Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #121 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Monday, December 6th.... This episode is brought to you by Better Help, The Freeze Pipe, DraftKings & Blue Chew….. Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Go to https://www.BlueChew.com Promo Code: JOEY & Try For Free! Just $5 for Shipping! Go to https://www.TheFreezePipe.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY For 10% OFF your 1st Order! Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $200 in Free Bets when you Bet $1…. Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Ep. 65 - https://youtu.be/TfKCC9L6978 Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's Monday December the 6th the joint is brought to you by blue chew listen it's getting the harder dick on your christmas list well you're gonna be having a white christmas and new years and valentine's day when you order from blue chew listen blue chew is tremendous it tastes fucking great you can eat it on an empty stomach you can put a little packages in your pocket and it's tremendous blue chew is an online service that delivers the same exact ingredients as viagra and psialis and a fraction of a course you can take it anytime day or night the process is simple sign up at blue chew dot com talk to one of our licensed medical providers and once you're approved you'll receive your prescription within days the best part it's all

online no doctor's office no pharmacy no judgment nobody knows dick well except for you because you'll be slinging dick it ships right to your door in a discrete package nobody knows who gots not even the mailman blue chew tablets are made in the usa usa you so you're giving american dick you're slinging and it's way cheaper than a pharmacy and it's the holidays so everybody wants a good stabbing and everybody wants a fucking christmas present so if you need a little booster confidence just listen i don't want to when i was 22 i wanted to just fucking find out the walk and that's your goal so if you could benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform blue chew can help and they got a special deal for you ready try blue chew for free with promo code joey j o e y just pay

the fin five hours for shipping that's blue chew promo code joey to receive your first month gratis free and as always i want to thank blue chew for sponsoring the joint you understand me the joint is also brought to you by the animals freeze pipe listen if you've got someone on your holiday list who loves all the newest gadgets and gizmos they're gonna love freeze pipe that bong that gives you an extra smooth high every time plus it gets you stoned to the fucking gills the name of the pipe you're looking at right now i don't even know what the name of the fucking pipe is it's beautiful okay it's the bond this thing they should just call it the devil that's it smoking weed doesn't have to hurt your lungs with freeze pipe you get a nice cold hit every time and here's how

it works the pipe comes with a detachable chamber you freeze beforehand when you're ready to see the devil the smoke passes through the frozen part and it cools down the smoke as you inhale it's like putting ice cubes in a bond just fucking better who knows who pissed on that fucking snow god knows it's not toxic it freezes faster than water and it stays frozen longer freeze pipe cools down the smoke by hundreds of degrees whether you hit a pipe the bubbler the bong or the dab they got you covered if you can't smoke from it freeze pipe makes it okay so do me a favor cut this shit for the holidays go to freeze pipe calm and pressing cold joey and get 10% off your first order this is a christmas probably listen it says if you know somebody special you know who that special person

is you cocksuckers take care yourself go to freezepipe.com pressing cold joey and get 10% off your first order get a bond pipe or a fucking bubbler that's freeze pipe.com pressing cold joey and save 10% you're going to the murky waters for fucking christmas and the joint is also brought to you by draft kings tremendous this week you got the UFC you got college football tonight you got buffalo against new england a tremendous fucking game better dollar you win 200 and free credits by going to draft kings sports book and pressing cold joey and that's it and that's that let's get this party fucking started it's monday i got things to do and so do you hey how you doing come on in

check one two welcome to uncle joey's joint you you you what's happened you bad motherfuckers it's monday december the sixth a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive here on joey's joint abx coming through for the holiday season with the capsules of fucking death i won't have any lonely nights you know i'm saying you're never lonely with abx 100 milligram capsules and if you get the 200s forget about it you won't be lonely

you'll have people talking to you you could talk back to them it's okay we won't tell nobody it's just a fucking another saturday night here at the ds compound what's happening you bad motherfuckers i'm feeling great i'm looking great jujitsu's first week was great it's a fucking drill class i don't give a fuck i go down there i get to jump up and down and do some hip escapes and some jumping jacks and then some guy lays on me they teach you a throw don't move in the fucking submission you practice it and you go home after 45 minutes but look what it's done for me it's better than sitting at home staring at the wall asking yourself where did i go wrong you know i'm saying i can't fucking stand sitting at home anymore but it was a great week this week we had some fucking

interesting goddamn events in the country this week that i always fucking uh sit there and scratch my head when i read about something and it had like i could compare myself to that story that's how i do with those things like a fucking 15 year old little retard shoots down the fucking school did you see the picture of that motherfucking what he looks like that kid had some fucking problems listen i got some problems but that little fucking kid at 15 or 16 got some problems you see the picture that little motherfucker they just had to hunt the parents yeah they had to hunt the fucking parents down the fucking and i am ecstatic i am listen man way before i was a parent i remember during the columbine thing uh little columbine the fucking florida shooting i was like this

shit's gotta stop parents this was way before i was a fucking parent that i was like wow this guys i was a broken fucking kid i found my mother on the floor and i hated fucking god okay when you have a beef with yourself you have some mental issues that's one thing i had no mental issues i had something worse i had a beef with fucking god what does that mean joy that you had a beef with god well if i saw a cat i'd shoot it with a fucking BB gun if i saw an ant i stepped on it if i saw a fucking dog i wanted to hit it with the car i mean that's anger against the world that's when you're lashing the fuck out you know and i had a fucking big time problem but i haven't even topped i have the things i did because of stupidity and anger i can't even count the amount

of things i did but all that fucking mental war i had going on with myself at 16 17 and 18 this is what i compare this to i go fuck i never i never had even a thought two thoughts never entered my mind doing a swan dive off the george washington which is always fucking easy to do or take a gun and go in and shoot my fucking classmates i never even fucking thought of that i never even thought about shooting anybody i was maybe like 21 you know i'm saying i mean yeah when you get older you think of shooting people and fantasy somebody says something to you somebody picked on you you're like fuck i walked away from that guy i should have shot him in the fucking leg i mean these are the things you start thinking when you have that hatred in your heart i don't know what

this little retard fucking hated i have no fucking idea what made him do what he does but i mean listen everybody's going down on this i mean the school went after the parents to cover their ass but there's gonna be parents that sue that fucking school for letting that kid go home they left them in the they didn't let them go home i'm sorry i screwed up the facts they let him stay at school he had done a note he had done a note of him shooting a teacher like with a stick man and all this shit and blood i don't know exactly what he said i know it's retodds shit and he fucking took it they called his parents his parents came and by the time they asked him for the note he had altered the note so right there and there me as a teacher and as a

safety get this kid out there he made the right call by asked them to go to therapy in the next 48 hours that was a great call but you know what the second best call was get this motherfucker out of there they let him sit in school and then he shot those kids and i got my heart goes out to that fucking kid that fucking ran after him and lost his life as a fucking hero i mean there's some great stories coming out of michigan but it's a really fucking sad situation that i can't figure like i'll sit there for hours and go well you know i'll go for a ride or something and that's how i break down things you know now that i'm not getting high in the daytime well we're changing that shit abx came through like a mother fucking

tremendous abx came through again with the capsules and they came through with these mother fucking loud and clear diamond i mean fucking tremendous shit and you guys know i don't like vapors but you know what i tried to yesterday didn't do much to me like i got me a little high made me want to get a slice of pizza so i said fucking i'll start hitting these on a daily basis you know like i said i'm not getting high at night and i'm kind of enjoying it but who gives a fuck let's back to the fucking michigan retards those fucking idiots because no listen if you're listening to this podcast right now and you have a child that could have been your child i don't want you to fucking walk around going my my child no but think about it when you really

that could be a school in california that could be a school in new jersey that could be a fucking school anyway you're a parent you're at work you're hustling you're not really thinking about that situation to get that call that there's a school shooter you're fucking heart must drop you're fucking everything you know everything must stop this kid when you look at the kid you look at the mother and you look at the father holy shit listen i got problems like i said before but you could tell these guys withdrew four thousand dollars there's just so many kinks in this the father bought the kid the gun the kid took at the school you know he posted on social media and this has been something that's getting worse and worse in this country i mean every

fucking you know and like i said i think about i can't lie to you i thought about this shit before i had a kid like i would sit there and go what the fuck is going on with these little bastards like i'm very happy that there's cops at my daughter's school there's always a cop there there's a cop a security force that drives around like when you ask what i do people always go you know they just ran a fucking uh a uh a commercial here before the election november 4 this is you know the way they were going to take down murphy and uh again i'm not political i don't do a fuck who won let's make a fucking asterisk right there i don't want people going joey but you vote i didn't vote for nobody i'm a felon so stop it but before the fucking murphy thing came down it was

interesting they would say uh you know they would they had a commercial of them asking phil murphy about taxes and phil murphy replied listen if taxes an issue jersey is not your fucking state and people got pissed off at that but i'm gonna tell you something i pay 11 tax here or something fucking outrageous i don't mind i don't mind because they clean up my leaves they come pick them up once a month during the fall i have a garbage pickup my wife had some fucking issue with mercy mercy's got anxiety mercy went to the school nurse jesus christ they fucking called here they sent all type of paperwork i mean there were just great people i couldn't fucking believe it and then the fact that when you go to that school you're not getting in there you're not you're not

getting in there guys i gotta be honest do i like that yes and no it's got its pros and it's got its cons i don't think you could slip a gun in there you know they break them up they got what they got enough fucking schools around here they got one school across the street from another school you know i mean it's fucking crazy here they got tons of fucking schools but one thing is right i met the guy at the pool this summer that does security at one of the schools and he was telling me that protocols and i was like what he just kept going on how they have all that shit covered they got a machine gun there to shoot some fucking retard that shows up at whatever gun they're prepared they're just prepared do i know accidents happen yes that's not the end or be all but does

it make me feel a little bit more comfortable throughout the day yes knowing that there's a cop there my daughter doesn't need to see that children never need to see that i'm so happy they closed the fucking school afterward this they're scared in michigan that there's gonna be more retaliation at the fucking schools that's no way to fucking live that's no way to fucking live you gotta put these fucking kids down jack we gotta fucked up kidding them and listen i appreciate you know i get therapy i understand that i live it but there's some people that better help can't help you know what i'm saying and that kid better help can't help that fucking kid i don't care how many video screens he does or how many video sessions you could see when somebody's fucking damaged goods

i knew you like going joey who the fuck are you to say that i was damaged goods and i know the road to come back i know what damaged goods means it means where your mind is not fucking you know when you're thinking about killing people you know 1988 between the cocaine my pain and all the bullshit i was walking around there for a few months thinking it would be nice to shoot somebody in the fucking leg i'm not gonna lie to you and when i kidnapped that fucking dude i had the opportunity to shoot him both and i went out in my car and i got my gun i thought i was fucking don johnson on miami vice and i tell you what it's not that i chickened out it said i have a value for life and i know that when you murder somebody you're going into a complete different realm of life

that you're not going to come back from that stays with you the rest of your fucking life and it's like it could either be like a shark effect you know uh you bite one time and now you get the taste of fucking blood and you don't stop again or so i wasn't in the business of even they weren't threatening me the only threat they had to me that they were going to testify against me that's not a threat it was a 50 50 chance one of the idiots testified against me so it wasn't a bad deal but i wouldn't i didn't want to make a bad situation worse that day that that was a bad situation at one i went to rob that kid at 118 and i knew by 140 that this was a knucklehead fucking move but the wheels were in motion it was too fucking you couldn't stop it you know you

just couldn't stop it at the time and now it was all in but after i saw his face after that tidwell did what he did to me by fucking trying to rob me listen both of them deserve to fucking get shot but i'm happy that i was strong enough at the time to think about and go this was just made the situation worse and that was the end of me wanting to kill anybody for years i walked around going the first guy that disrespects me or beats me in a drug deal especially in bold i had a fucking uh chip on my head i was like the first guy that says anything to me i'm just gonna fucking shoot him i drive around with a gun i almost ended up shooting my ex-wife's boyfriend i'll tell you what i don't i that's why i have a gun now it's hidden i don't flaunt it i don't practice shooting you know when

i was a kid i would shoot i didn't i thought about where my head went when i had a pistol and what a pistol was for and when the pandemic started hitting la you know look what's going on la now look what's going on la now so i guess i was fucking wrong about la i guess i was wrong when i told everybody listen pack your bags today this is not a uh this is not a fucking uh a deal where you know i'm gonna put work for a month i'm gonna work for six months and put away money and in six months i'll decide where i'm gonna go you ain't gonna have the chance in fucking la you look what's going on la they just guys for you motherfuckers that don't know i'll tell you what just happened friday fucking night i don't know if you guys knew i had a podcast office

and it was on cumpson street and i also had a house on cumpson street i didn't own it i rented it that's why i got the office on cumpson street because i could walk to the fucking office that was uh that was uh that was tremendous i'm sorry i'm taking a breather i've been fucking advised not to drink water on the mic no more but you try talking for eight minutes and not being thirsty when i leave here my throat's like a fucking grape okay my uncle's fucking uh uncle's uncle then florentine says something to me then a couple other people said something to me i don't give a fuck i just i'm just trying to be a political you know i'm trying to be a nice fucking guy here what were we talking about before i was interrupted with myself here

the fucking thing in michigan the thing in michigan you shoot you not want to shoot no because it was fucking retarded yeah i had the house in cumpson and i had the the office in cumpson then the baby was born the landlords got weird so we moved but i still kept it on for some cumpson before i left guys i don't know some of you guys listening to the church i don't know if you guys know what i was talking about here when i was saying that uh that i saw the guy hit the guy with the four by four at the train station i saw the fucking hooker the got white dude punched the hooker in the fucking head i saw a couple things that just it it was too quick like it went from everybody was smoking dope and viva california

and all this shit to just somebody getting hit by a four by four not a two by four not a new not a fucking piece of wood but a four by four guys it's the thick one four by four just to put your hands around it's like holding a fucking you ever see a chicken a porn which got a black cock in a fucking hand and that's what a four even a big white dude even in five fucking put a four by four it would just be my hand look at these gorilla hands that i got and it would be fucking hard to carry a four by four it's like when they have the you ever see those those little white chicks with the fucking they got like blonde streaks in their hair and they're sucking a black cock and the black cock looks like a tuba and they're sticking in their fucking mouth it's just crazy

this motherfucker and this dude was no fucking six foot six dude this was a little skinny white dude that probably smoked crack a half hour before and he still had the fucking strength to pick up a four by four and clock three or four fucking people when i saw that you got to think about that i could if that was a fistfight it wouldn't have bothered me do you understand me if it was two Puerto Ricans stabbing each other i would have just kept driving but this was a white dude with a warrior's vest on no t-shirt underneath just clocking mother fuckers at a bus stop i'm watching these people just go down somebody is behind you know like what makes people do that shit i knew right then and there when i got home i go listen we're packing our bags and we're

getting the fuck out of here okay and my wife and then my wife started seeing stuff then one night i went to smoke with my friend Sophia behind the ymca we'd go back there fucking three nights a week during the pandemic she'd sit in her car i'd sit in my car and we'd just talk shit and smoke the fucking number and then we started sitting with each other because nobody was getting covid it was all the fucking scan back there so fucking i heard a gunshot go on the gunshot it was like on the fucking corner we talked for a little bit more and then i went home and when i walked in my wife goes what a fuck were you they just shot somebody i'm fucking magnolia and Lancashire might go dog it sounded i could hear that all those little events going from zero to

fucking 60 and during a pandemic like not even this was the pandemic started march everything shut down march 13th this was already in june i was seeing this shit friday fucking encumsten right up the block from the office that i loved and you guys you know in eight years we were there a guy went to melrose to eat dinner came home sat in this house at three in the morning they kicked him his front door a home invasion and they fucking robbed him you know where it was guys if you go the office you get out of the office with your car on foot you walk 100 yards you probably hit my old house and then you walk another 100 yards and you probably hit another street i don't know what that street was called it went like if this if this street was going south to north

this one was going east to west so i don't really know the name of it i'm sorry a guy right there was two and a half blocks from that office that's north hollywood studio city that's not good guys that's not fucking good all those people that are there now go it's okay oh they're cleaning it up a little bit sure because misery loves company nobody's gonna tell you the l.a. sucks right who the fuck is gonna look you in the face and tell you man don't come here no they got all those fucking scumbags are gonna go yeah come on out of here what not so right now they just go they tell you not to go on melrose fucking we grew up on melrose 90210 right five little white kids fucking each other they had herpes they had fucking all that shit right we

were fucking grew up on that if you're my age i know i didn't i you know i didn't watch it religiously but you watching you're like this six kids they're rich they got trust funds and that's not in coke fucking great neighborhood i fucking love it sign me up too bad i don't have parents you know i'm saying i mean so they uh melrose that's what it represented you know how many great times i had on melrose the time i went to vegas where i bought that suit to open up the tim allen was on melrose doug stanhope took me down i mean melrose is just a fun little fucking place me and r used to go to a chinese place those combo dip places that pour the noodles in and oh my god we used to have a piss on melrose sows was on melrose the improv was on melrose how many

nights was i on melrose crossing the street with the fucking uh those manos gumis guys they would bring down fucking uh bongs bigger than this shit here bigger than freeze pipe that were what do you call those things because they have one too not a doubler yeah the dabber the bubble the dabber they would bring down dabbers the size of that me fucking lee at next time i have leon we'll talk about the night with the fucking gumis or monos we're on melrose and there's eight nine people two of the gumis or monos and we're fucking sparking those things that they said the fucking dabs yeah it was like a blowtorch right on fucking melrose i'm like holy shit we're gonna go to jail i didn't that was the beginning of the beginning of the fucking end and i'll never forget hitting

those three dabs and it felt like my lungs were crushing it was at that moment at the improv that i decided this dab business ain't for uncle joey i i can't bring a blowtorch to the house i can't have this shit in my house that's what that is in there it's like the dab shit no he sent me another one that's like the dab shit let's try another one of these fucking nice i'm feeling fucking quesca say you know i'm saying it's monday morning december six cocksuckers come on strap on a pair the month is here we got 24 20 something fucking i don't even know how many fucking days 19 shoplifting days till fucking christmas you know i heard john lennon the other day in the car already and so is this christmas i think on friday i was driving back from jujitsu and i heard john lennon

it brought a tear to my it was a fucking beautiful day but i'm excited guys 2022 is gonna be our fucking year and i hope you're thinking the same way listen 2021 and 2020 that was something that we couldn't fucking control i said it's over but now you could do whatever the fuck you want i don't know the numbers are raising but you could still fucking make it happen you just gotta do it fucking smart i've been getting out there a lot more you don't listen man it's over this is a fucking new dominant code whatever that came from sop i'm a crop whatever the fuck came from africa listen you know what the devil was born in africa as long as you fucking know you know what you didn't see the fucking exorcist that's the devil the devil was born in fucking african vacations in los

angeles that's why la is so fucked up okay i don't even know i was going with this that vapor pen does have some fucking kick i gotta refer this to people holy shit loud and clear this is the diamond fucking series my boys over there at fucking they wanted to hook me up for the holidays beside abx we're gonna do a 200 milligram capsule together the joey d is fucking capsule a debt you don't look like jose aldo giving that dude the eye of death last night jose aldo got into a tremendous fight on saturday night and in the fourth round the kid clocked him in the fucking eye the porto rican kid clocked him in the fucking eye and his eye was completely locked he was fighting a dude with one eye but the way his eye looked like you could have a pretty eye

but when you get hit in this eye and this eye gets fucking locked on your right eye the left eye got a little sharp it's like he got hit in the eye but he did a line of coke on the left fucking nose and it went straight to the eye this eye was alive and fucking kicking it was looking at everything you know you've ever you've ever seen a hot you've ever seen a fucking the adam's family when people would walk by an uncle festo would follow him with the eye that's like aldo was with that one and trust me i love jose aldo i'm not goofing on him i'm just adding some fucking humor to the situation here jose aldo's fucking one eye he looked like that all i kept thinking about was that song by judas priest off a off a hell bent for leather i got a contact on you

i have eye on you he was fucking looking at that motherfucker aldo one i don't know how he survived that he's a fucking 40 year old savage he held the guy down he did what he had to do but when that fucking eye was alive and kicking and he had that eyeball oh my god and listen hell bent for leather in the uk was released as killing machine and that's one of the songs i thought ow it goes right into fucking killing machine then i've got a contact on you and all sudden you see that fuck there was a girl in high school with a glass eye and all the kids used to sing that to her we got a contact on you she used to get pissed off but what are you gonna do it was the past nobody kicked her in the chins you know what i'm saying so that's the truth everybody

got there some kid bullied my daughter last week he put fucking uh tremendous week last week at the dea's residence some fucking kid bullied mercy on monday mercy came home came right downstairs she's like that i need to talk to he was classic she's like he did this he put he threw my hat and you know i don't want to get in trouble i go mercy there's no trouble when you're defending yourself there's no trouble that's the only trouble that you don't defend yourself that you don't stick up for yourself i go kick him in the fucking nuts as hard as you can you know but don't let him fucking he's two grades ahead of her guys what am i supposed to do fucking make her become a wallflower no she's no lay down sally i'm not gonna raise her be no lay down sally i want

her to get on that fucking bus and stick up for herself so a little friend stuck up for her then the next day both of them stuck up to the guy and now they separated them the kids in the back of the bus and the two girls are in the front living like doctors and i told her you gotta stand up for yourself who gives a fuck just go for it if you're getting trouble i'm not gonna be mad at because you stuck up for yourself i never will that was my problem when i was a kid i didn't fucking stick up for myself you gotta stick up for yourself who gives a fuck what they think or how they feel you know so she's a lot better now but i told i said you know if he hits you just call him a fucking pussy because he won't hit girls you know and that night jimmy florentine

came over this kid and she's at the table eating and she's like if he touches me tomorrow i'm gonna call him a pussy and even jimmy's kid fucking felt it up my wife's eyes opened up my wife pulled me aside you can't tell her that shit joey you know she's just a little fucking girl but what am i supposed to do i gotta teach her to fucking defend herself you know it's tough it's really fucking tough trying to i never knew i would even utter these words but it's very tough to raise a child today what i can't tell him what i you know i don't want my daughter to fucking go out then sound like a bigot so at the house i i don't say dick no more you know i decided that all this shit that happened this last year it's true people need to clean up their houses a little bit

but they had to clean up their houses if you're gonna go out and then go in the house and talk in your kids about what's going on out there or you're gonna you have to clean up your act at the house if i'm gonna come in the house and just go can you believe those bmf guys those motherfuckers you can't say that shit in front of your kid that's what i decided even though i think that i'm not saying to be a math people or chinese i'm not saying nothing what i'm trying to say to you is that you know i don't even know what i'm trying to fucking say all i know it's monday december the fucking sixth and we're just trying to put the motherfucking pieces together here but it's the truth i'm just trying to who knows what i'm trying to do i'm just trying to be a responsible

guy but i remembered that the santeria guy said that to me he goes you got to clean up your act outside but most importantly you got to clean up your act in the house and how you feel behind what you say behind closed doors now because i've always been one to feed you know i could see when somebody's fucking a hypocrite i could see when somebody's talking out of that mouth and you can tell the people that will tell you whatever you need to see to your face but behind closed doors they're saying look at these fucking specs taking our jobs at the border you know i know a couple people like that that you're talking they can't they can't help themselves but you know the problem with this country is like mexican says okay the problem why you're a fucking bum is because some

mexican came in that couldn't talk english and he took your job that's why you're mad at them because they have a fucking will to live more than you they have a desire to live more than fucking you that's why you call them to speak that's not fucking fair say that you're a fucking mutt that doesn't want to do the job and you don't want to welcome the fucking challenge you know i'm saying that that's the fucking truth of the matter here so sometimes i look at it that way i look at it that way like oh i get it this cocksucker you know but i had a i have a friend that i talked to once a month i love him i grew up with him but he blames all the problems of this world and spanish people i can't have that i can't have that that's a fucking cop out in my world

do you know what i'm saying that's a cop out i can't have that that's thinking that'll fucking ban you forever whatever you feel about the fucking mexicans that are taking your job whatever do you want to really do that job look how many jobs we have open right now you can get a job doing anything you could up high and you can do whatever to fuck you if you really want to do it there's a job out there for you how do i know i get 2000 fucking emails a day from zip recruit to let me know they got me a job as an inside salesman at some l lc it's fucking crazy out there and the salaries they're paying are fucking crazy why you're sitting there with a college degree not doing anything i don't get it i don't fucking get it even right now they're hiring you with a if you are a sharp

kid in high school right now you could probably get a job making a hundred grand a year a sharp kid in high school you didn't have to go to college let's say you played the piano in high school and you're fucking jumped up and down and you help put the av equipment away you got a hundred thousand job waiting for you you're smart a lot of other people that are fucking out there they don't even know what fucking audio visual material is near do i i don't know that that shit i don't even know if that should exist today that's how you're right with technology i don't think they bring out a screen anymore in a projector well they have different kinds of shit yeah but i i don't think i think like i went to some guy's house he was showing me a movie one day and his

fucking screen was as uh projected was the size of fucking iphone and he put it on the table with a book and also we're watching a movie on the thing so god knows what the technology is changing you know i'm saying but the main thing i want to talk about was what made my card this week that michigan fucking thing oh my god when they arrested the parents listen i know a lot of parents breed the sigh of fucking relief that is fucking counter productive right there i fucking loved it the other thing i want to talk to you guys about is chris qualmo fucking they fired the whole qualmo clan i don't even know what people were talking about i saw on the internet that they cnn fired freido i'm like who's fucking freido what the fuck who's

i kept seeing that did people go after him for that they call freido oh okay yeah freidos aren't cnn blah blah blah dog that is listen just get just get this through your head in the new state of america when they want you they fucking want you you know i'm again i'm not political i just listen to what's going on it makes me fucking laugh from the minute i got off the fucking plane last august 19 all i heard was how qualmo and fucking general murphy whatever the governor murphy fucking put all people back in all the homes and killed them i'm not laughing about that i'm laughing about general murphy that i cracked the stupid joke you know i'm like i don't know who the fuck it was i don't know who put right but no no no it was qualmo and it was it

wasn't fucking poor freido on cnn it was uh it was governor qualmo who supposedly brought old people back into old people places and they died from coven and murphy this is this is what everybody complained about i don't have time to worry about this shit i'm sorry if it's true into the families but i don't know so when i found out about all that stuff i'm like i don't know when they started turning on them for the sexual allegations i'm like you know here we got an old school situation when they want somebody to fuck out of here and they're gonna get them out no matter what they're gonna find something a ticket from 1982 a fucking stewardess who he fucked in the ass i mean the guy's got nipple rings so that tells you he's a fucking freak right governor qualmo

chelsea and then he covered his ass he's a smart dude he's a smart predator because he covered his ass chelsea handler hit on him before fucking joe koi she hit on him and like during the pandemic she's like governor qualmo you're handsome how about we get together he's like no chelsea oh my god he played it off like he don't need pussy but a little did we find out two weeks later he's sending dick pics and giving out foot rubs and shit these motherfucking allocate you know it's always something now now they're gonna have to listen i'm gonna tell you guys something this is my opinion i just tell you my opinion i was in hollywood for 23 fucking years and i met a lot of con men i met a lot of bullshit artists i met the sexual deviants i met them all jeff garland is a good

guy i woke up yesterday morning to some yahoo shit about jeff garland that the greenbergs are getting fucking the goldbergs i don't know the greenbergs the goldbergs my daughter hangs out with a goldberg i like her a lot she's a great kid she really is she's a great kid she comes over once a month they go swimming they play softball together she's a good kid but anyway the goldbergs on a abc the show that callum was on is getting accused and i'm not saying anything bad about callum just saying that when i looked at the article i read it just to see if they were gonna mention brian callan you know i'm saying because they were gonna throw them into the fucking stew but no it had to do with jeff garland and just that hr had to call him in three times and shit

that he goes on the set and he said something like you know my vagina hurts and he laughed at it you know and that he's an extreme hugger what's an extreme hugger they make him wear on the show like that's what he wears on did you ever watch i've watched i've watched three minutes of ten years he comes home and takes his pants right off and he's just got underwear on i don't fuck yeah in the 80s people did come home take that pants off and jump in the fucking cocaine pool of death or they just jumped in the backyard or whatever the fuck they were doing now listen i i know that guy i knew him i knew his ex-wife his ex-wife always took care of me she was a partner at a casting director firm so when i would go in there she would read me and

then we'd talk about her husband her partner was always like that was a great casting director i forget what her name is oh my god i know her phone number i don't know her name because we were on the phone all the time this lady that was also friends with josh will i told you guys a couple months ago that i did a commercial one of the best pieces of work i ever fucking did was a commercial for ever ready battery i got a call one day from this great woman and she goes can you do a commercial for him i'm not even gonna fucking audition you she goes i know you could do it but it's just a whether you want to do it or not she gave me a shot listen to this commercial guys

me and some other hump a dragon to fucking do it into the woods and we can't see so i tell the guy hold on dummy i go behind the car and i start the car and i put the headlights on and the headlights we throw the guy on the floor and it gives us an opportunity to dig a hole you know let's let's pretend this is like a place like pine barons where they took the chicken with the sopranos let's you know whatever it's just a wooded area so we go in this wooded area and we dig we dig and we dig a hole long enough and we throw the guy in we cover the hole and we look at each other and we're like hey somebody put on the radio you know what i'm saying so when i go to put Sinatra on the car batteries that and an ad comes up

and it says sears ever ready bad you know the diehard it would never happen to you with the diehard i thought the commercial was brilliant i thought the whole campaign was brilliant and i'm like holy shit i'm gonna be able to buy a car like i was like i just i need like a three thousand dollar car at the time and she made it possible she was like hey man if you shoot this it's a national blah blah blah it's a spec commercial what a spec commercial means is they're gonna pay you a little bit of money the company likes it but they don't know if they really love it and they just want to do like a test so they paid me a little money i didn't get rich it was like a daily fee and uh they didn't pick it up ever ready sears didn't pick it up

i was pissed off whatever but doesn't matter this girl put me in 20 of those things so every time i would have to go to her office i would see jeff garland's wife and i would talk to jeff garland's wife and then one day she's like fuck it you don't know jeff like this is 15 years ago i'm talking about when i was struggling she connected me with all this work and she's like you don't know jeff i hooked you up with jeff and i met jeff and jeff was always a sweetheart to me at the store the only uh i never really worked with him on the road i worked with him at the store but listen i could i could get a better grip of you i could better i could get a better read on you of who you are at the store than if i see you on the road when we're on the road our heads are in different places

you know we want to get the fuck home you know you got fucking blowing your pocket you want to do there's a chick that wants to sniff your nuts there's always something so you i don't really i never really connected with people like if i if i was in houston and there was three comedy clubs and mikey i was at the lab stop and mike was at the lab spot if i got off early i would take a car over have one of the other comedians drive me if i like mikey like if i knew mike we knew each other like we were both from i don't know like if me and mikey both came up at gotham comedy club in the city but i never got to see him but i heard from chris busily the manager that great guy that uh mike was a good guy and that i was a good guy and that we think alike

or whatever you guys should talk because there's not you know whatever i would go over and say hello to mike but i wouldn't hang out with it because i had to go back and do my own cocaine well i'm gonna share my cocaine with you so i would just meet you and go back but i always knew that that wasn't solid for me to really like get to hang out with you i'd even have to spend the weekend with you work with you or see at the store at the store after you get on stage you know where you go and i'm going to the main room i'm going to the original room i'll see you you don't even say i'll see you outside later i'll see you later and then we stumble on the bar how was your set how was your set they sucked i sucked ba ba ba in all my interaction with jeff i never saw nothing negative

the same way i never saw nothing negative with brian calin all that shit that happened i saw brian with checks that wanted to be there i didn't see anybody with a chick that had a handcuff on in a fucking noose and she's like let me go i'm getting dragged into the comedy store but i didn't see none of that shit so i don't know what's going on with greg i don't even know if that's why they're looking at him for some sexual shit but it said inappropriate behavior what the fuck is inappropriate behavior anymore what is the threshold of inappropriate fucking behavior i have no fucking idea and this is why i'm staying out of the fucking mess because i've never showed the big problem with me is what i'm gonna say you know that there's somebody who pulled me

aside maybe three weeks ago when she said one of the moms said that you were talking to a husband and you said something a little bit dirty yeah that's what i do eating complain about it but to some people i know that i might sound a little fucking off from time to time that doesn't mean i'm a fucking pervert or i'm looking at but you just say i knew what i said to the fucking lady at the park about three months ago there was a lady i'm not gonna tell you what she did she was a big woman like bigger than me you know she's just a chick that's like fucking pushing 270 and she had like tight shorts and i looked at my friend i go can you imagine what her ass smells like it was like 90 degrees you know i grew up on that shit i would tell it to my brother all the time that

was our in and mike running i would always look at him and go can you imagine what her ass smells like you know 90 degrees it's humid out and some chicks eating a fucking bag of Doritos and their ass is bigger than mine you know you gotta crack a joke from time to time you gotta have a good time here but all in all listen guys i i'm 100 better i feel better i look better i was in a rut for a while i didn't know what i wanted to do but eventually between journaling exercising walking interacting with you motherfuckers i've come to my conclusions of what i want to do and i feel a lot fucking better it's december 6 i just want to finish this tapering which comes to an end december fucking 11th so we got another week of fucking tapering

i don't even feel it anymore i'm moving the fuck out like i said to you i'm looking at 2022 to be my breakout year you're like joey what do you got going i got nothing going on i got a book coming out and my balls are getting bigger by the day and longer by the day that's all i got going on motherfuckers but i'm still gonna rock here i don't know we're gonna fucking change it up we're gonna add guests in this motherfucker we're gonna do something but 2022 i can't tell you how excited i am about it i can't tell you how excited how quick i want this fucking holiday to be over with i love the holidays i can't wait for christmas to come and we jump up and down and have a good time but i'm really looking forward to 2022 and i hope you are too i'm writing goals again i'm fucking

you know making little predictions the fucking book is fantastic i tell you i'm not a writer i'm just a fucking uh i'm a storyteller and that's what i did i took all these things i outlined them at night and i tell them the story the next day last week we were on the phone five days writing this book so we're moving right along i'm very proud of myself you know for months i thought i was just fucking dying but little did i know i was putting other peas together getting stronger fucking sell them reefer selling fucking uh writing a book and getting healthy and now with the joining of fucking uh you know bjj i added that but i gotta tell you one other thing that really fucking helped me put it together that was better help better help is uh

better help is online therapy it wants you to know the truth to some stigmas around mental health if anybody had a stigma about mental health it was your mother fucking uncle joey guys i didn't know what the fuck uh was going on with me and i always thought i never really could talk to somebody but i got into a fucking bind i got into a pickle and uh a couple people suggested i talked to therapy i was like i don't know i don't fucking know because right as soon as you say therapy people think you're fucking crazy but therapy doesn't mean there's something wrong with you it just means that you recognize that we're all fucking human and we all i got emotions and we need to learn to control them and how to fucking not avoid them all right therapies are tool to

utilize before things get worse i didn't know about that now i love it if i would have known how much i needed therapy i would have gone through therapy when i was in doing comedy full time it would have made it a lot easier don't wait until they're unbearable better help is custom mind online therapy they offer video phone and chat sessions with your therapist you know if you don't want to see anybody on camera listen i don't blame you you don't have to it's much more affordable in-person therapy and you can start communicating with your therapist in 48 hours give it a try and see why over two million people have used better help including your uncle motherfucking joey all right i worked at a lately data and it was phenomenal so do me a favor go

that better help dot com slash ds that's better help dot com slash ds take control of your life and get the help you deserve better help i do my session every monday 45 minutes in and out of there i write down what's going on with me during the week what fucking things i got that i'm thinking about too much and i just put on a piece of paper when she comes on the screen i tell her what my fucking problems are and there goes the fucking week i feel a lot better i've been doing it for about six months and i could feel the change i took a big fucking weight off my shoulders you know i'm saying i also went to a goddamn uh an a meeting last week it was fucking phenomenal will i go back i don't know i feel like a hypocrite i still smoked up i don't

belong in there but it's a fucking it's a wonder drug marijuana you know what i'm saying so i can't if you're doing marijuana you really can't go in there it's hypocritical yeah i'm smoking a joint a day and hitting a couple fucking things on my little abx fucking tremendous filter that they gave me i like it i like it it's nice it's smooth very fucking nice and i'll do this for a couple weeks see if it affects my breathing at the gym or whatever because that's what happened last time i smoked vapors i felt that it would affect me i was breathing differently and you know what i don't right now i'm trying to fucking uh i'm sorry people right now i'm trying to but hey listen at least we smoked a little vapour pen we'll graduate you never know i might pop into a

fucking uh you know i might have to do a little tootsie i was just asking mike about his holiday schedule if the girls go away there'll be a couple podcasts during the holidays and towards the new years and i could fucking do a little something we could fucking hit you with look at this monster a fucking freeze pipe i love this cocksucker i haven't even tried this yet i've been messing around with the bubbler because this is a fucking monster i'm gonna save this for a special occasion because i love all this shit and that's it and that's that guys i hope you had a fun fill fucking monday i hope we covered some fucking thing listen guys i'm just trying to get healthy and have some motherfucking fun with you guys and crack some jokes on a monday morning make your week

a lot easier check in with you let you know i'm still slinging dick and i'm still alive and kicking i don't give a fuck about what's going on in the world the party don't start the uncle joey fucking gets there yet uh sadly on twitter i tweeted out nice get the party started for you with a fucking laughing gas that fucking runt weed and some fucking uh and some of these edibles some abx the 80 i'm gonna hold off on the abx capsules till after tapering how's that for you motherfuckers i'm gonna be a good boy this week i got a couple fucking oils and shit like that i could substitute to help me sleep do you know that last night two nights ago saturday night i went to bed at one in the morning i went to bed like ten to one after the ufc do you know i

fuck this my wife woke me up at ten o'clock in the goddamn morning not to piss not to do nothing no sleeping pills no nothing my little kikimo tea i hit the fucking syringe with like maybe 200 milligrams you know what i'm saying i'm keeping it low but i did get some kikimo uh the mince that they have they don't do nothing to you they're two milligrams of thc you need to eat 50 000 those things but they got like five milligrams of cbn so i don't eat them for the thc i just put a handful in my mouth for the cbn holy fuck the last two friday night when i woke up saturday morning i didn't know where i was i was like i i woke up underneath pillows and shit you ever get your head on the pillows when you wake up you gotta throw pillows my arm got caught on the

sleep apnea hose i'm like what the fuck is this i looked around i couldn't tell what time it was it was like 750 in the fucking morning i'm like holy shit i slept hard last night i'm getting a whole new education on sleep those cbd gummy melatonin they knocked you to fuck out too uh i went to the health food store on route nine yesterday and that motherfucker gave me a few edibles and he was telling me to come back that he's getting them on monday this heavy duty cbn he goes dog as soon as i get them they leave he goes people come in and buy him he goes i gotta call 10 people so he goes let me he goes i'll give you a call monday when they come in and hold a container for you he goes they just cbd he goes heavy cbn heavy melatonin and he goes people are begging for them

for me i gotta take the like i went back on the nightclub last night did a shot in nightclub not nightclub but the other one they have now the next night it's not that you know that other shit work better drill i ate those things like i wouldn't even sneeze i haven't that was the first time i sneezed that's the first time my nose was congested in like a month because for a month i'm hitting fucking 75 milligrams of better drill at night for nappy new new time after you smoke the joint yeah yeah no it's fucking good i'm taking care of myself guys you know this has been a great adventure moving here but uh i love that term being a good friend to yourself and taking care of yourself i find myself doing fucking yoga like i do a burdo crane put a roll up the other day

he calls them tactical fitness flows they're three minutes i come back here because you have to do them on the floor i put knee pads on like a professional cocksucker i do a bunch of little yoga techniques and then i just do all these stretches to stretch out you know all the stuff he does it's like a lighter side of yoga there's still front poses and you got to keep your hands up and your hips straight and look but you know what man it warms me up i'm getting old and i like doing them i had two jujitsu's last week and three sessions at the gym two sessions were a half hour one session was an hour i rode the bike last week i walked last week i'll tell you i'm getting old but i'm feeling good so thank you for all the support do you guys give me thank you

for the compliments listen i'm looking healthier but i'm getting older by the day i see pictures of me and i go i'm getting fucking old you know i'm saying i feel great my heart's in great shape my attitude's great it's all part to you guys for having my back this year so i love you mother fuckers with all my heart i have a great fucking monday stay black i hope you enjoyed our little take that day today i did i'm happy i'm set to go i feel good and i feel confident that we had this talk and i'll set you out into the world on a fucking monday morning and guess what they all got to suck your dick stay black i love you cocksuckers have a great monday tuesday i'll be back wednesday and that's it you mother fuckers and now for a word from our sponsors jack

what's happening you bad mother fuckers thank you very much for listening to the joint today i was all over the place but i don't give a fuck i'm just happy to be feeling better we're gonna put this mother fucker together but anyway the joint is brought to you by freeze pipe if you got someone on your holiday list that likes to smoke reefer and see the devil freeze pipe dot com is for you i love my freeze pipe i go with the bubbler it's a little smaller nobody knows nothing i hide it behind some pictures but listen smoking weed doesn't have to hurt your lungs with freeze pipe you get a nice cold hit every goddamn time and here's how it works the pipe comes with a detachable chamber you freeze beforehand when you're ready to rip the smoke passes through

the frozen part and it cools down the smoke as you inhale it's just like putting ice cubes in a bong but a lot better it's non-toxic it freezes faster than water and it stays frozen longer freeze pipe cools down the smoke by 100 degrees whether you had a pipe bubbler bong or a dab they got it all guys if you could smoke from it freeze pipe makes it they don't have an apple i love to smoke with a frozen apple i gotta talk to the people at freeze pipe but listen do me a favor go to freezepipe.com take a look at the tremendous bongs they have okay if you like one pressing cold joey and you get 10 off your first order this present is basically for yourself you're taking care of yourself on this one you're being a good friend

to yourself start with the bubbler knock your fucking eyeball out get the bong the pipe or the bubbler or just get the bubbler and the pipe when you get some more money but that's freezepipe.com and press order code joey to save 10 percent the the joint is also brought to you by better help okay better help want you to know the truth about some stigmas around mental health i've been with mental uh with better help for about six months now with dana and they've been tremendous many people think therapies for so-called crazy people but no it means that something it means that something isn't wrong with you it means that you recognize that we're all humans that you have emotions you know you don't know how to process them therapies are tooled to utilize

before things get worse don't wait until they're unbearable better help is customized online therapy they offer video phone even live chat sessions with your therapist and you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to it's much more affordable than in person it's a lot cheaper than in person therapy and you're gonna get the same results which is warmth and the ability to just talk to somebody else and you can start communicating within 48 hours all right do me a favor give it a try and see why over two million people have used better help online therapy you know i'm gonna give you 10 percent off your first month when you slap put in betterhelp.com slash ds di az that's betterhelp.com slash ds take control of your life and get the help you

deserve with better help all right and don't forget to join us brought to you by bluetooth listen the holidays are coming everybody wants a present you're gonna give the best present the best present you could give you know what that is a hard dick well you'll be having a white christmas and new years and valentine's if you give her a good stab on christmas you don't even need to worry about valentine's that's where bluetooth comes in bluetooth is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as viagra and sialis and a fraction of the cost you can take it any time day or night the process is simple sign up at bluetooth.com and talk to one of your licensed medical providers once you're approved you'll receive

your prescription within days the best party it's all online no doctor's visit no pharmacy you're gonna leave the house no judgment it ships right to your door in a discrete package not even your mailman knows bluetooth tablets are made in the usa just like you're fucking hard on and it's way cheaper than a pharmacy so do me a favor it's time to perform it's the holidays you got no time to fuck around bluetooth has a special deal for you try bluetooth free with promo code joey just pay five hours for fish ship shipping with fishing that's bluetooth free with promo code joey just pay five hours for shipping that's bluetooth.com promo code joey to receive your first month free i want to thank bluetooth for sponsoring to join i want to thank

bluetooth i want to thank better health and i want to thank freeze piper most importantly i want to thank you fucking savages on a monday morning i love you with all my heart stay black have a good week and we'll see you mother fuckers wednesday the eighth tip top magoo stay black you