Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 10/09/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #118

Episode Date: October 10, 2013

Joey's friend George calls in. Also a surprise last minute call from Redban. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Streamed live on 10/08/2013.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to HuluPlus.com slash Joey. That's HuluPlus.com slash Joey. And by DollarShaveClub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to DollarShaveClub.com slash Church. That's DollarShaveClub.com slash Church. Or just go to joeyds.net and click on the DollarShaveClub banner. Oh shit. Oh shit. It's fucking Wednesday. October 9th. Wash your asshole. They mean business out there ain't fucking around. Oh shit.

Are you fucking kidding me or what? We're back bitches. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with here? It's Wednesday. Wake up. Eat that oatmeal. Some jumping jacks. Take a nice shit. Wipe that motherfucker with the with the things. One wipe Charlie. One wipe Charlie. Put some peppermint in your life through your asshole. Who gives a fuck? Your asshole will smell good. Your breath will smell good. You'll be a complete individual. You know what I'm saying? Groove it. Hit it. Get up cocksuckers. Life is waiting for you. Oh shit. What's up, baby? I love this song. This song always gets me going. Oh, it gets everybody going. That's a pure heroine. You know, that's a fucking tremendous little jam.

What's going on, baby? I feel great, dude. You look good. What time did you get home from work? Like, 12.30. I got home early last night. And I, uh, I don't know. I mean, the job sucks, but I got home at 12.30. Went to bed, got a few hours of sleep. I'll get a few more after we're done. Look at you. You're looking sharp and shit. You're trying. Put some gel on the fucking head, dude. There's no hair. That's why I got to cut like this. So I don't think you should do it. Listen, you got three hairs. You got to maintain them. That's it. That's all I say. You got to, what are you going to do? You can't put a rug on. You're fucking Lisa. You're the flying Jew. It's either a yarmulke or you go straight fucking commando with that hairdo. You know what I'm saying?

Fucking Lisa. It's great to be here. The movie is done shooting, guys, which means the schedule is back. We're back. You know, it was a great experience. Movies always are. Films, shooting films always are. The film I did was The Dog That Saved Easter. It's with Dean Cain. I do one a year for ABC Family. I think they're going to expand them this year. Who gives a fuck? You know what? I got a little bit of work. I went towards my insurance because at the end of the week that's all I give a fuck about is that I have insurance. And every week you always call me like, well, it's dead. And until this week you had stuff to do. Oh, for three weeks. Yeah. For three weeks, I had stuff and it was pretty hectic because I had to shoot and then get on a fucking plane.

You know, I went to Oregon last week. I didn't have to fucking get on a plane, but it was the same difference. I worked 3-12s last week, which killed me. You know, fuck, I'm an old man. How do you do? How do you learn your lines? Do you learn them before you get to set or is it? No, I read the script. Okay. I make a couple of notes in the script. Like, I look at this, I look at that. And then they give you dailies every day. So at night they shoot me what they're going to cover the next day. And I circle my things, like line it up. And I learned the lines to a degree. Like I'm a sidekick. So my lines are like off of his. So it's usually three or four lines per scene, maybe two, maybe one, and it's all comedy. So it doesn't

matter how I get to it, is that I get to it. So I know the lines a little bit. They're not in stone in my head. And then when I get there, we rehearse. Oh, you do rehearse. We rehearse while we block the scene out, you know, so you rehearse a little bit and then it really gets. And then once I get there, the first take is usually fucked up. But the second take, I go in there like a fucking savage. What's really helped me is, you know, I don't fucking toot my horn about anything. But what's really helped me is I'm very experienced now around the set. Like I'm good. Like I'm good. Like when I shoot, there's no wasted time. Like I know my lines. I know exactly what to do. And I was explaining that when I came here to LA, you know, every movie paid six something a day or TV, whatever

scale is sag scale. And then about three years into being in LA four years and I booked something, and it went to 466. A lot of movies were going down to 466. Then sag to another bargaining agreement, they went down to 250 something. This isn't for every movie. This is just certain budgeted films. The budget of the film determines what you get paid per day. Well, about five or six years ago, maybe seven or eight years ago, they started with this ultra low budget shit. $200,000 and I have to pay you $100 a day. What that means is that it's a skeleton crew. You know, when you work on Spider-Man 2 or analyze that, you have a person shadowing you pretty much all the day. You know, there's three makeup girls, there's four wardrobe people, there's fucking 12 PA's,

there's three AD's, you know, there's a thousand people per job. So it flows a little better. The more smaller budget that that chain of commands, you know, gets smaller and smaller. Yes. And then what you do is it gets more and more inexperienced. Because experience people say, fuck you, I'm not working for 100 a day. Yeah. So they were a little tougher to do. You know, I was very fortunate. I worked on big films first, and then it went backwards for me. So I know exactly what movements I have to do. But if I would have had to start doing 100 a day movies, this would have been very hard for me. Because you basically went to acting school on bigger movies. On bigger movies. Yeah. You follow me. I was very fortunate that I cut my teeth on,

you know, big multi fucking budget, whether it was Taxi or Queen Latifa. Like this movie here had off. I had to bring donuts yesterday for breakfast. You did? Two days. Yeah, I stopped at Yum Yum Donuts and got three dozen donuts for the fucking whatever. Because there's no food. It's peanuts. It's fucking everything that don't go with everything. It's like there's peanut butter, but then there's like fucking condensed milk. You can't make peanut butter and condensed milk sandwich. You know, they have one breakfast at 7am. No, it's six. So the movie starts shooting at seven. So now you want me to get dad at six just to get a free fucking breakfast pass. They do everything those movies to make it harder. You know, and I've done work for these guys before

or whatever, and it's okay. You know, it's like I'm eating on a fucking day or whatever. I could kill us. I mean, it's nice to have. Like when I did Spiderman fucking two, they had every type of juice. Do you understand me? I had two tables of just juices from Kiwi mixed, Brazilian fucking grape to acai. And then I tell you where I wouldn't have lasted either when I did General Hospital. General Hospital, when I did General Hospital was when I really learned that you're fucking, when you get to General Hospital, you check it. Like when you get to a movie set, okay, you walk on with your bag, whatever, and people see that you're the new guy and they come up to you. You're looking for somebody. You know, I'm Joey D. Okay, come on over here. You're playing South. Yeah.

And they walk into your trailer and they go, your clothes is in there. Do you want breakfast? And you go, yeah. And you go, all right, they point you over to the fucking table or if you want them to bring it to your room, whatever. They're pretty, you know, it's on a TV show, on a movie, on a studio lot. Yeah. And then from there, you go to your room and you change and you go to makeup. And then from there, you go back to your trailer and you sit till they need you. You go up to the set and see what's going on. Say hello to everybody, rehearse your lines, whatever the fuck it is that you want to do. Okay, but somebody's always with you. You have a question. When I did General Hospital, you basically walk in some hot black shit,

gives you a fucking piece of paper with your room info and shit, you go to your room and nobody even talks to you. You don't talk to nobody. You have a room like this with a couch, a bed, a refrigerator, maybe have water in there. Maybe they have a couple of diet sodas. There's a TV screen. And then there's another monitor. And that monitor will tell you everything. So as soon as you sit down, there's a piece of paper, your package is there, you gotta fill it out. And there's a piece of paperwork that with your lines off for the day, which for them, I knew them when I walked in because they're not gonna improvise on the fucking soap opera. No. So when I walk in right away, I'll tell you, rehearsing scene 63, you fucking go right up there.

Boom, you're ready. They block it. Boom, boom, boom, you rehearse it back. Now you go to your room and change. And now you wait for the monitor to tell you, there's no interaction with nobody. You don't even talk to nobody on General Hospital. You must have loved that. I did. I really did. You're by yourself. You know, you bring a book, you bring a fucking CD, you know, you bring an iPod, you know, I brought an iPod to this thing every day. I listened to a little music. I listened to the Mark Maron podcast. Listen, I really want to thank Mark Maron and WTF for putting me on the show. Mark Maron, let me tell you something about Mark Maron that I ate. Okay. You know, I don't like questions. You know what I'm saying? After a while, fucking questions trying to be crazy,

especially when you open up with a question. Mark Maron's a very good fucking interview. And I'm very proud that he put me on the show. A lot of people don't put me on nothing. He put me on the show and he gave me a fucking light and I want to really thank him. That's the mark of a true comic. You know, there's comedians and then there's comics and then there's true fucking comics. True comics don't have, they're not insecure about helping somebody. That's a gift. That's a fucking gift. I heard some of these stories where George Lopez wouldn't take a Mexican out on the road with him, you know, because he didn't want, you know, he'd take a black kid out or a white kid. I got nothing against nobody. But these are little quirks that comics have.

You know, comics or true comics, they help everybody. That's part of being a boy scout. You know, this movie, you know what I'm saying? One of the producers on the movie, let me and Dean Cain know during rehearsal the other day that he was a Christian. You know, I'm a man of God. I'm a Christian. I don't curse. And meanwhile, there's no food on the fucking, you follow me? Yeah. So yesterday when I showed up with the donuts, he came right out and he's eating fucking donuts. He's like, oh my God, I'm going, and I looked at him and I go, that's brought to you by a man, not of God. And I walked away and he was pale because I hate that shit. Why you gotta tell me you're a fucking Christian for that's why I get pissed off at

Christian, nothing personal. But they always got to let you know that they're the answer to God and all that stuff. Where's the donuts, bitch? With God tell you about the fucking donors and God tell you to feed the fucking staff that they're fucking hungry. So there you have it. You understand? You don't have to be a man of God. You have to be a fucking boy scout. We're all fucking boy scouts. We have honor and you help the people around you. I'm not talking about giving them 20 fucking dollars or giving them 2000 miles. I'm talking about maybe making some of these day. You know what I'm saying? That's all you want to do once a day because, you know, I have a daughter. I want somebody to make her day. I have a wife. I want somebody to make a day. I have Lisa, I had the flying Jew.

I got a red band. I got my nephews. So I want everybody's day to be made. The only way to make for them to make your day is by making somebody else's fucking day. And then it works like a circle. It's like a fucking circle trick. You're going to see that you're going to get a flat pull over. Some guys are going to pull over and not want to fuck your nails. And I want to stab you and drop you off at breaking beds. What's up, Lisa? What the fuck do you think you're dealing with? Some fucking novice here? We're back. It's over. And now we're headed to San Francisco this fucking weekend. Listen, I told you two fucking times, they ain't fucking around up there. You're going to eat edible, sadly. You want to even make the plane Sunday morning. Did you not hear what happened

to me at Cobb's last time I went? You threw up in the fucking bathroom. A little piece of shit came out of my ass. From people doubting my Judaism, I went all over trying to find deals for this weekend. And I almost rented a car because it had to be cheaper than getting a cab from the hotel to the airport or whatever. But then I was like, fuck the way Joey gave me those edible luck. I can't be driving a car in a city. I don't know. I was like, I'll pay for a fucking cab. I just imagined your voice in my head when I told you I got a rental car. You're just like, are you fucking serious? Are you fucking, are you retarded? Yeah, you're not gonna. It's too complex of a city. Yeah. Listen, man, when I go into a new city, that's nice. You want to be Joe

fucking adventure. That's nice. That's great. All right, just take me to where the fuck I need to be. I'm gonna be fucked around with a GPS. You know, take me here. Make a right at 1.3. Take route 88 East. I don't know where the fuck route 88 East is. No, do I give a full? That was a nice burp. That was a honest chocolate fucking shake. I'm back on them for breakfast again. So I'm on the fuck battle just like you, Lee. I said, I'm done with eggs. I'm done with the toast. I'm back on the protein pot with the banana in it. And then when I get home, I eat a little bit of special calcium. That's my breakfast. I got to drop the fucking weight too. And then, you know, wait, you could jump up and down for 22 fucking hours a day. If your diet ain't right, you ain't

gonna lose no fucking weight. So that's, I got to, I got to bounce out like you with fucking Yang. You know what I'm talking about? Absolutely. So no, get ready for San Francisco. I'm fucking excited. I'm excited. I'm excited for tomorrow night. I'm excited for Friday. I'm excited for Saturday. You know, and that's what's going on with me almost solely. I'm spoiled. You know, this podcast is fucking tremendous. I really missed doing the podcast on Monday morning. Yeah, it fucked up my whole day. I was depressed Monday and it was fucked up. I got a call last week one day, like Wednesday from this lady Cecilia, who is my uncle, my cousins, you know that my cousins in Cuba. She's Colombian, but she's into music. She's shot a documentary. Her husband is like

filmmakers. And she is trying to shoot a documentary for my uncle's band and their nephews in Cuba, you know, Emmy and Alfonso and Echie and all that shit. So she goes back and forth to Cuba. So I got on last week, she fucking calls me, you know, and she goes, Jose, you know, I just came back from Cuba and they gave me pictures for you of your mother. Oh, with your little sister. I said, no shit. And she goes, yeah, what do you want me to do? I said, well, I'll tell you what, I'm working on this thing. She was in Malibu. And I can't get there. I only had Friday and Saturday. Oh, she was going to New York on Friday. So all I had was Thursday after that shot 12 hours. I didn't want to get on the fucking 101 North and head to Malibu.

So I told her, you know, because she mail it. So she called me Friday. She goes, I put it in the mail. Your mom is so cute. So Monday, my wife calls me. She goes, you got your card in the mail, you know, and I got home and opened it. It wasn't a picture. My mother was some other fucking lady. Oh, fuck my world up because I have no pictures of my family. You know, I lost them all really. I have none, you know, so my wife wanted a picture to show my daughter, you know, when she got older or whatever. So now we're back to the fucking drawing board. So I was a little bummed about that. But then like about nine o'clock at night, I almost called you. I swear to God, Monday night, I was like, you know what, Lee, we should just do

a fucking podcast at night. And I forgot that you were at work. You know, I, so I miss this. I really enjoy this, this, this outlet for me as a, listen, I know call myself a fucking artist. It's a faggy word. I'm a fucking criminal comic. It's what the fuck I am. I'm a comedian. I got away with murder. You know, it's the only way I can put it because there's no other way. There's no other way. So what it just fucking changes me when I'm on the set, I'm thinking, what the fuck am I doing? I could be doing a podcast, you know, like that's what was going on with me, like they're not doing it the third time. And then we couldn't figure out whether to do it Sunday morning or Monday. You know, I don't like having my time construed at that, but I need to work

from time to time. It balances everything the fuck out. So for the podcast, people with no disrespect against you, I love you guys with all my fucking heart. I love doing this. I love the whole completion of the circle of going to the shows and getting to meet people and tweeting with them. You have no fucking idea. It's, it's fucking very cool. So I'm sorry about last week. You know, Lisa Yatwood ran it on his own and shit. We got a co-host. No, what's up? But you're in trouble. Someone's bringing off. I don't forget his name right now, but someone's already bringing hummus. I don't know. Saturday night. Listen, I got a dressing room with a door. The hummus will go for you. You can take all the hummus you want, eating your whole time, rub it on your toes.

They had that shit on the fucking table at the fucking thing with hummus chips. Oh, so what do you come up with? Disgusting with pepper hummus. I don't like that shit at all. I don't want to smell it. I don't want to rub it on my skin. No one wants to rub it on their skin. You do suck it. You love that shit. I love it. You rub it all over yourself. Like cucumber juice on fucking it. I wouldn't. But that's the, that's the main deal. Once you get into this podcasting thing and you get to this interacting with different people through social media, it really changes. It fucked me up. It's made me a different fucking person. Oh, yeah. I mean, and I never really talk about this. So it's weird, but it really, I got kind of a kind of freaking out last night.

I never talk about Twitter. I don't tell you guys to follow me because I really honestly don't, I tell them I don't care, but it's not, I don't have anything. I don't have jokes or anything. But I looked down last night and I hit, I'm at 5,000. I couldn't, like I, I can't even, I didn't even want to be on this thing. And now, like there's 5,000 people who care what I say about on Twitter. It's just, it was really weird. Well, we're part of something. We're really part of something. You know, we have Dead Squad, who I, I think, Dead Squad or Noise, the Dead Squad, Harlem, the Dead Squad, North Cal. I love you motherfuckers. I love when you come to the shows. I love when you email me. I love seeing your tweets, you know. And it's just, this is the most

powerful thing I've ever been involved in. Like, I, guys, and I know you, you don't want the podcast, you think I'm crazy after this. That's fine. Don't listen to me. Go listen to, I'm telling you that when I'm online in the morning with you crazy motherfuckers and I'm smoking dope in my bedroom or my fucking office and you guys were the fuck you're at and you're kind of high, we're connecting on an energy level, man. I feel that fucking energy some morning. Sometimes I break myself out of it. I'm like, what's this fucking trance that this fucking guy on Twitter got me on because they play music too. You know, and it's shit I haven't fucking heard in a long time. You know, this morning my girl fucking Cleo put on Ram Jam, Black Betty. I love all that

shit, you know. And so they surprised me. So what I'm giving you guys, you're giving it back to me. So fucking thank you. It's, it's pretty fucking interesting. I don't get that on the set. Bro, they had me in a fucking trailer that I've been in bigger cells. Seriously, one man sells. I've been in when I was, and I was thinking about the cells, the only cell that was almost as small as that was fucking when I was in Jefferson County jail up there in the fucking mountain, not Jefferson, not Jeffco. I was in somewhere in a ski resort because Boulder transferred me when I got locked up. The weird thing was that there was state overpopulation in the prisons. So they were moving people around. So I wanted to stay in

Boulder County. So I get visits, like wear clothes and shit. But within three fucking days, they sent me to some county where they have a lot of snow and they ski and shit. Did I tell you about this thing? I think so. And there was a cool motherfucking kid in there from New York City. And he had told me a story that when he had done, I read the fucking paperwork. He got caught with Coke and he cut a deal with the cops. He was gonna have been given the biggest Coke dealer in the fucking mountains. So he remembered that there was a house that was for rent that he could, that the key was always in the thing. So he went that afternoon, he had to meet the cops at eight o'clock and they were gonna give him $2,500 or something like that or $50,000. I don't know

what the number was, like $8,000 cash. So what he did was put the lights on the house, left the front door open. Okay, listen to this fucking story. Went in the back, left the front door open, busted the back fucking line and put his mother back there with a fucking car at 8.15 at night. Listen to this fucking motherfucker. He pulls up with the cops. They pull up, he walks. He get, they follow him. He has like a car. Yeah. That's wired or some shit he was telling me. They pull up, they pull up behind them. They're watching. There's like five fucking cop cars. He goes in, knocks on the door, makes believe the door opens, goes in, closes in behind them, walks in with the wire. He's talking and they think they can't get him. Fucking rips the wire off, opens up the

back door, takes the fucking feds his money, gets in his mother's car and goes back to fucking New York City. And they went back and got him a year later. Jesus. They exited them back to Colorado for theft and all this shit. But that's a smart fucking move. He's like, fuck, I didn't have nobody to rat on. They caught me fucking selling blow. Who am I gonna rat on? I'm not gonna rat on nobody. He goes, so I fucking scammed them. That's how dumb they fucking were. So he took them to the place, went in and went out to fuck them back door. But he was like the handball king in this prison. This is a fucking cool ass place. And they let you out all day. And the son was, I had a fucking, I remember when I first got my first visit from my ex-wife, she came and she's like,

fuck your suntan. Fuck. How come he's so dark? Because they had basketball courts and shit that were open. Yeah. Like everything was wide open. So all you had to do was send, they tell you, at eight in the morning, if you don't want to be in your cell, go out there and play basketball. I was out there all fucking day drawing pictures, whatever the fuck I was doing. And I remember I was there through Halloween. And every night the guard would come at like fucking eight o'clock after the showers and he'd say, what do you guys want? And we'd give him cash and let us keep cash in ourselves. And he'd go to Safeway for us and buy us chips and fucking onion dip and ice cream and shit. And we'd sit around and fucking- Sounds like summer camp. I'm telling you. Give me

some music, Lee. What the fuck? You're sitting there like a fucking bumpy October 9th. Get your shit together, cocksuckers. It's going down into this fucking savage. I heard this the other day. This is one of my first albums. Did you know that, Lee? The LA woman? Oh, this is a great album. This is like Led Zeppelin. I had like three or four albums when I bought this. But my mother used to listen to this when I came from Cuba. And she'd make me dance to Mr. Mojo rising at the end when he's on Mr. Mojo. And my mom would go, come on down here. How may I mow? And I'd have to dance. And she'd go, wiggle your hips like Jim Morris. Take a leak. Oh shit.

Get out there. Stab some motherfucking along today. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Wash that pussy. Breathe, bitches. Whoa. Oh shit. Took a look around. Say, which way the wind blow? Spark that fucking number. Where is it, Lee? Oh shit. How you gonna get out of the house with no fucking TAC jujus in you? Get out there, you fuck. That's all I'm trying to do is get you ready for those cocksuckers out there. It's you and me against fucking them. We're gonna fuck with Joey Lee, you dirty bastard. I love it. Come here and get some of that fucking TAC jujus. There's a part in this fucking jam, Lee, when he goes, I see your hair is burning.

Oh my god, fucking tremendous lyricist in here. Stop it. It's up, up, up. What are you gonna smoke that thing and you're gonna fucking look at it and meditate? I love it. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive, please. I guess it is. Don't mind when my goomba call in today. L.A. Walmart. Are you fucking kidding? That's $20 a life, no parole. That fucking jam right there. If I was to shoot heroin this one, that's what I listened to. Well, please don't shoot heroin. No, I'm not the muta. It's just gonna be a TAC type of day, you know what I'm saying? That's it. I'm gonna fucking, I gotta go to the doctor. I gotta fucking do a thousand things today. I gotta run around,

I gotta jump up and down at 12.30. I'm gonna, oh, I got a needle today. Yeah, I didn't go to acupuncture two weeks even. No, you didn't. No, I had to fucking work. I'm gonna go to fucking acupuncture. You know, this last time I went home, fucked with me a little more than usual. Why this time? Because I realized I was how the years passed. You know, you never want to really come to the conclusion in your life that your years have passed. A lot of years have passed. And when I got there, George picked me up and I got to the hotel and got dropped off. Mike Askelies came down, you know, and then he hung out for a while. And then George came back and we went into the city and I saw a different friend of mine. Then Friday morning, my buddy

Bobby Bender picked me up, who I had known since I was fucking, you know, 12. And we went for a ride and ate breakfast. And then I went to dinner with Carmine Balzano and political Pete, his son, you know, and it dawned on me that I had known these people all these fucking years. But the one that dawned on me the most was George for a particular situation. I mean, I've known George since we were 15, since freshman fucking summer school. And we didn't become inseparable until, you know, years later. That's funny. I talked to this girl, Denise Meck, the other day from Facebook. She went to the movies on Sunday and said she saw the trailer and thought of me. Oh, cool. So she contacted me and then we were talking and she

was friends with Georgie too. We've all been friends with fucking George. George is from Cliffside. I put George in a documentary, you know, because there's a few people who really know me and that's one of the guys that really knows me. But there's a pivotal point in my life. There was a fucking, you know, in the spring of 85, I was a fucking savage. I mean, I was living in a hotel. I was robbing those gas stations. But I was also doing this low life type shit, like I was going into office buildings and stealing their petty cash and shit like that when the secretary went to pee or whatever the fuck. Yeah, you said you'd go in with a suit. And just, it just all happened one day on one of my mind fucks. I'm walking in

somewhere in Bergen County, maybe Bergenfield. I was walking around in Bergenfield, but I was living in Fort Lee. That's like living in Studio City and walking around in Culver City. That's how crazy I was. I would take like a bus to Culver City and walk around buildings and shit until I found the fuck and then take a fucking bus back or get a car. That's how crazy I was, Lee. Jesus. And I'm out there plotting. I would just walk. I put my walkman on and just walked till I saw something that was promising. Sometimes I saw something, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I just went for a long fucking walk just to get out and clear my fucking head. I love doing that shit. Three, four hour walk,

just to clear the coconut. And I hadn't seen this kid in years. I hadn't seen George. It had to be four or five fucking years. I didn't even know how to get ahold of him. So could you imagine walking down the street and looking at a yard and seeing somebody rake the fucking yard and I look closer to this fucking George and he comes from behind the yard and he gives me a hug and we talk and he gives me his fucking number. I put his number in my pocket and that's what it was. I'm living in Teaneck, New Jersey at the time. Or Tenefly. I still probably got a warrant there. It's a Mr. Mina so I don't fucking count. And I'm sitting, I go home and there's a place where I was living that the son was crazy. He didn't live there either. I told you I was living in a boarding house.

The mom had the downstairs and there was three bedrooms upstairs and a Spanish kid myself and some lady lived upstairs and nobody ever saw the fucking lady. I don't know what happened to her. But one day the cops came and they said there was jewelry missing. The kid stole it and he brought it to Harlem and it was just a fucked up story. But the cops came and arrested me right after I saw George. Like maybe four hours after I saw George, cops arrested me. And like I said, I had nobody in the world to call. It was going to be Lube's for the 80th time. You know, Roger Holloway was going to be one of my friends that were going to go, Joey, it's fucking 10 o'clock at night on a Tuesday night. Are you fucking serious?

You're in jail and you need bail money again. And I just called George. And I went in front of the judge and the judge, the bail was 50 bucks or something. So it was no big fucking deal. And then George came and got me and I go, George, just let me 40 bucks for a hotel for one night. Tomorrow I go to work because at the time I also had jobs. I also tried, I also tried getting a little construction jobs, you know? And I'll pay and he goes, no, no, no, no. You're not going to go to a fucking hotel. You're going to come to my house, you know? And that changed my life. That could have been a turning point because I lived with George for three months. So let's say it was April, May and all of June because I left the 4th of July in 1985. So I

lived with George for 90 days. If those 90 days I would have taken a pinch, a thousand things would have happened in those 90 days. But George slowed me down, took me off the street, you know, now I had a place to sit for a couple of hours. For years I didn't know where to sit. I had a hotel room, you know, that would rent a dirty hotel room and listen to fucking crackos, suck dick two doors down, people yelling and screaming. Now I had a place with a family. They ate dinner at seven, the mother worked and she came home. They smoked pot, you know, George smoked pot. And this is what I was a part of. And I always think about how much of a crucial 90 day window that was. How old were you? I was 21 years old, man. Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. 20, 63. I was 22 years old,

you know? And I was fucking criminalized in 24 seven. And from time to time I would get jobs in between the homey over. I thought I wanted to go straight after three days of fucking whatever the fuck I go fuck you ain't going straight. I'm gonna sell coke or rob people. No, that's, that's crazy. 22. I'm looking at him. I'm looking at George. I'm going, you know, 22. So that's basically 28 years ago. Right. Yeah. Wait. Yeah. I was 28 years ago and I still talk to this kid. And he means more to me now than he ever has. But I didn't know this till I went home. You know, it was him, Carlos Contaro, Bobby Bender. I know these people, you know, Steve Villo came to a fucking show. I know these people way before anything. They knew me when my mother

was alive, which means they knew me when my mother was alive. They knew me those five years afterward when I was hell on two legs. Then they knew me now. They always supported me, my stand of career. And I kept in touch with them over the years, over the last six or seven years that I'm more stable. It's been on, you know, I always wondered about Steve Villo and I sent them little messages. You know, I always kept in touch with James and Ash and all my other buddies. And George too, me and George lost contact. Yeah. 24. We lost contact. 93. This month in 93. I lived with him again. He was out of rehab. I lost contact with George for about maybe six years. And it fucked with me a little bit. And

then I heard he was dead. Oh, sure. And then I came to North Bergen and I saw him driving. And that was the rest is history, you know, the rest is history. But, you know, out of, I look at my wife, I look at stand up, I look at all these little things and all these little accomplishments and shit. And to me, the biggest accomplishment is still having those friends. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I kept them. It's an accomplishment? Like you you, we were just talking and I'm not putting you down. You're my brother. We were just talking six months ago. I was busting your balls about Ashley. Yeah. You know. And you said to me, because you're a sweetheart of a kid, you said to me, you know, I want to be around, you know,

I want to be friends with that, you know, and I asked you last Saturday if you have spoken to and you said, no, it's been a while because life takes over. Yeah. It's very hard to remain friends with somebody. You know, it's in high school, we're going to be friends forever. You listen to Bon Jovi and, you know, you go fucking stab somebody together or whatever you do to build that bond. But time changes and things go on. So all that talk that you were talking on that when you were drunk was bullshit. You keeping in touch and working on it 28 fucking years, 20 fucking years. I've been talking to this kid. He lived in Colorado with me. You know, when I got arrested, he was right there, you know, six months later, he came back,

we kept in touch, you know. So to me, you could have money, you could have cars, anybody could do that. It's these people that changed your life that touched you somewhere along the line. And to me, it's fucking sacred. It's sacred because they had no reason. I was a fucking thief. If right now somebody came over and I knew he was a fucking thief, would I open my heart and my, you know, I don't know. So I think back to those times and I think of what these people put up with and the stories they must have heard and not one time that they judge they continue to be my fucking friends. You know what I'm saying? So I'm very fortunate for that. And if you're 20 or you're 30, I really want you to think about that now. Think about the

people that fucking mad. Not some jerk off that you play flag football with. I'm talking about the people that fucking were there for you and you can't be friends with everybody because life is going to happen. Like Ashley, she's got a boyfriend now, you got a girlfriend now, right? She lives in fucking Northridge. You live down here, correct? You know, there's traffic all the time. It's very tough to get together. Yeah, I see you more than anybody because with eight blocks apart, we do the podcast, you know, I see the Agostino because he works at the Ha Ha. I go down there and visit but besides that, if I lived in Hollywood, I wouldn't see you as much. No. The girl said, oh, next time you move, we should move to like Santa Monica or something so you can be closer. I said,

Joey, wouldn't murder me. Joey would kill me first. No, you know, I mean, we could get a studio or something, but the thing is that the point of the story is that, you know, just I know that, you know, it's a very weird age demographic that you guys have. I don't know what age is. I mean, I get emails from 15 year olds and 18 year olds and 30 year olds and people my fucking age and people older. And we all know, man, that nothing matters in his life if you ain't got the people close to you to look at. And you don't even have to say no. You know, I love you. Oh my god, you want to fucking say none of that shit. You just know it in your heart and you know it in your eyes. When I look at you, you fucking know this motherfucker loves me. Last night, I had to brush

the cats last night. That's why I didn't go out because I hadn't given them attention for a week. I hadn't brushed them. I usually try to brush them and whatever, but the hours were weird. And all I could do was pet them and pick them up and I noticed last night Lulu was full of fucking hair. So last night, before I took a shower, I got my dirty shirt and I got a sheet and put it down. I got Lulu when I got fucking Ali and I got fucking super bad and I brushed him on. Then I sat down and watched Sons of Anarchy and super bad came over and rolled on top of me. And you know, he usually just, it's the funniest thing. He gets on this ledge over here. Have you ever seen him do it? Yeah. And he dive bombs. He just dive bombs on you. Boom with his fucking head and he rubs on

you. And I'm looking at this cat's eyes and man, this little motherfucker loves me. Just the way he looks at me. Nobody's ever looked at me like that. Just the way he looks at me. But I see my daughter looking at me like that. And I see, yeah, that's SpaghettiO's picture. Yeah, that's SpaghettiO's picture. Oh, she's a fucking trick though. She's getting to the point now. She was nine months old yesterday. And it's very funny. It's just that my household is completely different. She's really taking over the house with her energy and my wife's in a different level. And that's why I want one of my wife to quit a fucking job. I can tell that's about the money and all that shit. You can only experience this one time. You know, I fucked up the first time when I had Jacqueline. I'm not

blowing it again, you know. And that's what you learn with age when you become an old loser. You can still have a young fucking loser, you know what I'm saying? Well, no, it's the same thing because I was thinking about you. Because with the friendship, I told you I'm going to my high school best friends wedding next year. And we lost touch and it's weird. But it's even weirder now because of Facebook. It's great for this stuff. But with your actual people, friends who you grew up with, it kind of makes you think you're close, but you're really not. Because you're never on the phone like giving like an occasional post. But I was actually thinking like, I would always make fun of my parents who like didn't get technology or whatever. But for the first time,

I was like, I can't. It sucks a little bit about it sucks, but I also don't like kids are having it now like kids from the ages eight will have Facebook or whatever. And you know, like, they probably shouldn't. And like, it was the first time I was like, I wonder, because I like, you're probably going to want your daughter to like experience like having friends and like playing like what if your daughter went on Facebook and like or Twitter was like little man of flavor or something. And then like, I just it's a it's a weird thing to think about. And I'm not anywhere near ready to have kids. But like, I have friends on Facebook who I grew up with, not the people from the show. And like, we'll talk but I never see them when I go home. Like, you probably have

friends like when you were when you went back home last time, who every week though, we miss you or we saw you on this and we'll come to see you next time they come out. But you're only home once a year and oh, we couldn't get a sitter this time or the people who actually come out and for your like it means a lot. Yeah, no, I keep in touch with people. They see me on Facebook. And I'm like, you know, but I rather call them, you know, the people I grew up with. It piss like even Danny B. He always sends me emails. I like when he calls me. Sometimes I'm busy. Yeah. But you know, he's such a these he's like, you're always bit. No, I like I like the you know, I don't know what podcast I went on. I think it was Joe's that, you know, I don't like tweeting. I don't like I like

it. I like tweeting. But communication wise, I want to hear from you. I want to know what's in your voice because if I listen to you, I know there's something wrong with you, especially my buddies, the people I love and shit. I want them fucking tweeting me or Facebook and me or texting me. Nothing bothers me more than that shit. You know, that commercial really hit home with me a couple years ago when the guy comes in for one of those printer commercials and he's like, you know, with Don 40%, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, emails and all this should have done. You got to go back out there and it's time for belly belly sales. You got to shake hands with people, you know. And that's my beef with technology at one point. I have a lot of beef with technology.

I think that whoever put the camera in the phone is kicking himself in the fucking head right now. He's probably getting a ton of money, but, you know, having a phone, the camera is very fucking nice. But everybody wants to take a fucking picture now, you know, and of everything. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's just, it gives us more distractions in our daily life that's right in front of us. Yeah. You know, I guess Louis C. K. when I'm calling him or one of those shows and he went off about the cell phone, how I really believe, I'm happy he said that I'm happy somebody who people listen to, you know, somebody who's up there is saying this finally, that we have to break this addiction we have with a lot of these little things.

Did you hear what happened? I forget what city it was in. Let me see if I can find it. It was on Twitter yesterday. This guy on a bus took out a gun three times and everyone was on their phone so they didn't see him. And he just saw this guy in the back of the head. And apparently it wasn't provoked. Let me see if I can find it because it was fucking crazy. He took out a gun three times to do that and like everyone was just on the phone and they didn't even notice it. Like, let me see how I can find that. It's fucking crazy. You know what I'm like, I was telling you the other day, people take their phones into the gym and all that shit. That shit, you're just killing your fucking self to live like me drinking this fucking diet

soda for breakfast. It's like killing yourself to fucking live. You know what I'm saying? I already drank water. I do the Dolce thing in the morning. I drank a big glass of water, opened up my digestive tract to piss. Then I drank some fucking coffee. Then I drank the fucking protein shake. Then I ate the fucking banana. Now I should have drank some water again, but I'm not in the fucking mood for water. And juice is just fucking sugar. So that's my point, people. Oh, San Francisco. This guy took out a 45 caliber pistol and took it out three times before he finally got the nerve to shoot the guy. I was like, fuck, that's fucking crazy. Everything is becoming New Yorker. It's like this. You're right.

What's up, dog breath? Where you going? I'm over here with the flying fucking Jew talking about life. What's up with you? I think general. So I saw you do. How's the what? How's that? How's Mr. Jew doing over there? The flying Jew? I'm doing good, George. How you doing? Hey, do me a favor. Do you know how popular he is in the New York metropolitan area? Yeah, he's found out. He has to play the video for George of Shut the Window. Okay, George, did you hear the video to this? To what? To when we were outside, you were me and I was amazing. Did you hear the video to it though? Did you hear the video to it? Well, with the clothes to close the window. Yeah, on YouTube. Did you see all that shit? Yeah. All

right. I thought you didn't see it. I ripped it. I ripped it. And it was a dream come true. Let me tell you. I never heard people chant. You're a rock star in New York. You're a rock star. We're rock stars, motherfucker. So I saw that you put up some pictures last night. You put up a picture of like Spider-Man and all his nemesises and you had something else. Are you getting ready for New York Comic Con? New York Comic Con starts Thursday for the industry and Friday, Saturday, Sunday for the general public. Now, I'm just doing some framing. I'm framing for a client that had a booth there. Okay, so you're not working it. You're not working it the whole time? No, no. I'm going to take my daughter. She's a super geek. She loves that stuff and you know, I'll just take her to

see what she wants to see, you know. It's a nice excuse for an afternoon and she has a good time that's what they do before. Now, how many different Comic Con do you work a year? Every year, it's more and more. San Diego is the king of all Comic Con. There's nothing like it. I do that one every July. And then I do about maybe four. I'm actually going to San Antonio the 23rd. I think there's one in Texas that's the first time I'm going there. Little Gulf in New York. I do a bunch of them. And your favorite stuff by distance work, you know, and I like, you know, I'm a warrior. So I like to watch people and these people are definitely have their own niche in life.

You know, I'm not really used to what you know what they have a good time. So that's all that matters. Now before you call I didn't go, but it was my birthday this year and we went down to San Diego on, I think it was one of the last nights. I really appreciate that. What happened? I said, thanks for calling me for that big VIP party. Oh, you didn't know I was there right now. I know I'm standing there outside the club with my thumb on my ass. Thank you. I wish you a happy birthday to do on Facebook. You were 20 feet away from me. I didn't know you were hanging out there. I want to let you know what I call you.

No, they forget Georgie. Oh my God. Hey, so let me talk to you about something before you called. I was telling Lee that this last time when I went to New York, it really affected me more than any other trips because for the first time, this is how fucking retarded I am, George. And how hard headed I am that for the first time I realized that, you know, George, we've aged, you know, like, it's not a mystery anymore. We're getting old and not because we look older, but just the time is fine, you know. And I was telling Lee that I met you. Oh, by the way, guess who I talked to this week? Denise Mick. Really? Yeah. Denise Mick called me Saturday

from the movie theater with her husband that she was watching a movie and she saw the trailer for Grudge Match and she was very proud, you know, blah, blah, blah. And so I called her back Sunday and we didn't talk and I called her back Monday and we spoke for a while and we spoke about you and she couldn't believe it. Yeah, yeah, she couldn't fucking believe it. And I was like, you know, Denise, it's been and that's why I was trying to call you. It was so weird because I was I have been thinking about this and I got off the plane. Just this last trip really fucked with me, George, because the people I saw were the people I really fucking love. Well, no, no, I was telling them that you picked me up at the airport and then I went home and then

Mike Astley's came by and we went for a ride and then the next morning Bobby Bender came right and he dropped me off and now all the way to Carlos Contaro came by and he dropped me off and you came by and we went to do something and then, you know, it was Friday night and then we went over and then Saturday something else happened. I saw somebody else and I thought that, you know, it was the first time I didn't see 80 people, but I saw the people that I needed to see, you know, my heart and there was one point we were outside Saturday night with Mike Runney and I was looking at you before we ate the 500 milligram brownie. I was looking at you. I don't know if you've seen me checking you out and I was thinking about the time I was walking in Bergenfield and I just

bumped into you and you were behind a six-foot fence raking. Ten of fly, ten of fly, ten of fly, yeah, because that's ten of fly and I thought about how you bailed me out that night, you picked me up and I said to you, lend me 40 bucks for a whole tower room and you go forget it, just stay at my mother's house, you know, and then I was staying there for the night. Right, no, but you had the Mustang, but we were going to get the 40 the next day, but it's so weird, George, that was 20 fucking eight years ago, George. Oh, yeah, yeah, after a week I had you out there fucking, you were a getaway driver, but it's so funny, George, that those 90 days I stayed with you, so many things could have happened that would have changed the course of my life forever because

I was working as a masonry for a guy, I was doing construction, so we robbed him, I robbed him and got the bottle of fucking Dom Perignon, you know, but the thing was, George, that if I would have got popped in those 90 days, my life would have been completely different, you know, maybe I wouldn't have got popped in, who the fuck knows, but it's just amazing the people that made a difference in your life and you really made a difference in mind with those 90 fucking days and look, they became 28 fucking years, I'm thinking about if I would have walked past there an hour later, what my life would have been like, you wouldn't have been there. I wrote me a ticket, I was scared shit, I was scared shit.

You know, but you look back and I was telling, you had a nice trip, man, you had a real year who was here, I think, you know, I was telling these guys that, I was telling these guys that, you know, you think about the shit that you have, you make payments on a car and, you know, you have a house, George, in North Bergen, and you make payments on that, you have a daughter, and you think of the things that you share of your life and the things you have, and I'll tell you what, man, you have Sammy, you have me, you know, you have people really love you, and at the end of the week, that's all that really fucking matters sometimes, and there's been peaks and valleys, but that's what real friendship is about, and, and it's just

we are getting older, but we have responsibilities, but you do have to enjoy yourself, you gotta have it this time, you can't just, you know, just worry about all this shit, you know what, when I worry about shit, I gotta worry about this fucking insurance with a obamacare, you know, that could be driving a brand new escalator that I have to pay for, for health insurance. Fucking health insurance is fucking expensive, man, people have, and it's not even the health insurance, George, it's not even a fucking health insurance, it's everything that goes with it, because after the health insurance, I still gotta go to the pharmacy, and they always say to me, excuse me, Mr. Diaz, the pills he's giving you, they were a little expensive, like what

did I have, what did I have six months ago, I had an infection, and I went to the doctor, and there was steroids, five days, was $180, even with fucking insurance, come on, if somebody's making $10 a fucking hour, and they get that, that's half their fucking paycheck, like when the lady told me, she's like, if you, I couldn't fucking believe it, you know, so even with insurance, I still gotta pay a $35 copayment, not me, I pay 20 or something like that, but that's my point, it never fucking ends, you have insurance, so you don't have to fucking kill yourself later, not so you're fucking, they get raped at every fucking moment, you know that, you know when I did my knee surgery, listen to this, George, when I had my knee surgery,

they look at it, and they x-ray it, but then you have to go for something, and I can't think of a fucking word where they put ink or some shit, and they look in there, and they did it to my heart a couple weeks ago too, they put something in there, and they could really see what's going on, so this fucking comp, I guess that the insurance covered everything except $51, listen to this fucking story, George, the fucking place is trying to call me for the $51, they put it on my credit bureau, because they couldn't get ahold of me, they were looking at an old phone number from when I first joined SAG, it's fucking amazing, so for $51 fucking dollars, my credit's gonna go fucking backwards now, because insurance, which I fucking pay, didn't pay the $51 on it or some

fucking shit, so it never fucking ends, even with goddamn insurance, when I was married to Kathy King, how much fucking insurance did she, that fucking dirty bitch have, her father owned the travelers insurance, we had insurance, we had fucking insurance for everything, it was as expensive as fuck, I remember when she had the baby, we had to take a fucking loan out, we owed them like $2,000 fucking dollars after we paid, we had 19 different levels of insurance, and the fucking baby still cost fucking, that was 23 years ago, you know when my wife had the baby now, we're mercy, it cost her wugats, Kaiser picked up fucking wugats, not a dime, the only thing that cost me was the fucking gas money to drive to Kaiser, so I don't understand what the fuck was going on with

insurance, but I'm sorry to go on a tangent, I get emotional about insurance, you know what I'm saying, I get emotional like Whitney in 87, well back in 87 you gave a fake name and went to the hospital, remember that, those are the good old days, and for everything, jobs, plane rides, I used to fly as Lisa at 83, way before I knew Lee, I flew as fucking Lisa at, you never flew one of the own names, you have to show them ID, nothing, unless you pay with a credit card, nobody know your name, what is that flying dude doing with the money, I heard he's rolling in the dough buying extreme I was, who, Lisa? Oh no, he's got bitches now, you gotta see him, he's got a head dude, he still

hasn't bought a robe, the motherfucker still hasn't gone for a Jew star though, I don't understand this, he's gotta go for the Jew star, put a big chain with a Jew, that's when you know you've arrived, when you got a Jew star in your fucking chest with diamonds, he likes a little flavor now huh, who, Lee, he likes his girls a little spicy, oh yeah, he's got a little Mexican chick, he's going off, that one don't you go to fucking Samba class, whatever, with her, that's what you should do, what's the name of that shit, Zumba, you should go Zumba Lee, I've seen him the other night, they were fucking sweating dog, I want to go on the apolitical, what are they doing on the patriots play the raiders,

be a war, she doesn't like football, but she likes baseball, and the mom was making fun of me, because we went to the Dodgers Red Sox game, and the mom was rooting for the Dodgers, and I'm actually rooting for a Red Sox Dodgers World Series, just for that reason, they take it seriously, so who's in the American League playoffs right now, Red Sox, and the A's, Oakland A's, and Detroit is playing tonight, I think, to see who wins, and then it's, the Dodgers against Pittsburgh, yeah, so that starts Friday, probably, yeah, where, here, oh fuck, oh wait, is Pittsburgh and St. Louis still going on? No, I think that's over, okay, then yeah, then it is, then the Dodgers won last night,

so they're done, they're in, Dodgers won Tuesday night, yeah, Monday night, Monday night, so they're up, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, St. Louis and Pittsburgh has one more game today, and then they'll figure, from the winner of that, right, so then they start playing Friday, I think, no they can't, it's fucking Wednesday, so George, what else is going on, tell me something good, brother, Grandma's in Panama, she can't eat no more cookies, what'd you do with the 500 million grand brownie, did you eat it yet? No, no, no, I was, I was about to, I was about to, like, criss-cross, I'm about to, that bag of pretzels, all those, that bag of pretzels in my cabinet, so I cracked those bad boys off one of the weekend, those Anthony Dolores pretzels are

fucking delicious, and they're fucking stony as fuck, I like those pretzels, now I saw a picture that I'm not gonna talk about with you, because I'm gonna make believe I didn't see it with you dressed up like a zombie with a knife in your neck, I'm gonna make believe I didn't fucking see that, okay? I went to the zombie walk and I was very parked, beautiful, I was very parked in the area, yeah, tremendous. And what was the zombie walk about? I have no idea, 9,000 people dressed up like they're dead, and I actually just, I had a flesh wound, I wasn't quite dead, I just sat at the bar and watched the walk, but it was, it was interesting, interesting, you know, I was a zambal for years. You should have made shirts, George, you fucked up, you should have made Night of a

Thousand Zombies, Italian style, slinging dick, and taking numbers. Listen man, I love them, and they feel it, I fucking go nuts, they know, they know, we don't sense a nothing, we don't talk, we cover every fucking base, nobody does that no more, I don't give a fuck about what they think and what they don't fucking think, George, I want them to know that anything, everything is possible to them. You know how I was 28 fucking years ago, I never dreamed about doing, you were just, I remember you were in a movie, and I was like, how the fuck did you get in that movie? How the fuck did you do it? And you know, so this is something that, this is bullshit, this is all bullshit, everything they tell you can't do, you can fucking do, and that's

all I want, all these Czech people to know, just do it. That's it, the party's over. Short of the goal, you know what I mean? I was in a movie early, and then I'm going to go to HP Studios, I'm going to study, you know, I'm not doing all this shit, I went to the city, I went right to Washington Heights, I didn't go to no classes, I didn't go nowhere, you know, I just worked, I worked the rest of my life, that's it. Amen. You know, regrets, we all have a feel, but you have a tremendous fucking frame of bro, you have a great eye for art, you know, God always gave somebody, they always gave us something, finding it is the fucking journey. That member, when we're fucking born, whoever the fuck makes us, God, Jesus, the devil,

Hindu, some fucking black dude with a fucking horn on his head, whoever the fuck decides, gives us something. The journey is finding it, bro, and making it work for us, making it pay your bills, making it, making you happy, making you help other people with that fucking thing. That's the thing, we're all born with something, some with a knife, some with a big dick, there's some chicks that got a tremendous stroke. If you can make money with something that you love, most of us don't, you know what I mean, you find something that you're good at and you can make it, that's it. It's like a chick with a hot pussy, she don't want to sell it, what the fuck, this is the best pussy I've ever had,

it's tight, it smells like flowers, you know what I mean, and you don't want to sell this fucking monkey, I wouldn't buy it anyway, but you know what I'm saying, I mean, you've been there, you know what I'm talking about, look at what he's giggling, he's turning red, we're talking about pussy and shit. I just, you said, you said a chick with a great throat, and then in Georgia's passed over it, like a great throat. Yeah, sometimes you mean a chick with a great throat, you know what I'm saying, she could sing, she could sling, she could swallow, what the fuck, she eats lobster tails. So I'm always, you put up that tent on your terrace, to that little hollywood for the holiday, I never saw that till this year.

So what? These Jews, they're putting like tents on their balconies. They're putting tents, really? To the holiday or something, they're going, they're going there, what do you do out there? Maybe it's sukkah, maybe it's that one, I don't know. You see, it's the one that just passed, and I'm an old man, one of these years passed by, and I never noticed a little tent. Yeah, it's a little wooden house, I never knew anyone who actually did it.

They put their fucking dollar bills out there. They got a little house from an explosive. You touch that thing, your house goes up like fucking Sons of Anarchies. That is, they put a tent outside, and they hook up the election for their neighbor, and then they're going in and counting up the money. Hey dog, you know those Jersey Jews, there's nothing like Jersey fucking Jews. They run a planet all to themselves, they throw on rocks, they don't give a fuck. They're out there, I was thinking about Sy Lawrence the other day, how he was scamming people,

he was a one-man Jew operation, he was a producer of fucking injury, that's all he did. He had a fucking tooth, he had one tooth, but you know what he knew how to do? He knew how to sue somebody, like there's some people who sue you half-assed, when he sued you, he fucking sued you, and he had it planned out from A to Z, like he was a fucking injury producer, like that's what he did. If you needed money, you went to saw him, and he could produce an injury for you. And have the paperwork done, have the attorneys, have the judging on it, the hospital was in on it, and he got a commission from everybody, George,

everybody gave him a 20-dollar fucking bill. I still owe him 400 or something from the fucking settlement, he got me, but what are you gonna do? Oh my god, I remember when I left Colorado, uh, what was it, 88, 87, 88, and I started hanging out again at this, at Stirling's, in Cal Park, and all your old buddies were there, or you know, everybody from North Maryland, they asked to leave through the autumn, and uh, what they would do is, as the bar closed at three o'clock, they would walk in front of cars and take tumbles, and bring a suit of drama, and it was like, it was like they let the Stuckman school or something,

these guys. I never saw, I mean, every week they were getting hit by a car to make money, and certain of the planes closed. Then they would shake the guy down right there, they said, listen, we don't need this shit, go home, get me a check for $5,000, we'll take care of this. Done, done, they give me $5,000 cash, you go to the bank, the next day there's no fucking drama, I'll call my attorney at nine, if I don't hear from you by nine, I'm calling my attorney, I got pictures and I'm gonna go to the hospital, just to get security, because you always go to the hospital just to have that paperwork, you know what I'm saying, and you have it dated with the time,

because if you don't have the hospital report, you got to go, so you always gotta get the hospital report, even if it's fucking minor. Let me tell you how good the Jews attorney, the Jew attorneys in Jersey were, there's one particular guy for a friend of mine, she was walking down the street holding groceries, this is how good the Jew attorneys were in Jersey, my friend's wife was walking down the street carrying groceries, and a kid was riding a bike on the street, a car cut him off, that kid on the bike hit my friend's wife, and she fell, she got a hundred grand, she sued the property owner, those motherfuckers are ruthless, what did that poor property owner have to do with that bicycle hitting her, that's how ruthless

those Jew attorneys are in Jersey, they got direct fucking lines to punch this pilot. I love you George, thank you very much for calling man, what I wanted to just stress to these fucking people was that, you know what George, you could work on a Disney movie, you could have a podcast, you could do all the things people think are cool, but if you have no fucking good friends in your life, you have nothing, that's the moral of today's fucking podcast, and I love you with all my heart, and I thank you for being in my life brother, go out there and sling some dick, don't forget, go to chance, drag it in today, get an egg roll out of respect for the church of what's happening now. All right, we'll talk later, thank you brother,

I love you. This is when I'm talking about people. One of the funniest calls, and one of the last thing I could, I like, one of the funniest calls that you did in a while was when you called me, and you said, oh you haven't checked your bank account in a while, I said no, I check it every now and then, like when my check comes or whatever, and he said, he went off for like five minutes about how a Jew has to check it every 30 seconds. Every 30 seconds, you gotta know, just in case the market fucking falls through, go fuck, I'm Cuban, I check it twice a day, you gotta go online now, check that motherfucker, you should know every hour, you should have a card right here, when you're a Jew, when you're a real Jew, you have an assistant, you pay a guy 15 an hour,

just a once an hour, he calls this place to see how much you got left, and he gives you a card, even while you're talking to people, they just hand you a card, you just look at it and see the amount you put in your fucking thing, on the hour, every hour, that's how we're doing this, all right, don't talk, I don't want to hear about your fucking family, I don't want to hear nothing, once an hour, I'm the fucking dot, I want a card in my hand, even if I'm shitting, pass it under the fucking door, slip it under the door, even if I'm shitting, if I'm fucking sucking, look at this chick scratching her arm, look at her, look at her with a little panties on, oh yeah, bang on the glass, tell her that she's pale, she's got a tattoo on her calf of a snake,

that nasty motherfucker, anyway, let me give some shout-outs to some beautiful fucking people today, I'm excited that I could do a podcast for 10 fucking hours if I had it, I want to just really give a shout-out to the Death Squad family, from Vancouver to New York City, to fucking Illinois, to Nashville, you know I love you guys, to North Cal, I love what you're doing man, and that's how it starts, Castro started by himself, and next thing you know there's a revolution, that's how it started, there was different things going on, different parts of it, Nick Magneto, Cleo, I love you sexy bitch, I can't wait till you come and I get my hands on you, Leon de la Vega over there in fucking Spain, scaring people to death, Iyak, he's a new listener,

Eric Costello, and Dave Chink hooker, whatever his fucking name is, I don't know, I don't like that word chink, I don't use that fucking word chink, and like I said before, we rock hardcore, no, here, boom, bam, I had a protein shake this morning, Onnet has a new vanilla, what are you fucking laughing about? That was a great intro. Onnet has a new vanilla shake, instead of the choker, I love the choker, I've been drinking the choker, how long now, fucking eight months, nine months, ten months I've been drinking the choker, and I'm straight with it, but they got a new vanilla, I've called Aubrey, he's coming next week, we're gonna shoot a video for you motherfuckers, listen, go to Onnet, they're changing lives, they're making things happen,

if you're gonna run with a winner, if you're gonna run with somebody, you're fucking centrum, all these fake fucking vitamins, all they give you is fucking gas, I had a protein shake before I farted, but that was from last night's apple, because I gotta take a shit, not because the protein shake went by me and I got a fart in public, you know when you drink a protein shake, it's got way in it or whatever, you're in a cubicle, you're a fucking cubicle by yourself, you get your earphones on, your fucking eyebrows start to melt, you don't need that aggravation, that's why you need the best possible products, fucking on the market, go to Onnet.com, check out what they got, whether it's new mood, I sleep like a baby, the strung bone, my toe is fucking healed,

I'm doing jumping jacks, in fact I think I'm going back to kickbox and throw some knees and shit, that's how we do it here people, go to Onnet.com, press and watch, church, CH, you are CH, if I didn't take the alpha brain this morning, I wouldn't have fucking spelled that correctly, that's how we do it here, the other thing I want you to do is very importantly, I have not, listen, I gotta call two weeks ago from some fucking kid and you know we're friends, he works with this guy and this guy can he give us some more sponsors, can we use some more sponsors and I gotta tell you something, I listen to podcasts, I'm an avid listener of fucking podcasts, I love them, nothing pisses me off more when I gotta hear fucking a bunch of advertising,

okay, I do, I try to give you guys the same respect, we need to give Lee a couple dollars, I gotta pay for this fucking system here, that's the only reason why I have the sponsors, so I try to get the possible best deal for you, I am now hooked on this fucking dollar shave club, the cocoa butter and the razor, I changed the razor finally after a month, I'm back bitches, but I didn't shave this morning, so dollar shave club, one dollar a month, six dollars a month, one nine dollars a month, you pick the package, you pick it, then you get a fixed income on fucking razors and you eliminate that for the year, go with the six dollar package, it's what, 72 a fucking year, you can't lose, somebody comes to you and say what do you spend on razors,

72 a year bitch, and if you're broke you just put soap on your face with a fucking horse's tail when you shave, you don't need the fucking fancy shaving cream, but the shave butter they have is tremendous, it's not like regular shaving cream, that lathers, it clicks on to you so you gotta smooth the fucking shave, it's tremendous, I ain't bullshitting you, that's what I'm trying to tell you people, you gotta fucking rock with what you know here, you gotta go with what you know I love the one, I like the one Mike Charlie's, some guy tweeted at me in the dollar shave club, I saw it, it's like peppermint for your ass, or listering for your asshole and it's true, and what a dollar shave club, they said truth, it's true, it kind of wakes you up like the first

time, you get a little heat, like a bank gay in your asshole, it's nice, you get kind of like, it's nice, I kind of want to try it, and if you're banging one out, you come on your leg, you can wipe it right off your fucking leg too, and your leg will smell like peppermint, smell of fucking sour milk and chlorine, I'm just trying to talk to the people, you know what I mean, I do, I kind of want to try it before I'm with the girl the next time, let's see if she says anything, like what's going on, but you're going there with that real ass with the girl, do you wipe it, do you stick a towel in it, take a note, but do you shower before you give her a stab, or do you shower that morning and walk around with that funky ass all day, and then

give her a stab, who has time, like before you fuck up, you kiss her in the hallway, you take her by the fucking hand, you take her in the shower with you, and you wash her snatch, and you wash your dick in your asshole and everybody's happy, me I like a little pussy with a little dirt to it, well it's not dirt but you can't, it's got that wang to it, there's a little piss, a little sweat mixed in there, like in the morning, yeah it's cool to shower and all that stuff, but if you're out all day you're not going to go like, yeah you got to go wash that ass, you don't want to go fucking and your ass opens and that whole smell of ass is in the room, she's on the bottom, she can't breathe, that's half the patrol, no, no, not rotten ass, that never

wrote rotten ass never, when you, when you watch porn you see people sniffing going, we have to shoot it all over, don't smell ass, no, well not that, not the ass, but I do love, like after you're done and then you go to get a drink and you come back into the room and it smells like it, that's disgusting, you're fucking, you're worse than that, you don't like that, no I don't like that, I don't like ass, well it smells like, like sex, you don't like that, you like that pussy in the morning, yeah of course, right in the morning, right, take that thing off after, after it's nice or fermented all night, you like that fucking little, little monkey, yeah you don't like, you don't like walking back into the room and it smells like sex, no, well I gotta advertise,

who you advertising, it's for yourself, who is this, who are you inviting into your room, nobody, exactly that's the point, I told you, you like smelling your own ass, no, then what's the problem, well my own ass yeah, yeah you gotta shower before you go in there, no you can't shower at night, so let's say you take a shower at six, you pick her up at six o'clock at night, that's 12 hours you're running on that rotten ass, you come home you don't shower before you give her a snack, it would ruin the moment, like we're making out, we're doing all this, sorry I gotta go shower and you gotta do the whole thing, sure, you want to give her a fresh fucking helmet, you don't want to give a dirty fucking helmet with some artificial peppermint

juice on it, gotta get it together, no I think you gotta get it together, you can't be fucking rolling, no one showers every time they have sex, we should try, out of respect so you more uninhibited, it takes close to a lot longer to shower though, no they don't, you take them in there with them, that's what you do, you don't have to wash their hair, you're not gonna sniff their hair, you gotta sniff their ass and their pussy and their feet and bite their ankles and do dirty things like that, you know why you get me on fire that much, nobody wants it, don't blame mom, the fuck's wrong with you, bite her ankle, bite somebody's ankle, what was the last time you bit a woman's ankle, never, that's what I'm saying, it's time for you to fucking start Lee,

you know and hopefully in San Francisco some chick will fart in your face and get this move done within our life, I can't wait, I'm gonna have a good time in San Francisco, next week I'm in Ontario, right down this corner here, then the week after that I'm at South Street Comedy Club in Jackson motherfucking Tennessee, two hours from, I don't even know what a strip of fucking shower is and shit like that, what, I don't even know, where's the club, are you talking about the club, no, I ain't talking about the whole fucking club, let's see if my man will call in right now and shit, are you gonna call in, I'll text you the number, call in, we got a special

treat for you motherfucker, that's my little brother, red band and shit, oh he's up, yeah, oh he's been up, that motherfucker is doing something, he's doing something tonight, that creepy cocksucker, he's been sick though, oh yeah, he lost like 92 fucking pounds, let me see what that club is for, what, let me find out what that club is so people in Tennessee can go see you, it's in Jackson Tennessee, Harvard South Street Comedy, they supposedly have great fucking Italian food, oh what do you what do you want, what's your favorite Italian thing, I like everything, I love chicken parmesan, oh I know you do with the cheese, you rub it all over your face like a savage, absolutely, I like ziti with sauce or maybe half a sauce, it's a meatball,

oh here we go, what's up little brother, what the fuck are you still doing awake, my schedule's all fucked up from being sick, so like I slept like 48 hours last today, so how you feeling now, how you feeling now, I ate today was the first day I actually ate, I ate like half a bagel and a banana, so I feel a lot better, now what do you, did you eat chicken, yeah I went to El Pollo Loco man and their their chicken is they buy it from foster farms and me and my friend who ate it with me, we both like like two hours later that was a really bad thing, like I felt like we just went through a heat lamp and we couldn't figure out why, we were like freaked out, we thought it was like an alien or something, but they're saying now that

foster farms has the smugest uh whatever salmonella poisoning going on in California and already 300 people in like the last week have gotten sick and gone to the hospital and stuff and they read off all the symptoms and it's exactly what I have, exactly to the teeth, to like like shitting every 30 minutes to complete insane dehydration, I had so much dehydration, my tongue was white and it was just like, it was creepiest thing ever, but uh whatever, it sucks, but I think I'm getting better, but uh, but you gotta teach me what a stripper shower is and if you don't know what a stripper shower is, it's a great thing, I have no idea, all right, so like you take a shower obviously every morning or whatever and but then later at night, you know,

if you're not doing anything too active, like at least probably not you know playing basketball as much as you just do anymore, but uh uh you take what it's called stripper shower, so you don't have to take a second shower, you just go in the in like the bathroom, get the washcloth and just put a little soap on it, you know, just wash your main shit, like your butt, all your dick and the nipples and stuff. Oh, I do that when I'm going out, but he said when the girlfriend's here to like in the middle of everything, be like, wait, I gotta take a shower, like I do that when I used to go out. You've been sitting on your ass for 12 fucking hours editing and tell me in those 12 hours you didn't cut one fucking fart. Everyone does. Okay, so that's number one,

point number two, in those 12 hours a little bit of fucking sweat dripped out the asshole at some fucking point and at point number three, you got up and you walked around and that sweat fermented on your asshole and sitting there and you probably have heavy jeans on, so it's just in there rotating, they can't get out the fucking air from the bottom ain't pulling it down to the fucking bottom and you telling me you don't want to wash your fucking ass, you filthy con sucker. No, yeah, that's why you do a stripper shower, maybe even keep a dryer sheet in your wallet, you know, for your underwear. You're a sick bastard. I don't mind the stripper shower, you know, I don't mind the stripper shower. Hey, let me ask you something, you know those massage parlors, can you eat those

chicks out? Can you? Yeah, like would they let you eat that fucking monkey? That's fucking disgusting. Yeah, but you got to watch out for thrush, man, that's the scary real thing to do that. What's thrush? Thrust is when you get a yeast infection in your mouth, a lot of times these girls have yeast infections, and when it gets in your mouth, it makes your whole mouth like white and like yeasty, and it's like having like, I don't know, flour in your mouth for like a week, it's bad. And then what do you got to do to get rid of it? I don't know, man, I never had it, but I didn't get it. I always got it. I've had it since I was 12, since I ate Lucy Smallbush, I've had yeast in my mouth, yeast in my fucking eyeballs, I don't give a fuck. So you could really don't let you

eat that pussy, those dirty bitches at the massage parlors. They wouldn't do anything, man, there's even, there's even, I think, I think when I do the search last, there was seven girls in LA at massage parlors that let you do anal with the condom and three that let you do it without a cotton. That is fucking crazy. Yeah. What? Yeah, there's also there's also places that half the times that girls are actually guys, you know, like lady boys, they don't tell you. So there's also lady boys that look like girls. And when it's a dark massage parlour, they're massaging you, you have no idea if they're a girl. What's a lady boy? Come at me again. What the fuck are you talking about? A lady boy is where it's like in Asia, you know, like there's not, especially China,

there's not, there's a huge population of men, but not women that kill all the women babies, you know. So the men have no women. So a lot of times the boys just dress up as women and, you know, they're like transsexual, pretty much. And they have those here in LA? Yeah, they have them a lot. There's a lot of places that have the training massage parlors. I'll send you a few. No, no, no, let me explain some, let me explain some to you what's happening. You know, my friend is the Agostino and he runs the Ha Ha. Yeah. And about three years ago, I moved to the valley and I hang out at the Ha Ha some nights during the week and I go up there early. And I'd see, you know, 50 women walk by, you know, two at a time, one alone. And I thought,

what a fucking creepy thing that just women walk on here. Sometimes you see a couple. And then I put it together at half of the more hookers. Yeah. Oh yeah. And I moved on with my life, you know, I don't care. I don't care that they don't do anything for me. So then I started hearing about massage parlors. Now there's the North Hollywood dining, you know, the North Hollywood dining is, I guess right across the street, they open the massage parlors. So the other day I went to get rolling papers at the place next to the Ha Ha. They sell blue cigarettes and rolling papers and the kids real cool. And as I was walking in, I swear to God, Red Band, a girl was walking out that looked like, what's the girl that sings? Please don't stop the

music. Yeah. Black like that, light skin with little tiny tits and a tremendous ass with short time. And I looked at this girl, I was like, wow. And then when she walked out, the kid goes, she's a hooker. You know, you can fuck her at the hotel. She, she fucking my buddy. And then he started rattling off about him. And then the Agostino came in and they were talking about all these places right on Lancashire. No, no, I'm just going to say they're all like North Hollywood is the Capitol, like Lancashire, every single one of them. So they were telling me that like, listen, man, I went to one hooker house. I went to that, that 1040 club when I was a kid, and they take your dick out and they wash it with a bucket like those metal buckets. They have a sponge under there

and they wash your dick and then they put a condom on you and they get on top of you. And I don't, you know, I blacked out. It was like getting fucking molested, you know, and I don't know when they suck your dick. Do they suck it with a condom on too? Uh, some places do, but most places they have a condom on, but they're so good with the condom and they have like those totally illegal condoms that really don't work. They just feel great where they put it on with their mouth. So they'll start giving you a blow job with no condom on and you're like, Oh, this is fucking awesome. But then you realize she put a condom on with her mouth and she like, you don't even realize there's a condom on it. Like these, these condoms are

like the kind you get, you know, at the 99 cent store dumpster in the back, you know, it's, it's like, it's, they're not real condoms. So they were started not. So then, you know, the kid's cousin, they're Armenian or whatever. And all of a sudden, like, oh, his cousins showed up and they started talking about, oh, red band. It was like four of them talking about how this one fucked this girl Tuesday for 140. And this guy fucked this chick for 160. And they're talking about how he ate her. And when he said he ate her, all bets were off. Like all bets were off. But this is when it got kinky. One of the guy goes, bro, I went in there one day, I didn't have a condom and the chick sucked him his dick with saran wrap on it. I go saran wrap. She goes, yes, they have rolls of it

in the room. They just put it on your dick and suck it. They, you can't fuck with the saran wrap, but they'll suck your dick. Come on. I fucked the girl with saran wrap. I like, like in college, that was like, oh, shit, I don't have a condom. So I would be like, Oh, I got one over here. I'll be right back. I was like, wrap my dick in saran wrap and then just feel it. And then you take her hairband off the nightstand. So it feels like there's like that little rim, you know, to keep the saran wrap on. But you know, you learn something new every fucking day. You know that you really do. This shit's got me like, we should do a documentary on all this shit. This shit has got me crazy. And I'm scared to leave. I got to be honest with you. Listen, guys, I could tolerate a lot of

this shit. Like this week, I couldn't hold the bunny rabbit on the set. I kept getting anxiety with the bunny rabbit because he kept scratching me. I couldn't hold the bunny rabbit. I have different situations, Lee and Red Banner. I get fucking anxiety from shit. I couldn't even dream of going into a massage parlor, but I got to be honest with you. I really wanted one time just to see it. But the problem is, I think well, when she takes my cock out, I'll run out of there. Like I'm one of those crazy motherfuckers. Yeah, I'm really bad like that. The good thing is, the good thing is like you lay down naked, right? Okay. She comes in and she just starts massaging you. And so like the first half of it, you're just like, oh my God, this girl's touching

my naked body. And so you're getting a heart on right there. And then when she flips you over, you're ready to go, you know? So it's like I was, allegedly I was nervous the first time I went. But after the first time, it's like fucking crap. You just want, you want another and another. But I stopped going to those too many, too many, I don't know. I just felt creepy about it after a while. And are they good looking these chicks? Well, see, that's the problem, man, because you really have to look at the reviews like on a website like rubmaps.com. Rubmaps is like yelp for these massage parlor. And you really have to read through all the reviews and find which places have the young girls, which there's mostly places only have

one or two girls, and they're like the only people that they own the place. And so sometimes they go in there and the lady's like 40 years old and she's been doing it since she was 16, you know? And so it's just kind of like she's a worn lady. But you go to some of these other places, they're just like escorts like, Hey, I need to make some extra cash. I'm not getting money on Craigslist. So I was a good one in some massage parlor. So you have to figure out which places are good and which ones are just old ladies. Old fucking ladies. Can you imagine an old lady giving you a fucking hand job sucking your pipe? And you're sitting there thinking Jesus Christ, this could be somebody's mother or grandmother. What the fuck? Like I said, I tell you what the

now they let you touch them like you fuck them the way you would fuck a regular chick, you squeeze their tits and you pump them and you suck on their neck and all that shit. Oh yeah, they have ones that are called girlfriend experiences. They're called DFS. And what they do is they pretty much for an hour act like you're doing your girlfriend. Like they do everything like after you're done to lay with you and just sleep and like until like the person, the madam knocks on the door and it's like one hour, you know, and then they wake up and like they do everything. They you pretty much own them for an hour. So it's it's nice. And you know, you'll find other secrets out like there's a place in San Diego, my favorite place. And all

these students from the college here in Los Angeles like UCLA, they drive down there on weekends to make money. And so nobody knows them down in San Diego, then they come up, you know, you know, during the weekday and go to school. So they go down there to, you know, work and so no one knows what they're doing. And then you go down to San Diego, you're getting these 21 year old students. That is fuck. This has been an education red bent. This really has. And you know, the best is the best is if you look at like your hometown or certain cities, like I look at Columbus, Ohio, and they're not like into it as much. There's like one girl that does off like fucks and sucks and everything. There's one girl for the whole city. So that one girl is who everyone in Columbus,

Ohio is fucking. So this girl's probably fucked the whole city. And you don't get paranoid about like getting a cop. Like that's all I'm thinking about. Look, Lee, if I get in trouble for anything, it's going to be, you know, drugs or prostitution, everything else I'll feel bad about. Jesus. So if you get caught, one of those girls in a massage bar, you get charged to Yeah, but I think it's like what a prostitute charge. I don't think that's a big deal. Do you? I don't think for them or for you. For me, I would say what, like a weed ticket. It's still on your record. You're soliciting a prostitute. What if you hook up with a judge later on and she won't suck your dick?

Because you solicit a prostitute. You gotta think of these things. We're comedians. That's fucking crazy. This has been crazy. I mean, what I've heard the last three weeks is crazy. This one kid was saying that the place across the street from the no hold diner that the chicks are fucking eight and she's a Spanish. Yeah, that she's got great tits big. She's about 25. He said she had her for a half hour and he came like four times. She let him fucking come because that's what you said. He owned her for an hour. I don't know. I don't fucking know. But he said he cracked the nut because he comes real fast. So he gave an extra 50 and he was, I'm going to come real fast. Let me get out of the way and then

fuck you. It's just crazy. I never heard of things like this, man. That is fucking crazy. The big, the big thing in Los Angeles to do now, and I think we know a couple of frames who probably have done this is to go get a legit STD test, like a porn test, what the girls have to do every 30 days. And then you put a listing on Craigslist saying that you're making a movie, a porn movie, and you try to get girls on Craigslist and you can get these girls, like these new porn star, one of these for like 200 bucks, 300 bucks for full sex, and you just put a video camera in the room and say that you're making a movie. So that's the better way to do it. That's like the way you're going to go more than

twice a month. You just have your fake porn studio that never released the videos. And the chicks will come and bang you? Yeah. And it's safer that way too, because they get tested before you, you know, they even come. Because you have to be like, you have to have a test, a valid test. All that to get a piece of ass to control. Wow. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. That really is crazy. It is crazy. My brother, I love you. What do you got going on today? Um, sleep for a bit. See how I wait to feel when I wake up, see if I should go to the doctor or not. But I'm feeling a lot better since I got to eat. I didn't eat for four days straight, Joey.

I don't know if you have ever not eaten for four days, but look at me really start hallucinating. Oh, I know. That's a fucking horrible. There's UFC fights today though. Oh, there is? Yeah, good ones. Oh, good. Yeah, it's free. They start at two o'clock. So they're fucking free. I think they're off by seven. They're in Brazil. So okay, cool. And they all wake up and watch that. Thanks, brother. Lee, Lee, Joey. Love you. Love you guys, man. Thank you. We're doing another live one again, Red Band. All right, cool. All right, brother. Bye. That was cool. He was like, fuck, he knows all about that crazy shit. I got to get my shit together. Even before I was dating the girl, that whole getting arrested thing freaked me

out. So they arrest you if you get a massage? No, I mean, no, I mean, they want not every time, but I'm like, they always, I always see these massage parlors shut down today for fucking the hand jobs. I'm like, Oh, God, it's not worth it. That shooting your own porn thing is a good idea. Oh my God. That's fucking crazy. Because that's basically all it is, all that POV stuff. It's essentially just a guy with a camera. There's no reason we couldn't do it. A guy with a camera. Fuck. There goes another church episode. I hope you got something out of it. We talked about friendship, pornography, fucking masseuses and ooh, and just having a good old fucking time. Like I said, this weekend, come see me and Lee

Saturday night. We're going to be at the fucking cops. I'll be there Thursday, Friday, Saturday with my main man, Ari Shafir, the other great Jew in my heart. And Lee's coming up for one of the nights. That was a good protein for it right there. And it's mow the apple too. Quickly before we let you go, we had Hulu plus two free weeks, putting the code word Joey, just two free weeks watching on TV, PC, all your phones, iPads, they have it there. You could watch this shit anywhere. And let me tell you something. The other night I had more time and I went on Hulu to see what they had. Yeah, I'm very fucking impressed. My wife is into it, but I went on to see what they had. I could see myself getting lost in fucking Hulu plus

absolutely for 799 a month, 799 a month. And you could watch all the Saturday night lives. They have shit on there. I forgot. I was going to write it down, but I fucking forgot what they had on there. I was really fucking impressed. And to impress me, you got to take the wheel if you're fucking blind. Do yourself a favor. Go to huluplus.com or go to joeyds.net. Go to the hulu plus box, putting the code word Joey. Well, if you go to joeyds.net, don't have to put anything. If you go to huluplus.com slash Joey, then it works. But if you go to joeyds.net, just click on anything that works. Okay, there you go. Just click on sign up, give them the credit, whatever the fuck it is. It's $8 a fucking month. And you can watch unlimited

fucking television. You can't beat that and fucking movies. So stop fucking around. And when after you watch a movie, go on a shower, shave your pussy, shave your face, shave your ass. So go to Dollar Shave Club. Again, either click on the ban on joeyds.net or go to fucking the Dollar Shave Club, click on press church. And there you have it. You get introductory offer, you're going to get either get four blades, whatever, one package simple for a dollar a month. That's $12 a fucking year for blades. Or you get the $6 package or 72 or you get the $9 package, which comes with the butter and the fucking double blades and the cartridge and the whole fucking deal for $9 a month. Who's better than you? And you get that all from us right here at

church because we love you. We want you to be shaving and your eyebrows and for you to smell. You shave your asshole? No, but if I had somebody to do it, I'd ask them. Ooh, that'd be weird. I don't even know if I have hair there. Oh, I do. I do. I pull them sometimes. It hurts. It's tremendous. It's a complete different patois. I'm eating a peppermint patty. I love you guys. Have a great fucking weekend. I hope to see you in San Francisco. Next week in Ontario, the week after that in Jackson. Have a great mother fucking weekend. We love you. See you Monday. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial

of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on 1000s of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey or go to joeyds.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com. You'll get high quality razors into your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church or go to joeyds.net and click on the dollarshave club banner. Oh shit.