Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #119 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Monday, November 29th..... This episode is brought to you by Onnit, Zip Recruiter & Better Help….. Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH Go to https://www.ZipRecruiter.com/JOEY & Try it for FREE! Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Episode #064 | https://youtu.be/BOiYjB9CP-A Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday the 29th of november we're back from thanksgiving it's over and now the full holiday season is upon us the joint is brought to you by the flagship on it listen to me they had their black friday sale on monday it's been going great 60 off on everything the hydro tech the alpha brain black label the new mood which is fucking tremendous and the shroom text anything that they have is up to 60 percent you got to go to honnett.com to look at their prices the protein bars they're giving away kettlebells they got club bats whatever they got left because the sale was massive so i know you're gonna love it go to honnett.com right now if you see anything that tickles your fancy press in joey or joint and get 20 percent off

delivered no 10 percent off with honnett delivered to your house not to mention the sale is going on pressing the code to see if they throw if you press in my code when you order a black friday they'll throw you something extra a t-shirt a sticker maybe a sample maybe some protein bars maybe they'll stick some alpha brains in your fucking muffler i don't know but honnett is tremendous you're slipping let's start the year on the right foot with 2020 2022 with some alpha brain to get everything together again go to honnett.com pressing joey and get 10 percent off delivered right to your mother fucking crib the joint is also brought to you by zip recruiter listen as the holidays as the holidays approach there's still a lot of jobs to fill reindeer

shit shoveler naked office party santa tree sniffer so if you have a job opening and help building your team need to try zip recruiter for free at zip recruiter.com slash joey listen zip recruiter uses powerful technology to find the match that's right candidates with your job and present them right to you you can easily review your recommendations and invite your top five choices to apply zip recruiter so effective that four out of five employers who post get a quality candidate within the first day can you believe that that's what zip recruiter is about i don't care if you're the biggest company in the world i don't care if you're the smallest company in the world if you're not working with zip recruiter you're slipping jack no wonder zip recruiter is rated

the number one hiring site in the u.s let me tell you something i sent the bio to zip recruiter they sent me so many it's like they they're tremendous guys right now whether your business is small or large whether you're looking for a job or you got a job to give zip recruiter is the way to go so right now you could try zip recruiter for free joey free it's fucking monday the 29th november you need employees why are you not on zip recruiter just go to zip recruiter.com slash joey that zip recruiter.com slash joey j o e y zip recruiter the smartest way to hire let's get this party started jack this candle i don't know i gotta get a new candle here this all the way to the bottom

check one two welcome to uncle joey's joint so so what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday the 29th of november that's it it's a whole new fucking horizon now jack i hope you guys had a great thanksgiving and you had a great weekend but now it's time for the last fucking run of the year which means it's just fucking it that's it guys but you can't get depressed about it i love this time of the year you know why because it's all mondays in my life it's all mondays every day you're fucking going off for the next three weeks till

about december 18th till these fucking gentiles start you know you know the fucking christmas jingle and shit like that and then uh that's it you're looking at 22 22 whatever 2022 22 22 what am i start track fucking uh but it's great i love all this shit because it's coming to one and i could kill listen man i had a bad 21 21 i mean emotionally and mentally everything else was pretty fucking good i'm strong my family's healthy you know there was no mishaps i got a little bit more comfortable in my fucking surroundings as you could tell but uh something was off something was missing all year and not just in my life alone but in your lives everybody's fucking life felt like uh your mother died like fucking uh you know you know i always say that not

having a mother the rest of you like when if your mother dies when you're like 25 or something after your mom's death you're gonna go on but it's gonna be like eating food with no salt on it you're gonna see that something's missing so that's not the case right now i have that because i don't have a fucking mother that's my predicament not yours if you got a mother you're fine you're not gonna nothing bad is gonna happen but yeah my mother's dead is disco so that's the problem we have here but i like this time of the year because it really these next four weeks is all about fucking journaling and goals for the first first quarter of 2022 and what you want to do that's it what you want to do that's it this fucking horrible time in our lives has passed yeah we're all waiting

for the african fucking you know mumbada now everybody's waiting for african mumbada now you know oh there's a new strain in africa if we're gonna live with this shit for years guys don't believe the hype it's probably this this strain probably gives you a little diarrhea but you're not gonna lose an eye your ear is not gonna fall off you know it's they just try to instill fear in you don't believe the fucking hype live your life be prepared and that's all the fuck you could be but i'm looking forward to this the next couple weeks because this you know between i'm excited about the book i'm excited about maybe doing a one-man show i'm excited about my health i'm excited about jujitsu i'm excited about the fucking guitar hopefully by february it'll it'll fucking click in

and i could you know it's gonna come up on a year now and i still suck i'm picking up some songs some are better than others but like i said i was in no rush this is a hobby i'm not looking to be judas priest or fucking ever clap didn't know you know it's listen you don't want to be anybody right now everybody's getting grief right now every clapton's getting grief everybody's getting fucking grief for one thing or the fucking other but i did have a good weekend this weekend one of the main things i watched listen man i'm a little disgruntled with stand-up comedy not to the point where you know i'm talking shit or anything like that i'm just it's a personal disgruntle i have uh i'm a little upset at myself let's just say that no no big deal but this week i got my i watched the

show that uh brought back my faith and it was a cavern heart show on netflix if anybody has anybody seen that true story ooh la la sassoon it's a good fucking show it's uh he's a stand-up comic and you just see his world with uh my man from new jack city westley snipes he plays his brother in it and it's just a great show and what i like about it the most is listen i sat here a couple months ago and i talked about how we didn't really have a comedy star anymore yeah we have people traveling people touring people doing big tours but we don't have a guy that entertains us like a fucking tv show or movies every year like you know i i love daddy murphy's movies he fucking brought it out of me we don't have that no more what are you gonna do wait for a fucking amy schuma whatever that's

not fucking comedy that's something completely different i don't give a fuck okay party's over it's 2022 in my world it's 2022 already i don't give a fuck you know i'm saying but amy schuma didn't cut it from me i like amy i like the jokes i'm not saying nothing bad about amy but i really like comics when they fucking spread their laughter you know when they spread their laughter what happened to comedy i didn't like was they were pointing they were making stars on the road in my world that's not a star a star is something somebody who the style i liked was you do a little road work then you go into a studio and shoot a movie then you do a little bit more road work and then you fucking do a tv show for 13 episodes then you rest for six or seven episodes

for six or seven weeks wait till the episode come out and now you tour to support the fucking episode or the special that you had that's not the way it was anymore they don't want they're not pushing comics to television or they're not pushing them but the other thing is the television's not paying as much as gabriel would make on a weekend in the road there's no way gabriel can make them on tv no way they're just not paying that so all these comics have said fuck television we're just going on the fucking road not kevin hart watch kevin hart kevin hart does a little tv a little film a couple fucking films you know rock calls him or whatever and then he goes back on fucking tour and then he shoots a special he's done for the part of the year he's a fucking

businessman he's selling pants he's selling shirts he's selling workouts he's selling health but the one thing that kevin hart sells that nobody really catches is motivation i grab a lot of motivation from kevin hart i know a lot of you guys look at me look at what kevin's doing kevin is a fucking great guy i like listen i can sit here and tell you he's my dog and shit but that's not the way it really is i met kevin maybe three times the only the only real bond i have with kevin is grudge match and the movie bombed so when the movie bombs you don't want to see those people no more you're like that that fucking guy was the kiss of death i didn't look at it that way i had never met kevin kevin before i went down to new orleans with no expectations and i was on

the set one day with deniro and stalone and kevin came shook my hand gave me a fucking hug you know what's happening if you need something while i'm here the crew he came down with oh fucking tremendous i kept bumping into him and different i only saw kevin like twice i saw him the day i met him and i saw him one other time but kevin has not stopped that was 2012 when i shot that movie with kevin kevin shot 80 movies since then name another comic that's shooting 80 movies since then jim gaffigan i don't fucking think so this guy i don't think so this guy i don't think so kevin has his own fucking career chappell's doing what he wants to do terrorizing trannies and this other fucking guy is fucking out there i'm just cracking a joke i'm not mad at him you

know it's kind of fun to see him get fucking tortured every day they threw him out of his grammar school last week you know it's it's all over but yeah yeah yeah because he's in town he's working he's the hardest fucking working yesterday he was in some college well today he's on new walleens fucking giving out picks for somebody you know this is and i like what he does he spreads it around all the other guys want to do podcasts and i get that not kevin and i gotta tell you something you know who else liked that life too me i could just never reach it i can never reach it my agents or managers or whoever didn't have the respect for me to listen to me and to push me in movies i i miss great movies i miss the fucking the fucking one with deniro and joe patchy i miss

the fucking one with the with nick vol along and his father i missed all those movies and i gotta tell you something till this day i have a little bit of grudge against my agency for that because they weren't looking at that as as things as i was looking at us to be important kevin's to a point that he could tell mother fuckers either do this or you go packing i didn't have that i didn't have that type of push and i'm not angry at kevin i'm celebrating kevin i'm celebrating kevin's show i watched uh i'm probably up to episode six and i really fucking love it i think he's doing a great job i think whoever wrote it for him was fucking fantastic it's one curveball after another curveball after another curveball and i enjoy that type of shit so if you like

kevin hard of your kevin hard fan i'm giving you a fucking green light go watch that thing on netflix i think it's a fucking tremendous i really do and that's just the way i feel i applaud kevin on a daily basis for the lifestyle that he lives he's healthy you know listen you never hear negative thing from kevin what do you hear about kevin oh he cheated somebody caught him cheating or whatever listen let me tell you something what this whole fucking country's forgotten is that half of these people got into comedy for different reasons some people got into comedy to do drugs some people yeah i got into comedy to do drugs and travel and you know get syphilis and conaria and you know fucking wake up in the morning like tom barringer major league that's why i got into comedy

i didn't get into comedy to be a fucking saint or to change the world or the fucking i'm gonna show them i got into comedy because i was a bum i had nothing else going on you understand me so it's either comedy or being a bum i'll give comedy a shot and here we got you know i'm saying i over fucking came the odds and here we are but i support kevin that's it that's all i want you to do the other thing that happened this weekend what didn't happen this weekend it happened sunday morning that i was just blown away by because it didn't blow me away because this is life this is what life is all about right now every time a person takes two steps up somebody's gotta come out of fucking the world of yahoo or whatever and shut them down think about it from now on i want

you to notice these things i want you to notice people trying to do positive things or they come up with something positive and right away two weeks later there's something about them well you did this eight years ago why are you trying to take away from the guy's fucking glory that you got a beef with something he did pull him aside and go hey man congratulations on your movie but i felt you did this or whatever but it doesn't even matter you guys know i was very excited for that release on hbl about king richard i was really excited for that i wanted to see how a dad took two daughters and made them fucking tennis stars that's the same thing i share right now i have that aspiration mike has an aspiration he has kids whenever i can learn or observe how to be a better father

something i'm not doing and that doesn't anything in life you know what i'm saying when when my comedy when i was coming up in comedy if i went and i watched and i studied and you know i told you guys that in 2008 i was coming off the blow for a year a lot of people don't know this so i said you know what i'm gonna slow down with the comedy a little bit and every thursday i decided to drive out the Irvine to watch different headliners i watched neil raldo i watched patricio neal i watched so many fucking guys and that taught me how to headline for you i did comedy for 16 years i had an hours worth of material but i wasn't a headliner learning to be a headline is a complete different fucking situation anyway who gives a fuck about that the thing i'm gonna talk to you about

is something that would happen to me and it does happen to me every 90 days okay every time i have a little bit of fucking success in my life whether it's the NFTs when i released a weed one of the many saints and new work when grudge match came out after i shot a special there's always one person on the internet or maybe two of them that'll throw a jab at me about my daughter don't say to me hey man how does your daughter fly into all this and it's a it's a kind of a hurtful jab but it's not a hurtful jab i've learned to understand why people do that they didn't get the real story maybe they didn't agree with what i did right now i'm writing a book i'm in the process of writing a book i woke up for months going shit i'm not doing anything with my life

and then i realized i'm only chapter 20 of this book eric and i doing a real job we were committed to it i sit around with a pen and pencil every night a pet paper and pen and outline the upcoming chapters and we've worked really hard on this and i'm really doing a good job for you guys in fact when we hit the end of the book we're going to go right back to the beginning for about five or six chapters because that's when i had done the surgery and my mind was shot and i want to cover a lot of things that i left out of those chapters i'm trying to put something really nice for people to read you know i went on searcher pictures i'm putting a lot of effort into this fucking book right now i believe in this book i don't think it's going to change my life or anything i don't want to make

a million dollars what i want to do is to have you guys have the whole story right there and fucking front of you with the pictures and i'm done i've done my fucking cycle i did my stand-up for 30 years now i'm putting on a book about those 30 fucking years and you know rafi may wittney houston we're going on we're going with everything in there this book is going to let people know who the fuck i am front and fucking center and it also explains there's like three chapters dedicated to it of what happened with my life and my daughter and why i made those decisions and whatnot anyway let's get to the front of the story so i wake up sunday morning i do what i always do i make my coffee i go outside i do my grateful fucking five things i'm grateful for i look at the

sun i look at the sky thank god forgive me another day when i come down here and i fucking uh i'm looking online i'm doing my little homework i'm answering patreon back i'm putting a little this is how i get i got like four notebooks open right so i got like fucking patreon over here i got like uh what i have to do schedules i mean it's always something i got the the scripts for the fucking podcast it's always fucking something but i usually go through the important things and i do my reading i go to yahoo and i see what's going on the world i see what pics they're making for the day you know they got good things on yahoo and i see something that uh you know king richard the movies get negative heat because the family before these girls he raised he left him he walked down

them five kids or something so they want to know why they're upset because they didn't put them in the movie or give the fucking backstory to him and i'm sitting there going what the fuck it's a great movie this movie is about his relationship with his girls of present and two girls which became fucking icons the greatest athletes in the fucking world if you watch a football game watch any sporting event you're going to see the serena william sisters five or six times doing fucking commercials and it's tremendous i i look at it and i go and this is way before black lives matter like they they've always had fucking ten million dollars a year and just commercial so far you you know all hollywood's racist take a look at those fucking two see how racist they are against them

that's just the way life is they're two women they're tremendous at what they do they've had a little negativity over the years but they're tremendous fucking athletes and i just found that that the other three girls he had so he adopted those two girls like he had those are his two girls but when he married her she had three girls before and he adopted them one of those girls is a lawyer one of those girls is a fucking doctor i forget what the other one does so in my world that's five and oh you did a good job with the kids were not yours were yours or not you did a fucking great job so today i wake up sunday i wake up to this shit about well the girls from his previous fucking marriage why didn't he put that in the fucking thing or whatever you know what

because that's not what the fucking story was about and when i see shit like that i think about my life and i think about people how people have reacted to me i had a guy on patreon a couple months ago nice guy i had a great relationship with him on patreon answering his messages he must have gone out and got fucking hammered and he spilled his guts on you know where you should go and be a fucking father i still can't put together how you walked away from your fucking daughter i'm looking at this going this isn't even a guy that's a nice person he's just a guy that's trying to be fucking hurtful that's what you got out there you know when people hurt they hurt when i was hurting when my mother got taken from me my business was to hurt other people i didn't have

any fucking coot about it you know so i i you know i took it easy on the guy i just never answered him back again i could have called him a motherfucker your father sucks i just said you know what these are these but then i looked at his previous messages he was cool for four months before that but this must have been on his mind for years and it was if i read you the attack guys you'll go holy shit it didn't matter to me because you know what he wasn't there when you hear a negative story about somebody that's putting off something positive like what happened with that film it's a positive fucking film about the story of these two girls guess what it's a film there's gonna be a little bullshit in it have you not figured that out yet if you

watch good fellas there's bullshit in it if you if you read the script the wise guy and then watch good fellas there's bullshit in it what happened to paulie's fucking son in the book he didn't make the script in the fucking movie it didn't fit right maybe he didn't want to be in the book you know have you ever there's a thousand books that i've read when you watch that read the donny brasko book and then watch the movie before donnie brasko arrested all those guys in new york he arrested the balasteri crew out of fucking milwaukee and chicago the balasteries were in charge of vending machines and all that shit he did bro it is three chapters dedicated to the balasteries in the fucking book when you watch donnie brasko they know there's no mention of

milwaukee jeffrey dama all the fucking balasteries whatever the fuck their name is sorry you know i'm not good with names and shit you know you don't fucking know so i always want you to remember one thing when you have a book and then you turn it into a movie except don't uh handle like the first one silence of the lambs the book is the fucking movie word for word they want they don't miss a spot they go directly how the fucking book was written but all these other movies they're all bullshit there's a little bit of bullshit in all of them especially if it's a movie about a biopic there's gonna be a little they're gonna have to jump over something or not mention something but at the same time look i knew i for the last time for the last time in 2021 i'm gonna

talk about this i don't even want to talk about this anymore i don't care anymore it was a long time ago god threw me a gift to let me know i was fine the gift is my new daughter my old daughter doesn't want to talk to me my wife don't want to talk to me what am i gonna do do you want me to go cry do you want me to jump off the fucking bridge no and this was the same case in 1995 i knew from 1992 that i was never gonna have that daughter that share that daughter it was gonna be like that other guy they were gonna treat me like the other guy they weren't gonna cherish me i never got a christmas card from her a father's day gift i never got nothing from her after her and i broke up so she was never gonna put that effort into a relationship i was

always gonna be like the third spoke i had something to say guys i had a life there was things i wanted i wanted to live my life my life had been shit up to that fucking point and i just wanted to move on go out there i knew i could do something with my life would come me and i did and i was gonna fucking in the middle come back and explain to her that life changes that never occurred to me that was my long-term plan but it never worked out for me but it never meant that i didn't love her it didn't mean that i didn't want to be with her i didn't want to be held down i didn't want to be held down under somebody else's fucking thumb i was in prison when you go to prison you learn one thing about prison prison is not about punishment prison is not about growth

they don't give a fuck what you're doing there it's to let you know that you're going to be held down and that you're a piece of shit like i said to you you don't know anything about life until a man kicks your bed and tells you to wake up fuck nut and just puts the light on that'll make you that's in the realm of getting raped in your ass as a man it's the same feeling when a man comes into your room kicks your fucking bed and turns the light on and so let's go dirt bag wake up that's what you're waking up to and that's what you wake up to when somebody kicks your bed every day and calls you a dirt bag by the time you hit the shower if you take a shower because you're a fucking dirt bag by the time you hit the shower how do you feel is there anything

good that grows from that so that's what prisoners guys that's exactly what prisoners there's no rehabilitation there's no you lift weights and you figure it the fuck out on your own but the number one thing to figure is why do i want to be in jail that's why there's people who are institutionalized they can't live on the outside world without being institutionalized when you see people have been locked up for a long time and they come out how long do they really last they don't want to be in fucking society you have that that all stems from that fucking cell so when you wake up in the morning and you already have negative shit going into your brain the same reason i don't watch the news in the morning you know when you turn the news on you're making

coffee and you're eating captain crunch and also they tell you a kid 14 got shot last night you don't want to start your fucking day with that going into your mind even if you're not paying attention to it that thing is going into your ear that's going into your fucking psyche somewhere another this is why in the morning you powder your balls you salute the flag do not turn the tv on do not turn the radio on put on the fucking stereo put on your favorite album the mob rules i don't know barbara strizane's greatest hits i don't give a fuck put it the fucking on yeah i like barbara strizane i saw her the other day she was fine i didn't see her i was reading an article about fucking uh the guy who died uh sonheim and she wrote a thing for him anyway a lot of gay people

are depressed today my heart goes out to the lbgt community madonna and everybody else my man sonheim is fucking gone and he was a bad motherfucker so anyway back to what i was saying you know i'm putting out this book now it's i have to hand it in by march we're gonna try to handle it a little earlier you gotta get pictures in there you gotta get legal to go through the thing who knows when we're releasing but i'm sure people are gonna come at me and say well you know you didn't put enough in there but i gave you everything in that book about my daughter how i felt why i did the things i did and in the end i told you that i still fucking love her i still love her and i still wish for a life with her in my 60s and 70s but it's doubtful i don't see it happening and

guess what i've accepted it what do you want me to do you can't make people love you you can't make people talk to you you can't you can't do it you can't do it and guess what i the other side of this coin was you guys didn't know me in 95 and you didn't know what i had become the same way i got overtaken by comedy was the same way i got overtaken by my ex-wife with the divorce i put everything i made a plan i stuck to it and my plan was never gonna be good enough for her she ended up kicking me in the fucking stomach anyway so you moved the fuck on i could have dwelled in that for years and i never would have got here i would have ended up a fucking junkie and dead i would have died 20 fucking years ago if i would have let that get to me that was eating me up inside guys

i'm a big man to say that it was eating me up inside it was fueling my fucking addiction and it was not making me think clearly and once i sat down i journaled out the matter and i put it in fucking god's hands my life worked i know there's still some people who have a problem with me about not speaking to my daughter guess what if you got a problem with it don't it's none of your fucking business and the only problem you should worry about are the problems in your fucking life it doesn't bother me anymore i enjoy my new life with my daughter and you know what i follow her i understand what she's doing she's up in aspen she's selling real estate she's enjoying her life why would i want to step into that and fuck her head up more

than it's already fucked up at this point she's going to be 32 years old in february and can you imagine her life right now she's 32 she's got to have some friends that watch joe rogan they have to have some friends that watch burr christian you know my name has to come up in her world or maybe not but she's got to sit there and go i i don't watch that son well i don't like joe rogan or whatever other things are connected to me in my life i mean you know how many connections do i have about that somebody in her fucking world has to be saying don't you listen to this and she's got to move on she's living like i was as a kid that fucking shit i lived in as a kid where my parents were involved in all this fucking illegal shit and i couldn't say that to nobody

it was just fucking deep secret in my fucking soul that kids would talk about coke and like they thought they knew what i was talking about i was ready to go you don't know nothing shut the fuck up but i couldn't because they would go how did you know all my mother sells coke i couldn't fucking say that all my mother's a bookie i couldn't say you know we were kids i couldn't go well the nicks are gonna win tonight how do you know because my mother took action on the fucking nick game and all the money's going on the fucking nicks against the net you never seen a bookie with a fucking part-time job have you so you know you learn all these fucking things so you can't really so i i i always think about her and what's going on in her world you don't

really think if you know any of my stories anything i'm capable of you don't really think i want to drive up on her and get to the bottom of this but i can't because i gotta think of the rest of i gotta think of what she's going through and what you know her friends or whatever can she even say that i'm her father she has to hide that i'm very sure in fact i'm 99 percent sure that they've never told her brothers and sisters that i'm her father what do you want to make a bet i will guarantee that her brothers and sisters don't even know i exist they never told her that so that girl lives with a secret have you ever lived with a secret fucking sucks doesn't it sucks sucks somebody you suck the cock in the eighth grade not your 28 years and you're like what the fuck is up with my

life i mean yeah these are the things you gotta fucking think of you know i i fucking hate it but it's the truth i enjoyed king richard while i watched the movie i i never thought about anything else i just focused on the story of these beautiful fucking girls and what they ended up doing with their life i didn't care about anything fucking else why would i but there's always some people who can't let it fucking go who can't let it go that your success is important i listen guys i dealt with it for close to from the very time i opened my mouth that i was a felon started telling my story from beauty and the beast i've been getting the fucking hate mail and guess what i don't even give a fuck because they never understood that i opened up to say it you know how much balls it

takes to get in front of a fucking camera and tell people that you kidnap somebody when you're trying to build a career it's not it's not really a career build the deal i'm saying do you know how hard it is to try to build a career and get into movies and you know and i'm sitting here twice a week telling you guys about you know fucking robbing a pool hall or robbing a fucking gas station or you know going up to Idaho and fingering an american indian girl and fucking having fucking uh what do you call that shit on your finger fucking uh i swear to god you have a yeast infection so when i fingered it was like yogurt on my fingers i could smell on my hand the rest of the night do you guys need the stories about me shitting in cemetery i've told you some

stories that most people wouldn't open up to you about uh and i did it with my heart with laughter i don't give a fuck why because it happened and i want you guys to know it so in 10 years from now when it comes out joey dears once took a shit in the cemetery you're just reporting that now he told me that on the podcast in 2000 fucking ten you dumb fuck but that's what it's all about i didn't want to hold back nothing from you motherfuckers because i didn't want that to happen look what happened last year with all these people now what came out from that all these women stuck up for me i had i had not that i treated them that's what you do when you're a male comic yeah you're gonna bump into chicks that want to sniff your nuts and then you have to control yourself but whenever

you're on comic you don't have any fucking control this is why you've gotten to the comedy game to fucking fuck suck do drugs and not have any responsibilities and now 30 years later they want you to be for everybody be jim gaffigan and not have a past and talk about bacon and shit don't fuck your mother i don't want fucking a straight up comic i want a comic that's got some fucking rush to him you understand me i want a comic that has little life to him i like listening to ship out i like listening to fucking rogan i like listening i don't want to hear about fucking bacon all day and you white people clapping for that shit i don't give a fuck it's over delg it's 2022 it's time for therapy real quick here now for a word for my mother fucking

sponsor for the last couple months i struggled and i made a decision not to struggle so without further ado the joint is brought to you by better help online therapy listen better help want you to know the truth about some of the stigmas around mental health i had the same stigmas and they're gone therapy has helped me so fucking much i didn't even know i'll tell you what man and this is the beauty of it i'm dealing with anxiety but through therapy i found out that it's the same thing why are we taking a pill there's work to be done so when you go on better help they actually give you worksheets and they talk to you about cognitive behavior and all this shit how to push bad thoughts and all that stuff out of out of your mind now you guys have been watching me for years you've never heard

me talk about these things i took this seriously the pandemic the whole thing has destroyed people's lives a lot of people don't know what they're fucking standing where they're thinking and i was one of those people i'm not ashamed to fucking say it i contacted better help and my life is completely fucking different many people think therapies for so-called crazy people that's a lot therapy doesn't mean something's wrong with you it means that you're recognizing that we're all humans and that we all have emotions and need to learn to control them and avoid them therapy is a tool to utilize before things get worse i got a sign sent to me march 2nd i'll tell you some other time i was going to an agent's house to watch the chinese girl from the u of c fight rose or the other

girl the the russian girl with the brown hair with the always does the toenails and stuff and i was acting erratic i was getting it out of a car i didn't recognize that that was what my anxiety really was i never tagged it and this is where i am here today so i'm very happy i found better help don't wait until it's fucking unbearable better help is customized online therapy they offer video phone and live chat sessions you don't have to see anybody on cam if you don't want to and i'll tell you what it's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can start communicating with your therapist in less than 48 hours i had a therapy i still deal with her her name is dana she had nice gloves in the beginning she held me together and here i am today starting to kick

some fucking ass so listen don't hold yourself back 2022 is right around the corner give it a try and see why the two million people have used better help online therapy and just for the joint listeners what we're going to do is we're going to give you 10% off your first month joey that's not much but it's going to help you first off better help's not overly expensive so you're already getting a break and i'm gonna uncle joey's coming at you with 10% you got no excuses so do me a favor go to betterhelp.com slash ds that's betterhelp.com slash ds d i a z that's betterhelp.com slash ds take control of your life and get the fucking help you deserve cocksuckers trust me i did it and i feel tip top magoo it took a while it took a while it takes work on your end guys

you're not gonna fucking they're not gonna you're not gonna do therapy they're gonna send you medication you're gonna sit in front of the fucking tv and watch shit all day no you gotta work a little bit you gotta go for a walk you gotta get some vitamin d you gotta fucking take your vitamins you gotta do a thousand fucking a thousand things before you even have to do anything when you're taking care of yourself it's your health cocksuckers betterhelp slash ds now where the fuck where we might get i don't even fucking know this whole therapeutic qualm got me out of fucking pickle so yeah it's just i don't know you know i don't know what people are supposed to i don't know what how people want you to act like do you want me to walk around wounded you know i'm sure a lot of

you people want has got divorced divorce is a very hard fucking transition okay very hard transition when you get divorced talk to people have been divorced it's a fucking night man don't get divorced it's too much paperwork the kids the attorneys everybody fucking lies to you don't get motherfucking divorced but if you divorce somebody how they're gonna feel about you if you contact somebody's ex what are they gonna say about you he's a great guy he's she's a great nobody nobody very seldom do people break up and go you know what we just we just didn't get along we're gonna go our own ways now it just doesn't work that way there's always some type of fucking animosity you know so whatever i don't even know how we got to the

fucking animosity into divorces who gives a fuck it's monday november the 29th guys and we got what 29 one more day november has 30 31 holy shit guys this year's got like 33 years left 33 days left 33 years jesus christ i'm sticking up i'm looking at that physical graffiti album too much 10 10 years gone there's a fucking name of that song but no i just uh didn't understand that this morning and i was talking about me and my wife were talking about it sunday morning at breakfast how people you know are going after him now the daughter the one daughter was going after him from the previous marriage he's living with a he's got a son the african fucking americans you know this guy i mean you don't expect to fall like this you know before i john burnt those in the movie so i remember

john burnt all along i having a conversation about his father and even burnt all did some deep you know john is an actor a really good actor he he digs deep into everything and he was like the guy had some fucking issues but all that all that that movie should make you want to do is honor your fucking daughters i watched the movie and i was like okay i'm on the right fucking path here i'm not beating my daughter i would never raise my hand to my daughter we discussed that 10 years ago and this is not happening when the nun hit me i don't believe in hitting fucking kids you know what when i got hit it didn't fucking change who i was it didn't when you get hit when you're older you learn you know when somebody hits you for not paying your drugs or

when you don't pay a bookie or something like that it's one different thing but no my mother and parents hit me isn't what if i look deep at it it was when people spoke to me it was when people pulled me aside sat me down looked in my eyes and talked to me and said just look at it for yourself you're doing something wrong and at first i'd be a little apprehensive but as you go along you're like yeah it was me and then it all goes away i'm not here to blame you know one of my biggest fucking weaknesses for years was not copying to the truth not copying to your mistakes not you know recognizing your mistakes and going fuck i fucked up that was one of my biggest that's what i threw me in jail i didn't get thrown in jail because listen between me and you all three

of us should have been in jail me vella and fucking tidwell you know i didn't like that they made vella a fucking victim but that was then this is now we overcame that i'm happy that i told you guys about my kidnapping i'm happy i told you all these things so when the book comes out and you read it i even got wittney houston there for people don't want to hear that i had to i'm opening up my heart to you guys i'm i'm gonna show you my struggle from my youth i'm gonna show you my struggle in prison i'm gonna show you my struggle as a comic and i'm really having a good time with the comic struggle because it's not as you know the book turned after prison and after i leave my daughter and stuff like that after i moved from boulder the book takes an edge that you look at and go what the

fuck we were going through all this hell and fireworks and prisons and people getting smacked and people getting yelled at and people getting buried and now we're at this calm fucking of the storm which is my comedy career it was very i struggled but it's not as the struggle that i had in my earlier fucking uh in my earlier in my youth so you're gonna struggle for fucking that but there's always gonna be people we're gonna try to fucking derail you like they tried to derail this fucking wil smith movie who gives a fuck those people go to fuck away when they can't get that way see because everybody always wants something that's what you people gotta remember that's why whenever you see an artist movie star athlete he accomplishes something

really good 10 days later there's something negative in there and we all believe that shit don't believe it you're not there and right away you attack whatever the fuck they're talking about that's not the way it is somebody was not happy a couple of months ago we saw something that was very shocking i'm not i didn't get mad at them i didn't say nothing but it made you think it was when rogan got the deal nobody really said nothing a couple people complained you know people try to knock them down now that they just gave up now they're not even quoting them on everything now the horseworm and all that shit but i don't even know what i was gonna tell you about rogan who the fuck is the shit that's what happens when you see people you know as soon as

he got the hotline do you remember marin went off a couple months ago he was he was doing tom cigarist thing and he actually said fucking joe rogan he does those noise i'm not mad at marin for doing it i expected somebody to fucking be mad about rogan getting the deal i expect i wasn't mad i was happy for him i never said a negative fucking thing about i was just cracking jokes the whole time i've had 20 conversations with joe about you know how positive it was and what a great time we have but even that and i'm not mad at marin i'm not bad mouth and marin i like mark marks put me on his shows me and mark have great conversations i think mark is a great musician i'm just using mark as an example that you know mark went on tom cigar one day and just

you know you know he let his emotions go i wouldn't have done something like that i'm sure i've done things like that in the past on the podcast i've said of somebody who you know but it's not i was never upset with joe i'm not listen guys to become to grow as a human being as an artist you have to be happy for your peers sincerely from your heart i'm not talking about i'm so happy for mickey's and the food fighters now and i'll turn around and i'm walking fuck mic can't play the fucking guitar no i'm talking about and i can look you guys in the face of all these and tell you that when my brother josh wolf in 1999 got that deal again i'll tell you for 10 minutes i thought negative things and i said whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa you're in the

calm of business uncle joey you have to be happy for them with no fucking the snags you have to check your stomach you know how you always in your stomach or say like fuck that motherfucker no no no no it's gotta be pure and when you attain that happiness for other people you will start to fucking grow try it try it instead of fucking looking for people short and just say you know what i'm happy for that motherfucker i have disagreements with him but i know the work he put in because i put the same work in and now i know the work i have to put in to accomplish the same goals as him and trust me dog we do with music all the time i'm a real critical music fucking fan but i always like okay i'll tell you some shit i was

thinking about the other day by myself in the car that fucking bang gretta van horn came on whatever the fuck gretta van fleet i like the songs okay the songs are great but you motherfuckers that compare them to jeep to led zeppelin after four songs you better get your fucking shit together it's like in the ufc when a guy takes like a three fights kid and he wins decisively and all sudden you're like he's back let's give him two more fights i see how back he really is let's not get excited let's sit tight and see how he reacts to this we don't you know we just go fucking nuts on this shit so i don't believe it's the truth i like him i'm not saying nothing negative about him i just want you to understand that i'm just saying led zeppelin led zeppelin put up nine

fucking albums okay the accomplishment wasn't a nine albums you know what the accomplishment was with the band they stayed together that's the accomplishment of band how long can you stay with what if you come to your girlfriend i i think i want the next album to be acoustic acoustic and they start going on we hate acoustic you know yeah that's what's kind of you know so i don't know you gotta fucking believe in your moves you gotta eliminate all this shit they're gonna say about you and just believe and listen guys i had to go through this if you don't think every time i got an accomplishment as i saw people on twitter i'm like who the fuck is gonna raise their hand this week i'm surprised none of the guys i did time with have raised their

fucking hands not one of them one guy called didn't look me up alexander alex alex bray or whatever he was on the podcast when we first uh i forget what his name was he was my roommate in the halfway house max Mexican kid alex or whatever his name was but that's the only guy i reached out to a guy andrew purdy as soon as i fucking longest yard came out i thought it'd be 20 convicts i did time with that motherfucker he almost blew up the kitchen one time with his fucking bagels and shit that dude used to hold steroids for the mother you know i i didn't know who was gonna come out and raise their hand but you know what nobody fucking did and when those other people two years ago came out and uh he got his dick sucked in the belly room who else came out to raise their hand

one person that stiffs that poor fat bastard that's dead as fucking creepy wife i showed him my cock why would i show you my cock nobody's even hit on you since the fucking guy died but anyway that's a complete snipping story why the fuck open up that can of worms it's motherfucking monday jack and we're fired the fuck up november 29 we finally got here you know what the years been fucking lumpy but better days are fucking coming i know you people like joey they closed israel we're gonna call listen wake up take your vitamins keep slinging dick jet our fucking our fucking party is just starting i've been down for a fucking year do you know what i felt like i couldn't make eye contact i couldn't fucking get up in the morning i couldn't talk to fucking people i couldn't wait

i couldn't wait for micah to leave arie came here one time i couldn't wait for him to fucking leave for a year i fucking suffered in silence but i did the work behind the scenes and here we are today ready to sling dick i'm going to jiu-jitsu tomorrow at 12 and that's all that matters a shout out to my coach shawn over at jiu-jitsu who's taking me under his fucking wing and look i'm a new fucking man cocksucker we got on it we had the cyber sale last monday i put up the freeze pipe video the fucking freeze pipe video people went fucking nuts i love you motherfuckers on it still got their sale going on freeze pipe got their fucking sale going on draft king zip recruiter we got it going on for 2022 i love you motherfuckers i hope you

have a great monday i hope you have a great week watch true fucking story with kevin heart and my man from new jack city and watch fucking king richard i don't want to hear about his past life for his daughters or why he what what's that song by bruce springsteen i went down what was i love that song everybody got a hungry heart i went i'm buffalo jack i went out for a ride and i never came back that's it like a river that's going over flown that's it baby that's my fucking story i love you cocksuckers with all my heart have a great week thank you for watching the joint and now for a word from my motherfucking sponsor jack all right you bad motherfuckers i want to thank you for listening to the joint today uh you know it was what it was i was a little upset about uh

wil smith's movie because there's always somebody who wants to talk about your fucking past what you did 23 years ago fuck those motherfuckers like i said the joint is sponsored by better help online therapy listen better help want you to know the truth about some of the stigmas around mental health listen i know you're feeling a little weird some years the world just changed the last 19 20 months he's supposed to feel fucking weird but therapy is here to help you many people think that therapy is for crazy people but it's really not and i thought the same thing too i went to a couple group therapy things and i didn't feel too good about it but i'll tell you after the last year i had to do something and somebody referred better help to me and i met with a dana called i

met with a counselor called dana and i gotta tell you man i feel a lot better therapy doesn't mean there's something wrong with you it means you recognize that we're all humans and that we all have emotions and you know you gotta learn to control them and not avoid them because they're gonna pop up and that's what happened with me i wasn't smoking dope so all those things i had buried were coming up and i had i had a fucking flush amount so i contacted betterhelp.com and dana's there for me therapies are tooled to utilize before things get worse and i was bad man so don't wait until things are unbearable like i did jump right now everybody needs a little help let me tell you something better help is more affordable than in-person therapy again better

help is more affordable than in-person therapy it's customized online therapy they offer video phone even live chat sessions if you don't want to see no one the camera won't see you either so it's fine it's much more affordable and yes you can start communicating with your therapist in less than 48 hours that's pretty big right there so if you contact the if you contact better help today they'll reach out to you like by wednesday take their little survey pay attention to what they're doing answer honestly and man you're gonna get some great results give it a try and see why over two million people have used better help online therapy and just for the joint listeners i'm gonna do this this is cheap as it is but you're gonna get 10 percent off your first month

at betterhelp.com slash ds di az that's betterhelp.com slash ds take control of your life and get the help you deserve better help the joint is also brought to you by zip recruiter i just showed mikey rush my emails i got 10 of them and three of them were from zip recruiter because i sent them a fugazi resume i didn't know what i was doing i was didn't do it on purpose i just haven't filled out a resume in years and every day they come back to me like 10 jobs listen as the holidays approach there's still a lot of jobs to fill you know so if you got a job opening and you need help filling it and right now everybody needs help i don't know why half the world isn't on zip recruiter because it's for free right now zip recruiter.com slash joey is free

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your own mind and what you need to get through for your health right now go to hannah pressing code joey j o e y d s whatever try something i don't give a fuck what you try and get 10 percent off the limit right to your house thank you guys i want to thank hannah i want to thank zip recruiter i want to thank better help on a beautiful monday had better helping all these the reason why i have these i know these products will help you guys i'm not just sitting here fucking jumping up and down i got 20 people a day reaching out for me to help them i like these products and that's why give them a try whether it's better help zip recruiter on it you won't be let down i love you motherfuckers roll up my heart don't forget they got tons of fucking laughing gas at the ice cream

shop if you buy laughing gas from any other place it's not the real laughing gas so i'm giving you guys a heads up stay black i love you motherfuckers and i'll see you wednesday morning tip top magoo