Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #130 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, January 12th..... This episode is brought to you by Express VPN, Better Help & DraftKings….. Go to https://www.ExpressVPN.com/JOEY Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $280 in Free Bets when you Bet $5…. Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #TheJoint #UncleJoeysJoint   The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Episode #70 - Brett Brock - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGgZxgIeC-s&t=4032s Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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Fucking write down your goals. Let's start the podcast with eight. Bobby Saget is dead and I don't feel so good myself. RIP to Bob Saget. He was a fucking great comedian. I didn't get to post my picture up with him and me smiling when I saw everybody else doing it. I figured I went a different direction. I don't even have a picture of me and Bob Saget. I was at the store for 23 years and I met him probably in 1998 at the front bar. I was waiting for a package. He used to come up at night. A car would drop him off and he'd stay there in front and talk to comics and he would go up there. That's the first time I met him and I found it to be fucking a great guy. I think he gave me advice because he's a dirty comic.

I went to him in 1998 and asked him some questions at the bar and he said, I'll come watch you. A couple weeks later he popped up again and he said to me, hey man, that's the way to fucking do comedy. He goes, Mitzi and you good? Yeah. We just went down a fucking hotline and then a little while after that he got to stand up back in to stand up. I'm sorry and he would hang out down there. He was down there with us on Tuesday nights. He did all the crazy shows and it's a shame that the world is where it is right now and that they found them and dog yesterday. I saw a lot of that great tributes for Bob Saget, but I saw some people posting some rotten shit and like I always say the world's in a fucked up place right now.

I never saw that guy get high. I never saw him drink. Listen, I never went out with him. I never did any projects with him, but I knew him from the store and I knew he was a comedy store fucking savage and here's my favorite story. Years ago I had HBO like everybody else. For years I had HBO. No matter where I moved, whose house I was living in, they always had fucking HBO and that's when I saw those Rodney things, you know, like it. I could lie. I don't know what fucking year it was. I know, I know it was before I got locked up. Let's just say that before the kidnapping, BK, right? So I saw him stand up was nowhere in my fucking world. It was a Rodney Dangerfield type thing and you guys know him. I was always my Rodney fan. So I watched it because

of that and he had a great fucking set and I never knew his name. I never knew nothing and then they threw a curveball at me. They fucking he was on America's funniest videos. So I saw him on HBO talking about disasters and now he's got a suit and glasses on. He's and then he was on the other show in Full House and then Felicia did an episode of that show. So that's how, you know, so I was always a fan of his, but honestly I became a super fan of his when I saw him do spots at the store because he's one of me. I'm one of him and I hope he's up there with Mitzi fucking laughing and giggling. Rest in peace to his family. My heart goes out to his family and his children. You know, the fucking deal guys, but I'm not going to post a fucking picture of me and him

behind the car. That just, you know, it's getting it's getting crazy out there people. We got to show you who we're about now. You can see I switched fucking corners. My mother used to tell me don't hang out in corners for too long. So we switched it around. I got Bruce Lee. I got fucking me and my mom there. We got the YouTube. We got the fucking 75 shot to plot to kill Fidel up in Northern New Jersey. I got in the paper right there. Nobody could tell me nothing. We got the Adam Sandler and we got fucking spider-ham spider-man too. That's not no way home, but fucking hopefully they'll throw me a residual something. I saw you people saying that you want to be in the spider-man and brought fucking hope to the world. You know, you were supposed to have

a petition. Well, it failed. That's what I'm trying to tell you. You're fucking your petition went kaput. All right, con suckers, because I never got the call for spider-man unless they're going to zoom me in there. Like a little picture of me lying over a chubby fucking body. You know what I'm saying? But no, the Bob Saget thing that, you know, it did bother me guys to the extent that, A, he was a comedy store guy, but B, that's what I always fucking dreaded. Listen, man, we're all going to fucking die. You could pick your own medicine right around. You could pick your own money. You could die in the street with a fucking gun in your hand. You could die in your fucking bed surrounded by people who were waiting for you to die so they could steal that fucking pool

table from 1921 you got in your basement. You know, you know, those people that come as you're getting ready to die. You know, we all did it one time. We milked somebody on their last leg, told them how much we loved them. We wanted to move up from the patio furniture, maybe for a gold watch or something. It's a fucking shame what people do after people die. But that, that's not what I'm fucking saying. Listen, I don't want to die in a hotel room. That was my biggest fear when I was doing coke that I would die in a hotel room and you wouldn't find me for two days. My feet would get the stinking. You know what I'm saying? You come in there and have a purple mark on my fucking heart and your feet are stinking. The people come in.

What smells worse? Like I always think about that shit. So, you know what, knock on wood. That deters me a little bit, but rest in peace, Bob Saget. I mean, listen to me, it's been such a fucking bad year. They're about to have, and I wish I could go, this guy made my fucking career. Jeff, the piano player, Jeff Scott, rest in peace, it's supposed to have a thing for him. Like on January 16th or something like that. I saw that, you know, this guy hasn't even dried yet and here goes another soldier from the comedy store going down. So that's going to be a fucking really heartfelt. But you know what, people need that right now. I tell you, if there's ever a time for that shit, it's the time right

now. Trust me, I wouldn't go to that stuff. But if I was in LA, I'd be down there Sunday night with my vaccination card, you know, honoring fucking, I'm going to find out if there's something I can send flowers or if he left the fund to send a little money because Jeff Scott was my motherfucking dog. Jeff Scott taught me how to do fucking comedy in the original and he always stayed on me and he gave me great advice when I was there. And when Jeff Scott died last year, guys, I was going through such a fucking hard time in my life. I never got to absorb it till about six months ago when somebody told me on the phone that they went to the store and the original room is not the same without Jeff Scott playing a fucking piano and I knew it. I

knew it, but I never really mourned him at all. You know, me and Jeff used to just fuck around on Facebook and stuff like that. I didn't have his number. He didn't have my number or he, yeah, he called me once, but it was years ago. But I was thinking about that today, how that's going to be a fucking wild wake memorial. You know, a lot of people have fallen the last year, you know? So I don't know what's going on. You know, I ain't got the answers. All I could do is fucking make you gig a little bit for a half hour or so, and then you go back to the fucking world. You keep listening to podcasts all day long. I know that's what I would do right now, you know, to put a little humor in my life. I hope you, I am happy you guys enjoyed

fucking Stu Fine. He's a great dude, man. He did some great fucking things. He don't have to apologize to nobody. When I stumbled upon Stu and those guys, like I said in the interview with Stu, I stumbled upon Stu and what they were doing like in 1992. That was like August of 92. And then I went back in 93. Guys, let me be as honest as I can with you. I got a couple of regrets. I don't regret nothing that I did. I think if I could do it all over again, I would do it all. What are you going to do? But I regret not going into the army. But listen, I would have got thrown out in three years. I would have made basic. I was in shape, but I would have got thrown. I didn't want to hear about rules. If they would have taken me to Japan or something, I would have

ended up in a sucky, sucky house, fucking stabbing people and shit and doing blow. We all know the deal. I mean, you know, I have to be honest with myself here. And I got some fucking regrets, you know, but one of them is not, listen, when I met those guys, when I met Stu and Kurt and all those guys, I, they fucking turned my life around. Like at that, you know, that training period that those first four weeks in August were fucking phenomenal, phenomenal for a guy like me. I had somewhere to be now from 10 to six, you call people on the phone and harass them. That's, that's what I'm all about. You know what I'm saying? The more you say don't call, that's a green light for Uncle Joey. So that kind of job is on numbers. It's the more people you

fucking call the more people and you're faxing and you're, you know, you're doing shit. You're just listening. Why don't I do this? Let me fax you that. I mean, we were fucking nuts in that office, but it taught me how to work the fucking phones. It taught me discipline. It prepared me for comedy because it takes away your weekends. See, I was one of the lucky dudes in there. There was 14 guys in that office, but only four of us were single. The other 10 guys had fucking mouths to feed kids boats. These motherfuckers were getting paid. I mean, it was, uh, it gave you hope. You know, the first year, like I said, I bottomed out. I was awful. Listen, the whole time I worked there, I was all fucked up on coke. You know, it's not like I was doing

coke in the daytime. It was the amount of coke I was doing at nighttime and during football season, you know, you're making money. So my party would start Friday night, you know, 11 o'clock, go to five, you got to walk in that office at six. You got to walk into the office at six, and you got to be ready to yell at people at six, 30 in the fucking morning. You grab your fucking card, but it carried like it just, it helped me out. I would do that. And at the same time, do comedy because you only worked till six o'clock at night. And on the weekends, yeah, they had a show on Friday nights. You stayed there till midnight at 11 o'clock. But at that point in my comedy career, think about this shit, guys. I was doing comedy and working there at the

same time. I had it fucking down. So you figure I started in July of 91. I got separated in October in 91. I was on the comedy tip. And then all of 92, I was the house emcee at the fucking broker in Boulder. I would go right from the job to the broker, like on Tuesday nights and half the guys would come with me. So every Monday night, win or lose every weekend during football season, the manager, the owner of that company would take, because Stu was in Long Island. I was in Boulder, Colorado with these savages. Stu, this guy, Kurt would take us out every Monday night. We would vote on the bar in Boulder. They had to have great fucking food and tremendous appetizers. And we'd take over a bar. Like he'd get the whole back room for 17 of us, 20 of us, because

some of the people who worked in the office would come along. And we'd sit there from seven o'clock to 11, eating, drinking for free. He would pick up the whole fucking tab. They were very professional. And they gave me hope at that time. I had just gone through a divorce. I was down on my dick. You know, I was selling neon part time whenever I fucking woke up. And this job grabbed me and you heard the fucking hours. There was no fucking around there. You couldn't come in at seven and go, your horse broke down or, you know, your pussy hurts. No, these guys were strong island, strong island mentality, Jewish, very, very fucking going for the kill. You know, last weekend, I had a sleep over here. It was my daughter's birthday on Saturday.

And because of the COVID thing, we couldn't have the party in a pool hall or not a pool, a bowling alley was supposed to rent. But when my wife got there with the other mom, the bowling alley was shut because of COVID. So we just didn't want to, you know, fucking throw it through the wall. So we go, you know, if you want to pick four girls to sleep in the living room, we'll lay fucking mattresses down and shit. And, uh, you know, we'll, uh, the girls can sleep in the living room. We'll get some food. I went to Chick-fil-A. I bought like 90 fucking chicken nuggets. I snuck like 10 of them in my pocket. Those fucking chicken nuggets from Chick-fil-A are fucking top notch. And let me tell you some Chick-fil-A get your shit done

quick. Like don't ever fucking get the turret at that place cause of a line. I don't ever like standing on fucking lines, but Chick-fil-A, I know I'm getting my shit in six minutes. Those Christians are tip top fucking Magoo over there. I love those Christian motherfuckers, fuck abortion, fuck working Sunday. You know, these motherfuckers are bad to the bone over at Chick-fil-A. I went there Friday, Saturday night. I picked up 90 fucking chicks, fucking fries, no lemonade and only that. They had a bunch of shit upstairs. I come back. Anyway, let's get to the story, Joy. What the fuck? So I get back and they're going to go to sleep. You know, they're up there fucking loud. I mean, I'm down here watching what I was watching the

honeymoon. It was a late Christmas honeymoon it was on. I said, let me stay up to fucking one and watch the honeymoon. I could, you know, they'll be out cold. Fuck you. At one o'clock, it sounded like studio 54 up in that motherfucker. They put the TV to some music shit like that Kids Disney. I don't even know what the song is. It's the same chick singing different songs and every song is worse than the other, but she's got to collect kind of a cute voice. So anyway, I heard my, I go upstairs about one and about fucking three in the morning and I see my wife getting up and she's got steam coming out of her ears. I mean, she comes back. She's got smoke coming out of her fucking ears and I go, what's the matter? She goes, you

put that sleep apnea machine. You can't hear it. Those fucking girls out there going fucking AWOL and I didn't hear nothing. She goes, let me tell you something. I had to take two of them aside. Now there were six little girls and, you know, all nationalities, all races, but there's one that's a fucking great. I love it. The debt you play softball. My little Jewish girl, how long wheels? That's why I love it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't want no fuck, you know, and they were all how long wheels. Don't get me fucking wrong. It's six, nine year old. It was four, nine year olds, one 10 year old and one 11 year old and they didn't fucking stop. So my wife comes back and she goes, and the girl's name is like a fucking attorney.

I go, she's Jewish. What do you expect? You know what I'm saying? She was talking my wife out of shit and then she even said to my wife, she goes, you know what? I don't even like that you're in charge. I think Joey should be in charge. Fucking steam came and then the girl goes, let's take a vote to see who wants Joey to be in charge and three of the girls raised their hand. My wife cracked. She's like, go to bed. I went right into the room. I didn't say a fucking word. You know, I tried to be like my mother. My mother would always like, if I kids over, forget it. She would embarrass the shit out of me. She'd fucking come out and ask the kid if they wanted steaks. Do they look like they want fucking steaks? I don't know. And then she's like, oh,

you're hungry. Can't you just give us potato chips? No, she'd make a fucking T bone steak before my fucking friends with Cuban rice being in my print. You know, it was just embarrassing, but I liked it. I liked that she opened her home to my fucking goombas. Anyway, to make a long story short, speaking of Jews, I was talking about the Jewish people that I worked for in fucking Boulder, Colorado. Like they were just, Stu started out here in Long Island, but the other three brothers had an interesting story. You know, Stu helped them out to get the business going. These guys opened the business out of that basement. And the first year within the mother, they had the mother calling, you know, to get confirmations of the credit cards and stuff.

And it was the two brothers and the first year working out of the basement, they would go from upstairs to downstairs in the house. Not like they had an office or something like that. They made fucking like seven figures. When I heard that story, you know, that was them in Tali. I remember he used to say some crazy shit at the meetings. He's like, gentlemen, we're working Christmas. Jesus was a Jew. You know, he would say that every fucking year. But let me tell you the other hand of that. On the other hand, if you worked an off day, like listen, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, they had you. That's a great place to work at. Not only did you make money, but they had your lunch, they had your breakfast and they had your mid-afternoon

snack. So if you were hungry, like at two o'clock, you'd get up, go to the back and get like a bagel with white fish or fucking salmon. They would have a whole fucking salmon out and they would get everything flown in from fucking New York. Listen, in my heart, you know, I'm all in. So when they let me go the first year, they knew I had a drug problem. They didn't insult me. They didn't say it bad to me. They said, come back when you get your head together, which is always very nice. They knew what I was going through. I was going through a horrible divorce. I was trying to make fucking ends meet. There was no ends meeting. And the most frustrating thing was I wanted to do comedy. So I understand where you guys are at when you need to work because

I had attorney bills, child support. I was trying to get back on my fucking feet. But at the same time, I didn't want none of that shit. I didn't care that I was broke. I just wanted to do fucking comedy. You ever feel like that? Like I just don't give a fuck. Why does an Allison change call me? You know what I'm saying? Take me on fucking tour. Like guys, I was so fucking frustrated. But then I realized what I had. I had like a paid little scholarship to take my time. I had the Boca, the Boulder broker, which guaranteed me a spot on Tuesday night. I had a little spot on Wednesday night. I would go at the time and I had a spot. That's when I was doing that fucking Italian ball with a fucking chubby dude came out and he was a cook at first. He'd

give everybody Italian food and then he'd come back dressed as fucking an Elvis impersonator. That's what I was going through in my life. So think about it. I'm fucking working at the sports center. I'm doing stand up at night and my end fucking set for the week Thursday night. You know how I fucking went to bed on Thursday night? I just opened up for a 500 pound fat dude that was an Elvis impersonator. You know how embarrassing that was for me? And I had to go back up there and close the show. And let me tell you something. When the show opened, they had like 20 people, but when the show closed, they were down to four. He walked everybody. The food was good. But once the food was done, are you going to take an ear beating from Elvis? Not me. And I would have to

go back out there and say, let's keep it going for whatever his name was, Leonardo. And I would get my car with that small 50 and I would just want to fucking cry because I wanted to do that every goddamn night. The second year I ended on good fucking terms with them. Like I went all the way to February 3rd. He referred an attorney for me to help me with my, uh, to get my daughter to get decent visitation hours. Guy's name was Barry Seiko out of Boulder. Guy had balls of steel, but there was just so much you could do. I was finding this guy a lot of though, you know, that all that year they also made me open up like an account. And what that account did for you was you started putting money in there in August, like put a hundred away for me

a week. And then once you start making more money, they wanted you to take something out. Now, when was the last time you worked for an employer that wanted you to take something out of your paycheck? Cause they actually cared for you. What they did was whatever you put away by the end of the year, they would match. So during the off season, you had money, you know, remember after sports, after fucking the NFL football business tapers off by 60%. Your big bulk of the year is what you make on the NFL football college. That's right now we're in the middle of fucking book, book making fucking mania. You got college basketball, pro basketball, fucking hockey, uh, you know, football. We're going into wildcard weekend college football just ended Monday night

fucking Alabama. Let me down the crimson tide. Those cock suckers. I rode you out for 20 years. I didn't, I don't give a fuck again. They had like a fight. I'll pull. I put it in on Monday. I forgot who the fuck was playing. I'm, I'm into this fucking why I mean, my wife started watching a wire from scratch. Listen, there's nothing on TV no more. I can't, I can't do it guys. You fucking morons telling me to watch that show with the three little white trash motherfuckers from Newark robbing people. You know that? No, I don't know these people that you got to, you never saw this show on HBO. Oh, these three little white trash motherfuckers in Newark. They're robbing, they're doing drugs. You know, they junkie dudes. I might have bumped into them in the 80s.

It's a real show, but the dog, they lost me with the first episode when he smacked the girlfriend. Like I couldn't watch it anymore. I'm like, ah, well, then I realized it was 1980. Everybody was kicking people in the stomach. It didn't really fucking matter, but it still got disturbed. I'm like, I don't need to watch this. I'm 58 years old. I don't need to, a guy beating up a woman. I, it wasn't my type of show. I already watched fucking The Punisher. You know, I've watched everything guys. You sit there at night, you watch a couple moves. There's one show that, there's one channel that saves me all the time. It's called this. No, it's called this. BET too, because BET always got boomerang on at least once a week,

or they deliver with Harlem nights. I ain't mad at BET, power to the people. BET is my world. Cause every week they either hit you with hustling flow, fucking hustling flow, boomerang, the temptation is moving on. That's always on VH1. Joe, get it together. That's on VH1. They got boomerang and they got Hollywood, Harlem nights, fucking tremendous beat. I love it. I love that they have those movies on, you know, I'll watch Harlem nights at beginning when Eddie Murphy kills the dude, the toothless motherfucker. That's my favorite, the shit boomerang. I love to watch the Chris Rock scenes. I've seen the movie 50 fucking times, but I love the Chris Rock scene. I like when they're in the gym working out and, uh, and, uh,

fucking, uh, the one guy asked the one guy if he got a piece of pussy yet the funniest guy from, he's, he's a bad motherfucker. And I always forget what his name is, brother. It was Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy, and the third guy. This guy was a bad, Derek, so whatever he has three names, they're on the treadmill, whatever the fuck you call that thing with a roa. And all of a sudden, he cracks the black dude, David Allen Greer. And David Allen Greer starts rolling that fucking thing. He's so hot that he's like, relax, relax. All that shit is fucking natural comedy. But back to what the fuck was I talking about? We're talking about the, the this, the this. They got like hard times from once. They, they tuned you up once a week, but last week they broke my heart because

enter the dragon was supposed to start at nine o'clock. There was nothing else on. I went to watch enter the dragon. I want to watch it just to beginning, the, the fucking when he smacks a Chinese kid in the head. And I wanted to see when he fights fucking the guy in the, in the challenge temple, but it was something else. It was like double dragons. These white kids on skateboards in the 80s, they cracked me. So I switched it, but I started watching the fucking wire. I asked my wife, if you ever watch the wire, she's like, it's been a while. I go, dog, it's been such a while for me. I blacked out. I know one thing about the wire that Dominic learned about dozy. We had him in the podcast. I do his podcast in time to time. He was on there

and I really forgot next time he does the podcast. That's the fucking episode we're doing is on the fucking why, how he got the job. Why? I don't know if you've seen the why you haven't seen the why I'm up to like episode 10, maybe 12. Every night we've been watching one or two episodes. Guys, I gotta be honest with you. It's up there with the fucking Sopranos. I like it the way better than I like to show on whatever with the speed heads and shit, you know, the one about New Mexico, what are down there making met and shit. That was okay for me. Yeah. I didn't bite the charm there for some reason. I'm really a Sopranos guy, but this fucking wire is making me think twice. It's reevaluating my fucking, you know, I got overtaken

by the pizons there for a couple of years, but man, if you haven't seen the why, I think it's on HBO Mac or HBO, I don't know what they even call it. 1992 HBO. Have you put HBO on HBO Latino, HBO family, HBO comedy, HBO fucking Russia. I'm lost with HBO. I know that I have that particular app on my, I used to take it on the road when I wanted my little iPad. So I don't know what the fuck it is. HBO max. That's what it is. But uh, talking about, you know, the sports advisors. Yeah. And I still remember. So 93, I finished and then I went back in 94. I went to work for one of their friends for a few weeks during the summer fucked up guy. He broke away from them and then my man Kurt called me and he goes, Hey, you can't work for that dude.

He goes, how much you want a week? Cause they, you know, the first year they give you a guarantee versus commission. So he asked me, I told him in them and he goes, done, come to work. I was like, what? So I'm going to make some money by 94. By 94, I started gaining time on my comedy. I started fucking, you know, I had 20 minutes. I had opened up for Carlos Mencia with the local slam comedy. We did a tour of four cities that gave me a little confidence. I was also getting a lot more love from the comedy works. I was done. I had gotten fired from the Boulder broker to here earlier. So I was out of there on Tuesdays. I didn't have that commitment anymore, but it was time for me to fucking move on. That wasn't a job forever anyway.

And now I was out there doing spots every fucking night, Sunday through fucking Thursday. I was out there plus McKelvie's gave me guests sets during the weekend. So how do you do McKelvie's or Whitson? I had a bag of dick at Whitson's plus I started there as a doorman plus the owner didn't like me. So once I had a bag of dicks there, he cut me off in that club. So on the weekends, I would just do four sets at McKelvie's, but at the same time I was starting to pick up weekend work. Bill Bowell was taking me to Wyoming. Ooh, my career was on a fucking move, Jack. You know, I was doing Greeley on Thursday nights. Now I didn't have to do that fucking Italian guy's restaurant anymore. I was getting better bookings. I was making $50 a show now. So I was making a little bit of fucking

money at night. And then there was this booker named David Tribble. And that's where you graduate. You know, I'm sure there's a booker around here when your band gets together. It's not the tour of lightning. It's not, you know, the guy that it's not Roger Graham, whatever his name is out of San Francisco. This guy's name is Louis Lepke. He's probably missing a fucking eye. He chisels you on every fucking gig. When you get there, they're not paying. They send a check 45 days later. East Musician could only get three beers. Food is full price, but fucking, you're gonna give shit blood if you eat it. You know, there's a thousand fucking stories. That's what it is. Dog, I know the comedy world. So I know how the comedy fucking world works. And the first year

was just atrocious and you work for horrific fucking people. So I had been the house emcee at the broker. The broker was a triple run on Tuesday nights, Wednesday, you had off Thursday, Greeley, Friday, something underneath about Crested Butt, Cresta Butte. Cresta Butte was Friday, and then you ended up in Colorado Springs on Saturday. And I was an okay run. It sucked dick with my line to, you know, you gotta drive fucking eight hours in between. You gotta hit a fucking deer. So I was a house emcee and he was hearing things about me. And I finally had the balls to send them like a tape that August. And I never heard from so I remember sending a tape to this other comedy duo Dana and Doug McGraw out of fucking Nebraska. I had taped this set at a club mix.

This was like a black club that was a gang club. And I would go down every Sunday they gave me love. It was on East cofacts that you kidding me or what? So I would go to every fucking Sunday night. And that was me and the vet from Animal Planet were the only white dudes they liked. So we'd go down there, we'd open up the fucking show. But you know, who was coming up then? Cedric. D.L. Eugly. You know, all these guys were getting flown in there on Sunday nights. And I was opening for them and meeting them. Kwame. I mean, I met so many fucking people that were great. Then the club ended because there was a shootout and there was no more comedy. I went up there on a Monday. There was fucking those things everywhere. There was cops there.

They shot two people. It was tremendous, tremendous. Always gives that comedy room an edge. I dare you to sell out on that motherfucker. So I was having a good fucking time doing comedy. I was making money with them. Now I was supposed to stay that year. I was going to give it a shot till final four basketball. I had a job. Kurt told me I could keep my job till final four basketball. I was very happy. I was going to make two extra months of money. By the time I got out of that office, it would be nice weather anyway. I would go to do one comedy and delivering fucking Chinese food. And if you got to sell some coke, we'd do what we do. I was in such a hold back then, guys. I couldn't get ahead if I was selling my asshole for 10,

but you know, I would never get ahead back then. There was no way. I was in no fucking danger of getting ahead there. And one, I'd celebrate that. Remember that Christmas, that fucking, I'd paint off all my bills and I was waiting for like a check from a comedy show I did. That's what I'm talking about. I know how those fucking scams. I did like a show somewhere at like a small college, like one of those ones that somebody calls you and three people send you out there. I don't even remember who booked me one of those things. And when I got there, they were like, Oh, by the way, we sent you a check in the mail signed the W nine. I'm like, God damn it. How am I going to get home? I got no money for fucking gas. It was those type of gigs.

I don't know if you anybody's ever experienced those. There was a contest in Seattle years later. It was on Monday nights and to call them a fucking tremendous room. You had a win to get 100 bucks. I would go down there and I had no choice but to fucking win. And I would go up there with the energy of 10 fucking Israel, fucking whatever sharp shooters and I'd fucking win every fucking Monday. They gave you a hundred that Monday and a hundred to come back to follow on Monday and host. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? Joey Bananas. You know, I ain't fucking around. So Oh, I love that. That was before I left Seattle. Fun wanted circumstances

that we won't get into. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you got to go. Seattle was great to me. It was just time to move on to bigger pastures. Los Angeles and I'm happy I fucking did. So you know, I was scheduled to stay there. I went through a rough Christmas. I paid like a bunch of shit in the 15th. Like I said, I didn't get my Christmas money. So I had to resort to pure fucking vulgarity and rob fucking toys or us from, you know, I would go in there and you know, what was I going to do? I took a Christmas tree. I mean, you guys have heard this. It was just a horrible Christmas. I fronted Chinese food from the Chinese place. I deliver that. And that was the last time I had it for Christmas. I remember that the Christmas tree was beautiful. She had a

bicycle. She had, and let me tell you what's crazy, the toys that Mercy likes are the ones I used to give my daughter when she was younger, those fucking little houses that you build and shit. My friend Lisa brings them for her and my other friend Judy gives them to her. They're all school toys. She's got the whole village up there. I remember giving a tons of those a bike I had. I had no Scott's tape. So I put up the silver shit around the room with duct tape. Yeah, it was just, you know, it was the last Joey Diaz Christmas and bold. I didn't even know it, you know, and that the new year came and like it was probably like the second week of January, one night I was not expecting it. It was freezing. And I got a call from David Treble

and he's like, Hey, it's just Joey Diaz. I've heard good things. How much time do you have? I didn't lie. I got like 24 minutes. He goes, all right. He goes, uh, we're gonna start. He goes, I got to fall out in Boulder. Why don't you go down there tonight? And he goes, if it all works out, I'll put you on the road. I'll give you some time. I don't know if you guys knew this story or not. So it was, uh, I'll never forget, he called on Monday night football. We were at a bar and he called me and that was like the best day of my fucking life when Treble called me. If you know anything about me, that was it. I had fucking made it, you know, in my mind, like I had fucking made it scary. But I remember getting off the phone with him

and my legs were kind of like wobbling. Like I got hit in the head with a chair. I mean, it was fucking crazy guys. This is what I wanted. I did not want to be a star. I didn't want to be in movies. I just wanted Treble and then the people I told you, Dana McGraw and Doug McGraw, they sent me a file. I sent them a tape. They sent me a letter with like a hundred dollar check and saying that they were going to hire me as a co-headliner for one fiftieth show. I was like, what? And I got to call them back and go, I don't have 40 minutes of material. He goes, ah, we'll burn that bridge and you get to it. Start writing. I swear to God. So here I went from fucking three years of fucking fighting my ex-wife, fighting a boyfriend, fucking going through a

just horrible emotional roller coaster. Every time I had to drop my daughter off, they take her, they pull off and I'd sit there and fucking cry while I smoked the fucking joint and I get my bearings to me and I have to force myself to do comedy. It was a tremendous fucking, you know, looking back at it now, I'm happy I suffered. I'm happy I put the time in because when I got off that phone with fucking David Treble, I was ready to go. So my mission was to open up. I wish I remembered who I was opening for. It didn't matter. My job was just to go up there and do great. And I went up there and I, listen, I knew the manager at the fucking thing. He liked me,

but he also was trying to move up in the company and he wanted to do other things with Treble. So he really wasn't going to lie to Treble for me. You know, I didn't drink that night. I didn't do no coke. I had everybody I knew come down like all my friends in Boulder to come down. They all came down. They chid me on and he was like, Hey, I'm going to give you a good report. I almost fucking died and I didn't hear from Treble the next day. I called him the next day and thanked him for the spot, something I learned from Stu Fine. I called him and thanked him for the spot because this all this shit I was learning from Stu now was using it towards my comedy. Like I was calling people cold, cold call. I didn't give a fuck about calling the comedy

producer. You know what I'm saying? So what Stu was teaching me was going into my comedy now. And I'll never forget. I called him the next morning. It was like a Wednesday morning. I didn't hear back from him. I was fucking heartbroken as fuck. A week went by. Two weeks went by. I remember calling Dana and Doug McGrone going, I guess I'm going up to Nebraska and he started giving me dates on the phone. He goes, Well, at the present time, all I got is like one fucking week for you. And it was like this awkward week. It was going to be like 90 miles a lot. Like 90 hours of driving. Each gig he had, he hadn't really put his network together, but each gig was an average of 12 hours in between. So you basically had to do the gig,

get in your car and drive 12 hours to, and it was spread out. It was like Ogallala, Nebraska to fucking, oh yeah. Like it was going to take me 24 hours just to get that type of fucking comedy. And then from Ogallala, I had to go all the way up to like something in North Dakota. And then there was something in South Dakota and it ended up in like 50 miles from West Virginia. That's a fucking hall, guys. I don't want to take a look at your fucking map, because it wasn't like now. Let me see how many miles. No, in those days, you didn't have that app. You had a fucking whatever map. And when you looked at that motherfucker and pointed and went like that, and it was six inches. And then you went over here and it was six inches. Then

you went down and it was six inches. Well, every one of those inches is a fucking nightmare. So I remember going, what the fuck? I go, Doug, can I call you back in a couple of days and give you an answer on this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know where. Like on a fucking Monday night at 10 o'clock, I was at my uncle Mike Castle's house. We were probably about to cut into a package. And my fucking pager went off. And there was the whatever the Idaho, because he lived in Idaho. No, no, no, no. He lived in Vancouver, Washington. And he called me up and he's like, Joey Dears, okay, David Treble. And I remember I was at a pay phone. I didn't have a pen with me. I had nothing. You know, I just answered the phone. And he's like, Joe Dears, David Treble, I have, I have a nice run

for you six weeks in a row. I almost fucking came in my asshole. Like I was like, holy shit. This is exactly what I want. He goes, do you have a phone number? I can fax it to you. And thank God my uncle Mike had driven me to the pay phone. And he goes, he's got a fax machine. And we fucking wrote down the number and he sent the pages that night, like an hour later. It was like 30 fucking pages of gigs. I like 30 gigs and six weeks. It started with the potato run. I was like, what the fuck did I get myself into? But I didn't give a fuck. I was so fucking happy. I could fucking jump out a window, man. I was gonna live my dream. You know, I was fucking happy. What was I gonna do with my job? I still had to work for Final Four basketball and all that shit.

So I was like, fuck, what am I going to do? So I went to court like a man the next day. I told him the truth. And he said, like, when are you leaving? He goes, then quit that be your last day at least work till then get as much money as you can put away. And I fucking took care of everything with my ex-wife because I was coming back every Sunday. There was no way I was staying out in limbo for six fucking weeks. You're out there and fucking limbo guys. And listen, if I didn't have the situation I had in bold, I would have probably, I wouldn't have mind staying out there for six weeks. I was that type of savage. I was gung-ho. It was 1995, which made me 32 years old. I had zero possessions in my life. I had a car that a guy helped me money to buy.

I had an apartment. There was no zero value. I had nothing saved. I didn't have a credit card. I had fucking nothing. I just had this car and it decided to fucking stand up. I had a pager. I had a basketball, football, a frisbee. I threw him on the trunk of the fucking car. I had a blanket in there, a suit. I prepared myself for a road gig. I remember looking at Doug Stanhope's car when he slept all in my house. When I first got separated, he came back as a headliner and I looked at his fucking car and it was just tremendous. I'm like, he had it all sorted out and shit, a little cooler. So I did the same thing. I copied what he did except for the hanger across the car. I had like a little thing and I worked my last day for Kurt. I had some money put

away and that it was like fucking February, mid-February that was snorey where. And my first road gig. You motherfuckers couldn't guess this if you wanted to. You want me to tell you why I started my first fucking ever road gig? You ready? Rock Springs, Wyoming, motherfuckers. Rock Springs, Wyoming, motherfuckers. That's where talent goes to fucking die. Now, let me tell you the funny thing about Rock Springs, Wyoming before we get into this shit. We won't be here for long guys. I was watching, I'm a big time fucking 60 minutes guy. I'm going to tell you if I'm going to watch it after they come out, you know how they start, this guy in Europe is selling fucking fire that you could stick in your ass.

What's his name is going to go visit them. And they're like, and this guy, you know, they always tell you the preview of the show before it comes up, you know, and they give it to you and I like that they tell you the truth. You always know what's going to be the first story on 60 minutes. Well, I used to watch 60 minutes and if it sucked, I would put on Fox and watch House of Buggin with John Leguizamo. A lot of you motherfuckers don't even know what I'm talking about. Look it up on YouTube. Vogueing for Congress. It was John Leguizamo and Lewis Guzman and a couple of fucking funny cats from New York and Fox gave him a deal to build like a Latino and living color and it was okay, but it didn't cut the fucking mustard,

but John was good and Lewis Guzman was really good. So I was watching 60 minutes one night. I remember I switched to watch that fucking thing specifically and it was 60 minutes was doing a thing about Rock Springs, Wyoming and the problems they had in Rock Springs, Wyoming. Now you guys will not fucking believe this. The government had to go in the feds. I guys Google this shit. Google Rock Springs, Wyoming, Google 16 minutes. This is the type of shit that only Uncle Joe is going to tell you, you know, some guy fucking hit me like a year ago. He's like, every time I listen to you, I'm Rogan. It was always something. You were friends with a drug dealer and Aspen. I was never Steve Grebel's friend. I just knew of him in his antics and he

got blown up by a car bomb in Aspen, Colorado when he was coming out of the fucking Aspen Club. I was not friends with him. I read about the legend. I had heard about him. My friend Steve Chavone used to make them chicken curry sandwiches on rye in and out sandwich place in Aspen, Colorado. So I got info from him. The people like, how do you come across these motherfuckers? Oh, so anyway, what are we talking about? What are we talking about? That's what the thought is. It's to throw you off a little bit. That really wasn't a tremendous thought. That was more of a rip people don't believe. Don't believe the fucking hype. So I got to fuck. Rock Springs was a place the feds took from the fucking mafia. The fucking mafia was up in Rock Springs, Wyoming.

Don't ask me what family. Don't ask me what organization. I got no idea. I don't remember who the fuck they were. I remember sitting there. They had a, it all started with a pizza place. Some guy went out there for a pizza place. And if you don't fucking quote me on this, I think it was the feds got involved because the guy was no witness relocation plan. And he went up to Rock Springs, Wyoming and created fucking habit. There was a strip club up there. I'm not forget pulling into Rock Springs, Wyoming and driving down the town and fucking seeing strip club upon strip club upon strip club. So I'm like, what the fuck goes on in Rock Springs? So when I did the first time I went there, I drive to the location of the gate.

I go, I'm going to go see what the, this fucking hellhole looks like. I got to the hellhole was fucking great. It was just a ball with a lot of glass, you know, like people, they have the glasses up on top and the bartender was, that's all I remember vaguely. Big place, nice stage, the whole thing. I go in, I introduce myself. The guy looks something like I have three heads. And he goes, you from New York? And he goes, a lot of fucking people here from Jersey and New York. Now that you said that I'll make calls, they'll all probably be at the fucking show tonight. I was very excited. I go, what do I do all day? He goes, well, you can't check into the hotel till three. So if you want, go to a strip club down the fucking bottom of the

corner. So I did with the guy told me, all right, you know, he goes, they serve lunch, then you get a sandwich, tell them we sent you, you're the comedian, they'll take care. I fucking go in this place, creepiest fuck, smells like spiders. I don't even know what a spider smells like. But if a spider smelled, this is the club that would smell like the fucking cobweb. So I get into this fucking place and they're like, there's like an open or you could eat shit for lunch. And it was like a buffet, you know, it was all nasty food. But when you're fucking an opener and you got $5 in your pot, at that time, I'm not going to lie to you, I had that money put away from the sports, but I couldn't get to that. They would send you that once a month. It was

like a stipend. And I went up there had a couple of fucking dollars on me. But how much can you have at that time? If I had a hundred dollars cash, it was burning all my pocket. Sorry about that. So leftover COVID lung juice. So I'll never forget that I walk into this place and I noticed something that's very fucking weird real quick. And now for a word from my sponsors. What's happened guys? The joint is sponsored by BetterHelp online therapy, online therapy. Some people think you should wait until things get unbearable to go to a therapist. That's not true. Therapy is the tool that helps you avoid these lows. Listen, like I said on the podcast, I was going through my own stuff with drawing and stuff. I was confused about quitting comedy.

You know, I just needed to talk to somebody and BetterHelp.com was there for me. I spoke to Dana and it was tremendous. It's just like going to the gym or the dentist. We should be caring for our mental health as much of our physical health. And listen, mental health is going crazy right now. But BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone and live chat sessions with your therapist. You don't have to see anyone on the camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can start communicating with your therapist in under 48 hours. Give it a try and see why over 2 million have used BetterHelp online therapy, including your Uncle Joey. We're sponsored by BetterHelp and joint listeners get 10% off their

first month. Go to BetterHelp.com slash Diaz. That's BetterHelp, B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash Diaz and check out BetterHelp's new podcast, Getting Better on Apple, Spotify and everywhere you get podcasts. Thank you. We're back, bitches. Anyway, so I walk into this club and I see that's great. I broke to tell you guys about BetterHelp.com, but here I am telling you a story about strip clubs and what led me to BetterHelp.com. So it works out perfectly. So I walk into this fucking strip club and I noticed something, guys. I got a sandwich. I didn't go in there to pick nobody up, guys. I had no money. I didn't have the resources. So why fuck with somebody? They said, hello, and do you want to dance and all this shit? But that's not what I was there for.

So I fucked and go in and I noticed something that every one of these girls is a fucking nine. This is no joke. This is not like a strip club anywhere before that I've been. This is a fucking, these girls are hot and young. Yeah, they look a little different. So when I'm in there, I start talking to some guy, you're from Jersey. Yeah, you go to this strip club. It's still fucking two o'clock in the afternoon. I had to buy a beer to sit there like an asshole. I think I drank half of it. It was disgusting. I don't know what it was. I went to the other strip club and I noticed in there, guys, every woman in there was hot. They were like, you know, in between 19 and 25, whatever. So I start talking to one of

the guys in there and he's like, I want to be fucking gang. So he's telling me all this shit that he moved from Brooklyn and he opened up the strip club with the sandwich shop. And they're telling me that these chicks, they run them out in and out of Vegas, but they run them through Rock Springs. So after they go like on a tour of Vegas, like they would go like, let's say to the bunny ranches or one of those fucking houses, they would get fucked to death for about six months after the pussies out of whack and shit. They would go to Rock Springs. They would do like, well, there was no CBD then, but I know some girl was telling me a day that her friend is putting together a CBD

vagina scrub to get your little monkey back in shape and shit. So they would go up there, do a little foliage, tighten up the asshole, get the stink off him of 60 days of having disgusting sex with disgusting fat dudes like myself. I've never had sex in Vegas, but I'm just telling you that the guys are more disgusting than me. And they go up there and they kind of like rehab them from the drugs. I was in the fucking shop that I'm hearing this shit. No, this isn't surreal. This is like an episode of fucking the Twilight Zone for a guy like me. So finally I looked up at the fucking clock and it's a quarter to three. I'm like, fuck it. I went in my pocket because they would send you a fax with the hotels that you were staying at,

the bar manager, the name of the bar you were performing at, the guy's name, who was going to pay you, how much you were going to pick up. And then the name of the hotel, blah, blah, blah, the name of the headliner. That week I didn't know who the headliner was. So I fucking get to the hotel. The guy asked me for my license and shit. I give it to him. And all of a sudden the guy goes, you're the comedian. He goes, we got bad news. We don't have hotel rooms. We only have one. And you have to share it with the other fucking comic. And guys, there's nothing I hate more than sharing a room with another fucking man. I didn't grow up with a fucking brother, okay? I didn't have no fucking brothers. You know, the only people who slept in my house

are sisters, not my sister, but I'm saying like a woman. That's it. I never shared a bed with a man or I never was in a corner in a bed over there. It was very uncomfortable for me, but I couldn't afford a hotel room anywhere else. I mean, this hotel was shit. You could tell people had broken out of that. Like it was just classes were broken and shit. When I got to my hotel room, I knocked on the door. The guy opened and he looked at me like fucking he was waiting for a pizza. And that was one of the worst fucking experiences of my life on my first night of being a fucking comic on the road. So for fucking three years, I've been going out there fighting, biting people, working on material. I moved to New York for

fucking nine months. And my first triple run, I got to share a fucking room with a guy, get dressed, I go down to the fucking gig, not only do I have to share a room with a fucking dude, but I eat the biggest bag of dicks. I even remember the fucking manager like rubbing my back like it's going to be okay. I'll give you a good report. I was ready to fucking die. But that's just to let you know, man, that it was great. I'm really happy Stu called up the other day. I'm really happy we got a great time. He educated us like the way he educated me. Let me tell you how deep that fucking sports thing got me to. We're talking about 98. I'm an LA. I'm at the store. Yeah, I booked a Taco Bell commercial. I ran some fucking money or whatever. Ran into some

money and that kept me, you know, I was on fucking coke. How long was that going to last me? I blew it as fast as it came in and it was time to go look for a job. And I go, you know what? I can't believe I'm fucking. So I got a job. I had to be there at five in the morning, six in the morning. It was selling screws and anchors and fucking ass hooks and eye hooks and, you know, just everything I didn't want to fucking sell. But when I was there, I was there for like three days. I realized they gave you a long distance access, which you didn't have anywhere else. You had to pay for it or buy a calling card and they had a fax machine. Now, if you guys, a lot of you guys don't know this back then, the way to get work was to write out a month on a piece of paper, you know, whatever

with your hand. I didn't have a fucking computer. So I would just write it out in my fucking hand. You write it out and you would send them to bookers. You know, I'm available. It's called your avails, your availabilities. And I'd send them to El Paso, Texas, the two guys that book Michigan. I would send it to the improv Cleveland, the improv Miami, the improv Texas. You know, I had like, it went from a list of two clubs to like 20 clubs and I would do this every fucking day at that nail place. This is all the knowledge that I had gotten from Colorado sports. Oh, I didn't know how to do any of this shit, but fucking right four years later in a complete different type of business, all those skills. And I was calling those club owners the way I was

calling the clients. What's happening? Joey D is here. What's going on? Listen, I got 15 minutes. I'm not looking to waste your fucking time. I need a guest spot. You know why I need a guest spot? Because once I get there, I'm going to book that guest spot and you're going to ask me to give me more work. Am I speaking to the manager that is available to book talk early on? I was already closing people on the phone. Am I speaking with whoever's going to book me there? Will he be there on Sunday night? I figured it out and I created a speech wrapped around comedy bookers. And I was doing the same aggressive stuff that they had showed me in the sports betting service as comedy bookers. And also I got into fucking El Paso. I got into Kansas City. I got into fucking

the Buffalo Funny Bone, all those clubs. I got in from what I had learned. I just called them and fucking muscled them cocksuckers. And I'd say, I'm coming because I know, but let me tell you something. In the beginning, I didn't know this. In 93, what I failed to tell you, motherfuckers, was for free, I drove 16 hours rented on car on the fucking arm from me. Thank God I knew a guy national fucking car rental. He let me to call for two days. He charged me, but I didn't have to pay the full like $22 a fucking mile. But I drove all the way to fucking New Mexico, stayed in my car. The guy let me stay in the condo at night. I drove all the way back. And do you know what? He gave me three weeks. I was very proud of that. I booked three weeks. I went up there. I earned it.

What good were the three weeks I booked right before I was going to do them? All three clubs were not a fucking business. Phoenix, New Mexico and Minneapolis all fucking went out of business. And that's where the house of comedy is today. See, you learn something on Uncle Joey's joint cocksuckers. So ever since that time, I think I did a guest set in Michigan when I was there to do Joey's. I went up there, I killed and when I got off stage, I went up to the guy and go, so when can I have a date? And he goes, I'm not the guy that books the room. I'm like, God damn it. So now I made sure before I came in and did a free fucking set for you on a Sunday night that the comedy booker was there. You don't want to miss this. And I would talk to him that way,

guys. That's how fucking out of my brain I would be. You don't want to miss this. I'll be down there and trust me. I ate a lot of bags of dick. I ate a bag of dicks in the South Bend funny bone that was embarrassed. And I can never even watch Notre Dame ever again. But it didn't fucking matter. I muscled them with what stew, the system he had put together. I wish there was a way I could teach you motherfuckers. Maybe we'll bother stew and see if we'll do like an online class and teach people how to be a fucking savage. Cause it's like the Wolf of Wall Street. I was thinking about that as I was talking to him, like, this guy's got to do fucking inspirational talking and teach people the steps to fucking close people. You know,

most of you motherfuckers walk around and don't know how to close a motherfucker. That's where he taught me how to close a motherfucker, not think of you. Well, I'll think about it. Fuck, you think about it. I'm here. Either give me the fucking Guinness or tell me no. Anyway, that's January the 12th. It's a beautiful motherfucking Wednesday. As you could tell, motherfuckers, I'm feeling good. I'm looking good. I can't even start to tell you how bad a fucking shape I was at this time last year. I was just coming out of surgery down here, drooling, eating fucking those oxy codes, which almost killed me, but I did it with your help, betterhelp.com. And I still talk to them. I feel fucking great. As you guys could tell,

I started taking my alpha brain over the new year. The first week of the podcast was a little off. I think I was still recovering from COVID brain, but I'm not here to apologize. Fuck you, motherfuckers. Uncle Joey's back. It's 2022. We're changing things around. We're making different videos. And you know, it was just, uh, I wasn't a bad place, guys. I'm happy I opened up about it. Told you guys where I was going through it made it easier. It opened up a lot of doors for me. And here we are today, Wednesday, January 10th, ready to sling dick and give our fucking chopsticks like a motherfucker. That's it. And that's that. We'll be back Monday morning. Tip top, Magoo. Do not forget you got the wild card this week and

a lot of shit going on. You got Patreon, five, $10, whatever the fuck you want to throw. We're back building over there. We're working on the album of the week. We're working on figuring out a way how we can blow smoke through your fucking speakers and get you if no, we're not, we're just trying to be better from all angles. As you can see here today, we switched everything around. I got some new pictures here and a new picture, new year, new attitude. After Mike leaves today, I'm going to kill a few chickens and get this party. Take the fucking and speed those mollos out of the fucking room. And that's it. And that's that. I love you, cocksuckers. With all my heart, I'll see you Monday morning. Tip top, Magoo. And now for a word for our motherfucking sponsors, Jack.

All right, you bad motherfuckers. Thank you for tuning in today. We had a little nice Tate Tate. But before I go, remember what I told you during the show, the joint is sponsored by BetterHelp online therapy. Some people think you should wait till things get bad. No, no, no, no. That's not true. Therapy is the tool that helps you avoid these lows. Listen, you take your car for a tune up, right? Your brain needs to tune up you from time to time. Mental health has been roughing a lot of people. I didn't know. I thought I was the only one that had some problems during this pandemic, but there was others. But I went to betterhelp.com and I got together with Dana. And here I am, you know, six, seven,

eight months later. It's like going to the gym with a dentist. You should be caring for your mental health as much as your physical health. I didn't know this either. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video phone and live chat sessions with your therapist. You don't have to see anyone or can't. You don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy. And you can start communicating with your therapist in less than 48 hours. Give it a try and see why over 2 million people have used BetterHelp online therapy. We're sponsored by BetterHelp and joint listeners. I'm going to get your 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash ds, D-I-A-Z. That's BetterHelp, B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P

dot com slash ds. And check out BetterHelp's new podcast, Getting Better on Apple, Spotify, and everywhere else you get a podcast. The joint is also brought to you by ExpressVPN. Listen, how are you going to go on the internet and not have ExpressVPN? You got an alarm in your house, right? You got a chastity belt for your wife, right? Well, why do that? Yeah, you might be safe, but chances are before you know it, somebody's tapping into your computer, stealing your personal information. It doesn't take much to know how to hack someone. I think they just got a kid that was 12 or something like that. That's why you got to go with ExpressVPN. I've had it for years. My wife uses it. Sometimes if you want to go into the dark web, that's where you got to go. It's fast,

it's tremendous, and it's easy to use. With ExpressVPN, hackers can't steal your sensitive data. I take a hacker with a supercomputer over a billion years to get past ExpressVPN's encryption. Who's better than ExpressVPN? Nobody. Sorry about that. It's easy to use. Fire up the app, click a button to get protected, and it works on all devices, phones, laptop, tablets, and much, much more. So you can stay secure on the go. Secure your online data today by visiting ExpressVPN.com slash Joey. That's ExpressVPN.com slash Joey, J-O-E-Y. And you can get an extra three months for free. Just use my name ExpressVPN.com slash Joey. I know you got paid last week. I know you got paid on Monday night, unlike your uncle Joey.

I had fucking Alabama for the small 25, but at least I got the watch ticket. Anyway, DraftKings is here to rock your fucking world for the wild card weekend. It's 56 to one odds. Just better fin to win 280 in free bets if your team is fucking victorious. Who gives you those numbers? Plus you got Uncle Joey here. Plus you got a social network on here. Plus you got a stats hub here. They do everything you can to help you win a little fucking money. Nobody does that. Now, if you got a gambling problem, you got to go somewhere else because there's no gambling problems here. This is gambling for fun. They got a casino. They got Blackjack. They got Baccarat. They got Roulette. They got it all over at DraftKings. So do yourself a favor. If a sports book

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betting partner of the NFL. You bad motherfuckers. Now you got to be 21 or older. New Jersey, Indiana, Pennsylvania, Colorado, New York City, new customers only. Minimum fight all deposit and a dollar wage. Your one per customer restrictions do apply. See DraftKings.com slash sportsbook for details. Now if you got a game in palm, I want you to chill, call 1-800-GAML to take care of yourself. But if you're together, if you're straight, head to DraftKings, win some motherfucking Geetis and get your fucking Kakucha suck this weekend like a pimp that you are, motherfucker. I want to thank BetterHelp.com, ExpressVPN, DraftKings. I want to thank CBD Lion, Onnet, Lucy Gum. You know, you guys are all manscaped

for saving ball and assholes and people's lives. I love you motherfuckers. I'll see you Monday morning. Tip top, Magoo. Have a great weekend.