Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #122 | JIM FLORENTINE | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: December 8, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, December 8th..... Today we talked with the Great, JIM FLORENTINE! Check out Jim's New Comedy Special coming to his YouTube page on Monday, December 13th called "BITE THE BULLET", link below!!! https://youtube.com/c/JimFlorentineComedy This episode is brought to you by Liquid I.V., DraftKings & CBD Lion….. Go to https://www.Liquid-IV.com Use JOEY at checkout for 25% OFF! Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $100 in Free Bets when you Bet $1 on any Football Game…. Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #JimFlorentine #BiteTheBullet The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Ep. 65 - https://youtu.be/TfKCC9L6978 Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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so what's happened you bad motherfuckers it's monday december the 8th i'm a little discombobulated today don't get fucking married sometimes huh don't get married guys because uh it's a fucking beauty from time to time but it's a beautiful day to be alive man our guest today's jimmy flowering team we're gonna talk about his new comedy special that's getting released on monday you know i uh i moved here last fucking year and i've become friends with jimmy and i'm a big fan of his and more ways than one uh jimmy florentine's a single dad you know he fucking he has his kid a couple days a week that's something

i could never do in my life when i see what jimmy does and he's got a deal with the next wife which is very tough uh two families it's uh it takes a lot away from me when i look at jimmy i think about my family when i was younger not my family today but i think about my ex-wife and my ex-daughter because here's my ex-daughter why am i gonna say daughter for but it's just really funny how it's a hard combination it's hard it was hard for me to be married and to do comedy somebody's always suffering you know i'm always missing a gig or my wife is missing me on a sunday or friday thursday somebody always fucking suffering now think of having like a divorce like for me guys listen when i got separated i can handle the little stuff but once i was separated for four

years and i realized how much work went into it calling back and forth fucking going back and forth with attorneys if you ever had a deal with an attorney you know that's a fucking nightmare i don't wish on anybody but once the divorce is over and you get your child and you make dates to get your that's a fucking nightmare too because now you're stuck with those things you know every week like you either have your child monday through wednesday or wednesday through fucking sunday or thursday friday saturday so you can't work on those days when you have a child unless you have a fucking huge family i didn't have those i didn't have a huge family or anybody to fucking help so for me when i see like jim florentine or josh wolf you know josh wolf for

years i was doing comedy in the early 2000s josh was one of my best friends and i sat there as he couldn't do anything you know he couldn't go on the road like i did he could do spots during the week and stuff like that but he was busy raising a family and i would see what the sacrifices he would fucking make every week and i had so much respect for josh you know even till today i love josh wolf with all my fucking heart because i know what he sacrificed he raised three kids two that wasn't him his and at the same time did comedy at the same time so you know made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were used to deliver to keep his fucking his family you know fed you you know i look at somebody like jimmy that gets concert tickets thrown at him because

he worked on the metal show for all those years he's on us he's boneyard he you know he's doing all these things to put a life together and on top of that you gotta do fucking comedy you gotta have comedy in there and get on a plane and call and miss games and and you know what man he does it like it's second fucking nature so i respect those guys with all my heart you know what i can never do it at least i'm fucking honest the first time i gotta call my ex-wife and you know argue not argue but just talk about because it always becomes a fucking argument just to call him up and say listen do you mind thursday if you drop him off at two instead of three oh my god why how come you know i have plans it's a fucking nightmare just being in that

situation if anybody's in that anybody has a baby's mama it's fucking rough it's rough man you know i love my wife i really do love my wife you know we all love our wives if you're a woman you love your husband i'm sure you want to kill them from time to time you know i want to stab my wife once a week whatever but i'll tell you what man this is why i've held on to my wife for so long i gotta be honest with it i was very picky after my divorce i got beat up so bad if he doesn't have been to a fucking divorce it's uh it's mind boggling on you you know besides losing your furniture losing your money having to sleep on a floor for fucking a year or two to get back i mean we listen don't get me wrong i i'm always for your happiness you know sometimes we get married

for fucking all the wrong reasons we get married too quickly with it you know it took me nine years to marry poor fucking terry and i knew after five years that she was my wife but it took me another four years to do it because it had fucking destroyed me so long i was so fucking anti marriage i was anti everything you know one thing i don't like telling you guys and like i said the only word for me to make a podcast work is to come around here and lay everything on the fucking table for me that's the best way to make a podcast fucking work is honesty you could have lights i can have people popping popping up here while i'm talking i can have all these smoking mirrors but the only smoking mirror you can't add to a podcast is fucking honesty which a lot of

people don't do i remember before mercy was born maybe three months before she was born i was at a restaurant called a habit with my wife i don't want to drink our mic for all these people's ears you know these half a fucking fruit cakes will email me for a week now you drank water during in my ear you busted my fucking earphone for all you guys that think i got a license and i don't have lice i got a dry fucking forehead from the sun hitting it i'm losing all my hair so the sun hits it so i get a little fucking suntans on my bald scalp if you look at my head from behind it's just three or four hairs left i'm just holding off the dear life i don't give a fuck i don't give a fuck if i look like benjamin franklin or whatever i'm just telling you guys when i scratch

i got no lice it's just that fucking my head is itchy from being having a dry scalp i've used head and shoulders that shit don't work if you can see i got no fucking dandruff that's why i always wear something black because i want to check out you know this is fucking guy i have dandruff but no i'm i got a nice conditioner for my hair anyway but you know when i was when i got separated and i went through that shit towards 1990 i said this wasn't me i'm i'm not working towards anything at least you know i knew that i knew i wanted to be her father but i knew i'd never be her father like i wanted to so all that shit with kids and stuff i would i would have got listen i would married you but i don't want no fucking kids but about three months before mercy was born we were at

we were at the habit and we were just talking about things and i had something that was bothering me i looked at my wife terry and i go listen terry i got burnt so bad by my first kid and my wife i don't know i mean i can't believe i said this to my wife i'm telling you guys so you know my head was that even while she was pregnant i was a little standoffish i was like well i'm gonna make her happy but how happy am i gonna be with a fucking kid you know like i want to go through this again what if she doesn't like me after she has the kid is she gonna yank her again am i not gonna am i gonna be an old for two fucking dad is this gonna be the fucking case am i just a fucking kiss a death with dads so i said to her once that the thing i know when

this baby's born i really want to keep it to a minimum i want to be her father but i don't know if i could deal with all that i guess she got really upset and you know she told me that night that she'd never expect me to say something like that but that's what my head was i didn't mean it for many my heart or anything i've always loved fucking kids i just didn't know that's how hard my first marriage was on me that i didn't know i was even gonna fucking handle that but you know as soon as that child was born i took a look at that child and i was like fuck i got a strap a fucking pair on and be the best i could be and look at she's about to be nine in january and i'm very proud of myself that i've kept it together that i've been a good dad i've actually read

articles on how the parent something that i thought was the fucking fact it's who needs to read a book out parenting i even read a book at night i read a bunch of articles on being a father to a daughter you know what to expect i just wanted i wanted the boundaries to be correctly and i would have done the same thing if i would have a boy it wouldn't have mattered to me you know i wanted to get away from that old parent thing that how my mother fucking raised me with her parenting she parented me okay you know she did a good job but not the best job i wanted to do the best job and i feel now that uh all that fear i had was getting married and all it was just from getting blindsided on my divorce but you know what nine years later 21 years later you know nine years

from my daughter 21 years of us being together and 12 years of us being uh our anniversary for being married you know we're still here and i'm doing great and uh i'm a great dad and i'm really fucking happy about that i was a great i was in the first time i got married and i was a great dad i just didn't have a fucking chance the first time i got married i wasn't ready you know you're never fucking ready that's why when people get married in the 20 you're like what the fuck are these knuckleheads doing and some of them make it work at me it didn't work for me it took two marriages for me to make it work but i'm fucking happy but when i see somebody like jimmy that's doing such a great job with his son he's doing comedy he's parenting he works he's got a family

it just uh lets you know how proud i am of jimmy and uh i'll let down i am by myself that i couldn't fucking do that you know trust me i don't want to get divorced i don't want to learn how to be a single dad i don't i don't want to do that i couldn't handle it but uh it's great to know that i got a second chance of being a dad and i covered the fucking spread you know so with that further fucking to do i'm feeling good i'm looking good uh smoking you know what i'm saying uh i'm off the fucking uh taper on saturday at all ends i did a great job on it no cheats i'm tip top mother fucking magoo what else can i say now it's time for jimmy florentine stay black i love you cock suckers what's happening jimmy florentine going on zooming from six houses away

fuck it we gotta watch the fucking covid what's happening it's that it's that and plus we both know what we're we have no idea what we're doing technically so no you hear this why if i had to put two mics up and cameras and shit it'd be all over but the shouting it'd be like that little rascals from the soundboard blew up what to do with the afro and the hat kept going fucking tremendous how are you today my friend i'm good man everything great game last night double header the kids played great championship it's great to do things like that on a monday night just to do something different you know yeah my kid playing basketball it's it's great just great just watch your kids play i know your daughter play softball too it's fun just going to the games and hanging out as a parent

yeah you go you talk to the other parents god fucking knows what they do they lose their mind a little bit but last night i had the night from the fucking hell so i leave you i come home my wife texts me she says she's gonna run a little late because the girls are still practicing i go down to no problem i go in the kitchen i get my chicken cutlets and my mashed potato and i'm sitting at the kitchen table and i hear meow meow meow meow and i'm like great it's gonna be all right you know that's it great it's gonna be fine i didn't know where the fuck she was i thought she was under the dinner table where huff bowl is so i'm like i didn't even look i go to fucking put the dish in the sink and i hear meowing and i'm looking under the cabinets i'm looking under the sink

i'm looking in the tea cabinets i can't find this fucking cat i open up the refrigerator because i had a cat that went into the refrigerator once i was in there for like two hours meowing and shit i'm sitting there and i'm hearing meow meow i open up the refrigerator he comes walking out like how you doing it was just a minute there fucking hilarious this cat so i open up the fucking two doors refrigerator no cat i open up the freezer no cat and i'm like where the fuck is this cat i hear meow meow and i go behind the refrigerator and i see that there's a can of he fucking fell she's one of these nosy motherfuckers that likes to walk around and she fell so my wife wasn't home so i had to pull the fucking refrigerator out by myself i had to fucking

pull it out like Tarzan and then she wouldn't jump on the fucking counter so i had i'm telling you how to go to the chiropractor this morning get her out on the counter she's fucking me out and i had to push push the refrigerator back what a fucking night man never ends at the Diaz residence but i love it that was my fucking night i know i got a text from you because you're gonna come over and watch Monday night football you like the cat stuck behind your refrigerator i'm probably gonna have to pay us i'm glad you couldn't fucking believe that like i just could not above 20 minutes i'm looking for this fucking cat 20 minutes i'm hearing me owls i'm thinking that fucking maybe i ate one too many edibles the night before you know you never fucking know man you never

goddamn know how was the game last night i didn't even catch like caught like three minutes of it it was a good game i mean they just uh you know the patricks only threw three passes the whole game the quarterback was two for three for 16 yards and they handed off like 47 times it was fucking freezing up damn buffalo new york and the wind was crazy so it's tough to pass and bell check just said we're just gonna keep running it i gotta tell you i almost moved the buffalo for a split second i was thinking about buffalo then i thought about the fucking winters and i'm like nah that's real up there and now even this everybody's complaining about social climate it's changing that shit never changes in buffalo if you like penguins that's the fucking place to be

that's it that shit gets cold up there if you've seen a movie buffalo 66 you never want to move there it's a great movie when he goes home and i love that movie where the fuck is vinson gallo did he just fucking get himself out of hollywood or something i think so because he didn't care like he was doing a thing on his website where for like um like five grand or ten grand i forget what the number was he'll fly to another country and you could fuck him like for women like if you want to fuck me and i'll come to france but you gotta give me a first class ticket and like ten grand it was on his website he was advertising i'm like that's great that's tremendous i wonder that guy's not in the business no more that's fucking great he was a great actor he was a great

writer that guy was just one of those forces but i don't think you know people can't deal with that shit on a set for the long he wasn't hollywood like he he went on howard sternum talked about buffalo 66 and he just the stuff he was saying he wished cancer on uh roger ebert remember cisco and ebert were the movie critics they said it was like the brown bunny that movie may was the worst movie ever in film history he's like i want cancer on you so bad he's saying on the radio he's saying christina richie also did was eat pizzas on the set as you know we were over budget because all the food she was eating it was great he was definitely not made for hollywood no some people are not he's definitely not such i haven't seen him in years years i haven't seen

that fucking dude so i don't know what happened to him him i'll tell you who's gone i didn't think he was gone that fucking great little actor he got cancelled for beating up his girlfriend and he denied it whatever his name is the crazy fucking guy that was in that movie with brad pit with the tank he used to no he grew up at the comedy store doing stand up his father was a biker they used to take him to the comedy store when he was like seven or eight really good fucking actor i forget what's going on in your world brother fuck the acting yeah uh not much man i got you know comedy special coming out i'm excited you know it took like two two and a half years to do you know you work that material and then when you're done with it you're done with it you dump

it off and you start from scratch again it's crazy how the special industry works you know when we were coming up in comedy it was real hard to get a fucking special you got like two specials a year and then five years ago everybody was doing fucking specials and now netflix is tightening their asshole they're not going to hire anybody crazy you know and so the alternative for people don't know is sometimes to just shoot your own special guys it's at the end of the day it's the best fucking thing you'll do as long as you keep the cost low your hollywood agents will tell you that your special cost it needs to cost three to four hundred thousand for you to sell it and nine out of ten times you won't fucking sell it so there you're stuck with this and you told your mother

to refinance the house because you had a lock and now you're stuck with this special not tell you the way to do it is maybe spend a couple grand put it on youtube charge a couple dollars for it and you'll be better off you have peace of mind unless you're one of the big guys and they're gonna tell you everything you do is fantastic that we love that joke you know they tell you everything unless you're one of the big guys you know and but the way to really go to really blow up now i'm just looking at what chain did chain gillis chain gillis just putting a special on youtube and let the fucking pieces fall where they make get it monetized you'll make a couple dollars and let everybody see it you'll get a million people on there you know five dollars people

don't give a fuck people know we're trying to put life together so five dollars i'm gonna make nobody or break nobody so it's good yeah you do like you know put donations underneath people yeah donations because you put it out there for free everybody watches stuff on their phone anyway it's better to own it and you're gonna get more views and eyes on your special if you put it for free on youtube whether behind the amazon prime paywall which like three of my standard specials back there you know so i don't know how many people rent it or buy it but for free on youtube you're gonna get a lot more people watching it and that's ultimately what you want and if you shoot it low low cost like i did got a good deal and done it it's all good and you want to own

your stuff you want to own your your your material because you never know down the road if you could resell it whatever you know royalties and all that stuff i know you had some problem with an old special it's better like looking back we didn't know at that time to own your stuff we didn't you didn't have the balls to do but now it's like why would you let anyone else own your stuff at all there's no reason unless you get netflix and they go hey we're gonna give you five million for a special of course you go no problem you're gonna be five million or come up with another hour of material quick for five million i'll give you a fucking i'll give you an hour and two weeks i'll say shit you never fucking heard before i'm speaking tongues i'll kill a chicken at this point

i don't give a fuck but it's i really like what's going on right now i really enjoy this even if i'm not doing comedy i'm happy for the comic because the comic doesn't need to depend on hollywood anymore you're seeing this they don't even want us in hollywood anymore because one night we might go out and swap spit with a chubby chick and then you know she's gonna say it was sexual harassment so half those people don't want to be in business with us anymore so now we have to do everything from a to z and i'll tell you i want to thank the pioneers that were you know shane gillis people before that rich vosh yourself you know you took matters into your own hands hollywood's not gonna help you i'm telling you i love them people like have you been on audition

lately and they're like nah i'm like have you stayed on your agent nah i really don't call them what the fuck do you expect that's why you only get three goddamn auditions a year so you always got to be bothered there's nothing like being in somebody else's hands to help you and with comedy you could just help yourself now from shooting specials to doing podcasts i was telling somebody they're like oh i'm waiting for i shot 30 podcast and i'm waiting for a network to pick you up well you might as well wait till fucking san janeiro's day because nobody's gonna pick you up just shoot it and put it out yourself on youtube and cut the drama these people think that everybody's gonna rewrite the podcast all my podcast is gonna be great i'm gonna have smoke

and mirrors listen people want to download and listen to fucking work if you think they're sitting there watching your like fires and shit they'll do that at night they don't give a fuck but the point is comics have the world by the ball you don't need nobody anymore it's great man actually louis the one who really started it louis charging five dollars for a special that he shot at like the beacon theater just on my website gets me five bucks so you know i don't want you to steal it you could just get you know please don't steal just pay five bucks and he's he really started that whole movement of just owning your thing and putting it out yourself like i know jim brewer's got a new comedy special out he's got it on his patreon page where if you're a patreon

member you can watch it right now yeah just help me be your own boss like at this at this point our careers like what a fuck do we want to listen to anybody you know that's why we got in the comedy not to listen to anybody not to have a boss not to have a day job not to do a day job so now we're at the point where you don't have to listen to anybody it's fucking great you know i'm just happy i got ripped off a ton we all did you know they they pay you five cents a minute you get your out and then they fucking release it and then they don't tell you where it's getting released and they don't have accounting and we don't get a dime i got ripped off close to 10 times in my fucking life over stupidity that looking back now i should have just shot it myself i would have

got more traction and i would have had the main thing that you said you own it and you control it look at motley crew they sold their fucking body of work last week for 135 million dollars you won't see those motherfuckers no more the guy is almost dead the guitarist he's like weakened at bernie's they just brought him with like a mask on he don't even talk no more they put his hand up they picked his hand up they put a check in there and they fucking wheeled him away i mean you'll never see them anymore i'd say they cashed in the check if that chubby little singer fell off the stage a month ago before that 135 million wait till you see him next time dog that dude that dude's just gonna fall in the hospital and they're just gonna fly him to columbian ended that's all

they need to do with them just put him in a hotel in cartagena give him some blow give him some cocktails and he's fucking done a little chubby singer it's amazing though a lot of the artists are doing that yet so they're gonna get like 35 million a piece between the four guys why wouldn't you take that deal you know you don't want a lot of these got the old artists are selling their catalog you know for whatever money for millions or whatever because they don't want their estate or their kids to be in this mess 10 15 years from now when they're gone we're all these companies you know record labels screwing with them and like i forget it it's going to be too much aggravation they'd rather say it off sell a catalog now for a lump sum

d snider from twisted sister just did it but um bob dillon did it bob dillon did it stevy nix did it yeah just so now there's no problem in that you know when they're dead and gone for their family members whoever they want to set up their kids this is the money and that's all you're getting no more money's coming in because i sold all that which makes it easier for them later on in life so yeah it's a it's really crazy with all the things that people are fucking doing now especially comics that way if you really want a job as a comic you have the world by the balls i know for a fact brian morton at the new york comedy club when he got that job the first thing he did was install cameras at the comedy club so comics could have their sets that's very fucking big remember you

remember when somebody called you and said hey i'll hire you for the for the fucking funny bone in virginia but you gotta have a set uh tape and you're like i don't have a fucking and then you gotta make a tape so you gotta hire somebody for the small 50 to follow you around he's a fucking painy ass he smells like a billy goat you gotta put him in the back of the club he's a fucking nightmare he gets there late so and then he tapes and then somebody the set is rocking you're you're seeing money and also some lady fucking heckles you so now you gotta tape a whole another fucking set not with this you just go to brian morton's five nights in a row and you got yourself a 20 minute set by fucking friday and it's great i think that's a fucking great idea if i ever got into comedy again

i wrote the things that i would do differently and i'd really like to tape every fucking set and watch it i never did that i could record them i i i stopped looking at yourself right i can't stand the sound or the look of me it disgusts me so i want to do that again i think that's uh that's a real way to really progress in your comedy fast like you get good fast by watching your tapes rewrite i didn't do that shit i would watch the big tapes but during the week those are the tapes you need to watch when you're working on that material to see where your hand gestures go things like that you know whatever yeah no you're right i mean uh look everybody you know yeah at the new york comedy club you could cut those clips up put it on your instagram

build a follow them like that you put some funny clips out there you know and that's what the comics are doing it's great that you could just promote yourself and don't have to worry about the industry comedy central wants nothing to do with you hb you don't want to do with them right on the other hand you don't want to do with comedy central what they're gonna do put you on south park what are they gonna do now they got nothing fucking left over there they've been making bad fucking decisions for 20 years now they're left with nothing even daniel tosh abandon ship what are they left with cranky yeah cranky one else they did bring that back yeah they brought it back because they got nothing else thank god thank god you get to

make a little dough because they're being fucking lazy cocksuckers that they are i mean what where would you shoot a special now with right now in the next two years on netflix you're gonna see comic specials that you never heard of yeah they're gonna have their their chappels and their fucking uh philippe's and the tom segura's and all that the bird crisis obviously they're doing a comedy festival in la myself and jim have not been invited who gives a fuck you know i wonder why i wonder why you know i don't i i never really when they had it last year they reached out and they were like this is the number with the figure fuck you i know what the figure is you want to take stand off the top nah just so i could be in your festival first off last time i checked it's

my fucking festival you know what i'm saying there's the joey d is fucking festival and you guys are out with your fucking hand out i i jim got to the point that i couldn't even deal with it anymore like that the shit that they come up with i'm like i can't i don't even know what you're talking about i'd rather sit home and fucking rock the death and put up with these fucking communistic rules stand up was for fucking gangsters that didn't want to do shit that's what stand up is about stand up is for fucking lennie bruce when i read that book that was who the fuck i was i wanted a sling dick do coke and do comedy things change you can't do coke forever you get a family so then you gotta move on do i still want to do stand up i don't fucking know right now but i know i don't

want to get in on a big situation ever again i'm gonna just do small things i like small things it's more intimate i see these arenas i don't i've never seen anything good at a fucking arena you know like i've never felt great at an arena i like theaters i like intimate settings you know but the stand-ups 200 seats is no money you know we gotta expand our fucking horizons but who gives a shit yeah excited about this special money yeah i'm excited man because it's been a while and um yeah just getting rid of it and i love working on a whole new set and starting from scratch i always like that yeah i'm out there i'm thinking i'm going to this open mic i'm going here i'm going there i'm just working on and building and it's starting to build you know little little

by little but i like that i i need to be creative i need to do something i need to put something out there just work the mind i just can't do the same set over and over again and the same whatever so i get to me it motivates me it's tough to see a comic one year and then you go see him 18 months later and he does the same material it drives me crazy and then they'll complain to you after the show nothing's happening for me what you got you still got that fucking violin joke from 20 fucking years ago that's not helping your cause guy you gotta switch it up a little bit people see that you have to stay i mean for me i got like 90 days with a fucking joke and then i got to do something with it i can't keep going up there saying the same fucking joke you add a tag say it backwards that's

how i do it and i you get more stuff when you change the joke up anyway yeah but that shit and not over keeping your material like it's a museum i can't do that no i get bored with it and then the crowd can sense your board with it because you're not giving it the same delivery you did in the beginning and i could tell all of a sudden it slowly stops working you know the jokes are working really well so it's like all right i gotta put them on the shelf for a while well that's where music comes up like we go see uh how's he was born tomorrow he's gonna do paranoid he's gonna do war pigs the gift that those guys have is making that song sound like it's the first time they're playing and that's the same gift that we have is comics

that you gotta go out there it's it's fucking mind boggling when you see a comic destroy even improvise and then you come back and see him two nights later and he's doing the exact same material the improvise he sold me that this was the first time he said this joke it's fucking brilliant you know so there's a way of doing it but after a while when you say that joke over and over you lose enthusiasm over you just you know really lose it so and the audience doesn't really want to hear the same material twice like unlike a band where they only want to hear they'll go to a bathroom on the new song off the van halen record like i don't want to hear this i don't notice that's when they'll go get a beer as a as a comic you hear they hear the same set like i already

know those jokes yeah i heard them already which is good and bad for us it makes us work harder you know but then again that you know a band knows they could play matters of square garden journey and play 15 of their hits and every song is going to go over they already know that going in yeah i can't as a comic myself before i got into i i always tell people i never really saw live comedy which i wasn't i wasn't a fan of live comedy when i wasn't a fan of anything i was a fan of doing coke and watching bands and getting my dick sucked i was never a fan of nothing and a buddy of mine won tickets for that comic from boston like you know maybe a year before i got locked up and i went to see him and he was funny i laughed my ass off and i remember

three years later going to see him again he bought tickets this time because he was a big fan i forget the guy's name and the guy did the exact same fucking material and as i was walking out with him his name is man he lives in point pleasant as i was walking out with him i even looked at him like that was not good and he goes nah he was great i go he did the same jokes as three years ago at that time i had no college no comedy knowledge whatsoever i didn't know what was going on in comedy but i said to him i go if i ever was a comic i wouldn't do the same material like i just knew it even then before i got into comedy it bothered me so i just moved on where'd you shoot the special that was the connecticut one yeah fairfield connecticut at the fairfield theater

you got the bus you got all the boys in the bus drinking flarton yeah we had a party bus go up like 30 of my friends and family and stuff took the bus up there don jameson opened up warmed up the crowd did a great job and yeah 30 animals from my town you know took the bus up there they i made him sure they came to the early show you know i did two shows at one night come because they're going to be drunk so come to the seven o'clock show i don't want you guys at the nine o'clock because you're going to be yelling you'll be the one heckling my family and friends and drunk like already my nephew was sleeping during my set he drank so much he was out cold he watched so he goes i remember the first 10 minutes that i fell asleep in my chair and i was at

like you know 740 when i went on jesus so i knew just you know bring them to the early show but it's good because they always want to come i you know they've seen me a million times with family and friends so i just picked pick up special occasions for them to come out and come see me so that was that would you know usually they'll come to the tapings if they're in the area if i don't do it down in florida or something like that but the last couple specials been around the area so that come i love it that you uh you had to find you sell you put together a crew of fucking your best buddies they got a keg and you went up there four hours you had to call them because there was traffic you know i was still fucking sick i would have gone up with those savages just

just to see the inside and smell the inside of that bus well the one guy my one friend tony brought a milk jug an empty milk jug to piss in on the bus because he knew he was gonna be drinking a lot of beer and there was no there was no bathroom on the bus so he's like i'm prepared i got my empty jug if i gotta go because he didn't want the bus driver to stop and then one of the one of my nephew mike's friends had a piss and he tony made him do it in the jug in the bus in front of everybody i'm surprised they even brought the fucking jug and didn't just piss on the fucking floor my friends were just pissed on the fucking floor those were the worst days of my life i gotta tell you when i would come home and i had a group of friends that

were buck wild and they come to the shows and one night they came to rascals and uh whatever the fuck the main one not the shore west orange west orange and one of my buddies got so hammered on a quailude he just fell at the bar he was under the chair and shit we couldn't find them for like 10 minutes like where is he we had to go behind there where he was standing and look and he was down on the count that was constantly they embarrassed me in new york i'd stand up new york maybe 20 years ago the whole crew came and two of my friends came that were undercover cops and they had their badges on their thing and they were laying on the bar and you could see how coked up they were they were fucking join jimmy like join fucking white rings on their nose and i go to the

bathroom i come out and the guys got his hand on his waist and you could see the gun and the badge and i'm like dog you can't let these guys know you're a cop look at the fucking shape of you and he's like why i'm like put the fucking gun away give me the badge and after and as i was leaving the guy from stand-up new york goes hey your friends are always welcome here i'm like share they are look at the fucking shape of them i would bag them don't do coke at the club i would be like yes fifth one up and they would do coke and then they'd start talking and by the time i got up there they would be yelling and shit i can't do it i can't they don't show up anymore thank god they stopped that shit you got i you always have to remind

them say listen this is my work i'm bringing in my work please behave they don't get it though they don't think it's work for some reason like if i showed up with your work it started causing problems and doing shots and screaming everybody walking by yelling at him wouldn't you be like what are you doing that's what you're doing you're doing my special my one friend tony you know tony i told i knew what they were sitting the whole row we gave him like the third row my whole family so going over security detail before the show i said there's gonna be a guy sitting in that third row right over here he's gonna be a problem believe him alone he'll be fine he's just happy he might yell a couple things out but he'll so just don't kick him out because he's a friend of mine

but he's definitely gonna be a problem and then my manager tommy goes up and and says hey we're filming a comedy special here tonight i just want to let you guys know i appreciate it please don't heckle when jim's on stage we're filming this and all that stuff he goes if you have anything you want to just yell out just yell it out now and get it out of your system so my friend tony yells to my my manager tommy show me your tits people will never understand the mentality of the jersey rat no you'll never really i'm a jersey rat you'll never you can live like i get it but if i brought somebody in here from like chicago and they saw my friends in action and shit like that it wouldn't be a fun situation and you i don't get embarrassed with my friends i just don't bring

nobody around them that's that's it when they're around i want them around by themselves to their own i can't mix and match with people no no because they're because you don't want to censor them like this is who they are i'm not going to tell them hey behave but so you just know why you pick your spots where you can censor your friends anyway no you don't that's the most ridiculous thing in the world i could never censor my friends i could act you know like again i love these jersey rats and my gift growing up was to feed the rats what does that mean to get them going if i knew somebody who fucking went off when he did blow and drink i would take him to the bar feed him coke and feed him shots every two fucking minutes because i couldn't wait for him to go off that was what my

night was based of him going off i have a friend roger hollyway god bless his soul he's been dead a year i didn't get this when i i've been back a year and a half didn't even get to see him before he died but when i went out with him i knew he loved coke and i knew i knew that people would say hey slow it down with him fuck you i'm gonna double up with him i was gonna buy him a half gram now i'm gonna buy him a gram so he could have even more so he could motherfucker all the use all god damn not remember the first time i went to your basement you walked me out you're like hey man i hope those guys didn't offend you and i was like listen you made my day because i thought all those type of people were dead i know that's if it was up to the united states

all of us would be dead anybody who speaks that way would be dead this is the direction we're going i mean i don't know if a lot of comics i don't know if you saw this and it doesn't when you when you hear it it doesn't bother you affect you but if you're a fucking rough comic it should fucking they asked andrew schultz not to do a theater because they said he was dirty if if they think andrew schultz is dirty they're gonna put me under the fucking jail i mean jim this is something to think about that i've been thinking about since i saw that i go massy theater canceled him this is going to be a trend pretty soon so they don't want us to talk like we do you know every time rogan says something a doctor inverting that it's a front page of yahu

and it's like they say that you did something you know i spoke about in the podcast the other day that they were i haven't read anything else about it they were going after jeff garland for like uh you know if jeff garland is offensive i'd better fucking hang myself right now i know right so what these people are going for now is just that and i tell you everybody's like sitting tight listen wait for the holidays to pass after the holidays it's gonna be a mother fuck the shit that they're gonna drop this look at the look what the blasio dropped on us yesterday and that's for new york that's it you might as well fucking stab that in the heart now i can't even bring five and 11 year olds to a fucking thing in new york city yeah everybody's got to be vaccinated all private

companies and i'm sure the guy that replaces him eric whatever his fucking name is will change that mandate when he takes office but you think about that that's not good guys that's gonna stick the fucking fork in new york right there no i know a lot of you know a lot of people from jersey bring their kids in you know they go to dinner they go to a show or something like that i can't even bring my kid in to come to the comedy club because he won't be allowed in he's 11 years old you know starting like another week or so it's insane what you're doing to these businesses and stuff you know so yeah just you know joe says something joe has a doctor on that doesn't agree with cnn and and the next day it's all news they just take these little quotes and go crazy over it

you know it's it's it really isn't saying i know they just they they're trying to control it and they can't and then you got trump who's going to start his own like twitter it's going to start up in like a month or two where you could go on there and say whatever you want basically and they're already freaking out over they're trying to see how would how they could shut it down i gotta be honest to you i kind of miss trump i kind of miss him even though i didn't vote for him even though i'm not a political guy this shit that's going on now like i'm not a political guy i just look at biden and i know that's a mistake and parmel iris she's fucking garbage she's hot garbage all she could do is flip a fucking hair up she's hot fucking garbage and now i tell you

when trump fucking raises hand and threw alex ball went under the bus that was the happiest day of my life because i fucking hated bald when doing trump that shit wasn't funny at fucking all it wasn't funny at all and those poor bastards kept bringing it to the table like it was going to kill america the only people who liked that impersonation were people who didn't like trump i'm a fan of impersonations but a bad impersonation is a bad impersonation i fucking loved it when trump raised his hand and said lock him up he's got mental health issues to me that was fucking the best day of my life for fucking trump meanwhile all those guys who were all friends with trump you know that denaro and all these guys alex ball when they're all new yorkers they all hung

out with him jz you know trump was the man until he ran and then all of a sudden they turned on i mean now i've fallen it's just embarrassing with him and his wife on instagram go when i love you honey no matter what you support me you got my back i don't care what happens to my career i just know i have you you're you're a fucking 65 year old man groveling on instagram to your wife how about you say that to her fucking face nobody needs to hear that you're 65 years old i see how you talk to your wife terry you say if i wasn't terry i wouldn't be around you don't put that on fucking instagram i just want to let you know terry you tell a right to her but this is a fucking 65 that's all i need now today they're kissing in a picture alex ballman and his wife like

what are you trying to do hollywood has become so fucking pukey nine days after that that woman died after you know shatter on set they're posting a picture of them as a family in halloween costumes alex ballman his wife and his kids all in halloween costumes like what are you doing the fucking mental health that hollywood does to you when i didn't even watch the whole fucking thing would stop an oculus whatever his fucking name is all i had to do was watch three minutes of it and then i watched segments of him going i didn't pull the trigger he's fucking crying on tv i didn't even watch i didn't pay attention to it i woke up the next day and pierce morgan is goofing everybody's fucking goofing on him that he's a fake and i'm like you know what guys

why does this shock you they're fucking actors all of them all of them actors they know how to try to win you over with bullshit for alex ballman that bullshit didn't fucking work the other day people saw through that you know hollywood is just a puke fucking place now you look at it and you're like what the fuck happened harvey Weinstein this that and then you got fucking alex ballman saying shit about george cloney and george what the fuck does george cloney know about a fucking gun i don't know i i just don't know anymore you see him coming a fucking mile away and it's just not for me no more no you always say that i'm so happy to be out of that lifestyle you know when the shit going on in la and hollywood and all that stuff you're like i'm just so happy i'm not

involved in that anymore i don't even care come on man what they did to comics during the pandemic and now people won't give those comic specials even though they got vindicated even though the comics are a fucking decent people and that was a time ago you know i told you the other day go you know jim i i'm fucking embarrassed to say this on any podcast because i've been lying to people obviously because i told them it's not like that you know america does not want to give you a second chance anymore there's no more second chances they used to be second chances in the 50s to 60s to 70s you know a couple of them in the 80s michael vick in the 90s but i gotta be honest to you look at a guy like me now and i knew this when i became a comedian it was the reason i became a comic jimmy

that i'm not going to be able to ever get a job i got a pee in a bottle and i got a fucking police record i i brought it upon myself i'm not sitting here whining or whatever but what happens to the guy that does go to jail for 15 years he made a mistake he comes out and he wants to go looking for a job nobody's gonna hire this guy you're right absolutely i know they don't give you a second chance no someone was just bitching mel Gibson's gonna direct a lethal weapon five i guess and some big director or a producer and hollywood just wrote a whole piece for like i don't maybe it was in new york times or something about how could you hire this guy the h jews and this is ridiculous that you're gonna hire him to direct that movie the guys the mel Gibson paid his price he went

away for like fucking five years in the middle of his career when that shit went down you know back at cop car and all that stuff so it's like the guy paid so he can't come back you know that was 20 years ago you're still gonna hold that against him he was drunk and he said some shit in the back of a cop car and i'm gonna tell you something that's like somebody calling me a bigot and it fucking infuriates me when people don't see it for what it is let me tell you something about mel Gibson and people this is again the first time i've said this on a podcast i got the pleasure to work with a guy named dean something twice i worked with him on to box and move with denaro and i worked on him on the longest job yard his name is dean something

and it's not hard to find he's like the third name on the credits he's a big shot the guy's a big old australian guy you know the type jimmy he likes to have a good time drink a couple beers and shit well let me tell you what that dude had the honor of doing he won the oska for dances with wolves for being the cinematographer but why i fell in love with him is because he's the real cinematographer for fucking mad max and the first road warrior the road warrior this guy dean sticklin or whatever his name is what is it what is it simlar yeah dean simlar this motherfucker every day would talk to mel Gibson on the phone every day when we were shooting the longest yard at some part of the day him and mel there's people that we all talk to one person two people your

brother dan whatever and you say things you say Cuban jokes you say Puerto rican jokes you say jew jokes you say pollock jokes whatever i know for a fact every day dean would come up to me on the phone and he'd go hey you want to hear this joke and it would be what you'd call today a tasteless joke but it would be a funny joke to me you know like you know jesus came out of central park and there were two Catholics on a fucking rabbi and the two Catholics were like look at jesus he'll throw a blessing on us jesus come here throw a blessing on me my wife has cancer my mother has cancer jesus like yeah you know here's a blessing on you jesus i'm a bishop my foot hurts here's a blessing and the jews like jesus don't touch me i'm on disability like those type of

jokes right they don't hurt nobody they're simple stupid street jokes if you judge somebody on one of those street jokes you have a fucking problem that's what him and uh used to do every day mil gibson the stealth stupid fucking jokes and i know that for a fact that the chick from uh the chick from uh Hannibal stuck up from you know dan whatever her name is jody foster stuck up for him and she's as jewish as can be yeah so they get in the whole fucking thing room but back to your point yeah you can't they don't want you to have a second chance anymore they do not want it at all i saw the petitions from mike vick after he came back and proved himself and went to therapy they started i was a little upset with michael victor those are fucking dogs but i learned how to give

somebody a second second chance because society gave me a second chance but that's not happening anymore and he's also been an upstanding citizen since he's gone out michael vick he has gotten in any trouble nothing you know you always think that maybe he's going to do something again but he hasn't you know when he's he's on like he's doing like nfl today or something like that i saw him on as like a guest analyst or something or pregame thing so you know thank god believe me if that happened today with the with the thing he did with the dogs you would never hear from again he'd have to go and hiding and never come back there's no way a team would sign him now now look at that i saw something last night the kid who played superfly

the little young brother has over 30 sexual assaults fucking superfly went freaky yeah 30 sexual assaults since he shot fucking superfly you're excited about this special brother i'm excited yeah i could tell you've been putting some hard work into it i know it's going to be fucking great what's the name of it it's called bite the bullet uh it's on youtube my youtube page youtube.com slash jim florentine comedy comes out monday december 13th they'll be available just go to jim florentine comedy on youtube and it's there and you got the uh the telemortarizing telemarketers i saw something yesterday i listened to one of the clips last week it was fucking hysterical it was oh yeah you heard a new one

no oh my god i was fucking dying the other day at the house i love all that's torture and people shit that's right up my fucking alley and then you're at the st louis funny bone this weekend correct this weekend yeah Friday and saturday friday thursday through sunday actually december 19th as well holy shit that's a long fucking week miami's gotta buy you know sometimes there's some a certain amount of a few clubs around the country i'll do four days the funny bone in st louis i love that place but doing it for years mat the manager is amazing side splitters in tampa bt is one of the best clubs in the country the guy in the funny stop in kayahoga falls pete there's a few that i will do because i like these guys that much well man i'll be looking forward for

monday i'll see you uh no i won't even see you sunday for football holy shit yeah yeah my i'll buy this week but i'm on my own this fucking weekend you'll be in st louis your brother's in fucking maruba i'm all alone here in fucking freezing new jersey but hey man thank you for taking the time i know you got a big day today you got to move around you got an ozzy osbourne uh ozzy's boneyard probably coming up this week so thank you for taking the time jim i appreciate that joe we thank you all right have a great day and i'll bump into you later hopefully all right great stay black brother what up i hope you enjoyed jimmy he's a great fucking dude i love him with all my heart please do me a favor if you're in the st louis

every this weekend stop by funny bone and say hello bring him a fuck he don't smoke reefer but bring him a fucking album or bring him a Led Zeppelin t-shirt or whatever even if it's huge he don't give a fuck and then monday his special comes out he's a good dude he's one of my closest friends i'm very tight with his family his family he's one of the best families i've been around and it's a florentine motherfucking crime family i love him to death i love you guys too thank you very much for watching the show this week thank you for fucking giving me all the negative reviews on drinking water and your microphone i'm not gonna do it no more i'm just gonna live here like an african and be fucking dehydrated and shit and talk to you motherfuckers but i love you guys

thank you very much for watching this weekend thank you very much for having my back stay black i'll see you motherfuckers monday tip top motherfucking magoo all right i want to thank jimmy florentine but most importantly i want to thank you guys for getting the party started the joint is brought to you by liquid iv listen i love ivs i don't like sticking a needle in my arm because i don't like fucking needles so this is the perfect product for you let me tell you something about liquid iv i know you're gonna booze this season when you wake up in the morning you want some of the hair of the dog don't you fuck that get yourself some liquid iv you add one stick of liquid iv to 16 ounces of water and it'll hydrate you faster and efficiently than water alone i love the liquid iv

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