Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 12/04/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #133

Episode Date: December 5, 2013

Rick Ramos joins Joey and Lee in Studio. Director of Grudge Match, Peter Segal, calls in. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Recorded live on 12/04/2013.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your tv, pc, smart phone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey that's huluplus.com slash joey and by dollarshaveclub.com. Get a high quality razor sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church that's dollarshaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollarshave club banner. Keep the fucking movie running, Lee. Hey, what is this, Lee? Right here. Listen to this.

I just looked in the mirror, hit it and things are looking so good. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Looking California, feeling Minnesota, your balls are on fire. It's Wednesday, December 4th and you're a bad motherfucker. Thank you for being here today. The church of what's happening now. We got my main man, Lee Syat, looking like Barnabas Collins today. His little head, dude's the point of that. You don't know Barnabas Collins is a Jew, but nobody knows. My man Rick Ram. Yeah, he was a Jew. Collins is a Jewish last name. I mean, it's not like, are you sure? You can't argue with them. Collins is a fucking, you know, Collins was a Jew. Okay. You're on fire today. You call

me at nine in the morning, like you already out to 18 meetings. I was already out. I was already, I went to do kettlebells this morning. I fucking got up at 330. I wrote a chapter in the book. You got up at 330? By mistake. Oh, Jesus. I went the first time. I went to bed, stoned to the gills. It was Tuesday. It was Sons of Anarchy night. I barely made it up to the end of Sons of Anarchy. I was so fucking high last night. I went to, I was supposed to take blood out. The chick wasn't there. So I got to retrieve till tomorrow. I don't know what I did in the morning. And then I went to Jiu-Jitsu. And then I fucking went with the kid to the mall and ran around that little fucking circle with kids. I got the flu in me again. Now I got to fight

like a fucking with a sword at home. And I didn't even go to acupuncture yesterday. And I went home, watched Sons, had some fish, and I was fucking stoned. I ate two Chibo chews. I was done. You understand me? Fucking done. Curtains. And I got... Well, yeah, when you eat fucking, how, were the deca doses or quad doses? Deca. I want to fucking... See, we ate 20 doses in one. I ate two fucking, I ate 350 milligrams right off the bat to get me started. No fucking slowing me down. No nothing. 350. No fucking bullpen. Fuck these fucking faggots. I came out slinging dick like fucking Richard Guillen 83. You understand me? Fucking everybody was sucking his dick back then. Anyway, I watched Sons of Anakin. I fucking passed out. Got up at 3.30, wrote, washed my pussy,

had a nice healthy breakfast with the wife. She went to work. I went to the kettlebell gym. You know me, though. I keep it simple. I met my man Rick Ramelos. When Rick Ramelos came over, I was in the process of motherfucking some motherfuckers. Because sometimes you got a motherfucker, motherfucker, every once in a while. You just get sick and tired, you know? And it's a bad situation in life when you have to motherfuck a motherfucker. You feel bad because you're too old to do that shit. But you know what? It's my world. If you want to come into it, then I'm motherfucking. But you know what I'm saying? It's my world. I love it. I'm king of that shit. But whatever. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Rick Ramelos is here. We're going to talk about movies,

upcoming movies. He's going out with you. Your dad is fucking gone. Yes. I know you're happy. Your old man was here for how long? Eight days, torture. Good dude, though. Good, solid motherfucker. You know, that's the craziest thing. You have them out here. They're staying with you. And you love them to death. But at the same time, you're like, fuck, how do I come from these people? You know what I mean? It was just... It was that. And I'm nice. Like, I give them the bed. So I was on the couch for eight days. And it's just, and Joey said it since I've been out here, the maximum from now on has to be four days. Like, that's fucking... That was enough. Because we ran out of stuff to talk about. It's just after four days, it's just... That's it.

And that's if he's got activities. Yeah. That's if somebody comes to your home and says, listen, I'm going to be on the couch. We'll do dinner tonight. I'm going to go see my cousin from Jersey. I'm going to go see my friend from college. That's if they rent their own car. Never mind where he shadowed you. I mean, you didn't take a shower. Thank God you didn't take a shower together. Because he would have been in there with you. And I know the feeling. And then people understand, guys like you and I, we have our own little world here and that little world. And this is why I can't have it. Once you're from those... There's people that are very open with their lives and like to have a good time and people in and out of their house. Listen,

when I'm home, they'll all shut up. This is where I filter everything I've seen for the last three or four fucking days. My wife always says that the baby loads her mind up while she's sleeping and everything she learned the day before. I'm the same fucking way. I'm a kid. I go home and everything you're talking about, I don't filter it when you're telling me. I filter it three days later and I'm like, what the fuck was he talking about? I'm like, call you up. What the fuck were you saying about a podcast that people called? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. That's how I live my life because it's too much. It's just too much. So yeah, but the thing about it is when you've got parents coming in from out of town, especially when you live out here,

they're back there. I don't know about you. I see my folks maybe four times a year. Which is a lot for most people. Which is a lot for people out here. But you're two hours away. I'm two hours away. I'm there. And you go walk there and say, yeah. Exactly. But it's like they're fucking older every time I get there. And it's just like, I know at some point, look, when my old man goes, I'm going to be okay with it because I did everything that a son was supposed to do to have that relationship with him. And he's a hard motherfucker. He's the toughest fucker I've ever known. I know they're tougher guys, but you know what I mean? He's that guy that you

didn't fuck with. He's the guy that still scares the shit out of me. I respect them. We have tried to communicate. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. But I have that bond with my mom. And I know that when my mom goes, fuck, man. Yeah. Just start doing suicide watches on me because it's going to be over at that point. I know I'm going to be drunk for about a month and a half. I'm just going to be Ricky Ramos 2004. Remember how fucked up I was back then? Well, there's two, there's two sides to every story. And this is what, like I was talking to a friend of mine from back east, and he said that he went to meet a friend of mine and that the guy was, now, well, I'm from, it's a little on the heavy

side with parents. Yeah. It's a little heavier. We come from a different generation. I'm 50. So the parents are a little older. And he said that we went to visit a friend of mine. My friend was disrespectful to his father. He stopped talking to a different friend of mine. And I go, this is what happens when you move them in. Okay. As much you, I would listen. And now I haven't had a mother in 32 years. So if my mother knocked on my door, and I throw my wife out of the fucking house, you understand me? I kick her the fuck out, maybe keep the baby for a few days. I'll give it to but because I haven't had a mother. So there's a happy medium guys. I can't imagine my mother in my house with my wife. I would shoot myself if I was in the kitchen, give myself food and

and listen to that conversation. Yeah. Do you understand me? So there's two ways to watch this, what you have to find in your life with your family, or even fucking friends. Yeah, I don't. I am a homebody. And for 30 years, I didn't have a home. So I slept on couches. I always had to be with somebody. I always had to be taking a story from somebody. The day I liberated myself from that lifestyle, I swore I would never go back to that. So whenever I have the opportunity to be by myself in a room, I fucking take it. Yeah. You know, I fucking take it. I'm like all you guys. You have the same thing. And you have the same thing. You enjoy being by yourself. Listen, I'd much better go to the movies or anything by myself and have to meet somebody. Oh, I love

you in the movies. Oh, my God. People make fun of me. Oh, my God. I went to see good fellas. I used to go to Bruce Lee movies by myself when I was eight. And I couldn't believe the freedom. Just sitting there. Your whole thing. Sit where you want popcorn. If not, there's always a guy got to go to bathroom. Somebody's 10 minutes late. Oh, I remember the one that it killed me. It was a terrible movie. I was going with my friends to see couples retreat, which it was horrible. Exactly. That's bad. They picked that. And it was like four or five. How old were you? 18, whatever. However long ago, we came out four or five years ago. Yeah. But then there were people I didn't know. And they were talking and laughing and want running around. And I was like, this is the worst.

I stopped going to movies with people. I won't go Friday night at 10 o'clock because I could get depressed. But like middle of the day or even like five o'clock. What the fuck you think matinees are made for? Matinees are made for losers like us. And we think about, listen, Rick Ramos, me and Rick were having a conversation here in the car. And I didn't want Rick to take it wrong, but I knew he would say, what the fuck is Joey saying? After a point, I can't sit there no more watching a movie. I just can't do it. You still can't make it to a movie? A new movie with my wife fucking 1000 miles. My fucking leg starts tapping. That movie ain't what it's supposed to be. Yeah. At a certain point, my leg starts tapping. And if it's really not

supposed to be what it's supposed to be, now I start getting furious. And with my luck, nobody calls me. But as soon as I go see a movie, that's an agent's want to talk to me. And people want to talk to me about playing master's with garden and shooting a movie with fucking, you know, whatever I'm so funny. Let me, let me ask you this. Where do you guys, and because everyone disagrees with me, but where do you sit? If you're sitting, if you're going by yourself center, you sit center, always center, but in the back. I don't like people sitting next to me. Yeah. I don't want to motherfucking next to me. I have a, but if you go to the right show, you don't have to deal with motherfuckers. You go to the first show in the middle of the day on a weekday. If you know,

you ain't got shit going on and nothing's going to happen, which is a lot of cases I have. I'll go to the first show, middle of the world. There's nobody in there. I've been in theaters when there have been like four people in there and we avoid each other like the fucking plate because there's a common understanding that they're like me. It's like, if you have somebody and he comes sits in my row, I can fucking piss. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, it's just like it. And especially the theater is empty. Yeah. Or in front of you, like the one in front of you. That's what I said. I like the aisle because like right on the edge because if it's a huge theater, there's a difference, but like a normal theater, like it does. It's not that big. And I like, no one's sitting here.

I can like, I feel like there's a better exit. I always pick the aisle. You know what the aisle thing is though? Because we're all fat guys. Yeah. Isle is the best thing for a fat guy because you get up, you move, you're not, you're not getting in front of somebody. You're not doing that excuse me shit. Then you feel even fatter. You feel shittier about yourself. You can't shout. I went to Yo Gabba Gabba the other day and there was some mom that thought she was fucking Beverly Hills with her fucking mother-in-law and they were sitting and I'm walking on my door and this bitch is like, I'm going to excuse me. I smile high and they got kids. They got kids. Okay. Everybody's there with their kids. I'm like, excuse me. This bitch had a leg up with her fucking

cell phone and wouldn't move. And I looked right at, okay. And she, the kids sold us and all the soldiers were right here. They all went down. And I turned around and said, I'm sorry, but next time think ahead and she's looking at me. I just walked away. I don't give a fuck. I asked you for excuse me. Now a couple weeks ago on a plane, I ate an edible and I took a blood pressure pill and I had a fucking pee on the plane and they gave me, they awarded me an upgrade to first class and they put me by the window. Listen, when somebody gives you Virginia ham, you don't fucking cry because you don't have bread. You take the Virginia ham and you run like a motherfucker. And that's exactly what I did. I didn't say nothing, but this guy sat next to me that

smelled like booze and he had been out all night drinking and guess what? He went there to sleep. Yeah. And every 15 minutes, I would just plunk and he go, huh? I got a pee done. Time to get up. And finally I said, listen, you got one more shot. You can take the window and I won't bother you. You're going, no, no, it's okay. Okay. I must have peed 18 times and I always pee and stress it out and then I start getting anxiety attacks because I got a pee. And me, I'll take my dick out and pee right there. Virgin Airlines. If you let me with a cup, I don't even want to get up no more. With a cup, not even a bottle? I'm sick and tired of getting up to pee and I got to figure out how to pee by my bed in the middle of the night like a little tube, connect it to my dick.

You can't have it run to like the litter box. There's already a litter box in there, isn't there? No, it's too far away. That's too much. That's too much messed up piss. But me, me, Rick Ramos and Lee Hasaya have something in common. And that's the beauty about being somebody who loves food and loves theater or movies. Good movies, whatever it is. We like to entertainment. The release of going, in 1985 when I was robbing and people were looking for me, my whole day was about going over that New York City Bridge, walking if I had to to get some sun. These aren't crazy. In my mind, I walk over to get sun. I go over, I get a bag of reefer, I roll the joint, smoke it. I roll two joints. I have three. They give you three for $10 in those

days. I'd smoke two joints. I'd roll two and keep one for later. I'd roll the joint before the Cuban Food on 175th Street. And then I'm away from 175th to 178th to catch the movie. I'd roll another, I'd smoke the other one and I'd go inside for $2, two movies. They start at one, get out of there at five in the afternoon. I'd get up in between movies to stretch your arms and shit and throw a couple sidekicks for Jesus. Those are the best days of my life, guys. To me, that's living. You want to utopia for me? I roll out a bed about 6.15. Some fucking Chinese guy cooks me some eggs, whites, whatever, anything healthy, turkey. So as long as I'm going to look at it and sniff it, just cook me, surprise me.

After that, he gives me a little back rub, I do a little Tai Chi. Then I take a little shower, then I take a little fits like the old school Jews and sweat it all out. Then when I come out, fucking Ching Wu has a glass of orange juice from Uncle Joey. Freshly squeezed, okay? He puts a robe on flavor, right? Then I go in my bedroom and I put fucking some clothes on. I go on the computer. I fuck around with you cocksuckers for 10, 15 minutes. While that, I'm taking bonk hits the whole time. Then I go to Lemley, South, North, whatever the movie theater is and I pick what movie I like and I leave my house. But before I go into that movie theater, I stop at the best Chinese joint in town and eat the lunch special. Because in my world,

that's fucking success. Anybody could go to Arty Morton's or whatever, little fucking chink place with fucking six tables. And you know those motherfuckers been killing cats in the back. And you go in there, you order some shredded motherfucking pork and that egg roll is delicious with the pork under the Chinese guy. You know him, his name is Harold. You know, you know, a Chinese place is good when the wait has got an American name. You know what I'm saying? That's when you know when you go into his name is Mike, you know, or fucking Stanley, you know, how the fuck is your name Stanley, you Chinese, you know what I'm saying? Get it together cocksucker. So and you eat and then you go to a movie theater, you go to this movie that's going to be highly

touted. It's going to be packed and you walk in there's eight motherfuckers and you don't have your own seat. You got your own motherfucking section and then you open up your pants, you open up your you open up your fucking belt, you open up your zippers in case your balls it you put your hand into the front, you put that leg up like a soldier and you watch that movie for two hours while you're eating your fucking M&M with peanuts. That's success. Yeah, that is and people have no idea when you walk out of there. If you're like us, how happy you are about your life. How happy you're like, wow, I just watched two movies, two movies are the perfect amount. One is not enough. If you're involved, especially there were certain movies that had to come. Like if you watch one

dirty anything with Clint Eastwood from 1970 to 1985, the unforgiving, you have to watch them back to back something. You always need one more Clint Eastwood. You always need one more Brad Pitt. Like I always like watching the Fight Club with fucking there was something else, not the fucking German one when he played they fought the Jews. The bastard, which one you talking about? Seven? You talking about? I like seven. I like seven a lot. I haven't seen seven in a long fucking time. Seven is dynamite. What are you doing? But that's the thing. People are searching for happiness and they they ignore what's sitting right in front of them. You know what? I'm like Joey, get something to eat, go to a movie, sit there, fucking darkness comes. As long as there's no fucking asshole

sitting there playing on their phone, taking calls in the middle of it. That's why I go early. When I go when there's going to be as few people as possible. I went and saw a movie last night, 1030 at the Arclight. There were four people in the theater. I was digging it because it was my thing. It was it was just expensive, but it is. It's a world class place. You know what though? Every other theater is just maybe a dollar or two less than that. But every time I go to the Arclight, I got to get the sauce and sandwich. Yeah, that's 550. You know, the Diet Coke. That's another six bucks. You drop 40 when you go to the Arclight. But you know what? How often do you do? It's like you're getting, it's like you're paying $40 for a hand job. You know what? Whatever.

I pay, I overpaid by $30, but you know what? I stretch my legs. I had a great seat. The seat's comfortable unless you weigh 6,000 pounds. That's the only way those seats are uncomfortable. I used to go to a movie theater in San Francisco in the mid eighties where they had couches. Oh yeah. Fresh chocolate chip cookies, popcorn with a stick of butter melted on top of the fucking thing. I mean, it was brilliant. And there was a little more then to go in there because they couldn't have, they could only have 30 fucking seats. Have you been to one of the ones where they serve you dinner yet? Yeah. Do you like it? I like it. Yeah, it's a little bit more expensive. I haven't been to the one in Marina del Rey yet. I did one in San Antonio once. But it's

pretty cool. The waiter can't get too talky and it can get annoying, but it is kind of nice. And it's a little bit more and a lot of times it's 21 plus, which is nice. Well, they're serving. You can get a beer, you can get a cocktail, you can get a burger, you can get pizza, you can get all kinds of things. I saw that in Toronto. In Toronto in the late nineties, I went to a movie theater that had waitresses and I thought it was brilliant at the time. I thought it was brilliant. I fucking, unless you got a pee or something, what a nightmare it is to get up one. Now they make the bathroom two fucking miles away. That's a problem. You come back and you miss 20 fucking minutes. You know, my favorite, my favorite thing is those thing I got out there, the reclining

love seat I have that with a Diet Coke and my Blu-ray collection. That's all I need. Like even like, I'll go, I'll go out and my favorite place in LA is New Beverly. That's like, Oh, New Beverly is a great little thing. That's the only reason I would want to live not in the valley is to walk there. But you know, the New Beverly, that's where we saw hard times. Fuck it. Yeah, fuck it. Yeah, shitty theater. That's it. You know, it's just great. And how like $2. Oh yeah. Abe Lincoln saw the double feature there. That's all I give a fuck about. That, that, that was, remember the best thing about that movie was the guy from hard times was there. Yeah. Jenner. No, no, no, no. Glover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bruce Glover.

That his son also did the, his son was in back in the post range, back to the future and River's Edge and he played the remake of Willard. Boom. Boom. Just like that. I don't know if you motherfuckers have noticed it today. It's a motherfucking movie podcast. If you want to talk about eating pussy and stabbing Jews, today's not your lucky day. You understand me? Today's not your lucky day, cocksuckers. Today's Fat Man alert day here. These are three fat motherfuckers with experience. Not those little half a fag fucking guy you see on USA that are fat with like a Fat Man suit and they try to play Fat Man. Fuck you. Nobody eats Chinese food before they go to those little fucks. Stop it like a rat. What is it that the place that those two half a fags

come up in the car? Huh? Did you get the fries? No, I didn't get the fries. When did you get the fries? What's the name of that fucking Zonic? Zonic is for fucking fuck. Don't even get me started, right? No. Fuck you, cocksucker. What I'm saying is we're professionals. We think about, we plan the fucking day before the movie theater. We even know where the park. Yeah. Like we're that much professional. I go to movie theater where I don't want to pay the park. I go to Burbank because it's free. I go to Burbank as well. Yeah, it's free. You know what the thing about it is Burbank is cool. AMC's, AMC's, but look at the stairs at Burbank. There's an escalator. There's an escalator. Yeah, I can do that. That's not a problem. Even with the escalator, I get sick. I can't make plans,

kid. I can't make plans to go to that fucking theater because of the escalator. Because if I go there and the stairs between the escalator, that movie theater can't be something. Let me tell you what, let me tell you what AMC has over everything else and specifically that one. Parking is free over there if you do it on the right side over there by the mall. But first show $7, $750 like that. So you say, I'm talking about a 930 in the morning, 10 o'clock movie. I can make it to that. I go, boom. I got my phone on me. I figure out what's playing in the same theater that day. Yeah. I just start jumping from theater to theater because I'm not paying fucking $14 a movie. If I can, I'm old school. I want to get every fucking

What's the most different than the day? Five. Oh, I've only done four. I did five. When I was a kid though, you can't do it out here because there's not, and that's only in the summer when they're playing that many good movies. I remember seeing it. Not all good, but when I was broke, when I first moved out here, I'd go to Burbank and on like Saturdays, I would go in like 11 or 12 for the, and I would stay, I stayed for four. I was going to stay for five, but like it started to get painful after that. Between the ages of maybe five and 10 was the heightened of the Bruce Lee popularity. Yeah. And you guys have no idea what that made the movie theaters become. So kids would go to the movie theater at 11 o'clock and sit there all fucking day, and they would come and check

tickets, but there were people who just paid for the whole fucking day and sat there. And at the end, they would go to the back at the Cnetoni on 48th Street. They had like 10 feet in the back, and they would just start karate fighting. And it was, guys, that's a movie theater that if I ever get to write a script or somebody comes to me and say, you want to write a movie about your life is such a piece of my life that when I write about the times I went there, just the movies off the top, off the top, right? The first day they came out, I went to see the longest yard there. I went to see the longest yard there, bro, with a kid named John Bender, whose family took me in to see this. This is why when I got offered that role, it was more than a role. I knew the movie

was going to suck it, you know. But it was just about that I remembered, especially that Friday, going up there, who I went with, and standing on the seats, yelling on the seats, just yelling with other kids from different high schools and grammar schools. And another movie I saw there was Rocky. I saw Enter the Dragon there. First one, I saw the Exorcist there. First one, I saw, you know, Chinese Connection, Fist of Fury, the one that they made about the devil where they gave you a puke bag in the beginning. You had to come with your mother and they didn't care. You guys are regular. Just don't get sick all over the fuck. They give you a puke bag. Really? They ripped out the chick's tongue. Like this was like that was like pushing the envelope. That was something

that was done. That was a movie that was done to out fuck the Exorcist, but it just didn't have the Exorcist as a slow finger up your ass. It's a build. It's a build. It just moves every 10 minutes. You just feel it. Another knuckle. And you're like, what the fuck? What is this finger in the my ass? That's the Exorcist. But I saw movies there that I can't describe when you walked out of there, what you felt like. Like that's why I did drugs after that. Because that's the only thing I think, like they always said, if you ever watched the Kenneson Documentaries, there was one that spoke about the reason why he did drugs is because especially comedians, once they get off stage, they want to keep that while I go. Okay. All right, whatever. But it's

funny how with those movies, when you walked out of there, they were part of my life. Like it was a 10 block. It was 48th Street in Bergen Line Avenue. My mother's bar was 29th Street from 48th Street to 29th Street. You were that character. Yeah, you either fuck it. You wanted somebody coming for you. You wanted somebody to come fuck with you. You're domestic. If you're going to do something, it was just something that you just became this, this other per, oh my God, I get teary eyed. You can hear the music in your head. Oh my fucking God. You're feeling that shit. It's such a good. The end of Bruce Lee, even Rocky, Rocky had people everywhere. Rocky, when I went to see him, motherfucker, this is New Jersey, New Jersey, dead bodies everywhere. There was no fun.

Listen, there was no, there's no knockout game. People had gone out of their rows for Rocky. Rocky was something you've never seen before. It was phenomenal. It was underdogs. That's where you just understood the beauty of this whole fuck. You walked out of there. Next, you know, everybody on the block was a boxer. Everybody became a boxer. 76. And everybody was Rocky. Everybody was Rocky or Rocky's cousin. And it's just so weird. Like those movies you left there walking with something. They're a piece of your feather. The first time I said, well, I don't want fucking Josie. Well, I saw that with Juan Twero. I saw my stepfather. And when that Indian and him met and they they cut the, I couldn't, it was too much for my fucking 12 year old head

guys. It was too much. That shit doesn't happen today in movies. Well, I shut a movie over because it's too much. This is too when Clint Eastwood cuts his hand and he's telling this Indian that looks like a killer. Not only that, there's 20 killers behind him on horses with spears. And he's telling them, listen, we're the sign of the Comanche, motherfucker. This was going to go down. We're going to plant. We're going to go part this way. And listen, if the shit gets heavy against the white man, I'll fucking shoot more white men than you, motherfucker. Shake step on the break. That is one of the most emotional parts in any fucking motion picture I have ever seen. You know what else I saw there? On the waterfront. Not first one.

The Sinatra was close by. So they used to play all those movies from time to time. That's how I found that Sinatra was from Hudson County was at that movie theater. They had the Sinatra had been up there once and signed on it. I didn't go. I wasn't there, but it's just fucking amazing. You engage yourself. You invest yourself into something that you're watching. It's like how many times we're grown fucking men. We're grown men. I remember coming back. I was 20 years old. I'm coming back from the University of Chicago back to Northwestern because every Wednesday they would have a Jackie Chan thing. There would be like three months of nothing but Jackie Chan movies. So we would come back fucking high kicking and all that. And I'm fighting with

this one guy in the hallway and I knock him on his ass accidentally. He reaches over, grabs my feet and pulls him out from underneath me and I go fucking backwards into the corner of a wall. I got this 13 inch scar in the back of my head that's just bleeding all over the place. Why? Because we're pretending we're fucking Jackie Chan. A couple of grown men running around the halls beating the shit out of each other like a couple of idiots. Meanwhile, I'm in the fucking hospital for the rest of the night just stitching up my head. I got an MRI. The ambulance is coming. It was like who's the RA on duty and I raised my hand. I'm the fucking RA. I mean that was so much fun back in the day, man. And we would do it now. Yeah. A movie was an event. A movie was an event.

Oh it was. It was. I still remember going to see a pop lips now. My sophomore year in high school right around the time my mother died. I was psychologically a shot. Yeah. And I took a hit of acid. I got with John Crowley, Louis Castellito, like a bunch of killers down in Rago. And there's a line. It's the midnight movie of Apocalypse Now plus the Rocky Haddock picture show. Shit's about to go down. Okay. We're all tripping on fucking acid. Kurt DiLorenzo. Just all these fucking kids that were just their parents. It was a great crew of kids. And John Crowley was the leader of Hilarious that this kid was just a very funny, natural guy. And he was crazy. And as we're walking in, we look on the floor and there's an ice cream cone because there was a carvel across

the street. That's why I like going in because you did carvel, got a cone or a sundae, then blasting that would slow down the high a little bit. We don't even go this night. By that time, we're doing coke and shit, but we weren't doing coke in the movie theater. We're walking in there. We're doing double barrel shotgun. And as we're walking in, there's an ice cream cone that's three quarter melted with ancestral stress. He looks at us. He looks at the line behind them. And it just, everybody saw him. He picked it up and started eating. It was brilliant. It was just fucking, I could live to be a hundred. I could live to be a hundred. And I still remember Apocalypse now. At this time, when I watch Apocalypse Now, it was on the other day, there was a minute

there that I went back to that night. Like I remember going, fuck, after this movie's over, I got to deal with this pain. Like I had forgotten during the movie that the pain of my mother had gone away. And by the time they get to the island, that's when I realized, wow, this movie had me. I had forgotten about my mother for an hour and a half. And she just died a week ago or two weeks ago. That acid took over. Oh my God. It was just so, when we talk about these movies, sometimes I know that you're at home going, what the fuck? You guys usually talking about drugs and finding a little bit of foil or some woman's asshole. What's up, Lee Cocksucker? I gave you a reprieve today on the Medibles. Well, fuck it. I was finally doing it. Jesus Christ. No, but you give me

shit a lot of times and you, it's joking. I don't know. I give you. But about like seeing all the movies I see, but like just the movies you just mentioned that you got to see in high school and before, they didn't have that when I was like, I can't even remember what came out. And I like rush hour came out when I was like, I don't think that if Lee, if I got the movies that I just mentioned and brought them here, I think out of the 50, 15 titles I mentioned, four of them you could watch fully now because I don't think that we have the patience to watch that. Even me, I find myself looking at my phone. I still remember going to see 48 hours and my mind going with Glen Conti, Fernando Basasuno, and Roger Holloway. And it was the coldest night ever. It was the coldest

night ever in New Jersey. Do you understand me? You know, when the wind is coming off the Hudson and you're freezing and we're driving, we're out of the light. We're out of the light. I'm here and Roger's driving the fucking car. It's a Chrysler New Yorker. It's brand new. We pull up and also there's a guy waiting for a bus like this. Shaking like in the cartoons. He's got a long black jacket on and he's standing, he sees us and he's like shaking, right? He's fucking, fucking freezing. And also Roger sees me, he's always the window and he goes, hey, get home before you scare somebody. I'll never forget those nights. Like who the fuck remembers that? And then went to see 48 hours and Eddie Murphy was nobody had ever known brilliant.

Good afternoon. Hi, I've got Peter Siegel for his podcast interview. Thank you, sir. Just a moment, is this you? Yes, sir. Uncle Pete. Uncle Pete, Uncle Joey. What's the story Tarzan? How you doing my man? Good man. Thank you very much for taking time out from your busy schedule. I know that, you know, right now is healthy. Absolutely. I love talking to you, man. How you doing? Good, very good, man. Thank you for everything with the trailer and everything. The movie looks spectacular. Well, you're in there. You're in the trailer. No, I know you kept me in there. You kept me in the movie, but from a fan perspective, the movie looks spectacular, brother. Well,

I can't wait for you to see it. Okay. You're that strong on it? I'm strong. Yeah. Okay. I'm really happy. Okay. What's been going on? On the line is the main man, the director of the film, Peter Siegel. What's going on? But now you went to USC? No. I did. Okay. We're on the right track. Okay. I didn't. Went to USC. I was unfortunately at the Coliseum this past Saturday. I hear you, I know. That was a bloodletting, not good. A lot of people were disappointed. Yeah. But we're finally off the snide with our sanctions and, you know, looking forward to next year, finally having some top recruits again. And, you know, enough is enough with all the punishments. Let's get going, you know? You know, for a guy like me, it's like a dream come true,

because I grew up watching USC football. Yeah. You know, that's what you do when you're back and you look at the stadium and go, oh my God, Pasadena, California. Where the hell is that? I have an uncle who lives in San Diego or something. And now I live 20 minutes from there. I've only been to the game one time, you know, because I'm never home on Saturdays and Sundays, Saturdays primarily. But it's amazing to be, and you were raised in this area. Yeah. Well, I started out in New York. Okay. West side. And then first, handful of years of my life. And then my dad's job, he moved out here in the 70s. He worked for MGM at the time and been here ever since. But, you know, I used to go to football games with my pop

and always rooted for SC in football and rooted for UCLA in basketball. And my wife is a Bruin. And so, you know, I said to her Saturday, isn't basketball enough? For God's sakes, just give me football. Leave me alone. But she had to win, you know, and ruin my weekend. So, whatever. Brother, you're back. Yeah, you're back. Now, again, Peter, I didn't even take a look at your Wikipedia, just off the top of my head, right? 51st dates, the longest yard, get smart. And now this film, am I missing one in there? Finger management, I think. Oh, well, there's, there's a few you missed. There's Tommy Boy. No, no, I was just talking in the last couple of years since I've known you. Oh, last couple of years. Oh, I thought you said

anything. Well, since you and I worked together, we did longest yard, and then it was get smart. Yeah. And then we got this baby. It's amazing that your forte is comedy. Hmm. And you're amazing. No, it's funny how you're a quiet, funny guy. Well, like I'm a loud, funny guy. You're like a potential energy type of guy. And also when something comes out during a scene, it's gold. And then you go back to your business and you walk around and you do what you do. How do you like doing that stuff? Telling people, listen, do this line. I love it. I love it when somebody has a new idea. I like it, you know, it's great to work with. That's why we've worked together a few times. You know, it's, it's fun. I mean, just take the scene in the gym where

you're coaching, you know, De Niro's character, kid McDonan and, you know, Bob had an idea that was really cool that I wasn't sure was going to work at first. He says, Hey, you know, let me try this. Let me let me try chasing Joey out of the gym. And at first I thought, Well, that might be a little over the top and broad, but you know, I'm always game for any experiment. Anyone has an idea. Let's try it. And I'm sure as hell glad we did because it kills in the theater. You know, him chasing you out is a huge fucking laugh. Beautiful, beautiful. And even when we did the longest shot, there were so many heads involved in that movie. Yeah, that you get there. I remember like after we did our fourth scene one day, is I would get up a little early and look at the scene.

I was trying to be a professional actor on compete. But after like four scenes, you get there and then like rip up the script. We're doing this shit. And you're like, What the fuck happened to what I just memorized last night and this morning. And I liked it. I like it that you go in and you work by feel. And it's tough to explain to people, especially when you do TV shows. And if you say the instead of them, some chick walks up to you, excuse me, the word is done. You're like, Holy fuck. But no, on a film set, I mean, that that's just that's I loved it. I loved it. That's why I love it. Well, when I started out, I was a lot more anal about, you know, getting exactly, you know, I was the guy saying no, it's done instead of they and that type of thing. And then

I realized, you know, it really is, you know, a lot more about a feel. It's a lot more about, you know, we got to we got to include everybody who's on the set and allow them to bring to it what they do best. And early on in my career, I didn't do that. I had exactly the shot in mind. I had exactly the delivery of a line in mind. And more I, you know, made movies, the more I realized, no, no, no, no, you've got to lean on other people, let them do their thing. Look, they may stray too far to the left or too far to the right, but let them do their thing. And it makes the whole story better. You know, I know for a fact, when you did Tommy boy, that guy didn't show up and stick to the script. I mean, he was he was beautiful in that manner. He actually did. He did. You know,

everyone thinks because Farley, you know, was such a hilarious guy. And, you know, you ask Sandler, and he'll tell you that at the time that where they were all on SNL, it was spade and Farley shared an office and Sandler and Chris Rock shared an office. And everybody said by far the funniest guy was Farley. And but we when we started Tommy boy, we only had about 66 pages of a script. We did not have the whole thing. And so, you know, Fred Wolf and I, you know, every night were writing and there was really not that much improvisation on the set. But what we would do is we would steal from our own lives and Farley's life. And for example, one day he comes up, you know, he tries on a new sport coat, and he comes up to spade and he says, Hey, does this suit make me look fat?

And spade says, No, your face does. And I'm like, Oh, my God, that's fucking great. We got to use that. And so I would write it down and we put it in the movie. And then, you know, fat guy in a little coat was something that, you know, Farley would do in the offices at SNL. And so we put that in the movie and we strung these things together because we were desperate. We didn't have enough script. And so that in essence was the improv. We didn't really experiment that much on the day, but we were just grasping at anything that somebody said funny the day before or the night before the morning of, you know, how you doing, Mr. Segal? This is Rick Ramos from a friend of Joey's here. And it's great to talk. It's great to meet you like this. And it's like,

um, you know, when you, that's, that's a hell of a thing to find out that you had 60 some pages on a script that would go on to be just a monumental, like, like a part of a lot of our, like, college years, high school years. When you're doing that, you're going into a project, 60 pages. That's all you have. Are you worried? Is there something in your head that's going, maybe this isn't going to happen? Or do you just have supreme faith in your actors and saying, we're going to get, we're going to muscle through this and it's going to come out? Well, I had supreme faith in Farley and Spade. I had worked with Farley on an HBO special with Tom Arnold. And then when Tom had his sitcom after Roseanne, which was called the Jackie Thomas

show, Chris Farley came on and did a cameo there. And the two times I worked with him, I said, my God, this is the funniest guy I've ever met in my life. I got to do his first movie, you know, real movie because he had been in airheads and cone heads and everything else that had the word heads in it, but he hadn't really starred in anything yet. And so I read the original draft of Tommy boy, which was called Billy the third, a Midwestern. And we had to change the title because at the time, Sam, we're shooting Billy Madison. And they didn't want two SNL guys with Billy names in the title. So we changed our title. And, you know, we were, we started to write during the summer, and we had to hit a certain window before the SNL

season started, or we would be screwed because once SNL starts, you can't shoot five days a week on a movie. So we blew it. We went into the SNL season and half the week, the guys were in New York. And then they would do rehearsals, shoot the show. And then Sunday fly back to Toronto where we were filming. And, you know, we would shoot for three days. And it was the extra four days that we weren't shooting that I was grateful for because we continued to write the script. I was scared shitless during this time. I thought it was going to be the worst disaster in history. I grew a beard. I wanted to hide. And so no, I had, it was scary times. My hair used to be very dark. Now it's very light. Hey, that's it. That's what happens to a director.

I mean, you're juggling all those balls. Everything is up in the air. And it's all, it all comes down on you, you know, that's the craziest job to go into it with that kind of, hey, let's just see what happens. That's amazing. That's that's admirable. Jesus Christ. Well, I was so grateful that David Zucker gave me my first break, you know, doing the final chapter of Naked Gun that I had been working my ass off in television up until then. And so I didn't know what to do with myself after Naked Gun finished. And, and so I took Tommy Boy right away, perhaps too early because I should have taken a break. And, but I have to say it's, you know, it's less admirable than it is out of desperation. You're

just so desperate to, to succeed and not be embarrassed at the end of the day. You know, it's like once you start something, you have all the great ideas and the sky is the limit and you're optimistic. And then you get in there and you know, Joe, what it's like, you put up a master on its feet, you know, the morning of, and you go, huh, this scene sucks. This is not working. And then it's desperation time. The blood pressure rise. You figure like, what do we got to do to make this work? What do we got to do to get a laugh? You know, it's, it's not easy. Well, sometimes that's where the best work comes out, isn't it? Because your back is against the wall. You got to start swinging and you just, you got to hope something hits.

Yeah. Orson Well said, sometimes you do your best work with a gun to your head. Oh yeah. You know, and, and I, we certainly had it to our heads on Tommy Boy. That's for sure. And we had it to our heads in the longest shard in the way. Yeah. We worked against it, the, the weather and the script and the, and you had, you know, usually you should have movie, you have two personalities and 18 people. And that movie, you had 19 personalities and three people. And you had to juggle this guy and that guy, and who's not getting enough states time and who can't pick nobody up. And I got a lot of

respect. Hey, Mr. Sieg, I gotta tell you something. When I got the longest shard, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. You understand me? I had no fucking idea. Well, you're a good actor because you sure look like you knew. I had no fucking idea. I was scared shitless, but I had already booked it. If I would have had one more week, I would have escaped. You would have been on America's Most Wanted, because I would have thought about it. You guys just took me and put me on the plane and put me to New Mexico with Dalip and those guys. I had no idea, but you were very, for a big set, you calm me down. I went and watched you because the first two weeks,

you didn't shoot me. You were shooting a lot of other things. I went down and watched you and studied you. And I tried to breathe like you. And when I got on the set that first day, it was a little nerve-wracking, but you made it seem like you're going to be fine and fuck it. We rolled with it and we moved on, but I had no idea. You remember that prison that we shot in? Yes. You know the story of that prison, right? Can you please, what is the name of that book? It's called The Devil's Butcher Block. Get that book, ladies and gentlemen. It is horrifying. So I go, the story is, I go and scout this prison in Santa Fe and I'm with the film commission guy and I walk into one

of the cells. And this is an abandoned prison now. And it's adjacent to a brand new Supermax prison, maximum security, but this part was abandoned ever since, you know, this incident that happened in the 80s, which I did not know about. So I'm in a cell and I'm looking out the window at the beautiful desert. And I said to the film commission guy, I said, you know, if you're going to commit a crime, this is not a bad place to wind up. This, you know, nice view. It looks nice. And the film commission guys, they looked at each other like I was insane. And I thought, huh, that's an odd look they gave me. And then I go back to LA and I'm interviewing crew and some guy comes in and he puts that book down on my desk and he goes, have you ever read

this book? I said, no, what's that? He goes, this is the story of that prison that you're about to shoot in. The worst prison riot in US history took place there, I think in 1984. 38 guys were killed. It was like they got into some guys got into the key room and they and they took the keys out and they went to cell block C, which was where some of the snitches were. And they got into the tool bin and they got the tools out and they saw it into the snitches cells and chopped them up and bowled with their heads and lit every part on fire. And the place has been haunted ever since. Horrifying. So we go to shoot there. I literally fucking start to hyperventilate after I hear these stories. And then all the players were like, Oh, you got to take the tour with this one caretaker

of this abandoned prison. We call them Ichabod, because he just loved scaring the shit out of people and taking them on the tour and showing them all the chop marks in the floor with the shovels, you know, decapitated people and whatever it was. And I literally said, you know, to our line producer, Barry Bernard, I said, you got a board up cell block C. I don't want any more ghost tours. This place is freaking me out. So every day I had a pit in my stomach going to that place. It was a spooky place. It had the producers had made a deal that if you could spend the night in the jail, you got a thousand dollars in the morning when you walked out of there. Nobody did it. But here's the most horrifying thing I heard. There's a scene where they where

you guys take pictures of me with a white suit on for Labianco. And they took me inside the fucking jail Pete Segal. Nobody told me nothing. Right. They took me inside the jail, me, Nelly and somebody else. And they got to stand here and take pictures. And as they're taking the pictures, the guys telling us that they shut the electricity off at the prison. I guess the fucking state or whatever while they held the people in there. So when they went in to get to turn the lights off, they felt that it was water. They're like, what did these motherfuckers do? Is this they were walking in blood and the floor we were on had been painted a thousand times. But after a couple months, the blood would still come up from the fucking floor. This is what I'm standing on,

guys. I'm like, no, never again, never again, never. They even had an Indian come in and de-hunt the place. The first day on the set, he came with the chicken head, the whole fucking thing. Yeah. And he's burning the rope and then Sandler cracks a joke. He says, hey, can I smoke some of that when you're done? And and the shame is he looks at Sandler and I'm like, oh my god, you just pissed him off. Now he's going to hex the whole thing. You didn't go into all that on the DVD extras. No, we kind of stayed away from that. That place drove me nuts. Listen, man, I appreciate you calling and thank you for putting me in grudge match. It looks beautiful, but just the honor to stand across DeNiro and you in the same room. How did you even feel

when you saw him the first couple of times? Well, it's surreal when you look at, you know, the face of a legend like DeNiro or, you know, when I had the opportunity to work with Jack Nicholson and obviously Stallone. It's like, sometimes my mind just goes to color bars, just I can't focus on there. They're saying words and I just don't hear anything. I, all of their roles start flashing in front of my eyes that, you know, from what I grew up with. And, and then as a matter of fact, you yourself, you said there was a couple of times that you missed your cue. I said, Joey, that's, that's your cue that you say you're lining and he said, Uncle Pete, I was staring at fucking Bob DeNiro. I'm telling you, it's horrible. It's fucking

horrible at first because you're there. You're there. Guys, you're there. You're there. You're ready. Yeah, I'm ready. Done. Yeah. Boom, boom. Cut. Action. And all of a sudden you just look at him and all of a sudden you see the devil from Angel Heart and you see the guy from Midnight Run and you see the guy from The Godfather. You see everything and all of a sudden you're like, this what? Action. Oh my God. I just went into a daydream. You know what the craziest thing about that is? It's like, I'm going to tell something. It's like, Joe, I hope I don't embarrass Joey. I don't think I will, but he was calling me from the set every day and we were like little girls. We were just giggling. He would tell me that he was working with DeNiro and it was just so great and to look at

DeNiro. And there was this moment where he says, he's like, Ricky Ramos, DeNiro looks at me and he just kind of laughs at like that scene from Midnight Run when he's doing the numbers and it took me right back to the scene. Oh my God. It was amazing. It was amazing. It was just like we were giggling. We were so happy. I was thrilled for him. I've never wanted to be somebody else so much in one time. It was just, you're standing across from Robert DeNiro. This guy's Jack Walsh. This is Vito Corleone. This is the greatest actor of our generation. Unbelievable. Yeah. Well, I have to say, you know, when you go to a place like New Orleans to shoot, one of the reasons you go there is to save money. And what you're supposed to do in saving money is hire as many local actors there

so you don't have to spend money flying them in and putting them up at hotels and everything. But we auditioned a lot of people for that role and no one was making us laugh. And I said, you know, look, I know there's this ace reliever in the bullpen, but he's back in LA. I know he'll knock this out, but you know, it's going to cost money, you know, but we, you know, and I picked up the phone called the bullpen. That was you and you came out. And so there's a little bit of pressure on me when you do that because then the producers in the studio are looking and said, this better be worth it. And Joey, it was music to my ears. Every time you said a joke in the first test screening, we got laughs. And I felt like, you know, you can drop the bat and trot the bases

because you scored, baby. Well, thank you for the opportunity, my friend. Yeah, I wanted to do it just for you, man. I don't know. I had problems during the longest year and I just wanted to redeem myself. So thank you for the second chance. You got it, my friend. And I'll see you in a few weeks, I hope. Yeah, absolutely. All right, my friend. Thank you very much for calling the flying Juhi. Everybody's here. We love you. Thank you so much. Love you too. Bye, buddy. Goodbye. Wow. What does that feel like? Because you thought he hated you. Like, when you told me about it, you said you weren't even going to go because you're like, he doesn't like me. And he just told you he thought of you. You know what that is, though? That's when you've created a certain image of yourself in your

own head. Oh, yeah. Or you think that, you know? And it's like, I know it's difficult for him because I do it the same thing. I was like, this guy must hate me. But you know, this guy, this is a stand up. This is a fucking stand up guy. We're from the comedy store, man. We're fucking marines. And they're the ones I always told everybody I go, we're not the first ones they think about. Yeah. Because we're an orthodox. But when this shit gets ugly, we're the ones that apocalypse now that go up river. And the story, the guys that sent up the river with fucking what's his name with a cream or the crop. What a fucking cleanup, man. Oh my God. I just lost myself there for a second. Yeah, what are you thinking about, Savage? I'm just thinking about a lot of things. I'm thinking

about some fucking shout outs of my man, Rick Ramos for coming up. Nick, Anthony Corsillo, Marbly D, Jeremy, something tight. Terry Ferguson, Shiaz, Cleo, Jamia, F on and falafel, tornado, you bad motherfucker, you. I'm glad you guys all took some time. I don't fucking think I feel, you know, this is something that we don't guys like me, Rick, this, there's 20 guys in this town that nobody looks at, they, they, they, they, they treat like they got the plague. You know, whenever there's a big comedy show, we don't get the invite. Whenever they're doing something, we just don't get the fucking invite. And after a while, it affects you. You could just get so many noses in this business

league. And all of a sudden you hear something like that, that some guy thought of you for this and flew you down there and you know, that's nice. No, the fact that I went down and you know me, dog, you call me for something like this, I'll prepare like a motherfucker. I'm an old school comic. There's an opportunity of a lifetime. I mean, guys, they put me in a fucking trailer, in a fucking trailer. Okay. And it's on every 15 minutes, every 15 minutes, my phone, put you in two trailers. I've seen some movie trailer and fucking whatever trail is. And you know what that is? That's, that's, you know, many people are choking on their fucking sandwich the other day when they watch it. You know, many people choked on their sandwich. When they're

watching Alabama all burned the last time I saw them, I was hitting them in the head with a stick clothes, kicking them or something like that. Oh my God. So it just, it does something to you when somebody does think of you for something and look what they thought of me for, the right one. They thought of me for the right one. You know, all those little ones that people don't think of me for doesn't really mean nothing because when you have people thinking about the right one for and then you go down and you know, hey dog, 10 years ago, when I was all coked up, they would have sent me home after a day because I would have froze up in front of the door. I would have had a fucking heart attack. We think I'm fucking kidding you. I'm not here to lie to

nobody. I fucking would have froze up, dog, froze up, froze the fuck up. And I'm not here to lie to nobody. Just the first day, just the thought of it. First of all, I would have had a nervous breakdown because the week before, how much would I have snorted? I would have snorted two grams a night in preparation for it. And by the time I got on that plane, I wouldn't have slept. I wouldn't have been focused. And the night before, I would have told myself I wasn't going to get high and I get fucking blasted to the gills. And then when I get there the next day, I'd be fucking still coked up for the night before and I choke. Jesus. Do you think he's used to that, Tenero? Like what you said where even the director's like, wow, like when you get to that level,

you're like, okay, it's going to take everybody a day or two, but then we'll get down to business. He has to be. Rick, where the fuck do you put Tenero? As an actor, going out to auditions, where the fuck do you put Tenero? Where do you put this motherfucker? At his best, Tenero is the greatest actor. He has to be on the Mount Rushmore acting. Definitely. I don't know who else you put up there. Of that generation, I mean, across the board, there's a handful of actors that make you. There's a handful of actors that you sit there and you go, I'll go see that because he is in it. You know, for me, it comes down to do two guys, Tenero and Robert Duvall. That's it. You know, when you go see them, and even Tenero in movies that I don't really like,

Tenero is still bringing something different to it, you know? God damn man, when I was a kid and I first saw Midnight Run, it was over for me. I knew what I wanted to do in my life. I knew who I wanted to be. I wanted to be that fucking guy. Yeah, no, that's so beautiful. And what do you think? Because for me, and he's not at Tenero's level, but for my favorite from high school was Denzel Washington. Yeah. He's a lot of great actors out there. But they start doing movies that aren't either get typecast or whatever. Lee and I, he was talking about something in my kitchen. We're talking about the movie with Ben Stiller that's coming out. That you might not like Ben Stiller, but Ben Stiller might be really good in this movie coming our Christmas day, because

everybody gets a great show. Look it, no matter. Let me tell you, let me give you a side story, but it's true. Close your eyes, everybody. If you listen to this, no matter. Have you seen Hannibal? Did you ever see Killing Me Softly? No. Well, maybe I have. No matter what Ray Leota does, he's always going to be Henry Hill. Yeah. That's how good he was in Henry Hill. Now, are you saying to me, Joey, he stole? No. Some roles, brother, are going to be written for you. Unless you do 10,000 roles, you're never going to hit that role. Okay. This could be Ben Stiller's role. This could be the one. That movie doesn't look that bad. It does not look bad. Now I'm telling you, he ain't on my fucking wall. I don't have no posters of Ben Stiller on my fucking wall,

but I'm telling you it looks fucking good and he could do danger. It's one of those movies that's a finger in the ass. It might do 30 million in the first week, but stay up there four weeks and do 30 fucking million. Yeah. And then why everybody else is dead because it picks up momentum. It's one of those fucking movies. Yeah. No, I mean, I, uh, and it makes me sad. Like I didn't grow up with DeNiro. I already, when I was watching movies, he was already a little bit older and meet the parents. I actually kind of liked him. Meet the parents. He was very good. But then he started doing, I can't even, I don't remember the movies, but he started going down a little bit. Don't go down. You know, don't go down the way for his fucking whatever fun. He's 68. He's already done what he

got to do. Listen, last week Godfather 2 was on Christmas day or whatever. And for some reason, I kicked back on the couch. The baby was asleep. My wife went in there and I had an hour to watch Godfather 2. I watched you up here in the Sierra Mountains drinking, what's he drinking? Champagne cocktails. Champagne cocktails. I run my family like I call he only that. It's a beautiful scene. Okay. But I watched when he comes into the country, I watched the whole thing and him going to his mother and getting blown. We're talking about Godfather 2 here, people. Put your fucking computers on. The opening scene, she goes with two little retarded kids to the fucking goombas house in Sicily somewhere in Corleone to beg for her life and the two kids, they fucking kill her.

And they kill one of the kids, I think, whatever, they kill her. They fucking Vito runs the fuck away. They storm, they put him on a donkey and they ship him on some ship to the United States. When he gets, he's got whooping coffee. He's got malaria. He's a half a fucking retard. Am I lying to you? They put him in that room singing. They put him in that room singing and shit. He's autistic, but he didn't give a fuck. Now they begin with him pills and Adderall. They gave him 30 days in the room, made him think about what's going on and they gave him $3 in the bus ticket. And he was second on it to my revenge. And from that second on, it's really not about the mafia. It's really not about love. It's about revenge and you don't even fucking see it coming. That's what the beauty of is of

Godfather too. You don't even see it coming. It even gets comical at some points when he's fighting with the woman for the dog, for the rent and shit. Chink with all her, you know, the whole fucking right? They go back and forth. They go back and fucking forth. And then one of a sudden he's fucking got a thing of olive oil and you see this, oh man, you're like, what the fuck is this? You're gonna fucking do him back and your heart starts beating, Jack. Your heart starts beating. You're facing the fucking guy that killed your father, killed your mother Lee and killed your fucking brother. Took your life and you had to put on a boat to the United States and now you're the most one of the most powerful man in New York City and shit. And he went up to him Lee and stabbed

them, pushed it up and then wiped his head with his tie. Let me tell you something. There's a difference between stabbing the motherfucker and wiping your hand on the guy's tie. Not only does he stab him, he got some, he fucking starts at the bottom. Lee, you watch that's the only time you say, well, get to it. No fucking nothing till you fucking get to it. Joey says you got fucking homework, you know, you got homework to do. I get what you're saying though, man, with the whole deniro thing, because I went through this thing and I was pissed at deniro for making shitty movies, Rocky and Bo Winkle, the second meet the parents, some bad shit. And I went to this shit. I went to this shit because I loved him so much. And there was a point where I was saying like,

you know what, fuck it, I should have been watching Duval all these years. But I'll tell you this, for as bad as some of the movies have been lately, he still gave us Johnny Boy, Travis Bickle, Jake Lamada, Jimmy Conway, fucking solid midnight run, Jack Walsh. I mean, you're sitting there and you're like, you're knocked on your ass. And you know what, if he has to do some shit for the fucking paycheck now, you know what, I'm lucky that he gave me 20 years of great films. He gave great films for 20 years. He deserves to cash a couple of checks now. He's throwing he that Michael Corleone in his black room, beautiful shot, the bar behind him lights the whole room. This old guy is just throwing Frankie five angels. That's his fucking name. He's throwing he that Michael

Corleone, that the Rosado brothers lied, they lied in that fucking Jew in Miami, that Hyman fucking Roth. And you know, he's going off. Your father, your father, you're respecting him. Your father made money with him, but your father trust him. He just he just breaks it down like a savage. And the middle of he's breaking it down. He goes, you're over here laying judgment on my family. You're up here. You're drinking. What's he doing? He turns to his body by cheat sheet. He goes, what's he drinking? The guy goes, I mean, in the middle of a cigarette, tell your champagne cocktail, champagne cocktail. And he turns right through. Your course with me familiar, like my familiar, but the other way I'm with me goes,

something is sending us some ties and whatever. I'm an old man, cheat sheet opens the door. He just slips out like a soldier. That's a professional ship. We got to get some of the open on door, but to do this. Just walk around. If he talks, he gets fired. Get a hold of the lead. If you just want to open the door and we'll call you a cheat sheet, we'll give you six bills a week. You walk around, you drive around, and that's it. We just call you a cheat sheet. What do you think is going on with like Redford? Is Redford coming back? Robert Redford is not only so much movies, but actors who go away for a while. They never go away. What's his name? Jack Nicholson. He only does movies once every

few years now. He kind of hides a little bit. You got to remember, they've done it. There's no challenge to it anymore. This guy did cuckoo's nests. He did the shining. They're offering him what, the bucket list? You're going to come out of retirement to do the bucket list? Okay, cash a check. But the opportunity is to play a real human being with a soul and a character arc that goes from one place to another and actually makes you feel good. That comes around so rare. About Schmidt, I love about Schmidt. It's so fucking ridiculous. When he's talking to that little black kid over and over. They're in the room. It's fucking crazy. It's insane. And you know, you own it. You believe in it. It's like, fuck, man. That is a character. That is a real person

that you can see in real life that's fucked up, that has reached a point in his life where it's like, what the fuck did I do? And we were talking about that today, you know? I'm sitting here. I'm like, I'm almost 40 years old. What the fuck have I done with my life, except had a good time and fucked up a few things. But it's like, I'm happy. I'm happy, you know? It's funny because, you know, Rick, my mind goes in a thousand places and I'm very good with dates. Yeah, you are. You're crazy with dates. I'm crazy with dates. And this year, I said, oh, it's Rick's birthday in two days. And three days later, I realized I didn't call you for your birthday. But it was most important. It was our friend's death anniversary. And there's not a week that goes

by. Now when I even light a candle at church, I always think about Marilyn Martinez and I laugh. I laugh to think what she would be like today. Like by this point, she'd be an even bigger pain in the ass. She'd be older. She'd be miserable. By this time, they live in an apartment. Yeah. Her and him, they live in a one bedroom by now because they were going broke. But she would just be on the phone all day transferring. She was just a conduit of gossip and hate and evil. But I love this. She was my sister. And I'll never forget that. My wife answered the phone one time when she was my girlfriend at like three in the morning. It was Marilyn going cocksucker. And my wife held the phone. I can't take this. You know, my wife wasn't used to that shit.

Well, that's what we used to sing songs to each other. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Marilyn, Marilyn Martinez wants you like my nuts. Marilyn Martinez at the bar in my gut. Marilyn Martinez. She said, shout out, Joey. She was so fucking amazing. You know, she came out to Phoenix when I was there one time. She came out with Paul Rodriguez and some of these guys. And she calls my mom's house and my dad picks up. My old man sounds like me on the phone. He says, hello. And she's like, baby cocksucker. And my dad pauses for a second. He goes, yeah, baby cocksuckers not here. This is daddy cocksucker. And she, she went fucking silent. She was stammering because remember, she was so embarrassing. I miss Marilyn. That's one of the

reasons I don't go to the store no more because I know if I went to the store, I'm going to think of her sitting outside and standing outside. That's one of the other reasons I don't go out there. It's never going to be the same. It's not. And one thing I learned about going back sometimes never going to be the same. You go back there and you know, I feel bad for a couple of days. I feel bad that she's not here. God knows what she could have been doing right now. She could have been sensational on a fucking podcast. Oh, she would have been wonderful. Marilyn Martinez would have been on the top 20 right now because as a woman at this point, she was miserable. She was probably be 450 pounds. You know, by this point, she was just sitting there.

She had bags of chocolate, you know, she didn't have money, but on Thanksgiving, she always figured a way to feed fucking 18 of us. So it's just an amazing life that was taken. But fuck it. You get up in the morning, you take your vitamins, you do some jumping jacks, you smoke some fucking dope, you eat some fucking oatmeal, you bang one out, you take a shit, eat an apple, who's better than you? Who's better? Who's gonna tell you no? You know what I'm saying? When you walk into it, you're a fucking complete individual. Fucking Joe Ideas life coach. That's what he is. You know, I gotta stop smoking this fucking reef. Anyway, back to life coaching. Don't forget the holidays are coming. What better than the gift of health?

You understand me? What would you rather get a fucking tie, some fucking wallet, some fucking handkerchief? No, give somebody a gift certificate from on it. Go to honet.com, go to joeydeas.net, go to the banner on it, blank, put in the name. Church. Church, C-H-U-R-C-H. Go get 15, 20% off. Tell them Uncle Joey's saying you don't take care of this thing, you're a sticker. Fucking jump rope, whatever the fuck they do. Number two, I'm not even fucking around with you. Why fuck around? People, all they can do is take the alpha brain for 30 days and say that was fucking tremendous gift you gave me. Give the gift to alpha brain. Give him the whole thing. You see somebody who's walking around half moped up, he's half retarded.

Instead of before you kick him in the fucking stomach. Give him alpha brain. Give him some new mood. Give him some fucking shroom tech. Give him a jump rope. Make the motherfucker go outside and get some sunlight. You understand me? We live in California and here, if we all take a piss test or a blood test, three out of three of us would be vitamin D deficient because we're not outside enough. So if you're not going to go outside enough, you gotta supplement that shit. And I'm telling you right now, I've been fucking supplementing every day, jumping jacks, water, brick rainbows, bought me a fucking banana from 7-Eleven. This is terrorism. But what are you going to do? That's a terrorist banana right there. A 10 cents from that fucking

banana goes straight to some guy in a cave with a fucking sheik and a submachine going to eat a goat that's halfway done. Fucking an hummus. I know there's got to be hummus involved. It was fucking through me. You gave a shout out to the fucking head. It was like Mr. Falafel or something. But that's his name on stage. He made me allergic to falafel. Some people allergic to peanuts. This motherfucker might be allergic to falafel. That's why maybe that's his name. And don't throw me off here. What are you going to fucking shave? You got to shave before fucking Dollar Shave Club goes away. You got to shave that fucking beard one time. We're representing Dollar Shave Club here. You got to be smooth. You see how nice and smooth it

is? Booyah. You know why? This is a six dollar package on my face right there. You either get the dollar, the six or the fucking nine. Who's better than you again? You don't know what to get this MoMo for Christmas. Get them the six dollar package. What's that add up to? 72 dollars. That's it. And yeah, what did you get me for Christmas? It's coming to your house tomorrow. I got your fucking thing. I got your three blades. I got you some staminke juice or the towel, whatever the fucking comes with. And that's it. What are you going to do? What do you want to do? Run around, go to CVS, go to fucking Macy's and buy, whatever. Some people going to fucking that Shave Store and pay 82 dollars for one month's supply. Fucking dollarshaveclub.com or go to

fucking joeydears.net. Go on the banner. It's a tremendous Christmas present. Put it on the fucking arm. Who's better than you? What do they type in? Church. Church and you fucking get credit. I get credit and everybody's fucking around. Everybody kept bothering me about Christmas present on Amazon. Bam. The banner is up. Click on the banner on what? Joeydears.net. Go to joeydears.net. There's an Amazon banner. Click it in. Put whatever the fuck you want. We get two points and we get life insurance, 20 fucking years from now after we're dead and gone. All right, what else is going on, Lisa? What do you got planned for the week? You haven't seen a girl for the 10 days? I know she's coming over tomorrow. You're about to bust. Look at you, your eyeballs

are turning red. You look like Ozzy Osbourne in 69. Look at you. What are you doing? You're putting a gel on your head through the mouth finally? I'm having to get a haircut. Yeah, you do. It's getting long. You look like one of the Beatles. No, I'm excited. I don't know. I'm excited. Starting to do a podcast with Augustino tomorrow. If you're listening, we might check my Twitter later. I think we might do a podcast tomorrow. I'm going to start working with Steve Simone pretty soon. So I'm excited. Got things going on. Yeah. No, it's not. Yeah, things going on. You put gel on your head. I have no way to put it. What do you want? If you put a little gel on your head and push it where? Push it to the front like

Bob's Collins. You understand me? You put like a design on your beard. You know what I'm saying? Next, he's going to be telling you to get a fucking cape. So be careful. Oh, he's telling me to get a robe. Every day he's like, get a robe. You need a robe. Who's the most disgusting thing to do? You do need a robe. A robe is the grossest because you never wash it. Yes, you do. I wash it once a week. It smells terrible. I smell what the ass is. Oh my God. My ass and my neck, it smelled disgusting. I don't know what kind of juju juice. It smelled like a fucking iranian asshole that got lit on fire, thrown in the garbage and then barbecued. My neck is disgusting. It's dirty. That was your neck? It was my neck and my ass. But it wasn't like what the asshole

usually sits on the thing because it moves around. It was like a three foot area. Just and my shorts were fucking horrendous. They smell like old man balls and piss. That's it. They smell like piss, but it's funny because even the sides smell like piss. I gotta be peeing myself in the middle of the night. I got wet water juice all over my fucking shorts. I love marijuana in the afternoon. You know what I'm saying? Take the stick out of your ass. It's December 4th. You got 21 more days till fucking Christmas. What are you gonna do? Sit there with empty pockets and a fucking upward face on like you're on the fucking phone texting. Get your life together. Get down to UPS. Fill out an application. Lie about the felony. Who gives

a fuck at this point? But it's time they catch on. You're loading trucks like a slave. You're like a black guy in 92. You're loading 1892. You're loading that fucking truck or you got more energy. I don't give a fuck if you got a drink. 89 fucking red bulls a day. You understand me? UPS is hiring. There's a bunch of companies hiring. Get the fuck up off your ass and get out there. That's what America is all about. It's all right. You fucking mooch around during the year, but it's holiday. You want to have a grandma blowing your pocket. You want to look good. You don't want to go to mom's house Christmas Eve at the end. Did your dealer ever do a Black Friday special? Who? Your dealer?

Listen, with me, it was always Black Friday. You understand me? You understand me? With me, it was always Black Friday because it was always a hook. You know, I always showed up for the first and the second one was a package that you never even heard of. Listen, I'll be back in an hour. Don't worry about nothing. We'll give you the 20 then. Just give me the four. I'll be back with the China guys money. Speaking of slave deal, did he see 12 years of slavery? Yeah, is it good? It was good. It was really good. Let me tell you something though. That actor is a hell of an actor. I saw him about seven years ago in a movie called Deadly Pretty Things. You get a chance to see that. See that. It's England. It's the immigration problem in England.

A bunch of illegals working at a hotel and it's fucking amazing how good this guy is. It's with the girl from Amelie, Audrey Tattoo, and just everything that goes on in this shit, what these people have to go through. You're like, fuck, goddamn, like, like, I'm an American. It's like, I don't deserve this shit. I take this shit for granted, man. These people fucking suffer because they want a better life. It's a great movie. Check it out. Amelie. Amelie. Amelie. Where you going? Dirty Pretty Things. Where you going, son? What do you mean three hits? I didn't see no smoke coming out of your nose. Nothing, cock sucker. Get in the fucking cartoon world. I was having a panic attack because I saw like the smoke coming up under the fire.

I was like, oh shit, there's something burning and it's like the smoke. Oh, they're coming in tomorrow to fucking inspect or whatever. Guys, I want to play this for you. Okay. It's one of my all time favorite lines. Me and Lee were playing it before. It's a scene where Michael Corleone realizes he's got to shoot the police captain and Sterling Hittler and Scugazzo. Scugazzo, yeah. Whatever his fucking name is. Alatieri. Alatieri and this guy's coach of, you know, I was telling Lee, you know, most of the time, I go, Lee, if you're going to put the podcast up, put the picture up, you know, we help each other. This is his coach right here, but he says a line about Hitler. That's brilliant.

Do you want him to play the whole thing or just? No, no, just that piece. Back up, back up a little bit. See, you've slipped already. You see what I'm saying? Right away, he wants to know why, why, why. A little bit back more. A little bit back where you fucked up. You know, you're going to turn it out all right. You take a long vacation. Nobody knows where and we're going to catch the hell. How bad do you think it's going to be? What do you got in bed? Probably all the other families will line up against us. That's all right. This isn't going to happen every five years or so. Ten years helps to get rid of the bad blood. Been ten years since the last one. You know, you got to stop them at the beginning

like they should have stopped Hitler at Munich. Hitler at Munich. They would just ask him for big trouble. Play that again. Play that again, DJ. Play that again, DJ. I'm sorry. That's a classic fucking line. I'll just get rid of the bad blood. Been ten years since the last one. You know, you got to stop them at the beginning like they should have stopped Hitler at Munich. They should never let him get away with that. There was just the icing for big trouble. You know, Mike, we was all proud of you. God damn it. You're father too. What the fucking godfather? Life lessons. Life lessons, man. Oh my god. So after he tells them about Hitler, he goes, we was all proud of you.

Oh my god. That's how you should handle your life. Stop these motherfuckers like they should have stopped Hitler at Munich. You know what I'm saying? If not, you're just asking for trouble. Then the word gets out. He takes it in the ass. Next thing you know, everybody's knocking on your door with a bag of Vasilias and flowers. You know what I'm saying? A bag of Vasilias and flowers. I don't know if I'm going to fucking for 12 hours. I'm not going to show up on a job, I'm going to show up with a scoop out bag. It just looses my bag and it's not even in the jar. He just like emptied out a bunch of jars.

He's just going to rape store. You just go to the store where rapists and fucking molesters hang on. They sell Vasilias by the bound that you buy fucking. I don't fucking know. Why do you treat me this way? I'm just trying to fucking talk to people at home. It's a beautiful Wednesday afternoon people. I'm happy you people took the ride with us today. We usually do 6am to get you on the right foot to get you out there in a positive message. What a transition from the rape store to a positive message. Wake up, wake up from a sloth on the wound again. He's the king of transition. You worse than a Roman soldier. You didn't get that. Nobody got that. I got it and the Romans killed

Jesus. You're one of the soldiers. I'm the sloth on this fucking wound. Cocksuck, I'm throwing heat in you. It's a jujo. You gotta fucking drop more down. I love getting high in the afternoon. There were things like this. I'm happy you people joined us. Also, if you're into entertainment and jumping up and down in TV shows, no, seriously, and I ain't fucking with you people. I talked to you about it. I talked to you about fucking Dollar Shave Club. Let's talk about something that's very dear to my heart because if you're not doing it, it's like, I don't know. I don't fucking know. I can't even, that's how bad it is. huluplus.com. Go to joeydears.net. Go to huluplus.com. Listen, you get two weeks, boom, on the gratis on the arm in 799 a month.

You can watch fucking Brooklyn 99. You can see original fucking programming. You can see law and order SVU. I mean, they got a thousand great shows on there that you can watch whenever the fuck you want and what you want to watch. You don't have to watch that like a communist and get lessons. You can watch it on your phone. Let's say you get stuck in a closet. They keep you there. He can watch your favorite show in there for eight fucking hours as long as you plug your fucking phone in and you know, whatever the fuck you want to do. You just don't happen to find yourself locked in the closet. Yeah, let's say somebody locked in the closet and they start putting different things in your toes and shit. Then there you have it. That's what I'm trying to say.

Remember, give it a shot. Huluplus.com. Go to huluplus.com. There you go. You fill out the fucking whatever. What are you putting in the box? Joey. J-O-E-Y and boom. You get two weeks for free. Then it's 799 a month after that. How much is that a year? It's $96, right? Yeah. $96 a year for original programming and all this shit. You see how in regular TV, you get at home, but guess what? You don't have to sit there like a fucking mook on a Tuesday at 10 o'clock and they have the criterion collection from movies, which is a lot of good movies. You're fucking kidding me, right? Yeah, they're not fucking around, Huluplus. And they're not fucking around. Please go to this box before the new year is over. Take advantage of this

because you're going to sit there with your dick in your finger in January and say, I wish I would have got it. I finally got my ATM. I finally paid the water bill and they took the handle off my ATM card. Get it together. The holidays are coming. Go down there and pay the $28. How are you going to take showers? What's $28? The water bill. Lee, what the fuck? You're slipping, cocksucker. By the way, this weekend, I'm at the Caluca Casino Friday night with Tom Segura. And then we tally hold down to Eugene, Oregon, to the McDonnell Theater. Eight o'clock tickets are still available for both fucking shows. If you're coming into Eugene, make sure you bring at least a pound of reefer.

I don't want no lightheaded people. You motherfuckers are smoking up there like it's 1969 and everybody's barefoot. Listen to Alvin Lee and shit like this. Like fucking Woodstock. Bring that reefer. You dirty white women with long fingernails and shit. Show up with that monkey. We'll shave it right there on the stage. We don't give a fuck. The following weekend, Friday the 13th, I'm in Nashville. And then New Year's Eve, we're doing a little fucking kumbaya over at John Lubbitt's Comedy Club at eight o'clock. Thirty dollar tickets, tickets are available. I'll have you out of there by 10.30 you go home. But at the Broadway, you get your stab and leave it home and you go out by yourself. Got a grandma blow and do your fucking thing. You know what I'm

saying? I'm just prepping the night for you. Oh, no matter what, I'm gonna have you home by midnight. There's a lot of people that don't really want to go out because they really have no way to go. Fuck you. Come up to John Lubbitt's. You pay for the fucking parking. You come upstairs. You have a few drinks. What's making fucking few joints right there in Universal City. Fuck this Mickey Mouse or this. Who hangs out at Universal City? What fucking little animal hangs out there? Then fuck it. He could suck my dick too. You've been to John Lubbitt's? No. You've never been to John Lubbitt's Comedy Club? When the fuck you live in a cave? Apparently. You're slipping. Then you go to Boston. You leave me here for the new year. You go to Boston to play a big shot.

Look at you. You're going up there dancing. I'm going there. I'm just gonna be like negative 20. I'm not playing. I'm playing hide inside. That's gonna be freezing. Freezing. I'm going to New York for two days. It's gonna be fun. Where you staying? Don't say it. Don't say it. Because then people be over there looking to suck your dick. I don't know why. Somebody come up with a jar of Vaseline or bag and tell you, this is what you were talking about in the shower. Big boy. Jesus. You're gonna tie you up and stick that stomach in here for Christmas Eve and then you are a Jew getting fucked on Christmas. I'm excited for Christmas Eve because is that a Mexican thing? Because they just. That's everybody's thing, Lee. Everybody fucking gets down on Christmas. No, Christmas Eve.

Yeah, they get down. I thought Christmas day would be better. Are you going down to Guadalajara? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And she makes tamales on Christmas. Oh, please. Two kinds. The chicken, the pork, the pork with the cream sauce. You're gonna walk out of there. It's coming out of your ass like soft serve. Forget about it. It's delicious with the rice and the beans and they'll make a little fish and they'll drink some fucking services. Oh, yeah. You're gonna have a good time. You're gonna have a good time. Down there? Yeah. And then the fucking your dad made you, made you mistake You stayed up here and ate stovetop stuff. You had some fucking restaurant with a bunch of people that have dead or dying of fucking chemo. And meanwhile, you could have been down a little

Mexico down there fucking getting down, listening to some Mexican music. You've been hanging out with Denzel cutting somebody's finger off. Setting up meetings with God. That could have been you. Setting up meetings with God. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna have to watch that now. That's one of the best movies of all time. Best things he's ever done. I think it's the best. When he did Glory, all that shit was good. He did something else I really liked. American Gangsta, by that time, I was so hooked on Man on Fire. It was a disappointment. For me. I was so gone. I heard Flight was good. I haven't seen it yet. I love having seen it. I thought Flight was great. No, no, he's good, bro. They don't pay him 20 million because he's bad. He's really fucking good.

This motherfucker brings it every time. And he brings it. You really want to watch him. You really do. I was disappointed because when he did Pelham 123, they made it into like an action movie. And it was kind of like a humor, like a comedy, sort of. It wasn't an action movie when they first made it. See the first one. I did. The first one. Yeah, it was great. 25 years ago. But I don't know. I just, I get disappointed in them. But then, and that's something like, I get disappointed in them. But they're just, a lot of times, they're just saying what was written. So like, you kind of have to get them out of the writer. Like, it's something people don't really think about. Like, you put so much into the actors, but it's like, they're, they honestly, it's not fucking magic. Not the least.

But it's a magic. It's a magic. And you know, when you're watching magic, eight or nine minutes into this fucking movie, there's something about this movie. You know what you've been on the last two weeks? That's how I remember it, The Wrestler. Now you're seeing it with all the fucking glamour, without the glamour. And I watched the fight when he got hit in the head right before the heart attack. It's fucking fantastic. It really is. I'm happy that he's still at it. And he brought down whatever the fuck he's doing. He's walking around with a hat. Still fucking more than a doctor every 10 days to put needles in his eyebrows and the fuck he does. But you know, who was I for? Well, the thing about it is, it's like, you know what? I know what you're saying.

It's magic. It's a magic. It's a miracle that anything happens. I'll tell you what I watched three weeks ago, guys. Got up at four in the morning, went to get some water. The TV was on. Terry was up with the baby, came out and left it on, was probably putting him back to sleep. Something made me sit down. I guess what we're starting right now is 45 in the morning. The French connection. Oh, that's great. Now here's a problem with the French connection that I really don't talk about. The French connection in my house was like a fucking feather in the cap for the Cubans. Okay, Cubans take old school Cubans claim everything. If you ever see it in today's society, Alexander Graham Bell invented the font. If you're Italian, it was Spucci.

Whatever the guy's name is. Who's got an Italian? So for 20 years, they'll go back and forth. Vespucci answered the phone. With Cubans, they claim everything. Cubans will claim everything. But one thing they claimed, my mother and the people she was hanging out with, the high-level people. Mayucci? Antonio Mayucci? Mayucci. Yes, remember that? In Godfather 3, he tries to give a Mayucci award. And he's like, you came all the way down here to give me this. Whatever that Mayucci award. That's a great fucking... So anyways, Cubans and... So my mother's sitting there. I don't know how old that was when the guy... The French connection? Yeah, 69. See the French connection when he came out. I was a little boy, but I remember this saying, that's about that dude that

comes over to the house. Louis F. Bowell. Louis the turkey. You're right, 71. 71. So I was fucking eight. And I remember going to see that movie. That part where he shoots them. There's three or four scenes in that movie that are brilliant. The part where he shoots them. The part where he fucking goes into the bar. That's where Eddie Murphy fucking took the basics from. Yeah, from 48 hours from. If you really fucking think about that. Yeah, it's pretty fucking amazing. That's where they got that 48-hour scene from. When he goes in there, whatever, he kicks the guy and he makes the milkshake on the drugs. That's... All those movies are fucking great, but it's tough. They're a tough watch. They're a

slow or tight-paced movie. You need it and I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's the ADD's chains. I don't know if we don't like sitting through a movie. I have that problem. I could sit through this movie maybe an hour before I finally get an itch and go. I got to get up. There's something I got to be doing. I got a podcast tomorrow. I should be putting out the fucking names of the shout-outs. I got to be doing something. But when I watch a movie, I want it to hold me. You know who fucking grabbed me twice in the last month? You know who kicked my ass? Again, guess who fucked me up in the ass again? Who was that? Not even fucked me. I mean, made me cry. He fucked me in the ass. Good dog. First of all, they had trains, planes, and the automobile.

Oh, god. He fucked me in the ass. That fucking savagery. Because no one is yes. That movie is not a savagery of comedy. It's a savagery of acting. Acting by two of the fucking greatest comedic actors that will ever know. Not to mention the strength of John Candy. And then I saw Splash and I've been trying to line for the last two weeks on everybody. You all right? You all right? You good? Yeah. You sure you want to go to Cape Cod yet? You got money yet? Can I have some? I've been working that line on people and they keep fucking me up. I try to like two different people. You all right? You're sure? Yeah. You got money? Yeah. Can I have some? And he said it even quicker than that. He didn't

even look. He didn't even move from, right? He goes, you have money? You're sure? You got money? Yeah. Can I have some? He just dropped and fucking Tom Hanks looks at him and goes, and he goes, and that's when he heads to Cape fucking Cod in the cab. And where you going? Cape Cod? Show me some money. Is that enough? Probably drives him up there. Then the guy fucking, he's brilliant dog. That's the first time I had ever saw him. The dude that came back to the American part. Yeah. The dude that came back with the American Pie movies. That guy showed up in 1984. Funnier than fucking the movie theater. Stealing the movie theater. When he stabs himself in the leg with the needle and he goes, what a week I'm having. That's where fucking people. I remember

that line for years. Every time I got arrested or something, I go, what a week I'm having. Can I walk with an Olympic shit? I love it. Wednesday, December 4th, talking some movie shit. You know, there's a bunch of podcasts out and all these fake fucking movie people. We're not just talking about movie. We're talking about the heart and fucking soul of the movie on the church of what's happening now. We don't do this enough. We droppin' on you from that angle. We don't have to start up a new fake podcast and talk about fucking movies. You're a professional bitch. This is just a different patois and the many hands of the octopus. I gotta drop on these motherfuckers. This is December 4th. You know what I'm saying? No, people need that. They ain't gotta find

to be fucking around. People are wasting their time day in and day out doing shit that they shouldn't be doing when you could be sitting down watching fucking great movies. Watching something up there. Smoking dope. Getting lessons, bitch. Prince of the City. What's the other one he made? Which one? Tree Williams? Tree Williams. He made two classics earlier. Prince of the City and holy shit. Hit it! What the hell was this? Tree Williams? Tree Williams. He did once upon a time in America. He had a small part of that. That's it. That's it. So it was Tree Williams. Once upon a time in America, Prince of the City, dropped off for a while and then came back with a fucking uppercut. Things to do when you're dead or when you're dead. Oh, just Jimmy. What is he?

What is he the butcher? He's got the guy hanging in those things. He's just punching the shit out Jimmy I talked to Jimmy. What is it Jimmy? We pulled the kid up. I want to be in one of the cops now Why not Jimmy why not people change Jimmy people change Billy you're beating up on courses. That's a thing man That's a thing ever since I've been beating up on those bodies. I haven't hit a live person in years You say you think of that line how you say when he says these steals it even Andy Garcia goes. Oh, God That is fucking brutal ever since I've been hitting those bodies. I haven't had a live person in years Jimmy Jimmy, please I'm 40 years old. They still call me critical bill Please Jimmy come on what I changed what do you mean people could change you changed some of the street you changed

He just breaks fucking Andy Garcia down to Andy Garcia goes all right You can fuck it and he shows up with the fucking knife and he stabs that motherfucker in the neck dog He don't fuck around this movie then they're looking for him and everybody's coming in for an envelope not him He locks himself up in an apartment with a bear with a fucking dead bear Cans of food. He's pissing in a juice container. You ever saw that Lee? No, please He's pissing in a fucking juice container and he's having a convict. What would you do if you came to my house? And there was Bob wire on the door. You got a crawling like it was Vietnam and he searched them

He searched them and then sat Andy Garcia down and pumped a gun then gave him a gun Just in case somebody happened to come and didn't turn his back on him one time then broke it down And you know as Andy say listen Billy they want to kill you. He could come over here the whole time He's he's pulling this gun and he's telling him he's offering them food But no no no no he starts offering them food in the middle of he's looking for some He takes his container off the refrigerator. It's like eight of them all different from yellow to brown He opens up the container takes his dick out puts in the container. He's pissing Hide this dick, but he's talking Andy Garcia. He's like, yeah, you're hungry

He's like I got some corn Remember he goes I got some corn I can make some cheeseburgers, but he says a line He says a line to him Remember he goes, uh, I got something. It's natural. That's the line of the movie then he was Billy What happened inside? He goes snow what I a little piece of shit remember he goes But then tell you I ate it for the small nickel. He's just breaks it down He goes, yeah, some fucking g-note was doing this and he's some gene remember he just goes crazy He goes right in that movie. Oh, he's fucking thing. He brought his career right back

He got into television. It was a beautiful role if you get a chance. What's things to do? It's a hard movie to find what things to do with them. Yeah, that's I see it there What links around you can find out there, but it's doing devil in your dead Jimmy meets Billy It's got Christopher walk in Christopher walking. Wow. What's the chick Jenny McCartney? me to Jimmy beats What's all right, so Jimmy the Jan Jimmy is Andy and what's his name critical bill Billy Billy meets Jimmy? See if that's in there things to do and then when you're dead

Slash that movie just got lost in the shuffle. Nobody's what I know it's not even Yes, it's on there. Well, there's a call Let's see. I can't I don't have the headphones. Let's see if this is no, no, no time. Oh Wait, hold on Kill a tank. No, this is crazy that I can understand why you don't like new movies It's Andy Garcia and in a whatever treat one in the room That's Johnny

William Forsyth and Andy Garcia walking. They see this they look at People who aren't watching it imagine like a rocky apartment and there's a guy. It's not. It's the bottom of a funeral It's not in a bag. He's he has a chain and he's hanging by his neck He's swinging on this motherfucker and he's sweating so he's been doing it for a while He didn't just Man, what the fuck are you working out? Respect for the dead Guys in a suit

You don't mind We're doing an action for the man with a plan Small time one night's work is good for ten large In large I Look on the side now There's another scene with him and Jerry go and Andy Garcia. It's gotta be in any any professional But it we're not the only fucking professionals out there

I found some shit that some people have made on YouTube that is brilliant the man with the plan. No Get in there Rick No, let's see Never bet never bag No, that's a different one. That's what he brings See people don't know this movie People don't know this I saw this either 96 or 95 and I was blown the fuck away and They pulled it a week later

And then I had a way for it to come out on DVD and I sold it to everybody and people like that is some fucking dark shit But it's something different. It was a breath of fresh air. It was so different and it just went away And it's a shame and the funny thing was I was an agenda Jackson concert in Denver I saw Andy Garcia was sitting in front of me and I asked them what was he doing in And if you watch one of the scenes there's a comedian from Denver named Jimmy a beta He was Andy Stan in one day. They showed him crossing the street They gave him a scene crossing the street. So that's the fucking story of the day, you understand me? And there you have it. That's how we do it. We did a nice podcast for you a real deal director called in

We're real real millions under his belt not some fucking half a Puerto Rican with a camera But his movies going to Sundance in 2018 and he wears a hat He's got a parrot on his shoulder and a tattoo of the Nero on his arm. We're not talking to those fucking people We're talking about motherfuckers here with credentials. You understand me real motherfuckers in the game I ain't bringing the okie-dope motherfuckers that Never again way too cheap to choose Tonight, you know what, you know me too well I love it when you start yelling and then you don't know what you're gonna finish

You took a pause and it's just like like when you said like the hands of the octopus I love it when you call me big poppy. You're gonna smoke some mandobing and sit there like a fucking bumpy Well, Rick, how do people find you? You can find me on RickRamosComedy.net. Are you kidding me? Or what? This was the most fun. I've had in a podcast in a while. This is like Why don't you go and find Jump Up In The Sky? Go get the kid alone. He'll call me within 10 minutes leaving. Was that a good podcast? Then I call him again and ask him what he's doing. I'm laying down. Get the fuck up, cocksucker.

You called us when I was driving home from San Diego and I was fucking stoned out of my mind You called like every 20 minutes and my dad, my dad was passed out of sleep and he was so fucking high He turned off the radio. He was like, I can't hear the radio So I was driving with him snoring. Me driving in silence in every 20 minutes. Ring ring Where you got cocksucker? You're gonna hit traffic by the commerce. Did you hit that traffic? No, it was gone by the time I got there. Oh my god, I had to get off the 605. It was a fuck. Yeah, then moved it over by the time. I was with Lee. I'm your brother I give you something to know your life. You know what I'm saying? If you crash and I don't claim responsibility I don't gave it to him. He was talking to some black chick in the corner and maybe she gave it to him. I gave it to him.

But me, I'm your brother. I'm not gonna give you something. Well, I think I didn't give you the second one on stage You were ready easily. At that point you were a soldier. You said fucking. You said fucking. I go nah, let him drive home Yeah, but you left me on stage I'm on a comic and I want to do it. I'll leave you at stage. I'll leave you at the immigration center. What would you write? I'm white. I'll care. We need the immigration. Yeah, but how are you gonna get home? That's 67 miles from fucking studio city. How are you gonna get home? You're gonna hitchhike. You have to suck somebody's dick Just to get the Irvine They're gonna rape your cooler. What was the last time?

It was the last time somebody stuck your little two fingers in your cooler. Oh, you're giving that job All right, did you ever get the black hooker to fart on him? That's what come Working on There's no loud podcast in January, so I gave the chicken extra yardstick She's gonna eat peanut butter. We're gonna try to do it the 18th You know start the year off with a bang. It's that time that we It's a time that we proceed with this fart to move on too many people asking Just let it happen. I know I'm ready for it. Let it happen. Get the pink. I just deal with

Podcast and no one says yes because no one's gonna do it because they're all pussy. No because we have to get a professional I don't want to get some amateur and she farts on you and she aims wrong You know our assholes I'm looking for them because sometimes the asshole's pointing down Next, you know, she's farting on your foot. I don't need somebody to fart in your foot I need somebody to fart in your fucking mouth. You understand me or you? And they told me if you put if she eats pickles the night before flavors the fart it makes it feel like experiment So since you're Jewish, you're gonna eat a bunch of pickles. We already discussed a man

It's costing me some fucking do this here I'm saying we're doing this for we're taking this out of your cell, isn't it? You're gonna walk around broke for like four months It's over. You take I gotta pay a heavy fucking price for this chick, but she's clean They're gonna give her a blood test. So there's no fucking No fucking nucleus isn't her asshole Because you're gonna have to lick it too and sniff it. Yeah. Yeah, just sniff it. I don't want you to Make contact really but you have to that's the full patois right before she farts in your face after sniffing You're a little you know

And then from there open your mouth like a soldier, you know like before they give you They blindfolded you You know they blindfolded you to give you a cigarette We're gonna give her goggles because she ain't shit for like a week before that So we give you if she shits on me. No, I swear And then I'm like kick her in the stomach Everything going and then right from there. We'll get it going Left right from there. We're gonna let that first fart out and you're gonna take it like a soldier

We'll give you earplugs so you can't hear the kick to the stomach So you can't even hear it coming and that's even easy And all of a sudden you just be breathing and that warm air from the fucking south is gonna go right into your fucking mouth And it's all over Isn't it taste like spearmint meets a pickle meets an asshole. That's worse than god's own meat so wolfman I Love you motherfuckers. Don't forget this weekend kaluka friday night Eugene mcdonald feeding eugene origan saturday tom

So girl and me we're gonna be rocking up there So do what you need to do. I want to give a shout out to on it I want to give a shout out to hulu plus and my brother's over at dollar shave club always representing Keeping america nice and shaving because if not everybody's walking around like fucking for del castro I don't need that shit in my fucking life. You understand me. I started getting flashbacks. I want to stab a bitch Get your shit together. Remember what I told you What I tell them today. I don't know what the fuck I Who's making sure you buy vaseline in bulk? Yeah, no, why would you want to buy vaseline?

I mean you're gonna walk around at the park, you know what I'm saying and talk to people about the christ and the lord Lord back to the fucking bathroom. Just remember we should have stopped him in munich. That's right That's all you should have stopped hitler in munich and that's how you should live your life Some mother fucker fuck you you gotta stop. What does he say after he says something after that? If not, it's just gonna just gonna let it go. Fuck it. Always live by that thing when the cops get there Just go look I stabbed the motherfucker Because they should have stopped hitler in munich. You're always starting off so you can go with the insanity defense That's what happens when you watch lawnmower for 20 fucking weeks and he'll be sharply

Lee, what are you doing this weekend? You fucking Johnny Lamar motherfucker weekend. I don't know Thursday tomorrow I'm seeing paula and then other than that coming over for What are you gonna cook for? Uh, I don't know. You're gonna buy the robe. No, I'm not gonna the robe. That's so gross Let me ask you this. Are you gonna get a joe deez condom when they come in? I really go like the first one That is the most disgusting. I got a joe deez condom in my head and that's it. She's coming in my mouth That is the worst thing

Some guy's gonna come to a show with used sign my condom or oh it broke For 20 would you smell the condom? That's a completely different patrol. It brings a baggie with a CSI guy behind I love you lisa Have a good weekend with your little girl. Please don't have condom with your face on it. I'm telling you my mouth like this And my tongue is the well so it comes right at the tip of my fucking tongue And that's the one just blows up like a fucking Like a fucking I don't even know like what I'm more I'm more fucking saliva that rick. What do you got going on this weekend? Let's see. I got the uh, john lovitz club this weekend started tomorrow. We're gonna be doing that

I'm going to do a cop convention tonight. So I'm gonna have me some fun. You're a savage You're just having a selfish motherfucker. So I'm gonna do fuck him. Give him nothing And they got nothing you know what I'm saying What's up, lee? Look at the fucking shape of your game. Did you need an edible? Yeah? No Everyone I was right. I've been ready for a G for breakfast. I haven't had anything yet all day all day. It's not good o'clock What are you living off of right now? Your kidney is eating through your fucking intestine right now It's taking scrap. I'm gonna go pay my rent and go grab some Mediterranean food just to piss you off Is that what you want to eat tonight? Yeah, and what are you eating tonight?

I have no I'm gonna grab steak kebab with a little bit of hummus and Greek salad What's going on you move the juicer you just moved it to retire for good you moved it out of the way I guess yeah, it's over. That's it. Fuck the bitch. No, I gotta I'm I'm thinking about doing it until I go back home Just oh, Jesus. We'll see just just to piss you off. You're gonna piss me off. You're gonna look good You juiced you know, you're only sharp again. Look at you. You don't put gel in your head. You look like fucking some dude You ran away from the scoop meant you ran away from a Jew mental hospital And you dropped you You gotta get it together

Every time I come home he is all fucked up like you just I have no But you gotta go and then comb your hair. I do and then I wear the fucking when you wear the thing that goes off What the the headphones it don't fuck up my head dude. Yeah, because you have 8 000 pounds of gel It's just the head is on fire Your hair could cut that was on fire if your head was on fire like I tell you gotta be sharp and you gotta shave your neck You got like a fucking moses It's a bush cuck you're a handsome dude Fucking see it and can be watching right now. They want to give us a job, but they're like this guy don't have a makeup check

I'm so fucking high me too. Oh my god, that's why I'm saying this. I didn't know what the fuck I'm saying But what I'm saying is I'm gonna get you gel to that Today, I want you to stop by tonight. You're getting gel. We're gonna puff up your hair from now on I'm gonna give you a little revolt up in front once we get a couple more gear. This is where we get you a little hair piece in the front I'm never wearing a hair. Fuck that. That's why I wanted it. Every one of my family I'm just testing it. I'm lucky I have hair now. I'm just testing it because if not, I would have to give you the hair piece And stab you like mori out in the reach Ah

Fucking I love you, Lee. You're my dog. You're my fucking better away Look at you. If you want a son's attic, you're my better way That's my dog Hey, that's a motherfucker sling a dick tomorrow night. You don't have to robe. No, you just have no no robe Don't you need a robe with like a thumb that's been ripped? You know what I'm saying? Just hang in there like a savage with your dick hanging with that Cloth like a like the cloth like a flat tire that's just hanging there with your fucking little jude dick hanging

Gakuta with a robot blue looks good on you. You put some gel on your head, dude You put some gel in your eyebrows pump the motherfuckers back and go in there like Like Israeli fucking cosmonaut in this damn it What do you think? I have no idea what to think Fucking Israeli cosmonaut Lee you're gonna get people entertainment. I'm just dropping it. I don't know. I'm freestyling right now You think I write this shit at home. You think I'm up all night writing this shit. Yeah, I do. No, I'm fucking

No, I'm at three in the morning. Yeah, I'm gonna say Israeli cosmonaut today. I don't even know when Israeli cosmonaut is That's a funny thing. I know what I'm saying, dawg. You don't see me on jeopardy on those game shows, do you? Then I'll call uncle Joey Where'd you go? What depends on what they got up front If you're gonna give me 808,000 a shrub down there without knowing no answers I gotta give it a shot, right? Right a grand to show up to shake a few people's hands give a background check I'll tell them about the bat. Listen, you know, let's just put this together. Why are we talking about this?

I don't know. I was just thinking I'd love to see you hosting. Like are you smarter than a fifth grader or something But you're getting stoned Little fucking girl's just gone. Listen, we gotta go. All right I'm not asking me that interview on me. You're asking me too many personal questions. When did I interview you? Right there. Are you asking me perverted questions? Kids In the barrel of fucking Vaseline Where are you coming from? What the fuck do you get off asking me those type of questions? Wow

Where do you get off? I got enough aggravations in my life. You're supposed to be the captain quickly in the prize So what what movies are you looking forward to other than grudge match, of course out of the furnace the christian bale That one that looks good. That looks really good the american american hustle david or russell's coming back. That's gonna be good. Um God damn, what about the wolf of wall street? Yeah, you know what score for whatever people want to say about scorsese and decapio right now Scorsese can still deliver a better bad Scorsese is better than half the shit that's out there right now three quarters of the shit that is good

Apio is so good from so many different situations To move and watch him. I can't knock him. Everybody always finds a knock in these guys. I can't knock tom cruise I can't knock him. You want you know what his Scientology or whatever, but I don't pay him for Scientology I pay the 12 dollars to go see him jump off a building with a fucking Scientology shirt on the gate I don't fucking pay the 20 bucks to see you know to hear about that So was that I have a great time and every time, you know, there's two movies of his that have always pushed me over the top The marine one when he did with the fucking jack Nicholson Because he didn't miss a beat through good memory if you really think about it and the one he did

with uh, jamie fox I like when he goes into the japanese bar and he shoots up the bar That training he had the fucking he did some great shooting in that he's phenomenal in that He really isn't he's a tiny guy and he drinks protein shakes all day. I don't give a fuck about that I'm talking about when I go sit there for two hours. I get two hours in my fucking money's work The same thing with motherfucking denzel and believe it or not. I get the same satisfaction with bread pit Obviously, I don't like a lot of the roles he picks in times like a lot of people don't but for the most part I'll sit there and give him the hour and a half tell you what else I used to give an hour and a half to

Everything mel Gibson and some of the shit that his best work First of all his best movie is the one he did with the chick from carry when they're going to take the farm That's his best. Oh sissy space at the river the river. That's what he's damn. That's on the old I ain't fucking around with you. I ain't fucking around with you. You people look at me and go like that joey That's not even in your genre. You bet your fucking ass into my genre. It's a fucking good movie. You watch sissy's People, you know, they just did the remake of carry and when I saw that I gotta be honest I was hurt especially after I wrote the I read the book on writing You know, I told you about that right that he was writing. He was a janitor at the time

And he wrote about a tampon box And then he wrote about some telekinesis and he wrote a couple pages. He threw it in the garbage The next day he got home and he seen the script on the counter his wife goes. I read that that was pretty good Keep writing that was carry. That was the first script he ever wrote So I'm thinking about it and I got this big respect for carry. Then I watched it came on one night Travolta's and fucking carry. Oh Travolta maxi allen At the high of their fucking career. Travolta did like two days on carry, bro Which is right. He did two days on carry

Well, he was still I think he would still do when walking back harder when he did that No, this is tough This was like a big time movie and this fucking carry as a kid another one I saw at the university tell him because you're going home You're like, oh, that's about a retarded girl that sent waves to the end But at the high school that and you're getting ready to go to your popcorn and steinberg steel spielberg's wife comes walking with The flowers to the foot. You remember this to the iron's here original other walking to the house with With the flowers and you're like, what the fuck's going on?

They show the house would carry the burnt like a Jew burnt it to the stone and there's a cross This is fuck you bitch die in hell. Yeah, because everybody's neighbor thought she was a witch And that's what happened the school burnt down when they played a trick on her at the squad the prom He killed everybody the school the parents Travolta on the road. She killed the fire the only one who lived Was the chick amy ervin amy ervin was the only person so when you see amy ervin Walking through this the sting and she's about to put flowers in the grave and carry's hand comes out and grabs a dog I remember that as clear as yesterday how everyone in the movie feel

I mean everybody. Yeah, and then you And she's like call the doctor it's a dream her having a dream amy ervin And that's how that movie fucking ended and one that i'm doing some comedy at one of these fucking hellhose And what do I fucking see? They did a remake of it with oh, yeah, chloe garrad got my smile. Yeah my heart stopped I was like you can't make a remake of this That's one movie. That's a no-no right there. That's a big mistake right there That's now you motherfuckers are getting out of control. That's yeah, if you don't believe me watch the fucking original

That's all we got for you here the church What's happening now? I want to give a shout out to on it always fucking hulu plus always Dollar shave club for being the best that they could be for taking care of you people That's why we stand behind them. Don't forget this weekend kaluka casino friday night sadly Tom sagora and me also kaluka tom sagora, but sadly also and eugen oregon at the motherfucking mcdonald's theater Right liam suppression are going there mcdonald's You're dropping off a fucking helicopter cocksucker landing the playground

How long have you been off mcdonald's for? For a while. I've had Wendy's a couple times like that. Did you relapse? A couple times. Yeah, I mean but fucking dating a mexican girl and the mom is making me Plates of enchiladas and making me take it home. It's hard enough. It's not perfect. How are you gonna eat at one? You gotta eat a salad once you're married to a mexican chicken balance. Yeah You know the chicks don't cook heavy duty for your fridays through sunday. Yeah. Well, you stop at a wedding You should be at home eating peanuts. See if you're allergic. You know what I'm saying? I'm not allergic to peanuts I'm looking out for you cocksucker. You want this banana? No, I fucking banana is weird. No, no, this is terrorism banana

You like it they dipping in hummus I had seven 11 I'd give that a try which one of my hoes is calling me a shit. Don't be calling me For coming. That's right. Hey, thank you for having me. I appreciate it. It was good times every time I Every time I deal with this fucking mania this craziness. I have a good time. It's fun. Thank you Thank you, Rick. I know you a long time. You look good. I'm happy you came by today I wanted you to be here with mr. Peter Siegel call. That was great. I was a great fucking call And I know the podcast went long for you, but fuck you motherfuckers. We got to do our thing every once in a while

You know, it's not all about you motherfuckers. We got to do this for us too. You're lucky. I love you cocksucker Lee give me a kiss Time let you love these people. I love you guys. I buy you though. You love these guys. I love you guys Thank you for the support. Thank you for the love. I'm just here for you the church. What's happened now? I thought I was that way Read it read it for the reader. Don't just sit there looking why don't know So fucking hot now that the show's over don't forget to sign up for your free trial Who plus who plus us you binge on thousands of it shows anytime anywhere on your tv pc smartphone or tablet No, when you slip, I'm gonna have your father come back up for fucking 18 days

And sit here and give me the eyeball from the couch. You understand me no more. I got his direct line I got miles. I'll send them direct. He was just I was telling listen. We don't know you're coming Just show better or not. He wants you to come over saturday late in the morning. He's gonna surprise me You're out here with your robot. Listen to mexican music You're not gonna fucking do his son and you're like, ah She runs into the bedroom. She's calling the mother. There's an old guy over here come over here and jump on him. He's got money That's where you went with it. Yeah, I hope your dad ends up with the mother Oh my god, the whole family

Vacations You get kidnapped but have to get that zel washington. You know the fucking deal read the Will you listen to me full? I have no idea Support this podcast and get an extended free trial who loo plus when you go to who loo plus.com slash joey Or go to joeyds.net and click on the who loo plus banner And don't forget to sign up for dollar shape club.com. You get high quality razor sent to your door Each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail Now go to dollar shape club.com forward slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollar shape club banner

Thank you Little wheels are confusing. Oh shit. Send it on home cock suckers. If you got heroin now is the time If the galaxy cotton now is the time I know you've been holding out You're like fucking I need a situation to bust off for well, this is it Wednesday afternoon Sabbath wheels of motherfucking confusion run for that little grandma's purse Fuck this Oh Oh

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