Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 10/21/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #121

Episode Date: October 21, 2013

Matt "The Immortal" Brown calls in for another great conversation. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Streamed live on 10/21/2013.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of its shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey. That's huluplus.com slash joey. And by dollashaveclub.com. Get high quality razors into your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollashaveclub.com slash church. That's dollashaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollashaveclub banner. Oh shit. Guerrilla radio. Church of what's happened now. Podcasts. Expression. It's coming at you motherfuckers. It's Monday. What's today's date? The 21st, 22nd, 21st of October. Are you fucking

kidding me or what? The beautiful thing about this is you are here. The church of what's happened now. Monday, baby. Get up, wash your pussy, eat some oatmeal, wash your ass. They mean business out there today, motherfucker. Oh shit. Uh-oh. Lisa Ayat in the motherfucking house on a Monday morning making this motherfucker happen. Write your goals, shine your shoes, get out there, show them who the fuck you really are. What's the story, Lisa Ayat? Nothing, dude. What's going on? What the fuck you been doing? You know me. What happened? Tell these people what happened this morning. This morning? Oh, fuck. Like we started at six o'clock every morning and I wake up at 5.15 and I get everything set up. I get everything ready and I wake up to a phone ring and it's

your, it's you and I miss it. Like you wake up and it's like the last ring and then you call me right back. You're like, I forgot the key cock sucker. So I get in and it's fucking and I run downstairs and I don't think my alarm went off or something and it's just weird. Like we've been doing it for a year and a half and it's never happened. It's Monday. You're fucking rusty on Monday. That's why I said you got to go to bed early. Don't take a fucking chance on Monday. Yeah. Never. On Mondays, I don't fuck around. Sunday night, I go to bed early, even though I wanted to stay up last night. I was energetic. I had shit to write. I was like, you know what, man? I'm going to try to get six before the fucking podcast tomorrow. So I'm alive and cooking,

you know? Oh, no, I got sex. No, I know, no, I know you're asleep, but you got to fucking sleep, man. And that's a big mistake I made when I was young. I never fucking slept. You got to make time to sleep. I know your friends are doing this and your partners, but you got to zip in two here, three here, four here. It controls your weight, your blood sugar, you know, and you're healthy. You can go out there and snort coke and fucking drink and do whatever the fuck it is that you do exercise, whatever, but you got to sleep. A lot of people just... That's why I did what I did this weekend because I was lucky enough. I came down to Ontario because you were close and it's close enough to drive, but it took us, took me three and a half hours to get down there Friday

because I had to go down and get the girl first. And I was like, fucking, I went on price line, I did the name your own price thing. I got a hotel right there. And I'm surprised you guys just didn't do it. I drive back. Well, I know you, you have the cats. No, no, even if the cats, well, I drive back. If I'm an hour away as much as I travel, I got to hit my bed. Do you know what I'm saying? Like as much as I travel, I got to hit my bed. Like, I know, I understand what you're saying, but I don't, because I don't deal with it. Because for me, not being stuck in traffic that three hours back and forth round trip would have been round to like fucking the hotel. You're an amateur. That's why I took you three and a half fucking

hours to get down because you went through hell. Well, no, I want to have a few toilets. I would have fucking gone down there Friday straight and then picked the girl up Saturday and gone down. That's where you fucked up. I wouldn't have picked the girl up Friday. I would have drove because it's only 45 minutes back and forth on the two-tenth and it gets you right through the back of fucking Burbank until every night. I mean, we even broke our own record. We were doing it in 40 minutes, but I'm doing 80. There's nobody out there in the fucking daytime. As long as you have somebody with you in the car in LA and you could shoot that HOV lane, that's a glory hole. And that's what I thought you were going to do. Friday, I wouldn't have picked

up the girl. You went into the mouth of hell. You went into downtown. Scratch that shit. Scratch that. Anything on the 101 South on Friday with a Dodger game at five o'clock, you're killing yourself to fucking live. That's why I took you three and a half hours. I used to take that route. The back route in California is that two-tenth. It goes to Arcadia, the Miller Lighting. On the way down, we left. All right. Thursday night started at eight. We left at six thirty Thursday night. Yeah. Made it there by five to eight. No problem. Saturday, Friday night, it was an eight o'clock show. We left at six. That gave us two hours and we still got that down at seven thirty. Yeah. It was a height. There's traffic, but if I wouldn't have gotten the HOV

lane with the Agostino, I would have never fucking made it. Yeah. And I would have gotten the HOV lane even without the Agostino, but at least you don't have to look around and be fucking paranoid and whatever. So just, you know, the number one thing that I didn't know for years that I know now is time. I don't like wasting time. If I have to sit in traffic for three hours, there's got to be a better way as it gets later. If you jump in your car at six, you're jumping into traffic. So it's the same law, diminishing returns whether you jump in your car at six or seven in a way. You're going to make the same progress. For me, I don't get on stage, so eight thirty. So if it's an hour, I could leave at seven, not for an MC or something like that. They got to

leave a little early and I understand these things. But in California, you have to plan and you have to plan your route because you never fucking, if you go to five to one on one, you're going to get died. Yeah. You're going to die. You know, and that's why I feel bad for people when they tell me, hey, I'm coming to California to visit you. You're not coming to visit me. You're going to do something else. If you come to visit me, you stayed on the fucking block at the Holiday Inn Express on Burbank. You're not visiting me staying in Marina Del Rey because I'm never going to fucking see you. Oh, yeah. I know we're tight and I know you're 30 years, but my time is really important. I only got the baby. So even if I didn't have the fucking baby,

so the five hours, I got five hours to dick around. So I know what happens. It's the same thing that happens when somebody who doesn't travel contacts the airline and says, I want to go to New York. They go, really? You want to go to New York? Okay. What do you want to fly into? I don't know. Newark, I don't know. And they're like, well, to fly into Newark from where you're calling me, it's $350. But to fly into Canada, I could fly into $189. What would you do? You'd say $189. Okay. So you don't fucking know. Well, no, I'm saying that's what the people who don't know anybody who doesn't know would fly into Canada. I'm saving $180 fucking dollars, but I'm also going to get kicked in the fucking ass 82 times by traffic. Yeah.

By flying. You don't know that till you do it. Then they say, oh, it's a cab downtown, it's $100. So what'd you, what'd you save? You didn't say nothing. You saved that fucking hour and you saved $80 and an hour of your life. You landed in Newark. It's only 15 minutes to the New York City. It's a big fucking difference, but you don't know these things. So the same thing happens when people come to California. I want to come to Los Angeles, whether you want to stay the standard, right down the block from the county store with 800 fucking dollars a night down the block from the county store. So now what do you want to do? Have you considered the beach? Don't you want to be close to the ocean? Really? I could be close to the ocean. Sure. You could

stay in fucking Orange County. 20 minutes from now. It really is. It really is with no traffic. If you drive in the 405 is wide open and you do 80, it's 20 fucking minutes. Once you add traffic to that dilemma, it's an hour. Once you add the fact that you don't know where the fuck you're going with your stupid GPS at 30.1 mile, make a fucking right turn. You don't know where the fuck you are. So that adds another hour of stress to your fucking life. What did you accomplish? Yeah. Just staying in fucking LA or save money till you can because it's a fucking nightmare for you. It's not going to work out. And it's amazing that when you first moved to LA, somebody says, meet me at five, you, whatever, go on the A nine. Remember that book

they used to have before GPS? What was that stupid book they had that you looked at directions? And they told you page A 19. You're too young. No, no. I always had at least map quest. Fuck. You know, you go on that thing and it tells you, you know, 3.1 miles, 3.1 miles to educated individual, which we're all fucking educated. It's 10 minutes. Not in Los Angeles. Not in Los Angeles. You know, you could drive to work every fucking day. Tell these people, you know, so it's for me, man, I just stay close to the fucking joints when I have to fucking avoid it. You know, if somebody says to me, you're flying, you're playing St. Louis, you could stay at the Rich Carlton, but it's fucking nine miles away. Or you could stay at the Holiday Inn Express and

it's right next to the venue. What would you pick? Holiday Inn Express. I'm at the Holiday Inn Express because I don't want to fucking drive nine fucking miles. It's not worth it. Yeah. What am I going to do? Get room service at 2.15 in the morning? I'm not going to do that. Law and order tastes the same with potato chips in the cold bar and with a fucking cheeseburger from room service. So plan ahead if you move to fucking LA. What's happening, beautiful people? I'm sorry we got into this fucking conversation. If you came out to the interior improv, it was a great weekend. Thank you very much. I had a great time with you people. Nobody thinks about Ontario. It's where they send witness relocation people where they fuck up. It really is

because it's really nothing there. It's a mall and an airport. But it's the nicest people in the fucking world, all that area around there upland. I had a great time. I really did. I had great sets. The improv always pads the rooms. So they give away a lot of free tickets to people who don't know you so and the next time you come, maybe they'll come down and see you. But they gave a lot of fucking tickets to some old people and I could see the looks on their faces when I'm up there talking about fingering people and fucking stabbing people in the neck and all this shit. And it's pretty fun like four people walked that apparently the first night four old people walked out and then I'm not sure but the second night about three quarters of the way through

like you hadn't said anything that ridiculous so I don't know if they walked out but it was like you know like the it's the group of women you always yell at it's like four women just together no guys and like they're all a little bit bigger and at some point like four of them like separately walked out together from the same table and I think maybe they had to they were doing something else because you hadn't said anything that ridiculous right then but I just I was hoping that it was and I was hoping you would see me say something but even the girl I brought the girl and as he walked in she's like well there's a lot of old people here I don't know if they I don't know if they know who Joey is and then you said it right right as you walked in.

But it's funny how when you do comedy one of the worst things you could do to yourself in life one of the worst things you could do to yourself it is lose the battle before you go out there this is where experience comes in you know 10 years ago I would go to a town Atlanta Houston and the early shows are usually a little bit more blue ahead like me a little older people and I'd look at those people I'd shit my pants I would I would psych myself up like they're not gonna like me I try to do the math in my head and try to cut the jokes that those people weren't gonna like it's a bad fucking habit to get yourself into and I go out there and guess what Lee I'd bomb anyway because I was censoring myself and I was you know controlling my emotions and I wasn't

when yelling I wouldn't and now I don't give a fuck if they're gonna walk they're gonna walk and nine out of ten of them aren't gonna walk because they like that they might love it yeah kids are out of the house now they could curse hey that extra camera is it just staring into the white wall there right now yeah you want me to turn it on you an extra little camera at least you haven't have a camera on Lee say yeah I have this yeah okay let's put another one but it's amazing how sometimes you write yourself off and I'm the king of doing that maybe I was doing that in San Francisco last week where before you go on stage you take a look at the people and you write yourself off this is a lesson for me it's a lesson for everybody you know some people

looking for work some people always and that's part of the insecurity factor if I'm not good enough and I think about it after I did it you know Saturday night in San Francisco last week the late show I didn't give a fuck it was me against them so I went out there and I had the best Saturday weekend but all week I thought about the people of San Francisco and how they educated you know one of the things I hate the most is somebody there they posted for an educated podcast listen to this you know nothing fucking pisses me off more than people that think they're smart and they look not that they look down on you but the way they it's like a condescending thing like you know like if you're at a coffee shop and people are reading the LA Times there's always

that one jerk off that's reading the Wall Street Journal he's looking at these LA time people and I see it all the time I see it all the time they think like they're fucking swarming they got their glasses on and doesn't happen to you like when you get like because you if you sit in first class a lot because you got bumped up like you got like a lot of business people who go in suits and then you're there like rocking out to Aerosmith and like do you ever get those looks you know the worst people in the world is that the ones that think that they they're badass motherfuckers because they sit in first class because they really buy into it that they are first class people because they even have three dollars in their pocket more than somebody else or whatever

you know I go on first class you know what I purposely do when I go on first class what I wear shorts why and I wear a white t-shirt if I know if I get as soon as I get bumped up the first class on American or one of those airlines I put a white t-shirt on like when I get the email that morning just to prove to people you can look like nothing bothers me more when people dress up for something it's the fucking worst and I and at 20 I fucking hated it so you don't dress up to fly you don't wear a suit no no no when people dress up to be that costume that character you know when I used to ski you know when I first started skiing in Colorado I liked skiing I took to it but I wasn't gonna go spend a thousand dollars to look like John Clark fucking Van Damme on a ski slope

with helmets and shiny pants because I had brethren laws that dressed like fucking bums were had a big company I mean they weren't millionaires but they were well off and they fucking skied their asses off because they had grown up in Colorado they were better than professional skiers and all these professional skiers like when you see a guy riding a bike on a Sunday he just can't ride the bike he's gotta have the helmet and the tight pants and the clipper shoes and the tight shirt but he's riding up and down Magnolia like a fucking jerk off musty show us he's a fucking bike rider it's like when you go on a set and I see a person and he looks like a director he's a jerk off if he's got that little hat or when you go and you

see a broad and she's got like the blonde hair and it's poked up and she's got a guinea tea on and she's got a tattoo she's the fucking director I could tell I don't want to deal with that fucking dummy because that's what she's just selling a costume that's what most people do today they sell a fucking costume okay yeah you know that stupid tattoo fucking show on A&E have you seen that dumb fucking show about bat ink and they all have little hats on like they're fucking artists we're artists the fuck out of you you're a fucking Momo artist good god forbid they're not a fucking artist god forbid yeah let's talk this time and they love to say it I'm an artist what fucking do you do what do you do you live off your father's trust fund you put cans together

and you crazy glue them what fucking artists are you get it together you idiots that applaud that you're well he's an artist he's a fucking dick suck at me he's supposed to he's dying to suck a dick and he doesn't have the balls to fucking do it that's what an artist does I'm an artist get the fuck out of here you're an artist you're living on a fucking trust fund and you draw pictures of fucking mice the fuck out of here you fucking idiots oh my god and there's tons of that in like New York and they're all artists oh they're all artists get the fuck out of here you're a fucking job you got a smack to the face and for you chicks that are a decent artist he's the fuck out of here you fucking idiots so you don't you don't consider yourself an artist not at all I'm a criminal fucking

comic that has a voice that's it what fucking artist you see me with a hat with a feather trying to be somebody with a tattoo on my shoulder look at me I'm going to Paris next year suck my dick you ain't doing dick going to fucking Paris and we see those people we tolerate those people and so do you that listen to this you know what I'm talking about those little fucking faggots with the little Bruno fucking Mars hat on trying to fucking impress me because they have a big word they just learned in the dictionary the fuck out of here I'm a hipster suck my dick fucking hipster it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive set these motherfuckers straight when they come up to you pull them to the side and go listen get it together all right get it together

go get a fucking job and go look at yourself in the mirror and get it the fucking together artist the fuck out of here there's a fucking artist yeah everybody you know and they're all going to go to France they all impressed some fucking idiot oh we went to Europe get the fuck out of here where it cracks in Kansas bitch and it's fun and it's funny because when he came into and he said oh my facebook didn't work this morning and he said fucking I'm sick of them those are the people that are posting on facebook like oh I went on an audition today or look at what I just drew or that's like the home for them this is why I went on a fucking audition today let's play some fucking music where's Tony Bennett I want to be around for a little something for

the spirits that got you to the fucking party god sucker it's a beautiful day to be alive I've told but whatever get out there shine your shoes take over the fucking world I want to be around pick up the fucking pieces cocksucker what's that reason you're over there sitting there hiding you can't mind them late get up you're fucking I'm up you never come to me with that all right you know but that's why I love you I respect you I don't know there's nothing about me that's wrong I'm gonna I just fuck out of here it's a beautiful day brother like somebody who the fuck is going on today we have a look at water boxes out there all lonely and buying what happened to the music

were you DJ fucking killed fuck yeah DJ mutt of all DJ mutt of all you take the wife with Jew food yeah yeah she likes Mediterranean food yeah I took it that's not Jew food yes it is that's the thing I want to say when you're ready you get mad at me you said those people could have a fucking herring you take it for herring and whitefish yeah okay that's fucking Jew food okay that's gross you can't eat I can't eat that's that's for like my dad and his dad and like know what the fuck are you a Jew cocksucker be proud I am proud whitefish some fucking thing in the sour cream and the sauce herring and the fucking sauce with onions on a cracker that's Jew food that's too strong that that's what you have to give me you can't talk to anyone for a month

who gives a fuck it's like eating pussy if you're gonna run with the Jews that's what you gotta eat herring and that's it motherfucker just herring herring that's it with that cream sauce with some crackers who the fuck are you kidding with a nice piece to make them when they have that whitefish and the fish is whole and you take a piece of that fucking that's fucking Jew food not that shit you eat with those fucking Greeks jumping up and down fucking gyros and shit even though I like gyros I don't like commerce I don't like the other shit kebabs and shit the bully and Baba Kanoosh you know that's not Jewish yes it is Baba Kanoosh is Jewish it's always how about I fucking shove this eat fucking cigarette in your eyeball Baba Kanoosh is not Jewish real

fucking Jews that light fires don't eat Baba Kanoosh okay Jews that light fires don't eat Baba Kanoosh oh god the fuck is wrong which I feel good I need to I need to bring you like the Israeli consulate or so just somewhere to do a show for Israelis they were not that they're eating that Mediterranean shit I don't want to run with nobody I walk to a Jew party but I have herring that's who I run with I run with Jews for the fishermen herring whitefish salmon you walking bagels where's the herring cream cheese fucking all that schlots is I don't know what slot I mean either I don't fucking know it sounded Jewish I'm gonna tell you something I had coffee this morning with my pillow and uh Annette sent me stevia slivia stevia the sugar yeah I've been using it for the

last couple fucking days zero calories they got it on the site go to annette.com oh they've stevia scroll it down they got stevia and you can add packages to it you get stevia with fucking shumtech you get it with fucking uh with the alpha brain mixing all combined they'll give you a price and baboon go to annette.com go to joeydears.net go to annette and annette press church and get 10% off get on the email list I'm gonna take care of you but make sure you hook up with that fucking stevia because that shit is I even made a chocolate shake with it last night oh a little yuhu and the whole fucking thing was delicious fuck yeah I took care of myself this week mama was gone I took care of myself I slept I drank hemp fucking they got a hemp vanilla now on there also

fucking delicious I got the box the other day hemp velena hemp force vanilla try these little hemp force fucking bars they still got those I got about three left I must eat about 92 of those fucking things for breakfast they're delicious but go to the stevia go to annette make your fucking point I'm telling you right now annette's not fucking around in the future I'm looking good I feel better I'm healthy I'm sleeping the protein I'm farting no fucking you know when you eat when you drink a protein shake you want a plain or something you got that whey in it once you kill a fart it's like a little thing fucking died it's the root of your asshole you ever smell something a protein you ever eat protein and it's like sometimes you fart but it's like a

like a flower that just went bad no big deal oh mine are never flowers but sometimes you fart and it's the insides of your stomach yeah like it's like fucking everything's mixed in there it smells horrible usually it's like that protein powder like if you eat the bars the shitty protein looking man I don't fart in the fucking morning that's what I have for breakfast on one day's Wednesdays if I'm gonna move I just make a hemp force protein shake if I'm gonna fucking move put a banana in there I'm ready to fucking go so go to annette.com get your little protein shakes your hemp get the stereo change you god damn right no we should try what's that mix do a little mix vanilla and chocolate see how that turns out I'm gonna do that tomorrow out of respect

thank you Lee real idea man that's like a black and white see you think a fucking Mediterranean person when it came up with that idea fuck no you you're a Jew get it together Jews run this motherfucker you understand me that's the name of your new podcast radio Jew huh who's got who's the better attention on a bad idea need to come up with something radio Jew are you fucking kidding me are you fucking kidding me you're gonna hit them harder than that or Jew really it's empire radio do right at the end it blows up the studio just fucking blows up every week every week we blow up in the studio like son of anarchy who gives a fucking track well I'll tell you what let me congratulate you uh I guess it's the st. Louis Cardinals and

the Boston Red Sox I've worked really hard this season yeah I know jumping jacks I saw you swimming and running the first basing back cock sucker but uh you know man it's a shame to me I feel bad because I grew up watching baseball and basketball and sports and today's world guys at 50 I don't give a fuck I'll watch it for a couple minutes I mean I was cheering for the Dodgers I don't know who's on st. Louis no do I can't I was cheering for the Dodgers because I live close by I live 20 minutes I lived here for 15 fucking years and you gotta cheer for something you know I do have roots I came to see the Dodgers when I was a young kid and I saw them play when they were Mets as far as the Boston Red Sox I've always loved the Boston Red Sox I just don't know who's on

that team either I know they still got that big black poppy slinging dick up there in New Hampshire but uh you know it's great for the city I thought about it after I couldn't think on Saturday night I couldn't fucking think about it then yesterday I'm like Jesus Christ this is great for the city of Boston you know I've always been a big fan of Boston always I knew that I wasn't even a comedian till I I didn't work Boston because of all the comedy legends I came out of Boston especially my fucking favorite was Lenny Clark you know so uh Boston going to the Red Sox I mean I heard last week that Louis T Young was at the game oh he was one of the Knights yeah and that's big he was a Cuban kid that have you ever met him no in 75 or 76 I don't fucking know when the Red

Sox played the Cincinnati Reds one of the games Louis T Young started and the Boston Red Sox organization got Louis T Young's parents to come to the game out of cube I mean they went down and probably talked to Fidel how to give him money to get him out of there but that meant a lot to me that the Boston Red Sox went and let the kid pitch in front of his parents so because they've always been like a closet Boston I don't give a fuck about the Yankees I'm not gonna lie there and care less whether they win or lose there's always fucking stupid crime diversity and they always buy teams and it's always something you know it's amazing that they're not even the playoffs this fucking year it really is amazing you really have to think and that proves to us is that if you live by the

sword you'll die by the fucking sword you know they could build a team like everybody else you know I heard they built that fucking stadium people don't even like going up there it's 92 dollars for a fucking seat and a hot dog you know and if you live by the sword you die by the sword me I've always believed yeah you put a team together you know you build a team around one guy you know you get some rookies a couple fucking old guys but sometimes you just cannot buy a team sometimes you can't buy a team man you can't buy a fucking team you know just because you think they're gonna be fucking funny or they're gonna click together you can't put together a team they gotta mesh on their own it's they have a saying it's like 25 players 25 cabs when they

don't really get along because they don't share cabs but uh last year we were like in last place and we had a few different players but we're essentially the same team I think but we just we had Bobby Valentine that fucking disaster and this year we had a we had a good manager and it turned everything around and I don't really I know baseball but I don't really know like the ins and outs of it but it's uh it's crazy how things change and like I don't like I don't like the Yankees because I'm from Boston I don't really have a problem paying for players just because everyone everyone's payrolls but that's what it's become it was never like that Lee that's what it's become and I get it you need a marquee player to sell tickets but a good team also sells

tickets yeah that's why a good team if the owner goes out and talks and supports it and gives it you know like I said you know I go to a laker game and these kids can't afford to go to these fucking things you know kids are your best mouth you know for baseball kids that's what it's about it's not about some 50 year old fucking fat guy I'm gonna call it sports radio no it's about fucking kids when you go to those games kids to go and get their glove and play and get popcorn and hot dog and wear like a fucking hat that belongs to the away team or the home team that's what it's all about man that's what it's all about you know and and now you're so you're so close but you're so far from the players look at a rod I guess he's a fucking great player look at all the shit he's

involved in you know look what he did to this fucking team yeah just a plane oh don't they have a chiro Suzuki still oh yeah yeah well he's fucking eight million years old but yeah they have that guy on a bad day is better than most people on a fucking good day yeah you know I mean uh look at the Dodgers they had the world caliber team I just don't think they could put it together next year they'll be a force to reckon with that is kind of fun watching yes but it's kind of like last night the uh the big game was the Broncos versus the Colts what was the final score on that I'll have to look it up I think but the Broncos lost yeah the Colts won by like six or something so yeah you've never seen a bookie with a part-time job everybody and their mother

bet the Broncos on a sunday night but that's what I'm saying like they have they have the the powerhouse team that's not never it's gonna go 18-0 and he's gonna break all these records I knew they were gonna lose they need to lose to win the Super Bowl because that makes them human if you have a team that's 18-0 going into the Super Bowl everybody and their mother's gonna bet them I didn't even know Colorado was playing against the Colts but it makes sense that the Colts beat them up right or they wouldn't cover the spread 39-33 yeah they didn't cover the spread and then but they went over so if you bet the Colts in the fucking over last night you had yourself a fucking like I gotta get Danny B wins to call see how he's doing yeah I don't know if I'm supposed

to call his show today I gotta fucking call him and stuff I got shit this afternoon got a big day playing mom is not home the baby's not home it is fucking super quiet but I'm flying out Thursday to go meet with them in Nashville then I'm gonna do a show Jackson Saturday night one show at nine o'clock at Harvey's motherfucking South Street baby oh I'm going over there to the south to fuck around eat some food you know what man I don't believe in fucking vacations I never did but I'm looking forward to this this weekend I'm looking forward just to relax with my wife and the kid you know what man I miss my wife and I could be a selfish fuck and quarrel and torture and shit like that but you're still gonna do that no no balls at all my wife my wife's having just uh I never did anything

nice for anybody you know growing up and well like I've never made anybody really really happy and this child is making her very happy so I feel good and I know that she's around her parents right now and she's around her sister and her niece and her brother and her sister-in-law and I know she's having a fucking great time you know she's not going back like the old the ugly kid at the dance that sits in the wall she's got a child now they all have kids now and she was playing with her cousins and they got her a fucking uh some fucking pad that she could play with her cartoons and she's loving life over that mercy so I'm happy that they're there and I'm looking forward to flying in and seeing them Thursday I'm gonna go eat in Nashville at this fucking steak place Kelly's

whatever I think it is from Kelly's but Danny Kelly's or something and then Friday I'm gonna go with Kristen who's my niece I have to go to the school fair with her what like what like college no high school she's in high school oh shit oh shit is this the man this is my brand what's how beautiful how are you thank you very much for taking the time man yeah no problem I wanted to have you call after the mic pile thing but I wanted to give you time to uh to level yourself and stuff and get back and then all sunday posted this Carlos conduit fight so I know we gotta fucking do some talking how you doing how the kids uh same old shit man you know they're just getting bigger every day getting crazier every day how is more and more every day how was berkreicher last

week uh that was awesome man he's a fucking nut all right is he a fucking nut I'm gonna call him this morning we might do coffee this afternoon so he was trying to tell me that they go map map brown was there like I know I saw him tweeted too so I was happy yeah it was awesome man it was dancing with his shirt off she don't say that that's not fucking drinking and shit when are you gonna get up on stage Matt brown and do some comedy with us yeah man I ain't that funny yes you fucking don't even ask I can't get that octagon you know man I was thinking about something you're a big 170 Matt yeah yeah you're a big 170 huh I think I'm like average size honestly I mean I don't think I could get any bigger and make the weight and I don't I don't think I think if I was

any smaller it would be a problem yes I was looking I think I'm perfect like it was fucking perfect for me you know I'm I'm like 185 190 usually you know and that's you know ideal for a weight cut you know and you're six one right six two not six foot on the dot oh man you're a tall guy just see him I was watching you against Powell I'm like he's a big ass fucking 170 that was a great fight and you you said it yourself Mike Powell's a tough guy you know he's a veteran man they'll pull a fucking rabbit out of their ass they see something we don't see usually and so that was a great fight you went out there with anger you were listening to Metallica it looked like somebody tied you up and had you listened to fucking Metallica and they were hitting you with a stick in the back of the

you came out there like a fucking savage yeah you know it's like it's man you know I trained with my pop a lot we're actually uh decent friends you know we know each other real well we've hung out a bunch of times we trained together a bunch you know he taught me a bunch of things actually I use a lot of shit that he taught me still today um but man I knew how good he was you know I mean so I went out there and I was like I can't just sit back in you know he knows my game so I can't just sit back and let him get comfortable I gotta go in there and put it right on him right away you know and I always try to look at it like the mental side of things and uh you know starting off at the beginning of the fight he was definitely I think

he had a little bit of us being friends I think might have affected him a little bit and I said to myself I'm not gonna let that affect me I'm gonna go out there and and try to kill him like anybody else and it worked out right it really did though it really fucking did now Matt plain and simple I mean you know this you're one fight away from a championship fight with GSP right you're one fight away I mean uh that's it this is what you've been doing all these fucking years is getting ready for the dance but I know you have Carlos Condon in front of you and he's not going to be a breeze uh you're fucking great I mean uh I see an advantage see you we're coming out there and just throwing fucking punches and connecting how do you feel about this fight

uh man I think Carlos is probably probably the toughest guy in the division um I don't see uh you know I think he's tougher than GSP you know GSP I couldn't put him away you know and I think he's like like when he was fighting GSP I think if that fight was a no time limit I think Carlos would have beat him you know it looked like he it almost looked like he didn't lose the fight he just ran out of time right yeah that's a good point you know and you know I think he's one of the best guys out there so uh you know I gotta go out there improve that I'm the best guy out there you know one thing I feel like it's gonna be a fucking war man he's never been knocked out I ain't never been knocked out um it's been years since he's been submitted I mean man everything

all the stars are in line for a fucking war no no this is I listen man I'm trying to get that date off so I could go up to Sacramento and watch the fight I told Joe Rogan uh a month ago that that's the fight of the year plain and simple who gives a fuck about Rhonda Rousey and the chick and who gives a fuck about Anderson Silva and Weidman I mean I love but this is if you're into fights if you're into fights this is it this is it you and him is you can't fucking think of it your your head explodes and I love you to death I know it's uh you know one thing I give to Carlos's camp that I I I like them about them is that they prepare you know they fucking prepare Winkle John and and uh him and the other guy they fucking sit down they prepare and one thing about Carlos is

like even against Diaz he sticks to the plan you know yeah he sticks to the plan so that's what's those are his little things that he's really well known and those are the things of a champion and you have that too you know you have that mindset also but I'm looking fucking forward to this I'm trying to get out of this gig I'm gonna fly in on Saturday I won't be there for the weigh-in but I'll be there Saturday and uh let's put this motherfucker together Matt Brown yeah man I'll do everything in my power to do it you know I mean and that's all I can do you know I don't I don't get too too pressed about it you know the I mean I do but I don't know how to say it but all I do is the best I can do every day right that's it hey listen man that's the whole goal

this fucking thing yeah exactly you know a lot of people you know they they go into this whole you know it's the biggest fight ever in this fucking uh you know I've gotta be my best while balling I think about that shit every day anyway my man I'm just wake up today and I'm gonna do the best I fucking can you know whatever happens that night fucking happens you know as long as you prepared brother and that's the most you gotta be prepared you gotta be prepared you gotta your head's gotta be at the right place it's so weird I couldn't even imagine being a fucking fighter Matt Brown because of all the little tiny details that has to go and it's not just about drinking protein shake and doing jumping jacks it really not not any fucking more Matt

Brown not anymore you know especially in your division 155 you know uh look at this fucking monster the other day this Cuban kid with uh with uh whatever his name was I mean the 170s lumbard I mean 170s I'm gonna start getting stacks so you gotta be on the fucking top of your game and that you know even GSP GSP is a good wrestler you know he's great with his striking you know he does everything really well he doesn't do anything like spectacular but he's always prepared his camp when they go into a fucking fight they break everything down and they prepare and it's taught me Matt Brown you guys I've learned so much my comedy has improved from watching MMA do you know that how fucking dumb does that sound but it's very real no shit because you gotta figure

when I watch a guy that comes from a wrestling pedigree okay and he's eight no and he's been beating everybody with wrestling and now he fights this guy that finally figured him out and the guy beats him at wrestling and this guy doesn't work on his striking for fight number nine and ten I see that and I compare that to my career you know fighting on your back to me is writing that's the toughest fucking thing is writing calmly sitting down and writing and putting it together and then you have the performance aspect of it and you have I have all these aspects when I perform that I break down just like MMA you have the wrestling you have the jujitsu you have the striking you have the Muay Thai there's so many fucking things to what you do you know

conditioning it's a so kind of taught you to be uh uh more diverse yes and you have to be how fucking much does it piss you off when you see a fighter who's known for a spinning back fist for example and in one of the biggest fights of his life he throws that punch 18 fucking times they're waiting for it he's waiting for it come up with a low kick and you might get the fucking guy did you watch kj noons against george setter oppas do you all night no actually i don't even remember no one kj noons fight far one but it was pretty good i mean setter oppas didn't get beat up but there was one part when he kept giving them low kicks kj noons kept waiting for him and finally he went up high and he got him right in the fucking head with this kick that was beautiful i just

he just didn't knock him out with his head kick but it's the same thing with comedy uh you know i did a callback this week about saram rap on your dick and it's it's the same thing as mma you just have to go in there prepared you know now i do callbacks in comedy it's when you call a joke back like 30 minutes later matt i never did that because i never prepared now when i do it i prepare and it's because of watching mma see i don't really know that much about comedy but it's pretty interesting when i hear you talk about shit like that like are you guys have a method to it huh it's not just going up there and being a funny motherfucker right there's some method to it no matt i know for a fucking fact that you were one of the toughest guys in your high school i know for

a fact i know the way you walk i know the way you fucking you know the way you talk you got into some fights of dairy queen or whatever but matt for you to fight in the u mc you had to improve from that fucking puncher guy correct yeah fuck yeah it is same thing with comedy man i was a funny guy on a corner cracking jokes look at that chicks tits look at that guy with the limp you know you're a funny fucking guy but now you have to tighten that up more to be a u mc fighter that's one side when you're when you're a professional in different worlds that's a different now guess what matt now you already went six and oh against the lower end division now they're putting you up against you know tiago alvez so now guess what matt your level has to

get a little fucking better you can't get to practice at 10 after nine no more you got to get there at 10 to nine because that's what makes you better you know you have to uh right right y'all has been like yeah i've been real fucking strict about everything and the one thing i try to be kind of careful about is not making this fight more than what it is because you can overwhelm yourself you know i mean absolutely if i start thinking like i meant i gotta do extra training i'm fighting a higher level guy you know then you end up in overtraining you end up overwhelming yourself you end up putting a negative pressure on yourself um you know so i look at aquilus is another guy you know he's in front of me he's he's my far breeze the same air as all the other guys

i knocked out he puts his pants on one leg at a time just like you brother exactly there ain't no difference so i don't i don't see any reason for me to um you know i'm always looking for ways to do more and or i'm always looking for ways to do less also you know um you know taking out the things that are unnecessary and uh you know being more uh consolidating my time better and being more efficient with my time on the mat or in the gym so you know to me it's the same shit that i've been doing all this time you know i mean it's nothing i'm not really changing anything up i'm just trying to be uh the same thing i was doing before trying to be more intelligent with it i was trying to be more intelligent with it before i'm still trying to be more intelligent with it and after uh

win this fight or whatever happens with this fight i'm gonna do the same thing after after i retire from my fighting career i'm gonna still be doing the same thing how can i improve my life today you know i mean it's the same shit uh every day that's how that's why uh a lot of people you see uh a lot of guys especially boxers or rampage would be a good example like he does a fight camp you know he doesn't do anything to improve until you know six a week out of a fight right and that's a completely wrong way to go about i think for me it's a lifestyle every day of my life i'm looking to improve something all i got to do is get one percent better every day if i do one percent better every day then eventually i get to a hundred percent right no you're right how do you now

30 or 26 you're a young guy no i'm 32 fuck you're a young guy you got the world by the fucking ball still exactly right yeah you're gonna be a fucking champion man you have the right attitude i heard cubans got a picture of you at their house now who does the cubans have a picture of you on the gym wall now and shit how's that one for you i'm just fucking with you so uh they probably do they park yeah those guys are proud down there bro you left uh you know those guys will have your back for the now the fight's december 13th it's october 20th you're ready you've been you but you never even stopped after the mic pile fight i presume uh no i took like a week or two off i mean i just had so much shit that i had to do you know here's what happens every fight i put

every fucking thing off in my life my bills get unpaid well my wife now she takes care of shit pretty good but you know my yard is in mode the grass is two feet high um you know my fucking garage is a mess my oil i don't change my oil for you know 10 000 miles so then first couple weeks right after a fight i gotta catch up on everything i'm i'm just fucking slam you know i mean because i i i dropped everything in my life you know i mean that's what you're supposed to do it take a week too often i'm just busy as shit when i just want to chill but i'm like man everything in my life is falling apart now i got my you know my wife takes care of shit pretty good now but you know there's still a lot of things that she can't do that i gotta take care of i don't

mean to break your balls map but what's your typical training schedule now is it seven days a week is it five days a week i mean what is it now and then it elevates in november and then you cut it back for a month i mean i don't know can you break it down for me well it's like this seven days a week i'm doing something to improve um that's not necessarily training though right it's not necessarily getting in the gym and and banging out a hard workout that's usually usually four to five days of hard workouts and the other two to three days will be recovery uh what we call like a ligament work where i'm just building my ligament and tendon strength and uh trying to you know what we call pre-hab is what we call so the your preventative maintenance on the body

so it's seven day a week you know 24-hour day thing um usually you know what we do is a three week cycle so so i do a really hard three week cycle right now it's like a high volume low intensity cycle and then we'll basically what'll happen is the volume will start going down until it's more specific for the the fight which is 15 minutes and the intensity will increase so if you see if you imagine like a graph it would look like an x you know where the where the volume is up top intensities at the bottom and then they cross paths in the middle and eventually the intensity is at the top and the volumes at the bottom okay and what's today yeah no no what's today

um right now i'm headed over to the the famous west side barbell which is the the strongest gym in the world i don't know if you ever heard of these guys but yeah they got yeah yeah they got multiple i think right now there's eight world record holders in the gym uh for powerlifting um the the famous loose Simmons is in there he's the coolest dude and i've never met a live from one of my inspirations um later tonight will be i think we'll probably spar and since it's monday i like getting sparring uh straight away in the first first thing in a week fuck man well listen brother i'm gonna be up there with you december 13th or the 12th i don't know when the fuck it is uh i'm in your corner you know yeah you know i'm in your fan i love you

you're a fucking savage and the church got your back buddy and i want you to call up after the fight and i'll be in columbus hopefully in january or february and we'll uh you take me to eat somewhere in your hometown there show me what's cracking we'll go do jeremy and lopa we'll do the radio in the morning then we'll go fuck around those are good people yeah that's my boy lover man yeah he's a good dude so uh that's it man i'm happy to call this morning buddy and i'm in your corner thank you for everything that you do absolutely appreciate it time brother and we got your baby all right i'll see you December 14th mama all right stay beautiful thank you buddy all right brother fucking the immortal cocksuckers dropping on you on a fucking monday morning wash your pussy wash

your feet spray some anti-fungal between your toes let's get this party fucking started let me get some shout out to you what's up lisa you're sitting there yeah because it just blew my mind i mean i'm not even that high but it's uh it's funny whenever we have a phone call that talk it's it like people i wouldn't be surprised if people think we plan it like if we like someone asked me once if we had a production meeting for the for this we don't we just we get high and we talk but at the beginning you were talking about how you let you let the san francisco people get into your head a little bit for the earlier shows and he talked about that he said you can't get negative energy going like it just just like i don't know how that happens

we're like we were talking about it to open the show and then he brings it up we didn't have a pre-screening call with him you probably talked to him yesterday it's a coming and be a be a bad motherfucker yeah no i just uh listen man we're all we all have i do this church shit early morning for one reason i do it for one you know to have a good time with your smokes and pot you know maybe fucking lighten up your day let you know that it's going to be an easy day number two again to let you know that what we do you could fucking do at home whether you want to fight do podcast do calmly be an artist whatever the fuck you want to do you could do it dog don't let nobody fucking tell you can't do dick or your dream i know what it's

like to be at a dinner table and for somebody to say you know what i think i want to do this and for everybody to tell you you're a loser for doing it it happens because we care about you we don't want you to get your feelings hurt just in case if your dream gets crumbled but that's part of your fucking dream to go out there and fucking grab it and if you fail so what you get up again you dust yourself off and you go to fuck up there again you know and that's it and eventually something good will happen you think it's my dream to sit here every day and hang out with some fucking jew at six in the fucking morning fuck yeah shut the fuck up but no man but at least we're doing something and this wasn't the direction that i thought it was gonna go but you

know what i'm happy that i'm doing i'm happy that i'm helping you people out by letting you introducing you to people like matt brown and showing you that but this ain't shit you could fucking do this it's monday if you're gonna do it do it today cocksucker what do you got for music for yonkel joey what what do you got nothing nothing i gotta give shout out hold on little chris deep michael kern you're my your brother cash kush egg your fucking coin tent planet oma i love you motherfuckers water boxer always on the japa mountain bazooka joe and arry eyeball my fucking little porter rican to get him in model and let me talk to you about something else that people been hitting me up with lately because i'm telling you this from the

bottom of my heart and i don't fuck with nobody listen these people contact us from time to time last we got contact like three times for the toothpick thing listen we don't fucking fuck around with a lot of people and you know what they'll give us a couple fucking grand a month and we'll just sit here and do whatever we need to do and i could care less of you guys using or not dollar shave love is a great fucking product i'll tell you why a you don't have to leave the fucking house b they send them right to your fucking door and three it's a great product four this is the cherry on top it's a dollar a month six dollars a month or nine dollars a month depending on what your program is what you could afford but the best thing about is you have a fixed

fucking cost for the year so if you go with the six dollar one it's 72 fucking dollars a year that you're spending for raises they send you out four fucking blades that's one fucking blader and look at this tremendous i have the same blade from last week and you know i'm cheap sometimes i fucking forget i use the cocoa butter guys go to dollar shave club right now go to joeydias.net click on to the fucking thing right there sign up our dollar six dollars and nine dollars you will suck my dick when i see it and i'll tell you what they said the six dollar one is the one that you could use on your wife's little monkey too and her asshole the dollar one works i shaved my wife's fucking titties last week i'm just kidding but fucking i'm seriously i wouldn't

fucking have a product here if i didn't believe it dollar shave club a dollar six dollars and nine dollars get the six dollar one 72 dollars a fucking year the raises get sent to your house they email you when they're on their way you can't lose okay go to joeydias.net and press what in the box church church cock suck is this what i'm talking about and my dad used it my dad got it and actually because he he's retired now so he doesn't go to a job every day on the site you can choose like let's say you let's say you're cheap if six dollars a month is too much you can have them come every two months so it's only three dollars a month you can have you can have them delay it if like you're only shave a couple days a month i'm talking about i'm trying to

save you fucking don't want to something productive thank you lee you're a fucking no yeah my dad got it he's like you don't use you know i sometimes i forget to change the race i'm like oh fuck this second week this is the second week and i'm pretty fucking close shave you well look up close look at that motherfucker so you think you're dealing with some novice bitches it's monday man i want you guys to be prepared always to look sharp to smell good wash your fucking nuts the cd's coming good the cd's gonna be out fucking soon it's coming together shut the window out of fucking the new york weekend it's coming we're gonna have it around the fucking holidays then we're gonna also have some type of raffle i think cruelly came up with a great

fucking idea this is why i fucking keep them around this jew's a bad motherfucker christmas day we're all gonna go watch grudge match we're gonna meet somewhere about seven o'clock at night we're gonna get fucking tremendously stoned either up in studio city and all sherman oaks or hollywood we're gonna get super stoned and we're all gonna go see grudge match as a fucking family do you understand me what fucking podcast does that christmas day t-shirts the whole fucking deal we're gonna go see this as a fucking family at eight o'clock we're gonna find the movie theater i'm gonna take over that motherfucker death squad style who the fuck does that for you cuck suckers i know because christmas is a rough time to hear

some times for a lot of people fuck christmas this year santa claus is sucking our dick i'm fucking shirts in fact that's the name of the night santa claus is sucking our dick december 25th putting the fucking calendar eight o'clock we're gonna go get a movie theater in the hollywood area we're all going to fucking see grudge match together as the church fucking family it touches my heart we all did this together we're all going together cocksucker that's how we do this is a fucking a la familia you shit i love amelia get some fucking jews get a hooker we're gonna kill her on christmas fucking night who's better than the church of what's happening fucking now then we're all driving leave the airport together next day

i was just thinking we should get a chinese food place to cater chinese food we might even fucking do that at a jew food place a white fish some herring why are you gonna run people stay with white fuck it because if they're gonna run with the jews they gotta eat like a fucking even old jews who eat white fish don't like white tremendous your dick gets hardly a little bad breath like a pussy morning and then brush your teeth on the way out you ever eat that monkey in the morning don't brush your teeth on the way you're driving you're like fuck i didn't brush my teeth fuck it let them deal with it i hit somebody with this pubic head breath you know what i'm saying fuck it it's tuesday month what is it monday pray a little pink floyd wish you were here why not

a little something for these fucking people is that type of fucking day wash your ass write your goals down it's 709 in the morning la time that means it's 1009 in new york that means it's 420 somewhere spark that fucking number tremendous get your little sentimental get you going on a monday morning show the fuck you think you're dealing with lee what up you're looking at me all retarded out you awake yet i fucking was awake i knew because i the fuck up thing is i was what time to go to bed last night like midnight but the fuck up thing was i woke up at 430 and did what and no i was just planning i put sports in our arms like okay i'll just be up for like an hour and you wake up with your

little pink guitar always do you play with a little bit you your little cappuccino the helmet no i do that to fall asleep you're banging out the fall asleep fucking disgusting that you got up and wash your hands fuck wash my hands oh it's about to start singing i don't know what we're talking about masturbating over fucking people nobody's talking about masturbating just you piggy fuck you put the music on oh shit so you think you can tell oh shit break out that refill call the boss tell him it's over tell him you don't have an appointment for the winter are you fucking kidding me this is real music do you think you can tell oh shit call the boss tell him it's over you're coming in at 11 o'clock

please call for the anime smoking dope that's how deep this song is and i'm saying that you call for another smoke it's the last boss can't you i think you might have to call youtube and do what on the right where they do like the the recommended videos it's all paying for it and then one Miley Cyrus song you might have to call them and get them to get the what's the Miley Cyrus song the new wrecking ball one put it on give that bitch a break bro Miley Cyrus is a fucking savage she's fucking something i want to hear this song let's see what the fuck it smells like there's an ad for a few seconds well it'll be a smoking dope by myself it's gonna be a beautiful

day that it's gonna be sunnier i'm gonna go to class what class are you going to today today i'm gonna fucking go to trx kettlebell class oh so they have a class for it cool do you bring your owner no no they have everything now oh shit nine seconds so they have a half hour at trx and then 45 minutes kettlebell then i'm gonna go meet the agostino do a little writing i got some errands then tonight i go to jujitsu late night oh shit get my cardio going a little Miley Cyrus let's do this shit never to millionaires think i can find this i've never heard this before oh it's going crazy um it's a good it's not good but like the

video is her fucking sitting on a wrecking ball smashing into a thing like naked all right kill it and we all these bitches want to be wrecking balls and they want to be lions katie perry howl whatever what's that song roar roar are you fucking kidding me you let that english man eat your pussy now you want to roar a shit get the fuck out of here i like katie perry i just don't like this type of fucking let me fucking roar type shit you know man um but yeah you i'm actually kind of scared i uh i'm pretty much in two three weeks i'm gonna be done working i'm gonna try to deal with just just this stuff it's fucking it's nerve wracking i'm also gonna try to take you to fucking couple places move some shirts oh no i mean meet some people i'm not gonna be

but it's it's uh i was thinking about it's kind of we're gonna do all that stuff and it's great but it's scary like when you got to the point where you stopped having a day job to do comedy it's fucking you know you you like that five hundred dollars a week or whatever it's good knowing you have it but it kills you every week you take that check it's uh it's a really weird thing when you learn to depend on yourself you know i'm writing this book and i'm meeting this lady you know and the theme of the book is growing up to be a man what my mother wanted out of me you know but the theme of the book isn't really that you know what the theme of the book is you know why this book is gonna do well why everybody's an understand where i'm coming from because at one

time or another you have to realize in your life that you are alone you are alone what do you mean you're alone okay when you're married all these things when you have a family you know you're alone you know i've never had that mentality escape me ever since my mother died i've had two things affect me since my mother died first of all like i said the documentary i said that when your mother dies when you're young it's like eating food but it doesn't have salt on it the rest of your life like that's how my life has been like there's always been since i was 15 the salt's been missing from my life yeah i do it and i enjoy it and i make the best of what i got and number two when my mother died and i didn't have a father the the thought of being alone is one thing the the

realization of knowing you're alone is another and once you know you're alone it makes your life a lot easier it makes you yes you should be scared when you switch a job or when you end your job when you quit a job but in a way you shouldn't be scared because you depend so much on yourself and you have so much confidence on yourself you know there's two ways of making money i have a friend that calls me every week and tells me how broke he is but he's working on a script in a year i got no i got the script and once it goes these two writers were going to pitch it me and michael rat and he drops all these names on me and that's great but that's a year away how's your family gonna eat today i learned how to make a living today i know how to make a living in a year we

did it we started a podcast with no money we got up at five in the fucking morning did we not leave yeah and eventually people call this up can you sponsor us bubba and also now we make a little bit of money to help pay for you and help the editing and keep the web page going and all this shit and then that's great and dandy but we did it because we have a certain belief and a certain faith in yourself not in society a lot of people depend on society well if i that's great but there comes another part of this you have to fucking believe and want to do this you know and that's real deal man and that's why it's really scared when you quit a job but in a way you sit down a week before you quit the job you make a few notes and you make a few notes on what you want to do and

what you're going to do when you stick to it and i'll tell you man even if you quit your job because when people quit they nobody who fucking works is happy i wasn't fucking happy being on a roof and estimating it it was great i was out of the house i wasn't locked up but it's one day you sit there and you're like this isn't what i want to fucking do you know what i want to open up a business i want to sell fruit whatever the fuck it is we want to do so in the meantime how can i make that dream move forward without being angry that's why we get fucking angry because you know there it is monday or wednesday you're stuck on the fucking 405 you know and you still got another delivery to make and you're not you're gonna miss your jujitsu class that's one thing but the thing

that you want to sell that personal thing that you want to do you know that as long as you work towards that put your pennies away you know what i gotta get a boot to the fucking farmers market to sell my fucking soap it's gonna cost me 22 fucking dollars you know as long as you're working towards your dream it makes it so much fucking easier you know i don't even know when we started that just get your shit together you're gonna get a new job or whatever just depend on yourself and know that like what matt said you're gonna do the best you can every fucking day that's it that's fucking it man that's it plan and fucking simple and take a day by like that's another thing he said he said like you can't get two-second w can't think you're gonna quit your job and then

immediately you're gonna be like you're gonna be the top comic you have to you have to understand you're gonna start from the bottom and it's like it's uh it's really cool when you have when we have fighters on like i mean it's hard to think that you have anything that you can like relate to them with because like they're just especially that Diego Sanchez whatever that fight was the other night that was fucking bananas well i can't imagine if i had that if i had that cut once i'd be in the hospital for two weeks but uh it's cool when they when they have things that you can relate to your life listen man uh hard work you know committing to something you know breaking it down you know sometimes you want to do something break it down into you know i got my gd did you know that

i ever talk about when you get my gd diploma well no you said you told us well you said that you had to leave high school for a little bit but you went back i thought you i thought you finished i went back but they wouldn't let me graduate because i was a credit short um yeah credit are too short and uh i said fuck it they said if you want to go to summer school and make it up i wasn't gonna go to fucking summer school i didn't think the high school i didn't think i was gonna leave my high school diploma not where i was gonna go to hell so i don't think you need a high school diploma in hell so i never got one but as i got older uh when i tried to get into the university of colorado they were like nah you're gonna need a high school diploma and i bought

the book and i studied and i took my fucking gd and i'll tell you it was the most fucking embarrassing thing i've ever done why i don't fucking know it was embarrassing brother it was i felt terrible about it how can you quit fucking high school how much of a fucking loser can you be but i did it and uh i'm happy i took the test you know today i have a high school diploma not because uh not because i uh you know i'm better than anybody else just because i had to take it and just it fucking breaks my heart that i quit high school sometimes but it was just like such a personal fucking letdown to myself you know yeah well no because it's crazy i can't imagine you said you had to quit because you you had to fucking have a job

i'm lying i had to quit because well it's probably stuff yeah the job thing was a lie i told everybody to make it easier on myself i didn't have i could have had a job and gone to school because i worked nights i just had to bust my ass i didn't want to bust my ass like most people no one does when they're 18 i didn't know that you know i didn't know that but i quit because it was a cop out it wasn't uh i was i was a part of high school but i really wasn't part of high school you know like this girl called last week and we spoke about another girl that died and i was really sad for a few days and this girl kept asking me when am i gonna see her and she mentioned a bunch of people and you know it's funny when i go home i see the people i want to see you know

i see the people that happen there's a couple people i'd like to see but it would just bring pain back to me or it would bring bad feelings or something i don't know but there's a bunch of people that i knew didn't have my back in high school you know i was just a ship that was passing through them and that's what these people feel like to me that i was just a ship passing in their life they weren't there for me all those hard years like they avoided me those years like they had heard that i was stealing and i was on drugs or something so i became that guy and yeah now you know whatever second chance whatever the fuck who gives a fuck it's Monday i want you all to take what you fucking learned today and apply it to your fucking life go out

there stab a motherfucker be the best you could be do a jumping jack whatever the fuck you want to do man you could do to say this fucking hard as they say it is you know just stick to it and believe in it you know at this time we got together right two years ago maybe a year and a half ago almost three well for the podcast like a year and a half and we decided my podcast now Lee's gonna start his podcast what was the name of it jew radio jew radio radio jew yeah i like it make it make a ship with like a flag like how they had pirate radio but how would be the jewish star someone send me that picture i'll use it as my podcast picture a jewish star done and that's it this friday i'm in jackson and harvey's south street comedy and jackson's it's a small place

the seats of hundreds of tickets are gonna go fucking fast so i advise you to get it and november seventh through the uh ninth i'm at uh charlie goodnight in north carolina but october 30th the night before halloween we're doing a live podcast at the ice house with my main man arie shaffir we're gonna meet at six the two jews in the cuban cuban food or we might go get herring and crackers and then we're gonna eat the biggest edible we could find and we're gonna go do a fucking all jew pre halloween fucking podcast for you people at the ice house if i was you i get those tickets and even if not just come up and hang out outside bring a costume let's smoke some fucking dope let's turn it into the ice house uh church or what's happening now halloween

fucking festival and shit and uh but i'm very serious about christmas day i'm gonna raffle something off at the thing i'm gonna rap for a present offer you guys to do with the movie at the thing so let's get together christmas night eight o'clock i'm gonna find the movie theater was gonna play the movie grudge match we're all gonna go and smoke pot and uh maybe go to denny's afterwards something or something like that so plan on that and that's it have a great fucking day have a great monday and tuesday we'll be back here wednesday with a superb guest and some shit's crackle acting as usual please support on it please support dollar shave club but fucking hulu plus is adding a bunch of new shows and they're crackle acting motherfuckers so i'm telling you

once again for months i've been giving you this fucking deal two what is it two weeks for three and then it's eight ninety five or not even seven ninety seven ninety nine a fucking month are you fucking kidding me or what that's eight dollars times ten is eighty times that ninety six dollars a month plus the seventy two and you got razors and fucking tv that means you can watch hulu while you're shaving your asshole who's better than me and why much of the fucking mickey micky wipes oh the uh the one-way patrol is at four bucks i think are you fucking kidding me you can have a peppermint asshole dollar shave club and hulu plus but hulu plus ain't gonna last for much fucking longer they're gonna wise up until all you motherfuckers to take your two weeks and show it up

your mother's ass so it's two weeks for three seven ninety nine seven ninety fucking nine and you can watch miley cyrus on cyanide live two weeks ago jump up and down with that bony fucking ass you can watch shark i watch shark tank because i because no one's home friday i don't know why they have it on a friday night it's a great fucking show they have it on the day after it is it's a jew it's a jewish man's paradise i sit there i think about the money they're spending i'm looking at hulu plus cocksucker go to joey dears dot net and press in uh joey joey for hulu plus and the shirts are coming the fucking hats are coming the hoodies are coming we got a beautiful fucking thing i love you motherfuckers have a great day and stay blacker than black

now that the show's over don't forget to sign up for your free trial of hulu plus hulu plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your tv pc smartphone support this podcast and get an extended free trial of hulu plus when you go to hulu plus dot com slash joey or go to joey dears dot net and click on the hulu plus banner and don't forget to sign up for your for dollar shave club dot com my dad did uh you'll get high quality razor sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail now go to dollar shave club dot com forward slash church or go to joey dears dot net and click on the dollar shave club banner have a good day play miley sirens oh fuck i switched back to uh

would you switch back to pink flood wish you were here all right finish it up i love you guys have a great day um so so you think you can tell heaven from hell blue skies and pain can you tell a green field when i call steel rail a smile from a van do you think you can tell did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts

hot ashes for trees hot air for a cool breeze cold comes at the chase uh did you exchange the walk on part in the walk for a leero in a cage