Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #105 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: October 11, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Monday, October 11th..... This episode is brought to you by Liquid IV, Better Help & Manscaped….. Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Go to https://www.Liquid-iv.com & Use JOEY at checkout for 25% OFF! Go to https://www.Manscaped.com/JOEY - PROMO CODE: JOEY 20% Off & FREE WORLDWIDE SHIPPING! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday the 11th of october the joint is brought to you and proud to introduce our brand new sponsor liquid iv let me tell you something right now is the time to be tip top magoo on your vitamins up your gym everything it's flu season and god knows what else is out there support your immune system with the proper high date hydration and vitamins one stick of liquid iv in just 16 ounces of water hydrates faster and more efficiently than water alone let me tell you some

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slash joey no more fucking disgusting pubic ass with manscape all right let's get this party started on the monday motherfucking morning okay check one two welcome to uncle joey's joint so what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday the 11th of october holy shit it's fucking flying the leaves are

changing fucking colors i'm fucking excited they're falling all over the place it's been great it was a great fucking weekend i did not watch the wilder fight that i don't know nothing about boxing everybody was calling me who's gonna win i got no idea about boxing i pressed the link to draft kings it was a good weekend for draft kings you had pro baseball playoffs you had fucking college football you had ufc mckenzie during loss with that beautiful fucking muffler you had fucking uh you know diante wild whatever his fucking name is you had a

full fucking flan weekend if you're a sports fucking fanatic i didn't watch dick i didn't watch the ufc i didn't watch shit i watched kids fucking games i went to jimmy florentine son's basketball game and then i did something i didn't think i was gonna do and i fucking this week i watched two movies that were fucking tremendous like i watched three movies that were fucking tremendous i watched a new movie with john burntall called small

engine repair which was fucking tremendous movie my type of movie small cast old school buddy movie that's what it is about three old friends you know great fucking movie but i watched boogie nights it's been on every night this week you gotta watch the boogie nights one of the greatest fucking movies of all time hands down underrated as fuck and then i watched another underrated film i know it did great in the box office and shit the wolf of fucking wall street holy fuck i watched you know i hadn't seen

this since it came out and then i had jordan uh whatever on the fucking uh you know on the podcast and we discussed it man i watched that movie the other day i tell you what i had to turn it the fuck off because i was getting flashbacks in nineteen fucking seventies and eighties i swear to god those quailudes guys were no joke i'm so fucking happy that they're gone i'm not gonna listen guys i'm not gonna lie to you i'll never eat another xanax i'll never eat another pain pill i'll never eat another fucking hit of acid i'll keep smoking my dope

and i'll keep doing my little edibles at night uh i don't ever want to do cocaine i don't ever want to drink but if you got a quailude i'm coming over i swear to god i'm being honest as i can with you motherfuckers if you got a quailude i'm coming over while i was sitting there i was thinking about all the fucking mishaps with quailudes like quailudes would not make it in a co-video fucking world right now because let me tell you something right now look ever since the pandemic started

we've had some bad luck my friend broke his ankle jumping rope he's a boxer you know how the fuck do you break your ankle jumping fucking rope but you know it's just been some weird accidents Bert tom there's been some weird fucking shit let me tell you something when quailudes were in my life i always had a bruise like i always had a bruise or a black eye when i was doing quailudes i always had a fucking condition of bruise on my leg uh you you just fall you fall you drop glasses

you fucking get into fist fights you fall off your bicycle you know you just did shit that you know like i told you guys and i i'm really sorry about this one day you know because i would i would sell quailudes as a hustle quailudes were a great hustle listen you know these people investment opportunities go fuck yourself let me tell you something the best investment was quailudes 100 quailudes for 200 and you sold them for four dollars and you got 400 bucks you made 200 bucks in two hours i would sell 200 100 fucking gorilla biscuits

in two fucking hours they were missing like an owl or something like the lemon missed an owl oh my god people went crazy over those those bootleg ones you have no idea and ecstasy listen quailude was replaced by ecstasy if you know the evolution of fucking drugs some people can argue with me but you can't fucking win think of how it changed it went from quailudes write the fucking ecstasy and no the quailudes disappeared like in 83 84 was when i stopped seeing gorilla biscuits

by 85 they were fucking gone i don't know when those other designer drugs started popping up on the fucking thing molly started coming up and all that shit so there you have it there was a little gap people were like what the fuck happened to quailudes we got to come up with something else some people started licking frogs and shit some people you know eating mushrooms but the fucking quailude left a gap that was so i mean when i had jordan on the show the wolf of wall street

he even liked the look on his face the sweetness of quailudes yeah cocaine was one thing you know going out to clubs was another but man when you ate a fucking quailude everything changed i mean i've got i remember one night i was at this kid we were at a party i was young i had to be in the eighth grade i was not eating quailudes then he had eaten the quailude he was a little older than me and we were walking and he just stopped he goes hold on i gotta do something he just stopped and put his hand through a fucking glass

like i i don't know what made me tell you guys this story but it affected people like in different fucking ways like he i'll never forget he put his hand through the fucking glass i don't know what he was mad about i don't know what it made him do you always hear about quailudes that people were fucking giving him like cosby was giving him to chicks and shit i could look your motherfuckers in the eye and tell you one thing i never gave him to somebody to dose him if i gave him to a chick if i was with a

chick and i had a quailude i'd ask her do you want to eat a fucking half a biscuit before she ate it i'd tell her the fucking riot act listen if you eat this it's gonna be all over the shot i'm gonna end up fucking eating your little monkey or something bad's gonna happen and they would go what are you gonna do you know i'm saying at least you knew what was that's what the woman was in 1980 women have changed a fucking lot in 40 fucking years because you know you go you show up to a woman now and you want to do a rupee or something

that's against the law what the fuck are you talking about we're just having a good time i'm it's not like i'm sprinkling it and putting in your fucking soda or your cocktail i'm offering it to you do you want to do a fucking biscuit i was honest with people so if you want to do a biscuit let's fucking do a biscuit man i used to on friday nights me and my buddy rene used to fucking every friday for about a year my junior year in high school every friday night we would meet up like at six

seven thirty go get a fucking bottle of pupa vodka that fucking po po v pupaf we would mix it with gatorade and fucking and in the winter being outside we eat a fucking lemon or rora 714 express and we go back to his apartment and we listen to fucking led zeppelin three the immigrant not the immigrant song gallows po over and over and over and over and over we'd be drinking the fucking vodka with and if we had dough like if we had dough

we'd get the smirnoff silver that shit was good the smirnoff silver and we'd fucking wait for his brother to come home i remember being like 16 and we were waiting for his brother to come home his brother would come home like a 315 we'd be at the top the bottom half of the fucking quailude and then we tell his brother you got to give us a line of coke he goes i'll give you a line of coke on one condition that you get the fuck out of you i got a girl coming over you done then we'd do the fucking line of coke

and that would be me and him we were like 16 we were fucking two jerks we'd just walk around but when i tell you that the society everybody had them like this was something that everybody had you know people have rolling papers like you go up to see everybody's got fucking rolling papers everybody had biscuits when you went out i remember vividly vividly vividly going to the b-52 concert on new year's eve at the ritz or one of those fucking clubs in the city and we each had two fucking gorilla biscuits you either have

test the waters have a few cocktails do a few bumps have another half and then you would dose as the night went on you know i'm saying like you would take a couple fucking pieces or a half let me tell you something we went to that fucking b-52 concert i ate a fucking i think the concert started like at nine or something like that or 10 i ate a fucking quail and you didn't really know where the quail was going to take you sometimes you ate a fucking biscuit and it would be slow and then you eat the other one and the

full pill would hit you and you're like fuck i made a mistake but most of the time you know like you just ate it it was all even but there was two types of quailers there were the pharmaceutical ones and then you know you know how these fucking kids are people started making the bootleg ones the bootleg ones weren't bad but the problem with the bootleg ones like i said on rogan years ago if the table was bent like for some reason if the fucking apartment was old or the garage was old where they were doing the

quailudes and the floor was a little off when they put the pills down and they put the fucking chemicals on them the chemicals would run down to the lower 40 so the top 60 would be mediocre so if you bought one of the top 60s you would get like medium high but then if you bought one of the bottom 40s you get double high so your prayer with the fucking bootlegs was to eat a fucking the top 60 one but to also get your hands on a 41 and hopefully it would work out at some point in the night if you opened up

with the 60 you wouldn't get that high and you'd be kind of pissed off what the fuck is going on with the quailude it's not hitting me i'm not dropping glasses yet so fucking you'd have to hit the 40 like a half and make sure because if you fucking ate the whole 40 and the whole 60 like one night i ended up at a fucking chinese bodega i ended up in the fucking hallway of the bodega like i fucking woke up with a hooded sweatshirt guys it had to be january 20 something 19 fucking 80 81

it was freezing out i was so high i didn't even make it down the fucking guys i'm lucky i didn't lose a finger too or a nose or an ear that night because i slept outside basically when i woke up in the morning i was fucking crooked and shit thank god i had a couple dollars in me there was a chinese what it was wasn't a chinese restaurant it was called dragon grocery i knew the people that were half cube and half chinese every sunday cooked fucking chinese food it was tremendous the daughter was hotter than fuck

i would go in there and torture the chinese guy all the time i would do this that means go fuck your mother in chinese i don't know what it means they don't like it though he would fucking chase us and shit you put two fingers on top of the other one you go and they fucking go crazy well he used to go crazy i don't know what it meant somebody told me to do it to him when they did it to me chase me down the block with a fucking spatula you know so i i always fucked them so i don't know what made me go into the fucking uh little chinese hallway there i thought if he was open

or something there's no fucking way he was open and i just fell asleep in that fucking thing i swear to god when i woke up the next morning i needed 15 fucking chiropractice but i didn't give a fucking fact one of the kids i saw last night which we'll get to two nights ago saturday night he was the one i was with uh saturday night i did something i didn't think i would do in a long time you know i'm from north berg and since i've gotten off the fucking plane here last august i've been to north bergen like i've

been up there a couple times i see some people and stuff like that but it got to the point where i'm like i'm depending too much on north bergen you know for me uh having friends and shit i gotta make friends down here you know so i said to myself i'm gonna give myself the summer off not go up there i didn't go up north all fucking summer i went up north to to do the premiere on the 22nd of september and before that i hadn't been up that way in a long fucking time i hadn't been up there since probably april or fucking may

so i did you know they invited me was the carnival in north bergen um they do it every year my buddy anthony is in charge of the park and and my other buddy divo was you know he does the park also so they both reached out to me and they said you know my band my friend's band was playing up there and uh aunt steven of the law i've had him on the podcast the past masters and i didn't know i didn't know what to expect i didn't know if i really wanted to do it or not all week long i didn't know if my

daughter was gonna have games it was gonna fucking rain on saturday you know so i said fuck it you know what i'll just play it by fucking here saturday morning i woke up i had to take mercy to kickboxing we did a few fucking things i went to a kids party jimmy florentine's son had a basketball game i went over there it looked like it was going to rain it was a shitty fucking day down here so i'm like what the fuck am i going to do so we were at a party and the guy opened up this pool believe it or not the fucking pool

was 91 degrees on saturday it wasn't that hot out it was cloudy i had to look like it was going to rain but he threw the fucking heater on they were over there watching penn state iowan shit so my daughter stayed over there in the pool my wife stayed over there they were happy i went back from the fucking thing and a buddy of mine called me i called him about two days ago something just made me think about him i know he he lost his mom about two years ago i was tight with him and his mom and his brother and his

sister and i have not seen him since 1993 we taxed from time to time we talked from time to time he was a dear friend of mine i mean uh from the time we were 14 we were brothers man we breathed for one another i mean me him roger hollow way and fernie basuto were inseparable when we were kids from probably i don't know july of 81 to fucking december of 85 we were always connected at the fucking hip uh roger died last

year fernie has lost you know fernie gambled when we were younger and uh it took him for a fucking loop he never recovered from that so the only two guys that are left from that group is myself and glint you know and we guys we went through a lot together and i even had to remind them last uh saturday night when we were eating what we've been through together i mean as as friends you know we were both you know he came from a home that uh

single mom the whole thing busting her ass from glennas work at ups since high school we both applied for that job together december of 80 fucking one he got it i didn't he started as a loader from 11 to 2 at night and our job was to not let him go to work like talk him out of going to work i remember two years in he told me one time that one of the bosses at ups pulled him aside and said hey how many grandmothers you got because how many of these grandmothers died you got like 18 fucking grandmothers

that died but hey man he stuck it out and he made a career for himself at ups one of the best companies in the fucking country that's that's a fucking fact you know that's a long time that's 40 years at ups he could retire and he's like fuck it i'm taking that fucking geek i mean it's just it was great so we were supposed to connect st patty's day but i had a lot of shit going on down here and just our lives are

different you know before i came to north bergen before i moved back to jersey i would always go fuck when i get back there i'm going to see a lot of my friends all the time that i that was one of my expectations that it was a cold reality you're not going to see your friends because everything is an hour drive and everybody has a life everybody's got kids everybody's going to take their kids to college you know while they're taking their kids to college or whatever i'm raising a fucking eight-year-old so it's very rough our schedules don't you know and it's sad

it's fucking sad that this is our life i'm supposed to connect with my buddies louie and david ruiz and all these guys from my eighth grade class and that's been a fucking nightmare because they can't connect during the week i can't connect on the weekends i'm busy with my kid so it just didn't work out you know so thursday night i was just sitting there and i'm like am i gonna go up and see you know my buddy venery he always wanted to be a politician his father and he always loved north bergen that's one thing i can't take from anthony he loves north bergen he knows

every crook every every not crook every every corner every nook of that fucking town you know when he builds something and we go out to dinner he always pulls over and shows me look what we're building here look what we're doing here he's very proud you know and what didn't he do for me growing up what didn't he do for me growing up so everybody said you know it's his fare up there you know he's the one that puts it together you should go with me and a lot to him

but i'm like i'm gonna have to go up there and take a bunch of fucking pictures and i'll tell you when you don't see people for a long time it sucks because they come up to you and they want to play jeopardy you know i'm saying like you know you don't know who i am and i'm like not really i don't remember i've been smoking dope for 40 fucking years i've been gone for 40 fucking years i've been gone for 30 years i don't remember you you know but uh i was like i don't know let's see how i feel on saturday when i was at jimmy sun's game i'm sitting

there and i'm like you know what man i haven't seen this guy glenn i'm always complaining that i'm not doing nothing with my life what else am i doing and i can go for a fucking meal so i called glenn i go what do you think we do rudies and then go to the fucking carnival he's like fuck yeah i fucking i got in my car and said an hour five fucking minutes i was just talking to my niece before we were talking about you know waves and all that shit i'll tell you what time you're gonna get there i'd go i get in the car i see

what time i'm gonna get there my goal is to beat that time that's what my goal is i'm gonna beat that fucking time fuck you ten ten i'm getting there in 48 minutes watch me so i get in the fucking it says an hour five i'm like fuck i'm never gonna fucking make it up there i call glenn i go glenn it's gonna be a little while i let's meet at six up at fucking rudies oh my god as soon as i saw it's so weird like i haven't seen this kid since 1993

but as soon as i saw him it was like old magic i mean it we just went right back you know i was telling my wife a long time ago that there's those four kids i mentioned the kids i grew up with a lot of them mike a lot of them i never had to tell them how to act like i never had to tell my friends what to say what not to say we always knew how to fucking go you know like we always were in each other's fucking universe it was the wildest thing i've never had this

with a lot of people what i had with them growing up but we grew up together so you know if i said something i knew how to bounce it off it's like how you guys whenever i go on jre you guys like you and rogan are so good we should be good we've been having little conversations for fucking 25 years about comedy this is something that because when you it's like when people contact me they go hey i want my friend to be on the podcast listen if we were doing face-to-face podcast which we might do on on wednesday

yeah i'll let you know later uh if we start doing face-to-face podcast that's something different but when you have a zoom you could actually that's when people hit me up and they're like hey i want this guy to be on the podcast i don't know so already i'm distant with the zoom now we're going to even be more fucking distant you know i don't even know how i was talking about ended up talking about zoom but what i'm trying to prove uh talk to you about is our friendship like i didn't see them in 23 years we sat down

at the fucking bar and it was like off and running it was like it was no it was like we hadn't seen each other in two weeks we just started yakking and you know whatever and then uh you know we ate and fucking great food i had some split pea soup a cup and then i threw down i went up there and all i could think about was the pasta for zool and the fucking seafood salad maybe a piece of bread that's all i could think about zero calories for the fucking seafood salad three points for the pasta for zool

and whatever for for the piece of bread i can't fucking lose you know i'm saying i get up there look at the fucking board on i look at the special on the board i throw down the split pea soup and then to boot they had thin steak with shrimp scampi over garlic mashed potatoes you want me to repeat that again to you motherfuckers thin steak like fucking medallions with nice prawns in shrimp scampi sauce dipped over garlic mashed potatoes are you fucking kidding me what are you gonna do jump up and down here and fucking

are you fucking kidding me fucking threw that motherfucker down i had some water the guys like do you want fucking dessert it's not no i don't want no dessert i gotta watch my fucking waste and we shot to the fucking carnival you know i hadn't been to hudson county park i mean it was weird that we were even in hudson county park because hudson county park i fucking lived in that motherfucker hudson county park has basketball courts fields and a bunch of land and trees that you could hide

so when i was a kid we used to go to albertson's was right across the street from hudson county park we used to go to albertson's walk out of there with a case of beer or a bottle of fucking the jug wine that red cooking wine and we'd go right into the park get drunk and throw rocks and fucking squirrels and shit we used to get fucked up in there i've been going ass since i was basically in the fourth grade they used to have a little island with fucking paddle boats and ducks all around you so you could float the paddle boats and shit

let me tell you something talking about quailudes they used to have a fucking island in the middle okay and every january remember the night i slept at the chinese fucking i was just talking about i slept at the chinese every year they would have a party on the island in the middle of that fucking lake and that pond it was called the island of insanity party so it would have to be the coldest night in january was a friday and they would wait for the ice to fucking freeze they would roll kegs across the fucking pond dog you think i'm fucking kidding you

north bergans on a planet of itself they would roll kegs across the pond walk across with kegs of beer we could have died guys remember when i told you we didn't go out to play we went out to die there you go we would walk across the fucking ice till the island set the kegs up and start fucking drinking and listen i was too young it wasn't my party it was these older guys party the boys and one night that night that with the fucking quailude you ready for this one me lubes and this dude joe folk fucking we're at that party it was too

fucking cold and we couldn't take it out there no more we had eaten a quailude and these quailudes were on fire and we went to the wing fong chinese restaurant they're not there no more the wing fong was notorious i would go in there and run out of there without paying we would dine in dash it's where i did my best dine in dash work it was at the wing fong because the chance was too good i couldn't shit where i sleep but the wing fong was mediocre who gives a fuck about the wing fong they were right next door to chicken the light don't cook tonight so fucking we would go to the wing fong and just run

out the fucking waiters would play his own defense honest and shit they'd be strategically placed and shit but i'd pick up the tab and i would walk it and then they go oh he gonna pay and i would walk up to the counter once i got to the counter i put the tab down i run out the fucking door and they would fucking go ape shit and then i'd come back i'd walk past the glass and i'd knock on the glass and give them a and then they'd really lose their fucking mind it was tremendous guys i had a childhood you know i'm saying so we went to the fucking

we went to the we went to the chinese place me lubes and him we're in there fucking coming down off the cold weather we're freezing to death and all of a sudden we order the chinese food it's taking some time to come the first and they throw down is the pork fried rice we're all on fucking gorilla biscuits we're fucking dying joe folk is eating the fucking pork fried rice now joe folk is traditionally italian he's got the roman nose you know good

looking dude but he's got the roman nose where they're talking about whatever music black sab but who the fuck knows how cold it is outside and all of a sudden joe i see him like you know he started turning into oan benjamin you know i'm saying like no one oan benjamin took the fucking thing sarah tiana i could see that he was like holding on to dear life and finally after one of those things he just dropped into the fucking rice and the dish his whole face everything dropped into the dish

and he started snoring dog at the fucking place and we're like folk folk wake up folk folk wake up and this motherfucker won't wake up we're like folk wake the fuck up i'm hitting the table folk wake up folk wake up we gotta run out of here i ain't got money to pay for this fucking tab and he's like uh so finally we fucking get him up we couldn't even run the fuck out i couldn't even dine and dashed we had actually paid for the fucking thing tremendous quailers were fucking great quailers were tremendous i loved them that fucking

wolf of wall street brought me the fuck back you can see i got some extra pepping my step on a monday fucking morning the 11th of october before we go any further i want to talk to you about better fucking tremendous you understand me you can see i'm doing a lot better with better help better help is therapy for the 21st century it's professional therapy all online it's fast start talking to your therapist in less than 48 hours there's no messing around you get a good match they'll put you with a licensed therapist

who is right for you if you don't like your match it's easy and free to change therapists if needed listen better help has helped me fucking by leaps and bounds you guys saw how i was acting here for the first six months of the podcast i was confused i had fucking fog i didn't know what was going on i had brain fog i didn't even have fucking covid but regardless better help helped me out i got a counselor named dana she walked me step by step she gives me homework they have a page to go over your anxiety check out better help you're not going to get a great therapist right now they're all taken up they're all busy

they're all booked up why everybody's going through something right now contact better help go to betterhelp.com right now go to betterhelp.com slash Diaz i'm going to get your 10 off your first month listen it's affordable you don't have to be a fancy ass new yorker to pay for this it's all remote no waiting room no appointments no driving you can have a flexible flexible schedule day or night you could do phone or video calls i do video calls and now you can send messages to your therapist anytime and they'll get back to you in between sessions better help is 100 remote and available worldwide you don't have to live in a big city and be fancy trust me if you have somebody outside your world to talk to it's easy to schedule it's

affordable and they'll take a load over your shoulders off of your shoulders over a million people have taken care of their mental health i i did i had and i never thought i would do something like this but i did and i'll tell you what guys i feel a lot fucking better so go to betterhelp.com slash Diaz again that's betterhelp.com slash fucking Diaz and get 10 off your first month and i guarantee you'll tweet me and go joey i feel a lot better you can tell with me the proof is in the pudding just put on a podcast from six months ago i'm stuttering i'm fucking all confused and shit i'm a lot better now go to betterhelp.com use code word joey Diaz and get 10 off your first month with better help back to the fucking carnival and the fucking story so last night we ate the

fucking food and i go you know what everything against me didn't want to go to this thing i'm like i don't want to walk around my knee's gonna hurt there's not going to be any parking spots you know i was giving myself stinking thinking every fucking reason not to go there but i had to go i had to go because it was time i had to see some people i wanted to see some people you know what man seeing old friends is always good for the fucking soul i don't give a fuck what anybody tells you so i got my car i called my friend's son i go i need some fucking parking he goes pull into the fucking carnival and park with all the commissioners and shit and that's exactly what i fucking did and i walked out there i saw my nephew anthony junior i saw my niece kelly and

elissa i saw so many fucking people at the corner i saw my fucking i saw kelly's son axel i i held them we danced to the fucking music i didn't eat anything at the carnival no cotton candy or nothing i saw somebody's water that was closed and i stole it because i had fucking cotton mouth and shit but they were drinking they were having a great fucking time and i'll tell you man i saw a lot of old friends i saw joe focaracho who fell into the fucking pork fried rice i saw lisa gallo i saw eddy conas i saw a lot of my fucking friends man but i could see that i made my friend anthony fucking happy you know i don't have the opportunity to do that from time to time you know i got my own life but i could tell i made his day and like i told you guys sometimes

making somebody's day it is it's fucking great it's a great feeling you know uh then the fucking craziest part of the night came when i'm standing there minding my own business and the fucking mayor came up to me i looked over and i saw him walking to me and i go oh no the mayor north bergen is a sweetheart of a fucking guy and you know what he's turning that fucking town around you know i came i grew up with the administration before him so i was always very leery of mayor saco but i gotta be honest with you the proof is in the pudding look at the fucking town the town looks fucking great crime is low yeah they found somebody dead behind my grandma school a couple weeks ago but somebody killed him and put him there wasn't like a north bergen fucking dude or whatever

you know it's uh yeah no i don't it's uh great to see he's been a fucking mayor there for close to 30 years 30 fucking years and i remember him from grammar school he used to yell at me all the time in grammar school because he was one of the principles or something at lincoln school lincoln school is where the the bottom floor the kids are a little like when we were kids the kids would be tied up they would bring them to the games all tied up and shit you know so uh it was it's a it's a weird area that area there i really enjoyed myself it's the fucking buck wild area north bergen lincoln school but i remember like being in the eighth grade and yelling at me for something i was tight with one of the kids from fucking uh lincoln school that's dead now dan rago

his brother was there last night it was great to see him uh when the man came over to me it was a real fucking uh you know like i'm not a politician type of fucking dude you know but he came over he said he saw the movie that he was proud of me i shook his hand and then one of the other commissioners came over i started talking to him he was very nice and then uh they said if i wanted to take the family picture and i'm like yeah why not i took the family picture with them i said thank you and they said you know we'll see you soon and it was just a great feeling guys i needed to do that man i just needed to i had a good week i went over to i saw two baseball games out i went to see the the boston yaki game tuesday night i went out wednesday night to see the dodger

st louis game i went to jiu-jitsu this week i went to acupuncture you know i'm getting out more and this is what i needed you know the first year i just wanted to come here i i stuck to my plan i just wanted to get to know my neighborhoods see my neighbors meet new people and just uh see what the fuck is going on here you know i don't know what the fuck was going on people were trying to blow up my phone making me go here pulling me at 10 000 different directions i couldn't do it i just wanted to stay close to home and see what the fuck this area was about you know see what this is all about and i'm happy i did i'm a better person i feel fucking better you guys keep telling me i'm looking better i look at myself and just see an old fucking man

i'm getting ugly by the day i'm getting gray by the fucking day but listen i got nothing but heart and balls for you motherfuckers and nothing but love for you guys with uh you know the way you treat me so i'm here just spilling my fucking guts every week telling you how about about how i feel you know so it was great and i needed to do that last night and a lot of years hit me up with emails and stuff on patreon or whatever and you're like joey we don't know what to do get the fuck out of the house you know get the fuck out of the house i am so sick of this shit and what it did to me you know it burned me it put fear in my heart i don't do i look like the fucking guy that's ever been fearful of anything for christ's sake i put a guy in a trunk of a fucking car i went to

fucking prison i get up on stage and talk to fucking strangers for a living i get up on stage by myself there's not a guy with a base standing behind me or a fucking cowbell i'm up there by myself you want to talk about being fucking scared shitless so fear has never been an issue with me i've never been scared of shit i don't give a frenchman's fuck i hate being fucking scared so this blew me out of the fucking waters situation the last fucking 18 months so i fucking had it like i fucking had it and i've been trying to make a move for weeks i've been trying to make little moves if i could have found somebody go to black crows with me i would have gone to the black crows i just didn't want to go to black crows walking there by myself people

like fuck you're in movies and shit you're hanging out by yourself what are you you don't wear deodorant what do you got the hiv you know so i'm trying i'm gonna go out a little more and this week i'm gonna go out last week i went out three nights this week i'm gonna go for four fucking nights and what does that mean that i'm going to a bar now just get the fuck out of the house at night my toughest part of the day guys between you and i is between six and nine yeah you can pick up the guitar that's 20 minutes 30 minutes it's a struggle after dinner till fucking nine o'clock because i won't turn the tv on till fucking nine o'clock lately i've been turning it on a little earlier to watch games and whatnot but i won't turn the fucking tv on till nine so you know what

it's better if i get the fuck out i just can't sit there anymore so i talked to my daughter i talked to my wife i'm gonna make some moves during the week i'm gonna be home by 10 you guys know me i gotta be home by 10 to take my 10 o'clock dump drink my fucking tea and take my little fucking pillypoo or if not everything falls apart from me so i just gotta live a little more does nothing you know i thought because i wasn't doing stand-up that i wasn't going out like i you're not doing stand-up you shouldn't go out fuck that i'm gonna start going out more start doing little things you know i talked to a friend of mine brian he manages fucking guns and roses he called me the other day tell me he watched a movie and stuff and we had a pretty good conversation you know

let me tell you something guns and roses was on the road for nine weeks without a fucking hip hiccup did you know that not a hiccup now nobody got covid nobody got uh nobody got sick none of the roadies got fucking sick nobody got nothing and we had a nice talk about it we were just uh saying how the fuck you know what he's talking about brian you were talking about guns yeah guns and roses he called me he's like i i think the half of this fucking shit is bullshit no mask doing live sound again yeah i don't know what the fuck is going on nine fucking weeks nobody got sick you know they performed for anybody from 20 000 people to 80 000 a night nobody got sick the festivals they did nobody got sick nobody got sick at these big music festivals

you know i don't know what the fuck's going on again i'm just a fucking follow like you guys i'm just listening to what the fuck they tell me but you know if if i didn't have covid after the premiere i'm not gonna get covid if i don't have covid after last night after taking pictures and talking to people and i'm not gonna have covid so i don't know what the fuck's going on i mean i like to just get it at this point just to get it over with because my friend had got it and he said it was just a fucking cold he goes out we had the vaccine yeah he goes i was stuffy for three days and then he goes that went away because i broke a temperature one fucking day so if it means that compared to staying in and not

i gotta fucking go out i'm a social fucking butterfly believe it or not i like seeing people i like talking to people i mean i don't want to see 25 000 fucking people but i like seeing people i like talking to people i don't like fucking you know depression starts when you stay in i don't i i won't tell you people i was depressed i will tell you that after the pain pillow medic uh debacle the pain and everything i did get a little down on myself for a few months there but it wasn't because i was staying in it was because i just i i thought i had made a mistake with the knee surgery you know but i don't know i was a little touched but it wasn't from me staying in if anything i am a fucking depression uh i go the other way it's like people

say jujitsu is the opposite of social distancing i am the opposite of letting depression hit me i am very aware of it i i saw somebody who had it and i know the rules number one rule get out of bed get in that fucking shower and get out of the house that's the avoiding a depression i don't give a fuck if it's sun out i don't give a fuck if it's raining out i don't give a fuck if it's snowing out those are the fucking rules to depression you want to beat depression those are the fucking three things you have to fucking do how do i know because i had bounced depression growing up i didn't have a mom remember i didn't have a dad remember i was a fucking loser remember i was an attic remember so i had bounced with it so as soon as

i would feel it coming on i knew exactly how to fucking treat it shower get the fuck out of bed getting out of bed is the most important thing and there's people that tell you that can't get better out of bed listen guys for years i didn't feel like getting out of bed but i knew all i had to do was make it to the fucking shower if you can make it to the shower you're gonna be fine and i know you motherfuckers can make it to the shower unless you got a broken ankle or you got a fucking lump on your head or you're fucking something you make it to the shower you jump in that fucking shower and you get the fuck out of the house so i know for a fact i wasn't depressed i was just i think i was down over the move over you know the ending of california

you know that was big 23 fucking years to fucking leave a place you know i didn't see it i didn't feel it as i was going through it but looking back now i could see how that bothered me a little bit the shit that went on with the cancel shit that you know they went out all those things affected me in a way to act now i really don't give a fuck about any of those things i'm back with a motherfucking vengeance i'm back like aerosmith in 76 i don't give a fuck it's just a matter of time before we go off the fucking plantation here but i will tell you one thing i will tell you something that's i had to stop smoking joints last week like i was like why am because every night i would go out there and smoke a joint and i would smoke like

i have to join i'm like i'm sick of smoking this already it's starting to bother my fucking thing that's why i busted out the freeze pipe that freeze pipe fucking works tremendously but i started using a little pipe the one that might gain me the the red lion cbd dog i fill that motherfucker up i put a little key from the top of it i smoked that motherfucker and i gotta tell you something guys i'm up there eating m&m's 10 minutes later so it works i don't even have to smoke a joint anymore that's how much i've enjoyed giving myself a fucking tolerance break on this thc i don't have to smoke joints anymore i was smoking half joints and fucking throwing them in a box and just saving them and i said why am i doing this i opened them all up

you know and i fucking uh that's it i'm down to a fucking pipe now i'm up to about 500 milligrams at night before i go to sleep that's a lot of fucking but dog i get fucking elevated like i have a hard time walking upstairs but that's how i like it i don't want to wake up in the middle of night i don't want to do nothing when you're fucking when you're fucking tapering the biggest complaint is fucking insomnia how people can't sleep i'm the type of dude i can't deal with fucking insomnia i don't like it i get angry and then i get angry and i fucking stay up so i can't deal with fucking insomnia so i don't give a fuck listen i'm tapering i'm doing a great job i probably got another month left it's gonna be a quick fucking taper you know

uh but i'm feeling great i'm happy i went up to that fucking carnival and i'm happy i'm heading the right direction uh there was no fucking magic pill here it was sleep therapy and just sticking to my fucking goals writing you know i get down on myself from time to time and i'm like what a second three days a week four days a week i'm on a fucking phone making notes writing a book with a you know like i don't i never see what i'm actually doing like i never really take it in a big manner but i gotta be honest with you i'm making things fucking happen not that i even you know i still suck on the guitar you know at least i'm i'm back in my fucking trend i'm back in acupuncture i'm back in jujitsu you know within a month i'm gonna start

going to class if right now i'm just taking private sort of once a week we had a plan you know we devised a little plan for each other i think this week coming up will be my fourth private and then i'm gonna start going uh maybe on the weekend for an hour with him and fucking around i mean you know it's gonna be an involvement and then from there i'm gonna start going for the classes i'm gonna go to my friend dave baton because i have arthritis in my left knee and i got i don't want to start taking shots i don't want to start taking i was gonna do the surgery in january but i don't want to go through the pain pill thing again so i'm just gonna there's a way to work on the knee and to work on the arthritis so i talked to him saturday and he said to come

down one day next week and we'll start rehabbing it and this is what we do i'm a fucking old man what do you want from me guys what do you want me to do lay down and get in my fucking old bench here and not see me again i plan on slinging dick till i'm 70 that's the going fucking rate right now i thought about it about a week ago and i'm like what am i thinking about retiring i'm not because i can't retire you know me i'm like a fucking shark i can't stop fucking moving i really can't guys i don't want to retire yet i'm still too young to fucking retire everything's still working i still wake up with a heart on what am i thinking about retiring for you retire when you stop waking up with a fucking heart on you know unless i'm unless i'm taking fucking biagram

my sleep or bluetooth in my fucking sleep so i'm waking up with tremendous fucking heart on so everything is cum si cum sa here on uncle joey's joint i appreciate you mother fucker support me every monday and wednesday we try to do the best we can we try to come at you with fucking innovative conversation in chinchada if you don't look at it that way i don't know what the fuck to tell you this is innovating for me just being able to bullshit with you mother fuckers for an hour by myself it's like kind of doing a stand-up routine just not so funny but who gives a fuck there's a ton of people you're paying 35 hours to see and then i'll make you laugh one time this is free and at least we're having a good time or at least i'm having a fucking good time by telling you my

fucking story here but everything was great i had a great fucking weekend i'm happy i went up to that fucking carnival happy i got to see my friends you know i talked to glenn this morning and uh we text we're gonna do it once a fucking month just get together you know he'll come down here one night we'll do dinner at a local restaurant and i'll do the same if i get three friends to do that my nights are taken up you know they don't have to be fancy schmancy restaurants we could just go for a fucking slice of pizza i don't give a fuck about that shit it's just getting back out there reconnecting with my friends and i'll maybe try to get them on the podcast one time we got some great fucking stories we were laughing our asses off last night there was a kid there and last

night his name is john great fucking guy i know him since the eighth grade two and he came up to me last night with glenn he goes remember the time we went over to the Bronx she wanted to get drugs and i'm like oh my god i can't believe you remember that we were walking up the stairs in this fucking creepy building and he's like where are we going you know he was really naive he wasn't a drug addict like i am i just made him come over with me we had a car and they were with us i go we might as well take the ride to the Bronx so i parked the car in the Bronx and i take him into this fucking dilapidated fucking building and as we're walking up the stairs he won't stop with the where are we going where are we going why are we here you know what are we doing and i'm like dog relax i'm gonna

get you laid there's a hooker we're gonna go see there was no hooker but i'll never forget he looked at me he goes what and make love to a strange woman i go yeah make love to a strange woman who gives a fuck there was no hooker i was going to see some chick the cop up there in the Bronx but i saw him last night i told him that line he was cocoa i cannot believe you remember that day and i go dog there's not much i fucking forgot you know from those i still remember all those funny lines that was the hanging out with those guys was the fucking foundation of my comedy career and i realized that last night and that's why i'm grateful those motherfuckers were on my heart but with that said i had a great fucking time this weekend i hope you guys had a great time

i got some weird fucking news i'm trying to put this screening up for the patreon people to take them to go see the fucking many saints and newark after all the bad reviews i don't think they'll want to go see it now anyway but it's a great movie what i wanted to tell you is that like september 18th i called amc freehold and i'm like hey man can i watch the movie they're like well before you do anything before we can even talk to you you have to go on the website and go through corporate and fill out this paperwork don't get back in a few days no problem i fucking fill out the paperwork my wife downloads i fill it out i send it back a day goes by two days go by three days go by nobody calls i call up the fucking thing i call

up a regional sales office in kansas city i leave a message nobody fucking calls me back okay i call freehold 14 again some lady answered the phone i tell him my dilemma she goes send me the paperwork she gave me a fucking email address had my wife forwarded over to her okay i'll get this done i'll call you back in a few days well a fucking week went by and she never got back to me you know i want to do this with the patreon people you know i told him i do it this is what i want to do so i call again some pimple fucking face kid answers how do i know he had pimples i don't know but i could just hear his pimples on the fucking phone he was confused hello i don't know what you're talking about i'm i spoke to lisa whatever a fucking name is she's supposed to get back to me

yeah and then he hung up on me so i called back and talked to some other guy and nobody could find my paperwork and i don't know what the fuck's going on so i called the fucking uh g n g n whatever amc and fucking uh eating down the one i went to to the q and a with my buddy chuck and they're fucking saying they'll get back to me that was a week i told him i was just there last week i know i could rent out the theater you know i was a monday if it needs to be monday guy goes yeah probably need to be monday because with james bond there's gonna be a lot of people here this weekend so probably have to be monday or wednesday i go okay i call back nothing i call back freehold nothing i get pissed off so i finally go maybe that guy did the q and a for an eating town at

and the amc and fucking uh mountainside maybe he could help me i mean he does him you know so i called him up and i go hey man can i talk to you about something i need a problem here uh can you help me out getting an amc theater in a freehold and he goes are you fucking kidding me he goes i got two more dates at the free at the amc and then we're out of there i go what are you talking about he goes bro amc fired everybody up at the top he goes i don't even have anybody to call he just went on on and on about what was going on with amc and how we couldn't fucking they don't get back to you they eat in town one fired the whole fucking cleaning staff and they're making the managers clean the fucking theaters can you believe that shit so i was like in shock i didn't

fucking know so he told me to try the i think there's another theater and the red bank and lows so i called them so i'm waiting for a call back from them tomorrow and then we'll figure out what the fuck's going on let me tell you how bad the theater business is i heard they did a screening for the sopranos for the many saints in orange east orange west orange the movie theater had been closed for the pandemic people were watching the movie they had opened up just for the many saints in newark they opened it up with that movie you know now they're gonna stay open i heard while people were sitting there they could feel mice eating at their feet and shit because the theater had been closed so long the theater's been closed for fucking close to 16 months so fucking yeah you

check up on it but mice you know the what's it why the cats away the mice will play you know that's the fucking uh that's that's it people bring pop you know how much fucking popcorn spins and goes under a carpet or whatever so what do you think people eating at their feet you watching the movie can you imagine watching the movie and something's fucking eating at your feet i would run the fuck out of there if i saw a mouse or a fucking rat in a movie theater but that's what's going on so i'm sorry if you're on patreon and you've been waiting i've been fucking waiting too so give me a couple days it's gonna have to be on a weekday so that scratch is half for you but the funny thing was i told my wife i can't believe what's going on she goes you didn't know that you fucking idiot that

these things are basically they're basically staying open by a life thread he told me the guy chuck goes listen they don't even make money on the movies no more they're in business to sell popcorn and m&ms that's it but anyway i know you guys got a busy monday i love you mother fuckers have a great week and i'll be back wednesday with a new movie review and a great guest i love you cocksuckers and now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors all right you bad motherfuckers i want to thank you for watching today on a monday morning i didn't know what the fuck i was talking about today but i shortly did have a good fucking time talking about quailudes the wolf of wall street you know but anyway the joint is brought to you by better help better help is therapy for the 21st century

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shipping no more stinky hairs with manscape all right manscape.com slash joey and your nuts will be fucking magnife keek the joint is also brought to you by liquid iv listen if you're not taking vitamins and staying dehydrated you're you're fucking bound to get sick it's flu season support your immune system with the proper hydration and vitamins one stick of liquid iv and just 16 ounces of water that'll put a hem in your fucking skirt it'll hydrate you faster more efficiently than water alone i take it with me to the gym i drink a pre-protein drink but when i go to the gym i pop a liquid iv and i tell you it's tremendous it's healthier than any of those overpriced sugary sports drink there's no artificial flavors and there's less sugar than an apple you can't

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so you