Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 12/05/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #36

Episode Date: December 6, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about the Son's of Anarchy Finale, taking chances in life, and we get another surprise visit from Mrs. Diaz. Joey also shows everyone where he got the saying, "Stay Black" from. Joey's friend Sal Polisi calls in to talk about his new book and his time in the mob.  This show is brought to you by Onnit.com Use the Promo code CHURCH for an extra discount. Streamed live on 12/05/12

oh shit it's that motherfucking day it's that motherfucking time Wednesday December a little bit a little bit KINGLY brothers and sisters what singing while I'm singing what know what I know and why the black man sweating are you fucking kidding me or what

jews are sweating cubans are sweating wasps are sweating brothers Puerto Ricans what's up Leely Leely now much it feels great welcome to the church of what's happening now I'm Joey Cocodiz the co-host of fucking backbone of the organization

the flying fucking jew Lisa Yat five or four days away from Yannicka his fucking smile look at him he's all ready to go to temple he's getting his white shoes ready to go to temple fuck it he's gonna go lure some young girls with little fucking dollar bills with fishing hooks on them so when they bend over

he pulls and that's an old jew trick too we'll have to cover that in later episodes what's going on Lisa Yat you looking good I'm feeling great I'm feeling great new mood I haven't been doing the new mood sleeping better I can tell you look a little better you got a little bit more endurance I'll tell you what man I've been going to this kickboxing place

and they make you jump rope you know they make you jump a lot of rope between sets and shit let me tell you something the first two days my feet were hurting the bones of my feet oh really those little skinny fucking bones are picking up 300 fucking pounds of fat and all the other shit that's in my body

and I'll tell you what the new bone the strong bone the strong bone is taking a lot of that pain away so that shit is working so I feel real good go to Omnip see what's going on read about the fucking products read about what the fuck you're doing

see what the hell you're doing with your fitness plan and fit it in there there's something for you over there whether it's a strong bone the hip protein is fucking delicious and I'll tell you when I fart and stuff it don't smell like if you fart with that other type of protein your farts don't smell oh you cut a fucking fart with that

soy protein or one of that yucka whatever the fuck it is your ass smells so bad even when you take your jeans off the fart filters to your ass like a coffee filter so the stink stays in your jeans especially if you walk commando the fucking little brown marking your jeans like somebody little fucking

fire you go commando all the time I try not to but what are you gonna do I hate the feeling of my jeans and my underwear slipping oh I hate no underwear like I'll wear like some days I'll wear two I hate I hate not having fresh let me tell you something for years I wore underwear and when I was broke all those years

you gotta do what you gotta do it's either cocaine or underwear and I chose the fucking cocaine so I learned how to run without fucking underwear and that's how you gotta do it once in a while but it's fucking Wednesday league it's a beautiful day to be alive we got some good stuff on that uh Monday

podcast with Patatino Tico you know I don't like I'm just trying to give you the best of what's fucking out there today I got a great movie for you we're gonna go over my man Sal who bots calling in Sao Polisi ex fucking Gambino associate went into the witness

relocation plan I had him on the other podcast he's a great guy I love him he's got a book that's out of the Sinatra club so I want to talk to you about that here we go so nobody fucking has to come at me crying it's it was the season finale last night at Sons of Anarchy so Sons

of Anarchy alert turn your shit off okay I had a conversation a couple weeks ago with some people in Arizona and we're talking about Sons of Anarchy and I said something to them that uh you know it's a good show but it's got a lot of holes but they can only do so much

and I want to fucking appreciate this you know I love the characters of Gemma I love fucking Jack's teller I like the Irish dude I like Bobby Elvis I like clay even I like I mean I like a lot of the characters I like the people playing a lot of times I can't watch a

certain show because I'm like one fucking character I can't even watch the fucking guy this season I mean I got into Sons of Anarchy by mistake last year it's not like I've been into them since day one I'm not gonna sit here I knew no I didn't fucking know what happened was when I got convicted on that kidnapping thing

the guy who really turned states evidence on me was a biker so I always had a bad taste in my mind about bikers but till I come years later he was just an associate he hung out at the fucking place with them he was no fucking biker this guy had a tricycle and a taxi to fuck yourself but the main thing

was that I started watching the show and I could see what how they turned it was like a sort of soprano type thing without the this they got the wife involved and I don't like that you tell your wife shit what you're gonna do who you're gonna go kill it's part of no lady I don't like that language but

whatever but I do like the characters and I like the violence I like the drugs like the guns you know I know Amelia which I'm gonna try to get next week the guy the minds you know I see the machete at different fucking functions that I do like for comedy I do functions for this organization

and he's always part of it so I became fans of the show and I tell you what man last night was a great fucking show first off I always knew he was in the fucking Ice Damon Pope I never knew I knew Damon Pope wasn't gonna get away with that even in the commercial last week when they showed who was ever does the editing

for the Jack's car for the son's anarchy commercial very good he leaves you fucking he fucks you up and he confuses this shit out of you people you really they really confused the shit out of people with their with their upcoming trailers yeah I knew he was gonna kill fucking Damon Pope

and he killed them fucking beautifully I wish you would have shot him in the ball first and suffer and then shot him in each eyeball you know because the guy who lit his fucking daughter on fire I would have made the best out of this fucking guy but that's just me the scene where yet listen in 19 whatever we're gonna cover this movie

a movie called Midnight Express was one of the last movies I seen before my mother died and it was fucking traumatizing it's about a young guy Brad whatever that goes to Turkey and tries to do you ever see it bro no obviously you probably you're too busy jumping up and down watching some fucking movie

where I'm ZM Zide and the other skinny guy from the office with the cigarette wow comedy fucking brilliant so what was I talking about midnight run midnight run I'm sorry midnight midnight express I'm sorry it's about a guy who goes to get hatched

but one of the yeah I don't fucked up but one of the scenes that's really memorizing is that the guy ratted him out in the jail and he threw a fucking beat on this guy and at the end he bites his fucking tongue out and spits it in the fucking air and you see the tongue you see the blood on the guy said last night there was a scene in

Son's Anarchy where Kurt Sutter who's in jail the writer executive producer he plays a biker that's in jail and he stabbed the chick and Donald Logan's down now last night he can't testify he bit his own fucking tongue out so that was the show in the middle and it was a terrible fucking tongue it was

like a Puerto Rican's tongue it was small and shit but uh I tell you what man it got me they threw Clay in jail you know it was too much of a scam I mean it's a great season hook I don't know when it comes on again if people watch it if you don't watch it's a great show I don't get paid to talk about it but

it's the only real show I watch on TV beside Breaking Bad or whatever and Breaking Bad we had direction to share the fucking zombie one scares the fuck out of me well walking dead yeah it's it scares the shit out of me Star Trek used to scare the shit out of me as a kid just the beginning just that song

it scares you take that shit off put the fucking news on I love the news I love Diane Sawyer you know oh yeah you should say it 630 I fucking watch Diane Sawyer I don't want to hear about nothing it's like before when I was hugging Lulu and you guys were talking about computers I don't give a fuck I'm

gonna hug Lulu it's to hear her go she never meows that cat that cat never meows until you give her love when you scratch her back and get all round up yeah what's up Lili Leland you're going home for fucking the holidays it's already the fourth

so what do you got the fifth I got 20 days 20 fucking days three weeks you're gonna go home you're gonna go to a New England game you're gonna see a mama and think of four days before that you're gonna get the biggest thriller you fucking saw yesterday yeah Kurt Soda I thought about you after the chick fights

in your face because maybe you got a little particle of shit on your tongue I'll have to bite it off and you just fucking oh yo yo yo yo you just bite that fucking tongue off will be on the floor with that little young fucking movie fucking shit on your tongue people keep sending us pictures of all put the chick that's all the chick

yesterday we're gonna send her a plane ticket that's because I'm gonna get a fat chick to fight in your face a little hot chick to fight in your face you could tell the hot chicks are worse they probably eat nothing but salad yeah so we're gonna get to the Pepsi channel at least a fat black chick needs Popeye's chicken with that fucking the little rice

they got the crazy rice from there ooh the farts that come out of your ass is what they give the fucking Arabs when they fucking torture people and shit and what the fuck is it with this shit that Arab people think I hate them they always send me little tweets like

bro what listen I am not I don't hate Arabs at all I hate nobody like that at all like I told you on this podcast a thousand times I am racially insensitive but I am not fucking racist I hang out with Armenians out here

I hang out with fucking Lebanese what's Mars I always fuck I don't even look at that shit people I fuck around I talk about I mean yeah I do smell I do fucking hate the smell of stinky fucking curry and I do hate when people don't wear fucking deodorant and I do hate when I smell

somebody's fucking toes in a store when they're crusty and that's the Hindus their fucking toes are crusty but that don't mean I hate them it just means they got stinky fucking toes that's all that means you know my toes fucking stink we don't see rubbing them on my feet or putting sandals on them making you

tolerate looking at my fucking toes because that's not how I roll I don't like looking at fucking guys so when they have the sandals on like half of fucking fags it drives me crazy what if there's a war right now and you're walking around what if Godzilla jumped out of that fucking Pacific and you got to run

and you got those faggy fucking flip-flops on with those hoofs and your toes all purple like mine I don't want to show when I go to yoga and that yoga teacher walks by me I fucking cringe because she got to look at my feet one day she picked the bottoms of them up and I fucking almost died

I almost fucking died I don't want nobody seeing my feet I don't want nobody touching my feet I don't even want you know I put socks on under water so I'm guessing you don't have a foot fetish what do you mean a foot fetish I like looking at girls feet like but I don't want them touching me I don't want to know when my wife's foot touches me

it drives me fucking crazy I don't like feet touching me I don't want them close and I don't want you jerking off me with your fucking filthy feet I like your feet put some makeup on them you know like toenail polish polish them up a little bit take that corn toe off we'll fucking lay in bed but don't touch me with your fucking feet

that's why I don't go to jujitsu I can't stand men's feet or asses or guys thighs I can't have that and the people that have around me got to be in fucking showers I don't like that shit people coming in from work with that rotten ass and you want to do jujitsu with that foot that smells like

fucking a cheese bar I don't need that shit though I'd love to take you to like the high school wrestling practices I want to cause no one showers before oh no no you gotta shower before fuck the middle and after with that rotten ass the guys fucking just smell as a perp

I know you all smell I smell my fucking balls that's horror that's fucking horror that's horror when you scratch your nuts in time you're like whoa what the fuck you know I'm gonna have that because you want to do a fucking triangle I gotta have your foot your stinky dead foot

in your work boot all day and then you want to take it to jujitsu and not wash your feet I can't have that but on the night that the girl farts in my face I want big country to come and put you in a triangle with the feet in your face and then it'll be fair let's just worry about the fart in your face and the emergency

putting you in the ambulance in time don't worry about the fucking whatever the fuck so that's my whole thing I don't hate nobody you know it's real interesting I want to show a movie this week that I'm sure people don't like

the movie I'm gonna show you guys this week people don't like but it's a movie that hit home with me big fucking time and I can't get into it now I want Madonna for these people to roll them into this shit because a lot of people are saying Joey what the fuck how are you gonna do Madonna for me

let me tell you something I was looking at something the other day and I was realizing that this year is the 30th anniversary 2013 the world doesn't end 2013 is the 30th anniversary of Madonna's first album now I don't know about the third album I don't know about this other shit that came out

when she burned Jesus with the cross and the Pepsi commercial I don't know nothing about that I do know Madonna's first album it's fucking solid and for you motherfuckers that were kids or you don't know let me tell you something it was Michael Jackson Bruce Springsteen and Madonna

and Madonna was fucking them right up I mean Madonna was in there from 83 to 85 hit it Lee a little fucking the end of burning up when she's over there talking about eating mufflers and shit hit it Lee come on let's go it's fucking Wednesday get out of bed motherfucker

tell fear to suck your dick it's your day you're going out there slinging dick fucking fear fear can't exist in a church where it's happening now kick it Lee put that motherfucker live we're gonna get some ass fresh to Lee we're going for the joy

oh shit oh shit oh shit I'm not the others I do anything oh shit I got no shame come on fire look at that girl she's on fire

go Lee ooh yeah come on come on come on what ooh yeah go Lee

kill it Lee wiggle fuck oh shit these motherfuckers don't know that we own Madonna first then the gays jump on boy the fuck you think you're dealing with I would never have guessed you knew all the words from Madonna oh the first album listen bro

like I tell you motherfuckers we could fuck around and we could talk about this and that and I could tell you what you guys want to fucking hear that's not why I do a podcast I'm not gonna fucking sit here and tell you this is why I do a podcast to fucking tell you what inspired me to pieces and fuck on Madonna

in 82 and 83 when I was living in Colorado I wasn't even dancing anymore I was you know I want the clubs to sling dick I would take a quailude and get a gram of blow with four of my buddies and going to fucking studio 54 on a Thursday and that one Mick Jagger was there and all that shit Thursday nights

a friend of mine had a new store guy so he let us in we were 18 19 and one time I was so coked up in studio 54 with a friend of mine Mike we had pockets full of coke but we had no cash we were supposed to sell the coke we had we were doing it instead

of selling it so we really had no cash in those days I remember looking on the floor and seeing a hundred dollar bill one time on a Thursday night it was like Jesus fucking flew by with an angel and just dropped a yard stick I'd never fucking forget that but that's why I went out for it so when I moved

to Aspen in 83 I was pretty content you know I didn't like going to the stone bridge and listening to some fucking band play fucking let us get it so a buddy of mine goes bro do you have this new Madonna cassette and I was like what are you talking about and like you gotta listen to this thing and I went

over and I got the fucking cassette and the first out physical attractionist say what the fuck you want to say let me tell you something about Madonna and here's the craziest thing ever when I was in high school my senior year on Saturdays we'd go to Joe Marry's and then we'd go out we'd go to clubs like The Rooftop

I don't even remember the fucking names that was never really my big thing I went along because I was out we had blow what was I gonna do I was gonna go home I was sleeping on somebody's floor so I might as well go out to a club in the city yeah and I remember going to a club one night

and the next week you know they were like did you remember that singer that girl that because usually in those clubs they had no bands it was just a DJ and then at one point at night he'd say ladies and gentlemen can I have your attention please we have a new recording artist from whatever

and you'd sit there all cocked out going what the fuck is this we got a new girl she's gonna sing a song for you and she'd sing the fucking song and you'd clap and you'd go back to trying to get a piece of pussy you know what I'm saying you didn't give a fuck well years later somebody told me that girl one night we went to the garage or whatever

this girl was was Madonna singing so I had seen Madonna I just didn't know who the fuck it was I didn't really care I don't lie to you people I saw I don't fucking remember this was years later friends of mine told me Madonna was huge bro from 83 and 85 they gave her a movie desperately seeking Susan

she was huge huge she was selling out Madison Square Garden every fucking young every young hooker that's 43 now sucked a dick to a Madonna song if you're 45 you suck some dick to Madonna songs whether it's borderline I'm telling you I know for a fact that was cocaine music that was

straight up you know how many times I ate ass listen to burning up for your life putting a coke rock in her asshole and eating it that's and we had them first the killers had Madonna first then the gays jumped on board you had first and they weren't gay at first there was a couple of fags that weren't the fucking Madonna but then they

came on the gays jumped up and down Madonna was the first one to cross over she's the real king of the fucking fags that's why I love Madonna and she's still doing great she just recently my friend went and saw her in Boston she sold out where the Celtics play like last month a dog she's got she oh she is Twitter she's got 80 million fucking

Twitter people you know Madonna's been around for 30 years and she's done some things that she's controversial I can't cop to any of the shit I don't like that world where oh my god and this and Madonna but you know one minute she's a Jew one minute she's a Catholic one minute she's reading the Kabbalah but those are choices

you make along the line we don't know that we have to live through them see how you come to terms with your success so I don't know I'm not her I know that she must has 80 fucking people around her brother wrote a book about her she was dating that gangster Miami for a while that book Club Liquid we'll go

over that books sometime I mean you know there's so many fucking angles of this that Madonna did I'm not talking about that shit I'm not talking about her politics I'm not talking about who she runs with you know a lot of people know she was married to Sean Penn oh yeah yeah did I do a close range on here

yeah right I think so when was that at close range is Christopher Walken oh yeah you showed that one part of it right well that whole movie the soundtrack is Madonna live to tell which is a fucking great jam it's one of the greatest fucking jams I've

been doing for a long time you know we got UFC this weekend too bad I'm not doing a pre-card like on Thursday I'll probably call my man Jack over at my man Jack Bratch a good fucking dude wanted me to do a podcast Thursdays night

but I'm shooting Thursdays and I'm shooting all this week so I can't do shit I'm doing a set Friday and Saturday I have to laugh at you that's all I got because I can't I've been busy all fucking week I'm never leaving you bad mother fucker Lee's leaving for a week

we gotta do some fucking podcast what are you gonna do you got plans with this girl yeah I'm gonna see her and I'm gonna see friends and I'm just excited to do nothing because like I said I work 51 weeks a year like 5 or 6 days a week and I'm ready to do nothing

and you ain't see nothing cock sucker you're only 24 so stop complaining 51 weeks a year you're 24 what are you gonna do when you're 40 and you still got 25 years of doing this that's why I'm excited to do stuff I like this is why I say to you mother fucker

it's too right you gotta do shit you like but you gotta start now and that's why we do the podcast one a year you don't have to work no more hopefully we could do something we could shoot another movie involve some people maybe there's a thing with the black chick I tell you you're gonna make 3 minutes from one fart to the face look at what's her name look at what she did with the sex video

you're gonna be the first fucking guy able to take a fart to the face you're gonna put it on paper view you're gonna make a documentary about the chick and her intestines and the whole fucking deal who's better than you who's fucking better than you but that's actually something I wanted to talk to you about

something that you did when you made the choice to leave Colorado and your family and do comedy I have a friend who's moving out here in January and people give me and other people shit from moving out to like LA and they're like oh well everyone's out there and so I'm never gonna make it

you're never gonna make it and you should just stay here and have a normal job I couldn't imagine like it gets me angry because she would say oh because her brother's out here and he wanted to be an actor but he hasn't made it in 2 years so he's soured on it it pisses me off when like I couldn't imagine being 40

and still having 25 years left at the insurance company and it's great and a lot of people do it but I get mad when people give me or other people shit who are actually trying to do something so like you moved without your daughter your family gives you shit

even your family when you go to that dirt table the first time you're like even you go guess what guys I'm thinking of becoming a fucking cartooner or whatever I'm just saying I want to move to LA my friend told me about the school now that I get housing what's the first thing you're getting

you're not going to get a congratulations you're going to get California what the fuck is wrong with you don't you know those people that live out there smoking dope with sandals on you know it's a big orgy don't you see it on Baywatch I mean the resistance is amazing as a matter of fact you give yourself

resistance which is the fear I talk about the teller suck your dick listen man what if this is what happened to me I got out of prison I got into comedy I didn't get along with that girl I was married to I had a wife and a fucking kid I wasn't happy I wasn't happy in that fucking house

and that happens people only society fucking tells you about what your life has to be you could follow the path that you want or the one society tells you society tells you go to college you marry some chick you know listen when you're 18 at 50 I'm telling you I didn't know what the fuck I want to do with 18

nobody knows I don't give a fuck what they tell you very few very successful and do know what they want to do with 18 you go to college you pick a major you come out you know you take this now after 10 years after you've gotten your major I'm sorry you don't even want to do this anymore you're like what the fuck

four years now I got to go on like to do this and this is where you come in this is when you come in college look at what they're saying now that people graduating from college and they have no work college was never really a guarantee that anything was going to happen in your life all college is

is to prove to yourself that you could do something for four years when people hire you if something don't hire you because of your degree your 4.0 GPA they hire you because you did something for four years you stuck to something which is very hard to do with 18 it's very difficult to do with 18

but not to get you off the subject now there's people that do that doggly they get married and they see life for what it is and they snap I'm 24 I'm working 51 hours a week

I work 51 weeks a year I'm making this money I'm not starving I'm at the 60% bracket of at least I'm working I'm fucking working it's probably harder than that how lucky am I but this is not what I want to do

Jesus Christ that happens to people all the time but can you imagine not wanting to do what you went to college for now in this economy and taking a chance must be fucking scary and she's in the girl called me and she has two jobs

she works at a pizza place and at an old home a old person's home I have $2,000 I saved up to move but I have these student loans should I just put that money towards that and stay here and do what? work at the pizza place? in life you have to take a chance

you guys remember when I first started this podcast with Lee we had Mike Kessler call I'm gonna have him call again to tell you fucking guys a story he started a new career at 65 the guy with the band I've known Mike for 20 years we smoked crack together

we played pills together I'm telling you guys this guy woke up one day and said I'm not doing this no more selling I'm taking my pension I'm gonna start a band and he's in New York struggling in the house living with his brother in a two bedroom

doing what I did 30 fucking years ago struggling living in a car to get your word out to get your dream out guys don't get stuck fuck your family and tell them you want to do something they don't put your dream down because

they think you're a failure they put your dream down because they're scared for you okay they're all scared for us if my wife comes to me tomorrow I'm thinking I'm moving to Alaska to fucking dig oil I'll give them my blessing I love my wife but I'm scared for her at an adult age

can you imagine when you're 18 your kid comes in a room and says he wants to go to fucking California to draw pictures but think of you didn't do this think of what your life would be at 50 if you didn't take a chance that's where the alcoholism comes in that's where the weight comes in

that's where the sadness and the fucking sorrow come in so you gotta take a chance when you're a young person an old person listen man it's never too fucking you're never too fucking old me jagged 64 spinning around on fucking stage what does that tell you he's a greedy fuck

he's charging 800 a ticket but think about it you gotta go for whatever it is I had nothing to lose in this day when I had no family you know josh wolf called and he said that thing about I would say if something happens I'll take the fall just take care of me because I had no family

I know what it is to have family if I'm to come see you I was a single guy I wanted to be Charles Brunson fucking anyway but I couldn't imagine living my life waking up at 48 not trying to stand up calmly what do you think would have happened if you

married the wife or even made it work being divorced and had the daughter and you were still roofing and maybe doing comedy once a weekend I would have had a stroke by now you think so yeah cause the drugs by now oh you don't think you would have got off the drugs no because I wouldn't have found my true love okay

once you find your true love that cancels everything once you find your true love and you see it's arrived and you see what you need to do you have a choice now you have a choice to make you are good at something I never knew I was good at anything or even close decent the best I ever felt was

2005 when I got the longest shot and then when nothing came after that because of my cocaine use and my attitude that's when I fucking caved and then I got strong from that I realized I always had that no matter what you say to me when I go back to North

Bergen they could say hey man you were a thief you were a loser you know what I put all those things together and I got into an Adam Sandler movie which is very hard to do that's the you look at me and go enjoy but that's not success it's success for me for where I came from you know just me walking around in LA

that's success for me even if I was broke I was happy because I'm like I'm in the fucking major leagues I'm Tom Berenger in major league I'm a catcher that makes the league minimum which we're gonna go over that movie major league is one of the greatest fucking movies of all time

never mind we throw the sports angle into it Tom Berenger bad motherfucker especially in major league all of them all of them from the black dude to fucking the coach the coach you want to come working at a tire store I don't know

some guys bothering me on the floor just there the chicks we're gonna go over major fucking league but to me I couldn't die after the lonely shard and I would have been happy because I proved everybody wrong I proved the people wrong that I did county with

a bunch of agents wrong I proved a lot of people for me but I have more to say and that's why I do the podcast so man if you got a dream fucking go for it who gives a fuck you're the one that's gotta go to the supermarket you're the one that's gotta put gas in your car you're the one that's gonna have to live in your fucking car

I'm reading on writing by Stephen King right now oh my god he was working at a high school or some shit and he went into a girls bathroom to clean the bathroom with another janitor this is after he got his degree

he thought about he seen the box next to a woman's urinal and he asked the guy what that box was for to plug your pussy the tampon box that they put next to the toilet and he had an idea about teenage girls in a shower

with the one girl bleeding from a pussy and a bunch of girls throwing tampons on him and then he went home and he read an article about telekinesis and he thought about young kids that had been tested that could move objects with their things and he started writing a script

and that script and he hated it because the character's name was Carrie White and he took the script after he wrote a couple pages I don't know exactly, don't quote me and he threw it away guys and fucking his wife the next day he came home

this is the shit that makes me wake up in the morning the next day he came home and he was in the janitor place and his wife was dusting off the script from the garbage he had cigarette ashes on him he was dusting the script off it and it was Carrie the movie

Carrie the movie guys the movie Carrie the one that fucking the chick that was John Travolta and the other it was the movie Carrie for the eighth time and he fucking ends up selling it for $400,000 in 1970 something

$400,000 today so he had these two ideas and he put them together and it became Carrie you ever see Carrie now? no, why would you? you're too busy watching fucking Romeo and Juliet with Puerto Ricans or something like that

I'm talking about this is the shit that makes you go Jesus he took a chance when you take a chance in your life he took a chance and he didn't believe in it fear took over he had to pack his wife hands on this and she's like

you have to finish writing this and he goes why? I don't know about teenage girls and she goes I'll help you and it became Carrie and then while he fucking sold Carrie the book he sold the book he fucking was writing a book called the Shining and he realized that the Shining

was about him that he was an alcoholic he was drinking so much and doing so much fucking blow but in there there was a genius so guys no matter what position you're in where you're at in the fucking world right now what you're thinking bro you're a fucking you got the world by the balls

trust me I'm telling you you got the world by the fucking balls it's amazing you just gotta take a chance you're not gonna know anything unless you take a fucking chance Lee so tell your girlfriend to pack a fucking bags take the $2,000 buy a big fucking joint roll it

pack a car and go to the driveway not to the driveway but to the entrance to the turnpike or whatever the fuck gets you out of there pull over and smoke and drink and look at that fucking city spit on the floor getting your car throw on Led Zeppelin and go west fucking take a chance

it's a different girl but I actually told her that because when I was driving out here I had everything I owned in my car and I had a panic attack in Connecticut I was fine we all fucking do I had to pull over on the side of the road to Connecticut and I was homeless

and I got out here I didn't have a place to live so I stayed in the hotel for a week and I was like holy everything I owned is in my mother fucking car and I could have gone and worked at the TV station in Boston and had a nice apartment but I mean

you could still do that but it took me two years and now I'm finally making enough money why I don't have to do that math like should I have $100 to the next paycheck or whatever it took me two years it's fucking amazing though it's amazing what happens when you fucking give yourself a chance

when you really say to yourself you know what I'm not even gonna think because the more you think about going for something the more your dreams get crushed I mean I ain't gonna lie to you the more you think about something you know when I sit here and go yeah me and Lisa write a script now

Lisa bum I'm a bum I mean your little self fear comes in and crushes your fucking dreams you know you're like what the fuck am I doing with my life it's like I can't believe I had the balls to stick this out but I didn't have balls to stick this out guys

I had nowhere else to go yeah I couldn't quit at 38 what was I gonna do go back to Baldwin to what try to rekindle my relationship with my daughter and do what get a job working for 10 bucks an hour at 400 a week

I would die of debt I'd be happy I'd probably be not really I don't know what I would be but I know that I'd rather wake up every morning at zero and take a chance every fucking morning that's just me that's how I was raised take a chance do something I'd rather know that

today I can make $50 or I can make $500 it's up to me even if it's selling paint cans you know I did a movie for some girl and the movie was nothing nothing ever happened with it but one of the producers was a guy that had false teeth

and he was a really good looking guy he looked like he was good looking and started talking and he had been on television in LA in the 70's or whatever the shit was and uh you know like everybody else in this business he lost and he got hooked on coke and he lost his house, he lost his family

his cars and he said he walked out of a rehab at 49 years old with no teeth the shoes they gave him in $113 and he said he moved into his friend's garage and he took a bus started selling tape oh yeah he told me about him

he told you about that fucking guy you know the tape on the phone so you call different businesses and go we have packaging tape it's 16 cents a roll if you buy 10 million rolls think about it and he started working for that and he goes he went from having a bus to having a car

and then after he had the fucking car he was still working at the place but he was a top salesman and he figured out how to do it he moved into where he was living and he got a phone and he started calling these people direct and opened up his own business and after I don't know how many fucking years

he got bought out by fucking three no he was telling me he had to put away a hundred since his credit was shit he had to put away a hundred thousand dollars for a security deposit for uh a place to start an office building

so he fucking uh he had to put the money away and live in his garage and do the and do the business out of there until and one day he fucking he says that the UPS couldn't even go up and down the street

they would break the twigs and people would complain from how many times how many times they fucking went over so uh it was just amazing he said that at 49 he sold his there he is what's up brother

hey how are you good man thank you very much for calling for you people who don't know there's my brother Sal Ubat's I did one of his films he's an author he's an ex-wise guy

he's a fucking great all around guy how you doing baby what's going on you guys not the same shit what's going on in your world really what's going on in your world I'm sorry I'm just working on a

series with National Geographic I'm going back to New York next month we're gonna shoot some history history episodes of the okay and then what's going on with the book book is doing fine

selling well we're still negotiating who's gonna pick it up for movie rights or television series so it's doing well I get calls from all over the world I got fans it's kind of fun you having a good time Sal

yeah it's great I'm having a great time in the middle of all of this about two months ago I met a beautiful woman and where life can change overnight that's what I love about you you're always meeting beautiful women

yeah absolutely magnificent beautiful smart and that's great all of a sudden my life stopped and starts over it's exciting everybody should keep that in mind if you don't have a woman

you don't have a wife or girlfriend there's somebody out there how old are you Sal now so what's that how old are you now Sal 67 and I'm like a teenager in love this is what I'm saying we were just talking about that

anything can happen at any age you can make anything happen Sal tell these guys about the book about how we know each other and about your life we're all ears brother are you online now yeah I'm online right now cool

yeah how we know each other we got a movie set and we realized we had some kind of spirit so we talk and we laugh and tell stories and you know not everybody's lived the life like you Joe

you and I Joey we've lived you know pretty amazing life no we're lucky I'm very lucky and I was looking through your book last night I need the copy of the

the new one the Sinatra Club the one that just came out in July I haven't read that one I've looked at all your other stuff are you still doing the one-man show yeah I'm probably going to do it talking on the east coast comes January or February

I'm just going to manage it I'm going to do it a little different I'm going to Vegas next month is mob month in Las Vegas right yeah I was in Vegas last weekend and I seen they opened up a mob museum so I knew something was going on

yeah there's a story there's actually an interview on the mob museum if anybody goes on a mob museum they just type in my name South police it is a great interview that sort of took place extemporaneously I was just walking around

before they opened up in the morning and I had a Google people behind me and someone was recording my observations of each person and as I walked up I said well I knew this person and this person you know and then I got to Sam Giakana and I talked about Sam Giakana

and how he helped the Kennedy helped the Kennedy administration to get all the votes in Chicago so I went through the museum and they put the story up there it's actually up there on the website but in January

I'll be doing a tribute at the Clark County Library on the 22nd of January and I'm going to do a tribute for my friend Henry Hill okay and I'll be there on the 24th I'll be at the Riviera I'll be at the Riviera doing comedy that weekend

absolutely absolutely so if you want to stick around let me know and I'll put you up on stage and do 10 minutes and you can talk a little bit whatever you want to do brother you know I'm here for you oh that's a mob but that would work

24th and 25th so if you need me here I am brother swing by say hello bring some people you know we'll talk about the book this book what year does this book start Sal just so these people know who the fuck Sal police he really is

well that's kind of cool because he introduced Craig to the Riviera right yes he's there two weeks Amy Schum is there one week and I'm there the other week but I'm there the week with you they like them there Apple see you thought you were talking to some fucking novice

what happened you're there every month every month one weekend now when did you start that I'm just gonna start it in January oh how exciting wow yeah you know I don't fuck around here that would be great I'll have to come over

and do a couple of minutes with you and then we could share some comedic moments of the mafia there's a story came in the book and we could talk about the John Gotti story when he when he threatened to kill the football coach for the youth football team who wouldn't

the football coach wouldn't let me call the play so Gotti threatened to kill him and he changed his mind and I was able to be the offensive coordinator what years were you involved with these people from I met I met John Gotti in 72

and we were friends for every day about three or four years he went to prison I went to prison we both came out we reconnected in 77 once she started moving up the ranks in the Gambino family I went back to the Colombo family so

you know we were still friends but I wasn't an everyday you know relationship any longer but probably in the 70s he would come to the Sinatra Club every night so we were friends and you had a social club named the Sinatra Club

yeah the Sinatra Club was ten blocks from John Gotti's club in Ozone Park Plains his club was on 98th street my club was on 88th street so we were friends but the Berlin Club would open

daytime and the Sinatra Club was only open tonight so you know who's mob guys from all these clubs and then Tommy D. Simons in Berk they had a bar

that was on 118th street so that was another 20 blocks away 30 blocks away and we all coexisted in that neighborhood in Ozone Park in the 70s what year did you

decide to get out of that life Sal 77 I decided to get out of that life in 84 oh my god 84 I decided to get out and I left New York City and went up to

state New York but I slipped back into the drug business and I got busted and then I got out completely and then 86 testified against God and went into witness protection in Texas and I didn't stay long in Texas

a couple years there and then I came to California and the other thing about reinventing myself is the story of our writer screenwriter, film producer that kind of stuff you know you're a bad motherfucker

you know that Sal yeah it's been a ride man it's been a hell of a ride got to meet a lot of nice people you know and if anybody wants to know you can break can break the chains of crime

you need to walk away from it one day you need to wake up say I'm not going to do it anymore and that's what I did Sal you didn't do drugs correct I'm sorry you didn't do drugs correct I never used drugs

you know when I went when I went to see when I went to watch your one man show the beginning is so fucking strong because it opens up with you digging a fucking hole

you know you got sent to dig a hole and you you have no idea being you when you say those words you say it to me and I understand what you're talking about

you say it to me like you're asking me to go to coffee and have 7-Eleven let's go to 7-Eleven and have coffee that you were digging a fucking grave for some guy and that's when this whole thing hit you it's so weird in your life that when you realize

you're doing something is when you're already too deep here you were digging a fucking hole like here you are in a fucking trench where you're walking on you're even walking on you're mind fucking yourself digging a hole what does it feel like is that what woke you up that day you know

that day it's interesting that was the beginning I didn't realize once I dug that grave for that guy who was going to be killed I went back to Queens and waited for the phone call it was going to be my job to pick up the body, gut it and put lime on his body and bury him

well that night I went back and wanted to wait for the call but the call mother came so about a few days later the Colombo wise guy said you need to go back and fill up the grave we're not killing that guy right now so I went back

I filled up the grave and we you know that didn't happen I didn't participate in that murder well about a month or two later that day he said hey remember that I told you that for that guy because I didn't know the guy's name he said what do you mean you got him

he said the guy showed up in my friend's house I jumped out of the closet I strandled him with a wire then we stabbed him a few times and we just threw him in the street in Long Island city so then I did the one thing I never thought I was going to do

I said hey Dominic this was little Dominic Cacardo who came with a lot of people I said the Colombo guy from Dominic why'd you kill the guy the guy who murdered and looked at me and it was a beat because you're never supposed to ask why

they decided to kill the guy who murdered somebody why did you murder him I thought that was either a rat or he slept with a white guy's wife he said I earned $3 million for drugs it was easy to kill

and I stopped in my tracks I just jumped away and said okay I didn't realize I had to get out it wasn't about brotherhood it wasn't about nothing it was about cash they were killing over money

yeah but it took me 7 more years to get out but you got out Sal I'm fucking proud and you're still out there you're writing you're doing movies you just reinvented yourself

I was there you invited me to the writer's guild and we watched the movie and Henry Hill showed up I was there with you I saw the movie I saw you do this in the beginning to the end and now you're always moving and you just took that mentality

but applied it to this mentality which is what I've been talking about Lee's the co-host of the show the flying Jew so it's amazing how it's amazing how it's amazing how you just took one energy and took it into a different energy

that's it you're a beautiful man for doing that it takes a little bit of discipline because when I left there 28 years ago I never went back to crying I remember that was 1986 1987

then in 1990 I want to say 1994 we had the earthquake here in California Henry Hill came to the apartment complex I was managing I had all the keys for the apartments

and he stood with the keys on the board and he said UBOTS it's my nickname UBOTS, being crazy what's all those keys? every key for every apartment in the complex always let's go around a few apartments I looked at Henry

that was the last life these people trust me I wouldn't pick up dying he looked at me he says wow you really mean that yeah Henry I left that life robbing I never robbed anything else I left New York never

what for? that was your life it was your life so Henry didn't get it now he lived it he lived it to the end from all the way to the pocket what's the name of the book give that fucking mother hell a plug here dog

these people like to read we all like to read what's the book oh Sinatra Club and what is it on where can they find it Sinatra Club Sinatra Club it's an easy title and it's on Amazon and what else?

it's all over the place it's on Amazon it's all over the place it's all over the place there's books available at the bookstores iTunes Amazon

just go online Sinatra Club Sal I love you all right no we'll meet for coffee next week and you give me a copy and we'll talk a little bit I wanted to talk to you anyway I've been thinking about you some ideas thank you for letting me know about mob month

in January we'll put something together for you please I'd love for you to swim by and take a bow okay no no I'll talk to you before then I'll give you a call and I'll meet you for coffee all right have a good day guys all right thank you stay black I love you

all right love you Joe bye buddy Sal motherfucking wubots good guy you know there's another guy right there he lived his life whatever he had three or four boys that's what we didn't get into he had a couple of boys and

one of them was really good at football and got a scholarship and he even went pro for a couple of years but he couldn't really say that this was his father who was a gangster a mob so we got him those guys selling heroin and he turned his life around sometimes you gotta do whatever you gotta do in your life around and for your family

you know some people call them rats I look at the whole situation I look at it for what it is and you make your decision for you but in those feet whatever the fuck it is here what's happening Lisa yet you don't smoke no dope no more we chuckle Joey

I'm gonna be hitting the fucking vapor solo like an orphan you know what I'm saying you gotta be in the corner there like a fucking wet cat next time we talk to him because I was thinking about we had the ref I can't fucking remember Tim Donagy

because he said the end of it was when he got contacted by the mob so I don't know how the movies it is and how much those two worlds are the same like the movie mobsters and the actual mobsters right now they're putting a lot of mobsters in jail for the New England

mafia in Boston and I just can't imagine that they're really mobsters but maybe they are you know organized crime has a very weird umbrella you know it has a very weird umbrella so people still hijack

trucks people still to this day and go fuck it I'm gonna go hijack a truck today as much as this is like an 1870s fucking crime you know everything is computerized the doors are things you have GPS now but fucking people still gonna hijack a fucking thing

hijack is considered like organized fucking crime so if you get busted doing something like that it's considered organized crime whatever is going on now in the streets I have no idea I don't live back there I don't talk to those people from time to time I have a friend or two that I hear different stories about but I couldn't

imagine what you do if I was doing something like that what would I do cell coke where at a bar every night till three in the morning little packages to people what would I be doing selling pills taking bets at a fucking bar

unless it was in a large scale I could see myself running a bookmaker ring in a large scale but do you need that do you need that at the end of the day me at that age I know that all that money you make eventually is gonna go into something bad is gonna fucking happen

you want that money around it all fucking sinks I'd rather get up in the morning and do what we do and you work hard and I work hard and everybody fucking goes home happy at least you fucking work and you see doing something illegal at this age I couldn't imagine it being 51 and having a family

and also the cops are knocking on your fucking door telling you there's a warrant for your arrest and you gotta go in there and do 10 fucking years and you gotta die in a fucking can because the odds are always against you especially when you're dealing with people you have 11 people you don't know what each 10 of them are doing you don't know what they're doing

all times of the day all you need is one guy to get fucking picked up because he's snorting glue with fucking little kids something like that that he gets picked up for something I've got nothing to do with you and while he's there he rats you the fuck out and there you are at home trying to make a living

you don't want it at the end of the day it's just not worth it I want to know exactly where I'm going I couldn't imagine sitting there with my wife one night and getting knocked on the door for fucking book making or selling coke or selling heroin I couldn't fucking dream about it and this is when it would happen when your wife's almost gonna give birth

yeah this is when you take the whole fucking family down that was the halfway house no wonder that fucking woman don't talk to me with my ex-wife and the daughter when I was pregnant I was in the halfway house was selling fucking blow but I was scared I was scared of society I didn't think I could make it on my own

without doing something illegal even though I was selling cars on 104th and 10th but I hated it but I was making six seven thousand a month but that wasn't enough the cocaine was my addiction I was blaming it on money was it worth the aggravation? No it wasn't

it wasn't worth the fucking aggravation anyway cocksucker it's Wednesday you gotta stretch out I gotta go work at one I gotta fucking work out at ten with the fucking Koreans over there for fucking Buddha you know what I'm talking about it's a beautiful day

I want to give a shout out to some of my fucking soldiers out there where you at my man Ada Dunon whatever the fucking guy keeps tweeting Spanish music as always Konstantino Manuel Lopez Alan D'Amezza

Gus Gust Trav 42 Lil Carl Sagan Henry Stewart, Dominic, John Cork and don't forget next Thursday I'm in fucking San Diego cocksuckers at the Madhouse don't leave me down there you better show up with a bag a bazooka

fucking Lindsay Lohan stinky underwears can you imagine that showing up as Lindsay Lohan who, who, who you don't know why I get what you know what I get listen what would you do you little filthy fuck would you rub it on your little head

yes you would you nasty fuck don't forget if you go to Noho Noho Organic or you go to Divine Wallace and get an edible tell them Joey D ascension you got an old you got a beauty and the beast commemorative shirt oh shit let's go

either a black one or a white one while size is less motherfucker I am for the holidays it's a vapor pen go to Noho Organic, get a vapor pen, get a vapor tube sample a fucking hit on the thing just tell them Joey D to send me from the podcast don't give me a fucking t-shirt that's how I roll

holiday presents I'm slinging dick and giving out bubble gum now a story that I tell a lot of people is when I got caught up in the coke and the prison all those years I stopped watching movies somebody gave me

an A track a DVD of Andrew Dice Clay and that's what got the wheels in motion for that angle but what really got me going creativity wise was I was going to University of Colorado I was in the CUOP

work study program for minorities and Spanish people and blacks and I was playing the Jose card I'm not gonna lie to you I had to I had nothing else going on I had to have no other source of income and I was doing fucked up things but I was trying and here I am

at the University of Colorado that I transferred in from Colorado Mountain College from CMC now I'm at the University of Colorado in Boulder not a felon yet you know criminal kid with a fucked up whatever just trying to get into college I figured out a hook but I could get a Pell Grant

and I could apply for a few loans and I could make this fucking happen at the University of Colorado I'm taking all these classes and they're talking to me about sociology wait I'm not gonna lie to you guys I had no idea what sociology was I had never heard that word before okay

I'm not lying to you guys I had never heard these words before so the teacher says you know you're a history major you have to take this this and this and this now they had to switch it at a point after I got the felony and I went back I couldn't be an attorney no more

I picked my minor which was Econ and it was it was a weird fucking thing I failed that Econly I was failing I couldn't get my shit together yeah I thought you weren't good with money I wasn't good at this time I wasn't good with anything I was a fucking

idiot complete moron but they made me to switch minors so I went from I took microeconomic something I took intro to micro something micro something guys I didn't know what the fuck they were talking about but part of c-u-o-p

was that you get two hours a week free counseling you just had to go sign up at the c-u-o-p student center and in a couple weeks they give you a call and I get a call and the guy's name was Mohammed Zabibi okay so right off the bat I'm on the phone going no

fucking way is this happening for all you fucking people think I hate Arabs listen to this story so I'm like no fucking way am I meeting Mohammed Zabibi to go over economics yeah to go over economics

I get there sure enough he's got the sandals on him fucking I got sweat coming out of my ears you know my hands are clenching I meet him I shake his hand I'm very apprehensive at this time I didn't know about bombs or I did not know about Allah nothing like that why do you people

I was just apprehensive to him being an Arab I didn't know what an Arab was about you know so he sat down and he explained this to me this guy was a fucking genius he was just a street genius he was an Arab but he didn't talk about he was like fucking dropping knowledge on me

blah blah blah so he said he wanted me to switch all these classes around so one of the classes he made me switch was the sociology class this is fucked up Lee that I got to tell you this shit something like sociology because this is something you understand about and I'm like what the

fuck is this guy talking about people used to always say if you're a sociology major you're just going to be a waitress or a waiter or shit like that so I'm like this guy wants me to fucking know I'm not going to watch it but one of the things about sociology class this was cool the guy goes all I want you to do is watch a movie

and break the movie down and the movie he suggested that I watch was Do the Right Thing by this cat named Spike Lee and I'm like what and I read up on it's a movie about this black dude an Italian neighbor I don't fucking know

I don't fucking know Lee and I don't at this time in my life I was shut off to movies and TV I was more into drugs and hiding from people and imaginary objects and whacking off by myself you know I was a fucking animal and I had to watch this movie

and I was married at the time and it blew my fucking mind at first I watched and I liked the character the sweet dick Willy I can't remember his name and he started to be a stand-up comic when I came out he got to meet him fucking tremendous honor

and but this whole movie was just brilliant just Spike Lee anyway let's go into the first scene Lee which one was the first one? The Race Rant Race Rant is one of the first things hit it Lee shit gold chain wearing

fried chicken and biscuit eatin monkey eatin baboon big die fast runnin high junkin speed chuckin 360 degree basketball dunkin titsoon spade mullin yarn thank you fucking pizza pizza

and go to fuck back to Africa you little slanny eyed meanos speaky american own every fruit and vegetable stand in New York bullshit reverence son young moon some olympic Korean kickboxing sabban on bitch you goya bean eatin 15 a car 30 in an apartment

pointy shoes red wearing minuto meet and meet a Puerto Rican cocksucker yeah you I got good price for you how I am doing chocolate egg cream drinking bagel and laks but name for this Jew asshole

yo what do you think of that man I'm listening to this I'm at home I'm watching this on a VHS and my head almost fucking blew up my fucking head almost blew up but what this movie when you watch this movie it's not about

blacks or italians or fucking it's about all these people getting together they all live together and this is what they're in the thoughts of but at the end of the week they all live together and they make it work and they work off each other

but behind closed doors this is what's in your psyche this is how I grew up this is New York City this is a neighborhood in Brooklyn I'm not from that neighborhood but it's the same mentality in fucking jersey we're small minded people we're not racist we're

racially insensitive thank you sir so please people I don't hate Arabs I don't hate anybody I just you know this is how you grow up this is what I grew up in this is New York you know and it's some great if you've never seen do the right thing it's a Nick game and this little fucking

black dude with glasses jumping up and down you're like who's that worm he fuck listen he's made a lot of bomby fucking movies but he's made a lot of great movies and one of my favorite of all time is this one because he flips the black on you he really flips the back

on you and just the name of his name is Mookie he's got a sister there's a whino in the neighborhood there's a drunk chick I mean he just portrayed the Danny ILL who's phenomenal hit it pizza scene do a couple minutes in the pizza joint and we'll do how I got to stay black this is for you

motherfuckers yo mook mook come get your brothers up on a wall he's an ass sal right hey sal how come you got your brothers up on a wall here you want brothers on a wall get your own place you can do what you want to do

you can put your brothers and uncles and nieces and nephews your stepfather stepmother whoever you want see but this is my misery American Italians on a wall only you don't stop yeah that might be fine sal

but you own this rarely do I see any American Italians eating him all I see is black folks so since we spend much money here we do have some say you look up in trouble are you a troublemaker is that what you are

you making trouble yeah I'm a troublemaker I'm making trouble let's move to the next one this is the scene and all you motherfuckers giggle and you just don't get it this is how much heart there was in this goddamn movie hit it lily

yo man I spent much money in there what are you trying to do what am I trying to do man I want some brothers up on the wall man you fucking my shit up man you fucking me up I ain't trying to fuck you up move you know I ain't trying to fuck you I'm sorry

you're sorry come back when we could be squashed all right a week a week yeah all right bet stay black stay black stay black there you go 19th

you motherfuckers are like what Joey what is stay black what it is stay black it don't matter what you're white purple Arab Hindu a Jew you gotta stay fucking black every goddamn day you know what I'm saying what else Liya this is my beautiful wife uh-uh

what's up beautiful hello my wife is getting bigger by the day and it's dropping now so for you guys like Joey when is the baby coming soonish soonish what's up honey you leaving no are you gonna hang out

breakfast are you gonna go eat breakfast all right let's do it well that's the show right there that's the boss that just came in this is how this is how quick it ends guys you guys like Joey you're a pussy your wife this is how it fuck this how quick it is because she'll go downstairs and pull the

fucking plug out of the whole building and I won't have electricity I'll be fucking looking at Twitter through osmosis you know what I'm saying what's happening beautiful let's do it hahahaha ah Jesus fucking Christ

that's it guys what music we got for these cocksuckers Li soul stripper oh shit for something little something for the motherfucking Australians when AC DC was down this is like 74 or something so I think Angus I don't know how old he was 19 or something

I gave you your shots out I gave you your sayings for the fucking day tell fear to suck your dick we had my main man Salubot don't be touching my money man it's 13 dollars I got a little Jew bankroll and you gotta kill it but I know and I gotta check for 25 but I'm banking at least and I got one for

67 cents I don't give a fuck anymore things are bad all over you know I'm talking about Salubot's call get his book the Sinatra Club listen I'm telling you it's the holidays you don't want to fuck up now during the holidays if you start walking now

10 20 minutes of fucking day right now drinking a little water eating cereal for breakfast unlike my wife I gotta fucking go bang out at steak or something or a bagel now I don't want no bagels today I don't want to steak if I go there I'm hungry I went to bed hungry

I had a fucking apple and a piece of peanut butter who lives like that who lives like that bodybuilders and shit I'm a fat fuck I don't need any fuel go to Omnip I do I went to sleep because I had to get up early for these cocksuckers anyway go to

omnip.com look at the mix and match combinations you get the hemp protein with the strong bone and the new mood get the package there's 20% off pressing the box church and you got an extra fucking bazooka shoved up your asshole hahahaha

you see what I'm saying I'm quick this morning that's what happens when you snort the alpha brain and mix the other shit and drink it up like oh fuck and soldier son's anarchy cocksuckers you believe that guys that's what happens when you have a wife with a kid they hold you over a barrel it's worse than the fucking mafia you know what I'm saying

they just come in and muscle you like the fucking like the chanks did to the italians in 85 over on fucking canal street a lot of people don't know I know about that history anyway I gave a shout out to you motherfucker this is next Thursday December 13th you know what I'm going to be the madhouse comedy club in San Diego

don't show up with Susquehanna we don't need the fucking aggravation you want to email me to go to Joey Coco Diaz not net you want to talk to Lee Syat he's on twitter at Lee Syat he doesn't have to fly in juillet because he's waiting for shit to bust open and then he's taking over

don't forget Sunday one of the guys on there I don't have his name I'll give him credit for this later because that's the type of motherfucker I am said it's a temple of what's happening now on Sunday because of Hanukkah we will see you here at 9am pacific lunchtime

jersey time you know what I'm saying Lee Syat what's going on what are you bringing you got to show up with something you got to bring the yarmulke you got to bring the yarmulke what else the menorah you got to light a candle we'll go buy one at the house of David why are you being so cheap for a cop's sake

oh it's a is the guy who said it's a temple I love these motherfuckers and what else I got on here I just got to put the glasses on for 5 minutes I don't want you what did you think about last night I forgot to say but the son is anarchy she dropped a bomb

only men need to be low women need to be wanted god damn think about that one during the fucking weekend where you're eating that fucking patois looking into that monthly life like Lee is about to look he don't even know Lee we're going to shave one of your eyebrows

cause we're going to shave the right one where she's going to fart in the eyeball cause that's going to be part of the picture to put on the programming for 3 mil so what you walk around with a missing eyebrow for 2 weeks you're going to get 3 mil I'm stoned to the gills I need to teach your wife how to do this

cause it would be much funnier podcast it would just turn you and give you shit no look at Lee he's all rushed up he said turn him red shave an eyebrow I'm telling you Lee you wouldn't shave an eyebrow for the fucking struggle

I'd have to like in a half of the I'd have to get like a million and a half well what are you Joe name it yeah why not a little something for the Australians listen I got a lot of shit coming up for you cock suckers you know I've been throwing heat lately

I got mobsters I got fucking HBO reps to the fucking Russians and Puerto Ricans I got trainers I got Herb D and I ain't fucking around with you people we're about to take you motherfuckers over we need for you to leave some comments we need for you to subscribe we need for you to get your shit

crack a lacking tone your friends about to do what the fuck you gotta do I love you guys have a great day have a great weekend we'll see you for a special edition gambling do I have picks for this weekend I really don't guys I don't know who's going to win between who's fighting

oh shit Diaz and whatever Gupster sin and the other dude you know what I love the little young Nate Diaz I think he's at the top of his game right now Benson Henderson

is sky high also I just don't see him being up Diaz that's just my opinion I love you guys little AC DC from the first album the import not the American version there's high voltage the import and there's high voltage the American version the American version does not have soul stripper

hit it for these people who are soul stripper out of respect for the Australians I'm the motherfuckers go to honus.com get your party started hit it Lee oh shit get that cowbell they do it we're always needing more cowbells

but I'm not a Lee come on baby what do it Lee what what do it Lee do it Lee what what ha ha ha ha

ha ha ha yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah