Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #123 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Monday, December 13th..... This episode is brought to you by Better Help, Me Undies & Onnit….. Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Go to https://www.MeUndies.com/JOEY & Try it for FREE for 30days with 15% OFF your 1st Order! Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH for 10% OFF! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Ep. 66 - Cassius Morris - https://youtu.be/Vb2mL_oZswY Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

what's happening you bad motherfuckers uncle joe is here with the joint it's monday the 13th and it's brought to you by on it listen they just had that black monday friday cyber sale don't worry about nothing i got your cover they still got tons of alpha brain tons of shroom tech tons of new mood tons of all different alpha brain drinks and whatnot they got plenty of kettlebells so do me a favor you want to start the year off on the right foot like i'm gonna say in the podcast today listen i just started another cycle alpha brain because you want to be ready by january 2022 so why fuck around go to honet.com right now take a look at their supplements if i was you start with the starter kit alpha brain a little shroom tech immune get that it's

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b e t t e r h e l p dot com slash ds take control of your life the way i'm gonna take control of this candle and get this party started jack it's monday morning we got no time to fuck around let's do this check one two welcome to uncle joey's joint so so what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday the 13th of december a tremendous fucking day we did it another week as here that's it the fucking bullshit is over with i'm feeling good i'm

looking good my balls are fresh what do you want it's fucking monday you know i'm saying you gotta bathe you gotta cut your toenails you gotta be ready for the next fucking week we got two weeks that's it i couldn't fucking believe saturday night i was watching i was at a christmas party and we're just talking shit you know you don't really think about what's going on i don't i'm just worried about today and fucking making it on today and somebody said it's two weeks away from christmas i was like what the fuck i was trying to listen guys i i know that there's some things i fucking attack but there's some things i fucking stray from and it's like christmas because i know i gotta go christmas i still have not gotten a fucking seed nothing i haven't gotten my wife a

fucking thing i got her a christmas present that's it because i get double whammy her christ my wife's christmas uh my wife's birthday present is the 28th so i gotta come up with christmas presents and then two days later turn around like a fucking uh you know and get another fucking present i don't know if you guys know this i'm not fucking uh captain tick tock magoo or going into store i fucking hate going into stores and this is the all my life like going christmas shopping like with a list i go into a store or two i buy i already know listen there's a mall close to my house i already know everything's gonna get done in that mall the christmas card the little fucking designer jewelry i usually get like this fucking jewelry she likes it's like 10

bucks 20 bucks i'm gonna have to go to like coals or something and get her a blouse or some shit and uh i was she i was gonna get her a purse me and my daughter were gonna get her a nice purse like we did a couple years ago what happens she goes to bingo and wins a fucking purse so i'm done there so now i can't that's one gift i can't you know because i don't know what the fuck is going on with people you know you give some cash you give some gift cards then they tell you you can't give fucking gift cards you know you go to buy something for somebody thank god i put my wife my wife does all that shit thank god she loves doing it so i pass it on to her there's a couple people i look at i don't even send the fucking christmas card i'm so bad i wouldn't even know

where the fuck to start i never send christmas cards when people send me christmas cards i feel like a fucking asshole like look at this this is fucking terrible you know and you hang their cards up to celebrate them and shit but it's not enough unless you send the card but for me to sit there one night and just write christmas cards i don't see myself fucking doing it i'm sorry some people good at that shit some people are not you know and don't feel bad because for years i've been beating myself up over this shit i like christmas let me tell you something i'm gonna tell you the two reasons why i left LA today because i've been really thinking about it one of the reasons and i'm gonna tell you how it went down just so you know i'm not a fucking sack of shit here i went to

a christmas party one night when i left i'm gonna drive home i go terry how many of those did we do in LA and that's the first one out of the fucking 20 that we're going to you know like all the kids we hang out with their family all has a a different way to celebrate christmas like one's doing did one saturday night and it was uh what's that shit when you just give one person a gift silent secret Santa for the kids you know that was great yeah no no that was great there was 20 people there there was more fucking dessert than there was food and there was a ton of fucking food like i know i'm in jersey from pizza to sandwiches to lasagna to meatballs i mean these fucking people did it right you know and here's the funny thing on the way home we were driving we were driving

on the way home and i said to my wife you know how many of those did we do in LA you know that's all i wanted that's all i wanted for it to feel like christmas one fucking year one fucking year okay it's bad enough there's no snow there's no cold weather everybody fucking leaves like already uh LA well it's been empty since fucking last july and last august but you could see if you live in LA right now people start leaving which really sucks because these are the people usually invite over you know how many fucking years i had like orphans over you know and i didn't mind i love that shit having orphans over people coming over eating some fucking carvel cake talking some shit it makes you feel warm like it makes you feel great when you can have people over

and open up your family to other people let me tell you something for years people opened up their homes to me on christmas eve so i know exactly how it feels when you don't have any fucking dough and you got like scrape around your house just to bring like the lady who's inviting you over like an apple pie like you have to go to fucking shop right and get yourself an apple pie that's unsale you can't even get like a quality apple pie trust me yeah i've been there guys i've been there so i know what it is to feel shitty on christmas so now i can feel a little fucking better i mean i'm not you know running through the fucking streets jumping up and down which we'll get to in a second and uh you know i'm not fucking run up the street but i enjoy christmas and if i have a little

something i like to have some people over i always ask hey you want to come over you know whatever you want to stop by if you're single especially if you're fucking single i always tried to have fucking people over in fact what killed me two christmas is ago what let me know i had to leave la was i had a couple orphans over no names and i had an orphan brought a friend of theirs right and i don't i don't give a fuck it's christmas you open your door to everybody and we're sitting there yacking up and fucking down and the next thing you know this chick is telling me about instagram friends she gave me a 22 minute ear beating on instagram friends her whole life was revolved around fucking instagram friends and it was so sad like she she brought me so down

i'm crying been that down since they cancel the green horn in 68 i had been that fucking down i swear to god she brought me so down on the how they're like this bitch don't care about christmas this bitch don't care about a family she don't give a fuck about nothing all she cares about is her instagram friends it was the fucking loneliest thing i was like i gotta get the fuck out of you and i and i still remember rogan calling me and going hey man i'm thinking of moving to texas i'd like to know if you want to come down blah blah blah and the first thing i said is what are we gonna do on christmas you know like what i'm i'm sick and tired of fucking just sitting here on christmas eve and i was like a diehard like i would never leave i left one year and i was back

by the 20th and it was food it was money out of my pocket because i usually book a lot of television from thanksgiving to christmas eve that to the 19th 18th that's when the year goes after that you're in no fucking danger one year i booked a fuck one year i booked an nfl commercial on christmas eve i booked on the 22nd and we shot on christmas eve in the fucking morning yes we did they paid us double i loved all that fucking shit but the other day i was the other night mercy came downstairs and was watching tv i came from somewhere and i was walking past and she was scrolling like she was hitting the numbers instead of going on the fucking page and picking whatever the fuck you want to watch and she had something on

and i recognized the music right i'm like i know this fucking music and i turned around and it was two and a half men after charlie sheen left with the fucking ashton kutcher and i look up and who do i see uncle joey right i'm like holy fuck that's right i did the christmas one for fucking two and a half men like the last two years they had it dog they fucking called me one year they're like hey we want you to audition for two and a half men i'm like what and i knew the lady the casting lady for years she never fucking called me for anything she had booked me and other things but i knew that she cast the show and she goes uh yeah i want you to come in to read for this fucking role when she sent me the sides for the audition it was like i don't even know what the

fuck they were i couldn't even i was like what the fuck is this it was everybody else was jumping up and down and singing and i'm on the corner with some guys that's when i broke it down to so when i went into the audition i go what do i do she goes just stand there and do whatever you want what would you do if you were standing on the corner i go that's a fucking great audition picking my nose looking around i don't fucking know scratching my balls she started laughing she goes i don't know do that so i was just doing that you know like just fucking hanging out whatever she goes thank you for coming in i'm like that was a waste of my fucking time thank god it was burbank it was really fucking close to the house i wasn't that angry well she

called me two days later she's like hey man you got the part if you want to do it i'm like what are you fucking serious she's like yeah it shoots four days we're gonna give you a flat fee no residuals the flat fee wasn't bad i'm like fucking i'll take it but i was pissed because it was a scene on the street and all these dancers are singing down the street and we're the last guys on the corner so when they were rehearsing all fucking week they were rehearsing other scenes they weren't even looking at us they were just gonna walk past me like as usual people just walked past me we're gonna stop and talk to me nothing so i'm sitting down the corner and i'm like i finally me and the other two fucking dudes the other dude was my friend's cousin the most

annoying man in north america i had to wear fucking you think i'm kidding you had to wear those fucking things you put in your ears he wouldn't shut the fuck up i must have walked 20 000 steps those four days just getting away from him the guy would drive me crazy from the fucking time i walked on the set to the time i left it was a thousand question charlie so i was like this is too much so i was dying to get the fuck out of there so i went to the producers i went to everybody i'm like listen that camera don't get to us to the fucking end and you guys are jumping up and down the middle street can we get the fuck out of here you know i'm saying like what are we doing here we're just standing here he's like nah because we might need you later listen on the end it worked

out they fucking paid me i had a great fucking time what i do it again i don't know it was the four longest days of my fucking life the highlight was one night to have like a little fake christmas party and his girlfriend came everybody was drooling all over what's her name the little chick the i don't know what fucking i have to eat dumb fucking bruce willis's wife that's when i did it right around that the malia coolness whatever fucking name is she was on this set one night with some of our fucking girlfriends and all the other actors like oh my god malia coolness let me see if i get on the fucking show and i went home i got my food and went home they had the good fucking food though but it's funny the other night i did something for myself not to

get off the subject but it's really weird how i get not anymore i think that i talked about it so much on all the general podcast that people got the hint about the fucking woe is me routine listen i get the woe was me routine i love to use it from time to time myself until i catch myself doing it like the woe was me routine and you're like what the fuck am i doing you know i've had other opportunities what am i crying about this for so i hate the woe was fucking me routine and it's been you know i just was fucked up the last year so i didn't know it wasn't really a woe was me routine it was like i got to get my shit together so Thursday night last week the Gracie the Jiu Jitsu family was having a seminar in fucking jersey here a buddy of mine coach Sean let me know

he goes you're you're more than welcome you're invited you know they're gonna have some food afterward and shit let me tell you something you don't know what the word anxiety was till fucking Thursday i woke up Thursday had a great morning did my patreon work did some stuff with my wife i went to the gym i worked out and i had a fucking that night i had to go it was a six thirty we had to be there you know now i hate doing shit at night the reason why i do jiu jitsu and the gym and everything in the morning is because i gotta get it over with and i hate sitting there all day with that in my mind like if you have to go to acupuncture at five you can get high all day you know i'm saying like it's just brutal and i used to go to acupuncture at

twelve thirty and it was still brutal for me how we get fucking high i mean i don't get high in the daytime anymore but when you're doing jiu jitsu at night and all those you know late things you gotta watch what you put in your fucking body like if you meet somebody at five and you go eat pizza and pizza is good and you get an extra slice you're gonna go you gotta go to jiu jitsu with those three or four fucking slices in your stomach and let me tell you something that shit's a fucking nightmare to work out like i can lift weights with breakfast in my stomach but the fucking uh you know do hip escapes and fucking arm bars and shit with nothing in your fucking stomach it's goddamn brutal when your stomach full is brutal especially at night

you've smoked already you fucking breathe this terrible fucking air all day you have shit with your mind your kids sick you need a babysitter so when you go to train at night all that shit's on your mind at least it is for me so i just don't do well at night so i'd rather i don't know if it was because i was older i don't know what the fuck it is i'd rather get it over within the daytime this seminar they don't do seminars in the daytime unless it's saturday this seminar was at night and it was part of christmas party let me tell you something i was making excuses all fucking day i haven't made these many excuses since i had to get up on stage and do comedy the first time you should have heard the excuse machine then but and i don't

say to because nobody really knew my wife knew i was going to the seminar nobody else really it's not like i call my friends and go guess what i'm going to a gracy seminar it's not that at all they're like that's great what i know so i didn't say nothing i just told my wife i'm i gotta go to this thing there's not i think it'd be really good for me you know and she's like in which way my god just a i get the fuck out of here at night which i never fucking do b i work out at night which i never do and i'm my mind is uh shifted and see you know i go to jiu jitsu at night all these street things are great i get to talk to people they're gonna have a fucking they had a catered some barbecue and shit like that it's a party joey go you're you're a fucking man go you

you know you could drink do whatever the fuck you want i brought a little fucking vapor pen with me those fucking abx pens holy shit where is my little abx pen i hit it before i was coughing my wife thought i had covid and shit it's tremendous this call this abx shit is clean whether it's the fucking addables that 100 milligram 200 milligram i don't even know what flavor this is i don't know what it is i just like it i'm like fucking what what i don't know what it is i just like it you know what i'm saying but what we talking about all the fucking the who the gracey the gracey i was just giving myself excuses like i'm like i'm gonna eat at 5 30 so i don't have to go but then something happened i ate at four i'm like

oh fuck everything worked out i set it up that way i had a late lunch i had a late breakfast i had a late lunch because my daughter had a fucking half day and i said let me go down there and i tell you guys i was doing like 15 miles an hour there i'm not gonna lie it takes like 10 minutes it took me like an hour that night when i i got there at 6 25 when i walked in there was 50 fucking people guys and geese guys in shape guys that look like they fucking eat right every day you know and i walk in with my fat little stumpy white hair and i felt so fucking insecure but you know what people started shaking my hand how you doing thank you for coming bro i can't believe you came you know shit like that and you feel good it felt great about it

wasn't even the workout i was dreading it wasn't getting beat up i was dreading none of that shit it was just my own dreading you put these own things into your fucking head that's what the art of war is about that book that we that i go over once a year i'll go over it now in january you know i found it like three months ago and i started reading little excerpts from it i can't read the whole book again i read the whole book like 20 times but i have excerpts that are like uh outlined out like little yellow i put like the fucking highlighter and i just highlight them out and i'll read two or three chapters and it gets you back on the fucking ball because it's basically doing what you don't want to do for yourself i don't know what you know i

could see you don't want to jump off a building i could see that you don't want to fucking you know go to act i could see i could see all these things but there comes something when you're doing something for yourself for years i wouldn't and then i started thinking of mine when i go to the doctor i don't go to the doctor for you i go to doctor for me i go to the doctor because it's one of my pet peeves so i make sure i get there you have no idea when i lived in fucking hollywood and i had to go to the doctor it was horrible i would have my wife drive me and then one day i go why is she driving an adult male to the fucking doctor what what the fuck is my problem what do i need help so i just drive myself i don't think about it i go in there i take my medicine whatever

the fuck they're gonna get me they gotta draw blood they gotta get you know how many fucking vaccines i gotta take in the next couple weeks shingles fucking there's another one i gotta take marco cologne pneumonia marco come on some fucking shit and all these vaccines hurt like fuck christalie i got the the the fucking whatever one the one for chicken pox and he's like my arm hurt for like a fucking month i was dizzy i don't want to take it but cvs has all that shit right there they have it all in the fucking record there but if you get your shot boom these are the things you gotta look at when you're an old man remember when remember paulie and the sopranos when they show them cutting coupons i'm almost there i'm not there but i'm almost there i'm

like two i'm like two or three fucking weeks away from cutting coupons that's just that's just what happens guys it's not that i want to cut fucking coupons it's just the fucking situation i got in front of me but it's just so weird i walked in there guys you know i had so much anxiety at one point i thought i was gonna fucking pass out i don't know if you guys ever get that anxious when you go someplace and you feel insecure i just felt like i did not need to fucking be there but guess what i needed to be there i talked to a few guys you know i knew a few guys from going to classes there you know not a lot of guys i don't like maybe five or six guys i was like 40 guys there i felt like a fuck even the girls looked fucking like they could beat me up so i just said fucking i went

i went on the fucking mat i listened to what they had to say there's a guy there that is uh about 10 years younger than me sweetheart of a guy big motherfucker he always works with me on the core classes i we looked at each other like let's go so it was kind of easy i worked with him i swear to god the thing started at six thirty i'm like i'm out of here at eight like joey d is shit like i'm out of here at eight you know what eight o'clock i was sweating like a fucking pig with that muscle bound guy on top of me i'll never forget i made a mental note i'm like what am i doing at eight o'clock i'm gonna look at the clock and go it's eight o'clock you know i'm usually doing on eight o'clock sitting here contemplating jumping out a fucking window i'm gonna watch some shitty tv

shows something like that i did that i was like all right i gotta help make up an excuse i gotta leave at eight thirty at eight thirty i was still on my fucking back sweating up a storm i said fuck it i'll get out of here at nine at nine they were doing the promotions for the class because and i said fuck it i'm just gonna stay and i stayed i had barbecue with the guys i talked with them i walked in my house about fucking ten thirty i'll never forget i i didn't check my phone for like three hours when i went in my wife had texted me like eighteen times are you okay where are you what's going on me and mercy are worried about you i'm like what the fuck i go off for three hours and all of a sudden you call the 911 report what the fuck i'm going out you know i mean

they weren't mad or anything they just know that i'm usually back here pretty you know and i haven't been driving distances lately because i'm getting fucking car sick again this is three car six now in two fucking weeks yesterday i went to get something and i i went the way back i fucking had to lay down took a nap for now what i have in the afternoon you know in the last time i took a nap in the afternoon was not never i have no fucking idea what was last time i napped in the afternoon because i don't have to drink coffee i'm not getting high in the morning but i had a fucking nap that's how sick i was i think i got sick monday night when i went to jimmy florentine suns game on vanderberg and i got sick two weeks ago when i was trying to go down to

frankie eggers and seaside and i fucking puke so that means for the next couple weeks till i find out what's going on i don't know i'm trying to sit here going what did i do the last two weeks that i've been doing differently ever i've taken a vitamin you know i'm almost finished with my fucking alpha brain cycle i started in december because i want to be tip top mogul january fucking first you know i'm saying because 2021 is not going to be a joke i hope all you motherfuckers are getting ready for 2021 because it's going to be a fucking great year 2022 i'm sorry that's the reefer you know i'm saying that's 20 years of smoking reefer guys and i just want you to be fucking prepared it's going to be a great year they're going to throw some curveballs at you

don't think it's going to be a fucking the omnicron virus is gone we're jumping up and down you're going to get some fucking curveballs at you trust me when i'm telling you be prepared but who gives a fuck the most important thing is that we keep fucking pushing and let me tell you something else about 2022 i want you to be prepared on we're sponsored by better help online therapy i was the last person in the world you could talk to about therapy ever said move with the thief with james commonly tells me i'm the last guy in the world you want to fuck with listen i'm the last guy in the world that ever thought about therapy or talking to somebody that's not my fucking speed i don't know why i don't know if it's because the cuban in me

the fucking criminal in me i don't know what it was when i was in the system and i was forced to talk to people it wasn't enjoyable and when i was uh after i got out of the system you know they threw me to that fucking serenity rehab and uh i thought she was a nightmare that woman but when i ran into the snag i had after i moved here you know i just had a lot of issues i had been throwing a lot of stuff i didn't know what to do i spoke to a couple friends of mine and they were like and they're a lot smarter than i am and they were like maybe you should you know try some therapy i looked around i called her back i said i can't find anybody i called the psychiatrist he was like we're not taking any pay i i must have called 30 people and finally one of my girls i grew up

with said listen i've been struggling too the reason why you can't find somebody is because everybody's struggling it's not just you get therapy online and she referred better help and let me tell you something you guys have seen the difference i've been with better help uh i've been with betterhelp.com since about march and i feel great i took to a lady there named Dana once a week uh we used to do morning but now we do night times you know like six seven o'clock listen it's great better help many think people uh a lot of people think therapies for crazy people that's not right i mean listen i'm not saying i'm not crazy but it means that you recognize that we're all humans that we got something going on and that we all have emotions and need to learn

to control them sometimes they got out of hand sometimes things come into my head that are just too fast therapies are tool to utilize before things get worse don't wait till things get unbearable like i did i should have taken a hint last march of night 2020 uh march second but i didn't better help is customized online therapy they offer video phone and chat sessions with your therapist you don't have to see anybody on cam if you don't want them maybe you're shy maybe you have a hard time making eye contact it was the same thing for me the other thing about better help it's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you could start communicating with your therapist in less than 48 hours i think that's tremendous also i talked to my therapist this

every monday 8 45 tip top magoo what i'm trying to suggest to you is to give it a try and see why over two million people have used better help online therapy listen just for the joint listeners what i'm going to do this month i'm going to give you 10 off your first month why is this crucial because it's december you don't want to go into 2022 with you know thinking weird stuff you don't know you're confused this is the time to attack like i did don't wait for life life ain't gonna deliver your package you know i'm saying it ain't gonna be like that betterhelp.com slash ds di az that's betterhelp.com slash ds take control of your life and get help that you deserve better help again this doesn't mean they're gonna put you in a padded room do they put me in a padded

room no you wrap to somebody you talk to them and you feel better and after about three or four weeks guarantee you at least get a directional which way to go you'll start going online to have activity pages that you could work on cognitive pages for you trust me betterhelp.com di az 10 percent off your first month so in january you're ready to fucking live like Elvis Presley you know i'm saying you're making moves like Elvis that's it and that's that that's how i feel about it but me going to that Gracie thing the other night was like therapy and i even told my my coach showing over there let me tell you something i'm doing this for my health i love working out i love lifting i love eating right i try to eat right it's tough around here last night i had a couple

cookies saturday night at that party they had those Italian cookies with the seeds and shit god damn i ate three of them that's all there was i would eat more but they only had three in that little tin can you know they buy that tin fucking can tremendous and they only had three like it was like a tin tin can like terminies in philadelphia terminies you ever got a terminies fucking tremendous i order steve samone turn me on to those motherfuckers so i usually order like christmas cookies from them but the last couple years the tins been getting lighter and lighter like last year was like this fucking skinny to ten it was like two rows i'm like what the fuck is going on my cookie so you know what i need a cookie like i need a dick in my ass so who needs the fucking

i don't i'm not ordering no tins this year i'm not doing none of that shit that's what i was doing at least for christmas shop and i buy a couple tins you know get my way this year i'm gonna get some fucking uh restaurant cards i'll give some of my friends cash they got kids they rather fucking get cash and when we get even a tie how many ties can you have even though a friend of mine just called me out of days like hey man can i borrow a tie i'm like what are you fucking crazy how do you ever tie he's like i don't know what happened on my ties i've lost him i need something new to fucking wear i go come over look at the ties what do you think i'm johnny ties when was the last time you saw me with a tie it's like i'm going to fucking court every other week i don't

go to court no more when i was going to court i was dressing up fucking nice i might look like a bum and fucking the regular days but when i go up in front of a judge you're looking like john god even my fucking socks are fucking smoking socks toenails and done the whole fucking thing the fungi toenail well let's talk about the ufc on saturday night let me tell you my little fucking tate tate for the story so guys i'm not a professional gambler i don't i don't even dig gambling that much but if this is sporting event i don't like to fucking throw 25 bucks just to watch the fucking whatever so this week the ufc was on fucking great card the whole thing you know i'm not into the ufc like i was before but i still like certain fighters i love dustin i love char you know i

like certain guys i still love john jones i love fucking derrick louis and his hot balls i love all that shit so you know saturday we had that fucking christmas party i knew it i went over there i told the guy listen do you mind putting on the prelims i walked down the cruise the whole thing so i told him because my daughter and the kid go to kickboxing together mma together so i saw him at mma wednesday he goes you coming i go yeah i'm fucking coming but you gotta do me a favor you have to the prelims on for me he goes no worry i got army navy the whole thing the guy had it all set up so i went over there yesterday and the after the friday night i was on draft kings i went to look at what specials they run for the weekend because that's why i like draft kings they run

specials and they had two uh what the fuck do they call them they call them uh point boosts like a money boost like point boost so they usually give you one every couple days which means like if you bet 25 to win 32 which i would never make that fucking bet anyway i'm not going to sit there for two hours to sweat out seven dollars i might as well so pick up a fucking lemonade stand i have more action you know you look at 25 bucks 20 bucks you want to win 45 you know what i'm saying you want to you want to pick up 45 that means you you bet 25 you won 20 you had a good time nobody got rich you knew this when you joined draft kings nobody gets fucking rich you just have a good time you make a little money you're all right so i see that i saw they had two uh point boost option

boost whatever payment boost for two fights so saturday morning when i got up before i had to do my errands and shit i checked on with george masdava i have to say george masdava always gives you a lock go with george not the fucking uh the championship fights he always gives you a lock for the early fights always he's good good as gold because he's got my bookie so i went on george he gave us the same you know dustin amanda but he gave you a bam bam to eat to a vasa the guy that fucking you ever see this guy he drinks fucking beer out of his shoe at the end of a fight and then when he walks off people pour beer into his shoe last time he fought somebody put hot sauce in his shoe fucking he went to drink it ah it's fucking tremendous so this time i see he's fighting

and i took the two odds boost that's what they call odds boost so i said i got nothing to lose today i'm gonna watch this five watch the prelims and i'll watch i love fucking tia tia vusa bam bam i'll put 25 on him with the odds boost i think i won you collect 51 dollars again nobody's gonna get rich but you have a good time it pays for your fucking pretzels whatever the fuck you're gonna eat pizza and then i go what am i gonna bet in the main card amanda newness the fucking you know you bet amanda newness if you bet if you bet 25 on amanda newness i think you pick up like three dollars i swear to god it's like you lose money if you win with amanda newness i'm like i'm not betting that i didn't know much about the jeff tate fight and jeff whatever's name was i didn't

know much about what was going on but i like dustin you know and i like charles but i like dustin in this fight that was like you know friday and then i started thinking about it i saw the mma graph that mma junkie put up i saw all the graphs nobody was talking about charles oliver that's when the old joey d is joe comes up you've never seen a bookie with a part-time job everybody had dustin everybody i was sitting there i'm like nobody's going with oliver and then somebody i think uh draft kings of the ufc did a twitter poll and oliver won that but it wasn't for who's gonna win tonight it's for who's the better wealth away whatever the fuck he is 170 155 i'm not sure so i'm like okay that's a big difference there i go you know what

it's 25 bucks what if oliver does go off tonight i mean dustin deserves that he works hard he's beat mcgregor great fucking run he went on did it exactly how i would do it if i was gonna do a run one man at a time and but you know what you never seen a bookie with a part-time job i bet oliver and both of them fucking won but there was a snag on the way to the fucking thing so i watched like the first prelim the chubby dude that drinks out of the shoe i why he fucking punched the shit out of that dude that dude is still hearing fucking birds i don't know where he is dog he's still hearing fucking birds that shit so uh we watched domine cruise and you know the fight came over i came home i watched something with mercy and then i put uh fight on you know

and it was really weird that as i was sitting down john anick said uh you know go to draft kings right now a man the lunas is going off at this but right now a hundred dollar bet on draft kings wins you six hundred if you put a hundred dollar down on juliana panya you win six hundred so again my little junkie mind went into work and i'm like wait a second you spend 20 bucks on worse things like there's worse things you do with 20 bucks you you picket gamble whatever the fuck you know you've been walking around and you're like i'll get that it's just 13 bucks 13 bucks to 13 fucking bucks but i'm sitting there like oh what the fuck what's 25 on juliana panya you know what and then i thought of something else why don't i date spanish women because i'm scared of them okay

i've always been scared of spanish women let's get this shit out in the open right now always since i'm a kid my mother was spanish and i'm like you know what do i really want to marry not never no no no no love my mother missa wish you all the best up there in heaven can't wait to see it but you know what no no no love spanish women have a lot of fucking friends of the spanish woman they take a bullet for you but if you want peace of mind i can't date a spanish woman when you're spanish you can't date a spanish woman i leave that to the jews and the italians you guys love spanish women help yourself don't come crying to me when you got an iron buried in your fucking skull don't come crying to me all right so i'm like fucking juliana panya i got to

go with juliana panya just for the small 25 you know what i'm saying joey deus luck first minute she gets knocked down i'm like what else is new this is the story of my life i'm a bum then i'm a bum now i'm watching this fight and all of a sudden juliana she gets her in another thing again then juliana gets out with a fucking comorra then the round ends i'm like what the fuck is going on this isn't bad and all of a sudden second round juliana went in there and laid a fucking ass whipping an ass whipping i gotta be honest here brought tears to my eyes i was so happy for that venezuela chick because i that's why and and dog when she choked her i go to myself i go now you know why i don't date spanish women you understand me they're my friends i love them

to death they're my fucking you know i go to war i'm taking three little chubby spanish women and i'll take my chances fucking you motherfuckers three little mexican tanks a little cuban chick that's got big tits and a little gut that chick hasn't eaten in two days she'll take your eye out i'm not fucking around so i was so happy for julia i even put it this fight was tremendous on twitter i was fucking ecstatic so that's how i felt last night i won like i don't know one something 200 bucks on a 25 dollar fucking thing and guess what i'm gonna lose it all on sunday and football anyway so who gives a fuck nah i'm gonna hold on to it the bowl season's coming so now i'm gonna get my fucking uh money ready because i'm not good with the bowls i bet two i made two small bets

fucking per dan florentine i'm college and i've lost both of them because he liked them he's the kiss of death when it comes to college even though i love him to death but anyway i want to talk to you about one last thing and then we'll get the fuck out of here because in a way these pop these pop these podcast are about you know what's going on the week what's going on with my life some week i give you a story that you've probably heard already some week i talked to you about a current event and some week i tell you about how something affected me i got to be as honest as i can with you on this story you're not gonna like this fucking story but i'm gonna tell you in any way the jessie smollett thing was settled this week in uh chicago between you and i guys i had

forgotten a lot about it i you know life has been moving straight ahead nobody's worried about fucking jessie smollett and his bullshit so i got to be as honest i can't with you guys on this jessie smollett thing because i don't think i told you this jessie smollett was one of the reasons pop the whole jessie smollett situation got me thinking you ever get you ever been in your life and you you don't think i always talk about the worst thing a man could do is think you know it puts you in weird position it puts you in weird predicaments you have to talk to you end up talking to better help that's why when you fucking think because it opens up things for you i remember when i first heard about the jessie smollett thing i'm sure i we cracked jokes on it on the church and

then the night when i found out that he had been convicted i cracked a joke on twitter from the grease his asshole it's post time that's all great and dandy but let me tell you something a lot of things bothered me about it like a lot of fucking things bothered me about it like but if that's if i have to narrow it down to three things that convinced me to leave and you guys aren't gonna believe this when i tell you i'm gonna tell you anyway the number one thing that really raised my eyebrow about something was when i saw a documentary about the yoga dude the fucking indian dude that puts the the sweat yoga what's the whatever the fuck it's called and he has a little fucking thong and a bunch of white chicks going there and wilson boulevard and he

sits there with a microphone all sweaty talking to these poor white chicks and you know let's take the story back to 20 years ago i'm at a barbecue at a photographer's house the guy did my headshot sweet heart of a guy well having a good time we're outside and all of a sudden some chick is talking to me my wife and she's telling us how she goes to that yoga i forget the fucking name but i'm sorry big rom big rom yoga and uh you know and also at one point she goes you don't understand he touches me inside and i just remember how i felt i go look at this poor fucking girl this poor girl was raised in a great house her father probably went to work every fucking day the mother probably busted a hump made chocolate chip cookies for them two days a week and shit

threw away the chips of hoy worked really hard for this little rotten bits to come out that way and find fucking solace and some fucking dirty greasy fucking guy that smells like hummus times 10 you know i'm saying like i i mean i can't deal with this shit at all and you know he smells as bad as hummus and then you gotta fucking put the heat on there which really you ever smell baked hummus i never have but i don't want to smell it either i just know what lee's neck smells like and i don't want it i don't want no fucking sweaty hummus and lee don't eat hummus no more so his his neck don't sweat like that no more took me fucking eight years to convince him not to eat that hummus thank god now fucking boars had got into the hummus business

i'm gonna have to fucking tell them to go fuck themselves i'm gonna have to stick with fucking egg salad from now on like i've been doing i love fucking egg salad jews and jerseys they know how to make egg salad fucking bagel talk makes an egg salad holy shit bagel talk off root nine makes a fucking red pepper cream cheese you put it on something you think yeah it's gonna fucking blow up that's how good that is but anyway back to jessie smollett this fucking antics i'm trying to be funny about it here but i can't be funny about this when jessie smollett did that i gotta be as honest as i can with you guys it kind of bothered me the first and that bothered me was the big rom thing that really bothered me i have a daughter guys i have a daughter

you know i'm saying so i don't want i'm i'm raising it right there and big rom fucking vill with the rest of these weak fucking people that would you know i talked to you about going to gracey yoga but i talked to you how it i'm not looking to be johnny jujitsu i'm not looking to uh go to the 10th planet eddie you know as a goal because that school requires you to have a goal for your training which i never had before i would just go to jujitsu i never really had a goal a purpose i was training for for my 60th birthday i'd like to go to a competition and compete you know at the whatever but that's just a mind fuck you follow you know how you talk about mind fucks that's just a mind fuck right there but it's something that i'm looking at so i have

roughly 15 no i'm gonna be 60 and i'm gonna be 58 59 in february so we got february 19th i got two months there so i got 14 months to train to be ready for a thing but at least i'm doing that but i'm not looking to be eddie bravo i'm not looking to be in this contest i'm not looking to be in the ufc i'm not looking to do a celebrity death match i would get killed anyway you know i'm saying like i'm not looking to do any of that shit it's just for health and fucking therapeutic you know talking to people it's it's getting out there and talking to young guys it's heart health it's so many fucking things i look at but a lot everybody everybody that does something lma 50 percent is of their why they do it is what's it gonna do for me you guys know that movie uh

fighter or whatever the fuck about mma that director was working on his street sports when the word got out that that director was a street sports their fucking uh program grew by a hundred fucking students why because they want to get close to a director not because they want to learn jujitsu so always see the the with the square root of what the fuck is going on here so when all that shit went down i'll tell you why it bothered me as much as it did that jessie smollett thing it bothered me that a guy would fake this he put there was as many missing moving pieces as when i kidnapped vella for him there was no no he had more moving pieces than when i kidnapped vella now any fucking i didn't know this when i kidnapped vella the more

moving pieces you have to hire the chances of you getting caught especially when you involve outside people in fact he did the same thing i did with vella he went against my godmother santa rhea wisdom never do anything with three people two could turn on you always do it with two or four he just did all these things that were very similar to what i did with ken vella but he did him i did him for cocaine i did him to pick up 30 000 i did it so i could get my dick sucked i did it so i could be cool i did it from and half of these reasons i'm lying to you the main reason why i kidnapped vella was because i'm a fucking junkie and i didn't want to pay for a kilo i'd rather throw him with a trunk of a car

you know i'm saying but that's just me i don't want you to fucking throw anybody in a trunk of a car my point is this guy went through all this shit all this shit so he could get a raise on this show and he wouldn't get fired or you know it had something to do with show and then that makes me think of all the desperation there is an ally then it made me think about what i do that what i do is something like this for a netflix special went to be cool that i was walking home from the comedy store and two guys jumped me and one fucked me in the ass just so people could feel bad for me so i get hired i mean what have happened the hard work what have happened the fucking you know what i'm saying so when this went down

it did bother me because i already had issues with what was going on i had issues with the fucking big rum yoga as dumb as it sounds and i know you people are going to go joey hunt that affect you it doesn't doesn't affect me at all but it makes me think if a woman puts that much trust in something like that and i mean there was tons of them there was tons of people got smoked by this guy then you got to think of the harvey wine stain situation how disgusting that was the agents knew the actors knew ben aftlic knew brad pit knew they all knew but it was like high school you know i'm saying there's some chicks that will suck your dick for a role and we all know it and harvey used his fucking influence you suck in harvey's dick is

like you suck in my dick you're going to have fucking ptsd somewhere along the line you know i'm saying so i wouldn't do that decide it just that whole those two things you know and then watch the exorcist i'll never forget this i was just watching the exorcist one night i think it was not i ate the mushrooms with those guys by myself when li wouldn't eat the fucking mushroom it tastes like shit just eat the fucking mushroom and i went home and i was watching it that's the when i realized that the devil does live in africa as dumb as this sounds but his summer house was la like something while i was watching the exorcist like i was on mushrooms and shit i was tripping but for some reason that's where my mind went i was like you know what we all know the devil

lives in fucking africa that's official with all the bad shit that happens in africa but you know with all the mudslides and harvey won steens and bill cosby's and all this shit was i living in the right place it was the jessie smollett case that pushed me over the top that i was like these this is 50 percent of the people i have around me that's that's a reality 60 percent of the people i have around me would sell their grandmother to hang out with angeli jolly just to go to parties and say i'm i'm dead serious it's it's it's fucking sad but as dumb as this sounds that's the kind of shit i think about that's the kind of shit that bothers me that my daughter myself and my wife are surrounded by people that by just

people that would do something like jessie smollett to further their career you know people that would you know trick women or women suck his dick to get a movie role while you're doing that movie role don't you feel bad don't you i don't know and then what i then i think about the fucking you know you go to yoga to get healthy and all saying you get tripped up by some guy for his own sexual fucking whatever and this goes on constantly there but it's all those things that made me honestly look at myself and go listen i'm a fucking criminal i've kidnapped motherfuckers i've i've done a lot of bad shit that i'm not fucking proud of but i wouldn't do that like i wouldn't do that shit and that's the jessie smollett thing honest to

god and me coming home and a lot of other things but it was the jessie smollett thing that made me go this is what i'm surrounded with i gotta get around some real people there was the time hang stories all the pedophile shit i just had had it i just had had it i really did and i didn't have it like this i didn't it's not one of those things this was like in my mind that i was thinking about these are the people i'm surrounded with out there is this what i want from my family it's like now they've been telling you for i've been sitting here here and at the church telling you that one day i went to burbank and i just saw something that wasn't right i had been to burbank a thousand times guys

alberto crange jiu-jitsu school fucking atomic records portos my friend damon's house you know many times auditions i was in burbank fucking i lived in fucking studio city i was always in burbank i knew burbank left and right i went to burbank at night flappers i would go to burbank and see how it was dead after nine o'clock i would see how you know one night i left a wallet at flappers it fell out of my fucking sweatpants in the middle of the street it fell i went all the way home parked and realized i dropped my wallet i went all the way to flappers and as i was making the fucking right turn where flappers is to park i saw my wallet there had been sitting there for a half hour guys nobody hit it it was 11 o'clock at night maybe a little early i had a flight the

next day that's why i needed my deed nobody even touched that fucking wallet let me tell you something when i got home i noticed my wallet was missing i got no reason to lie to you guys i did 90 miles an hour on magnolia boulevard there was nobody on magnolia boulevard not even a fucking cop so i know burbank like the back of my fucking hand when i went to portos that day or wherever going in the pandemic and i got out of my car and i saw people jaywalking in burbank i saw people jaywalking in burbank which to you that doesn't mean to me it doesn't mean anything i jaywalk all the fucking time but the people i was seeing jaywalking burbank didn't live there i'm not saying anything bad about their race or that but they didn't live there

and they were just walking around and the way the leaves were blowing around i was getting like a cool wind that it was going around me i just didn't feel good and i said you know what it's time to leave between jesse this that this the guy getting hit in the head with a two by four and i said it i said listen guys and it's not gonna be good and then my buddy confirmed my FBI agent friend confirmed everything i had said i didn't know that fucking crime groups we're gonna go out there different types of crews are gonna go out there to rob you know not terry cruise cruise c r e w s i didn't know crews were gonna go out there to rob and guess what with all this shit you hear did you see what happened last week the

fucking president of the police union came out and said look if you're a tourist don't come to our light and i would say the same thing for new york right now i'm hearing what's going on in new york it's a touristy time of the year i know a lot of people cancel shit because on the 27th you got your kids got to be fucking vaccine to go into the city so that killed new york right there but if you're a fucking tourist i don't want you in new york city there's a second year we can't go see the tree the lighting of the tree it's just not fucking safe so if i was a tourist i'd be honest with you i'd consider fucking uh tennessee i'd consider fucking miami and i wouldn't even i'm not telling you to go there i'm just saying consider a fucking houston or something

like that and all these places aren't fucking doing well either so for a cop to tell you that the guy the president's union for the police that and then the chief of police came out and said he doesn't know what he's talking about yes he does yes he does you can't protect people on hollywood boulevard and you can't fucking protect people but with all this shit i still talk to people out there that have kids they're still out there with kids now again i'm a felon i'm a fucking you know but it wasn't about me when all that shit started going down out there i said to myself i go i married a woman and i had to ask her father for i am the marriage and i had to have a lengthy conversation with my mother-in-law before i married my wife and i know a lot of you guys that

have married did and if you're not married hear what i'm saying to you as soon as you say i do you're responsible for that woman whether you like her or not i don't care what happens three years down the line you're responsible for that woman and that little girl i'm responsible for so my responsibility in that situation was to get them out of there if i wanted to stay to advance my career whatever the you know i'm saying because half those people are sitting there waiting because they're advancing their careers i would advance my career but by myself i'm not gonna involve my daughter and my child i mean you guys also a lady got hit in the head with a fucking she was walking with a kid with a stroller that could be your wife mic as soon as i heard stroller i was like

that could be any of our wives that have a kid you know what they're doing out there is not fucking bueno and thank god but all these people will continue to stay there because of that careers despite what's going on for me that's fucking bogus now they gotta fucking leave now they'll leave because this man dates out the yin yang you know now they'll fucking where they're gonna go now thank god i left when i did so what i wanted to get through to you guys today was sometimes you don't know what's gonna push you over the top for me it was the just and i see everybody's talking about the jesse small that thing and they're not getting to the root of the matter here the thing that affected me the most i mean yes he lied to the city of chicago

he had a bunch of people thinking that whatever he got beat up that's all great and dandy and there was a fucking stupid move to do but i'm looking at the type of person that would do something like that you know hey i'm the type of person that tied up a guy and threw him in a trunk of a car again i did it for the square root to snort coke why would he do that he has everything going he made it a phenomenal salary he had everything good-looking kid hollywood home people in his life a great show and then you got to see you got to look at what else happened from him doing that one of the number one shows at fox does five more episodes wraps up their fucking suits and leave that's gotta tell you that that was a toxic fucking workplace not that i give

a fuck i don't this isn't about uh the show or anything i'm not putting the show down it was a great show i watched it for like two seasons i didn't went somewhere else crazy i didn't watch anymore but the first two seasons weren't bad at that show but if you notice that also it just went away nothing just goes away when they're making that much money food for talk cock suckers thank you very much for watching or listening to the podcast today i love you motherfuckers with all my heart thank you for having my back and uh that's it we got maybe six more podcasts left and it's 2020 cock suckers i love you guys have a great week today's the fucking mark that gets you through i'll see you wednesday tip top motherfucking magoo now for a word from our sponsors jack

all right i want to thank all you savages sorry about your finger there mike almost fucking bang this thing i'm i want to thank you guys for watching and supporting the podcast we had a nice little time today talking about that fucking mukyak jesse smallette but anyway let's get the party started with mid row listen to me betterhelp.com slash joey slash ds di az the join is sponsored by better help online therapy listen to me nobody wants to go to therapy the word therapy scares people it scares a guy like me but guess what it took me from point a to point z and it could do the same for you many people think therapies for so-called crazy people i'm crazy but you know therapy doesn't mean something's wrong with your means you recognize that we're all humans that we

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