Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 11/11/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now # 27

Episode Date: November 12, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about his trips to Chicago and San Diego, Joey's regret about not joining the armed forces, and Music from the Santana Brothers. Joeys friend, also named Joey, calls back to talk about reading his dad's name at the Vietnam memorial and to tell North Bergen Stories.Recorded live on 11/11/12

We've come a long, long way together Through the hard times and the good I have to celebrate you, baby I have to praise you like I should Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit Here we go, motherfuckers It's Sunday, the Lord's Day I gotta praise you like I do, motherfuckers

The church of what's happening now Lisa Yatka flying you Blast this, motherfuckers Oh shit, oh shit It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive, brother Whether you're hungover, you're fucked up You lost a finger last night It don't matter

It's a beautiful day to be alive The fucking Lord's Day We're smoking dope, we're smoking the vapor pen I hope you guys are doing great I missed you, motherfuckers It's been a couple days, Lee We gotta do this more often It's like I miss Lee, he's looking good today

Fuck, I feel great, man I haven't had soda for four days I feel fucking fantastic So what are you drinking? Just water I normally would drink just I-Coke I didn't even drink regular soda And one day, I didn't even plan on it

One day I just had water and I was like Let's try this out And I'm a little bit more tired Because I don't have the caffeine But I sleep like a baby And I feel fucking, I feel great You look good, you look good, Lee Your hairdo's a little sharp today

Look at you, you got those three little hairs on fire up there Listen, did you see that picture that dude sent for us? His name is Carl MGB He was 550 pounds Oh, I read that humorous story, yeah Fucking guy, I gotta take my heart out to him That's me next He went from 550 to like a fucking x-ray

Did you see this guy? I don't know what he took I don't know if he took a staple bag Or whatever he ate But my heart goes out to you, bro When you're 550 pounds And you're trimmed down like that It's fucking tough

And every day that you live, it gets tougher Like every day you live, you burn less calories It's a fucking nightmare, trust me I go through this shit every day I jump up and down And I still gain fucking weight But I want to take a minute And give him an applause here

A church of what's happening, applause I worked, but it's been great Fuck it, you gotta work, you cocksucker You gotta keep the lights on Anything keeps the light on If they just stay on by themselves, you fuck You gotta work But one thing I love about you, Lee

Is that you work Saturdays and Fridays You don't give a fuck You're not missing nothing You know, you're not one of those guys That gets easily convinced Oh, I can't work I gotta go to the standard and hang out And talk about acting class

Who gives a fuck? I wish Yesterday I went to Rops, the supermarket And there's a young girl that works in there She's been working there for a long time I mean, my wife go to Rops It's a supermarket chain I become friendly with her, you know

And I hadn't seen her in a while And yesterday, a father Somebody came up to me like two weeks ago And he goes, you shop at Rops Because my daughter says whatever I tried to put it together And yesterday I went And I started asking her creepy questions

And she's like 19 She works 40 hours a week And she takes 18 credits Which is full time Yeah, it's full time And this girl said she goes, I got a car To pay for on the phone And I asked her, what are your parents doing?

Her father's a stage hand The mother's a teacher It's not like they're fucking broke But they just told her the right way They took her and they said, fuck it You're going to work on the weekends And I go, don't you miss things? And she goes, I do

But what are my options? And that's a great work ethic, you know Like who gives a fuck what you're missing? You're not missing anything At the end, when I was young I used to train myself to miss shit Like on Fridays I'd force myself to stay And yeah, I'd stay in with a half gram of blowin'

Drink some beer And whack off till I was green in the face But I'd stay in and people would lose their minds What'd you do last night? Nothing, I stayed in How can you stay in? As a former discipline In my mind I wasn't missing nothing

In the morning you wake up What do you miss? Nothing, Lee got drunk This chick blew a fucking bartender It's the same shit every fucking day As long as you know this This is what we're talking about football You just make your time out

Who the fuck knows, Lee? I was in Chicago This weekend was rough Let me tell you something about Chicago I've been going to Chicago To do comedy since like 2003 And every time I go to Chicago I like it more and more

Look at this shirt my man gave me Carl Michael Warden This walled in This motherfucker's been to like nine shows this year I met him at the Chicago show at Rogan Then he came up to my Germantown show And then he showed up Saturday Me and Ari had a great time

Thank you If you came to the show, Clay Guida came out Threw a shirt from the balcony This guy threw a shirt We sold a bunch of posters I hope you enjoyed the posters We're gonna start making more posters Lee and I were talking about

What we have in store for you in 2013 We're gonna make the posters In the church of what's happening The shirts And it's all coming guys So just hold on Chicago was great I basically left for Chicago

Six in the morning, Thursday The flight was at six I had to be there at 4.45 I got the American Airlines cheap tickets And then I upgraded So me and Ari flew in first class Smoking the fucking vapor The whole thing

Did he bust the video? Did he bust the video? Yeah We're Cuban Jews though You buy the cheapest plane ticket Then you get upgrades And you bump up So I flew first class to Chicago and back

260 fucking dollars On American Airlines I was shit in blood You smelt the shit I took I mean from the food they give you But you sit like a civilized human fucking being Like a doctor as they say Even though I'm not a doctor

Like I said Even though you're not a doctor You live in the first class Like a fucking doctor We went to Chicago, checked into the hotel People picked us up We went to the House of Blues I mean it was fucking packed

With lunatics Those that chill came The guy that wrote the song It's on iTunes with Joey Diaz Chill showed up Clay Guida I mean it was just a fucking great thing I got up at four the next morning

On Friday And took the seven o'clock flight out of Chicago Got back here at nine Didn't fucking sleep Then did a spot at the Laugh Factory Which I ate a box of dicks I always lose I lost until like the eight minutes

I had to bring him back I don't even know how I brought him back I got the fuck out of there I banned the ship on the light and everything And then last night I drove Two hours to San Diego Did the show with Joe and drove back And I tell you what

It's eight in the morning I'm fucking energized and shit You know what I'm saying? Yeah, Jesus Christ Yeah, I'm ready to rock I'm ready to stab somebody in the fucking heart But listen now Chicago people

I fucking love you San Diego There was some crazy motherfuckers last night But every time I go to San Diego It gets more and more packed Like it was tough Even getting out of there last night Oh yeah, it's always the traffic

It's fucking crazy downtown So I got on the five I did my 80 I got home in an hour and 40 Last night 45 minutes Fuck around Yeah, you were breaking it down for me

There's different zones you're going You break it down All right, when you leave downtown San Diego You keep it at 60, 65 Once you get about 10 miles out of town You do 80 all the way to the border Where they stop you and ask you If you have any fucking Puerto Ricans in the trunk

Yeah If you have anything in the trunk No, but the fuck you stop me for Check the fucking thing They don't even stop you anymore No, they don't They don't even stop you There's not even a guy out there

Oh really? There used to be a guy out there They paid him like eight bucks It's like give up Who gives a fuck when I come in They're gonna mow lawns I don't know But they bring a good blow

And fuck these people Because they gotta jump a fence and shit And then after that You slow it down So like 70 when you get to the border Okay Once you get to that thing Where they ask you for fruits

You go 90 to 100 to Irvine Okay Okay, because there's never A fucking cop to Irvine Then once you get to the Irvine mall There you slow it down again And once you see the sign For 39 miles out

You step on that motherfucker Until you get to Commerce Casino And it says 19 miles out to LA Yeah And you step on that motherfucker Again, I avoid the 101 I shoot on the five I get to the 134

Bang! I'm in the fucking valley Just like that And that's without Coke Remember, I used to fucking Go to San Diego And before I got on stage I'd fill the car up with gas

Because my Coke dealer used to close on one During the week and two During the weekends Did you know that, Lee? You know what it is to do comedy And race against the clock So what I would do is I'd park my car positioned

To go on the fucking five The first show, I'd go late Yeah I'd go a little couple minutes late And then the second show I'd tell them, listen guys There's gonna be a quick fucking show I gotta be off stage by 12.15

The latest There was no goodbyes There was no hellos I didn't sell shirts Nobody got a hug Nothing I looked at that clock When I said 12 o'clock

I started rapping it up If I get out of there Like five after 12 Dog, I would walk straight from the stage To the fucking car And break it down In those days I didn't even have a system I just did a hundred

The whole fucking way Cutting people off You know, I didn't give a fuck I'd get to the drug dealer's house So it's amazing I don't do it anymore I realized I could do it an hour 40 I think one night

Did San Diego in like one 30, one 25 Yeah, at that time it's not that bad On the way down there I broke down there On the way down there It's two hours of fucking traffic That's why I don't go to Comic Con You leave here at two in the afternoon

You get to San Diego Five fucking 30 But you go at night It's an hour and a half And you're like, what the fuck Am I doing? You know, I'm into saving time I can't sit in traffic

You know, a lot of people go Well, you have to be here at a certain time Leave early If you leave early You sit in traffic So I leave at a quarter to seven And I catch the tail end It's dark out

So I get in the HOV lane And nobody knows You just keep your eye open For a truck And you get in front of the truck And you keep your eye open For a motorcycle cop And that's it

That's how you do it, guys You know what I'm saying? And that's not a bad thing to do But you're in a fucking rush You got shit to do All these momos are sitting there Bumper to bumper traffic There's a fucking bomb to come down

I'm gonna sit there I got this type of time Man, I'm the type of time I'm 50 I'm running out of fucking time Wait I just have this image of you Speeding down with like the vapor pen

Just buff, buff, buff I'm not doing that Oh, oh, vapor pen Where is it? Puffing like a fucking Like a fucking VIXX box You know what I'm saying? Like a savage

You probably have to change The cartridge halfway through the ride No, no, no, no These cartridges last This is a, I don't know This is headband And I got the other one But I switch them

Oh, okay Like an hour and a half of puffing The entire time You know what I'm saying? No, no, no You need these real fucking puffs And you're good to go You should have seen me on the plane

Puffing this shit Like a doctor I was blowing it on Ari I remember he was half asleep With his goggles on Cause Jews always have those black goggles You sleep with those black goggles No

He puts like dollar signs in them And goes to sleep on the inside And shit You just put them on your eyeballs I'm a real Jew, I guess You gotta get it together I'm gonna rat all you motherfuckers Out to the Jew patrol

Jew patrol I got a Jew patrol If you're fucking Not cheap enough I'll rat you out If I see you tipping like 20% I'll rat you out This guy's not a Jew

Get down He's tipping too much Come over here Cause you see a Jew with a calculator They take narrow that shit down 13% to the penny That's my mom's favorite thing on her phone She doesn't have a smartphone

But her favorite thing is a TEP calculator She loves it Oh, Jews love TEP She breaks it out at every rush I'm gonna tell you something You fucking break a calculator You break a Jew's calculator That's like calling their mother a cocksucker

They will snap You break a Jew's calculator You don't know what to do You just head a fucking blow Cause they gotta do the fingers long ways They don't like they got that type of time It's all about time Fucking leave

We ain't gonna sit here And do fucking math all day Break a Jew's calculator Fuck yeah You break a Jew's calculator You tie a Jew up You take him to an ATM machine You take this card

You put it in there You just take 20s on Rip up the 20s in front of his face That's funny No, no, just kill me, Joey Just fucking kill me And end it You fat cocksucker

Just kill me So that's it Two more weeks to fucking thanksgivingly What are you gonna do? You going home? No, I'm saying it's too I wanted to go home and surprise my family But it's $800 for a weekend And I don't get Wednesday off

I get Thursday and Friday off So I can't go home $800, those fucking hell in my cocks Where's the Occupy people? What happened to those little faggots? What happened to Occupy this and Occupy that? They realized the battery was low on the iPhone They had to go home and charge it

What happened to the fucking Occupy movement? Yeah It died It fucking died, bro That just goes to show you If it doesn't come easy in this country no more We don't want to fucking pursue it Well, the new iPhone came out

Yeah, they cracked them Remember the day they were all down there Jumping down The new iPhone came out They were fucking history They went home, washed their feet And they weren't hippies no more They weren't fucking hippies no more

It's amazing Oh, I put that Go daddy commercial up for you people last night That was hilarious And I thanked the people on Twitter Because you guys basically got it from me Without even fucking knowing Really?

Yeah, because I went to the initial And I seen the people looking at me weird And then when I went to the call back They were fucking like happy to see me And they were like no no no Go crazy in the room Okay They were like everybody else was like

They didn't want it New Yorkie They're like we don't want it to be New Yorkie I go dog I am what I am You know what I'm saying I can't do what do you want me to do Missouri style And they were like no no Just do your thing

And I wanted to see the one guy Laugh and he was like kept giving me And I got in the car And I called Ari And I go Ari if I didn't book this commercial I didn't book shit Yeah Because me and Ari were with the same commercial agents

Ari got me with that agent Okay So fucking I'm like me and Ari Always talk about that type of shit Like Ari if I didn't book this commercial And sure enough I'm on a plane with Ari And when we touched down

I told the agent that that night I go dog If I didn't book this It's a miracle Yeah And he's like come on I'm telling you they're gonna put me on a veils And they booked us Well sure enough

The motherfucker didn't believe me Next I get off the plane Joey called us immediately I told you The fuck called We're gonna shoot it on Tuesday But they use it It's print

It's a video Oh great And it's gonna be online So yeah It's gonna be pretty good I lucked out And I was on Children's Hospital finally I haven't seen that

Is that good? I didn't see I know the show is great The show is fucking crazy On Adult Swim I shot that in December Yeah you shot that a while ago With Children with

What the hospital show you shot Yeah I shot General Hospital And then I shot Children's Hospital Same fucking month That's crazy January and December Last year

That's what I thought they played I never heard nothing I thought they were fucking I bumped into Rob Coldray A very nice guy The guy that does that show He's a fucking sweet Heart of a guy

The people on that show Are sweethearts I mean from him To Fonzie Adam Whatever his name is You know the Fonz Henry Winkler was cool

He's on it? Oh shit Yeah he's one of the doctors The hot chick that was In that movie with Alex Baldwin I just seen her at the stand At downtown And she waved at me

Which is fucking They don't say nothing to me She said hello hi Good to see you Usually they just look at me And fucking turn away But go daddy commercial is hot too I didn't see her

I seen her at the audition I didn't know who it was I'm sure she wasn't there No she wasn't there at all It's amazing how they shoot those things How many times did you have to do that Shot with the flower Because you look pissed

When you say something When you shoot a commercial It is a day of torture Like they made me open up the thing And put the pizza in there 80 times And they didn't even use it Didn't even use it

Do it again Do it again Do it again I was there six hours too long Like if I look at the video What happened to this What happened to me throwing the pizza up in the air What happened to this

They didn't play none of that None of that shit I was there from six in the morning To like three in the afternoon They shot two commercials in one day though They shot two of them They shot down on another one And I could have fucking been there

I could have got out of there An hour An hour and a half I don't know what all the drama was But it was a fun shoot They were great people They had great fucking food I want to give a shout out

To some of the people that have been supporting the podcast And the heavy duty rotation I love you motherfuckers, alright The Puerto Rican For funding Whatever his fucking name is Kurt Michael Walden My man Kyle ABS

To fucking losing the 500 pounds Fabio Di Agostino Whatever your fucking name is Jamie, I love you Constantine, I love you And Ted Infili You bad motherfuckity You guys are giving me unbelievable support

With this thing And I don't know what the fuck to tell you guys I mean this podcast has blown me out of the fucking water I like doing it I really enjoy coming here And fucking around with Lee Lee Leland And torturing him He won't stop calling me

When is she gonna fart in my face Is it gonna hurt? Oh Jesus I was considering putting goggles on your face Cause she's gonna have like a Like buckshot Like you know like they spray a little But it's gonna be alright

People have been sending pictures It's all you guys I love you for looking out for Lee Lee Leland Lee Lee Leland's a good fuck One guy did a picture of a girl with hairy armpits No no we don't need no hairy armpits I need a hairy asshole So when she farts the hair goes back

Cause you know like that you could see Like we're gonna put like a We're gonna put like a wind meter in your head We're gonna do the whole thing We're gonna take care of you You're gonna do good We're gonna put it on fucking Amazon And your mom's gonna see it

They're gonna be proud You fucking made it You came out and some chick farted in your face There isn't even a will But I'll be cut out of the will The what? Yeah What do you have to believe in?

Lee you know what? Today's gambling Sunday Listen I'm gonna talk to you guys about something I have been in a fucking shit storm lately Everything else is going good My gambling isn't the fucking shit So I appreciate you guys holding on I gave out the under Monday night

We almost fucking had it I know that Brandon lost bet a hundred I lost a hundred and ten We all lost But what do you want? But just cause you're fucking loose Don't mean you stay there and call me And say Joe we lost

When I give out winners nobody says dick to me So today I'm gonna give you a fucking winner All right today I got a winner all planned out I was gonna go with New England Give me a thirteen and a half But they always fumble against fucking Buffalo Buffalo and they're playing in New England

And the over and under is fifty three and a half Which Buffalo can't fucking score So I don't know what the fifty three Unless this guy got a blow job from Adrizzelle Jump Bombazelle And he throws fucking nineteen touchdowns He's such a bad mother fucker Tom Brady But the game I really like

Because everybody's right He is a bad mother fucker Tom Brady You're fired and they're just No I love Tom Brady He's fucking great But the guy I like And the white kid from Denver is killer mother fucker He's eighty years old

He's with a bad back And I know it Him and his brother were savages His brother's not doing that good Well the brother loses against shit teams Put him up against Jesus and the Apostles And he'll throw nineteen fucking touchdowns That's why he kills New England every fucking year

He's a New England killer He doesn't he can't It's some shit team Why do I give a fuck Some blonde's gonna suck my dick I would a Christian thing on the head Why do I give a fuck But you put him up against a good fucking team

And he gets scrappy Yeah He's scrappy I don't know if you remember When the Giants first beat Buffalo They had a quarterback named Jim Hosteller Or Jeff Hosteller No

Because they beat Denver first with Sims Okay And they went twenty two for twenty five Which is amazing Because that guy never made twenty two completions In his fucking life But against Denver he went twenty two for twenty five

Then they won couple years later When they beat Buffalo with the field goal Okay It was Jeff Hosteller Nobody ever talked about him again It wasn't like he was the best quarterback in the league But he was fucking sloppy He had Mark Bavaro

He was sloppy You know If you put him If you charge the motherfuckers at him He figured out how to get out of the pocket And throw a fucking pass He was that good You never heard of him again

No Never So they have that type He's that type of player that kid The little one The little young one The old one is old And he's fucked

I took this year He would get hurt Because he doesn't have great mobility He doesn't But Denver I thought Denver was a great place From Denver was a good team Denver's offensive line has always been fucking great

They protect their quarterback Always there Which he puts a little extra money in the offensive line Because he knows Probably Without the fucking offensive line You got nothing You got to go deep into the farms

And get big ass fucking corn fed motherfuckers That don't give a fuck That fart and scratch their ass And don't get they ain't scared of black people You don't give a fuck You're gonna go out there and shoot that gap Hell back the fury bitch Chop them off

You know what I'm saying Well it said in that whatever that Blindside movie was That the top paid player on the team Was the quarterback Second top paid Is the left tackle Left guard or whatever

Whoever protects him So I mean it makes sense It makes sense You got to pay for a fucking great offensive line You grab them and go I'm gonna pay you Eight mil you fat fucking big cock sucker But that quarterback

Better not get around you Because I'll fucking kill you That's what happens Those guys are badass It's tough being an offensive line If you've ever seen an offensive line And their feet are fucking crazy quick Their mobility

Their side to side movement Is amazing Those guys you gotta pay them They're six six You know what I'm saying They can't be that big Because you can't look over them But they could

Like you don't remember Like in the eighties When the redskins had the hogs Those motherfuckers would just pick up Defensive lines and just go with They'd just pick you up and run with you With the quarterback on their back With the ball and the running back

Going why am I on top of this guy's shoulder So it's very interesting I got a great call today From one of the guys that called the beginning Joey Fulato I want to give a shout out to veterans day A lot of veterans out there One of my biggest mistakes in life

Lee was not joining the fucking service You think so? I've always been very upset about that You don't say you have a lot of regrets But that It was a bad mistake It was one of my mother's wishes For me to join something

And at the time If I were to join the Marines At eighteen or something I wouldn't have been here talking with you I would have still been in Vietnam Killing motherfuckers It's like giving an animal You know a human blood

Once you give him a human blood It's like that leopard That killed fifteen people in the pow Did you read about that shit? Oh yeah You know and it's funny because For years everybody was looking for the toughest Fucking animal

You're too young to remember When I came from Cuba You had a German shepherd Oooh Really? Then it got to Doberman Then you had to have a Doberman Fuck shepherds

They're not tough enough Dobermans robbed a bank There was a movie The Doberman Gang About this guy that trained Dobermans And they robbed the banks And the whole country Was getting fucking Dobermans

Then everybody was getting like wolves And then you had to have a wolf Bro my wolf is tougher Than your fucking Doberman Alright bitch Then there was an Alaskan Malamute Then there was this Any fucking Dana

After I read that article With the leopard Killing fifteen people in the pow I go any Dana Oh you need some black Fucking rich athlete To say I need myself Fuck a pitbull bitch

I'm getting a motherfucking leopard Killing Did you see he was killing kids They won't eat the whole body They eat the body But they bring back the head Or they leave the fucking head That's a bad motherfucker

Right there That's evil Could you imagine If he gets a hold of you That leopard drags you in there Starts eating your little Jew dick With fucking That little kosher ass holy

Or is it all overly Take you into the fucking swamp Eat you Then drop you there Thank god I don't live in the jungle man Fuck that shit I'm scared They're beautiful animals

Those leopards They're fucking beautiful In a zoo Not even Even when they're behind the fence I get scared Do you hear about I think it was like San Francisco

Or something in California This mom Took her little kid And put him on like Top of like the barrier Of like these like jungle cats It wasn't even like a big tiger And like cause

She wanted him to have a better view He fell in And they had to watch They watched the kids The dogs Come and kill him They had to watch Like the zoo people went in

With guns To try to get them away But they were in a pack And they just attacked And like the mom Had to watch her son Get fucking eaten It blew my mind

Cause she picked him up And put him on top of the barrier Cause she wanted him To have a better view Some fucking momo parents Throwing some fucking momo parents You know man I go to these places

And I gotta tell you This country is I mean I've always considered A white fucking country And I love it That's why I live here It's white you know

And you get a guy That's very intelligent But then you get Some fucking white people That you're like You're embarrassed In the rest of the white race How fucking stupid are you

You know I go When I fly I look at people And they're like How fucking stupid are you Like there's people that Get out of the ramp And they stand there

And then when you tell them Excuse me with your luggage They get mad at you And they're like Get the fuck You're in the way Of the fucking ramp Calling your sister

To tell her to pick you up In front of you Fucking momo I mean they're supposed To be the smartest motherfuckers They set the example For the rest of the fucking world But half of them

Are the dumbest motherfuckers Ever They're so fucking dumb And you're like I can't fucking believe this shit That you're this dumb These black people Looking at you saying

You're fucking dumb When Mexican fucking Revolutionaries That don't speak English Or they're looking at you In the security line Looking at you Because you can't fucking

Figure it out You're fucking dumb How dumb are you I mean you just sit there And go I can't fucking believe This is happening If this was happening

To an immigrant Somebody didn't know the language That they acted this way I understand They don't travel But this motherfucker They just stopped Yesterday I seen that

So they walked up the ramp And they packed their line And they just stopped In the middle So where do you think I'm not fucking here So anyway What are we talking about

Anywhere you cock-suckers We got Joey calling He's in the call-in His father was in Vietnam and died So they put his name on the wall A couple years ago So I guess he wrote in

And they invited him To the ceremony on Thursday And he went And had to read like a poem Oh wow that's great He's calling right now There he is Joey

Boom boom felato What's happening baby Nothing much man What's going on Mr. Joey Coco To the end And calling you The late Syat

The late Syat I was just telling him About your weekend I was telling him That I fucked up But I didn't join the service The service You had to join

By a By 77th and Bergenlein Across from Bigmouth Do you remember that Down the block From the Wing Fund I remember that I remember that

There was a little Military post Right there And they sign up And you see all that Bullshit And tell you You can go see the world

Back then you could Go see the world though And you wouldn't have to Get into a war Right Now a day That's fucked up They send you

To shoot a fucking thing I want to Wish a happy Veterans Day To all those veterans Out there Especially those Who they

Definitely Lost their lives For us To have our freedom It's amazing Tell them what happened Tell them what happened You entered a contest

Or did you write a letter Well Let me I'd give you the history First of all You got to know Who my dad was I never met the man

And it killed me You know Just to think about him But you know Back in the 60s You know Memorial High School In West New York

You went to Memorial You were the shit They had the best football Team ever Back then They were like The Yankees They were winning

All the state championships And shit So my dad He was like The Gia West New York Back in the 60s And now I'm conflict You know

Back then Everybody had a draft number So you know They were taking people That weren't married And most of my mom Got married to him And they were taking kids

That went out Excuse me They were drafting People that didn't have children So they were trying To get pregnant And finally You know

My dad got shipped Out to Colorado He got drafted And my mom went out There with him And they had me You know He

I was born in May of 67 My dad got shipped out Of February Excuse me December of 66 Went to Vietnam Got shipped out from Colorado

I mean He knew my wife My mom was pregnant But then He died of February of 67 So He was only in there For two months

He died in the Providence Of I think it was Bendin South Vietnam For modifier The whole platoon got it So he wasn't there

For a long time So you know For me It hit home Because I lost my dad And I don't know This year

They had the 30th anniversary Of the war The Vietnam war I don't know Have you guys ever been there? No No I have

It's great It's beautiful Oh It's such a moving experience I was there about 15 years ago For Memorial Day

And 50,000 people You can hear a pin drop So this year We had the 30th anniversary And they were Reading the names Like 9-11

So we found out last year I'm involved in this organization It's called Funds and Daughters in Touch It's for Servicemen and women That your Parents

Died in The war There's a group of us That we get together Every so once in a while You can go down And watch the war In Vietnam

To me In Washington, DC So they had a contest That you can read the names So I put my name in And About a year ago And about

Six, seven months ago I got an email That I was able To go down And read my dad's name So I was really excited About that That's amazing

So They had An opening ceremony So I flew down into Washington An opening ceremony On Wednesday And there was

Thousands of people there You know Down by the wall And they had Five-star generals And all these politicians And everything And they opened up

Reading the names Just like 9-11 So I went in And got there Wednesday Thursday Was my day to read So I got there At 7 o'clock

I had to read My dad's name At 8-06 And what they did Is they went in Progression of What year you died And what panel you on

My dad happens to be On panel 15E Line 32 Which is like Right in the height Of the war So I don't know If you know what the war

Looks like It goes up into Like a pyramid Point to where In the middle In like 67 To 69 I mean

The most people died And it was a massive stuff Like that So I mean It was a real moving experience I got up there And I read his name I was bold

Like a fucking two-year-old You know And then once people know About it All these other Veterans come And you know They hug you

They kiss you They take pictures of you I took you It was real I was just so excited I was able to do that In my life You know

And honor him It's really hard You know Especially I'm a fucking clone of him I'm a twin Something like that Yeah

Yeah Yeah I'd be walking down When I was in high school And somebody would stop me And say Man You're fucking Joey Pilato

Holy shit You look exactly Like your father You even talk like him One thing You were just a little Shorter than him It's funny

Because I call T You know I'm tight with T And T Called into the podcast Mr. T Is one of my teachers That I kept in touch with

And he speaks Really fucking highly Of your dad And I asked him If he could call up And he had to do something With his wife this morning They go somewhere

In the mornings on Sundays And he goes I won't have a landline So where I have Is bad reception But he said to tell you That your fucking dad Was all world

That he was like The mayor Of West New York At the time And that Yeah He was at the time He was

My mother told me He was the first guy Back in the 60's He used his hairspray He was like the first original Nicky Newark Nicky Newark He was here

He had the Cadillac He had the mohassu And he had the big giant You know Push back here With the hairspray on And everything And he was

Back in the 60's He was it Back in West New York And then he was like One of the first people To die From West New York In the Vietnam War

So you know I mean he had The military funeral By Fayela right there By Lady Lieberstool I got the pictures It was pretty cool I have all his medals

I have his purple heart And stuff like that And I wore that down At Washington D.C. And a lot of people Man You're just a A bond that you have

Because they Realized and lived it The people that were there And then they Realized the sacrifice My father gave So In retrospect

It's kind of hard for me And my mother But You know It's life Things happen You know For a reason

Life would have been So much fucking different If you would have been around My Aunt Lorraine said He would have kicked My ass in Darren's ass With no problem And it's weird

When you I knew him You know I mean He was around Till I was three But you lived The rest of your life

You don't know You don't know You don't remember My mother said That whenever he'd come in People would open the door I'd always run to the door To see if it was him

That we were really tight And It's just an amazing feeling It's better in a way Because you didn't get to know him But then again It's painful Because you wish you

Would have known him It would have been worse Until he was six and died And I would have had to live The rest of my life You know Same Yeah

So it's better in a way That either I knew him completely Or I didn't fucking know him And we both have that bond You know That it's And a lot of people have it They don't even know

Who their fucking father is I mean they know But they don't know My mom said I always asked My mom Did he know That he had a

You know a baby He didn't know For the boy or girl back then But My mom said She knew But He told her like

In December of 66 He left from Colorado And he He gave my mom This gold horn And he said He'd take this Because I'm not coming back

And my mom said What What My mom and Aunt Lorraine were there And he No No And he goes

I'm not going to come back He goes I know it And then boom There's this Two months later He was over From

It's hard to speak about But you know I'm so glad I went down to the wall I was out there You know I get up there And I look like I got my little

Gini hat on All the black Cow foot on Everything And you know There's like 5,000 people up there And I'm supposed to

Read a bunch of names I read my dad's name I started talking about him And the lady You gotta keep reading So I had to keep reading Some names But it was kind of

Emotional It was the best thing I did I'm so glad I got back for it I'm fucking proud of you Joey If these motherfuckers Only knew the other side

I was trying to call you From New Jersey And see You know We were both from the same neighborhood And what you had heard About down the shore And when you told me

You were going Joey It broke my fucking heart I was like so I mean Joey We've both done great things The last 10 years

And how we turned our life around You were here a couple Years ago And you guys Were trying to have a baby Then you You finally adopted And she's beautiful

And she's healthy You have a great job And you know man I gotta tell you Our bond Is your cousin You know your cousin Was a strong fucking

Had a dude And I don't mean to harp On this people You know Last week I had A friend of mine It was a five year anniversary And she was dead

And it bothered the fuck Out of me For a weekend But as far as your cousin's Concerned His death bothers me Every fucking day Every day

I get pissed off About Darren And it's so weird That our connection You and I Like brothers now The same connection You had

And look at the whole thing You were kids Your aunt And his mother Were fucking super tight They played cards together I mean it was like The weirdest thing

I can't imagine how your mom feels Without her sister But she was even there When your father took Off to Colorado That's how tight the sisters were Carmella And fucking

It was just a beautiful family And I'm so happy That I had seen it I ate at your house When I was a kid You know I ate at Darren's house And I think of John

I think of Darren My Aunt Lorraine Darren would like his mother My Aunt Lorraine She'd say How the fuck are you so crazy She was fucking crazy You know what I mean

My mom was the fucking The scared one And my Aunt Lorraine Would go out And she would be starting Fight with guys I remember one fucking time We were all in the car

It was fucking funny Because we were Me, Darren and Johnny In the car We had to be fucking kids Somebody touched them And I get in the back And pulled out

And my Aunt Lorraine The finger We were on burger And she chasing The fucking Fort Lee In the fucking car Chasing them The fucking Fort Lee

And finally got down And she wanted Where Darren got it You know Darren got the fucking From her mother From him You know

You know It's just amazing How you It's just amazing That 30 years ago We were smoking bazookas And snorting coke And trying to

Figure out Fucking how to rob people And now The fucking bazookas Unbelievable The fucking bazookas The fucking funny story About Waco

You know His mom Everybody used to call him Monday And Monday We go out on Friday You see You come back on Monday

You know what I mean You come back on Monday So You know We go out on Friday And you know We're fucking Russo And all those fucking guys

And C.L.A. Rento And C.L.A. Rento And everybody's hanging out You know Turns into Saturday afternoon Turns into Sunday

All of a sudden It's fucking 9 o'clock Monday morning And he has the icebox Now I'm driving the icebox I'm fucking 16 The car had no heat

The icebox I had no fucking heat And we called it The icebox Yeah Yeah If you guys don't know He had this

Like 71 Oldsmobile Like It was fucking super clean But it had no heat So It was cold Inside the car

Outside the car It was horrible It was the icebox So You know I take it Like 9 o'clock I'm driving the icebox

I get to You know Remember We used to live on 70 Seat with the Guacis down there Yeah Now

He's jarring up a fucking storm Left and right Left and right He's gone for three days I pick him up I bring him up in the house And all of a sudden I open the door

My antler ain't sitting there With the glasses on the nose With the fucking beehive had to Reading the daily news She turned around I remember Like it was fucking yesterday Coco

And she's like Where He's like Jarring like a storm He's like Don't even ask Don't even ask Don't even ask

Don't I've been For three fucking days You know When I was a little boy And my dad died My mother would always say to me You know

Don't worry about it He's watching over you And for some stupid reason I've always believed that And I've had my doubts When I was sitting in a prison Fucking thing Or when I was

I really did I really Till this day I believe my follow looks after me And I don't know How much to an extent But I will tell you one thing

I believe Darren Looks after us To the fucking max And he laughs He laughs And he fucking Shits out like This shit that goes

On in my house And every time Like pops on I'm like Motherfuck That's you I shut the light off Darren

I got my little I got my little girl I just pick you You go to my house It's like a shrine For Rago You know So

And my little girl knows him And that's Uncle Darren In heaven So anytime Something happens Oh, it's Uncle Darren Doing it

She says You know And she don't even know I still didn't get to that day I tried Still being alive For all the shit That I did

And I should definitely be dead You know With the The other stuff With the gambling And The robbing the drug dealers And doing all that

Kind of stuff But I try to live My whole life was Fucking that You know So I'm fucking 18 to 32 I remember your cousin Taught me how to rob

Drug dealers Your cousin in 94 Taught me how to rob Drug dealers, bro With the fucking DEA badge In Spanish Harlem We follow the fucking cars

Yeah And I can't even That's when I loved robbing drug dealers I'm reading a book If you get a fucking minute Do me a favor, brother

I'm reading a book, Joey That if you read Three pages a day You'll fucking die It's like the guy Is talking about us The name of the book Is American Desperado

By John Roberts AKA John Riccabini He's from T-neck, New Jersey He was the white guy And cocaine cowboys Did you see

Cocaine Cowboys? Oh, I know That white skinny dude You got to read this guy This guy also went to Vietnam He talks about skinning people alive And how they look at you With their eyes

And how to beat somebody with a bat I mean, this guy, this book But right now I'm up to the part Where he joins forces With the Medellin cartel And he doesn't even know it And he's talking about What's Carlos Leder

And he's talking about These people like It's fucking amazing It took me back to North Bergen He's talking about The Cubans in 80 How Castro let him out in 79 And he goes

The Colombians had the cocaine But the Cubans invented How to move it And then the Colombians Had to take him How to move it And they took it back from them But they had put together

The deal with Fidel Castro Where he was processing the leaves In Cuba When president fucking Reagan Went down there In the search of drugs They didn't have no leaves They were processing some

This book is amazing If you get a chance And it's like reading our life His mother died His father died His mother died first His father died You know, he played basketball

I mean, he had so many things That it was my downfall You know, my mother died And then Reagan benched me that year And that ate me alive Then the drugs took over And here we are But I really

Every time I go on stage Sometimes I'm nervous I think about Darren Because if Darren was a comic He wouldn't have been nervous He would have ripped the fucking curtain down And got up there And told them all to suck his dick

And fuck you And, you know, we talk And whenever we It's funny because whenever you and I talk It's because we've seen something from Darren Like he touched us in a way Like he touched our lives Let me tell you what happened Thursday

I don't know if I told you guys this You're gonna die There's a guy that used to hang out At my mother's bar His name is Miguel And he lives in Miami And he works early morning shifts He's a truck driver

And he goes to work at four And he gets home at 12 And he goes He hangs out with his wife And he sleeps In the 30, 40 years I've known You there? Joey

Yeah, I'm here Can you hear me? Yeah, in the 30, 40 years That I know this guy I can hear you I got you Okay In the 30 to 40 years

I know this guy He never calls me at night Because he's always sleeping So it was November 7 My mother died November 8 On Thursday was a 32-year Anniversary of being dead Oh, man

And Wednesday night November 8, sorry No, no, no It was a long time ago I'm sitting outside Smoking a half a fucking vaporizer Whatever I do outside And the phone rings the other night

Like at 9 o'clock And it's Miguel This guy that never calls me In the daytime Now he lives in Miami So it's midnight in Miami Yeah And let me tell you what

The guy says to me He goes Coquito, I couldn't sleep So I figured I'd call you He goes I've been thinking about you All fucking day And I go

Really, thank you November 8 And I go You know why you've been Thinking about me? Because it's my mother's Anniversary tonight And when I went to Miami

This year to do comedy He gave me a cigar And he goes He has smoked this in Your mother's name Because Cubans believe That the cigar smoke Goes to the spirits

So it's amazing That Wednesday at 9 o'clock This guy called me And I said to him You know why you called me Right? And he goes Why?

Because it's my mother's Anniversary tonight And he froze When he goes I woke up this morning I thought of you all day So these fucking spirits And these people who look

Over us Work in mysterious ways I know there's some listeners Going You fucking guys What the fuck are you guys Talking about But there's other people

Going Jesus Christ I have a grandmother I can swear that Things look over me Things are going my way Give us a Darren story For these cocksuckers That think we came from

Like fucking Disneyland Or some shit I got the best one I got the best one There's a miracle There's a miracle Remember You know we had the

Hammer House gym over there Right Yeah Fucking 64th street And for those people Listening around The fucking world We had a gym in my house

That was like Going a gold gym back in the 80s And we had 35 guys Lifting there This is 82 Everybody juicing Everybody was juicing

Everybody Everybody was juicing So we got there We have the Hammer House Jacket We got fucking everything Then we have this little

Skinny kit You know, he fucking, he was a matriarch of that whole thing. We had this kid. I don't know if you remember his name, John Pacina. I remember John Pacina. He used to live in my house and he, he used to have a really nice, you remember he was friends with like Anthony Pagnosi

in those kids? Right, right, right, right. I don't know if you remember those guys. So, he had this really nice Camaro, 69 Camaro, but he was never, he was like a little skinny kid, taking steroids, never got big. So, he was fucking opening up his mouth about Rago, about Rago Deuston.

He wouldn't be there if he didn't have to choose. So, Darren got wind of it. So, he used to work down on Pathmark. You remember Pathmark? I totally have you on that. Fuck yeah, Virginia Bromowitz. Yeah, fuck yeah. Virginia, Virginia Bromowitz is working.

So, one night, it's like fucking two in the morning. Rago's jawed up with Lusso and me and Freddie Clegg and he goes, take me down there. I gotta go. So, we get to Pathmark. It's like fucking 2.30 and nobody in the joint. He's screaming the guy's fucking name, going up and down the aisle.

All of a sudden, we get to the bread aisle. He fucking pulls one of those long Italian bread. You know what I mean? Like in a white fucking bag. Yeah. So, now he's got it in his fucking hand. You know how hard those things are. You guys don't know about the East Coast bread.

It's fucking unbelievable. You know what I mean? So, he's looking, he's looking for, all of a sudden, he finally finds him in one aisle. He fucking rips the fucking Italian bread out of the bag like it was a sword. Of course, I mean, and he started fucking jabbing the kid with the end of it, the good in the stomach.

The kid goes down on the floor. The arrow takes the bread and starts banging it over his fucking head. You talk about steroids, I'll fucking kill you. You're hitting him with the end of the bread and the fucking face. They're training on it in fucking Pathmark. The manager comes over, they're gonna stop.

You're gonna, he goes, you're gonna kill the kid. I don't care. He took the kid right ahead of me. What? One more time with the bread. Oh, fuck it, it's terrible. Let me tell you something, bro. That Pathmark.

That fucking Pathmark, we fucked that Pathmark up. I must have stole a thousand albums from those people. You know why I lived on fire out there one day? Bobby Kalandrillo, remember the guy that lived in the fucking field? Oh, yeah. He came out, he had a fucking. I used to go to the fucking Kmart

and get the block punk radios out of there. We used to rob so much in Kmart. Didn't you steal one, didn't you steal one because Rago and Russo had to go to the fucking, the senior prom and they needed a radio for the cops and your stole. Fuck yeah, I used to ride out of a fucking box. We'd walk out of there with a box

of Blaupunk stereos out of Pathmark. With a box, you was in your fucking path. I had a hundred albums that I had stole. I would go on the daytime and put the albums together that I wanted and put them close to the fence. And I would go there at night, buy a gallon of milk and steal fucking 30 albums of the shot. It was just, but one night we're down there

because it was next to a liquor store. It was next to Tunnely Liquors, which was gigantic in those days. It was gigantic. It was the size of a fucking Kmart. The size of this Tunnely Liquors and they had cheap beer. So we go in there, me, your cousin, Ferney, Bacicuto, Glencanti, and we sit outside.

And all of a sudden we see this fucking Bobby Cow. My Bobby Cow and Drillow came from a huge family. His brother's one of the best basketball players this country has produced. He led the fucking nation and scored in the Seton Hall. Fuck an amazing Danny Cow and Drillow. But his, this- Danny Cow and Drillow.

Danny and he still talks to Greg Horender. It's amazing. One kid plays for somebody. I mean, that's how good the Calendrillo family was in basketball, this kid. But he had a brother who lived in the park. And every time you see him, he had leaves in his hair and fucking.

So one day he came to us like, guys, can you lend me $3,000? We're like, listen, we're gonna give you the fucking fin to buy whatever you want, but you're gonna be our entertainment. And he had like the whole cover all outfit. It was the middle of the winter. You know, like the ones mechanics put.

And we had a newspaper. So we put glue on it. We lit it on fire and put this back. We put his back pocket. And he's talking to us like, it's just another fucking day. And meanwhile, you could see the smoke and the flames backing up.

And he's like, man, it's getting hot. And he's saying all this shit and we're fucking rolling. Finally gotta throw him down and turn him off and shit. Oh my God, fucking Joey, man. I love starting the week talking to you. These motherfuckers don't know. You know, I had Danny Biancullo calling here lately. That fucking lunatic.

Next time you see Danny, right? Well, you talk to Danny, ask him about 178 and fucking St. Nicholas when we robbed the drug dealer right there. We said, we went into the guy's house, we did everything and we like couldn't find anything. And we're like, we found the guy's gold chains. And we're like, don't tell big Lou.

And all of a sudden then we found the shit and then everybody was happy and stuff. But Danny was on that crew. I mean, he remembers, we used to go, we used to have a crew. We used to go up in Washington Heights and drive around in like a fucking fake police car. And that's it, to take down people and shit. It was fucking nuts, man.

It was fucking nuts. I remember we had the jacket with the DEA. It was on my crew. I had the jacket with the DEA on it. I had the whole fucking thing, that whole little windbreaker shit. Yes, we got the knack. Everybody had a team.

I was going into places with no guns half the time. I mean, bro, I don't need to even be here. We're both so fucking lucky. That's why every morning when I get up, these motherfuckers don't know I go on Twitter and I say, it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive, cocksuckers. You have no fucking idea how many times I could have fucking died in this life.

Oh my God, I remember going to Rob just one Martin the Fag. Do you remember Martin the Fag in downtown? His brother owned the strict store on 39th Street in Liberty Avenue. I went to Rob Martin the fucking Fag one time and that guy was in there. Martin the Fag was a good looking fag. He was a Santa Rhea guy,

but he'd hide the coconut, Santa Rhea stuff. And I knew about it. I went in there fucking Martin the Fag, fucking was going to kill me for years. I mean, this is just the way life is. They called him Martin the Fag. He was the first Fag in the 70s and he made it. He walked around because he's so cold.

Oh, yeah, yeah, back in that neighborhood. But we rolled him. We rolled him. I didn't roll him. I broke into his house with a glass cutter with Tommy Russo. I went to the hardware store and got those glass cutters. I thought it was fucking Simon Labanca, some shit. I thought it was the pink panther.

Oh, my God. Next time you talk to Danny, too, tell him you remember Danny's cousin, Jemo. He used to live out in California. I seen him last Sunday. He came to the Ontario Shore. Remember he used to send us weed from Cali in the 70s and 80s? Yeah, yeah, well, we went out there and we said, Jemo up.

We fucking, yeah, bring 200 pounds to the hotel. He only brought 50. And fucking, we went out there and we fucking did it with cops. We in big little one shit and fucking Danny set him up. We got the fucking 40 pounds. Beat feet went LA. With beat feet down the Diamond Bar, California.

Had a punk party for two days and sent it back to Danny's Uncle's house in fucking Madison. It was fucking thick enough. That's fucking amazing. It was crazy, the shit we did. I remember Danny, when I came out here and tried to rob my uncle in 84, Danny. Danny was out there.

Danny was out here. Danny was out here. He's the one that bailed me out. He's the one I called from the airport. I said, I'm broke. Him and Jemo came and got me and took me to a hotel and fed me and took good care of me. Joey, I'm happy you fucking called today.

You know, I love you, right? I love you with all my heart. Oh, much love in my heart for you, man. I'm always listening to those podcasts. I hope it takes you all back. See, you got some sponsors now and everything. Good job. We're trying, brother.

But listen, it all started with you. You've been calling in since the first day. So thank you for calling and being honest and setting these motherfuckers straight. I always call. And a baby's good, your wife is good, your mom is good, everything's good. Got some bombs.

Okay, I love you, brother. Don't forget about me. What do you want to say? I love you much, much, much, much. Flying Joe, you need to talk a little more there. I try, I don't want to interrupt Joey. I do want to say before you go. I'll be out there soon, coach.

I love you, Joey. Take care of yourself. Hey, I'll talk to you probably next week, but good luck to that baby. Congratulations, man. I hope you're okay. I love you, man. Everything is beautiful.

All right. I love you, buddy. Bye. Take care of yourself. Bye-bye. What were you going to tell me? I do want to say the stuff you guys were saying about your dad was really great.

And I actually, my dad's turning 60 in February, and I told him the other week I'm flying, I'm flying him out here for his birthday. And then just hearing you guys talk about, not even getting to meet them is, it just, it makes me happier that I'm doing it. Guys, listen, man, you're living at home. I know you're out there.

You're struggling. You've had problems before with your family, an uncle, a dad, a mother. We all do, man. But it's more of a problem if you don't have one. So if you have one today, as soon as you listen to this podcast, you call them up and you say,

dog, I love you, because Joey and Joey have no fucking father. So please do this. This is why I tell you motherfuckers to honor the people around you. Because when they're gone, you can't fucking do it. You can't do it. So give them all the fucking respect they deserve.

Take the stick out of your ass and forget about him not going to your football game or whatever stupid fucking hangup you have with your parents or your family. Because without them, that's fucking pain. You have no fucking idea. And I'm that fucking no cocksuckers.

The lock of the day today is Baltimore, giving the nine points. Baltimore without Ray Lewis, they don't have knives, but they got darts. You know what I'm saying? So Baltimore minus the nine. I'm gonna cover music with you guys. This is really important today.

I really, one of the listeners yesterday, one of the guys on Twitter says he was listening to a practice. Oh, okay. And he really hit home with me. If you guys don't know what a practice is, we have to take it to the beginning. We have to take it to a guy by the name of Carlos Santana.

I was watching television the other night and Carlos in the Macy's commercial. Oh, Jesus. Okay. And I'm looking at Carlos Santana. I'm thinking of myself. Look at fucking Carlos in the Macy's commercial. Look at old, he's 60 or 70, whatever old he is.

And then I think about what Carlos fucking did. You know, Carlos was up and a lot of people don't know that him and his brother George used to give out chicklets, used to sell chicklets at the Mexican border and play the guitar for people. Wow. And next thing you know, you know, they travel. I don't know the whole story.

I have to break it down for you guys. We don't have that much time, but they end up in San Francisco and they put this band together. You know, George wasn't with them at the time. And if you listen to a praxis the first hour or more, I think it's a second, I don't know right now. It's 1970, 1969.

And you got to remember people. This is, you know, this is the Beatles and this is Jimi Hendrix and this is Janice Joplin, The Doors and all this shit's going on. And all of a sudden this fucking Mexican dude shows up to whatever record label and says, listen, I have an idea.

I want you to hear this. You know, Graham discovered them and all this shit in San Francisco, the hippie movement with the Grateful Dead and all this. And this guy wasn't, you know, a white dude with long hair. This guy obviously looked like a fucking spick that he is. And you know, at the time in the 70s, you know, it wasn't like we were hugging spicks.

It's like the A-Rabs now. We see an A-Rab now and we're like, what the fuck is that? That was a spick 30 years ago. And that was the same way the Irish must have treated him. That's why you have to be nice to everybody. Because I thought about that one day. I'm in a coffee shop.

I'm sitting next to A-Rab, smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee. I'm like, look at these motherfuckers. I'm like, who the fuck am I to judge? That was Cubans 20 years ago and white people were probably going, look at these fucking spicks acting like, you know, whatever. But I always keep that in mind

because when people come in, it's like today, if you have a record label and an A-Rab comes in and says, hey, I have an idea, I'm going to mix A-Rabian music with fucking white music, you're going to go do me a favor, go smoke your hash and get the fuck out of my office. All right? But sometimes the result is a braxist.

And if you don't know nothing about a braxist, it's got just, like you buy an album now, you got two songs if you're lucky and you got seven songs of fluff. Fucking a braxist has black magic woman, oh yeah, come over, fucking night and whatever the fuck. You know, Sackaboo, Samba Petit. I mean, this album is fucking amazing.

And I remember, you guys don't know Columbia House. Columbia House was a thing that made a deal with you. For a nickel, you got 19 cassettes as long as you bought three of them a year at the regular price. Oh wow. Well, so what they did, yeah, but you know how much they charge you for throw

your one cassette in 1995. That's how they made their money back. But what you did was you got your 18 cassettes and then you stiffed them. You told them to go fuck yourself. They went tear hard Indiana and they kept sending you letters. And then you got even cocky.

You looked at people in your neighborhood scheduled to see if they weren't home when the mailman got there. And what you did was you mailed the fucking Columbia records to them. And what they would do is they put a box in front of their house, so you run up the stairs and take your box with your 18 CDs.

I did that all over my block. I remember no CDs. There were cassettes. I had like 3000 fucking cassettes because everybody in the block signed up for Columbia's and eventually ruined people's credit. People thought they were slick. Columbia's didn't lose a dime.

All Columbia's did was make copies of your album and send them out. They didn't lose a dime and the record labels knew it. But anyway, I bought a Braxess. And I remember listening to this fucking album because at the time I was confused. I'm a Spanish kid. I'm trying to fit in.

And he is just fucking the thing I could relate to. So put out in one jam for us, Lee. We're gonna start at, let's see here. The end of Black Magic Woman and Tohoye Comerant. Listen to this shit. Boom, boom, boom. This guy got the fucking guitar, put some bongos, some fucking Puerto Ricans, and the result is this.

Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? This is the beginning, though, so. No shit. Yeah, no, it's not the end, cocksucker. This is one of the great beginnings of our time. Look, bro, listen to this guitar, hit it, Lee. It feels like you're gonna get a bag of dope.

If you have not listened to this album it's entirely guys. Hit it, Lee. Jesus Christ. Oh shit, break out the heroin. Hit it. Are you kidding me? And you're sitting there going,

I love this fucking Hispanic music. But this is the 60s, brother. Listen to this shit, hit it. Got a Black Magic Woman. Got a Black Magic Woman. Got a Black Magic Woman. Got a Black Magic Woman. Got a Black Magic Woman.

Got a Black Magic Woman. Got a Black Magic Woman. Got a Black Magic Woman. Got a Black Magic Woman. Got a Black Magic Woman. Who the fuck the singer was? I have no idea. Some guy he met in the club.

He had a little oil coming off of these cocksuckers. I mean, this is a fucking tremendous album. There's some guy, oh shit. You know what subor means? Flavor, play that again for the police, please. Motherfuckers, no. This is subor's flavor. Listen.

Are you fucking kidding me or what? Every time I hear this, I'm gonna stab someone in the fucking neck, dawg. Listen to this shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Un-un-un-un-fucking-believable. Just... This is too much, man. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

So before you put Green Day on like a fucking Momo, get this album and download this shit. You're gonna die. Oh, shit. This is what I play when I get blood taken out of me. Really? This is the same song every time. What do they say? What does this mean?

Like, oh, you're gonna come up and look at this? Listen to me on my fucking music. Okay. Listen to this shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? What the fuck do you think you're dealing with? You're gonna show up with some fucking Momo with a banjo. Listen to this shit.

Put a little samba patiyan for these motherfuckers. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Guys, I don't give you fucking bloopers. These are all-time tested albums. You know what that means? I must have smoked 80 fucking numbers to these things

and done two shots of H for this shit. I remember doing heroin for this. A little line one time. Listen to this. My head was blown now. That's Carlo Santana on the other side of the spectrum. There was a guy, his brother named George Santana. Let me tell you what George was doing. There was a label in New York called the Fanny All Stars.

We're gonna talk about them. They did a movie in 1971 called Our Latin Thing. This company was owned, the Fanny All Stars was owned by fucking Masuchi, this fucking Jew that was a cop. And went to Cuba, went to college and fucking fell in love with the music. Then he went back, he was a Jew. He got a blowjob from a Cuban girl. He was done. He cut the fucking things off.

He lived his yarmulke on fire. He's like, fuck you. I'm going back to Cuba. So he went to New York. He became a cop after a couple years. He said, fuck this. My heart is in music. He got a Puerto Rican frontman, Johnny Pacheco, and they started the Fanny All Stars. It was a label, Fanny, and they had Willie Cologne and Celia Cruz, and they had all these fucking bad Roberto Roena

and the Apollo fucking sound. Are you kidding me or what? So now with these, and this was straight up Puerto Rican salsa, so they did this movie called Our Latin Thing, and they blew up, fucking blew up. I went to see the movie every day that summer. They had a Jew piano player. His name was Larry Arlo. They had a Jew conga player. They had fucking Jews in the trombone section.

This was a Jew-run band, but they changed their names. Like Ismael Miranda, Ishmael. How many fucking Puerto Rican do you know, Ishmael? Fuck that. He changed his name to Miranda. He's a really half a fucking Jew, but he's a nephew of Moses. Can you imagine those Jews going home in those days and telling their moms? Like Larry Arlo, I seen an interview with him and he was like, look, I went to music school in the 50s up in Harlem. That's where the music school, and he goes,

the first time I heard that Puerto Rican music. I bought an album. I couldn't even listen to it. The house with traditional Jews. I could not listen to this shit now. But listen, guys, when you want to do something that's in your fucking heart, you do it. It doesn't matter what nationality, what color, just do it. It's like that fucking those black guys that were rockers in the 80s. Look at my, what do you see?

Doesn't fucking, yeah, there were black dudes that called the personality. That's in their heart. Who gives a fuck? Don't get qualified. So here these motherfuckers went home. They started the Fania label. Fania label got popular. I played Hector Levo, Tolotino Sufino, a couple of weeks ago. That's from the album El Maro. But they put it together, they called the Fania authors and they went on tour. And one of the tours they went to was Japan. They went to Africa and they made a movie called Soul Power.

I played the James Brown video on Joe Rogan's podcast and your motherfuckers went crazy. He was 50 years old at the time. He's dancing and spinning. He's jumping around like fucking Michael Jordan. Right, he's 55. The shirt, Chicago Bulls, my boy, Kurt and Michael Walden. So they went to fucking Africa and they brought, and this guy Chael Feliciano does a song called El Raton, which means the rat. And they fucking, it's a smoothie jazz thing, but Carlos, so listen to what George did. Pretty much Carlos fused rock with fucking, with Spanish music.

And George took rock music and fused it with salsa in a jazzy way. Hit it, Lee! This is live from fucking Africa, 1971 or two or three when Muhammad Ali was going to fight Frasier or one of those. They did the thing in Rumble in the Jungle and they had this thing. Hit it, Lee! Here's the salsa with George Santana. So next time you see the Santanas, respect motherfuckers! What?

What the fuck are we going to toss all over you motherfuckers? Are you kidding me? That's great because they have like eight shoes to it. I'm telling you. This is tremendous, tremendous. Hit it, Lee. The guy singing is a Cuban singer, Ismael Miranda and Hector Levoe are singing backgrounds. This is how strong this band was. The bongo players were Roberto Lorena, the piano player was fucking Larry Harlow

and the DJ even had a DJ on this thing called Symphony Sid. Are you kidding me? Hit it, Lee! Oh shit. Are you kidding me, people? I throw you fucking heat. Hit it, the trumpet and the trombones and then he mixes it with the guitar. Are you fucking nuts? Don't make me stab, motherfuckers. I'm giving you brilliance, bitch. I'm the Lord's Day. Hit it, listen, Lee.

Hey. Come on, guys. I give you nothing but love with this music. Alright, cut that shit, Lee. I'm going to have to go shoot a $10 bag of heroin. I'm the Lord's Day. You guys got me so fired up. Listen, guys, the fucking Lord's Day. This is the best day of the fucking week. Now today, before the day's over, you write your fucking goals for the week, what you want to do, you want to get two blowjobs, you want to make 50 fucking dollars and you break it down and figure out how you're going to do that by the end of the week.

This is your week, guys. No more fucking around. This is your fucking week. Listen, this week coming up, I'm going to be in Scottsdale at the comedy spot. There's 100 seats at this place. I'm doing Friday and Saturday, so that's 400 seats. This shit's going to sell. Get your tickets early. It's going to be a fuck. I get in Friday. I leave Sunday, but it's two fucking days. We're going to rock it up. No fucking drama. Do me a favor here, because these iTunes motherfuckers are getting kind of kink with me today. Before or as soon as you listen to this podcast, I need for you to subscribe, number one.

And number two, I need for you to say, Joey, what the fuck? I love you, cocksucker. Or even if you say, Joey, you're a fat fuck, I need to lose weight. Fucking leave. What is some chick is going to fight in his face? Why does it have to be a black chick? Write it down, because they're going by that shit now. I need to get the sponsors. Hopefully this week we'll get on and on board. I got the fucking man grade on board. We got some fucking shit going on. It's all because of you guys, you know? I work hard at this with Lee because of you guys.

So thank you very much for listening. Leave a comment, subscribe. I'll be in whatever, what else we got? From the Testicle Testaments, it's still on fucking iTunes and it's still on the billboard. Fucking billboard. It was like number four again. Thanks to you guys. Number one and two are still up there. You know, the podcast is coming down today. Leo dropped this one tomorrow. We got another one Monday and another one Wednesday. The gambling pick is Baltimore minus the fucking nine in Baltimore.

Bet the fucking farm. I've been to kiss a death lately. That all ends today. Who said so? I fucking say so, cocksucker. That's who say so. That's who I blow in this motherfucker. You bad motherfucker. I love Lisa. Keep sending them emails. Follow Lee. He's a funny motherfucker. I love him on a sad note and here you heard it here. Beauty and the Beast is no longer. The awards are still up. So go to the podcast awards and vote for us so we can go out in the high limb.

Nothing happened. We just did a hundred and something fucking episodes. Two years. And we thought it was time to move on. She said what? I'm doing this one. You know, it's a pain in the ass to get fucking guests for both of them. I'm having a hard time having my goombas call fucking up, but I got tons more coming, but it just got too much. I got a kid coming. I got a fucking movie. I got a shoot. You know, I got a lot of shit going on.

So, you know, Felicia still the heart. My heart. I love it daily. We're just going to move on. Just listen to our fucking podcast. That's all you need to do. Listen to she said what? Listen to this one and you still have his both in our fucking life. What's the big fucking deal? We got sons of anarchy coming this week. Season eight. I got my sons of anarchy t-shirt. They mailed it to me finally. Oh, shit.

Uh, guys, I fucking love you again. I want to give a shout out to all my brothers fucking. I can't see without my glasses. Plus this vape depends. You got a motherfucker fucked up. Kyle, who lost the weight, the Puerto Rican undian student, current Michael Walden for the shirt. You're my heart cock sucker. Thank you very much. Fabio de Agastuno, whatever your fucking name is, Jamie, I love you.

Ted, Ted and Philly, you filthy cock sucker, Constantine. He just saw it on Twitter. I love you too. Guys, with all my heart, thank you for coming to the shows. Thank you for supporting myself and Lee. Thank you for everything that you do. This show would not be possible without you dirty motherfuckers. What are we going to end on, Lee? Think about what's something you want to do for a practice.

But before we go, I just want to say there was a kid in my hometown who was in the, who was a Green Beret or someone, I think, and he went to Afghanistan and he got killed. So it's great to be doing this on the Veterans Day. What's his name? His name is Scott Milley and Rest in Peace. And it was crazy for that to happen to my town because there's not many kids in my town who did that.

And on Mike Wanner, he was in the Marines out down in San Diego and he got killed. So it's great to do this on the Veterans Day. Thank you very much for the veterans and what you do. And you're also going to make the local papers. What is that? Black Horde farts in your face. Oh, Jesus.

I'm going to tip balls and shit like that. They're going to say, my little Jew friend from fucking Boston. American Hero's leading. American Hero. It's farther than his face. A little Oyaycomo Valley. Blast these motherfuckers out the hard way here. It's 7.15.

Have a fucking, it's 10.18. Have a great day, guys. I love you to all my heart. Have a great day with your family. Hit it, Lee. Oh, shit. Sao Paulo, motherfucker. That means flavor.

That's how we do it, motherfuckers. Thank you. Thank you.