Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 10/22/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #20

Episode Date: October 24, 2012

Joey and Lee catch up after a long weekend. Joey breaks down how people used to make "street money." Find out why Joey hates restraining orders. Joey's friend who later became a cop in North Bergen calls into the podcast. Joey plays a scene from The Pope of Grewnich Village.  Streamed live on 10/22/2012

Oh, you cock suckers out there. It's Monday the church of what's happening now November 21st to 20 say I don't know what the fuck it is. I'm here with Lisa. Yeah, the flying fucking Jew Joey Coco Diaz your host play that musically. It's Monday. Don't be low on that shit. Oh, shit, black Sabbath Sabbath bloody to get you going on a Monday fucking morning. Play that motherfucker Lee But I don't let you know I'm gonna tell you that's why you got to figure that on your own cock suckers It's Monday kick that musically to a beautiful day to be alive You got a second chance of doing whatever the fuck you want to do or it's your 300 chance

Let's say you quit and fucking drugs today, right? You're like today's the last fucking day I've been trying for the last eight years Joey, and I can't quit on Monday. I make it to Monday fucking night Well, today you're gonna make it to Tuesday. That's it. You're gonna get a little bit better. That's it That's what the church is all about Lisa. Yeah the flying Jew. What the fuck you've been I've been with my mom, which was great. Like you always said when you go home, it's great And I didn't go home, but just having her here. We didn't we hung out. We did some fun stuff But it was it was nice having her. I haven't seen her for about a year. Did you give her a shotgun? Did you give her a cookie or anything like that?

My mom would probably be worse than giving grandma a cookie if you gave my mom a cookie and by the way grandma alert grandma alert She's back It took her 10 days that he was going through a fucking system They gave her antibiotics. George's grandmother knocked the thc out. They told there was a foot infection So for you guys that are out there They gave her a pot cookie and they diagnosed her at the doctor's office with a foot infection So there you have it. Nobody knows dick Beside that what else lily lily and you have a good time with mom. Did you go to the brazilian place?

Yeah, I went to the brazilian place. How was it? It was great. Was it the g though? Yeah, you know, you can Jews love the Farming six of meat. Oh, please and they gave you meat. You got the yellow rice. This is like fogo the child light This is like fogo the child lights a place in birdbank called Uh Kersnie Sierra or fucking I forget off to look it up But it's it was a great place and then we saw argo All right, which was I liked it and but tell me this might have been because my mom was really she got like touched by it

Sure, but I wasn't alive when that thing happened. So it doesn't really affect me that much. I was alive I remember I was in high school that was 79 the year my mother died And I had a friend uh ron berkel who drank every night during the conflict Over a year. Yeah, he decided fucking if the if the uh, if they're kidnapped over i'm drinking every fucking night And every night he got hammered into england patriots. They don't fucking cover. They don't fucking cover I love them to death. Don't get me wrong. I love that motherfucker, but they don't cover Yeah, it was it was it was I I didn't get to watch it because we were out all day, but I like we got to We got to the restaurant for dinner as they were kicking the bill go to go go to overtime

So it was really I was freaked out, but it was uh, it was a good weekend Oh, shit. Very fucking. I'm taking my vitamins. I got a vitamin D this efficiency Living in california. How the fuck do you have a vitamin D deficiency? I know I went I went outside for about an hour yesterday. I can tell I have a sunburn Look at you. You got a new fucking haircut. You got a nice haircut for mom. You're working that will You know I'm saying you got a little yamaka spot all fucking done up. You got it buffed up. You're looking sharp When I see you this one, I'm like, look at lili lilin. He was flying around all weekend You bad motherfucker today's your day cocksuckers. I got a movie for you

I got my man chris gainer next north bergen cop and the basketball play I grew up with he's on a call From florida. I love this kid. Uh, he cracks me to fuck up And that's it. We got a great day. We got a great week. I'm home. Minneapolis was fucking great Thank you if you came to the theater with joe I don't god I had a weird set because I had been in minneapolis before a month before And I always hate doing my own jokes and it's been rough. I think I wrote one jokes this then so I just Went up there and dicked around and no, it was great. I had a great time

I went to this restaurant That you know, like I said, when you go to the midwest, brother The fucking meat is off the chain. You think like you're getting a good steak in california When you get to the midwest joe took us to someplace man. He's or something My god, he got this australian lobster tail like a three pound lobster tail It was as tender as like meat. I mean, it was just amazing the butter I had a nice salad a nice steak was a 20 ounce. I cut it nice. You know how I do I'm just trying to put the fucking pieces together like the next guy. No, no, no, it was great

I got a I got a great the other day. I was coming in last sunday I went to the y in the afternoon and I came in and the pope of greenwich village was on It's a movie that came on 84 with mickey roark and eric robberts. It's fucking amazing I'm gonna cover that later on but I just want to talk to you guys. We haven't been around a week It's weird this week. We're doing a sunday with my man, danie bianco always gonna call and give us pics Did I tell you I went on his radio show on wednesday and listen to this? He asked me put me in a fucking tough bind, but let me tell you how easy life is and gambling is He put me in a tough bind. He goes you got to give out a pick up one of the local teams

Well, the lake is a fucking plan and I haven't seen them play preseason So the other local team was usc. They were giving 41 points to colorado in bolder my alma mater plus They won in five against covering the spread Okay, so so for people who don't understand giving 41 points I mean they had to win by more than 41. They had a win by five fucking six touchdowns basically Jesus Christ because six times seven is 40 fucking two. Yeah, so they had a win by six touchdowns Okay, which is a lot when you have a line that big it takes a lot of sweating

But when you see a line that big they know something you don't so bet that side of the game Okay, plus when he said to me that there were one and five against the line I knew that it was a lock and a half. I told him go with usc Mine is the fucking 41. You know what I put it on saturday night and they covered. I couldn't fucking believe it's like 50 to six Oh, then yesterday. I didn't give out a pick But if I tell you who I liked yesterday, it was just amazing and I loved the over on the houston texan game I told you whenever I really destroyed whenever I need money whenever you're in a bind for money The houston texans will fucking come through for you. You just got to have some balls to bet them

Especially against that like a big team that they're getting points at home. They'll always cover. They're great I'm getting us to cover texans. Okay, and that's what I liked. I just didn't give it out We didn't have a sunday show so next sunday We're having a sunday show with Danny be on cooler. Hopefully wednesday I get my man chucky from rambo to drop the story on you motherfuckers when we were 13 They went to see the sixes against the nicks and the guy who took us got into a fist fight We got a great week. We got testicle testaments getting released tomorrow The story of my dad won and we got a wednesday. We got a live show

Which I'm gonna do, you know, it's weird because I'm having a daughter And I had a daughter when I was 20 something and we we stayed in touch till she was about 10 And then life takes it into different directions So you have to go with with life and between me living out here and the mother meeting get long child supporting There was a bunch of variables. We just lost touch. I tried to I tried to reopen up the vows Of communication the last few years, but you know what it we're not ready for it yet. So I admit a lot of mistakes at that time when I was when I went back in 95 They were trying to take my fucking kid dog. I don't understand it. I stole a young renegade, you know, and

I went at them they sent people to beat me up I mean, it was just a horrible fucking story and finally Believe it or not I had the fucking vision because I usually don't have this type of vision because I really wanted to kill these motherfuckers But I had the vision I really didn't it was scary to me I mean it's scary when your mind goes in that direction People say that they have suicidal thoughts, you know, I'm saying I've never had suicidal thoughts But when you're laying in bed thinking about how you're gonna kill somebody that it's not also healthy for you either

No, and I knew it wasn't gonna end up right. So, you know what? I pursued my dream I put it in God's hands and I pursued my dream And I didn't get my dream, you know, really, but I'm doing comedy But at the same time I had to give something up. That's what I gave up. So that's what this week's about We did it already and it came out okay that night, but the sound was kind of weird So I'm gonna have to redo it again this weekend. It'll be the fourth chapter. We got one of the one on tape I'm not probably gonna do one in november december because of holidays And then the whole thing is us putting it together for next year in bubble

That's it with 20 days away. How many days away from the fucking election this country were tied Obama running, you know what like I said, I got felonies. They got nothing to do with me You know, I can't vote but at this time I can fucking vote, but I don't want to go for that jeopardy fucking question I just don't want to do it. That's too much pressure voting this year It's just too much no matter how you vote. You're gonna fucking lose and I hate that I'm even going into this because people gonna say joey. You're talking about politics. No politics No fucking religion at the church. Oh, what's happening now motherfuckers. You know I'm saying hit me with a little monday I want to be around by toni fucking Bennett to start off the week one of the greatest songs ever fucking written

You know I'm saying, where's that piano? Wait, where's the piano cocksucker? Oh, shit I got it already Lee come on now. Who do you think you're fucking doing some jew and michigan? I got fucking lisa adio I want to be around To pick up the fucking pieces motherfuckers or your dilemmas your problems I want to give some shout outs to some of my buddies here my mac mark gilpin My man jeffison fucking weed

my man Tony lag all the years on twitter. I love you motherfuckers just some appreciation RJ strachell jordan lee that bad motherfucker. He'll be there. Yeah, and I saw that he didn't come to the other one I think there was a something in the comedy store or something, but he's been a most of him um, and I saw the guy chill ill put that uh, Joey uh, diaz song on itunes which one that rap song he did chill is a bad motherfucker Thank you for reminding me put it on itunes when you act like joey dias I love fucking chill just for him to have the boy

You know right there the guy made a song whatever he took a video and he took my voice and he made a fucking song And he's out there pumping it. You know I the comedy store I used to hear stories about mc hamlin the fucking eighties the late eighties when they come around selling albums out of his goddamn trunk You know how embarrassing that is to sell arms. Yo, come here. I'm so I'm I'm sorry about that. Lee got scared. He's still fucking getting flashbacks from the fucking new england game Lee stop scratching. You had what he got flying When you were scratching here remind me of a guy I knew this guy that used to be bald and he used to do

Coke and he always thought that a bug was landing on his head Like if like 10 lines in he'd always think that a bug and if you caught him He'd be looking at the fucking bug and he'd try to smack it And the reason why I stopped talking to this guy is because one night he's like you gotta take your clothes off I'm like why he's like you got my coke on you. He said he was missing a line of coke that he knew exactly What was in there And he fucking uh, he was missing a line of coke He was missing a line of coke and he's like you gotta take your clothes off

And he would in the middle of the speech he would stop and swat his forehead Because a bug was landing. There was no bugs around the windows were closed. It's fucking the middle of november in jersey And you're swatting fucking bug one time. Listen to this fucking thing I was in uh, there was this guy when I worked at the crest kilm hotel in uh, snow mass village crestwood You know, believe it or not. I was security there, Lee. Oh, jeez I had a key to all the rooms and I ran the buses back and forth to the hotel You don't know how many times those vans did fucking loop the loops and I was picking up people coming in from texas Where you from boy?

Fuck it. We're doing 90 cocksucker, but there was a kid at the crest where his name was dug And he was okay. He was a white kid not a bad kid, right? And one night he was partying with some chick and he went to the bathroom They came back and he took the chick stole some of his coke. So he pulled the shotgun out He put it to a head Jesus and the cops came they arrest them swat had a common shit. I wasn't there I just heard the story. So he picked up the name shotgun dug This is like 80 This had to be 84 85 an aspect. Yeah, well in 91. I see this motherfucker in bolder 94

95 I had just moved back from new york. I had started comedy Yeah, and the name was something auto sales out in longland, colorado swizz or something like that Something weird auto sales my buddy Jim Wheeler and Orlando Baca got me this fucking job Unlike a wednesday and it's like christmas week. It's like the 18th of december. I get this job Well, the first two days I make three thousand dollars. Holy shit. I sell like three cars high end whatever used pieces of shit I sell them and I fucking make like three grand. Well, that's saturday's having a christmas party And who shows up put that shotgun dug and I hadn't seen him in years. I'm like dug I'm calling him shotgun

And we're playing basketball and I take you I didn't call him shotgun in front of anybody I just called him shotgun to his face as a joke. Okay, and we were playing basketball He started saying how'd they treat you up there in prison as you get fucked on the ass and he elbowed me So I waited till after the fucking game My kessler should have told the story because my kessler was there He got waited till after the game and I said, let's go to the side of building and smoke a joint I took him to the side of building on that elbow them in the fucking mouth like 18 times, right? But you could hear his head banging against the fucking uh

Because they had a trailer instead of a building to sell cars was out of a trailer They could hear his head banging against the trailer and they fired me december like the fucking christmas eve It was like one of those things like december 22nd They fired me, but I had three thousand dollars to boogie with so who gives a fuck about getting fired on christmas As long as you got a little cash to get a couple fucking christmas presents How crazy was it when you were a night security night security in a hotel? I should imagine like all the girls you could bring them in and I didn't know I didn't have I didn't have that You know what I had a girlfriend at the time and we ended up living at the at the complex. They gave you employee housing

Okay The good thing about that was like there was people who go to jacuzzi's at night because jacuzzi's a big out there People love laying in their fucking sperm. I never understood Just sitting this hot fucking tub with old sperm and piss on you Just fucking massaging your pores. You come out of there. You're fucking pregnant by by whatever by association and uh This fucking vapor pen is tremendous today last night I went over to

NO organic and they had the uh, they had a new cartridge king fucking louis You see the light blink three times for my man, mikey gal. He goes. I heard that the pens burn out. See if this is burnt out You're fucked Look at that fucking smoke mikey gal like a doctor and shit on a monday here in the church of what's fucking happening now And that's Italy. That's all I got for you. I'm saying I got stoned this week. I went to minneapolis I've seen seven psychopaths. Was it good with christopher walker. It was okay. It was okay You know i'm too uptight for those kind of but it was funny because I was sitting there like the lemley in north hollywood the studio city has like those old rich jews

Yeah that come in, you know, and they think like they're old producers or something and they all meet there on saturdays And christopher walken was saying some pretty fucked up shit at the end and they were all trying to force laugh at it Even my wife who's not in the business said something to me. She goes even up here. It's so fucking phony But I did watch a great movie when I was in the hotel uh friday night I went back and st. Elmo's fire was on have you ever seen st. Elmo's fire the way before your time It's a kid movie Fucking what's his airing kush this wife and roblo? But there's a part where roblo's back. He's not banging that he hangs out with this little jewbro

And he goes back to a house for one of the holidays And they're jewish, you know lee. This is what I love about jews and they would go Did you hear about the rozenbergs? They moved to a new neighborhood? Not too many jewish families six families, but very wealthy And then the next thing she goes. Did you hear about amy? Whatever climbberg? cancer So she looks at rick. Whatever his name is and she goes, where did you and my daughter meet? He goes Science cock suckers, you know what i'm saying? Even with a fucking kid movie

I'm dropping knowledge on you motherfuckers on a monday. What time is it lee? Who the fuck knows who? Oh, by the way, the reason why we're late today Is because lee had to drive his mother to the fucking airport this morning. So for you people who were saying joey you woke up late Mad flavor don't get it late start cock suckers. I'm busy. I was waiting on lee I appreciate that he had his mother this weekend and he had a good time Like you said you had a great time. Yeah, you know what you didn't smoke though You didn't get your pipe sucked, but you spent some time with mom. Yeah, we went up to malibu yesterday which was nice and I

Fuck it. I've never been there. I've been here for two years. I never go out there. It was nice. Did you have your bikini? Yeah, and my little speedo on you, you know, you didn't put your little beach on the beach was beautiful Oh, yeah, she's fucking beautiful. You know, and I don't go to the beach enough last summer I would go on sundays. Uh-huh. I would go on sundays early I usually go to the beach about 7 30 Holy shit I go up to 101 and I get off the penguin. I make a left all the way down the canyon I go down there about eight. I get there about eight

Me and my wife bring something to eat We hang out till about 10 30 till the people get packed and we get the fuck out of there We go the other way we come up sunset onto the 405 and we're home by 11 o'clock and we went to the beach on the lord's day Who's better than me? Yeah, my mom was making fun of because it was empty because it was 75 yesterday Which is a little bit chilly for people around here and the beach. It was beautiful. The beach was empty empty No, no, they won't that's it once no September comes, you know, you see a couple surfers and wetsuits Yeah, you know, you see but it's really weird like I grew up on the jersey show

You know am I a fucking beach guy if I'm there I'm loving it, you know, but it's getting me there Like when I lived in New York in north bergen, I had a driver now one and a half two hours to get to the show It was okay to the shore. It was okay. You're doing a few bumps. You're hanging out with your buddies, but you know I mean, it's still it's not like living on the beach. Like when I lived in colorado All I had to do was opening up my slide door and I would walk 20 paces and I'd be skiing Oh, you know I'm saying I I ski right I lived on you know ski on ski off So yeah, let that motherfucker that's super bad

My cat-of-cats he's gonna turn five pretty soon. He's five fucking years old super bad is as old As I've been clean on cocaine. Oh, he is already five get out cocksucker. He's a pain in the ass. He likes to eat He hasn't grown What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, I was in ski ski out So all I had to do bathing now in those days Lee in colorado He is the fucked up thing that you had a ski pass But if you didn't have a ski pass, you had to pay like 40 bucks a day. That was a lot Yeah, fuck 30 years ago to ski. So what I would do is I would uh

I lived up on the mountain So all you had to do was get your truck I would throw my skis on my truck and go up to the hill Park it and get on there because after a certain point I didn't check your tags So you could go with an old tag that was like a year old And they would never check your tags as long as it looked like you had something Yeah, so I would get three or four skis in and go to work. I loved it. I would ski on 185s I fucking loved it. But then when I moved to boulder

It's a four hour fucking drive Yeah, from boulder to aspen to get good skiing to snowmass, you know, you'd go to like little shitty places But if you're gonna go and pay the money, you might as well go and I did it like two times and your friends pick you up at five You know, you start fucking drinking and snorting by the time you get to the ski resort You're fucking hammered. You already got it. You got a valium in you You just go to appraise ski and get fucked up and that's what happened because it was easier for me It's so weird that I got ashamed about that Like, you know how many times I've been to venice beach in 15 years once twice twice, maybe

That's that's a sketchy place. But you know what? It's the fucking drive lean the rest of the people in the country don't understand That's why when people call me and they go, hey, I'm coming to california. I sit them down. I'm like, what did you expect? I don't want you fucking people to expect. Well, we're gonna stay in universal city And we're gonna get down to marina del re and then from there. We're gonna go there all in one day and I sit there going You ain't getting there one fucking day. No, there's no way, you know They try to tell you like i'm gonna go here then we're gonna go to disneyland You know that if they go to marina del re after they see the traffic because the you know, it's so funny It's like when you land it's like if you take a plane from if you're calling from california, you go

Hi american airlines. I like to fly to new york. Yeah, don't say to you. Where would you like to fly into? You say, I don't know. What's new work new work is 10 minutes out of the city. Really? Yeah, how much is it? It's 689, but if you land in la guardia, it's $109 and you're like, I say $500 How far is la guardia? Oh, it's 25 minutes from the city when you get there You got to walk 10 miles to get to the train. You know i'm saying they don't tell you about that So you're cursing the mother fuck out the same thing happens when you come to california You call them and go, so where do you want to go? Well, I want to be close to hollywood Okay, we'll put your marina del re for 200 in comparison to sunset and w for 600

Yeah, really? I could save $600. Yeah, what's the nothing? It's only a 20 minute drive. Yeah. Yeah, if there's no traffic at four in the fucking morning But when you get up to 11, you're like, it's only 20 minutes and it's a fucking hour There's construction obama's flying in tell these motherfuckers what happens to the city when obama flies in And he flies in about once every two years for all the money is yeah, there's all the genuses So every time obama comes in I cancel all fucking appointments Because there's always something fucked up and that's what people don't realize if you come to california Hit us up. We'll fucking tell you the easy things. We'll fly into bird bank for the extra 20

We'll put your universal city. You know where the fuck you're going But for you people like well, where's my Huntington beach? Oh, it's 45 minutes from hollywood. Yes, it is But that's it's an hour and a half during the fucking week and an hour and a half back So you're like, let's go back to a hotel room take a shower get dressed and drive back up You're fucking hurt You're like, what the fuck did I get myself into? Yeah, what did I get myself into? I'm not used to this type of traffic I went through about a tank of gas this weekend was just with my mom 75 hours Yeah, 80 hours for a tank of gas to fill up a mid-size

And I looked at I went and looked at some of the What are the what are they called? Not but Prius and whatever the thing is that the Honda and the leasing is fucking expensive How much is the lease like 350 360 and how much you have to put down? Two to three thousand, but I didn't I didn't try to Do anything you didn't do the credit. No, like I just want to look to see who's got a deal on those games Prius right now. I think they're fucking zero down two something a month. You got good credit You're fucking Jewish. You know how you're the flying fucking you you pay every bill before it even comes out

And I appreciate that about you because that'll come back and bite you in the fucking ass later when you're dirty You're like, oh, fuck them and that's what happens when you go to college They send you these goddamn credit cards once you take your first loan out. It's a setup. You don't think it's a fuck It's it's crazy because I was talking to a guy in Minneapolis the other day at the hotel and He was from jersey from 1950 something we're talking about the economy And how all the corporations really did was swoop up their criminals Like listen, what do you think life wasn't hard in the 70s and the 80s in this fucking country?

We had the same recessions. We had the same fucking problem. We had garbage strikes. We had a bunch of shit going on You know, we almost when new york almost went under 10 times in the 70s and fucking 80s, okay But the problem with people was there was street money You can make street money. Let's pretend the kway lute Let's say you only worked you had a family, right? And and and I came to and I said, oh, you got a family. You're not doing that You go to the bar once a week, don't you? You had to play darts into fucking more while you're there bring 50 kway lutes with you

And you make 100 fucking bucks And if you do that and then now you start picking 100 I brought 15 I'd pick up 100 kway lutes for 200 hours and sell them for four hours. I make 200 bucks in fucking two days I didn't do this every day, but I did it once up once a week, you know, 200 bucks. That's 800 fucking dollars That's half your thing. Yeah, you know now. All right. So what happened? So they did away with the fucking kway lute And they put out all these new pills a legra and fucking well, that's an allergy pill, you know, fucking All this anti-depress. It's a fucking kway lute. It's a fucking kway lute and he you know, rora made a kway lute lily made the

Tuman laws, you know Something else a lemon made kway lutes. So what the corporations do they just took that out now. You have to pay a doctor You got to get a prescription. Yeah in the old days your back hurt you went to watch the square park You picked up eight valium for $10 even in those days. There was a v in the fucking valley They even redid the structure of the valley and that's how you knew they were fucking real So all this shit. Okay, then in the 60s 70s 80s, you didn't have a job. You had a mortgage You like sports, right li you like talking sports, right? I come to you. I go Lee Let me ask you something. You're sitting there like a fucking bump on a log

You're waiting for a job, you know, and now if you get let's say your business picks up and moves to china You get unemployment if I don't know how many weeks 120 weeks. I don't know exactly I have my sister in law's on it and then after that ends you're done You're fucking on your own. You're out there. There's no disability. There's no nothing else You know 20 years ago. I could come to you go Lee. It's not illegal. Don't worry about it You get a phone and from five to seven thirty you take basketball action during the week Joey Will I get arrested? No, who cares? You're gonna sit at home with a pen people gonna call you and say li li lilin

What's the lineup the lake is there minus eight and a half 500 in the lake is at the end of the weekly you work seven days Oh, we gotta give you five six hundred bucks cash 700 bucks cash. I pay for the phone bill I pick up expenses that means you're gonna make $2,800 cash you could fucking pay your mortgage you could pay your car But would you work 10 hours if the cops come what are you gonna do? They're gonna kick down the door. They didn't care They didn't care. So what happened? No now we got OTB and we got the fucking lottery So all they did was just take away the street action. That's why people walking around fucking confused any day now

Gunsales are gonna go off the fucking roof. I don't give that's why we're doing yesterday. Somebody else got show up Fucking I'm sorry for their loss, but I said a thousand times man. I hate those fucking restraining orders I've always hated them most people get killed when they get a fucking restraining order You know because it infuriates people you love your wife, blah, blah, blah, blah Maybe you made a mistake. Maybe she made a mistake. You guys were at war. She gets a bug up her ass She calls a fucking female attorney attorney goes. We'll get a restraining order That's gonna get your a piece of paper is gonna separate somebody from fucking shooting you in the fucking head You know, that was the name of my original cd. Just because you're gonna restraining one. I don't mean I'm not gonna fucking kill you

That was the original name of it. It's the truth You know, I always every time I read about that I get sick to my fucking stomach That somebody thought a piece of paper would empower somebody. Oh really? I got a piece of paper to stay away 60 fucking feet. Well, look at Seattle I got arrested with that girl 10 fucking times We always had a restraining order because there was harassment. We were smacking each other. I kept fucking her I didn't give a fuck a restraining order. What's that gonna do? It's a fucking piece of paper Get it together and if you're a woman and you think a restraining order is gonna fucking help you

Well, he can't get close to me. Is he calling in by 50 yards. Fuck you I get three cocktails in me and a half a gram of blood. I'm coming over. I'm eating that fucking ass Fuck your restraining order and whatever bullshit. So ladies if you get a restraining order Make sure it comes with a fucking gun a bulletproof vest a helmet and a fucking and a shield. Okay Don't be sucked fucking stupid. I love you women. It's domestic violence awareness month I love you motherfuckers last night. I'm sitting there. It's domestic. I see this, right? I'm like, wow, it's domestic violence awareness month and I'm watching what's love got to do with it Ever see what love got to do with it now. It's about Ike and Tina Turner. Uh, she throws a fucking beat on her in the music studio

He pulls it through the fucking studio with a hair. He fucks her. He beats her This is what I'm watching on my head's about to blow up and I'm thinking I'm watching this right now And I'm thinking this is the fucking poster movie they should have for fucking domestic violence aware Bitches will be waking up joining kung fu the next day They know what's crack or lack and they're in that they don't kick box and fuck zumba and samba I'm gonna go throw some sidekicks for fucking jesus Fucking domestic violence awareness month and that's what they should play is my man fucking I kind of that crazy motherfucker man when that movie came out, right? Yeah, 84 or 85 or 94 94

You know, he was pissed. He was real pissed. This is a true story. This guy did two faux pas He hired a publicist. Okay. He said fuck it. I'm gonna tell my mother fucking story bitches be What do you say? So he I my a friend of mine my name was Julie. She worked for the advertising company the Public relations friend that they hired in new york. Okay, so the fucking first like he was mad He wanted to tell his side of the story

And he goes, uh, you know people motherfuckers writing movies and shit. We writing our own books We making our own movies. We're gonna tell our side of the mother fucking story So he had this big thing for him. He was three hours late He got in the fucking car. He was smoking crack in the fucking car Then he got to the whatever the call at the press conference. Yeah, somebody said to him Yo, did you ever really beat up? I uh, Tina Turner. He's like beat her up. I never beat the bitch I just punched in the face a couple times That was the end of the public relations tour

Couple times I punched in the face a couple times. So when I watched that last night, it was so fucking ironic. I'm sitting there I'm like, unbelievable. But what are you gonna do? Anyway, you know, I don't want to talk about domestic violence And this thing I know I got a bunch of chicks hit me with fucking sticks and whatnot And I'm not saying nothing bad about I was just saying it was domestic violence awareness night And I just happen to see this. Yeah, because I'm not people. Wow that king louis fucking did get behind Bro, they got some great. See you could switch the vapors in this pen So one minute you have king louis the next minute you got girl scout cookies the next minute You got sour diesel. I gave Joe Rogan a sour diesel these things are fucking tremendous

And these people like don't they die after the first time? No, they don't die because it's a little compartment down here and you plug it in at night the light turns blue It goes bing and you're ready to fucking you're ready for war like napoleon You take this fucking thing and boom One two three four five and it blinks three times and you hit it again. See the light is blue Mmm Now I know why we do the podcast so early like a doctor. You know what I'm saying? It's like eating pussy right after a shower leave

Oh, people keep that was a girl who tweeted me that like I should eat ass. You see that Everybody under this year you all gonna eat somebody's ass. We're gonna take pictures. We're gonna set you up I know a girl that wants you to eat her ass. She's 408 pounds. She's black. She's beautiful She's got size double d fucking not this bigger than your head She contacted me the other day. She sent me a picture on gmail and she said that She wants to go on a date me of the week before thanksgiving She's gonna let you go to a house and crunch all and eat her ass like it's a fucking It what's the holiday when the spirit comes out? Jeremiah? You got to leave the door open for the jews

I'll pass over you guys got a bunch of food Instead of food on the table. She's gonna put a big black ass She's gonna open up with a fart to your face like a green tear gas After that's gonna get you all hungry and then you're gonna eat her black ass like a savage league because that's what you All eat. You're a savage and fucking heat. Don't let nobody else kid you. I love this fucking kid This kid's a savage anyway, and you're looking forward to it by now. You got to get it together Eating ass is in your future a fart to the face It's in your future. I don't have to be a capricorn. I don't have to be a psychic to tell you this

You know jesus was a capricorn nobody ever talks about that shit If he was a tow punches pilot dog, i'm a capricorn. Maybe he was and i'm a quarious fuck Let's talk this shit out. You don't need a fucking beating with the jews. Jesus was by the way I watched a fucking I don't know how to describe this guy Uh, when I first got it he always showed me love this guy has smacked a couple comics He's uh told a couple comics to fuck off He's got a you know, I love him and I don't hate him

I respect him and love him. I watched willy barson's special last night on showtime I watched the first 20 minutes. It is so brilliantly written It is so brilliantly written. I haven't seen it yet. He talks about going to The church and kickstarting the holy spirit. He kept trying to kickstart the holy spirit And how jesus was a jew because he was a prophet was about profit hit it chris gaver Oh What's up you sexy motherfucker? How are you today down in florida?

You're real good. Am I on the air already? You're on the fucking air. That's it. We're talking baby. It's over We've got no warm up here. There's no fucking this ain't the hollywood squares There's some guy puffing your cock in the back getting you all ready. This is north bergen star. You're here Hey, I thought we had a green room or something where we can go over something. All right. I'm here. I am Day nothing everything we had to go over, you know, you got a barry talking about whatever the fuck you want How are you chris gaina? I'm doing real well. Thanks. Coke. What's going on, buddy? I'm just any working with the family. Uh, just doing a lot of things with football with my sons

Um, then that's about it. And then as you see on my facebook page enjoying life I'm not all the time Everyone I seen you this year when we hooked up in miami this year. You showed up with a beautiful fine woman And then like on your facebook every three days, you got some freak. You're at a pool hall You got a smile like you're in the fifth grade somebody let you loosen the candy store Yeah, I mean, I love it. I respect your life All the kool-aid smile and you're not married, correct? You're divorced fully divorced I've been happily divorced for uh, 12 years now. I have soul custody of my boys. Uh, that's what happens when you marry a stripper

So I didn't marry a stripper. I have two kids because of it, but uh, I have soul custody of them And uh, you don't you don't even plan on ever getting married again. You're gonna sling dick till they put you in a casket, correct? Uh, not ever planning on it. Nobody's taking half of my shit ever again. I'm proud of you christian I'm fucking proud of you learned you did it one time you set a path for yourself And you said fuck it. I'm gonna torture chicks. I'm gonna shoot loads like I'm fucking 14 behind harris man I Want to talk about our freshman basketball team, remember when we got blown out by can that no no was uh, paterson east side Where that we got lost by 40

Was it a christmas tournament or the other one? All right, the christmas tournament where they were the freaking tip over a bus and we lost by 40 just imagine if we won We're gonna tip and that's the and the christmas tournament, but do you remember? I somebody farted on the bus. I'll never forget that. I didn't shit for like a week I was 15 and I had something like I ate bubblegum or something I swallowed the bubblegum and I fought it on the bus. Do you remember that and it was horrendous? They were horrendous It's like when you don't shit for a week and then you fart and I'm gonna cheerlead this fucking cold run to their faces

And shit. It was classic. You love those farting moments. What else happened freshman? Yeah, we had a good freshman team Oh, yeah, we did we had that whitey. We had Danny Mahoney chucking the brain. You know that Oh my good players. Oh fucking we used to run mr. Reardon used to make us run sprints for hours hours Yeah, and you and you wanted the quickest human being you know No, remember we used to get in trouble because I used to be slow or something. We got a we got a run sprint I wasn't I wasn't fast. I was quick. That was the problem That was the problem. I wasn't fast. I could take you to the hoop. I just fucking wasn't wasn't speedy fucking Gonzalez

I want to talk a little bit about you go ahead I'm sorry. No, no glad No, I was just gonna say because you got that big ass. You always stick that big ass and you back your way down under the basket That's why you were able to take somebody to hoop. Oh, so you coin that phrase right there You back your way right in back my way right the fucking we used to Ride the buses and uh, but gain it. We're gonna talk about you or you became a cop. You went to college and became a cop Yes, I did I was a cop for 17 years and I retired in 2001 And you got a pension now. Why'd you retire just one day you woke up and you said fuck this

Now without one day I decided uh, I crashed into a tree and now they said I was disabled So, yeah, now I'm on a disability pension. I decided I'm fortune into where uh tree got my way So crashed into the tree and here I am now 10 years later living in Florida slinging dick and giving out bubblegum like rick james and buffalo 184 You know, I I always tell this I always tell Crazy stories this all started brother about two years ago with the rogan podcast And I would get up there and say these stories that you know, uh, Chris for years I'm a comic and I would tell these stories at night in the hotel or in the condo afterward

And people would look at me like I was crazy and I was embarrassed about where we grew up for the longest fucking time For years I wouldn't say nothing only to like close friends that they'd say oh, I'm from brooklyn and we talk about whatever and uh We started the show lee and I and that's what it's about the church of what's happening now Yeah, we talk about pop culture whatever elton john getting his dicks up but I also have my friends call in because I want to give these motherfuckers a taste, you know of what We grew up and and we're you know like politics. I don't talk politics because what's the use chris

What we saw as children. What's the use? We grew up in Hudson county. There's still fucking drama there now Christie's trying to get our mayor out. I mean, it's fucking nonsense. It's it never ends You know, and I was thinking about uh debri and balling off What do you remember about that that savage? well I'd really like to let's talk about the meadowlands hotel The meadowlands in the meadowlands is 17 18 year old that we're going in a drink and hanging out and having a good time in the parties and the shows that were put on there

Especially that growing Tina Sitting on certain bottles. I don't know you remember a little better galliano fucking bottles And you know, you know what chris? We weren't 17 or 18 chris. We were not 17 or 18 We were fucking 16 and 15 Because I had gone in there a few times because of a cop. I knew frankie pinto You know, you grew up around these cops and they worked the door and they saw me standing on the line They're like come on in and I remember going in there as a 15 because it was right after my mom died chris I remember going in there one day and I always tell this. I remember I spent christmas eve in there

Because I was living with the benders and I didn't want to go home I was embarrassed to go home. I had nothing to go home to so I went there and I seen an old guy at the bar And some chick remember the stage was real small It wasn't a big strip club And I seen some chick come up to a guy take his teeth out of his mouth Put him in her monkey and then give him back to him. That was what I saw That was what I saw at fucking 15. That's why I don't go to strip clubs. Why would I go to a strip club today? Why? Yeah, exactly. They had a rodent been asking me. I married one

The metal lands in No, no, no, no. She got used to working hot shots in eight days So I got I was supposedly saving her. She was a 19 year old And listen, you don't deserve to do this this that the other day next thing, you know, I have a couple of kids and I've lost her ass And where is she now? We don't know She's up, but I think it's steward somewhere, but she doesn't see my kids at all. Is she spanish No, no, she was an italian mix scott person who knows

Oh, jesus fucking christ, you know, he should have stuck with the originals dog. You're killing me You're killing me. I know Oh, that's right And then how old are your children? 17 uh 16 or 14 both studs my listen is my 16 year old he's six five two hundred and sixty five pounds right now He's freaking going both ways for his high school team. He's doing real well and my little one's a big monster, too He's about five eight 180 Your fucking whole family was a bunch of big animals. Your dad was a big guy

Oh, yeah, he's six seven. My brother's six five. I'm the fidgeted six three Wow, and you played basketball for those years Listen to this podcast right now. Say give a shout out to p. Gaynor right now pj. What's happened a little brother? That's right. He was your little he was like a year younger He was a year younger than you. You always love my sister. Oh, I love your sister. Your sister was beautiful She still is man. I look at her on facebook. She's fucking beautiful Now we lived in a very interesting day. That's right. You lived on 85th street right down the corner Yeah, Jimmy V and everybody else did I feel all of us on that block

Man, you guys had a hell of a fucking grammar school up there. I'm not that harvest man. Oh, yeah Achilles Achilles, that's right. You motherfuckers and that's right. You played for our lady of uh, Fatima Right, uh, that's right. I played for st. Michael's union city. You had chucking McBreen on chuck. He's calling on wednesday Oh, yeah, good guys because chuck and I are gonna get together He didn't even know about the reunion. I have a disc oak for the the 82 have a 30 year reunion Yeah, they had to cancel it for lack of participation Nobody gave you shits and I can't

What the fuck is gonna go Half the chicks that are married, you know, you go to those things because hopefully You're gonna get your balls licked by one of the chicks in high school that you know, she got married She dumped you she married the quarterback But then you go to their facebook pics and they almost look as bad as you do and you're like fuck it I don't want to go no more. That's a man. So you guys gonna get together Yeah, yeah, we were talking the other day. Yeah, so uh, yeah, he's doing a real well coaching He's coaching up there in jerseys. So yeah, we're gonna get together sometime. Yeah, he's gonna call on wednesday

We can get there when you come back to uh, florida again I'll be in miami pretty soon But but chuck he's gonna call up and you know because chucky and I went to grammar school together in mckinley Oh, yeah, mckinley. I know exactly where you went, dude And uh, we had walley lindsey. This is when He was the mayor of we hawking And he was our eighth grade teacher. This is when north bergen was really north bergen When other mayors were coming in and shit, they were giving mayors jobs as teachers

And uh, he had a you know, he had a couple guys in suits You know, he had like three or four guys in suits that did all his nice work with nice white people But then he had this one guy in the leather jacket that did all his dirty work And the guy's name was turk jordan and he took me and chuckie mcpereen to see a six a game December 25th christmas day at the garden And the guy tells us he had tickets and when we get there he goes, we ain't got no fucking tickets We're gonna stub our way in so we stub our way in and we get in there We don't have seats and it's christmas day everybody's day with their kids and a basketball that dresses santa

A bunch of Puerto Ricans, you know the fucking deal and next thing, you know The guy that took us gets into an all out fucking brawl Here we are 13 our little jackets on our little hoods So i'm gonna have chuckie calling and tell that story. Give me something, uh, chris gainer Give me a north bergen shock these motherfuckers. Tell him something today Hey listen, I can't have the statue of limitation might not be up for my Fuck the statue of limitations. Who's gonna go down there and get you nobody's gonna go down there and get you You get your pba card. You're a fucking savage. You gotta tell me something good from high school. Let these motherfuckers know what we were doing

They know I already told them about Debra and balling or about why they took this fucking hooker If you drove past the house if the light was on that meant you went upstairs and got your dick suck for 40 bucks If the light wasn't on that meant she was busy. I never got my dick sucked I always thought she was creepy and then I leave for colorado in 83 and next you know She's on eyewitness news telling people that the whole trice state area that she's blowing the man That she's the mad She had the laundry list. She had the laundry. I wasn't I wasn't on that laundry list now No, no, you weren't even you I don't think you were in office of that

We we just got out of high school. It was 84, right? We had just gotten out of high school Well, we got out in 82 I became a cop in 87 Yeah, so we were you were still in college or playing hoops or jumping up and down at hashways and doing fucking something, you know So nothing, uh, but I still remember going back and then they killed her a year later They found her dead in alleyway with heroin in her veins But just amazing coming out now, you know that kiklinski movie, right? Yeah, the ice man that's coming out with that whole thing and all my friends down here that say Did you know about this and we knew about that whole thing when mr. Softy and all that other crap

You know, I'm not gonna mention the names you know the names that I know the names How much y'all's caught it's crazy because I hit on the mother I went to jeneros and hoboken when I did the quailude and I started kissing the mother's neck after they killed them Uh, she was fucking fine. I grew up with them dog. I grew up with those kids. I mean, I was I grew up on giving that I grew up on giving that terrace and a lot of people don't know Another thing a lot of people don't know was you know, his office was on 69th and nuke her, correct You know where rago lived. That's where his office was. That's where his freezer was and I'll tell you something else A lot of people don't know he was married to a chick from north bergen in the 60s. They lived across the street from the coat factory

She cheated on him and he cut her nipples off Right there. I mean he lived in west new york for get the fuck when you get the book and you start reading it And he starts describing 58th and Hudson to you He lived in west new york in the fucking in the 60s. He was killing people He was just going over the city at night and killing people Yeah, he's just practicing. I'm killed because I'm busy and all my friends want to go watch that movie So we're going to go hang out and party that night and I'm telling you I can't wait because I'm just going to know Everything that they say where they were having the mere fact that they were selling

Mr. Sort the ice cream starts on the street and he was deciding who the fuck he was going to kill Yeah, but the problem was I would ask him because father always take the truck home at night But he would never sell ice cream on charles quarter giving that terrace and I would ask him Don't why doesn't your dad sells ice cream and he would go my dad don't sell that type of ice cream But that dude that dude was also uh, he was also digging graves On that cemetery on tundly avenue there like by 50th street right past the concrete place And that's where they found all his tools

Robes cemetery. That's where they found his guns and his fucking explosives I guess one of the boys found it after he died. So All right, yeah, we grew up, you know, I seen uh I don't know if you know this and I told us on a documentary on charles court That's where I met calm mind balsana when he was beating the fuck out of john Whatever's father the irish kids that were like nine of them on charles court on that same street three doors down Was where I met calm mind when he got out of this police car and beat the fuck out of those kids the father He beat the fuck out of the father in front of me chris gainer. I was a cuban kid from new york city

I had never seen anything like that in my life. My fucking dick got hard. I remember going home and telling my mom don't ever sell his fucking house Well, how about when calm mind opened up his own little strip club, right when he had the barn, right? You know all of a sudden caught on fire remember that? It was a flea market in the daytime and the strip club at night upstairs Exactly. Do you remember that shit? Pete called the other day. We were talking about a political peak balsano We're talking about the strip club when he opened up a combination flea market strip club

And I'll tell you why I used to love going to that place. I got treated like a king there You're doing it and that's it. I can go in there for $10 and get a blow job and get drunk No fucking way. They were sucking dick down. See I was gone by that time when they were sucking dick I wasn't No shit and then he lived on fire. That's the room Yeah, it was jewish lightning There's a jewin here. So be careful jeweler jeweler the flying jew is here my main man Now he loves all this stuff. This is this is lansky's fucking nephew

I got the last of the lansky's fucking nephew in my bloodline here with me. That's right He lived the fucking place on fire. The funny thing was the smoke was coming out of the building and kid scene and they ran up to him They're like, mr. Mr You want us to call the fire department? He's like, no, no, no. Here's five hours. Go get some ice cream little boys And then he did the logical when you fake the heart attack a lot of motherfuckers don't know that after you get arrested You fake the heart attack So you don't have to give a statement for a couple days. Are you and your attorney get together? This is north bergen politics 101. These motherfuckers don't know this shit. That's why we're trying to online

Yeah, there's all sex scandals going on now. It's a matter. I don't know if you heard about all the sexual harassment or this other thing sex the favors Yeah, he's always You know, it never ends there man. It's so uh, that's why I don't Since 1983 83 He's a superintendent of schools. He's a state senator. I mean, there's a whole bunch of shit My god, he's had full control and you know what but chris, let me ask you something the town looks good. Sure

Oh, I haven't been there. I haven't been back. I was there in september with lee We went to shoot the documentary where I got my balls from about me growing up there And all the italian kids in the neighborhood and I'll tell you Right, yeah Breeds house right down there and it's so funny how I gotta tell you he's got cameras everywhere the town is clean He's got programs from everybody So, you know what if he's stealing at least he's taking care of the town if he's getting this dick suck It's not like they were negligent even pita maca when I was growing up that dude, you know

It's half and half But if my basketball court needed a fucking chain I would call up there and pita maca will they be there in 10 minutes, you know Because I grew up in Carmine's neighborhood. So that neighborhood always looked tight That neighborhood always looked fucking tight down there because Carmine would call up there and go Hey, the grass is two inches too heavy and they'd be down there within minutes But the the schools are in great shape. You know, you can't just walk into that fucking high school. No more craze You know, no, no, no, they have two cops that are there all day. They got fucking security details. They stopped us

They got to look at your ID, you know, it's not in the old days We walked into that fucking school and did what we wanted and they would suspend you and we'd hide in the back of hash ways Those days are over. We go to hash ways. I'll never forget being uh behind fifth avenue deli And with Dennis Calangelo and sitting back there in the dead of the winter with askelis and a bunch of other guys And mr. Rich coming over mr. Rich was that goofy football coach And and Dennis yeah Dennis Calangelo took the join out from behind his ear I mean Dennis is a junior in high school. Not really and he looks at him and he goes mr. Rich was sparking Either you stay or you get the fuck out of here. That's how he talked to the fucking teacher. I almost died. I'm like jesus

Now we had a good time growing up chris, you know, we really we really buddy that uh freshman basketball team was fucking tortured up That was we we practiced in that problem. Mr. Reardon. I don't know. I don't want to talk bad about him But the guy was constantly drunk, right? Yeah, and here in the McGrath the other not McGrath the other guy uh Who's his assistant coach you had that horrible breath? Oh, what the fuck is his name? I forget We had great coaches freshman year. We had George McGrath and mr. Taran Oven football We had reared in somebody else and then we had uh

Pellute and baseball and we knocked them out with all the fucking fly balls We threw him we hit him we he kept saying where the hell all the balls and we all threw the balls at one time And we gave him a fucking concussion of 64 And then you know, I did some pollute like three years later through mr. McGrath I put a bet in for like $10,000 I live a pain of mr. McGrath aka camel breath Because remember he used to smoke those camels with no filter and his mustache would get fucking red His mustache. He was a redheaded guy, but the tips and his fingertips. Do you remember he was the driver red teacher?

And we just gonna say that we used to go out the drivers that we couldn't eat calla hands out though It's important. We drive up there and come back. We used to go to chans dragging in he used to have us for 44 minutes I remember talking him into taking us to the liquor store. They're gonna lay back and they're taking us to To chans dragging in for a fucking steak on the stick And we'd sit there and drink the eight pack between like three of us and we go back to the high school He was our fucking teacher. And by the way, George McGrath As long as you got back by 42 minutes, you're right 42 minutes and by the way, George McGrath is on facebook if you want to be his fucking

He won't he won't be my friend not after the pollute thing You know that You know, he was I loved the camel. I loved him with all my heart because I got tighter with him After I graduated in north bergen after that year that we graduated I got really tight with him And I remember I went to him Uh, I used to go he used to have a friend that used to sell his shit I mean one day I owed him 300 bucks and I'm like McGrath You need to call your friend. He's like fuck you. You owe me money. I go. I got your money

I had a me and lubes robbed the gas station. I had a bag of like 800 singles You know with 300? Yeah, yeah, we do you know The hess but we walking remember he used to work down there Remember the hess gas station? He used to pump gas down there So one night I robbed him with my finger I put a gun on his back for like 800 and we split it and we went to McGrath with 300 singles I'll never forget we gave him a bag

It was huge. It was like Puerto Rican singles. They were all full of fucking sweat and fucking tears Oh Chris Gaynor was a fucking pleasure talking to you, man. I'm happy you called up today You're a good man. All right for these motherfuckers You got a what And so we got to get together when you get down here to Miami Come on, bro. No worries. Are you surprised the shit on me when you showed up at the improv last time? I love you, Chris Gaynor

Thank you for being the car. Thank you for being a cool motherfucker. Stay black It's your bye. Bye Chris fucking Gaynor. Oh shit Now we had to talk about the uh, the cop situation. There were great cops when I was growing up You know, I had left by the time he became a cop. I was already having felonies out in colorado So I don't know what was going on in the town, but I was hearing little bits and pieces and uh I had a lot of friends who had become cops and that was the other reason why I had to get the fuck You know, there was two reasons why I left north prairie one because the chief of police

Bezaco, I hung out. I was best friends with his son So every time I did something gerard would call me and say coax what the fuck You know, my dad just called me, you know, you're embarrassing me and that that was one reason the other reason was availability I didn't like it that new york city was that close to north bergen. I was a junkie You know, it was three minutes away. Everything was three minutes away an explosive A quail, a fucking bomb everything was at my uh at my fingertips. You know what I'm saying? What do you got lee? What do you got? Oh, you want to do uh The whatever the oh, that's right. I want to talk to you guys. So anyway in 84

I was living back in north bergen and I was dating this girl lisa And we used to go to the movies once or twice a week And because she was a movie buff went to see great fucking movies to splash and ghostbusters bunch of scarface And we went one night to see uh something and the pope of greenwich village was there and so was hotel luhamsha I haven't heard I haven't even heard that one. Yeah, it's an old fucking movie of me I just want to get my pulse smoked And I want to eat some monkeys friday night. So when you want to do those things you can't go to the movie of your choice You have to go to the movie that the girl wants to go there and you sacrifice a little bit

But you have some fun later on you go to the movie on your own when you're fucking retarded buddies So I didn't go see the pope instead. I went to see hotel luhamsha which sucked And uh this pope movie came I never heard of it again and in 1985 I moved to aspen, coloranda worked at a video store and all these new yorkers were coming Asking for the pope of greenwich village and at that time I had seen a movie called diner okay with uh guttenberg steve guttenberg and all these actors and The mickey work was in it now for you guys that are young and stuff

You watched the wrestle last year and you watched a guy about now two years ago And you watched the resurrection of mickey fucking rock and people were very happy, you know, whatever and the wrestle turned out to be a great Movie he did a great job. He's back on it. But you guys don't know the pre fucking drana. No, I know I do Mickey rock, you know when mickey rock took the fucking scene. I heard that when mickey rock would do a movie Actors would go down there to watch him shoot his scenes. That's how much mickey rock had stolen fucking the acting He just was killing he was friends with and he got to see it and he got he's from Miami mickey rock And he came up here, but then after he became successful He opened up a fucking candy store in beveley hills and he started becoming a boxer and it all went

But my buddy einstein still trains him and and he's back and I love him But as an actor I gotta tell you something there's two movies he did that always destroy me. One is the pope of grenadiers village It's a comedy slash drama and the other one being angel heart angel heart is a movie He did with motherfucking deniro where deniro plays the devil and he plays a private investigator We'll cover that some other time that came out in 87 But this movie here the pope of grenadiers village Uh, it's a movie he did with eric roberts. That's fucking hilarious in different ways

They rob a jewelry store and they get caught by tamar boss played by burt young And burt young is the pope and at the end you gotta watch the fucking movie But I want to lead a play a scene from it What happened was eric roberts and mickey robbed this gangster and the gangsters punishments takes his thumb He goes to the track and he cuts his fucking thumb off And then you have to serve him coffee until your thumb heals and this is what burt young they called him I forget what they uh bed buggedy. That's the character's name So this is a scene after they cut his thumb

And darryl hannah's in this fucking movie. She plays mickey rork's wife But when she finds out that mickey rork robbed the fucking jewelry store, she leaves because she's pregnant It's like if my wife found out I fucking shot that for a recon she'd leave but Anyway, this is this anyway, this is the scene where mickey with uh eric roberts comes back to mickey rork's apartment That's what robbed you my god, what do you do charlie? I didn't do anything. Well, I didn't hit her. I didn't do nothing. You can't do that I mean you don't abuse them once in a while that was shit all over you I don't mean that you walk around morning tonight and whack them upside their head like someone from the other side

But you got to tell rizom once in a while. Did you keep him in line? You know what I mean? I mean like you know Sometimes sometimes you're they embarrass you in front of your friends. You're welcome with the backhand You're not out in the middle of the room like some fucking animal, you know, but nice In the bedroom, you know Ba boom ho What am I some kind of asshole? Ba boom another one. Oh

What is it some kind of fucking joke you get your coat on fast and you don't want to say goodnight to nobody You understand me? That's to keep them humble when you don't let them say goodnight to nobody They walk out looking at the fucking floor Oh That's it, holy shit and People you know this he's walking around with no thumb He's just walking around with a big bandage and he's smacking a punching bag in an apartment

He's telling the story. It's like what I imagine your apartment in fucking, uh, Colorado to be It's a baron apartment and a big punching bag right in the middle My apartment was small in that but the thing about this movie is that mickey rock rocked it very young rocked it Fucking you know who's in this movie the guy that they ran over his head on the sopranos. I forget what his Name is now He was the mob boss from the other side From the lupitazi family over there at the end and they ran over his head. He's a fucking killer In fact, he cuts the guy's thumb

But this movie did eight million. It was uh, I don't know what the budget was only the six million the first week It was Considered a flop But the beauty about this movie was jeraldine page Geraldine page. This is old fucking that I showed you the scene before no jeraldine page. This is old actress They nominated him for a fucking asker for this movie So if you get a chance and you want to watch it off the color movie Watch fucking poke for this village then next week we'll watch

angel heart with mickey rock De Niro and the girl from the fucking cosby's which will blow your fucking mind I'm only going to hit you with bond burners here guys I ain't going to waste your time with fucking avatar and 3d glasses You were fucking movies about life you watch these movies You're going to sit there and scratch your head another one that I referred to another buddy of mine on Twitter was uh papillon. I haven't watched that a long time and we'll cover that one I just have to watch him first guys. I know that if I watch papillon

It's too fucking long your ADD won't catch it. I can't catch it So I don't expect a younger generation to fucking sit there and go joe You gave me this fucking sleeping pill of a movie and then as well go to works barry pennsylvania fall asleep I'm no offense to works barry Well, mickey rock must have had a tough 20 years or whatever because he looks completely different Oh my god, we got beat up. He smokes great packs of cigarettes a day You know, you know for the for the wrestler. You gotta shoot deca and all other drugs But regardless of that, he's a fucking great actor

And that's something that you know, I watched uh Hank, what's his name? Dracula the other day. Okay with that Because they made a couple draculas, you know what I'm saying, but I watched the one Boris whatever his brass whatever his dracula with gary, uh, whatever. Oh my fucking god. I'm listen guys I'm a comic, but I love fucking movies I was raised on movies when you come from another country and you listen and you're growing up on spanish And you go to these things and you see these people doing all these great things on the screen It fucking inspires you and this is what you know, listen, I've been in some movies and I've been opposite some great actors

But I didn't I wasn't a real fucking actor. I wasn't a full-time actor You know when you see some of these guys have been doing it 20 years, you know when you're around them This is what they tap into something. I never tapped into nothing I'm the same guy in every fucking movie Which is why after a certain level you don't grow anymore, but I know that going in I love in fact I left a message somebody to go into a full-time acting class Because I like to do something in new york. Maybe if we put testicle testaments on the road I want to give a little theatrical effect to it. So I love to be that but it's really easy to come out here and book a

Movie it's taking it to that level when you're around great actors. That's a dream of mine You know, I don't want to be in a big movie, but I love to work opposite somebody like Sean Penn or You know Gary Oldman or something like that to really learn the fucking nuts and bolts of this That new Sean Penn movie looks great. Which one is that gangster squad? Yeah. Yeah. That looks fucking intense But I tell you what looks better. I want to see the Brad Pitt one You know, it's weird that I don't go to the movies in july no more Because it's all the pg shit for kids I go in the movies when movies like I went to see I go I've been to the movies more

In the last three two months that I've been all year. Yeah, because these are the movies that appeal to me You know, this is the Brad Pitt one It's him and James Gandolfini, you know that shit about a gangster The ice man's coming out a movie which I didn't agree with any of the fucking casting You know, I didn't agree on any other casting in the ice man You know, it's it's really weird that when we went to shoot the doc I showed you whether he lived It's such a big thing in our town now because we didn't know while it was going on

Don't let nobody kid you. I'm not gonna sit here and go. I seen him. Whatever. I never saw that fucking guy But I didn't know shit was wrong. I knew something was always off With mr. P with mr. Prange. I always knew something was always wrong with him growing up. They changed their names They moved on now So if you look at prong a the wife the family changed the name because everything came out after he died So it's really interesting, you know, uh, the book is on whatever correct audible. Yes on audible If you go to audiblepodcast.com slash church, you could find that book Confessions of a mafia hitman or whatever. He's got a chapter in there

That uh, he was getting 50 60 75 000 a hit. He has a chapter in there where uh, he would also Take the people and kill them and put a camera So you could watch the guy dying He after he tortured me take him to a cave and there was rats in the cave And he would feed them to the rats and then he'd just come to you and go leave Here's your tape and you put the vhs tape on and they'd show you the guy tied up fucking Holy shit But one of the best hits he ever did that I talked about this with somebody because I like all that shit, you know

I'm saying you know, you got you know, like dexter's something crazy. I watched it last night But sometimes it's pretty cute to watch those pretty cute like I'm good family movies that godfather the baptist is seen or whatever But uh There's a scene where some guy rapes a girl and the father contacts the ice man To go down there and kill the kid who raped his daughter. He was a cuban kid He went down to miami and the guy was a valet parker And he took him and he tied him to a tree kidnapped him in the trunk of a car vela style Who's still not doing the fucking show that cocksucker next month's going to be 25 years since the kidnapping

And he still would not accept me as a friend So uh, he took him he tied him to a fucking tree under the moon Then he started cutting his skin off with a razor blade and throwing it into the ocean Just throw it into the ocean just little pieces Just throw it into the ocean Little piece off his thigh little piece off his calves just in strips of his skin And then he did that for fucking an hour. He took kosher salt

And he rubbed it on the motherfucker. All right, you know those jews don't fuck around that salt That will go right through your nut sack and burn out your little penis helmet, right? Then he started cutting off as he took his ball sack off with his hands He ripped his ball sack to scrotum off and cut what was left through that the fucking water Now the sharks started coming in right then he started chopping like an arm He would throw that in there another one that he put the guy in one of those float duckies Yeah threw him in the fucking water and the sharks got him and took him under they taped the whole fucking thing Fuck that is crazy. That means you need time. That means you need patience. That is fucking crazy

How do you sleep after that me no at him? You go home you tell your wife to lick your nuts and you roll over and go to bed I don't fucking know liana psychiatrist I don't know. I mean, I have a hard time fucking uh when I see an animal and I don't stop and help it You know I'm saying that's me. I don't fucking know what I couldn't do it. I could never do something like that because you know the paranoia once you go home and smoke a joint That's when your paranoia starts like every time I do something wrong. I call somebody a cocksucker And I come home and I smoke a joint the paranoia comes and you realize what you've done

You really realize what you've done and then you feel bad. I could you know, I think about jeffrey dama How did he sleep knowing there was a body under his fucking bed? Can you imagine that got a head in your fucking closet? Do you need that in your fucking life? I need that to get up and there's bones in my fucking thing. I don't need that shit. Oh, I would die, bro I can never ever, you know, my head blows up. I remember when I would do something a crime And then I would buy like a grandma blow and I would go home Three quarters of the grandma blow. I wasn't enjoying it no more the paranoia would creep up on me What I'd done and I'd start looking at windows if I seen a cop car. It was fucking mind-boggling

It's mind-boggling what paranoia does to a person at least that's what it did to me, you know What do you call that when you do something and you don't even you don't even accept it like a psychopath? Yeah, you know, yeah, uh, yeah psychopath. Yeah, uh, but Fuck there's a word for it, but I'm fucking stoned An animal that's the fucking word for when you do something you just don't care. Hey, listen, man You know for years I thought after my mother died that I had no feelings that this is what you need to be a hitman And I thought I wanted to kill people for a living and I fucking hooked up with a dude

I'll tell you what I can never do it then. Yeah, it's not mine If somebody does something wrong to me, then you have an underlying fucking objective to throw somebody off a roof But not for contract. I don't want that in my life. Yeah sociopath. I'm yeah, so there you go four years of fucking college What's your degree? digital post-production Yeah, really digital postman. I didn't want to fucking history major suddenly No, I knew what I wanted to do. No Jewish studies. No Israeli contracts. Nothing like that. You're fucked. How are we gonna be proud of you? No, I spent a semester in Israel. I would live there for six months. Did you really? Yeah

There's a lot of fun. You didn't tell me about this Fuck of the year you've been coming over here fart drinking soups And now you tell me you in Israel. I'm direct from Israel. That's why you're direct from Israel I'm always watching this motherfucker. We got a great week coming up guys All right, tomorrow testicle testaments three goes on sale. That's when I talk about one You can pre-order it today Wednesday. We're doing testicle testaments the daughter a new birth I've added some new stuff and taking some new stuff off That's at the ice house stage two eight thirty Wednesday

Get your tickets now because that might be sold out six two six five seven seven 18 94 I think uh brine's doing a show up there on friday And you said this is the last testicle test of the year of the year. This is the last one of the year Ari's doing one also a story tellers Wednesday night So if you want to go to that if you went to mine last month and you want to go to Ari's Please go down to the improv three two three six five one. I don't know the rest of the number there down at the melrose improv Please do it in the big room on wednesday night Probably doing a podcast with dunking this week. We're doing beauty the beast

Felicia's got a podcast. She said she said what? It's on itunes november 8th november 1st through the 4th I'm at the ontario improv right not ontario canada. I can't go to fucking canada November 8th again. This is going to be a barn Burner fucking show if you're anywhere in the midwest It's myself and the other jew who I love to fucking death arish of fear. That's my other fucking home You know, I mean I only surround myself with the best in the jew fucking world I don't want no more more jews with sandals telling people shalom. I don't need that shit

I want the hard-hitting motherfucking jews like the black guys ving ram's talked about Unfucking pulp fiction. I want some crack hitting motherfucking jews that don't that's why I love you lisa. Yeah, you're the last of the real Mohicans and uh doing out arish of fear and then we got more dates at the end of the year And that's all I got for you on a beautiful monday morning, man. I'm happy you guys came out today. What the fuck is that shit? I'm happy you guys came out and listened. Thank you. Thank you for putting up with me this morning an hour late Lee had to drive his mama to the thing But remember one thing guys don't fucking worry about what people think that have to say about you today If you ain't happy with you fuck all these motherfuckers. I don't need nobody lying to you

You know, you're a bad motherfucker. It's monday sling dick You know tell the truth go out there pick up a piece of paper love an animal do all the fucking things So you could put that little coin into the karma bank and you have a great week Just remember motherfuckers you're nine weeks away from christmas and you're seven weeks away from hanukkah So you pretty soon you gotta start shaking hands. You want to have money? You want to put a little paper in your pocket? She gives some presents to the kids and the people around you because everybody wants pussy on fucking hanukkah And everybody wants to get that dick sucked on christmas. That's just the way it is

Show me a jew that doesn't get his dick sucked on fucking hamukkah and i'll show you a fucking retarded fucking jew jews don't fuck around It's yamaka. They get that beanie. They put the propeller on it Bam motherfuckers. I love you guys. Have a great week. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you for supporting the debt squad Thank you for supporting me and the flying jew We're going over through sponsors if you send us info on sponsors of information. We'll get back to you We're gonna set this fucking studio up looking beautiful and that's how we do it on a monday. What's today's date october 22nd 2012 we got two more months before the indians show up or the Puerto Ricans or martians or whatever Fuck they are live your life. Have a great day a little sad and bloody sadder for these mother

Oh, should I turn that off? I got uh, I got Ike and Tina turn it up. Which one? Uh, get it on. Let's do it Domestic violence awareness month don't smack a bitch wait till november Here we go, baby Oh What They sound like a stone. Have a great day motherfuckers. I love you throw them a kiss. We say that Oh