you could take the fuck home with you because in a land and in a world of fucking fakes I mean it's it's amazing that you people don't pick up on more these fucking fakes when they're talking about but yeah yeah I'm sorry it's tough with like because like that whole thing like it is being fake but it's just thinking about telling someone I don't like makes me uncomfortable just thinking about right now made me uncomfortable well you don't have to tell them that you don't like them but you don't have to be there in the room playing off that you like them or hey man listen you know in those jobs especially the ones we do people come up to you they hug you they kiss you know

as a society we're falling for fucking too much fakes you know over the weekend Joe and those guys are talking about that Doug Stanhope had words with Janine Garofalo on the green room that she said something about Bush and Houston and it's really weird because there's a lot of people that have fans like that and Doug Stanhope asked her what is your body of work go on there how many CDs does she have how many specials does she have she really has none but then you got a guy like Brody or fucking Thomson these guys fucking work hard and nobody knows who the fuck these guys are but you guys buy into Janine Garofalo because he puts glasses on and because she has some fucking weird whatever about life I had nothing against Janine Garofalo I'm just fucking

saying that this is what people talk about this is what we talk about this is what the hook you were so easily in love now you know a guy wins one fight in the UFC he's ready for Anderson Silver what fucking planet did you come from what planet did you come from you know the comeback or whatever comeback is a couple fucking songs a couple fucking fights but we're impressed so easily impressed in this fucking society with everything we're so easily fucking impressed if the guy has an English fucking accent oh my god you know I remember watching Iron what's his name X-Man on Oprah Winfrey the guy that plays X-Men the fucking limey whatever his fucking name is the English guy Australian guy I'm sorry I know I don't remember yeah whatever his fucking guy

he's on Oprah talking about how he loves his fucking fat wife and all these fat women are in the fucking audience going whoo this guy gets his dick sucked 18 times a day he's another guy that wears like a little hat on so people think he's cute and women are like oh he's so cute you know they go on open they're like I love my wife and meanwhile the wife looks like she got stabbed and run over by a fucking car and then these women are like oh we love you so much what the fuck is wrong with you this guy gets his dick sucked by every fucking maid you fucking momos but you buy into that shit oh I love my wife somebody who loves his wife doesn't fucking say it yeah they don't need to people who do things don't need to say it so that's the fucking word of the day

don't say it just fucking do it you know I worked on this crew one time that did spider man too and then they did the longest yard so I did the longest yard I really knew the fucking crew the film crew you know not the not the stars in it but the crew people were around and I remember talking to one guy and he goes uh this is a white wasp he's a pretty nice cool guy that I really liked on this side I forget what his name was and I asked him about um he had worked on this uh the samurai movie with Tom Cruise he's uh you know he's not a sight he's not crazy like me and he's not he doesn't have the eye of a fucking douchebag like me this is just a regular guy and I said to him and guys were talking and they were talking about Tom Cruise in that movie and I and somebody said

do you think Tom Cruise is gay from seeing that movie the guy looks and he goes definitely and the guy goes why do you say that he goes because when Penelope Cruz showed up on the set he made a big deal about it he would always go stop stop it's my beautiful wife or girlfriend or whatever he was and he goes he did it so much that I knew this was a regular fucking guy and I'm very proud of him because he didn't buy into the waspy shit he goes uh wow that's how I knew that this fucking guy was gay because he made too much of somebody who loves their wife doesn't make that big of a fucking deal about it that's that's always what happens like in the news but the senators or the priests who are always against gay marriage they're the ones who come out and

and they're always the ones making dudes in the airport bathrooms and stuff it's hilarious you ever see a fucking gay guy in an airport bathroom dog no see now people understand this they don't they don't let you go into the airport and mingle and I told the story I think on this podcast that I got stuck in in San Francisco in 85 and I noticed that every time I went to a bathroom there was a guy that would come right up to the store and look at me all fucking creepy like his shit it was crazy you know at porno theaters they do that too yeah they uh you you might go to a bathroom when I was like uh 17 my buddies talked me into going to do work for this porno fucking theater but on Sundays there'd be women hanging out there was no fucking women there was a bunch of

18 year old fucking guys walking around foaming from the mouth dying to suck a fucking dick and uh well I have a question for you hit me brother is this is this like a is this a feeling that you've come about later because and it's not something I'm proud of and I don't it's not everything I do but the issue people have with this is you want people to like you and it's everyone always says oh I don't care what people think I hunt if you didn't care what people thought you'd walk around it and sweat pants and you tell everyone what you thought of them and and and you shit in the middle of the street so at a certain level you do care no we all care if people like us the extent what we do for people who like us okay you know I was in a restaurant one day in Hollywood at a

not a Brazilian place I don't even know the name of it and I was eating there I was with my wife eating dinner and there was a table behind me there was a guy that was gay and I don't give a fuck you know but I'm sitting there listening to his voice and he was the gayest guy at the table and I'm gonna answer myself how gay do you have to be to sit at that table you know it wasn't like a funny thing I'm just sitting there by myself going this guy is playing it over gay and I started thinking about how sad is it that this guy is probably gay for acceptance this is just an acceptance and three years from now he will not be gay he'll go back to his hometown or whatever bumpfuck Iowa where the fuck he is and he won't be gay this is just an experiment he's doing it

happens all the fucking time happens all the time here when I grew up if you're a dick sucker you faithful to dick sucker you're always a dick sucker if you're a lesbian you're a fucking lesbian but here in LA all of some people move out here and they turn fucking gay you know they turn gay and then I think it's fucking the turn gay for acceptance you know when I first started to try to get clean and sober off the cocaine I went to a couple and they immediately just to see what they were talking about but it was funny as a kid Mr. Teranova called the show and taken me to AA meetings in 85 to help me with the cocaine he's a big AA guy and I'd gone to them and I was impressed it wasn't something that I wanted to do you know but I was impressed with it it was good I understood

how it worked if you're having a problem and you need some support AA or any might work for you it could work it will work if you give it a chance and you work the steps when I went to the AA meeting I went to one on Melrose Boulevard and it was filled with gay guys and these people with tattoos of AA and I'm sitting there going this is great and all this you know being here but how much of an AA guy are you? How much? And it was very fake people were hugging each other and oh my god and it was just and then I went to a meeting in the valley and I saw the big difference yeah okay I saw the difference I didn't want to say it I didn't want to say it I wanted to see it for myself you know when you go to a meeting in the valley at one of these places I went to a

a meeting you know like a week later in the valley with a friend of mine it was a great men's meeting there were men in there men talking there was a couple gay guys and there wasn't they weren't flaming their feet weren't on fire you know they didn't have to be gay people when you're like it's just you were in the valley and it was normal people not trying to impress anybody that's what it was it was just people with real problems and real solutions not people looking to join a clique or be a part of something you know saying whatever the fuck they say to be a part of something I seen the difference right away I never mentioned it I never it's not like I got mad at it or anything like that I understand it but I don't like that fucking fake shit you know

that that's what it is and maybe I said it wrong maybe you don't go up to something go I hate you but you just don't go where you don't fucking belong I don't go anywhere where I think a fucking incident might come up because I know I'm a fucking asshole I've always known I'm a fucking jerk well and I'm gonna fucking say something you know a couple weeks ago I ruined the fucking wake I ruined the wake with Jeff Valdez when I went at that fucking fake Mexican Jew Jeff Valdez the producer of ctv whatever okay at the Maryland Martinez's wedding I went at him okay wedding at her wake I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck he didn't belong there yeah he didn't belong there you know what he should apologize to Marilyn at her own fucking time

in his own space not come there and embarrass yourself he didn't like it you didn't like none of us you know you tried to help us but you have to hardly help us that's what I can't stand that's what I think there's a lot of there's a lot of fucking fake people like other fucking fake people and if you can't pick up on the fakeness of somebody I don't understand you that's my calling yeah we got a call coming in so we'll finish this in a second what's happening brother yeah what's going on you know me my man over here thinking about you you're not working today no I'm off today uh for you for you guys I want to stay we get off for everything you know that hey that teaching convention we get off we get off for everything uh my man guy is a male man but

we had we had our neighbor on the other day see I met guy Tabasco as a kid when he was a kid now as a kid and we live next to Mike we all I live with Mike runny who called on Friday and Mike was talking about he used to throw the fucking mail away remember when he had that mail card dog remember when he was funny about that I used to come home and see him fucking empty it out of his trunk that's how crazy Mike remember when he used to go over the city with his uh little fucking mail car and pick up fucking blowing shit he go to he go to otb he go to off track betting in the he would go to otb in the fucking mail truck with his male uniform on he didn't give a fuck well the best stories about him is we should give him best to fucking go out to the track

and then I would see him still fucking down by luji's at the time the fucking races were coming off then he come over the next day and want the fucking money when I knew he wasn't at the track he was he's a fucking piece of work brother how long how old were you when I met your guy Tabasco 15 16 something like 15 and we're all in our relationship and our relationship started about fucking music I tell people I tell people all the time you call me a fat fuck a spick a mother fuck I don't get mad but tell me fucking randy road sucks we're gonna do some boxing you know I'm saying we schooled me on a lot of it how many fucking man man how many arguments that we get out in front of your house at your brother Mikey about music and Eddie Van Halen and he would steam

off and shit uh one other thing I was thinking this when I decided to have you this morning I was like who can I have on today go guide Tabasco here's another fucking story for you guys how about this guy remember when I sent when I used to send fucking pizza to your dad like you know like uh fake deliveries and shit like you send somebody a pizza on college football day remember that shit oh that was us yeah we we would call the pizza thing go send a pie to mr. Tabasco don't say hey mr. Tabasco yelling at the pizza guy get the fuck off my stairs I didn't know no pizza there was a couple of times my father felt bad about he wanted to buy the fucking pizza even though he wasn't even hungry the guys coming in with two fucking pizzas we used to send your dad taxi

cabs they beep in front of the house and shit get the fuck out of here I didn't know no taxi cab you fucking cunt suckers oh my god he felt for it though man he had no fucking clue where he was coming from no clue you had one of the best houses ever that I grew up in ever ever there'll always be somebody yelling I mean there was five fucking boys oh when you have five fucking boys and four of them lived there at all times like when I knew you everybody lived there daddy your other brother except the guy out in the fucking DMV but everybody lived in the house Ray yeah my brother Mikey was fucking nuts though you know that he was the one that didn't fucking had most all you went for it oh my god he's always going at it with him he used to work for the cable company so everybody on

the block had free fucking cable it was tremendous everybody everybody everybody had fucking cable even the spanish people they fucking hooked them up with fucking gallivision he had fucking everybody covered 50 bucks to climb the fucking pole hooked anybody up everybody had cable on our block we had the boxes we had cable in the fucking bathroom that's how much cable we had we didn't give a fuck the cable in the shed wherever we could put it everywhere we could put it guy how much fun that you and I have as kids we used to get on the roof and watch Marilyn Maguire undress and dress with binoculars on and shit we're a little freaking freaks though you know what the best part about that the binoculars from where my father's room and that was the hardest fucking thing to do we

to get him out of there just to bring him the fucking high school games football games everything and then he used to come knock on my window and say go get that one afterwards I had to go through the fucking living room get on my father's stretcher and take away he left him in a fucking dresser but I always managed to get him and that fucking Marilyn Maguire how hot was she oh my god we get on the roof and watching you're looking at the right fucking broad let me tell you oh we're watching take a little more you got that I didn't even know what the fucking do I didn't even know what you were thinking about poke at binoculars I want to look at Marilyn Maguire I'm what the fuck what is he talking about but we did it man we don't give a fuck

we used to get on his little roof and watch her undress and shit I always wanted to see her give a blow job or something like I never see a sucker dick but I used to see her take her titties out and play with her titties and look at them in the mirror that's fucking tremendous that's when I was a freak I'm not a freak no more I haven't had binoculars in years what else guy well I had that tree in the back of my house and my father worked for DPW I was always telling them to cut the fucking tree down so we could see how better that tree's in a way that it's in a four on a house you don't cut it down guy we had a steve a villa call up and we're talking about concerts and how north bergen people reacted to concerts how every park would send a

representative to a concert like you go to a fucking concert anywhere whether it was the garden the meadowlands the national coliseum and you'd see 40 fucking kids from north bergen break it down for these cocksuckers oh my god i'm ever going to van helen at the massive square garden like 1982 the fucking ice cream man got swarmed by a fucking pack of fucking people from north bergen everybody's sticking their fucking hands in there grabbing ice cream gary halo i grabbed an ice cream i squeezed it the fucking the ice cream went right up and went right in this coffee didn't even know he was so fucked up he just kept eating was smacking the ice head off how many how many fucking concerts that we go to a dog as a child as kids as fucking

kids now did you go to van helen black Sabbath no you were too young for that no no i didn't go to that that was 78 yeah i was like 13 years old i wasn't going to that which one did you go to that right which one did you go to the first one i went to was the fair warning for in second row it was unbelievable massive square garden who opened who opened up for them that year i haven't i think uh oh man some fucking obscure band who the fuck opened up for them the wrong man i think it was wrong i hear your secrets that you keep when you're calling in your sleep that's who it is with their fucking head those those little cocksuckers what are the concerts did you go to guy what concert did we go together we went through a couple knocked together

remember ozzy remember ozzy at the fucking arena we were seeing you and mike on the side of the stage and you wanted me to throw him that tennis ball oh that's right i wanted to watch this i'm going to throw it to ozzy at the beginning like over the mountain now let me ask you that that was ozzy with brad uh what's his name was dead by right yeah yeah that was the night that i robbed the fucking sony trinitron we used to get the sony trinitrons and i brought him to mike mulligan's house and every time he'd give us a gram of coke that night he gave us a half a gram and that was the beginning that's when we zeroed in on robin mike mulligan that cocksucker because i never forgot him for swindling how about the guy across the street oh we were talking about oh we robbed him

for what the fucking what we robbed him for fucking times even me and mike were talking about i remember finally he wired up the apartment one night he wired up the house and one night i was walking home from mike askelis's house and i went home and i go let me rob this motherfucker three in the morning i busted in there and the alarm went off and who was the cop that lived next to me remember there was a cop that lived next to the runnies oh richie richie the pigeon guy richie the pigeon i forgot his last name so the next day the alarm goes off so i'm stuck running i gotta run back to askelis's house get vivian and walk home with vivian and the cops are surrounding the house and as the cops are there they see me they giggle at me they're like you motherfucker they knew it was me

we must have robbed that fucking house then we had the guy the what about the grocery store what was the name of that grocery store with the old man that was real cool oh stan he got shot three fucking times on a friday night remember that's right but stan had you know why he got shot you know we had fucking chicken roll that was his only fucking cold cup was chicken roll it was disgusting it was like going into the city and fucking buying drugs out of one of the guy had nothing there he had he had you who's he had bread milk eggs he had american cheese because i used to buy the american cheese all the time to make omelets but he used to have chicken roll that was disgusting you know who ate that chicken roll mic running

he loved fucking chicken roll was disgusting it's like eating a scab off on iranian's head i would never fucking eat that shit fuck that disgusting chicken roll oh my god that's what a guy got shot he only had fucking chicken roll he got one in there he shot him some motherfucker went in there looking for friday night some guy went in there looking for wet muts and he said fucking chicken roll i'll shoot you you're fucking guy what about the fuck how much fucking powder we used to do friday night you want to know something real funny about that my father went out every friday night fucking religiously he went out it didn't matter what the fuck was going on that night he was going out he goes up the block staying at shot three fucking times he comes home he says lock the

doors the guy at the block just got shot you know it's funny because when people got shot in our neighborhood we didn't give a fuck life went on he got shot keep going what about when they shot that guy outside roger's house that time roger hollywood was eating dinner with his parents and timmy hollyway and somebody the guy up the corner got shot and roger kept saying dad let's go see what happened his father kept saying sit down roger mind your fucking business got nothing to do with you the guy's bleeding 10 feet from his house and mr hollyway won't let him go watch and see the fucking help the guy out let's talk about the let's let's talk about the fucking drugs with these fucking youngsters tell them how crazy it was the jaws the good thing about what when you

got all that fucking scores bob in the houses and everything i knew i was in for a fucking party the next day oh that was too much with the fucking block all we get the fucking lines i ever seen in my life i couldn't even snore i had to stop halfway through that's how fucking big they were oh we used to get cooked up guy like a mother fucking look out window no at that time i didn't look out windows i think it's paranoid then my jaw was just starting to go from side to side tell him about runny's jaw these motherfuckers don't know about the the curse of the runny he was eating his fucking shoulder he needed shoulder he was going so quick oh it was hysterical i remember when i went like that venery party when venery told not to snort and he started

snorting and venery's like look at him and all of a sudden we all looked at him and he's like what i didn't do nothing your fucking jaw is going from side to side a million miles a fucking minute he looked fucking retarded right he did he didn't fucking retarded it was it was he's looking at me go what the even my in-laws didn't know what was wrong with him at that time he said it when i got married i what the fuck is wrong with his jaw you would not believe this shit in public but i remember a guy just coming home you were like my buddy i come home and i talked to you earlier who would get out of school me or you i never went to fucking school would it be the middle of the fucking day and here comes the fucking knock on the door oh yeah come on over

here comes the fucking come on over and shit like that we got the party going on and we do shit in the afternoons were you there were there we were talking to runny about it when i robbed a mulligan's house and fucking they blamed it on mic runny and we were lifting and they came they knocked on the door you were you were there i don't know if you were with us but you were next door with some shit what happened that they go they went right to the basement they went upstairs no they went to the fucking clothes on the basement floor over there do you have any problem getting through there do you remember how much clothes they were on that that was the first orders if you think about it right the runnies the fucking backyard the the laundry it was amazing roger halloween used to

say you have to be a high hurdle to go in there because you got a hurdle over the fucking clothes you would fall down if you step you didn't know what direction you were gonna fall that's how much clothes and they went like you had to go down too far two steps and then there were the clothes so you didn't know how deep you really were i could throw you off a fucking balcony you could it was like a mat guy you know i did no clothes no fucking clothes they had how deep it was guy it's so funny that i do this podcast with lee the flying jew and uh the last couple weeks we've been doing it it's so funny that people have no idea how we grew up when i tell these

stories you know i didn't tell these stories uh guy because i didn't think people are gonna believe me ever and about three years ago you know for years i would tell the stories have to stand up comedy about how we used to rob shit and bring it back and you were a young kid and we listened to fucking music or talk about musical albums or and it's really hard tell these people how we grew up and there was no fakes you couldn't be a fucking fake you know we didn't grow up with fucking people with goatees or tattoos or earrings you know explain to these people how we grew up man well the best thing about it was during the day it was mostly during the day as when you would come and get me and i'd be fucking hitting ramona remember ramona

yeah i think he fucking swat that she was yeah and then i would leave i would come over by you get snorted up and then i had to go back home and go take a shit went right through me to cook we were fucking kids man we were fucking kids how many bad things could have happened you know well there's no consequences we never looked at that we just did whatever the fuck we had to do right we used to go we used to you know uh leek and we used to be kids and we'd go into the fucking city to get weed or even into the concerts at 15 how old were you when you go into the city and go to a concert how were you yeah 15 16 fucking stubborn in putting the fake tickets together so we could run upstairs and get into the garden i mean it was fucking insane i got i had a fake

ticket from the metal lads once they fucking kicked me out and that's the square guard the guy was trying to pull a ticket out of my hand he drips it out of my hand and says you've got a brand of burn Arena on there what are you doing he pushes me over the fucking barricade get out of here how to take the bus home it's fucking crazy sometimes i'm i think about shit and my breath flies out of me guy like i'm like oh my god i can't believe we did that whether and then you were you were a resident of the craziest part of north bergen you hung out down at the fucking field which is it was mars compared to other places this was really fucking mars these guys ran the field like a fucking they did whatever they want you had characters with randy mergel you had joe

luci you had all these people that were fucking bigger than life you know a joe luci party would kill most people today and i tell you this i'm not laughing i'm not fucking laughing you know these kids that go out they go clubbing and they do a hit of x and they drink two shots of champagne and they think they're partying guy tell them what we kill those kids we eat them up you know we were right there when everything god i'm sorry good everything you could imagine at joe luci party and then some every fucking thing mescaline acid randy mergel was right up the block i mean it was the perfect setup bees they used to deliver the bees they're the tonally licky you fucking call them up and you put the order in and they fucking deliver them no one who fucking went to the door

to enter to get the fucking beans you didn't even need to be 18 as long as we tick the delivery driver 50 fucking bucks he'd bring you a bazooka in those days we used to get the guy from tonally liquors and the one on 68 and burger line there was two of you want to know what the fun the funny part about that is it was marked barely that was delivering from he was the biggest fucking alcohol in fact and at the other place it was glen zeminak do you remember at the one off 68 and then he would sell coke too so you'd order fucking delivery and he'd bring your coke rock for $40 too you and he'd stop and get your cigarettes and roll in papers and if you gave him another $10 he'd stop at the weed dealer's house and get the fucking weed from him it was completely different

there was there was the liquor store is delivered that could you imagine that shit yeah there's it's some things like that now but it's it's not the same thing the id the id you yeah the id you're the whole thing you have to go pay for it and then they deliver it but they're not like this and the people knew who they deliver into it and you didn't have internet you had to know the number and call the number and we knew the number in the back of what we knew that number the police department the attorney's number that's the only number you need to fucking know the liquor store and the attorney's number so that's you know what i'm saying so you know that that's what it's all about god these people fucking god the best the best and that's why when i left it i people like you

don't go out and when i left new york and 83 i stopped going out at night because i knew it would never ever ever my life would ever be like that ever again i could go out you know when i went to colorado you know the big thing was to go to a bar and watch a cover band i'd rather shoot myself in the fucking eyeball i'd rather have 10 black fucking dicks up my ass and one coming on my face she's sitting there watching some fucking cover band you know did you go to pink floyd with us two guys you know i'll take flight where was that the car yeah the car yeah remember i had the shirt i used to always wear about that what was your favorite what was your best concerts guy oh my god oh i gotta think about that i mean you still go to the almond brothers every fucking year

every year they're still good they're still good you know they hold up over there in the beacon they do that 57 nights in the beacon or whatever it is and we'll make it over there once or twice what conscious what was the last concert you went to that was the last concert oh no i went to see uh that local leon the other night at the metal ends you know it was about the band the drummer for the band okay how was that leave on help yeah it was good it was good it worked out it was a good night good night out i don't know if you like the band i don't know if you're into them no i'm into the band you know the old stuff but uh uh what does that say to you uh it was something i had a fucking ask you and i forgot here

but but the younger days i mean dc and the coliseum and i mean i mean like you said every week there was somebody else it was every every band that came to the garden or the metal lands or the coliseum ah the dc band hell the continuation fucking heffernord bergen was there what was the album and it's funny because i talked to guy once every 10 days and i always ask him what album are you listening to that's how much that's how deep him and i are when it comes to music what album are you listening to never say die the first side and never say die fucking tremendous like you always say you can end it on that first guy yeah you can end it you could just kill yourself after fucking julia's eyes after you know and i play music for these guys every day every day

i play something different for them uh you know i try to school them man just to let them know what's really going on because i listen to the music today and it fucking blows there's like three fucking good bands out there and everything else is the same shit you've been listening to all your fucking life you know it's the same shit you've been listening to all your fucking life and it's just uh i listen to shit with substance we got some heat we're gonna throw out these motherfuckers today guys say some fucking goodbye words for these cocksuckers tell them what north tell them about the hooker that brand balling on when she used to suck dick in front of that little store on 81st street so listen to this i forgot i've been dying to tell you the story

so the fucking political system moved off in the mock-ups the mock-ups weren't the mayors no more they stopped being the mock-ups so they had this other team what's going up there now today i think all burger with the fucking dpw it's like they took over from my father he's taking down the whole fucking town he's ratting out everybody yeah they're ratting out everybody but i heard that governor christie is getting involved and he wants those motherfuckers out of there yeah well they're fucking triple different four they got four jobs three jobs they're doing shit on the clock they get their house on you know it don't fucking stop it don't worry what's going on for years you know it's funny how i don't pay attention to politics because even the

political races they're fucking boring is fucked i've been seen through politics right through i see right through it you know guy after what we came through i see right through all this little nicky-nacky shit they're fake politicians man we grew up with real fucking politicians those motherfuckers that take you out and stab you and put you in a hole if you didn't fucking vote for them i mean i tell the story about these so there's this mock-ups and they were getting heat so they stepped down and put this fucking uh in place uh uh political team in there and then when the heat died down they wanted to get their jobs back so they got this hooker from the neighborhood to go on national tv and say she blew all of them that they were the fuck this is a true story

and they changed her name to debri and ballingall her last name that this bitch went on eyewitness news and started talking about how fucking she fucked the mayor she sucked the mayor's wife's pussy the mayor's wife's pussy was a fucking uh uh she was a uh a madem and i mean they got this fucking because once the people sat down they're like fuck it we're not giving up our thing no we're not gonna give it up at all we're gonna sit here and they were like what we'll get some hooker and she went ratted them out it was the 18 or something they got voted back in and then after she fucking the 18 and after they fucking disappeared they killed the hooker a fucking year later they found her in a hallway fucking bleeding with a with a with a fucking syringe in her arm

that's the fucking mock-ups that's fucking north bergen political system that's why obama stuttering don't fucking affect me you know what i'm saying it's that milk romney whatever with his little fucking haircut he could suck my dick that guy's in no danger fucking the guys that what i were mayor like our mayor joe maco and peter maco and those motherfuckers we grew up in a fucking political system you know i'm saying i mean it's so it's hard to even fathom when you see this shit that you i see right through it you know god give me right after right after that happened to you as they all took off and moved to florida right yeah that's what they did because that north bergen they fucking hightailed it out of there they moved to fucking florida guy any

closing words for these cocksuckers peace brother good talking to you anything else anything you want to let them know about north bergen just so you know we ain't fucking around it's a real deal everything you say it's the real deal it's fucking crazy i love you guy i'll give you a call later on during the week brother stay black thank you for being my friend those years all right you're welcome all right you're welcome you know i know that the fucking uh i know that the thing is stick them is is having a problem today because people been hitting me up but this guy this fucking handler guy go fuck yourself you fucking dummy we're trying here go fuck yourself you're fucking dummy you don't think we know you deserve better he's hit me with 10 fucking twits you know don't you

think we're on here i know stick them sucks dick we're trying to make it better don't you think bro we're doing this for free for you can't you fucking can't these people be a little bit decent sometimes we get up early we're doing and this guy's insulting us on there this guy mind your fucking business that's the law of fucking the church of what's happening now mind your fucking business you don't have to say nothing to nobody that's the problem with these motherfuckers everybody wants to be a crime stopper and say something try you stream or you stream live stream brother you deserve better i know we deserve better but we started with stick them so we're trying to make it work you fucking mutt do you understand me is that okay with you i mean is that okay with people

that's another thing people do they get on something something don't work and they bail out on it's trying to make it fucking work we're trying to make it work i don't want to be like everybody else and just go to fucking you stream you follow me this is why we do what the fuck we do because we don't want to be that's what the church is about not being and doing whatever the else does it would be easy for me to go on you stream like fucking joe rogan and go on his fucking tales but i wanted to try something different guys so please give me a fucking break you fucking moron jesus christ you don't think we know you fucking retard fucking this moon bake his name is moon bake that's how stupid moon bake are you fucking kidding me moon bake are you fucking retarded

with that fucking name that's the starters you one of those guys that wears those little fucking hats and and fucking to philosopher you fucking mo mo i'm fucking believable what you got to put up with this fucking day and age this motherfucker is getting blocked this fucking moon bake hot sucker for everyone who gets yelled at by joey on twitter this is what happens like you don't let me go to like you got a window into what happens when joey gets pissed off oh because it's amazing how people don't think that you see this i see it i know we're slipping today and we'll work on it but for you to keep tweeting somebody with the same stupid shit the same stupid shit it's when i see this it tells me one thing that you don't fucking have a life you have to go out and get

and get a life man i appreciate that people listen to the podcast i appreciate that people come to the fucking shows i appreciate that people go on twitter and we go back and forth that you buy merchandise that you support the shows it's the fucking people that come up to you and look at you and they look like fucking the guy from taxi driver and their eyes are spinning in their head and they're like man if it wasn't for the podcast i wouldn't have a fucking life well it's time for you to get a fucking life we do this as entertainment you know when i watch sons of anarchy at night i don't watch sons of fucking anarchy because i want to be joe fucking bike i've already shot people i've already fucking robbed shit i watch it because it's entertainment but i don't write fucking

curt soothering go curt i think there's holes in your game no i don't do something like that you know why because i know it's fucking entertainment this is an hour an hour and 15 minutes to take your mind away from the regular ho hum shit and look down on joe ideas and go what a fucking criminal piece of shit he is not for you to sit there and for 15 minutes won't you stream go on this go on that they get so and that's what i told you in the beginning i don't look at that shit don't look at that shit because what happens is it proves to you that there are some people after that are looking for you to fucking you know reach out and touch fucking faith what the fuck is wrong with these people yeah put on the jew national anthem that's what we didn't do today

we didn't put on the jew fucking national anthem let's play for these motherfuckers hit it crack that motherfucker lili lili we ain't got time for this shit fucking morons uh what this is like 1975 the oj's this is when music was fucking music singing about money and they're black jews the most important one from the other side of israel like that shit up there's an extended version these are real jews they say money money money a thousand times money money money money they all got the yamakan fuck you pay me what it's a beautiful day to be alive that's what i love about monday's you got a second chance

the shit the negative shit that was hit me last week it's over it's a whole new week hit it ah well listen to me y'all yeah yeah wait lately did your mother play this for you when you went to play this lot away did she play this for you no no my mom won't probably actually probably put like that the speakers on her stomach when i just pregnant they're playing in the background at the bris money what dollar bills y'all tremendous i actually have a kind of question about that uh speaking of money i don't know about everyone else in the country but gas

fucking flew up here it's like five dollars a gallon right now fuck yeah and so i was thinking and since you just bought the car and you're you were a car salesman i was thinking about turning my car in and leasing a hybrid like what what what do you think about that and what what are your i was really wondering what your tips were for people doing that because i have no idea what's going on when i'm getting there i know i'm gonna buy the the warranty i don't need and do you have any like quick tips for people trying to look at a car first though i wouldn't buy a fucking hybrid really well i want to do 40 miles an hour in the right hand lane people going around me dog i need that aggravation in my fucking life i'm with you i'm with you i'm getting 25 right now

i could get 50 if i buy yourself a little fucking nice car that you know gets nice mileage i mean uh you know buy yourself something with small fucking mileage but you're gonna go to a priest now no no no no not a priest i was thinking about getting the uh the civic or the accord has a hybrid although they could too yeah i don't know i don't know much about them well not not necessarily about the hybrid but when you're going into a car dealership what should you look out for what should you like avoid because i just i have no i don't know i don't think it's like a research you gotta do research you gotta get on there see what car you want first then you gotta realize you know why you want it and why and then you have to look into the car and see what the

it voices is see what the profit they make how much profit do you want them to make i mean you don't want them to work for fucking free i don't want nobody to work for free so i don't mind there's people out there that like go get a fucking thing and they run into a dealership and go uh you know fuck that shit i want i want to pay 500 less than the voice was it's not okay if they make a profit these people go to work so that's what you have to decide on then you have to see you know like we we knew that there was a fucking lease special listen when you buy a car you lease what depreciates and you own what appreciates a house has value a car as soon as you slam the door and drive it out it goes down the fucking tubes that's what people understand so what you're

trying to do is you're trying to get more car for your money so when you do the first pencil which is tell people what the deal is you say to them listen uh you know what the lease special i had was 259 a month zero down plus uh depositing all that time assigned signing and the payments were like two something a fucking month okay you know so i knew that from the lease if you try to buy that same car that same car is gonna be 425 and you gotta put $2,500 on now when you put money out of your pocket when you buy a fucking car that's money you could put in a fucking cd and collect interest on so a lot of people i'm gonna go put $5,000 down you're a fucking moron okay you're a fucking moron because if you could put a thousand down and take four and put it in a cd a dvd whatever

the fucking investment things are i'm not even if you put it in your fucking jacket pocket and hide in there around some reefer you're doing more than putting it as a down payment down payment on a car equals profit for a car dealership okay so the more down payment you're putting down they just beat you the fuck up they know you're a fucking grape so you never want to play with your money you always want to play with somebody else's money okay you don't see fucking all you know like right now uh i heard they just did a movie where the producer and the actor would put the money up for the fucking film that's very fucking rare because your business manager will tell you but in life you never play with your fucking money you take a thousand down you put it down anything after that

you could be using it for your kids education for you for a camera why are you giving them $5,000 down so what you're doing when you're getting a car is getting the most car for your money okay if you get a lease for zero down which will probably be $700 after signing cost and the first payment if you could fucking get that with zero down that's what you're going for okay you don't want to take your money and tie it up into something look at these people who bought these homes and this fucking homes collapse the value can't that's irreparable you can't get that back how are you gonna get it back now okay and now what do you think about um because when i when i bought my car i i got tricked i think i got tricked but they they were trying to sell a warranty like a

like a repair warranty if something happened right and i never get that for like electronics because i know it's a scam but for some reason i was like oh a car could break down more easily so i got i spent 2000 and i got it is that a waste should i not waste okay when you have a used car if you buy first of all the car you're looking for always is not a new car you're always you're always looking for a car that's a year or two years old because somebody else eats the appreciation the dealership the rental car agency whoever swallows the appreciation right now today the car business they give you the fucking remainder of the warranty okay yeah let's say you buy a two-year Hyundai you get eight-year warranty left on it out of the 10 yeah out of the 10 you know if they're

a good dealership you know when i went to keys i was very impressed with keys because they had the car facts they were knowledgeable they weren't pushy you know they had a real home feeling to them okay you know i when i even when i sold cars i didn't like pushing people it wasn't for me you ask them a little bit and you know you ask them you go what can we do today to get this you know get this party started that's what you want to do usually with people but you don't want to go after them and you know let's do this today we have to it's the end of the month that's garbage those are old school fucking tactics if you talk to somebody correctly you don't need to sell people okay you know you don't need to sell people so always look for a car at first for your value

that's two to two fucking two to a year old somebody else eats an appreciation and then the other side of that is you know then you have to get your payment you have to do the thing you know a used car today is fucking expensive yeah you know they jack them up a Toyota Subaru a fucking Honda those those cars retain their value sometimes it retains the value to the person who's a car lover of that brand you know Toyota people in Colorado or Toyota people don't come in and they want a 1969 Land Cruiser and that's what they fucking want okay why because the ratio that year whatever their engineers they're very intelligent you know so you know what you want but the car we were going to buy was 19,000 they could only get

it down to 18,300 for an extra 1700 we got a new car yeah that's a what's the point so for an extra you know what I am so they wanted 4,000 down and three something for the used car that we didn't really like I didn't want listen man I don't even like reading a book that's used I don't want something I don't want to sit in somebody else's fucking farts so for the 269 700 down I walked down there with a new fucking 2013 oh shit okay tell me again how I did you know I used the least thing and you know what I'm not gonna buy the fucking car at the end of the two years so I know some people gonna say Joey but leasing what do you have listen what do you have when you finance nothing nothing you have they have your paper till you pay that fucking thing off you gotta have it

for five years so now you're gonna pay that car off for five years now it's yours but guess what you have a five-year-old car yeah which means anything to break down anytime if you have the credit and you could do it lease okay lease every three years you get a new car every three years you don't worry about none and after you become let's say you lease with Toyota you just drop the car off and get another one you already got your credit card information your financing information it just becomes where time is money I don't know about you time is money for me okay you know and even when I was a junkie time was money I don't like wasting fucking time I don't like driving on the one-on-one if I don't fucking have to you know there's more to life than fucking

wasting fucking time time for me is everything you know it's so weird how there's people I talked to in the hall were sitting in traffic really I can't sit in fucking traffic I wouldn't go out at that fucking time yeah you know that's just me you went where at four once you stick a gun in your fucking mouth now you know whatever and they'll talk I don't like wasting time okay so the same goes for me with cars that car took an hour to get yeah that's all that that's how long it should take now should uh with all these holidays coming up sometimes they have the specials and everyone goes in is that worth it or could you get the same deal anytime at the same deal anytime of the year okay they're always having a sale there's always a sale when you go to a car

place there's always a sale okay a good salesman always has a reason thank god you came in today it's the beginning of the month we're having a sale thank god you came in today it's the middle of month we're having a sale thank god you came in today it's the last day of the month you know listen man it's like I say when I get up in the morning I get up in the morning I say it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive why god gave you another chance grab your fucking cock and go out there you hear it every day but it's what I tell myself same thing for them there's a sale every fucking day okay you know there's people making money every day you people getting a job every day that's the beauty of it get up get up it's fucking Monday you get a second chance I know today's podcast is a

little rough whatever it was a Monday morning podcast but hey I'm happy you started to week with us today I'm happy you get to listen to this don't forget my man Brendan Walsh is taping a cd this week at the San Francisco burrito and comedy festival at the elbow room on Friday only seats 140 people this will sell out this will sell out this will sell out do not forget to go see Brendan Walsh this weekend also Ari and fucking Tom Segura are still on fucking iTunes support them I will be at the Portland helium club this Thursday at 8 o'clock go to Portland helium calm get some fucking tickets now this thing will go we're gonna have a great time Thursday night I love fucking Portland oh yeah let me explain some to you hippies on my roots I live in Colorado there's none with a chick with

a fucking armpit pussy you're following me they got that little patchouki juice on man the whole fucking thing I was talking about on Twitter last night so please make sure you go to fucking if you're in San Francisco support Brendan Walsh when comics do a cd we need all the yelling and screaming we could get and Brendan's a fucking great guy you can follow him on Twitter but make sure you get all the information to San Francisco comedy and burrito festival or something like that I know it's in the elbow room and I just worked with him this weekend in Arizona had a great time and I'm happy man that uh I have my friends call all the time I'm happy I have great friends in life that take care of me Lee and Joe Rogan fucking red band I'm happy and hurry that I have

these people around me in my life every day I'm really happy our things are working out what's up with you flying juke that's it bad motherfucker you just work so everyone who wants to go see joey in Portland it's helium comedy calm and it's 888-643-8669 and uh just go out and see him that's all I mean I I go to work every day so just go see Joey I'm sorry that I had to go off on this fucking momo no it's funny it's like it's it's amazing that uh you're trying to do something you do something for free I mean Lee didn't fucking work last night so he obviously got up at five in the fucking morning I went to bed at 10 you know I got up at five in the morning he got some guy fucking screaming at you on fucking Twitter like you know I know it's not a fucking showtime production

and we're learning we're trying to get our pieces in here we're trying to do the best we can I don't need some fucking guy whatever his momo's name telling us that it's slipping and you deserve better some people just so fucking knows you just mind your fucking business that's rule number one and it's weird because we had like today we had 16,000 people watching and everyone loves it and it same happens with the iTunes comments you could have 800 nice ones one guy's stupid and it'll just ruin a little and I understand I understand it was going slow whatever then fucking wait for it to get on iTunes but to sit there and keep tweeting and retweeting and retweeting it just lets me know that I don't even want you to fuck around you know you you're depending too much on

oh my god it's right you know it's too fucking creepy for me so uh I don't fucking get how about little juniors eyes for these people by black Sabbath oh I had war pigs uh no war what is it called juniors eyes it's often never say die out that guy Tabasco called about I really like guy Tabasco I talked to guy Tabasco a lot he's a mailman and it was funny that him and Ronnie lived next to each other and he said you come home and see Ronnie throwing the fucking mail away Mike Ronnie guys was a character that I'm really proud to have in my life it was as real as fucking cancer having that motherfucker around what do you got planned for today Lee what are you doing on Columbus do you gotta work tonight I gotta work fuck time seven o'clock yeah you can still hit a

barbecue up go over fuck I gotta go to sleep like I cuz cuz I stay up most of the night because I'm working until five o'clock tomorrow morning so I uh I'm gonna do that but uh everyone have a great day off enjoy it those of you who got it and really thanks for listening guys I I know Joey says it but everyone's been really nice to me and it's uh it's it's cool to be you deserve to be fucking nice man you get up in the mornings you come down here do this it's why I love you Lisa yeah you know I the last three years I met a lot of fucking stupid fucking people that you know they call you up with a project and three months later they give up Lee's never given up this motherfucker's 24 years though he's never given up and that's

why I was telling really those guys I'm real proud of this guy let's do some juniors eyes cock sucker all right let's leave these guys off I love you guys Wednesday morning 6am get your shit together it's a beautiful big day to be alive go out there do something mug somebody do something crank that shit Lee that's got too strong of a base to be fucking around with listen Tony I owe me on this everybody always says you know Al Capone John Gotti's the baddest Italian it's fucking Tony I owe me it's a crazy cover for the album please what is that is that like a pilot okay but it looks like aliens something black Sabbath don't talk about aliens that's these new fucking momos only talk about

Do you hear the sound as his hand freaks out to the sky? Bye, guys. Do you hear the cry, the day that makes best friend guide? Yeah! You're coming home again tomorrow. Do you hear the cry, the day that makes best friend guide? Do you hear the cry, the day that makes best friend guide? Do you hear the cry, the day that makes best friend guide?

Do you hear the cry, the day that makes best friend guide? Do you hear the cry, the day that makes best friend guide?