Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 10/10/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #16

Episode Date: October 12, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about how much going home can help someone in need, what it means to have a women in your life and weed stories. Speaking of which, George calls back to tell us what happened when he left a pot cookie out at his 91 year old grandmother's house. Streamed live on 10/10/2012

Check, check, check, check you bad motherfuckers, welcome to the church of what's happening now, Wednesday fucking October 10th, Lee Syat the flying Jew sitting in with me today, the bad motherfuckers, the baddest Jew ever, he's like 82 days from Hanukkah, he can't wait, you know what I'm saying, it's great to be here, play a little Led Zeppelin dog, what the fuck, it was an April morning, when they told us, we should know, kick that up dog, this is the fucking jam right here, Kelly's last dance, it's a beautiful day to be alive, fucking beautiful day, if you want to do something until they get up, grab your balls and go out there and do it, you know what I'm saying, it's that type of atmosphere, we got October,

we're two months away from the holidays and you're sitting there unemployed, you're scratching your head, what's next, you know what's fucking next, you better get your shit together, you don't want to get up and be giving people handshakes for fucking Christmas, that's a motherfucker, when you're just shaking people's fucking hands and you gotta look around like a fucking Momo, it's a beautiful day, it's great to be here, what's happening, Lee? Not much man, I had a crazy night last night at work, I normally don't want to promote other podcasts on the show but it's Duncan's and he had a great one, he had one that I listened to last night with his mom and you let it to like an hour or something and like

half of the way through you find out that he's had breast cancer for about four years, the mother, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's just like it rocked me, like it just, they just, they were talking and it was like beautiful, it was like at first I thought it was just a nice conversation between him and his mom and then like he was getting choked up and it just like that, I live like a third, across the country from my mom, I see her about twice a year and it's just thinking about that and hearing that it just, that's one of the great things about this is that he'll be able to listen to that when she eventually passes away and it was just, it was a beautiful thing to hear. You know people don't have a fucking idea, yesterday I went to acupuncture and

and she was talking to me about something, I don't know about spirits, something, you know, Dr. Amy's a fucking trip, we were talking about family and whatnot and I got sad, it really overwhelmed me how I thought about my mother for something, you know, and let me tell you something guys, I lost my mother at a young age, you guys all know what I talk about, I'm a mama's boy, so I'm a little fucking fag when it comes to that, but let me tell you something man, if you're not in communication with your mother, you really got to get your life fucking together because I see it, I see it around me, sometimes I ask people, hey how's your mom, oh I haven't talked to her, whatever, you know what man, I just got one thing to say about not

having a fucking mom and it's like when I lost her and I could lie to you people, when I see it in myself, I see it in the mirror, I see it in myself, my life has never been the same since I lost my mother at 15, it's like to describe it, it's like eating food for the rest of your life with no fucking salt on it, it's food and it's okay and the chicken cutlets are great but there's no fucking salt to flavor this shit and that's the way my life has been, I can't lie to anybody, yeah I have a good time and I do comedy and everything but I think that the constant pain in my heart always is missing her, I just don't think about it anymore. I mean at some point you couldn't, yeah I don't think about it no more, you know,

when somebody, when a man around me or a woman around me is close with their mom it makes me happy because I know for a fact that you're keeping it old school, people, everybody in this country has problems, I tell people all the time, bro when you have a problem go home, go home, the answers are at home, sleep on your mother's floor for five fucking days, the answer is right there, she'll tell you a fucking answer, she knows you better than anybody, go the fuck home, these people you know they have problems, they want to fight them out by themselves, you can't do it sometimes, I don't care how small or how tough or you know I always get pissed off at people that we don't need psychiatrists, you know everybody has an iPhone and an I fucking pad but the last person

they go to an answer for whenever they have a problem is I, nobody knows you better than fucking you, why are you going to talk to a fucking psychiatrist, I'm going to tell them my problems, what fucking problems, your life, you fucking know what's going on, nobody can handle you like you, the best psychiatrist you have in your life is your mother, you just don't want to hear their fucking mouth, nobody wants to hear your mother's mouth but you know what once your mother's mouth is gone you're gonna fucking miss it, you know and that's what these people have to know, so when Duncan told me that he went to North Carolina and put his mom on the podcast, I told him it was gonna be a lethal combination, me and Duncan are trying to do a podcast,

you know my uncle lives close to Duncan, two blocks away, so I'm trying to get my uncle and Duncan to go to Mimi's, we'll get a fucking steak and then from there we'll go to Duncan's, have a few cocktails, get my uncle all sourced up and have him do a podcast and I know that he'll be great with Duncan, you know, Duncan's a fucking great guy and I've told people for years that Duncan was missing from my life for five or six years, I really didn't see Duncan and I could tell the difference in my life, he was the best psychiatrist I had out here, you know those kids I have at home that are my friends like Loubs and a couple of them are my psychiatrists, not on record but they're my psychiatrists, I talked to them, I run shit by them and

fucking, I didn't talk to him, he's a smart motherfucker Duncan, especially when it comes to little nuances, he's very smart so I would always refer it, you know, rely on him for things, you know, I just ask him stupid questions, what do you think about this, what do you think about that and he adds the flavor to my life, it's so weird how we're always looking for answers to our problems but the answers are right next to you, you know, but we don't take certain people's word as we don't view them like that, like for comedy and movies and all this shit, for years people have a manager and stuff like that, I have my wife, who's the better manager than she is, she's an accountant, she doesn't fucking play games, she could care less about

Hollywood, she could care less about the bullshit or who it is, when something comes in I always run it by my wife, they want me here for two nights, is it they want to pay me and she'll go no, what do you gain from it, she's absolutely fucking right, so it's amazing like all our life we're looking for fucking answers and we just don't find them, sometimes they're right in front of us, the answers are right in front of us, so I'm happy that you brought that podcast up because I had forgotten all about that, that he had his mother on there. Yeah, the interesting thing is with that thing, with the answers, a lot of times they'll be right there but you don't want to hear them. No, you don't want to fucking hear them, nobody wants to

fucking, nobody wants to know what to fucking do with their life, we all know, we just don't want nobody telling us, but until somebody tells us we don't want to do it anyway, you know, I see this constant, I saw it with me, you know, I was out of shape, I was breathing heavy, I mean I still breathe heavy, all these things and I knew I had to make different things and people always wanted, well I have to do this and I have to do this, basically it's just a couple things that you could do every day, you know, I had this karate teacher that used to always say to me, when are you coming to class and I go, I'm on the road, I'm doing comedy, he's like Joey, if you come once a week you're helping yourself, even if you come once a week, throw a few side

cakes, drink some water and I try to do that every day, I try to better it every day, you know, that's just for the weight stuff and to be a little healthier, I can just imagine other problems people have like drinking, I have a friend that won't stop fucking drinking, you know, and she won't go to rehab, she does everything but go into a fucking rehab, if anybody needs a rehab it's this Jay, usually I don't fucking believe in rehabs but for this Jay, she needs to go away, she needs to walk a different path, she needs to see different fucking people, so she won't do it, we all know the answers to our fate, you know, we all fucking know the answers, it's just sitting down, putting time aside for it and getting the party started, that's it, what's up Lee, you flying fucking Jew,

cock sucker, what's happening, you know I love you, what's happening, you're moping around play like somebody stole your last yarmulke, you know, you cock sucker, you got a half a mil hidden somewhere, all you Jews do, you always got a U, Josh Wolf, all you cock suckers, always got a half a mil hidden under a mattress, telling me walking around saying no, no, no, if I had half a mil I wouldn't be here at five in the morning, get the fuck out of here, you definitely be here at five in the morning, that's the heartbeat of a Jew, keep going, they don't give a fuck, keep going cock sucker, keep putting, every day you put a dollar in that fucking bank, at the end of the year you got $365, see people don't remember that shit,

on the old days you had a, you had a Christmas clubs and shit, see you don't even remember Christmas club, Christmas club you walked into the bank in January, go listen, what do I need to do, I got a piece of pussy and I want to buy her a ring, they see it and they go all right, what do you want, how much do you need, you go sit there, you go oh I need about $3,000 done, come in here every week, give me 25 bucks, I'm just saying and at the end of the year you'll have your 3,000 fucking dollars and they used to have Christmas clubs, so what you had to do is when you cash your check and you put money in the savings, you put money in checking, you put money in your Christmas club and at the end of the year on the 20th they give you a check

with your Christmas club money and some employers in the old days used to match it, so at work people put money in and they would put you know a dollar for every five you put in, but to say you put it on the 25th, they give you 25 dollars, who's giving you fucking 25 dollars? Exactly. What the fuck, I opened up with Achilles Last Stand off the album's presence by Led Zeppelin, one of the greatest groups of all time, you know what I always hear shit, I give videos from time to time, Joey Led Zeppelin, they're a bunch of thieves listen, I don't give a fuck, when it came to that shit they bettered it, I don't even know, I looked at the videos,

I don't know what songs they pill for it, I don't give a fuck, I'm too old for this shit, all I know is when I shoot fucking heroin and I listen to Led Zeppelin it feels good, all right, I don't give a fuck what the fuck they stole it from or what little black musician is out there eating fucking grits because Zeppelin stole the song, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but it's funny because the last two days they've been talking about Zeppelin reunions and I've never seen a country, I've never seen a country that gets so fucking fascinated by the dumbest fucking things in the world, it's like how many times can we digitally remaster a fucking album or a TV show? As many times as people will buy it? As many times as these

fucking momos are by it, if they find one more album unreleased to John, listen, the reason why people don't release songs is because it sucks, that's why, get it in your fucking head you fucking momos, the reason why people leave unreleased songs are because they listen to it and said this song fucking blows, I'm putting this in a drawer hidden deep, deep, deep, deep in the catacombs of fucking hell, but no, but then some nosy white fuck opens up a vault because that's what it is, a nosy fucking white fuck, never a Jew would Jewel say fuck if this sucks I can't put this out, maybe we'll fucking put it on the underground or some shit, but these people keep putting out these music and it's momos like you that keep buying them, stop with the digitally

remastered, you could just make a movie look so fucking good, you know what I'm saying, what the fuck every five years they take money out of your pocket, number two, these dumb reunion toys, let me tell you something man, I've seen the Stones about 10 years ago when he was 60 or 50 something, I gotta tell you something, he was great, he was great, I've seen him at the Hollywood Bowl, let me tell you something, Danny Mur took me from the Hollywood, the Tempe Improv, Danny Mur used to run the Tempe Improv, he looked like, I don't even know who the fuck he looks like, this guy was the most fucked up guy you've met in your life and I loved him, I loved Danny Mur, he was a club manager there, everybody talked about how he always did blow and was crazy,

yeah he did blow, I never did none with him because I couldn't take the guy straight, let me tell you something, I couldn't do blow with everybody, a lot of people say like there's not too many people out there that said, I saw Coco doing blow, in the old days in Jersey I did blow with everybody, it was popular, but once I got out of there, few people, I always snorted by myself because I don't like movement, like I could never snort with Felicia Michaels, I'd stab the bitch right in the fucking heart because there's always movement, they move around too much, it's like when I'm in a green room to do comedy, I don't like that much movement, I don't like people in the green room talking, I'm watching the TV show, I'm relaxed, I'm getting my head,

I gotta go perform, you ever have people like to move, I don't like movement in my life. But doesn't Coke really energize you? No, no, no, it energizes you to sit there and mind your fucking business and look out a window and be paranoid or get a chick to suck your dick, when I was on Coke I was really weird the last 15 years because I did Coke for 30, and I should have gotten off the Coke after 15 years because I should have outgrown it, but I didn't, I was a junkie and that's what happened sometimes, but it's funny, I used to have this girl, I used to fuck from time to time, and this is how I was with Coke, I knew her period, I knew her cycle's a period, and when she had a period she called

me drunk, come over, let's fuck and I go fuck, I wouldn't tell her fuck, and I'd say yeah I'll be over an hour and then I'd see her the next day, I'd fall, I'd never wasted Coke on a chick with a period, I didn't have time for that shit, if you got your period it looks like you're partying by yourself, you know what I'm saying, I got no time to hang out with you because there's no pay off, yeah you can suck my dick but how am I gonna eat your monkey, I'm not sticking it into that bloody fucking disgust bag, so that was never gonna happen, bro that's how I was with my blow, you don't know how many times I crushed up Asperin's and had a girl come over and I give her a line of the good stuff that I give her 10 lines of Asperin's, she wouldn't know, I ain't wasting

and especially if she ain't sucking my dick, she ain't getting nothing out of Uncle Joe, he fucked that shit, come over and party, you gotta go, you know a lot of girls like I have a boyfriend, I'm coming over, once you come into my lair you're sucking my dick, I'm gonna get my boyfriend or your husband, I just put out 10 lines of fucking coke, you're sucking something, you know what I'm saying, you're sucking something, don't think nobody got out of fucking from that lair of then, and that's why I didn't even like people around me, towards the end if I knew you weren't gonna suck my dick you weren't gonna come over, I don't give a fuck, Jack, I wouldn't waste my time, I don't like movement, I'd rather be by my fucking self, as cold-blooded as that is, anyway

getting over the sons of fucking Anarchy last night, I don't even know what happened on sons of Anarchy last night, I can't even remember, all I know is, let me see, Jack's fucking took pictures of this fat fuck with a chick to try to get charming, to turn around, you know the Mexican smack fucking, Gemma for 56 is a dirty whore and I love her, I love her to death, I love the characters on that show, but I don't even know what the fuck happened, I gotta watch it again today and we'll talk about it next week, because everybody's like Joey you're a spoiler, it's not like I'm a fucking crime stopper, I just want to talk about the show, cock sucker, anyway back to fucking Led Zeppelin here, now they're saying they want to get a fucking reunion, let me tell you

something, I love Led Zeppelin, have you seen what Robert Plant looks like lately, no, looks like somebody dropped a box of bricks on his fucking head, you understand me, and that he's looked that bad for 40 fucking years, I seen Robert Plant December 1st I think 1982 or 83 at the garden with Phil Collins was his drummer from Genesis, he did this little band, he did this little tour that was pretty fucking hot, and I went over there and I love Robert Plant, then again in 94 before I left Colorado, 95 Led Zeppelin toured with these Hindus on fucking mandolins and fucking people with violins, it was pretty interesting, and I went to see him with this comedian named Todd Jordan, we went to Red Rocks, it was like a mini Zeppelin reunion, but that was fucking 20 years ago,

well I'll tell you who bothers me from the whole Led Zeppelin, let's get something straight, Led Zeppelin was the first band I fell in love with, there's times I'm listening to Dancing Days, whatever the album, I forget what the fucking album is called, it's got Dancing Days, the song remains the same, it's got some greats, the fourth album, no the third album, isn't the third, whatever, yeah because Zeppelin 4, this is House of the Holy I think it's called, because there's Zeppelin 1, 2, House of the Holy, the fourth album, Presence, fucking Physical Graffiti, the live album, and yeah all of my love and all that shit, that's the last album, but that album House of the Holy was basically the third album, the first

album I real bought, that I really bought and brought it home, it's got The Ocean on it, it's got No Quarter, it's just a phenomenal album, and there's times I have it on my iPod, I'm at the gym, I'm sorry I got a backwards burp, I'm at the gym and one of those songs will come on, The Ocean, House of the Holy, Dancing Days are here again, and I gotta tell you it fucking buckles me, because it buckles me because it was the first album I ever had, I mean I fucking love Zeppelin, I had that album, I remember getting a bunch of ludes one night and getting fucked up, me, Carlos Perez, Dominic Speciale, Sabatino, going to my house, and fuck, we were like 14, maybe 50, yeah my mother was still alive, and I had this big poster of Led Zeppelin

on my wall, and I remember fucking, not lip syncing, but playing the egg guitar like three Momos, and I remember on my block, it's funny, I talked to Bobby Bender the other day, one of my buddies from the neighborhood that his family took me in, and he was married to this chick Cardinelli, Kathy and Dee Dee Cardinelli, let me tell you something, we were kids, Mrs. Cardinelli was a hot piece of fucking ass. Is that the one you told like you're a little good tonight or something? Oh yeah, that's the one, and she used to cross the street every day, she had a French poodle that was blind, so she would have to cross on the street to the park and put him down, she couldn't let him walk, and she used to be, like she was the original fucking cougar, like all these people

look, talk about cougars today, we had to be 14 and this bitch, she was like Stacy's mom, she was just banging, and I remember one night I got all fucked up, and I'm like you know what, I'm gonna fuck Mrs. Cardinelli tonight, and I went over there, and I asked her about the meat between her legs, like I touched it like under the shorts, and she was like you're so drunk, go home, and I'm like come on Dee Dee, just give me a kiss, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I nearly fucking busted in flames and sperm, you know, because when you're 14, the woman kisses you, you just, your head gets fucking hotter than hell, the sperm comes out of your asshole, because you're so fucking excited, you really are, did you get to get a chick to fart in your

face yet, Lee? No, they're not. Lee, three fucking weeks later, you still haven't gotten yourself a black hook and sniffed their asshole, this is what I'm talking about, Lee, you're slipping cock sucker. You gotta get one of these chicks on Cupid.com or Match.com, you gotta have it come over, you gotta eat a pussy from behind, but you gotta sniff her asshole, it smells like gunpowder, you ever sniff a chick's asshole? No. Why not, that's a whole patois of the monkey, you follow me, Lee? I don't know, maybe it's an age thing or something that is no in age. Age? Age, what age, you're 24, you're ready, that's, that's, you were sniffing acid 24? I was sniffing acid 18, that was a savage, who cares, that's when you get your first metals,

you know what I'm saying, when you go on the fucking marines, they don't give you a metal that's 40 for sniffing, they gotta do it when you're young, you gotta get out of the way so you know. I don't know, good. The next chick you're with, especially if she's Jewish, because they have those little tight assholes. Oh, I'm never with Jewish chicks. Oh, it's a little kosher asshole, and she's got a little kosher soft on it, forget about it, you put a little yarmulke on and rub it at the same time, you rub her, you rub your yarmulke and you rub your nutsack while you're licking her little monkey tremendous, everybody feels it becomes a spiritual fucking situation, Lee, you know what I'm saying, everybody gets this. I feel like I have to go to confession,

Jews don't even have confession. No, you got fucking atonement, don't just, you sit at home, you sit at home and you stare at a $100 bill and you tell them your fucking sentence, what kind of fucking justification is that, these fucking Jews, you gotta love them. I live in Van Nuys and I had never like, I never had seen like actual hookers before, and they're all up and down in Van Nuys. Come on. And like huge, like six foot tall black girls and heels. They're not six foot tall black girls, they're transsexuals, don't get one of those. No, I'm not. You gotta look at the throat and make sure, Lee, you can't hook up with a transsexual. Really, do you think they're transsexuals? I've only seen them at like one morning, but they look

like six in the morning. Yeah, they look hot because you're fucked up, then you take them home and you go for that fucking monkey and they got a dick bigger than yours. What are you gonna do, Lee? You gonna tape them? I think it'll probably pass out. You wouldn't take the camera and tape and invite them over, do a podcast, cut second. Lee, just get yourself one of those hookers from Van Nuys and get it over the way. You can't bring them to your house, they'll pay the 40. Bring them to one of those hotels, get some crabs. You remember when that one hit us up, hit me up at the Ha Ha, right? That crazy girl? Oh yeah, yeah. One night we were there and we were talking and this girl came in down and sat next to me and she had like a bandage on

her head and she just kept talking and she was like 35 and you left because you're smart. I stayed there talking. Oh yeah, you went and bought her a fucking drink like a momo thinking there was a future. You want to have kids with her and shit. That shit's got a bandage on her head, really. All you got to do is take her in the alley, ask her to suck your dick if not, give her another bandage on her head. That's it, it's over. You never did do that. Take a chick behind the alley, you're gonna suck my dick. I can't. It's over. It's like when we used to mug kids at Hudson County Park, we'd take them under a tree. Yeah, I'll suck your dick for $35. And next thing you know, we'd fall out of a fucking tree. It's over. That's all you hear. No, what did

I do? You know what you did? You came up to the park looking for a blowjob like Sandusky disguised. Sandusky got 60. Sandusky got fucking 60 years old. 30 to 60. He's doing a minimum of 30, but fucking 60 in a day. Wouldn't it be great if he got lived them? Wouldn't it be great if Sandusky did like a shot of kid sperm and it's like weak grass juice. He did like some five fucking year old spring fucking sperm juice. And it's like the fountain of youth and nobody knows it. And he lives like 190. He's in their second dick playing with yo-yo. He comes out there when he's like a buck 40 looking like fucking Uriah favorite.

And they're like, fuck, you outlived the 60 years. I told you I didn't suck no little boy's dick. Can you imagine that was like the fucking like sucking a little boy's dick that's five is like the fountain of youth. And he sucked all the youth out of them. And he lives like 190 Sandusky. Did you see him yesterday? He's going crazy. He's saying he didn't do it, that the kids are lying. Right now, there's nothing in the world that guy wants more little fucking balls like little Filipino kid balls. Like that's what he'd do right now. He'd do anything. He would do anything to sniff like a little fucking midget Lee's asshole. He would do anything after practice, that filthy fuck. And the fat fucking cunt wife was there yesterday. Let me tell you something.

I sit here and make jokes about it. You know, I'm having a child, so I shouldn't make these type of jokes. And I know that those people were victims and they suffered and whatnot. The fucking real cunt in this whole case is the wife. The wife is the one that should get 190 years in if you haven't put that together in your mind or you're getting off the podcast. Because I said the word cunt to describe this lady, then go fuck yourself. Let me tell you something. Like I sit in my office at night by myself. I smoke dope. I write. My wife will come in here every 15 minutes to break my balls about something that ain't got nothing to do with the price of eggs. And my wife ain't that fucking special. My wife is not that special. So every wife does this

that you can't get away from your wife. Oh, yes, you know, she fucking knew, you know, you're in the garage, you know, whatever they were in the fucking basement, she's upstairs. Let me tell you something. Every wife would come downstairs every 20 minutes and offer coffee, coffee, a glass of milk, you know, are you hungry? That's what a woman does. You know, and then after about two hours, they start bothering you. How long is this going to take? Are you going to watch this movie with me? Don't forget to bring back the boxes when you're on the way up the stairs. You know, women always check. So for her to walk around and get held and tell people that she didn't know, they should give the wife 40 fucking years because anybody who's got a brand on their head knows

that that dirty bitch fucking did something. So I don't want to tap on the Sandusky thing. You know, we could crack, we could sit here. Can you imagine if those little kids dick was found near you? Anyway, I'm just glad I didn't bring that up because if I brought that up, you wouldn't have stopped yelling at me. No, no, it's the truth. I don't fucking know. I know that he's getting dirty is 60 years at 60 years old. That means he's he's he's fucking done. But before we end this topic, just is he going to survive a week in jail? Just, you know, man, listen, he's up there in Pennsylvania, you know, they said they're going to put him in solitary for the rest of his life. Let me tell you something, man, I don't know. I can't see him surviving dick. I

can't see him. But he's also going to have a lot of eyeballs on him. Okay. But it depends if a guard doesn't like him and blah, blah, blah. He could turn his back for five minutes and they'll fuck him in the ass and hit him with Penn State helmets till he fucking drops to his knees. You know, I don't I would never want to be in his shoes. I would never, you know, it's just an ugly fucking thing. I feel bad for the families and everything. This guy was a fucking monster. And I think he's getting off easy by going to jail. I'd shoot him fucking once a day for the next 10 years in the fucking light and keep him alive. You know, it's funny, man. I read this book years ago that I was talking about, you know, I grew up in a mafia fucking neighborhood. That's just the way life is.

I grew up in a mobbed up fucking neighborhood. That's just the way it is. I knew some parents. I didn't know some parents. I don't know nothing. But I understood the fucking lifestyle. I understood what they were doing. For some reason, people have been hitting me up about this lately about Richard Kuklinski. Richard Kuklinski was a Polish guy from Jersey City, New Jersey, who was a killer for the mob and other people. And he did HBO fucking 15 years ago. Thank you for those people who sent in Dr. Bowden, because that's the baddest motherfucker all time. These youngsters don't know who Dr. Bowden is from that show on HBO. But one of the things he did was to interview the first couple of ones. HBO was really fucking hot. And they did a series on the

Iceman. And the Iceman was a hit man that was killing people in New Jersey and New York City. His name is Richard Kuklinski. They called him the Iceman. And for some people, for some reason, people keep asking me about him. Did I know this guy? No, I didn't know. But the guy who taught him how to kill with cyanide, John Pronga, that I knew. I grew up with these two kids. I showed you the house on Charles Quote when we shot the documentary right there. I tried to fuck the mother years later when the guy died. The guy died. Yeah, I wanted to, Gennaro's one night in Hoboken. I took a quailude and Mrs. Pronga was there. She was blonde and really cute. And we started dancing to like Stayin' Alive or whatever. And you know, I went to a

house as a kid and drank milk and drank Gatorade, you know, whatever Kool-Aid, whatever the fuck it was. And I remember trying to kiss her and she's like, Coco, what are you doing to me? And I'm like, oh, I'm Miss Pronga. I'm in love with you. She's like, knock it off. I could be your mother, you know, because she was a mom. But Pronga taught the Iceman how to poison people or some shit. When we were kids, I used to see Mr. Pronga's. And I'd always ask him, your father has a Mr. Softy truck. How come you don't fucking sell ice cream in the Pronga's ago? My father don't sell that type of ice cream. And then the Iceman story came on. It's funny because my friend Rago, who Joey Filato called his cousin, lived on 68th and New Kirk up there in North Bergen. It's a

weird place, but it has these garages. And that's where the Iceman had his garage in North Bergen. Iceman, one of the murders he did when he froze the body, that's where it was in North Bergen, my hometown. The first place he killed somebody, he cut the guy in half and put him in a New York hotel across from McKinley School, where I went to grammar school on route three. There's still a hotel there. We almost stayed there. Remember, we stayed down there in that area by my grammar school. When we were shooting the documentary, a little hotel, people were checking into the room fucking. And they didn't know that they were sleeping on top of a dead body. The guy had cut him and put him under the bed. So for three or four days until the stink started coming,

can you imagine fucking there's a dead body under your bed? And you're thinking, boy, I got to talk to this girl. I asked her, starting to smell worse and worse. But it's a fucking body under your bed. So that was my whole thing with the prongays. After John Prongay died, I guess the kids, one kid died in the car accident. And the other one, because I guess Mr. Prongay and the mother were separated. But his part-time job was he dug trenches at a cemetery, like with a machine, like with a high low. And I guess that he had an apartment there. One night, they were snorting below there. In fact, I have Joey Filato next time he calls, tell the story. And they went through his house and they found grenades and knives and

bullets and clips and shit like that. So that was my only contact with them. I could lie to you and tell you, I knew them or whatever. They were from Dumont, New Jersey, which is basically 30 minutes from North Bergen. I lived close to Dumont. When I was hiding out, I lived in Crescale, which is the town over. So I knew where Dumont was. I knew exactly where the guy lived. I mean, the street, you know, right there was like a big broad street or whatever. I'm not sure. But it's funny that he killed, he was, where I used to snort coke in high school at the Coat Factory. He used to live across the street from there, Richard Gluckling. If you read his book, his first wife and his first wife cheated on her and he fucking cut her nipples off with a knife.

Oh, shit. Yeah. Richard Gluckling was a bad motherfucker. He was cut her nipples off. And it's funny because it could be any of us. When I was a kid, my mother died and I was 16. I had watched the mechanic and I thought, what a great fucking career. Just killing people on contract. And I thought for many years that I was going to be a hit man. When I went to Colorado, I teamed up with this guy, Fred, that taught me all about weapons. He was a Vietnam vet and he taught me all about weapons, how to kill, how to kill, you know, with fucking homemade devices. If you're going to stab somebody, how to cut the court, so they can't yell. I mean, this motherfucker taught me shit. And I thought that's what I

wanted to do. I had that anger in my heart. You know, my mother had died. I was angry at the fucking world. But eventually God filled joy in my heart. I got to meet the flying fucking Jew. And here we are 30 years later doing a podcast at five in the morning, like two fucking momos. Let me tell you something. My man, George, is calling for him. George is called before, but he snuck his grandmother. He carried the groceries up the other day and he had a pot cookie in his car. And he put it on top of the table when he went out to watch the Yankee game and his grandma ate the fucking pot cookie. He was 91 years old. So we're going to get a call from George and give us a report on how grandma was doing two days later. You had the pleasure

of meeting grandma. We interviewed her. Yeah, it wasn't in the documentary, but grandma eating a pot cookie is I can't even put it into words. She's like the oldest person alive and she's sweet. And she just she just talks and she watches TV and just the thought of a pot cookie. I'm surprised she's 91 years old. She still goes to bingo. She still has like a male caller that takes her off for coffee and treat tea. You know, George was scared that the priest was gonna appear. The male caller grandma was a trip. And I like I said, I lived with George in 85 and till for a year. And then he became he came out to Colorado and he was there when I kidnapped Bella. And in 91 when I got into comedy and I got divorced and I had nothing. I went back to New Jersey and I lived

with George and his grandmother. He was on heroin and we had the best nights of our lives. I wouldn't be here tonight. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for those for those nine months I lived with George because I was I hate to say the word depression. I didn't go into depression. I went into a funk. This had to do with my daughter Jacqueline who you know she had just been born and all I wanted was a family and now I'm breaking up and I had nothing but comedy. You know, and like I told the testicle testimists the last one that it started off as a hobby for me that I fell in love with. It saved me. This hobby fucking saved me. So I always want people to know that the comedy fucking saved me. This was a hobby that I started touching on. And eventually you know what

I led to something and I never expected for me to do anything with this. I don't have that type of you know strong security bond. I just was doing this to kill time and 20 years later here we are in a fucking bedroom doing the podcast and I'm smoking a fucking vapor. You know, I'm smoking a Eureka vapor pen and a lot of people don't know about this. I don't smoke this to be cool or whatever. You know what? I wanted to cut down on my smoking solid THC. So I got this little fucking Eureka Eureka vapor pen and the people heard me and they're gonna do the other podcast today Beauty and the Beast. Here's my man George. What's happened little brother? Good morning to you my friends. How are you my friend? Everything going all right? So give us

the whole grandma story and this is my man Georgie. You know Georgie lives in Jersey. He's my brother. He came out here to do Comic Con and one of my friends brought him a fucking 10 strength cookie. So take it from there George. Well actually you got a whole bag of goodies. It was a bunch of brownies, a bunch of stuff and I'm a lightweight because I'm from Jersey. So I put a couple in the freezer just for a rainy day and I had some at my friend's house and so I took it out of the house the other day and I was bringing it home but when I left her daughter was selling candy. So I put a bunch of candy from the school, put it in the same bag. I was really tired. I came home staying with my grandmother so I put the bag down and then next thing you know I forgot her newspaper and my grandmother

she's got a routine. She's got to read her paper out of the aerial every day. She goes to bingo twice a week and she drinks a lot of tea. So I went put the bag down, went to the car, got the newspaper. I didn't take anything over that went to bed. I wake up the next morning I see the candy's all stacked nice. The newspaper was red. I'm saying wait a second what is that cookie? So now I'm looking through the refrigerator. I take everything out of there. I'm going through every shelf. I went through everything. So I got up at six that morning because I had to be in a work early. So now we're talking about eight thirty in the morning. I have to pick my daughter up to take her to school and I'm looking at my grandmother and she's like hanging half off the bed.

So now I'm shaking her and she's screaming at me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Oh my god what's wrong with her? I'm looking at her and she's got that dazed sort of look and now I'm like where is the cookie? Did you put the groceries away? Where is the cookie? I said she's looking at me and so I'm cooking her and I didn't know what was going on. So I'm looking at her and I'm like did you eat the cookie? So she's talking to me in half Spanish and half Martian and I don't know what she's saying and then she starts saying excrebe. Excrebe. Which means write it out. I'm looking for which means write it down. So she could read it. So I go and I get a big piece of cardboard and I write in like two inch letters. Did you eat the cookie? She looks at me and she smiles

and she points to her mouth and then she passed out and I'm like oh my god. Now I had already gone through what you said the cabinets, the refrigerator and garbages. All of a sudden I look she's got this little like a waste basket next to her bed and you know there's a couple of tissues in there whatever I don't know. So I look in there and there it is and this was the one cookie there was no markings on it. It was just a wrapper. It didn't say what it was you know. So I pick up this wrapper and I smell it and I'm like she ate the whole fucking cookie. Now you know I can't eat a whole cookie. If I eat a whole cookie I'm done. I'm done for a month. My grandmother's 91. She weighs 85 pounds. She's laying there. So now this is I'm figuring she ate

this cookie between 11 and 12. So no. And this is Monday night right? This is Monday night when she ate this cookie. This was Monday night. Yeah Monday night. So now uh now for a little friend that I got to get my daughter to school. I got to get to work. I got a lot of shit on my plate. Snatched the phone stalks ring. I got to call my sister. I got to you know cop to what happened because I don't know what to do. I call my cousin. You know she's like well I just let her sleep it off. You know what she deserves to get hot. She hasn't picked up a drink in 40 years. She had to smoke her cigarettes. She smoked three packs of poor more reds. And she could probably a half a bottle of scotch. Once you put it down she put it down. It's 40 years

ago. And we always wanted to get a higher drug, ever. Yeah we've always tried to smoke pot with it. Never. Never. You can't. Someone gave a champagne once at a wedding and and you know she had the lampshade on her head. She was doing the meringue. She was she was out of control. So now I'm looking at her. Now everybody's like don't worry. Now I don't care that she got high. I mean she deserves to get high after all these years. If there's no doubt. But I'm worried about her getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. You know you start seeing shit. You trip from that stuff. Especially her. She's never gotten high. So now I got even called the neighbor. I'm like listen I'm gonna leave the door open. Just check on her every couple hours. Make sure she's not

spoiled out somewhere. So she's sleeping there with the cat. And I got like a cane. Because she needs help walking. I got a cane on one side of the bed. A cane on the other side. Just in case you know she you know tried to you know get off the bed. So uh so I popped in probably 11 30. I think I try to wake her up again. You all right. She's like make me tough my feet. He says to me. So I'm looking she's got cotton now. They got a down with a water next to anything. You know to keep her uh oh. So anyway uh so I popped in two or three times. And every time I walk she wanted a cup of tea. So I made one cup and I just left it near there. She never touched it. So now about 5 30 I passed by.

My cousin's there. I'm like what's going on. She's up. But she slept from whatever 12 she woke up 5 the next day. I don't know how many hours that is. But that's about 17 hours. Yeah that's a lot of fucking hours. 18 hours she was knocked out. So she brought us some high rooms you know the hot dog places in Jersey. So she's sitting there and she's got mustard from under her nose all down her house dress. And she's just grinning. She never ate something so good. So she waxed the hot dog out. So I told my cousin what's going on. She's like I don't know. I didn't wake her up. She was mopping at 5 30 with two mops. Because I don't think she could stand up. Oh my god George. So yeah so uh.

How'd it go last night? How'd it go last night? Well so I said to her you know what did you dream about? She's like oh she's like I don't feel good. I said don't worry about it. I go look at you dream about it. She says I dreamt like I was in a plane and I jumped out of Paris without a parachute. And I just kept falling. That's full. She's like I think I have to go to the doctor. I go listen I think we better wait 30 days just in case you gotta drop a urine in there. I don't know anything coming up. She's coming back. Positive. Poor fucker. So how's she doing today George? How's she doing today? Well listen I got two days worth of newspaper. It looks like they moved. And I actually heard

about seven o'clock this morning speaking English with a cat. So uh but she's still not up you know. So uh as of now I think she might be in good shape. I think uh I think after 32 hours I think the ride might be coming to an end. Well I don't know. It's uh well when I left at like 9 30 or 9 15 you know she was still curled up in that same uh fetus position. Yeah the fetal position you know the diaper is as big as uh you know Kardashian's ass right now. She's a little woman. I'll tell you she filled that diaper like a chant. How long has she had the diaper for George? I never knew it with the diaper. I don't know. I didn't know till yesterday when I said geez you got a big ass. You know it's gotta be a diaper or something. I don't know. George how much George tell these

people how much we love grandma how much fun she is. What would you do without your fucking grandma? She she'll break your chops with the best of them you know. She reads the newspaper every day. She watches the news. She doesn't understand any of it but she talks politics with her and she will uh take a stand even though she has no idea what she's talking about. No idea. She hates Obama. She hates Castro. I know that. Oh she fucking hates Castro. She fucking hates Castro. She says that Castro was a punishment that Cuban worked up to deserve because it was too crazy. They were like that was a crazy place. That was a punishment for all the bad things they did which you have to really think about. She loves Bush. You gotta say Bush. She loves Bush. She hates Clinton but when

she became a citizen in like 93 or 4 I was Clinton whatever Clinton was president. She got that letter saying that she's a citizen. She's got that on the wall. That's the only thing she likes about Clinton. He wrote her that letter you know but uh yeah she's insane. So now I gotta go to work now and I gotta hope you know she's uh she's okay. I still don't know but I'll tell you I put a bunch of Halloween candy and I told her don't touch it and this long time going the night she broke into those uh little mini snickers. This shit all over this. Rap is like she's fucking 10 years old. It's everywhere. Well remember when we used to smoke pot when we were kids. Keep your cookies away from fucking grandma. Remember when we were kids and we'd smoke dope and she would say you guys

are smoking eek eek. She used to call it pop pop and the pop pop and the eek eek pop pop. I remember me and George used to be all fucked up and we'd be fucking sleeping in bed waiting for grandma to go in her fucking bedroom last night. If I ever ever George get a show on television that is one of the scenes that is definitely going on George because to me in my life the gong grandma had this big gong in the in the hallway. This thing was it had dentinette. It was a big metal like cable top from Thailand. It was a big in it hung on the wall. So I used to work in the city and George used to live there and we both it's his grandmother. We both lived in the back bedroom and it was 1993 and we're both living in fucking hell. I was addicted to fucking powder. George was addicted

to other things and uh I come home at night and I couldn't wait to fucking get high and George would be waiting all day to fucking get high and we wait for grandmother to go in the bed and I would wait George would get right up and go to the bathroom first. I would do a couple of bumps right there in the bed. That's when I used to go to the city with Ronnie. Ronnie called the other day and he talked about the place on 178th street when you made the right to those buildings on the third floor. We go up there and get coke from the Dominicans. Yeah right by the gambling joint. Right by the gambling joint. Remember the time me and Regal were coming back and we picked you up walking across that fucking bridge cocksucker. I wasn't walking. I was on a stolen bicycle.

You are a stolen bicycle but uh we'd be laying there at night and once and I would wait for George to go into the bathroom to get his party started and I would go out in the hallway and bang the gang as hard as I could and I'd get right back in bed and grandma would come out like three minutes later. Coco what the fuck is that? And then she looked where's George? I go I don't know where George is and she'd shoot to the bathroom. George you open up the door. I know what you're doing in the head. I would sit there fucking howling. I would have to recreate that fucking shit. I'm taking a shit. Leave me alone. I remember one time I got up early and went downstairs it was snowing out of the sun and I went to the basement to smoke pot and they had smoke detectors.

I'm down there at six in the morning and hailing this chocolate buda tie fucking joint and all of a sudden the smoke fucking the halers went off and she fucking ran outside. What the building go on fire? I'm like nah there's a Cuban smoke in the building that's like sirens and shit when that fucking sirens were going off bro. I wanted to talk to you about something real quick. Guess who emailed me this weekend? Kent Vella and he said he was going to shoot Kent Vella the guy kidnapped and he was going to show up there. It vaguely rings a bell. Yeah you know who I'm talking about Coxuck and I was going to go he was going to show up to the second show in Tempe and then I got a Facebook from him and he said that he was sick that's why he couldn't come down and it's funny

George because you were right there when I kidnapped that guy. You talked to me today and you talked to me then and it's two different fucking people in the room you know and I still think about that day and that whole episode and it's funny you know we laugh and we have a good time but man George where was our head at and where was my head at? Yeah well it was a hard time and that time of year too you know you lost your mother that time of year. Yeah November right? Yeah. Yeah and no Thanksgiving is always like a little little tough for you you know what I mean? Yeah November has always been a little tough for me. But it was a beautiful plan it was it was a beautiful little thing there was no kid there was nothing it was an in and out it was keys into the apartment

you know work nothing it was it just snowballed into something just out of control I guess getting caught up in all that shit but it was supposed to be bam lunchtime sending them for a hot dog pull those keys in and out he never knows what hit him he'll take the blame because he was a piece of shit you know he was stealing from the guy anyway yeah he was stealing from he was gonna rob the guy that's why I decided to rob him so no no there's no uh yeah yeah this is uh this is a tangle web we weave when we tangle to the sea type deal and I deserved everything I was getting I'm happy I'm happy because we're here no you didn't deserve it but I think what happened was you you sort of bam what happened was it it didn't happen when it was supposed to you know it just

didn't work out that day and then it got complicated because you know the longer you plan these things shit always happens in between you don't expect you know fortunately fucking did well popped up you know freaking Rambo that fucking boy without a fucking heart you know Rambo without a cause and he was the dumbest man I mean I try to tell people that the reason his motivation like when you get a movie when you go to act your motivation is something like you know you want to change your life or you want to get to the top of the hill this guy wanted money because he wanted to pay off the girl that lived with him that wasn't fucking him she was a stripper at a nude place but she wouldn't fuck him because she was still married and she was Catholic so

just the whole thing I deserve what I got and I'm happy it went down how it did but I'm trying to get Vella on on the fucking uh on the podcast so I've exchanged a couple Facebooks from him and hopefully we'll get this together so we could all have like a three-way call we'll get you on that day right cocksucker go check on grandma go check on grandma I love you man I'm happy you I'm happy you call yeah I'll give you a call later let you know how she's doing and uh I don't know I'm gonna have to bring her something huge to eat I think I don't know bring us some chance dragging in bring us some one ton soup from chance that'll bring her back to a fucking census eight years ago you know I'm always thinking brother that's what it is

you know I don't fuck around have a great day the flying juice sends you a kiss I'm by George I hear you're in love are you in love is it true me oh no that girl on my facebook is just a friend oh my god you're teasing us you're teasing us I'm trying I'm fucking we're trying to get leader snitch some black hooker's asshole he keeps trying to he keeps telling me to get a black hooker and let her fart him let me fart her face I'm telling you George he doesn't know what he's missing a little far to his fucking face you know what I mean you throw the net into the water you pull a bunch of fish out you keep chasing them till you find the one you like that's right uh have a good day Tarzan I love you love you all right man bye thank you hey you gave

your dad a fucking pot cookie uh I didn't know he won't tell the fucking story oh he called because he listens and he's probably listening right now you gave him a pot so you told me to give it to him you fuck he wanted it well so he was here for about a week and each day like I had uh some uh caramel cookies you'd given me and and then we came here and we ate some of that chocolate which was a killer oh that's right you guys went home and vibrated next to each other for two hours we didn't move for like six hours oh that's hysterical he choked on each we got sodas and he choked he didn't he didn't know he didn't remember how to drink but then I think it was either the day before or on the way to the airport we stopped we drove by here and you gave him a chocolate

from Noho CC which people these things are like fucking Vikings yeah when you eat a cookie a chocolate chip cookie from Noho go ahead I'm sorry and no it's fine and you know how Joey is like evil with the people he likes it when people get fucked up but he told my dad he said listen eat half see how you like it and and see what happens and that tells you how strong it is because he likes it when people get fucked up maybe he's giggling that a 91-year-old grandma ate a cookie so right I dropped my dad off at the airport and he was nervous about going through security with it and I dropped him off he said he's gonna eat a little bit of it I got I he got out he went through and then I tried tried calling him and we speak about once or twice a day and I couldn't get through

to him at all I couldn't get through to him and I was I was worried that TSA found the chocolate chip cookie so I actually called the airline to make sure he got on the plane like the next afternoon we spoke he ate the entire cookie at once before he went through security because he was nervous about it the entire cookie he he passed out it's a great story at the gate he passed out of the gate he woke up and couldn't speak and had to show someone his ticket and they walked him onto the plane and when he got on the plane he takes a high-goody sleeping pill so he got on the plane he took that he had to wake him up like everyone like people in his role had walked over him to get off of the plane they had to walk him to his car and then he got pulled over on 95

South in Florida doing about 16 miles an hour and he just had to listen I'm tired so they didn't give him a ticket or anything but he was high for about two days after that cookie that cookies listen bro I went to acupuncture yesterday now whenever I go to acupuncture I don't plan nothing that night that's why I go on Tuesdays I try to keep it light I take an acting class or something half a momoish but I you know it's son's anarchy I relax I don't try to get involved with anything because I know that I sleep hard but yesterday I went over the divine and I got a fucking bang bar 180 milligrams and the kid uh McLovin who's cool as fuck gave me one of those lollipops now I ate the fucking lollipop on the way to acupuncture which is a no no because you'll feel

those needles going right through your fucking skin that's how I hurt my knee that's you know I got lie to people and say yeah I was lifting and I hurt my fucking meniscus fuck no I got a needle to my throat I passed that one I fell off the table I twisted my fucking knee and that's that's the honest to God truth I got lie to people and tell them that yeah yeah I was just kickboxing and I hurt my knee no I fainted and I twisted my fucking knee like a fucking yesterday I gave blood too in the morning so I had to go to wax learn the morning give a shot of blood yesterday for blood pressure for my liver and to check on some other shit and I didn't pass out that was two weeks in a row I gave blood so that's big that's big for him for fucking Joey so what

were we talking about here I'm stone but how you got the lollipop oh so I got the fucking lollipop and the way that Dr. Amy while she's kneeling me I'm starting to get high off the fucking lollipop it's 120 milligrams of fucking THC in this lollipop and I ate the chocolate bars I left Dr. Amy because I wanted to be in peace yesterday and I wrote you know I came back yesterday I wrote I cleaned the house a little bit I made some calls there's been a lot of shit yesterday I think you're hallucinating this I think you slept through all the the entire day no I can't you give me about a third of the chocolate bar and you just said I can't move you just said you ate the entire the whole fucking thing I counted the six points and you're

getting home and sweeping and writing I came home and don't don't get me wrong I was pretty fucking high I mean I had to talk to myself for an hour whether or not to go to the gym you know it was a long conversation there whether or not I should go to the fucking gym last night and I couch one because I'd gone to the gym Sunday and Monday and Saturday and I went to the gym Friday when I was in Arizona so I wanted to take the day off and not like a two fucking sore you know I'm a 300 fucking pounds savage so I uh I watched Sunza Anarchy last night that's why I said to you I was pretty fucked up last night yeah I could tell I don't remember Sunza Anarchy you know I was giggling by myself last night I was having a good old time I love it when I get to that certain

point I get all giggly at night I love to be giggly by this point but I gotta get up before and eat an edible then I'll be fucked up the rest of the day so that's not happening one of these days one of these Sunday ones I'll eat an edible or something yeah but then you gotta stay on the floor for three hours I can't have that I'll fucking kick you the cats will fucking stab you and shit you know the cats the cats freaked me out like when I first started getting high here I ate the chocolate and I thought one of your cats was chasing me around the coffee table and they're just trying to say hi to me but I was running around the coffee table you were outside on the phone or something oh for that was torturing he was running around the coffee table no they

fucking love you they fucking love you but uh you know it's no joke sometimes his THC shit is no joking now like I said I'm trying to calm down the smoking so I've been hitting this uh eureka vape in fact I gotta put a new fucking thing in here because this one's to his end but I'm meeting the two guys today oh the two guys from eureka vape yeah they're coming up 11 we're gonna do the Beauty and the Beast podcast sweet yeah I'm gonna get them on and I gotta switch cartridges because I don't I don't think this cartridge is hitting anymore well I gotta clean out this thing see this how quick and easy it is you go over here you take out this one here because I got two of these motherfuckers did you know that and you know it's easy if Joey will do it

because if it's not easy he's not gonna do it nah man I like I like all my shit easy I like no drama my stoner you take this you put it on here like that clock clock clock that's it like a doctor when I go one two three four five and then you press it you let it boil a little bit oh there it is oh yeah I'm the eureka vapor pan with different different flavors I think this is candy corn I don't know what this was just some type of og but I like this did you hit this yet you didn't even take a fucking bong today no because when I'm trying to set up you every every two minutes what are you doing over there you know all this clicking and I'm trying to set up for the

podcast every two minutes what are you doing over there you sure yeah because you don't you know you come in here you're wild in the morning but anyway let me tell you what's cracking this fucking weekend the right last week look you know it's funny if you give out a fucking pick and it loses oh all these motherfuckers hit you back on twitter you fat fuck this and this we lost you you gave us a buffle gazey pick but when I win I give out a pick nobody says nothing to me no this week me and lee gave out san francisco against fucking the buffalo bills the under and the final score was what 31 to 3 bits so in my book that's 34 the under was 44 that game came under not one of you thank me some guy on twitter hit me with the lock of the week and I gave him that didn't even fucking thank

me you cock suckers I will never ever ever again give you motherfuckers another free pick unless you're fucking thank me now this week we got the UFC you got Anderson silver you got stephen bonner you got globetux area you got uh rick story against damian mind you had a bunch of fucking cards but let me tell you what happened this card was doomed from the fucking beginning remember we're supposed to be somebody else and somebody else fell out so I'll tell you what I like a couple of fucking fights on here like I like this uh globetux area if you don't like him but I'm not even gonna go there I'm gonna give you the football pick on sunday because we're doing another church of what's happening now sunday 9am pacific 12 o'clock lunchtime we're gonna give you a lock

of the fucking week like we did this week and if we could do sundays if lee's not rest lee you gotta shave this week we're not gonna make it look like already laying no more we're gonna get y'all doved up if you have a beauty salon in north hollywood studio city area you want to do a before and after on lee hit us up send us a thing I want lee to go in there I want you to curl his little Jew hairs give him a little yarmulke curl over on the side leaning to the side uh we are releasing the yarmulke's from hell before Hanukkah this year I can't wait the first one's gonna be fuck you pay me people gonna love it with a little X in the middle also tomorrow night Thursday the 11th of november we will be I will be at the portland helium tickets are still available

it's close to selling out so get your tickets today it's going to be a great fucking time what else november 1st through the 4th I'm at the Ontario improv and november 8th we're at the chicago house of blues myself and my other favorite jew since Maya lansky arish afir who I love dearly that's I wish I could go to that show that's no you fucking don't that's gonna be a great show what you should do is come there and then go to your mother's for the weekend instead of flying thanksgiving and you save on money that's what you do oh so you go right from chicago you come you take some pictures there's gonna be six seven hundred people there you I'll bring you up on stage you can bring me an aria say you're the flying jew maybe I'll give you a

yard or two for coming I think the next day you go to boston for two days and you see your mom two days is better than nothing you follow me friday saturday sunday you come back monday mom's happy everybody's fucking happy because remember if mom's not happy though the last thing you want in your life is not to see mom or something and for you heard something to happen to us you just make a point on seeing mom twice a year don't cost you a lot if you fly at the same you would do something for christmas it's fucking boring over the holidays so we expect to see people for shit to be crackle like it fly you're here lee you know why because you got universal city you go up there see the dragon see some mexicans walking around she don't see mexicans where she lives and you could take it

to disneyland you follow me listen guys it don't take much to spend time with mom you know the reason why i fucking don't work sundays and everything is because i make an effort to spend time with the people that you love that's the most important thing in your life man spend time even if it's once a fucking week obviously you can't do that lee because both your parents live in florida and embossed it but you call yeah i speak to them i leave like two once a couple days let me tell you something i never tell this to people but the night i found my mother dead see my mother used to come home every night and wake me up and break my balls not that she would break my balls she'd bring me food from the diner a Cuban sandwich and that night i heard her calling for me that night

but i didn't come downstairs for the rest of my life i got a little weather because she was yelling for me because she was having a heart attack i don't know this i could sit there like a little fag and cry and go i didn't come to my mom no because i know when god punches a ticket god punches a ticket there's nobody who could save your fucking life but you always got to be there for them because they brought us into this fucking world and this sounds corny and shit but i'll tell you man one of the reasons why i married this terry card girl was because one night we're having a few beers and she looked at me and she goes you know as a woman i could tell that you had a woman missing from your life wow and then i liked that and it bothered me at the same time because i liked

it because she was paying attention but i didn't like it because it was the truth you know it's the truth i had my mother taken from me at 15 so all i'm trying to say here people is we're going into the weekend it's fucking wednesday i want you to have a great day but any of the next day couple days call somebody call somebody and change their fucking life call them first thing in the morning and say good morning what's happening cocksucker even if they go what type of language is that they're gonna giggle and you made somebody giggle and in turn that'll help your fucking day out in the mornings when i get up and i put stupid shit on facebook whether it's washi or posty or namaste cocksuckers i want to start my foot off on a fucking good way on a happy way something that

makes me laugh because that'll carry over the rest of the day that's the same reason i do this podcast with you guys and sometimes i forget so i'm supposed to come out here in the mornings and and be happy so it carries over you guys have a great day and monday i i said some fucked up shit i was angry about something monday so it carried over into a podcast so i always thought it was a bad podcast so i'm sorry about my behavior monday and hopefully this will change and you guys have a great day today don't forget tomorrow uh friday the 12th is my man uh what's his name again brennan walsh is at the san francisco comedy and burrito festival he's gonna be at elbow room he's taping a cd listen give him some death quad support the guy's a fucking great guy and he's a savage warrior i even

told called red band yesterday oh he's a bad motherfucker he was drinking those vodka doubles the other night like they were fucking lollipops i wish i could have a cocktail sling dick like that i'm too much of a fucking pussy but go support him thank you for supporting tom segura thank you for supporting arisha fear cd and thank you for supporting the podcast and my brother lisa yet he comes right from work and he does this for fucking free i've been getting a lot of people that want to donate let me tell you some guys if you want to donate leo sets them up for you and he'll get back to you i hope you don't i'm just happy that you support us pretty soon we're going to start having uh audible podcast dot com and h and i block we got these people that uh

support them because i don't want to have somebody as a sponsor that i don't even use h and i block we all fucking use i use them yeah yeah we all use them so it's not like i'm selling something i'm just telling you guys about a good service if we're looking for donations we'll let you know hold on to your fucking money me and lee got a bunch of planned stuff coming up in the next year league so sunday nine o'clock tell these motherfuckers we're gonna give them a football like who's new england got next week we we have fuck who do we have fuck oh seattle seattle is what i'm talking about the youth of america i know who your team is by now at least who you're betting lead on betting i don't want you betting on the wing against the wingland i always like the quarterback

with the brazilian hot chick i love that motherfucker that's as dick sling and motherfucker oh she's so hot and he left a hot one for her he left another he left her when she was pregnant and she wants another heart hit the road check and take that fucking lump with your cock sucker most important have a great day i love you guys thank you very much for supporting the church of what's happening now and everything we do lee thank these motherfuckers from the bottom of your heart thank you guys he's the flying jew if he thanks you what he got to close up with we got the doors who do you love all right hey let's listen to this shit a little bit i want to thank stickum too for sticking it out with us and cleaning up the web everything's gonna be fucking beautiful thank you for supporting

have a great day you know don't fucking cut nobody off if they're asian keep driving fuck them they're gonna cut somebody off those cock suckers stay black have a great weekend we'll see you motherfucker sunday nine a.m. on the church of what's happened now with the lock of the weeks you get paid hit it lee oh shit bye guys oh this is what today get a good breakfast what then swing some dick and ask the bitches yeah it's a two fucking month what

oh shit me met a human skull tell me who do you love have a great day mother fuckers who do you love bitches