Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 11/04/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #124

Episode Date: November 4, 2013

Danny B calls in. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Streamed live on 10/28/2013.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey that's huluplus.com slash joey and of course by dollashaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollashaveclub.com slash church that's dollashaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeydias.net and click on the dollashaveclub banner. Oh mother fucking shit it's that time Monday November 4th it's a beautiful day to be alive only you make it better cocksucker wake up you little dirty bitches do your jumping jacks

out the brain open your fruit take a shit wash your ass wash your monkey do what you need to do what's happening baby no it's relaxing it's only better fucking open it up like a doctor this morning the church of what's happening now we're back bitches that's what i'm trying to tell you get up do what you need to do what's the story with me look at me look at me fucking serenading me cocksucker it's a beautiful day to be alive thank you for coming on to the church of what's happening now Monday November fucking 4th rent stew again that came up fast fucking rent six and a half weeks to Christmas that said it's over motherfucker next you know you'll be eating fucking turkey where you won't

you'll be with your father all bored to pieces eating some rubber fucking turkey mashed potatoes somewhere the chick will be done in mexico veal fucking devouring turkeys and fucking chihuahuas and whatever you should have had what they made me yesterday what they make you yesterday it's like a mexican pot roast and my mom makes pot roast and it's like one of my favorite things she makes for me but this one was like spicy and had like a spanish rice with it and like they poured the sauce over the rice and now your dad's gonna fuck it up and come out here for thanksgiving no it's good it's i mean i mean i'm gonna go over there for christmas you know i sit over here and do what he boasts a mark of turkey like a fucking no we're gonna go to restaurant her brother is moving

out of state so it's in and he's like they haven't told him about me because because he's like a white jewish and he's like really intense mexican so like they want to spend one more holiday with him so i figured whatever your dad listen just give your dad five bucks it's got less and less drop more for fucking denny's for thanksgiving and shoot down to his mexican's house and part taken by mexican thanksgiving you know be very happy you're gonna shit blood for a year who gives a fuck it's thanksgiving you know what i'm saying yeah well he was supposed to come next week or this week on friday but it's it's what happens in this town i mean i i knew i was done sometime around now but then my work needs me next week so rather than than have him sit in my apartment

my whole time i just paid for the change ticket and now he's coming at the end of the month i was the weekend cocksucker perfect and the girlfriend i saw you saturday night for some tacos uh whenever my phone rings at like midnight on the weekend i'm like it's joey Diaz wants to get tacos it was it was great it's it's uh it's a it's a lot of fun i haven't had fun like this with a girl for a while good for you man i'm happy i could see it i could see in your face you're a changed man you're out of your fucking shell you're walking around like fucking adrian when i first met you have you heard from ashley no i told you what happened to your friend it ain't your fucking friend not you're fucked up now you should have learned you should have just came on her face because either way she

wasn't gonna talk to you i tried to tell you you should have shot her she would have been sleeping with her mouth open unloaded from night before you know banged when i hit her with some fucking juice sperm to the cheek it's all over she would have been walking around like the president of russia remember that splatter on his fucking head she would have had on her cheek for life who did that thing i don't know some fat little fucking jewish guy see she don't talk to you anyway i told you all that friend shit that shit passes once they start sucking somebody else's pole there's no more friends yeah that's why you gotta get them while they're hot while they're on your couch and this isn't the reason why i couldn't keep the dog but my apartment complex is a really strict

apparently no pets policy and she stayed here for a few months and my landlord was like we had this problem before i'm like no we didn't and she's like well one day when we came up to do work that girl was there and she had a cat i'm like i don't i don't think that's my apartment because i'm really allergic to cats and i don't really i don't have i've never had one in my house she's like oh no it was your apartment and we told her she couldn't have a cat so she must have brought a cat here a couple days when i was at work or something i was like fuck so i almost kind of pissed off because so what are you gonna do you said you should have came on the face now next time you fucking know i was right anyway anyway how was your weekend my weekend was tremendous

historical i mean you know man listen and i don't fuck around with nobody when i tell you this shit lately because it's gonna happen and you have to accept this in your life that it's gonna happen in your lifetime somewhere where you're gonna be what happened friday at lax i mean when i first heard about it i thought about my friends the comedians who fly out friday mornings that first i went to your website because i woke up at like 10 i was like you fucking joy flying today yeah i mean you know and this is what i tell people this is gonna happen in your lifetime the days that you fucking around on your phone looking at your stupid fucking phone to see you text you and what this why don't take fucking texts this is why i don't fuck with twitter on my phone no that

dumb shit because you need to pay attention in today's world i don't give a fuck who's texting you who's messaging you tell people no more you have to pay attention those idiots you see giggling walking down the street those are the first motherfuckers that are gonna get shot and they deserve to get shot because you're not paying attention yeah you have to keep your eyes open you got to look at all directions i mean that's how my mom raised me 50 fucking years ago shut your mouth and keep your fucking eyes open you ever see these people that drive 30 and they're looking all around like sightseeing don't fucking sightsee on the road go to fucking a mountain and get binoculars or a telescope you want to fucking sightsee pay attention to your surroundings all the fucking

time i i might be fucking stoned but you asked people who were wrong with me harry i fucking pay attention you don't think i'm watching but i'm fucking watching the door i'm watching your legs i'm watching your hands especially now you don't need this shit in your life and it's gonna happen i always knew it was gonna happen lax it was just a matter of fucking when you know alex jones is a crackpot to some people but i told you and i've said this story before 80 times on the podcast and i will tell you again the mother fucking told me in houston that in five years by fucking 2015 there's gonna be tsa everywhere that's what they want it's gonna be a little cuba in cuba there's a fucking cop on every corner yeah it's like that in israel too yeah this is

gonna be tsa though because the next thing they're gonna hit is a kids park some fucking thanksgiving party at the park in warm weather or something then after that they're gonna hit an amusement fucking park that's gonna be fucking soon then after that they're gonna hit a professional event that's coming up any day soon yeah whether an nfl mba ufc something because this is what their plan is who's playing joey i don't know i don't fucking know either i don't fucking know no conspiracy theories i'm just telling you that every fucking week when somebody shoots somebody we hear about it right away yes the power of the computer to give us the up to the minute last fucking news but no this is what they want us to hear this is what every fucking day there's a shooting

now yeah every fucking day this this fucking shooting was a 23 okay from jersey with it's one of those ar-15s without a fuck those big fucking guys you know you got to pay attention just do me that favor i mean i was sitting there going what if that's why i fly early too because shooters don't shoot fucking early in the morning they don't come out 730 nobody got shot at 730 yeah everybody gets shot later in the fucking afternoon that's why i do my business in the morning because fucking i ain't getting fucking no fuck you man fuck you i've lived the hard enough life to run into some fucking the guy that snapped well whatever the fuck they're saying happens to these fucking idiots so let's say let's say you were there and i'm not saying you were like i'm

not saying you would be a hero but let's say you saw a kid walk around looking weird you saw you you think you might have seen something like would you've gone it would you go to talk to somebody or like i wouldn't know what to do in that situation in the situation the guy's got a fucking weapon you gotta split second to the side yeah so you gotta tell somebody and then grab fucking cover or go for little kids or whatever the fuck you're gonna go for okay you know we spoke on the phone yesterday yeah and i'm gonna get emotional about this people because it's a fucking tough fucking subject to me and it pisses me the fuck off constantly i'm sorry to start this monday morning but lee asked me what happened i gotta tell you guys the stories that you brought

to the family i didn't even tell you on the phone yesterday go to farmers market yesterday no one on laurel canyons yeah you go every week every week it's a half a faggy fucking place it's a family place it's kids it's 60 percent kids by the year ago i go up to there and so fat fucking japanese guy looking retarded japanese guy and his fucking assistants come up to me and they're like hi where paparazzi's can we ask you some questions and me and my wife are just sitting there eating a pizza this is way before my wife was pregnant any of this shit this was even longer a long time ago and the conversation started off great man hey ben you in the longest yard tell us what the experience was then he's like did you ever fuck adam sandlin in the ass or something

just saying shit like this to me in front of my line like oh listen man it's to your best interest just to get the fuck away from me look at all the fun and games with me bro i love having a great time like i said you call me a fat spake but but but don't ever involve my wife in your fucking little charade that's a big mistake don't ever involve my wife in your charade bro because she don't like it either and she's gonna say something to you so yesterday uh we go to farmers market and she was gonna go to 10 o'clock church so we go early we get fish for the week we get fruit tomato shit like that we got a watermelon juice we split it but there's another half of the farmers market where they have the the petting zoo and it's basically snow cones you know popcorn anything

fucking kids on that end that's why i don't go over there ice cream you know they have the ugliest fucking animals that you want they want you to pay three dollars and you go pet them and shit behind cages they got a water fountain and that's great my wife goes let's kill another 20 minutes so we walk over to the fucking water fountain the doggy you're fucking whatever the fuck it is the petting zoo and i don't know who is in there you know every week somebody different in there the one week it was the black guy from son to anarchy the guy that they killed the other it's always somebody different i don't know who it was this week but they were taking pictures of like six or seven fucking paparazzi but like like three of them were across the street

three of them were up close and there's a bank there first national bank of whatever the fuck it is and there's a little security guard league this guy's five for five maybe 45 years old he's ball thing never bothered nobody maybe his family needs eight bucks an hour whatever minimum wages now a guy didn't have a weapon so what the fuck are you doing working on a sunday you know i'm saying like they haven't got a guard the bank don't stand on the wall don't put your drinks there guys are sweet on i see him there all the time now i'm watching these paparazzi he's telling please get off the property they're like fuck you fat man this ain't all this shit and go and i'm sitting there and i'm getting heated and heated and heated and heated because again if you

want to fight the guy put the camera down and fight the guy one on one they're not even it's six of them it's like four of them at this point and they're taunting them they go ah and he's like well if you stand on the side well i could block your view of the pictures and the guy goes if you block our view go ahead block our view see what happens to you and the guy's like i'm gonna call the police and he goes and what the fuck are the police gonna do and all this shit so i'm sitting and i'm thinking to myself this is the paparazzi i understand a man's gotta make a fucking living but this is a shitty fucking living over here there's a thousand places you could go to in Hollywood and get pictures of Beverly Hills or whatever this is the valley this is quiet these people are half a

fucking fags at the end of the fucking day they're half a fags they're those waspy people that thinks everything is beautiful it's not their world brother this is not their world get the fuck out of here so the one fat fucking japanese retard comes up to me and he's like hey man how are you doing i know you aren't you lucky we're not bothering you and i go you know you're lucky you're not bothering me this is sunday these people are families of kids really you're up here wasting these people i could see somebody on the other side but you guys are sneaking pictures they're not a chunky mexican guy comes over he's like is there a problem i don't know there's not a problem but you think about it bro this is sunday you really guys are here this is the best

you could do on a fucking sunday then i looked at him in the eye and i talked to him in spanish and i said you're mexican you're you're you're fucking manhood and everything about you is all about family this is what you're doing and he wouldn't fucking make contact with me he wouldn't even he knew he knew i'm like really this is the best you've gotten this sunday his mom probably said it to you know look at these people they're out there having a good time with their kids i don't even know who the movie star is there's no movie star out there just a guy that you guys are fucking thinking whatever you know and the guy got up and walked out and they all chased him so now they started to come back one by one this one fucking arabian whatever the fuck he was comes over and

he's like i hear you have a problem i go no i don't have a problem but think about what you guys are doing it's fucking sunday this is the best you're gonna go fuck you italian fat man and that's when i just went off fuck you cunt motherfucker your mother drank the best part of you i go this is all you got this is the best you've got taking pictures of these people bleak if they were making ten twenty thousand dollars i wouldn't care but all of them are chumps you could see what they were wearing they're all got chump change so we start arguing my wife gets in the middle of this we walked back and my wife said get the fuck out of here we walked back to the car and also as i get to the car the fucking arabian guy follows me and i just snapped i run over to him and i tell him

he was like i'm gonna hit you with the cam and i think i spit in his mouth he was opening up his mouth and i spit in his fucking mouth and the security got involved they said they called the police you know i got in the car my wife couldn't understand it i'm from north bergen new jersey we're on the front you want to fight somebody you fucking fight them you fucking fight them okay you take your shirt off and you go let's fight around the building but you don't gang up on some fucking guy that one of yous could beat up with a blindfold on the security guy had nothing going for himself he was just doing it for his family or whatever and these guys and my wife understood it but she didn't understand and later on last night she said to me i understand now you

know yeah there's one thing about bullying i don't believe in bullying but i don't believe in you backing out either he ain't gonna kill you lee take your shirt off and punch him in the face for the hard worst case scenario is gonna punch you twice just go down he ain't gonna kick you when you're down i'm here but you're gonna have to fight him lee fight him just fight him just fucking punch him crazy for 30 seconds and that's it but you're not gonna let three people hit lee or anybody else that's not no no no there's people that deserve to get fucking hit there's some people you ever see you ever go to a bar and there's that drunk bitch outside the club yeah and you're like somebody please smack this motherfucker even girls that are against you know domestic violence

like would somebody please smack this bitch there's some people don't deserve to get hit or it's not their world it's not their world it's not when it's not your world you don't understand how shocking it is to your system no it is like i'm i can't believe you're talking about this because i was thinking about it for the past couple days so we've talked about bullying before and i've been bullied and there was one time in high school where i actually fought back and i got suspended for fighting but uh i don't have a lot of regrets in my life but something i do regret is not fighting a lot i think i like when i as a kid i would i would have like fantasies about about like punching the guys who were mean or whatever i never did it and i really uh and

it like it's one of my regrets but what's been going on in the news the past week or so a football player on the dolphins got bullied or whatever and left the team i saw that and in yesterday they suspended the guy who supposedly did it and they're having this whole big thing and everyone on espn saying it's terrible and it is and the guy should have got suspended but i'm i'm just as mad and i don't know the whole story so it could get worse and i can change my mind but i'm mad at the guy who got bullied because he left like he left the team he's like a lineman he's a huge 300 pound lineman and you just leave because you're getting bullied like how can like how can you like if you were a father and you didn't stand up for yourself like how can you face your kids like i i i didn't

fight but i never ran like you can't run away from that like that's like and none of the football players are saying it because they're on espn and like they'll get fired if they say what they should say but how could you not how like punch just punch the guy in the face or like like how football's a man listen it's not about punching people in the fucking face but you can't run away and leave the team you can't run away and leave the team but you have to you have to fucking stand for your space listen man i had a horrible experience happening when i was a kid i got beat up at the fucking park and my mother made me go back to the next day and i talk about it on stage because it was such a painful situation day because i was the only speaker in the neighborhood you know i got

beat up by a white kid an Italian kid you know people liked me but i knew i was gonna get my ass kicked again and now my mother's going to the park and making me fight you know and i got beat up again that day but throwing that punch at that kid hitting him in the face liberated me for life yeah i wish i had done that it really did liberate me for life to punch him to see the blood come down his nose then he beat me up but i always my mother raised me to a stick up for yourself and be stick up for the people around you there's some motherfuckers that just look for trouble fuck them motherfuckers yeah but there's some people that one day they wake up and they just want to take out their fucking horrible life on somebody who this is not their world you say enjoy

what's not their world i've been smacked and i've smacked people and i've mugged people and i've done this and this it's my world you know i'm saying i'm not saying i'm a bully i'm a fight i'm nothing i'm a 50 year old man they'll get beat up in two fucking minutes what i'm saying is though even though i'm a 50 year old man they'll get a bit beat up in two minutes if you drive me to that point where i believe not that i'm getting bullied but i'm getting disrespect my space is taking up okay because i can't figure out even in my world i can't figure out what happens here all i can worry about is what happens in this space and i'm holding my arms up like i'm gonna hug somebody i know i'm the type of person i can't stay hit i know it would drive me crazy if somebody

hit me and i didn't hit that person back and it would get worse because it would escalate i would go back with a pipe i know me in my heart but that punch that my mother forced me to throw i'd gotten into fights as a kid in new york like in the first grade second grade i got stitches and i was uh i could it wasn't like a fight it was i didn't give a fuck i was crazy so i didn't it's not that i knew what i was doing it's not that i knew combinations i was just crazy i probably held my breath when i punched but i was so crazy i won a few fights and then when i went to sacred heart school for boys that had gotten taken away from me there was no fights there there was no real fights that the only action i had was on the weekends of an 140 hd but my god

mother's house there was always action up there there was always a smack or somebody got hit with a chair or you know there's always somebody got stitches but then uh i got beat up by the nun and i fucked her up and that jaded me for a while when i hit that nun back that day at first i felt good about myself but then i felt bad about myself and i remember going to martial arts i was going to gushin rukerati at the time and i was holding back like i was holding back it even at gushin rukerati i wasn't really that fucked me up and for some reason i said fuck it i'm gonna keep my hands to myself that's the safest way to fucking keep them and then that thing happened at 38th street park with richie farara this kid who hit me and bullied me and the next day my

mother made me go back and that put me back and then she started talking to me and i started once i saw my mother in action then i said i can't i understand now and i understand what it means to stick up for yourself you know a lot of people don't like me in this town leah and you know why because i've opened my fucking mouth because i've opened my mouth and asked what's coming to me and that's a no no in this town because god forbid you say that there's a lot of people who don't like when you say shit to them they don't you know and they don't have the balls to come back a week later and go hey man i thought about the situation you know the bigger the man the bigger the fucking mistake i fucked up let's move on with this relationship fuck you then

if you don't see it that way fuck you then you know i've gotten mad at the right now i'm reading about this mr blue this guy that uh in prison the guy that was my counselor okay in prison that was this fucking redneck that hated specs niggas chinese he just hated everybody just the way life is man some people and he was a prison counselor but he took a liking to me after a few weeks i would bust his balls back i didn't give a fuck i would break his balls back fucking redneck and all this shit he called me fat spik boy it was spik boy at that time i was in fat in prison and uh you know there's a diagnostic file when you go to prison there's a week that that they hold you back at a place called diagnostic they take your blood out they check all your physicals they check your mind

they test you your aptitude even back then they did not yeah 87 88 they test you on aptitude but then there's two days that they just run you through psychiatric testing Jesus just a lot of psychiatric testing with different doctors and blocks and what do you see when you see a black chick fucking a white guy in the ass with a bazooka you know they just ask you a bunch of shit and you have to give them answers yeah well that information goes to the FBI and it goes to i don't think it goes to your attorney they won't tell you what's on that information but when i got locked up uh the final destination was camp george west and everybody they kept saying well you know it must be in your file or whatever and i was like

my file what the fuck you thought i'm like yeah it's in your file you know if you ask your counselor he'll tell you what's in that file so i started bugging him blue what's in that file he would always say you don't really want to fucking know you don't really want to fucking know and this is the same guy that when i walked in called me a kidnapper and just said a bunch of things to me but then after a while i did everything i was supposed to do i did my classes i did my fucking chores i did my job i never really got a ride up in prison you know i got into a fight in the age unit though one time on a sunday during the cleveland denver brunkel game with sabarino um serafino whatever his fucking name is and uh i kept bugging him what's in that file and he would always send me

you don't want to know bug fucker you don't want to know bug fucker you don't want to know bug fucker one day i asked him was pissed off when he goes he says that uh you know you're a piece of shit it says that if i had something you wanted you would get it no matter what you'd have to do you'd get it i didn't know what the fuck he was talking about i just knew he was also he's telling me i'm a fucking thief and he said something that really he goes if i had something no he goes if you is there something you really wanted you could get it that's how dangerous you are you're a dangerous person and i left i didn't talk to him i didn't talk to him for about a month then one day he goes what you mad at me i told you didn't want to know and he goes you didn't

get what i was telling you that you could do whatever the fuck you want even though you could be a bad criminal but if you had a million dollars you could figure out a way how to get into my house that's also for life you could also do something good with your life you know and you don't fucking know you never fucking know but uh you have to stick up for your ground lee you always have to stick up for your ground because once somebody else sees that you're not sticking up for their ground then they get a little fucking edgy with you you know the guys will test you you know they'll come up and when you go to the bathroom and hit on paula yeah if you walk back from that bathroom and you don't say something to that dude there's somebody in there that saw you so the next time

you go to the bathroom some other guys on the couch you say something to paula so you got two options you got to come back and say something so outrageous so fucking outlandish at them you know yeah that his head will fucking go in because that's the only other option you have but blasted him when you punch somebody really fucking hard they go into some other fucking planet not like and birds spin around i'm not talking about that stupidity i'm talking about you you go into shock your body why they hitting me you start thinking different options you could be the best fighter in the world that's why it makes your best fighter that after you get hit how you react to get hitting but there's also things you could do and say that it's the biggest

smack in the face he loses face and he's out of that and you just scrambled his fucking brains it's like when i'm 30 30 when rebuttal doran so when sugar red lent his wife saw rebuttal doran and rebuttal doran walked up and the sugar red went to give him a hug and he goes fucking something and your fucking poker wife it destroyed his insights he couldn't understand how and he couldn't hit him because then he couldn't fight he fucked up his head so says times you know there's a particular comedian likes to hit on chicks when i first moved to this town i was at the improv one night i'm sure i left my girl at the bar came back three minutes later and there he was hitting on her and i fucking said something to him oh yeah i looked him straight in the fucking

and said something to him my girlfriend at the time froze because in reality that's not a man's job that's a woman's job to say excuse me i'm here with somebody do me a favor get off that chain get the fuck out of here that's a woman's job to say that hey hi how are you sitting out yes oh my god you're so fun no that's not what your girlfriend's supposed to act like get the fuck out of here sit down the fuck out of here sit out i'll smack you in the fucking head sit out so it's true it's fucking true why come from you can't sit next to my fucking girlfriend talk to no i don't know why you married terry because she would absolutely say that yeah terry would say do me a favor get the fuck out of this fucking chair will you so a lot of people don't like that so

you really have to you know it's it's it's it's like tony montana said you have to you know uh step in your mark and enforce it the line that the fact i tell scarface uh al Pacino is the best line ever they should have stopped hitler in munich that tells it all if they would have stopped hitler in munich which is true if you read that history part it's true they would have stopped them to fucking munich they wouldn't have so you have to nip these people in the bud because then it just keeps growing late and that's the mistake we make as children we get bullied and that's something that my mother always clarifies on me you know if you're at your fucking job there's some bosses that say shit to you a boss is a boss he's supposed to instruct you he's supposed to you know help you

he's supposed to give you support yeah you know if you fuck up he straightens you out but there's a thin line of straightening people the fuck out at work yeah and i was one of those guys uh you better watch what the fuck you're saying you better you know and it's very tough you know a couple years ago i shot that fucking uh carls jr commercial and one thing i can't stand i told you a thousand times is like and we talked about the artists in this town the artists you know and then i showed up it's fucking 30 degrees this director has tattoos all over him with a wife beater on 30 degrees on a long beach but he wants you to know he's tatted up with a little fucking hat and two earrings and an earring in his lip you know so i'm a director

so i should be fucking impressed you know what i'm saying and the next thing you know they put us in these trucks it was a commercial where a guy's laying there with ketchup on his shirt okay remember you never seen it was a carls jr commercial i'm gonna remember a guy's eating he didn't have to be it was a national commercial it's it was called junior what's called junior on the east coast i think it's hardies hardies yeah it was a commercial where they're eating fucking something and all of a sudden two mobsters pull up and they pull up to the window and the guys are sleeping ketchup all over and it looks like somebody's shot and the two guys are somebody already shot and they get back in the car well that one

person was me it was me and marsy furlatt he's in the season open nci says a little tallying guy and i don't know nothing they go you have a driver's license yeah all right you drive the suv and marsy's gonna drive the fucking whatever car marsy'll tell you the fucking story and i get in the whatever but the thing is rigged it's got lights in there if you're gonna do a car with a commercial or a car with a movie it's not what a car is it's a car with lights and they got a camera over here and a camera behind you and a camera and both fucking things it's amazing when you see it in the movie you don't see any of those cameras but they're they're fucking cool it's there so fucking uh i i get in the car boom i started and i drive it and you're supposed to get out of

the car in a hurry well i went to step on the emergency brazen there was no emergency break the thing just went down and i had to get out of the car and do what i had to do in the car kept rolling and the guy's like who left that fucking car rolling who's the idiot and i go i'm the fucking idiot stupid motherfucker i go you didn't fucking fix the fucking break now he just froze like all the ad's froze everybody froze because nobody's ever talked to you know johnny artist but i wiped that artistry with my dick yes damn i wiped that shit with my fucking asshole i don't give a fuck about your fucking tattoos and your fucking wife b that's 30 degrees everybody got a hooded sweatshirt on and this fucking moron you know so i don't give a fuck but he didn't fuck with me the rest of the

shoot yeah you know he didn't fuck with me you know when when when i did the movie the longest yard that shot romanoski hit me with canna corn okay he was hitting me because i was provoking him but i didn't know he was that provocable i was just thought i was being cute but after he hit me and i seen the angle in his eye i kept asking this is the best you got and he would kept on fucking hitting me and my helmet would flip around and bro he was hitting me that hard that my helmet was turning around that's hard to get fucking hit and i would look at him and go fuck that's nothing oh my god i don't think he talked to me after that really yeah i don't think he's a crazy guy he's a crazy dude but yeah it's it's crazy and i'm like i'm going like they changed my schedule again

at this job i'm done in two weeks and i should just say fuck you and i don't need the like i think after taxes i'd make less than two grand over these next two weeks i should just say fuck you guys but uh it's tough and like the guy the football player it's been going on for a year and a half and he just left the team and it like i have someone who got bullied i'm like that you shouldn't you're setting a bad example you know man like what if you were on a tv show but where's he gonna go now he's any team he goes to they're gonna torture him oh yeah like they didn't even sign that gay guy the gay basketball player yeah he's not playing for anything funny he's not that great but he's a good bench player and like there's not much controversy he's gonna be in a locker room

exactly yeah that's what people they're like oh he's so proud for saying that yeah but he's unemployed bitch yeah he's gonna be coaching the girls fucking team now because fine he came out of the closet we should all be proud of them what now but how much damage is that gonna cause the team what are they gonna do fly him and give him his own fucking locker room yeah that you're telling me big fucking black dudes or big dicks don't like a gay guy in the fucking locker room trust me trust me those NFL fucking players yeah they walk around with their fucking pink ribbons on because they have to don't give a fuck about anything they don't give a fuck about anything trust me i used to hang out with those dudes i was one of those dudes they don't give a

fuck about gays whatever they don't want no fucking gay guys in the thing they have no sympathy they're too young to understand they're too young to understand unless they have a fucking you know gay cousin or a flower i don't fucking know who the fuck and how like like with comedians like you like you and i joke around and and like let's say i got offended one day so don't don't call me fat like i like i got all upset how could we do the podcast like how could we like how could and if he goes to another team and and they're they're joking around they're gonna go we can't joke around with him like i i understand blaine's bad and he shouldn't have been getting bullied and i'm sure it was terrible but you can't let it go on for a year and a half and then just leave the team

i don't know people's uh people's pain uh threshold yeah is getting simpler and simpler i this weekend did what i do every Saturday when i went to my friend's kid's soccer game i was very i'm not pissed i'm not hurt by it but i was very in shock they have three boys okay i'm a girl and the kids are great guys when i tell you these kids are great great the boys are great the older one i don't see him but the two medium ones the 13 the 14 the 12 i see a lot i go to the basketball games blah blah so we usually go to a soccer game with them as a family we cheer for the little girl and let me all go go eat lunch this week we went to red lobster which was fucking terrible and we're

sitting there and all of a sudden they they're throwing spitballs at each other right so there's a bag there's a to-go bag right like over here like it's a long table it's eight of us so i'm at the table with my daughter my wife and the little girls next to me and over there is uh griffin and uh there's a bag in front of griffin and i'm and after the spitballs are fucking around with the two brothers i take my pencil and i hit the bag and it goes bam once and i get another spitball and i hit the bag and it goes bam and they're laughing we're all fucking laughing and finally the brother hits griffin with the spitball and spitball hits the brother but the brother goes to get one and there's a bag so he's hard i basically can't see it yeah he's

behind the bag right so he fucking shoots the bag he shoots the brother i get my spitball and i go to hit the bag again to make that noise yeah he moves the bag over to use it as a shield so the spitball i shoot hits him close to the mouth or right on the phone you almost got arrested for beating up a paparazzi and you're doing spitballs with red lobster no right so the spitball these are kids i'm a fucking big kid so the spitball hits him on the lip and it bounces off and we die a laughter even he's laughing yeah but when he looks up and sees everybody's laughing he just went into tears i had to get up and apologize and say i was sorry and i don't think he knew why he was crying my wife was like Joey did you feel bad i go

how do you fucking i don't go around to make people cry i feel fucking terrible that's my buddy i play basketball with him we fuck around a couple weeks ago he's asian you know he's Filipino and i said something he goes what are you talking about he goes i'm not that asian you know he's just a funny fucking kid you know a couple weeks before that that we went to the girls game the soccer and he looked at me he goes why do you keep going to soccer games it's so boring come to my games and he's a little he's the littlest fucking chinese kid on the team Filipino kid because it's an asian community but he's the smallest one and he plays like he's six foot seven so i love the kid you know what i'm saying but just to see him cry like that the other

day put me in shock yeah like when i was after fucking the age of eight you had to hit me with a fucking dump truck for me to cry like you really had to hit me with a dump truck like i was done with that shit crying on demand once i got to that 148th street realm all that shit went away once my stepfather moved in the house i couldn't act like that no more i couldn't act like that like cry around my mom like they were doing something different with me it was the weirdest fucking thing i've been thinking about this ever since uh you know i hit him with the spitball that day because i felt fucking terrible how old is he he's 12 oh that's too old to cry about that yeah so you know kids are sensitive you know and i and i know that because of the internet because

of tv kids are programmed to act a certain way but then again every fucking kids show i watch they're always doing martial arts yeah so aren't these kids going and when you go to a jujitsu school basically i heard eddie say this the other day and they confirmed it to me you know the place i go to vmack in the valley great place but those guys aren't killers they're very decent kids they're computer kids they have jobs there's like the kids over there killers nothing but if you go to eddie school it's not that they're killers either and i don't want to call them down the gateway of being nerds or nothing because they're not nerds by any any matter by the way my man fucking zack and vmack always asks me what are you bringing the flying to you have fat they're all 25 they're

all kids so they know who you are the one girl friend of me today on facebook she's a kid but she's a big joe rogan fan from jujitsu so uh it's just weird that they're all programmed to be martial artists like when i was growing up i had batman and and superman and he beat some bitches up and you had papa who stuck up for olive oil and so i i don't know the differences of why the bullying issue is so big right now i don't get it well i went to i did like six or seven years attack window and uh but they always from the first day they jam it into you that like you're doing forms and and and this isn't for fighting this is for self-defense and you should never use it and i i almost wish that i had gotten into fights because i i didn't and uh like it's i think that

people are going because like they realize they missed out on something like a 12 year old if you shouldn't really you shouldn't cry at that and and it's it's i understand he was embarrassed like it was just a reaction but uh the reason you didn't cry is because you were running on fighting on streets and if you cried you would have gotten probably more like not being not but i don't know what would have happened but these kids have been in and jujitsu and all that stuff is great but at a certain point it's just you're just doing forms and it's it's the same thing as zumba and yoga and stuff it's it's weird how uh i you know when you talk about the word streets you say streets like it's this you know after school it wasn't like we went and fought and we went and

we were regular kids we played football two hand touch and and after three or four games we went over to the basketball court and played three or four games and after that was over with they didn't want to do that we went into the woods and lit a fire you know and after that you know you did so many things uh sometimes along that way especially at the basketball court when you're playing sports they'd be misunderstandings but i don't want anybody to know when i was growing up in north virgin it was a fight every day it was not like that there wasn't a mugging every day no no no no no it's exaggerated on my part and it's exaggerated in society how they say the streets i'm in the fucking street the street is a state of fucking mind i've been to people's houses

that it's worse than the fucking streets like you can maybe get mugged in their living room yeah but like the kids nowadays like you said you played football basketball and you go lit a fire now kids are playing madden nba games and they're playing grand theft auto and it's uh it's just different like you don't you don't run into that and i think it's also weird because people get this false sense of uh like luckily the people who listen to us are most of the time cool on twitter i don't really get much hate at all but uh some of the stuff like the people who were writing about like this football player yesterday on twitter a different one who like the the quarterback from houston who got benched and some of the like the awful stuff they're saying that they would never

have the balls to say to this huge guy in person and it's a hack or i don't know what you want to call it for saying oh there's two people get too tough behind twitter and stuff but it's true like you were out playing football and basketball and and there were little arguments but they were over like there's 10 year old kids now committing suicide because the people of people are saying on facebook it's just it's it's i can't even understand it you know again the first thing you the first stupid fucking mantra you learn growing up the sticks and stones will break my bones words can never help me hurt me call me this call me that call yourself a big fat rat right something like that wasn't that's the fucking i knew the first one in another second one and that was the mantra

after a while you know you could call me fucking names whatever you know whatever you say to me goes back to you sticks on glue whatever the fuck you know i mean all that stuff worked for a while yeah i would never after a while you said something that was very interesting you said that you fantasize yourself punching people all the time every fucking child does i think we all do you know i fantasize for years i'll listen to sabbath bloody sabbath and and want to kill my fucking step for all that's what's about it's about people lying to you people you know oh shit oh shit hello oh shit it's my little brother dany be in the fucking house that's right my man what's going on nothing dany i've been watching you on twitter lately in the last couple months and i see that you are one

of the hardest working fucking men in the sports betting industry and these fucking idiots aren't catching on to what you're doing it's starting to piss me off well what are you gonna go it is what it is you know personally i'm just sitting here waiting for the lesbians to drop off my weed that's all that's all i care about right now the lesbians they're running fucking late how you later they're running these two little dirty bitches i don't know we me me and my life we got this hook up in eastern eight these two lesbians they drop off all weed and they're running behind him they might be in the bed i don't know what the hell but they're late and i'm getting a little fucking pissed off at him i think you're looking at one chubby with the fucking military

haircut and the other one's hot and pretty noticed it pretty much both banged up but they're they're nice girls out of long island but yeah they drop it off you know we don't got the convenience stores like you do and uh the chewy shoes and all that neat shit here i'm trying to get the wife to move out west man it's a hard sailor really is no no no stay where you are you got the world by the balls you got your home there it's very nice basketball season is upon us daniel with these fucking wackadoos don't know it's a six and a half weeks away from fucking christmas nobody wants to be hungry on christmas it is what it is basketball you know most people unfortunately they don't even think about basketball until after the super bowl it is what it is college basketball

starts up this week too saturday i believe uh you know we have football all week long but cocoa it is you know nobody cares about basketball until uh football and they're stupid because the lines are soft you dumb motherfuckers when the lines are soft and people don't know what's going on this is your chance to steal especially tuesday nights the whole month in november you should be making a killing on tuesday nights killing on tuesday nights that you could just fan your fucking dick for the rest of the week you don't have to steal you don't have to lie to your mother you don't have to do nothing just pick up the check on the fucking it's true daniel football is tighter than ever now football is tighter than ever what were the upsets yesterday uh let's see what happened

yesterday we almost had uh fiatto lose into tamper down big fiatto comes back and all the time houston well wasn't really you know it's funny because houston they were kind of like a pick him playing the culps and they fell apart uh big upsets i don't know if anything was big yesterday any big upsets the favorites uh kicked ass the week before yesterday was a lot of balance you know yesterday the jets beat the jets beat new orleans yeah the jets yeah the jets there you go ladies at least that at the jet speed they were a plus six they beat uh they beat those ain't those ain't the mother in the motherfucking metal lands and shit yeah there you go the jet fans are excited about that you know how about the coach last night for the texans being uh

caught it away i hope he's okay what do you think happened there that's that's cool biak right poor cool biak yeah remember and remember and then but he sat on the bench for 10 years behind elway scratching his fucking head gary cubie and then whenever there's how's the how's the baby let's talk family how's the baby you know bro uh it's something it's something to look at and go you scratch your head every fucking morning you scratch your head you get more and more scared about life you hug them more you know it's it's great it's great that the wife is around now all day lurking like a fucking spider so that's good you know but besides my little guy's my older guy jayden he's nine he's okay he's mild he's a little spoiled a little pretzzy you know we spoiled him

but my little guy jay t is a fucking monster he's cute as hell but he reminds me of my brother gary which scares me he's doing shit at this age that you shouldn't be doing he's thinking things he walks around with a boner all day long he's always look at it mommy it's fucking weird but uh let me ask you something danie it's challenging you have a boy and i know you a long time danie you're a never say died motherfucker you're like me that's the two things that came out of north bergen that were two never they're gonna have to kill us with fucking bazookas then stab us then throw stones at us then chop us up then light us on fire then bury us then take us out of the sea and bury us in the fucking ocean because it's just why do you raise you how do you raise your boy

danie in this world with people getting bullied well you know what uh it's tough you know that even the nfl players look the one guy suspended indefinitely for bullying on an nfl i mean come on when you've got a 34-year-old bullying a 24-year-old that's pretty sad but as far as the kids go out oh no it is what it is you teach him not to be aggressive but to protect themselves you know uh my little guy don't have to worry about it he's gonna be able to handle himself you know and getting back to what you said we've been we've been burned grounded tortured but we're like jason he ain't gonna kill us michael mayers he ain't gonna kill us he might slow us down a little bit but i'm getting back on my feet every time i get knocked down and that's life though you know uh

even my business now cokes it's it's changing everything's on the internet nobody wants to talk to anybody everybody's bashing everybody and it's it's pretty awful but you know i'm comfortable in my own skin so i'm okay with everything you know it is what it is what do you tell your nine-year-old if somebody pushes them to fucking bitch slap him and what do you tell him daddy well you know what he's he's into that wrestling shit that wwe shit so everything with him is a headlock a bite and a pinch and a scratch actually we got a little note that he punched somebody in the face on the bus the other day because the kid was teasing him about his girlfriend because he's into girls now he found his first little girlfriend to be honest with you she's

pretty ugly i don't want to tell him that because it'll break his heart but uh yeah so the kid was busting his balls so he took a swing at him or something like that we got a little a little warning note you know but he's not a bully now the little guy he's a bully he's the guy that we're gonna have to watch you know so not to interrupt you but what would you rather have him do bring an ugly girl home or an ugly little boy home you know what i'm saying well yes two states two state of mind i'd rather the mother fucker come home with the bride of frankenstein then show up with louie louie you know the dj over at sugar cube you know she's a she is a nice girl actually she's got a twin sister i don't know what happened

he picked the wrong sister the twin i don't know that i guess they're not identical twins that's for sure but yeah he has his first little crush and he's getting sensitive and you know actually and he's doing weird shit in his room man i don't know what the fuck's going on in after the four-year-old or nine-year-old you know he's fucking won't open the door the four-year-old no no him he's already doing weird shit too but the nine-year-old's starting to find himself i guess he's getting his pubic hairs going and okay you know the changes of becoming a you know nine ten-year-old he's fucking nine he's already getting hard on to whacking off no no no no the no the not listen the four-year-old he's slinging man he's slinging he's walking around like i'm

looking i'm like damn man are you sure you're my son where the fuck did that thing come from but uh yeah he he's walked around all day and he he looks at it he's got his face on he's under the blanket he's looking at he goes mom look at my look at the size of my bone and it's pretty weird but hey you know kids you know but uh yeah the older guy yeah he's got a little crush going like i said she's i think she's homely but like you said he's not bringing a man home no what happens he like i said you know at least not now anyway he shows up a little black dj with a little cute haircut and an earring in his nose what are you gonna do what's up with you man what are you doing hitting the sticks again you're going to north carolina this week north carolina i go to long

island i go to st louis to see joey felato then from thursday night thursday night the 21st i'm doing a club with uh ari shafir joey felato is already taking the day off you know i might as well include joey into into the mix of mother fuckers that you have to shoot with a bazooka you know he's very he adopted a baby oh good he lives in st louis he uh runs a car dealership he makes fucking tons of money he uh you know he loves it that his wife has a baby and that's another guy that got caught robin and he got a couple smacks and he changed his life around and now i don't think he does anything i don't think you know me yeah i'm sorry me and joey did some heist with big glue i don't know if you remember big louisa he came around in the late 90s late

80s early 90s a big dude out of uh per se it is uh old man was called bonesy isa isa but anyway big blue was like six seven three hundred and something pounds of it he had he had contacts with the retarded dea agents and they used to squat on the drug buildings in new york city so we used to get the phony john doe warrants and me and joey felato were in deep with the guy we owed him a lot of money so to work off our debt we started going on a little drug heist with him so me and joey were yeah we were sidekicks there for a while you know we had well i can think back but we had some crazy times man and today at 51 years old i can't even believe i'm still alive i'm healthy and there's my fucking phone now who the hell was this it's a solicitor i can't stand

this son of a bitches i got into a new office and i inherited new phone numbers and everybody they're looking for one and Diego and jose and they owe money and this one and they want to give me student grants and blah blah blah put it this way if it was if that was potential clients calling i'd be on easy street my phone rings all day long and it's nobody calls no more cocoa you know nobody calls no more the live podcast yesterday i don't know somewhere in the live podcast we started talking about people we knew and i talked about i just stopped and for some reason i thought about darin rake on what darin would be like today and i told the story about one of the last times i saw darin i did a show in new york city and i stayed out i had no money for a hotel daddy

i would stay on mike askelis's balcony when i went home in the late 90s i would sleep on mike askelis's balcony he lived on the 34th floor and i had my clothes outside and i'd walk through his living room he was sleeping on the couch and he'd leave me blankets and a pillow on his balcony and i'd sleep out there this is how poor i was doing comedy going back to new york i was living out here but i went back one night and they told me darin lived by the park by hudson county park right by bergen line those buildings the guy who was fucking his wife his ex-wife owned those buildings and he went to heaven said you want to fuck my ex-wife i want an apartment for free so the guy gave an apartment i went up there darin had two bedrooms no furniture

no nothing it was just beer cans everywhere that people had left because he wasn't drinking because of the hepatitis d and there was a cot like one of those you know those cots that you open up there was one of those that's in the black and white television and i stayed outside there till about six ringing the doorbell and he finally let me in he goes i fell asleep at eight i was up for three days partying with the jepp you know and i asked him about this jepp and i go what are you doing he goes whoa and i'm not unloading planes i'm a bodyguard to a japanese guy that flies in and he pays me like two thousand three thousand dollars and he gives him ecstasy and heroin and and special k and mdmh it was like the late 90s so ecstasy was big and all that shit

so we're eating at that at that fucking breakfast spot on bergen line avenue what's that breakfast spot on 70 something street without the kitchen coffee the kitchen coffee shop was sitting there eating and he tells me first he tells me that i go uh something about fighting and he goes ah he goes ah he goes i can't even nobody will fight me no more i gotta fight my friends it's like i'm dying a laughter and this is at the time when the the the hashways had fucked him over so he wanted to beat up one of the hashways and he cornered him in his car and slapped him hysterical but he also told me a story about what he does with this japanese bodyguard and this is serious and you know i ain't lying daddy i grew up with the guy he goes at 11 o'clock i eat like a fucking couple

valiums then at at 12 i do some mdmh and then at like 130 i do some heroin and then at about three i do a little coke to come down but don't drink because that'll kill you i'll never forget him saying that to me because he couldn't drink because the appetite is deep but he would do drugs all fucking night and i can't tell you that you know these guys that listen to the podcast you're young and shit i miss rago today i miss dan regal more than i miss my mother do you know that bro wow wow i miss dan regal i miss him more today yeah let me get off of this speakerphone this fucking thing sucks okay yeah is that better buddy absolutely yeah yeah i miss that kid more today i look at that picture on my wall every morning and i would feel bad if that kid was still alive because i know

he'd be here yeah i know he'd be out here i know for a fact he'd be out here throwing people up out just having a great time you know call me yesterday gary richman gary richman gary richman the cop to ask me a favor if i knew louis ck because louis stitzer was driving a car for louis ck and he fired him louis stitzer man louis and i go back to robert folton man that's a long hey you you know we're talking about darin and the first thing that i visualize darin besides being a little pit bull looking uh his fights with kenny edler if they weren't the classic fights friday night saturday nights outside of the midtown outside of hawkies those with some wheel and then that before you know what they were all shaking hands doing a blast together it was the fucking funnest times

and yeah darin did we get we all miss darin you know anytime it's been 10 years plus right was it 12 12 years it's something that i can't even uh i put away like i don't even really think about i don't think about him sometimes on purpose just because i know that if i go too deep into darin i'll get sick to my stomach i get sad because uh his daughter just got accepted into fucking he stroudsburg state oh fucking crazy stroudsburg that's if i mean that's not far from me yeah his daughter just got accepted up there so uh so denny tell me what you're doing for the mba you're doing the approach because what i'm trying to tell these people is this i'm not encouraging you to gamble but you're gonna probably gamble on your own and you're gonna lose i'm like denny said

a lot of people right now are trying to figure out next week sunday and monday good have a great fucking time figuring it out i know denny's got something for you for tuesday and thursday night you don't have to worry about the weekend or you're gonna be a fucking Puerto rican win money on tuesday and thursday then lose it all on your own because that's what these fucking idiots do on their own and that's why denny comes in you get a guy like denny to walk you through the steps what are you doing now something like a dollar a day or something yeah you know it's even cheap it and that you know it breaks down it depends on you know if i like you or not if you're a church member or somebody that it breaks down to 50 cents a day you know they sign up on the internet now

nobody wants to talk to anybody so like i come up with this idea you know what let me make it affordable for everybody and i'm showcasing some young talent you know i've had tim donagy the philly godfather or established guys but this is a young man's game now everything with gamblin's called algorithms this that it's like i'm impressed by somebody young talent and for the last i don't know maybe about a year they've been all trying to get on my show sending me plays so what i've done is i'm now showcasing somebody younger guys in the business where you contract their plays for as little as a dollar a day but if anybody signs up they normally double their membership so hypothetically if you sign up for 90 bucks for a three uh for three months i give you six months

so it breaks down to like 50 cents a day and there's always enough for all my plays up there periodically but it gives these young guys a chance to show their skills because nobody's doing that for and believe me i'm catching heat people are like why are you doing this why are you putting these government don't don't spend a fucking bottle i don't care it's it's to show these these kids are good they're sharp you know and they're the way of the future so i just started this about about a week ago not even and it's going pretty good already you know i just my problem is i don't have enough people on the internet following me and i'm not going out of my way to do that i need to spend more time focusing on the internet but uh it is what it is i'm an old

school guy i'm just trying to keep up with the changes of time and these kids are pretty sharp yesterday we we did well we were five and oh saturday they were three and three mond uh friday they were one and one but if you ride these kids out they're good they're really sharp kids you know and that's that's what i'm working on right now a dollar a day i mean who the hell is fucking a cup of coffee for christ i'm thinking how to hustle cock sucker go with danny be wins go to the fucking web page seems got to offer you what the fuck i'm only carrying you to go out then gamble but you're going to do it on your own anyway like some fucking schmuck you might as well get help if you're going to do kettlebells you're going to do three four weeks on your own

you're going to hurt your fucking back you know look at some tape on youtube you're going to miss a fucking small detail you're going to miss a small detail because this is not your world you go to a coach that's all danny is he's going to be your fucking gambling coach give him a shot what the fuck you got to lose a dollar well you know what you know here's the deal the new site for these guys it's it made it simple it sounds catchy too danny wins the number four you danny wins the number four you and it's i think it's going to take over in time it takes time i got my asshole that are attacking me on twitter you've seen a little bit of that shit you know trying to bring up my past well that's his big secret i got arrested a couple of times who wants a fucking

attorney that hasn't done this hasn't snorted coke do you want an attorney that never did a line of coke to never ate some chicks ass for what he doesn't know the other side he doesn't know how to protect you he hasn't eaten somebody's ass and that's what i don't understand when they were attacking you so you did time you've been involved in this for 15 20 30 fucking years you gotta get something out of this you know what i'm not the best community in the world but i've been doing this for 20 years i know a thing or two give me a fucking shot and that's what i know this kid's been doing this since we were fucking kids that's all his whole family fucking talks about his whole family greg yesterday hit money he put it on facebook he was jumping up and down jaymo

finally gave him a winner jaymo my cousin gave who went away greg yeah oh my god they were on vegas not i you know they they do the facebook stuff i'm not big on facebook but my wife keeps tracking them i'm like what do they do in vegas every weekend i haven't spoken to james but a few times recent in the last few months but yeah they seem to be doing out it's tough this this shit's tough it's not easy man i've seen even like the guys like the philly godfather that are professionals for 30 years they get their asses wet people want to judge you by one of two days and that's what it that's that's not fair you know i get people give me one winner and if you win i'm going to sign up so you're telling me if i win this game i'm a god and if i lose it i think

that's not fair that's why this this dollar a day gives you enough time and it's very inexpensive to follow us over the course of time because anybody can have a good or a bad weekend you can't judge anybody by that you know you know daddy you always know where the fucking find them he's always here these other fly by night operations they'll be with you for two months when they change their fucking phone number yeah daddy be in the fucking house you bad mother fucker on a monday morning look at you monday tell him about my money waiting for the lesbians waiting for the fucking lesbians i i've been without my poo poo now for about two days they don't bring your chimo cheese yeah so you're gonna go to long island yeah i'm gonna come up here's the

problem though my wife's birthday is on on that that's saturday the 16th you're coming in on a thursday right i'm gonna come on tuesday for the new york comedy festival man hadn't oh man i'll come let you know yeah yeah yeah that would be better because i can't i can't be gone on saturday no no no no no no no no no plus it's a busy day for me on saturday oh yeah no no i have my radio shows but uh no i definitely want to come up listen man i have a blast but the problem is i take you give me yours fucking chewy chewy and then i go into a fucking coma and then i don't even know where the fuck i'm at did you get fucked up last time yeah that's close that window no oh you were there with us that friday nightly you were there saturday with runny

no i was there but i was there with the closed the window guy and that little man running down the street yelling fucking motherfucking kind of fucking towers come out of the fucking motherfucker now let me tell you something saturday night mic saturday night mic runny showed up now besides you and me and i say this on the air like fucking soldiers beside you and me runny is another one of the third fiends of north bergen we if if if the lord didn't touch me six years ago i'd still be doing blow you follow me uh mic runny still does powder on the weekends he told me he doesn't draw no more remember when we were kids he'd draw fucking uncontrolled people you've never seen a man's jaw move to either the line of coke with mic runny but this night i told him don't fucking

show up and do that shit so he promised me he wasn't gonna do it i took a 500 milligram anti delores chocolate fucking pop tart whatever the fuck those things are and i chopped it up four ways now you know mic runny has eaten kwelews he's done everything i chopped it up four ways everybody was fucked up that night including me mic runny looked like he was an old man he was like walking slow like with a camera you know that that was on a saturday night you know tuesday he called me he's like coax what was in that fucking thing because i was high till yesterday holy shit he goes i will never eat one of those fucking things again i don't give a fuck why he was i ain't even coming to california to visit you that's how bad that was so yeah yeah it's like

the tootsie rolls you got to have the minis when you're not used to it you can't go ahead and eat the big tootsie roll you have to start with the little mini size ones what happened to you last time you were fucked up in the city and i gave you when you went to we hawken you ate a pizza dude it was fucked up i was having a time in my life i'm laughing i'm i'm fucking sitting here with mario cantons brother craig got darren step brother actually and i'm fucking lively and then you give me the next thing i know i walk into the club and i just humming a humming a humming a humming i didn't know what happened i'm sweating all the mad flavor fans are talking to me and i couldn't even i was like please blow my eyes a bit and i'll talk to you later and and and i

stayed high i stayed high but you know what and somebody treated me one of your the guy from the chewy place he's like yeah you need to come out to california just recently this morning this morning yeah yeah yeah i saw that i'm like but what makes my eyes bleed brother uh but no i go listen i'm a big weed guy i've been smoking since i'm ten years old but that shit's different that's that's like fucking eating dynamite i was in europe in the army eating smoking the best passion of world but this shit is what is it that's what i want to know what the fuck is it hey dang let me ask you something because i didn't know you back then did you ever get bullied when you were a kid who bullied can i get bullied yeah i was molested as a kid but i don't know if i'll be

in bullied uh but no uh no you know what there was i was pretty tough kid you know i was a pretty tough kid i wasn't a bully but i wasn't afraid to throw down did i get bullied you know what you know who bullied me scott zeminax brother uh the older brother what's blend blend zeminaq he bullied me for a while i did something to him and i was fast you couldn't catch me and then one day i wasn't broke in and was on park avenue and next thing i turned around somebody tapped on my shoulder and fucking lit me up and it was him spoke my nose actually then he did it again a couple of weeks later but i was like 10 or 11 years old but no i can't say what's going on with the bully why is this a topic today what's going on don't be picking on your brother no no no no just to see

what want me to come out there and fucking bring no no no i was pleased i was way ahead of you uh no no no just it's a big topic and i'm trying to remember you know like i had a situation when i first moved to north bergen downtown because there weren't that many cubans in my area there but after that it got smooth and after that you know you just grow out of it and i don't know if uh i know that uh you know he used to fucking really love you as a kid glen kanthi glen kanthi always and i loved him too i really still love him i haven't talked to him since 94 or whatever but i wish he always loved he was a tough fucking kid when he wanted to fight that motherfucker you don't know that he used to stick his tongue out remember he used to do the

tongue oh my god oh my god you know yesterday i had a situation danie at the farmers market with some paparazzi and i got in my car and i drove my wife to church and and i went home and i thought about and i go you know 20 years ago i mean you know what really happened yesterday danie i had the i could a bit beat the fuck out of this little fucking arabian photographer and his buddies and i walked back to my car and it was right out in the open and they followed me to the car and i turned around and i walked up to the guy and he was yelling at me and i spit in his fucking mouth it was classic there was nothing he could do danie i got my car left and but before i got my car i really thought about fucking fighting these guys for about a second and then i saw something

i saw one of these pussy testosterone fathers walk by me with a cut-off t-shirt and this little 40 50 year old muscles and these three little fucking kids and his cunt wife and he just looked over at me here i am i'm sticking up for the right so this fucking thing and a couple people helped me out a couple people got involved this is mexican fruit market guy that always gives me the apple every sunday comes from around the fucking corner and gives my wife an apple and my daughter he gives the baby an apple that motherfucker ran to my aid but i knew danie at the end of the day guess what danie i'm all alone i'm all alone out here i sometimes forget that i'm 50 and i sometimes forget that i don't live in north bergen no more where all i gotta do is pick up the phone

and make one fucking phone call and i can have three people there with a bat and they're not even thinking about the repercussions because when we strike there's no repercussion we're not gonna get you can still make those phone calls people would be there i know i would be oh no i'd be there also that's not the point danie you don't need to do time i don't need to do time over some guys that don't even deserve it but it's so weird that's what i thought about yesterday i thought about how we could all i had to do was go home make a phone call we could have pulled up got out of the car they would have been on the corner they wouldn't even have seen us coming that's how good we were at that age we would have got in the car with pipes hit them all with fucking pipes in the leg break

their cameras the fucking people in studio city had never seen that because we would have done it so fast it just would have been and they kicked to the mouth and we would have broke their fucking cameras and ran back to our cars with the with the fucking fake license plate and drove away and people would have applauded us people would have fucking applauded us man well i think the differ probably we would have kept the cameras and fucking hocked them oh i'm breaking them we probably would have hocked the fucking cameras but you know what you should be you know what i don't know your situation i'm i'm you're being people love you man i mean were they busting your balls no no no i was at the farmers market danie and there's paparazzi and there's two sides to the

farmers market there's an adult side and there's a little kid side and there was like eight paparazzi he's taking pictures of somebody and the security guard was this danie you know people who are meant to fight and you know people who aren't meant to fight they're just good souls this guy was working on a sunday for maybe ten dollars an hour to feed his children you know no weapon and he's out there with a walkie fucking talking these paparazzi the guy's five foot fucking five and they're in his face they're going blue call the police stupid and he goes well if you guys get on the property and i can obstruct your photographs and the guy goes go ahead go ahead get in front of the camera we're gonna knock the fuck out of you and right there i couldn't take it no more

i had to say something i got you but you know what danie there was 50 other people standing there and it just surprises me that nobody in this fucking country has fucking balls no more so when they don't have fucking balls how do you expect that fucking little faggot kids to have fucking balls do you understand me because balls is something that's passed on my mother must have might have been stupid and she might have been a fucking immigrant and a speck and and the business and the drugs but one thing my mother had was fucking balls danie and she passed that on until this day let me tell you something danie i got a wife and a kid but i also got myself and you got what the fuck we're about and i know you i i you're one of the last guys i'd want to see

in a bad situation especially at this fucking age because at this age we're just going to kill you like yesterday i could see myself if i had a gun i would have shot that fucking arabian in the fucking leg once and for all i would have just shot him in the fucking leg outside and but we live in a society now where everybody's a crime stop everybody's got their camera on everybody's a fucking nosy rosy little dirty fucking cunt you know if you're sticking up for somebody it's like what happened with joe rogan and carlos mensia joe rogan stuck up for the fucking comedians and these motherfuckers till today talk to this guy they shake his hand they fucking you know this is the society we live in that you don't even know when you have something good in front of you it's

like you you're providing a good service you were a fucking real gambler this is what you eat sleep fucking shit fuck you're fucking your wife and you're thinking about the fucking nicks tonight are you not then you know what it's fucked up because that's so true i'm we did our thing last night i'm watching the game i'm like motherfucking she's like what what i'm just just wait i put the pillow over your head shut the fuck up go back to go back to sleep what's the what's the web page danny beat the new one is danny wins the number for you danny wins number four you it's pretty easy to navigate you know it's very inexpensive and uh hey anybody that's looking for some help any uh church member i'm doubling up their time whatever you just come in

read me a little note i heard you on the church so now i'm giving you twice as much so it breaks down to 50 cents i think a white castle hamburg is more than that now i think they're like 70 cents for a white castles they're good but they make you shit a lot but uh you know what it's good times man and and as far as fighting and going to jail you're right i do think twice because my bail starts at a quarter of an hour it's only about i can't even fucking get a traffic ticket i'm afraid you know what put fear in me not afraid of being beat up or shot again or stabbed again losing my kids that me to see my kids but i didn't still i really want to take that away and i'm a fucking reckless motherfucker i'm already fucked one of

those things up so i love you danny uh i'll call you during the week and i'll be on your show next week my friend i love you to all my right my friend i think the lesbians are ringing the bell now this is perfect time i gotta go buddy thank you for 30 years i love you go on everybody much love the beautiful child beautiful child beautiful family proud of your brother all right brother stay black let me give some fuck me shout outs day to my man eamon brady his brother thirlock fucking the mailman up there in ireland somewhere i love you cocksucker thank you for supporting me and listening i heard you're a bad motherfucker tharlock landon thomas andrew stevens johnny ray montillaro berga briglian congrats brother congrats on the wedding

nick liotis and north jersey scott you know i always got your motherfuckers in my side besides that on it you bad motherfuckers i've been living off that uh the fucking vanilla i create fucking vanilla shake i put a little luke cork luke thing in it okay to recuperate i put a banana in there oh shit go to onit.com stop fucking kidding yourself they may be a little pricey but they're fucking worth it that protein powder is spotless the hemp horse bars are spotless the fucking stevia for your coffee it's fucking tremendous you could order it on there the fucking on it the uh new the new mood is tremendous the the the shroom tech the sport is tremendous i started the immune because i thought i was getting sick on saturday i popped a couple of

amunes and i guarantee i'm gonna fucking work this nigga out jack uh on top of that i love you motherfuckers always it's monday bitches get your shit together i'm happy danie qualke it's a good fucking podcast today i'm gonna leave you have to strangle the motherfuckers and last week i had days every day i had drama last week really one day i was going to the weave store divine wellness i'm walking in i walked out this two like 19 year olds in a fucking skateboard which already i'm agitated i'm aggravated already when you're 19 on a fucking skateboard already it tells me you're half a fucking momo with a fucking skateboard and they come up and they can we get a dollar for the bus i looked at both of them and i

listened i hope those skateboards work good because i ain't got a fucking dollar and i just laughed and they looked at me like i was on another planet at that age i would never ask nobody for a dollar but the best middle week was the one two days early at the atm i go to the atm machine it's packed you know there's a long line but there's a couple in front of the line like uh like she's 22 yeah and he's like 23 it's 20 afternoon i go it's my turn i'm looking at them like why aren't they getting money out but then i see they're talking to people so i turn around as i'm walking the guy goes to me hey can i get five bucks i look at him i look at the girl i look at him and i go what she doesn't suck dick listen man you got it you're a 23 year old fucking

strong young man asking me for five bucks in front of a beautiful fucking woman on top of that you're a beautiful woman letting this fucking idiot of a man ask me for five dollars where's your fucking heart and soul at you skinny bitch and this is motherfucker so if you're not gonna have no respect for yourself at being hanging around with this muddy motherfucker looking for five dollars then you might as well suck somebody's dick but you don't suck dick i'll give you 50 at least let us suck my dick he just looked at me dog like he never heard that before but it's true you're gonna fucking act like that you're gonna ask me for money in front of a girl how fucking embarrassing is your fucking life how embarrassing is your fucking life

that you got to get money from a fat fucking speck this is what we're dealing with so this is the week i had last week so the paparazzi thing yesterday was just a cherry on the fucking Sunday oh shit you're gonna be in bad luck with that atm yeah just the one day anyway forget the fucking atm machine also on the agenda let me tell you some hulu plus is getting better and better they're adding more shows you know what i've realized like when my wife told me about hulu plus you know that she just watches like a whole fucking season in two days oh yeah i didn't know that shit that they went home her and her sister watched some fucking shit on hulu they have seasons everything of everything that's the main thing you smoke 55 fucking joints you got a bottle of

water and you watch hulu who's better than you eat an almond fucking head for a chocolate bar or something like that go to on it and in the box press church you know joey press joey joey i'm sorry i get all fucking confused it's monday morning they took an hour back and if not go to hulu plus hulu plus that's the best shit going in the world 799 799 a month are you fucking serious and you haven't done this yet you're spending thousands for fucking cable and all the worthless other shit i'm asking you for 799 and i'm gonna give you two weeks for free all right go to joey deers dot net go in the box and press joey joey that's what i'm talking about as far as dollar shave club they're getting better and better and better and better you understand me that little

fucking one swipe fucking willy you shut one white charlie you wipe your asshole with peppermint fucking tremendous especially for the holidays nobody wants to stink your ass close to fucking thanksgiving you're going to people's houses you're taking shits in their bathroom you bring one of those one white bluies with you who is better than you why would you want to go to the supermarket every month and stand on line with fucking razors behind some old hag who's going through a change in her food stamps and a fucking wick card well all you got to do is go to fucking joey deers dot net go to the box for dollar shave club and press church that who who what church ch you are ch fuck that lady with the change in her fucking pennies talking about her cat and

her fucking malaria in her left foot i don't give a fuck about that dirty bitch what i'm worried about is getting home and watching fucking sports and hanging out with my family and whatever the fuck i do when i smoke dope or whatever the fuck i do it is when i get home but that's it why fuck around you get you get razors for a dollar six dollars a month or nine dollars a month you pick the fucking plan you pick the package who's better than that six dollars a month is 72 dollars a fucking year for razors that's when you spend a month on that stupid fucking ass water and start bucks so you can talk to your buddies haha like a half a fucking fruit cake and talk about shit you ain't never gonna fucking do anyway with some other half a fucking fruit that's never

gonna fucking do it haha i'm saving up money to go to belgium fuck you bitch if you can't go tonight you ain't real motherfucker anyway i gave you shout outs you got your fucking sponsors what else do you fucking want you got a days lesson all revved up in the church of what's happening now you're going out there the world is fucking ready are you fucking ready for it tell them lee what the fuck you're gonna go for a walk today lee oh shit i died yeah i died i died you're stumbling i'm fucking where you on the live podcast here tonight i haven't listened to one of our podcasts and i listened to that one you if you listen to any if you haven't listened to it yet you're slipping but you can hear me laughing i go i was just dying lee was that the highest you've

ever been since we've been together no it's hard to tell man then you drove that was the fucking crazy thing oh i already got mad at me yeah we all got mad at you you slipped well i mean what am i gonna do sit there for 18 hours like yoshi i but i drove and i had it down i would go one two three pedal off one two three and i was going like 45 on the highway ah fuck and i have a rule i can't take edibles from you offstage but then you get all mad and you start yelling the word for real cocksucker you can't take no edibles and then always on stage you give it to me and it's just it's so fucking strong what's strong to go bro that's chiba chiba don't fuck around if you're taking the chiba chew you're gonna go see the devil i'm thinking of

taking one today not right now because it's too early i gotta go to class and do fucking cattle bells and trx and whatever the fuck listen people it's a beautiful day to be alive all right holidays are coming go out there set some goals write some shit down get your life in order whatever you fucking need to do this is easy this is fucking easy man you got this so please get up today write your goals down drink some water go for a fucking walk call somebody tell them you love them or tell them to go fuck themselves whatever on your agenda whatever makes you feel right don't let nobody fuck with you all right don't let nobody fuck with your personal space don't let nobody fuck with the people around you all right if you feel you gotta speak up fucking say some

that's why god gave you a mouth say something stick up for yourself and they'll never fucking cross that fucking line with you again i love you motherfuckers have a fucking great day stay black be strong sling dick remember it's either you get your dicks up or you suck somebody's dick wait give them some love tell them something for the day don't leave them like this tell them to stay jewish at least stay stay jewish if you're fucking lost you don't know what religion go see the fucking jews they always got something for you they do get a bagel with walks and cheese oh i wish i had that right now oh me too i love you guys have a great day what's the music today i got some tool lined up oh before that now that the show is over don't forget to sign up for your

free trial of hulu plus hulu plus looked you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your tv pc smartphone or tablet support this podcast and get an extended free trial of hulu plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey or go to joeydis.net and click on the hulu plus banner and don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com you'll get high quality razor sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail now go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church or just go to joeydis.net and click on the dollarshave club banner oh you

you you