Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #118 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, November 24th..... Happy Thanksgiving….. And Happy Anniversary to Joey & Terrie! This episode is brought to you by Manscaped, CBD Lion & DraftKings….. Go to https://www.Manscaped.com/JOEY - PROMO CODE: JOEY 20% Off & FREE SHIPPING! Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $100 in Free Bets when you Bet $1 on any NHL Game and either team scores a goal…. Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #HappyThanksgiving The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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to draft Kings and let's win some motherfucking Christmas Geetus and some dick-sucking Geetus you understand me draft Kings calm download it and let's win some dough I love your cock suckers it's Wednesday before Thanksgiving we got shit to do and people to fucking see thank God I got this candle lit let's do this shit motherfuckers it's Wednesday the 24th of November pre Thanksgiving podcast you bad motherfuckers it's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive we're here with queer some shit going down did you guys see what the fuck happened in

California with 80 people they got an 80 man gang and they just busted into the fucking whatever store and took everything it was the biggest smashing grab in the history of smashing grabs I saw that shit and I was like that's some fucking interesting shit I'm a fucking criminal type of guy myself and I never thought about that enterprise that's not a bad fucking idea I mean remember like Lex Lutha remember like when you watch shows and shit there was always that criminal enterprise guys yeah yeah see we're gonna do this like this and his always his name was always lefty or Louie and he you know like when

you watch fucking Superman to Luke's Luke whatever Lex Lutha was in charge of the crime and all like when you watch the Batman shows penguin they all had these criminal enterprises I'm in the mood now to put together I never considered myself a criminal fucking enterprise even though I was a fucking criminal I gotta tell you when I was in Boulder in 94 95 I was a criminal one man show organization I'm not very proud of this but holy shit that I go off in that town I never went back to Boulder because of the fucking just the way I acted it was not the way you act in Boulder you know those people in Boulder

were very nice fucking people and I unleashed a crime spree in Boulder from fucking in 1985 I moved to Boulder for the first time and I remember this is the asshole that I was I remember walking around on a Sunday night having money in my pocket and having money in my bank account one of the only times in my life I had a substantial fucking bank account and walking on the Boulder more one night on a Sunday night I was used to steal just because I was bored like who the fuck does that there was one of those cookie things those cookie things that you go to at the mall they have like chocolate chip cookie yeah what do

they call Sarah Lee or something I don't fucking know they just sell chocolate chip cookies chunk macadamia they got some brownies in there it's like a kid store they left the window open like this much and I was walking by and I ripped the screen off went in there I stole if there was $35 in there it was too much so when I saw that it was just $35 I couldn't get into the safe I just stole some cookies I brought the cookies home with me like 12 fucking cookies like that's the asshole that I was you know what did I get from breaking into that cookie place I broke a window I got $35 I broke the register it cost them a

bunch of money to wake and they come in the next day they see what the fuck is going on I got cookies all over the fucking floor the windows broken you what did I fucking accomplish that's why I never understood why people like my wife loves to leave like if she'll take a doll out for the toll she'll leave the dollar in the middle and close the door guess what somebody will break your window for that dollar how do I know cuz I did it I would fucking do it I would break a window for a dollar cuz I thought there was more in there you follow me when you're a fucking when you're the mind of a criminal you think

there's more in there and that's why it's not worth it's like when you steal I never stole a car stereo number one I always knew that when the cars like if you get a car stereo from stock and you take it out it's not gonna work on another car you fucking idiot so I was never really a stereo fucking guy like and I had friends who that's what they did every night they went out and busted into cars and stole stereos out of cars that was I've always seen fucking childish to me but see his robuck in ritual park put their fucking car stereos they had those blowpunks they put about 300 of them by the door like a

Christmas sale one year me and Darren rago fucking took every single one of them we'd go there and take five of the fucking shot put them in the back and fucking tail off it was it was fucking crazy one day me and rago were in the car we quit you know like we were in high school we said fuck we gotta play hooky we have no money rago came from the same house as me you know his parents gave him like $20 for the week and that was it if you want to code you want to quail you want to get your dick suck you got a steel jack so we would hook up in the morning see you know because there's no security at the stores early in the

morning they don't get into light 12 so we would go like a 10 and fucking you know take our five car stereos do fake returns and shit like that but one time we took a bunch of fucking car stereos and he was in the icebox he had this car that we called the icebox because they had no heat you know like when your father and parents first give you a car they give you the car when it's beat up when you first get your first 16 and a half his car was called the icebox and it was tougher than fucking nails his car and I'll never forget that we loaded the the five stereos in the trunk of the car and he went to back up I'll never

forget he was doing maybe 10 miles an hour he hit this car he dented the fucking car and the car was shaking as we were driving off I'm like damn look at that fucking car it was doing the mumbo by himself it was just shaking and then it just stopped that's how hard that fucking car so when it comes to criminal enterprises I've always thought I'm pretty good at it like I could always divide you know I did all that shit like I did the gas stations in Jersey I've been allowed to say that too loud because I'm here now and they'll come get me but they got to prove it it's it was 19 yeah they're in no danger they got to find

the witness if you worked in a gas station 85 you're not in good shape right now trust me I'm telling you so who gives a fuck they're never gonna find me but I did that every day in New York and New Jersey for fucking months and I just left I just got on a plane on a People's Express and just fucking left to Colorado and they're like staking gas stations out like they were staking gas how many gas stations I was just getting a job in and Robin didn't send a memo out the gas stations or anything the last gas station I did was a fucking like a I just saw that did you see in Jersey they they made all the all the

fucking gas stations a different name so like somebody took a picture the other day and it was Bruce Springsteen gas station like David James Gandolfini anybody from New Jersey now has their own little gas station in memoriam you know I'm saying like if they did good things yeah like the turnpike ones you know so there's one called the Vince Lombardi fucking whatever up north it's up north it's like a parking ride when I saw that gas station I was like Eureka because I was stealing like fucking you know you even go to a gas station I have like two fucking islands four islands like I was doing those little gas

stations like mom and pop gas stations but one day I was taking a ride out the little ferry or some shit and I saw my buddy had I saw that that I saw that center you know the Vince Lombardi fucking center listen to me they got like a hundred islands in my mind this was oh my god this was like the Pierre de la resistance I was gonna fucking I was working at a high volume fucking place like all the other bomb trying to say is all the other places where mom and pop grandma places I was still getting cash this was a high volume place I was gonna hit this big like this was my last fucking hit I was going to Colorado and

that's it I'm not I got away with it for two months I went to this fucking gas station they told me to come in at one I went at one and it was one car after the other Jack they weren't fucking around I didn't turn around all I kept doing was five fill it up 10 15 fill it up but I'm you know me I'm putting fucking two dollars and I'm hanging pumps I'm stealing from all directions I got money in this pocket money in this pocket money in my sock money in my nut sack I got money fucking everywhere and finally like it started it looked like it was gonna rain I was gonna milk that fucking gas pump till 10 I think it was a

one to ten gas shift the first dollar that made me pump with somebody else and after that they let me go on my own and gave me my own bank holy fuck I looked I swear to God you know when you pumping gas you get a wad about four inches long don't get me wrong it's a juro you know there's a lot of singles in there and whatnot there's a lot of fucking but it was this fucking big and the guy kept asking me did you have you dropped yet I'm like yeah I kept dropping like $100 he's like you gotta drop a thousand at a time fuck you let me tell you something when that fucking thunder hit I went up to him and I go hey I gotta

go to the bathroom he's like it's all the way over there you gotta wait till your shit fuck you go to the fucking bathroom that's by the law way I can't go to the bathroom I'm working and I just went into the fucking thing and I walked out with the rest of the people and I got on that fucking bus and I walked all the way to the back I took out that wad it was list fucking thick I went in my nut sack I had another five fucking hundred dollar bills in there it was a score I you don't count the money till you get to New York City it's bad luck you know I'm saying you don't want to give the universe the thought that

you think you got away with it yet so I just sat in my seat there and people getting on the bus and it's starting to fill up and buses are fucking lining up lining up lining up and I'm like when the fuck is bus gonna take off and I look over and I see fucking cop cars and I see a little Indian dude the dude who hired me talking to a fucking cop and the cops are coming in from all over looking and they're busting in they're going into the fucking service station and I'm on the bus sitting there going bus driver we got to speed it up a little bit we're gonna hit some fucking traffic and the guys like I gotta wait for

everybody come on the fucking bus what are you talking about and finally fucking one person came on more more more I'm looking they're looking around they started looking around they're like where could he had disappeared to and they look back and they're like maybe he's on the bus and they started looking at the buses and I'm like oh shit I'm dead they're gonna come on the bus and I just said God fucking bail me out of this one and I'll never rob another gas station again and next scene I heard the engine opening up and they started getting the cars and going to the buses but they went to the first bus first was like four

buses from me I thought that we're gonna shut down all the buses and my bus driver said fucking let's get out of here we got out of there I remember like fucking not even looking at the cops and the little Indian dude I just pulled out of there next thing you know we're on the turnpike headed into Manhattan I still had one more fucking obstacle Port Authority in New York sometimes they said cops there one time they did it to me I got into a little beef on the Fort Lee side when I got to the Port Authority side there were two cops there to fucking greet me to welcome me to New York but I told them what had happened

they said fucking get the fuck out of here so I fucking that was the end I fucking landed in Port Authority I walked out oh my god please I hope there's not a cop here I got to get to Colorado I walked off there wasn't a cop to be seen I went straight to a martial arts store and I bought that Bruce Lee suit from Game of Death with the yellow and the fucking black stripe and then I took it home and I didn't fit in it so what a waste of fucking time that was but I made out with some money but my point being that I was I always looked at myself as a criminal type of guy I always like found like a loophole am I

proud of this no guy no guys but when you're doing coke this is the shit you think of you know I was talking to Rich Voss and we were talking about drugs you know and the effects on drugs and he was telling me that when he was getting high 30 years ago that he was smoking crack with a friend of his one day in Philly and one of his friends fucking took the biggest hit of crack and put the pipe down and then fell out of the car like his lungs like he just fell out of fucking car he was coughing and he said that rich he goes this is my best friend and at that moment I'm hoping that he dies so I could take his

money and his drugs in his car and go home but he wouldn't do that today but that just goes to show you the mind of an addict that's how we always think you were your best friend he's dies of a hit of crack you're not gonna take him to the doctor fuck him you're gonna take his crack take his money and his car and leave him there that's that's your where your mind goes so you know that's just the way life is that's you know my mind hasn't thought like that in years but when my mice were when my mind was racing that's what it was racing it was racing all those how to make a buck how to fucking rob somebody how to break

into a house I mean I would just come I would go to a doctor's office let's say I was going to a doctor's office and on the walk to the doctor I saw something all that shit would go away fuck the doctor in his office I'm going to rob something I remember having a lawsuit and I had to go to a chiropractor for him to fucking check me out and see where we were going and the next thing you know I went there it was a Saturday the boom boom Mancini fight was on this is back in 81 82 83 everybody was watching the boom boom Mancini fight it was a fight to the death I went to the bathroom and on the way to the bathroom at the doctor's

office I saw there was a suitcase on one of the doctor's office you know I opened up that motherfucker took the checkbook and the fucking prescription pad what what was I gonna do with it I didn't do anything with it the checkbook I gave it to a friend and what happened a week later the cops come to my house he got arrested with the fucking checkbook and I got a conspiracy to fucking defraud somebody or some shit I think I still got the one in Bergen County they just got rid of it when I moved back 30 years fucking later so that was always my luck you know I'm saying but this I think it's a pandemic I don't know what

sparked it but these criminals have been coming out everywhere I saw the fucking numbers waterboxer one of the guys I follow on Twitter good guy posted the numbers for California a couple days ago everything except car theft rose 77% murders are up 77% aggravated robberies with a weapon are up 70% robberies are up 70% muggings are up 60% car thefts are up 50% these are all organized guys this is not they banned it together last year this last summer was when they fucking hatched their plan and if you look at Vegas if you look at San Francisco if you look at California if you look at Portland Chicago fucking

crime is up big time I mean big time weapons murders are up big time I don't know what's happening to the world right now but it's just doesn't fucking feel right that's why I'm happy it's Thanksgiving today we were supposed to have a zoom with Steve Simone because nobody yells Thanksgiving more than me and Steve Simone being together that's family you know I dig Steve a lot he's down in Florida when the pandemic happened in California me Steve Dean Lee Jimmy Schubert Dan I forget what his name is we all got so tight that was the one thing about the pandemic that I think I've gotten tighter with my people

because I have a small circle in New Jersey but I care for them a lot like Mike I care a lot about Mike my circle isn't as big as LA anymore but it's just so weird how you you join together with your people when things go dangerous I remember 9-11 you know 9-11 happened in the morning and I was home and all of a sudden I got a call from Rogan who never used to come down at daytime very rarely unless he was coming down for a meeting or something he called me up on 9-11 that morning he's like how do you feel I'm coming down I remember that we all went to Mike Faberman's house a bunch of us Ricky

Cruz Ralphie fucking all of us just got together that day and whatever you had going on you put it aside and we all were sitting by the TV I think about those days I'm like wow man we really had a special thing there and I remember after Faberman's house we all went to Ralphie's me Jay Moore fucking Celine Jody Ferdig fucking Josh Wolf that had to be 20 of us Ralphie was poor as fuck at that time we all were and Ralphie me we all chipped in and put together a fucking gumbo 9-11 the original day and I'll never forget I got mad at Jay Moore because he criticized Ralphie shrimp I mean we didn't have no money you know

I'm saying it's like we could buy fucking prawns for this John Belaya so we just bought the little Katrina shrimp you know the little ones that came from Katrina pre-Katrina fucking they had eyes and shit and you know Jay was saying shit but that doesn't even matter we we had such a good time you know and that's the whole thing like people never really understood why I wanted to come back to Jersey people never really understood I'm gonna tell you now after 15 fucking months I wanted to be close to family again you're like Joey not for nothing you got no family I got no blood family but I got tons of family here

and some of these people that I've just recently met they're becoming my family like the way Mike is you know we just this is it this is it guys I don't like acquaintances I don't like small chatter I like you to be involved with me or not take a fucking hike if you're not in you know I'm saying if I don't know your daughter's name if you don't know my daughter's name if I don't know it's it's like you know but it's so weird how I got family I wanted to get close we were looking at a time in this country right now we're not in a good place guys we're fucking around here on the podcast we're cracking stupid jokes and

shit but we're doing alright but there's a lot of fucking people that are struggling right now a lot of people that are fucking struggling I mean you know financially mentally is the big one I mean I'm no fucking genius but you go on social media and there's a lot of people fucking losing it if you guys notice I haven't been fucking around too much on social media I wish you a nice good morning I put up the podcast I put up a song and I move along I wish you a good day it's not good guys I get insulted every time this has never happened like this has never fucking happened to me where you post something

positive not about it like you know you know I don't give a fuck about Pete and fucking Kardashian I mean you know his life is bad that we all got to live vicariously through Kim Kardashian I love Pete Davidson he's a great fucking kid with the emphasis on kid he's a kid he's just looking to have fun all these people online fucking what's still Laura Pete Davidson he's a kid he's 27 years old he's probably got a 9-inch cock with a tattoo on it you know I'm saying and he's on one of the best shows on fucking television I don't like the show but it is one of the best shows on television you get on a show on a

television I don't care if you're missing fucking an eye and you got one thing ahead you're gonna find some bits to suck your dick because they're gonna think you're special so he's good looking he's got a great fucking job he's a comedian what else do you need he's gonna fuck bitches all the time if you're gonna stop every time he fucks a bitch to analyze the situation you're gonna lose just cuz he's gonna keep fucking bitches Kim is just a little Kim is just a couple months he'll dump hard they'll break up and like the way he was with the chick from fucking underground because that's the hottest chick in the fucking

world on the world that whatever fucking cape back and sale is fucking smoking and it's not even a body in her face wait till she opens her mouth with that little Australian accent you're like what the fuck whatever it is Australian English it makes my dick hard no matter what the fuck it is I mean I'm not a big I liked on the world movies they're not classics to me I bet they're classic somebody else but you know everybody's jumping on poor fucking this poor kid now cuz he's slinging dick let him sling dick he's a great kid he's funny as fuck and he's just listen I don't know if you've ever been around a warm person

Pete Davidson to top all his tattoos and Staten Island and Saturday Night Live he's a warm sweet fucking kid I met Pete Davidson doing that doing a opiate Anthony I forget who was on with us but him and I had a blast we were smoking a vapor pen and shit back and forth then I saw him at the store one night and he was buck wild again I gave him some fucking Joey Diaz murder reefer he was all happy and shit but kids I'm a 58 year old fucking kid when you get that through your head your life will be a lot easier yes I'm serious and I respect my business and I get up in the morning and I work hard but I'm a fucking kid

you know when you're a fucking kid you're just looking to have fun tomorrow is or Thursday Thanksgiving Day is me and my wife's anniversary we've been together for 12 fucking years when I met Terry I was 37 years old if you thought I was gonna marry Terry you got rocks in your fucking head I wasn't gonna marry anybody when I got into comedy I got divorced and the whole thing my goal was to do one thing and I swear this to you guys smoke pot do coke do comedy drive and eat some pussy on the road that's all I wanted to do that was it Lenny Bruce Junior not that I have the talent to Lenny Bruce but I that's what

comedy is you know last year when all these people came out with these fucking allegations against this one and that one and myself they forgot the most important thing about comedy people get into comedy don't get it I mean yeah you have some nice people in comedy like Bill Burr and you know the guy I like who's the funny guy I like that he went to rehab and he dumped his wife and he's little John Mulaney you know that nice fucking guys you know like that real sweet guys well what the fuck was I talking about oh yeah so when I met Terry it was just like hang out until she figures out that I'm a fucking loser

and throws me the fuck out that all I want to do is fucking suck and eat and smoke dope you know when is she gonna realize that but Terry Terry hit me different Terry hit me from a different spot guys you know like I don't know if you've ever fallen in love falling in love is fucking great and I think one of my favorite fucking songs when I'm in the radio like when I'm in the car the song that makes me the happiest is remember the time when we fell in love you know I know that's a song by Michael Jackson Michael Jackson writing it to his kids and shit you know whatever I think and I mean me and Mike are both

from a heavy metal world we both like fucking Alice and James Nirvana we were talking about Pearl Jam I think Pearl Jam is great I was looking for an argument with Mike before I'm like fucking Pearl Jam is the best fucking bad man they are 30 fucking years they've been doing it no complaints no drama you know they bits the ticket trying when they were young cuz they were confused they wanted to be a top of the world but they've remembered what the fuck are we we're not social whatever we're a fucking band and they're fucking phenomenal you know but anyway to get back to Terry like I didn't want

to do anything but Terry hit me from a you we've all fallen in love man and it's you know what sucks about life for me and Mike right now we'll never fall in love again Mike's with his wife I'm with my wife those first couple of tingles when you fell in love oh my god they're fucking great and that's why I love that Michael Jackson song I don't know if you guys know the song I'm talking about remember the time that have you see have you seen that video lately holy shit when it's like watching David Lee Ross I ain't got nobody like you just takes your heart and just David Lee Ross I ain't got

nobody's a great fucking video but Eddie Murphy's remember the time with the model Eman Eddie Murphy there was a comedian magic Johnson magic Johnson's in it with the HIV I mean but that song is great because that's what it is remember the time when you fell in love oh my god calling them fucking picking them up holding hands and shit going to get coffee having sex the first couple times you really don't fucking know what the other person likes and shit you know listen man it's great and when I first started me dating Terry I hate to say this there was no love in my heart like I didn't really have any love I

was a fucking dirty comic I was looking to fuck people I'm sure I had some diseases with me I had like three or four diseases you know I got fun guy toenails not because I got fun guy toenails it's a mixture of diseases that are in my body of fucking viruses that are running through my body I had a fucking positive result a couple years ago for a syphilis test before mercy was born now I haven't been with nobody's trains in 20 fucking years how do you have syphilis in 2013 if you didn't have in 2000 for years I was going to fit then it was a mistake you know as I ain't like they came back with a mistake

but I had all that shit I had chlamydia I had all that shit it just went away eventually I didn't take anything for it I think I put some fucking listerine on my dick and took a ride Jack you put some listerine on your dick and wipe your helmet everything goes away plus when they suck it they're like your dick tastes like listerine it tastes minty it tastes delicious but when I first met Terry there was no love in my fucking future guys there was I was a fucking caveman you know it's like when I met Joe Rogan he was still hunched over you know I don't remember that podcast I said that too I go when I met

Joe Rogan he was still an ape he was still hunched over Doug and then little by little he straightened up then he smoked pot and fucking it was on you know I'm saying but when I met Joe Rogan he was an ape when I met Terry I was a fucking savage man it was not good the savage that I was and I had a tape down my shit I mean listen guys I lived with her we moved in together after six months maybe and we were together the whole fucking time and I'm the type of guy I didn't want to disrespect her when I lived with her and shit like that so I was pretty fucking good I was really good all that sexual shit all that that

went out the window the only thing I was doing when I was with Terry that was bad was snorting coke you know that's that was the only thing when I first met her I didn't want to break her heart I realized that she was so fucking sweet that what would I you know I've broken other women's hearts and I'm not fucking proud of it but I did it unknowingly you know if you I'm a good guy and I have a lot of good points but I have a lot of bad points too and I know that going in one of my bad points is I'm not a romantic guy I'm never gonna get roses and throw them on the bed and walk over them I'm never gonna carry it to that

rose bush I hold your hand you know I'll hold your hand I'll be there for you when when you need me if you're sick and all that shit but I'm not a big romantic guy like when I see people fucking on TV and they're making love this well my whole love making session last ten minutes after ten minutes I'm fucking hungry I don't have time for this shit rolling around and kissing you and all this you know women want you to make love to them and then hug them and rub their back and talk to them listen let's go we got shit to do on people to see law and order start in ten minutes you know I'm saying I mean I've never been a

romantic guy but I do care for people and I I genuinely cared for her from the fucking third day I care for anybody who feeds me that's my secret when they wrote that cliche it's lying a man the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach they were talking about Uncle Joey and I'm sorry to fucking you know drop this on you right now but it's the truth I I always loved women who fucking fed me like without me ask him oh my god makes my dick hard you know a girl that you have a crush on the next day she brings your chicken cutlets to school that girl was getting a fucking big surprise from Uncle Joey I was gonna

take care of her because I've always admired people when I met Dary the thing that made her different from any other woman that I was with at the time was that she cooked for me on the like the fourth date she had me over we were both broke we both said to each other that we're fucking broke and she made me some chicken and some fucking black bread beans and some cornbread and it just felt great it just tasted like love is that's the way this thing to say but it just tasted like love when I ate them like I gotta get away from this bitch because she's gonna put a spell on me and fucking make me fall in love with her

and she did she fucking did against my fucking will you know and it wasn't I know you guys well what was the pussy dog it was her insides what she was about you know I I always looked at Bruce Lee when he used to date when he was married to his wife and I was like why would a fucking good-looking guy get married to an ugly white woman like that well she's not an ugly white woman she just was and as attractive as I thought she would be for fucking Bruce Lee and Bruce Lee married her because he he loved what she was you know and I saw a show on TV years later like you know I don't know 10 years ago and they were interviewing

Sterling Silafant or whatever his name is he's one of I think he was one of the guys that helped Bruce Lee put together enter the dragon or something he he was something to do with enter the dragon and he spoke about whenever Bruce lost it the only person that could really put him back together was his wife Linda you know and I know from my experiences at first I was very listen I come from the old-school cut that you never go to nobody with your problems you know like as a man you don't go to a woman with your fucking problems you talk to other guys or you figure them out or you know do whatever you need to do about to

settle this problem but you don't fucking bring it to a woman but let me tell you something I did I went against all the laws I went against anything any man would do because I decided why have her around if she's not gonna be a part of my dream why have her around why have anybody around if they're not gonna be a part of your dream if they're gonna be a part of your dream you gotta tell me your strong points and your fucking weak points you know so I went to her like in 2001 or something like that and I fucking told her why I was struggling and what I wanted and guess what she made sure I didn't have that struggle anymore

nobody helped me book roles like my wife did if you look at my MDB go look at my MDB from 2000 to 2004 just don't look at the TV shows look at the movies also you're gonna go what the fuck did you do when I did that Q&A and Mountain View for the fucking soprano movie the guy that curator the guy that put her all together said something that I never fucking know I don't what do you guys think I sit at home and count shit he goes this next guy I'm gonna introduce has over 75 credits on IMDB and I'm gonna look at him going this guy's fucking lying to people guess what I fucking came home that night and I looked at my

IMDB and holy shit my IMDB has a lot on it and you could see the fucking development like co-stars you know I was doing one days on movies small movies and then I just fucking rammed it up I did a good job as a comic in LA I did a good job with my career as a comedian I wasn't the best comedian but I was consistent I stuck to it and I was fucking crazy but I tell you what I wasn't that bad of an actor either I never saw myself as an actor I saw myself as somebody doing something just to feed my fucking wife and myself and keep my cocaine habit intact but after I did it a couple times I kind of liked

acting and I got into it and I fucking you know I'm not a miser guy I'm not gonna sit here and tell you oh you know I'm a I'm a fucking miser guy I study again now I just I got a booklet and when I got an audition I opened that booklet and I take the sides and I do what the booklet tells me to do to the T I write a background for the guy I fucking write a story for the guy I fill it all the fucking blank so when I put the audition on paper everything is covered there when I put the audition on tape I'm sorry everything is covered nobody goes to auditions no more you go you put your fucking auditions on tape

so I do the same thing over and fucking over again I don't deviate from that plan or anything it the book that I use is a Vana Chubbock's workbook Vana Chubbock is a great acting teacher in LA before I started studying with her she had a Holly Berry and she had she won two Academy of Roads back to back nobody does that shit so I had to go see what this lady had to offer and I took like a private with her one time like we just went over an audition cost me like a hundred dollars for a half hour a hundred dollars for a half hour between me and you guys you know me I tell you everything I think Ralphie

paid for it I think I had a borrow of the money from Ralphie and Ralphie paid for the fuck because Ralphie used to go to a different lady so Ralphie understood that sometimes you got to pay to fucking get the right you know like just to get it right I mean listen Louis Guzman had an acting coach for years on set Gandolfini had an acting coach on set that he went over everything with you know all the big stars when they're committed I'm not talking about these overnight fucking fly-by-night cocksuckers I'm talking about these dudes that you look at Denzel the Joker whatever his name is fucking there's a

lot of guys that when they work they pay listen you're getting six seven I don't know what Denzel makes he's got to be making a hundred thousand a day or whatever but when you're making that kind of money you pay somebody you pay somebody and those guys they want big money like I told you my lady was a medium range of anti-chubic one well not really she wasn't even a medium range she won two fucking Oscars so she won like that I think like too fair I think now she wants 400 for an hour of coaching so if you get yourself a 20 page audition you know you get yourself a big fucking audition this is the thing

that you need to do to get that fucking role and to be great but they all had fucking acting coaches on the set I just you know I always knew about getting the Phoenix acting coach I was thinking of calling it too but she must want ten thousand hours an hour now so I don't act as much as I do it's not I'm 58 nobody's writing roles for a fat old fucking Cuban looking fucking dude but you know what and another time if I get busy I would consider taking an acting class and learning all over again you know I don't know what technique to use my is know whatever I just use the vanichubic technique and whatever she borrowed from

people another a couple years ago two years ago a kid at jujitsu Shane great guy fucking built like a fucking gave me a book about acting and that's another great book I forget the fucking name but now I have it in my draw he gave it to me and I didn't read it like I said it was a good book like I kind of lied and then his friend who's my friend also said you know his dad was a big time acting fucking coach I forget what his name now guys I'm sorry so I looked the father up and I read that book the next fucking day and that book is great so now when I get an audition I also look at that book also but anyway who gives a

fuck about that the reason why I booked all those projects was because I came clean with my wife my girlfriend at the time she wasn't even my fucking wife I came clean with a something I never even dreamed of doing I would never do before and ever since I did that I opened up the door to what's called a real relationship see we're living like fake relationships the relationship I had with my first wife and all the girlfriends that didn't work out they were fake relationship that's why it didn't work out I was using not using the word isn't using the word is when I had these relationships I wasn't a

hundred percent committed what do you mean by committed I wasn't cheating I don't like cheating on people because I don't like how you how I felt when somebody cheated on me so I don't like cheating on people so I don't mean committed by being all in I didn't cheat on any of them I haven't cheated on anybody since fucking I was in grade school or grammar school I cheated on a girl and I didn't I didn't make me feel right the chick I cheated on her with is now God knows where she is and she broke up some kid ratted me out there and guess what they're still together and they're still fucking married but anyway

who gives the fuck about that my point is that I wasn't committed committed is when the other person knows everything about you I was too much on my high horse when I had met the other women and I wasn't mature enough to understand these things that when you with somebody whether you're a man or or you're with a woman this advice is to all you guys and trust me this is what saved my ass I did even with my first wife she knew I went to prison she knew all that shit but I was I was honest with her but I wasn't all in with her what does that mean that means that I didn't share my struggles with her and she didn't share hers with

me and when she tried to share hers with me I would shut it down and I'm really sorry for that that's what really puts together a relationship is when you're both sharing your struggles I'm not talking about Mike I need ten bucks for the rent this month we'll split the rent no anybody could do that that's what couples do I'm talking about really sitting down with your loved one and trust me guys I had never done this before don't think that I'm saying this to you because I didn't discover this thought was 37 years old 38 years old and I didn't discover it it just happened and then I saw the result of it and

the result is that Thursday we're gonna have our 21st anniversary our 12th anniversary of being married which means nothing compared to that we've been together 21 years and if I have to credit anything like a people came to me and said listen people stay married for 50 years 80 years 40 years and they give you advice and you listen to it you know I'm a fucking bum you know I'm saying I'm a fucking idiot I'm really happy about 21 years because I would never had gotten to this goal I would never gotten to this number if I didn't do the thing as I was telling you I included her in my life the struggles listen I

wasn't honest with her about the coke at the time but once I cleaned up from the coke I sat her down and I explained my whole struggle to her when I came to New Jersey and I was eating the Xanax and it rebounded and I got sick I didn't either from her that's the first person I went to she knew I was eating the Xanax the whole time I mean she was she was there with me watching me going Joey be careful with those things I'm only eating a half I'm starting I didn't know what she was talking about rebound anxiety if I were to listen to her I wouldn't be in this position right now so when your relationship I mean I'm gonna

have a great time with her tomorrow and Thursday today and tonight my daughter gets her promotion and at kickboxing at Fat Joe's she gets up tonight to Blue Belt or Blue Belt to I don't know what the fuck it is so when I go out to dinner to celebrate the Blue Belt and me and my wife being together 21 years but our real anniversary is Thursday it's tomorrow for Thanksgiving and I didn't get her a gift yet so when I finish up here I gotta run and get her at least a fucking card you know I'm saying I don't know what they get her for anniversary but I get her like a card and a piece of fucking she doesn't like

expensive jewelry so thank God I'm off the hook there I could just get her like some fucking charm for a bracelet or something like that but I love my wife it's been a great 12 years of marriage you know you heard me for years on the church and on here I never wanted to get married she made it seem fucking easy I mean the first time I got married I hate that shit the wedding and trying on tuxedos and all that shit I'd rather stick a fucking pencil in my eye but you know what man I give I'm really happy that I said fuck it I'm gonna marry this woman I got on one knee but I called the first I proposed her on the

phone I'm like listen man we've been together for too long this has to come to an end and we're gonna get married she's like really I'm gonna hang up with you and call your father I did that when she got home that night I think I got on one knee I'm not sure I just told her I loved it I want to marry her we put away some money our wedding cost a thousand dollars thousand dollars and we're still together so for you motherfucking women that want to get white birds and all this shit in the year later find out that he's fucking the ugly housekeeper like Rod like Arnold Schwarzenegger was and fucking you know what was the

chick what's the chick from desperate housewise little cute Mexican Eva Langoria she had a wedding with pigeons and shit she married that cheating brother fuck that dude was fucking her sister the fuck the black dude from the San Antonio spurs you guys remember they had the wedding they kissed 18 times everybody banging glasses letting pigeons loose and he was fucking the housekeeper so who cares my wedding cost a thousand bucks we got married at a fucking third rate chapel and we had a party at the Hollywood fucking Bowl we got chicken from Ralph's they have the best fried chicken L.A. there's no fried chicken L.A.

but Ralph's is at least like a six we got pork chunks from El Cochinito the Cuban place and I got pastrami from the best pastrami in California Languages we line that motherfucker up we got some reefer and we told people not to bring gifts and dress however the fuck you want we got married on a fucking Wednesday and you're like joy why would you get married on Wednesday cuz I don't want to take people Saturday away from them so for you motherfuckers that want to get married on the fucking Saturday and have us there all day go fuck yourself there's college football there's football there's shit going on and you

want to drive this from there when you pick a date make sure it's after March madness and before baseball season starts your cock suckers you yeah get married on a fucking Wednesday don't want you're gonna ruin people's weekends and for you cock suckers that have those vacation destinations wedding I hate you fucks I hate you with all my heart who the fuck do you think you are to make people fly to another fucking country so you get married celebrate our joy fuck you and your fucking joy all I'm looking at is a $3,000 tab that you ain't lifting the rock so you want me to fucking pay to go to see your joy go

fuck yourself you get married in the VFW the same place you started sucking cocks when you were in high school after the fucking dance and shit what the fuck is wrong with people gonna fly to some fucking vacation destination who the fuck are you if your wife is sucking dicks for everybody like a door prize that would be great you know I'm saying what about a blowjob if we go to a desk destination fucking wedding but just to go to a destination wedding to lose three thousand three G's to see you fucking kid oh and then they hit you request we're doing a party you'll have to dress him white no it's not

happening we listen come on come in didn't you have chlamydia two years ago you suck some guys on the disco and shit and now you want to have a fucking all white knock it off we're gonna give you a pass we're wearing white at the wedding you know you've had that whole busted since you were 15 you know I'm saying we're gonna go along with your white dress we're not gonna say nothing yeah God and all that shit but don't make me go to your destination wedding I practice what I preach cock suckers I don't I don't want to take any time from you cock suckers at all it's even like the podcast we used to do a podcast for

three hours fuck that who's got three hours Lex Friedman keeps calling me every week want to be doing the podcast I'm in New York this week Lex you got a chop that down the fucking an hour I'm not talking to nobody for three hours I'm not in the fucking mood to talk to anybody for fucking three hours you know I'm saying what the fuck is wrong with people one hour in out tip top my goo get the fuck out of here just like I'm about to do right now you bad motherfuckers I had it like I said I had a guest today on zoom we're gonna do a nice warm podcast for Thanksgiving but that didn't fucking work out I was gonna

show up with a cornucopia of love for you cock suckers today but Steve's zoom wasn't working today and I'm not mad I don't care we'll get Steven here some other time I had a good time just telling you about my fucking marriage my anniversary and Thanksgiving as you could tell I'm really happy about Thanksgiving you know I never like the fucking holidays I don't want to sound like a fucking whatever but I never like the fucking holidays and you're saying why Joey because I had pain connected to him I don't have parents who enjoys Christmas with no fucking parents but guess what I had a little beautiful girl

nine years ago eight years ago and she makes Christmas Halloween and fucking Thanksgiving just so much more fucking special you know so now every year I get nice and high for it not high smoking weed I just get I get hyped for the motherfucking holiday you know I'm saying I'm excited about that turkey tomorrow and that's stuffing my man from El Nido Joe I want to thank him for throwing me an organic 18 pound fucking turkey we're gonna bring up to my to Mercy's godfather's house tomorrow or whatever tonight and they could cook it tomorrow he's supposed to come down I'm still waiting for the call hey man it

was a rough year for all of us so I hope you all really take a minute tomorrow and really really be grateful for the people that are at that table that are still there be grateful for the year we've had when I didn't when I did a lot of people went into that hospital and didn't come out guys you know whatever fuck you in the vaccine fuck you in the no vaccine I don't give a fuck I just want you to be happy tomorrow on Thanksgiving day tomorrow is real special for us seriously so I'll check in with you motherfuckers tomorrow at some point of the day wish you's a happy Thanksgiving and whatnot but I want you to

think about the last 18 months and what we've all gone through this country has gone through tomorrow's a special fucking day man make it special make it the best fucking day of the year Christmas is great because you're giving gifts and shit you know tomorrow we're giving fucking thanks to the universe for protecting us for saving us for keeping us healthy during this fucking horrible thing horrible things have happened the last fucking the 18 months look at this last weekend that guy running over those people at a Christmas thing and when ocean my heart goes out to those families they were kids and old people

the dancing grandmas I just want to wish you all a happy Thanksgiving with your families look at them all in the face and tell them what you love them and that's it motherfuckers the joint is in full fucking effect I put a picture of the pipe freeze on the internet yesterday freeze pipe and people were fucking nuts I've been smoking that thing let me tell you how much I like the freeze pipe when you don't smoke it your throat hurts like now that's the only bad negative thing I have to say about the freeze pipe when you don't smoke it you can't quit smoking it's like once you go on freeze pipe you ain't going back

it's like a black cock you ain't going back to some little white three-inch cock with with freckles on it those days are over you're gonna stick with that black fucking Maluchia stick of death and that's it and that's that listen guys I love you at all my heart thank you for supporting the joint thank you for supporting my patreon thank you for supporting laughing gas that reef is getting stronger the ice cream shop I love with all my heart I'm working hard to get my license here in Jersey to become a recreation fucking dispensary but if not I'll bump into all these ABX is we're gonna release a new fucking

200 milligram ABX capsule I don't know what I'm gonna call it yet the devil's tongue or the devil's kisses or something like that so I'll keep you motherfuckers posted in the upcoming months I love you guys happy Thanksgiving God bless your families that's it I love you I'll see you Monday tip top Magoo cocksucker stay black all right I want to thank all you guys and wish you a happy Thanksgiving thank you for being with us today I want to thank Steve Simone for at least shrine we'll get it back and we'll get him on the show but from the heart of motherfucking New Jersey and Uncle Joey's nutsack that

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you guys Monday tip top Magoo stay black you