Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #129 | STU FEINER | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Monday, January 10th..... Today, we welcome the Great, STU FEINER! Follow STU EVERYWHERE: https://www.instagram.com/stufeiner https://www.twitter.com/StuartFeiner https://www.stufeiner.com/picks https://belikestu.com This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, CBD Lion & Lucy.co….. Support the show and download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use promo code JOEY to get 56:1 odds on any NFL team. https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook  Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Support the show and get 20% Off with the code JOEY at https://Lucy.co Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #StuFeiner #SportsAdvisor #BarstoolSports     The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday the 10th of january from the heart of motherfucking new jersey and the heart of new jersey the joint is brought to you by draft kings as you know the nfl playoffs are here and draft king sportsbook has an official sports betting partner of the nfl is kicking things off with a fucking tremendous offer here we go you ready calm down to the super bowl 56 new customers can get 56 to one odds on any wildcard team to win their game did you hear what the fuck i said to you just spent five dollars to win 280 and three fucking bets if your team wins now if sportsbook isn't available in your state yet you still got something to play for this wildcard weekend everyone can play for huge cash prizes

with draft kings daily fantasies football contest draft kings is giving all new customers a free shot at millions of fucking dollars i know you motherfuckers play fantasy and this is the time to fucking do it in total prizes with your first deposit download the draft king sportsbook app today or the fantasy app use promo code joey do not forget there's a great fucking game play at the national championship georgia against alabama listen this is gonna be a fucking brown burner go to motherfucking draft kings download the sports get at and bet one of those teams they're gonna have props you can make some money on a fucking monday you understand me and don't forget the nfl that we're doing on draft kings 56 to one odd you bet five dollars to win

280 and three bets if your team wins that's promo code joey this wildcard week at draft kings sportsbook the official sports betting partner of the nfl check yourself motherfuckers you gotta be 21 older new jersey indiana pa west virginia colorado new customers only i'm hooking you up cocksuckers minimum five dollar deposit and one dollar wage and remember one per customer don't be fucking greedy restrictions do apply see draft kings dot com slash book for details now if you got a gammon prom i want you to take care of it to 1 800 gamble but if not head over to draft kings download the draft kings sportsbook app or the fantasy app and win some motherfucking get us that's how we're doing here we're starting a year off with a bang if you didn't get your dick sucked

i'm showing up with fucking draft kings ba boom a the joint is also brought to you by c b d line i started my little cbd regimen again i started my fucking alpha brain for the year that's what it was i think i needed some fuck that alpha brain black label they're not fucking around but anyway we're talking about c b d lion the extra strength unscented cbd the fucking tincture the backball the kinesiology tape they have little piece of kinesiology tape that you can just get and put on your shoulder listen if you need it cbd line got it go to cbdline.com right now take a look at that third party lab results and get something from the cream they got fucking gel caps that you pop listen you're gonna need it it's gonna be a cold winter everybody's stressing out on different

things little cbd or calm you down go to cbd line pressing joey or joint and get 20 off to liberty your motherfucking crib that cbd line the joint is also brought to you by lucy look we're all fucking adults here it's the 10th of january some of you guys are smoking you're looking to get out uncle joey's got the fucking answer lucy makes nicotine gum lozenges and pouches for adults who are looking for the best most responsible way to consume their nicotine i quit smoking years ago but every once in a while i like to pop a cigarette you know what i just put lucy in my pocket they got tremendous gum tremendous lozenges i've never put i've never used the pouches but i have used the gum and the lozenges tremendous it's a new year why fucking start the new year

doing the same shit you've been doing for years before if you enjoy using nicotine you should definitely check out lucy's product at lucy.co did you hear me that's lucy.co use promo code joey and check out also you got to read the disclaimer warning the product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical you knew that already remember if you're interested in a better way to use nicotine visit lucy.co co and be sure to use promo code joey that's lucy.co don't be smoking this year let's get this party started it's monday morning we're kicking out the motherfucking jams brothers and sisters check one two welcome to uncle joey's joint

you you what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's Monday the 10th of January last week was a pussy week it was a write-off you know people's heads were in their ass it was snow and the numbers were high you were waiting online for COVID test your results thank God the hoop landed it's the fucking tent it's the first full week of the year and we're going straight fucking ahead it was a great weekend I'm feeling great I'm looking great I'm tip-top motherfucking my goo my balls

smell great I'm back bitches it's a new year with a new motherfucking attitude I'm sorry about the podcast last week they were a little off you know I was a little off from the fucking COVID mind I have no fucking idea what was going on with me last week guys so I have an idea I ran out of medication I was getting bad headaches I thought it was the COVID I thought it was the fucking medication I thought it was the vapor pen you know so I had to start slicing shit off my headaches went away and I'm ready for 2022 regardless of what the fuck's gonna happen with this or that it's got nothing to do with us today I do have a

fucking guest I've been really waiting for this guy we uh I'll tell you the story in 1990 October 1990 I got separated by December January I had lost my job with my family the roofing company and the whole you know she bang I had nothing going on I was doing some comedy I started comedy in 91 we was yeah we got separated I'm sorry in October of 91 and you know I had no family I really had nothing I lost my job but when I got out of prison I was in the halfway house and I got a job at a place called the puddle car wash in Boulder tremendous they had hired me when I first moved to Boulder that December of

86 they hired me to dry off cars that shit bills character Jack you're out there with two fucking towels and Boulder Colorado there's a line around the fucking block and you got to dry off fucking cars and you know people give you tips and you steal one when they're not looking there's a little box and you but it was a great job you got tips at the end of the day you know you got like 40 bucks and tips there's 20 gorillas out there the guy was great Bob the owner by now he's probably fucking on to the next level of life he punched the ticket his wife was great I worked there with a black dude he was a tremendous football

player see you name Howard my boss dance name is Richie fucking great people man and I worked there for about six weeks the first time from December to like mid-January and then I got a job at Boulder auto body that's where I met fucking Tidwell and then the plan of the kidnapping came along but we'll get to that later and it was you know I was lost but when I worked at this when I got out of the halfway house I needed a job I had knocked up my ex-wife I needed something that made money and one day rich great guy from New York called me and he goes listen I got a position for you you're gonna make some money you

work three days a week you probably walk out of here with a grand a week you know that's great money and sometimes it's Saturday sometimes there's over time blah blah blah and it's just great you're outside you're talking to people and I took the job I had to you know and I it was a great fucking job you stood outside with a fucking pad people pull up they asked you for the special and you got to try to upsell you know rims undercarriage armor all fucking you know the scar scent it was great and I got to meet a lot of fucking people I got to meet like Boulder undercover cops because the Sheriff's Department would

watch their cars there so now I knew all the undercovers from Boulder County Sheriff's office I ended up meeting Bill Wise there if you look up Bill Wise he was with the DA in Boulder when uh what's a fucking name the little kid John Bonnet Ramsey he was part of that thing I met a bunch of those cops to check that did the the reason why they couldn't prosecute the Ramsey she was a lesbian cop great lady great lady she was like a fucking sergeant she's probably like a captain now I think I saw him TV a couple years ago I know her and she she's not she's a great lady she went into the fucking John Bonnet

house and did a fucking circle prayer you know so they fucked up the evidence so they couldn't really do nothing Barry Shek was on fire from the OJ trial with the DNA shit so she anyway but one of the best people I also met the Feebles in there the other Cuban family in Boulder I met the wrestler whatever his fucking name was that oh my god the ultimate fucking whatever his name the ultimate warrior was there once without his makeup on I recognize him he was fucking yoked it was just a great you know how it is it was 91 I was 28 years old 29 years old you know and I'm outside fucking making dough I was a big

shot I was in the halfway house you know I had to hide money I made tips you know because I cut deals of people but I wanted for best guys I met in there was I would sit there all day and guys would come in to wash their cars and these as we was one group of guys were coming all the time New Yorkers all from long I was fucking heavy-duty guys accurate as you know fucking 280 Z's these guys all had great cars now they look like they were making a great living and we talked and they were they'd always come in just to talk to me to hear the New York accent they'd say we love going down there so when they asked them I go Doug what do

you fucking guys do that you drive all these cars and shit and they go we're in the sports business so I thought it was a sports betting business I didn't know what the fuck it was and I'm like guys if you ever need somebody I taught you these guys for about a year then I moved on I quit the job I I focused on comedy whatever I was you know I was just fucking around I was divorced so what else did I have going on and one day like in July one of those guys text me you know text me page me I was the pager man like in the wire it was all pages and shit and I started watching that show again brilliant if you ever seen the

wire it's time you watch it again I'm up to episode 8 we're going straight to episode 64 but anyway this guy Richie came in there was a guy Rizzo and there was a guy George and they would always come in and when they finally they contacted me they go do you want a job where we work before you go for the job it's seven days a week you work August 15th to Super Bowl no weekends you work every fucking day you work the only day you have office Wednesday and that's if you're lazy most of the people came in that was the work ethic they expected from you they were fucking heavy-duty New Yorkers so I told Richie I go yeah you

know set up an interview I went there I talked to the guy they all interviewed me a week later they called they said you got the job come in August 15th for training it was fucking unreal like to be around New Yorkers all day I went in there for training they would cater the fucking training sessions great food sandwiches I'm flat broke I'm doing comedy I went in there for that was how I ate breakfast like I was the first guy there because they had bagels they would get bagels shipped in from fucking New York on Sundays if you worked on the weekends these guys took care of you like there was food there you know it was

just great pizzas they did everything they did they really tried but they trained you for two weeks they really sat with you and worked thoroughly with you and it was just a standard pitch I don't know if any of you guys ever sold anything on the phone or anything it was just a standard pitch you know and but you were always closing like I didn't know I thought I was a fucking salesman I had sold cars and shit like that I thought I knew what I was doing I knew nothing I'd read a book telemarketing in the 80s before I got that job you could throw that book out the fucking window great book it applied to me for

different areas and stuff like that but these guys taught me how to fucking sell objections you know right now I'm taking jiu-jitsu and I'm doing core program that means you do like Simon tell drills you break the guard you know they teach you shit it's basically nice and light until you get to the blue belt program it's exactly what I need I'm an old man I wanted to get my strength or maybe 90 days just going in drill drill drill drill what I've noticed about drilling is that now when somebody touches me with something I go right for an on bar I go for a Kamara it's a great way to teach somebody and that's the

same way these guys worked with it was fucking thorough and then for a week you just call people with them listening and it was hilarious like they would come up to you and tell you what the fucking say sometimes they'd pick up the phone while you were talking to somebody and talk to that person like if it was you and the person on the other side didn't know I had learned stuff that was blowing my fucking mind like every time I leave there but I had a problem my cocaine addiction was on fucking fire like I was on fire that I had a single I was single at a basement apartment in North Hollywood I could walk to the fucking

job it was on like iris fucking office was great we were in a mall with abos pizza la deezio Murphy's bar and grill a barbershop place underneath I mean guys it was a dream come true I had I was I couldn't give it all my attention because of comedy and because of what I was going through with the separation and divorce the first year I did I did okay you know they said that the first year you're gonna have your humps in your bumps you learn rejection but you grind it brother you fucking grind it and if you listen to what they said to you you wouldn't make money once you started doing what you wanted you're not gonna

make fucking money but you had to be very aggressive you know it's like you had to sell sports information and yet we won we won a lot but there's a week you know when you have you have the ups and you know ups and downs and anything especially fucking gambling I was always involved with gambling because of my family but I had learned a complete different fucking world of gambling and how they approached it they analyzed the gambler psychologically these guys have put a lot of money into what they did they knew what they were doing but what they taught me was to fucking always be selling and be

aggressive I was always kind of aggressive not with my sales because I don't like the sales people to be aggressive with me but for this particular job you're working with fucking gamblers and it's a different psychology and they had tapped into it these guys from Long Island this guy's too fine he's no fucking Yale graduate but he's got balls of steel and a mind to make fucking dough and anyway I did three years with them you know I did a 93 the first year they fucking fired me because of my cocaine problem I was just going there with a napkin in my nose and I was all fucking clogged up all the

time you can't sell when you clogged up then he gave me a second chance he's a great guy those guys let me tell you what they would do man I would work six months whatever money you put away they'd match it and they'd break it up into the six months you were gonna be off and every month you got a check that's what I didn't tell you when I told you I was delivering Chinese food I would deliver Chinese food do comedy and get a check from them and that would pay my rent my child support that's how much they took care of their fucking people this was a tremendous company I had a great opportunity with them I fucking

blew it but it brought me back after I got divorced I was lost this brought me back I was around guys every day talking about pussy yelling at people fuck you grab your fucking credit card we called my room the voodoo lounge cuz they had like different rooms and we had like a fucking crazy room in the back when they called the voodoo lounge would be eating the yelling they had girls and then I'd give you the paperwork college girls it was just a great time you know and then January of 95 my plan was to work till January of 95 and then I was trying to get on the road you know at that time I was doing

like shit one night is and stuff but I was working you know not every fucking day and I never forget the big like I had never worked a full week like I had never worked the full week I always worked like a Saturday or Tuesday so after you become an open mic and you get up a little bit like 20 minutes you call a guy if you're on the West Coast you call a guy named David Tribble if you're a comic you know what that name is David Tribble books to Pacific Northwest and it's Tribble Runs Tribble Runs is how you learn how to do comedy it's hand-to-hand comedy you don't know what's gonna happen till you get there

when you get to the manager gives you a fucking piece of paper and it says this room is active if somebody throws a bottle at you call the management and go to your room you know this is this type of comedy but I was ready for it and I'll never forget that one night while I was at work at the sports betting service they called me and they said we we have a fallout in Boulder the Tribble Run if you could do it tonight Tribble wants to see a report and if everything pans out you're on the road with Tribble I was in fucking shock I'm like I made it so I told the guys and we all went down it was a Tuesday night Boulder Broker was

on Tuesday nights but that time I've been fired I was the house emcee for about a year there but that time I had been fired they I had to get special permission to go back and do comedy they welcomed me like yeah come back oh my god you're the feature oh my god this is phenomenal I forget who the headliner was but I went down there all the guys from the office came that was the camaraderie you had like for the first time in years I was fine these guys came cheered they bought food we drank it was fucking tremendous I ended up getting like I did great and next thing you know the guy called me and said you're on the road

and it was rough to quit that fucking job but it was time for me to do comedy and it was also time for me to buy a time I knew that I was gonna do anything in Boulder but the three football seasons I worked at what's too finer and his staff taught me was invaluable invaluable I learned about people I learned that people always bullshit you I learned the mind of the gambler but most importantly I learned how to sell from the fucking balls and that came in seven years later because you could be the best comic in the world but if you don't know how to sell your fucking product you got dick you know how many what are you gonna call

people say I'm funny sell your fucking product cock sucker these guys taught me how to sell I recently moved to Jersey and Jimmy Florentine works for Barstool Sports and one day I saw that Stu Fine was on there so I got emotional you know it was like wow fucking Stu still at it I know Stu in 91 he was in it already ten fucking years probably since he was like ten this motherfucker his aggressive his fuck and here we are 2021 and Stu's still there yelling fucking believing himself and for a guy like me Doug that's fucking inspiring that's inspiring he tells a great story and I hope you fucking enjoy it thank you enjoy fucking

Mr. Stu motherfucking find that jack uncle Stu Joey what's doing brother welcome to the joint my man how are you it's an honor ready to roll so excited I am so happy to see you I you know I asked around I didn't know what was going on I talked to some of the boys from the sports advisors from time to time they come to the shows I didn't even know you in the business at all anymore wow I moved to New York I put on I see you on Twitter I follow you and you're fucking great I've been following you retweeting the games for the week you are a fucking professional man

everything's good you know it's all I've ever done so in other words and now with the internet and now with a new audience of young people you know I'm just as fucking crazy as ever I mean the energy is ever you know is bigger than ever I take a tea shot every two weeks and that just gives me unlimited fucking energy you know live on caffeine right now caffeine in a tea shot and I'm ready to go I mean I'm only sleeping like four hours a night and loving life you know I got you know I got four men that live with me my kids 32 30 26 22 and three of the four live with me and total insanity everybody's partying every

day drinking every day you know get fucked up and you know it's a great life some great fucking life you know you're smoking 50 blunts a day nine cups of Starbucks coffee how the fuck do you do this I'm Cuban I was doing eight shots of espresso in LA nice night before I went to the comedy store I love here and I stopped drinking espresso like I just drink one cup of coffee now and and that does it for you huh that does it throughout the day I got a drink of Coke zero for caffeine purposes right headache away but beside that man you look great I love that you put pictures of your dad he's your fucking twin what

is happening 30 years well I mean basically you know I went almost broke three times and now I got the world by the balls I'm printing money I got I got fucking in my backyard I got five fucking trees hundred dollar bills on the trees when you come here when we get fucked up I'm gonna let you pick hundred dollar bills you leave with five ten grand everybody's happy ready to roll oh my god you are insane I mean every day every day is insane you know even even with the cold we've got you know anyway between 10 to 40 people a day run around my backyard the house that I've been living in since 1990 that's

still what I have I work I worked as a landscaper when I was a kid in seventh grade Joe and on a 7.8 acre estate it was the William Schwindler estate and he was the co-founder of Grumman Aerospace with Leroy Grumman and in World War two in the 40s vice presidents used to be in my basement because they were talking about you know how the fuck they could bomb Germany and fucking bomb Japan and win the fucking war God God willing um William Schwindler's claim to fame was the movie Apollo 13 with Tom Hanks and Gary Sinise well in that movie there's a scene where they have two tables and they throw all the shit on the tables and

they said to the scientists we got to get them down and the owner of this house William Schwindler got them down and that was his claim to fame they landed at the Gwadia Airport drove right to Hicksville where Grumman Aerospace is and I'm about two minutes away from there so it was a 7.8 acre estate and oddly enough in seventh grade I said mr. Schwindler mr. Schwindler when you sell this house I would like to buy it and they looked at me with like two heads they're like what's this fucking Jew talking about hey buddy you know go wipe your butt you say you're in your fucking 14 by the grace of God you know I

scored out in the 80s with my sports advisor service and with 900 numbers and when they died it was in the will for them to call me they called me in 1989 they wanted at the time 2.2 million negotiated for six months and I paid 1.4 million for 7.8 acres it's a 1.8 acre side field 2.5 acres with the houses on and then 3.2 acres in the back the house at the time was 1900 square feet 1936 English tutor and then when I bought it I put 800 grand into the house 200,000 into the pool made it 4,300 square feet matched the brick and the slate roof from a burnt down school in Massachusetts and I've been kicking fucking

ass since in 1994 I paid 4.8 million dollars for a scorephone operation in Atlanta, Georgia where they were getting 48 million calls a year on 200 scorephones and at the time before the internet before you could get scores on your phone before all these channels on TV gave scores we gave scores odds lines injury weather reports and then we inundated it with ads I sold the back field in my backyard tour builder together we built 11 houses and we named it after my oldest son it's called Shawn Michael court I sold a 1.8 acre side field right next to me and then I kept the 2.5 acres bought the scorephone

paid 4.8 million put 800,000 down had a note for 1.2 million per year we wrote 10 million in four years worldwide of balls business was evaluated at 30 million p.s. this is nuts Joe you this is fucking crazy it's like Murphy's law my last payment to the owner paid it me and Sandy go to France party of fucking bulls off come back and CBS Sportsline opened their website I went in six months 48 million calls 4.8 million calls 480,000 calls 48,000 calls out of fucking business and then I had to get into other areas so I got like professional athletes to work for me ex-coaches ex-players and I promoted them and then that didn't work and then the

internet almost put me out of business and I floundered probably from 1999 2000 to 2010 on the balls of my ass I couldn't afford water for my kids and I just grinded grinded I beg barred and steal borrowed money from everybody I ever fucking met borrowed money from the mafia didn't pay my taxes I dug a seven million dollar hole because I didn't want to lose my life and my lifestyle I was advised go out of business bankrupt yourself wipe it out and start again I'm like well a can't beat the mafia out of money because don't put a gun in my mouth my my mouth and kill me be government ain't going away and see I can't fuck friends my sister-in-law let me money every friend I ever met ps by 2018 I paid every fucking penny back seven million

fucking dollars and then by the grace of god Dave Portnoy who owns barstool sports called me and said stew me and my father used to watch you in the 90s on the sports advisors we fucking love you we don't like you we love you we want to bring back your sports advisor show rebranded barstool sports advisors and then um in 2006 they used my tv show in the movie two for the money Al Pacino played me Rene Russo played my wife Matthew McConaughey in real life played a disgruntled employee that worked for me and in that movie Al Pacino md md yeah exactly Al Pacino Matthew McConaughey and Jeremy Pivitt were on my tv show so basically now i'm like the hardest fucking thing in the world i mean i'm not as hot as you

i'm not as good looking as you but i'm fucking hot as shit just like you said the other day you go to a carvel your mom i can't go anywhere without people and by the grace of god listen if i was fucking my wife and someone wanted to take a picture i would tell my wife honey hold on and i'll take the picture because this is like this is like living a story book life can't get enough of it i went to these islander games during every period there was a line of a hundred people to take pictures with me what a fuck am i five four and three quarters if i was too sure i'd be perfectly round i'm a fucking nobody i got fucking 940 on my satees i'm half a fucking idiot but by the grace of god i'm living a life that i've never dreamed before

and you know it's only going to get bigger i'm getting bigger and bigger every year i just you know i sell merchandise i do an amazing job with shoutouts so what i do is i stand on my fucking diving board and i read shoutouts i read people fantasy football lineups and i'm doing hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in shoutouts it's like my new business it's like if i lose my voice i'm like tits and a bulge kill me i'll commit suicide but until my voice goes you know i got a license to make a million dollars a year it's fucking amazing you know stew these the youth of america a lot of people really do not understand what you did from scratch i know the other guy's story their first year in the basement with ma you know the two brothers but your story is so

superb but i'm gonna tell you something the reason why i excelled in comedy years later was because of what you taught me on those fucking phones thank you thank you how fucking crazy is that thank you i remember going to seattle and out working everybody and one of the guys came up and like you what are you a fucking new yorker you came here and took everybody's work what the fuck and i go no i worked harder than you i got on the phone on mondays and the same pitch the same way veracity you guys taught me you know go for the card what's the card number five you know start fucking whatever capital one i mean it was just you i didn't know while i was doing it what i was learning and i pitched shows with that knowledge i went in i took so much from that job that came

back to me later i want these people to know the the fucking the size of what you were doing from nothing yeah i mean in basement yeah and and thank you very much for saying that that's quite kind and be honest with you you cannot believe how many people have called me and said stew i worked because i've had pretty much like i'd say over 5000 people worked for me from 1980 until now and people have said stew your training had prepared me for life that any interview i did i was heads and tails i was the general manager in six months because you know what i did i taught people that confidence is everything confidence flows through your body through the phone through individuals even in person and you control the conversation if you remember my training

notes it was listen listen listen do this do this do this fair enough fair enough fair enough what's that master card number five what five what five what's the visa number four what four what listen listen listen and you never let the customer talk they buy you and they buy your enthusiasm and that's basically if you can have that skill set in life world joister as you said you at work people because you knew what it was listen my people like me i worked from 1982 to 1997 i worked seven days a week 24 hours a day i miss people's weddings i miss bar mitzviz i miss birthdays because i said hey listen i'm fucking working here that's the bottom line and in other words it really you know like for example i love you i really love you because it makes me feel so

good that because i broke my fucking balls and you know a lot of people when they were killing they went on their own and basically you know robbed me and fucked me and made their money on their own and then they never thanked me but there are people that did thank me like you said like i told you a skill set that was valuable in all areas of life doesn't matter what you could have done you could have been a lawyer you could have been a politician and you chose to be a comedian and a comedian really commands the room people are desperate to laugh because as you know as i know we were on the balls of our fucking ass we were this close to fucking dying or wishing we were dead you know we tried to kill ourselves we couldn't wish and we were dead and in other words most

people's lives suck as you know they suck dick so they're looking for someone just to lift them up because most people are extremely insecure feel extremely inadequate and my job always was entertainment if i can entertain you if i can make you happy that's my goal in life that's my fucking goal in life and i gave the world to everyone like i had a ton of secrets and i gave to everybody off the off the bat i wasn't smart then because i probably should have held a little back because once i taught you everything you know actually i gave you the keys to the kingdom but i was okay with that i really was i feel humble i feel grateful and i feel blessed and that's that's really how i roll you know every day i wake up i'm on my fucking knees and my day starts

with this exact prayer since probably 1985 i say please god give me the strength to be abstinent from my compulsive overeating my gambling my drug addiction my sexual behavior my abusive language my compulsive spending of my selfishness you know please lift my difficulties and my character defects so i can bet a person one day at a time and that's really how i roll you know i fight all the addictions there's not one addiction i don't have and every day i fight it and i try to be you know i try to be a good husband a good father a power of example a great fuck and to make you laugh you know i that's what i do and in other words you know having a six inch dick you know bragging that i have a 10 inch dick you know i had to do other things and that's why

i created the perfect hour of sex which is 15 15 30 15 minutes eating ass 15 minutes licking 30 minutes fucking you can't hold your load bring a vibrator bring a fucking vibrator and the vibrator that i personally love is the vibrator straight up with the mouse on the end with the tongue you hit the clitoris because a lot of women like clitoris action and then you jam it vaguely and then obviously with your hands your finger fuck the ass when you do what you're fucking gotta do and you know by the grace of god in my 20s my 30s my 40s my 50s i was able to come get hard again and come again now that's not real now 60 years old i can't jerk off because i won't i don't have the load like my second load now is air so why am i gonna even do it the second

time i do it the first i go fucking hard i eat ass i lick click fuck call it a fucking day thank you lord it's keeping you young oh absolutely i mean guys if you're watching this i know this gentleman for 30 years he has not lost an edge of enthusiasm in fact you're more enthusiastic about what you're doing and enthusiasm is contagious that's the other thing you taught me when you make those you know years later i went to la and i'll never forget i when i got the la in 97 the big thing was cigars uh demi more smoked the cigar on a fucking cover of a magazine and everybody started smoking cigars so they started these cigar telemarketing jobs still i was the hot i would leave at 10 i would get there at seven and leave at fucking 10 it was it was something and the guy

goes how did you learn how to do this and i couldn't explain to him what we did i just go i just learned going from your job to cigars is like eat and eat another pussy afterward that's what it was a bigger area fucking pussy with a big clip that looks like a fucking spider speak to me oh toothless one you know what i'm saying yeah i remember we uh you know your partner took us to vegas we would do the vegas trip every year you would take him to the soup bowl the highest guys in the office your office and the other office kurt would take us to the to the mirage and i remember we went to a strip club and we're sitting there and i'm with 14 fucking animals you know those guys i worked sure ray george every ray george and the chick splits richie and the chick kept

doing splits and she had a white a pimple on her ass or whitehead and she had a tremendous ass and i wanted to eat her monkey but i had to pop that whitehead first that's all i wanted to do and i remember she came over to me she goes you want to dance i go listen i'll give you 20 to pop that pimple on your ass and she's like get the fuck out of here and then another girl came up and she was dancing every time she'd split i go speak to me oh toothless one and she got up and threw me and i think george out of the club she thought george was my little heckling partner but the lessons i learned in that office one of the funniest things i've ever seen because i got hired with your nephew right right i got hired with fucking lunatic yeah and he's on

the phone one day and he's pitching and i'm around from him and he keeps going julius julius hold on one second julius julius you know he's he's pitching julius listen to me and all of a sudden kurt walks up to me and he's helping me do a pitch and he goes if this fucking guy says julius one more time i'm gonna break his fucking head he didn't even finish saying that and you heard a little finer going julius he just stormed over there give me the fucking phone he pulled the phone from me he's just hung it up i never we were in the back of the voodoo lounge it was i i you know looking back at that now i was fucked up you know you're talking about addictions i would go in there after snorting all night and i would just put a tissue in my nose

just that i would call people with a fucking tissue in my nose and then when this one would dry out i'd put the tissue in the other fucking nose we used to work friday nights you'd do the show friday at 10 or something midnight and we had to stay in the office friday night yes and that's how i learned how to sell news that's how i learned how to sell the new ones when i was in there alone with the incoming calls and you're really fucking stiff at first but again your lesson was a to be enthusiastic and make that guy bigger than the guy on the phone what the fuck are you i'll never forget the first time some guy lost and had to go into him for like a thousand dollars that's an education anybody can get money from somebody who won right try getting money from somebody who

lost and you gotta fucking call them bring them down to earth explain to him that that was nothing listen you lost 10 000 i lost 30 000 what are you fucking crying about i lost 30 000 i can't even come up with the 32 to get the kilo of coke from the columbian that's coming at three o'clock and you're crying to me about your fucking 500 grab your fucking wipes cunt tell her we're going two and all tonight and you just fucking spiel and you just blow up and if you look at my videos that's what i do if you look at my videos i'm doing what i would do on the phone only in a video and you get enthusiastic as you pitch it and the more and more you get up the sale is eminent the sale is right there you you you don't even have to sell them the enthusiasm

fucking sells them the same thing i did on stage so i think you should rewrite the book and put it out there for sale like jean perrette and judy carter call it how to fucking influence people and get your dick sucked like it and make money while you're doing it right or wrong that's fucking awesome i'll do it let's go that's the book you got to write i can do that when you're sick and you want to just hang at home what you have in your head can help fucking corporations they don't even know how to train people you call these people you call these fucking people they say to you hold on hold until we fucking get to you your business is appreciated you would never do that you would be on that you'd have 20 phones around you fuck you i got two and oh hold on i

got a thousand you don't even give a fuck so no what you're doing is fuck i miss i was thinking about selling again on the phone like i don't want to do comedy but i was thinking about you and i'm like oh my god i would do that for five fucking years but there's no business doing that anymore everything's on the internet like you said right everything's on the internet now you know now you you don't speak to anyone i don't speak to anybody i literally do not speak to what i haven't spoke to a customer probably in five years like not a word it's via text because now they they just want the games they don't want the story they don't want to hear nothing they just text it to me good to go love you watch your videos you may just laugh every morning your motivation in the morning your

food throughout the day your craziness we live vicarious through you still we don't we know everything about you there's nothing you could tell us about you we don't want to hear nothing just and what i do now joe is it's a simple price it's one price for everyone there is no reorder there is no bump there is no special games there is no pie in the sky it is what it is whether you bet 100 million a game or a dollar a game you're getting the exact same games which is obviously much different than we used to run it in the 80s and 90s so it works it works and now yeah they they don't go for the sale they you'll never get you'll never be able to talk to someone they do not pick up the phone as you know just like as you and me know when when we get hundreds of calls we don't know the person

it's going to voicemail we're never speaking to someone forever unless we know the person and truth be told we don't speak to anybody anymore i i text i text i don't really don't have time to talk to people like this i guess that's why it's such a blessing to be on this podcast with you i'm literally lucky i don't fucking hold you i want to get an egg ball i want to fuck boys now it's fucking going to ruin our lives we've done it we come back from it there's no stopping us i think listen let's do one let's do one last comedy tour you and me joey and stew fuck the world eat our let's fucking come i think that's what should be it that should be it let's i'm ready let's fucking come we'll smoke blunts with everybody in the fucking crowd we'll get a place where it's

legal everybody has to be over 21 we just get fucked up hug it out laugh get fucking naked and let's fucking go let's do it now i mean every listen every time i see people in the street they're like stew can you fuck my wife stew my wife loves you i never ate a pussy in my life i never ate her ass and i'm eating her ass a licking her clit only because of you and if you want to you can fuck my wife i'm like listen i have no prenuptial so i can't but thanks for the thought motherfucker thanks for the thought and then when i see what the wife looks like i'm like listen no disrespect i would never fuck her i couldn't get hurt if you shot me with this in my penis she's a pig a fucking pig now stew i gotta ask you something yes because you and i are

from the same cut obviously yes with all this politically correct bullshit going on through the world you still don't give a frenchman's fuck you pour it on even more absolutely no issue about it the more the more tighter it gets i crossed the line and i smashed the fucking line and i put my ballsack on your fucking face and i think a fuck your wife while i'm telling you drop dead you're a scumbag you're a pussy get a fucking life and that's how i roll and you either like me or hate me but i don't fucking care because i'm me and there is a niche that loves stew finer there is a niche that loves my insanity there is a niche that loves my um being genuine because it is what it is you know i'm not smart enough to scam anybody i'm not smart enough to

pull the wool over your eyes i got 550 math 390 english on my sat's the teacher called me in and said to me are you really jewish because this might be the lowest score any jews ever had i said yeah fucking jewish fuck you a smooth pot since i'm seventh grade i ate acid since i'm tenth grade eat my ass and that's basically how it is it's just uh i could i really appreciate the fuck you make me laugh more than any comic on the internet when i make up in the morning i go right and just do finer just to see what you ate for breakfast the fucking bagels which are gorgeous i don't know where you get this fucking fruit from up there long island but i gotta come busy it pretty soon well you said you're coming right you're gonna come here we're gonna smoke it up you're gonna

hug it out what i'll bring some reefer we'll have i'll bring some hundred milligram edibles let's go i'll fucking you look like one of the Beatles after i get through with you i took my brother to awake yesterday you're not gonna believe this i had to go to awake and i took my brother and my brother's a fucking boozer we're not really brothers we just know each other since we're 10 he's 64 okay i pick him up at one his wife comes out and says listen he's already tuned up and he's asking for coke i go listen that's not gonna happen today but i'll take i'll be with him i hadn't seen him in 15 years we took a ride stew the whole way up it was gibberish and then we got the rooties and he fucking ate we ate and he had eight beers and 45 minutes and three shots of

whatever the fuck and then he got a double espresso and he got two shots of 43 in there okay and then we went to the wake and on the way to the wake he's talking about hookers and fucking people up the ass and i go listen knock it off i go you want to do an edible he goes fuck that that they don't do nothing to me and all this shit i go listen all i got is a 225 and a 130 the bartender gave it to me he didn't see that so i just ripped the 130 he goes what's this a 25 i go it's a 12 and a half so i gave him the 60 milligrams by the time we got to the 34 he was sweating fucking profusiously in the car he took the water he opened it up stew and he just poured it on his head i was fucking dying and he threw the bottle in the back and he's in

the car he's like i can't even think these edibles what did you give me and i go don't worry about nothing he fucked him went home he called me at nine he was still fucked up then he called me this morning at nine in the morning to tell me he didn't sleep from the fucking edible but when he poured that water on his fucking head like there's only three people that haven't changed in 30 years you me and him so funny you know what it is when people smoke pot and they think they can smoke pot you know they're not in our league when people do edibles i could do a thousand milligrams edibles and you would all i do is eat faster it's fucking it nothing you can't even tell i'm off-face case in point dave portnoy that we do the bar still sports about his shit my boss okay

i give him six punch bars 250 milligrams each tremendous so i tell him him in the silvan and he's got this drop dead gorgeous woman he's with right now what a fucking sweetheart she's a 10 i pray to god he marries though you know he says he doesn't know i'm like let's play on the wedding let's play in the bar it'll shower name your fucking kids me let's go stews boys girls anyway so i give him six punch bars i tell him to eat the whole punch bar and his girl to eat the whole punch bar ps he eats Thanksgiving morning 160 milligrams to show you what a lightweight he is and a lightweight a lot of people are yeah it takes time his he he goes to his parents house in massachusetts he has a bad reaction they take him to the fucking hospital

thanksgiving he's in the fucking hospital on 160 milligrams of a fucking edible i'm like so ps i felt a little guilty i said you're fucking a pussy as far as eating edibles you know like he's not a pussy by any means he's got a quarter of a billion bucks his dick is this big he fucks like a porn star and he lives like a rock star there's no issue about that but on the tv show to show him he's a pussy i take 250 milligrams right in front of him i'm like are you crazy ps went back you know because you're allowed to smoke there went on the deck smoked three four more blondes i'm like Dave i feel great what's going on he goes i don't know i guess i'm never gonna doubt you again i go fucking hey you ain't gonna doubt me it's one thing i could do i could

fuck and make you laugh i can eat and i could do fucking edibles until i'm blue in the face no two ways about it punch bars i haven't seen those in three years oh they were amazing my buddy gave them to me but my buddy gave them to me i think he was i think he was either in california or arizona they brought him back to me i saw them i used to get those they have dark chocolate milk chocolate that's what no right exactly how tremendous those things oh the best the best the best i like chocolate edibles i like the chocolate edibles with the mushroom powder in them too oh i gave you those little mushroom in that fucking 100 milligram edible it puts you you know it makes a basketball game look completely fucking different you understand me now i do understand is your sports

doing now you still i'm killing tremendous i'm i'm killing because listen i have done this for 42 years right now the world's on my dick because literally i'm not bragging there is no one on this fucking earth that no sports gambling more than me i've done it it's the only job i've ever done in my entire fucking life so i've seen it all i've done it all i've made millions and i've lost much more than i've made because that's reality gambling is for the rich to have fun and lose money but now where it is is i'd like to teach people to go against the grain against the public whatever i tell people when you gamble let's say you're gambling on your own whatever you like bet the other side do you think you jerk off can beat the odds maker you think there's fucking

casinos and everybody could bet legally because you know what you're doing no be a fucking man be a woman and whatever you like go the other way because you're a sucker and if you don't know you're a sucker i'm killing you're a sucker so now you know you're a fucking sucker so i'm trying to teach people first of all gambling is like going to a show it's for entertainment these people think they're gonna gamble and get rich by a house by a car by a business no that's not how it works you gamble because it's for the rich because they love the entertainment they love the not in their stomach because rich people are very competitive and they can't beat gambling so all they do is try to beat something that they can't bang their head against the fucking wall lose all their fucking

money then they come to me and i give them an education first of all limited games you got a bet a week people don't want to hear that people want to bet five ten games a day i'm like listen my i i sell games every day but my top top people my people that bet real money they bet one two games a week max maybe they don't even bet during a week because that's how you make money you can't bet every day you grind it out you just fucking killed and now that everybody could gamble even the youth of america it's dangerous because people here's how it works joe people that are betting a hundred a game should be betting ten dollars a game people that are betting a thousand should be betting a hundred people that are betting ten thousand should be

betting a thousand people that are betting a hundred thousand should be betting ten thousand they don't want to hear that they don't want to hear that so when i tell them reality they don't want reality they want to live in the fantasy they want to live in hey i'm gonna be the first first fucking person to win. You know, if you hit 58% of your bets, you are the best in the world. If you hit 60%, 61, 62, that's a career year. You could never do that overall

because that's just not doable. But these people hit 20% on their own, 10%. How about never win? People come to me, Stu, I'm stuck, 40,000. Can you get me out? How much are you betting again? 300. Uh, no.

You're never getting out. You fucking jerk off. Forget about the past. Don't chase your losses. Learn what gambling is. Gamble every day, but put it in perspective. You have to have discipline. And listen, as you know, as I know,

the way we learn the hard lesson is we crush ourselves. We're fucking down. We're gutter drunks. We're fucking mouth faces are in the puke. And that's how we learn. You know, we're fucking hardheaded guys, you and me. You know that. We have no fear.

There's nothing we can't overcome. The more you tell us we can't do it, we're gonna fucking say fuck you. Fuck you, I'm gonna fuck your mother. I'm gonna fuck your daughter. And then I'm gonna fucking own you. You bitch, get on your fucking shine box. But the reality is that gambling

has to be put in his right perspective. But your first question, I'm off the wall. I'm bigger than you are steel. I don't even know what to do with the fucking money. That's how big I am. And because I'm honest in what I do, you know, you pay me just like I said, the guy that bets $10 a game

or the guy that bets a million a game, he's getting my best of my best of my best. And that's really how I run. Every day I have one game I absolutely love and then the rest is for fun. And that's how we do it. Now, so let's say I give five games, like I have seven games tonight.

People are gonna bet all seven for the same amount of money. I literally tell them, listen, this one for the max and the rest for fun. They don't fucking listen to me. They don't care. They're just firing because they're trying to either be me, bet over their heads

or make up for past mistakes where you know it. You can never make up for past mistakes. It has to be clean slate, deep breath and do the best you can today. The past doesn't matter. The fucking future doesn't matter. You live in the fucking present. You give 100% in your role from there.

But gambling is bigger than ever now. It's becoming legal everywhere. And it's in my wheelhouse. These shout outs are in my wheelhouse. Comedy is in my wheelhouse. Motivation is in my wheelhouse. Telling people that I failed and I failed and I failed and failure after failure,

you don't lose your enthusiasm. For four years where I was on the balls of my ass, I didn't pay my mortgage for four years. I couldn't fucking afford bread. I survived. And then I thought I had it together and I fell another three years. And I just grinded it out.

I thought my life was over. I kept praying. I was in a depression and I finally just blew it out. I persevered. The cream always rises to the top. I have a skill set with, you know, being funny, having energy and being gut level honest. I don't mind telling you I failed.

I'm a glorious failure in the eyes of God. That's okay. But I never, ever, ever fucking stopped. And that's the fucking bottom line. So, you know, failure is part of life. Everyone fails. Matter of fact, most people fail a lot. But you just grind it out.

You go forward. You have confidence. You have confidence in yourself. That's the key. Like people want to say that other people help them and without you, I wouldn't be here, went out this and that. But truth be told, it's you. You have to love yourself.

Self love in my experience and in my opinion right now is the thing that the world is lacking. People don't love themselves. People want to focus on what they don't have, what they can't do, what they wish they could do instead of what you have. You're a beautiful loving person. You're a child of God.

And every person brings their unique substance to the world. And we need that. And we really fucking need it. But now everybody's so insecure. So inadequate, so scared. People are scared to make a mistake. Fuck that. Make mistakes.

Fucking fail. You only learn from failure. Nobody's ever learned from success. No one has ever fucking learned from success in their entire motherfucking life. You learn from failure. You learn what you do wrong. And God willing, you don't repeat your mistakes.

So that's really what I'm rolling with right now, Joe. I'm thinking about what you said that this has been your life. And just to let people know how deep your Jimmy runs. The first three days of training, they talk about the mind of the gambler. And the waves, how it goes up in the psychology. I still remember learning that.

We learned that way before we talked about five times or 10 times or the pitch. We talked about how to catch them. How they go up and down. They're like manic depressants. And you gotta get them somewhere in the middle. I learned, the first 10 times you call somebody, they tell you to go fuck yourselves.

And then you taught us to say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Before you hang up on me, I know I'm a loser. Tell me who you're gambling with tonight, who you're betting. And I'll tell you if you're in the right direction. And then you go, listen, one of your sides is opposite me. And I'm like, oh, come on.

This was my fucking life. It was called the $50,000 rejection. To fucking tremendous. So I used it in this way. When I would do a showcase, when I first got to LA and Stu would say, I'll be there tonight. And then Stu wouldn't show up. I call you the next day.

And I go, Stu, you fucked up. Why? I had the set of my life. Rodney Dangerfield was there doing coke. Lindsay Lohan was sucking dick. And you're at home cause you didn't want to come see me. This wasn't about coming to see me.

This is about the whole, and then they go, okay, I'll come next time. I would just make up lies. Tell them Lindsay Lohan was there sucking cock. Jenna Jameson was at the comedy store to let them know what they missed. And the other thing that I have to go with you is your honesty. I spoke to people over the years in California

that they also had worked for a sports betting service. You guys were not doing what these people were doing. These people were giving sides to one guy, sides to another. You guys would pick, re-picks and break them up to people to try to teach them. Our first rule was to slow them to fuck down. And then you own them. And it's even your gambling lesson.

I started gambling last year on DraftKings. I love DraftKings and my sponsor. I bet $25 a game. Good, exactly. Sunday is my best day. That basketball, that's the quickest way to commit suicide. It's every fucking day. If I see something outrageous on a Monday night,

you know, the nicks break my fucking heart. Brooklyn breaks my heart on a constant level. Utah comes through for me in hoops. Chicago Bulls, they're playing tonight. And, you know, Golden States, they didn't cover last night those cocksuckers. I don't know if they did. No, no, Phoenix.

I had Phoenix last night. That was my game of the fucking basketball week. There was no Thursday night fucking football this week. So, and even myself, it's $25. And you're small, exactly because you've learned. You learn, you know it. You're not gonna win. No.

If you start thinking you're not gonna win, I do it to watch the game. I haven't listened. Stu, I got into comedy in 91. I was with your company till 95. I was with you guys when I got the call to go on the road. And I had to go to Curt and say, listen, I'm going on the road, blah, blah, blah.

And the rest, I went to Seattle, but I always used your little fucking techniques. They were like that clothes. You thought I forgot about that. That's the N word to the law. And then they'll call you three days from that. They'll call you three days and they go, hey man, you were right.

I had a game opposite yours. Come on, let's go. Grab the fucking card. Tell your wife your pussy hairs are gonna stand on fire. I'll never forget when we used to work Friday nights. It was a smaller crew. So you could work more with Curt. Curt will work more with you.

The shit he would say to people. You know, he would always go, watch my lips, you know, and he would pitch you. And there was stuff I had a hard time saying at first and he would get mad at me. But when I started saying those things, I started selling. Soon as I started reading his lips, watch, and then he'd get on the phone and yell

and then give you the phone back. People didn't have a fucking idea what was going on. You always ran a very legit service. I really enjoyed. I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong when I was there. I was working at a car wash when Richie discovered me. It was Richie. I had just come out of prison.

I was in the halfway house and I was working as a host at the Puddle Car Wash in Boulder, right down the block from the office and Richie, Rizzo, George, they would all come in. I go, how do you guys get nice cars? I thought they were drug dealers. And then they started talking a little bit about sports and I thought they were fucking bookies.

I go, here I left fucking Jersey and I'm surrounded by bookies in Boulder. And then finally in 93, they came to me and they go, if you want a job, go over there and talk to them. Two week training, bagels on Sunday, flown out, courtesy of Stu, fucking cream cheese from Long Island, it was just, it was a dream come true for me.

And you have no idea what I, I was going through my divorce at that time. I was in court every other week. I lost a child, a 32 year old. My daughter does not talk to me till today. And you know, Stu, Kirk got me an attorney. You know, he gave me his attorney and we never got anywhere.

But I was going through a heavy fucking period when I was there. I was living by myself, the cocaine, I had a guy that even if I owed him 2,000, he'd bring me an A-ball. He's the best guy in the world. I owed him $1,500 for 12 years. I went to Denver to do the comedy works.

I called him and I ended up giving him two grand for what he had done for me. I could have just beat him, but he was such a great guy Vince. He would deliver right to the office. That office, people have no idea how much fun it was working for you. I remember one day it was laid downstairs that cut hair

and she used to always tell me, I'm gonna suck your dick. And I'm like, no, you're not. She was hot. And one day she broke her leg skiing and she was down and I'm like, hey, I'm in the mood for a blow job today. She walked me outside with a cast,

got on one knee and had the cast stretched out and Sukala Mink, I went upstairs. It was fucking tremendous. It is tremendous. Remember there was a haircut in place downstairs. Yeah. Remember when they moved into the bigger office? Yes.

And then in LA, I went to a lady's house one night. My wife, my daughter was born and she started going to school and she became friends with my wife somehow. And I went over there one day and the lady said to me, you don't recognize me? I go, no. She goes, I'm Jen.

I was the bartender at Murphy's. When you work for Curtin, you guys will always come downstairs to Murphy's and eat. So I always get, there's not one day I don't think about what I learned with you. There's not one day. That's awesome. There's not one fucking day.

That's good to hear. That's guy, I've heard a ton of stories like that because look, it lasts forever because it's a great skill set, builds confidence, builds energy and it works. It works. There's no two ways about it. We really, I really always taught people how to be actors.

How to be like professional actors, competence flows through your body, through the phone and you're ready to roll. And just like you said, I'm grateful that you said that because we never double sided games. We always gave one game, we died by it. We never booked make. We never tried to set up with a fucking bookmaker.

We did the best we can, live or die. And that's how we rolled. We were fun and aggressive on the phones, but like you said, no guilt because it was fucking straight up honesty. We did what we had to do and it was what it was. And like you said, these people in Cali and these other people, they're fucking thieves.

I mean, they're literal, they should be in jail. I mean, it's not, and I'm never judging anyone. I don't want to put anybody in jail because my house, I don't want to throw stones. I have a glass house. I've done it all, like this, this shit you and me have done. We're never telling anyone, it's never happening.

We're going to die going through our graves today. Because like you said, we're glorious values. We've done some shit, but pretty much like you put your head on the pillow and you can go to sleep. Same with me always. I always use my real name. I always, you know, represented myself and that's the fucking bottom line.

So, you know, like both of us said, we got nothing to look back on, but good things and the future looks great for both of us. The smartest thing you did saying that, because a lot of people are not going to understand what you said to people to be an actor and I'm going to break it down for them. You gave us a name.

For me, it was pistol Pete. So when I called people, I wasn't Joey Diaz. I wasn't Coco Diaz. I wasn't a spick. I was pistol Pete. Pistol Pete snorted. He drank booze. He had VD.

He got gonorrhea. He got his dick sucked. He smacked people. He went to jail for fucking whatever. You know, that's who pistol Pete was. So when you went into that office, you left Joey Diaz behind. It was, that's why I said to you before

when Kurt would speak to you, you had to learn how to, now this helped me with stand-ups too. You had to learn how to say what he was saying. How to learn what he was saying. So when you're saying those things at first, they're like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm telling this guy to tell his wife to shave her pussy

that we got three winners today, you know? That helped me later on with comedy. Then I became Joey offstage and Coco on stage. The one who talked about pulling the tampon out of your pussy or lighting it on fire when I was eating your asshole. You ever do that? You eat an ass and they got the period and you pull the string back and forth,

they go fucking bananas. And then you whip it out when they come and you eat that fucking thing and then it fucking explodes. It's like a take back with blood on it. Who gives a fuck? We've eaten everything. We swam in the Hudson.

True. I listen, I eat ass in a whorehouse so I can't say that. Oh, Jesus. I'm not opposed, not opposed. Did you eat ass at the 1040 Club? How did you know? How did you know about the 1040 Club?

I went there when I was the most hard. It was the worst night of my life. I've never felt so embarrassed. It's scarred me so much. I've never been with a hooker the rest of my fucking life. And then I ended up over there with a kid pop up, Pedro Obregon, Pedro Obregon. And I didn't know what was going on.

All of a sudden you paid the 1040, they gave you a little ticket, you went inside, a little bell came out like the bagels are ready. You ever see those Jewish delis that have the red light? The bagels are ready. And all of a sudden they pushed out a bunch of Russian and dirty white chicks, they were crying. You had to tackle them.

And then you gave the guy a sticker and he put you into the back into an office space. You could hear other people moaning and groaning. You could smell the strippers' feats and their assholes. And then I'll never forget the chick, fucking wash your dick with a bucket. It looked like Rocky's Spittoon, the one he spit in that foam and shit.

She would clean your helmet and then tell you what you wanted around the world, a half and half or a straight fuck. And I go, let's do a half and half. And she's on me bouncing and I'm dying inside. I could hear my dick going quack quack quack into a dirty snatch. And all of a sudden she stops through and she goes,

you know, for an extra 10 you could eat my pussy. I put my two hands under her thighs and I just threw her off. I'll never forget she had holes in her stockings. That killed me, killed me too. Who the fuck fucks a lady with holes in the stocking? Her heel was sticking out, her little toe was sticking out. And it was brown, like a pimp had stepped on her foot 2,000 fucking times.

Stu, when can I come over and see you, brother? Yesterday? Okay, I'm gonna give you a call next week and set something up and I come over and see you. We'll come over and see you over at the sports when the fucking building opens up because nobody's seeing nobody because of COVID. Stu, I love you.

I love you. With all my heart, thank you for not forgetting me. I never forgot you. And I never forgot you. I love you, it means a lot. Thank you so, so much, you're very kind. And whenever I saw your nephew, I always asked him about you.

You know, I love that motherfucker. He made me laugh. Rod is great. He's a great fucking cousin. He's a great deli. People have no idea. I got another hour of stories from that fucking deli when there'd be 20 people in the fucking place

waiting for a sandwich and they'd bust that into a fist fight. They do that in Boulder, not New York. In New York, people look at, they were having a fist fight behind the counter. People were waiting for their chicken cut. It's fucking sandwich. That's my father's brother's kid. Fucking amazing.

I love these, Stu. Stay in touch. I love you, Joe. Thank you so much. I'm putting this on Monday morning. Fuck these motherfuckers. Let's fucking go. Let's fucking go.

Anything you want to say before we leave? Anywhere they get a hold of you. Yeah, I mean, always you could pull me up at stufiner.com. And then for any shout outs or merchandise that be like stu.com. And then just watch our show on Barstool Sports Advisors and you could find that always on the internet.

I'm everywhere and then let's fucking go. Let's have some fun. When is the show gone? What nights? Friday night at seven o'clock. So tonight at seven? Correct. Okay.

I love you, Stu. God bless you. Happy New Year. And thank you for coming on The Joint. We'll be in touch, Tarzan. Okay, God bless you. Love you. Love you.

Oh, thank you. I hope you enjoyed fucking Uncle Stu. It was a great chat. That was part one. We're going to have a part two pretty soon, about a month or so. I'll get them back on. I'm going to try to do something with him.

Go up to Long Island, yell and scream, maybe for the Super Bowl. Go up there. We'll make some fucking videos and blow your goddamn minds, guys. Again, I'm sorry about last week. We are going to fucking turn this motherfucker around. You guys know me, dog.

I'm a fucking savage. It takes time. We're going to turn this shit around. I think I'm getting rid of the fucking couch. I'm doing a bunch of different changes. It's going to take a while, but I feel better. I'm more confident and I hope you guys enjoyed

today's fucking podcast with my main man, Stu motherfucking finer. We'll be back Wednesday. Patrons kicking. Everybody's on a fucking fire and we're ready to go. It's a cold motherfucker today here in Jersey on a Monday morning. I got to go for a fucking knee this morning

to check out both knees. I got jujitsu. I got a great fucking day. I love you cocksuckers with all my heart. Have a great Monday. And don't forget Alabama, Georgia tonight. Draft Kings, cocksuckers, stay black. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors.

All right, you fucking savages. I want to thank my main man, Stu, fine to visit him. Go see Stu, get the deal. He's great. And he knows exactly what he's doing. And he'll make it right for you. He'll put you back on the winning track. Speaking about winning track,

I'm showing up with Draft Kings. You understand me? The NFL playoffs are here. Starting next week, the wildcard weekend. Tonight we got a great game, Alabama, Georgia. This is your time. But for the Super Bowl, we're doing something sensational for the wildcard is what I mean.

You bet five dollars and you win 280 in three bets if your team is victorious. That's what Draft Kings is doing for you right now. If sports book isn't available in your state yet, never fear Uncle Joe is here. We got something to play with for wildcard weekend. Everyone can play for huge cash prizes with Draft Kings daily fantasy football contest.

Draft Kings has given all new customers a free shot at millions of dollars in total prizes with their first deposit. So do me a favor, download the Draft Kings sports book app now or the fantasy app. The sports book, you're gonna get 56 to one odds on any NFL team. Five dollars will make you 280 in three bets.

That's how Uncle Joey shows up on a fucking Monday. That's promo code Joey. This wildcard weekend at Draft Kings sports book, the official sports betting partner of the NFL. You gotta be 21 old, New Jersey, Indiana, PA. I see New York is doing it now, congratulations. New customers only, final deposit, dollar wager required, one per customer.

Restrictions do apply, okay, don't be greedy. See DraftKings.com slash sports book for details. Now if you got a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLE. But if not, head over to DraftKings. Let's get this party started. The joint is also brought to you by Lucy. Listen, Lucy nicotine gum is tremendous. Lucy makes gum, lozenges and pouches for adults

who are looking for their best, most responsible way to consume their nicotine. Listen guys, you know what the only problem I got with nicotine stuff? It tastes like dick, not Lucy. Lucy cinnamon gum is tremendous. Their flavors are unbelievable. You don't wanna be smoking.

That's it, it's time to get this monkey off your bat. Now if you enjoy using nicotine, you should definitely check out Lucy's products at lucy.co. That's lucy.co, use promo code Joey at checkout. I gotta read you the disclaimer. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Remember, if you're interested in the better way to use nicotine, visit lucy.co and be sure to use promo code Joey. The joint is also brought to you by my personal favorite, CBD lion from the kinesiology tape to the cream, to the hemp weed they have. They're coming out with a new line, I hope I'm trying to check it out with them.

But the capsules, the CBD capsules, tremendous. If you don't wanna do the denture, they got the bath balls. I mean, listen, CBD lion, I've been with them for a year, this is gonna be my fourth year and I still use them. You see the products keep disappearing? That's CBD lion.com, go read the third party lab results and get some tincture to get your year started.

Relax, sleep better, eat better. It's your year, CBD lion. I wanna thank CBD lion, DraftKings and lucy.co but most importantly, I wanna thank you motherfuckers. That on my back with the joint, do not forget, laughing gas is available at Ice Cream Shop. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. Have a great day, have a great week

and I'll see you guys Wednesday the 10th. Tip, no, Wednesday the 12th. Tip, top, magoo, love you cocksuckers.