Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #104 | LEE SYATT | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, October 6th..... Today we chat with our buddy, LEE SYATT! This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, Freeze Pipe & Onnit….. Download the DraftKings Sp...ortsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $150 in Free Bets when you Bet $1 on any Football Game…. Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH for 10% OFF your Order! Go to https://www.FreezePipe.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY For 10% OFF your 1st Order! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #LeeSyatt The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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Starting point is 00:00:00 What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here from the heart of New Jersey. The joint is brought to you by DraftKings. Listen, three weeks have fucking got five weeks have gone down in the fucking books and you're still dicking around. Football is back. College football is back. It's time to review the tape. Get ready for DraftKings Sportsbook. We got football this week. We got fucking UFC this week. We got college football this week. We got the baseball playoffs and they start tonight with St. Louis against the Los Angeles fucking Dodgers. But let's talk about football. They're giving new customers $150 intimately if you bet $1 on any motherfucking football game. You heard me
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Starting point is 00:01:38 Sportsbook app or DraftKings fantasy. But what you're going to do is download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. Today, let's get that party started. You can bet tonight the Dodgers against St. Louis. Tomorrow night, you got pro football and then the weekend, you're the fucking king. Just download the DraftKings Sportsbook app, use promo code Joey and get $150 and free bets when you place a dollar on any football game. That's promo code Joey. This week at DraftKings Sportsbook app, the official sports betting partner of the NFL and the UFC. Now, New Jersey, Indiana, Pennsylvania, Colorado, West Virginia, only new customers, only minimum five-hour deposit or dollar wager required. One per customers. Restrictions do apply. See DraftKings.com slash
Starting point is 00:02:30 Sportsbook for details. Now, if you got a gambling problem, I don't want you lurking over here like a spider. It's only going to get worse. 1-800-Gambler or an Indiana called 1-809 with it. But if you're straight, you're solid and there's not going to be no misunderstandings. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app today and let's win some fucking money. It starts tonight with the Dodgers and St. Louis. They got a same day game parlay tonight. You can make some real fucking money, but it starts with you downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app today. The joint is also brought to you by one of my all-time favorites, Connet. The alpha brain black label brought me back along with the therapy. They're fucking fantastic. And at night, you're like, Joey, how do you get
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Starting point is 00:04:02 best and you'll be so focused, you'll be burning through people's souls, but it starts with you. Go to honor.com right now and press in Joey, joint with church and get 10% off, deliver it to your house. The best supplements in the game on it. The joint is also brought to you by freeze pipe. Nothing makes you feel like a bigger loser than hacking up a fucking lung when you take a bong head. Freeze pipe is here to turn all your fucking pink lung babies into weed masters. Let me tell you something. Even Lee Syat, who used to cough after every fucking little bong hit, doesn't cough anymore with the freeze pipe. Why? Because it's frozen. It's like getting snow out of a fucking, when you're in Colorado, I used to get snow and put it in the
Starting point is 00:04:48 bong. You could smoke fucking Susquehanna weed and still think it's fucking tremendous because it takes that edge off with that cold moisture. You understand me? So smoking weed doesn't have to hurt your lungs. When freeze pipe, you get an icy cold hit every time. The secret to freeze pipe is it comes with a detachable chamber that you put in the fucking freezer. It's tremendous. The smoke passes through the frozen part and cools down the smoke as you inhale it. It's like putting fucking ice cubes in a bong, but better. It's non-toxic. It freezes faster than water and it stays frozen longer. Freeze pipe cools down the smoke by hundreds of degrees and your throat will thank you. Whether you hit a pipe, bubbler, a bong, or a dab, they got it all. Do me a favor.
Starting point is 00:05:36 Go to freezepipe.com right now, right now, before we even get off. Once you finish up at DraftKings, go to freezepipe.com. Press and code JOY and I'm going to give you 10% off your first order, whether you're into bongs, pipes, or bubblers. This is the pipe for you. That's freezepipe.com. Press and Joey and get 10% off. You go deep in the murky waters with freeze pipe. I love you, motherfuckers. Let's get this podcast started today. It's Wednesday. We got no time for fun and games, cock-suckers. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? October the 6th, Wednesday. Unfucking believable week. Tonight, you got the Dodgers against St. Louis. I don't know which way to go. St. Louis won 92 games
Starting point is 00:07:22 in a row. The Dodgers are the best team in the fuck. How can the Dodgers play in the wild card and they predicted to win the fucking World Series over the Giants? Who the fuck knows? Aren't you happy I'm into something now instead of fucking smoking dope and whatever? I got hobbies, cock-suckers. I love baseball. I've always loved baseball. I won't watch a whole fucking game. Like last night, I didn't watch the whole Yankee Red Sox game. I'll watch a couple of innings just to fucking while Mercy's in the shower or some shit. Last night, I went over to Jimmy's and watched the game tonight. I don't know what I'm doing. Oh, tonight she's got a fucking game tonight. So there's no fucking Dodger game for Uncle Joey
Starting point is 00:08:01 tonight. You know what I'm saying? I got to go watch my daughter play softball. But it's been a great week. I fucking, you know, I love doing podcasts. I love what they stand for. I love everything about them. But sometimes I let them get too fucking serious. Sometimes they're just coming on here and having a fucking goof, you know, too bad I don't smoke dope in here or whatever. My daughter's upstairs, so I can't be down here acting like fucking Tommy Chung. She could smell it right through the fucking floor. But it's all good, man. We're having a great week. I'm happy whatever happened last week happened last week. It's in the motherfucking past. So today, I want to just make an easy fucking podcast so you guys could gig a little bit and get your
Starting point is 00:08:44 fucking boots back to you. I'm having Lisa add on today. It's a little church reunion, just us talking some shit just to slow down the week. We had a lot of intense podcasts the last couple of weeks with big time guests. So I just wanted to chill today and just have a little Tate Tate and hopefully you'll fucking enjoy it. If not, I don't know what the fuck to tell you. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying my fucking best here. I'm having a good time. I'm healthy and I'm here for you. Coxuck is whether or not you fucking like it. I don't give a fuck. Enjoy Lisa. Yeah, Coxuck is What up, Johnny? Cheech? What's up, buddy? How's it going? Getting old, brother? Getting old?
Starting point is 00:09:42 No, no. Holy shit. The shit I used to do a fucking in LA five days, seven days a week, I can't do now. No, you're sleeping till 10 o'clock now. You're you're relaxing. Slept till seven today, but went to bed at fucking 1115, you know. Damn. I got a better like it's fucking so stonely. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous how much the tolerance has changed, Lee. Wow. Yeah, I'm good on like 100 milligrams now. I smoke. I know you have those freeze pipes. I got a couple freeze pipes. They're fucking awesome. Freeze pipes hit hard. They do, but it doesn't make me cough. I used the fucking little one. That's what I used. Holy shit. Holy shit. I tried it one night. I didn't want to roll the joint and I put weed in
Starting point is 00:10:38 there and Keith and my eyeball almost came out. I was like the one I'd fucking do. Did you put the whipped cream on her ass yet? No, I've been doing it without whipped cream. I gotta watch the calories. No, you got to put the nozzle in her asshole like Starbucks. You ever got a Starbucks they don't put whipped cream on the coffee and then put the lid on it. They put the lid on and then put the fucking nozzle in the fucking coffee and then you gotta do the same with the asshole. So it comes out. You put a little half a cherry on there. I got that ass. How long have you been eating that for? Like two months. I got to give you your credit, man. You were when you're right. You're right. That was tremendous. Isn't it? It wasn't. It wasn't that bad. I don't
Starting point is 00:11:18 know. I was like, we were just having sex and like it would just like I've never had sex like this. Like it's actually like it's fun. It's like we have a ton of sex and I just looked at it one day. I was like, I had like I had you on my shoulder pretty much. I was like, I gotta do it. I just dove in and I like we joked about it before that I don't like doing that because and then she knows about you like teasing me about it and I just went right in and now it's like every day. You gotta you gotta see what it's like. Doug and your immune system. I don't know how the fuck he got sick again because I don't know that's on a weekly. I was spitting the flu. I was spitting the flu right in the face. I would see the flu on the street and just spitting his face. Fuck you.
Starting point is 00:11:57 It wasn't that bad anyway. I hope you're listerine though. You gotta have listerine. If you're going to eat ass and pussy, listerine has to be your best friend unless your front tooth will turn brown. You know what I'm saying? You don't need that in your fucking life. That's how you know somebody's an ass eater. Their front tooth turns a little brown and shit from the fucking shit juice. Now, when you eat the ass, it don't even stink like shit. I told you it's got a real wind to it. No, no, no, no. She showers before every time I come over. Even if they shower, listen, I can shower 20 times, put a hose up my ass and there's still going to be a little residue of that shit smell. And but you know what? When you lick a woman's asshole,
Starting point is 00:12:32 shit's never smelled so good. Do you know what I'm saying? It smells like, like it's like broccoli. Like you look at broccoli, it smells like that, but it tastes good for some people. I don't eat it. It's like putting a dick in your mouth. That's got jizz on it. That's freeze dry and shit. I hate fucking broccoli. I remember I went to Hollywood Bowl one time. Some guy was eating broccoli next to me. I couldn't find, I was ready to fucking barf. He had the whole broccoli at the Hollywood Bowl. You know, these fucking Gentiles dog, they go to a concert with fucking broccoli. Who the fuck does that? You go to a broccoli, you go to a concert to kill yourself, not to be healthy. You know what I'm saying? The fucking broccoli was probably drinking compucha juice and
Starting point is 00:13:11 shit. You know, fucking drinking vodka light. I don't know why people do this shit. The world is upside down. It really is. Nobody wants to get vaccinated, but they snore coke, you know. I don't get it. They don't want to get vaccinated, but they eat ass. What's the difference? When you eat somebody's asshole, you're vaccinated. That's it. Oh yeah. You don't even need to present your ID. Just breathe in their face. Just give them a shot of fucking asshole breath. Am I good to go in them to like, yeah, you've passed the test. Well, this funny, you said that, uh, Listerine, because she has two little kids. So like every time we do that, I have to go like brush my teeth because like they, they are like knock on the door
Starting point is 00:13:50 the whole time. Like they like, we have to like sneak around. It's weird with kids around. And it sucks when you're eating ass and some little fucking cocksuckers knocking on the door and you're like, knock on the door again. I'll kill your mother. You know what I'm saying? I dare you to knock on your little fuck. I'll kill your mother. When I first started coming, I went home with a chick one night that had a kid never again. You know, you never heard me talking about that, did you? No, no. Cause I did it once and the mommy, mommy, what's going on in there? What do you think I'm doing? I'm fucking mom. Relax. Your dad left. You know what I'm saying? Your dad's from Baltimore, Jack. He went out for a ride and he
Starting point is 00:14:27 never came back. You know what I'm saying? He went for cigarettes and never came back, you little ugly cocksucker. Now you want to ruin my parade. Your father took a look at you and said, this kid's going to be a half a fag. I'm not sitting around here. Mommy, mommy, what's he doing to you? I'm pulling the hair. You're fucking doing coke. Your mom don't even love you. She's doing coke. Oh my God. It was the only time he did that with her. One time I took a chick home in Boulder after a comedy show. As we walked in the door, she's like, I hope you don't mind. I have a child. Okay. Unless he's sucking dick. He's going to throw some quarters by ass. I don't care. What's he got to do with me? Fucking the next morning we were snorting coke and shit. I'm all fucked up,
Starting point is 00:15:10 jerking off in a year and he's banging on the door. I want cereal. There ain't no cereal. It's closed today. I got mom tied up. You know what I'm saying? I got mom tied up in a Brooklyn basement like biggie. Let's face it. Oh my God. My cheeks hurt, Joe. And he kept banging on the door and I'm like, go away. Oh yeah. And she's like, I'm fucked up. I can't get your cereal. I'm like, what the fuck? And I'm going to have a poster at social services now. I want the poster and shit. I can't have the never again. I never even talked about eight years on a podcast. Yeah. Never heard me talking about dating a girl with kids because I know it's a fucking night. I don't, I have listened. If I met a girl and the kids were cool and she was cool,
Starting point is 00:15:53 I would have probably ended up with a, that thing was a nightmare that night. Oh, I can't imagine. I'm, I got really lucky. Her kids are really cool. And but I gotta say, I look forward to like seven 30 when the one that starts to be bedtime. It's, I started, I started getting a little boner. Sometimes I was like, yes, it's bedtime. Let's go to bed. Let's like, let's read you the other kids are cool. That's fun. I can't, I was thinking about that though, about you doing the podcast and doing all the stuff you did with, with mercy. Like I finally, like, and I only see them two weekends a month. Like I don't, and they're asleep when I go over there at night. Like the amount of stuff you have to do from like seven in the
Starting point is 00:16:29 morning, it's, it's coloring and tag and hide and go seek. And then you have to work. Like it's, I'm exhausted after that. I don't know how you did all that for so long. You know, my friends don't understand here. They're like, what a fuck all you, you never hang out bitch. I have an eight year old. You forget. Everybody forgets that they had an eight year old and how complicated their life was. And some people skim through it. Some people get nannies, some people, you know, whatever, that's fine. That works for you. I wanted to be a part of our life. It's a lot of fucking work. It's like marriage. It's a lot of fucking work. You got, it's a give and take. You know, my marriage didn't last the first time because it
Starting point is 00:17:09 wasn't a give and take. I was running around like a fucking Indian. But once you, you know, see what marriage entails, you know, I can't, I would love to hang out with my friends more, but I can't dump it on my wife. You know, I got to take her to little events. I got to take her to kickboxing. I got to help my wife out whenever I can. And I like hanging out with her. So it's not even like a chore for me. It's not like I'm watching a kid today. I fucking hate it. No, I enjoy it. I've been hanging around fucking savages 30 years. It's nice to be around kids that just talk to you about whatever the fuck they talk to you about, you know, I know how old is mercy mercy is about to be nine eight or not to be nine. Holy moly. That's so crazy.
Starting point is 00:17:54 Nine years old. I was time moves by fast, man. And it's real. You know, it was like a she's like a year away from asking fucking creepy question. Does she Google you yet? Has she I mean, I know she did a little bit in LA, but like, no, she doesn't she doesn't you're just still dad to her. She don't give a flying fuck about me and my career. That doesn't even I and I don't want to be involved in that. Do you know what I mean? She doesn't get you. Of course not. No, she asked if she wants to see the many saints. God ask her. She'll I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it. You know, no, I'm excited to why I'm going to Florida tomorrow to visit my dad. We have it all planned. We're going to take some edibles and
Starting point is 00:18:39 watch it when as soon as I get there. He has an 80 inch TV. I'm excited. Holy shit. Oh yeah. My dad's fully with my dad's with the king of retired people. He has an 80 inch TV as beanbag chairs at the house. Lava lamps. He's doing anything he wants to do down there. It's really crazy league. It's it's as much as I don't want to talk about it. I have to talk about I'm looking at that right now. You know, I'm about to turn 59 years old unless Costco hires me. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I know you're looking for a little gig, right? You've been putting applications and you're trying to get a little more security in your life. You know, I mean, you've done all the realm and you see that this isn't really a secure life. Once you have a girlfriend and you're
Starting point is 00:19:28 looking at marriage and you're looking at things, this is a weird life because they can't really handle it. They'll tell you they can't handle it, but they can't handle it. Six years down the line, she's going to break up with you. Well, why did you expect this to have a relationship? You're always gone. Right? So no, I mean, for you, man, you've been working so hard for so long, and it's like, you're what are you going to do it for five or 10 more years? And you never know how much time you're going to have left how much good like you're still healthy. You can still do everything. Why not enjoy it? I mean, what's the point of killing yourself if you can't spend any of the money you made or go on vacations or like I'm Steve Simone and I were talking about this
Starting point is 00:20:12 the other day, it's like, yeah, I'd like to be rich. But if I could make if I could make enough money to where I don't have to worry about it, but I still get to go on a vacation or or watch a movie out on a weekend, it's like, what else? Like, I even I honestly had this talk with my mom the other day, like I moved out of my mom's place immediately. I was in a car a week after I graduated college to go to LA. I was really nervous about going back. But if I get a if I when I get a job, I even told her like, listen, I might just stay here and like to see if I move in with this with my girlfriend in a year and a year and a half. I like being here. Why am I going to waste money? I like getting to have dinner with my mom every night. It's like leaving LA showed me like,
Starting point is 00:20:58 like even when I was before I met you working in TV, the shift that I worked was either 10 to seven, which means I had to leave at eight in the morning, get back eight night, or I'd work from seven p.m. to five a.m. How do people have lives much less families doing that? It's I know there's a lot of people happy doing it and I like I probably could be happy doing it in some way, but I think there's a lot more to life than than just working. Well, for me, you know, I'm a fucking spick. I love to work, you know, I like to work too. Yeah. You know, I love working. I love being busy. I love my mind being, uh, you know, thinking about positive shit and you know, what I could do to be better. I always enjoyed that. As far as comedy is concerned, I wanted to
Starting point is 00:21:50 give it a breather just to see what I really love, what I really am about. It was 30 years and it wasn't, uh, 30 years that was part time. I lost it. My ass, you know, I think before I met you, I think of 97, 98, 99, 2003. Those years for me were nonstop. I didn't turn down anything. It was a $10 job, $100 job, a $300 job. You know, I remember coming off the plane and shooting, you know, I remember like now I get off a plane and I like would call you and tell you I'm done for the day. When I first got to LA, I would get off a plane to go do shit, to go shoot a TV show, to go fucking do three more spots. It's crazy. So I used to take Sunday nights off when I met you to do comedy or we do the podcast or whatever. I never took a fucking night off
Starting point is 00:22:48 from 91 to 2005. I didn't take a night off. I know that for a fact. But until I got the longest yard, I, I gave myself, I forced myself to take time off. But until the longest yard, I never took time off. That was 13 years without a night off. Do you think that would have changed if you had a kid? If I would have had a kid, I would have had to learn to work around it. But if I would have had a kid in 95, we wouldn't be married anymore either. Wow. Because I love comedy. I love comedy so much until 2007 that I gave up everything around me. Like I gave up health. I didn't give a fuck about staying out until four in the morning and sleep until seven. I didn't give a fuck about eating after the comedy store. I would eat two times after the comedy
Starting point is 00:23:47 store. I would eat with Andrew. I would go to the, would die somewhere and then I would go with red band somewhere. You know, I didn't care about my health. I didn't care how fat I got. The, the, the fucking goal was to be funny, to learn how to be funny and to be a working full time comic. That was it. Nothing. I didn't care about bench presses. I didn't care about calories. I didn't care about, you know, diabetes. I didn't care about health. I didn't care about anything. Comedy was first. Drugs was second. Life was third. Wow. You can't. That's no, that's no recipe for a family. No, not at all. That's amazing. It's amazing how much you've changed. That's a recipe for no family. You know, and that's what I didn't have. I never had a family.
Starting point is 00:24:34 I never had a wife. I never had a kid because of those reasons, because comedy was one and cocaine and drugs were a tight fucking second. You know, and dating chicks with no kids was a tight fucking third. You know what I'm saying? I don't want no kid knocking on the door when I'm trying to eat some ass and shit. I'm eating my own cocoa crispies. I don't play. Hey, it was never on. That's, that's something I learned from you is like, you never know what's like. That's the, you never plan, you plan, but you don't have like daily, you don't like to go past a day. I never planned on dating somebody with a kid. I never planned on being living back in Boston, but you got to say, man, I'm happy. I'm happy with the way things turned out so far.
Starting point is 00:25:15 You know, we never plan anything. And we don't, I was talking to my wife when Mike came in today, my wife and I was sitting there talking. And last night our game got canceled. So we went to the football practice. Our kids, you know, my daughter has friends at that kids playing the football team or my daughter's friends playing the football team, you know, the nine-year-olds. So we take the chairs, we take some waters, we get some potato chips, and we go to the fucking field. I don't eat no chips. My wife and the parents, and there was a guy I talked to and my wife asked me today, you were talking to him last night, how's he doing? You know, he's 35 and he put a bunch of shit in front of him to do like remodel, vacation, two kids,
Starting point is 00:25:58 you know, fucking one kid plays flag football, the daughter plays softball, cheerleads, you know, plus he works in New York city from 11 to 730 in the morning. So a couple of weeks ago, he just, you know, it's the law diminishing returns. You could put that time in, you could do it, but eventually the fucking reservoir is going to bust. Yeah. And it busted. So he's just trying to take the pieces back. So he had to take a week off of work on holiday pay. And then this week he's got vacation. So he had to, he had to take two weeks to get his life situated again because it had gotten so far out of between the remodel,
Starting point is 00:26:45 this, that. So I told my wife, I go, you know, that seems like my life when I met Terry, when I first met my wife, I was always doing something. And it wasn't until maybe five years later that my wife said to me, what the fuck is it that you're doing? Let me see your notebook. And I would show her what I was doing. And she would say, why are you doing this gig 50 bucks? Why are you doing this gig? Get rid of this, get rid of that, get rid of this. And because it was the, it becomes the law of diminishing returns. You're doing too much and you're not getting anywhere. You're just, you know, you're just fucking, what's that expression? You just spinning your fucking wheels. That's it. You're really spinning your wheels. You're
Starting point is 00:27:29 making a little bit of progress. I'm not saying that there's no progress to be made in that time. But at the same time, you're making a little bit of progress, but you're doing so much that you're really missing the fucking point. And that's what I was doing. I wasn't doing that. Before we left LA, you know, I was talking to Josh Wolf the other day. And we were talking about what you and Mikey were talking about before I came on, even the reefer. My anxiety has gone down in the daytime. It's okay for me to hit the weed twice now. You know, like if I take two, it's off a pipe in the daytime. It's okay. I did it the other day and it's okay. But guess what? I didn't want to do it. Wow. Like I don't like smoking in the daytime no more.
Starting point is 00:28:12 What happens when you, if you were to smoke? It's okay. I get hungry. I get it. But it doesn't give you anxiety? Like why? No, not like it. What before I had, I was rebounding. I had rebounding anxiety. Someone I would smoke or taking that up on the daytime. It would just blow it the fuck up. Oh no. Okay. But now because of time, the anxiety has gone away. So the other day I wanted just to try it. I went to my friends like, let me just try it because he always cooked something good. So I took two hits off a pipe and I got high. But reefer now makes me think of going to sleep. Wow. I use marijuana now to go to sleep. So it's like my sleep apnea machine in bed. I don't go to bed to watch TV. I wanted my mind to know
Starting point is 00:29:03 that when I go to bed, it's to do one thing, to get my dick sucked or to sleep. You know what I'm saying? I don't go, I don't lay in bed to watch TV. I don't lay in bed to read. I don't lay in bed to think because I want my mind to know that when I go to bed, it's to sleep. And those edibles don't make you like, like you used to, you had a rule for me towards the end with the edibles. Like no more ideas because those edibles are giving, like, give me an idea. If I take enough edibles, I won't go to sleep. Oh, you have Johnny bad ideas. You start calling me with businesses and fucking corporations and I can't help it. Every time I get out, I just, I start thinking of things. I can't sleep on it and you can sleep. You just go right to bed. The podcast is squirrel house.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Clubhouse, but yeah, I still stand by that. I still stand by almost all my ideas. The podcast is clubhouse. I was a bad idea, but why throw soft on the wounds? You know what I'm some bad ideas myself, but uh, yeah, my head has some bad. I've done some bad fucking things when I get high. You know, I get hired and I do some stupid things like how all the fucking band-aids or something like that in the mail, you know, I'll do stupid things. I got a rule here. Once I smoke or taking that, I'm not allowed to open up a computer. Oh, yeah. What are you going to Amazon? I had to make a rule, man, because I start buying plane tickets the next day I wake up and the tickets to fucking Tunisia, you know, it's leaving in December. I got the dates wrong. I got
Starting point is 00:30:36 the fucking, I'm done. I'm done. So like a couple weeks ago I went online and I did something stupid. I bought something stupid. No, I bought something I needed. It was for the guitar. I needed a stand and then it got lost and then the fucking, the Amazon didn't have it. So then I wanted the wrong fucking stand. So it came. So I had to send it. So I'm like, I'm not going to order nothing that night no more. I'm going to let my wife order it from now on. There's a rule. Don't get on a computer. Don't do dick. I go to the chair and then at night I got a ritual now too. I turn the TV off and I sit for 15 minutes. Do you meditate? What do you do? It's like a light meditation just to get the bullshit out of my brain before I go to bed because sometimes you hit the bed and you think about your
Starting point is 00:31:22 day and then you get agitated all over again. So I'm like, I got to, I made so many little fucking adjustments just to help my sleep. People keep saying to me, you look so much better. You look thin, whatever. I'm not doing dick. I'm drinking water and I'm sleeping eight hours. That's it. And I think back about LA, like I look at my sleep logs from LA, Lee, they were horrible. You have sleep logs? Yeah. You write it down to your sleep apnea machine, does it? My sleep apnea machine does it. I get to look at it and I looked at them the other day. Wow. How much were you sleeping? A month ago. It wasn't too good, Lee, at the end of the fucking week. Yeah. No, I mean, you'd get home anytime we did come or you'd probably get home at like 11,
Starting point is 00:32:06 12, go to sleep at one and be up at six. I was fucking sleeping like 40 hours and seven nights. Wow. Yeah, that's not good. It makes a huge difference. That's not good. 38 hours or something like that. It just was not good. You know, so now I actually got up to fucking like 55 hours a week, 57 hours a week. And you can tell a big difference? Yes. I don't need coffee. Wow. Okay. Become obsolete in my life. Expressos, not even one. I live on one cup of American coffee a day. How crazy is that? I love coffee. I'm like any other fucking American. I could drink coffee all fucking day if you let me. You were taking double espresso shots before you went to the comedy store. Double espresso shots with a fucking cigarette. Oh my god. I love it. I don't even smoke
Starting point is 00:33:04 and I dream of that shit. A nice double espresso with a joint. Maybe two or three bong hits in a cigarette. Jesus. You're getting the car after that. You're cutting motherfuckers off. Tell them to suck your dick. That's my lane. That's my exit, cocksucker. Driving with you is like no one else. I love driving with you. You gotta bring a jacket and you gotta bring a water in case you're gonna have edibles, but you're gonna have a blast. Oh yeah. And I still fucking have a blast by myself when I drive. The other day I pulled over because some guy was just decided to fight. I swear to godly, he just decided to get on the side of a two lane road. Okay. That's small enough as it is. Like if you see these two lanes, you're like
Starting point is 00:33:48 I'm gonna die. But this fucking clown decided he needed to make a fucking phone call and he gets on the, you know, he could pull us over to the side, but he's not really on the side. Oh yeah. He's three quarters over the fucking line. So there's a line to fucking Chicago to try to get around him. So I'm waiting like 15 minutes and finally I gotta get around them. I'm coming back from kickboxing with Mercy and I stop at the guy and he's talking on the phone like, well, you know, whatever, like Johnny fucking realtor and I go, you cock sucker. And his expression, he just cracked. He just stayed there and the guy he was on the phone with must have heard him because he just fucking stopped. I'm like, you cock sucker. You motherless fuck. And as I didn't
Starting point is 00:34:35 say motherless fuck, I did, but under my breath, I just hit him with the big cock suck. I hit him with the big casino and about five feet late, I realized Mercy's in the backseat. I go, Mercy, I'm sorry about that. And she goes, what? I go, I cursed and she goes, you did. I don't even know what that means. I go, that's good. You don't need to know what cock sucker means, cock sucker. You told on yourself, oh, she's going to hear it. Oh my God. I don't know if we told it the last time or not. Did we tell on the last episode how you yelled at the, the two cops messing with the homeless guy that one morning at eight in the morning? I think I think we were high in the morning going to the podcast. I forget where we were going, but these two cops were messing with
Starting point is 00:35:19 the doctor or something. Oh, was that it? Okay. You were driving like a surgery or some shit. And we were stoned to the gills and one, the Kowenga around Kowenga and Burbank. It's this fucking dead street. Dick Van Dyke wouldn't even live on that fucking street. It's dead. And we were driving on the street. It's Monday morning. It's eight o'clock and these fucking cops are twisted. They got that car twisted really on a Monday morning. There's not enough traffic, but even Martians, even Mexicans in Mexico will tell you, don't drive in California in the morning. They know it's fucking heavy duty traffic. This motherfucker had his car twisted. Now I love police. I don't like yelling at the cops, but you can't be that fucking stupid. You're not helping
Starting point is 00:36:06 the public. Right now you're harming the public. You're going to cause a fucking accident. You've got people backed up. You're making them late for work. You're not helping the general fucking public. This is what I get pissed off about. I don't mind them beating up a black guy or a Cuban guy or a Chinese guy. That comes to the territory. You know what I'm saying? A white dude fucking hit him in the head with a fucking car, run him over. But you fucking twisted up a traffic. You know, you saw that lane that morning. You saw how much cars they were doing. So I pulled up to the motherfucker and I'm like, you cock sucking both of these cops. They're looking around. They don't know where the fuck it's coming from. I'm like, you cock suckers. Get it together. And I kept yelling.
Starting point is 00:36:50 I kept yelling something. Move it. Move it. No, because I think I was driving and you yelled out across the car. And then what about the homeless guy who came and attacked you and hit him with the car at the 7-Eleven? That was the worst 7-Eleven in the world, ladies and gentlemen. This was, I almost, I saw a girl get pimped out against her fucking will one night and they had quarter to five in the morning. I saw some kinky shit in this 7-Eleven. It was not a good 7-Eleven. And one day I go there with my wife. I think we were looking at the office. I think we were already at the office or something. I think we were already at the office and I go to 7-Eleven and my wife is in the car and I get in the car and this motherfucker is saying
Starting point is 00:37:39 shit to my wife, like, you know, giving her the finger and fucking doing all that shit with his tongue and shit. And I get in the car and I'm like, what the fuck is this guy's problem? And she goes, I have no idea. I go, oh, get away from the car. He goes, fuck you. I go, all right. I just fucked him, put the car in drive and just rammed him. And I hit his fucking knees and he went back and I pulled back and I'm trying to fucking get out and he runs up to the car and he fucking punches the car to window shatters in his hand. He broke his hand. I can hear the whole hand go and he's like, ah, and I'm like, that's what you get. And I just pulled off. I think I ran over his foot too. He was like Steve Buscemi in the Sopranos. I fucked him up. He was limping with
Starting point is 00:38:25 a broken hand. Oh my God. I can't. That was like, oh, there's never ending the stories with you driving. I love it. I love it. Going to the, going to the, I just, I the ice house sent me a message on Instagram to let me know they're opening back up in February. Yeah. And I like those, those are probably my favorite going to the ice house with you because for a while we did it like every month on a Wednesday for the live podcast Wednesdays and one Saturday a month. It was Eve. Yeah. Oh my God. It was the, and then the testicle testaments like that. I got a Sam really happy that they're opening back up because that, that ice house was probably one of the comedy stores, a special place. And I love being able to go to the comedy store, but it was almost,
Starting point is 00:39:09 I felt like at home at the ice house, they were always so nice from, from the security guys, the managers, the waitstaff, the sound guys. Like it was, it was just so much, I felt like at home there. It was so much fun. Lee. Yeah. I mean, listen, LA was LA. I was there after 23 years. I had a good time. If I was to tell you there was things I wouldn't miss about LA, I would be lying to you. There's a lot of shitheads and there's a lot of fucking egotistical dumb motherfuckers. And there's a lot of pedophiles and there's a lot of fucking sexual deviance and all that shit. But I gotta be honest with you, man. It's like the people that were good were really fucking good. You know, the ice house was sensational. Patty defy. I don't know if you know that one
Starting point is 00:40:01 manager that died. No blonde girl passed away during COVID. Oh, no, I gave money to a fund from Patreon. Yes, she died. That girl was a sweetheart to remember what I'm talking about. I think so. Like chubby blonde, kind of a flat ass, but really cute. Always brought us water, always cookies and shit. She passed away during the pandemic. I tell you how guilty I felt. I even called the fiance. I gave the go fund money and I think I even threw him a couple yards because she was sensational. You know, there was some sensational people at the comedy store. There were some great people at the fucking improv. Except for Jamie Masada. I don't know anybody else at the fucking laugh factory. You know,
Starting point is 00:40:51 the two bartenders, the Asian dudes from Thailand, right? Those guys were there since I fucking walked on that into that comedy club in 1997. You know, they were fucking good people. There were some great, great, great people who I definitely still miss in LA. You know, the Agostino, you know, I miss Steve Simone. I miss who I spoke to the other night, the fuck nut, you know, with Eric, the beast. What's that? The podcast, the sickle. Oh, okay. There was some exceptional fucking people, Josh Potter. I know you miss little Josh. I see him on Instagram doing his thing. He's doing great now. Yeah. He's like, uh, I feel like fucking, uh, the dude from Goodfellas. When I see Josh Potter,
Starting point is 00:41:44 look at Josh Potter doing up the town. You know what I'm saying? He's out there. He's on the road. He's opening for somebody on the road. These are all guys that I knew when they were fucking kids. Like I knew you when you were kids. So I'm, I know I miss Felipe. I miss George Perez. I miss Rodrigo, Johnny Rock. Look at Darren Carter. He's at the comedy store a lot now. Darren Carter. Look, he sat tight. They wouldn't give him love. Now it opened up. Now he's at the store four nights a week. Yeah. You don't know what's going to happen in this career. And that's why you hang on with comedy because yeah, you had a bad day today, but tomorrow you can hit the lottery. The reason why you got into comedy was to hit the fucking lottery. So you don't know. You just have to stick
Starting point is 00:42:29 it out. You have to be there when nobody else shows up. I don't care how I, you know, listen, I could be really ashamed right now. You know, I could tell you that my acting career didn't start till the Sopranos came on TV. I, I made a career out of doubling down on big pussies back. I could say all those things and somebody could say that to me, but I know better than that. I know that, yes, I doubled down on big pussies career, but you still got to act to book those roles. You still got to be able to do, be funny to book those roles. You still have to audition well to book those roles just cause you look like, look like somebody doesn't mean you have a guaranteed role. You still have to do the work. I would still sit with these auditions and, you
Starting point is 00:43:16 know, go over them for three fucking hours or to find tooth comb just to get these roles. So right. And do they expect you to turn it down? Like, oh, I'm going to get roles just by myself with, with nothing. No, like, no, they're looking for that kind of person. You fit the description. You did the work. That's, I hope, I'm glad you don't think that way. That would be, I mean, that's, that's getting in your own way, but it's an honest way to look at it. I've looked at it other ways like that. And yes, but I, you know, cause I'm honest with myself, I have to fucking honestly look at the mirror and go, how did I get to this place? Well, the Sopranos piggybacked me through big pussy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then I just took over. You know, I got the
Starting point is 00:43:56 longest shot cause I didn't look like big pussy. They weren't looking for big pussy for Spider-Man too. Right. But what I'm saying is that like mad TV launched my career, you know, analyze that, launch my career. I was supposed to look like pussy and that all helped and I took it. You know, listen, there's no small jobs. There's just small actors. You know, that's a great way of looking at it. You know, and I put the work in, I could look at the mirror and go, you know what, I put the fucking work in, you know, you know, me and Mike and I were talking about music, how when you start in a band, you got to do cover songs and then you try to fit in your fucking original music in between that, but people don't want to hear that because you're not Jimmy
Starting point is 00:44:42 Page. Now you're Jimmy Page and you show up to, you know, but that's wrong also because I still remember 93, 94, Eric Clapton to the tour and the motherfucker did blues and people were running out of the arena throwing their tickets up in the air. They were mad cause he didn't do Layla or he didn't do fucking, you know, I shot the sheriff. So when you go for change sometimes, when you go for change sometimes, people don't like it, but you got to stick to your fucking guns and then they'll like it. No, one of the things, one of the smartest things that you taught me, because I talked to a lot of people about their podcast is you can't, you can, you can look at trends and you can look at what people like and work to that, but you can't ask them what they want or do only what they want
Starting point is 00:45:33 because they'll get bored with it. And, and you got to do what you want and hopefully the people who are supposed to find it will find it and, and you'll be happy. There's no, there's no point in doing something if you're just pandering and you don't even like what you're doing. No, but I see now from not being in LA as a comic, I see other comics doing the podcast and them saying what you want to hear. I could see it now that I'm out of it. I could see that now. I could see, uh, I just see a lot of things that listen, I am who I am and I'm rough and tumble. I'm going to say whatever comes to my mind. You learned that over the fucking 10 years that, oh yeah, you're not
Starting point is 00:46:19 sure. Listen, they're going to be mad. One thing about you that I always loved was like, tell these fucking people. I love when they say, Hey, make sure you put this guy on the podcast. That's the last guy I'm putting on the fucking podcast. When you guys give me a recommendation at home, like put this guy on the podcast. That's the last motherfucker I'm putting on. Yeah. No, unless I think of it myself, I'm not putting this motherfucker on. When you guys send me weird messages, you ever get a weird message sent back to you from me like that? You can't understand that. That's all done purposely. That's all done purposely. Like you'll call me and say, you're going to be in Phoenix Thursday through Sunday. Can I do a guest spot?
Starting point is 00:46:59 I'll say there was a fire at my house and my cat got killed. I'll call you next week. You know, and you're like, what the fuck? I just asked him about a spot. He told me about his dead cat. That's what I've been doing for years. I will not put a guest on the show because you want me to put a guest on the show. I will not talk about something because you want me to talk about like every Monday morning after a fight, people go, can you please talk about this situation? You know, if I find it fit to talk about, I'll talk about it. But if I know Rogan's going to do it better, why would I even try? Exactly. Rogan's got that fight down to a science. If you think I'm going to come on here and try to go hand to hand with Rogan on his knowledge of fighting and
Starting point is 00:47:40 boxing and shit, I'm not going to do it. I might give you my take on it just, you know, from what I'm thinking that we should discuss it like I did with Conor McGregor and with John Jones last week, which I got to pull my John Jones podcast back because Jesus Christ, I didn't know what he had done. Yeah, no fucking idea what he had done. I just thought that John, I love John. I fucking love John Jones. I love when he talks to me. I like being around him. He's a fun guy. He's filled with energy, but I think this guy, this time he hit it on the head when he said he has to stop drinking because of the trauma his brain got. I think that's real. Remember when we had big John McCarthy on the podcast, right? Oh yeah, of course. And he told us that he thinks
Starting point is 00:48:26 that OJ killed his wife, but he didn't fucking remember like he couldn't even because of the CTE, like, you know, CTE is a motherfucker. And when you throw cocaine and alcohol on CTE, that's like giving an Indian gin, you know, you just looking fucking problems there. So I got to camp my little John Jones podcast from last week because I love John, but I think what he did last week was a little out of bounds for John. I think that yeah, they released the 911 tape and I couldn't listen to it. Was it bad? I couldn't. I just, I didn't, I don't want to listen to it. I don't want to listen to it. I feel bad for John. And I wish that he gets it together because once it comes into your house, that's when it's bad.
Starting point is 00:49:10 That's when the next one's going to be bad. Once it comes into your house, when you're doing shit that's out in the street, it's one fucking thing. But once it comes into your house, your three kids witnessed it, your two kids, whatever, then it gets real. So I wish them all the luck in the world from Uncle Joey's joint and the fucking church. You know what I'm saying, Taksaka? What kind of job are you looking for? You know what? I'm, I have a couple of things. I'm talking with some people who, who can like use my podcasting knowledge. I really, I would love to figure out a way to help podcasters interact with sponsors better. The thing that I was always frustrating at the beginning of podcasting was everyone had the
Starting point is 00:49:59 same Hulu Plus, Blue Apron, and those are their great companies and it's great that they believe in the, the medium, but it's really, I feel like it's, it still has a long way to go because like to get, and I know that they tip in their tone a little bit, but to get Coca-Cola in there, to get, to really, like one of the, one of the coolest things that I got to do, it was very small. I just did the introduction, you close the deal, but Tushy was just, I was like, you kept talking about bidets. And I was like, let me look for bidets. And I found them and I wrote them an email and then you guys figured everything out and they're a great company to work with. But I think what podcasting offers that people don't really understand is it's not just an ad
Starting point is 00:50:44 people fast forward through hopefully or, or are missing anymore is if the, when the host or the podcast has a real connection, it's like, why, why already doesn't have Expedia as a sponsor? Like, like stuff like that, like stuff that really connects, I think is, is missing. So I'm hoping to find something that's where my thought is right now. You know what's crazy, Lee, you more than everybody, anybody know that I have a process for sponsors. I don't really want to put something out there that I don't believe in. Absolutely. And then we step it up a little more. I don't want to put something out there that I don't use. You know, we have the bond company today. We have draft Kings today.
Starting point is 00:51:31 And we have on it today. I use all three of them. And I'm very happy with all three of them. Fucking draft Kings. You know, you could create a profile on draft Kings and do what will follow you and follow your picks and you could create a community on draft Kings See, I'm so jealous that I can't, I can use draft Kings for like the daily fantasy, but I can't, in Massachusetts, you can't do the sports betting. There's no betting yet. Only in states like Jersey where it's legal. Right. So, so that's, it's, uh, I would love to do that. I'm only, I'm jealous.
Starting point is 00:52:10 How watching your reads and getting, getting to do that. But that's awesome. That you get to farming. I love my products. I really love my products. When I was with the surgery and I still do, I use that CBD lion tape when I go to the gym. If half those products, you always see those products are diminishing. There's a reason there's a reason because I'm fucking using them. You know, I mean, and that was something that you taught me because like people would reach out and have like competing sponsors and you'd be like, I'm not going to do it. How am I going to go one week and go with company X that there's the same thing and two weeks later I'm going to do in
Starting point is 00:52:47 company Y. I lose credibility. It's, uh, it's, I, I really do think like we, we got it, not even at the beginning, but over 10 years ago, I think there's so much that podcasts can offer. It's funny that one of the, after all the fun, Lisa and outer space, everything that we did on the church, the comment that I get the most, uh, almost the most is my argument with Joe about audio is the future. Me highest fuck, not really being able to make sense, but five, six years later, he, he's with Spotify and I really do honestly believe in this medium. I think it, I think it brings something that, that is missing right now. I love it, but it's about to change again. I have to, it's always changing. Like I think it's going to change again. And that's what I like about it the most. And I
Starting point is 00:53:36 think it's going to, we're looking at something that's about to change again. Something's going to pop up with this pretty soon, like its own channel, a better way to do it. Like I, I'm loving these zooms. I'm loving these zooms. Uh, this would have saved us if they could make the zoom a little better. Maybe they could able to smell our farts. Like if I could fart in a fucking canister and you could smell it at home, it would add to it or they could smell the reefer or something, you know, but the podcast realm is going to change. You know, it's a shame that I'm getting older. You know, uh, my thoughts are a little old. I had a lot of young guys like I had that really good age group, 21 to 32, whatever, you know, but now I'm not smoking pot on here.
Starting point is 00:54:25 You know, I'm doing so many things I wanted to change. You know, I didn't want to come back with the same old fucking song and dance, even though it is the same old fucking song and dance. It's just, you know, you just try to be honest with people. It's the same fucking song and dance. We just try to make a little bit more, uh, you know, fresher is what I'm trying to, but I feel that this is about to change any fucking day now. Yeah, it's been, I mean, when we started, it was all people talking, having fun. Now companies are doing like full on productions. They have actors. They have, they have seasons. ESPN has them. Companies are starting to have them. And it's, it's always, it's always changing. And that's, that's what's
Starting point is 00:55:11 so fun about it. And that's like with you, I like, yeah, I mean, there are some aspects of the joint that are similar to the church, but even though, even though you are a very, um, you know, you, you're not sat in your ways, but you have the ways you are. You have your beliefs and you stick to them. But something that you do do is you, you evolve, you, you change when, when you're done with something, you're done with it. And it's, it's, uh, it would be, I think it'd be disingenuous if like you jumped on there, smoking joints on the podcast. And then as soon as the podcast ended, you never smoked. Like you, when you were smoking on the church, that was just you smoking all day. It was just, you changed. It was who I was. So I don't want to misinterpret
Starting point is 00:55:55 who I am to these people at home now because we change. We evolve as human beings. Listen, I didn't want, I could have came back here and gone up to New York or Hudson County and got a state of the art studio and then all this shit and Lee, I thought about it and I gotta be honest with you. I'm not sold on all that high level shit. I still like this to feel like pirate radio. I still want this to feel like I'm doing something wrong. Like the cops could knock on my door at any time and go, Hey, what are you doing? You're not supposed to be doing this. Like this is what I wanted to do. I could have got a fancy studio with lights and six guys bringing your coffee and that that's not what a podcast is supposed to be. That's radio. Yep.
Starting point is 00:56:43 A podcast is supposed to be something that if the sound is a little muffled, we're not worried about it. Right. There's a sound of an ambulance. We're not worried about it because it's not Memorex. It's fucking live right before people. Is it live? No, it's Memorex. Now you and Memorex could suck my dick. It's live. People don't want Memorex no more. I don't know if you've ever seen it. One of my favorites of me, my guess, it's a picture of people like it's like this is a podcast and it's one guy sitting next to a billboard, but like the people on the billboard all look like they're talking and it's one guy just sitting next to it. Like he's part of the conversation. What I love about our podcast and your podcast is it's almost like me. Like I'm an introverted guy.
Starting point is 00:57:29 I don't talk much. It's like we're having a conversation and you're doing most of the talking. It's not prescripted. It's not like you are doing stuff just to make a laugh. It's honestly, it's like almost like a journal. It's like your audio journal is the way I look at your podcast. And you have points and you have thoughts. I mean, you're one of the most prepared people I ever met. You have a notebook. I'm sure you have a notebook right in front of you. No, not today. No, no, no, no. But I mean, that's the way I view this. Like some people are different and I love other podcasts that have themes or whatever, but I view yours as an audio journal. That's what I think. That's what it was supposed to be from day one. Yeah, that's what
Starting point is 00:58:15 it's supposed to be from day fucking one. You know, it's not supposed to be fancy lights and drum rolls and shit like that. It's just supposed to be two, three, six morons talking. You know, there wasn't supposed I could watch John Oliver if I want graphics. Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, that's what I think that I even do an injustice to you to the podcast with you to be. Like I was telling Mike, I'm thinking of taping podcasts like Bill Burke and just putting a picture up on YouTube. Don't have to see anything, you know, no more. They don't have to see it. This was created for you to listen for you to start listening again. This is what I wanted. This is why I loved putting out CDs and albums. Oh,
Starting point is 00:59:01 yeah, I fucking hate specials. I fucking hated them. That's why I was bad at them. I didn't enjoy them. A CD is how I was introduced to comedy, not a CD per se, but an album that skipped that bounced a little bit. Your uncle left it out in the sun one day. He went to get milk and left the album in the car and the sun bent it a little bit. So now when I hear it, it's actually doing like a boom, boom, but like, I like that. And that's how I wanted for the podcast world. Even the people at home to be going, shh, I don't want my mom to hear it like that. That's what I always saw the podcast as. So who the fuck knows? This is what you see it as. And this is what we wanted to grow as. And I'm happy you took the time to come on and talk some shit with me. I was sick
Starting point is 00:59:49 and tired of being doing these serious fucking podcasts. It's time for a goofy podcast. You know what I'm saying? Shoving whipped cream up people's ass holes. Oh, no, I love it. It's always great to talk to you, man. It's always, there's no one who can make me laugh and smile. Even when you said that, like, like my cheeks still hurt. It's just like, there's, you say that you're taking a break from comedy, but in reality, you're just taking a break from going on stage. You're still taking a break. There's no one who talks like you think it's, it's, uh, and that's why the podcast is great. Cause I mean, you say you're getting old. I don't think you're that old yet, but I mean, this, the shit that you can say on podcasts, you can, you're in your house. What's better than that?
Starting point is 01:00:32 Who wants to drive an hour to sit in traffic? Have people cough on you? Someone's pulled over to the side. You come downstairs, you do your 45 minutes an hour and you get to go up and color or whatever you're going to do. That's it. That's it. I haven't colored in a while. Cocksuck, I don't know. She's done coloring. She's still colors. I just, there's no pandemic. So she don't want me in the room coloring with her no more. You know what I'm saying? That was when she was supposed to be in school. We would color. She was coloring the other day. She asked me, I, I just found some of the pictures I used to color. I got a whole folder. I must have colored a thousand pictures during that fucking pandemic weather. But ever since we moved here, she colors
Starting point is 01:01:11 in her room. She colors at school. She don't color here with me no more. She's getting big. That's crazy. I go in her room once in a while, but I don't sit in there. I go in a room to talk to her and shit. I tell her to clean her room, but I don't sit in there. It's not as big as the room in LA. I don't even think she has a chair in this room. No, I just sit on the bed. It's upstairs. I'm happy you're doing well. You look great. Thank you. I'm trying. I'm happy that everything's working out for you. I'm happy that you're loving that asshole. I told you it was like a Hershey kiss. It's the best smelling shit you'll ever smell. You know what I'm saying? Shit smells bad, but sometimes that asshole just smells good. I haven't done, I haven't gone into it yet. I just,
Starting point is 01:01:54 I just stay on the outside. You haven't put your tongue into the shaft. No, that's the true vaccine right there. How do you get it in? How do you push it through that? It's just right. You just keep pushing your tongue in. And then if not, you loosen it with a finger. Just a tip. It's like the thimble. Yeah. Just a thimble of the finger and you open it up. It's like a shoe. What are you a shoehorn? You know what I'm saying? Just enough to get the fucking tongue in your asshole. And then you go in and then you machine gun it. It's like you have to go in and out though. Not like the clit is up and down like a snake, like a rattlesnake, right? Like a machine gun in the asshole is like this. And then you see what happens. The tongue is folded. So when it goes
Starting point is 01:02:44 into the asshole, it opens up. It's a fucking surprise. It's like a fucking fortune cookie of love. You know what I'm saying? Just in their asshole. You can't lick the asshole and lick the pussy because the clit will get sick. It'll cough and shit. Yeah. It's pussy asshole. You can't go asshole to pussy. What do you have to do? Let's drain in between because I've done that. I didn't know that was the thing. Yeah. You might get a pussy six. You might get the clip. The clip might cough and shit. You'll hear it when you, before you bite into it real hard. You know what I'm saying? Like a piece of calamari. You bite into that fucking clip and you sniff it at the same time. I laughed thinking about you the other day because she was like, oh, I want to take a shower.
Starting point is 01:03:26 And I just thought about you always saying like, I like a little bit of onion and I was like, there's no showers allowed. Get that fucking, get that little hairy monkey out here with that Greek Satsiki sauce on the monkey. And let's get that party started, Jack, that Satsiki sauce when it's got that little oniony smoke to the pussy. And if it don't happen at the beginning, just keep two finger Louis and eventually you'll hit Eureka and that fucking Wang will come out of there. You'll smell their kidney, their liver, their intestines. That's when you know you hit fucking rock bottom, Jack. You know what I'm saying? I love that. Oh my God. I bought the more Jack. I went out for a ride and I never came back. You know what I'm saying? Your dad's not coming
Starting point is 01:04:06 back. Leave me alone. That's not coming back. Leave me alone. You ugly fuck. I told you this. Go practice baseball. No one day left. Go practice your swings. No one day left. Cock sucker. You need your fucking chicken. You didn't eat your fucking nuggets. Now you're one. You want to knock on the door? Mommy, give me breakfast. Go fuck yourself, you little cock sucker. Go watch the Discovery Channel or something. I believe you're eating the sandwich. Fucking women with kids. What a fucking pain he is. Oh my God. Hysteric. All my cheeks hurt. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I love you, cock sucker. I love you too, buddy. Thank you for having me. Anytime, my friends, stay black. Always a pleasure
Starting point is 01:04:52 to see you. Give my best to mom and dad. I will tell dad I said hello. Give him an extra edible to fuck him up out of respect. Oh yeah. We're going to have fun this weekend. All right. Stay black, buddy. Thank you for coming on Uncle Joey's joint. Of course, buddy. Thank you. Bye. Bye. What's happened, twinkle toes? I hope you enjoyed the fucking episode. You know, it's always great to see him. Like I said, we're still fucking tighter than fucking shoe leather. We still chitchat from time to times. I miss him. We didn't have him on last month because of a different agenda, but I promise I'd have him on today. No two, no two episodes. All we need is just one to fucking get the party started. So I hope you enjoyed it.
Starting point is 01:05:33 I also want to congratulate Michael, myself and you guys. It's a one year anniversary since we started the joint. So thank you for watching today. Thank you for being part of it. I know we had some rocky fucking moments here, but we're back up running. You know, we're still not a hundred percent, but we will be in the next couple of weeks. Don't forget about laughing gas. It's available and ready to fucking go and stronger than ever. I should be getting my next batch next week. And beside that, that's it, you bad motherfuckers. You know, Uncle Joey loves you. I hope you enjoyed the podcast. Have a great weekend. I want to thank draft kings. I want to thank fucking, uh, freeze pipe. I want to thank me on these. I want to thank CBD line. I want to
Starting point is 01:06:20 thank on it for always having our back. And I want to thank you guys because you're the best in the business. Stay black. Have a great weekend. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right, cock suckers. I love you guys with all my heart. I want to thank Lee. I want to thank draft kings, freeze pipe on it. I want to thank Michael. It's our one year anniversary. Most importantly, I want to thank you guys for always having our back to join us. Brought to you by freeze pipe. Nothing makes you feel like a bigger loser than when you're fucking caught from front of your friends and half your fucking peeping in your lung comes out. Freeze pipe is here to turn all that shit around. Freeze pipe is tremendous. Smoking weed doesn't have to hurt your lungs,
Starting point is 01:07:05 guys. For years, I've been putting ice in a bong and smoking it in a snow like in Colorado. With freeze pipe, you can get nicely cold at every fucking time. It comes with a detachable chamber. You freeze beforehand. Here's how it works. The smoke passes through the frozen part and cools down the smoke as you inhale. It's like putting ice cubes in a bong, but better. It's non toxic. It freezes water, freezes faster than water and it stays frozen longer. Freeze pipe cools down the smoke by 100 degrees. Whether you hit a pipe, a bubbler, a bong or a dab, they got it all. I've got the bubbler over here and I fucking love it. You could smoke from it. Freeze pipe makes it a lot fucking better. You understand me? This is the bong you've been waiting for. Take it from the expert
Starting point is 01:07:55 of fucking reefer. This is the bong for you. Go to freezepipe.com right now, pressing code Joey and I'm going to get you 10% off your first order. Whether you get the bong, the pipe or the bubbler, I'm not going to let you down. This is the pipe you've been waiting for. That's freezepipe.com, press code Joey and save 10% and go into the murky waters. The joint is also brought to you by from the heart of fucking New Jersey. Draft Kings. Listen, it's week five of football and you're still sitting there scratching your head. Most pros don't wait till week five to put their fucking bets in. The Raiders played Monday night, whatever happened there, but now we got a whole new week and Draft Kings is ready. The official sports betting partner of the NFL. They're reliable,
Starting point is 01:08:42 they're consistent and you can withdraw your money whenever the fuck you want. I'm looking forward to the UFC this week. I'm looking forward to Thursday night's game, but it all starts tonight with the Dodgers against the St. Louis Cardinals. But listen to this, you can put in your bet tonight, but Draft Kings has an offer that's fucking crazy. They're giving all new customers ready for this and you're new. $150 when you bet a dollar on any NFL football game. That's it. But you also got fucking baseball. You got the NBA starting on the 18th. This is the season, cocksucker, to make some money. You heard me, you cocksucker. Head to Draft Kings Sportsbook app. Now, today, download the Draft Kings Sportsbook app, bet a dollar and get $150 in free bets instantly. Now, gambling
Starting point is 01:09:30 isn't for you. You don't like sports. I get it. If the sportsbook isn't for you, Draft Kings still has huge catch prices up for grabs all season long with their daily fantasy contest. However you play, Draft Kings is giving all new customers a free shot at a million dollars. Draft Kings fantasy is real. My friends love it. I don't play fantasy. I'm more of a sportsbook type of guy. But whatever you are, Draft Kings has you covered. Get ready to win some money. Download the Draft Kings Sportsbook app today. Use promo code Joey to get $150 in free bets when you place a dollar bet on any football game. It's that easy. Use promo code Joey at this week's Draft Kings Sportsbook, the official sports betting partner of the NFL. Now, New Jersey, Indiana, Pennsylvania,
Starting point is 01:10:21 West Virginia, Colorado only, new customers only, minimum five-hour deposit to make a one-dollar wager. That's easy as shit. One per customer. Restrictions do apply. See draftkings.com slash sportsbook for details. If you got a gambling bomb, take care of it. Call 1-800-GAMBLER or if you're in Indiana, call 1-800-9 with it. But if you're not, if you're solid, download the Draft Kings Sportsbook app today. And let's win some geeters. And let's start tonight with St. Louis and the Dodgers will go to Maronite, the NFL football. And then Saturday, you got the UFC college football and then rolling into Sunday, you got football and baseball playoffs. Who's better than you? Nobody. The joint is also brought to you by one of my
Starting point is 01:11:09 personal favorites on it, whether it's the Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech, Shroom Tech Immune, Shroom Tech Sport, Numud, the MCT, Kettlebells. Honnets got it all. Go to honnets.com right now. Read. Look at all the products and supplements they had. I can't help you out with the club bats and I can't help you out with the kettlebells. But when it comes to supplements, Uncle Joey's got your back, cock-suckers. Go to Honnets. Start with the Alpha Brain. Start with the black label. Listen, they got 100% money back guarantee. If you don't like Alpha Brain, you can keep the product and they'll send you the money back. Who else believes in their product like that? Nobody, cock-sucker. So go to honnets.com right now, press an honnet on checkout and save
Starting point is 01:11:55 yourself 10% delivered right to your house. I want to thank Honnets. I want to thank Freeze Pipe and I want to thank DraftKings. And I want to thank you motherfuckers for making this the best week that you can. I love you, cock-suckers. I'll see you next week. Tip Top Magoo on Monday morning. Stay black. Uncle Joey loves you. you

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