Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 12/23/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #41

Episode Date: December 24, 2012

Danny B calls in with more stories about his brother. Duncan Trussell calls in to talk about his recent battle with cancer. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount. Streamed live on 12/23/12.

Oh shit, here you go motherfuckers another fun-filled episode of church of what's happening now PINNITLY What? Here we go ladies and gentlemen, Sunday, December 23rd, two more shoplifting days, what more? Before the holidays, here you go motherfuckers, what? Pissayat, the Flying Jew, Joey Cocodiz, the church of what's happening here in Italy Wiggle Lee, lemme see you do that wiggle, let's see, come on ladies Oh shit, we got ourselves a little fuckin' shoulder cam where you got next to you

We got a little alley cat there next to you doing her thing, watch it, she's my chubby little cat Who I love to text, I don't know how she gets that chubby Not like she's out at night eatin' fuckin' cheeseburgers or whatever Hit it Lee, a little bit more, go, what, oh shit Lee, go, do it, cocksucker What's happenin' Lee Sayat? Not much, Ellie Haddon said hi to me before this That's right, she's a cute little girl, she's got the anger of her fuckin' father though Her father was the samurai

Really? Yeah, you grab her, she'll growl at you, but she sleeps with me until last night I didn't grab onto her and she fuckin' left pissed off, plus I farted under the blanket She was like, I gots to go Sunday, December 23rd, you bad motherfuckers Thank you for being here, I love you guys with all my heart Lee Sayat did not take the fart to the face on Friday night at the end of the world show There's many reasons why the girl showed up, but he was embarrassed

No, she didn't Yes, she did Dad, when I introduced him to Doug Stanhope's girlfriend, because Bingo had a chick that would fart in his face When she walked over to him and he almost fuckin' fainted When I go, this is the girl that's gonna fart in your face, guys He turned fuckin' pale Okay, you should have seen the smile on her face That's right

She would have been so happy to do it Oh, that's right, but I had to talk her out of it No, you didn't She was crying and whatnot So February, we're gonna have a Valentine's show, maybe my January 17th show at the Irvine Improv On a Thursday night, we'll get Lee to come down instead of Testicle Testimony So we'll get a chick to fart in his face that night I didn't want him to go home with that smell of fart in your face

Sometimes somebody farts in your face and it stays on your skin for like four or five days I don't want him kissing his mother with that smell on her, you know Maybe the black chick ate her fuckin' wild wings or whatever for the last three days That coast law fuck up your asshole You happy to be going home, brother? Yeah, yeah, I'm thrilled to be going home I'm happy, everybody needs a little break to go home and refuel the fuckin' batteries End of the world show, fuckin' tremendous Lisa Iac came with me

You should have seen him, like I said, he had the white pets He had everything, he had a little bag with the antibacterial shit When you're eating ass, Lee, there ain't no bacteria You just eat that motherfucker It's like Lysol on your tongue, you know what I'm saying, Lee? I think it's the exact opposite of Lysol You're a fuckin' savage, Lee, I love it Besides that, not the world of...

The end of the world show was great, Stan Hope was great, fuckin' honey, honey She is a monster The band is a monster, but she really, really It's like, listen, the Fleetwood Mac, Cheryl Crowe, and Pat Benatar Roundup and more, that's how good she is I was talking to Andy Bravo, he's a big music guy Oh, please And I love, like, I haven't listened to some of their new stuff

But Evanescence, that's like a rockin' sort of thing Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I love girl singers Yeah, I love them too, I've always loved them But this chick rocked it, she fuckin' brought it She fuckin' brought it, it's great I love Pat Benatar, I love Fleetwood Mac So, I mean, she, for the first time I seen them

On the Joe Rogan Experiment, I experienced I almost fuckin' died, I almost died I couldn't believe that they made that much ruckus With the little they had, it's like watching ZZ Top There's only a guitar and a drum These motherfuckers don't give a fuck You think of explosions going off or something Yeah, and do you see the basses? The basses look like a Jew

I didn't get to talk to them, but he looked like a Jew Who's a Jew? Musicians are all Jews Honey, my baby did not come It should be here today, I woke up to my wife cleaning That's always a sign of a fuckin' apocalypse Or something like that, she was hangin' up my ties So, I love my wife, she's a great cook But for the love of fuckin' Christ, you know what I'm sayin'?

When I met her, I had a force, I had a force To take fuckin' showers at gunpoint When I first met her and she said One shower a day, I got around three or four now Because I'm for the love of fuckin' Christ She's half Indian, half Irish, I love them to death But I didn't write the fuckin' book on showers I'm not a fan of any of that shit, Irish people

I love you, but I love my wife, she's waxin' things She's cleanin' it I got no fuckin' manners, that's what people know I'll fart in your face, like Lee But we're here, that's it, two days This is what we work for people, year round For Christmas and New Years This is what we do, what we do for it

I wanna say, I met some people, very nice people They drove down from wine country Love you, baby, be careful Don't forget to get good cold cuts, slice them thin You'll get the lobster tail, but you do You're gonna have that baby tonight, honey, I love you Anyway, some people drove down from wine country Some people from Orange County drove out from the urban oven

Food truck, and everyone was so nice, it was great We're gonna take over people, that's what we're gonna do It's just a bunch of like-minded people We love the arts, whatever they may be We love to eat, we love to stay healthy, we wanna live That's it, we all have a hard-on for life That's the quest from Dead Squad Just a hard-on for life, you do something with your life

You get up in the morning, and you love what you're doing And that's fucking, I leave this morning, calls me I wake up this morning, I get a message from Lee I call him back, what's up, Lee? I got up at four, and I saw that you put tomorrow Another fucking guy, I didn't wanna come over here First of all, I didn't leave you a message, I'm not that stupid Second of all, four in the morning, you say

Podcast tomorrow, your wife's pregnant I think maybe she's having the baby, I don't wanna come over here I'm having a fucking baby, don't worry about nothin' I did the live factory last night, 12.45 And guess who showed up last night? The Armenian crew from the ice house The young guys who I loved to death We're gonna go out and get sushi on Thursday

And not a dragon sushi in North Hollywood If I don't have the baby, I'll probably do a spot across the street at the harbour I'll tell you what really happened last night That was fucked up, that's why I was online at four in the morning That's why I was online at four in the morning Because you know when I get home from doing the spot I usually smoke my vapor pan And maybe drink some, take my vitamins

Yeah, usually I sleep by two Yeah, I go to sleep But last night I was driving home And I got off on Laurel Canyon I put the canyon over And I drove on Riverside, I was looking at a taco I took a lead, listen man Look, I've always told you motherfuckers

I am 400 pounds, not because I eat shit There's no shit in my fucking life If I take it or eat some, it might be shitty But it's the best of the shit in that category It might not be good for you, but it's good It might not be good for you, but I don't like a lot of bad shit Like, I've never taken you to a bad place like that It's left the time you ordered the fucking ravioli

On your own cuckoo So don't blame that shit on me You don't see me ordering ravioli Don't fucking order the ravioli So there's a little spot on Fridays and Saturdays Whenever I do comedy I love it I love going out during the week to do comedy Because on the way back I listened to Nicky Six

On his radio stuff, the Sixth Sense Great fucking show But during the weekends I like going out Because I know on Friday and Saturday A, my wife is pregnant B, I can stop at the hot dog stand with no guilt There's just two Mexicans, there's a couple Fucking great couple, great

I've been going there for two or three years Ever since I moved up there I've discovered them I don't like the hot dogs as much When my wife is pregnant I took you because we were hungry after the show I usually just get otako Just to talk to him And the pork ones?

I like the carne, carnitas, whatever The carne asada, he's got carne asada, chorizo with potato I don't know, the fucking hot dog was great Oh, it's delicious, it's a Mexican hot dog It's a hot dog with bacon around it You can't lose, it goes right to the fucking heart My heart's still stinging And they do

I always hate when people do bacon And I saw your wife did it the right way too People do bacon and it's like not I like it really crispy I like it crispy That guy had it on the griddle for probably 20 minutes And he went, I love grilled hot dogs And then caramelized onions

And some mustard And then I put some of the, what is it? The pico de gallo Did you really? Oh, that was that sort of smell I'm telling you guys, you have no idea So I went over there I was going over there to meet the Agostino

And manage her from the ha-ha, the nice young kid And Lee, you know where you are? Riverside, you're driving down this like that That's a hunger, there's a Starbucks, there's like five Cornish It's like a parkway Yeah, you're driving again Under that bridge, there was a kid Smoking a cigarette

And I was at the light And I just happened to look at him He was lighting something He wasn't smoking crack There was a cop in the corner So I knew the kid wasn't smoking crack He was just getting out of the rain You know, it was raining last night

So I went down and I went to make the left To go up the side street to the ha-ha And the hot dog guy to sneak up on the hot dog guy From behind Something just triggered me about that kid I was like, that's the weirdest thing That kid's out there in the rain at 1.15 Just smoking a cigarette under the fucking

I didn't know it So I started to turn back I didn't want the kid to think that I was some pervert You know, driving around like the ones that we mugged When we were kids in North Bergen I made a U-turn, I pulled up to the kid I go, hey man, I'm Joey Diaz I just want to say hello

He looked at me and he was like, what? I go, listen man Did you hear anything? And I pulled my car over He looked at me like if I was fucking crazy You know And I got out of the car and I Got like 5 or 6 feet from him

I could tell he was like 17 And I go, what's happening, man? He goes, nothing He was kind of weird And I go, you drunk or something? You drinking? You partying? He goes, no I don't know what

Guys, I usually mind my fucking business Lee knows Yeah, I'm surprised Something struck me to say something to this kid And I go, what's happening? He goes, ah, nothing You know, just walking back But I looked down the floor

And he had like a bag with him A bag of clothes, you know And I go, did you just move to California? And sure enough, he had left Arizona You know, I didn't get into it He goes, nah, I just want to quit high school My parents signed me out

I didn't want to live at home no more So I took a bus And he wants to be a computer guy A camera guy Okay A camera operator, whatever And it was weird because He couldn't have been a day over 17, you know

I looked at him I didn't want to ask him Like where he was staying You know, I got no room for nobody here All I could do was help you and talk to you a little bit So I just talked to him And the more and more I talked to him I thought about myself at 19

I thought about myself Wanting to do more with my life And being helpless Not having the funds Not having a job, you know And stealing and doing drugs Because I didn't have what I wanted To get to the next level of my life

And he reminded me of 1983 or 84 When I came out here and tormented my uncle And tried to, you know, he had to hold me At gunpoint I tried to rob him He reminded me of a kid that Had a lot of heart

But just didn't have the tools To put it together, you know Well, you dropped out of high school For a semester or something too Yeah, I dropped out for like three or four months But then I went back And I stayed home for two years I thought I had it together

But it came a point where even the drugs Were filling this gap Because what I wanted was I wanted to do some of my life I didn't really want to do what I was doing You know, nobody wants to be mugging people Or fucking doing drugs when you're doing them It was at that point in my life

I wanted more And I just kept talking to the kid And I talked to him for like an hour I took his name I told him where I usually hang out If he needs something I just reached him in my pocket I think my wife gave me a hundred bucks

Yesterday and went to the bank And I think I had like fifty-five left And I just gave it to him I said, you know, there's hotels around here I go, look, I would love to ask you If you want a ride or whatever But it ain't gonna help you You know, it ain't gonna help you

It ain't gonna help you You know what you're doing When you get to that point You know what? You want help But you want to be alone Because you want to figure it out It was just really

I came home, I couldn't sleep I had the hot dog with Di Agostino I had the taco I talked to Di Agostino for a while I told him about the ha-ha I told him about my schedule next week And pretty much I just came home And I thought about it

I thought about how I felt at that age When I remember taking a fucking I had gotten us a law settlement Right from making this fucking accident Yeah, me and Cy Lawrence Heavy Cy Lawrence This Jew that was fucking All he did was find places for people to fall

He would go to supermarkets And see if the Anything was in a bottle Like in glass And he would break it And see if he could slip on it Like how long he could take This guy was a genius

That's all he did And he worked closely with an attorney And he worked closely with a Jew attorney He worked closely with a chiropractor And doctors And they would set up injuries So let's say he Cy Lawrence at a daytime

His job was to find Holes in the ground Little bumps in the floor That your foot could get caught And he would come to you And for a flat fee He would get like 300 to set it up So all you had to do was tell Cy Lawrence

You wanted to sue somebody And for 300 bucks Cy Lawrence would get it all set up You sued him He'd drive you to the hospital To get the initial report The next day he'd drive you to the doctor And it was out of his hands The doctor would set up the whole

The attorney's office Would set up the whole fucking deal for you That's crazy Now, do you uh Not that you're not a nice guy But I'm surprised you stopped Do you think you would have stopped If A, he wasn't younger

And B, since he's young Do you think your wife being pregnant Had something to do with it? I don't understand the question I'm too fucking stoned right now I stop because I stop because I never stop And I should stop more often

From time to time You know The fucking foundation for life Is when you're a kid That's when you gain your trust for people That's when you gain a lot of this shit That you uh At 17, I didn't trust anybody

So I didn't want nobody coming around me Unless I fucking knew you So before I went back there I thought of all those things I thought of all those things I didn't trust anybody Something happened with this kid That he wanted to do this

Something The father and him argued The mother, a girl, something A buddy, something must have happened I didn't get into it But it was just very weird talking to him And talking to him It seemed so much of me in him

And what did I see in him Not aggression Or not somebody that was cool I seen vulnerability I seen a hole in this game I seen the pain that he had He was the frustration It just took me back to that

So I came home And I couldn't really lay down I tried playing with the cats I just kept thinking of After I sued that guy And I remember that I was headed You know this is a true story This is how fucking

Leo always says to me How do you not plan stuff Because by 85 I already knew That you lived by the day Yeah, you can have your long range goals And you can have whatever the fuck you want to do But pretty much you live for the day You know, in my world I live for the day

And I'll never forget that And I'm not fucking kidding you When I got on that plane to Colorado In June or July 1st in 1985 I'm telling you Lee It was a flight to Denver When I got on that plane I headed to Colorado Springs

When I got off that three hour flight I was moving to Boulder Yeah, you told me somewhere on the plane Somebody on the bus Somebody on the plane A black guy was like a pink black guy He's like you don't want to move To motherfucking Colorado Springs

With those GIs and shit You want to go to Boulder And sling some dick I mean this guy was crazy But that's the reason why I went I made my decision of my life On that fucking plane I was just getting on a plane to nowhere

I didn't know where the fuck I was going But I knew I couldn't live Where I was living I know that I wouldn't last till the age I knew if I would have stayed in North Oregon I would have either been dead by 26 Or I would have been in prison for life by 26 I would have got 20 years or something

Which pretty much you're not dead But you are dead Because after 20 years You just get institutionalized As a matter of fact Danny B is calling today I got another surprise call at 10 o'clock But that's what we're talking to That kid reminded me of last night

It was just seeing what I'm about Just seeing what I was about And how I turned it around To a way that No, because I'm still scared I'm scared every day when I fucking wake up Every day You think this could be the last day

Or this could be the day when I figure out I'm a fucking mook Or this could be the day when I drive And I run a stop sign or whatever I know my life is daily Because I know how fast your life could change I know how many times I was going to eat lunch And I ended up getting arrested on the way

And those people are still sitting there Waiting on me What the fuck is this guy? But that was 30 20 fucking years ago And all that shit happened So that was it Taking a bus at 17

I remember being that age And it wasn't too long ago for me Like seven years ago And I thought In my head I was old enough for that But looking back If I had to pay bills And be on my own at 17

I mean, I would have found it Like, I don't think When you look back You're like, oh, I couldn't do that But when you're faced with it You have to do it Yeah, I do it But it's just not scary

It's like when I see a 14, 12-year-old kid And when I see a kid And I know the parents in the middle of the conversation I go, how old is your kid? So he's 15 I look at the kid and go You know what? When I got dropped

That's how old I was When I got, my world was dropped on me Yeah Like, could I really handle that? No I look at these kids And they're 14 And 15 and C

And I think about it You know, I got the bomb dropped on me And I'm not tapping myself in the back I'm just stating a fact At that age of 14 There's no way I should There's no way I should have Shot up a post office

There's no fucking way There's no way When I see a kid my age At that age that, you know When my parents died I was forced or whatever I wasn't forced to do anything I chose to do my decisions

I'm not going to lie to nobody When I was 16 or whatever I look at these kids And I go, was I ready? Would this kid be ready right now? No Fidel! Knock it off, cocksucker

Fidel's attacks Harry from time to time Fidel's a sweet cat But every once in a while He just forgets he's fucking six Fidel! I'm watching you, cocksucker So, it's just really weird The things you can't handle

Like, there's no fucking way I'm telling you I look at these kids There's no way If you would have fallen that Drop that You know, I told that story At the storytellist

Harry Stingby And I was telling a story About beating up Santa Claus Christmas Eve in Jersey With a bunch of us We hit him with a snowball Bobby Bant, the Vantage Checking those guys

But the story The sadness to that story Was the night before That was one of the first Christmas Eve's I was without my family And I didn't want to go To the Bender's house

And I'll never forget this I didn't want to go back To Bender's house And I went to the mental And at that time How I made a living was Me and this kid Brian He worked at a bank

And he got this check cash For me And we made like 20 grand A piece I told that story And that was when John Lennon Got shot And all that

Which is fucking amazing That happened back that long What was I talking about? The night before And I bought I remember I met this Trip Club This dirty fucking

Trip Club This girl was sitting On a Galliano bottle This is the mental land Saying I am in a room Full of fucking men And I'm 15 or 16

I'm looking around And these women Getting their pussies Eating in the back Like the VIP And this thing wasn't couches It was chairs It was just regular disgusting chairs

Like the one I'm sitting on And women You pay them money And they suck your dick And you eat their ass And these dirty stripper chicks You know, they were all like Jambas, you know

They were all dancing They all sucked a thousand Cocks by that age And here you are Eating their pussy Fucking mask on And open Preservative on your tongue

And nothing like that You know, it was just nasty And I remember One of the bikers came up And he goes, you know I got met us And those days They used to call it speed

And I had sold black beauties And those days I made my money selling Black beauties And I would go to East Trouseburg, Pennsylvania To the college Then I'd buy acid

What are black beauties? Black beauties are speed They're diet pills Oh, okay Initially They were pharmaceutical Fucking diet pills That the government would give you

But then we'd get out Into the hands of criminals Like me and my buddies And we'd sell them And wrestlers Yeah Wrestlers High school wrestlers

So we used to get Black beauties and Christmas trees Christmas trees were red And green With little capsules With little pallets in them Like that The other diet pills

And I would get them I would get a thousand For 35 bucks Jesus But I would sell A hundred for 35 bucks I would sell them for a dollar A piece

How did they get them For 30? For 30? For 30? For 30? But I would get A thousand of them In a jar

35 dollars I would sell A hundred of them Yeah I would sell A hundred of them For 35 bucks So after I sold the first hundred

I was in the profit I was already In my fucking profit And I was already Ten times profit That's crazy Ten times profit And I would sell them

To wrestlers Yeah To the high school wrestlers To other wrestlers around That we needed to cut weight That's what I would sell them To my big business That checks

And how long would it take you To go through a thousand of them? Three or four fucking days That's it? Holy shit Three or four I'd come back I'd go to East Trousberg

Every Saturday Me and a kid, Nick Biamanti Would drive to East Trousberg, Pennsylvania He'd take me to these fucking kids' House off campus That they were like Jewish kids And they were supposed to be Like 20

They were in the senior years For the last 20 years They had white hair I'll never forget the one kid That struck me weird at that age That they already had white hair Because they were What do you call those people?

Don't leave the house? Shut in? Shut in And they just did acid And listened to Zeppelin And Black Sabbath And the Beatles And Floyd

And Emerson Lake and Palmer And we'd go up there Every Saturday At 10 o'clock and bring them Thousands They were chemists Bring these kids Thousands of fucking dollars

They would each Every week They would make And they weren't They were the original nerds They were cool nerds Because they made like They every week

They made like Led Zeppelin acid or this And they knew how to make The different strains on paper And the little tablets I mean these motherfuckers were geniuses And their shit was stronger And stronger every week

And we would go up there On Saturdays I'd come back by Saturday night Saturday night I would know I would get demand for ups Because I would My week wouldn't start

But I went to the high school On Monday I would make My business was the high school Like that was the main reason Why I like going to school Because I wouldn't make money So as I got to the school

There was three chicks That came up to me I wanted twenty ups I loved when you bought Twenty ups or twenty dollars You pay me a dollar a piece With something I'm paying A quarter of a fucking penny a piece

If I sold mescaline I got mescaline for ninety dollars For a hundred hits Okay So that means it's ninety cents I would sell it for three dollars I'd make two dollars and ten cents On each of them

So I'd go to school And send twenty hits of mescaline I already made thirty fucking dollars Jesus The fact that you In your entire life You only did other than like Small ones

You only did three years Like as you were going The fuck you were crossing state lines To buy drugs In those days, man It wasn't as It didn't get as publicized With people pulling people over

Till cocaine came along Okay Once that route from Miami To New Jersey came along I'm gonna pull you over And look for what I don't even know what the fuck I'm looking for

Look for what That East Trousberg Pennsylvania thing Was just a couple hours From North Bergen And we were making it To a hamburger run It was a hamburger one

Let's go for a hamburger And that's what you really do You're not going to To get drugs You're going for a food run You're acting like It's a food run You're not drinking

You're not in there Smoking pot You're going, What are you guys doing? Hi, officer What's up? Nothing We went to get a burger

And on the block At that fucking place You guys came all the way From New Jersey Yeah This was way before Discovery Channel Food Network

This was way before New York State Burgers And you were in New York State Or Pennsylvania And we go listen Let's go up there Get some burgers Get the rappers in the car

Holy shit And bring back fucking A pound of weed Or whatever the fuck we do We take rides to Camden We go into And then Harlem came Once fucking Harlem

Got popular like that For drugs We were in there all the time It's a ten minute drive Into fucking Harlem If we go to the Lincoln Tunnel And if we go to the Lincoln Tunnel It's a ten minute drive

Over the Lincoln Tunnel Then up to West Side Highway And if not We go through the bridge And shoot over And I was still in Harlem By the way

Talking about Harlem I got a great fucking I want to give a shout out To somebody this morning Harlem Motherfucking Death Squad The Harlem Division

El Domenicano Running shit up there In fucking Harlem Like Carlitos Way In 90 fucking four You hear me We got a Death Squad now In Connecticut

Harlem Kansas We got the chapters Opening up everywhere Harlem I will be up there You fucking You get your people straight

And I'll be up there When you fucking Puerto Rican Dominican Motherfuckers up there In a couple months Doing a set Something So get a social club going

Let's get this motherfucking On fire I want to give a shout out Let me get some more Shout out to these Crazy motherfuckers Before Danny comes Before I forget

I'm on station Number 15 At New Orleans G.W. Berry I love you motherfuckers I know you're down there Listening Firing people

Getting ready for contract Whatever the fuck you're doing I love you guys At New Orleans Not doing comedy I'll be filmin' a fuckin' movie Down there I'll be down there

After March 11th Rockin' it So I'm gonna try to Put something together I'll get the dates for you guys So hopefully I'll come by The fire station And we can talk about fires

And Jewish lightning And how to stop a Jew You know what I'm sayin' Alright How bout a fuckin' big round To applause my man Jacob Herring Jay Garza over there

Kyle Sousa Stop smokin' cocksucker Jamie White Paul 3 TCK Chris Colton Burnett

Joey Palomo Over there at UPS Get your shit together Joey Palomo How bout Jeffrey Marzam And Dave Wilder You know I love you You're always there with me

Bangin' it out And that's all I got for ya How bout a shout out Let me tell you somethin' again I've been tryin' this shit guys I was tellin' Rogan At the end of the world Should I go joke

Listen You know When I would first go to the House and he would go on His podcast And he would do a 20 minute About the piss cup The piss cup

The piss cup The piss cup The piss cup The piss cup The piss cup The thing you jerk off in The piss cup What is it called

The flesh like The flesh like I thought he was fuckin' crazy And then he would go crazy On alpha brain He would fuckin' be alpha brain This if you don't like it You get a money back guarantee

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah He was like fuckin' crazy And he drove me crazy I started takin' alpha brain And I gotta tell ya That's when I stopped smokin' Physical reefer That's when I switched over

To the motherfuckin' vape And you know like Joey Why you bein' such a fuckin' girl Why you bein' such a fuckin' gay cocksucker Why? Because I'm tryin' to save my lungs When I chase my little baby Whenever the fuckin' decides to show up

Eh! Today's the day I'm gonna tie up the wife And fuckin' like a savage And put Mexican food in her Till the fuckin' baby sweats it out I wanna have this kid Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday So I'm back Wednesday Ready to work

Leo be gone for a week We'll be gettin' shit together We got a lot of shit coming up in 2013 I'm happy you motherfuckers Did everything you could for me 2012, thank you You know from the bottom of my heart Me and Lee, thank you

We've done everything together from day one But what I was talkin' about Joe Rogan would say If you don't buy the product Go get the chemicals that are in it And put them together and take it That's how much he believed in Alphabrain I took it and I pulled him aside

I said if you have an addiction There's the way to go to Alphabrain If you wanna push it from that angle How do I know? Anyway I spoke to his partner, Aubrey Who I love with all my heart Happy holidays

And he told me that And he wanted to do some miscommunication And I had spoken about the product before The protein powder is fuckin' phenomenal Listen Look, protein powder is whatever the fuck They're in them The hemp protein is delicious

It's great for you If you can find protein powder somewhere else Whatever God bless you It's not gonna be the flavor That these guys put together That's one thing But I'll tell you what I really got for mom

Half of you motherfuckers You know my shirt guy calls me up there And he's like Joe We haven't sold no small mediums Not even large I said listen douchebag Our people here are all fat fucks Leaves a fuckin' savage

I'm a fuckin' savage You know birds of a feather flock together I guarantee 50% of you people who watch this Are a little on the chubby side You know that's just the way fuckin' life is You know But we're all tryin' to get better We're all gonna become healthy fat fucks

That's what we're doin' in 2013 We might be 50 pounds overweight But we're flying through the air We're doin' sidekicks for Jesus We're smokin' reefer The whole fuckin' deal Okay Those strong bone pills

The glasukamine and the lysamine With the stroleum in there To build your bones and whatever I went to kickboxing three times last week The other night Was I not walking a little fucked up? I thought your knee was messed up again My knee was fucked

That's cause I go And I don't fuck around This is not a girls kickboxing class Where you throw little kicks This is Muay Thai With a bunch of fuckin' Asians And they got body bags And they're punchin' you in the fuckin' head

I gotta wear mouthpiece I ain't fuckin' around down there I love this shit I wanna get healthy If I get healthy You guys Get healthy together We're all fuckin' slingin' dick

To the end of time To get at least gonna sling some dick last week He His mind is gone already No, it's not He was walkin' around with hot pants Yesterday His dick was halfway hard

He has been wakin' off Thinkin' about this broad For the last Any way None of the fuckin' business But you know why Because he's takin' new mood And it gets your dick fuckin' hard

But besides the new mood Besides the alpha brain Besides the hemp protein If you're heavy And you're gonna start an exercise Don't even wait till the fuckin' 31st Started today But

Follow the fuckin' go Get strong bone Just one Just one fuckin' time Go to the fuckin'onit.com Get strong bone Put church in there That's all

Give it a shot Start with that You know how I always say You know if the pork fried rice ain't good Why fuckin' get the shrimp and lobster sauce Ah! Same fuckin' thing applies to this Start with the strong bone

Go to the fuckin' thing Go to onit.com Or the strong bone If you're a fat fluff And you wanna walk around a little bit You wanna push the envelope You know somebody called me They hit me on Twitter

And I'm like Joey I wanna start getting healthy Do I do yoga or fuckin' tai chi? You do everything cocksucker Tai chi, yoga, scuba dive You eat ass with no fuckin' flavoring You do whatever you need to fuckin' do So you figure out what works for you

But the number one thing that you can do today is walk You're gonna say But Joey, when I fuckin' walk The next day my feet hurt My fuckin' feet hurt too And my knees hurt Whether I get on the bicycle People are like get on the bicycle

Swim All that shit's gonna hurt at first I'm just trying to tell you How to avoid all this pain Go to fuckin'onit.com Get the strong bone Get a small thing of hemp protein 16 grams of protein

I think it's 19 grams of fiber You'll be fartin' all fuckin' day Tremendous in that hemp protein It's like reefer and fuckin' rotten ass Comin' out of your asshole Forget fuckin' for breeze and all this shit You got your own for breeze Comin' out of that fuckin' muffler

You know what I'm sayin'? Lee, Lee, Lee Lee, Lee, what the Hit me with a song, Lee, Lee, something You wanna do a... Roovers in the heart, Lee Let's put some music into these motherfuckers I've been talkin' too much

Like I've been snortin' dope How about a shout-out to my man, the fuckin' My little gay arbor I love this guy Gilberto Martinez and shit You know what I'm sayin'? He's startin' his own business But there was one guy, Constantine

You know, I love you There was one guy, MB Leaf Girl You sexy motherfucker Lee's gonna hook up with you this week And we're gonna have a good fuckin' time Michael Costa I don't know what fuckin' site Alright, stop with the questions

These motherfuckers, they wanna ask you Where's my boy right there this morning Throwin' on some sounds I risk a bar I love you, motherfucker 17 Hit it Hit it, Lee

Oh shit Oh shit D BAM Oh shit This is you, Lee This is what it's all about, baby It all starts with your fuckin' heart

If it ain't in there, it ain't gonna work Hit it, Lee Interrupted by the call of life Oh shit Oh shit, it's my man named D.B. You know me, over here with the flying Jew Tryin' to put the pieces together How's Gary feelin' today?

It's funny that you said that He is now on his way back to My mother's house But he likes to call that lockdown Because I'm in a big-ass house When he's there in Keensburg It's like a little hovel So he's a little bit

But he's good, he's hungover He cooked down some tequila Puped like old times Hit on some females And we had a Christmas party here in Allentown He's got a three-day pass A little furlough, if you will Had a good time

Was good spendin' a Christmas with him, Coco But he's out of his fuckin' mind, though Hey, man, he sounds good I gotta be honest with you When I spoke to him Hey, listen, he's crazy But he sounds like he's a piece He did his time

You know, he's like the guy in Goodfellas He did his time now He's gonna, he's home He's gonna get what he's gotta get That's it Well, let me tell you something He's in a hurry, though That's my only concern

I love Gary You know, growing up, I had five siblings And he was the only one I really got along with So, yeah, I'm definitely concerned about him I love him I hope that he does the right thing He's 43 years old Spent his whole life in jail base

You know, it's a tough shot It's a long shot But I hope he makes it, man Let me tell you something If you were away for 20 years And you got out You'd be in a fuckin' hurry, too, Danny I know that

But you know what, he's gotta What he's gotta do You know, I make coins I make a good living I can help him out He's just gotta get off probation So he can work in my line of work You know what I'm saying?

He's got two years to buy time And then he'll make a couple of hundred grand A year with me So, he needs to just settle down Do his two years Come to Pennsylvania Work with me And he'll be fine

He can run money back and forth to Vegas for me Whatever he's gotta fuckin' do, he can do You know, so That's just a matter of him getting there, pal You know, and I take a lot of blame For him spending so much time Because you know, he always wanted to be like me And our crew

We always had it going on, hustling And he was always in the background You know, and the difference is, Coco I had a bottom line He didn't You know, I knew when I drew a line He didn't He went to the next level

And phew The rest is history I mean, you talk I talk to Tim Donagy about how the NBA fixes games All that shit You've had both of them on your show I'll tell you what Gary's story's about prison

A way more interesting He'll keep you there And you'll be like, oh my god And the shit that he had to do I mean, fucker eight people's faces off And actually digested their skin Just to make a statement So not only did he bite your face

He chewed it up And kind of shit it out a few hours later I love it I fucking love it I love it He's from the neighborhood I love that I got that fucking patois around me That I bite your fucking face

I love it, Danny B It's the Lord's Day With two days from fucking Christmas Yeah, man, it's fucking It was good Honestly, man, it's so cool to see him You know, and it's so long He's been locked up, you know

He's not right in that head But yeah, there's a part of him that's intelligent Very intelligent But there's still Yeah, and then there's a part of him That he's still so childlike Because he misses you, you know Coke and uh

I just want to hug him I hug him all the time I just say just the right thing, you know It was easy for me to drift back into that world And I didn't But I was a little stronger, I think Mentally than him And his drug

His drug shit was a lot more intense than mine You know, we did our shit We fucked up Listen, we broke door more times Than I can remember But Gary broke weeks, you know He used to call me Monday Gary was on five, six-day benders at a time, you know

No sleep, weapons, robin shit Breaking into McDonald's You know, so he went the distance, brother Hey listen, I got a role for you, man We're gonna get this Donagy movie going You know, Charlie Sheen's gonna play Tim Donagy Alright You're gonna play Jimmy

Jimmy the sheep Batista Alright I'm gonna play Tommy Tommy Martino Now we just gotta get it somebody directed What do you think? Alright, we'll find the director out here I got Lee Syat right over here

Ready to fucking go He's got his little fucking director's cap on He's ready to rock It was interesting talking to Gary You be the perfect sheep You be Jimmy the sheep Oh, no, no, I love it But one more thing about Gary

It's funny because, you know, I was telling You know, Danny, at 14 Think of the things we were doing Think of how pathetic it is At 14 we were doing the things And we were seeing the things 14-year-olds don't do that Think of what he was seeing at 14

When he was watching us getting high And Russo and steroids And me bringing guns He ate a half a bag of fucking mushrooms at 14 Do you know what that does to your psyche, dog? Do you know what that does to a person at four? When I was telling Lee Whenever I see a kid now

And I know the parent I always ask how old your son is And when he tells my son it's 13 I think of all the things I was doing at 13 Could that kid handle it? He'd have a nervous fucking breakdown And I'm not saying I was better than that I was just saying that I can't believe

I'm still here, Danny I can't fucking believe it We were survivors We talk about this UI, a whole bunch of We're not alone, you know There's a whole group of us Have to survive in different ways

But, you know, some of us Had more strength Gary started very young Actually, Gary was like eight or nine years old Before he did cocaine And like I said, I take a lot of that blame Because he wanted to be like me He wanted to drive a fancy car

And have nice shit on him, you know But, I don't know I just think that he went to distance But all of us had a rough life Look at you Look how fantastic you're doing right now It's a matter of just stopping And getting your shit together, you know

Me, I found this business And it saved my fucking life And it's been good to me It hasn't been easy I lost $14 million Collectively back in 2004 With a big gambling sting Survived that

It was easy for me to go in another direction But no, I stayed on course, brother It's just about, you know, staying on course Just like I do every day I couldn't even imagine being out there today Trying to sling drugs on a bar Or driving around with a kilo in my trunk I could not even think about it

I'll tell you a sad story I'll tell you a sad story Last April, I had that Running with Sabatino and Mehan And we're in North Bergen One of the last sparkies It's on Fairview Avenue And next thing I know, it's 2 o'clock in the morning

Me and Sabatino were dropping some kid off in Seacorkers I participated a little bit I ain't gonna lie But I was like driving this 10 mile an hour ride To Seacorkers It seemed like it took two days to get there I was like, I'm a father Man, what am I doing with this smuck?

You know, driving around Oh, God, we got that to my place I said to myself, what the fuck? Then I'm waking them up at 9 o'clock Sabatino, it's your kid's birthday So they're still doing that, Coco They're still fucking doing the same shit That you did and I did back in 86, 87

You know, it hasn't changed, man So we definitely ain't missing much, you know I look at my kids today They're like, they have the life of Riley Eight yellow, three years old They'll never be exposed to that shit I ain't gonna let them And you don't let that happen as well

No, I know I got it You know, I know that part of the things I did I did because my parents did And when your heroes do this shit in front of you You even have an idea that your heroes did this What the fuck are you gonna do? You're gonna do it, too It don't take a brain surgeon to do that shit

You know, people think they're cool They smoke weed in front of their kids Or their kids know that their dad smoked weed Guess what? When it comes time to him, like a dad He's telling you, no, he's not gonna get high Just say no But at 15, he's gonna go, you know what?

Let me just try it My dad, it was all, bro, it all, you know Parenting Yeah I'll be honest with you I was the last one out of the crew to get high You know, I didn't wait long I was like 12

But Bobby Banta, Phil Pot, Paris Remember Paris Pizzeria? You know, Paris is out here Yeah, yeah, yeah, I loved I told you, I was in Paris the time he got caught His neck got caught in the peep show He was sucking the black chick's tip And he didn't put enough quarters in the fucking slot

And the thing closed down Paris, no shit This is, you know, Paris Paris went to McKinley and he ain't great A part of Scott kicked out of a lot of school Right, so I already found the round Robert Fulton, yeah

He was one of those kids Good athlete, though Tremendous basketball play Good athlete, though If you still talk to Paris, say hello to him By the way, guess who died the other day It was on Facebook Well, I don't know

I don't do the Facebook part David Thomas Do you remember the Thomas family down by Lincoln School? I do, I do There was a bunch of them Right, the Irish And the one brother He was the first guy to go fag-bagging

But he didn't beat the fag up on the Boulevard East He took the fag back to his house And tied him up And the guy was a piano player For fucking Lawrence Welk I was telling these guys yesterday That was David Thomas's claim to fucking fame And he also fucked the Hindu chick

When Hindu chicks went nowhere Nobody was even talking to Hindus This is back in 81 He fucked that Hindu chick At the high school In the bathroom And they suspended whatever day 30 fucking years

It's 30 years, you know, I talk about You know, I was two years winding down Another year going by You look back And you think about those moments in life That were special, that stand out And for me, I'll be honest with you It was the summer of 82

And Christmas season of 82 30 years ago I mean, Christmas Eve, 30 years ago Ligio's house, Joanne Ligio Remember the place? Are you probably there? I was there with Holloway and Conti I mean, let me tell you something

I even did a special that I fucked up I did a testicle testament Which I have on iTunes They're like one-man shows I do About certain situations And I told Lee I did one about the summer of 82 Which I fucked up

I felt I fucked up I didn't like it But summer of 82 For me, it started November of 81 And it didn't end until April of 83 I remember I left to Colorado April of 83 And I fell asleep for three weeks

And Danny, I wish I'm telling you a joke I wish I was lying to you I lost 20 fucking pounds Because all I did was get to Colorado And I see that Terrible, terrible Because I was on point from November of 81 We were on point where you were getting

I was probably getting 15 hours of sleep a week You know, I started I'd be honest, the military You know, I was away for the three years I was left at 17 I was gone So you guys were kind of already kicking I was shaking a bit

I was in Panama I did my first cocaine in Panama Back in, I think in 81 And I was fucked just a little bit But that was the real shit I mean, for three weeks I was high off of one or two blasts But walking through the jungle

Getting hit with shit like that I felt good But, you know, I started a little later I was the last one to smoke weed I was the last one to really do the cocaine But, you know, but Anyway, yeah, we survived a lot of shit, man But you guys were fucking nuts, though

We had fun And you were always a fucking likeable guy, Cope Everybody loved you, you know And that's why everybody's so happy For what you're doing right now, I mean And the ones that ain't let them go fuck them So they're just heated You know, listen

I think of, you know, I've told my man, Levis Like the other day I was sitting there in the room High I was smoking weed and writing And I was thinking about that You know, after the end of the week One day I'm going to decide to go back home And in the back of my mind

For some reason I thought about that It was still the same when we left Which it really isn't But just at the time is that we left It's horrible, it's not even work No, it's horrible Don't eat no shit No, no, no, no, no, I don't know

I'm just saying that I always thought that it stayed the way it was Like corkies were still open We could still go to Christy Lorenzo's house And steal his cork When he hit it under the car outside And you'd see it Oh, oh man

That's what I remember that show I remember going over to the biogram And finding He had that fucking red barret No, he had the red diamante What was the name of that car? The diamante The red diamante

The diamante, it was an Italian car Some Italian line Piece of shit He paid like 30, 40 grand for that car I think he still hasn't his driveway But he was those motherfuckers You know, our digger was supposed to call And he blew me off that motherfucker

So I had a fire in my head to tell him Not to lose my number Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig I remember dig, I saw him and Kurt De Lorenzo at the Millennium Building In Miami Beach back in Before I moved back to Pennsylvania It was at 05

It was like June of 05 We had a good time It was the first time I saw those fellas in a while I mean, I hung out with 30-30 for a bet He's just out of his mind He's just out there Talk about a space cadet No coming back

But I had fire It was like digging He was always funny You know, and uh But yeah, that town's not worth going back No, no, no, no I was down there Weak Hawker

What's that? No, no, I mentioned in the frame That nothing had ever changed, Louis No, no, I got it I thought that Like, you still go back And the only thing that has not changed That I heard is fucking better than ever

Is Rudy's in Clipside Park I heard Rudy's I was there, man I was just fucking there You went there, right? I put down some of the shrimp parmesan And calamari Fucking hey, it was just there

It's the best The fucking calamar The fucking best The medium sauce God, you know, I used to walk there In 1982 I used to In 81, I used to walk there

From North Bergen to Rudy's With uh, Rousseau With Tommy Rousseau We'd walk up there Tommy Rousseau And they'd service beer Tommy Rousseau They'd service

They used to have But the guys are still the same The same bartender We were there a few times Same fucking guy You know what else is still good You know what else is still slammin' Hiram's

Callahan's is gone But Hiram's, the hamburger joint Hiram's hot dogs That's still slammin' Hashways is gone But there's nothing to me And Chance dragging in They're still cutting up cats

And rats And dogs And Romans Oh, Romans Charlie Roman Charlie Roman But that's my all time favorite Is that Chance dragging in

For the love of fucking Christ The agro's Oh, the fucking my ties The fucking my ties I used to get fucking We used to do a fucking My tie in an eight ball My tie in another eight ball

My tie in two eight balls And if you did a my tie It made you go get an eight ball It was the weirdest fucking thing Like if you're sittin' there All you had to do was one more What was his name? Chuckie

Chuckie Chuckie Chuckie Chuckie He knew He knew when you were snortin' He'd keep bringing those fucking things He'd light cigarettes for ya

That's a bart That motherfucker retired That motherfucker retired Yeah, I can't believe You know what? When I talk to ya I'd love to get us all together You know, whoever's left

In one area Just for one night I just fucking reminisce Laptop, a couple of cocktails And whatever happens happens But just that one last night Cuz again, 30 years ago Was the best time of my life

Favorite memory is headin' down Seaside, which is no longer there Because of, you know What happened Me and James in this broken down car Listenin' to Led Zeppelin The immigrant song Whatever the hell

How well did I sing? I am the most Right, yeah So we're just We're them, of course Sneakin' Beards And all of a sudden We're in-between notes here

Okay, Patrick Tell us Why'd you kill the cat? And we're just lookin' at each other We're like, what the fuck? Tell us why you killed the cat Make it easier on yourself Meanwhile, it's Gary

My brother, Gary Having his brother tied around A noose around his neck In my basement Of course, my cat Patrick killed my cat A couple of days prior He killed it in the middle

And I stepped on it Cuz he didn't like cats So they wanted a confession And they needed evidence So they took a Led Zeppelin Fuckin' tape, my tape And meanwhile They got the confession on the tape

And so in the middle of The immigrant song We started Okay, Patrick Why'd you kill the- And we're just like You don't remember It was like the-

And we're all like And we got Oh, I killed him I killed her And then my cousin Michael Happened to beat it Cuz they left him to Fuckin' hang

They kicked the milk cart Now from underneath his neck And he was fuckin' Gonna dangle on a Type in the basement But they- They rescued him And that's how they got

The confession on a Led Zeppelin tape In the middle of the Immigrant song But it was funny as hell Cuz we've played it For everybody We heard that thing

Ten dozen times that weekend And everybody's like Come, did you hear it? Did you hear the Cascade tape? Because it was so bizarre Everybody's like, so what? It's the fuckin' Led Zeppelin

Led Zeppelin I heard this No, shh, shh, shh Just wait, just wait Alright, Patrick Why'd you kill a cop? And then he's like I can't, I can't

Make it easy on yourself Oh, okay Okay, okay I dare it, I dare it We two- That was the best That was the best Because the work on my-

You know, the tape itself Was funny But the original Look on James' face When we look across him And he's driving I said, what the fuck Is going on here?

And we died Eventually it was said Because it was funny But the original And we died Eventually it was said Because that motherfucking killed My cat

That was my cat Since I was a cat So I fucking- So I was sad But at the same time It was so fucking funny We played that tape Till it wouldn't play no more

Man, that was And then a few months later I ate the ear You did the what? Oh, you ate the ear You ate Roger's ear Poor little Roger Roger's getting married again

His wife died Now he's remarrying One of the nicest kids In the fucking world His brother called me on Friday Roger's wife died? I didn't know that About two years ago

His wife died of cancer And then he got Oh, man He had a lump in his head Or something You know, Roger's a tough Dear friend of ours Roger turned out to be

I'm very lucky that he's still You know, he's a born again Like he's a Christian And stuff But he doesn't judge us At all He laughs his ass off I love him

You know, he and I Became after that incident Because he was always A ball buster, Roger And I didn't know that I didn't know that I didn't know that I didn't know that

About two years ago His wife died of cancer And then he got After Roger And I didn't know him That well at twenty So I just Didn't like what he was

Doing I don't know how it happened But after that Shortly after that We became very good friends I met his father And his father explained How close to death

I came for doing that And, um But then the father Kind of told me Why he didn't call When the dogs Because Ms. Bolloway Had some contacts

You know that Right So, uh, yeah I mean, he found out He goes on He's telling me the story To find out He's fucking

Heckel and Jekyll looking for you You ever been Heckel and Jekyll? That's when two big thugs Come after you So, uh, Heckel and Jekyll So, uh, yeah We became good friends I love you all, you guys

The memories I'll never, you know, forget You know, John Cowan hung himself You know, we He hung himself He hung Johnny Cowan Yeah, a long time ago, Cokes Because his father found out He was gay

And then he couldn't live With the fact that His father was so good You know, Mr. Cowan At Eddie Cowan John Bolloway He was a tough drunk, you know And he was hard on his kids

So, he made John feel guilty For being gay And he killed himself He hung himself in one of those Hotels on Tonnelly Avenue Wow, I'm sorry The one I think about every day Of my life

My brother, my, you know I love Ronnie with all my heart And he was my blood brother And I loved to death You were very close, yeah But do you know who I think About every day You know who my real brother was

You know who breathed for me At one time A man by the name of Glenn Conti That was my brother growing up I loved him, yeah I never got over to my Conti I called him about ten years ago I was very

I was just shooting Analyze that And I called him up And I said, man I'm in New York State I love to see him And he goes, listen Before you go any further

And he goes, that's not what My life's about anymore And he goes, I wish you All the luck in the world And he goes, I can't do it No more And I was very hurt For about ten minutes

But I know what we went I know that We'll still be friends In the next motherfucking life I mean You know what, he had I heard that Larry McNeil, the hat

You know they call Larry the hat He told me the story How he kind of I don't want to say a recluse But he kind of shied away From everybody And then he got back Into the area for one night

And then he let his guard down He got fucking hammered And then he was like That's it And he never coming back I heard he done well Investing in UPS I heard he did well

But I remember When the Giants beat The Patriots The first Super Bowl A few years back I was at Abramowitz's house And I was like

Come on, get Conti Because Glenn and I were close Because Glenn's grandmother And my grandmother Grew up together So we had that little bond And we found that out As we were growing older

You know, shit I didn't know what grandmother Was in the weeks So we had a little bond there And I actually Used his name a lot Over the years As a, you know

We used stage names In our business as well And I've always had That guy and called himself Glenn Conti Or Sabatino I always kept close to my You know, past too

But using guys from the past Sabatino, Conti I talk about you now On the show And I'm glad to I'm proud to You know, so I never forget where we come from

But unfortunately, gosh Or fortunately We got out of there Coco, because there There's nothing left there Except for chicken delight Chicken delight Still there

Don't cook tonight Everybody's name Don't kill, right? I remember Mike Donnelly Remember him Chicken delight He was the manager there

Since he was like 12 years old So instead of going to school Like 9.15 We'd stop in Turn the cookers on Fucking heat up Some scallops

And shrimp And fucking chicken breast And then go Into the clubhouses Instead of going to school We'd sit there Smoke weed Eat chicken delight

And scallops Burning candles To keep warm Not realizing that We're probably killing ourselves And then about Quarter to three Work our way out of there

I feel like we had A good day at school That was Listen Gotta tell you something I got a rock and roll here But I know you got Some bold picks

We discussed last night I want the people to go To your web page Because people are gonna be off For the next two weeks You gotta make a fucking living Alright? These motherfuckers

Gotta make a living The next two weeks Because you got the next Two weeks off, right? Lee, they're not paying you Lee's not getting paid For his fucking vacation So we gotta let these people

Make a living While the next two weeks You got anything for them? You give them Two bold games or something? Right now I got locked in already In a couple of bold games

Now I'll make some more moves And they can just check me out At DannyBWins.com But right now I'll tell you off the cuff Definitely I said this As soon as the line came out Jump on the Irish

I got him at plus ten Right now you're seeing Minus nine and a half If you're taking Bama Or, you know, plus nine And get it up to plus ten The Irish plus ten I like that to be

A lot of people disagree But I expect that To be a high-scoring game So I like... I think you're good The worst-case scenario You're split out With the Irish in yoga

But I like to go 2-0 On a title game With the Irish plus ten And over forty-one I either point half Or point down If it's forty-one and a half Blyat the forty-one

And the orange ball I think Florida State Flaps manners On Northern Illinois It's the orange ball On the first Florida State's at thirteen And a half

Minus thirteen and a half Try to buy it down To thirteen Or, you know Fourteen But I like Florida State The rock and roll And the orange ball

And again, I make moves Here and there You know, sometimes Least expected But those are two plays That I'm definitely moving on Is the Irish And Florida State

My friend What's up, buddy? There's a ghost here? All right, well, Go shoot him With one of your guns I love you, Danny B I'll call you before the holidays,

Cocksucker You know, I love you Hold on a second, kids Hey, listen You have a great holiday Your friend out there Everybody out there Just, you know

Be cool and go get them You dirty cock suckers What's the website to go to today? What's the website to make some money? DannyBWins.com DannyBWins.com DannyBWins.com Check it out

Have some fun Everybody have a great holiday And Cocoa As soon as that baby comes out Give it a call I'll call you I love you, brother Thank you for calling in

Love you, too, guys Thank you Have a great holiday Holiday Hollywood Bye-bye, fellas That thing are taping over With the cat confession With fucking hysterical

I told you, brother These guys got that particular group Those motherfuckers got stories For fucking weeks For weeks I got stories for fucking weeks Groovers in the heart What happened?

It got interrupted What'd you do, Cocksucker? We're probably going to get interrupted again With two days from Christmas Hiddantly I love that fucking jam That jam always gets me the good boys Do you want me to start it over?

Sure, whatever I want to see you dance You haven't danced With me yet You're going home You're going to a fucking New England game next week They might lose play They might not cover

Oh, they're not going to lose Those motherfuckers are going to lose Oh, shit You're taking the girl What are you taking the girl? To the Patriots game Oh, shit Oh, lonely

Oh, yeah, lady Let me see how you're going to dance with me Go shout out to Dick Syat Down there in Florida Guarding the fucking truth Look at your son with the beard He's making it happen He's going to eat that ass

Mr. Syat Hiddantly Hiddantly Oh, shit, lady Literally waiting Burnin' some calories for that me Lookin' good, motherfuckers That's what I was hoping

All right, baby We're two days away from Christmas Yes, we are And who do you like today in the football fucking league today? Who do you like? Let's see I think, you don't think so

But I think New Orleans and Dallas is going to be a good game I don't know who's going to win Tennessee Green Bay, that's bad How about the Texans giving nine to fucking the Vikings today How about Dallas giving one to New Orleans and Dallas

How about, well, Philly just sucks Look at New England giving 14 points to Jacksonville Even though Jacksonville is the worst I think the two games Well, there's three games I like the Giants at Baltimore because they both lost

a lot recently, so they need to win I like San Francisco at Seattle which is the Sunday night game again just because Seattle's been great and San Francisco's been great, unfortunately And then another game that should be interesting is Cleveland at Denver, Cleveland always sticks around

How about this game? The Giants against Baltimore The Giants have given one They lost two games in a fucking row So you can't even take the points because Harry, leave her alone You can't take the fucking points because you got nowhere to run to

You're following me There's some games today Me, I'm staying out of this mess today This is a fucking nightmare If I liked anybody today I'd take the Jaguars taking the 14 points I have nothing to lose For a small 50 just to watch the game

The Jets you can't even fucking watch anymore Minnesota, Houston, Texas The Texans are fucking tough at home 12 and 2, you know? I don't know what the fuck they are at home I guarantee they're probably undefeated at home with some shit Minnesota's 8 and fucking 6

I don't see the beauty of a guy from Minnesota who's going to break some records today or whatever he's had the possibility He's going fucking nuts That's a big line right there I mean, today's a tough day That's why I thank God Today I just hang out by the fucking club

see who wins money playing pool and fucking stab him Do something there, you know what I'm saying? New England, Jacksonville fucking over and over, 51 What am I going to do here? How are you going to fucking act? It's two days from Christmas League If you lose this week

instead of buying your kid a bicycle you're going to pay some fucking mook and a fucking diner on fucking Saturdays That's what I don't like That's what I never liked about it But we got a great week Remember, we're just doing this podcast again tomorrow and then we're shut down

until like January We'll let you know when But do your people a fucking favor I think Did you see the We didn't make and I'm not saying this shit to bust people's balls

The reason why I'm saying this is to as a family what we've done this year together Lee, myself and you guys We had the CD this year We went number one We had the Testicle Testaments They made it to Billboard

and it's thanks to you guys You guys already gave me a fucking Christmas present this year and it was just bringing me back making me feel alive making me feel like a fucking stand-up and all started by me ripping a fucking hooker's wig off which is just amazing That's the name of the book

Taking the hooker's wig off because this is what got this started You people like the honesty and whatever the fuck we talking about This week, you know, Rolling Stone I don't know if they even printed that article They sent me an email some shit saying that

the writer was going to print a small reverb about it before the holidays I don't get Rolling Stone You know, somebody calls me and says there's a great article Rolling Stone about the Stones or the Who or fucking some chick or something

I'll go buy it and when I fly, I read the whole Rolling Stone but I haven't flown so I don't know it was in there Last week, people were hitting me up Joey, what the fuck You know, your CD didn't get put on the bed

I didn't think it was going to be one of the best albums of the year It was us fucking around in Brea and it's a good album and I'm happy I put it out there and I'm happy you guys enjoyed it for five bucks This is the week I think Rolling Stone says

one of the sleeper albums of the year Really awesome Yeah, it was one of the sleeper albums of the year So if you didn't get a you know what's the name of the album You're the priest You're the motherfucking priest that's going to be on iTunes again this week

and we got the documentary where a lot of people are purchasing again on Amazon and on... Payloads Payloads If you didn't get that for Christmas and you want to send a download to somebody and do that

Me and Lee don't know what we're going to do next year We're definitely talking about another CD which I'm working on now and another DVD but a DVD I'm so busy, you know I just got this movie in fucking New Orleans It's a long year

We'll figure it out It's a long year but we'll figure everything out but we're going to be here rocking motherfuckers in the free world like a bad motherfucker but we'll be back here tomorrow and like I said, you know

if you know somebody who's heavy and they want to get their life together and they just want to get a little healthy this is your fat doesn't mean you're unhealthy we've never said that you know, when I was 400 pounds I remember going to the doctor the first time

before I went on Weight Watch and him going to me dog you're not unhealthy you know, you are I mean, but it's not like you're falling apart there's no diabetes there's no this shit no that shit

he goes, you can stop this now he goes, if you want to do the gastric bypass is that the first one? and I was like, listen I hate fucking needles I hate doctors and I hate all that shit

Pasadena, Lena so this is why I got into the thing because he said there was hope you know, from the blow I thought that my heart was just look like an avocado and he goes, believe it or not your heart just has a couple of black spots

from the sleep apnea because that puts more stress on your heart than the fucking the blow so that's why I started getting healthy because I thought I was doomed already I thought once you're 400 pounds you fucking doomed, no you're not

it's just the beginning your body's been walking around with that weight it's getting that stronger and you imagine that they take that weight off it's like running around with a fucking weight vest on you're brand fucking new you know what I'm saying

what other songs you got for me today, Lee? what other music? play something oh no no, we were going to talk about the album yeah, fuck I forgot about this you know, it's really interesting that Danny today said that the best summer

it was for me listen, if I live in the past it's 1982 that's when I robbed the jewelry store that's when I fucked the chick I wanted to fuck with the most I was in love with this girl for four years I just wanted to fucking get it over with and I fucked her

somebody sent me a picture on Facebook the other day she's 300 pounds she's still fucking beautiful I'm not in love with her no more but I did everything that year that was on the list I robbed people, I robbed the jewelry store we snorted blow

I got my dick sucked it was just one of those years that everything clicked 1982 was when it started I was on an 18 month tear you know, it was funny because I was dead I was sitting there on December 19th

what the fuck did I do December 19th I was like, man, I got a job at this hardware store called Boulevard Hardware it's still there in Jersey I forget the guy's name the family had a weird last name they were Arab but they were cool as shit

the sister was beautiful Mohammed Zabib yeah, that was, no, no that's my economy teacher anyway, but I worked there with a guy named Montesano Montesano got me the job there and I took the job like two weeks before Christmas

I was working with Ferney, Boston pseudo and Glent Conti at some place that made stands you ever go to a Ralph's or a supermarket and you see like empty men's donuts those stands and it was a mafia job the guy that ran the thing

was a friend of a friend so he got us a job there and it was a no show job but he kept saying listen to get into the union for those 30 days I need you to show up for the 30 days after that's a no show job but if you show up for the 30 days

you just sign in and you don't have to work so we go to the roof to the top of the fucking thing and we set up the boxes and we play football so we make like a fake defensive line and I would go play off

and it was fucking crazy then we knocked out one of the guys one day one of the workers there would send us you ever watch Copland no you ever seen Copland with De Niro and everybody

and there's a scene in there where they have a social club well that place was a real little strip mall and we were kids Ferney, Boston pseudo's father he's brought us brought there called H&B Diner

H&B Diner yet and they used to have Lee the best pork sandwiches I mean pork on Italian bread with that sauce and a can of coke all my fucking delicious

so we would go over there at lunchtime the factory was right around the corner at lunchtime we would go over there and that old guy and the black guy would give me

a couple dollars a dime a big container blackberry brandy and I would come back at ten and he'd drink a whole fucking bottle and one day he's like I want to play football with you guys

so like we got to build more boxes right so he goes play down here so the boxes there was a a window

open behind us like a window I'm up in the fucking roof on the ceiling and I'm shooting the boxes at this guy and he would catch them down below

it's like a ten foot drop so Conti would give them to me and I'd just throw him down and the guy would catch him out of here and one of them the guy turns around he's a little drunk

and he's like come on send it down Cuba he's a black guy and I send it down and the wind catches it and it's and I see him his eyes open

he's drunk and his eyes open because he lost it in the wind like some people lose the ball in the sun not this motherfucker he lost it in the wind

and he finally it just clocked the brain here and you could hear him going BAM it broke that fucking bone he went down there was blood everywhere

the fucking shop stew it got mad at me it was the end after that Jesus Christ but and the reason we bring it up is because I got this job

I got fired I didn't get fired but they were like dog we get you a no show job and you break a little black guy's fucking nose and he was a sweetheart of a guy I always felt bad about that we took care of him after that

and do it now but I got this job at the boulevard the boulevard hardware and I was in there selling tools and I was doing a great job and in January 21st of 1983

I took my first pinch I gave my buddy Tommy Russo the rat some fucking checks and he turned them into the cops the cops came and arrested me for fucking look at this shit

this is the this is the shit I get I give Lee a fucking envelope comes back to defective fucking material he just keeps on focusing some Mexican downtown you're no good Lee you're no fucking good

anyway what the fuck is this shit you got a call I'm sitting here waiting like patients on a monument cocksucker hello yeah

I know who it is I'll play it so I'm pretty fast call the fucking number no I text you a number this morning you said I got dealings what song you got for me I was just playing that song just in case you didn't say the number again

which one which one I was playing Groovy how many times you're gonna play Groovy in the hotly you're the worst fucking DJ you're gonna play the same song three fucking times you told me to play it twice

alright no because we didn't finish it there's your boy who's this oh shit direct from fucking Las Vegas how are you buddy hey how's it going man

you know the church of what's happening now while prayers and our thoughts are always with you and everything worked out and that's it we just wanted you to say hello call up and we had the guy call up the other day from ballcancersucks.com

and he talked to us and I've been trying to get you on all weekend that's it what's happening man it's almost Christmas the world didn't end life is good

how are you feeling I feel great I mean the weird thing about it is I feel 50 times better than I felt in a really long time you know getting like when you have cancer and you get it cut out of your body

you actually feel better which I guess seems like an obvious thing to say but it wasn't something I considered when they were telling me they were going to chop off one of my balls unfucking believable Duncan and when you called me I was high so I thought you were just breaking my balls a little bit

and then I called you back and you told me oh my god I was I was blown the fuck away Duncan when you called me I remember getting home by the way do you know what a week it was

when even though you thought I was joking you were just joking with me about it because the funny thing about getting tested any kind of cancer is that you have to call people and let them know and when you call people and I mean it makes sense

but people get really worried and scared because you hear in their voice like it summons up all kinds of different fears not just for you but for them because they're contemplating their mortality all of a sudden and so it's just

it can be off-putting so when you and I called you and you called me I said I do who cares it was really funny you know but

yeah because it is also a testicular cancer it's the most treatable cancer there is I think one of the most treatable one Jesus Duncan you scared a lot of people a lot of people were concerned

and you know Duncan I got to be as honest as I can with you I in 2006 I got the longest yard 2005 and

and after that I went into my own deep dark world because I thought things were going to happen and they didn't and I didn't see you for a long time you left the store and I didn't see you and

you had a girlfriend or whatever and I tell you man the last two years since I've been in contact with you the quality of my life is a lot better so when you told me that your feeling is mutual

oh my god when you told me that it destroyed my insides for like 10 minutes then I thought about it and I said you know what man I have a friend that got diagnosed

three years ago I cried I was worried for a week this motherfucker called me yesterday he's making lobster bisque today he's telling me how he's got these 20 lobsters

and he's making lobster bisque and sometimes it's just a bump in the road that you overcome and you come back super strong and I'm happy I'm happy that you're here doing your thing it's not even

I mean that it's not even that big a bump it's now that I'm on that whenever anyone I know gets cancer it's always it's been a million times

more horrifying than when I had finally got it it's like something other people getting into it's more scary but when you get it it's like oh this is just a

you know this is I've got it this is a fight it's like when you're in the US and you get called by Dana White and you've got this fight coming up

and you're like oh great I'll take the fucking fight except in this case it's the grim reaper and they're cutting off one of your balls but in the same way it's just like

oh okay I can I'll fight this because it's the easiest cancer to defeat you know which is that's why I keep saying that because I don't want people to get upset about this

it's what I have now that all the tests come back at the 95% curate that means it would be embarrassing to die from this it would be embarrassing

like people would be like wow you're an anomaly how did that happen it's so so it's not really anything to worry about

too much and I feel great and if I may say this is my jizz is like this pearlescent white

now it's like beautiful brand new like when you get a new car color white sparkling fresh snow

on the out like white when you had that cancer nut how was your sperm was it brown and it smelled like fucking Missy Shor's foot

it was it was just like unhealthy it's like like an old dog like if somebody had an old white dog and the skin

you know it's just we had some fun back in the day but we're going to have to put you to sleep skin pal that was the color

of my jizz but now it's like it's just glowing like flashbulb white like the white

in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and that teleporter that they had to wear glasses for so it's nice and sweet like pineapple juice these chicks are going

to be dying to suck your dick now it's going to be all nice and fucking creamy and tropically coconutty and shit you got that one nut

giving out that juju juice now forget about it you'll be slinging dick I'm telling you I'm so happy because your attitude

which was really the winner in this your attitude I've seen other people who have been sick before and your attitude took it and looked at it

and steamrolled this motherfucker you didn't even give a chance to fucking grow well yeah exactly man I mean all this my whole life I've been reading these

books on Buddhism and meditation and all this stuff that part of me the whole time reading it

and part of me it's cynical skeptical part you know this is all just like new age bullshit because I had really it's like going to study

some martial arts for a long time and then finally you get in a street fight and you realize holy shit this stuff works and in the same way it's like a lot of the stuff

that I've been thinking about for years when it's like something like this happened where I was faced at least momentarily before I knew

exactly what the spread of the thing was when I was faced with like yeah you might this you really might die it was really cool because everything

that I had studied about impermanence and the fact that nothing lasts that long on this planet everything ends up dissolving and it really helps

to keep me from freaking the fuck out because you can't panic I mean there is this moment where you're sitting in the doctor's office and he's at the desk

looking at you and he's like yeah you have a tumor in your testicles with 90% cancer 90% cancer we should schedule the surgery now

and we're going to send you up to do a CT scan to make sure it hasn't gone into your chest and your brain that part of the fucking

rod sucks that sucks that's like vertigo that's like you're in a goddamn offered Hitchcock movie and just sweating

and you feel like someone's stuck cotton in your ears you can't hear anything you're like what the fuck I was just a breakfast

I was just having eggs and coffee that was pretty intense but everything changes you know you know Duncan about three or four years ago I shot a commercial

and I shot a commercial a week before Thanksgiving and it was like a mob commercial I forget who it was for and there was a bunch of guys in the room

and the one guy said he had a pain on his shoulder and then he went to the doctor a week before we were talking about pains and

I had known him his name is Lenny and he goes I had this pain in my shoulder and I went to the doctor last week and he goes

he did this checkup and while we were shooting and at lunchtime they called him up and they told him he had cancer I will never forget how this guy

he had what at lunchtime they called him the doctor's office he had tested like that Monday he had shoulder pain and that Thursday

they called him on the set and they told him they had cancer and the rest of the what time like at lunchtime and the rest of the

know what time it came something in his chest he had like lumps or something something I don't know what time it came I mean he's still around with us today

I see him at auditions and we talk on the phone but I remember that it was lunch when they called him and he stayed there on the set till six o'clock

and didn't say a word just shot the commercial I would have had a nervous breakdown I couldn't focus on shooting a fucking commercial yeah that can turn

till this day till this day till this day Duncan I'm that guy's friend because of how he responded to that I would have heard

a breakdown I would have had a call everybody I know and gotten support and moral support this fucking guy shot the commercial like nothing

and you know he was worried at the end of the day yeah we walked to his car at the end of the day and he was kind of upset but

bro I went to breakfast with you the Thursday before you had the surgery and you look great you were already in motion you were already

not eating meat you were taking vitamins you were you know you were already on the next level and I fucking applaud that man some people would have sat there and they were

all fucking woe and talked about it and quit comedy and oh my god let's fuck that you took it

you looked at the tiger you put a chair in there you said suck my dick cancer I'm slinging dick with one nut like a motherfucker and that's what we represent

yeah man and what else are you going to do I mean really I don't think you would be jelly I don't think you would be

freaked out for a little bit but something else kicks in in these situations I mean the important thing there's two things that I've realized from this

number one everything will change in your life unexpectedly that's the first one I know that's a cliche thing to say but when you really

experience it it's like it really does feel like God just threw cold water on your face everything lights up you connect with the world again and realize how

important it is to not to like oh I'm getting I'm going to go to Paris now or crap like that but you realize how important it is

to be yourself and just do what you do regardless of what other people think or what other people how other people want you to be that's the first thing

you realize see that's all you got and then the second fucking thing that you realize is that you really do have to

make sure that you're telling everybody that you love them and care for them and that's the most important thing you realize what the real currency is

on this planet and it's not money you know the real currency is connection and love and like not being afraid to express that to people

because if it should this shit can spin like this for me and then after a minute that means it can spin like that for everybody

you know everyone you know you always are going to get that fucking phone call no matter who you are no matter who you are it will get the phone call

you know and what they say on the other end is going to be different for everybody but what's behind it will always be the same and that thing behind it

is that everything changes nothing's permanent and things change drastically so don't put off you know

don't put off seeing the girls smoking the joint whatever the thing is it doesn't mean going to be the haunt and the god it just means

fucking go for it now you're a fucking savage you're a fucking savage dog I am so proud to call you my friend and you just showed

this fucking carriage the last couple of weeks and you sound great you're ready to rock 2013 is going to be a year DT can't fucking wait man yeah

it's going to be very exciting also I have a giant bottle of Vijay which never hurts and I got some shiffy I got some heroin and some juju pills

and some alpha brain you mix all that shit together alpha brain and heroin it's got to be tremendous you rub some bengal on your feet

get some alpha brain and some heroin you get that full fucking body blast it's like sticking two fingers up Lee's ass it'll be up for fucking days

hopefully this week my wife will have the baby and I'll get down to do the family eye with you and I'm just happy I'm happy you called and I love you and I know the people

wanted to hear from you love you too man and obviously anything that you need or that baby let me know man I will do diaper air

and whatever you need what we might do is once I give birth or once we're close I might call you because I'm having the baby close to you and you might come down

with the podcasting machine and we might do a podcast right at the fucking hospital so get it together you're on call the next week I will have batteries and microphones

ready to go ready to go and you people you know I'm on call man I love you buddy for all the love you give us thank you very much love you Joey

have a great day so you motherfuckers got a problem with carries that's the guy you follow because he's not muscular he ain't a UFC fighter that guy handled it like a soldier

I could never handle like that yeah for everyone out there he put out like a 30 minute podcast like the day he told everybody and it's just him and he's just talking about it and it's just

it's a it's inspiring for not just because you have cancer but it was anyone who was looking for it you should listen to that and that's it I love you motherfuckers

with all my heart do not forget go to Honest.com get your ears started right get the hemp protein substitute a meal with the hemp protein get some grapefruits get some apples

get the fucking strong bone get some vitamin C get some vizine for your eyes cause you're gonna be smoking dope like a motherfucker you don't want everybody to know let's get this going let's get the new years going

together thank you very much for watching the church thank you for giving Lisa the support fuck him we're gonna fart in his face January 17th

whether the chick wants to or not I'm at the improv in Irvine January 17th that's all I got on the books you know it's not the time to push dates or nothing it's the holidays

you know what's sad for me that you know I'm from Jersey or whatever the fuck I'm from that shouldn't matter but it's cold for me this time of the year from Boston

yeah it's freezing so for us we're driving around and it's sunny out it doesn't really feel like it and you see a few houses that have the snow and lights and shit but it doesn't feel like it yet

and to me I've always said this since bro since I was 13 I've always said that it ain't Christmas till you hear John Lennon once you hear John Lennon that 23rd on the radio when you're sitting outside

of a mall and you just park the car and it starts and this is when I get emotional when I hear John Lennon I've been playing the song for the last two weeks but it was just bullshit

tomorrow we will be back on the air at nine at six a.m. we're gonna be on the air at nine a.m. California time twelve o'clock Jersey time because fuck it nobody's working

let's do one last one I'm having Frank Burdese call he's a testosterone doctor to help you with testosterone replacement we're gonna get somebody else to call on the side for the small call

I love you motherfuckers Lee, throw him a kiss love you guys Lee will be at the New England Patreon game next week with the MB Leaf girl I love her

we'll be taking her next week we're gonna get them some tickets so if you're at the New England area give a shout out to Lee and he'll meet you by the hot dog stand and by your hot dog because that's how Lee fucking rolls

so if you're at the New England game I will be here all next week waiting for this baby to hatch but we'll talk to him tomorrow morning go to honet.com a shout out to everybody who loves it

shout out to Duncan Trussell Joe Rogan a shout out to like I said Harlem Death Squad and follow Lisa at this little juke cuckuck who I love with all my heart

Lee, let's do a little John Lennon let's get the fuck out of here Happy Christmas, Malcolm Happy Christmas, Joe so this is Christmas and what have you done have a great day with your families another year over

and you won't just be gone and so this is Christmas I hope you have fun the near and the dear ones the old and the young a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year let's hope it's a good one

without any fear