Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 10/16/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #120

Episode Date: October 17, 2013

Comedian Tom Rhodes joins us in studio. his podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Streamed live on 10/16/2013.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey. That's huluplus.com slash joey. And by dollarshaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollarshave club banner. Oh, shit. It's fucking Wednesday, cocksuckers. Wash your feet, scrub your asshole. It might go down today. You never know what the fuck's gonna happen. If it was the Mickey Mouse Club today,

you know what the Mickey Mouse Club is today? You know what happened on Wednesday? You don't know what's gonna happen on Wednesdays. That's what they used to call it. You might get posty, you might get fucked in the ass in the alley, you might get quimedia. Don't know, but you gotta leave the fucking house. Do it, leave. Oh, shit. That's not Little Rock, what? Wednesday, October 16th. What are you gonna do with yourself? You gonna sit there like a fucking mook? It's a beautiful day to be alive. Tom Rhodes in the house, the flying Jews in the house, and this is what it's all about. Bastardly, we're an American band. Send that motherfucker home. I like Rob Zombie, but he fucked up trying to remake American bands. He tried to remake,

it sounds like dick. I love you, Rob Zombie, but stick the Halloween, cocksucker, all right? That's the way you want to fucking make songs and shit about an American band. Tom Rhodes in the house, Joey, the flying Jews in the house. What's up, baby? What's going on, Joey? You know what I mean? I can't call it. You what? I can't call it. It's Wednesday and shit going on. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. We're in LA. It's sunny. You know what I'm saying? What are you gonna do? Incredible. It's October. It's like summer. We're gonna get that type of weather, Teyron. We're gonna get that type of fucking weather. It's fucking beautiful. What's happening,

baby? Talk to him. Tell me something good. I read a thing. It was a university study that said women were more attracted to men with beards. What are you gonna do? I hope so. And it was Teyron University. The thing, I look like I'm a six without it. So, even with the, I used to have a shave club on the sides, but I can't, I look, I look, I'm already like a young kid. So, I look, I have to have it. I don't know. Have you ever had a beard? Never. And I think today's popularity of men wearing beards is that we secretly fear a Muslim invasion. Why else would everybody have beards? I don't know. Or they're getting ready for the Muslim invasion because they might get fucking whipped and shit. You never had a beard, have you, Joey?

I can't grow nothing. I barely have hand. I am proud to say I've never had a goatee. I have never owned a pair of crocs and something else. Well, is it, because I heard on some podcast that some comedians think that it like separates you from the audience. So, is it because you're a comic or is it just you didn't like beards? I didn't like beards. Okay. Yeah. Fuck it. You don't like Castro. You don't like Castro. You know what I'm saying? That's just the way the fucking thing goes. I was always kind of cute. I didn't have anything to hide. No, no. I always, I never could fill in. So, I grew a goatee for a movie, but it took me a month just to get like fucking a half. You know what? That's it, man. I don't have, I got really a baby-faced hair growth. No, it's,

it's a fucking nightmare. Some people look good with a beard. Some people don't. I don't look good naturally. You know what I'm saying? Some people just ugly. Nothing you could do could help you. Right. But it doesn't like, maybe you see people in Florida or Texas with these big, bushy, long-ass beards. Like the fucking ton. It's like a hundred degrees there. Well, you know, whatever. Wait till they find popcorn in that motherfucker. I went to the weed store this morning. Like I had fucking contacts. Like he's like, anything different about me? I don't know. Why are you coming on to me? Like, oh, I want to go, look at my eyes. They're different. Who the fuck? They're still an ugly fuck. You know what I'm saying? What do you want me to do? You could change your eyes. You

could do all that shit. But we're talking about something interesting on the way up here. We were talking about the documentary last night, which I really look forward to. I found out when I was in San Francisco at Ari, when the restaurant it came on. And we all grew up in Roberto Durant, the older generation. You know, 30 years ago, guys, there was boxing on television. It was a golden age of boxing, man. And there were so many great fighters. The 70s and 80s. And there were so many. So many. So many. And so many young, like, Papino Cuevas. You just had endless amount of Francis Arguello or whatever his name was not Francis Arguello. You had Durant. You had all these people, Aaron Pryor, who drank the fucking potion

and beat the guy up in the last round. Right. And these guys were fighting a lot and defending the titles. They were fighting four times a fucking challenge. It felt like they were fighting four times a fucking year. Those sugary Leonard fights with Durant, I think, are some of the greatest fights of all time. You know, when they were in the show. That's how I know the Spanish, no must. No must. No. From that fight. And he said he never said no must. That's what Robert Cosell said, for he was for starters. That's the first thing he told Sugary. Well, I remember the dudes throwing the towel. And the guy kept asking him, did you want to fight? And he goes, no more. But the funny thing is that, you know, we're all fans of Durant. This country was, I mean,

he was fighting. He was a fucking beast. He was an animal with a beard. You know, Sports Illustrator went to do a story on him. And in front of Sports Illustrator, he picked up a cat and killed it. This guy just wasn't there. So, you know, when he went at you, he went at you like a fucking savage. I mean, you got, he fucking killed the guy. The guy died two weeks later in the Bronx. Watch it on on on YouTube. Watch any of his fights on YouTube. Then he started getting soft when Thomas hit Man Hearns and all that. But when he fought, Durant, you know, I read the book. They're doing a movie now, by the way. About Durant.

Durant and Scorsese. They're shooting here. And they're shooting in Panama. This is why this he's getting resurfaced again. It's off the book. He was raised on the street. His parents sold him to some fucking kid. Wow. The guy was a magician, like a guy that read cards or something. I don't remember the whole thing. And the rest is history. So, imagine the anger in his fucking heart. One day, you know, punch your mother's out. Punch your motherfuckers. You know, when I'm watching them last night, I'm thinking, this is before MMA. This is before Jiu-Jitsu, where Jiu-Jitsu was around, but it wasn't, it wasn't mainstream how it is now. If you fought Durant on the street, he would kill you.

His ability to move his shoulders and how he would control, he was just a fucking beast. And this is to prove the beast in the chapter when he went to Montreal. He's walking this way. There's a big, immediate thing for this fight. They're blowing up the first fight. I don't know if you know this. Sugar Ray's walking this way with Dennis's first wife. Sugar Ray smiles. He says, that's, you know, it's my wife. He calls her a fucking whore. He gives her a fucking finger. Yeah, I mean, sugar. Oh, dog. And that's when he lost the fight. Wow. It was all a mental thing, but Durant didn't play mental. He was just a gorilla.

And you know, I understand Spanish and this is what a lot of people don't know. The two most racist fucking countries in the world. And I hate to say this is a Cuba. Did you know that Cuba is racist as shit? I'll get my uncle to come over. He was my mother's brother. My mother's light skinned like me. My mother's brother has a little bit of a tan. These are telling me to go back to the fucking Congo. Yeah. The black neighbor in Cuba is called the O'Congo. Okay. That's how prejudice they fucking are. Cuba on paper. That's why when they sent all those Cuban refugees, they didn't send no white ones today. They sent fucking chocolate, fucking Cuba over here. They're all fucking African

Cubans, which I love. It gives the flavor to that country. But they're racist. And number two is Panama. George's grandmother on the interview. How many times she didn't say nigger on the interview and she spit and fucking giggled them. Every time she said nigger, she spit on the floor because it's the way they're raised. It's like black people fucking do dog fights. It's in their culture. But in Panama, it's so fucking racist, like the white Panamanians against the darker sking Panamanians. So that's where the hatred came from, which they didn't discuss in the media. He kept calling them in fucking interviews. He was calling them a fucking negro in Spanish. But you, what are you saying? Oh, he's saying it's very nice to fuck. No,

he was calling him a fucking negro. That's what he was saying in interviews. I'm more of a man than that fucking negro. Wow. You know, so the anger was in his heart. Oh my God. It was like, you gotta, but Sugar Ray didn't know he was racist. This is what's under your culture. Told him in his camp just to. This is what's under your culture. You don't even know you're racist when you say it. Because Sugar Ray Leonard was so handsome. It was amazing that guy remained so handsome. He was American. This was America's child. This is the Dallas Cowboys against the fucking Oakland Raiders. Yeah. And two of them just got out of jail. You know what I'm saying? One of them just killed their mother. The other one's an arsonist. So you have these two

fighters. This is America. You know, you're too young. I'm breaking it down for people. This is it. It's a fucking Thursday night fight. It's on paper. Not even pay per view. It was closed. No, you had to pay 35 bucks and go to the track or go somewhere 35. Oh, fuck. This was all brand new. And Durran beat the fuck out of him in Montreal. But then they redid the fight again. And that's when he said no, Mars in the eighth or seventh round. That's it. So the documentary is based on him going to Panama, Sugar Ray, to find out now 30 years later what the fuck really happened that night. So they broke down all the excuses that he had a hot steak to the cup of a cold water. You know, he had all these excuses. But you know, there's a place in New York City called

Victor's Cafe. I'm like a Columbus Circle up there, 60th Street. It's open till four or five. And after that fight years later, Durran would go there. He was in New York on a tear. You know, after that fight was in Durran, he was on coke and alcohol before that second fight. But after that fight and quitting, he went on a tear. He gained a bunch of weight. And he's still probably, Durran will still fight you if there's 50 bucks involved. He's one of those guys that he fought and he was 44. Big and fat with a bald head. It was ugly. But he fought because he had tax problems, whatever the fuck he had. I heard one night that he was in Victor's Cafe from a good friend of mine. And that he came in, he used to go into Victor's a lot at night. And he was blasted in those days.

And he, you know, he's a macho guy without alcohol and drugs. Then you imagine you're fucking sitting at a table talking to Tom Rhodes and he comes over and he's like, you got to teach it in my restaurant, get the fuck up. He was a scary guy. So one night somebody said something to him and he started going off in his coke binge. And he started talking about that he didn't lose the fucking fight that he wants America to know he was going to take to die. But part of the deal was that Sugar Ray didn't clown around. That's what really bothered him. If you watch the documentary and you watch the before the first fight, I'll know because I understand that street Spanish. He's saying,

I don't like him clowning around. I'm going to teach him I'm more of a man than he is. So he didn't like the clown around. He didn't care if he took the dive because then they would have three. It would have been the trilogy. And that's what a man in Durand would have probably hit him with a fucking stick by that point. But when he came out, if you watch that fight, they said that Sugar Ray was doing all that shit to humiliate him. It took him off his game. In the eighth round, he quit because he knew he was going to take a dive. He knew he was going to take a dive. He just didn't want to take a dive like that. He didn't want the guy clowning them. You know what I'm saying? I don't want to be clowning. You're going to knock me out. Knock

me the fuck out. I'll go down. And if you watch the footage from the fight, if you watch the 3030, this is a this is a championship caliber fighter. He's a championship caliber fighter, Durand. He'll hit you. And if you watch the documentary, please tape it and watch this and email me. You could see that Sugar Ray's four feet away and Durand still throwing punches. Durand didn't size up anyway. He didn't have that type of mind. Durand was to hit you and fucking overpower you, you know? So they went down a pantomime. I thought that he would cop to it. They went head to head in the ring. He asked him what happened. He goes, for starters, I never told. I never said no, Moss. I just said, I didn't want to fight no more. And Cosel put those words

in my mouth. And number two, he went on the trilogy and that's when I stopped talking. He went on some story about a hot steak, a cup of coffee or something. You know, the beautiful thing about life right now is that you can watch that fight and all those fights on YouTube. On YouTube. I love boxing. I read this phenomenal book last year. It's called Jack Dempsey and the Roaring 20s. And Jack Dempsey was a hell of a fighter. He started out in like, he was born in Colorado, but grew up in like mining towns in Utah. And as a teenager, he would go to these mining camps and into little saloons in Utah. Him and his brother, he'd go around and challenge, who's the baddest motherfucker in here? And then they'd go out and fight and people in the bar

would all put down money and shit. And so that's how he fight it, fighting like guys, the toughest guys in mining camps. So his fights were amazing. This whole book is about like the America back then in the 20s and what was going on. He had a black sparring partner from New Orleans, who was like a guy that he loved. And he hired him as his personal valet, so that when he traveled around, he could sleep in the all white hotels and stuff. And Jack Dempsey was a beautiful guy, took care of a lot of people. But the great thing while reading this book is all these classic fights are on YouTube. As I'm reading the book, I'd get to a fight and I'd look it up on YouTube, boom, fucking there it is. And, you know, this is like these great fights in the 20s.

He fought this Argentinian guy, the bull of the pompous. And this guy was a fucking savage. I'm half Argentinian. My mom's from Argentina. But there's that famous painting of a boxer being knocked out of the ring. That was Jack Dempsey. This guy, you watch this fight Furpo. Go look up Dempsey versus Furpo. What was the fight though? In the 19, it was in New York. And Furpo knocks Jack Dempsey out of the ring. But it's in the first round. Before then, Dempsey knocks this guy down like seven times. And this guy is a big truck animal. That's how fucking hard Dempsey hit. And because of that fight, they made all these rules because Jack Dempsey landed on the sportswriters desk on the table with all the typewriters. And they lifted him up and put him

back in. And the rule is now you have to get back into the ring on your own. Back then you could, if you knocked a dude down, you could stand over him. And as he's trying to get up, you could fucking nail him again. So they made the rule after that. A lot of rules were made after that Dempsey Furpo fight. And then Jack Johnson, this black heavyweight champion, he lost to this guy Courbet, some French dude in Havana. And Jack Johnson, he was running around with white women and really upsetting people in the 19s, whatever he was champ. But there's the fight in Havana, Cuba, where Jack Johnson gets beat by this Courbet French dude. And he threw the fight, because it was like 12 o'clock noon fight in Havana. It was sunny. And Jack Johnson,

he's being counted out. He lifts his glove up to shade his eyes from the sun. And this fight is like whatever, 1917, I don't know, 1908, whenever the fuck. And you can see it on YouTube. It's beautiful. That was like cameras were just invented. That's a great point. Somebody in Havana set up a fucking camera. It was probably like one of the first five cameras and filmed us, man. And we can watch this now. I'm gonna look up those Durand fights. I'm gonna go on a YouTube care of 80s fucking fights. There's one on there where he fights the guy from the Bronx who he beat up really bad in the rain. And then two weeks later, the guy was changing a tire and the Jack killed him. But in that fight, it's a beautiful fight.

Durand, you see him hit him with his shoulder. I mean, he was a dirty fucking guy. He was just a fucking dirty fucking savage. But that's what I did when I read that book. And I was reading the Muhammad Ali book for a while. And that's exactly what I would do. That's a great point. He had all those Ali fights. I mean, they're all up on there. So it's pretty interesting, even if you're young and you want to watch those fights from now, you could go, wow, that's pretty interesting shit that I'm reading this book. Remember Ray Boom Boom Mancini? When he killed Dooku Kim. I was at the Cairo practice office, part of a Jewish fucking injury scam that we had going on in Jersey. Heavy side, this little Jewish kind of,

he would just walk around, they looking for fucking holes in the sidewalk. And then you'd fall on it. And he had the whole wide, he had the whole connection. I was at the Cairo practice getting my little electrodes, getting a thing. And I remember that. I was a young comic guy, I used to do a joke about it. Dooku Kim, 12th round, dead. Ray Mancini was from Ohio. You're lucky somebody from a real estate didn't get a hold of him. It was like, you know, I was trying to be edgy. Now let me ask you this. What year was that? That was a young pop comedian. That was an 83. Yeah. Oh, wow. So you were doing. That was, I started 84. So I was, that was, that was like an open mic night joke I did. That's how long you've been doing it Tom

February 4th, 1984. What were you in 1984, cocksucker? Four years from being born. You and itching your daddy's pants and shit. Your daddy was still coming on your, on your mom's back. That dirty bastard. Look at Leo. What's up, baby? So are you stoned enough? We need to get stoned. Well, we're going to get more stoned. But you took one Puerto Rican hat. I got the fucking half the joint. Can you explain it? Because like boxing hasn't been big since I've been around. What are you talking about boxing? Is the, the first sport human, I mean, other than foot racing. Well, no, no, no, it is, but it like my generation hasn't gotten into it. We never had it like we did. So like, is it like, I'm boxed when I was like 12, 13. Me and my brother did junior gold gloves.

And, and I had one fight. I lost the fight. But if the whole, the whole movie footage that my father took, it looks like I'm winning this fight. I'm just like, I'm just slugging away. But anyway, I lost. But is it like the Super Bowl? Like it sounds like it's like you're describing like the Super Bowl watching these fights. We've been deprived. This era of the last 10 years has been deprived the heavyweight championship fights where there's the massive buildup to these massive fights. Pacquiao should have fought Mayweather. They should have had the Durand, Sugar Lane, Leonard like fight rematch. And it could have been gazillion dollar gates. We were, you know, we were depriving Pacquiao ducked Mayweather the whole time. And then he ended up getting beat.

I love that Mayweather fight where it was at some Mexican guy that he fought last year and the Mexican guy's dad gets up at the mic and he's calling me whether you're going to beat this wife beater. He keeps calling him a wife. He likes to hit women. He can't handle a man. He's a wife beater. This guy's dad is up on the fucking mic. All of you have to press conference with Mayweather sitting right there on the stage calling him a wife beater, whatever he got arrested for. And oh my God, needless to say, Mayweather went out and beat that kid's ass. If you're going to box, don't let your dad get on the mic. Did you watch Cuban fighters because the girl I'm getting is Mexican and her mom is like 60 and she's like the, she's a grandma, but she went out with all

her friends because the fight last week was Bradley versus Canelo or whatever, the Mexican guy, and like she was into it. Like it was, it's really big. So was it big for you? Like, do you watch Cuban fighters? There's only one Cuban fighter, Stevenson. So I've watched boxing. When I was a kid, I didn't care if it was Latin or Puerto Rico. Did your mom care? No, we just watched. You know, I like Muhammad Ali. I like Ken Norton. I like, you know, I like to all those fighters in the air. It just happens that they were Spanish. I had, I like to watch the lower weight Spanish guys a little more there because they were very aggressive. Right. But beside that, the way out of the ghetto, I don't give a fuck what color you are. Anybody

wants to see two people, you don't go to white cast, you see a fist fight, you don't care what they are. What are you gonna style? Are you Polish? No, who gives a fuck? Beat the cells, beat the shit out of each other. What do I give a fuck? Yeah, Mexico's always been a great game. Champion fighters. And I was somewhere between, what was it, Highway 18 that goes like from Vegas to San Diego and you're cutting across that bottom part of California. I slept in my car, this is my early 20s, whatever, what situation it was, it's in comedy, but I was on my way to a gig in San Diego and had to sleep in my car at the rest area. And I woke up the next day early in the morning and all of a sudden there's this, these trucks and cars pull up and all of

a sudden there's like about 80, 90 Mexican men and these two guys squared off in the middle. And it was one of the most vicious heavyweight championships I've ever seen in my life. It was at this rest area in Southern, way down in the desert in California at a rest area. And I talked to some guy on the perimeter and he said, yeah, this guy had sex with the other guy's wife and they were settling this. They were fucking settling. They had like, they made a fucking appointment to fucking fight. And whatever it was like maybe before all these guys were going to work or something, but it was early in the morning and all these cars fucking pulled up and then these two dudes got out and I'm like waking up and shit, you know? And I just fucking sat there, I came out and you

know, had a SIG sat on my car and the best fights. This fight went on. Yeah, it probably goes on. This was, this was, I don't know, man, I'd say a good 30, 40 minutes. These guys just slugging the living shit out of each other. They take a tea, like my girl's cousin cheated on or his wife with a married woman and like the husband was waiting outside his house going to kill him. They were trying to figure out to get enough money to get him here. Like it's like, it's like, here it's a big deal, but they're not going to kill you over it. Like they were serious. Do you remember, I don't know how strictly you followed news, but it was only a year or two ago in the north of Mexico, these cartel people pulled up with all these pickup trucks and then

they started throwing out all these severed heads. And they were cutting them on fucking YouTube. And bodies. They were cutting their heads on YouTube. They were like 30, 40 heads and bodies that they thought they just like chopped all these people's heads off and then pulled up in the town and threw them out on the street to send the message out to the people in the area. You don't want to fuck one of those guys' wives. No, actually what she said is that because she still has family there that her aunt has a couple girls and they're married to drug dealers and it's like, that's like getting a doctor here. Like it's, it's, she doesn't condone it, but it's like the only way you're going to make money and it's the only way you're going to be safe. So like they're

like her, her two cousins are married to drug dealers and it's like, well, that's what you've got to do. And it's, I can't, will you go to Mexico? Mexico is a big place. I mean, I think the, the north unfortunately is sketchy. I adore Mexico and I've traveled all over, never been to Mexico city. I might, I made good friends with a guy in Europe last a few months ago that he lives in Madrid, but he's from Mexico city. Mexico city is a magnificent city. And then you get kidnapped and Denzel ain't around. You know what I'm saying? What happens if you get kidnapped? Where's Denzel and where's the little fucking girl here? I like Spanish culture. I love it. And I think Mexican culture is really, really beautiful and sexy and there's music. I love Mariachi music. There's

just such a, it's so much music emanating from this culture. And the, I love the art with like where they'll make like really religious shit out of like beer can stuff. Like they'll do like a mural of, of the Virgin Mary out of like cut up fucking beer cans and beer bottle caps. We had before my, you know, my, I love them for that. My mother's from Cuba, you know, she was a fucking peasant, but my father's side were from Calma way, but via Spain. So they thought they were, you know, they thought they were Oprah's nephews, these fucking people. They spoke with an accent and shit. Like there was special type of fucking Cubans. But one thing I had saved up that my father always bought for me when he went over to Spain, he'd always bring me those

bullfighting posters. Nice. When you were talking about Spanish art, I thought about those bullfighting posters and I almost had a fucking anxiety attack because when my mom died, that's one of the things I lost. Like 30 of the bullfighting posters that were unframed. I just had them rolled up and eventually I would frame them. I think stand-up comedy is a matador's existence. I think that would be a great poster analogy. Hey, I would buy one of those red things if I fucking had one. I'd borrow your shirt and fucking pay, you know what I'm saying? On stage. Olay. But you think of what those motherfuckers do. You want this or you're right. Yeah. You think about what those people do with that fucking bull. It really is. And you've been to those, not me. I've never been to one of

those. I can't imagine going to see one of those fucking things live. I'd shit my pants. I'd faint. I went in Seville, Spain. Seville. Seville. Wow, what a wonderful city. God damn it. It was the minor leagues of bullfighting because it was like three guys against one bull. And it was cowardly, man. It wasn't like the manly shit, one guy and one bull. You know, one guy's out there waving the cape and another, this guy tiptoes up and stabs the bull from behind and, hey man, I got upset. It's one-on-one, right? It's supposed to be one-on-one. The one I saw in Sevilla must have been the minor leagues of bullfighting. It's like watching the chicken-fighting. Because it was a couple guys against one and I thought it was some cowardly

shit. I started yelling. There was an American exchange student next to me and I said, I knew a Spanish word for bull is Toro. So I said, what's the Spanish word for kill? He said, Matar. So I started yelling, Matar Toro! Matar Toro! I didn't understand what I was saying, but I was upset, man. I'm cheering for the bull. Yeah, they just showed it on Anthony Bourdain shown. It's not fun to watch. It's bleeding. And then the guy that kills the bull is walking around the ring and people are throwing flowers and cheering and shit. And as he's coming closer to my section, I turn to the American exchange student kid and I said, what's the Spanish word for coward? And he looked at me and he goes, I won't tell you. Yeah, they take that shit. Spanish

culture is great, man. What's that little goat thing that you drink the wine out of? I have no fucking idea. I've never been over there. I've never been over there. I left Cuba when I was three, so I don't remember none of that culture. I love Spanish culture. I heard all this shit from my mom and I heard, you know, I only met with my grandma on that side one time. I didn't like that fucking attitude. So I didn't need that shit as a kid. I just knew it wasn't going to work out for me. I've been to Argentina like four times. And I don't speak Spanish, unfortunately. So I've got cousins down there. You've got to fucking learn. I just smile and nod. They think I'm a really good listener. You buy a shot, they don't fucking do it. But when they go on vacation,

they go to Cuba. I would love to go to Cuba. I got to tell you guys a confession without me today because I can't take it no more. What? I went and got gas. I told you, did I tell you this? Her. I went and got gas. I had to drive my wife to the airport. So when I got off, I seen I had 60 miles left. I got to go on the terrier. I go, let me stop at the show on Wankersham and Victory. Okay. Because I have a Ralph's car, so they give me points back. And when I'm there, there's a bus stop there. There's always a freaky bus stop. There's always a kid that asks you for chains. There's always something. I got the door open, gas is pumping, and I left my phone in the car. I go to get it. And I see a black girl. I got to tell you,

she was a nine. She was a fucking nine. Maybe even a 10. And I'm watching this and I'm thinking of myself right there. Why is there a hot black chick waiting for a bus? You know what I'm saying? A hot black chick. If I knew what I'm saying, she could get you to drive with a Jupiter. Yeah, she'd get a white guy to drive with a Jupiter as good as this bitch. Look, she looked like Shade meets fucking Rihanna. I mean, she was banging. So she walked over to me and she's like, Hey, can I ask you a question? How do you get to Tarzana? I don't know what even what Tarzana is. I know it's around here somewhere. It's far, right? And I go, you know what? I really have no idea. And she goes, All right, thank you. And she stood there for three minutes. She was a

hooker, correct? Oh, she was a fucking hooker. I didn't bang her or nothing. But I'll tell you what is killing me. Is that like the code? She's not like shit, guys, which went over it like shit with but she's not not like sweat, not like cologne. She's smelled like her. She shit herself. And do you know that that smell is in my fucking nose right now? She put that thing, Jodie Foster, put her nose in the silence of the lambs when you go see a dead body. That nose, that smell, I keep getting it in my fucking nose. I didn't touch it. I didn't do nothing. I just talked into it. It was a downwind. So that girl needs to just take a Anthony Robbins business course. She needs to rededicate herself to her profession. I mean,

no matter what you do, I mean, be good at it. I don't mind if you're a man and you got some B.O. tear, you're a man. I don't give a fuck. But a woman, especially if you're out there trying to make a living, she smelled like ass, guys. Pure ass. She smelled like I farted on her. She smelled like I tied her up and farted on the 15 fucking, which is not a bad fantasy if you think about it at the end of the week. What's going on, Lee? Play a little fucking music here for my man, Tom Rhodes. Little fucking New York Dolls. Let's get this afternoon going. Wednesday, October 16th. Oh, shit. Break out the reef and the gorilla biscuits. Fuck it. Don't extort each other. Neighbors, wifey, cock. Who gives a fuck?

It's two in the afternoon. Who's you going to call? Fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you fuck? Lee, you ready to jump into action? I slept until this. Jesus Christ. I gotta go work. Oh, shit. What's up, Tom Rhodes? You bet, motherfucker. Let me tell you something. I'm feeling good today. I'm going to tell you something about all this shit with these doctors and shit I've been going to and they found out I had a slow thyroid. Then they'd say I got too many red blood cells. They want to drain the pint of blood out of me. So I was feeling a little fucked up on the thyroid medication. I went to acupuncture yesterday. I woke up at 5am feeling like a fucking G6. You

understand me? I could sling dick down feeling today all through fucking acupuncture. I swear to fucking God. She cut me yesterday. She must have put 82 fucking needles in my neck. I feel so fucking good today. I drank a bunch of water, some green tea. I had an edible and I watched Son's Anarchy last night and I did the kettle bell by myself for 20 minutes. The one online, I hit that fucking crib like a soldier. I got up that wonder piss. It wasn't even yellow. It was like cloudy. It was like water with a roofie in it. That's what my piss looked like. And I woke up this morning and I drove my wife to the airport. It was a shame to put her on that fucking plane. But one of the reasons I'm feeling good. I got my fucking basket from Onnet.

My new box. I got a couple Alpha Brands. I got a couple Shroom Texts with me and Salami. But tell you what they sent me, man. They sent me the new M4 as vanilla. The powder? God, googly moogly. That's all I gotta tell you. It tastes like Briar's ice cream in fucking milk. Do you remember Briar's ice cream? The white ice cream with the chocolate things in there, little dots to give it flavor. That's real fucking vanilla. That's old school. They don't give you that no more. They give you that processed shit. They don't even have fucking vanilla beans no more. They give you some fucking weight, man. That's some shit.

So anyway, what my fucking point is on to this on point. I had the milkshake this morning for breakfast. Have I farted since I've been here? Huh? No. I've burped a couple times, but that's his diet fucking solids. Anyway, go to Onnet. Go get the new Hem Force vanilla. Tell Uncle Joey saying you get 10% off. That's how I fucking roll. No biggie. I'm telling you. Those needles killed me yesterday. She fucking cut me to death. What does cupping do? I've always wondered that. It hurts your circulation. When I first started going to Dr. Amy, my fucking ankles were always swollen, especially after I fly, even though I walk around. But I had like red marks in the circulation from weighing 400 fucking pounds. She sticks those needle in my fucking things and

my ankles look like little fucking Skeletor legs because she drains all that thing. I do a couple bridges. I put my legs up when I watch TV. I'm brand new the next day. I'm like a fucking soldier. I put my legs up in the air so that bad blood drips down and let your blood process it. Your heart will pump it. If not, that's why your legs swell up. Put your legs up in the air like you're going to get a dick in your fucking culo. You know what I'm saying? You know, got some culo? You know, got some culo. You've been deadly a couple of times. What's that mean? Got some culo, dick in your ass. We think you're dealing here. I got an Italian dictionary. You know what I'm saying? Tom, I bumped into you in San Francisco last week. And it's really hard. It was great to

see you. I've known you for like 15 years. You know, when I first got into comedy in 91, you were always on, you know, every fucking TV show that I've ever lived, MTV, Kamikaze, MTV, this, the VH1 did a lot of comedy back then. Comedy had blown up like in 87 maybe. I was doing time and all that shit. But when I got out, I got into comedy in 91. When did your TV show come out? The sitcom. 96 to 97. So that I moved to San Francisco in 91. And then that's where it released. That's where I got good and, you know, playing to a higher intelligence of myself and the audience. And I started doing all those TV shows. The, you know, Comedy, Kamikaze, VH1, I remember having an A-list. And then it was funny. I got into comedy. I started cooking with oil like in 95. I moved

to Seattle. And I think in 96 or 97, you came up to a theater with Janine Garofalo. And I went. I didn't say hello to you. I was still very embarrassed. You still had the long hair. You know, I was from the old school. If you're a good comic, what the fuck are you doing here watching me? You know what I'm saying? I'm that mentality. All these comics and LA. I'm at the improv networking. You should be doing the set, bitch. If you come up to me and I'm an agent, you're like, hi, I'm Joey Diaz. I'm a comic. Are you on stage? No, I'm here networking. Then you're not that fucking good. So that was my mentality. I could have gone and I did a set earlier, but you wouldn't have known that. So I never wanted to disrespect you. So I went. I watched

you and Janine with Josh Wolf, believe it or not. It was me and Josh Wolf went to see you. And maybe Mark Madison or something. And I didn't say nothing. And then I saw you. Now, when did Tim Allen show come on? Like, he was really, really, uh, 91, 90, maybe. Yeah, maybe 80, 99, 90. And I remember that they gave him a show and then Roseanne and then they, all those guys were on there. And then the next generation was yourself, Geraldo and Margaret show. Yeah. And I remember that. I liked your show. I liked your show. And then, uh, Geraldo's wasn't, the show wasn't that good. And I don't, I never watched Margaret shows. I wasn't really a big fan of her at the time, but I was a fan of yours. And it's funny that then the show got canceled. And I saw you at the improv

after that. You still had the long hand. And, uh, you were at the improv, you were a comic. And I didn't know what to say to you, you know, because when you start off in comedy, the, the, what's the word, the, the precipice or this to have a TV show, or at least that's what you think, especially once you come into this realm. It's always the TV show, the TV show, the TV show. And that was 97 when I went off the air and immediately you went on the road, you cut your hair, you went, you had, you went over to England or Amsterdam. Yes, TV show. You had great success. Whatever happened over there, you came back and you've always continued to do comedy. And I gotta tell you, brother, I admire you so much because I finally got you about three years ago. I never understood

why would a guy want to work the road constantly year round? Because at the end of the day, this is what we do. All the other shit. This is all that matters. This is all that really matters. Fuck everything else. It's amazing. This is all that matters. It's amazing that now I turn down shit sometimes. Like if I already have a weekbook, that's a week show and they call him, I'm like, you know what? I look at the elevation level of it. Because it's not how many people you shoot, it's who you shoot. It's who the fuck you shoot. You could do 10 bad TV shows, do one thing and one good one, and next thing you know, NBC's calling you, they want to sniff your ass all and take half the lunch. But it's funny that I remember thinking at the improv that night,

after the show had been canceled going, I wonder what he's thinking right now. Because I go to my world at that time, I'd be crushed. You weren't crushed. You dust yourself off and you went to Europe and you redid yourself and it's 2013. You're one of the best fucking comics working. Now, let me rephrase this. Tom Rhodes is not one of the most popular comics working. You're one of the best comics working. Set up punchline material, appearance, professionalism. You are one of the top five comics working. I know, but does he tour with Zach Galifianak? No, no, no. I'm not talking about these fucking Rolling Stone fucking momos. I'm talking about with a guy that goes up there when you watch him on stage after 20 minutes, you see the work.

You see the work that he's put in and you see where his mind is and that's what you admire and that's what you're at, bro. And it's just amazing that you said something to me the other day that nobody would fucking understand unless what can means. You said, the improv's don't even talk to me. And I'm not putting down the improv, but this is, I'm trying to give the listener the mind of the comic and what we put up with. This guy's one of the top five comedians working. Why wouldn't you want him in your fucking club? Because you know what, last time he was here, yes, I know it was the World Series, but they didn't sell tickets or, you know, it's always some excuse, but then some guy's been doing comedy for years. They give him three weeks a year and they pay him all this

money. And I went through that. Bro, I go through that too, where you're like, what the fuck? I did my fucking work. I do my writing. I get on stage, you know, you do everything else. And I see you, bro, and you're as proud and as happy as ever. Yeah. There's always, you know, it's like there's, there's a certain amount of doors that are closed to you as a comedian, but then there's certain amount of doors that are always open, like people that love you in different capacities. The improv's don't give me no love whatsoever. And I'm old friends with the woman that books it. I've contacted her, I mean, every couple of years and just you know, I know, you know, I'm from Florida. There's a ton of improv's there. I did fucking,

I'm doing the one in Orlando the week after Christmas and, you know, I had to like practically, you know, give blood. Play the best club in my hometown. And I'm not putting the improv's down, neither. We're just saying that this is what comics go through, that this guy is not Mr. Pikes, not our modern family. Oh my God. You know, like I said, there's so many places that I get a lot of love from, you know, San Francisco punchline, Atlanta punchline, you know, Chicago, Zanies, friggin, the comedy store in Sydney, gigs in London, all over the world. I mean, I got wants. You're international. Yeah. I mean, I'm not, I'm not hurting for gigs whatsoever. But I mean, if they're, you know, the premier, come on, there's so many fucking improv's in the country

now, really all those stages, you had enough excellent guys to fill all those stages and the fun every week, all the legacies, not to fucking offer me any gigs. So I mean, at one point, you know, you get insulted. And it's like, when, you know, my shit does shine, I'm going to charge some motherfuckers some insult tax. It's a mate. And now this is the other side of the coin that guys like myself and Tom know that this motherfucker could change after a fart. Because all we know is that maybe Louis CK and make your milkman on the show whenever that's it. And also like, Oh my God, that's Tom Rhodes. I was, I love him. And also that back on the improv's are calling you. We, you and I both know that this shit, right, turns it could turn on the diamond. But

anytime we never stopped our dream, which is the basic of this machine is to write jokes and get on stage. Right. And if you're, you're constantly, you know, headlining in great cities in front of great audiences, and you lift your game. God, there was a point. Oh, I know this reefer phone was on time. It's a dusty. I mean, but it's just amazing that I look at guys like you now and Wendy Liebman, who are excellent fucking comedians, I bump into Wendy and she's like, I got a gig next month. Wendy, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, forever. You know, I just bumped into her going to New Orleans. She goes, yeah, this is the only gig I had for the fucking month. And I feel these are the funniest people working right now. But

it's so weird that everybody wants to be on the popularity bandwagon. If you were a fucking seat sniffer on modern family, they go watch you, you know, just because of that part of modern family, not because your ability as a standup comedian. You know what I'm saying? Like they should have, maybe this guy's not on television, but he rates here as a standup comic. This is where this guy rates. And that's the politics that we have to deal with on and off that a lot of people don't see. People don't see this. People see us on. Oh my God, he's on SNL. No, we're not on fucking SNL cock suckers. This is a long goddamn journey. And I tell you, I'm happy that you still have the fucking faith. Thanks, man. I love it. I never ever even considered doing anything else. And like

when I did that sitcom, it was only six months of my life. And I was still doing standup on the off weeks, you know, I've never not did stand up. And I do remember what I was going to say. I, you know, remember Rocky, the original Rocky, there's that scene where he goes into his cousins. He works at the meat pack and play. He goes into the in the freezer and Rocky's just fucking slugging this raw meat, you know, these breaking the ribs and shit. You know, that's what comedy is for me in a lot of places is like, you know, you're just slugging it out in the in the meat locker. It's so much fun. It really is so much fun to be a beast at it. And this is the greatest feeling in the world. Just the process. The process is the one that really

got me the learning thing. I thought you just went up on stage said funny shit and went home at night. Boy was I in for an awakening. And every three years what you learn, I always wonder and I always use this a plumber. I wonder if a plumber every three years drives home and says I'm really happier what I chose, you know, because there's bad nights and there's great nights and there's good nights. But I know when I'm fucking driving home, first of all, I'm in shock. But yeah, I was driving home from the Life Factory Monday night and I was in shock, guys. I was in shock. I'd always thought I'd be a comedian. I'd stay local in Denver, do Wyoming, do Iowa, you know what I'm saying, do New Mexico, do a triple run here and there. That's it. Here I am

coming home from the fucking Life Factory. You know, I never dreamt that. I never even had that in my thought in my fucking mind. I can't lie to you, you know. But I know when I came here, the end thing was to be on a sitcom. That was it. The end thing was to get on a sitcom. The road is your way stuff of 10 fucking years, you know. And you get on these fucking sitcoms and now it's really got no value anymore. People see a sitcom for what it is. Now the new thing is the podcast because on here we speak our fucking mind. Do yourself, yeah. We're ourselves. This is our own fucking NBC fucking show, you know. And it's just so weird where we've seen the changes. We see the comics to the coming in, the comic, you know. Some kid asked me in my

Jiu-Jitsu class about who did you start with. And I'm like, guys, the people I started with, I'm not even into this anymore. How about the people you came here with that had, came here with Promise and Agents and Montreal and everything. And they came and they left Montreal and they got a Butler and they got a BMW. And also now you bump into them at that city. Like you forgot about them because there's so many who come and go. And there you are one day in Syracuse. You get off the bus, you go to your hotel, you go to the gig and at the hotel, at the gig, some guy comes up to you like, this guy looks familiar. You're like, oh my God, what happened to you, bro? You don't know. I got married, I had three kids. Used to do comedy. Now I coach a little league team

and I sell Bible's door to door. What the fuck happened? You were hanging out with Bud Friedman at the Improv, eating fucking shrimp, tossing at each other's fucking mouths. Remember when you walked in? Remember that? Remember that? Well, that was the big thing. You know, the big things in this state. Johnny Carson invited you over to the table and then Bud and Hartman sat you down and like the good fellas, you're in the fucking Improv. You're in the back way. You had DC next week, but you're a gangster. What the fuck are you saying? Right or wrong? When you go to the Improv, you'd always look to see who's at the table. It's gonna be the great. Yeah. If you don't say, if you weren't invited to the table, you felt like a fucking cop. You're like sundown, let's sit at

the table with Bud and eat shrimp and drink fucking matzo ball soup and shit. What happened? What happened? Yeah, you're calling Puerto Rico. You get Mexicans to mow your lawn. That shit ends quick, but I've seen it end for non comics. People who were just straight up comics this shit bumps off you. You go like that with your shoulder. You just keep writing jokes and keep moving the fuck on. And that's why I'm lucky that I almost quit three years ago. I was just gonna do local gigs. I was gonna do movies. I wanted to get a job selling cars on Lancash and Boulevard. I swear to God, I just couldn't pass the fucking p-test. Can you imagine that shit? But I was gonna try to keep writing it. I could still smell that fucking hooker.

Every eight minutes, I smell like shit. I smell it. It ain't me. I can't believe it. I should have paid a 20 and just farted on it. It felt better about myself. I thought about that's a good fantasy to just pay someone like 50 bucks. Listen, I'm gonna take you back to my old time. I'm gonna fart in your forehead. I'm gonna fart in your earlobe. Then we're gonna go eat shrimp with Bud Friedman at the Improv and Hartman and talk about fucking Irvine. I wasn't last week's splendid of my sets. Have you seen Brian Brown? Oh my God, I like everybody at the table. Hilarious, hilarious, hilarious, hilarious. I'm surprised we thought about giving it up. I really did. I just thought you were an unstoppable train like me. You know, man. I mean, it's my oxygen. I couldn't

imagine not. No, no, I was gonna stop road work. I think I was just gonna stop road work. I was still gonna do local gigs and fucking around with flappers. I go to the Improv, I do Brea. I just didn't want to leave anymore. I didn't think that I was doing anything by leaving, you know? Right. Look, everything fucking changes. So I love it. I've always loved this. From the minute I got into this, I knew it was me. It fit my schedule of living. Listen, I hate weekends. You know that, right? I fucking hate weekends. I don't want to go to your fucking wedding. I don't ever want to go to a fucking wedding, a bar mitzvah, no, that shit. That's why when I first got divorced, I hated life. When I first got married, that was your life. Monday

through Friday, and then Friday I come home, I got to put up with your mug. If we don't have a babysitter, I can't fuck you because you're gonna talk to me about the neighbor. And then maybe Saturday I get a handjob before fucking going to Lowe's to buy a fucking, you know, a lawn mower and seeds, watermelon seeds or whatever the fuck. Then on Sunday, I had to go to an in-laws house, and that was my fucking life. And then every once in a great while, you had to go to a baptism or a fucking funeral or a fucking little league game. That was it. I was 27 years old. Here I am thinking this is it. I'm like, I can't do this shit because I hate weekends. I hate going to weddings and all that shit. When you're a comic, you always could tell them, no.

Right. I'm busy on the weekend, but can't you cancel? No! I don't cancel fucking gigs, bitch. The eternal excuse. Yeah, that's it. I got a show. I got a show. What a fucking great excuse to have in your life. And I'm always busy. I'm busy even if I'm not fucking busy, you know what I'm saying? I'm like Tony Montana. I always tell the truth, even when I lie. I'm busy even when I'm not fucking busy. One of my favorite films of all time. It's amazing. Florida Classic. I watched the bio on it the other day and they were talking about what really happened with that movie that was such a box office flop, but it came out as the VHS age went into full effect. So it sold. I don't know how many millions of copies it sold. It's one of the biggest films

of all time, Scarface, because of the fucking DVD. Well, what are you gonna do? That's incredible performance, man. And I'm from Florida. The gruesomeness of the guy getting cut up with the chainsaw and my cousin is a cop in West Palm Beach in Florida or near there. And he's told me about other gruesome shit that's happened in the last, you know, 20, 30 years. You know what a Colombian necktie is, right? They cut your throat long ways and you put your tongue starts way down here. They pull your tongue out and it flops down because your tongue starts way down here. It's a really long organ. So they cut your throat long ways, pull your tongue out and it's a Colombian necktie. If you cross a Colombian drug dealer. Oh my God. That's some fucking hard core shit, man.

I went doing some fucked up shit down there, man. That dude on the bath salts eating the guy's face. I mean, there's some weird. Florida has always been one of those states for me that I'm scared. I spent my summers in Florida because I'm Cuban. I have a godfather in Miami. Got a construction company. Great guy. Just a sweetheart of a fucking guy. Wife, school teacher in Cuba, every three kids always took care of the kids. You know, when I go down there since I knew the other life and their kids didn't, he'd tell me at night stay with me in the room because he wouldn't sleep with her. She was sleeping in her own room. The kids had their room and he had this big Tony Montana yellow circular bed. And then at night in the middle of the night, we watch, uh, when this is when TV

went off at 12, what these motherfuckers don't know today. Once you heard that national anthem, there was no more TV. Can you imagine? That was it. That was your lifeline. Tell these guys. Don't have the computer now. Three channels. Once 1am in Florida, once Mission Impossible was over in Florida, because Mission Impossible would start at one, I think, no, 12 and then at one. I remember I was a kid, eight, nine. And once the fucking Mission Impossible, and he would wake me up and we'd go to fucking La Laquita. La Laquita in Miami, those little things where you pull in, you buy milk and eggs, but they also sell you a beer and a can. And he would get a big beer and we'd go down to his boat. I was a little kid and he'd get me on the boat and he'd drive like two miles out

and he'd pull bales or fucking weed out. And then we'd go back and I'd help him load him in the car and we'd take him to a warehouse. Then I'd get back to the house and I'd get five with him. And then we'd go to sleep and I'd wake up and he'd go to the construction company with him. And I couldn't tell the kids what I did the night before. I couldn't tell his kids what I had done the night before. And that's what I did in the summertime. Then when I would go up, I wasn't allowed to tell my mother either. He said, don't say that to your mother. She'll get mad. I'm taking it on the boat and shit like that. So that's how I grew up with him. That was my thing in Miami. And then one day he used to, he used to, he built the falls in Miami. Are you familiar with Miami?

Some monkey jungle. Oh my God. The monkey jungle. Monkey jungle up in that neighborhood. Monkey jungle is a classic. I remember when he, when he used to, when I first started going down there, what he would do is buy an area that was alligators and palm trees and he would go with the fucking wrecking thing and he'd kill everything. And then he'd build a house and then he'd build five houses. So it matched his house. He'd follow me by like a shut off street. This is what this guy did. He was brilliant. And he would sell the five houses. And then once he sold the five houses, he'd sell his house and he'd start a new area. So we'd go into these areas and there was nobody there. I remember going to fucking seeing baby alligators and scorpions. He would catch scorpions

and show them to me. Don't go out in the fucking yard. There's scorpions out there. And so at night he would go out there with a gun, with a silencer and target practice. And I would go there every fucking summer and one fucking summer, he was out there at night and like three days later, they knocked on his door. This is when he had a fountain in his living room that had frogs in it. I was a New York City kid. I wasn't into no fucking frogs, okay? I was petrified those fucking little frogs. He had them all over the fucking house. You know how those motherfuckers live? They got lizards. And if you cut a lizard's tail off, it grows and it runs away. I mean, this is fucking sci-fi when you're a New York City kid and you go down there. So one of those

summers he shot, he was talking practice and there was some guy in my way walking this fucking dog. The guy takes a bullet and the leg goes to the hospital. They track the area down. They go to my uncle's knock on the door. He was a gun he had used when he killed somebody in California like in 58 on a week. Because the only thing he used to do is he used to come out here to California with his whole family in a fucking, what do you call them? RV? RV. And he'd stack that mother, he was a big weedhead. He'd stack that motherfucker with weed and take it back to Miami with the kids and they'd be singing Spanish songs and shit on the fucking thing. That's Christmas in Spanish. That's Merry Christmas-y. Anyway. You saw Frog Legs on the menu in San Francisco this weekend.

I heard the Chinese restaurant discussed. So what happened? The guy got thrown into jail? He got thrown into his house? He shot the guy. It was a very sharp story. How did he get into the Frog film? He shot the guy. They pressed charges on him. They threw him in Atlanta at the federal prison for like eight years. Him and his wife, the wife of the three kids had to move to Atlanta. I mean, these people were fucking millionaires. They lost everything. And then when my mother died, she came to the wake. They wouldn't let him out to come to the wake. She came to the wake and told me how they were living. They weren't doing well. They were living in a one bedroom. These people were living in a fucking mansion. And then in 84, I got a message

from them. Don't do the crimes. If you can't do the fucking time, they lost everything. In 84, I got a message from them to go to Miami and I rekindled the thing, but I was too fucked up on Coke. And one of the times I went down there, she saw I was on Coke and she asked. I never went back down there and I lost contact with them. He died. And then this last time I was at the Miami Improv, they came to the show. The two girl cousins came. I apologized. We were fucking kids, you know. So because of that, Miami is never really Florida. It's just a scary fucking place. I love that Miami Improv. That's a great one. They're thinking of opening up another one because Coke and Coke isn't the hot area anymore. It's a different part of Florida. It's a different

part of Miami. That's a hot area now. What do you want to do? What's left in the Tom Rhodes comedy career between you and me and fucking the flying Jew? What do you want to do? I'm a one man machine, baby. I'm, you know, it's never been a better time. What's the next step? No, never, never. You can do everything yourself. Being able to do everything on your own, you know. I've got my own podcast that I make with love and do with people all over the world. I'm obsessed with making these little travel videos that I put up on YouTube and, you know, I'm just continuing doing everything. I'm trying to come up with the new hour. I love making live recordings and doing hour specials and I just want to be a fucking

comedian and crunch it. Isn't a lot of fun. That's it. It's all, everything feeds the same thing. It's all the same. It's all me being a comedian. It travels the world, you know, and consistently fucking crunch his heads. We used to have a good time in Houston, huh? Oh my god. You and I used to. Rehab fucking. That place pushed me into a fucking that place. I used to party my ass off down there, dog. You took me to some bar in a nice area. What? I can't remember. I took you to a bar in Montrose. Montrose. Called, I can't remember now. And everyone knew you. All these girls are around. And, you know, Joey's from fucking New York. I didn't even know you knew anybody. We go in there and it's like Norm walking into cheers. Joey, Joey, and then it was like fucking, you know, three

that had no windows in the place. Yeah, yeah, going out and hanging on you. There was always powder and that always a good gram of fucking coconut. Forget the name of the place. We're down the corner from a Mexican restaurant up the block from a Puerto Rican joint. How's that one for you? I used to get fucking crying. I OD'd in Beaumont on Valium's. Beaumont was another fun right next to fucking Papadodio. Beaumont. You ever drive through Beaumont? Like every, they're really old, small houses. And like every third one is like burned out. Like you drive through Beaumont, Texas. There's just all these burned out homes. And you just think that their fire department must be terrible. I don't know why, but there's just all these fucking charred remains of houses.

No one like knocked down. There's a lot of white supremacy down there. And I bought like a grandma blow like an eight ball from some white supremacists one night at like four in the morning. They're like, man, you're Italian. I'm like, I'm Cuban. It's like I bumped into the fucking. I bumped into the fucking stereo. The whole room just went, all right, man, take the coke. Thank you for coming by. They fucking threw me out. These are fucking straight up. What's the name of the town next to Beaumont? That's very... Port Arthur? No, there's another town next to Beaumont that's very, they'll fucking, they wear the hoods and everything down there. They'll fuck you up, they really don't like flying Jews. Of course not. They'll fuck you. Tell them you're there

on a George Jones pilgrimage. That's crazy. Like I can't imagine traveling all the time. Like I was thinking about when Joey told me you were going to do it. Like that must be, like you don't have any like rent, you don't have like everything that like makes like this boring, like the life he was talking about having to go to softball games on the weekend. Like I can't imagine like where are you going in the next month? I'm in LA until the 28th and then I go to China for a month. That's so crazy. I got gigs in Hong Kong and Beijing and Nanjing, Suzhou and Shanghai. Just bad motherfucker. Yeah. And you go over and eat the duck, you don't give a fucking dick. Yeah. You just grab by the duck. They got some weird shit on the menu. Oh yeah,

they don't fuck around. They got pictures too. They said there's a restaurant in Hong Kong where they sell all types of dick. Did you know the elephant dick, whole dick, you guys, 300 dollars for like this fucking gorilla dick. Yeah. And if you eat that, you got a hard time with three fucking days. Round sperm comes out of your dick. A bunch of Chinese girls come out of your dick. It's a fucking party down there. They eat fucking everything. Those motherfuckers, they don't give a fuck. Don't eat a black foot. They don't give a fuck. They'll chop that motherfucker in half and deep fry it. It looked like Popeye's chicken. You're gonna pop this chicken without a Hollywood Boulevard. I ate a piece of chicken. I took the skin off. I can see four blue black toes under

there. They just cooked a black foot. They cut it right though. I love it. It's fucking Wednesday. What do you people want? Knock knock jokes? It's fucking Wednesday, cocksuckers. Get your shit together. By the way, we got the fucking call, okay? What? We're hitting an all-time high with this dollar fucking shave club. We even did better than Hulu. So, dollar shave club, don't fuck around, all right? A dollar a month, six dollars a month, a nine dollars a month. It's a fixed income on raises. A guy like you, I can get him delivered right to the fucking car. Unbelievable. A real fucking comic. This guy's a real fucking comic in our presence. Listen, you don't know what life is. Like in 91, I had nothing. You know, I got divorced. I was separated. Every week, I would burn a

different credit card. I held on to that American Express till the end because I'm a savage. But then, I just went, I owed 30 different establishes. I owed a bank money. Triple was gonna give me eight weeks of work. I gave up my fucking apartment, moved into a car, and I lived in that fucking car, brother, for six or seven months. I had a P.O. box and I stayed at different people's houses for three days, two days, and you have no fucking idea. It's like living like a fucking nomad. You know, you finish your gig on a Saturday and win a muck in New Mexico, and now you gotta kill time till Tuesday. What are you gonna fucking do? But if you can do it at a higher level, where you're headlining and you're going around the world

and then doing comedy festivals, not living anywhere is really cool. And when I have time off, we live everywhere. We rented a place in Rome. We've gone to Rome and rented an apartment for a week the last three years in a row. We did the Jakarta Comedy Festival last November and then went to Bali for two weeks after that. Went to Key West for a couple weeks in June. Whenever I have breaks, wherever we are, we plan a really cool vacation. Because a lot of comics and Joey does this, like, you won't go, like, you don't go anywhere, but you just, you're focusing on the show so you'll stay in the hotel. Like, how, like, it sounds like you, like, fight against that to, like, go out. I like to go out and see shit. I like to, I love to walk great cities and,

and, you know, meet people and do shit. Yeah. See what they have. See, when I got up in a town, I usually got up at seven. And that's when I smoke a fuck, the first joint. I get breakfast at the hotel. Like, in San Francisco, I walked from 745 to like 10. Wonderful city. That's a great city to walk around. You know, it's this place, like, when you go to fucking Long Island, what do you want me to walk in the expressway? You know, when I go to work Long Island, there's a hotel next to the Union Coliseum. And across the street, there's a bunch of gas stations. There's not much you could fucking explore where you're going to get a blunt paper. You get Vizina bag of chips. That's when you do the first fucking day. And after that, there's not much you could do. What we're talking

about is, let me tell you what happens to me, Tom Rhodes, and people need to understand this shit. An hour before a show, I'm going to do a show to 500 people, you know, 250, 240, whatever, both shows, you know, on a Friday night. So I'm going to go to lunch, the dinner with Tom Rhodes from 638 and not focus on what I need to focus and talk about whatever the fuck we get together. But I'm going to go down to Cobbs or whatever. And I'm not going to be focused on my show. That's the way I am. I like to relax an hour before my show. You like to go out and eat before your show and talk to people. You're in the middle. I love great food and great meals. And that's the best thing about traveling around the world. But I don't like to eat too close to the show.

To show time. Yeah, like it's just before the show, I need an hour. I want to be light and nimble. Yeah, I need an hour before the show to hang out. About four, I'll come down to the bar at the hotel and I'll eat something. Maybe they have a jacuzzi, maybe they have a steam, you know, steam. By six o'clock, it's show time in my mind. And I got a hug for five, you know, I've gone to dinner with my friends and family, yelling and screaming. Now, what happened? Oh, you weren't with us in New York. Went to Timmy Holloway. You know what this fucking place is? Timmy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a truck driver. We parked and we're in the wrong side of the fucking city. I got a run to make this. I don't like no drum before my comedy shows.

Seriously. I want to get to the comedy show that and that's why. That's the other reason that there's always drunk. There's always that one asshole where we're going to eat. No, we're not going there. Let's go to this place across from 10. No, no, that means we got to drive back. We got to leave at 730. Who's not drunk? Who has to have sangria? Who's got to start for a grandma coke? You know what? The way to avoid that shit is to mind your fucking business. Yeah, you know how it is. I got to wait for my girlfriend. Now, you ain't waiting for fucking your girlfriend. I'm sorry. Your girlfriend was supposed to be at fucking 7. I can't wait. Quarter to 8. The show starts today. I got to get there by fucking 8 o'clock. And that's why there's a big difference. I want

to prepare. I want to be mentally prepared to talk to some fucking jerk. I went to high school with to talk about what? To talk about what? No, we'll talk after the fucking show. Well, that's what you're telling me. They disappear. All right. Yeah, I'll call you. Get the fuck out of here. Give us a fuck. I'm gonna sit here and talk about high school. You got to focus on the fucking show. And when I didn't worry about the show, I would bomb. I would bomb. So I had a good time before with eight jerks. But here I'm bombing for the people who paid money. You follow me? So that's the differences. Yeah, when you go to a city, you want to go to the pool and eat and walk around and go to a library. I go to a bunch of shit. But close to post time, we're in the house,

relax and minding your fucking business. You know what I'm saying? So you're ready to stab a motherfucker. I always want to go on stage with the feeling I want to stab a motherfucker. I don't want to do that. Yeah, man. I want to stab a motherfucker. Where are they? Do you remember? How could you forget in the film Pulp Fiction when Marcellus isn't he's in the basement being anally raped by the hillbilly guys. And then Bruce Willis breaks in and frees him. And you know, he's got the ball in his mouth and he takes it out. And they reverse the situation and Bruce Willis asks him, what's he going to do? And he goes, I'm going to call some hard hitting hard hitting pipe fellows. I want my jokes to be those hard hitting pipe fellows, whatever guys

they were going to he would hard hit. I want my jokes to hit like, like these angry black guys. I did time with this black dude. That's what that's what I want. You want to stab a motherfucker? I want my jokes to be the fucking hard hitting pipe fellows from the Marcellus's buddies in Pulp Fiction. When I was locked up, I was I had the pleasure and God put this guy in my life for like six months. His name was Spencer Antoine. I was 28. He was my age now, maybe 53. He had stabbed the guy in front of his house and got six years and murdered the motherfucker. But when you spoke to Spencer Antoine, he was very he loved me, Cuba, Cuba. What time it is? He would never ask him what time is it? He'd always say what time it is.

And when you ask him about the story, he'd take you there and he'd cross his eyes. He was a black guy that was intimidating from New Orleans. Why did he stab the dude? I'd like to say like a parking spot or something. When he told me the story, I got to be honest with you, I was on the floor telling him to stop from the crying and the laughter because that's how funny he was without even knowing. Like he was doing something, the guy threatened him and he told the guy, wait right here motherfucker. And he went upstairs and took one upstairs and got the biggest knife out of his kitchen, looked at it and everything. My wife said, where you going with that kid? I'm gonna go stab this nigga. He walked down the fucking stairs, people were stopping. I'm gonna go talk to this motherfucker.

He went out and he just stabbed him like six times and he parked his car through the knife where he had this big time attorney to defend him. And that's why he got the six year involuntary mans law to charge. But when we were in there one time, some guy owed him money from the kitchen, he lent the guy like eight bucks and he come up to me and goes, Cuba, you see that motherfucker anyway? Yeah, he's at the gate, getting ready to leave. He went in that kitchen and got the biggest fucking knife and ran down and cornered this guy. He kept telling the guy, it ain't about the eight dollars, it's the motherfucking principle. That's how old school he was. He goes, I want my eight dollars or something worth eight dollars. He took the guy's TV, his stereo, fucking tremendous.

Should have paid back. Spensa Antoine, God bless you motherfucker. I always look you up on Facebook. I think you're dead, but you got Spenser's code. Yeah, he's got like 18 fucking grandchildren. Back to Dollar Shave Club. Listen, a dollar, six dollars or nine dollars, they ain't fucking around. Double blades, if you go nine dollars, they even send you the cocoa butter for your face. It takes the blackheads out, you look good. You won't smell like that fucking hooker. And for additional fucking money, they send you the asshole wipes, the peppermint ones. I don't know what they cost, but they're a blast. My asshole, yeah, they have these act, what do they call them? One white Charlie's, let me tell you something. Never will the chick

go to suck your dick and she'll stop up to three minutes and go, do you smell peppermint? But they're worth every fucking peppermint ass wipe and you put that finger, you wrap that ass wipe around your finger and you touch that motherfucker up your ass and you twist it around. Oh my God, your ass is on, it feels like, you twist it up and yeah, it feels like you could bang gay up your asshole. It feels like a little heat for like 10 minutes. And you can wipe your balls if you're nut. I feel like we're living in a whole new world. And they send it to you for the house. They send it to your fucking house. Go to Dollar Shave Club. Fuck that. Go to joeydears.net. Go to Dollar Shave Club band and get yourself the fucking dealer of a lifetime. Why are you sitting

there like an asshole with a fucking three day beer? Yeah, go get it, cocksucker. And you're the motherfuckers. If you hadn't got them, Hulu time is running out. You don't want to go to the holidays with without fucking Hulu. How could you not have Hulu? That's what I understand. Hulu plus, go to joeydears.net, go to the Hulu plus box and press what? Joey. Joey in the Hulu. At the omnit to get the fucking hemp horse milkshake, that one you press church. And for the fucking Dollar Shave Club on joeydears.net you press church. Who the fuck are you thinking? Search. C-H-U-R-C-H. For you motherfuckers, they got left back in the eighth grade or whatever. I like this Wednesday afternoon podcast. You're loose. You get fucking high. I got Tom Rhodes

in the house. You know what I'm saying? He got caught in that Dodger traffic. What's the score of Dodger game? Has it started yet? I think it starts at four. Let me check. It started at one. My friend called me. He was stuck in traffic. Oh shit. Dodgers are up four to two in the safe. Oh shit. They're going to extend it to game fucking six and five. You got to be for Pwig, man. The Cuban dude. Listen. No, he's too dark. No, I love him. I ain't. Too dark for you to. I never really watched him that much all season. I watched a couple of games and every time I watched him, he strikes the fuck out of TPI and I hit that triple. And I knew he was going to hit six. I went to two Dodger games this year. I saw him hit his first career Grand Slam.

The guy's a, he's a, he's a fucking beast. He's just raw town. He's a beast. He's a beast. He's a beautiful, lovable kid. And he's lifted this team up. The whole Dodgers organization is fucking. It's nice to live here and to see that type of shit. I think it's cool. I like the story. I think, what's the story dropping on him? He's Cuban. I don't know how he swam here. He tried to come here. Now the guy that tried to get him here is suing him because he wouldn't give him his 15%. I know bits and pieces. I don't know the whole fucking story. You know, I don't know what, there's just too many sports stories. There's too many. I know he, he showed up late to a game and was fined by the team sometime during this year.

And you know, that was, he was banging some serious, hot chick. And, you know, I thought he could push it. Listen, when you call, when you have a manager, correct? Or an agent. I, yeah, I, when you call their office, correct? They don't hire a white person to answer the phone. They answer a fucking Englishman or somebody with an accent to impress you. Right. Because these fucking morons are impressed with that. Oh my God. They have a, she's so intellectual. She's from New Zealand. Let's get your shit together. Can you imagine? You know that Geico lizard? Yeah. He speaks with a London cockney accent, which is like the, the street thug, uneducated. I mean, it's kind of hip because it's the street lingo, but it's,

you know, it's that little Geico lizard and it's an American's thing. Oh, wow, a British accent. But I just want to take you by this. All right. Yeah. So these people call around, some of the answers to phone their Geico or lizard or whatever the fuck they're from. How impressed do they get? They get impressed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Here's a black guy with a big dick in a Spanish accent. How much pussy you think he's knocking out of the fucking park? He's inseminating half of Echo Park. All those little white chicks that eat tacos and they were hanging out with fucking grifters. What's that? Those people with the tight pants and the fucking mustaches. Hipsters? Hipsters. He's, you know how many fucking little

white, yeah, the fucking momos with the hipsters. I'm a hipster. Get the fuck out of your hipster. When was the last time you ate acid? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. The fuck out of my face, hipster. But you know how many of those white chicks he's fucking up the ass toward the time. Look at the size of that guy. He's got to have a dick. It looks like a little league bat. That's what his dick looks like, a black aluminum little league bat. He vasolines that motherfucker. It's all shiny and shit. There's three white chicks sucking that black fucking black bean dick as we, that's what comes out in black bean cum with fucking, can you imagine that? This podcast is going somewhere else, brought to you, brought to you by the church of Christ.

Fuck the church of Christ and shit. This is the church of what's happening now. Cocksuckers, Tom Rhodes, you're a savage, but you think about that. You really got to be honest with yourself. You know, white chicks, all girls are impressed with like black guys now. You got a black guy with an accent. It's like, it's like fucking what's his name? He's got malaria on his fucking face. What's his name? Seal. Seal. He's fucking two white women of the day, smacking them, calling them white hoes and shit. They ain't reporting them to the cops. You know why he's got an English accent. If he was from the hood, yeah, you bitches suck my dick. He can go to jail, but these guys, these black dudes with an accent, they got to wear your fucking

murder, though. Murder, they over here slinging dick three a day. You got a black guy with an English accent. He's fucking white chicks ten a day if he really puts his mind to it. Never mind a professional baseball player. That's as dark as the fucking night. You understand me? That motherfucker's captain darkness without the cape. And now he's got an accent and he's a professional baseball player that's going to get the rookie of the year. He's got his dick out and he's got chicks sucking it like a sparrow by each side. They're putting mustard on it and dipping it in barbecue sauce and shit. What are you going to do? Where has this podcast gone? Flying's you. What the fuck? What's your schedule for the weekend? What are we doing? I'm coming down to Ontario.

I'm doing Thursday on Ontario Friday and Saturday. The next week I'm in Jackson fucking Tennessee looking for Johnny Cash. He left me a bag there from 1929 with the chick. Where are you at next week? I'm going to China. I've got November 30th at the State Side Theatre in Austin. I'm going to do my first live recording of my podcast. You've got to go down there people. The State Side Theatre. I'm presenting my favorite Austin comedians in the front and I'm going to headline it and then you see what I'm talking about? What's your podcast called? Tom Rhodes Radio. Tom Rhodes Radio on iTunes. Don't fuck around. And you have a special in Chill, right? I think I saw that. Yeah. Yeah, I've got it. We don't fuck around. Tom Rhodes don't fuck around. Creeping while you're sleeping,

like Snoop Dogg in 95. Well, you kidding me or what? So anyway, what's going on? I still smell that fucking hooker. I smell ass, but it's not like dirty ass. It's like... That you've been walking around all day. Yeah, clean ass. San Francisco kind of smelled like it because I lived in Boston for four years. I know what a city smells like and it doesn't smell like that here in LA. Well, maybe in Hollywood, but like when I walked around in San Francisco, it's like a little bit of piss and like I love, I loved walking around that, but it's a god. What, you just hung out in the Tenderloin? No, no, no. I walked around like Fisherman, like not Fisherman's, but like a few blocks up from that like Lombard and I just, I've missed it so much. Like I missed, like I don't

miss Boston because the fucking weather sucks, but I missed being able to walk around like I, I, I, you can't do that in LA. Right. So being, well you can, but only like that's kind of why I want to move to Hollywood, but being in San Francisco and walking around, it just... It was beautiful up there last week. Yeah. The fresh air, I love that it's fucking freezing at night. You know, it's, it's just it's, the property is very fucking expensive. It's crazy expensive. Crazy expensive. I want to, I want to move back there just because I love doing sets there. Audiences are, you know, best in the world, multi-ethnic, multi-national, very intelligent, my favorite kind of audience. Very, but we're like you, very international, very patois like that.

Right. People who know some shit. That's right. You don't fuck around there. You don't fuck around. All right. You ever do, how you're going to Israel with Ari, hopefully? You and Ari meet up around? I have the information that is a rock club there and we'd have to pay for ourselves to go over there. You know, it might be pricey. If you're there. I just saw Ari, I saw Ari with you last week when we talked about it and there's a, there's this club in Tel Aviv, but we both have to be doing something in Europe where we could easily zip over there because it's going to be at our own expense if we want to do Israel, which is a pity. Yeah. You've never, you've never been to Israel? No. Where have you been?

I would love it. I lived in Amsterdam for five years and there are loads of televivians that live there and from what I've heard, Tel Aviv is supposed to be a phenomenal city. It's like New York. There's no real difference between New York and it's very... I heard it was fun and people liked to party and... Have you been anywhere in the Middle East? Like Dubai and Abu Dhabi. Correct. Is Dubai... In Istanbul. Is Dubai cool? I hear it's like... It's not? No, that's one place I wouldn't go back to. Really? Really? No, man, it's Las Vegas without the fun shit. It's in the desert and there's a lot of shopping malls. Oh, okay. It's like a little downtown, a little place on the water or a little market that's just hokey and... I went to the Wild Wadi, this big water

side park, which was pretty cool, but I thought Dubai was a sleeping pill. I thought it was supposed to be like... I know the actual Muslims can't drink, but I thought they were making it like a paradise for white people and they could drink and go crazy and stuff. I'm sure you could do that in places, but... What's that Asian place? It's like Vegas. What's the name of it? Macau. Have you been there? Yes. Is that cool? Yes. I was staying in the old Portuguese original... Old City. The Old City, thank you. That's what I'm looking for. The casinos are very close, like two, three miles from there or even closer, but it was cool. I thought Macau was really cool. It was a Portuguese pirate port for years and there's some cool history there. Have you been

to Jordan yet? That's right next to there. It's pretty... Tehran, it's like right next to... Not not Tehran, but Amon Jordan. I have never been to Jordan, but I love that these people loved Michael Jordan so much they named it. The flag of Jordan is that air. I almost forgot to give out some shout out to interrupt you. I love you. All during Franco, Cleo talks. I love you, sexy bitch. Sir Joe Tega, you bad motherfucker. Diaz, Matea, Troy Sandoval, Corey Howard, and Akku, whatever your fucking name is. Well, whatever, get it together. I love you guys. Tom Rhodes, always a pleasure to see you and I just want to tell you to your face, man, that you inspired me the other day when we had that check because once I saw you, I put it all together. Here's a guy that I learned it

from you in a way and I didn't know where to get that patience from. So thank you for the patience that you come here and you get caught up in stupidity. And then after like eight or nine years, you figure out that as long as you're fucking doing stand-up, you're going to be fine. Yeah, I would say if you set your clock by Hollywood, your feelings are always going to get hurt. If your heart is in a pure way, in the love of comedy and fucking... They fucked me up in a way. I'm not going to lie to you. Hollywood fucked me up at the beginning. I had a friend that was very funny and one day he goes, I can't do those jokes because when I get my sitcom, they can't use those jokes. And I said, you know what, it's over for you and

I understood. So thank you for keeping the fucking face out. Get the sword and do the fucking Japanese. Yeah, you stab yourself. No, thank you very much. We should have that in comedy. We should have fucking Harry and Carrie. Just look at yourself. Just fucking stab yourself. No, it's sad. And sometimes you can sit here and there's nobody a bad mouth. I'm a bad mouth, me. It's just comedy and it's just the way life is. But thank you, Flying Jew. What are you doing this weekend? You're coming by Friday and Saturday. I don't want no drama. Thank you, Tom. I'm a bad mother fuckers. Remember Dollar Shave Club. Get a fixed income on your shave. I'll tell you what, I shave with Dollar Shave Club. Fucking tremendous. Even my little nose. I put the razor there like a

savage. So go to Dollar Shave Club. Go to joeydears.net and press and church on it. Go to Joey Dears and press and church and fucking Hulu Plus, which if you don't have it by now, it's free for fucking two weeks. And it's $7.95. You're really fucking slipping. Okay, just shoot yourself. Harry, carry yourself right in the nutsack. You fucking Momo. And besides that, we didn't pick a song. No, we didn't. What do you want to end with? How about black Sabbath children to get grave? Okay. Because at the end, that's all we are. Keep drinking that Starbucks. Keep drinking your fucking Prius. You're just the children of the fucking grave. Put a tattoo with an L on your fucking forehead, cock suckers. And take it to the next level. Who loves you? Mad flavor loves you. Go to

joeydears.net or dot com. Whatever the fuck it is, leave a message at beard and the beast, whatever the fuck, leave a message. I don't give a fuck how you gotta hold me, gotta hold me. You know, I love you guys. Tom Rhodes, you're the ultimate and the fucking comedy professor. Thank you for being out there teaching these young cock suckers what's going on. Stay black bitches. Uh, for everyone listening, just to let you know, it's Tom and it's R-H-O-D-E-S, right? For Twitter. R-H-O-D-E-S. And it's underscore Tom Rhodes for Twitter, because I know I'm gonna get a thousand messages. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime

anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey or go to joeydears.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com. We get high quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church or go to joeydears.net and click on the dollar shape clip in. Oh, shit. Clean your muffler. The weekend's coming. Hey, so what do you make to have to do with Hulu Plus and their hearts? And I don't need it. What's around it?

Don't just want to do what's around the world until they want it. But I'm going through, yeah. you