Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #113 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: November 9, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Monday, November 8th..... This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew, Onnit & DraftKings….. Go to https://www.BlueChew.com Promo Code: JOEY & Try For Free! Just $5 for Shipping! Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to bet $1 on any NHL game to win $100 in Free Bets! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday the 8th of november it's your lucky motherfucking day the joint is brought to you by bluetooth if you haven't heard uncle joey talk about bluetooth before you must have been in the corner crying about how your dick don't work anymore i've been talking about bluetooth for two fucking years now the best you're like joey what is bluetooth is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as viagra and cialis at a fraction of the cost you could take it anytime day or night and the process is simple sign up at bluetooth.com talk to one of your licensed medical providers and once you're approved in 10 minutes you'll receive the prescription within days the best part is it's all online no doctor's office

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i'm all talk the fuck out check one two welcome to uncle joey's joint so What's happening you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday November 8th a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive My uncle Joey's joint representing my little laughing gas Fucking sweatshirt some tremendous reefer. I don't do the laughing gas like I can't do the laughing gas every day I got to save it for special occasions. You know I'm saying so like I can't smoke it every day So I'll smoke like I

Rotate weeds I cannot smoke the same weed every day. I only smoke a joint a day But last week because fucking the anxieties going down I was able to hit it a couple days not too heavy Just a couple hits off the lion and fucking Just to get some appetite. You know I'm saying just to get some leg kicking nothing in the morning Just in the afternoon late night. I do it at about 10, but like I said this week there was a few days there were like Three o'clock. I'm like what the fuck I'm dying aboard of my might as well fucking dip into the coconut

And I'll do a couple hits off the lion and fucking I think I did it two days. It was great, but it's so weird how I wake up some mornings I'm like, I got a clear day today. I got a clear couple hours. Maybe I'll smoke in the morning I do not have the desire That's that's insane That just baffles me and that fucking I gotta tell you something. I have not tried the freeze pipe bomb But that freeze pipe a bubbler is That the pipe one the one that you told me are you fucking freeze it and put it?

Let me tell you something that bubbler because usually I roll a joint. I put a little fucking What's that green shit that you take out of the weed keef I have a Keith net So I put some keef in there and then I roll a joint and that gets me fucking a little zoom And then I wait like an hour and a half of giggles and TV and stupidity and then right before I go upstairs I go out and hit three hits on the lion. Woof. I'm fucking done every night. This one I'm lying to you motherfuckers What did I eat last night? Last night. I just dipped into Mercy's Halloween candy. I had two bags of baby M&M's the peanut ones Oh my god, they're fucking tremendous when you say this is what baffles me about this that I'm getting stoned now

The way I was getting high Like when I was a kid remember when you were a kid and you had a smoke and you had to go to 7-eleven And what there was no 7-elevens. You had to go to like a fucking bodega and get like chips Fucking the pies the fucking marshmallow pies the mallow pies Chocolate covered with the whip will cover with chocolate with the fucking that whip cream That's gonna kill you that's definitely got cancer shit in it now. Are you a mud pie? That's what they're fucking called a couple mud pies and shit. Oh my god, you know when you when you eat with the munchies You fucking eat like I tell you the difference like Sunday night last week my wife called me

She goes we got to meet some Kids and parents and shit meet me at the diner. I Like this fucking diner. This diner's got great fucking food Menalapandina has some fucking great food the seafood plaid is good the gyrosensational The fucking cream of turkey soup. Let me tell you something. I haven't had cream of turkey soup like that since 1984 the Berkshire diner Bergen line Avenue. It was a diner on like 70 Second Street when we were kids in North Bergen, we would hit that motherfucker from 1981 to 85 It was either white castles or something stupid

But it was mostly the Berkshire diner on Bergen line Avenue and it was rough jack Let me tell you how rough that diner was. I saw waitress take a book of matches out one night Like one of the matches, you know how the whole book lights up and she just threw it into the boot at some guys That were being fucking loud and noisy in there. There was this black guy when I was a kid I do not remember his name little light-skinned brother didn't say much. In fact, he was kind of crazy He would walk around with a long fucking jacket every night when we were kids We couldn't figure this guy out. He would just start walking on 88th Street We get in a car smoke dope, you know

Go to a bar and on the way home like two hours later. We'd see this motherfucker Just walking the streets in his black little jacket. We didn't know what he was about. We had no idea We left them alone, you know, even though those days we used to fuck with people one day My buddy was making a right turn. You know you you hit a right turn and it's dark on the street And somebody's crossing the street not from the corner, but from the middle of the street That's why you cross at the green not in between cocksucker. You don't fucking walk on that when it's dark My buddy Pelican went to God rest his soul went to make a right turn and the dude was walking the middle street Roger missed him by a fucking inch and the guy gave Roger like a dirty look like what the fuck you doing?

So we started yelling at the guy from the car and the guys like fuck you too We didn't know what to expect from the guy. The guy was a little Creepy-looking and then about a year went by and one night he came into that Berkshire Dine And when that there's that fucking creepy dude the little black dude with the long fucking jacket on he said something to the waitress He said something like some smart smart remark. He wasn't sitting in a boot He was sitting at the counter like at the counter at a diner drinking like a shake or something We were watching him from the door and he's arguing with her. He said something to her I swear to God the waitress picked them up by the fucking throat this little black guy

She picked them up by the fucking throat and carried him out his little legs were going like this I'll never forget that we were cheering. Yeah. Yeah. This was a crazy fucking diner. She threw him out. Anyway The guy started coming into Tom and corkies. That's a bar. We hung out when we were like 19 crazy cocaine bar They had fucking this jukebox the loudest jukebox in the tri-state area trust me. I'm telling you You had a headache when you wanted and they would play looks to kill by Motley crew over and over and oh and I love that jam Till this day every time Motley crew comes on the looks to kill the fucking car speeds up 10 points I'm up the fucking 90 fuck Sammy. Hey, go with you. I can't drive 55 Soon as I hear like a song I like like from the old days like Ariel Smith last child

I fucking do 90. That's it. You ain't fuck. I'm like that dude from the Raiders that would do 156 in the Corvette That stupid motherfucker. He's never they're gonna put that bastard under the fucking jail. I mean, I feel bad for him I feel bad for the family of the girl that died, but holy fuck 156 miles an hour They're gonna put you under the fucking jail and you know what man? That is one thing that you should all worry about all you drinking and driving motherfuckers Let me tell you how it goes down when I got to prison when I got locked up Yeah, there was a guy's in there for assault and robbery and bank robbery and all that federal shit But let me tell you what was the number one growing trend in there that I saw

Drive drinking and driving people who would vehicular homicide that shit that shit was growing up a storm and 88 89 87 when I got to camp George West It's a camp So you have to go there if you have light points like they don't they send people to a camp who have light points and People that have had long sentences and they've worked themselves down They haven't been a problem and at the prison so I'll send them to a camp and that it helps with their You know going out into the real fucking world. I don't know what they call it. Whatever the fuck it is so

What's that talking about over the fuck knows You know the transition into being in the street But one of the more like that had to be out of 90 something convicts 100 convicts That'd be 12 kids That were in there for prison now. Let me tell you what the fucking Prerequisite was for these kids what they all shared Number one, they were all white Number two, they were all in college and number three. They were under the age of 24

That's fucking scary when you murder somebody under the age of 24 and all women take what all those 12 guys had They weren't heavies they weren't tough guys They weren't even fucking like they were very sweet guys that have made a fucking mistake They had been caught up, you know for some people it's weed for some people it's coke for some people it's pills You know for him it was alcohol and he fucking made a mistake He was a kid I became good friends with one of the kids because he worked in the kitchen as a matter of fact I took him under my wing in a way like protection wise Because I knew like a lot of people were giving him a hard time. So when he checked into the jail and I

Became an attorney in the jail believe it or not like one of those dudes that helps out people when they get in trouble And when those guys come in that guy one of them one of the things I have to do is go to the orientation Process and welcome them in and explain to them The fucking point system and the kite system, you know kites is kites is another word for a fucking request Or like a fucking note. They'll say write a kite, you know, I don't want people to get insulted go enjoy was saying Whatever so you have to write a kite so I have to explain to them about writing kites and shit like that And then they tell me what they were in there for and I try to put them in the right group or whatever like, you know a a or an a you're fucking

They had like colon on whatever the fuck that is Alan on I forget what it is all great programs But I would have to talk them through that and tell them to go what night the meetings and shit But some of these kids were just they were scared. They were fucking petrified And I had to talk them off the leg like am I gonna get raped in here the one kid kept asking me Am I gonna get raped in here am I gonna and I felt so fucking bad from that nobody's gonna rape you kid And if anybody bothers you let us know and then what we would do when somebody was a little weaker Antoine Spencer the guy in the chicken hawk the toughest guy in the fucking prison The black dude that stabbed the motherfucker. I would talk to him and go chicken. This guy is

You know, he's having problems. He's this is not his world and chicken We'll get him a job in the kitchen and watch him and let people know That they were chicken and nobody would give you a fucking hard time. So if you're thinking of drinking and driving Don't that's one thing dog. I don't fucking do That's all at all. I'm a fucking outlaw. I'm a fucking criminal My mind is that of a fucking a jackal, but I'll tell you what go in my fucking car. There's no rolling papers There's no reefer. There's always a lighter Listen, you always got to have a lighter, right? There's a light

There's two lighters in my fucking car because you always you know I'm saying something happens You pull over you want to light a fucking fire or you know, yeah, you get pulled over Whatever you get a flat tire, you know, you ever get a fucking flat tire on the turnpike in Jersey Carters are going by you're doing 90. That's not fucking pretty and your mind goes into weird thoughts So you like something on fire So people know you're there and they'll drive around because if you think a cone's gonna help you how many people have gotten killed When it cones around that shit don't deter nobody you let a fire on the fucking side of the road people go I'm getting the fuck out of here dog. I've done it before I've lived fires. Fuck you

You ever been out there changing a fucking tire one time I went to a Denver Nugget game me and a buddy of mine and we were fucked up not fucked up But like we were like, you know in a rush to get there And we were flying and it was black ice and I had an Acura and my fucking car hit the black ice And I fucking hit the turn style whatever the fuck you call it in the middle of the street And I had to put a spare on it like a banana tie dog those cars were whizzing by me You know like when a car whizzes by you and the whole car shakes and shit. I'm trying to change the flat It's windy out. I go fuck this. I'm killing two birds with one stone

I had like a blanket in the back that I used to use when I went on the road and shit like that fuck it I lit that motherfucker on fire Within three minutes. I had everybody had a fire department the police department triple a They asked me who to fire who lit the fire got no fucking idea who let the fire all I know is I need help with this fucking flat I'm sitting the car. They're out there jacking me to fuck up the fire department. You think I'm fucking kidding you You know me dog. I always I'm prepared. You got to be prepared Put a blanket back there some fucking wood if you look in the trunk of my fucking Subaru I tell you what you see back there. You see some hooded sweatshirts some gloves

Some fucking waters just in case you break down. I got some cat food. I got some dog food I got a cat collar. I got a dog collar I got all the essentials in case you bump into a dog or a cat you got to bring them fucking home You're bumping to a dog and this is why I brought the collar You're bumping to a fucking dog and he's okay like you pet him and shit and people like oh, we don't he needs help and you're like I mean, oh, I blow you're like a fucking immigrant. I don't fucking know You ever leave when you come home you like fuck I should have taken that dog now I feel guilty the dog is out there all night. He could have got hit by a car

Fuck that so now I see a dog. I see a cat I got a fucking collar one night I went to this lesbian bar and long beats to do comedy like 10 years ago and on the way in there was a fucking cat I'm under a car. I'm like what the fuck I gotta get the cat from under the car So I got on my hands and knees. I'm out there the whole LGBT community came out to fucking help me Let me tell you something if you got a cat stuck in a tree fuck the fire department. You call lbgtq They get there within minutes. They got ladders tambourines flashlights. Let me tell you something They helped me get that fucking cat from under there

lbgt community shows up prepared Jack They were lesbians a couple trannies in there. They didn't give a fuck they came out. We jacked up that fucking car I got that scared kitten out of there and they fucking helped me drive him down Well, you think I'm aces with the LGBT community. I got fucking, you know, my my Jimmy runs deep in that community You know, I don't fuck around. I got love for him. I ain't no Dave Chappelle I'm not here to break that fucking balls and shit. If you want to switch governments, that's your priority That's you know I'm saying you're like Bobby Brown when it comes to that shit. What do I give a fuck? Yeah, it's your prerogative. What do I give a fuck you want to switch governments? It's got nothing to do with Uncle Joey

It's a Monday. You know I'm saying it's a Monday cocksuckers. You got to come out the fucking back You got to come out the gate swinging on a fucking Monday. You guys thought that I was gonna I was some laid-down Sally suck my fucking dick I was having some problems when I got here, but I'm back bitches in full effect when I jerk off fire comes out now It's over You motherfuckers thought I was dead and buried you gave up on the wrong motherfucker cocksuckers You gave up on the wrong motherfuckers uncle Joe even when I'm dead I'm not gonna be dead even when they pronounce me dead and put the fuck put me in the casket

And put me six feet under you're still gonna hear shit from Joey Dears and guess what you're still gonna think of fucking Joey Dears Joey Dears ain't going nowhere for a long fucking time. I moved I fucking You know went into a fucking slump after 20 years 30 years. I went into a slump. It happens and it's accepted now I'm ready. I'm back. The anxiety is gone. My toenail is fucking still there. Let me taste them I've been I've been I did this whole therapy thing on my toenails this year, right? I started January 1st Right before the fucking surgery. I took tea tree oil. I bought like a case of tea tree oil That's the only thing that kills this fucking told fucking shit And I cleaned out my toes and every day when I take a shower when I come out of the shower

I dry my feet off really good And I put the tea tree on it and I rub coconut oil on my feet. I do all this shit. This is what I'm saying to you It's tough being me. I just don't wake up and you see this beautiful fucking face I got I got a wash hair. I got a fucking, you know, put gel in it. I got to put vizine in my eyes It's not what it used to be that I could just get in the shower and get the fuck out And I'm out there doing what I was doing no more So I started this on the first and I'm swear to God to all you motherfuckers, you know, I stick to my shit Every day twice a day three times a day when I go to jujitsu

I take a shower when I get I take a shower before I go to jujitsu put that shit on my feet and when I get home And I put a tea tree all on my toes. I do it, right? I pick up the fucking nail. Let me tell you something I'm about to give the fuck up. I'm going into 11 months here And yeah, the nail has gone down a little bit and the fucking But holy shit, it's I don't know what I'm gonna do You're supposed when you have when you have a fucked up toenail You're supposed to take this pill and it zaps the inside of you and it zaps all the fungi in your body I got no fun guy in my body. I took the medication

But for them to give you the strong pill They got to do a fucking blood test on you and test your fucking kidneys to make sure that your kidney will hold the medication Because it just cleans the fuck it just zaps you to fuck out So I can't take the pill because my kidneys are compromised 40 years of doing drugs. You're gonna have some fucking back at you know, you're gonna have some backlash You're not gonna be able to do everything. So I went with the teacher. Oh, I gotta be honest. So you live in fucking months It's worked a little bit like me and my buddy did it together my mercy's godfather He's got an ingrown toenail. So we had like a contest who the fuck's gonna get rid of the ingrown

So the fungi toenail first so we talk like three times a week We talk about the fun guy toenail and shit. He told me about a month ago. He's like listen die That's what my friends call me die short for Diaz listen die I'm thinking fucking the Packet and this shit ain't working. I go James. You got to give it fucking you got to give it time You know, you got to go to you got to cut the nail You got to go to CVS and buy the buffer and put it on high speed and buff out your fucking me taste I'm I got this fucking chair

You know, like your father had you know, like you sit back. It's a recliner I fucking earned it. Okay. It's been fucking 58 years. I earned the fucking little Archie Bunker recliner So it's got oh my god It's brown and it's starting to stink between the ass and the feet it's starting to kick So I wipe it down. You know me though. I clean my shit. You got to take care of your shit So every couple nights I fucking buff out the toenail, you know, I buff out There's like three toenails on one foot to that fun guy and there's like three and a half on the other foot I got the over on the other toe my left toe the fourth toe is starting to get it and shit. So I

What I do first I got to let my feet fucking dry and then I got a fucking buff them out So I get the maximum, you know, whatever. So when I buff out the toenail the toe dust Goes all over the fucking place and I wipe it down with the lice all and I put another lice all thing And I throw it away Little did I know when you fucking hit that thing it's fucking, you know, like it's like a fucking well So my wife says to me by the way, I looked in one of the creases the other day when you open up that Chair when it opens up. There's a part like at the three quarter where the seams Separate from each other and you can see that there's stuff in there like, you know, like a little weed

Maybe like a toenail like a cut toenail Maybe there's like a piece of a seed like a salt from a bagel and shit like that But if you look in you could see a fine line like a half a gram of toenail dust in there. Oh my god It's turned black. It's so fucking disgusting. So my wife vacuumed it out the other day So we were fucking goofing around. She's like I had a vacuum out your toenail fucking dust from the fucking seat so Yeah, I got to start buffing my toenails outside But my toenails have me at my last hair. That's what I'm trying to say. They're not my last fucking hand patience

I'm gonna give it another two months then I'm gonna re-evaluate But I gave it a fucking year And nothing happened. They still got a little fucking weird smell to him. I love smelling the powder. Oh my god It smells like mildew And tortilla chips rolled up together You roll them in a joint like the one that I put them in a joint. Oh my god It's like eating fucking mushrooms You start seeing things and shit it's better than mushrooms because of mushrooms. You end up with fucking diarrhea

I'm just keys. I don't put my fucking toenail dust in the joint. Anyway I had a great fucking weekend friday last week was Crazy because my daughter's at school Thursday and friday when that happens the house is up in arms because we got to do shit with her So I take it to the gym. I'm in charge of taking it to the gym hanging out with her in the morning And then fucking uh, you know, my wife takes from the afternoon. I do what I have to do You know the shit around the house emails torturing people

But it was funny friday, you know, the ufc was in town. I knew I would hear from rogan And friday afternoon he called he goes do you want to come to the way and I got my hands I had to go to I had to run errands last week and fucking go to hobo can do a bunch of shit but I uh Said to enlist. I'm gonna be home and shit. He goes. Do you want to shoot pool? Whenever joe comes to town, he likes to shoot pool And he shoots pool like 20 minutes from my fucking house when he came

To do mass square garden last time he came And they called me when they were at east at uh new brunswick At uh the steakhouse there and they stopped by to see uh, what's his name? But they called me like twice that night and had people over the house had kids over the house I couldn't meet him. So when he called this friday, he goes, do you want to go to the wayans? Whatever I can't make it up there by five o'clock But let's do something tonight. He goes, well, I'm thinking of going to jersey To shoot some fucking pool

Why don't we meet up then I go well, I got a problem tonight My daughter was going my wife was going to fucking bingo And I got uh The kid, you know, my daughter was going to bingo with two other Moms on the corner. They bought a table and shit. I was like, you know, I can't My wife was like, do you want me to bring home the car so you could go out? I'm like, listen This is your night out. Go enjoy yourself I'll work around it. I'll deal with rogue and I don't know what he's going to want to do

Or what time he's going to come so He called me back and he goes, listen, we finished away and I was at dinner with my daughter and A couple other kids and their parents and we were just talking shit And joe called and he goes, I'm coming to shoot pool, but I really want to fucking eat something Let's get a bite to eat. I said, why fucking around? Now I know that

I know what type of food this motherfucker likes. Yeah, he likes wild ass food And he likes station ship. He likes good fucking food like he likes Good food, you know, so I go listen. Just meet me. I don't need her and I sent them a link to the fucking website and I go, you know, no expectations if you want to go go. I got a couple other restaurants. You'd go to down here But we could also go to new Brunswick. You know, if you go to new Brunswick, I can't meet you because I got mercy So he hit me back and he goes, let's fucking he goes. I went online for all needed. Holy shit. Let's go I go, all right. I'll meet you there. We kept going back and forth. He's running late

There's a lot of traffic going out of new york city And sure enough I got home from dinner Me and her were doing some shit around the house and Joe called and he goes, I'll be there in five minutes I jumped in the fucking car El Nido's what fucking a couple minutes from my house I went down there. It was great to see him. Uh, it was great to see the owner of the joint. We had a nice talk I went in I sat with mercy mercy talked to Joe for a little while and it was fucking hysterical because You know people at the restaurant were looking at Joe and shit

My daughter doesn't know who Joe Rogan is and she doesn't give a fuck. She knows Joe. She's met Joe a few times But she doesn't give a fuck at the end of the day. Everybody's the same time, you know So it's funny every time my daughter got up people would say something to her like when she would go to the bathroom or whatever I would walk her And then we go, oh you're a lucky girl or whatever. She didn't know if you're lucky for what I'm sitting with fucking idiots So she's over there with her little phone watching us and listening to his talk And one thing led to the fucking other and we got the fuck out of there Uh, I was I left it that I was gonna meet Joe later on to shoot pool

My wife got home early, but my wife didn't get home early. I didn't want to rush it And but here's the fucking kinker of the night We get home and her and I are watching some fucking cooking show. She loves that Dives drives and automobiles and shit Guy Fieri. She loves guy Fieri. She loves bobby flay So guy Fieri's talking to some Indian guy the guy's got an Indian restaurant at fucking Wisconsin or Milwaukee or something like the best Indian restaurant up there And he's talking to him the guy goes the guy didn't pronounce it, right?

The Indian guy says you need to put Brogan in it something like that and he goes Guy Fieri didn't know what he was talking about. He didn't understand right the guy's got an hindu accent He goes, you need to put Brogan in it or something like that and the guy goes And the guy Fieri goes Joe Rogan What's he got to do with it and they show the picture Joe Rogan and my daughter goes Hey, wait a minute. We were just at the restaurant with that guy

Who the fuck is she didn't say who the fuck is that she goes? Who is he? Like oh mercy, he's my friend. He's a comedian. I try to tell you down the way down there We did comedy for 23 years He put my fucking career on the map with his podcast, you know the whole thing She's like wow. Oh my god She didn't fucking know so I had a show and then I remind We had a picture from when we she went to joe's house and went swimming She was like a little baby with joe and his daughters and we showed us. She's like, I don't remember that

Well, you shouldn't you were fucking a year old, you know, oh, maybe you never know with her So, uh, we left it at that Saturday I was thinking of going to the fucking UFC I really wanted to go. I thought it was a good fight I thought it was a great card And uh, frank, he was fighting frankie aga I'm thinking of doing this podcast this week. Um It's been a long overdue. We've been going back and forth for fucking close to a year

and uh Burke russia was in town. I would have loved to seen him So bird hit me up saturday and he said he was going to be at the guard and all these guys at the guard And I was thinking of going, you know, I when joe was here that night I asked him if he had an extra chicken. He goes he would get me in But there was one dilemma that I fucking the fight the main card started at 10 o'clock Holy shit 10 o'clock, you know, I don't know what time I would have got out of there

I would have driven, you know, I don't give a fuck about driving and shit like that, but At the same time I didn't there's a train and the train leaves at 37 minutes after the hour So there's one at 12 37. There's one at 137 So I was like worst-case scenario the fight ends at fucking 12 12 30 If I catch the 130 train that won't get me home till three fucking a.m. By the time I get in Drink my tea go to bed. It's fucking four in the morning. I can't I don't want to do that. I don't think I can handle that. So I invited one of my friends over lives around the corner um

I could tell he was struggling this last week. He was calling me a few days to do something Every time he called me. I was doing something with my family. So I said listen I'm buying a fight tonight They started 10 You know a couple people invited me over to their home like a dear friend of mine said do you want to come over? And watch the fights and I'm like if they started at seven I would go over there like Usually some nights of the week Jimmy will invite me over to his house to watch like monday night football or

I'll go over there to watch like the world series or the thursday night game of the week But let me tell you something once 9 30 comes i'm out of there Because he's got a son He's got a kid. Yeah, you've had somebody come to your house mike. You got two kids like if I come to your house Yeah, if I come over tomorrow and I go mike. Do you mind if I watch the game? I think in your back of your mind. You're gonna go well the game starts at seven The game ends like at 11 Joe's probably gonna leave it like 9 30 quarter 10

You know once your kid looks at you and he goes daddy. I'm kind of tired once they start getting like You know a fidgety or shit like that. It's time for you to fucking leave So whenever I go to jimmy's house, you know, I get there on time. We crack some jokes We watch a few innings or a few fucking I'll watch the first quarter. I'll watch it till I have time But once this kid goes to fucking sleep I like to start to get asleep 9 30 I get up and I get the fuck out of there the same with this guy that invited me last night if I go over there At seven. Yeah, we we watch the prelims the fucking main card. Don't start till 10

That means at 12 o'clock. He's looking at me kind of tired. You know when people look at you tired Maybe he doesn't want you to leave but in my mind, I gotta fucking leave So now I gotta come over here mr. Osman fight and fucking Get it. I gotta spend the fucking 80 dollars because I couldn't stay over there later. I said fucking I just get it in my house. I don't want to be at somebody's house at 10 30 at night He's got two kids his wife's gonna come downstairs and go. What the fuck you guys are still here So I said fucking I just rented it. My buddy came over as a matter of fact What did I tell you my buddy left after the fucking chinese chick thought, you know

It's 11 30 12 o'clock and fucking night. He was like, I gotta get up and do shit tomorrow So I pretty much watched the uSman fight by myself. I went over I got a box little ice cream sundaes from carvel the premade ones You know, they'd like a little tiny like fucking 10 points 10 watcher points I had stuffed shells. I invited him over, you know, he drank beer I brought down the beers I had from the upstairs refrigerator And I think I got like four fucking beers in this house each one is different That's the most embarrassing thing in the world. I got like a heineken. I got a heineken light

I got like a bud light and there's like some other one snowbird or some shit that somebody brought over here He was laughing my buddy goes, man, when you say you don't drink you fucking mean it. What the fuck, you know, I don't fucking drink so It turned out to be great. It was great to see joe, you know When I was sitting there across from him, I go fuck. This is like 23 years we've been doing this, you know going to dinners and shit I hadn't seen him in close to a year the last time I saw him was uh Like july 20th when I did the podcast and I left august 19th, you know, it was funny. I was thinking about mike

Over the weekend, but when I was talking to joe Joe said was mike. I go mike said home I I forgot that mike was working friday night and he goes call mike See if he wants to come I go mike lives two hours from here, you know But the time he gets up he'll come up here just to go to sleep But it was funny that night when I was driving home I was thinking about mike and I go I remember when mike called me like three years ago

And you said, you know what? I'm thinking I'm moving to alley And I said to you don't Because there's nothing going on out here and you were like, what do you mean? There's podcasts. There's like a listen trust me. I'm telling you There's nothing going on. Yeah, and that's when I thought about it like I did that podcast with joe and I was still in that life for a month I didn't see joe people had this wrong idea of what was going on that way

We were not like I would see my friends at the comedy store This is why I was it wasn't that I was frustrated Is that I was ready for a change It wasn't that I would see my friends at the comedy store from theo to the fucking lead to To to burt to joe. I always saw him at the store What got to me was we weren't doing things like we were doing them when I first got to la You know, that's what we're starting to bother me. It's not Theo's fault. It's not josh wolf's fault. It's not joe rogan's fault

It's life. You know people got lives. I You know, I always had a girlfriend but I ended up getting you know, when you when you when you first date your girlfriend when you're doing comedy It's a very light thing Nobody's in love. Nobody wants to fall in love You don't know what's gonna happen. But then as you go on You know, we just got caught up in our lives, you know the listen I live I lived maybe three blocks from burt and today I live Two blocks from jim florentine

I see jim florentine 20 times more That I was seeing burt not because jim is a better guy than burt or Burt was never around Burt was always busy doing podcasts. He had his kids, blah, blah, blah With jimmy, I see jimmy at the gym. I see jimmy at the supermarket I see jimmy at Sports functions. I see jimmy a family affairs

So that's why I needed I needed a couple fucking jimmies I needed a couple friends in my life. I wasn't saying anybody How weird is that that I did the podcast on the 18th 19th of july But I didn't see rogan again till fucking last friday That's just to let you know what I was trying to explain to you guys Why I didn't want to be a part of that no more. I wasn't saying anybody What good is to have tom segura? I mean dean delray lived Seven minutes from me and I saw dean but I didn't see dean as much as I saw jimmy

So it was like This has been a big fucking change like this is just to let you know that in la We had our hands loaded at all times. I'm in my nephew coming out I don't know how many times I had people visit me and it was like Guys, I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I can't really see you Like I can't see you till he's like I don't You know, if you get off a plane, I want to see you today I want to see you tonight. You know, that's the way we are

I wouldn't see my nephew for three or four fucking days when he come visit me I wouldn't see my niece for three or four fucking days. That's not the problem anymore Now I see people now and that's what That's the reason why I had to get out of LA. That was it. I just wasn't For so many people that live so close together I wasn't seeing anybody I wasn't seeing anybody when I got that la in 97

You know from 97 To 2003 we were like a fucking family We were together all day and it makes sense It makes sense when Joe started doing news radio, uh, once Joe started doing a fear factor Once Ralph he started hitting with the fucking uh You know with the road after last comic standing

Mitch headberg moved away Doug Stanhope moved away Josh Wolf got busy with his stuff that little pack that little bond that we had Put together in the beginning was kind of gone You know, we were all doing our own things. I used to see Josh eight times a day I went from saying Josh Wolf eight times a day and not saying fucking Josh at all except at the fucking comedy store so Yeah, the comedy store brought us together, but I wanted that little life thing. I wanted to do dinners

I wanted our families to interact. I wanted To have more barbecues with each other and that just wasn't happening. That's not that fault. I'm not mad at anybody for that We just got too fucking busy And we forgot about what was important That's it. And now I brought all that back up to the forefront the interactions to The little parties, you know, I was telling people I feel a lot better now because I got into my groove

I got into a groove that works for me You know, I had to get up off my ass for a while. I was struggling. I struggled for a fucking A year I've never Struggled for a fucking year. It's been like two or three months or whatever So this was a fucking eye-opening experience for me, but I'm happy I made the journey and I'm happy you guys made the journey with me I know a lot of a lot of people started watching this podcast going He's not the same guy and I wasn't and I wasn't I was in a fucking cocoon

I was changing while you guys were watching me. I was like a butterfly that puts the fucking cocoon inside You're like, what the fuck's going on in that cocoon? That's what was going inside. I was getting I was adjusting myself To my new fucking lifestyle and it's great I'm loving what I'm doing and a lot of people like even Joe was like, you don't miss stand up and I'm like, no I don't miss stand up and I don't miss nothing that comes with it. I don't miss that lifestyle I'm I'm excited about 2022 I am so fucking excited About next year this year's done already. It's over with two weeks away from Thanksgiving

In about two weeks the mind goes somewhere else as a matter of fact People already in the Christmas spirit because they don't even know if the supply chain is going to Bring them enough shit for fucking Christmas this year. We don't fucking know my wife said she went shopping on Friday And there were people all over the mall. She goes and it wasn't no fucking kids people are out already So i'm advising you motherfuckers right now. I advised you last year with the pandemic To fucking start shopping now get it out of the way Don't call me on the 24th going joey. I couldn't get that sweatshirt. Hey, I fucking told you shit's not around My wife went to Costco a couple weeks ago. There was no toilet paper

There was no fucking toilet paper. She had to go like fucking Uh The cousin the cvs wolgreens wolgreens wolgreens. She had to go like fucking wolgreens this uh Sunday morning, I woke up And you know, we they set the fucking clock back So you woke up it was like fucking nine o'clock But it's really 8 15 to catch me out and I said, let me get the fuck out of bed

I got to figure out what the fuck to do. I got up Talked to my wife had my coffee went outside did my You know, my grateful thing five things. I'm grateful for today and I came downstairs to the basement to open up the computer See what the fuck happened in the world the night before and uh

we'll talk about astro world in a second and uh A buddy of mine at least machine a dear friend of mine Sent me two great fucking pictures that I had actually sit there and go what the fuck And I'll show these to you now. I sent them to mike so you could put it up For the podcast just so you guys could see Jesus christ This fucking uh All right, if you guys are looking for a job seriously just send the fucking resume

To zip recruiter zip recruiter has not stopped sending me fucking job things and listen my resume is shit My resume is fucking one credit like I did it in 10 minutes And I just sent it to him on the phone and I'm getting all these job offers If you guys are looking if you're seriously looking for a fucking new career And you're seriously looking to fucking change your life. It's right in front of you with kovat. This is opened up Listen man in chaos. There's great opportunity sometimes and right now. There are some opportunities out there that even arms like Holy shit, that's a hundred

thousand dollar a year job That they thought that used to be 50 grand now they're giving you insurance They're giving you everything to show up at that job scholarship. They'll give you a kid a scholarship They'll change his fucking diapers. You know, they're not fucking around anymore So if you're looking to really step up your life and your fucking game I would put a resume together And see what you got and start lying. Who gives a fuck that they're fucking hiring up Right now you can hire up who gives a fuck you'll learn why you're doing it

Who gives a frenchman's fuck go for it? I wouldn't I would if I could oh my god I've seen some fucking tremendous jobs lately. There's some podcast jobs. There's some broadcasting fucking jobs. There's some work 20 years ago, I would have dreamed of those fucking jobs and right now they're like, yeah, they're there right now To boys club fucking outreach direct. I mean there's tons of fucking work So if you're seriously fucking looking for a career and a job now is the time to fucking do it But we're talking about this picture I'll show it to you, but you're not gonna see shit on here. I mean it's a 43 Year old fucking picture. What do you think you're gonna fucking see here? They gotta tighten this up

But it's a picture of me on my right. It's david ruiz and his kid Orlando, south sado That was one of the funniest motherfuckers I ever met in my life And on my left side, you got louis anandis aka louisa And you got dominik speciale god rest his soul Great picture of us on the eighth grade fucking trip That's by calla hands. We had to go to calla hands up and fort lee fucking I don't know if you've ever been to calla hands. They got great odd dogs Footlong fucking savages. They got tremendous charcoal burgers, but here's the kicker. You ready?

They got you who untapped They used to don't quote me on that they used to And then the other picture they sent me is me My eighth grade teacher walla lindsey And the man of steel on my left mr. Anthony boussano got rested. So my fucking brother from a different mother This picture and mr. Fucking It was yeah, like I said this to this dude here walle lindsey got 13 years. He got fucking for racketeering Tempted murder. He was my eighth grade teacher and the mayor of fucking we all can look that there

Look that motherfucking name up mayor walley w a l l y Lindsay lindsy He was a good. He's a good motherfucker. Good teacher. We had a good time with him. Let me tell you something I told you guys about seven months ago That all my friends that i'm coming back here to the guys from grammar school Are starting to raise their hand and i told you that i've been talking And i gotta be honest to you these guys

louis anandez david ruiz lucio finandez who's a commissioner up in union city lease in messina There's these certain kids I grew up with That we built this Unbreakable fucking bond if if if you came to me and say joey, how do I build a bond with somebody? I'm like, I have no fucking idea. How do you build a bond with somebody?

You I don't know you become part of the life you run with them. I don't fucking know I'm blown away. I thought I had bonds with other people you know from colorado or People that I did comedy with out of all The groups that I've been around the criminals the comics the fucking invicts The hippies and boulder You know, I didn't know I didn't know who I created a bond with

And this blew me the fuck away and when I looked at that picture of us five Salcedo ruiz You have no idea how tight we were We were all so fucking tight From the sixth grade. I gotta be honest with you. It just wasn't that us five in that picture That had to be 15 of us And we breathed for one another, you know My bond with anthony balzano and it's still there. He may be dead, but I feel anthony

I talked to anthony once a week. I I Look at his picture and I tell him to give me strength and I miss him You know, I like the candle for those idiots on monday all of them dominic anthony my mother I like a candle for them guys. I put a little shot of fucking run from my friends at the On the Family altar there, you know, and I think of them a lot they're gone and I've come across a lot of people

In my life people in boulder people in aspen people in snowmass and I'll tell you what man these guys Are fucking tied into me. It was funny because I got two I woke I woke up the two text messages I woke up the lisa Sending me those two pictures and I woke up the dominant sister Asking me if I was going to the McKinley reunion McKinley's the grammar school we went to There's seven grammar schools in the north bergen area McKinley was one of the McKinley isn't the most

Best area in the world McKinley area McKinley Franklin Lincoln. We were all considered like the duds But we fucking shocked those motherfuckers, you know So they're having a McKinley reunion like on the 18th or the 17th. I think it's the 18th It's uh What is it 88? 12 Wow 21 The 18th is 33 years from when I kidnapped ken veller. So

I have a reason to fucking celebrate it was 33 years ago. So I'm gonna go out with them For the McKinley reunion have a good time and just uh See some old friends. It's good for the fucking soul. You know, you you got to see some people right before the holidays I think it'll be great, you know I think I'm gonna invite walley lindsay. He's got to be about 60 now Give him a call make him come out. You know, we had a lot of good fucking times but To answer your question. I thought about

How come we had bonds like this with these guys? I thought about it all day. Yes, you know last night And it's got to be because of what we went through together as kids, you know, we lost anthony Years later. We lost dominick But we weren't just friends at that age for us being 13 I knew what my friends were like at 13. I know my friends are like now The difference I had with these friends. It was the beginning of me caring about friends It was the first time that

We had each other's fucking backs me and these 15 kids. I mean It's gonna be great to see them I hope they start to read in early because we're not gonna get out of there to like six in the morning because There's so many fucking stories. There's so many things That happen between us like as kids and we were there for one another deaths You know fights family issues, you know, a lot of these kids had family issues growing up

And you see what happened when my mother died all these people in north bergen Opened their homes to me the same thing when we were fucking kids with these guys We like I said, if you didn't have money, we had it You know, this guy his mother hit him. We'd fucking Talk him off the ledge, you know, this guy's father left the house And didn't come back one day went out for a pack of cigarettes and didn't come back You know, we had him, you know, it was so weird that at that age At that young age, we had each other. We let each other know

It was gonna be all right, you know, for me my stepfather moved out. My mother got arrested My mother lost a fucking ball when I was in the eighth grade all these things didn't matter These guys are my friends through fucking thick and thin, you know, and it's really fucking. It's a great feeling I gotta tell you, this is a great feeling. It's like knowing that degree worked or knowing that You know, your kid's gonna be okay or knowing that, you know, it's all gonna work out knowing that These guys still think about me

40 years after grammar school That we all talk 40 years after this is not high school. I got my high school friends. They're great. I love them to death This is grammar school the thought that till this fucking 40 I graduated grammar school in 1978 To think that we were all gonna keep in fucking touch And have the same love we had for each other When we were in the eighth and seventh grades together and we because we all played cyo ball together We won mckinley together. We went to the movies together. We went to get sandwiches together

We smoked pot together We travel I remember still walking up the hill with these guys We would be walking up the hill and there would be three circles of us Of maybe 10 people walking up the hill nobody disagreeing Nobody arguing everybody drank miller light, you know, there was no I remember they would always order miller light like and if you ever opened up miller and sniffed a fucking bottle It smells like 10 dead dicks. I fucking hated miller, but all these things seeing these guys Bring me back and to me. This is my strength

This is where I fucking This is where I excel, you know, I'm fucking horrible at a lot of things. I'm not good I can't fix a car. I'm terrible at jujitsu. You know, I'm terrible at a lot of things Well, one thing I'm really good at is cultivating my friendships because I didn't have a family You know your friends are everything Friends are your wealth your relationships are your wealth When you have great friends, you're a wealthy fucking man when you have a great family You're a wealthy fucking man. I have no family

But god has given me a pseudo family And it took me to all the way to 58 and I'm very proud of that And especially today that it's my mother's 42 Year debt anniversary, whatever. Hey fucking. I'm fine She's gone. I've grown up Everything happens for a reason without her this happened to her 42 years ago I wouldn't be here if she lived I would have lived to be a fucking soft momo. So I'm glad it all turned out the way it is

I'm excited about november 17th the reunion with these guys I have no idea what we talked about today, but I don't give a fuck It's monday morning cocksuckers. It's a beautiful day to be alive And we're here. We made it through another week and we're gonna make it through this motherfucking week, believe it or not It's november the fucking eight. We got two more months left in the year and then it's 2022 and it's a whole new perspective for us It's a whole new outlook for us a lot of great things are gonna be happening in 2022 I hope you guys are as excited as I am because uh, we've been eating shit for fucking 20 months It's time to bust out of this motherfucker. I love you cocksuckers. Have a great fucking day

Enjoy the fucking day. It's phenomenal and I'll see you guys wednesday morning Tip top motherfucking magoo Ready to go. I love you guys Don't forget laughing gas at the ice cream shop And i'll see you motherfuckers wednesday Tip top magoo. I love you motherfuckers and now For a word from my motherfucking sponsor jack All right, you bad motherfuckers. I want to thank you

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