Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 11/25/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #130

Episode Date: November 25, 2013

Cassius Morris "That Reporter Kid" calls in. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Recorded live on 11/25/2013.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows, anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey. That's huluplus.com slash joey. And by dollashaveclub.com. Get high quality razors since you adore each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now, go to dollashaveclub.com slash church. That's dollashaveclub.com slash church.

Or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollashaveclub banner. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. It's that motherfucking time. For you to get up, wash your fucking asshole and get out there and stab somebody. Oh, yeah, baby, baby, what? It was all a dream. I used to read Word Up magazine.

Something pepper and heavy. Are you fucking kidding me or what? The pilgrims couldn't even hang out with us. Fuck those motherfuckers with that dump buckle on their hat. What? Way back when I had the red and black. Are you fucking kidding me? The church of what's happening now.

Lisa Yacht. Joey Diaz, The Flavor. Now I'm in the limelight cuz I rhyme tight. Time to get pay blow up like the world trade. Are you fucking... Fucking brilliance coming at you with biggie smalls on a Monday morning. What? You listen to this shit, you bow down.

Motherfucker was a kid dropping this shit. It's all good. And if you don't know, these motherfuckers better know. What's going on, Lisa Yacht? The church of what's fucking happening now Monday morning, November 25th. I appreciate you keeping it a little bit down cuz for people who don't know, after the Wednesday podcast, I got a call from my landlord saying, some people are saying it like six in the morning.

You making a lot of noise. Fuck them, we're burning this building up. I live alone and I don't know what you're talking about. Motherfucker down, you understand? We've got to motivate the fucking masses. It's Thanksgiving week people at home. What the fuck? Who gives a shit? Grab a turkey, some mashed potatoes, some stovetop stuffing.

It's just about sitting with your fucking people you love and saying, thank God I got you cocksuckers. That's all it is. Thank God you're still in my life because I don't know your money. You bad motherfuckers. What's going on? I was thinking about that the other day. What were you thinking?

My mom is very nice and sent me a list of what you want for the holidays. I was sitting down for a while and I realized something. I don't really need anything. I sent her a couple things because she's going to get me something regardless. I was remembering where I was a couple years ago and I really needed stuff. I mean, I could use some extra money right now but I was sitting down and I was like, I don't really need... What kind of gifts do I really need?

I felt really good yesterday. I felt really lucky. You're the last of the real Jews. You always need cash. Even if you had 10 million zillion banks. You know what I'm saying? And somebody came up and said, you take a dollar, you always take that dollar because you're a badass Jew.

I'm starving. You wear fucked up shoes and you know what I'm saying? You got some fucking seeds hanging off your teeth. Fucking beautiful weekend. I had a great weekend. St. Louis was fucking amazing. We did the whole rock club. Me and Ari Shafia.

First show sold out. Second show, whatever, 100 people. But let me tell you something. I had a great fucking time. St. Louis is a great city. In and out you get out of that fucking airport. It's like Bob Hope. There's no fucking drama in that airport.

It's international. You know, hanging out with fucking the St. Louis lunatics. And next minute you're in fucking Bulgaria. Smoking reefer with some fucking black dude. Talking about kickboxing, whatever the fuck you're talking about. You know what I'm saying? So it's pretty interesting shit. The food, I had some barbecue wings.

I had some barbecue brisket. It's amazing the different barbecues. Fat man alert. Because you're on a diet now because the holidays are coming. These are fat people going on fucking diets right now. This is when I do my best fucking because I know it could slip at any fucking time. Right after Thanksgiving?

Right during Thanksgiving. Mother fucking cakes and cookies. This wedding I went to yesterday had fucking Italian cakes and fucking cookies. I went to a wedding. I had a fucking nice weekend with my family, man. Wow, because you never go to openings. Yeah, St. Louis was, listen man, you know. What's the church about?

The church is about making somebody's fucking day. That's all this is about. I don't give a fuck. It's about making somebody's day. It's about smoking weed. That's the benefits of the church of what's happening now. But your main cause is to get up, wash your fucking balls and go out there

like you own the fucking room and you don't give a fuck. And number two is making somebody's day in the process. Letting somebody know. You know what, you had a bad fucking week. I only got $10 but 12 of it is yours. And they'll look at you and go, what the fuck just happened? Making somebody's day. So I woke up yesterday.

I did something I would never fucking do. I went to my wife's church. Because she's, whatever the fuck she is, they play with snakes and tambourine and they throw people up in the air. Oh, fucking no. I don't know, no. It's a Christian church. And I let her go with the baby

all the time. They have a daycare there and it's downstairs and my friend Derek from Tainted Vision who used to sponsor Beauty and the Beast years ago. I'm still friends with him. His son goes there and he was telling me it's a Christian fucking daycare but the program is so good there's Jew kids in there.

People drive their kids an hour to get them in that program. That they fucking work them. They're safe. They got, I mean everything. So it's like a two year wait to get on there but one of the easiest ways just in case if we're still here is to go to the church. So my wife's been going to church with the baby

and she puts it downstairs. So yesterday morning when I got up you had on had edited Saturday night. It wasn't going to go to the Y. Every once in a while you have to represent as a family. You can't send fucking Tom. You can't do that all the time. Every once in a while you got to represent your own fucking family.

So I got up, I put a fucking suit on and I went to church and I sat there for 20 minutes and I wanted to stab myself in the eyeball but I looked at my baby and I looked at the wife and my wife had a big smile on her face and they do it pretty cool because after a half hour you go downstairs

and the kids go out of the church and they take them to a daycare like a Bible study and they break them up into different rooms so the two year olds are with the two year olds and under three to five so I went in the room. My wife went and I stayed in the room with the kids and the parents and moms and the teachers

and let me tell you something I had a fucking blast in that. It was like I was home, you understand me? Because I'm a fucking kid. I don't give a fuck. I never digested childhood because I'm like Michael Jackson they took it from me. They had me working on a bar and hustling fucking

bingo games at the church. When you play with the toys and stuff. The whole thing but there was this little kid in there half Japanese, his name was James the cutest little motherfucker you've ever seen and he was trying to draw and some kid kept pushing his tractor on top of his drawing and I kept looking at James taking the truck

and pushing it back and saying I don't want to play with the fucking truck and this went on for like three or four minutes and finally I go James, relax. Because James was going to bit slap the other kid I go James, relax. I go eat some Cheerios. I got some Cheerios, I got the kids some Cheerios

back here with a half Afro. I gave him some fucking Cheerios and they all looked at me like what the fuck guy. So he had a centipede, you know one of those fake centipedes with a lot of fucking things. I picked it up and I put it in my face and I went ah right and then fucking James lost that little Japanese kid, snap.

He started putting it on his face and going ah so now me and him are going ah so it was these tambourines you picked them up and we put a fucking band together. Me, little James and my daughter right we fucking put an all star band in my head with the tambourine, they went nuts. They went fucking nuts the kids.

They all started taking the tambourines and hitting themselves and I had them dancing. My wife came in and she's like I fucking knew it. I knew you were going to turn this place upside down and the girl's like it was nice having a man in here for once. I had a great time with the fucking kids. I'm a big fucking dummy. You know, that's my world. I was high as fuck too.

I was sure. I had two Chibos choosing me, those green ones. You two? Two of them on fire. At 10 in the morning. I got up early Sunday morning. We were out Saturday night. Oh my god. I got to explain myself one of my things yesterday before we even moved this thing.

All right, so Saturday night I had a long day with the wife. I did this, I did that, I wrote and everybody went to bed and it's fucking 8 o'clock and I got my dick in my hand. Sunday I think he was coming out like a repeat and there was some other and I called Lee

and Lee was going to meet me about 9.30 whatever and I called the friend Eddie Broad when I met him and I talked to him for like 45 minutes and then Lee called me because I'm home so I came over and we edited the CD you know, the CD will be out in December motherfuckers and next thing you know

I go, I had an edible, Lee had an edible on this desk. Half of the fucking Chibo chew that we ate last week. The green hornet. The green hornet. So I hate the majority of it, Lee ate a little piece of it. Don't lie to me. I ate the full, I ate half of what you ate. Stop it, stop it, stop it. So we're sitting here and he's complaining

all the time. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god, fuck it, Lee. Let's slow the process. Let's go get a couple fucking tacos. So we take each other's cars and we drive down there and I get there first and I pull up and I pull up with the fucking and I wish I was trying to be funny people.

This isn't even a funny fucking story. It's kind of sad and I know some people get offended or listen to the podcast but you know what, it's not about offending nobody, it's about just talking about this is what I talk about all the time you know that 30 years ago, 50 fucking years ago

I was a fucking real speck, Cubans were the immigrants you know and people looked down on you and it depended on how you acted how they responded to you and there's two ways to fucking act, there's a way to act humble so people don't think you're a fucking rude fuck and you represent your race like that I didn't say much at that age

you know I was always very insecure but I get out of the fucking car, I pull up 12 feet from the taco guy, there's a little spot there that's red you could pull up there because there's a parking there's no park, there's a driveway if you don't see it, it's really clear you could park there

but I park in the middle so nobody parks behind me in front of me and I open the fucking door and they're not even cooking the hot dogs, they're not even cooking yet they had just opened they were making one hot dog and there's these three kids in front of them again, I don't know if they were Arabian

I don't know if they were Persian I don't know if they were Israeli they could have been a fucking thousand things but as I got out of the car outside, not even inside in the room, outside I could smell the onion coming from these three motherfuckers

the downwind, it wasn't fresh fried onion with the seasonings it was the onions of funk that come from a person and as I got closer, the wind was blowing them towards me I could smell the cologne that they tried to put over this fucking armpit that was just

just horrible and this is where it gets worse it wasn't one of them that stunk they stunk in fucking stereo all three of them stunk and one of them was eating a hot dog and I could smell them and as I walked up, they were so offensive

in their odors they were so offensive with the fucking cologne they had on but I turned to the Mexican guy and I go, these fucking guys are kicking can't bet that they didn't get to hate them what a fucking stink they have and he goes, tell me about it and that guy is the nicest guy in the world

him and his wife they're walking in security they're two fucking Mexicans just trying to make it they're probably legal they go up there every Friday and Saturday he was telling me during the week they go to Santa Ramaciti and they have a route

that's how they make a fucking living this guy is the sweetest guy in the world he looked at me and his eyes were red like bloodshot to cook that was offensive that's fucking offensive not when somebody talked, not Katy Perry did you see that?

they were saying Katy Perry's performance last night was offensive I didn't watch it I just get up early and I look to see what the news is I try to wake up on shit fucking hysterical I'm whiffing these motherfuckers and I mean they're fucking whatever language they're from

they're talking it and they're talking it loud and they're getting stinkier they're going to the club and you could still smell them that's how bad these motherfuckers were they were going into skinnies I guess me, how long were we there maybe 20 minutes and then we sat in the car

and talked for 15 minutes and we left as I'm pulling up to my house and I go where did you go because I was thinking about this there's no way somebody that's drunk is going to look at one of those three motherfuckers and go guys, you three motherfuckers stench

what you would have done if you were like 20 years old 20 years ago, I think three more drinks two drinks, I would have had to go up to one of my buddies and go dog, you guys are fucking embarrassing whatever fucking race you represent get the fuck out you're not going to pick up no girls stinking like that there's no way a woman would get in that car

unless she's from that fucking nationality and she's used to that fucking stink I don't know how the fuck you'd want to fuck that but listen guys if you aren't picked stink, don't put cologne over it it makes it stink worse you pick one or the fucking other this ain't something to offend nobody

it's a public service announcement because that was the most offensive fucking smell I have ever smelled in all my fucking life, Lisa and you just to finish the story you said they got in a fight they got in a fist fight after we left in the middle of the street, they were out there

people were ripping their shirts off which means you got to go home and boil your fucking hands if you touch those people, you got to go home and boil your fucking hands with Lysol fucking disgusting I don't understand what the fucking how you could leave your house stinking like that dog

whatever, it's holiday week hopefully they all sit together and kill the turkey with that fucking stench where's the reefer league, where's fucking I want to be around you're sitting there, the thing is fucking flat today we got a life in this mother fuck up Lysol that's it

I'm taking a little piece of the edible you're not going to join me again Wednesday you see what I'm saying people he thinks that by avoiding it so what, you got to keep doing it to break the fucking to lift your spirits

you can't keep doing it and then you get I was hungover in three days because you don't eat enough you're living in California people eating this shit every fucking day people going to offer you, you're 2014 you're about to walk into the void you're the only person that's ever offered me

where we're going next when we start touring the park we think people are going to come to you with cookies they're going to offer you grenades every night we're going three nights, what do you think, you're not going to eat them you got to eat this shit every fucking day you got to drive on the 405 Obama's coming to fucking town stop crying, come over here

you've seen me eat them on the road, I don't fucking say anything look at that I eat three quarters of that I can't do that, I got to go pick up my dad you see what I got to fill turkey was trying to get pissed off you ain't already what the fuck I'm the only one you care for some reason

everybody eats them the other night we went to St. Louis I brought like 10 of them yeah and I gave my buddy four of them and later on he called me and said you know my wife ate both of those chibochers me and Ari were like

yeah she was fine with you unless you eat them Lee you're not going to get over them you got to eat them every day to build your tolerance and then eventually nobody's going to fuck with you no more these things aren't going to be like nothing

they're going to be like nothing but if you eat them four or five days apart that's why they're going to fuck you up every time I don't know man I like the smoking you eat a piece you get on the 405 you go pick up your dad you'll be happy as fuck I don't do shit like I said I missed my fucking street

I've lived here for a year driving back from the fucking taco man I missed my street ended up at the grocery store buying trash bags but you did you lived you survived but it's not a fun experience why like it's different for people

you didn't call me and go you know what I'm home I'm going to put some Pink Floyd on that song we listened to in the car that day it gives me a panic the good music I don't know how you do it gets my heart pumping and I have like a striking panicky that's why you do it why do you want to be panicky

you want to go into a different dimension once you pass the panic you've reached that fucking level that's the fucking curtain where you think they're going to let you go to the other side without fighting you a little bit that's the thing you sit there you put the earphones on you turn the lights off you put on that Pink Floyd dark side of the moon

when the heart's beating and you try to match your heart with the fucking heart on the fucking album are you fucking kidding me I think it amplifies what you already are and like I can be a nervous person so I put on like a stand-up comedy thing and it was pretty bad

this is why I tell you that if you're a certain person you got to get out of that person trust me I was a certain person too I'm more scared than you are you know it's hysterical that again not to fuck with you I get up this morning and I see all this shit I told the dirand deal

the no nukes okay so you read a chapter here a chapter there and then you see something about Miley Cyrus who let's get out of the way Miley Cyrus I watched the show when it was the show was on I would watch the show if I'm in a hotel room or something I'd watch the show I'm not a fucking retard

you know I'm watching this show and I'm looking at this girl and then they're talking about her today her performance last night I put the fucking performance on this morning and I tell you what it drove me to fucking tears and I tell you why it drove me to tears the same reason why I'm having cash this morning was calling this morning how old was cash this

14 I think 13 maybe 4 fucking teen there's a picture on his Facebook and his dad and his mom would kiss okay and he's got his face painted and at that time a chick could come the hottest chicken in the world could suck his dick I wouldn't have mean more to him Cassius Morris is 14 years old

and he's doing what we're doing at fucking what I'm doing at 50 how embarrassed am I how fucking embarrassed am I you know I see all these people that fail with their podcast so they call me up and they go hey man I don't know what to do I'm doing wrong look at Cassius Morris he's posting shit every day

and maybe he didn't come up with it he's not a salesman he's a fucking kid but when you're a kid you shouldn't have fear because you're a kid that's when you're the most fearful I had a ton of fear when I was a kid I put on this Miley Cyrus performance

and I see what she's doing on stage you know I shit my pants when I went in front of those Dave Chappelle people this year 18,000 people I did the other show and there was 20,000 people I shit my pants also I started singing that wrecking ball with a fucking stupid cat behind her

but it's regardless of that people don't see what the fuck she's doing she's 21 years old out there singing like fucking she runs the world that's what I admire about her not the fucking suit and the skinny bony pussy or whatever her head doing the root thing and she looked phenomenal

she's just a girl she's just a 21 year old fucking girl man who I would shit you know what I was doing at 21 not that, not nothing positive nothing positive not one fucking thing positive and that little girl

I don't know if she went to college I don't even know if she graduated high school with her money who needs her she could buy the fucking high school but she takes chances you gotta remember if you're young in 1983 Madonna shocked the world at the MTV Music Awards

maybe on their third or second year and Madonna took Radio City Music Hall by storm and if you watch a performance on YouTube you go Joey what the fuck are you talking about I want you to see what she did and translate it to 30 fucking years ago and all those people since you know not Cheryl Crow

but the people that are in pop music Lady Gaga her, Katy Perry somewhere along the line they all steal from Madonna and if you watch what Miley Cyrus is doing she's stealing from Madonna not stealing

she's got the same balls you know today I said Katy Perry was offensive well if Katy Perry took a picture with a dick in her ass hole she couldn't be fucking offensive she's Disney from A to Z that's why she dumped the fuck that's why her and the Englishman didn't work

he wanted to come on to titties with no floor ride come and she goes fuck no she scared him now she's with fucking the other guy that plays the guitar and he can do whatever he'll play the guitar in the ass you don't even feel it what's his name John Mayer I don't fucking know I just see what I see

she's in love but I don't fucking know but my point being is that at 21 I wasn't doing that stuff because why? okay maybe I didn't know where to start but I gotta tell you I was fearful because I was insecure I didn't think I could do any of that shit

till today I still can't do it I still shit my pants before I fucking go on stage Lee there's a piece of gummy bear waiting for you I don't want to lose face to it I have to drive on the 405 that's the whole fucking thing man I'm not gonna make it there

that's the fucking thing anybody can drive on the 405 you're gonna be driving on the 405 why am I adding things to it would I have a chibo chewing you listen to Pink Floyd remember when you were young because I already know I have to do it Wednesday night because we have the live podcast

9.30 at the ice house and I already know I'm gonna have to do it Wednesday morning that's what the excuse is I'm gonna call you from now on no more Lisa yeah no more Lisa I'm gonna call you Lee Story cause he's always a story we think Hash on the Sopranos

would turn down an edible he's a Jew he'd say give me that motherfucker I'll eat it when Joey leaves I'll puke it up and sell it for $3 get it together but anyway I admire that when I see somebody really young going for it I fucking admire that

cause at 21 I was fucking dead I was dead I was soulless all I did was steal there was no creativity to that I was scared I was numb from the fucking drugs Miley Cyrus smokes more fucking dope if I knock on Miley Cyrus's door

right now in Studio City and offer her that edible she'll fucking eat it and go back to bed yeah she also has an assistant what assistant when you're 21 she gotta know it's that girl's a savage you gotta know by yourself what's that got to do

I was actually thinking about something cause I asked you cause I love documentaries and you said watch Omethelogic which is this Richard Pryer documentary so I watched that last night when I thought the Patriots weren't gonna win and I was thinking about something

and I wanted to know cause the whole point of it for the majority of it is how groundbreaking he was so I let people off but everyone said how groundbreaking he was do you think we've gotten to a point where

maybe not even in comedy but in music do you think there's anything groundbreaking left like it kinda got me depressed a little bit cause at this point can anyone do anything groundbreaking I think you know I don't know about my situation or whatever

yeah people could do groundbreaking is what you consider groundbreaking and what you consider for you it might be you watched the movie and the editing was fucking out of this world groundbreaking is whatever you wanted to be

these podcasts are groundbreaking this is groundbreaking not because we're doing a pseudo radio show but because anybody could do this now this is why this is so groundbreaking yeah Joey's a comedian no no no no I'm not giving any of your fucking excuses

you're a painter you could do this if I owned a painting company I'd have a painting podcast I'm painting walls in three minutes I'm fixing fucking holes in walls and somewhere on the line by telling the truth that's where the art is

it's in the truth it's just by fucking talking so that's what's groundbreaking yeah we watch movies and they hire some publicists to say amazing and groundbreaking groundbreaking is whatever you make whatever you watch it whatever you see what somebody else does what have I thought is groundbreaking

like something like that like breaking bad was really groundbreaking because it's about drugs it's about something that not too many people even dabbling yeah there's a society that dabbling it but the other half don't know about it and don't want to know about it

I saw something about Sutter Sutter Link he's the guy the executive producer not the creator of the son's anarchy and he was saying for him it was the Sopranos the freedom that they had if you watch the old episodes

it was 2000 and Tony was cheating on his wife and people were cheering for him there's an episode of Sopranos where he takes his daughter up to college and he kills an informant and HBO was going to pull the plug if they killed the informant because they felt the boss should never kill somebody

Dave whatever the creator said fuck it I'm just killing them anyway that's groundbreaking when you make a decision and stand with it that's what groundbreaking is groundbreaking could be something for you last week I walked down to fucking Bob Hope Medical Center and I went in there

and I asked the lady who to draw blood and she goes the lady's not dead today and I was going to walk out that wouldn't have been groundbreaking you know what groundbreaking was I stayed and got my blood drawn by the other lady and it just so happened that my girl was there something against my fucking grain okay let's go back and look at it

what the fuck I mean because at some point you can always trace it back like any comedy you could see while he was influenced by this person absolutely so I guess you just have to look at it a different way I was driving with my wife and I heard blow up the outside world by Soundguard

if you listen to that it's Soundguard, it's Chris Cornell but it's The Beals it's John Lennon-ish it's very poem you know it's very Beatle-ish did they steal it from the Beatles? No they were influenced from the Beatles

one day he was at home and he was 12 listening to the Beatles smoking a joint and he goes you know what I could do that better that's all this is what do you think made me be a comedian? I watched a comedian one day and I said fuck that guy I could do that better boom here we are one day you said fuck it

this editing is horrible I could fucking even do this without going to school you became an editor I was in point groundbreaking is whatever groundbreaking is a word looking groundbreaking amazing brilliant genius there are all these words that are thrown around

but I think they are overthrown at people genius is a fucking doctor who cures fucking AIDS genius is somebody who cures a disease for kids that's a fucking genius some fat jerk off of some fucking guy on NBC that says some fucking joke you know listen bro

I do comedy right now in my life comedy is going okay you know I feel that I'm a lot better my story telling is up everything is great and dandy I told Joe I went to a wedding yesterday it's funny guys I went to this wedding yesterday you want to hear about a fucking jerk off I'm going to tell you about your main jerk off Joey D

is what he did yesterday at the wedding I got to this wedding I didn't want to go but again today is my anniversary of my wife and I figured what a nice way to start the weekend we took the baby Terry bought her a beautiful dress and they had good food at the wedding it was on Simi Valley

so it was on a mountain we didn't go to the actual wedding we just went to the party because there's no sense to baby's teeth she was teething so we got there we had a blast and I was I like fruity drinks like mojitos and shit like that

I saw they had a mojito bar so I walked over there and I got a mojito and I got my wife a glass of white wine I put ten dollars in the fucking thing or whatever I turned and some guy came up to me and he introduced himself and he goes my name is blah blah blah blah you don't know me I'm one of

doctors patients he goes do you have three minutes of your time I didn't know what the fuck to expect right and he says he has a son he's got three kids but he has one son he's youngest and the youngest has never been the most confident kid he's ever had that for some reason he comes out

he's quiet and they sent him away to college he had a whole teeth for that and it cost him tons of money but he just wanted to break the young one out of his shell and he goes after four years of college the kid was doing great he had friends he had social calendar

he even had a little girlfriend he was a good looking kid whatever the father said and I guess he came home on vacation and one of his kids one of his friends his close friends in college died from some drug overdose like some ecstasy mixed with fucking rat poison I don't know the whole fucking story

he went back graduated but he went into a funk he went into a funk and I guess this was running around the time when the podcast started getting popular with Joe Rogan so the catalyst was Joe Rogan he heard me on Joe Rogan something happened the father said you know for fucking nine or ten months this kid didn't do dick

he didn't do dick because I was really worried about him I was in a cemetery psychiatrist and then one day I woke up one morning and I heard Klingon and he had taken the weights out he had from high school and pulled him out in the garage and he was lifting weights

and he said I didn't know what was going on that went on for three or four days where he would get up early and lift weights and then a week later I actually see him get up and go to a fucking library and he brought back a bunch of fucking stupid books he goes whatever he goes but I was happy he was doing something

and then one day he goes about three weeks later I heard him talking to his mother and I heard something he goes I was in my library and just the fact that the guy said he had a library or whatever yeah whatever makes me think the guy is up and he goes and I heard him say something about his balls

you know and he goes so I talked to him the next day with the conversation of mine he goes nah this crazy fucking guy grab your balls he goes in fact I went and got my application for some job in the warehouse his brother got him

and a year later the kid is working full time he's lifting weights I guess he joined jujitsu he's got friends again you know and he goes I tell you whose fault it was yours but here's the beauty of it

he goes after I heard your name and he mentioned it he goes I put the podcast on he goes it was fucking horrendous he goes the first eight minutes you said nigger you said this you said everything that was offensive and I turned it off and I talked to my wife about it and my wife said whatever

as long as it's he goes so many people and I've always said that that you can have the most influential people in your life around you your father your grandfather but they could twist a jar all fucking day and some fat dummy like me comes along and says something stupid and somebody gets something out of it

and he goes so I want to thank you for doing your podcast he goes I don't know if you guys have any idea what you guys are doing that's crazy you're giving young people fucking hope they listen to another podcast and he goes I got it I got it you have like this craziness to you

but it's true people get something from it because you're telling them it's true this is fucking easy guys this ain't no it's hot in here yeah it's hot it's fucking cold out though it's 45 degrees this morning but it's usually turning the air on

I was like hopefully you don't fucking turn the air on what I'm trying to tell you motherfuckers is that thank you for listening man it took people warned me about shit that loved me and cared for me I fucking didn't listen to them and it took me years of learning and listening to dumbest fucking people's advice

and it got me in so if you're fucking at home listening whatever this fucking kid's name is I want to say it on the radio thank you all the fucking podcast there but it was really funny that this guy could come up to me and he looked like nothing that would ever have anything to do with me now what were you thinking

like when someone comes up to you and you're holding a wedding you're holding a drink you're like fuck is this gonna be like a crazy person fuck yeah no it's just gonna be something I said wrong I insulted somebody on stage I might have rubbed somebody the wrong way with one of my actions you know and yeah I'm out of my fucking

mind but I'm not in business to fucking rub nobody wrong if I did rub you wrong let me know what I said and I'll clarify it you know and at the end you will all laugh yeah because at the end you'll realize that I'm a fucking moron you shouldn't have got your panties and a bunch about it sometimes I just talk

and just talk shit and I don't even realize I realize what I'm saying but it just comes out of my mouth so fucking fast and I used to try to catch it but at this point in the game what do you want me to do I'm fucking 50 either you like it turn it off or you don't like it or you like it and you fucking listen to it where's the refill

we smoked it off no we didn't fucking smoke nothing it's over here you always we got a call yes we do what's up little brother what's going on how are you my friend I'm fantastic how are you doing long time man I really like that picture on your facebook of you with your family

and kiss thank you yeah that was probably one of the best how did you get that um the kiss drummer you got to go somewhere else because you're breaking up a little bit you got to move closer to the mic alright let me

let me get up here tell me if it's better a little better alright I'll go upstairs the reception's pretty bad down here are you in school I'm at home oh shit yeah um is that better

yeah it's better alright um so yeah I I met the kiss drummer on my phone nah it's still breaking up a little bit little brother really yeah still here

okay is it still breaking up no you're good now okay yeah I met the kiss drummer and uh caches uh yeah do you still have my my skype from can you go on skype

yeah sure I'll call right back yeah call me on skype give me two seconds alright alright I'm gonna switch it up okay yeah he's just breaking up guys I'm sorry about this I really want to get this little guy out here he's uh fucking I mean whenever I read his little

post and little things that lets me know that I'm not fucking retarded because I know a thousand people always complaining about their life and shit and this kid's doing it he's fucking doing it he's out there hustling this podcast I've listened to a couple of them just I've been bored and I put them on and I fucking

giggled the kid interviews people at fucking 13 or 14 I wasn't thinking like that I mean I looked at it from a different fucking perspective but nothing like that this kid's out there living it he fucking got on he got on stage with fucking kiss because he knew the drama

through a podcast or whatever the fuck I mean it's just uh I don't know it baffles the shit out of me I wish you know I always thought I was a sharp fucking kid that I had my shit together I had my shit together as far as streets I knew what was going on I didn't have to take candy from strangers

I knew if I saw a guy laying down asleep I knew the robbers wallet but I didn't fucking know nothing about interviewing people or talking to people or emailing them I mean it's fucking amazing what's going on Leigh you're typing your little fingers over there I think he's going upstairs to his room to get out in Skype so he'll probably be on

a couple minutes uh no but yeah he had me on like a year ago or something he's a great guy bravo on I think I mean you know and I told people get on there it's we're all talking to somebody this is all going to the same thing I mean I wish I wish I could do all the podcasts

and talk to all the people but I can't I can't it's too much and people hit me up all the fucking time and you know like I said my day is limited so I have a you know yes I like getting up early and I like getting out to you people early but part of the reason why I do it at six

the final fucking straw was because I don't know what my schedule's gonna be and I would never want something to get in between us you know what I'm saying that's the most important thing if we're not consistent with you you're not gonna fucking take it seriously I wanted I wanted somewhere I would be every fucking week

and the only thing I could decide is Monday at 6 a.m. and fucking Wednesday at 6 a.m. I know where I'm gonna be I'm gonna be right here with my fucking favorite Jewel is Hanukkah, I think it's like in a week or two something like that so your dad comes in today and when does he stay till Tuesday night Tuesday night yeah

so it's Monday so next Tuesday yeah it's gonna be a long trip but we're gonna record my podcast till come to the live podcast we're gonna go down to San Diego and I mean I just I'm gonna make the best I mean it sounds bad saying I'm gonna make the best of it

it's just I feel bad because I don't know what to do for eight days but we'll just watch movies and maybe we'll go just be yourself, we do think you want to give one of these fucking elbows every day and put them on your right that's thirty percent of the fucking day they'll sit there eating chocolate bonbons

and you know reading Hanukkah books what the fuck, he's a good guy your dad you know how many people wish their parents were still around, you're very fortunate so don't look at it as a painy ass look at it as this might be the last eight days you might see him, anybody could

happen at any time, that's over fifty how do I think I feel why do I think I try to fucking rock and roll every fucking day what's up dog hey is that better better, yeah now you sound like a fucking now you sound like the singer from Journey, I like it

perfect what's going on baby, talk to me so you were asking about the kiss picture right yes well the kiss drummer a couple years ago there was a news story done about me here in Canada and he heard about the podcast through that

and he messaged me on Facebook and that's how I met him the first time but this time I told him I was going to the concert with my family and he said come on back we'll take pictures, he's really one of the nicest people I've ever met, he's great fucking amazing when I saw the picture with kiss I didn't know if it was

a Hollywood picture like with people standing yeah but no you're a bad little motherfucker Cassius, you know I have a lot of friends that are adults and they call me and they go you know we don't know how to market our podcast and we don't know what we're doing wrong and I go

you know what, go to Cassius's fucking page I told this to his check I met about two months ago and she didn't know what the fuck I was talking to him, I go look at his page he's hustling, whether he came up with the idea or not he's seeing what the fucking people are doing and he's trying but for you to sit there

and think you're going to shake your little pussy and that people are going to go to your podcast you got to fucking work when you have a podcast today and you're not a car salesman you're not a fucking salesman by trade you just know this right and you just do it and I think the key is you don't expect to blow up in the first year

maybe not even the second year you just keep going until eventually it will catch on if you're good you know I see a lot of comics that do these podcasts and they drop them like a hot potato because they're not patient you know doing a podcast is like going on a fucking diet which is really a lifestyle change

you have to do it every day no matter what happens, win place or fall you know Friday I went to St. Louis Thursday I got back Friday I pulled the fucking groin last week like a muscle it's purple

like the blood goes down it falls from where you had to pull you know Wednesday I went and worked out Friday I got off the plane on 11 I was a little tired I had to run some errands I had the baby they do a kettleboat class, 6.30 fucking Friday I went down there, I was fucking wiped out

but I knew that for me to move forward and lose weight and get stronger and healthier I have to be consistent consistency is so fucking important anything and we as a country now we do something for 3 weeks fuck it I'll take a shot for it

you know what I don't want to go to the gym and lift weights give me a shot and I'll fucking boost my testosterone that way everybody's looking for a fucking shortcut and there's really no fucking shortcut and I'm happy that at least Cassius you're getting the concept now as a young man you have a great career ahead of you

thank you so much what do your parents think about you doing all this craziness they love it they really support me last night they were listening to clips from a video podcast I did my family is probably one of the most supportive families anybody could ask for

they're great and how's your sister she older or younger than you she's younger she's 13 now how old are you I just turned 15 on the 5th holy shit happy birthday little brother thank you 15 you ever been on stage or kissed

I'm fucking bullied now how do you do in school what's going on with classes like what kind of grades do you get I'm starting to bring them up I've always struggled with my grades because I have pretty bad ADHD and I get distracted but I know that's no excuse and

I'm working and the grades are going up so you're a brilliant young fucking guy man what's the hardest subject to work with probably science I find that pretty difficult like the last thing about it we did but this one

the new one we're doing is actually getting kind of easy it's about ecosystems and stuff I remember you know how the clouds you know like the clouds cumulimbus nimbus whatever the fuck they are you know other complicating names yeah there's four different cloud

types I think and I remember when we were in the 8th grade my buddy Louis Hernandez asked him the four clouds and he goes snowy rainy and sunny and that was it they gave him like an F and he's still in the fucking 8th grade but it's weird when you look back I mean the easiest

way to do schoolwork is to listen and just make little notes during class and review it when you get out of class yeah you know I wasn't when I got left back in the 7th grade I thought my world was gonna end you know I thought cause of that girl right

I thought I was gonna get ridiculed and be called stupid because I really wasn't stupid I was just lazy and I don't forget that when I went into Barone's class I was gonna be on the podcast on Wednesday the 7th grade teacher when I got left back the first time

the only time I got left back you know I was in Kingwall's class when I went into Barone's and that year I think I got A's and everything and he really couldn't believe it and it wasn't that I was a dumb kid it was the work ethnic I had put into it you know and that's all it was

I wasn't better than anybody else I just took notes during class I listened and right after class ended I went home I did an hour review from 6 to 7 or 7 to 8 I just review it read the chapter again and I fucking knew it Cassius I fucking knew it now

and then at the end when you have those exams you don't have to study as hard at the end of every period you have those exams finals everybody else would be busting their ass but I would catch up on it and it made you know after my mom died and I had all that shit I still

had good grades and I used to not I used to freak out I was out every night but I put the same I had like a study hall in the daytime like 5th to 6th period and I put all my work in there and then I go home and I have to study a little bit and I knew the fucking thing

when I quit high school it wasn't because I was retarded yeah I was retarded in a way you know but for quitting but it wasn't because I was a failure it was because I wanted to work and I wanted to make money and I wanted more but you know school work man is like it prepares you for what we're doing now

that's all it is you're never gonna talk about fucking ecosystems 20 years from now nobody gives a fuck what you are gonna do is the work ethic and you have it you have it with everything else you do oh shit it's the fucking Cassius Batphone

it's some 15 year old girl looking for a booty call in the morning you little dirty bastard what else you got a little girlfriend Cassius I'm working on it alright how many freaks you got a couple in waiting alright look at you

are you a freshman in high school now yeah I'm in 10th grade you're a sophomore yeah here it's different cause there's only 3 years of high school here fuck 2014 my goals are to start getting

higher grades which is already starting to happen and to take your advice cause I was listening to the podcast from the other day and to actually start writing and get a head start on writing comedy cause you know you were talking about how it took you so long to just get the writing part down and maybe if I could get

a head start on that I could become a better comic at a younger age well here's the deal this is what I found this is what I found really helpful for my writing every morning when you get up and I didn't steal this from the writer's way or the artist's way I always thought about this there's people who get up the artist's way

want you to get up in the morning and get a notebook and babble in there about your thoughts when you wake up in the morning I don't like that idea I want you to write your plan for the day like when I get up every morning I put Monday November 26th it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive I could either sit here and play with

my dick or go out and get with mine okay today I gotta do a podcast with Lee I gotta go to fucking barbell class and it's my anniversary I'm going on lunch I'm going to move with my wife maybe I go to Jiu Jitsu tonight you know things are a lot better I love my family I feel I'm a little stronger fucking

I'm gonna and that's it that's what I would do every day I would do that little journal one page I wouldn't even write the one and I did that I started like six years ago when I got off the blow that's when I started at seven years ago and that evolved into the goal setting where I would get up and write my you know I was

like I don't know your schedule and the other day I opened up my notebook and I go there it is and she looked and she goes no you're not that fucking anal and I go yeah I am it's right there to the she goes you even have a little estimated time next to it I go I don't fuck around I got you know I like doing this

I have one hour she goes what to say there write one hour and I go I write one hour no matter what but even though I know this in my head I write it down caches yeah today on that thing it says write one hour 6 a.m. podcast 9 30 Jim

11 o'clock fucking lunch with my wife one 30 Dallas bias club tell that freak to stop calling cock sucker these ladies are after me I'm telling you I'm telling you you're a regular fucking Justin Bieber slinging dick up in Halifax up there oh by the way

Lee your video has disappeared on the stream is it back because it someone said it was gone but I re-put it back up I think it's up again it's okay you know all right that's good but uh it's just so weird the little things that you do to prepare you to

write and then you start writing about your day backwards like at night and then you write your life story one and then now you become a writer because you're writing every day you know I've read a lot of writing books and what they didn't tell you was what Stephen King

Stephen King blows it up on on writing he talks about you have to write like a thousand pages thousand words a day if I wrote a thousand words a day I fucking blow my own dick like I think that'd be great I can't write a paragraph a day and I think I'm fucking great you know that's good enough for me

but yes start writing do everything you can at this age cash is at least fucking try it it never hurts and you know if I could make a career out of being a comic that would be an amazing life now have you written sketches for your high school like why don't you get

a couple guys at your school and put a a troop together and do some sketches like sat in that live type shit I mean you fucking Canadians invented that shit yeah I've thought about that actually I used to write some kind of sketch type stuff on my old YouTube channel when I was younger

but when I started the podcasting it was kind of hard to do both but I used to act too and a lot of stuff so I have some experience with that so it could happen sure you're a bad little dude man and you don't play now what should you do a lot of music so don't you want to play music in this mix

oh yeah I play the drums I practice every single day for at least half an hour and it just helps pass the time and it's a lot of fun too now the other day you posted something that was very interesting and I got the thing and I even told my wife that's why

I wanted you on the podcast you posted on there that you loved kiss but your favorite band is Black Sabbath why'd you say that for some reason I was listening to Master of Reality on my record player Blossing into the void

and Sweet Leaf and all that stuff and I just like some people say that the Beatles are the best band in the world but their favorite band is so and so for me that's Black Sabbath it's just something about them is absolutely perfect and what are your favorite albums

Paranoid is my favorite album you know me and my wife were driving the other day and Hand of Doom came on oh my fucking god and I broke it down for her and it's weird that I was talking to Lee before and I hope you know I don't want you to get high at all at all

right now at this point in your life I just want you to enjoy your childhood because that's what ruined me don't get high right now think about it before you do it in college if you want to smoke a half a number and put on into the void I ain't going to get mad at you and then you make your decision then as a man I know your dad's a cop

he's probably angry I'm telling you this but you're going to do it anyway you know so but it's really weird that Hand of Doom came on and Lee today was talking about it when we get high and he listens to music he would get anxiety Lee if you listen to Hand of Doom

your heart would stop because they call it back if you listen to it and the Hand of Doom is basically doing drugs whether it's shooting heroin or doing acid and tripping that's Hand of Doom and they called it back in other albums like I think two other albums

they called it back to the Hand of Doom and the song the lyrics are just mind boggling and guess what I actually did do strong acid and make the mistake of putting Hand of Doom on you know what what you want to do

life's gone on with you I mean it's just a slow methodical now you wait your turn you know there's no return put the needle I mean you're sitting there going what the fuck

how does Ozzy know what's going on in my dark room right now and listen if it wasn't for Black Sabbath I wouldn't fucking be here you hear that Cassius if it wasn't for Black Sabbath I wouldn't be here because there was a lot of times I thought about taking a swan dive

and I put Sabbath Bloody Sabbath on yeah and that song makes me want to get a sword put somebody in their hands and knees and chop their fucking head off gladiator style seriously that song Sabbath Bloody Sabbath makes me want to put my fucking

park on or whatever my winter jacket was get a sword go out there and make somebody get on their hands and knees and chop their fucking head off because I knew they had my fucking money in their pocket for any purpose whether it's because whatever that's the fucking attitude it would give me

every fucking day Sabbath Bloody Sabbath because it just shows you you know nobody's going to tell you and so you know when you ask the reasons why they just tell you that you're on your own that's it you're on your own the faster you get that your fucking head in this life the faster your fucking life will go through you like sabotage

I've heard a couple songs off that one I'm working my way up to it technical lexacy ah dirty women's good another backstreet kid is good and you won't change me it's fucking tremendous never say die a lot of people don't like it

I personally like it I like what never say die stands for I like Johnny blade but there's nothing like junior's eyes when I again when I was going through when I was going through as a young man every time I'd hear junior's eyes I'd have to stop and take a fucking breath

Ozzy was he called him Ozzy because when he was doing all that black Sabbath stuff he was really John Osborne it's John Osborne John Osborne is the one who sings on master reality and I gotta tell you man you have bigger balls than I do because at 15

I wouldn't put master reality on really why oh it's just too real it's pretty insane it's just too fucking real and dark it's just and from one like for somebody like Lee Lee would listen to and go

I'm turning this shit off this is horrible but if you listen to it you're like what the fuck is he saying have you ever thought about your soul can it be saved or perhaps you think that when you were dead you stay in the grave are you fucking kidding me

is that just a thought within your head or is it part of you is God just a name that you read in a book when you were in school are you fucking kidding me so as he said God I fucking pulled a plug out and I used to put that album on the shelf and I first picked that album up

in 1982 I really didn't get into fucking that album until like 1995 same thing with Led Zeppelin when I first bought House of the Holy I wouldn't put on fucking no quarter hell no that's a scary fucking song

like the beginning of Star Trek that shit scares the fuck out of me oh fuck you it's Wednesday I don't need to be scared so what are your plans brother you taking some broad to the prom what's going on proms in a while but pretty much my only plans are

I made a promo video with my video interviews and in a few months I'm going to get it ready to send to the blocks out with PR team and hopefully get an interview are you fucking serious yeah I'm serious well listen brother if there's anything

I could do to help you make a video a fucking interview whatever whatever we could do for you here at the church you have fans here brother well for people who don't know what's the name of your podcast thank you what's the name of your podcast

that reporter kid speaks that reporter kid speaks brother this kid don't fuck he has a kiss one too right don't you have a kiss one yep the kiss one is called creatures of the net awesome two podcasts two

and there's people who can't even put their fucking shoes on that are adults so that's why we're big fans here if there's something we could do for you man you know we're your biggest fucking supporters thank you I feel the love thank you guys no no no you always get love from us

you're a bad motherfucker you're one of the baddest kids that we do business with so you always got family here and anytime you want to put some black sabbathons I'll fucking like the video you're a bad motherfucker Cassius you got no school what's going on how come you're not in school chasing women breaking windows what the fuck

I'm back tomorrow what's going on today you had bad weather it's snowing a lot here oh that's right the east coast got clobbered with fucking snow I missed no day so much for you motherfuckers traveling this week for Thanksgiving pack a fucking toothbrush on the airport

you're gonna be sleeping on the floor cock suckers Cassius happy Thanksgiving you and your family we love you brother you too thank you hey thank you what do you want us to play today what black sabbath are we playing for you today on the way out let me know what do you want to see what do you think

I know it's a little bit mainstream but Iron Man you got it brother just out of respect for fucking Cassius Morris we love you thank you so much stay blackish what the fuck you think of that people 15 years old

fifth fucking teen and you're sitting there thinking about this I don't know what to do grab your fucking cock if that little fucking 15 year old could do it so the fucking you I love that little fucking kid like if he was a son because I see what he's doing man and I want to cry

I want to cry because I threw away half my fucking life Lee I threw it away fucking around mugging chicks doing quail dudes eating rotten pussy what the fuck Lee I don't think so I don't think you'd be I can't imagine because you would have turned out to be

like a Seinfeld comedian like that like I can't imagine like I can't imagine being like a clean regular comic like I'm it's kind of it's good that it happened well thank you brother you're a solid individual that's why I love you you're a badass fucking kid you're so high you're looking at a microphone kid

I gotta eat your red but look it's not gonna go to waste we always it's gonna go to waste I can't just leave it there you embarrass me a gun to the front of the views when we make the fucking church what's happening now sons of anarchy cuts you're not getting what the son of anarchy cuts

don't worry about it I was giving some shoutouts saying my man David Robles my man Rob Kulesh Tony LaQuasto I love you cocksucker Cleo happy belated you sexy bitch Mike Maxwell always making pictures Tiger style 81 and Jeff Miller you know I fucking love you cocksucker

I want to talk to you about something real important here I'm just eat this edible in fact I'm not even gonna call it edible I'm gonna call it my vitamins okay bitch for now you gotta take your vitamins every day at the church this is strong today I think I only put a little bit

not a hundred I think fucking Cheba Cheba Cheba Cheba guys slipped a little bit with the fucking promise listen cocksuckers I'm gonna tell you something you wanna help somebody out for the holidays give me something from on it I was thinking about this how I'm gonna buy a bunch of stuff

from on it and send it to people I have a lot of friends that always ask me for on it I'm just gonna send people on it Christmas presents like fucking I'll tell you what the good thing is I started taking it again the on it 180 is back and they tweaked it up it's like drinking a fucking alpha brain that goes right to your head plus blow plus everything

it makes you feel fucking great if you're flying over the holiday season try the 180 you won't get sick it's got everything into the shroom tech sport it's got everything you do jumping jacks you'll breathe better when you fly give on it as a Christmas present this year go to onit.com pick something on there pick the fucking new mood

pick the kettle bells pick the rope do something pressing the code what are you pressing church church get 10% off get on the email I talked to Arbery we're sending you some extra shit maybe a sticker I don't fucking know alright maybe we'll give you some samples but at least you're part of the on it family

do me that fucking favor if you're gonna give something for Christmas go to on it Amazon banner is up on our site a lot of people been calling hitting me I'm going Joe you want to donate we want to buy this we want to buy that you know what I don't want nobody donating nothing you guys work too hard I'm sick and tired every two months when something happens

there's donations and they don't even go to the fucking people getting I don't want to take that money from you do me a favor you gonna order something from Amazon fuck it put it towards us we got a couple pennies Lee gets a t-shirt he jumps up and down you know you don't want to disappoint Lee for the fucking holiday so do that number two Hulu

fucking plus is more amazing than what I give it credit to be it's more amazing than what I got to give it credit to be there's everything on there Lee there's fucking a lot more shit there's so much shit that I don't have time to write it and spill it out

please do me a favor go to huluplus.com or go to joeydeers.net go to the hulu plus card pressing the code word Joey Joey again Joey Joey why get two weeks on the arm for free you give me a credit card I respect then it's

799 a month that's $96 a year and you get fucking everything Wednesday listen and I'm gonna read the list of your little apprehensive I understand but I wouldn't blow smoke up your ass it's not a bad fucking deal $96 to

get your whole fucking year taking care of hulu plus that's all I'm fucking saying right there oh something people used to get pissed off about was like they have ads during some of the shows they've added to movies like full length movies without ads it's new so right they got original programming just go to hulu plus they got everything you need

I can't say the other shit on here because I'm not in business the bad mouth anybody but I'm telling you take it from me go to huluplus.com press Joey in the fucking box Joey why get two weeks gratis boom for free and that's it that's how we fucking do it here we ain't fucking around no more Lee

you get Iron Man set for cash this morning Iron Man um yeah so you're here for three more weeks you're unemployed you went to Vegas tell them what happened in fucking Vegas there's a lot of people hitting me up and going well what happened at least gambling career tell me what happened in Vegas it's just it didn't I uh hold on um I'm stoned from

okay so yeah I just went and I uh I I know all like the theory behind Blackjack but I get impatient and like certain dealers fuck you over and then there's a someone on the table who hits when she's not supposed to hit

and fucking makes the whole table lose so long story short I lost all my money and I just fucking I was like fuck it I didn't even stay one night in the hotel I just came back I just came back at five in the morning and uh I wish I was better at it and I maybe I should just focus

on sports or learn poker a lot of people said like that's the game you have to play to have a chance of winning Drey Filato goes to play poker like three days a week at the casino he goes to tournaments and that's all you can do they have lunch time it was good at that Ari Shafia that was Ari's life Ari's gotten so busy now

Ari was very fucking good he won a couple tournaments Ari was very good he was focused doing it but there's so much more now you know Ari travels he lives in New York but he was going down there fucking twice three times a week at lunch and doing the Christmas tournaments and

you know you gotta you can't go to the UFC unless you fist fight yourself and Sherman Oaks in the fucking cage behind some Puerto Ricans house you understand me but it's good you know you're like me you hate losing money you hate it and I asked you could you get your dick sucked and he said oh I walked

I walked because they have the you see them like they walk around there's just girls but I was walking to the casino where I like to play and this girl just like made a beeline for me we locked eyes and she walked towards me and I see her passing says where you going but she didn't even stop

people like Ari says it's like drug dealers in New York they just kind of say what they have fuck I wonder how much that would have cost but no I could never do that good for you you don't want no fucking committee in your fucking little Jewel but anyway you got some chick licking your ass so who needs the aggravation right?

yeah I have a little angle what after me if I did that you don't need somebody licking your nutsack whacking you off no I've never had a girl do anything to my nutsack other than like the hands they never licked your nutsack and whacked you off at the same time what type of boy were you

I don't know what is licking the nutsack I've never asked for it it's kind of you got to say put that nut in your whole fucking mouth sucking it like a gum ball I'd rather have them sucking the dick no listen it's a trick too you want to suck the dick but what do you want to sit there and fucking get in that cramp

no you got to give them a breather let them just inhale the nut and give it I don't think your nuts are ever clean I don't want to get nuts always clean if you're fucking cleaning the right way to put it in your mouth I do you got to scrub them and shave them and buff them out you shave them

sure you shave them you don't shave them you use that fucking weed whack and you fucking knock down all the pubies and the crabs and you knock it down to the nutsack you got to make the wife put her little nuts in your mouth and go hmm hmm hmm

I'm excited about that then she picks up your little shaft and licks under with your little pubi here right under that's a party Lee look at her this week and that was nice look at you you fucking savage but she got paranoid like the whole car steamed up

there's people trying to get in the seat next to us and they're like oh shit you ever suck a dick outside it's a nightmare you ever see chicks do it's a fucking nightmare once you suck a dick outside but you do it's fun and you move on as you're doing it you feel bad she's my girlfriend why do you feel bad

cause she's your girlfriend you pay them $18 to suck your dick that's different you don't feel bad there's no feelings involved you gotta get your shit together Lee it's Monday you cock suckers I know it's but Thanksgiving's this week Joey nothing's going on then make something fucking happen go on cock suckers

go out there get six beers and sell them for a dollar a piece and that's how you start that's six dollars it cost you four fifty you made a dollar fifty you did something today that's what I'm trying to fucking say so Lee we gotta you never let a chick fart in your mouth don't say it in a letter

no one's ever done it you didn't come on fucking Ashley's mouth when she was sleeping yes of course it didn't this is what I'm talking about and now you're telling me you didn't eat the edible and now you're really breaking my heart telling me you never told some chick to lick your nutsack twenty women you've been with

you never had the heart to tell some women lick that fucking makook bag you know what I'm saying nothing it's not that I would do it I wouldn't be grossed out by it but I just never you never had a chick just stick her both nuts in her mouth and just pound your little helmet until you

fucking crack the nut no this is the first one I love you Lee I love you motherfucker fuck what that would leave cause you fucking put me in shock at twenty five years old you think that you get women to suck your balls when you're thirty eight that's tough you gotta give them coke

give them a ring and promise them shit when you're twenty five yeah who gives a fuck what it feels like they're sucking your balls who gives a fuck it's like they're hitting you in the toe with a fucking hammer they're sucking your nuts like it's a human being sucking your nuts three inches from your asshole

playing with your fucking your stick shift who the fuck what's the problem there's no problem with it Lee I'm gonna have to have a little talk with you this week that's it never had a chick lick your nuts you dated a black chick for how long

you never told her to suck your nuts nothing suck that damn bitch suck it let me call you nothing this is the first girl I've been with that enjoys giving blow jobs I had a you know why cause she's Spanish

cause she's Spanish they were born to suck dick Spanish chicks they love it it's in their DNA they grab that fucking helmet and they hit their face with the same way how I eat that fucking savage pussy white guys look at it and sniff it and you know put a fucking wipe Charlie

on it not me you gotta pick that leg up and get in there like a fucking soldier you gotta inhale that fucking your goal is to smell her fucking uterus if you ain't smelling her uterus with your nose with that tongue lipping licking that fucking muffler

then what the fuck are you doing it for why are you down there you're trying to please her you're trying to let her know who's the captain Kirk of the other prize correct you take that fucking leg you tell her I'm gonna rip this fucking leg off you dirty bitch after I eat you they look at you like what it's gotten into you what the fuck nothing's gotten into me I love you

and you lick that fucking pussy you lick that ass you sniff that fuck you even put your nose in a pussy and you go like a fucking bull you understand me you sniff that fucking thing what's wrong with American people I gotta break this down for this fucking guy

no this what I'm talking about for Wednesday night I'm at the ice house live my main man Lisa Yat 9.30 show Rocco Urbisi the man that made the specials for fucking prior he made the specials for George Carlin I would not miss this fucking live podcast

this is Lee is gonna have sperm all over his fucking pants Friday and Saturday I'm at the American Comedy Club I got guest sets from Jesse Egan on Saturday my man Red Band's coming down Saturday night I got Steve Simone I got fucking I got the Agostino

Lisa Yat will be there Saturday night with the old man eating edibles at the fucking door both of them are gonna be eating fucking edibles they're gonna sleep in my bed I'm coming home you know what I'm saying then I'm going to fucking Caluca Casino I'm going to Oregon Eugene Oregon at the theater

and I'm ending out the fucking year at Nashville with you motherfuckers Friday the 13th which is tickets are selling fast one show 9.30 one show fucking night Nashville and then we're taking this party like a New Year's fucking Eve at the John Lovitz for 30 fucking dollars

8 o'clock show you're out of there by 10.15 happy and you go stab somebody do blow eat some ass get your balls licked 30 fucking dollars plus the 25th Christmas night I'm doing a fucking movie somewhere with a bunch of you fucking savages we're getting together at 7.30

again Lee will be there eating edibles he can't fucking wait no that's gonna be exciting that's gonna be very exciting okay we're getting we're gonna get this done I'm gonna call the director from Gredge match I'm gonna have him call into the podcast this Wednesday we're doing a podcast with Barone with my seventh grade teacher

when I got left back he's calling at 3 o'clock 12 o'clock California time oh cool okay I thought it was 6 a.m. again no no no we're going fucking cause what the fuck a lot of people out of town man a lot of people already traveling a lot of people watching the podcast today listen guys

it's Thanksgiving week you travel and do me a fucking favor cause it would break my heart keep your fucking eyes open the government's giving out fucking Kool-Aid and they're giving out bullets people gonna something's gonna go down this weekend please keep your eyes open stay off your fucking stupid Twitter feed

when you're walking around and when you're driving if you're at the airport please keep your fucking eyes open if you're on a train keep your eyes open pay fucking attention you see somebody fucking go for it take them down take that gun stick it up their fucking ass and fucking shoot those bullets right in their fucking soul so they can't even make

a comeback and that's all I got to take keep your eyes open we love you here at the church Lee loves you I love you you bad motherfuckers I want to thank Cassius Morris for calling in today listen it wasn't that crazy today but what the fuck we got you out of the house we got you up we got you ready we got you smoking some dope

you yelled at Lee I yelled at you what's up Lee no no quickly Dollar Shave Club we want to thank them for sponsoring again I didn't forget about Dollar Shave Club okay I didn't forget I didn't forget you see this Dollar Shave Club has been impressing me more and more the last month

because usually when you buy something you're impressed with it and then it might fall apart I told you guys I didn't bring my razor to one of those towns and I took it out of the bag my wife my wife went to switch the the blade on it because we get new blades and I switched and I left it out and when I went

to this hotel I got their little replacement blade and I shaved with that and that much to cost a fucking dollar and I realized how lucky I am to get sponsored by Dollar Shave Club and what they send you for a fucking dollar and I can't believe you people still run into fucking a pharmacy stand on

fucking line put up with some of these fucking bullshit they ask you a thousand questions where's your card you don't have it what's your phone number you don't have it what the fuck matter just give me my fucking things okay that's it I'm gonna fucking rush I'm gonna fucking rush I don't want to be in a fucking pharmacy so what happens nothing two hours to get fucking blades

then you take them home and you shave twice and they fucking suck dick Dollar Shave Club for fucking one dollar a month they send you what two blade razors two blade fucking razors and the blade you get somebody the fuck I had a Pokemon he ain't scraped that mother fuck like the inside of a grapefruit then they got the six dollar plan which is seventy

two fucking dollars a year set in stone then they got the twelve dollar plan nine nine dollar fucking plan so you never even hit ten dollars a fucking month you get razors with that plan you get the executive plan you get what in there you get the four blade razors and then you get aloe the whole fucking deal and then you get for the first when you first

send up they send you a thing of the shave butter so listen guys you can't fucking lose I'm teaching you how to save a little money and still live like a fucking doctor you get the best fucking products so today you got on it you got hulu fucking plus dot com which I'm telling you if you're not on hulu plus you're wasting your fucking time

go shoot yourself if you're not on hulu plus and you got Dollar Shave Club which does great things for us I also want to throw a shout out to taint the vision we're gonna start sending packages out through them my t-shirts our coffee mugs all that type of shit and besides that listen I love you guys even if you don't listen to the podcast this week

you're busy on the road happy Thanksgiving with your families when you look around the table and look around and see what could have fucking been you could have been one of those black kids with flies all over you and people throwing rocks at you but instead you got a family you got people who love you and fucking care for you look at them tell them

you fucking love them and you know do something good for your fucking life even if you get a gun and shoot I don't know rabbits or something like that I don't fucking know do me a favor have a happy Thanksgiving we love you here at the church what's happening now Lee you got to tell these cock suckers either yeah thank you guys so much for the past year

it's been the craziest year of my life and it's not over yet but it's just thinking about that I'm gonna be crazy you haven't got your balls licked with what the fuck that's not like it's not like the asshole where I'm scared of it it's just never it's not like the asshole like I'm scared of it

asshole's things dude you got you got an Iron Man alright put the fucking thing on please I love you guys stay black have a good day see you this weekend in San Diego now that the show's over don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands

of hit shows anytime anywhere on your TV PC smart phone or tablet support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to HuluPlus.com or just go to joeyds.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner and don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com

you'll get high quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail now go to dollarshaveclub.com or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollarshave club banner I am Iron Man I'm fucked up Iron Man

we may meet these out of all by myself man you know how I feel that fucking five podcasts is already hit it oh shit kick this motherfucker fuck yeah what

lick my fucking nuts pick that dick up pick that is he live or dead I see thoughts within his head we'll just pass in there

why should we even care I I I I I I

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