Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 12/10/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #37

Episode Date: December 11, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about Boxing, the UFC and the comedy club Joey works out at when hes in Los Angeles. Joey also does a preview of his love for Mel Brooks movies, which will be talked about in future episodes.Old friend Danny B calls inThis podcast is sponsored by Onnit. Use the promo code church for a discount.Streamed live on 12/10/12

Oh shit. Oh shit. It's Monday morning with my main man, Lisa Yat, and you motherfuckers. The church of what's happening now. Put that up for these motherfuckers. It's Monday morning. Oh shit. The pipe is going. The fucking coffee's on. I got a protein shaking me. Who's better than you motherfuckers? Lisa Yat's here. It's Hanukkah. Are you fucking kidding me or what? It's the eight days of Hanukkah. Nobody talks about it. Nobody talks about the twelve days of fucking Christmas. You know what I'm saying? Nobody says how about the eight fucking days of Hanukkah? Let's sing a song on the eight day of Hanukkah. I got a bag full of fucking dough. You know, whatever the fuck it is. Who knows? But it's great to be here. It's Monday bitches, November 10th, December 10th. Oh shit. We only got eleven more days in this motherfucker.

But we're here. The church of what's happening now. Thank you very much for being here. It's a beautiful fucking Monday morning. Great week. How was your weekend, Lisa Yat? It was great. What'd you do this fucking weekend? The fights were great. I found an apartment which I was stressed about. No, you were stressed about a fucking apartment. Twenty-four years old. Most people were stressed about VD. They got this weird itch in their asshole. This motherfucker's twenty-four and he's stressed about an apartment. He can't move till January. He told me he couldn't even sleep Friday night because he was worried about the fucking apartment.

This is what I got to tell you. This is what I got. This is my first fucking science project. LA is weird. They only give you, like you only give thirty days notice and places want to move in immediately. And I'm going home for the holidays. What are you talking about? What do you mean what am I talking about? You looked all over the fucking planet for the last two weeks for the apartment. Yeah. Yeah.

How long does it take? And everybody says, oh, when I say I want to move the first week of January, they're like, oh, well, we want you to move tomorrow. Yeah, because things are bad all over because everybody's looking for talents. And how are you going to pack and hire movers and stuff? I'm going to repair a pants and a shirt and a couch and a TV. How much shit did you come out here from Boston? Come on, man. I've been out here two years. I have fucking some stuff. What'd you buy? What have you bought in two years?

Mind your business. That's what I'm fucking saying. What's with the questions? Who the fuck are you thinking? He got a little refrigerator and the whole thing. He's over there living in the rocky apartment. And he's trying to tell me my fucking business. All I'm trying to do is help you out, bro.

You don't got to worry about it. He couldn't fucking sleep. Can you believe this shit? He told me. I called him Saturday. You want to come over for the fight? He said, dog, let me call you back. I thought he was at a party having an orgy with three fucking porters.

He said, fuck no. He's at home sleeping, resting. Like Joe Pesche and good fellas. I go, what are you resting for? Because I work until five. I was at home resting. I was up at eight o'clock in the morning. All right.

Whatever. Next time I don't want you stressing out over an apartment. That's what my point is. I want you to stress about the shit that's in front of you today, which was nothing. The beard, your job. You got a beautiful fucking job. You got good friends. You got to do a fucking great podcast.

What do you got to worry about? You got to worry about the boss. You got to move. When I was 24, there wasn't a fucking thought in my mind that didn't have to do with drugs, stabbing somebody and eating pussy. That's it. You paid the rent on the first, if the guy had the balls to come get it. Science.

I'm wearing my little Angie's shirt because it was her birthday yesterday. And Angie's is a girl. She's got an artist's colony, whatever. Here's a young girl. It's pretty. Boyfriend got shit going on. You think she was on Twitter and Facebook. It's my birthday.

Get your shit together. I didn't even know I found out on this fucking side that some girl was throwing a party. You motherfuckers lived to 80. I'm having a birthday party. After 20, who gives a fuck about your fucking party? I'm serious. After 21, I don't give a fuck about your party. These people have a birthday party.

Come meet me at a bar. What are you, 10? What the fuck? Get a sandwich. We smoke a joint. We smack high fives. I'm the fuck out of there on your birthday, you dumb fuck. Yeah, what the fuck?

After 21, the hat. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Where are you going to go when you get there? What are you going to do? You're going to jump up and down with your friends. You're going to say hi. What the fuck?

You're 50. Get it together. And Gigi's not 50. She's like 22, 21, maybe 19. You're looking a little fucking Spanish girl. What the fuck she is? But happy birthday to you. Also, there was another birthday.

I want to shout out before I fucking forget. Nikki Bones. His birthday's on the 15th. But I want to give him a shout-out. Because sometimes you fucking forget. You see the Pacquiao fight, Filipinos. I saw the knockout part of it. My God.

I didn't watch the whole fight because I was doing comedy. But the knockout, I watched the knockout when I got home that night. It's the end of an era. Everybody comes to want to, speaking of which. It's like my man BJ Penn. Listen, one of the first MMA fighters I ever met in my life was BJ Penn. I went to UFC years ago to do comedy with Joe. I didn't know what was going on.

But I got in a car with BJ Penn and we laughed our ass off with Eddie Brown. But we laughed our ass off. So one of the real big fans that I was was a BJ Penn for years. For the last five years we've been watching hot BJ or cold BJ. We don't know who's going to show up. He shows up against Sanchez. But then he's huffing and puffing against this fucking guy. But that don't matter to me, man.

He's a great fighter. They call him the prodigy. And all of a sudden he wants to fucking fight again. Out of the blue he wants to fight Roy McDonald. You know, when he goes near the other night, and I tell you what, I kind of felt bad for BJ the other night. And I love BJ with all my heart. Like I said, he's a great guy. Hawaii, Joe goes to visit him once a fucking year or twice a year.

They're tight. But it's like BJ just fucking retire. Just retire. What did you think about them talking about that if you went down a weight class? Do you think that would help? Listen, just retire. There's a point where you see it. You just can't let it go.

And people know what I'm talking about at home. Even if he goes down to a weight class, I'm going to 155 with fucking monsters. 155 and 135 have monsters. One, I'm sorry, 145. 155 has Bernard Henderson, who won Diaz, and a ton of the fucking killers. And at 145, you see the Denis Seva fight against Dan Fan and all those motherfuckers. Where's he got to go? His best bet, he's a little older to retire, get to school going.

He's got BJPenn.com, you know, get that kid. But after a while you could see it, that your desire is not in there. You know, he said that whenever they talk about great fighters, they don't mention his fucking name no more. Because the train came and went. It's like me, I'm fucking 50. I go to the last factory, I go to these clubs, and I see all these young comics. I've never fucking seen them before. And they come up to me and call me, sir.

Like, sir, are you fucking kidding me? But that's the reality of your life. You can handle whatever the fuck you want. You can either accept me as a two-time champion, move on, or keep coming back and puffing and fucking puffing all the fucking time. Now, since I'm new to UFC, did he ever coach the Ultimate Fighter? I don't remember right now. Because, I mean, I don't even watch the show. But for me, it seems like he'd be a good teacher, and that might be a fun way to see him go one last season.

But I just don't want to. There's some people that you don't want to see fight no more. You can tell even Pacquiao. I mean, he lost his last fight, which is a rip-off. And then this one here, now he don't drink, he don't smoke. Once they tighten their act like that, it takes a lot to go in a fucking ring and want to get smacked in the face. It takes a lot. And after you're 35 and you've got the wife and the kids and the whole fucking deal, you know, when you're 20, you'll fight a fucking tiger.

When I was 20, I would have gone up against a fucking tiger. That's how stupid I was, you know? That's how dumb you are. You're dumb, young, and full of fucking cum. But, you know, you do what you do. So, BJ, I just hope you retire. Gustafson Shogun was a great fight, you know? The other fight, Benson Henderson against Diaz.

I mean, Benson Henderson, I'm not a big, big fan of his, but man, he fucking put on an exhibition. You know, I was pulling for my nephew, Nick Diaz, Nate Diaz, the Diaz brothers. But shit happens sometimes. And that's just the way it is. So it was a great card, you know? I think this week there's another card, and then you got Dos Santos, and that's it. My wife has the fucking baby. She stopped working, you know, cock-suckers.

My wife is done. So my wife is lingering all fucking day. You know what that's like? That's like a lot of reefer and hidemanship and all. You know what I'm saying? I'm having a good time with her. And it's weird, I'm learning a lot. You know, the first time I got married, it was like 30 years ago, and in my heart I failed.

You know, and it always fucked with me. So for her to come to me and go, I'm having a kid and all this shit, it's like it's mine. But it's like I've been walking in a dream for ten months. But thank God I got Twitter. Thank God we got the church of what's happened. And now I got the flying Jew in the house. You know, you're looking at me. We got the poster that my buddy made for me.

The church, we're in a fucking different corner of the house now. I got thrown out of the office because that's the baby's fucking room now. So I'm on my own out there solo. But who gives a fuck? We're going to make it work. Me and Lee are going to get a new office this fucking week. And that's it brother. You know what I'm saying?

We're here with Queer Lee. Let me tell you something. I was so in a friend of mine. Last night me and Lee went over to the Ha Ha Cafe for the annual Christmas party. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. And you know what man? We giggled our asses off. A lot of people laugh at the Ha Ha or whatever.

Let me tell you my adventure to the Ha Ha. Years ago I got a call to come out and do a spot at the Ha Ha. They used to pay 25 bucks. By the Saturday night, 25 bucks in this town was a lot of money ten years ago. Thirteen, twelve years ago, whatever the fuck. Because the store only paid 15. Yeah, and weren't they like not paying at some point or was that when you passed that? Well, I don't know what the fuck had happened.

The Ha Ha was paying 25 bucks on Saturday nights. So I come up here one fucking Saturday night. You know, I'm from Hollywood, but I had never really come to the valley. I didn't know much about that walking through that room. And I see a bunch of fucking black or Mexican people. I'm like, what the fuck is this shit? That's your crap. This is ghetto as fuck.

Yeah, it was a lot of fun. And I've been there before for comedy. But actually what this guy, I wanted to say, I met Steve Simone last night. He was a great guy. And he said something to me. He said he loves the ball breaking of comedy clubs. And that's just watching, just watching the comics interact. And I know, I mean, there were a different crowd and there was music on.

But just going to like a holiday party of like a regular office and then going to a comics holiday party was a lot different. It's a lot fucking different, but it's funny. I walked into the Ha Ha and I almost caused a riot on stage. Like some Mexicans were arguing with some black chick or something. I never walked back in there. She didn't like me, Terry. Oh, really?

Yeah, she didn't like me and I didn't think much of the fucking club. So I didn't go up there. And then what happened was I moved to the valley. And I said, let me just go walk down there. I mean, I could walk to the fucking house if I really wanted to. And I went down there. And you know, when you do stand up, it's like anything else. Sometimes you get caught up in just the work.

The work is just Friday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So during the week, you don't do nothing. You're right. You rest, you know, but when you sleep during the week, because there's a comic, you go on the weekends, you travel on the weekends. A lot of times you won't perform from Sunday to Thursday. It's something I don't like fucking doing. But when I was a regular at the store, I had the store to just go down there and you don't

care. See, because sometimes you might come up with a fucking thought. Like the other day I was looking at something about on TV that a lot of Americans are over-exercising. How the fuck do you over-exercise? Yeah, what does that mean? And you still weigh 400 fucking pounds. Well, I think I over-exercise. I think a guy coming into my office, his rib is sticking out and shit.

He hasn't stopped running for two fucking years. You know, I didn't know. So like you put down over-exercise, let's say. And then that night you go up on stage and you say over-exercise. If somebody pays 20 bucks to come see you, you can't just go up there and talk about over-exercise. And they're going to look at you and go, Joey, what the fuck? You have nothing prepared. There's no structure, which is the way I usually go up anyway.

I'm not your usual stand-up comic. But what happens is you, it's called working out. So you have to go up there and work out the material. You add notes to it. You go to a comic club. You say it again. You know, you work out the fucking premise or whatever the fuck you're working out. I didn't have that for a long time.

I was going to these rooms where people were paying me so I can't get the work shit out. So every performance was a fucking performance. As a comic, you need to spar like anything else. It's great to fight every couple nights a week, but you have to spar also during the week. And the ha-ha became that for me. And before I take the Gabriel Iglesias thing, I use the ha-ha as my little training facility. For six weeks, no matter where I had comedy, I'd stop and go to the ha-ha. And duck it out with those people because it's a shoot-out.

It's not like going to a laugh factory or a comedy school. When you go to a lot of rooms, people are prepared to laugh. A lot of rooms you go to is a bar. They're not prepared to laugh. So you go to those rooms because you dare to make them laugh. You're working out. You know, on Mondays, I used to go to the sunset room down at fucking Hacienda Heights. It's a shoot-em-up bar.

You know what I'm saying? They'll go shoot you at that fucking place. But you've got to go in and earn their fucking respect. So that's what I would do. I'd go in there on those types. Rogan laughs at me all the time when he calls me and goes, well, yeah, I'm in a Mexican room. Gunning it out because that's how you want the best pressure you can get on you.

You're only going to become the best if you go to those fucking clubs and work it out. But I find the happy medium. So you go to comedy clubs and you go to those dirty bars. And together, you come up with something. You know what I'm saying? Who the fuck knows, Lee? It's Monday. Hit me with a little bloody sabbath to get these motherfuckers going.

Like, I told you once, I told you cocksuckers a million times. Monday, you got a second chance at doing whatever the fuck you want again. So if you want to try comedy again, this year, you want to quit smoking again. This year, you want to try losing weight. This year, you want to try fucking your wife in the ass. This is your fucking lucky week. Get out there, cocksuckers. Hit it, Lee.

When I play this jam, it's because I'm in the fucking war path. And I want you motherfuckers to be in the war path. It's 11, 12. What is it? 15 days to fuck. 14 days to Christmas. Yeah. You don't want to have a shitty Christmas.

Go out there, motherfucker. Go out there. Try to put together a yard, two yards. Hit somebody in the head with a new chunk. Make your fucking paper. It's a holiday. Nobody wants to be broke on a holiday. Hit it, Lee.

This morning, I tried to get Lee to smoke a little piece of hash with me, but I remember what happened the last time I gave him a hash. Yeah, what happened? His face got fucking red and shit, so... I got Brian Kiders for fucking two months. Lee won't smoke hash with me this morning, so fuck him and shit. The flying Jew doesn't want to get high on a holiday. I smoke weed every morning, but fucking...

For people who haven't smoked hash, it's gonna last me fucking 10 hours if I can get the fuck home and rush out of traffic. You put hash in it. Oh, I didn't. I put weed in it. Fucking hash in it. I can't put hash in it. You won't stop complaining and crying.

I won't stop complaining. I can't. The day I gave him the hash, even my wife had to go in there. His face was red. He was coughing. Smoking, cocksucker. Look at him. He takes these little hits like it's a carrot.

Smoking deep. All the way. Let me throw you a little... That's a boy. Like, if there you go, you fucking savage. One more. One more for the Navy. One more for the Marines.

Come on. How are you gonna be in the Marines if you're not smoking dope? They can't be in the Marines if you're smoking dope. They're smoking dope. What do they do before they drop over in a helicopter? Do they go in and match around? They hit some fucking hashish... Trust me, I got friends over there.

They hit that fucking... Look at you putting that. You're blowing the reef all over the control center. Well, speaking of what... Well, I'll take this last hit. Speaking of working out, how's the honor stuff working for you? Let me tell you something. On it, I learned something last week because I started kickboxing.

All right? So I went to this kickboxing school and I thought my fucking endurance was down, but I take those little mushroom techs to sport. Shroom tech, yeah? A lot of that shroom tech. Let me tell you something, man. That's dirty. That's fucking an hour and a half of throwing sidekicks.

But Jesus... In fact, I pulled my fucking cap, jumped on the road. I'm gonna tell you something. I've been taking a lot of it for the last three years since I went on the fucking diet and the whole thing has started working. It's been about four or five years now. I've tried a lot of fucking supplements, you know? And I do a lot of a leave because when you're a fat fuck and you get out there and you walk

or you run or you play basketball, your joints hurt. But most importantly, your knees hurt. If you jump up and down, you're a fat fuck. Like, I have no knock on wood. I don't really have a lot of problems with my back. But because of when I jump up and down, sure, you have shit with your back. I'll squat and stuff with lightweight, but I won't have it. But when I jump up and down, like if I'm jumping rope or something, my back hurts a little

bit like it gets tight. And you lower back. And you lower back. And I'll do some yoga to stretch it out. But I tell you what, I took different protein powders. I go to GNC sometimes. A buddy of mine has a protein powder company and sends me some stuff. This doctor I went to see hooked me up with a different...

He gave me these different things to take. But Aubrey, one of the guys that we deal with, one of the owners, a good guy, you know, he sent me a box of stuff first. And, you know, Joe kept telling me, like, I was always on the alpha brain. I had to try the alpha brain, the new mood. That's it. But once I went on the protein and the fucking... I tell you what, that protein, I make those protein shakes every morning.

They're a meal for me. It's either that, two eggs, you know what I'm saying? So I much rather have that head force. Especially because you've been doing a lot of stuff recently. So when you're on the go, it's a lot easier. You know, man, it's just... Listen, for years, people use that Slim Fast. It was killing motherfuckers.

There's nothing in there. At least with this, you get a little nutrition. And come home at night instead of eating a fucking cheeseburger at two in the morning. Make a protein shake. I'd rather you have a protein shake in you, especially since it has all that fiber in it. You wake up and it's like eating an apple. I had to take two shits this morning. I eat an apple when I fucking get home at night.

You know what I'm saying? Before I go to bed, I try to get a nice apple. I got two different types. Oh, I love apples, man. I try to mix them up, the green ones, the light fucking red ones. Anyway, go to Omnit. If you're a big guy, you want to lose some weight. Just try the hemp force.

Try the fucking strong bone and try the shroom tech, the sport. It gives you a little bit more energy for your walks. And just try it. Don't wait till the fucking December 31st to start your New Year's resolution. Start now. Why put those extra 10 pounds on? Listen, I'm not going to lose weight over the holidays, but I'm not going to put none on either. And that's the most important thing.

I'm going to keep working out. Remember, it's a little fucking bitter day, guys. It's not much. See, I wouldn't work out because I was like every other fucking American. I don't have a half hour, so I'm not going to work out. Listen, if you do 420s, if you do 20 fucking minutes of jumping up and down your living room, whether it was squatting, push-ups, just the basics. Push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, squat thrust on your wall.

That's it. You don't need to do all these machines. Get your health together. The worst comes to worst. Walk. Walk to fucking Mars. You know, I had a friend, Mike Ricker, that used to walk from the valley into the comedy store.

I'm going to fucking lost a lot of weight. If you want to lose weight, you could lose the fucking weight. I don't want to hit none of you motherfuckers saying I can't. It's in my blood. There was a show last night, Drugs Inc. What was that? You can see Drugs Inc. is on Whatever America, Nat Gea. Okay.

They have a show on every... Nat Gea has a lot of great fucking shows, but they had a show on this week, Drugs Inc. It's on every... And they go to different cities and see the trends of different cities and shit. They went to Miami. They went to New York a couple of weeks ago. Yes, there was about meth in Montana. Oh, Jesus.

How bad the fucking meth is in Montana. But they busted this chick, Lee, that looked like me with a fucking wig on. She had a skinny boyfriend. I don't understand. Meth makes skinny guys fuck big fat chicks. I never understood that shit. You know what? I love women.

I love the luxury women. I love skinny women. I love women at every fucking size. Those big, big women I can't deal with. I really can't deal with it because I'm scared. You know, I think about what that ass must smell like when you sniff it. Because that's my whole thing. I like just sniffing that ass from behind.

Sneaking up on it like a fucking lurker, you know, in Vietnam. And you sniff that. I love all that. So it's bigger. You could sneak up easier. No, no. When they're big like that, you're scared of the whiff. Because if you smell the whiff and it smells like a peanut butter sandwich, you're fucking

dead and buried. You're there. You gotta commit. What are you gonna do? You gotta live with the fucking whiff. I'm not saying fat people are stinky. Because I've snuck my fucking asshole. It's got some kick to it, but you put some water to it and everything.

Put some water on it. You gotta put some water on that asshole and everything works out. It's not a fucking sea monkey. It ain't gonna grow. You gotta put some fucking sea monkey. I'm dropping some fucking knowledge on you. There's definitely something in there. I'm already feeling it.

You what? I'm already feeling it. You know that's really strong. What are you feeling? What are you feeling? What am I feeling with the fucking piping in your hand? You feel nothing with the pipe. Take one more hit.

No, man. It's torture me. You know, I usually, we smoke the fucking pen. Today we wanted to go old school. At the church, what's happening now? It's Monday. I'm gonna let you motherfuckers down to church. It's like when I do go to church.

You know, when I go to church, I do a fucking banque. Do you finish the whole banque? Fuck yeah. You're a soldier. Jesus don't want half fucking wits at this goddamn church. What'd you do for a hundred years? Nothing. I'm waiting until I go home.

I'm just gonna do it with my family. What are you guys doing, Hamika? Just have family over. You got cousins in Boston? Yeah, I got a bunch of them in Boston. They show up with the Hamikas on the whole fucking deal? Well yeah, especially when there's presents coming. It's actually my favorite meal of the year.

What do you guys eat? Brisket? Brisket and the potato lackeys, which is like hash browns. Hash browns. And some green beans. Oh shit. It's so good. And that's what the fucking Germans, the Jews soldiers ate me.

I don't know. It's my favorite thing my mom makes, so that's all I know. I don't have a movie for you guys today. I usually like to give you something. I got music for you today, but I'm gonna do that to the call. I just want to touch on something. The other day, I got a fucking twit from a kid named Matt Maxwell. He almost made me cry.

Really? Yeah, he almost made me cry Matt Maxwell. I'll tell you, I did fucking cry. I'll tell you why guys, because I always want to give you guys the best shit. I'm always thinking about movies and music for you guys, or a book or something to entertain you guys on top of Flava and fucking the flying Jew. It's not about us. I want to give you shit to take home with you for later, just to see where my head is

at. I like to see what makes people take. That's me. I like people say, hey, he listens to this or he doesn't, because I understand it. I still keep getting Tom Waits things, but we'll get to that shit later. One of the guys that I fucking respect, one guy that makes me tick, I'm a silly dumb fuck. And one of the guys that has all, and I seen him one time in Miami and I almost died. Well this guy, Matt Maxwell, said to me, hey Joey, why don't you cover any Mel Brooks movies?

Guys, I almost broke out into fucking like hysterics, because how could I ever forget Mel Brooks? This is why there's fucking reefer. You gotta stop smoking at Lee. Don't bring it over here no more with that black hash cock sucker. Save it for your Puerto Rican buddies. You know, you forget about the things that inspired you as a kid. Like, what are you fucking at? Even though he's fucking his stepdaughter now, I mean, you know, he's a filthy fucking animal.

But, you know, can you believe it? When he fucked this kid, nobody said nothing. Sandusky touches the kid. They send him to jail for any fucking years. He's asking for like a lesser, like less harsh prison sentence. Yeah, yeah. They're going to give it to him. That fucking, you know, club met that fucking Momo.

But you know, this guy slept with his stepdaughter, whatever, and I love him. He's a, you know, a lot of his movies are fucking, but I grew up on those movies. And when you watch my comedy, when you listen to me talk, believe in that Woody Allen's in me. I like all that shit. I love Woody Allen. But this guy, Mel Brooks, this guy's an old school German Jew. They don't even have, they got like four of those motherfuckers walking around.

They tried to stab themselves. You know what I'm saying? A German Jew. What do you do? What the fuck do you do? But he came over here and he, a German Jew, a German Jew, fucking amazing. But he could be a Russian Jew, whatever. It doesn't matter.

He's a Jew. That's all that matters. He's solid. Like the rock of fucking Gibraltar. So when I was a kid, bro, it was always Mel Brooks that made me fucking laugh. From young Frankenstein. I mean, I gotta be honest with you. The first time I seen, the first time I seen young Frankenstein, it was so over my fucking

head. Bro, I didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. I had to watch like three or four times and now I watch it and I fucking love it. History of the world, part one. Silent motherfucking movies. I love that one. Silent movies. When they're all eating at that restaurant and there's a sign that says hot, hot food

and all that shit. When they go see what's his name in the hospital and the machine is going beep, beep. And they used to have a game in the 70s where it was like ping pong. Yeah, pong, yeah. That pong where you play back and they start playing all that shit, I will never forget that. I can live to be 80. That's the comedy I grew up in.

You smoke the joint on fucking Saturdays between eight kids and you walk to the movie theater. And that's what you watch. And on the walk home, those two hours, you just discuss the movie there. You just watch. Yeah. You broke it down. The comedy part, you just went fucking nuts.

And it's an amazing thing. So if you get a chance, I'll cover all the movies I talked about. I think the movies were Young Frankenstein, History of the Motherfucking World, Oh, Blazing Saddles, and High Anxiety, and one of my favorites, Robin Hood, Men and Tights, which I know half of you fucking mumbo-seen. The other shit, you're like Joey, we're fucking 20, Joey, we've never seen History of the World. We'll watch that shit.

I grew up on Mel Books. When I was a kid there was a guy, Benny Hill, a fucking English dude on TV, you don't know who Benny Hill was. 1030 at night every night on Channel 9. Listen, you'd rather have 10 black guys fucking in the ass than miss the fucking show. You understand me? You did not miss Benny Hill. For starters, once a week, a chick's tit popped up when you were like 11, and you couldn't

live without that tit. You needed that tit when you were 11. That shit got you through for a fucking week, you understand me? You need the tit. You do need a tit. When you're 11 or 12, your mum hasn't given you the tit in fucking 10 years. Now you're ready for a hot, juicy tit, but from a different fucking perspective. So what do you do?

What do you want to do? You can't find a tit when you're 12. You can't suck your sister's titties. You got to find the tit outside the realm, and Benny Hill would deliver it. There was no porn when I was a fucking kid like that. I told you, you want to watch porn, you got to hang a sheet on the wall, and put the videos together, invite your friends, and have a look out. That's too much.

That's too fucking much drama. Now you can have porn just as somebody called. Not yet. So what was my point anyway? What the fuck? You love Mel Brooks. And another one, which you didn't mention, and he's done it a bunch of times, and it's getting a little bit, it's not as good as it was, but the original producers, I love

it. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. That's his first movie. That was his first. I think it was like 1968 or something like that. The producers were there.

I'm freaking out and then he pours water on him. I'm hysterical. I'm hysterical. I'm in pain. I'm in pain and I'm wet. Let me tell you something. I've seen him at the Miami improv before his, you know, I know his wife died like in 2005. Yeah.

And I've seen him at the Miami improv and he was watching the show with somebody, you know, and he walked out and he looked at me, he walked up to me and he looked me straight in the face and he goes, kid, you would have been somebody 20 years ago. Oh my God. It was your style is 20 fucking years old and he walked out. Did I kill you? Not at all. That's Mel Brooks, brother.

If he came up to me and called me a spik fat fuck, I'd still be proud. Some people will come up to you and call you with fucking ever the fuck they want because that's who they are, bro. He was one of my, and I don't mean it like that because I don't want people to think, hey, Joey, call me and cut something. No. What I meant was that, you know what, man, I looked up to that guy before I even dreamed of doing any of this, Lee, before I ever dreamed of doing any of this shit.

I looked up to those guys, whether it was him or Benny Hill or the honeymoon or the Sanford and Son, that was my comedy, man. That's where I got that piece from, you know? Eddie fucking Murphy. We're going to cover trading places in 48 hours the next couple of weeks because that's a, you know, comedy and inspiration to do whatever the fuck you do is one of the biggest things you'll never forget. And it does not have to be comedy wise.

My biggest inspiration is Julius Irving, you know, Caught in Fisk, you know, Pudge. I love all that shit. That's what made man Flavin'. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. What's, what's going on, fellas?

What's up, buddy? It's my main man, Danny B. What's up, my man? I was joking. How are you? You know, I'm doing fucking good. It's Monday. It's December 10th. We're 15 days away from Christmas.

How about you, my friend? I'm doing good. I know you guys might be a little disappointed expecting Gary to call in, but, you know, I don't know what happened to him. I'm sorry. That's okay. No, no, no, no. That he couldn't make it.

He might... No, no. What's up, pal? Gary could call whenever the fuck he wants, just like you, bro. You guys are family. I ain't mad at you. You know what? I know, I know.

But I still, I don't know what came up. Maybe meditation. It is Monday morning. Maybe he's scoping out some banks. He's looking for some Christmas cash. God only knows where he is. So, I hope he joins you on Wednesday or the next show you have, Cokes. God bless him.

How's he hanging out? How's he making out? You know what? He spent a lot of time in North Jersey. He picked up a little bit of work here and there, and, you know, I'm concerned for him. I really am. I'm concerned that he's going to go over the top, you know. He wants it overnight.

You know what it's like when you get out of prison 21 years. He's just trying to make it up too fast. So, I'm a little concerned about him, Joe. You know, he's a good kid, but he's mental. He's got... That's why he's so fucked up. He brought my kid Grand Theft Auto as a gift, and the kid's three years old. Grand Theft Auto, three years old, and the kid's pretty good at it too, so, you know,

it's kind of concerning. Now, who's good at it? Your son or your brother? My son. He's three... My son. Gary bought Grand Theft Auto for my three-year-old son, Grand Theft Auto, and the kid's good at it.

And I'm a little concerned he's following in Uncle Gary's footsteps there, Coco. He wants to go to police stations and kill cops. Who does? The cops are bad. My son. Three years old. Oh, Jesus. He wants to go to police stations and shoot cops.

Oh, Jesus. I told him you can't do that. You got a fucking savage on your hands. Doesn't he? Oh, he's a nut. He's a nut. He's a nut. He beat down.

He's a good kid. He just likes playing with guns and killing cops. It's not my... You know, I don't know what to do. Maybe it's in him. I don't know. But besides that, life is good. Been on a toilet bowl all night, shitting my brains out, got a little case of stomach

virus. That's what happens when you have young kids. But besides that, I feel good. A little depleted from shitting out my insides. But get ready for tonight's game and I'm looking forward to seeing pictures of your newborn buddy. Yeah. Pretty soon.

Two more weeks, three more weeks. My wife's getting big. This is scary, Danny. This is fucking scary. I never knew we'd get to it. You know, Danny had 50. I thought the cops were going to be knocking on my door for something I did 30 years ago. Not my wife telling me she's going to have a kid.

So it's a little fucking scary, you know? But you know what, Danny? That's what makes guys like you and me tick. It's just a little bit of fear. It's just a little bit of fear. You know what, though? I never was afraid of shit. You know me.

I had balls as big as China, but since I've had kids, I think twice about doing this and doing that. You have. For instance, the other day this guy pissed me off. He violated me and normally he wouldn't be around no more. But I had to catch myself and think about the children and, you know, so yeah, fear. Kids put fear in here, you know? Losing this.

And years ago, I was reckless, didn't give a fuck about jack shit, and I think we all did growing up in that neighborhood. So, you know, and I'm listening, I heard that your show went well, San Diego. You packed them in as always, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, was it San Diego? Well, he came to say, oh, no, no. The J-mo brothers came to Ontario.

Ontario. Ontario, yeah. You know what he says to me? He goes, yeah. He says he kind of always has to mention that we're in there. You know, J-mo's dry human, he goes, you know, Coco says, yeah, there's my guys from North Bergen and he says, I really wish he wouldn't do that to me. He kind of embarrasses me when he does that.

Changes changed over the years. He's not the same funny guy as he used to be. Well, he too, he had kids, too. He's got kids, too. You know, I mean, Greg will always be your boy. Greg's the last of the real Mohicans, but it's like, I'm talking about when we were, you know, before you got involved in anything, Danny, I know you get a little fear to you, your stomach flaps, something, and then you go, who the fuck am I to be scared?

I'm going for this motherfucker. That's how, that's what happens to me when I get a little scared. Like, even when I go do comedy now, at this fucking point, Danny, I've been doing comedy all my fucking life, like two seconds before I go on stage, I'm like, why did I even come down here? I don't want to be here. I don't want to ever do comedy again. And as I walk up there, it's like North Bergen comes into me.

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck what they think or what they don't think. I'm going to go up there and I'm going to bring them into my motherfucking world. And it's, uh... And you know what? Your world is a funny world, and you are always good at that, though. You know, you, you, you, you're not, you, you don't give yourself enough credit, man. You're always funny, always likable, always had us laugh in from as, as long as I can

remember. Remember Joe and Mary's when Turtle Dick, didn't you, they used to call you Dick Turtle Dick or something like that. Turtle Dick, Turtle Dick. You had a name for it, Jane. Joe and Mary's, that's funny you mentioned Joe and Mary's, bro. I was fucking sitting here the other day thinking about those sandwiches that they used to have in Joe and Mary's.

Remember, they used to have them in like a little circle, and there was always a fly in there. Right, right. There was always a little fly in there. So when you came up, you had to pull this thing up like it was a cake underneath. It was like a cake and there was these little homemade sandwiches. But the best thing was that chicken thing, next door, chicken, chicken D. Remember, was it chicken D, Danny?

You remember the time then my mother had the 50th party for her husband and nobody showed up. So I went into Joe and Mary's and I corralled all you guys and we celebrated my mother's husband's 50th party at the VFW. What I did was I went into Joe and Mary's. Nobody liked this motherfucker. I don't know why she wasted her time. So she invites all these people.

Nobody shows up. So I just held down, I go into Joe and Mary's. I grab everybody out of the bar. Unfortunately, nobody ate the food because they were all geeked up on the shit on the marching powder. But yeah, I can think back. We had some blast, man. You know, you always fun.

You always made me laugh. Remember the bartender Lila? Lila used to have a dog, a golden retriever. Lila, right. She killed herself. She killed herself. You know, she jumped off a building or something, but she used to have a dog and I would get so coked up that I pissed on the dog.

I swear to God, I'm ashamed to admit it today. I would take my dick out while she was getting me a vodka tonic, whatever. And I would piss on the fucking dog. So this day, I don't know why. That's how unhappy I was with life. And that was the whole thing, because you could piss on the dog. Me, Conti, Ferney, and Holloway would see who could piss on the dog from that distance. Oh, Holloway.

I had a dream about, remember how fucked up he used to get where he couldn't talk and to get him home at night? We used to put him in a cab with a note. With a note on his chest. With a record how to get home because he couldn't talk to the cab driver. He could not. He put the note right on his shirt. My name is Roger.

I live at 149 Grace Street. He lived at 149 Grace Street. 30 years later, I still remember that because he would tell you that every day. How you doing? I'm Roger Holloway from 149 Grace Street. You got a problem, you come to 149 Grace Street. He would tell you, I remember one night we got really coked up and we put him in a cab by 7-Eleven.

It's that one of the nights you're talking about and he had the sign on his chest. There was a few nights, Joe, a few nights that we did that. I know that address very well because I dropped enough money off to his father from losing on gambling back in the day. That's right. Mr. Holloway was a great dude, but most of my visits there were to drop money off. I very seldom collected back in the day. Do you remember the Gabby?

Remember the chick Gabby that used to suck dick? Yeah, there was a lot of them up there. Yeah, but yeah, I know Gabby. Yeah, even Joe and Mary's, 90% of those girls, that's what they did. That's what they did. Yeah, I remember Gabby. Gabby got taken home one day by twigs. You want to talk about sucking dick?

You want to talk about sucking dick real quick? I went to Mario Cantone's fucking party the other day, the comedian, Nathan Lane. All those gay comedians there. There was a lot of dick sucking going on there Friday night. It was pretty pathetic actually, but I felt it was nice to meet those guys, but I was in a room full of queers. It was kind of getting uncomfortable because they had their eye on me. I'm still good looking now.

I know you are. They still, they got their eyes on me. They were looking at you. They want that fucking Bianco. They want that Bianco little cock. So we went down to fucking Holloway's. Listen to this, Danny. We went down to Holloway's house and he's got Gabby down there

and he's got Tweed, Steven Edwards down there. And he's got Gabby in his kitchen and he's eating her pussy. Gabby has fucked 15 guys this weekend all coked up and Roger's eating her fucking pussy like it's the last pussy in the United States. So he has to go to the bathroom. So he goes to the bathroom. When he comes back, Tweed's is fucking him in the kitchen and he's heartbroken, Roger.

He looks at him and he's like, Gabby, what the fuck are you doing? And she's like, you left. And he goes, fuck you, you fucking pig. And she goes, pig, you're a pig. You're the one that ate me. Yeah, you know, I don't remember Roger ever having a girlfriend so I can see him falling hard for her. But yeah, I remember Gabby.

I remember all those girls, Jeannie Abramowitz, still a nice girl. Teja. I think Teja's down in Florida. Teja Romano, right? Teja Romano's in Florida. We had some good times, man. I wish I could fucking turn back the clock. Oh, me too.

Just turn it back for a little bit. Just we had some good times back in the day. As much as I hated Tommy Russo, the rap after that he is and we all know what he did to us up there. All those times was, you know, you think back, we had some fucking fun. We really did. Remember?

The trip out to Colorado to visit you. Oh, my God. I always remember that. Remember, who the fuck was that famous general that you were? They'd be sitting his house up in Aspen. Remember? He had this big-ass house up there. We used to visit you and get fucked up up there.

And God, it was some fun times. Hey, do you remember what the fuck was I going to say to you, to Jeannie? You were talking about some general. Ah. Who gives a fuck? Teja lives in Florida. She got pregnant.

What's his name, kid? You know, they killed the cop or whatever. Frank Giavella. Frank Giavella. Me and Teja were fucking tight, man. And the other day, on the way down the Long Beach, I was thinking about how tight we were. Do you remember when her house burnt down and the insurance company

I do. Put her in the hotel? I do. They put her in the Hasbrook Heights Sheridan right there, where the Giants used to stay. And I remember that like it was yesterday. Because back in the day, you know, I hung out with Jeannie. We had all the whiteboards around us.

And we're in a hotel full of Giants and the Generals, the New Jersey Generals, Doug Flu. I've told this story before. When I see Herschel Walker, he still remembers me. I see Herschel Walker at UFC events. And he still fucking remembers me. Me and Ari Shafee, I go, Ari, he's going to say something to me. And this motherfucker still remembered me.

Yeah. He was my, he was the man. Herschel, the man on CBS. I remember fucking that. I remember asking Lawrence Taylor at the Hasbrook, at that hotel. I asked Lawrence Taylor if he wanted to do a blast of Coke in the bathroom.

And he told me to get the fuck out of the bathroom. He got me thrown out of the fucking hotel, that cock sucker. Well, I got one better member, Curtis McGriff. He played on a Super Bowl year with them. Yeah. When they beat the Broncos. Yeah. Curtis McGriff, he had bumped into him in the sports bar there.

And I had the white girls. And sure enough, he wanted to hang out. So he came back to the room that night about four o'clock in the morning. Guys will be sitting on the bed. The bed frames touching the floor. The girls are paranoid or fucking huddled up because he had his eyes on him like he was going to eat them up. So we finally get rid of him about seven o'clock, eight o'clock in the morning.

And about nine o'clock, I hear it tapping on the door. He shows up with racquetball things in his hand. And he wants me to go play racquetball with him. I just looked at him like, fucking crazy, fucking. The girls are still scared to this day. But yeah, we had some fucking fun, man. It's not broken. Man, I can.

Wow. I want to cry. I want to cry sometimes, Danny. I want to cry because I want to describe to these people. Like my friend, Lisa, at the Flying Jew here, he's 24 years old. And Friday night, he was worried about moving. He couldn't sleep all night because he's moving in a month. Are you fucking kidding me?

When I was 24, I didn't sleep because I had 25 fucking grams of blowing me. I didn't worry about dick. The only thing I worried about was where the next batch was going to come from. It's fucking crazy. That's right. And we always thought, yeah. How about the fucking rides in the middle of the night at Spanish Harlem, two o'clock, three o'clock in the morning, just showing up,

knocking on Dominican's doors, and we did some crazy fucking shit. North Berlin definitely is the armpit of the world. You know, and when I drive through the area every once in a while, because I got that place on the water, I drive up the hill, man. It's just, I don't know. It's not the same, man. It just lost its flavor. The people had changed.

The only place that's still there is Venere's and Hashways. No, Hashways is done. Hashways is done. The only thing that's left is fucking Venere's. You know, there's a story that you guys... Romers. Romers. Romers.

Fucking Charlie Romers. The fucking pizzeria. That's still there. I want to know if you were part of this. I was not there, but I heard that one night, you guys were at that hotel, and you took home four or five giants to the fucking Sharples' bar. They went to the midtown and opened up the bar at six in the morning. Yeah, I was.

I was. I was there. Curtis McGriff was one of them. Yep, I was fucking... And Leonard Marshall, Leonard Marshall. Because... And you guys were asking if you wanted watermelon and shit like that. You guys were torturing them or something, I heard.

But... Yeah, we had balls. Yeah, we were all fucking crazy ourselves. You know, we had fun at their expense. I remember having fucking barrel Dawkins and Ray Richardson at my house party, and they used to put the cocaine on the refrigerator so nobody else can get it. That's what this... It's not on the refrigerator.

That's what this... Joe... Yeah, you remember Joe Veta? Joey Glass, they called him. I remember Joe from West New York. That was a ball boy. That's who got us hooked up. Right, Joe Veta.

Joe Veta. Joe Veta. He's the one that got us hooked up. That's Harry the cat. But he's the one that got us hooked up. You know, it's funny. A friend of ours, Jordan Lee, who's an avid listener to the podcast, went to a card signing thing, and he's seen Darryl Dawkins,

and he asked Darryl Dawkins. He goes, there's a kid, Joey Diaz, Coco, blah, blah, blah. I remember that motherfucker coming over to my house and snorting coke on top of the refrigerators. He had the car with the 14-carat dashboard. But I heard this, that you guys took the Giants to Sharples' bar. Like, five in the morning, opened it up, everybody was drinking. But Mr. Sharples came in about 11 o'clock in the morning,

and he's Irish and racist, and he came in, and you're like, Mr. Sharples, not you. You're like, Mr. Sharples, look, the Giants, he goes, Giants minds, get these niggas out of my fucking bar or something like this. That was a rumor I heard. I remember that, yep, I was definitely there. I think it was 86, 87, but yeah, he was pretty biased,

and I missed that place. Some of my best memories come from that place. Great food there, great people. Jimmy Sharples reminded me of John Candy, you know, funny as hell, nice guy. There was something else I wanted to tell you about. You know what, the last thing. Joe Veta introduced us to Dawkins, and I remember, you know,

he was a big caffeine, he'd run out of blow, two or three o'clock knocking on my door. Another had no money. He shows up with a size 16 pair of sneakers. He goes, yeah, these are Dawkins. What can I get for this? I said, what the fuck do you want me to do? Sleeping those things?

They're fucking, you know, yeah, we had some fucking laughs, but, you know, if the walls could talk, North Bergen has a lot of tales to tell. Even to this day, corruption scandals, half the coaches that are coaching the high school team are selling coke and pot to the players. It's a fucking mess. And that's the first place I used to buy weed from,

Mr. Pullman, that fucking Mr. Pullman guy. He used to sell us a lot of fucking weed. Danny, I sit here and I tell you, I look at my life now, my wife's gonna have a baby, I see the people that have around me, and I have nice people like Lee, and I think back to my childhood, and I cannot fucking believe it,

but, you know, knowing that you guys are there, the reason why I love talking to you, man, is because you make me who the fuck I am. I never wanted to stop being from North Bergen. I just moved out of North Bergen, but I never wanted to stop being who the fuck I was. And I could tell you never stopped being who the fuck you were, you know, and that's the most important thing.

I left North Bergen, but I'm still 100% North Bergen. Yeah, well, you know what? We're all proud of you. You know, fuck everybody else that's haters. There are some haters out there, jealous, whatever, but I'm proud of you. I'm so happy. You never really had a fair shot in life, and you made the most of it. You know, your childhood was fucked up.

You bounced around from family to family, and everybody loved you. You know, you were a long shot, Joey. You were a long shot, and you overcame, you took your skills, and you made it, and fuck everybody else. Danny, we were long shots. Why do you think I'm unprepared right now at 50?

I didn't think I was gonna be alive at 50. I didn't think I was gonna be alive at 45 or 40. I didn't fucking even dream of that. I look at my wallet, Danny, and I'm part of a union. I look at my wallet, Danny. I'm part of the Screen Actors Guild. How the fuck is that? How did that happen?

How did that fucking happen? Perseverance. I'll tell you how it happens. Perseverance, you would never take no for an answer, and you were talented. And what you did was you never gave up on yourself, and by all rights, you could have. But you didn't, and you persevered. You persevered in Hollywood.

It's not easy out there, pal. What you're doing is not easy. I was in a room full of comedians, slash actors, struggling actors, successful actors Friday night. I heard their stories. It doesn't happen overnight, bro. You're gonna get yours. Your day's coming, man. Ronnie Dangerfield didn't hit it big till he was what, in his late 50s?

You're just starting, brother. You're gonna make it, man. Everybody's gonna know. Joey Coco Diaz is a household name, and I got a great response from people that listened to your podcast, whether it was Tim Donagy calling in or myself, hopefully they'll heal Gary here soon. But you're very well-received.

They love your show. They call you a funny motherfucker. And you are. We try to be. Danny, but the whole thing is the honesty, man. I'm not fucking around with these people. I don't have time to fuck around with people. I see what everybody else is doing on podcasts and radio, and they're fucking faking the funk. I don't want these people to get the misinterpretation of me.

Yes, I robbed fucking Michael's Jewelers, but today, this is what I do. Don't judge me on that. Judge me on what the fuck I do, and I get along just fine. I mean, I love what I do, Danny. I really do. Everybody talks about iPhones and iPads.

You said something that destroyed me. You said you really fucking gambled on yourself. And at the end of the day, that's the only lock you have in life is yourself. The only lock we have in life is us. Look at tonight. New England's giving three and a half to fucking Houston,

51 on the over and under. We go back and forth on who we like. We don't know. We don't know. It's just an assumption. But I'll tell you what. When I tell you, I'm going to get up in the morning, I'm going to write 10 pages, and I'm going to go to the gym. I do that. I know we control our faith. So that's what we're trying to put out there,

that being from North Bergen, they focused on us, me. What the fuck am I going to do today, and how am I going to make the fucking world better? That was the whole thing about North Bergen. We learned by the day. Lee says to me, how do you do that? How do you know about the future?

Because we live for today. Today is the most fucking important. How are we going to make it happen today? How is our family going to be happy? How are we going to start blow today? How am I going to get on stage tonight? How are we going to smoke weed? That's the most important thing, brother.

So who do you like tonight? Give it to me straight, brother. I'll tell you what. I've got to go with the home team tonight. As far as the total, I don't know about a lot of points. It's early in the day. I'm going to go with the average. And you'll write, it is a crapshoot. It's one game tonight.

I track guys that bet a lot of money. The reason that I'm successful at this is because I keep and I learned this over the course of time to keep my emotions and my opinions aside. Track the guys that are making some big money. Guys that move $20,000, $50,000 a game. And I have that to my advantage because I can call these offshore casinos.

So I'm going to go with the Patriots right now. It's up to minus four now. It's up to minus four. It's up to minus four. But I wouldn't go crazy on it. They're both in the playoffs. I guess there's some home field that they're playing for. But I'd have to give a nod to Tom Brady at home.

I think Texas is a hell of a squad. But I think they're outmatched at New England. It's hard to beat New England at New England. That's why I love you, brother. I'll give you a call later. Do you call me anytime and please put me on one of the first lists to call me when you have your baby.

Please do that. I want to come out there. I want to come out there and be in the studio with you and your boy, Lee, and I want to do a podcast live with you. Whenever you want, brother, you always welcome in this fucking house. You're like what's his name?

You're Manjot in Las Vegas. You're Manjot. You eat wherever the fuck you want. I love you, Danny. Danny, what's the webpage? I love that GoDaddy commercial. I love that GoDaddy fucking commercial. You're killing me with that. Listen, brother, I'll get in touch with Gary.

If not, then he's locked up and we'll have to wait a few more years. But I think he's in his fucking meditation thing. He does this fucking routine for two hours every morning. Prison-related. So he'll get over that a little bit, Joe. But listen, man, anytime you need me,

you need some help, vice versa, Joe. You know where I'm at. Always welcome in my home. Lee, what's the webpage at GoDaddy? You can check me out at DannyBWins.com, DannyBWins.com. Very simple to access. Anybody that mentions your show, obviously, I do them justice.

We've had some real characters call me from your show, Joe, and I'll tell you later about one particular from Texas. Okay. But listen, it's always a pleasure. I enjoy listening to your show. You make me fucking laugh. 50 years old, 30 years later, you're just as funny as you are.

It's not funnier than you are when we were growing up on the streets, brother. Baby, don't forget about me. I'm gonna do that. Don't you go Hollywood on me, Joe Diaz. Fuck no. Don't you forget about me. Fuck no. I'm here with you to the end, to the wheels fall off, brother, like my wife.

There you go. I'm gonna come out there soon, brother. After the holidays, we might take a trip out to see the family. Want to see James and Greg and their mom at Marge. You should get her on your fucking show. She's got stories. She got more stories than Dr. Seuss. Oh, she got more stories than me.

You have a good show, a good day, and if you need to call me, call me. I'm in and out today, but have a great day, my friends out there. Lead. Good luck to you with your new ventures, your move, or whatever Joe said you're doing. Thanks. Joey, good luck to you always, pal.

Take care, buddy. Have a nice day, guys. Goodbye, Hollywood. I'll see you soon. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. How you like that shit? I want to give some shout-outs to some beautiful people who follow us. They follow the show.

George Rialvo, Joe Newman, Josh Gallavez, Kyle Marley, I love you, John Damon, New York, and Jason Piper. And as always, my main fucking man, Farheed Ali, this motherfucker, the mighty father's bad motherfucker

doing this thing up there. Lee, what's happening, brother? How are you feeling? You coming down on that fucking reefer? You ready for some more? No, I had enough. What's the problem? What do you mean you had enough? Nothing's a problem, but fucking I gotta drive home. I'll be on the couch all day. One more for the fucking bad leg, you know what I'm saying?

Go home and do some jumping kicks. Oh, you kid. Gonna take another hip-hop, blow it into the tank so the people at home see you ain't fucking around. This ain't no fucking, one of these jackass fucking podcasts. We're doing it here. Thanks to Annette. Go to Annette, see what they got.

Send somebody a fucking Christmas. They got gift certificates. They got a bunch of stuff there that you might use. They have packages you could choose from. So if you don't want this shroom tech, you could get the fucking new mood, the alpha brain and the protein powder. Or you get the protein powder, the alpha brain and the motherfucking strong bone.

Or you don't need the fucking protein powder. You can either bunch of tuna and you get the strong bone, the fucking alpha brain and the new mood. And you get your life together. Trust me, drink a lot of water, do what you need to do, get some fucking sleep. Most important thing. I never used to fucking sleep.

You know that shit, Lee? Yeah, you tell me. You take sleeping pills and wake up two hours later. I would fucking, I never used to sleep. That's a big mistake because everything else, you're rashed up, you're 5th THP, restores in your fucking brain and you can come out and throw some goddamn eat at these motherfuckers every day.

Don't forget, Thursday night, I'm at the Madhouse Comedy Club in San Diego. Tickets 7, 619, 712, 666, I think that's the fucking number. If not, go to the madhousecomedyclub.com

I'll be down there rockin' that motherfucker Thursday night solo. I think I'm bringing Jerry LaRocca and my man the Mexican that's coming down here with me. My brother George Perez. That's a great lineup, Anna. I drove down from LA and went to that club a couple times. I know you like it down there. How long did it take

you to drive down two fucking years, Lee? I drove to the jaja with him last night. This motherfucker was doing 18 on Coango with a light green. I wasn't sure where we were going and for people who don't know, it's a fucking small street and I'm like, he's like, he's like book it and it's like, there's eight

different stop signs. There's no cops, there's nothing. The light is green and this motherfucker's doing 10 under the speed limit. Ask him questions about cats or whatever. Step on it. Cut a fucking Asian off like an Asian. Get out there.

You like an Asian? I love you fucking Lisa. You're the last of the real Mohicans. Before Danny called, we were talking about music and last week I got a lot of slack. People always said to me, Joey, you put Tom Waits down. I know for you fucking waspy fucks that like to go to fucking people's

parties with your little hats on and try to always be cool. I don't lift weights. I do calisthenics. They always want to beat one up on you. You should do this and you're gonna fuck you bitch. You should shut your fucking mouth.

I did say that about Tom Waits and it's funny because I have a good friend, Rick Ramos, a movie guy. He does the movies with me. And he's a big Rick Wait, whatever Tom Wait, whatever the fucking guy's name is and he kept telling me about him and then I put him on a couple of times and it was just horrendously bad

and the other day I got in the car and like eight in the morning I go to a meeting and the radio station was talking about John about Wait, how bad he was. How bad is this shit? And he's a rock station, K, whatever and he was like, how bad is this shit that we have to sit here and tell people

this is good, this is really bad and I never want to sit there and say cause this is probably a lot of people saying I'm fucking really bad and that's okay but Tom Waits is fucking bad, alright? And you're like, Joey, what gives you the peric is it? What do you know? Who are your favorite singers?

I'm not saying Robert Plant's my favorite singer whatever. I'm saying there's a lot of great singers and I hate it, and I throw singers at you guys for more fucking over, you know? One of the best singers that I have ever seen in all my life isn't, well Marvin Gaye, I never really saw Alive in concert or whatever

but one of the best singers I ever saw period was June of 78. I was in the eighth grade and I went to five star basketball camp on the scholarship and I missed my graduation but when I came back my friend Vinnie Lynch and Joe Ray and all these guys gave me a ticket

to go see the Stones and Fire in Philadelphia and I took windowpane acid which is the strongest fucking acid that's the first time I took acid I didn't fuck around with it I took windowpane acid, I was 13 I couldn't leave my fucking hotel room it was horrendously bad, it was a terrible experience

I walked down Big Jagged I had an American flag on it, it was fucking great so the second concert it wasn't really my second concert it was my second ticket with these guys and these days you didn't buy tickets you mailed a money order for four tickets

and they put you in a machine and if you won you got four tickets in the mail you got letters saying that you had four tickets coming or they send you the money order back they send you a check back and one of the tickets that my friends went to see me for a band called Bad Company

and the album was Desolation Angels and I went to the Nassau Coliseum to see them I don't know who the opening band was I was still fucking greener than green and I wouldn't even pay attention to the opening band like an asshole that I was and I went out there and Bad Company

played and I remember sitting there going wow, I had gone to see Aerosmith before and I had gone to see the police at that time and I had gone for maybe four or five concerts and they were good, I got something out of it but the singer didn't sound like the album and that bothered me a little bit

was he lying to us? people said no, no, no when they go to studios it's like here they have the filters and they clean it up and all this shit so I didn't really after that I understood I went to see Rob Hartford from Judas Priest

that guy could sing live there was a lot of guys that could sing like Lee don't fall asleep, it's just a fucking reef and creeping up on you but Paul Rogers' voice was amazing and shortly after that I think that was their last album Desolation Angels was one of the things

and then he did a band with the singer from Led Zeppelin I forget what the fuck their name was with Jimmy Page in 85 Radioactive, I didn't really like that stuff I didn't like that shit then a couple years ago I had forgotten all about Paul Rogers

my wife likes Bad Company we listened to the first album we listened to the one with the dice and there's another one, Burning Sky they have four albums I think people don't know about Bad Company they were on the same label as Led Zeppelin they were managed by the same

that guy didn't waste his time is that something you guys should pay attention to like this label does this and this at that time, yeah like, you know, fuck Led Zeppelin had this label that it was two wings big wings, like physical graffiti and the last one, the one before that

I forget what the label was but Bad Company was also on that label and they were also managed by that big fucking gangster from England so I'm like, how good are these guys you know, and I always liked Bad Company but I forgot about it and one night I'm sitting in my living room in Holly

when I'm about to go get a fucking grandma blow and VH1 is having an honors with Queen and the singer was Paul Rogers this fucking singer and you know what, I'm a little stoned and I'm watching, hit it Lee VH1 honors and this is what I heard

this guy this guy this guy this guy this guy is 61 at the time this is whose voice alright, I'm watching all this shit now this is the guitarist from Queen

all this shit, right this little bit so they can hear this guy sing it wasn't the skinny Finney I picked the bad part of this song but listen to this guy's voice are you kidding me? in a fucking hard rock he's 61

he looks like he's about 30 no, he looks like if he's 90 he's got the wig on but he's a black dog karate if you look at him singing in this video VH1 honors, Queen and Paul Rogers the show must go on he's 61 at the fucking time

he's got a cute hand but if you look at his fucking neck he's got veins in it the guitar player or somebody who broke his jaw that was bad company so that's 19, that's 2005 2006 that's fucking this guy at 50

whatever the fuck I want you to put on what we all know this guy for and that's all right now when he was in a band called Free this is 1969 guys so this is 30, 40 years ago

right, 69 is 40 years ago 1989, 1999 2009 69 you ready? hit it oh, this is him? okay this is live are you fucking kidding me bro?

this is live stop that I love that song that was 1969 when Jim Morrison died a lot of people didn't know the remaining people wanted him to fill Jim Morrison shoes they were the only consideration

he turned around and they started bad company with the guy from Mata Hoople and the first down ready for love listen to this motherfucker hit it I'm telling you guys if you get a chance just go by or for listen to this guy singing

so you want to ask me again why I'd say Tom Waits could suck my dick you want to ask me again you want to tell me again like Joe you don't know what you're talking about this is why let's take this even deeper so the first time I heard this guy was 70 something

it's 2012 I do the UNL V last Saturday I get back to my fucking hotel room I put the TV on and he is the singer Paul Rogers on my television singing with this guy hit it Lee with Joe fucking Bon Amasa live from

2012 or 11 in New York somewhere Wilton T I don't even fucking know this is tremendous hit it Lee and and this is live too live too are you fucking kidding me I don't want to say goodbye

look at the tears you made me cry I don't want to say goodbye you fucking kidding me guys you don't want to say goodbye so next time you want to fucking jump on me over my musical taste or maybe you don't think I know what I'm fucking talking about I'll back it up motherfuckers

Tom Wade sucks dick and I shouldn't say that he's an artist or whatever the fuck they call everybody's an artist but listen man all I try to do is is bring you the shit that inspired me the shit that made me sit there and go what the fuck am I listening to

or what the fuck am I watching to or what the fuck is this guy on that's what I bring to you guys so sometimes you may not agree with me but trust me the rest of the week put on fucking Paul Rogers anything he's on any of those bad company albums Tumbling Dice, Burn in Sky

the first one ready for love is a fucking monster if not put on free listen to the album in 1969 if not again put on Radio Active with Jimmy Page if not put on this shit with Joe Bonamassa I throw you nothing but these are the people that inspired me I hope they do the same for you

thank you very much for listening to the church of what's happening now what do we got going on this week we'll be back Wednesday and then maybe we'll do this next Sunday we didn't do yesterday me and Lee got together and we were like fuck these cocksuckers let's just smoke some pot and rub the feet

and watch the fucking game or whatever we were doing for Hanukkah but I felt that you know what it's a holiday for the Jews fuck and let them have it we're not that desperate to torture people on the Lord's Day but next week we'll be on before the End of the World show the 21st

like I said on Thursday night this week but Lee will be going to Vegas at me in January the first week in January 23rd or 24th at the Riviera Lee will be going there that week with me so that's what we're going to Lee's gonna start going on the road

I'm gonna throw him up on stage and do 10 minutes and shit, Lee's a fucking savage I'll pass out again I want to give a shout out to all the people that I shot out earlier from fucking Joey and George Rialto to Maxwell to Mel Brooks

to fucking Kyle Maley to Jason, whatever I can't see without my fucking glasses again go to honet.com and see what they got get your New Year's resolution started today December 10th and besides that I love you motherfuckers

check out Mel Brooks, start with Silent Movie go to Young Frankenstein and then get back to me let me know what you think what do you got, Lee? I don't think so, let's look it up I'll look it up while you finish up that's it, that's all we got for you guys

what are we closing out with today, Lee? John London you know what happened, it was his birthday the other day and I didn't do a show and I felt real bad it was also Dimebag Daryl's anniversary I love you bad motherfucking Dimebag Daryl but living here in California last night I was watching Green Bay

what was the Green Bay game last night? fucking snow was coming down they showed Santa Claus flying in the fucking air here in LA it's going to be like 60 degrees today so there's really no feeling a lot of people on the block have Christmas shit out but I always say don't feel like Christmas until you hear John London

once I hear John London on the 19th around there I know Christmas is around the corner but fuck it we're going to make it come early today I want that feeling in your heart go out there and do what the fuck you want to do what was his first movie? what the fuck do you think you're dealing with?

then it was Young Frankenstein Young Frankenstein then Silent Movie High Anxiety Spaceballs Life Stinks I forgot all about that shit Spaceballs is great

oh my god so do you understand me guys I don't throw no fucking fake key that you motherfuckers I don't throw what's hot I don't throw shit at you to be cool remember you could dress cool but if you ain't cool it ain't going to fucking help your cause have a great fucking week stay black don't let them be motherfucker

fuck Yoko Ono talking and shit I can't believe that this entire IMDb page is good no one has an entirely good IMDb page holy shit alright what the fuck have you done? that's what I'm saying

get your shit together today hit me on Twitter, hit me with an email at joeycookordiers.net the shirts are coming soon I'm going to have some great long sleeves that's it Christmas holidays I ain't going to twitch your picture to baby

but I'll let you motherfuckers know I don't want nobody to see my baby I'm ashamed I'm a little fucking monkey but I love you guys have a great week stay black let's hope it's a good one

let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one

let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one let's hope it's a good one