Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 10/17/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #19

Episode Date: October 19, 2012

Welcome back! Joey and Lee talk about Lynyrd Skynyrd, working out and much mucch more. This is a crazy episode. Find out what happens when Joey gets too high before he goes to the YMCA. Joeys friend Political Pete calls in and they talk about the cop owned strip club, the Meadowlands Inn. Finally, Joey breaks down one of the greatest movie monologues of all time! Dont miss it. This episode is brought to you by Audible.com. Go to audiblepodcast.com/church for your free audio book download. Streamed Live on 10/17/2012

Here you go motherfuckers, good morning to all you bitches out there, it's Wednesday morning, October 16th to 17th, whatever the fuck it is, it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive, welcome to the church to what's happening now, leave blast that shit, fight the fucking power, we're back on Twitter bitches, fight the power, what, we're back on Twitter verified, the nut sack is gone but I don't feel too good myself, you know what I'm saying, what's happening Lee Lee Lee, turn that shit off, what's happening my little brother? I'm fucking great man, you guys inspired me, it's all this talking about working out,

I actually, I went home at five o'clock yesterday and I worked out for half an hour and I felt great, I actually, I got too energized, I couldn't go to sleep, so fuck me up a little bit so I'm gonna have to change it around but I felt good, I'm actually working out. Got to work out in the mornings this shit, welcome to the church to what's happening now, Joey Coco Diaz and the main man to flying fucking Julie Syat, you bad motherfucker, before we even start this, this podcast is brought to you by Audible, go to audiblepodcast.com slash church and get your free download book, fucking tremendous, okay, get a free book, you get the Iceman book on there, you get the Steve Grabo book on there, I'm not sure

if Mike Dolce is on there, but go get it, download it, tell me what you think and then sign up, you're gonna fucking love it, I love reading, it's fundamental, people who don't read, you have fucking momos and that's just how it works out, so go to Audible, they're fucking tremendous, I worked with them on Beauty and the Beast, I got no complaints, alright, go to audiblepodcast.com slash church bitches and get your free book, beside that, like I said before, it's a beautiful motherfucking day, to be alive, I love it, it's Wednesday morning, Lee, you know what happened to me yesterday, you want me to tell the people, let's get it out of the fucking way, Tuesdays, I don't know what's going on on Tuesdays,

but at one or two, I usually go to acupuncture, before I go to acupuncture, I stop on Lancasham at Divine Wellness, that's my motherfucking joint, and I get myself, I haven't been smoking lately, just the vapor pen, Eureka vapor in the fucking house, check it out, I put the new tube on until they Girl Scout cookies, it tastes like mint, I was like what the fuck am I hiring, fucking tremendous shit anyway, so I go to Divine Wellness, I buy lollipop, it's 120 milligram, and they give me an orange flavored one, like an orange cream one, and then they go bro try this brownie we got, let us know what you think right, it's not made with cannabis butter, it's made with cocoa butter, whatever the fuck, you know

because they know about their fucking edibles over there, so I get it, and before acupuncture I eat a lollipop in the car, I'm talking shit on the phone, I can't believe I'm eating an edible because you can feel the needles, when you do an edible, I can feel the needles going in and I'll faint, the times that I fainted at acupuncture has been because I can feel the needles, I've eaten an edible, so I get up there and she's a Jew with a fucking with needles, so Dr. Amy's my girl, I've been going to Dr. Amy for six fucking years, a year before I stopped doing blow, and I feel great, the acupuncture for me it works, and I know that you have to stick it out, I know there's a lot of people that are skeptics,

fuck you, stick with Eastern medicine, whatever the fuck, they give you pills, that's it, I take a couple pills for blood pressure and that's it, I used to take like four or five of them, now I take two of them and I eat fish cap tablets, I eat like ten of them, but anyway, to get to the store, I eat the lollipop, I go see Dr. Amy, she blasts my needles, it was interesting because she asked me yesterday, she goes are you in a bad mood, I could tell because one of the needles is spinning, and something had been bothering me for a couple days, I was really pissed, I was pissed at two fucking people, because we usually get pissed, it's an easy emotion to get at people, and she goes I'm going to

put a few more needles in you, and before you say something to them today, I want you to wait and wake up tomorrow and see how you feel about it, and I tell you I woke up in a great fucking mood, I didn't have that constant, and now I know what I have to do, but get into the story, so she needles me, I get in the car, once I get in the fucking car, I'm on Van Nuys or whatever, I pop the brownie, I'm eating the brownie, I'm driving home, I'm not even realizing what's going on, I come home, I hang out with the cats, I pop the lollipop. And for people who don't understand, one of these should be enough.

One of these could kill somebody, and I'm just eating them because I'm bored, it's two-forty at about this time, I got three edibles in me, I'm four hours away from the Sun's Anarchy, I'm just getting ready dog, how the fuck can I get up on a Tuesday and put on an iTunes, stab your neighbor's wife, fuck your donkey in the ass, but don't fucking get high for Sun's Anarchy, you gotta get prepared for Sun's Anarchy, that's what we do, especially when you're fucking stoners, dog let me tell you something, by 3.15, 3.20 my mind was going a million miles a minute, right? So I said to myself, now usually on Tuesdays after I go to Acupuncture I just stay home,

drink a lot of water, I don't go out Tuesday nights, I have date night with my wife, sometimes you go to the wine, just swim or something because she's pregnant, but last night I said fuck it, I'm gonna go at 3.15, I'm too high to be here, I was too high to be at home, so I get in the car, usually I walk to the wine, I said fuck it, I ain't walking today because I gotta be back by five by the time my wife gets home, I go to the wine, get on the bicycle, first I hit the bag a little bit with weights in my hand, just to loosen up, I stretch out, I get on the bicycle, my plan was to do twenty minutes on the bike and just lift, do the whole body work out, I get on the fucking bike and ten minutes

and I could feel this fucking edible zooming, like it's taking off, right? And next thing you know I'm like oh my god, I'm fucking high, I'm gonna have an overdose, like I've already, like three or four or five months ago I ate a piece of banana bread and I overdosed on Chandler on the way home, I had a suit on, my body started overheating, I puked and I had to drink that warm water, gave me titties from the estrogen and fucking I'm, so I'm on this bicycle and it's hitting me now, I know when I eat an edible and I start working out that it just kicks it into high fucking gear. Now I get on the bicycle and my heart rate's 120, right?

And I'm pedaling, I'm having a good time, I'm listening to a whole lot of love and it sounds tremendous on this fucking edible and I look down and the body rate's like the bicycles, I got 160, it's what a ten year old would be doing on a bike and here I am fifty and I'm pedaling, I can just feed my fat little feet a fucking move and they're fucking movingly and I'm thinking to myself holy shit, I'm gonna pass out and have a heart attack on this bike. Now, I've already drowned at the YMCA in Hollywood one time five, six years ago when I was really fat, I drowned at the fucking Olympic pool.

If I jump, what if I fucking fall off this bike right here and have a heart attack and I don't like working out inside the air condition, I work outside so you can sweat and the fucking sweat was coming out of me, the beads were hitting the floor and I could hear them going BAP, BAP, that's how high I was, everything was fucking sensitive to my needs so I said no, no, no, I'm gonna pass out right here at the Y, so let me just pedal till 20 minutes, I'm seeing stars, I'm seeing the flying Jew, I'm fucking seeing spots right, I'm like oh no, if I could just make it to the water fountain, let me tell you something, that walk from the bicycle to the water fountain was like from here to Chicago, it seemed like

an eight hour walk because everybody was looking at me, my eyes were fucking beat red and I'm getting higher and higher, I get to that water fountain, I put my lips on the fucking thing and I suck it down for like a fucking grape, you could hear the metal going, I just sucked that fucking water out of there, let me tell you something, I got in the car and I had two missed calls, I didn't even call them back, I just started that car, I got home in 1.2 minutes from the Y, I'm like please Lord don't let no cops pull me over, I pulled into the fucking house, I came on the couch, I didn't even take a shower, I was there for a half hour only and I didn't even take a shower, I just sat there, my wife came home, I tried

to pull it off and talk to her but I was seeing two of her, Sons of Anarchy came on, I can't give you a Sons of Anarchy review today because I don't fucking remember it, you know I know they killed the fucking one cop from the prison and it was tremendous, I love all that revenge shit, fuck that motherfucker, they beat him in the head with that Christmas fucking thing, I love Jack Stahler because he ain't fucking around on that facts but I remember I was watching the presidential fucking debate, whatever the hell that was last night, I could see two black dudes and two white milk Romney's whatever his fucking name is, I didn't even know what they were saying, finally at like the 20 minute mark I got up and went outside

and just got out for 20 minutes, I think I called you, I didn't make another phone call the rest of the night, I watched Sons of Anarchy, as soon as it ended I excused myself, I went inside, I brushed my teeth, I didn't even clean the little boxes, I went to fucking sleep and I passed out straight till 4.13 this morning. Yeah and I think you called me right when you got home from the wine because I was just waking up like I woke up earlier in the day but Joey calls me once a day or twice a day usually and he called me and I was kind of half asleep, half awake and I was laughing so hard and you almost, I got hiccups because you were talking about like I almost fell

off the bike. Oh my god I almost fell off the fucking bike, I thought I was gonna fall off the fucking bike, you know how embarrassing it was when I almost drowned at the Y those little kids looking at that main shit, you know there's the fall off the bike, I slipped my fucking head open so now I see the blood and I fucking pass out, I'm do a pass out after the Rick Story choke out when the blood came from his mouth so I'm do a pass out as lurking in my fucking future, you understand me? So when I feel that feeling Lee, like when I get in the afternoon sometimes, like sometimes

I get really high or I cut myself, first thing I do is take my shirt off and shoot in front of the air conditioner and just sit there with it on fucking 50, there's penguins flying out of it, they hit me but I'm telling you man, I faint all the fucking time, a couple weeks ago right behind you I opened up that closet and I went to take laundry out to do laundry and there's a wood fucking thing behind the suits, I banged it so fucking hard with my head, I looked at my head there was a little blubber, I already knew, I already knew dog, when I banged my head I could feel the faint coming in, I looked at my hand, there was just a little bit of blood, Lee, a dot of blood, I got on the cell phone and I called

my wife and I said listen, have you called me and I don't answer because I passed out, she goes what are you talking about, I'm going on the couch, I fucking sat on the couch, I take all my clothes off and I just get in front of the air conditioner and I just breathe and pray and while I'm in my breath, it's so weird because while I'm in my breath, I'm taking a faint and the cat always jumped on my lap and just sit there and I want to choke the cat at first but by petting the cat it really calms me down and they know when I'm fucked up like that, when I'm about to faint, I fainted a couple of times this year at the house, I faint through the fights, from weed or from hitting yourself? No, from

hitting myself sometimes, like banging myself or cutting myself, I fainted one day, I ate something and I came home and I shit and puked all over myself, you think I'm kidding you dog, I sat on the couch and puked all over me, it was like oatmeal puke and just sat there on my titties and dripped off my nipples, it was disgusting unless you're a Go Daddy fan of some shit, anyway, enough with the fun and fainting stories, I got political Pete Bausano calling up today, you should be calling it the 35 minute mark, Pete Bausano was Carmine Bausano's son, if you watch the documentary I grew up in their house and Carmine saved me a couple of times, so he should be calling, I also want to talk about

something very important today, my buddy from the shoot to thrill podcast, Vinny Paulino called, he's on a rock chest, he's a comic up there, I love him daily, we've been friends for a long time, he's a very fucking weird guy, I love him, I shouldn't say weird, what I love about Vinny is that he doesn't look like a rocker, Vinny looks like a guy that works in an IT office all day and he's very sore-spoken, I'll put Vinny up against anybody when it comes to the passion of fucking music, because he knows his music, he's a white boy, he smokes his weed, this motherfucker was married and his wife didn't even know he was getting on, this guy would call me and say Joey I'm getting on, my wife don't know it, I mean

he's a pro, he's just like me, we need fucking reefer to listen to music, he's with the full patois, this bitch calls me up the other day and says listen can you do my podcast this week, I want to review Leonard Skinner Street Survivors, now for you motherfuckers that don't know, I know you've heard me and Joe talking about it and Joe talks about it all the time, Leonard Skinner, we love fucking American dirty white bands, I love them, Leonard Skinner, the Almond Brothers, the Doobie Brothers, the Eagles, that's American fucking music right there, that's made in America, that's as good as it fucking gets, when I was a kid, I knew about Zeppelin, I knew about Black Sabbath, I knew about all

the bands, I had seen Ted Nugent, but I had this friend Dominic Speciale that's not with us anymore, God bless his soul, he died in 1980, he used to turn me on to Skinner and I would go Dominic, you're fucking Italian, you're listening to this fucking country shit, I didn't know, I was negligent, I didn't know, in the summer of 77 or whatever he used to play Free Bird for me, I couldn't believe it, it was a great song, what happened was in October of 77 they released Street Survivors, but three days after they released Street Survivors a plane went down and they died, now if you know anything about Leonard Skinner and you listen to their fucking music, they don't give a fuck, the reason why Leonard

Skinner is so fucking good is because they don't give a fuck, do you understand me, before they boarded that plane there's a rumor that said the pilot said I want to check this plane again and the singer said fuck it, why check it again when it's your time to go, it's your mother fucking time to go, when you listen to their music, that's how they lived, you listen to a lot of bands, let me tell you something, if Leonard Skinner wouldn't have died in that plane crash they were about to take over the world, he called back Vinnie Pauline and he goes that was 35 years ago, they would have taken over the world, at the time they were on tour with Ted, opening for Ted Nugent when the plane went down, Ted Nugent

had Derek St. Holmes, this is when Ted was Ted, when Ted Nugent had a singer, after fucking I think Double Live Gonzo, fucking Derek St. Holmes left and started a band with Brad Whitford, when he left Errol Smith, a lot of people don't remember the Whitford St. Holmes band, but Uncle Joe is here to fucking drop some knowledge of him today, I'm hitting this vapor pan, so listen, after Vinnie fucking Pauline I come in the room and I was writing so I put on Street Survivors and dog after that smell I had to stop and wipe the tears from my eyes, something made me look at their tour schedule, look at their tour schedule, a lot of people don't know this in 75 or something, Leonard Skinner opened up for the

Who, they had the reputation of getting booed, anybody who opened up for the Who, they blew him off the fucking stage, I heard they went to Edinburgh Music Festival and they opened up for the Stones, it's on YouTube, you have to watch it, it's fucking magical, the shit that Leonard Skinner was doing on stage, they were just a bunch of white dudes, dog ripping it up the way Americans should be ripping it the fuck up, this is what America is about, when they do all this made in America, if you're not using Skinner or the Doobie Brothers or one of these cocksuckers, you're fucking out of your mind, so I had Lee, I'm telling you today, just take a minute, put on Street Survivors and listen to it, I mean by this

time these motherfuckers were snorting, banging fucking white chicks, they were taking showers in AIDS, they didn't give a fuck, they didn't give a fuck, and if you don't live by the way these motherfuckers lived, you're missing it, this is why I got into comedy, to live by the seat of my fucking pants, I didn't get into comedy so my life would be pre-planned, I read Lenny, ladies and gentlemen Lenny Bruce and I read about how he would do fucking blow and heroin with strippers and then go back to the Chelsea Hotel and hang out with jazz musicians, that was my idea, it was like being an outlaw in a way and when I listened to the outlaws or Leonard Skinner or fucking the Doobie Brothers or the Almond Brothers,

fucking Almond Brothers, when you put on the fucking Almond Brothers, there's a man out there, mind be your own man, are you fucking kidding me, that we used to tape those albums live and fucking with the Fillmore East and the Fillmore West, Mr. T who called the radio station said he went to see the Almond Brothers with Santana, they were throwing fucking black beauties, I mean this is when music was music, you listen to music today, I get a lot of arguments from people, Joey you're an old fuck, that's right I'm an old fuck, but even if I was 20 I'd still respect the music from the 70s, 60s and 50s because if you don't know your fucking past, you won't know your fucking future, you goddamn pieces of shit,

anyway, I love you motherfuckers, play that smell for these guys, by this time one of the guys in the band was just getting fucked up all the time, they wrote this fucking song for him, play that smell for these motherfuckers, listen to these guitars though, next time you want to talk about this guy or we'll be mom-bong-land or fuck, or Randy Rhodes, listen to these guitars, two drummers, I'm gonna blast this shit. Oak Tree, you're in my fucking way, okay? I did blow for 30 fucking years and I didn't know there was a smell surrounding me, after I got all fucking blow, I didn't know that I had a certain look in my eyes, people said

to me I could tell you're not doing blow no more, you don't look all beady eyed and shit, it took me 30 years to realize that these guys wrote a fucking song about it because they know when you're in that lifestyle you have this aura of fucking bad luck around you, everything goes bad, I mean they were crashing cars, they were millionaires, these were fucking, it's like the duck dynasty that people love, we love that shit, but there would have been no duck dynasty, there would have been no guys with fucking beads or zizi top if it wasn't for these motherfuckers, these motherfuckers are just to me when I listen to it, so do yourself a favor this weekend on the anniversary which is the 20th, light

a candle, smoke a fucking number, sit down and watch streets and listen to street survivors from beginning to end, both sides and then send me a fucking email, get back to me, listen to what it was like before they were about to take over the fucking world. So they wrote that song in 1977, I don't know that much, I've heard their songs, I don't know that much about them, in 77 when they died, were they huge then or were they still opening up or were they about to go big? In those days there were still two or two people, they were very smart, you would go see Ted Nugent with Aerosmith, you'd go see Black Sabbath with Ted Nugent a lot, a lot

of people would double up, I've seen AC DC with Ted Nugent in the summer of 80, Highway of Hell, one of the greatest fucking live things I've ever seen, they used to do some up, they were about to take over musically, they had no inhibitions, they didn't give a fuck. When you listen to that smell, there's a couple fucking songs in the album, there's another one on that that I can't think of the name, that I'll tell you what'll bring you to fucking tears, your knees will go down, let me tell you how strong fucking the other day I went under with street survivors, I had to put animals to take me down, Pink Floyd animals

and listen to dogs and sheep while I was crying, my wife came in and she goes, why are you just sitting there? I was just sitting here with earphones on like a fucking Lomo, I don't even know if I was high, I was just sitting here in awe because if you want to create something you have to be inspired, when this kind of music inspires me, my problem was I was too much of a pussy to make a commitment to be a musician and it eats me up to this day, but I got into comedy and everything's alright, we're doing a podcast, the church, I'm motherfucking what's happening now cocksuckers and this is what it's all about, it's Wednesday, sons of Anarchy

last night, I'll tell you, I remember when they beat the shit out of the cop, I don't know why they should kill the self, you know there's some shit that happens but I do want to say something, Kurt Zuda you're a bad motherfucker, I watch what you do, I follow you on Twitter, I fucking, I look at his videos when he puts them up, but most importantly what he's doing on Tuesday night, he is killing motherfuckers on Tuesday night, now is it the best show ever written, is it the honeymooners, no, it's a great show but it's real and people sick and tired of seeing phony, that show on TV Vegas on Tuesday is the worst fucking show I've ever seen in my fucking life, it is the worst fucking show, Michael Chiklitz

is again, I just can't take it no fucking more, I can't take it no more and the people wonder why, it's about dirty white people riding motorcycles, listen the guy that ratted on me in the trial was a biker, a pseudo wannabe biker, so I always had this little fucking hatred for bikers because of him, I was very shallow, then I got locked up and I met other bikers that are really cool and I understood the lifestyle, you know, and one of the guys, one of the original guys that put the church of what's happening now into my head was a half ass biker, he would bike half the year then the other half the year he was a corporate guy, believe it or not, and for six months he did coke, he fucked and shot people, but

for six other months he was a general manager, the car dealer, I'm not even kidding you, the guy who originally turned me on, the whole foundation of the church of what's happening now, shine your shoes, be ready for the fucking day, who gives a fuck what's gonna happen in six months, like you came to me this morning, you're like, what are we gonna talk about the U of C, what, signing versus fucking, who gives a fuck, it's in April, it's fucking October, I gotta wait till April to watch those two fucking moments slice each other up, you know, I don't give a fuck, we worry about what's in front of us, what's the next fucking fight, Carlos Conduil versus GSP, I'm not even worried about that, I'm worried

about the next Wednesday, Testicle Testaments, when me and Lee go up to the fucking ice, why worry about what's fucking in front of me, that's the number one thing, or the church of what's happening, who gives a fuck what's gonna happen in December, it's like my wife is pregnant every day, feel my stomach, I don't feel fucking nuts, but you know what, I know it's coming, but I don't even think about it, she asked me where we're gonna move the studio, I don't even think about these things, Lee, you worry about fucking today, you give it all you got, because what happens if we get hit by a truck tomorrow, then all that wasted time, we were thinking about two years from now, it's like people, they said,

I'm thinking about starting comedy and moving out to LA, and I said, when are you moving to LA in two years, the conversation ends, yeah, I don't wanna talk about two fucking years with a thousand things, you could get a chick pregnant, well I'm putting away money, no bitch, you go, you borrow 50 from all your friends, you put up $6,700, you get in a fucking car, you put on a Led Zeppelin physical graffiti, and you go west, young man, if you're gonna sit there and procrastinate and think about what you're gonna do, it ain't never gonna fucking happen, I thought about coming to LA, I got the idea about coming to LA in November, by January 15th, I was like the clampets, I was moving to fucking Tennessee, I had the

whole truck packed, I had the dog, the stripper, that's how you do it, bro, if you're gonna make a move, make a move, I'm gonna worry about what's gonna happen in three years or two years, who gives a fuck? Yeah, the way you say it, everyone should be a criminal, because this mindset must have come from being a criminal, because you had to get money every day, and you had to focus on that day, you didn't have time to think about down the road. Think about it, how many times have you sat there and mind fucked yourself about what happens, and all of a sudden nothing happened?

I don't have to joke in my family that I never focus on now, I always focus years ahead. And it's a waste of your fucking time, I understand you got a plan ahead, when I hit 2016, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about, I'm the type of guy that these people that get ready for Christmas in October and they go Christmas shopping, what are you talking about, I don't go Christmas shopping until the 24th, I want to see what's crack I'm lacking. So you don't line up for Black Friday? No, I used to shoplift on Black Friday, I never lined up for Black Friday in my life,

I can't see. Why do you shoplift on Black Friday? Is it better? Security can't catch up, but the last is, no, I don't know, I'm just saying, I never shoplifted, I always waited for what I used to do, from 93 to 96, I found this fucking loophole in the law, that if you didn't walk out of a store, you didn't rob it, so I would just pick stuff up and go up to the customer service and say I got it for Christmas, but you can't do that year round without a receipt, so you could only do it.

So you had like a season? You got a season to shoplift, so it starts December 26th and it goes to Valentine's Day. And these days you can't do it no more either, this is 20 years ago when I got into comedy I was broke and this was one of my part time jobs, I was doing returns and I would walk into stores, pick up a blanket from MayDNF, walk it up and say oh what happened, my mother got me an extra one, this blanket with flowers on it, pink, and they would look at me and go are you fucking serious, yeah, but by law they had to give me my money back, plus the tax.

Plus the tax. And I would do that scam until February 15th, you got to wait with it, after that you can't do it no more because there's no more receipts, yeah, you could be busy for a month, you went that way out of the country and then you come back and go my mother got me this knife and I already killed somebody with it, whatever, go to Audiblepodcast.com slash church and get your free download, go to Audible, do what you need to do, they got great books on there. I went over there the other day, they got the great book, they got the Iceman book, they

got a Vananak turn, so go to Audible.com slash, no, go Audiblepodcast.com slash church. And get your free download, you're going to fucking love it, sign up, you're going to love it, trust me when I'm telling you, I wouldn't blow smoke up your ass, we got another spot, we got a couple of other sponsors coming on, we're not going to kill you with the fucking sponsors because I don't want to disrespect you people, this is free, free, free to you and this is what it's all fucking about. What were you talking about, Lisa? Jew alert, Jew alert, it's free.

Jew alert, fat man alert, they fucking took the, fat man alert, fat man alert, they took the fucking peanut brother recall again, but you know what it is again, it's not Jeff or the main man, it's those ones that everybody wants to be, your motherfuckers that always want to be different, fucking kill me because you want to be different for the wrong fucking reasons, I don't buy corporate brands. If anybody, what happened to Occupy, what happened to those fucking Momos, what happened? It's been a year in there. What happened, they're still walking around not taking showers, I told you these guys

weren't fucking prepared, you got to be prepared, you got to be prepared and they were fucking occupying the wrong businesses and they were bothering the wrong people, like right now lately I got a fucking, I'm going to kill them, the Q-tip people, because the Q-tip people has been the biggest scam of all time, listen the best days I use Q-tips when I used to put cream in my nose after an eight ball blast, you have to clean your ears with Q-tips, it doesn't fucking work, it's like packing a cannon with fucking dust and then you got to go to the doctor and they clean it out and they think you're a filthy fucking animal because you don't clean your ears.

We got to call Wolf and it's like, oh shit, what's happening brother? What's going on Joey? What's up? Why are you calling me Joey? You know the street name is Coco, cocksucka, what's happening Pete? That's fucking, fuck, I always get, I'm being polite, I always call people by their first nines when I first call, when I first go off to them, what's up? You want to be polite, go to charm school, we're from North Bergen, cocksucker, you know

what I'm saying? Your name is Coco and you're my man, political fucking Pete. Yeah, talking to you on the church of what's happening, is that it? The church of what's happening now, don't ask questions, cocksucka, what's with the questions? How you doing today buddy? Not much, man, I'm sitting over here, I'm up on the west side of over in Manhattan, taking a look at North Bergen from the New York side.

What street are you on? Right now I'm on 125th and the west side highway. Oh shit, if you want, that's where I see my first body, up on 148th and west side highway. I was six years old, I was hanging out with Reacons at the time, it's a tremendous museum over there, what's going on my friend? What do you do for a living? Not much, well I do for a living, I work on elevators now. You've been working on elevators for a long, I know you've been working on elevators for

a long fucking time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you have my brother Frankie, we both do that, that's our stick now. Frankie, Richy Vanacheck, Bob Banta, all you guys were working on elevators, even 30, 20 years ago. Bobby Banta, Bobby Banta, that's a name I haven't heard in a long time. I was talking to a villa yesterday and we were talking about when Banta knocked out one of the headless teeth and that's why I had Bobby Banta on my mind. He was always, he was always a tough guy, Bobby, you know what I mean?

And he was a good guy. Put a few drinks in him and he'd go after anybody, the biggest guy around. Yeah, he was a tough motherfucker. I remember watching him wrestle a bear at the Meadowlands Fair out in New Jersey, a giant stadium and he used to have the carnival and he went and he wrestled the bear and I almost thought he was going to beat him too, you know? A fucking real bear or an animal dressed up like a bear? A real bear, man, a real six hundred pound bear, you got to go in there and wrestle

the guy, see if you can pay them. That's fucking crazy, Pete. The reason why I had you call today was because, you know, we grew up together and I wanted you to just talk about the neighborhood a little bit and explain to these people how come I'm fucking crazy and the church of what's happening now and the whole thing. So, you know, I pretty much grew up in your house. I tell people the story. I mean, your name is out there every fucking day.

I talk about the balsanos, how your dad helped me out one day with Anthony and I went to your house and even though I was Cuban, you guys treated me like I was one of you guys, you know? You didn't give a fuck that I was a spick, you know? I could walk in your house and eat your mom's cream puffs. Your mom used to make the best cream puffs in the world. No problem. My house was like a community house.

Anybody was welcome, you know what I mean? You just woke up and you went in there. We had the yard, you know, we hung out in the back by the pool. You know, you're able to do whatever you wanted. I used to play a lot of basketball on that bass. Remember, your father found out that me and Anthony were playing a lot, so he just built the fucking thing and we would play there till midnight? We just lost his call.

He'll call back. Yeah, he'll call back. I could tell that he had the fucking cell phone. I told him to call from the goddamn office, cocksucker. And this is what happens when you call from a cell phone. You got to call from Jesus Christ. You got to call from a goddamn line from him because if not, this is what happens to you.

Here he is. Here he is. Pete. Yeah, my phone went dead, sorry about that. I lost you, cocksucker. That's all right. It happens, brother. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on the road. You know. Hey, Pete, you know what I was thinking about last night, we were thinking about what story to talk about. Do you remember when we were swimming in your pool and my mother came and got me with the stick in her hand and she was yelling cocoa in Spanish and I may believe like I didn't know it.

Do you remember that? I remember that happen a couple of times. Yeah, she would come over looking for me and talking Spanish and I may believe I didn't speak Spanish and I didn't know her and I remember one time she jumped over the fucking fence by the pool and she was going to hit me with a stick and I ran home and she chased me with the fucking stick. But what's up? What do you want to talk about today's park somewhere so we could talk stop driving.

I pulled over. I just pulled over. But I guess I hit a dead spot. Get out of the way. Get out of that from under the bridge, you fuck. From under the bridge. I got a hooker with you right now. Oh, I bet you do.

Hey, Pete, remember we were kids. Tell these guys about the metal and zen because I keep trying to find somebody to talk about the metal and zen. I remember they used to have erotic banana night on Wednesday nights and you give this the stripper. They had bottle night. They had bottle night with the chicks to sit on the bottles. They had bottle night banana, they had the door painted green.

The door was painted green. Yeah, behind the green door with narrowed chambers, the deep road. And what about when they opened up a flea market slash go-go bar in North Bergen? Talk about that. Yeah, that was the flea market. That was the day when it was legal to sell slack. You know what happened there? That used to be rental lumber and marine and you used to work there and when you quit,

you gave me the job there, remember, and you said to me, listen, I'll give you the job on one condition. You got to steal because if you don't steal, then they'll know I was stealing. Jesus Christ. I used to make fucking eight, nine hundred a day stealing plywood out of that. I had this, you know, yeah, I'm here. I had this, I had this Cadillac and me and Richie used to go there at night, pick up the plywood and I used to go up to Nick's pizzeria.

Oh, I sold Nick so much, I used to steal, I used to sell Nick stolen gold and then go back and steal it from him and try to sell it back to him three days later. I hope I got a good spot. I moved to a different spot. All right. How are you sounding? Do you hear me? I think I'm sounding better right now as long as we're here.

But do you hear me? I hear you fine. Okay. You know, I always try to fill these guys in on how we grew up because it was fucking crazy, you know. Like I said, living down by our area was even the craziest with your dad and, you know, the Vana checks and the vendors. It was the best show.

We were so close to the city, like you say, like you say, we were so close to the city that we were in the suburbs, you know what I mean? It was real good. It was political, like you said. While you're breaking up real bad. No, I'm here with you. I'm here with you. That's why I thought you were going to call from the office because it's better if you

call with a dry line. Yeah, it's way better from a fucking ground line. My bad. Yeah, but no. Can you hear it now? I could hear you. I could hear you, but just tell me a story or something. You're fucked before you tag up.

Tell me something that you remember from down there. Come on. How much? How much time? You got whatever. What kind of story? What do you want to hear? What do you want to hear?

You want to hear about the strippers? You want to hear about the drugs? What do you want to hear? Let's talk about the fucking drugs. Whatever. Music, the drugs, you know, anything. The music in the drugs. At Columbia Park, Fallen Alley.

That's where I got the quailude and then I broke into Lucy Snowbush's house and ate a pussy. We used to get quailudes from JC up there. The fucking little guy with the beard. Juicy Lucy? Juicy Lucy. I can't believe I broke into the house and ate that little fucking monkey. I was just growing up where we were. You know what I mean?

We were fortunate. You know, we were in a good area. We had the free run. The police let us along. They didn't bother us because of our contacts. It was good. You know, the shit bar, that was just fucking Fallen, man. It's all right.

I hear you. Just tell the story, you fuck. Don't worry about the phone. I'm with you. But it keeps, I get backfied here. All right. You want to, how about it? How about it?

We had to find out Lumberyard because they were saying that they were bringing the Lumber to my house. Remember you, you were making out, but they were making out even better. Right. We were fucking, I was killing them when I was working at Rendell Lumber. He was a good guy though, Richie. Richie was a good guy. He's still alive.

I think your dad still talks to him and shit. Yeah, he's got another, he's got another Lumberyard up in West Wilford. I'm surprised he went back into Lumber business. I thought I took him for everything in that cock sucker. Maybe I want to go back into the strip club business, man. That was the, that was the most fun, man. I can't believe your dad had the combo flea market in the daytime and at night it became a strip club.

I never went in there. I had never gone in there. You know that, right? And what about the video arcade? I don't remember the video arcade. That's what we did at the pinball machine downstairs. Miss Pac-Man and asteroid. All of them, all time.

Yeah, I was, I'm telling you, your dad didn't let me in there. Why did that thing close down? Why did that thing, there was a problem. That's right. No, they tried to burn it down. They burnt it down. That's what it was. That's right.

That's what I heard. And I heard if you go in there, it still smells like fire. Those fucking, they got some Jews to burn that fucking building down. That was old school Jewish lightning. They didn't leave nothing there, but a couple of rocks and a fucking dead stripper. It was fucking amazing. They built that, they burnt that motherfucker down to the nub. It was so bad, it was all gone.

You know what I mean? Hey, do you remember, you know what I was trying to tell these guys, remember? Let me tell you how political it was in our hometown. Do you remember when we used to, the A team, when we used to drive in the car and rip the posters down and all that shit? We were little kids. I was, I probably was 11 or 12 p. And me and you were in the fucking white, in the white, in Frankie's white car going out, ripping down signs and fucking driving people to the polls. You know, it's really hard for me to-

Yeah, it was with Tony Bagalino back then. Tony Bagalino. Tony Bagalino. My God, that's an old fucking name. Yeah, he married Tarlene Bagalino, Frankie. My God. It was a big hard place out of the transfer station down in Jersey City. Remember, we used to have Putnam fuel down there.

I must have robbed that gas station three or four fucking times. You had Putnam fuel and keep your tummy happy. Go to Snappy Nappies, that fucking restaurant, a little place down there. They had the diner. They had the motorcycles down there, Snappy Nappies. Snappy Nappies. We used to ride our motorcycles down there. We were motorcycle hellions, Pete.

We all had fucking motorcycles back then. I used to ride an XL-175. I remember your dad bought me motorcycles. Those were good times, though. Those were good times. I can't believe I never rode a motorcycle again after I had that accident. That was fucking amazing. Yeah, and you know, we all moved on.

Hey, Pete, why don't you call me next week from a fucking ground line and we could talk, and I want you to think of some fucking stories, cock sucker. Yeah, I got it, but you know what? The Cork and Joe, it's backfeeding into me. I should have called from my office. All right, we'll try it again next week. You know, I love you, political Pete, and I gave you the name, political Pete. Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

No, and I gave you the name, political Pete, 35 fucking years ago, and it stuck, didn't it? You did give me that name, you know what I mean? You gave me one other one, too. You gave me Stompa. Stompa. I think we used to play basketball. I used to step all over your feet while you were going to make a drive. You had big fucking feet.

I'm going to have Frankie on here, too. Frankie was supposed to call a couple weeks ago, and you know, I always think a couple weeks ago, Pete, you put a picture of your mother up on Facebook on her birthday, you know? And I walked in here and I put the computer up, and I saw the picture. I almost fucking died. I almost died, Pete. I had to catch my fucking breath. That's why mother alive, man.

She was good at people. You know, and I miss her a lot. You know what I mean, dude? I remember when my mother died, she came to the funeral. She lived right across the street, but they opened up the side gate. I always tell fucking the flying Jew, Lee, because Lee went over to take the documentary with me and how close your house was to my mother's grave. And I'll never forget when they threw the dirt on her.

I turned around and your mother's face was right there. I'll never forget that, Pete. Yeah, you know, it was good. I miss my mother a lot, man. And I, you know, yeah. But, Joe, I'm sorry about the phone. I'll call again, all right? No worries.

Put a little Pete. You know, I fucking love you, brother. We got a good story. How many fucking... Okay, I'm sorry. I tell people stories over here, they don't believe them. Yep. You know what I mean?

They don't believe them, you know? I'll call back, Joe. Sorry about that, all right? I love you, cocksucker. Have a great weekend. We'll talk, all right? Say hello to the Christians. All right, you there?

Yeah, I'm here. All right, I'll do that. All right, say hello to the Christians. I love you. I love that motherfucker. I really do love political Pete with all my heart. He doesn't even remember. You know, a lot of these guys don't have the memory that I have like that.

I was at his house a lot, man, before my mother died. And then me hanging out with him and his family gave me, gave me like credibility. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I had to do some crazy shit when I hung out with them. I had to. It wasn't like, you know... To keep up? Yeah, I don't do that stuff.

Like I had to. I had to become an Italian kid and when you become an Italian kid in their family, I was part of the fucking family. And that's really hard to explain to people when you become part of somebody's family. It's amazing. And this was before my mother died. So I was in there with them. I went away on vacations with them.

Really? Fuck yeah. They used to take me to Long Island. They had a house where everybody goes to now where everybody's rich and got a dress on and white and shit like that, the Hamptons or whatever. They had a house there way before and then the father got accused of writing a check on the town check for the house. Fucking classic shit.

This is classic shit. I'm going to try to get Mike Duffy on here next week. Because I met Mike Duffy's father before I knew Mike. That's the circle I was in. I was in with adults at this time. But Carmine used to take me with him to different places and tell people I was his son. So it was hands on. Listen, today I'm alive because those years when I was fucking up in Jersey, I was with

Carmine. Everybody knew I was with him. And it's funny, some jerk off yesterday from North Texas, Dom, 420 or something, said you're always talking about the past on your podcast. You know what? You got to remember your past if you want to know your future. I think of my past every morning when I'm in the fucking shower. I think about waking up with a piece of dog shit next to me.

I think about being in prison. I think about being in a halfway house. I think about all the times I was in a bad position. And I think about today and how today is fucking different. I'm going to make a difference. Fucking today. I'm going to smoke dope. I'm going to go to the Y.

Fall off the fucker. 50 years old. I'm still fucking getting high on marijuana falling off bikes. You know how embarrassed I am to tell these fucking stories, Lee? I appreciate that you're here and you make me fucking tell them because I would never tell these fucking stories to nobody. That's the best story ever. But yeah, I saw that.

I understand where he's coming from when you say what's happening now. You're not supposed to dwell on the past, but it's not about dwelling on it. It's about not making the same mistakes or learning from your past. I'm going to tell you motherfuckers what I was against. I want to tell you guys, you know, the biggest problem I see on Twitter and Facebook is the same problem. Yesterday somebody sent me a note on Gmail that they're 24 and they're trying to get it together.

I have fucking applauded him. I applauded him and I told him the truth. I said, you're trying to get it together at 24. I didn't even try to get it together until I was 30 and I got it together in my 40s. So if you're trying to get it together at 24, I fucking applaud you because at 24 I didn't know what was going on. Like I'm really proud of you. You pretty much got it together at 24.

You're not drinking. You don't go to strip clubs. You know, you pretty much get, you know, through drugs. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out though. What are you missing out on? I don't know, man. I went to a school in the city. So I was, I had friends there because I grew up in Boston, but I went to school and hung

out with them. But I never, I don't know if it's just from the movies and you see people going out to clubs and, and doing, and doing stuff you did. And I don't know. I mean, I'm happy and I trust me at 24 and I have done a lot of cool stuff. But sometimes I'm like, shit, should I be, should I be living in New York, going to clubs until six in the morning every night? I mean, listen, unless you're born to that or you want to do that shit, I don't like

it. I don't like it. Listen, listen, let's get some, let's get something straight. I started getting out at 13 from 13 to 16. I hung out with guys the way you do now in the back of a school or somebody's house or house party or whatever. I done it like 16, yeah. I thought I wanted to be one of those nightclub guys.

So from time to time I would meet my friends' brothers and I would go into the city at 18 and all that shit. Yeah, I was going to those high level clubs. Did I like it once I was there? No. Did I have as much fun at the club as when I went to a concert? No, fuck no. Yeah.

I felt that going to clubs I was just like advertising myself. I don't know what it was. It just didn't fit for me. And I went to those clubs in the city and everything and I remember leaving New York City for once and for all in 85. And I remember being on the plane and I got to Colorado going. I'm so happy. I never have to go out at night again.

Really? I was true with going out at night. I just never liked it. I had grown up in a bar. I had seen what happened at night when people go out at night and I never really liked it. I wasn't a big drinker. I was always a cokehead. So I liked sitting in a fucking room by myself looking out a window jerking off with dead

dick. You know, I liked all that dumb shit, but I went and coke in levels. But even when I did coke and I would go out, I didn't want people to see me paranoid or join or fucking with a weird look in my eyes. So I basically stayed in. Don't listen to those stories of me going out. That was a very fraction of my life. Then the other life was stand up.

I got to be out at night. Yeah. And when I would go to Miami and those things like that. I would go to a couple clubs, but never VIP. I don't understand VIP. I don't understand paying $1,500 for a bottle. I don't understand that shit. I don't understand Vegas.

I'm embarrassed. Listen, I didn't like going out when I was 24 or 25. Once you're 30, 31, 32 when you go out, you start seeing college kids. And you know what? College girls are pretty cute and whatever and you want to do stuff with them, but they're not. It's not going to work. It's too much of a brain thing.

They're looking for something different. So then what happens? You want to be 40 and go going out? Listen, the sicker I get is when I go to Las Vegas and I get out at dinner with Joe or I stop doing comedy at 11. I walk around and I see people my age with white hair, fat fucking coos with heels around with their foot, fat and shit. Trying to wait online to go out.

What are you going to do in that fucking club? I don't like hanging out with people, but I'd much rather hang out with two or three people. Me and you. After the ice house, we sit outside with Jordan or some of the other fucking guys that come up that we know, Gus Denali, whatever. We hang out, we smoke a fucking number. Some people drink sodas and we all go home by 11. That's always been me.

I don't like, you know, when people say to me, where's the after party? What after party are you talking about? It's in my hotel room and you ain't invited. It's too ordered. It's two fucking episodes of Law and Order. It's a couple of bomb hits and maybe a bag of fucking nachos, like little hotel, the variety, nacho cheese. That's the only time I eat whatever nacho chips.

Doritos? Doritos. I don't like Doritos at all. Just in hotels? Yeah. Just in hotels. At the end of the night, I get a little fucking three ounce bag. The little ones you pay $22 for at vending.

And that's what I fucking do. That's all I do. I don't do shit. I really don't do anything else. No, and I'm happy with my life, but there's points where I'll be sitting at home and like, shit. You should be doing more. You should be getting your dick sucked.

Well, with dick sucked comes a lot of other shit. You just don't go out and get your dick sucked in your balls. That's why I understand the concept of getting a hooker. It's not for me, but I understand it. By the way, I got an email from somebody and they said that they have a strip club in L.A. They have a black chick there that's hotter than hell and she will fart in your face. I love how it switches from me farting in her face to her farting in my face. No, no, no.

You have to listen. It's something you have to overcome. I don't like needles, so I go to acupuncture. You don't want to sniff a girl's asshole, but how about you just put it right here and I told them. I think I passed out. We're going to have to eat some yogurt, a couple nachos, some Popeye's chickens. You're going to get that muffler nice and tight for you.

And then somebody's going to punch her in the back. It's going to come right out and hit you right in the face. It's going to go through your nostrils, through your spine, shooting. You're going to come right there. You're never going to have that problem. Let's overcome this. Yeah, but what if that becomes my thing? What if I can't get off without having a black girl fart in my face?

Well, you were looking for a life, weren't you? Now you got one. I don't know if that's what I want. Here you are like Anthony Quinn and I driving around the valley looking for, excuse me, would you fart in my face if I'm 20? You know, I had a friend that would just get hooked as to jerk him off with his feet. I was just going to say, it's like that guy. Yeah, so why don't you fucking just do it.

Overcome this. You know, break this rusty cage and run. Don't make me put on a sound guard or Johnny Cash and, you know, the fucking rusty cage. Let's get this over with. A little black chicken or you would have 400 pound chick to give you the full fucking patois, right? Oh, I think it's passed out. Like that's not what you want.

You love it. You inhale it with your mouth open. Science. Oh my mouth open. Look at him. He's dying to tear up a black chick. It's in his nature. He's a fucking Jew.

They love him, but they know if they deal with a Jew or a spit girl, they get fucking, they ousted from the will. He knows that he won't get a red fucking dime if he dates like a nine. You got to hook up with a nice Jew chick with the nose. Oh, I've never dated a Jewish girl. Well, you got to get on board. The monkey ain't bad. Oh, they're awful.

It's just a little kosher. It's got that little kosher salt down it. You dive in there like a savage with your yamacan, you know. Lee Syed, I love this motherfucker. Lee, you're not missing out on nothing. If I sit here and I tell you what, man, I had all the 30 years of drugs I did and what it got for me, it got me nothing. You know, all those people I had conversations with and all that shit.

That's why after like the 10 year mark, I stopped doing coke with people because I didn't want to hear that bullshit no more. It's all bullshit. You know, did I meet people? Yeah, I met some interesting people that I learned some stuff. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have gone into the drug coach. I would have been a fucking Marine what I was supposed to do. But maybe in the next life or right now, I enjoyed what I did.

I did it. What am I going to do? No, yeah. I say I feel like I'm missing out sometimes, but I just, when I try to go do it, I don't like it. And I like hanging out with a couple of friends and it's just the drunk girls annoy me. They're fucking like the girls you see in Vegas. So I'm happy with what I'm doing.

Get it together. You got to be happy with yourself. You know, listen, man, I always picture the life of staying in. When I went to Colorado, I was 20 years old and I never went out. When I lived with Jimmy Burke on those guys, I stayed in every night. I came home. I ate a fucking salad. I worked out.

I still did coke. I was still like, Quailers, don't get me wrong. But I didn't, I never wanted to show my weaknesses out in public. You know, I never wanted people to see me with my drug going from side to side. Don't get me wrong. There were some exceptions. You know, some nights you got to go out and cop and your jaw is going and you're drunk. But I never really wanted to see people in the last 10 years.

Like when I used to have to go to El Compadre and cop and around here, I had three different drug dealers because I didn't want them to know the extent of my drug problem. Really? Yeah. I had a Mexican guy at El Compadre and I had this little Mexican that hangs out on Western and Sunset by the supermarket out there, whatever it is, that ghetto supermarket on Western. John's or some more? John's.

There's a McDonald's there on the corner. All you got to do is drive on that street and make a U-turn. And after about three minutes, this motherfucker come running to your car. I swear, I've told this story before. He would run up to the car. I didn't know his name. I didn't have his phone number. I just knew he would be there.

And I never went there. And he wasn't there. Right on Western and Sunset. Holy shit. I would go down there and make a U-turn. And I could go there two in the morning. He said he wouldn't get there until about 12, 30, 12. I would get there.

He would come running at you. He'd actually open the window, whether you want 40. He'd go in his pocket. While he was going in his pocket, instead of asking you, like, are you a cop like these other idiots? Excuse me. Are you a police officer? He'd just put a coke rock in my nose.

Oh, shit. That's it. There was no conversation. He didn't speak English. I met him at El Compadre one night, and that's his opening line. He would just put a coke rock in your nose to make sure you weren't a cop. And then he'd give you the coke rock in your hand. He wouldn't put in a dollar bill, nothing.

Which is unheard of. I'd have to drive home hoping that my fucking moisture in my hand wasn't fucking melting. Wasn't melting. Now that you and me has a question, the coke rock you put in your nose, did he charge you for that? No. Okay. It was like a $10 rock he put in.

Oh, no, no. This is customer service for the utmost. This is real street customer service. You know, people, the other day I heard I seen somebody on Twitter say something to Joe about Joey Diaz as a marketing genius. No, I'm not. I'm just a good drug dealer. I was a good drug dealer.

I know how to get people out of the fucking house. You have to give people. When you sell drugs, I go to a bar and I'm wait there by the bar like a fucking Momo. And you could either do that, or when you see people coming in, you could take them into the bathroom and give them a bump and get the party started. When I wake up in the morning, I get the party started. That's what you have to do. You got to play the fucking music.

You got to let these motherfuckers know they got to wash their balls. It's going to be a heavy duty day. What if they bump into a bus full of runaway cocksuckers? You want to be right there ready to get your dicks up? How are you not going to? You ever see these people that walk around with their hands sticking up and dirty feet with a fucking saddle? I know that they've washed their fucking ass.

I got to sit there and play the fucking, I got to sit there and play the fucking guest distinctly ass game by myself. You ever look at a chicken go, I wonder what her asshole smells like? But then with you, you, every girl walks by. Every girl walks by. You got to imagine what does that chick's fucking monkey smell like? You got to see. Maybe she's got a heavy duty.

Yeah, but I don't fucking know anyway. So what we're saying here is that how can, you ever see those women, you ever go for breakfast and you're drinking coffee and you're having a great day and a woman comes by you and it's a 10, but the back of her hair is still sticking up. She didn't wash her pussy when she got up that morning. Whether she's dirty or not, you got to give that fucking monkey air. You got to give it some water. The same thing with your fucking cock.

When you wake up in the morning, whether you took it, even when I take a shower before I go to bed. I take a shower when I wake up because a thousand things could happen at night. You could have fucked a peg leg and she could have left a little speck of fucking dust on your helmet and that shit starts to fucking grow. So you got to wash before you go to bed and when you get to fucking bed. I mean, godliness is next to cleanliness. Is it not or the other way around?

I don't know what fucking, I don't know what, what, uh, isn't that the 10th Commandments? I don't know how the 10th Commandments, but it's, but it's fucking true. How are you going to leave the house, a woman in today's fucking age? How are you going to leave the goddamn house with the back of your head sticking up? Some guy banging you on a shot that fucking goo in your fucking snatch and that thing turns into a fucking sea monkey. You know what I'm saying? In your pussy.

Next thing you know, you got voices hearing out of there. Fucking wash that thing. The same thing with a guy's ass. You got to wash, you got to wash your balls and put powder on it. If you sniff my balls right now, they're not going to be, you know, complimentary. It's not going to be the sniff you want, but it's going to be a lot better than a lot of other people walking around because I fucking stay on the nooks and crannies. You got to get in there with the, with the fucking hand towel and the set.

You brought it up on the beat, on the last beauty and the beast, but the baby wipes. Yeah. I just started grabbing them every time I get toilet paper. I love it. Oh, you wipe your asshole with a little baby wipe and now your asshole has moisture to it. It's not, you know, are you looking at your asshole with a mirror? No.

Get a mirror and look at your asshole. It looks like, it's disgusting. It's all dry. It looks like fucking it's dead. Somebody hit it with a hammer. It's flat. It's brown. It's got that stuff around the sides.

It's like a, like a skid marks, like around the side of your ass. A woman wants a tongue of your ass. Oh, she sees that. That's dead close. You got to wash that shit on the sides and get that finger and machine gun, that little muffler. So everything's all right. The prostate's shiny and you're ready for war.

I love it. It's fucking Wednesday morning. The church of what's happening now, Lee, I'm very proud of you. Our Monday podcast next week will not be too late. I'll keep you posted. Lee's mom is visiting. And he's going to have a good time with it. Lee, I was going to talk about a movie today too because a lot of people like movies.

I don't know if you could find it. I want you to look for the outlaw, Josie Wales on YouTube, but I want you to see there's one scene where it's an Indian face and I'll look for it with you because I want to play this. The other day I was with Joe Rogan in Arizona. By the time we get to Arizona and we were sitting in the dressing room and I'm real. I did outlawed Josie Wales Indian face and the first one that comes up is like Indian with like a blue face.

That's it. Play that. Play that. All right. Let me just speed it up. I just want to make sure there's not a commercial before I put the volume on. No. This is...

All right. You ready? Yeah. This is a great scene. Josie Wales goes to... If you know this, I have... So he's riding up on a horse. He's riding up a mountain.

Right. I have a poster of the outlawed Josie Wales behind me. It was one of the greatest movies I ever saw. I probably saw it in 79. I don't think I've seen this yet. Because you're fucking crazy. Okay. So I want you to speed up to the two minute and 25 second thing.

He has to go talk to this guy named Ten Bears. Ten Bears is played by a man. 225? Called Will Sampson. Let me tell you the movies Will Sampson was in. He was in a bunch of other shit. But his main... I reckon not.

But his main movies were The Outlawed Josie Wales, One Floor of the Cuckoo's Nest. He's the Indian in One Floor of the Cuckoo's Nest and where the buffalo roams with motherfucking Charles Bronson bitches and turn this up. All right. I got nowhere to go and you will die. I came here to die with you. I'll live with you. I ain't so hard for men like you and me.

It's living. It's hard. And all you've ever cared about has been butchered or raped. Governments don't live together. People live together. Governments you don't always get a fair word or a fair fight while I've come here to give you either one or get either one from you. I came here like this so you'll know my word of death is true and that my word of life

is then true. Are you kidding me? Are you serious? I'm going to have to watch this a little weekend. Are you kidding me? Listen to his words. I will only hunt what we need to live on same as the Camachi does. And every spring when the grass turns green the Camachi moves north you can rest here

in peace butchers some of our cattle and jerked beef for the journey. The sign of the Camachi that will be on our lodge. That's my word of life. And your word of death? It's here in my pistols, there in your rifles. I'm here for either one. These things you say we will have. We already have.

That's true. I ain't promising nothing extra. I'm just giving you life and you're giving me life and I'm saying that men can live together without butchering one another. It's sad that governments are achieved by the double tongues. There is iron in your words of death for all Camachi to see and so there is iron in your words of life. No signed paper can hold the iron.

It must come from men. The words of ten bears carries the same iron of life and death. It is good that warriors such as we meet in the struggle of life or death that shall be life. You dig motherfuckers? You're going to go out into the world and listen to that fucking monologue. That is the greatest monologue ever told behind fucking Alec Baldwin and Glingari Glen Ross. That is phenomenal.

All I ever tried to do is live one by my words of fucking life. That's it. I said to you that's the church of what's happening now. That is the moniker to that. Get the poster. You put the tattoo of fucking the Camachi on your fucking arm which me and Leah are going to do out of respect. That's how you got to live your life.

It's either your words of life or your fucking words of death. He dropped it right there. Ain't nothing to discuss. That's it. That's it. When I saw that at fucking 1980 or 79 because when my mother died I seen a couple movies that changed my motherfucking life and it was that one. The movie driver, Dear Hunter and I saw a movie by the name of the one when he goes

to fucking Turkey and he gets the hero in Midnight Express for you motherfuckers that are always looking for movies. I just gave you the classic one that I lived my life by. That monologue right there, you could hit that from every angle. If Romney would have taken that monologue and put it behind Clint Eastwood and Clint Eastwood walked out to the stage that night instead of talking to the puppet like a retard right now it would have been 80 to 20 because it's not about politics. It's not about fucking what's going on around your life.

It's about you. It all starts with you and your fucking words of life. So when you go out this week, you watch this fucking movie, you watch the other one I just said Midnight Express when he bites the motherfucking the guy's tongue off and spits it up into the fucking air because the guys are rat. When you believe in something you fucking go for it and that's how I live my life. If you're not living like Leonard Skinan and the outlaw Josie Wales, go fuck your mother. That's the only way we could end it.

Here it is plain and simple. The New Testicle Testament comes out next Tuesday the 23rd. We're performing a new one on the 24th at the Ice House. Get your tickets quick because this one's selling out in the back 626-577-1894. November 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th, I'm at the Ontario Impart, dropping some fucking knowledge. Hopefully Lisa and I will come out Saturday night and say hello to the troops. She's going to give away some free t-shirts for Beauty and the Beast and whatnot. Then November 8th, me and my other fucking best friend, Jew, Ari Shafia, the nephew to

Maya Lansky, one of the baddest fucking Jews ever to live next to Pontius Pilate. We're doing the Chicago House of Blues. So let me break it down for you. Have a great weekend. We're going to be back Monday, not Sunday because Lee's mom is in town. I do not have a football pick for you. I don't know what happened Monday night. I know they came back.

Oh yeah, San Diego looks awful. I got emotional today when I talked to Pete and when I dropped this video on you. Today was one of the best podcasts ever I've been involved because I felt I got to you. It was with this fucking video at the end. You got to live by your words of life. It's all about us. Today, it's fucking character. Let's play some music for these motherfuckers.

And what's the name of that Leonard Skidner album? Soul Street Survivors. So we got ain't no good life from that album. Let's do it. That's a boy, Lee. Lee don't fuck around no more. Go smoke some dope and get some breakfast. And this is live from Osaka, Japan, January 18th of 77.

Look at Lee dropping dates on you, motherfucker. Thank you very much. And don't forget to email us. So thank you for hitting us on Twitter and subscribe. We need all the fucking help we could get. Let's get the word out there. We're fucking savages on here. Joey Coco, my little brother, the flying Jew.

We got some great guests for you next week, Chris Gaynor, our next North Bergen cop. My brother, we play freshman, basketball in eighth grade together, and I got some freaks calling up next week. Stay black, people. Have a great weekend. Have a great time with your mom, Lee. Thanks, buddy. Bye, guys.

Bye. Bye.