Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 12/11/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #135

Episode Date: December 11, 2013

Comedian and Producer of "The Naughty Show" Vicky Pezza calls in. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Recorded live on 12/11/2013.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey that's huluplus.com slash joey and by dollarshaveclub.com. Get high quality razors into your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church that's dollarshaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeydeas.net and click on the dollar shape club. Oh shit. Wednesday the 11th of the month. You got like 14 days to get your shit together. What? Oh oh. Never lose. What? Fuck I'm in it. It's Wednesday you bad motherfuckers.

Are you kidding me? Oh what? You're gonna sit there like a fucking mutt. Speak my piece. Speak my piece. Are you fucking kidding me? This kid was like 20 something years old dropping this shit up. Are you kidding me? Biggie, biggie, uh. It's a beautiful fucking day to be at last. At last a nigga talking about brunts and bras, tits and bras, menages, toiles, sex and expensive cars. What are you fucking nuts? The church of what's happening now, the flying Jew. Your uncle Joey here on point today. It's a fucking Wednesday. You gotta be on point. How you gonna walk around? Like somebody fucked you in the ass? No, you gotta walk around like you own the fucking joint with your dick walking on your shoulder when you're walking for the fucking place. Even if you

got a one inch dick, throw it over your fucking shoulder to there. That's how we do it. Or make believe. You gotta make believe. Like a kettlebell swing. How you guys doing today? All right, mad flavor here. What's going on, Doug? Nothing. I'm fired up today. I know you're fired up today. Let's do this fucking goomy bear. Let's do this because we gotta go on the fucking podcast this afternoon. We got a big day today. I gotta go to kettlebell class. I gotta make a couple protein shakes. It's over today. I'm gonna fucking stab a motherfucker. And that's the same attitude you should stab. There's only one Wednesday a week. Why fucking blow it? Here you go, buddy. You're going for broke today. Oh shit. Look, you got no haircut. You're looking like Bing Crosby in 67.

No, stop breaking up. Stop stretching it. You can't break up a goomy fucking. The power of Christ compels you. That's a boy. That's a boy. There you go. Let's do it. Yeah, I don't know. I just woke up, went to our buddy Agostino. He was on TV last night. I went, met his parents, was very nice. You see his sisters? He's got a fucking good looking sister. The one that's married to the Indian dude. Yeah. That's what I meant. It was dark. So I thought it was his wife. But but I looked over and he's like, oh, this is my sister. So yeah, she's fucking his dad's funny. It's like a bit. It's like my big factory wedding as a family. But it was fun. You know, I called him at like 29. I was like, the Agostino I'm fucking tapping out because it's

month Sunday night in a sleep good Saturday night in a sleep good. And Monday I had a hard time fucking sleeping. It was cold. I fell asleep with the ceiling fan on the fucking sleep apnea mask. I couldn't get it right. You know, when you get a new mask, the fucking thing, the adjustments are off like two nights, maybe a night, the adjustments off the first night. You don't know. So the first night I was leaking, I kept waking up with the strap falling off. But yesterday I was fucking beat. I had the baby and the wife, I went to acupuncture. I got my blood drawn. I went to get my head shots. I went to get a fucking jacket for the premiere. I moved. Yeah, we got my me and my wife got in the car yesterday. In the morning, we were in the fucking car. Why would you leave

them? That's like, I had a protein signal because I got in the HOV lane. I got three. There ain't no tickets coming. I got in that motherfucker solo. What makes you think I'm not going to get in that motherfucker with three victims in the car? I got in there. We stopped. We had some fruit at that one health food place with the baby. I went, I gave blood. We went to Chibo got a little fucking lunch. Okay. Got the half of fucking pasta Pomodoro with the full hermit chili salad, whatever. You told me after we went there for lunch one day, he's like, I got a Caesar salad. He's like, you should have got the pasta. The next day is the best spaghetti in LA. I go to Chibo chew every time I'm in Hollywood. I set shit up around

Hollywood for the fucking pasta because at the end of the day, the Pomodoro got no meat in it. And that they make it just perfect to give you a little fucking portion so you can't get all fat and shit. I get the full salad with the greens and the apple slices and the walnuts. Oh, that's delicious. Yeah, delicious. I mean, Chiba, you know, Chiba and Chiba chew, you fucking can't go wrong on the corner there of sunset, not Ghana, but Sierra Bonita. They make pizza. I never really had the pizza, but every time I've gone in there, I've had like the spaghetti, the chicken salad sandwich is healthy as fuck. They got some great shit in there. So I went there. Then I went to men's warehouse. I had to get a fucking jacket. My wife said, what are you going to wear leather

jacket Monday night? You look like a fucking Puerto Rican. You're gonna love a jacket? No, no, no, I had a jacket. It's big, though. It's like a Forex when I was 400 pounds. Okay. So she goes, you got to get like a duck hair, whatever that fucking moose head jacket. I don't even know. Oh, shit. Yesterday. Yeah, she goes, I found one. They ordered it. And there was the guy didn't come back for it. So you get 50% off. If you wanted to fit, it was perfect. So bang, I went over there with her. I almost stabbed my wife yesterday. When you're driving around with your wife, you'll feel like killing her sometimes, even though I love my wife with all my heart. You and your wife is my favorite non reality show. It's just because you'll go on fire, you'll get on fire,

you'll start talking and she'll come in with something. And it's like, it's not exactly about the right thing. And then you get fired up and you're like, she'll shut the fuck up and then she'll start yelling at you. And it's just and then and then now mercy's here. Now you just guys just start giggling about mercy. But it's I love you and your wife together. No, I love it too. I was gonna kill her yesterday. I swear to God, I wanted to fucking stab her 15 times. I feel bad for my wife sometimes because she just looks at me, but she knows how to handle it. She just shakes her head. She goes, this guy's a fucking moron. And we move on with it. So by the time I got to watch Sons of Anarchy last night, and look, you know what, this is a spoiler

alert, because we need to talk about this today. I've watched a lot of shit. And I've seen shit go down on accident by mistake. That was one of the most brutal attacks I ever seen in all my life last night. Sons of Anarchy to the point where I had to get up, go in the kitchen, then I had to get up and go outside and get fucking air. And when I went back in, there was a puddle of blood and I fucking had to still turn around. And I watched the auto fucking attack and the fucking whatever attack when he killed the guy, you know, I could deal with that. That last night was unbelievable. And I knew somebody big was going to die last night. They tried to make you think like it was juice. But the guy who runs that show loves to carry the juice too much. I knew he

wasn't going to kill fucking juice. So it was just amazing last night. It really was. The episode was men's amends. I thought Jimmy Smith was going to go. I really thought it was Jimmy Smith that was going to die last night. They only have one more season, right? One more season. Yeah. I haven't seen it, but that path between your kitchen and out to your porch, must be like warm. Like if they like looked at the wood, it must be more worn down because you never said it's still, you know, walking out, you don't smoke cigarettes anymore for you. So you're walking out for air. You're just walking to the kitchen to grab a soda. Right. That was fucking amazing. Because like I said, I was wiped out at seven o'clock when I sat down last night

to watch TV. I'm like, I don't know how long this is going to last. The baby was knocked out. Even the baby was drinking a bottle on top of me looking at me going, what do you think? Let's get the fuck out. This is terrible. Then she went in about seven, 15, seven, 20. I stayed watching sons. My wife came out like seven, 35. That's how tired she was. Took it 10 minutes to put it down. And we watched it for the first hour. I'm like, what the fuck kind of sequel is this season ending is this? I knew something was going to go down. And once I started putting it together, my god, damn, this is fucked up. And kudos to him. You know, that's the way to do a fucking season on TV is to shock the fuck out of America. So the thing was to have like an aftershock that sucked.

At least they have that for that. They're all doing that now. It sucked. It sucked. You know, I didn't even want to see Katie's cigar like that. And I like Sutter, but he has a little fucking hairdo. Like I don't need that shit in my life. So that's when I went to bed. I went in. I fucking hit it hard. I'll tell you what, I hit that bed at maybe 10 after nine and drank a little water. Yeah. And you know, usually get up at 11 to see what time it is and how long you slept. First fucking eyeball I put was at 305 a.m. Oh, shit. And I got up by pee and I go fuck it. I went and got coffee. I fed the cats. I cleaned the little box that I went on Twitter and let these motherfuckers know it's that type of motherfucker. That's what happened to me. I just I

but I went to bed at like 11. It was I woke up at like 245 three. I was like, I could try to go back to bed. So how good is Ashley looking? How's that ass looking? She was fine. It's a gain a little weight, a little sperm weight, nothing. No, no, she's got a cute ass. She's still working out. I guess. I mean, now that I have Paul, I just I don't look at it like you miss them when you see it. You get a little reaction to your little jude dick. Get out. No, Paula. Paula's the first girl that I've been with that like I have no sex complaints. It's weird. It's like you're in love with Paula. Yeah. So I've actually got down in the hands and these that you want to suck that little Jew bugle, wasn't it? You were ran out of here crying.

You know, I was 9-1-1. I was talking to them about this. I, uh, I would never I've been cheated on once, I think. And it's terrible. That's a horrible feeling. And I would never cheat on anyone. But it is kind of a weird thing that's been like when you get horny, sometimes like, oh, I could call this ex-girlfriend and no one wouldn't know and won't hurt anybody. And then as soon as you're not horny and we're like, what was I thinking? Like, that's like the worst thing you could do. And especially with Paula, who's like the nicest person, like I've had shitty girlfriends and maybe I do it to them. But like when you're horny, it's like you get dark thoughts like, fuck, I could call this girl, I could go on Craigslist and

look at the casual encounters. And but then after it's gone, you're like, what, that would have been the worst mistake I ever made. It's amazing what you, how you think with your dick. When I used to do coke, same thing at three in the morning, I'd be all horned up. I'd start making fucking phone calls. But once you whack off and your sperm shake, it's all over. I don't need nobody. What was I thinking? Come over here and do my fucking blood. Fuck that. I don't want nobody over here talking to me, telling me fucking stories. I got to put up with that fucking here beating or whatnot. So that's how I feel. I understand where your heart was. No, no, it's amazing when you see somebody that used to date or something. I just knew that she was

coming over here last night, but it was good for you to see it. I went soft for like an hour. It was, I mean, we are the brothers still retarded. He's, he's a, they're all good guys. It's just, it's a lot of what we've talked about where like the friend, the friend came over before Ashley and her brother and she's like, well, actually thinking about signing one more lease and going home in 2015. I'm like, why? I just don't understand that whole people give up before they got to the dance. Not even giving up, but like putting a limit on it. And then the brother, he always has the worst luck. Like he got his car stolen. He just got fired from one of his jobs.

He's a kiss of debt. Something always bad is happening. Hey, bro, some people, that happens to for a while. It's like a little fucking test and it depends how you bounce back. I'm already feeling this cheap at you. Jesus. Sure. They don't fuck around. That's the best breakfast you could have. Listen, you get up, you do a little oatmeal. Yeah. You wash your little pussy, you take a shit, take a shower. You call me, hey, you pop a cheap at you, but the time you getting your car 20 minutes later, I don't know how you're getting your, that's the part where I, I fire shit. What do you mean? Of course you put on that pink Floyd. I turn you on. No, remember, you dive into your bed and you, one of the hardest I've laughed

in the past couple of days is I just turned on the first like half an hour of Tom Segura was on Rogan and he was talking about your trip up north and just how he had probably what you give me a little quarter and you had about two of them and you guys were just like, you were just making fun of them, the whole plane ride and get into the TSA and it's just, oh my God. I don't know how you do that. It was bizarre because I didn't give him a chibichu. What'd he do? When I showed up, he was already eating one. Oh, you're eating a chibichu and he goes, yeah, go, how can I let you eat one by yourself? What the fuck? So I popped one, but the time I got on that plane, I was fucking blasted. And we were talking about a subject that was like taboo and I

just was going off on it. And we couldn't even look at it. There was a point that his eyes were so red, but I knew my eyes were that fucking red. And we went to the Indian resident by the time I got to the Indian casino, I was still fucked up. Like an hour drive. I don't remember. I think I passed out in the car. I was fucking hammered and hammered. Sometimes a chibichu flies through your system. Oh, it does. Sometimes more than others, depending on what you have in your body, it just flies through there. So you're sitting there going, what the fuck is going that plane ride? I blacked out. And I almost had anxiety attacks. I mean, that plane ride was dead. I had the iPod on. I was fucking rocking and rolling. So you know, oh my God, the acupuncture was good

yesterday. You know, I can't believe I was Dr. Amy. Dr. Amy's a bad motherfucker. I'm not gonna see her next week, but I'm gonna see a Christmas Eve week. She comes over once a month. She wants to start coming over for dinner once a month, you know? So that works too. I like Dr. Amy a lot. I'm happy I have a relationship with my doctor. Just then I went to get the blood drawn. I saw my doctor. He was in the hallway and he looked at me. He was losing weight. You know, he came in. He gave me a high five because I saw your commercial. I'm proud of you. We started giggling a little bit. And I left that. I'm like, you know, man, 10 years ago, I was scared of doctors. I really was. I thought they were the fucking enemy. You know, they have an assessment

to make. You either do it or you don't do it. You know what I'm saying? You either take care of yourself or you don't. And this guy's always given me pretty good advice. Like, I trust him. Since we're all in the same union, the actors, he's a doctor to a lot of my friends. And he's so cool because he's never said, hey, tell your friend this. He always goes, hey, your friend was here the other day. He's a nice guy. And then he leaves at that. We're not allowed to. And he's very cool. And every time I see him, I think of a time I went in there and they would give me an EKG and I have sleep apnea. So they put me on the table flat. Yeah. And did the EKG. My breathing was heavy. And then I went to get up, but I couldn't get up. So he got on one side,

the girl on the other side. And they went to pull me up. A little tiny fart came out of my ass. That was so warm that we all looked at each other like nobody heard. And then I said, fuck it. It started smelling. I got up and started blocking the door on purpose. And we always talk about that every three or four visits. You blocked them in with your egg fart? I kept asking them questions, Dr. Wax. Let me ask you something. And he was like, talk to me outside. So it's just nice that the girl, it takes blood out. They moved her. But I have such a relationship with her. I don't faint with her. She does it quick. She knows she doesn't like when I fuck around with her. She's a Spanish girl. So she was there. She came in, took the blood. I don't faint. Nothing.

It was that quick. I put it on. I don't even know I listened to Yes, that was some good music yesterday. Black Sabbath or something. Nothing, no problems. So I'm getting better at that. You know, I'm getting better. I didn't want to, I enjoy taking blood out now. I enjoy getting the needles put in. I don't think I'd do it every fucking day. But at least I'm overcoming that fear I had. Yeah. That was a fucking horrible fear for a long time. Yes, that was thinking about when I took blood out in prison. Why did you take blood out in prison? Because you have to. When you go to diagnostic, they do a whole week of testing on you. So like Monday and Tuesday is a psychological exam. Wednesday is a neurological exam. Then Thursday and Friday do medical shit on you.

They make you fucking do all this shit. So it was the weirdest thing at that time in 1987. I hadn't taken blood out in maybe 10 years, maybe even longer since my hospital stay. That hospital stay in 79 was such a horrible 13 days for me. I mean, and I'm not even fucking kidding. Was it the weed one? It was the Paraguay one, the weed one, the form my mother died that summer. That was one of the worst fucking because it was wasn't in my realm. Like the hospital has been like prison for me. When I went to prison. Yeah, you don't get rehabilitated in prison. You don't. That's a big misconception about society. And people always say, well, he wasn't rehabilitated. You know, rehabilitation is when you come out that you're thinking this could

never happen in my life again. That's rehabilitation. When you go to McDonald's and you shit blood as you're wiping your ass and you see your fucking intestines on the toilet paper, you say to yourself, I'm never eating McDonald's again. I get it now. That's rehabilitation. It's not, you know, people think that when they send you to prison, there's programs in there that help. You know, the programs are drugs, not the programs are gambling. It's the same programs that are on the street. It's the, it's the situation of the individual like myself. When I walked out of there and this is the truth without even trying to be funny. Do you know why they want to go back to prison? There was two reasons. I'm the bed thing. One, the kicking of the bed.

That is the most humiliating thing for a man to do. Somebody turn the lights on you when you're sleeping or tell you to wake the fuck up. You know what? I wake up at four in the morning. I don't need somebody to fucking tell me to wake up. Yeah. And that was my attitude to fucking 20. When I was a kid, I got up, I did, I don't need you to fucking tell me what time to get up. And number two, the worst fucking thing about this, I'm not even trying to be funny. There was no Chinese food on the menu. I could do time. Not even Christmas, not even nothing. But there was a Chinese restaurant down the corner, but I could sneak over to every once in a while and get a little fixed. But I'm not even trying to be cute with nobody. Rehabilitation, there's no program

for rehabilitation. That's a big misconception in America today. Well, my cousin's going to go in there and get rehab. It's like a rehab. Rehab is the biggest fucking fraud in our country today. Do you think so? I mean, I know you didn't do it, but... It helps. Look at the fucking percentages. Look at the percentages at the end of the day. People who pay top dollar to get help. Look at the percentages. Get Robert Downey Jr. If I can get Robert Downey Jr., get him in here and tell me the truth. What the decision was. There's no court that makes you stop snorting coke. There's no fucking judge that makes you stop doing vikings. There's no fucking counselor that can help you get off drugs fully until you get involved. And that's a big misconception.

So people go to a fucking rehab. People go to the gym late. I'm going to go to the gym and lose fucking 90 pounds. Once they do 45 minutes in the treadmill, they realize the same for them. You know, once people go to... You know, to stay sober, it's a fucking commitment. To stay sober is a commitment. It's a bigger commitment than getting high. So what are you going to rehab and having someone help you? So let's say I was on coke. What would you tell me to do to get off? How many fucking people went to rehab, have gone to the program, have said whatever they need to say to get through the program, and six days outside the fucking day, I want to know what the national statistic is. It would be fucking alarming. It would be fucking alarming

when you see what the national statistic is of people who go to a rehab and what percentage of them they come out. If there was a percentage even to break it down in the days, how long you last without doing drugs, it would be fucking amazing. But I figured that the heaviest day within six to three to six days, you fucking snap after a rehab. You snap if you're not around. So what you're telling me is in the rehab, you got to go somewhere where you're in normal fucking places. But after that, let's say you're in there for nine months, to normal living. Now you get put on your own. You could probably work through the fucking dance for three or four fucking years. Let me tell you something. When I got out of prison, I was not rehabilitated in the sense of my drug

use. I was rehabilitated in my mind. I made a decision I wasn't going to go back to prison. The same thing with my drug use. In 95, I wasn't going to go back and forth there and get depressed for like three or four months. I got caught up on that. I'm not going to do blowing after three or four days. I would do it. And it was eating me alive. When that came to the conclusion, I'm going to do blow one way or the other. I'm just going to keep a fucking lid on it. And that's the biggest lie you can tell yourself that you're going to keep a lid on it. Yeah. But I really did in a way in my world, in my world, how I was living, how I could have been doing blow and how I was doing it was two different fucking ways. And I know this sounds fucking crazy and just absurd,

but people have gone through it, know what I'm talking about. There's a way to do blow to lose your mind. There's a way to do blow. You do it at your house. You keep it under control. You have a day job. I was a functioning addict. Well, like, that's what you like. To me, someone who's never done it, you could you like you call yourself a functioning addict. But then like, looking back now being sober for so long, were you really functioning? Or was it was it? No, no, you're absolutely right. I was not functionally. I was functioning on 60% of my fucking business. Yeah. And let me tell you something, the 40% I was missing was the most important one. You're absolutely fucking right. I was, I was bullshitting my way through life. I was writing blank checks.

You know, sometimes you just write blank checks, but they cover whatever the fuck happened sometime. You're writing check, you don't have enough. You don't bounce the bank pushes the trophy and you're like, Oh, how the fuck did that happen? That's how I got my way through school. My mom always yells at me because I, I never studied. I did home. I never did homework. I like studied like the night before and I got bees. But if I put a little bit of work into it, I could have got AIDS and I just happen when you put a little work into anything. Yeah. Everything you're going to do in your life. I know a lot of young guys listen to this. And I didn't know this. I was fucking. Well, I started learning it when I was 28.

Most kids learn this when they're fucking 13. So I started learning it when I was 28. And by the time I was 30, I started to do it. No matter what decision you decide to do, what direction you take, you're going to have to put effort into it, whether it's jujitsu, whether it's weight loss, whether it's fucking your books, your homework, whether it's whatever, you got to put a little effort into it. And let me tell you something. At first it starts at three hours. And then you become so good at it. If you study for one hour, you get the equivalent of three hours. Yeah. So the only way to do that is to continue to do it every day. When I got left back, Lee in the seventh grade, let me tell you something. I'm telling you, this is podcast

people. I love you guys. And I'm always honest with you. It was fucking demoralizing. When I sat in that class, that first day of school, the next year with that sixth grade class that came in. Yeah. And you're sitting there in the middle of the class and everybody looks at you because you got left back. That was a horrible feeling for me. Did your friends make fun of you like the older ones? The kids? A little bit. A little bit because I had it in my mind that Carmine was going to cover it for me. I was like, don't worry, they'll throw me out and Carmine will make the call. But it was, I didn't take care of it enough. I did what a Joe Diaz did at that time. I was a young kid, I didn't know I procrastinated. If I would have got to Carmine the day it happened,

said Carmine, can you take care of this? I just thought that I was going to be a mafia kid and he was going to call up Carmine and Carmine was going to say pass him. It didn't work that way. We didn't know what you're talking about. I was like, call Carmine and they're like, Carmine's a cop. You got left back. You got left back. You fucking failed geography. You don't know what fucking Africa is. How fucking stupid are you? You don't know what fucking Africa is or Egypt or fucking whatever. That's how stupid I was. And I wasn't a stupid kid. I just fell in love, man. And I forgot about everything. I quit karate. I quit going home. I didn't give a fuck about my parents. It's pussy. That's what happens when you first, you forget about fucking life. You

don't give a fuck. That comes first. And I blew everything. And after that year, I learned so much about studying. I learned how to study correctly, how to take the notes down and then at night go home and make a few notes and then go over them that night and then that whole week go over for an hour every night. It's not that much time. It's not getting started as the hardest day you go. That's the hardest thing anything. That's the hardest part with fucking anything. It's amazing. I go to this kettlebell class and I'll tell you on first 10 minutes, I'm fucking dying. I'm doubting my fucking existence. Well, the hardest part I would imagine is when you're at home and you're like, I got to drive to the kettlebell class. Like I could stay here,

be all comfy with the wife and the kid. I know that nothing good about, you know, I know these certain things. You know, I go to these classes, I'm like, look how bad a shape I'm, but I also got to remember I'm fucking 50. But I also remember that I'm there. Yeah. And since I joined this kettlebell class, I go to two a week, you know, next week, I'm like, there's only three classes a week. He knows that he goes, we do a little here, but it'll last a long fucking time. We go Monday, Wednesday, Fridays, then Tuesdays and Thursdays, they do TRX, but at night, I don't want to drive all the way from TRX at night. I go to jujitsu instead of lunchtime, you know. But all those little things, I suck. We all suck at shit. It's the commitment level you put into it. And it's

how much you try. Even when you get married, when I was first married at 28 or 30, however old I was, are you fucking kidding me, dog? I thought you just got married so somebody could do your laundry and cook for you. I thought on fucking Friday, you gave me half your check and you moved on with your life. Boy, was I wrong. Boy, was I wrong. And then $100,000 later and 10 years of your life, I blew on that fucking divorce. I thought how to be a good husband. You should only fuck up one time before you learn your fucking lesson. If it really affects you to fuck up, you should fuck up one time before you write it wrong. One fucking time. Like I said, there's no rehabilitation. The rehabilitation is you walking out going, you know what? This is what I'm doing

from now on and this is what I'm not doing. But this is for sure. I'm not coming back to this fucking dump. Because there's that one that the Malibu rehab where they guarantee it or whatever that they do those commercials for. They can't guarantee dick. $40,000, $50,000 in. They cannot guarantee dick. They cannot guarantee dick. Listen, bro, when I was fucking 30 years old, 30. I was a grown man with a thought at that time. I wasn't a kid no more. I had a baby. I had a wife. I was in a fucking halfway house and I was bringing an eight balls or two eight balls in there and selling it. Do you know how many years they give me for that? Do you know when you think, you know how strong an addiction is? When you look at an addiction, whether it be oxycox, valium, cock,

pussy, mugging people, hanging out with fucking transvestites, whatever the fuck your addiction is when you look at it and then you look at what you have to lose. How many times do we go still to the addiction? How many times? That means you don't give a fuck about it. That's why I like these guys I used to do blow with that in the middle of the fucking night. All I care about is my kid, really? But you're here. But you're here. If you cared about your kid, you wouldn't be here. You would have saved that hundred hours, put in the fucking IRA for his college fund or whatever the fucking terminology is. That's how I look at life. That's the bottom line. You know, I was watching Sons of Anarchy last night and I like these people are the criminals and when you go to jail,

they're full of them. Everybody's got a tattoo of their kid. I love my kid. You love your kid. Who's taking care of your kid? If you loved your kid, you wouldn't be here. So save the fucking bullshit story for me. Save it. I was there. I know exactly. I know what it is to have a baby in the crib and your wife in bed sleeping and you have a six pack of butt cans in the snow and an eight ball in the closet and your own probation. Your own fucking probation. And you're on community corrections, which means if you get a hot you way, you go back to prison. So that means your wife and your fucking daughter have to fend for themselves. That means that $1,300 or not condo payment, then how to get paid by my wife's sucking dick. So how much do you

really care about your wife, Joe, and your kid? You really don't. That's just a bullshit story that they fan if they're asking. If you're one of those people, knock it the fuck off, all right? Join the real fucking world just because you got a fucking tattoo on your arm or some ugly fucking kid. Don't mean you love the fucking kid. When you love somebody, you have to tell them you love them. You fucking do it. It's understandable. That's why in a relationship, we're talking about cheating. You know, when somebody says at the end of the day, when I leave here, I love you. And then they cheat on you. There's no conversation after that. Yeah. You just said, when I depend on you for love, that means that there's no mishaps in our relationship.

There's never going to be a fucking slip up or a misunderstanding. It's over. And when that thing is broken, there's no reason to talk to that fucking person. You follow them? How do we even know what the fuck we're talking about? Well, so if we have this and working, the only way you're going to do it is by like hitting that rock bottom or whatever you want to call it, like, you know, rock bottom is what getting up. I swear to God, I'm going. This is not happening again. But you know how hard it is to really say that, to really believe it. But as I'm saying, so how, how can people, so you're lucky that that happened because if we're always looking at the thing we're addicted to

and we choose that over what we can lose, the majority of people won't get clean. That's, I mean, that's what, you know, when I look back now, I look at mercy. Yeah. I look at my daughter from before Jackie. Let me tell you some Jackie didn't have a chance with me because I was addicted. There's no way if you have an addiction that you're living your life to the fucking fullest, I don't care what you believe, like you pointed out and thank you for pointing it out because here I was in my deluded mind. I thought that I was a recovery functioning functioning addict, but you're absolutely right. That's a good fucking point. You're not really functioning. You're just going through the fucking steps. And I look at mercy and I look at Jackie

and I know mercy is getting 110% of me. Jackie never got that. There's a reason why her and I don't talk. There's a reason. There's a fucking reason. Okay. And I can bullshit and tap my way around and say, no, there's a fucking reason. Because when you're addicted, you can't do it with it. That's the why I'm not married to that person no more. Not because I wouldn't get along with it was because I was addicted. When something goes wrong in your fucking life and you're fucking around with drugs, you're addicted because it carries into everything. I didn't know this. The great Joe Rogan told me that in a plane and it hit home. You know, with me, it was a couple things that hit home. It was watching a movie, right? You know, watching a simple movie at the

rate and recover from heroin till he was in the sixties. Here I was 40 fucking two years old. And I'm like, am I going to be doing fucking blow when I'm fucking 60? Am I still going to be fucking getting up in the middle of the night to do fucking blow? Is this going to be it? Can I not make a decision on what my days are going to be like? If I was on blow, I couldn't do this podcast. No. No, because I never knew what tomorrow was going to bring. What if I snorted to a 430 in the morning? How was I going to leave the house? How are you going to depend on me? That's crazy. You weren't going to depend on me. I barely made it to the longest yard every day at 4 to 50 in the morning. I would get there with my fucking face twisted four days a week and hide

till eight and drink orange juice and sleep an hour here and an hour there. You couldn't depend on me. You could. If somebody stabbed you, I'd be there with a stick because I had no logic. But as far as book a job around me or whatever, every day was different with me. I didn't know what I was going to do. I'll tell you, I'll meet you at 12. But if I did blow till 6 and I got up in a bad mood with a headache and I had to figure out how to get another 60 dollars to get another gram that night, you weren't going to have seen me at 12. I didn't give a fuck about the podcast or the project or whatever the fuck was going on. I'd probably do a podcast with you at 6 o'clock at night, once a week, get here at 10 to 6, look at the clock the whole time because I know by

eight o'clock I'm scratching. So it wouldn't have worked. Why do you think, and I mean, there's a great thing to get off of it, but like your, your story is different than like they have all these actors like Robert Dunning Jr. Like he miraculously got off coke and now he's a saint. Like, I don't understand. Like no one was making them do the coke. So that always, as someone who never did it, it's kind of annoying where they're not annoying, but it's like they people get celebrated for getting off of it and you got off of it. But it's not like, it's not like you're going around like, oh worship me, I'm the community. You weren't supposed to fucking do it anyway. Yeah, but you weren't supposed to fucking,

why are we applauding these people? I don't understand. They weren't supposed to be on drugs anyway. You're not supposed to fucking do drugs in this country. You're not supposed to fucking do them. You're not supposed to fucking do it. You want to do drugs? Move to Uruguay. And playing fucking bongos down there. I'm just fucking around here being not so, come on guys, this is the truth. We're talking here is fucking men. We're men here. We're not supposed to fucking do this shit. You get arrested. You got to fucking rock in your pocket. You go to fucking jail. That's the fucking law. The law works for you. I know a thousand people who are fucking nuts who put a bullet in you that never touched a fucking drug in their life. So me, I consider myself

a weakling and sorts, but I've already done it for so long. But these are all the things that led me to this. Marilyn Martinez saying that to me on a deathbed that I should get off the blow, you know, all these little things. Plus I had goals. I was sick and tired of fucking being the fucking mat in this town. I still fucking write and I make strides. And I'm still a fucking mat for these people. I have no agency. I have no fucking theatrical representation. You don't see me on fucking Comedy Central. If it isn't online, because R.E. Forth for me, or because Gabriel Forth for me, you don't see these motherfuckers. They just did an R-rated thing. They don't call me and I don't give a fuck. I'm in a trailer standing next to one of the greatest actors of

all time. And I wasn't supposed to be there either. So some of the guys I got for Comedy Central don't do what I fucking do. So I can't feel bad for them. But look, I'm still a fucking door mat, but I don't give a fuck. Because every day I get up, every day I get up. I'm like, I wrote today, you can walk around like you get fucked in the ass, or you can walk around like you fucking own the joint. You walk in there with your two inch dick, you put it over your shoulder and you go, what the fuck, cock, fuck, hit me with some two-pot, cock, fuck, let's fucking do this today. It's 11th of December and you motherfuckers want to walk around with thinking about what you don't have. It's what you got, bitch. Rehabilitated in the rehab. Suck my dick. What? What? We're fired up

today, motherfuckers. It's your lucky day, cock, suckers, today. You know why? Because it's your lucky fucking day. It's time to smoke without a dude. What are you, another Cheebocher? I know that. Are you ready? I prefer not to see you smoke. This is the shit for fucking no-ho or getting on. This is divine. This is tremendous. The weed's so good you want to remember Oh shit. What? See, this is cool. I got to Ohio so I forgot we were on a podcast, but I like this. Your rock songs, I can't listen to them. What? The feed is mutual. Here you go, brother. Making motherfuckers pay you today, bitch.

Booyah. Because you say it's on. That's why it's on. Because you said it's fucking on. December 11th. Grab your fucking cock. It's over for them. Lights out today. What's up, dawg? This is what happened when we both wake up early. We're all fired up. I don't give a fuck anymore. I got a protein shake in me with some fucking glutacore, a banana. I'm really a stab some motherfuckers. You know I've been doing that Dolce thing, which I thought at first was the

craziest thing I ever heard in the morning. What? That when you wake up in the morning, you drink water first. Oh, you've been doing that now? For the last three months, man. So I got up to testosterone. I'll tell you what, man, it ain't a fucking bad idea. It kicks you right off. Just a little taste of water. It's horrible. Mixed with bad breath, with that flavored bad breath. Just a little shot of that shit with a pubic here for flavoring your throat when it hits your stomach. And next thing you know, you're shitting. You're in the shower. You're feeling good about yourself. You blast a little coffee. I took my thyroid medication. I'm ready. Oh shit. I'm gonna go home. Hopefully there's one

egg because I've been cutting it down to just one egg. One egg. Two points. Cut that shit in that. Go throw some kettle balls around. I'm gonna go home and write. Then I'm gonna go with you to the thing and then I got jujitsu tonight. That's my fucking day. I'm gonna write a little bit, hang out with the baby, maybe watch Suns Again to catch the full patois. You know, we're not gonna get home late to the fucking thing about seven with the traffic and one. Unless we take, I'm thinking about taking our own car because maybe we'll just stop at the Roma with the fucking Israelis and pick up a machine and get an open steak sandwich with a salad. They got the best fucking salad in the world. I know when I went with Ari, Ari, all that fucking Jufu with grapes

and hummus and that fucking, that fucking shit bread. Please have the table next to me. They put two tables together. I didn't leave them on the same table with the hummus. These family, you gotta sit on the table next to me with that shit. What's up dog? Look at you y'all giggling. What are you gonna give the girlfriend for Christmas? I got it all right there. What is it? Okay, so she doesn't like jewelry, right? But she likes owls. So I got, I don't know how to pronounce the company. So Vorsky's the crystal thing. I got her these crystal owls and stuff. But then I, and then I got her some small stuff. I got her like a coffee mug and a calendar of dog she likes. And then I got the mama present. Got my mom's present in there. It's a little Christmas Hanukkah

station. I love this fucking guy, Kevin Plunketta. Fuck the Grand Old Opera. I'm going to watch Man Flavor's snort blow. This is why, this is why, let me tell you something. If you told me 10 years ago I would have loved Twitter, I love you people on Twitter. Because right there, we're creating this energy thing. It's this fucking energy on Twitter. The other night I went on Twitter and I was having the best time I had all fucking year. Fucking around with the same water box and Clio and fucking. There's so many crazy fucking people on Twitter I love, you know? My girl up there fucking N.B. Bruin. I hope she's doing good today. N.B. Leaf. N.B. fucking. That's what I'm thinking. There's a lot of great people on Twitter and

Facebook that I have a great, just a fucking great time communicating. And there's too many, Leon is the fucking Mexican kid. There's P.J. from Chicago. It's just too many fucking people. So I really enjoy you guys in the bottom of my heart and what you're doing. I can't wait to the 25th. We all go to the movies. Sparkle. I want to take over a movie theater with you, motherfucker. It's going to start Christmas night and I want to take that motherfucker to New Year's Day. This is the fucking church of what's happening now. End of the year. Spectacular. And it starts fucking Christmas day at eight o'clock. The flying juicer is going to be here. Oh yeah. So you're going to go from the movie theater right to the airport?

No, no. I don't leave until the next night. Wednesday. Okay, beautiful. But you're going to miss New Year's Eve, cocksucker. Gonna miss New Year's Eve, unfortunately. Trying to figure out what to do. Because what I want to do is get a hotel room and just drink in there with her. But I have a feeling she's going to want to go to bars, so we'll see. We're in Boston? Yeah. You're fucking crazy, though. Take it to a room. You get champagne, some fucking strawberries, you pop on it. That's what I was looking at last night. I think I'm going to do that. You're the captain, curriculum. She's going to want to go to bars. Once she sees all those people

and all that fucking shit and people jump up and down. And I was looking like they're charging. I don't even like clubs. But I was looking at clubs, they're charging like $85 and then they charge for VIP. But if you come at 12.30, it's 10 bucks. And then they have a bar crawl. I'm going to tell you something in the bottom of my heart. I'm going to tell you something that I'm not going to believe this. What? I love doing comedy. I like going out at night for that part. But do you know, I've never found any excitement from going out at night until those bars or clubs or whatever. I did it because I had to do it for what I was doing at the time. I never had not one fucking percentage of fun at one of those fucking places.

And the older I got, by the time I was, when I was doing it, going clubbing, I was 21 with my friends. And it was okay because you're doing blow. You're eating the kway lute. You can't go home or you'll pass out and die. So I would stay out with them and go to different fucking places. As I got older, I hated doing it. And every time I had to fucking do it, once I moved to Snowmass and they'd have live bands at a fucking bar, I would lose my fucking mind. I can't snort coke with live bands. They fucking drive me fucking bananas. I loved it. We went to a show of yours once and there was karaoke. And you just were, from the second we sat down, you were like, burning. I don't think we even stayed for your

show. The karaoke pissed you off that much. I like karaoke. No, it was that place in Hollywood with that waitress who you used to know. Oh, yeah, the chick from Chicago is going to be a star. Yeah, there's a terrible karaoke. Oh, it was horrible. You're getting so upset. The people in there, the way they were dressed, they're like hipsters. And you started like whispering like, look at them with a fucking hat. Oh, no, I was in a stab somewhere. That bar is a good bar. They do a son's anarchy night on Tuesday. I heard it was packed last night. I like when bars do that. I like when boy, listen, man, don't get me wrong. There's different things in bars that I like. There's just some things that drive me fucking

Hey, call this. He's trying to call. No, it's on. What the fuck? Let me make sure. Yeah, no, it's on. Yeah, I whenever I wouldn't go to bars every night. But uh, you what? I wouldn't. I would never go to bars every night. Like that. Like I don't, I couldn't understand friends who do that. But whenever I would go, I'd have to get hammered to enjoy it. I couldn't enjoy. I still don't enjoy drinking one or two drinks. It's unavailable. It's on, dude. I don't know. Get together and show you slip. Let me test it. Here she is. Vicky P. Oh, there it is. What's happening? You sexy fucking savage. Lee was slipping this morning. It's hot. It's Hanukkah says put it on guys. You know me, Vicky Pez. How was it last night?

You guys do the naughty show? Oh my God. It was crazy. This girl came on and she kept showing everyone her asshole like repeatedly. Oh my God. It's another Tuesday. Tuesday at Playboy. So on Tuesday nights, you guys do the naughty show at Playboy and the radio station. Yeah, it's PlayboyRadio.com and we do two hours from nine to 11 and then we cut those two hours up into two episodes. And those are our podcasts on all things comedy. Oh, well good for you. Vicky Pezza, producer of the motherfucking naughty show. And every time I saw you, there's always too many people in the room and we don't get to connect. And I always wanted to ask you how to get on the show. And I finally said, let me get fucking Vicky Pezza because I always bump into Sam,

but it's tough to bump into you. What's happening, Vicky? I'm sorry. I'm a stone to the gills here with fucking Lee. Oh, no problem. I'm about to join you. I just I wanted to make sure like I was going to wait and smoke like once I was on the show because I didn't want to pass out. No, no, no. Go ahead. My window. Have you slept yet? I usually I usually get home cute days like a little after midnight. I'll stop at McDonald's. That's like I eat dinner like then. And then I stay up and I just edit the episode. So like, you know, that way they can post like the first one will post by morning and the next one post Sunday. So yeah, I know going into Tuesday, like, you know, that's going to be my whole day.

How long have you been guys doing? How long have you been involved with the naughty show? I've been involved for two years. And I started he was a year into it. So I came on it was still on debt squad when I came on. And yeah, so yeah, it's been two years. We're going into season four, like every year's a season. We do it. The season four is in January. Exciting stuff. We're doing the roast soon to like that's a big one. Where's the roast at? The roast is going to be at Sal's comedy hole. And that's a December 18. And that's a benefit, correct? No, it's like it pretty much it's like our like our season finale. Okay, okay. And we just get everyone together. Like, you know, like Sam will be their Tivo red band,

like it like people that have been guests throughout the year. And we just light each other up. Just pretty great. I I really go after these guys. I have to you have to you have to. Yeah. And it's funny. I got a little, you know, you're a fucking Jersey girl and you probably got brothers. So you've been doing all your life. You gotta fucking you gotta be a headhunter in Jersey or a headhunt to you. It's so true. It's so funny because it's like, you know, I'm not I'm not really as much of a bitch as maybe Sam thinks or demanding. This is just the Jersey way. It's like, oh, I'm just blunt. I couldn't love that guy more. But I am a handful. But so is he. So it works out. I'm no fucking Sam a long goddamn time, man. It's great. It's really amazing when you

do calmly with somebody how time for a passes. And, you know, I was long in the tooth when I moved here. I was like 30 something. These guys were babies. They were fucking babies. My favorite my favorite Sam story is Sam gets past at the county store, and she puts him in the main room. And I said, this house young Sam was Sam was on the road with Pablo at the time. And he was crazy. He's jumping up and down. He's doing ecstasy. He's fucking two at a time. You know, Sam. Sam is crazy now. Think of Sam 15 fucking years ago, 14. Oh, my God. Skinny, real cute. Sam is up on stage in the main room, you know, 845, 845 slot at the county store, their tourists, their white people, their old Asians, you know, he's up there talking about

raves and ecstasy. They're not nobody's laughing. I'm in the back howling from the dynamic that Sam doesn't know that these people are older than fucking Lincoln. And he's up there talking about raves and ecstasy and drinking water and sucking on lollipops. And that's mine. If anybody comes to me like, what? That is roasted. I don't know if you can even roast them with that. That was it. And then another time I was up in the main room doing something about my Armenian Coke dealer. And when I got off the stage, Sam was following me as I'm walking on. He's like, fuck that motherfucker making fun of Armenians. And I got so and I'm like, Sam, what the fuck are you going after me for? But you know what, man, I love Sam. I love Sam. And I'm happy

to see him doing things. I'm happy to see him commit to something because you know how I know Vic that in this town, people commit to something for two weeks when they don't make money, they just move on. Right. They just move on. You don't even hear from them. Next time you see them, they're at fucking Starbucks making a frappuccino. They're telling you how they're a producer now. And you're like, okay, I should have fucking know. It's totally true. And like, like I'm the type like I really, for a long time, like, because I've lived here like six years. So the first, I would say two years, I was doing like production assistant, like, like working on stuff. I hated it. I'm like, what did I like? Why did I move here? I made a huge mistake. Then I started getting into comedy

like podcast. And there's been a lot of people through the years that I've helped or kind of like, you know, like you pair up with them or you work together. And he has follow through, you know, honestly, like, like he's someone where it's like, because it's hard to do work sometimes, especially like things like podcasts where you're not making a living off of it. And it's cool. Like I don't mind putting my time and energy into something as long as I know that everyone is like that everyone involved is doing it. But Sam like lives and breathes the naughty show. This is what you do that, you know, people, we talk about commitment. And if you want, you don't have to be mad at what you have to commit. This is what you need to do. I was looking

at your IMDB. And I noticed that now where'd you go to college at? I went to the Montclair State University. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. And then and what did you major in? What was your degree there? My my major was in broadcasting, which was basically television production. And my minor was in film. So you came out, you worked on a few movies and TV. And what did you decide? You got to be a fucking donkey. Well, you know what it is? It's like the whole time I was in school, my whole rationale, because I've always been television obsessed, like entertainment obsessed, like, like to me, there was no other option. Like this is what I want to do. Like, how do I do it? But I always felt like things like, you know, being an actress or being anything in front of

the camera, I felt like that's so hard. That's so competitive. You know, I'm not, I'm not good looking enough. I don't have the training for that. So I figure I'll get my degree in behind the scenes. Thinking that would be an easier route than you get here. And it's like, it's just as fucking hard. What am I doing? Like, that's just as difficult to get stuff, you know, get those kind of jobs, you have to know all kinds of people. And I came out like one of my friends already lived here. And he's the one that really got me on a lot of shit when I first came out. But I moved right remember when the writers went on strike 2007? Yeah, 2007. It was horrible. It was a horrible time. I was here two weeks and the writers went on strike. And I was like, Oh, cool. And they

didn't like, they didn't have the shag awards that year. Like, there's all kinds of shit going on in town. And I'm like, Okay, I hope this is a good move. And here's the beauty. I want to stress this for a lot of young people who listen to the podcast will always send me emails about career choices. So now you go to school for broadcasting, you put four years in, I don't know if your parents lent you the money if you got a loan, whatever. Yeah, my parents gave you put all this hard effort into your pack of fucking car, you get your dog to come out here, you get into the field you like now in the four years of college that you went to was a four year, five year, maybe what'd you do? Yeah, four years. Did they mention podcasting?

No, not once. I mean, I'm, you know, like I, I, I think I lived there maybe like four years after college. I'm 32. So I'm a little bit older. So I, I graduated in 2003. Okay. But nobody mentioned a podcast. And here you are working on one of the best podcasts on iTunes. That's out there with no, this is, and I want people to understand this, because a lot of people have questions about, you know, the entertainment industry or about anything. I don't care. Sometimes you might get ready and try to practice a two on two defense. But when you get there, you got to switch into a one, three, one defense. And that's right. And I don't know if you understand what I'm trying to say to you. You came out here to do one thing. And now you're successful in another. But here's

where it gets, you're one of the OGs of podcasting. 10 years from now, you go back to Montclair State and teach a fucking class on podcasting, because you're one of the originals. You have to think about it this way, that we're one of the original people that are up there. Now 10 years from now, they're going to have podcasts with explosives and, and you can light your asshole on fire and you can smell it through the fucking microphone and, you know, a chicken fucking, you know, whatever. By that time, people will be coming to us as executive producers of podcast, not producing like we're, we're running a fucking podcast thing, but they didn't prepare us for this in college. I know they didn't even think about, you know, this is called radio 90 years ago. Now it's

podcasting with no rules, right? No advertising with no, you don't have to talk this way. Hey, Lee, how are you this morning? You know, can you believe this? Can you fucking believe this people? It's pretty unbelievable. Just what I found the most unbelievable was how accessible everything was. Like once, once I got involved with one show, the first web show I did was in 2010. It was just this company, you know, like these places pop up where they're like studios and they just do a bunch of shows, but nobody really knows what the hell's going on there. They got money for $100,000. Then one day you get there and everything's gone. Right. That's exactly exactly. Everything's gone. Something like that. But doing that show, one of the guests that we

had on was, uh, you know, Greg Barry? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. He came on and I listened to his show, walking the room, which was brand new at the time, brand new. So he was coming on. I was like, yo, can you, can we get Dave Anthony with him, his partner on the show? Um, so they were guests on the show. So because of that, I ended up making friends with those guys. They built a website. It was walkintheroom.com and they asked me to like, cause I was always like, you know, anything you need, anything you need, I love your show. I'll help you do anything. And one day, uh, Greg took me up on it and he's like, can you write us a glossary? And I, I worked on that for maybe like a year or two. And that's the thing that Tripoli saw and,

and he asked me to be a guest on his show, like back when it was in Red Band house. Back in the very, very beginning. So it's like everything, that's a big thing. I would say like every little thing you do to help someone, that's what ends up helping you. It really fucking does. It really does. You know, people torture Red Band, people are sending me emails, you know, Red Band is a fucking great guy. At the end of the day, and I've been pissed at Red Band where I want to choke them like my wife, but let me tell you something. He's a great guy and he's helped a lot of people with podcasting and he'll do anything for you. I mean, I always fucking tell him to pull back. Red Band, you're killing yourself to live, you know, you're making

the money you should be, but he does good with his shirts. He does what he does well and his stand up is coming along. And you know what you guys did and then you guys went and did your own thing. And now Sam's got his night, they got that night, the comedy store. This is just blowing up into fucking places where you didn't think that this is going to be like this, Vicky Pez. Now do you do stand up Vicky Pez? Yes, I do. I just did a last week and I just did an art show that revolved around female artists drawing dick. And for some reason they're like, let's call Vicky Pez for that. That must be the naughty show. Now you guys, how much action do you guys do on the naughty show? So you do the, you do Playboy Radio every Tuesday. And then you do one show at the

comedy store a month? It could be like a live show, maybe every month or two at the comedy store, but we've done one in town recently. The next big one that's happening in January, we're going to the ABN in Vegas for the second year now. And we do a naughty show there. It's really fucking cool. I think Red Band's coming too. Yeah, yeah. I see he booked his room. He booked his room. He likes all this. You know, I don't know anything about pulling Vicky Pez. You know what's funny, Joey, neither do I. I don't know anything. You know, obviously I'm not opposed to it. You know, that's fine, but I never know who anyone is. I don't even watch it still. And I don't make it a point not to like, you know, but I mean very rarely compared to anyone else. And the amount of these stars

that I'm around. It's almost it's almost like I don't appreciate it. You know what I mean? Like to me, everyone's just they're all really cool. But they're all like the majority of the ones that come on the show are really fucking down to earth. And they're super cool to me and they love Tripoli. And you know, I don't know if I could see them getting gang banged. It's like us. You meet somebody and they're a nice person, but their job is stand up. Their job is to fuck on camera. It's just their job. You know, there's some people, do you ever see you ever go to a dinner and you see a girl who's a stripper? You just see it. So she gets up to outfit and the hand movement and the wiggling through the fucking restaurant,

like a seal, you know, and you know, that kind of attitude. And then there's chicks that you don't even know. They're such professionals, you think they're models. And no fucking lie to you the whole time. Yeah, I'm a model. I did this. Meanwhile, therefore, you know, it's just a job for them. Some girls are fucking hookers on leash. They suck so much dick, they go fuck it. I might as well go on camera and live the lifestyle. I walk around with fucking sperm dripping from my lips. But no, there's some women and those were the ones that read ban. And I don't know them. When I meet them, sometimes I'll go home. And if I remember that name, I'll look up a tape and then feel bad about myself for looking at, you know, I feel like a fucking disgust though. Like, I know, like,

people who have done porn and now they quit and I'll bump into them and somebody introduced me. And I can't look at the naked. It's like I cheated on them. Like Felicia, for example, I did that podcast for Felicia and I've known her for years. I've never looked for the Playboy spread. I don't want to look at a pussy. I know it. It would ruin everything if I looked at it. And if I looked at a pussy and it was ugly, it would really fuck my world up. Because in my mind, she's my friend. She's got a pretty pussy. I don't have fucking friends with ugly fucking snatches. All the girls that I run with all of them probably have beautiful pussies in my mind, in my heart. I want them to have a beautiful fucking pussy. Once around, you look at a pussy.

Yeah. Once in a while, you look at a pussy and it's just fucking atrocious. It's got fat over the top and it's just big. It's spread out. Not that it's loose. It's just too big. It's too much property. I like when it's fucking compact, like a, like a fucking Previa pussy. I like like a little Previa pussy. I like it to be packed and shit. So funny. I mean, some chicks come on and we used to have a video component. We don't anymore. So now mostly if these chicks are getting naked, it's almost just for me. You know what I mean? Like it's almost just for the people in the room. But that doesn't even bother me really. But I'm not going to go home and seek it out. The first guest we had where I started working on the show and I started doing research was

Jen Rose. She was 10, 10 of the year at that time when she was a guest. And I looked her up to, you know, get some notes on her. And it's like, what are you going to do, man? I watched her fucking in a few different scenes because there was on the website. And then I had to sit across from her and like, be cool. It's hard. It's just difficult for me to do that. So I just kind of avoid it. And then whenever they are like when I meet them, their personality, like back to they are today. You know, it really is. Now this chick that came in last night, she was showing your asshole. Like most people show you their kid's pictures. I'm talking immediately. I am talking immediately. Sam is obsessed with buttholes lately, as he calls it. It's a butthole

revolution. So now it's become his thing. Like, can I get women to show me their asshole? Oh, that's a great thing. And man, oh man, to just go with it out. I've never seen that's one thing I've never seen an ugly asshole. When a woman shows your asshole, it's fucking perfect. It's science. You know, they got a big ass with celluloid around that that asshole is fucking beautiful. Vicky Pezza was throwing some heat this fucking morning. It's a beautiful Wednesday to be alive, Vicky Pezza. Now you go to bed now at what time after we get off the phone? After we get off the phone, I'll probably hop back online, finish up everything for the first episode that's going to come out, post that, tweet it out, post to the website, go to bed.

I got to drop off dry cleaning for my husband. We have a Christmas party this weekend. But then I'll go to bed. Now, Vicky Pezza, you go back to Jersey a lot. You miss New Jersey? I miss New Jersey. I went back this summer for the first time in three years, which was an insanely long amount of time for me to be away. And it was crazy because the hurricane, like my parents live in Ortley Beach. My husband's family lives in Tom's River. Mr. Breakfast. Yeah. Yeah. Ask your husband about Mr. Breakfast right there. Mr. Breakfast, I totally know. Oh, my God, that's right near where my parents live. 40 fucking years, 50 years that place has been open

for breakfast down the shore. That's hilarious. Yeah, I moved down the shore after I graduated from college. So like I lived down there a few years. I used to go there every summer though. Like we had a summer house. Like I was always in seaside. Like I worked all over the boardwalk. So we got to go home. I don't know. Did you hear about the seaside park the fire a few months ago? I was there. Jews in full fucking action. You know, those Jersey Jews down the shore, they don't fuck around. They need their action. They always get that cut. You could do whatever you want to do. They're always they just sit there and giggle and nod their fucking heads. You know, it's pretty funny that, you know, we talked about being from Jersey and, you know,

I realized last night you're from Belleville and I've been to Belleville a couple of times. Are you proud of being from Jersey, Vicky Pez? I'm absolutely proud of it. It's funny because it seems like I bring it up constantly. Now that I live here, I'm constantly name dropping Jersey. I fucking love I love where I'm from. I'm happy. I'm fucking from there. I wake up some mornings and I say I could taste the Taylor Hammond egg. Oh, my fucking mouth and I'm like Jesus Christ with the daily news and a you who and oh my God, I can't even fucking explain to you. You know, I know, I love it. And you know what? It's like I'm just I'm so glad that I grew up and I'm from North Jersey too. Oh, you know, I like all the Jersey. I like all the fucking Jersey. I've had

some, you know, down the shore. I laughed my fucking ass off. I went through one of the toughest periods of my life in New Jersey. And one thing that didn't help me fucking jumping off that bridge was the times I the fucking laughter that I had, especially down the Jersey shore. That was from 14 to I remember I was swimming in the fucking ocean one time in Seaside and I found a unlawful bill. And I took 13, it was $13 then to take the bus from Seaside Heights to New York City. And I went home and got a bag of pot and took the bus right back down there and stayed another fucking three days. You know how many times I robbed the place and went down to Jersey shore and just spent the weekend and cut up the loot down there and snorted some fucking coke and

drank some Harvey's Bristol cream, you know, and I went and you go everywhere. First you start in like first you go to what's the black shore not not by Asbury Park there. What's the beats by Asbury Park? Well, one of those that belongs to the brothers. First you go there first as a kid you go there's too many black people. Kingsburg. First you go to Kingsburg and you're like oh no no no no no no I like black people but there's one or two too many here. They're all hiding under the tree. They don't want those. This is fucking tough. Oh that's Africa in fucking New Jersey, right? That's fucked up. First of all you go to let me tell you how old your uncle Joey is, Vicky Pez. I used to go to Palisades amusement park when I came from Cuba. I still remember my father and me, my mother and

me going to Palisade amusement park. It was in North Jersey by Fort Lee and they would have ice cream cones and it was a beach that was really a pool with waves and you jumped in when the waves chased you. So that's the first place. Then you go to Kingsburg. Then when you're like 14 you talk your mom into going down there for the weekend by yourself to Seaside. Now my sophomore summer, let me tell you how strong I was. Me, John Bender and Glen Kitt Stinky Country went to the house and we all went down and we brought cold cuts from Hoboken. We got fucked up. We drank every night. I even got my first taste of Jersey pussy that weekend. I pumped three times and I came but I got it. You know what I'm saying? That's all that mattered. And then you graduate. You go to Belmar

and Manusquan and you just keep going up the ladder, you know? Yeah. I totally know exactly what you mean. But I mean I lingered in Seaside the longest. Like still this day when I go home, like every night I was home. I was like hanging out in Seaside. I bartended. I don't know if you know Seaside that well, but there's a bar rigors. It's like this really rough dive bar. Like there's all these clubs and shit, but like I take like this redeeming bar, you know, to work at. I made great fucking money there. That was the money I used to, you know, help move here. Oh, in the summer, let me tell you something. My family used to live in Seaside Park on the corner right by the beach. There was a hot dog stand. They had saber at hot dogs with spicy chili. It was to fucking die for.

I would take the plane from here and go back and eat 15 fucking hot dogs in the summer. On the corner was that bar that the special was the lemon drops for 50 cents or something like that. That's where they lived. They lived. This is 15 years ago. That's the last thing I remember about Seaside, the Seaside Park. I used to eat quailudes down there. I almost died on the water slide. Vicky Pezza. Oh, and water works. That crazy huge one. Vicky Pezza. We used to fucking Vicky Pezza is how crazy me and my dogs were. We'd drop a hit of windowpane acid at six o'clock and the plan was disperse and meet at the water slides at midnight. That's when they used to stay open till three or four.

Oh, my God. In the 80s, that thing stayed open late. I don't know what time it ended. In the Jersey, in the summers, that shit, it's hot out. It's human. That thing stays open till two. We'd meet there at fucking midnight when the windowpane was in your fucking world and we'd rent the scuba suit so you'd fly down faster. Instead of getting the pad, you could either rent a pad or a scuba suit, which would add 30 miles an hour to your fucking speed. And Vicky Pezza popped my head up to see where I was and there was a bridge. I missed the bridge by a fucking inch with my fucking head. Right now, I would have had a flat head like Frankenstein. Nobody would have hired me unless they wanted to play the drum. That's a

true fucking story. I owed deed down there, not hospital deed. I just slept for three days on quailudes down there in a fucking closet in Belmar. You know who saved me? The Burger King in Belmar had sweetened iced tea in the summers, nor the Burger King. They only do that selective Burger Kings. And that Burger King in Manasquano, Belmar, they used to have Montego Bay, Vicky Pezza. They would give you an Alabama slammer and a Kamikaze put together. So all you had to do was eat a quailude and get three of those things and a dollar a piece, you blacked out guaranteed. You woke up eating black pussy or sucking black dick, but you could blame it on the red devil. Oh, Vicky Pezza.

Such good times down there. You know, and it's funny because if you look at people who are from New Jersey, Wikipedia, your head will explode. Somebody told me once they go, did you ever look at that list? Look at that list. There are so many people from Zach, whatever. There are so many people from fucking New Jersey. And when you see them, you're like, oh, he doesn't have an accent or whatever, but I understand his pain. You know, he grew up there, or he grew up there, or he grew up in Pensawkin, or he grew up, you know, they all have this little, you know, Camden is one of the roughest spots in the fucking world. Camden, New Jersey to me is one of the roughest spots in the fucking world. East Orange, back in the day, the home of Whitney Houston, they would stab you.

They flipped our fucking bus over Christmas tournament. Who flips a fucking bus over freshman year? East Orange goes do. Right, right. It's crazy. And where I live too, like I lived in, it was called Silver Lake, like in Belville. So like if you walked five blocks in one direction, you'd be in Bloomfield. And if you walk, walk five blocks the other direction, you'd be in Newark. So it was pretty crazy, like where I live. Belville is theoretically where the Sopranos were supposed to be from. Yes, that's where Uncle Junior was in the show. Yeah, that's where he lives. Belville, if you really think, watch the Sopranos, that's where they're from. And they're between Newark and where he got shot was Bloomfield. Right, right. When I was a kid, one of the best basketball

players I've ever seen was from Bloomfield. His name was Kelly Tupuca's father play for the Denver Broncos. I just wanted to tell you that. Don't know him, but he sounds like a good guy. And Newark is where you get a $7 bag of heroin. That was the heroin that I stopped snorting cocaine. So there's always, I always have a lot of love for, you know, this week, it's really hard to describe to people how the people in New Jersey, when I was growing up, I mean, I grew up in Jersey in the 70s, where it was, you know, it's what, what I, what the Arabs are today, how people walk suspicious of the Arabs. That's how people walked around me in the late 60s and the 70s. In New Jersey, I was a spick. There was no way you could cut. He's a fucking spick. He's

okay. You had to earn your fucking goods. You had to smack an Irishman to get even to talk to and how to earn everything I got. And no more mother died. Those people took me in. They took care of me, you know, so everything I do is with them in the back of my mind. And I'm going to this premiere Monday night for this movie I did, and I'm taking my seventh grade teacher. Oh, that's so great. Oh yeah, the guy that called in, right? Yeah, John Brown. And he was in the movie. I saw I saw your documentary. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. No, he, uh, you know, those guys, I can't, they've always been in the back of my mind, everything I do. I think about I'm such a loser, you know, I always talk about the life and, and, you know, look forward, but

it's what motivates me every morning. When I get up in the mornings, I have pictures of my friends on the wall from Jersey, and I have a couple pictures of dead ones. And I look at both of them, and I look at the ones that are here and what they've done for me, and the ones that are dead and what they've done for me, like they're not here no more. They're not here, Vicki, but so I got to do something that they, you know, weren't able to do. I got to do that. So that's my thinking. So my roots are in fucking Jersey. I'm a fucking Jersey savage and I love it. I love it. I do too, but I, I don't miss like the winters. I don't, I mean, I'm seeing pictures of the snow and I'm like that. Those are great pictures. I'm glad I'm not driving. It's a pain in the

ass. And the traffic got bad and you can't be around the metal lands. You know, there's things I miss about it. And there's things that I like. Fuck you. I don't, like I'm excited to be going this weekend because I get to eat Chinese food. Do you miss the food? Vicki Paz, what do you miss? I might miss the food the most. I mean, I'm the people I miss the most, but the food is a close, close second white castle. You know what, dude, friendlies, like I never even was a huge fan of friendlies when I lived there. It was all right. Ever since we moved here, like I'll create friendlies and I'm like, how do they not have a fucking friendlies here? They don't even have Dunkin' Donuts here. Well, they do have Dunkin' Donuts, but it tastes like that. Dunkin'

Donuts is done now, by the way. They weren't corporate. They taste, it's like Entomans. When I was a kid in Jersey, you go to Entomans place and you get those chocolate things with the coconut, the fucking, you drip the chocolate with drip all over your face. Eat that shit now. Nothing happens. And they took the fat out. Who gives a fuck? You don't want to spread cancer. Go fuck your mother. The fuck you want to give me cancer and donut? Go fuck yourself and shit. It's funny. We were driving, we were driving from New York to Jersey to the stadium. And that's why I learned how, ooh, that's why I learned how to ride my motorcycle. And I was in the car with Ari and Rogan and there was this puddle, like there was like a little New Jersey

river, you know, those manmade where people have dumped so much shit, they just become a river. And they have this green still coating on top. And Joe Rogan, his methodical mind goes, what's that? And I go, cancer. And he thought about it because you're probably fucking right. That's the other thing about Jersey. Like people talk about all this shit, chemtrails and gluten free and all this shit. I always for a minute, I listen to that bullshit. And then I go, are you fucking kidding me? I swam in fucking the Hudson River as a kid. I fucking swam down the show and they had the syringes in the water. I'm bulletproof. Remember that shit when you did have syringes on the beach, you pick them up and you put it

to here, you can hear the ocean and shit like a seashell. Fucking tremendous. Nobody remembers that shit 15 years ago when the mob and the fucking corporate place that dumped all the syringes in the Jersey Barnaget Bay there. And all those crabs were coming out with mustaches. I was just going to say, like I've grabbed in the Barnaget Bay. And there you go. So I love how here all the fucking signs they have up all over California, anywhere you go to eat, do anything. It's like a sign, like there's stuff here that may give you cancer. And it's like, yeah, isn't that just kind of assumed? Like, why, why are you telling us? Like, we figured that it's amazing. I fucking, I ate shit in Jersey that I should be dead,

but it built my immune system. Like the hot dogs off a route, whatever. Like I used to eat at this place called, what the fuck was it? Something chilies. They used to have a gas station I robbed like three times next to it. So this, this place, the chili was brown. The chili was made with like blood, like they ran out of the gravy and they just kill a dog and mix it with blood. And I used to eat it and say, why is this chili so, it used to be mixed with like vampire blood. So I know I can't catch the hip today. There's no way I could get HIV because if I was going to get it, the name of the place was snappy nappies. And their motto was make your tummy happy. Go to snappy nappy. Did you ever go to rough talk? Where's that at?

I forget. I want to say rather for that might be wrong, but it was like, it was the hot dogs, but they like did something to like fry them or did something where like the hot dogs would just fucking explode. But it was just a fucking heart attack in a box. I know it's what, you know, there's a couple, it was a place off of route 46 or something called Hanks Franks. You eat hot, you buy eight hot dogs, they give you one for free, but fucking they put potatoes on them. This place had, this is 20 fucking years ago, they had all the different shit you could put on them, potatoes, jalapenos, I would go there and actually eat nine hot dogs and get a and get a Jersey can ish because those Jews in Jersey, they'll fuck a can ish object. I don't even know

how I gave up conditions. I eat so many fucking conditions. I used to go on those jubo daggers and get a fucking condition. They would look at me with a fucking quarter pound of white fish with the gravy, with the white sauce on it. Listen, nothing could get your dick hard. That's why those Hasidic Jews at the helmets, they always fucking those guys because they eat that white fish with the gravy on that shit will kill you. That shit will fucking kill you. Vicky Pez, I love you man. What do you got coming up? You're always family here. Let's see if we could get you in fucko on here one Wednesday and we could fuck around and smoke some dope in the afternoon. I could give you a hug. I'm really happy you called in today. You made my day. You were supposed to

be on last Wednesday, but we got confused on the date, but I'm happy you were able to call this morning Vicky Pez. Oh, no problem. Hey, seriously, Joey, it's an honor and I've been seeing your trailer on TV. Movie looks great. I'm just, I'm so happy man. Everything is going on for you. It's awesome and I'm thrilled that you wanted me to fucking come on your podcast. Yeah, you know, I love you, Vicky Pez and it's weird. When we see each other, it's not a social setting. You're working and I'm working. It's always working. It's always working. Somebody's always working. So you can't pull a chair up to somebody because right away you want to fuck that person. You really can't pull up a chair and go, Hey, what's up, Vicky Pez? Tell me something good. You know,

you're from Jersey. Like we did today. This was just, we should have done this at Starbucks or something. We could have done this at Marie E. T. Just got coffee and talked about Jersey, but fuck you motherfuckers. It's our day today. If you're in Jersey, we love you cocksuckers. Who do you run with? Bon Jovi? Who do you run with? Bon Jovi or Springsteen? I was going to play 10th Avenue Freeza for you, but I don't want to offend nobody. Oh, no, that, that would be absolutely great. I've seen Bon Jovi twice. I never saw Springsteen, but our developmental high school marching bands that I was a color guard for did perform Springsteen song. So that's a pro. There you go. In fact, find 10th Avenue Freeza. That's what we're closing the show with today.

I love you, Vicky Pez. Happy holidays to you and your family, Mama. We'll see you soon. Okay. Love you. Bye. There you go, cocksuckers. Some Jersey loving the fucking house for you. Let me give some shout outs here. Rachel Fitzgerald down in 8th Town. I love you, cocksucker. You're beautiful. Thank you for reminding me on the Uruguay thing. Bobby Passmore. Happy birthday. Your wife, Robbie Johnston, Jacob Sanchez, May S. Brian O'Shea. You're a bad motherfucker. List of time is always in my heart. I see what you're doing, motherfucker. That squad community everywhere. Who's better than you? Without you and these fucking people, I'd have who got Sean Hackel and Jason, S-C-H-E-X-N-O-I-L-D-E-R. Listen,

you got to get a fucking nickname. Nobody needs a nickname more than you, cocksucker. Thank you for listening. What the fuck are you giggling about? That was my favorite phone call we've ever had. Oh, it was great. First, you talked about the pussy with too much real estate and that killed me. I fucking remember what the other two were. That didn't kill you. It was the edible that killed you. Relax. Put your head down for five minutes. It's night-night time. You know why you're fucked up also? Because you don't do the fucking alpha brain. That's why. I popped two alpha brains this morning in that fucking milkshake. Let me tell you something. I do the alpha brains in 60-day cycles and I needed this cycle because I had a lot of

shit going on. I have to refresh. Listen, for the holidays, do yourself a favor. I'm not going to fucking tell you again. Go to honet.com. Go to joeydeas.net. Get the 2014 schedule I'm posting next week to fucking you can't eat pussy with asthma tour. While you're there checking the dates, do yourself a fucking favor. Go over to honet.com and get some Christmas presents. Press on it. Press what in the box? CHU-R-C-H. It's that fucking easy. Get 10% off plus whatever else they've given over there. Maybe it'll give you some honet fucking sperm and you can fucking become a man and get muscles and nobody ever kicks sand in your fucking face. They got kettle bells. They got all this stuff. The 10% I'm giving you don't apply for the kettle

bells. It applies for the minerals, whether you get the fucking shroom tech sport, whether you get the new mood, whether you get the stevia, whether you get the fucking acai vanilla milkshake, which I drank this morning at first fart. That was acai. I mixed a little glutacor in there for the fucking amino acid. I'm on fire. Anyway, go to honet.net and go to joeydears.net and press on the honor clicker, right? Same thing. Listen, after next week, Dollar Shave Club is fucking gone. Not that they want to end the campaign, but that don't mean you can't fucking still get them. They're very good to us. I shaved this morning and I can't believe what a good product is and I'll stand behind it till the end, whether they're working with us or not.

Go to Dollar Shave Club. They got a dollar plan, a six dollar plan, or a nine dollar plan. You can't go wrong. You don't want to be in the fucking store once a month, sitting around with fucking immigrants online. They're stinking like onions and hummus and you're going to try to fucking get your razor blades. Why go through that drama? Do whatever else is going. Go to fucking Dollar Shave Club. Get the six dollar package if that's your budget. I don't give a fuck. Get the dollar package. I just want you to have the quality and to get this. You have, you don't make that much money. You need the most fucking bang for your buck. Go to Dollar Shave Club. All right, and cut the fucking shit. What are you giggling about? Also, the Amazon link is on

there on joeydeers.net. You want to buy something for somebody? You got the speed delivery. You got Amazon, whatever premium, tremendous. You got Sunday fucking delivery. Just click on the fucking Amazon link and spend some gear to help us out. This is what Lee's going to take his girl from the boss and he's going to, you know, speak Yiddish to her and eat her asshole. You know how we fucking do it. What's up, Lee? You bad mother fucker. Maybe you miss Kanishes. You miss Kanishes. Kanishes are delicious. Oh, yeah. Put a little mustard on. Oh, fuck. They're fucking delicious. I love it. I love it. I love Kanishes when you burn them a little bit too. I like them a little burnt. Okay. I like them. Then you cool them down. Then you put the mustard on them. The spicy

mustard. Why do you cool it down? Yeah. You can't fucking eat it, huh? Okay. What's wrong with you? I thought you meant like in the fridge. No, no, no, no. That fucking black beach? That? Oh, I forget. Oh, Kingsburg? Oh my God. Forget about it. Forget about it. You get thinking like, what did I go wrong? Well, you know, I like black people. This is enough. What is this? A million-man march? What the fuck? Go to a different beach. Disperse. And then they don't go on the beach. They hide under the tree. What you got a fucking beach for? I can't even park now because I can't see the fucking beach because everybody's under a fucking tree. You don't want to get a sun tan. The fuck is going on? I love black people. I don't want people to get offended.

I'm just saying that's how it works out in your life. You know what I'm saying? And if you don't want to go to the beach, go to Hulu Plus. I don't give a fuck. Go to Hulu Plus. Right now, you get two free weeks. They're working with us constantly. I love Hulu Plus. I told them. I begged them for Hulu Plus because I'm getting such great emails about it. Go to Hulu Plus, introductory offer, two weeks for free, on us, gratis on a $7.99 a month. That's what, $96 a year? Yeah. You can't fucking lose for television. And you don't just have to sit at home like a fucking mummy and watch it on the TV. You can do it on your car, in the iPad, on your iPhone. You can watch it on some chick's asshole who comes into the studio. Knock yourself

out. I'm just here trying to drop some fucking knowledge on you on a beautiful Wednesday. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Where's my man Leon? There he is. That's right. Lisa Yat is high as fuck. Nicholas Thomas Ward's in the house. We got people out there. What else, Lee? What are you doing this weekend? This weekend, nothing. I'm seeing Paula Friday night, but then she has to go. She's in the middle of law school finals. So, oh, Jesus. So I'm not doing nothing this weekend. Tremendous. You're farting up the storm. Just two little farts. No, no. That's two. That's two. And I had a banana last night before I went to bed. It's been good. It's been a good two days. Like, remember what

I told you? Listen, I'm really fucking sorry. I can't do a podcast on Monday because I will be in New York, but I am going to make a mad flavor's world of redeem myself. We will be doing a podcast Wednesday and that Friday at 6am to rock your motherfucking world. Maybe not. Maybe we'll do a podcast at lunchtime next week and have an in-game studio. How's that? I like it. In-game studio. What the fuck are you calling? I want to give a shout out seriously to my main man, DiAgostino. I'm really proud of him. I'm proud of him that he got on the show. A lot of people live here for 20 years and can't get. And you know what? Two years in a row on Nouveau TV. His

show came out last night. I'm really proud of that kid. He's a 25-year-old kid like Lee. I didn't listen to the podcast, but I know you put it out on iTunes. Congratulations. You had this guy find you radio. It's up. I got three fucking emails. So people are like, yeah, some guy said you got to smack you. But it's good Lee because you're listening Lee. The church is a good podcast, but it's not you. There's things in this podcast that we don't discuss that maybe you want to discuss political. I know you're doing a twist with the phone calls, so I'm very happy that you're letting your artistic side. Again, you went to school to Emerson College to do what? Editing. Did you talk about podcasting on there? Never.

And you just graduated. Did they even mention podcasting? No. These professors, that's why that guy in 60 Minutes made a great point. He said, you know what? When you get a college education at the University of Toronto and the University of Harvard, what's the difference? Is it really $60,000 difference? $6,000 to the University of Toronto. Before you plan your education, guys, they don't know more than fucking they don't know more about the future. You know, but you got to do something. You got to go to school. But this is really interesting that you just graduated college. They never mentioned podcasting. There wasn't like an intro to podcasting classes. They're still teaching radio.

You see what I'm saying? So you became into this by just a hunch. Yeah. So this is what happens, guys. It's the same way. I mean, this is what fucking happens. This is what happens, guys. So you might be sitting there because I get emails every week. People don't know what to fuck this start. At least get up off your fucking ass. You can't watch that fucking television and you can't play fucking video games. I hate those fucking video games, man. I don't hate them because I don't like to be at the tank because I'm too uptight because I know what they do to people. It's just a sidetrack. It's no different than fucking snorting code. But this motherfucker went to school for something. He came out here and he didn't like what he's doing. And look at him now.

He's one of the best producers in the fucking game. He's funny. He eats fucking edibles. He has everything ready. He's got your podcast ready for you. So please learn fucking one thing. It's not the fucking path you show. You don't know where you're gonna end up, but you're not gonna end up there if you don't do something. You don't get up off your fucking pussy. You miserable cocksucker. God damn right. That's right, motherfucker. You got $10,000 free. Is that ready for you? I forgot the name of the song. 10th Avenue Freeza by Bruce Springsteen. It's my favorite fucking Springsteen song, even though I hate the guy. Okay. I hate Tom Waits. I don't have no favorite songs at that cocksucker. Bruce Springsteen, I got a couple favorite songs. Let's see if this works.

So yeah, if you guys want to watch, obviously, you know what I do at Thursdays around noon, Pacific? What are you doing? Promoting your podcast? No, no. Do it on your own. I'm just teasing you. Motherfucker, don't. Oh, Jesus. So yeah, we do that at 12. Do it on Ustream. Take calls. Email me at email us at flyinggradio at gmail.com. And let me tell you something. So this Friday and Saturday, I'm at Zany's. It's only one show only, 9.30. James Gregory's doing the first show both nights. He might go a little late. I come in at fucking 10 o'clock and play cleanup. I don't want no drama people. Get your tickets to that. I don't want no drama. Joe, I got no tickets. I don't want to hear no fucking bullshit. I love you, Nashville. You always come out and support. But last time,

I don't know what I'm going to do. Don't fuck. You don't know what you're going to do. Kill you. I don't know what you're bothering me for. Friday and Saturday, Zany's Nashville. Boom. 9.30. Just like that. Don't forget the CD release party slash New Year's Eve party at John Lovett Comedy Club. 30 fucking bucks. You're out of there by 10.15 if you need to fucking go. Okay. If you want to go home and give the wife a stabbing and rub fucking suntan lotion on her asshole and get a fart to the face, that's the night you want to do it. I'll get you out of there early. We'll get a fucking CD at you. You'll hang out. You'll smoke some dope. You get dinner up at John Lovett's and then you're on your way home. All right. You know I love you people. Don't drink and drive on New Year's.

They're looking for you. Keep it light. We'll fucking get you home. Whatever. Don't forget the 25th. We're all going to a movie. Just like that. Some people go dinner. Oh my God. Dinner in a movie. Now, fuck you. This is reefer in a fucking movie with your main man live coming at you right there with your all fucking night at the movie theater. I might have to get up on my parts come on because I don't like looking at it with other people. But I'll be outside smoking dope waiting on you Saturdays. I promise you you'll have a location Leo start looking around and see who's going to have the movie so we could all go up to the eight o'clock showing or the seven o'clock showing. I know some years will be with family but for the people who live in the fucking area that you

don't have a family. You do have a family. You get sick of them by four o'clock. Bring the family. Bring the fucking family. We're going to have a good time. It's PG 13 the movie so you can't get offended and we'll have a good time. You're like Joey, what the fuck you selling tickets? You know I ain't selling shit. I'm just saying when the fuck in your lifetime did you be able to go with somebody who's in a stupid fucking movie to go sit there with us because when I celebrate in the movie we're celebrating a fucking journey. I didn't know nothing about movies. I didn't. I didn't. Never mind the movie we fucking did it well. Never mind the fucking trailer. So we're all in on this together. We all started this fucking thing together three fucking years ago. So now

we're in on this as a family. So this is a fucking group effort. So however you want to look at it I'll be there. I'll be walking around New York City Monday. If you see me say hello if you got reefer come on over. If you say the magic word church in my ear a chibo chew might fall out of my fucking leg onto the floor. So look around a little angel might drop. What's up Lee? How high are you? I'm pretty fucking high. You can't go to bed. You gotta leave. No I gotta go to bed. No no no you gotta go for a walk man. Oh no. You got you know we're going out together. So as soon as we get up here you put your sneakers on you gotta walk up against this. But the cool thing about the CD just because people sometimes are like oh I don't want to iTunes for whatever reason

we're gonna have it in other places. I'm gonna have a payload. But the cool thing about the iTunes one is it comes with a bonus testicle testament. We were selling those at the ice house before we did a lot of podcasts. So if for the best thing we have an extra like two hour long testicle testament coming with the CD. On iTunes then in February the fucking album comes out and you'll love that. Oh yeah I'm gonna have to get a record player. I'm happy that you people are part of this man. I'm happy that you people are part of this fucking movement. What's the movement we're part of people gotta suck our dick at that time. You know what we're all fucking underdogs. Just all of us listeners have that same connection. We all know what it's feel to be a fucking. We're minus 13

with North Carolina State and 13 with Jim Valvano. You understand me? But fuck these motherfuckers. It's time for us to pay us and shit. Let's do a little tent to have a new freezer. I want to thank Onnet. I want to thank fucking Hulu Plus. And I want to thank my man my main man bitches over at Dollar Shave Club for giving us a great experience and for helping new people out. All right stay black. Have a great day and a better weekend. See you next Wednesday. Now that the show's over don't forget. It's never over. It's just over till next week. It's not over it's goodbye. All right see you next time. Don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your TV PC smartphone or tablet. Support this

podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey or go to joeyds.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for Dollar Shave Club dot com. You get high quality ratio sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. That is a fucking jam. Oh shit Lee. Oh shit. Where's the tambourine? Oh shit. Oh shit. There's a bad motherfucker right here. What? Well everybody better move over that song. Cause I'm running on the bad side and I got my back to the wall. 10 devil new frees out. 10 devil new frees out. I was standing in the jungle trying

to take an overheat that was given. 10 night has stopped with a sour pride and lie with a lot of the living. From a tenement window a chance is to break. Turn around and come up things got real crappy fails. I walked into a 10 devil new frees out. 10 devil new frees out. Well the change was made up time in the big man Joe in the bay. From the coastline to the city all the little panel waves are half. I'm gonna sit back right here. 10 devil new frees out. 10 devil new frees out. 10 devil new frees out. 10 devil new frees out. 10 devil new frees out. 10 devil new frees out.