Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #101 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: September 27, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Monday, September 27th..... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, Boll & Branch & BetterHelp.com….. Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $150 in Free Bets when you Bet $1 on any Football Game…. Go to https://www.BollAndBranch.com & Try it for FREE for 30days with 15% OFF your 1st set of sheets! Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday the 27th of the motherfucking september from the heart of new jersey the joint is brought to you by draft kings listen three weeks of football are in the books time to review the tapes get ready with draft king sports book the official sports betting partner of the nfl listen there's some great games coming up this weekend draft kings as an offer that's fucking crazy you ready they're giving all new customers 150 dollars instantly what are you Joey what are you talking about 150 dollars just bet one dollar on any fucking football game and it starts tonight you heard me fucking fat so head to draft king sports book app today right now there's a great game on tonight

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being the first i remember being the fifth and every day i've looked at the dates and said what the fuck is going on now it's the 27th fucking fall is here the fucking leaves are falling it's beautiful out we're in fucking jerry let me tell you something there's something about the east coast i gotta tell you guys i don't a lot of you guys notice a lot of you guys don't there's nothing better in life for me i've always known this to some is a fucking humid they suck dick i fucking hate humidity but there's nothing like an east coast fall and an east coast spring from now from like september one let me put to this way fucking new and ask anybody fucking new jersey in the summers are a nightmare because every weekend are ruined by fucking rain or cloudiness ask mic god is my

witness since since september first the weekends have been fucking gorgeous when i tell you gorgeous i mean 77 degrees not a cloud in the fucking sky not even a plane not a helicopter nothing fucking sun out no humidity that's what the weekends have been it's been the weirdest fucking summer here the summer was dick i mean i enjoyed myself i went to the pool i jumped up and down you know i worked out i fucking went to pittsburgh it was a great summer i mean i stuck to my fucking guns but the weather was fucking like just shitty september has been to the point where you don't want to be inside like you're like fuck this i'm going out the mornings are cool once the sun goes down and fucking holy shit we had a practice friday night the girls had

softball practice it was beautiful sat a friday afternoon but let me tell you something once that sun hides behind the fucking trees you're like what the fuck you got to bring a sweatshirt another sweatshirt and a sweatshirt for the sweatshirt but it was a fun fucking weekend uh we went to uh we had practice friday night two games on fucking saturday yeah they lost both of you know the coach it's it's an all-star weekend it's an all-star traveling team so we had to go to fucking trenton and uh the girls were 10 and 11 i remember mercy being a first base and it was like a midget standing next to me like that's how big the girl was compared to mercy but they did great they did the best they could you know the coach did it on purpose

because he wanted them to you know play up a little bit like just to get when you play it's like it's like running with a vest on you know and then you take the vest off and you're fucking you know like uh you know you're flying through the fucking air like bruce lee but when you have the vest on it puts weight on you these girls were bigger they were throwing harder but mercy did great i was very proud of it she caught a couple pop-ups she made a double fucking play uh play at first and she threw it home and the girl got her you know what man listen i'm not a pistol peep maravich father i'm not at home whipping up watching a basement i'm not listening in that dugout i just want to hear a giggle if i could hear a giggle on the field and then the dugout with

her friends whether they're losing or winning i don't give a fuck she's doing so much fucking better than what she was doing in LA so much fucking today i had her out early uh yes sunday day before we went to church i had her out early playing with the fucking neighbors let me tell you some guys she has these two little neighbor buddies i mean she's got all these little girlfriends and kids from school and the the parents we roll with but the neighbor kids and her all she needs i could tell let me tell you something she's gonna end up dating that kid from across the street i could just tell i know my daughter i know my daughter her and her and him she's uh he's 10 mercy's eight but they get along perfectly they're both geeks they're into that you know

fucking coding and all that stuff when they get on the computer together the other day i went to the practice i went to the football practice just sometimes nights during the week i meet the other parents their sons have games and i go to their football practice i watch i talk we bullshit we get out we get some man we look at the bats you know i'm saying there's fucking bats over there so mercy was there with frankie and they said can we go over to the park i go yeah no the park is far away i can't really see him there's nothing going on at that park you know but after 15 20 minutes i walk over i gotta take a pee anyway and i check on them there's a thousand kids at the park fucking 630 it's amazing it's like jersey when i was growing up here when i walk over there to

see what's going on like there's a bunch of kids and i'm like i can't recognize mercy and all sudden i look at one of the tables and i see mercy and little frankie sitting there fucking having a great time you know like just giggling and looking at the computer and i'm like these fucking kids are you know they're just uh and then he has a little sister she's a year younger than mercy maybe two years younger than mercy and they get along great so everything i have everything i need is right in front of the fucking house uh went to the san janeiro feast and manalapan holy shit holy shit the line for the fucking zeppelis was from here to philadelphia i was like i'm not getting on that but i did get myself a little mother fucking sausage sandwich a

sausage and peppers holy shit it was fucking good this wasn't a truck this was a stand with some old catholics working in this motherfucker catholics know how to make sausage and fucking peppers it was tremendous i hadn't been to a fucking san janeiro feast since 1984 over in little lily the san janeiro feast is going on little lily but i'm not going over there no i'm not fucking going over there i have a little feast over here they had zeppelis they had lobster rolls they had italian ice they had five shrimp for a dollar five nice like shrimp cocktails dollar shrimp cocktails i had like two of them i'm like give me give me ten fucking five shrimps for a dollar i talked to a few people they had a little petting zoo mercy had a great time with

the fucking petting zoo and that was it man i went to acupuncture last week i went to fucking jiu-jitsu last week and i gotta be honest with you it was like i told the fucking dude i go you know sean is a great coach great kid i mean i have hit the jackpot with this kid all we're gonna do is we're gonna do some basics for a few weeks everything from the closed guard and then i'm actually gonna join the school i'm not gonna fuck around i need to meet people i need to get some camaraderie in my life i need to fucking get out there and do more things mike and i were talking about the other day there's no open mics for mike i mean shit has not really opened up to the fullest in our world a lot of these places where mike used to go

they're not opening you know but still i gotta change my life around and it's starting to change i've done a i've done a great job the last 90 days i really gotta be honest with you guys i've really focused down on a lot of things i'm healthier the anxiety has dropped fucking 50 percent i'm probably running at 85 percent right now and uh it feels great i'm getting great sleep my workouts are great you know just me going to jiu-jitsu i told sean on the way out the other day oh this wasn't about jiu-jitsu this was about me getting healthier you know i'm 58 obviously i'm a fucking old man i'm not planning on going to the pan pan americans or fucking uh you know ac dc whatever the fucking tournament is all i want to do is just be healthy and my

mind to be healthy and if it means going and sweating on some people some people sweating on me and it's great that's all it is i'm not planning on being a it's like the guitar i just want to play it as therapy you know that's it i'm playing my little smoke on the water it sounds like fucking i don't know it sounds like fucking apocalypse now on the water you know but i tried my fucking best you know the u of c was great last night uh my heart goes out to brian ortega he fought a fucking tremendous fight uh you know he never stopped and that's what you want to see from those fights the deas lola fight we all knew what the result was going to be of that i was going to bet it but there was there was no money in the fight i bet uh 25 dollars on robbie lola to knock him out

in the fucking uh i put the second round instead of the third i would have won 20 250 bucks on the 25 dollar bet so that was the only thing i fought on the on the that's the only bet i made on the fucking card i thought ortega would give i thought he was gonna surprise him but i was wrong i finally got beat up at the u of c ortega took a fucking beat and but he kept pushing deas listen man the deas is i don't think they want to fight they want to they want to fight like i want to do comedy you know what i'm saying like it's always in the back burner but you really don't want to do it and when you do it it's a force do you see what i'm trying to say to you you can't fake the funk guys you can never fake the funk if you don't want to do something move the fuck on don't do it

because of money do it because you really want to be in that it's so weird how i met so many people the last 10 years of my comedy career more than the beginning that we're just in this for the fucking dough like they didn't love it they didn't like sitting there and fucking you know right and they just it was whatever made them dough they would tell you wait i could make more dough doing this or doing that what about liking it how about liking it that's that's it that's a definite fucking path to unhappiness is doing something you don't like and you're hearing it from me because i've always loved comedy i have a doored comedy but for the last four years after 2016 i was struggling i was really struggling and i didn't know it i didn't know it

to the pandemic hit so thank god for the pandemic a lot of people fucking changed their minds about a lot of things after the motherfucking pandemic it's just not me so i don't feel like i'm a fucking freak here for not wanting to do what i was doing before sometimes in life you just need to step back and watch the gameplay and watch it you jump back in when the time is right if the time is right and that's it i'm happy with that that's what i've told myself that's a bullshit story i've uh fucking served myself on a platter and i'm gonna stick to it that's what it's about you know what i'm saying something happened this weekend a lot of things happen that don't like a lot of things happen in life that affect you guys like you'll hit me up onto it what do

oh my god and i go who gives a fuck you know like what what how does it affect your fucking life you know and it's a bad attitude to have because i don't really respond to a lot of things i respond to the weirdest things that happen in you know in the media i don't really give a fuck what's going on you know things are gonna happen they're gonna blow it up they're gonna try to blow smoke up your ass what's fucking new you know but something happened thursday night that really didn't affect me it just made me think one of the things i hate the most about what i do one of the things i hate the most about i don't know if it's my job i don't know how to describe this one of the things i fucking hate the most is when people are wasting talent i was very guilty

of this for fucking years for years i was guilty of this and it and it bothered me while i was doing it it bothered the fuck out of me i knew i was doing it and that's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again if uh doing the same thing over and over again knowing that it's fucking wrong you know that's that's the definition every time i did a line of coke yeah i was having a great time but at the same time i'm like that this is fucking crazy this is just this is what it is it's insanity doing the same fucking thing over and over again with the same motherfucking results you know so sat thursday night i was doing something i don't know what the fuck i was doing what i usually do mercy had kickboxing whatever

getting ready and i saw that they were doing the hall of fame inductions for the ufc great you know no biggie i saw gsp with this trainer uh farouk whatever his name is for for hob fucking great trainers smart as fuck i saw a bunch of other people there but i saw john jones he looked fucking yoke he looked happy i was like fuck look at john man he looks fucking great he's he's going up to two fucking 70 that's that strength lifting he looks stronger and a fucking bold not that he wasn't a fucking elite athlete before and i'm like fuck man i'm happy for him he got inducted into the hall of fame and blah blah blah and you know this is great and i didn't think anything else of it i was involved with my own shit you know i'm trying to write a

fucking book i'm trying to outline a chapter who the fuck knows what i was doing friday morning i wake up i'm you know whatever i go to the gym i i practice the guitar i i don't know whatever the fuck i do on friday's you know i don't even know what i did yesterday and it's fucking monday and uh no yesterday i went to jimmy's for football fucking great time watch vegas against miami it was the return of tony bondy one of the funniest guys in america i know what i fucking do every day i'm just fucking with you guys i just gotta take a minute to think about it you know what i'm saying i gotta scratch my head and go what did i have for fucking lunch yesterday but uh yeah when i woke up friday you know whatever the fuck was going on then at one

point in the afternoon i heard john jones had been arrested one of my friends called and he goes you see john jones got arrested and i'm like no he didn't need just one in the hall of fame maybe it's an old article or whatever he's like nah that motherfucker got arrested and i'm like okay so i got home later on whatever the fuck that night i think i remembered and i went online and he got arrested for domestic battery something else an assault and i'm like five thirty in the fucking morning i'm like what the fuck happened he was just at the vegas thing thursday night so that means he must have stayed out and some shit must have happened i'm like this is fucking crazy at this kid no matter dana white say that fucking you know

every time he comes to vegas he's got to sweat it out the fucking kids crazy and shit i'm like listen guys i'm a big fan of john jones uh professionally and as a human being i've always looked at john as uh you know like me i when i was 28 25 i was kidnapping people but in my 30s shit got better for me and i'm saying like you know a little bit you know in my 40s they got way better but i look at john i i see a young man i see a talented young fucking man um but i also see a guy that's been overwhelmed you know when somebody gets overwhelmed in life you have problems you know thank god thank god i never had i had zero success in my 20s like thank god i was never good at anything i never received an accolade in my fucking 20s all i was

was a fucking the only accolade i got was my the judge sent sent me to fucking four to 60 years that's the only accolade i fucking got in my 20s but thank god because i wouldn't be able to handle it you know people are going crazy about migregan well what do you think happens when you throw 150 million at a fucking kid they're kids and the punches to the head don't fucking help and the smoke blown up your ass don't fucking help people telling you you're the greatest don't fucking help it all works on your psyche in a way that you've never fucking seen it unless you've been there i saw it in hollywood for years i saw these kids being given the other night there's a show called home economics on abc and it's a new show and nobody's gonna watch the fucking thing

it's no danger watching at home economics i don't even recognize anybody in the show i don't know who the fuck at abc puts these shows on you know home economics again fucking miss pac got the second season order bt the numbers were fucking tremendous but abc's putting on home economics you know about a family who who strives together and gets fucked up by wealth so who just who gives a fuck well my point is that one of the guys on the show is a kid i did happy out with like in 19 i don't fucking know 2004 or three i booked this fucking pilot called happy out it was one of my many fucking pilot bookings all of them horrific pilots right except for bronx bronx county but we'll get to that some other time fucking uh you know all of them were horrific fucking pilots this happy

out was a big pilot at fox fox was putting a lot around this fucking happy hour thing so they had the original cast you know and they just needed a couple extra bolts put into the fucking cast what they needed was an injection of funny in the show and i knew one of the guys on the show and he's like dog we need an injection of fucking funny like i said to your mother fuckers whatever you're putting the show together yeah you call the improv and the laugh factory and they'll give you all the witty comics but when you want a funny motherfucker to come into your fucking set you call the comedy store why because we're the fucking marines of comedy we'll go down there start blowing shit up and fucking gadgets and you know what's that fucking movie with the

helicopter snake pit 40 fucking you know forget yeah air force 90 whatever the fucking is i don't fucking know we that's what we do we come in and blow the fucking joint up so the dude calls me i go down there i fucking uh you know i audition blah blah blah blah blah blah and uh i get the fucking row now i get there and guys when i walk on a fucking set i'm a fucking professional what does that mean i'm not like any other comic i don't try to steal the thunder i go i go in my fucking corner i take my sides i learn my sides and i shut my fucking mouth i don't speak unless i'm spoken to even back then even back then even more because i didn't have the confidence i had towards the end this is early on when i didn't really know what was going on i was still doing

coke and i wasn't telling people to go fuck themselves yet if you would go off on me i'd fucking take the the ear beating from me and go in my fucking corner because i didn't want my little secret to get out so i get to this fucking table read that you know they're okay but i'm fucking funny guys you know on this whatever the guy wrote for me was great and i'm really blowing up this fucking scene and i could tell that these other fucking shit makes none of them fucking like what i'm doing you know they were all young you know they were all very young one guy came from the commercial life he had booked a lot of commercials the other chick was an improv chick from boston you know like uh what do they call those people that you know not

not the groundlings but the other one whatever the fuck that they're just as bad too it doesn't really matter and the other guy was the kid from happy hour john who's a great guy you know i'm not saying anything about home economics john is his name not a bad guy he was always a very good guy and he knew who the fuck i was and he knew what i could do i don't know why he came to me he's like that shit's fucking hilarious but as the days went on there are rehearsals i could tell that they didn't fucking like me they were turning on me because they they weren't funny nothing between the four of them put together they couldn't say a fucking funny thing they'd never said a funny thing in their life i could see it they didn't

start liking me and i shot the pile and we were done ha ha ha's and he's you were amazing all that bullshit you know and come pick up the show got picked up i never heard fucking not a word from these motherfuckers not even a fucking friendly fuck you that i hear from these cucksuckers no big deal often they start shooting and i called my friend i go hey dog not for nothing i went in there and did my job got the show picked up put some laughs in there helped the other guy with some of their lines what nobody's calling me to fuck back and he's like uh let me get back to you you know so you call me back like three days later he's like listen can i talk to you about something it was the first show that the people from the 70s show the people who created the 70s

show this was their first show after the 70s show so you know whatever they they're the ones that hired me they liked me so i knew they liked me they were talking to me during the thing and we're like we'll see you in september if the show gets picked up but all of a sudden now i'm not hearing from them so i call the fucking kid one day and they go what's going on and he calls me he goes let me call you back when i got a minute he goes listen i don't know how to say this to you he goes joey i love you i'm the one that gave you the job but he goes uh some of the cast members don't like you you know he goes they just don't like you one guy said that you smell like reefer one guy said this one guy said that he goes it's all bullshit i could tell

that you kind of intimidate him you know your your your experience you know what the fuck you're doing you know and uh i'll never forget that like they never used me you know my feelings were a little hurt obviously i was green i didn't know what was going on but like i took it like a man i go fuck it onto the next one no big deal and i had a gig at that place at rogan one night that improv place where a lot of them had come from and when i went to eat dinner there was a sushi place next to him when i was eating dinner i saw a couple of the people from the pilot and they were like fucking pale they wouldn't say shit to me you know and you know me i gotta walk over i gotta walk over and say hello and i just want to let them know that i knew what they did i wasn't angry

and that good luck to them and when i walked over they were like shitting pickles and i was like hey it's okay you know i'm here to do comedy blah blah blah you know good luck to you guys the fucking girl told me she bought a house you know and the fucking kid told me he bought a house not the kid from home economics the kid that came from the commercial world they were like bragging they bought these houses with the pilot and that you know they were on they were on episode three when i saw them well guess what i left there i didn't think anything bad of them when i left there maybe a week later the show got canceled so i always thought about those two idiots that bought houses and what they were gonna do now she was like an improv teacher what's that pay a

dollar a fucking day you make more fucking money you know so they were young that's the point of their story they were fucking young and they just didn't know they got caught up in the whim the show got canceled they had to move on i never saw them again i saw the commercial kid at a couple commercial auditions he wouldn't even make eye contact and then one day i went to the ymca and i saw the guy john from home economics the abc show and i remember he came over and he goes hey man like a man that's why i love john like a man he came over and he said hey man i didn't like what they did to you i wasn't a part of that he always spoke to me when i was on the set so i know he wasn't lying to me and i appreciated it but that's what happens when you're young we've seen it

a thousand fucking times you can't handle what's coming at you let me tell you something if you would have gave me like a fucking anything anything any amount of money when i was snorting 35 37 i wouldn't show up to the set the next day i was one of those guys dog i just wouldn't show i didn't give a fuck you know thank god i did baseball and i kept up with that nor you know i never really but the word was getting out i made a few mistakes in the longest yard you know i was young i was a junkie never mind i was young i was long in the fucking tooth i was an old man already in my 40s but when you're young you just don't know how to fucking handle this and that's what they've done with john jones and the reason why i was kind of blown away was because

i thought he had this under control we haven't heard nothing from him in a couple years you know maybe a year and a half two years you know i think he got into trouble in albuquerque and a fucking strip club but really quick before we move on i got to talk to you about some people that have really helped me out there's two things that have really helped me the last three months you guys know i was struggling the last three or four months like i said last week if you listen to the podcast uh the early episodes up to maybe december or january i was really struggling to find words i was struggling to hold thoughts i was struggling to keep my thoughts together one thing that really has always helped me is journaling the other thing

that helped me because it's a you got to attack this type of shit it's like a three prong operation you know it's like a three prong you got to cover this shit and i remember from my halfway house days that you got to cover all this shit from three different prongs so you know i started journaling i started taking half a brain and i did something that i never fucking thought i would do i started talking to a therapist at better help okay the join is brought to you by better help today what's standing in your way you achieving your goals you could figure it out with better help i figured it out better help is therapy for the 21st century this is not a crisis hotline this is not self-help better help is professional therapy and it's all downline online it's all

remote no waiting room no couches it's a flexible schedule you get a great match they'll put you together with a licensed therapist who's right for you the most important part of therapy is you need to speak to someone you feel like you could talk to somebody who gets you i have dear friends and i talk to them all the time but it wasn't cutting at this time this time i needed a little bit more help something was bothering me and i needed to identify what was bothering me the fucking triggers and what was creating this fucking anxiety in my life and better help came through for me my therapist's name is dana if you're struggling this might be something that will work for you it's inexpensive it doesn't cost you an arm and a leg right now if because of the

pandemic this fucking pandemic is making everybody's mental health go upside down so you cannot find a good therapist you're gonna have to go online with better help it's cheap it's an expensive you can make your own schedule i see her every two weeks if i need to see her you could message them they get right back to you after their session i mean this is a great option for you and you do it right from the privacy your own home nobody knows you got to do it but when i do it i'll do it in the morning i come back here i turn the light on i put my little computer on you could do it over the computer you could do it over zoom you could do it over the fucking phone it works and it helps do me a favor it's affordable you don't have to be a fancy ass new yorker and they have financial

ain't available that you can't beat better help is 100 remote and available worldwide so if you're in spain you could do it if you're in germany you could do it trust me it helps to have somebody from outside your world to talk to it's easy to schedule it's affordable and it'll take a big load off your mind now for the listeners from the church uh the joint family this is what we're doing better help has a great offer to get you started visit betterhelp.com slash ds that's betterhelp.com slash ds and what i'm going to do is i'm going to get your 10 off on your first month that's betterhelp.com slash ds get better help and start living a happier life identify what the hell is bothering you and take care of it like i did i didn't know what was eating away at me i had like

three or four things that were eating away at me and ever since i got together with better help i feel better i'm acting better i'm making better choices and it's working so i'm here to tell you go to betterhelp.com press in joey and i'm going to save you 10 off your first month just to get the ball started you know if therapy ain't for anybody you know i don't do it for long it's like a half hour on there i don't need to sit there on a couch there's no watches in front of your eyeballs there's none of that shit i'm still writing my goals i'm still doing all that shit and the difference about jiu-jitsu for me this time the last time is i'm i got a notebook this last time i was on this thing bjj whatever will you write down what you learned but that's not what i

was doing wrong you know what i wasn't doing what i was doing wrong when i went to jiu-jitsu last time i didn't have a jiu-jitsu goal so this time i made a goal i'm not gonna tell you because i'm embarrassed i'll tell you in a few weeks when i get up to it but i'm embarrassed so i'll tell you what i made a goal for my 60th birthday so that puts me away from a year and a half so that's how you do it back to john jones it breaks my heart because nothing breaks my heart or more than wasted talent i was wasted talent not that i knew i was gonna be a fucking comic or be in the movies or voiceovers and shit but i knew as a human being i wasn't doing myself any favors by continuing to live the life that i was living i'm not good at a lot of things

i'm not fucking good at a lot of things i know that for a fact i struggle with the guitar i struggle with jujitsu i'm good at maybe two things fucking bullshitting and lifting weights that that's it i don't know anything else it's it's it's scary how i don't have any fucking skills you know it's fucking scary but one skill i do have that i could help anybody with that i know this is life coaching you know and i did it all myself i didn't fucking go talk to anybody i didn't know what i was doing you know like i told you guys 10 years ago it wouldn't even be a thought for me to talk to somebody i don't like talking to people about my fucking problems i rather thought you my fucking problems than one person one on one brow beating you right now when i tell you my shit you can't

judge me you're just sitting at home going holy shit joey i didn't fucking know about that's not you're gonna go whoa i didn't know you're fucking kidnapped somebody you know none of that shit so that's why it's easy for me to talk to you guys but i did it listen man let's let's talk about something that's a fucking reality you know i don't like to fucking pat myself in the back i haven't had police contact since 1997 i got pulled over maybe twice one for uh i was looking at my phone the cop pulled me over and another time i was speeding on the way home coming home from the five i think two years ago i was going to jujitsu and the cop see me look at my screen he pulled me over but as far as like anything like that i have not had police contact since 1997

when i got out of prison in 80 fucking nine i was the captain of fucking police contact if you guys remember me telling you a story february third 1990 when my daughter jacqueline was born that morning i just got out of the halfway house and i had fucking i got into a fistfight in the cops game and they let me go i got 20 fucking stories like that that happened to me after i got out of prison i didn't learn my lesson when i got in prison i did but i didn't the reason why things were always fucking going back shit crazy around me was you ready for this and i'll tell you honest to god cocaine when you're doing cocaine even if you're staying at home shit's gonna happen in your life that you're not gonna explain because it's bad fucking luck it's just

bad fucking luck how do i know because i fucking lived it i know what it is to happen be knee deep in fucking cocaine you're never safe you're never home you could pick up a girl one night in a bar come home to your house do a couple lines next thing you know your paranoia's got the best you think your girl took a fucking line of coke like shotgun dug when i told you guys that story last year and next thing you know the cops are coming to your house because you you yelling at the fucking girl now you got domestic fucking violence you got fucking possession of cocaine god knows what else you have in the fucking house but trust me i'm not listening if john jones is watching this or whatever i'm not saying you're doing coke but there's something that has

to be going on there's two things okay there's two things you could do and this is how i don't want you guys to think that i'm saying that i'm smarter when you guys and anything last night my my cousin called me a saturday night when i was watching the fights my cousin called me rollofito i didn't pick up because i had a friend of mine here and i didn't want to be rude but he was my cousin from florida uh his father my mother was his sister's godmother but we were always like cousins and shit like that you know how it is he called the other night we talked for a little while whatever i forgot what the fuck i was gonna tell you mother fuckers holy shit i gotta do something about my life no uh what's that was that on it yeah i got where's that fucking

that fucking alpha brain that shit brought me back like rollofito the other night he called i don't know what the fuck i was doing i was watching the u.s.c. fight whatever the fuck and i don't know well anyway what i was talking about was that there's two oh when i was a kid i went to miami one time and redoubtful his father my cousin's father my uncle rollofito's father was on probation for a weapons charge or something but the probation they had put him on was sundown sun up to sundown that's what the probation program was called so you're allowed out sun up and you have to be down by sundown you have to be in the house by sundown i didn't think it would make a difference okay but it does you know chris rock has a great

fucking line from one of his earliest specials uh nothing good's gonna happen if you go to the atm at two in the morning nothing good comes from that when you go to the atm at two in the morning it's definitely for something bad okay when you're out at night and and listen you're hearing it from me i i experimented for years on how to change my life and you've heard me tell these fucking stories and you know where i'm going with this you got to remember i was a fucking hellion till i was till 1997 i always had police contact you know i got out of jail in 89 and i had a bunch of contact and boulder and then on the road i would have police contact remember i got in trouble in Idaho i got into a fist fight and fucking uh whatever springs and

there was always drama with me guys always i was getting pulled over i was fucking always having police contact misunderstandings when i came to jersey in 93 i had police contact i had fucking five altercations that my life was never a fucking piece so for years that's what my search was a fucking piece yeah now i got it down but it's 58 i'm an old man how many 58 year olds are gonna be out snorting fucking coke jumping up and down going to strip clubs don't answer that i'm sure there's a lot of them i don't have that luxury he i'm saying i don't have that luxury to be snorting coke and fucking being at a strip club my head would blow up i think but far be it from that i really would i think my head would blow up you know there's a strip club

on the route nine that is always packed the club 35 or club 35 i don't know what it is it's always packed the other night when i was coming from the premiere i hadn't been on the turnpike in months so the other night when i was coming from the premiere i actually looked to see what was going on on a wednesday night packed people fucking everywhere and that motherfucker you can see the cars parked on top of one another you know i don't have that fucking luxury right now and i don't want that luxury i did all that craziness but i'll tell you what yeah they had a great fucking buffet all i know is that i had all these problems but before i went to LA i'd have a long talk with myself and i'm like you know i've been in seattle for 18 months i got arrested six

times before that i was in bolder and i can't tell you how much police fucking contact i had before that you know i was in jersey and i can't tell you how much police contact i had how am i gonna fucking stop this police contact and this is what i'm trying to say to john jones that this is the shame of this this is what bothers me is wasted talent it's when you're at your best and you're not taking advantage of it you know and listen i know how it is i know what it's like to get a fucking paycheck from a comedy show and fucking want to get your dick sucked and you know i've been there i understand i got to LA in 97 i did not stop doing drugs till 2007 again there was no police contact

but i changed my life in a way i cut it back i scaled it back you know what the difference was between my life in LA and my life before LA you ready going out at night you're like but joey you're a comic you went out at night listen to what i'm saying to you i went out when i started to go out to do comedy and cut out the social shit at the bars my life changed completely what is john jones always getting trouble when he goes out when he goes out now i'm not telling you not to go out i never said that you see me i fucking go out i'm never saying you're not to go out at night i moved to LA in 1997 i stayed there till 2020 and i never had police contact except for driving that day i mean never did a cop come and talk to me for drugs fucking this

that i got a ticket for parking in a handicapped spot two days after 9 11 whatever the fuck yeah that's it yeah but my life was always arrest sheets 36 arrests before i moved to fucking boulder and you know these are realities of life guys so if anybody knows what the fuck they're talking about i know what the fuck i'm talking about when it gets to that if your life is always with this fucking turmoil think about it you have to fucking journal it down to the fucking minute fact that it's you're going out at night think about it you're going out and it's you're fucking drinking i made a conscious decision in 1997 that people hated me for people hated me for that fucking decision of not going out my business was stand up that's it and i had rules

on my stand up i had a ton of fucking rules i was not allowed to do cocaine till i got off the stage that was a personal fucking rule i was not allowed to do cocaine at the club where i was fucking uh doing comedy at take the coke out of the business don't have the coke there at all even at the comedy store i would have a drink maybe two drinks do a line i did not want anybody to see me fucked up all my problems were always after fucking 10 o'clock my life changed and my problems ended at 10 o'clock why are you getting arrested five fucking 30 in the morning you're a fucking champion why the fuck are you out at five 30 in the fucking morning i have not been out of this house at five 30 in the fucking morning well about three months ago i went to LA i had a

fucking leave the house at five fucking 15 or something but besides that it's been fucking years i want john jones to get his life together i want you guys to get your life together i should not be pointing out john jones half of us are doing this this is what's happened after the pandemic and then you wonder why your fucking life is a sham listen if anybody's life was a sham it was mine but if anybody turned their life around it was me and i haven't thought about this in a long fucking time between you guys and fucking derrick and fucking kathryn or duchi you opened up my mind you guys made me think to what i had done what the purpose of this mission was it wasn't to be a fucking stand-up comic you know what man listen yeah i went to a premiere

last week does that make me a better person than you no no i worked hard at something and i finally made my fucking uh i finally my ship came in that's what you call it your ship coming in no big fucking deal it happens but you gotta fucking commit to it you gotta commit to something you gotta believe in something why not believe in me oh shit anyway that's a little bit of the point of sisters there what i'm trying to say to you motherfuckers is if you want your life to change you gotta take control you gotta take the bull by the fucking horns listen i did something that a lot of people did not think i could ever do i accomplished becoming a man you know what that accomplishment was for me that's huge i'm when i went to that premiere night of the many saints in

newark that didn't make me better than you that didn't make me a man i became a man on my own that movie was part of my fucking journey to be a man i've arrived i'm home listen it took me 58 years i'm a fucking retard i'm no better than you motherfuckers took me 58 fucking years but i did it and that's all that fucking has ever mattered to me at all so this podcast is not intended to john jones i was just in shock that after all this time he's still fucking getting arrested you're a fucking champion act like that even me who's a fucking retard you know my grandparents were second cousins and they got married so i got retarded blooded me but even me who was a fucking retard could tell you one thing the opportunity i had to be allowed to be at the

store and to be in LA i never thought i was as talented as three quarters of the people in LA i thought i was forcing myself on the scene okay things turned out that i was talented and i made fucking some moves and i got a little bit of success and i got a couple movies and a couple tv shows and i shot a few specials but that doesn't make me a better fucking person than you it contributes to my manhood that's what i did i fucking accomplished something i moved the fuck on and now i am moving on i did what i had to do and that's it and listen man you might be having some problems right now whatever i'm not telling you to fucking stop doing drugs that's not my fucking job you know i'm not telling you to stop going out and partying i'm just telling

you to look at your life and see the different fucking things you could do just to make it a little fucking better hear my stomach growling that's fucking hunger yeah no that's my fucking stomach growling i only had my two egg yolks my piece of wheat bread and my two piece of bacon for breakfast you know me dog i'm sticking to my weight watch is shit yeah i eat my sausage sandwich from time to time i had a half a lobster tail last night one of the good ones with the fucking cream in it oh my god Ferrara's had a standover there it is so great to be back in fucking jersey guys i get to go to my little feast every week even my wife said something last night she goes this place seems to have something different in every little community

every week for kids this is what this is all about and i'm happy we fucking made it like i said this podcast was not intended to bash john jones at all i love john this was to open up our eyes and if you're going through the same things just look at your life and see what needs to be taken out with me it was not going out at night and like i told you guys till this day people are still pissed off at me i will not go to a bar you guys do know that i don't go to fucking bars to stand there i don't drink yeah i could go get high and talk to you while i drink a soda it's not what i want to do i've been in the bar since i was fucking four years old i don't go to bars no more i don't want to be in a bar whatsoever when i stop going to bars like when i do fucking comedy they believe

goes on the road with me anybody will fucking tell you after the road back to the room and that's the way it was since 2009 ask anybody and even before that i had a hard time going out i would go out for a little while to get a cocaine package to wait for the dealer to maybe pick up a chick but once all that shit came together i was headed to fuck home that was the way it worked for me and it worked until this day it still fucking works for me i go to people's houses i go to fucking parties you know i go to restaurants to eat dinner i don't want to go to a bar and jump up and down it whenever i see it on facebook or twitter i feel bad for the people i go who the fuck wants to be sitting inside a fucking bar but anyway whatever fucking works for you

whatever makes your life fucking smooth that's it that's a transition it works for me and i made it work for me and i hope it works for fucking you the premiere was great the movie was great i'm looking forward to it on fucking friday i hope you guys are looking forward to it i've been going back and forth with the movie theater guy people are fucking greedy guys people want to make that money from the pandemic so we're still trying to put it together for patreon to get a little screening next week i'm doing a screening tonight i'm supposed to go to uh i'm supposed to go to one of the three i think it's uh eatin town on thursday on wednesday night and tonight it's the moment whatever i'll find out and i'll put it on twitter for you guys and instagram

and that's it and that's that we fucking did it it's the last week of motherfucking september and uh that's it man time is moving right along and as you can tell time doesn't wait for fucking nobody take whatever you can from this podcast i love you guys thank you for supporting the joint thank you for having my back now for a word for my motherfucking sponsor jack all right you bad motherfuckers i want to thank you for all the support and love you give me every week you're hooking us up me and michael the joint is brought to you by draft kings listen three weeks of football are in the fucking books it's time to review the tape how did you do did you want any money did you fucking have fun no you didn't you know why because you weren't at draft king sports book

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