Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #132 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: January 24, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Monday, January 24th.... Today’s podcast is presented by ONNIT & The ONNIT 6 CHALLENGE! This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, Liquid IV & Better Help….. Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $280 in Free Bets when you Bet $5…. Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Go to https://www.Liquid-IV.com Use JOEY at checkout for 25% OFF! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

it's monday the 24th of january we're back bitches uncle joey's join is brought to you by draft kings i don't know if you watched the nfl this weekend but there's four teams remaining that's it there's four teams left for you to bet on draft king sportsbook the official sports betting partner on the nfl gotten down to superbowl 56 new customers get 56 to one odds on any team bet five dollars and get two thousand two hundred and eighty and three bets if your team wins not a new customer draft king still has your back you can experience the conference championships with the same game parlays and hopefully get a profit boost that's what draft kings is known for combined multiple bets from the same game for bigger payout the more legs you add the more money you can win

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the help that you need brother but if not let's get this party started the road to the super bowl starts with draft kings today cold joey sorry about that i got a pubic hair from the 80s the joint is also brought to you by liquid iv the last of the eggnog is gone the champagne is flat and it's time to get back to work i want to see nothing but assholes and elbows and nothing helps you bounce back faster than liquid iv let me tell you something they've been a sponsor for like three months i started drinking this when i got covid in january and i'm fucking sold tremendous whether you're drinking the cherry the acai berry or the grape tremendous one stick of liquid iv and 16 ounces of water

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at liquid iv dot com experience better hydration with liquid iv dot com i love you savages let's get this party started jack one two welcome to uncle joey's joint you what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday the 24th of january we're almost there i missed you little fuckers i didn't see you all last week we had a cavodial situation here on the joint uncle joey's joint so we're sorry about wednesday we were able to put up monday morning wednesday i had a lot of people hitting me where's the fucking podcast hey listen cocksucker did you not see the

fucking memo on monday that we put out we had a cavodial situation we're putting the podcast up a little later but late people still need their podcast so we're fucking back motherfucker feeling good looking good i'm three weeks away from being 59 i'm not excited about that fucking age especially all these comics punching the fucking ticket my heart goes out to louis anderson his family my man scott day who was a good friend of louis he used to be a talent coordinator at the comedy store when i got there my heart goes out to those guys and my heart goes out to bob saget and his family i know i didn't post any pictures of me hugging with both of them and jumping up and down and you know crying on a video telling you how much they meant to me or even writing a song

i thought about writing a song for louis anderson but you know give me a fucking break people they were both great fucking i didn't even think about meatloaf i didn't give a fuck meatloaf i'm not even thinking about you know what i'm saying i like paradise by the dashboard light but once i looked at you i moved on back to robert plan i wasn't a big fucking fan i'm meatloaf but at least i'm being honest with you guys that's what's lacking today that nobody came out and said you know what betty white could suck my dick she was about to turn 100 anyway what's the big fucking deal like people like betty white done what would you think her next train step was what would you think she was headed last night check once you hit 65 you're going any fucking day so she met

it to 99 a lot of candle have a drink for betty white what's the fucking golden girls i don't know what to tell you people die do you understand me we die we're gonna die whether you're fucking brad pit or whether you're fucking obama everybody's gotta punch the ticket at one day or another so you know betty white died isn't that a shame nothing nothing she was 99 she had one foot in the grave and the other one in a banana peel for fucking real so you know i loved us she made me giggle when i was a kid but you know people want you to do these big fucking memorials for people when they die now uh when do you find time to do this fucking memorial when did you find time to write a song for bob sagan i never i have you heard this song i don't know what to tell you i don't

even know what to tell you you know i'm saying i don't know i'm not what listen to each his own everybody wants to be a composer me i just want to fucking come on here twice a week bullshit with you savages tell you the truth about what i'm feeling and how i'm doing and that's it i mean what the fuck you want from me i'm running out listen if you think i want to come on here every monday and wednesday and tell you another story guess again gone sickless podcast and you know i got plenty of stories on there you know even though a good story on a monday it's not a bad fucking idea but guys i'm not gonna you know i'm trying to search for shit to tell you cock duckers i don't have the life i did i'm not going through airport shoplifting water no more sitting

next to fat people farting on planes i fucking took a big chunk i don't even go to a weed store anymore that was part of my day i love going away whether i have two pounds of weed at the house or a fucking seed i went to the weed store that's what you do you mingle hi how are you good to see oh you got any vitamin two water oh see remember when they had the cbd water i was drinking that shit till i bled out of the fucking ass that cbd and that water fucked me up but i went to the weed store every day at least you see some people up there hi i want something that gets me high but not really i i don't feel like eating apples after i mean and and you see i love that shit in california there was two specific weed stores that i would go to just to torture people like and just to see

people torturing these poor fucking young kids and ask them a bunch of questions and they want to give you a dollar tip listen and i would listen i would tell the fucking cock clerks listen tell these fucking people to go fuck themselves they come in here i don't really want to smoke marijuana but my my son said i should try a vapor you know my son says i should try a vapor but i don't want it to make me hungry and i live whoa whoa whoa you're at the wrong place okay go up the corner to the insane asylum maybe they got something for you over here when you come in here it's to get high cock sucker i want my eyes to be red you understand me i want to eat doritos why the fuck do you get high for to do what to drink wine with your faggy fucking friends go

fuck yourself i drink wine to get munchies to giggle listen to fucking music i you know i got a tremendous album of the week this week for you patreon motherfuckers we're turning it up we're switching it up i got new music for you even music what am i gonna talk to you about music for i don't know about music i follow any trunk he takes pictures have you ever seen follow any trunk follow any trunk and look at the guys he goes on like and he does uh those festivals every weekend shit have you seen that shit and i gotta tell you man go all these festivals they gotta happen in florida because i've never seen ugly people like that in all my fucking life and i've been to moonock in new jersey i don't know where the fuck they do these tours at you know eddie tapes them from the

back i love eddie adat these are music fucking god i love them with all my heart but when i see him post those pictures with these old geezers and they're out there and they got the long hair and you're like wow oh my god this is not good and people in the audience are my fucking age with like docking t-shirts on jumping up and down and listen god bless him god bless him you know i'm saying i know you work for amazon all week and this is the big fucking deal at the end of the week but there's gotta be something better there's gotta be something but i can't do it i can't go to one of those concerts when i go to a concert i want to see young people i want to i want to be inspired i want them to bring me life i don't want to see guys that are up there talking to my you know we

can't drink no more because listen i can't listen to that shit no more at all at all i like my little records you know i sit here i smoke some dope at night i come out it's telling mike you know when you get covid you lose your mind that listen people talk about the covid and you know why people die i'll tell you why people die because you by yourself for fucking five fucking days that's why you die you can be like this is as boring as could fucking be this uh when they call this shit i gotta go equal like whatever the fuck it is you gotta go hide by yourself hide but no the other one when you fucking go and uh you know what they tell you you have to you have to do whatever quarantine quarantine means debt quarantine you could just jerk off so many times you know i'm saying plus

plus you got a headache so if you lay your head the one way and you bang a lefty you're all done you know there's nothing to fucking do during quarantine like they should just have like a county jail like if you get a covid come on down come on down there's plenty of things you could play fucking you know so everybody's got covid in there so you got like 20 people covid your immune system will get stronger and you're in there playing shuffleboard with other people breathing on their neck blackjack right or wrong a casino for covid people i'm gonna work on it right fucking now and you heard it here i'm gonna call pete davison and go pete that little boat you got to come back from brooklyn to fucking staten island i got even a better scam people with covid that's it everybody

in there with fucking those b helmets on and you come in your gamble you know i'm saying if you get a little hard at that because it is so fucking boring to quarantine between the books the tv the listen television is at an all-time fucking horror show it really is i don't know if you people watch tv listen i have friends that tell me the shows they watch and i want to stab them to get them out of their fucking misery because you don't sit there with some fat chick every night and watch that shit i can't fucking do it no more i don't know what you motherfuckers are watching football's got me for about like football's almost over great games this weekend fucking uh the intervector backfired on fucking the guy from green bank everybody's hating on joe rogan right now because

the guy from green bay aron roger's fucking tank listeners as soon as they lost i was like that intervect and backfired on aron roger's and shit uh great fucking games you know i don't even know who else played i didn't watch the ufc card i'm not paying 75 bucks to see two black guys beat each other up i really did that i could do that for three dollars just put a black lives mad a fucking rally on and you can see black people throwing fists flying through the fucking air i'm not paying the big 75 i wanted to watch marino against the other guy and i actually put a bed on fucking uh migaminoff's brother uh you know the fucking uh whatever i forget what his name i i don't know guys this is what happens when you smoke weed again okay you start remembering

no the mcgabriel off whatever it's gonna kabib's brother that's what i'm trying to fucking say kabib's brother that i didn't even want dog i didn't even see the fucking prelims i went to uh i was supposed to go to dinner with my brother saturday night right and we're supposed to go to someplace in south amboy i don't know fucking seavill me my brother my wife my daughter fucking steakhouse is the best fucking steak around $58 and what are you gonna do if you go to fucking supermarket they want 24 for a steak i might as well have a mexican marinated throwing the oven and give me a fucking baked potato with it so i don't know saturday i woke up i wasn't feeling too good my daughter wasn't feeling good we went to eat something her stomach hurt so we

just came home and chilled out and i had to do shit around the house obviously i went to the gym i fucking walked by the way whoever referred to walking to me lisa at i'm fucking loving it and listen it was rough for about two weeks but forget about it like i told you mother fuckers you throw on some music and you take two little fucking hits off that freeze pipe bubbler hmm you'll be walking the fucking saigon in back i'm loving it i'm walking like double of what i was walking just by putting on fucking music am i losing weight no but i'm getting stronger i feel good you know i'm saying i go out it's been cold the sun comes out listen i put the hood it's wet you know like i did today you go outside get a little vitamin d it ain't that

cold that you can't it's like 30 something degrees that you can't go outside and get a little sun we're supposed to get snow again this week twice whatever hey people like we're getting snow it's fucking january that's what it's supposed to do it's supposed to be cold january and fucking february why are you surprised but anyway what we're talking about here uh last week what i did miss talking to you guys about was i missed the anniversary it was my 39th anniversary maybe 41 who's counting you know what i'm saying 41 39 it's all the same it's not even on the fucking computers no more from my first arrest last week and you know sometimes i get high at night because i gotta do the uh i gotta fucking uh do an outline for erica to write the book you know we're

oh my god we're almost out of this motherfucker we're on we're on to 2007 fucking team the last four years and how i felt and when i was going through pretty fucking interesting you know how we put this book together erica and i now it's close to the end there was nothing really happening in my career we're about to shoot the netflix special we're about to do the sopranos and just personal shit was going on with mercy and and my wife they were getting sick of california that's pretty much that's the rest of the fucking book and what i've learned to wrap up boom fucking go over the beginning again have that motherfucker in by march 2022 we spoke to my agent to talk to the book publisher maybe you know they want to put it out in may of 2023 i can't wait and neither

can you we can't wait for this shit we got to get this out november of 2022 that's what i was fucking hoping but who knows like we'll find out and i'll keep you motherfuckers posted so like i was saying in the beginning listen for you people who asked i met louis and saggett at the store you know when i met bob saggett i was fucking blown away if you want to know that i saw him up at the front bar and i walked out there this had to be in 98 and we had a little chit chat and maybe a few weeks after that i met louis and this mitsy showing to do some to me a fucking sweetheart you know i didn't know what to expect from listen when i moved to LA for you people want to know like you know how do you treat celebrities or what do you do when i moved to LA i assume two things i assumed

one i was gonna at the comedy store especially i was going to meet a lot of celebrities i mean my first night in the comedy store as an open miker i saw the guy from uh the last dragon the star of that movie was at the comedy store lou gossett the guy that won the academy award for fucking uh office and the gentleman the first night i walked in the comedy store was like like january 28th 1997 we're going up on an anniversary this week i think friday will be uh yeah fuck since i moved from seattle to LA we left i don't know around this time we did yeah we left seattle on a sunday night it could be the anniversary right now no no no no because we left like 10 days before we left seattle we had a fucking dog uh an rv and a car following the

fucking rv you know we had it on a on a hitch and when we got to san francisco the fucking frame broke on the rv like the fucking the tires i swear to god there was a flat and when they went to pick up the rv to tow it the back fucking axle just fell off and was going in a different direction tremendous i just held my head when shit like that happens you're like you know what what are you gonna do it looks like i'm staying i'm staying in san francisco for a week and that's what happened we ended up staying in san francisco i performed every night at rusa t feathers i went through a different place every night and did a guess that that's what i did back then i went out at night and then uh we drove into LA on a fucking monday we got into LA maybe seven

a clock at night we took showers and the fucking rv like animals we went to a capucco you know people were telling me as soon as you go to LA called me up i was like fuck you i got one destination motherfuckers and that's the company store for the open mic and i fucking went down and wheels is there any griffin was there just these are the people i remember from the first night man i was like fuck i gotta be and i remember i asked don barris if i could go up and don put me up and i ate a bag of dog shit but it didn't matter to me because you know i was going up there that was gonna go on my resume the first thing i did when i got home i was putting the fucking the comedy store on my resume and uh i was prepared to like if i saw those guys on the

first fucking night and there was just an open mic who was i gonna see in the future so i prepared for that but i also did something that a lot of people don't do even in 98 and 97 i was like listen one thing i am gonna do is i'm not talking to these motherfuckers like i'm not talking to these big time comics unless they talk to me and that's how i really handled that situation serve your young comic or whatever you know what you want to get to a comic don't go up to him and tell him he's your favorite comic and blah blah blah go on the stage when you know that he's watching you and blow it the fuck up trust me i see any comic blow up a fucking stage at any level at any room i was in you ask around i would go up to a comic and say that's a very funny fucking

set you know you you know a little encouragement never fucking killed anybody you know sometime now in today's world i used to always go up to a woman and go hey man that was a great set that you're very funny whatever now it's a different era you can't do that but uh there was a time you know tammy pascatel he was here this weekend she was performing at uncle venny's down in point pleasant i saw she was coming to town and i called like wednesday night i go hey i don't know if you got a hotel yet i have an extra room here my wife you know we know my wife knows tammy from the comedy store we were all there in 98 99 busting on fucking humps even longer tammy was there for a few years after i mean yeah she was tight with mitzi you know tammy was one of the guys you know

me her rogan i still remember us going to fucking eat at a pink dot after our shows just kind of us walked the pink dot it was a great time harry dunkin you know so i called the wednesday night i go tammy i know you're coming to town if you don't need to get a hotel you know you might as well save 200 300 bucks just stay here we got plenty of fucking room she was like no i'm staying at my assistant laws but i love that you reached out and i love to see you so you know what man i was thinking about saturdays in the hotel room i don't know what you fucking think a comic does on a saturday in the hotel room you know for me at first i would i would always be hung over from night before you know i would get up eat and then go on search for the coke for that night that's

when i was a feature act and i was on the road and i was opening for rogan i didn't give a fucking bite my career but once you become a headliner you know you take your days you know your days a little bit more seriously but there's no other way to say this those saturdays in the hotel room it fucking sucks especially when you're in a comedy club because you're in that room you got that thursday night friday you maybe went to the gym maybe went to lunch maybe did a little radio so at least you did something friday night you go back to your hotel room saturdays no radio there's not much of fucking anything if you're a headliner you get up maybe eat breakfast at the hotel maybe go somewhere for breakfast to get out and walk around maybe do a little workout at the gym i

always thought i was i looked at my bag about two months ago i had to go in there to see if i had rolling papers one night i got rolling papers in my bag and i had them in my bag i was prepared for everything when i was on the road like everything my suitcase had eye buds in it fucking backup sleep apnea mass shit rolling papers i had vitamins on the road band-aids fucking if you cut yourself shaving that stick you fucking paint yourself with i had that shit on the road nail clippers there was a bag in my suitcase that had everything in that motherfucker so i would be prepared if i went on the road you know backup computer stuff backup charges you know aspirins i had so i went through and i'm like wow i really had this down when i

fucking you know when i was traveling i had it down to a fucking science i mean things happen that you don't have uh control over but i always brought swim trunks with me just in case the hotel had a heated pool or a steam bath i was always one step ahead of that motherfucker and that's what you know 30 fucking years joey you're prepared and i didn't listen by no way that i fucking write the book i copied it from doug stannell i saw doug's fucking travel car when i before i got into comedy he stayed at my house in boulder maybe 1993 92 he stayed as a feature act and then he came back like two years later as a headliner and he stayed at my house and i remember walking down to his car with him and looking at this car going wow wow this guy had everything

in this fucking car books a suit a steam bath you know everything was in that trunk fucking neatly put in there and that's you know you gotta be efficient when you're on the road and when i had my fucking road car forget i did the same thing frisbees basketballs footballs a skateboard have you ever seen me on a skateboard no but you might as well bring one you don't know who you're gonna meet on the fucking road i had everything in that fucking trunk and i was fucking prepared so on what i'm saying is on saturdays a comic just gets bored so i said do you want to come over and eat so we hooked up my daughter had a play date so we took care of that and then she came over and me and my wife and tammy just went and got a bite to eat and just talked about old times and uh

you know just talked about what was going on and how the store was back then and she brought it up we were talking about all the people that it was really different like i still remember having conversations with he's he passed away not not uh he used to have a show on hbo and he used to date sarah so then i forget what the fucking great guy gary shanley like gary shanley i remember being a fucking in jail and watching the gary shanley show on hbr i remember i still remember being in boulder county fucking jail waiting to get bailed out and on a thursday night if you because in boulder county jail back then back then in 1987 boulder county jail was a fucking paradise listen people in boulder county jail got arrested to go to boulder county jail if you were tapped out you were

having some problems at home with your parents and shit like that you went out you broke a window you called somebody a cocksucker or a racial slur and they give you 60 days in boulder county and i saw those guys they would walk in there like they were going to the fucking playmate playboy mansion because they knew that we're gonna get cigarettes you got free cigarettes at boulder county jail i'm not talking about marlboro marlboro lights they gave you a bugler and they gave you you get a listen when things are bad bugle it works how do i know because i smoked that shit inside a couple times with a button with a little piece of fucking they would put a hashing in boulder you take two hits by the kitchen whoo that bugle gets you fucked up and it gives you

bad fucking breath and your teeth decay quickly you understand me i'm not a dentist i'm not fucking you know but i used to hit that fucking bugler they give you packs of bugler and i would get the bugle and trade it for fucking kool-aid you know uncle joey dog i had the fucking bugler combination and the milk a lot of bodybuilders in their county jail and they want their milk to make protein shakes that's what i got fucking hilarious so uh plus boulder county jail back then had carpeting on the floors and shit and the general population areas like if you boulder county jail wouldn't classify you like sticky fingered cocksucker no they classified you like how long you were in there and how your behavior was so first i don't know what they

call the indoctrination you up till nine and then if you made it out of there you went to a different color and you up till 10 then if you made it out of there you were like in fucking red you made it to 11 and then the next fucking step in the game if you made it up there you up to like one and that cable tv so your goal in boulder county you think i'm fucking kidding you i remember when i got into comedy in 92 91 i was hosting at the broker and there was a fucking article on the front page of the boulder broker at that time the boulder broker was the club i worked at whatever the fuck the name of the newspaper wasn't bold you know a lot of newspapers in my life but in the front page they said that colorados had two jails went that were in the top five jails

in the country like they did like a fucking intermediate survey in jail and everybody wanted to go to aspen number one and boulder was number two that's the way it was for you because aspen didn't really have a jail sorry to interrupt my intriguing conversation on a monday but listen we're sponsored by better help online therapy listen it's just like going to the gym or the dentist we should be caring for our mental health as much as our physical health me i've been with better help for about seven months now and they've helped me through what i was going through whatever it was it was in my mind my anxieties at bay and i'm way better so do me a favor better help is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with

your therapist but if you don't want to see the camera you don't have to it's much more affordable a lot more affordable than in-person therapy and you can start communicating with your therapist in less than 48 hours give it a try see why two million people have used better help online therapy including your including your uncle joey we're sponsored by better help and joint listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash ds that's betterhelp.com slash ds better help better help.com slash ds and check out better helps new podcasts getting better on apple Spotify and everywhere else you get your podcasts back to the podcast savages jail aspen threw you in like some fucking county place that's what ted bundy listen ted bundy escaped from there

and that was still the jail they had in 1992 the same jail was like a fucking cell an aspen county courthouse they don't have a fucking jail or a county jail i think you got to go all the way to glenwood springs but if you got a restaurant aspen they're nice people in colorado they don't want you to go to county jail so they keep you in fucking aspen and they would bring you in catering from all the restaurants in the area who wouldn't want to do that you're up there eating fucking french food you know tibetan food whatever the fuck they got an aspen because people eat all that crazy shit sorry about that cough i'm still getting flashbacks of the covid and the weed don't help but who gives a fuck i got one foot in the grave one a banana peel just

like betty white when you're a comic now you gotta be sweating if you're fucking old after betty what after not what betty white wasn't a stand-up from the store but after bob sagan and fucking my man over there you got to be saying to yourself who the fuck is next so that's how i've been feeling lately that's why i've been taking a fucking multi-vitamin a new one i'm drinking some purple shit from my fucking joints so it don't hurt as much but anyway we were talking about this uh comedy store thing with tammy and who was up there guys they used to be a lot of older guys when i got up there for about four years we had alan stevens we had i'd see lennie clark coming from time to time another one of my fucking idols you had charlie hill the indian

dude you had bob saggett you had you know louis anderson would come in and visit mitzi you know on saturday nights if mitzi was there all these tremendous comics would come down some that you heard of and some that you've never heard of that you know i just comedy have moved them there was a lot of guys that came to the store back then on saturday nights that had moved on to producing writing yeah you had your saggots and you had your i can't even gary shamblings you had your andrew dice clays you had your judy golds you had a lot of older names that would come in and i gotta tell you man i never had a beef with none of your i stayed away from them for as long as i could i'd never gotten the way of gary shambling i'd never spoke up there until i was spoken to

so once they started talking to me you know it's not like gary shambling was down there every fucking night it's not like bob saggett was down there every fucking night it's not like louis anderson was down there every night when i first met louis he still had his he would only come in like during the week because he had his uh show out in vegas and it was doing great and louis would come to the store to actually take talent from the store to use them as openers i'll never forget that and i'll never forget having a conversation on why he couldn't use me and guys i did nine years on the fucking church i did two years a year or two with felicia and we got two years on this you've never heard me say the conversation louis and hi had on why i couldn't

work from he came to me as a man he goes hey man you're a funny dude and shit i would love to use you on my show but i do an all family show i do a lot of old ages a lot of all ages show where any age could come and people bring in their 13 year old grandson to see me and louis i learned one thing from louis man in fact i went to see louis when i was out in vegas working that that catch a rising star i used to work at the fucking hotel with the swords and shit and i remember one night i had an earl i was a feature act i wasn't headlining yet so i got out of there and caught louis act i'll never forget one thing louis did on stage louis before he went on stage he would find out who had a birthday and he would go in his fucking pocket

not the hotel not the casino not anybody else louis would go in his pocket and buy roses for any woman that was coming to the show and i remember that i watched the whole show and he was fucking funny as shit and i remember that he came out i don't know if anybody else did this a lot of you guys are gonna listen to this and go joey what the fuck we've been to vegas shows before it has it's been i don't know i saw louis do it first and that's why it inspired me so much and i got what louis did he gave them roses not like he called them up to the stage he walked this chubby little ass out to them and said this is for you for coming and let me tell you something the night i went there was maybe six women he gave roses to i think five of them just broke

out into tears they were like grandmas and older moms that their husbands had surprised them with louis or whatever and i'll never forget how i felt about that like i'm like that could be my fucking mother and louis is going out of his way to give that mom flowers to make a vegas weekend complete whatever it cost him 50 for the dozen 60 for the dozen that's 300 and yes joey he was making 20 000 a night with just that anybody could send somebody to get you roses and to give him to you in the hallway no louis stopped his fucking show and walked out there with the roses and was like here thank you for coming to my show he would shake the husband's hand and he would have the whole place give her a fucking applaud jesus my heart sank i remember going up to louis after

him going bro it was a great show but you fucking destroyed these women like you fucking they'll never forget this they're gonna go you know it's like a chubby chick going well fucking what's the dude from fucking was the dude that was in vacation that's been a fucking celebrity in vegas for like 80 000 years he was like a vegas looking like i don't even know he's still i don't know he was like in vegas family vacation that whenever they went to las vegas that time wane newton wane newton like wane newton if you ever get on to a wane newton so listen i'm not a fan of fucking wane newtons if you want me to sit here and go i love wane newton no he looked like the fucking model for mad magazine i don't know i don't i didn't was the big but i'm a fan of

fucking performers so i caught what's his name years ago in fact i caught him when i worked the fucking the sports advisers with stew finer i'll never forget that somebody had tickets for every night they had tickets for different shit circus diesel a that's who i went to fucking circus diesel a with i went with the sport guys and they told me not to fucking get high or nothing i got super high and when i was sitting in uh whatever diesel a whatever the fuck it is some guy came up to me tapped me in the show and they go put your hands up like why you robbed me and they go no no put your hands up when they got on my fucking hands and i had to push him up why they held and i was i was fucking sweating that they were gonna fall backwards and

break their neck but yeah i always went whenever i went to vegas i always caught those types of shows just to learn if you're gonna be a performer you gotta fucking learn you know sometimes i went to one night we were doing connecticut and me and rogan a bunch of us shot over and caught donna summer and she was christian by then she wasn't singing like you know love to love you baby and all that shit but what i'm saying was like what i took from louis was how he talked to the women after the show and how he made people feel so when i saw him a few weeks later i'm like listen you don't have to give him fucking roses and you know like a free pass i get why i can't open for you and we were tight friends after that what do you mean by tight joey whenever i saw him at the

store we'd discuss comedy how he was doing i remember he wanted a diet and got healthy i saw him while he was uh doing the zaka gala finaka show and he was telling me that he was working out and blah blah blah and he was really trying so yeah i'm gonna miss louis louis uh told me a few things about comedy that were interesting the same way andrew's done the same way bob saggert has done you know bob again i didn't know bob like the way i know joe i didn't know bob the way i know dunkin i didn't know bob the way i knew arie but i knew bob bob was coming to the store we'd bullshit a little bit you know i met bob in 98 i asked him for advice on being dirty guess what he gave me the best advice in the world which is keep pushing him and keep aggravating him and keep

being dirty don't change for a tv show because then i gotta change for you so i took bob saggert's advice to heart and i was like wow so again i wasn't i don't even i don't even know if i got a picture of bob saggert i don't even know if i got a picture of louis annus and if i look i might have like a fucking couple of us doing like a tuesday night or benefit up at the store like from 2003 or one or something but even if i had those pictures i wasn't going to show it up everybody's doing that i decided to do something different i wanted to think about what my relationship was with them and bring it to you guys here and that's it we move the fuck on i'm not going to sit here and uh you know it's just it's just getting weird out there guys and i don't know i was telling mike

that uh you know they they last week the podcast went up on fucking monday or something there was no problem and then i went to look at it two days later when we didn't post on wednesday and it was 18 and fucking under you know and i'm like what and then i went back up on friday to look for something and i saw that they had put a couple of our videos under 18 you got a fucking login and shit you know what i don't even know my fucking login is on on that shit i can't even rewatch him or watch him to see what we talked about because i can't even log in i'm gonna have to set up a new fucking password and shit like that so my thought is this guys i got a couple options here what option is i could just shut down the youtube believe what i got on youtube and start transferring

the videos to another platform if they want to void this out for the listen it's not like i'm smoking dope on here anymore it's not like i'm fucking playing music on this motherfucker no more all i'm doing is it's the language we're not doing anything and we're not we're not even talking about the shit we were talking about before you know it's been very calm here i mean like i was telling somebody a day that the reason why i'm so upset about them you know fucking whatever on youtube will listen i knew the day was gonna come i knew that they didn't like when i smoked on the videos i knew that i was getting a little slack i was getting flagged for every five times i smoked weed on here i would get flagged one out of five times but guess what there was a time i never got

flagged at all so like mike and i were discussing you don't know what you're gonna say or what you're gonna do to get flagged there's some podcast and i go fucking wrong i do everything but take my nutsack out on those motherfuckers i might take my nutsack out through the fucking comedy store one and some tiktok dropped it right there they stopped to feed and you know when you like for a guy like me man it hurts my feelings a little bit and it fucking knocks the wind out of my sails because i still remember that day it was you know a month or two after the pandemic it was like march fit or something like that oh no no no no it was like april when we did that benefit and you know we hadn't seen each other people were freaking out people were having a hard time you couldn't touch

your mail and shit like that so we decided to do this benefit for the comedy store let look if you have anything to do with the comedy store you know i'm buck wild i mean ever since i had my daughter and i got married i got a little older let's be honest with each other ever since my i started seeing gray hair on my balls i don't want to show them to nobody that that's not good look that's not a good look my balls used to look good but i was in my late 30s there was no wide you know now my hand my dick looks like those concerts at even any whatever goes to any trunk goes to those guys on stage have like that dry brutal white and black hair that's what my fucking nutsack my dick and all those hairs around there like

manscape i love manscape and i'll tell you why i love manscape somebody complained to me about manscape and i'm like let me tell you something motherfucker you're wrong on that that ceramic blade that fucking thing cuts through my white hairs you have no idea when you're trimming your dick or your balls or even your hair or your eyebrows let's work with my eyebrows here like if i go upstairs and i help my wife and i go honey help me set this up so i can do my eyebrows talk i used to cut my eyebrows they were like butter they were like butter for years that's it a couple hairs fall down you brush it off your thing now it's like every time that fucking ceramic blade touches a white hair you fucking feel it you'll feel like

a little the black hairs are nothing you know why because there's nothing left them they're like ghosts my black hairs like grayish they're like fucking ghosts there's nothing left them they just blow apart there's nothing my the black all the nutrients went into the fucking white hairs i think so because my fucking white hairs you can't cut them you need like a fucking razor blade i gotta get one of those fucking you know those rakes and knives and shit so if you see my eyebrows uh my eyebrows are bushy don't say joey fucking cut your eyebrows just go to jesus christ that motherfucker is looking isn't a process of finding a sharper blade because that's what it feels like after time i used my manscape blade it's so fucking good i used my manscape

blade on my fucking eyebrows i don't give a fuck anymore i've had dick on my eye before as a matter of fact my jaw has been bothering me the last two days this one in my previous life i must have been a cocksucker i swear to god i can't even chew gum the last two fucking days it hurts up here like my wife said i got lock jaw so she was sticking her finger in my mouth and massaging my chest i might forget it i'll live with the fucking lock jaw enough with the finger like she was trying to stick her finger deep in here she had the glove on and now stop stop we'll do it later i'll do the podcast and i'll fucking live but it's monday you bad motherfuckers i'm excited i'm feeling a lot better i'm looking a lot better i don't know what my future holds i just know i'm

being a fucking dad you know and that's what i'm telling you guys i don't have the life i had anymore so i'm not gonna talk about the craziness that i used to talk about because it's not crazy no more the craziest thing i do is maybe go to anthony's and get a pizza with my friend and this five-year-old kid that's what i did saturday night instead of going to dinner with my brother i couldn't i love my brother but he starts boozing guys i gotta be honest with you i can't take boozers anymore i'm sorry if you're a boozer please don't take it wrong you know i love you motherfuckers i'm a disgusting weed ad and i used to smoke coke and all that shit like a coke right right now like if you brought me like a coked out chick i couldn't listen to hard talk like two

coked out people i couldn't do it as a matter of fact even when i was doing coke the last three years i didn't hang out with coked out people because i couldn't take that fucking chitter chatter so drunk people it's like i i just can't do it no more we guys i remember i grew up in a fucking bar and i did county for fucking you know i've alone i did it and every night you know when you go up for the first show you're talking to people who are sober the second show some people are fucking lit and i would try my hardest because i'm a good listener sometimes but when you're drinking i have no fucking idea what people are talking about you know so it's just weird how i'm old you know i could talk about my health i could talk about how what i'm doing to raise a

child you know i would love to sit here with you guys and be able every day to just talk here about the shit i'm doing how i'm treating my daughter differently i'm trying to raise my daughter differently number one you guys don't give a frenchman's fuck which i wouldn't either half years don't got fucking kids and the other thing that bothers me about me talking about my daughter and how we're raising her is joey you failed as a fucking father now you're trying to play fucking cat like i hate that shit when i go to like these sporting events and i see these dads overcompensating with that kid listen your kid he's in no danger doing shit stop stop trying to fucking make him a football player look at him look at him look at the way he jumps up and down

this kid you're gonna have to have a talk with him eventually take him to Newark drop him off on a corner let him get beat up once or twice i never try to overcompensate with anybody like that like if you're not into it i'm not fucking into it i don't even know what the fuck we're talking about Mike this reef is getting fucking tremendous last week i got a new little batch of uh my my friend called me from ice cream shop and he goes hey man are you out of weed and i go all i have is some of the packages left from the fucking uh cocoa weed he goes i'm one of my friends on lenox city and he's hanging out he's got a batch of the new cocoa it's not a lot but he wants to meet you and he wants to drop it off they're like oh this guy he told me the guy's name i go yeah

tell him to swing by the guy hit me up and he goes hey i'll be there like at 818 at night which is bad because my daughter's here i couldn't get high with the guy he's a good dude but he gave me a couple fucking bugs with a new batch of the cocoa holy fuck holy fuck and i thought that you know i wasn't gonna get high i'm one of those idiots that i'm like i'm not gonna get high in this new fucking batch because i've been smoking the old batch i smoked that a lot of that old batch and even towards the end i was getting pretty fucking stoned this new batch i got the new batch i got the ice cream shop i think i should be getting some in bags in the next couple weeks like all dolled up they just gave me some raw holy i think i gave some to mike i gave you one

of those buds one of those brownie buds it's a little browner and when you put it in the fucking grinder and it hits the bottom it comes up like bluish it's the first time i've seen kief that's fucking blue it gives it an all fucking kill the blue so it's not bad not bad to smoke so i've been smoking that again i'm not eating edibles i'll tell you what i have been eating lately just to let you guys know a lot of you guys referred this shit to me for a long time i had no idea what you were talking about you know once i moved to jersey i lost that education part of the thc every time you go to a weed store they got something else and the people explained it to you and they're very cordial about it but i had no idea what the fuck you people were talking about with

delta nines i had no idea delta nine delta eight and then our company is putting out an edible a star of debt and one of them is going to be delta eight so when he sent me the samples i'll tell you what man i ate a couple of them and they did the trick and i was pretty you know but there was also 100 milligrams of you know civilian dust in there so i was you know i was like this is pretty fucking good i went to sleep and it gave me a little bit of hunger but i got my hands on some fucking 25 milligram delta eight edibles and i usually give them away and what's 25 milligrams gonna do to uncle joey i'm gonna have to eat a whole jar this the whole jar was 750 milligrams and i thought about it you know i was there for a minute i was like i could fucking inhale this

but i was like nah i'm just gonna take like 125 milligrams so the first night i just ate like there's 25 milligrams each gummy and i ate five of them i ate it in the afternoon guys by eight o'clock i was fucking high i was in shock i was surprisingly high i'm like this is not bad but it wore off like by 11 i'm not wore off like by 10 10 10 30 was like a three hour high it did the trick and i'm not i'm not in the mood to be high for 24 fucking hours i was high for about three hours which was perfect and i slept like a baby let me tell you something last night yeah last night i had 125 milligrams i did not feel them at all i can't boy i don't know because i was i was getting high for like two hours along with it so i don't know if i felt it but

i slept eight and a half hours last night tip top magoo so i don't know if you guys eat the delta whoever was referring it to me thank you when we released the new stars of debt they will be fucking uh one is going to be straight up the cocoa weed and the other one's going to be delta eight so we can sell them at health food stores and uh because that's where you buy them around the any health food store in jersey you see delta eight you see a bud so you don't know what to expect to go in there i really try to stay out of those fucking places just uh you know what you know you guys send me addables i got nothing i got the abx's i haven't touched i've just been living on you know what i gave the abx a chance and i got to be honest i'm getting

a little higher on the weed so i think that's true with people saying if you don't eat addables you'll get a little bit of fucking higher smoking the reefer and shit like that speaking of which we were talking about something in the beginning that i want to touch with these motherfuckers and i never uh who the fuck knows what it is guys no i wasn't talking about reefer i was talking about oh i know what it was what i wanted to talk about last week with you guys about how i got arrested january 21st 1983 that was my first big arrest like it wasn't even big it was possession of stolen shit you know and i remember that i'm you know like when i got arrested my friends came down to bail me out got arrested so the palli family came down i was there with my

man stinky one of the guys ratted on me i forget who the fuck it was but doesn't make it doesn't make an ounce of a fucking different but i remember that it was all fun and games at the court room and it was all fun and games on the way home and it was all fun and games on the ride to the bar while we were at the bar you know it was like the scene from good fellas you know you got arrested you broke your cherry and shit like that and even when i see that scene from good fellas at times i sit then i go you know that's a funny scene for about a minute like at least it was for me that was a funny scene for about a fucking minute like i don't know i don't know it's like the scene in good fellas when he's going to jail and he's drinking and his wife is sitting there lorraine

brocco and she's got the mink on and she's got tears in her eyes and as they're leaving his friends are like hey man you're uh you know kiss those hacks for me or whatever the fuck they're saying ball bust them as much but they're all really laughing at him that he's going to fucking jail that's how i felt like even being at the bar and shit and i'm going home in the next couple weeks i got lost in my job i went i got arrested i ended up only 200 for my bail which i ended up getting back you know who the fuck knows when if i even got it back but it was just surreal how i felt that night like i had let my friends down i had let my mother down i had let myself down you know that's that's horrible my mother was dead like three years but i know that that was not

her vision for me for me getting fucking lit you know i'm getting arrested so and if you know anything about me i didn't get arrested from 83 till i never even considered getting arrested i mean don't get me wrong the cop said talk to me whatever you know i was involved in different shit in san francisco in 85 like the why we were talking about this last week where i was slinging on the street but i wasn't getting arrested in san francisco they would talk to me i don't know what we would say and then they would disappear when i was in uh jersey after that i think i had like four or five months in jersey then i went to aspen for a year and then i came back there was i never got arrested again i thought about that how it lasted like that arrest had really slowed me down

a little bit it made me rearrange my goals like it was this time of the year and i remember going like i didn't know anything about goals i didn't know anything about journaling i knew nothing but i knew that i had some type of notebook at the time like just you know where you wrote phone numbers and and i remember having the one dream that i didn't want to fucking go to jail but i knew that i had no choice the way between the drugs the reefer you know stupidity eventually i would end up there but i stayed out of fucking jail for four years in that meantime i took six eighteen fucking credits in college i had also maybe three or six credits from glass pearl that i never even transferred but even though i was fucking up and i was living in this fucking

crazy world i wasn't getting that arrest saved me for years when i got arrested the next time what happened what the fuck happened the next time i got arrested it was in boulder first arrest i took in boulder was not for anything bad oh shit i got a speeding ticket for driving with uh like you know you used to go to a car lot and it says we're dropping prices or sale you can't drive on the streets anywhere i think with one of that that shit on your window that says like you know yeah the writing on your window i went through it it was a 35 mile an hour but it was three o'clock in the afternoon and they switched it to 20 and i didn't see the light blinking so i was in reality i was still

doing 32 but the cop pulled me over to give me a ticket and found out i had a warrant from the fucking windshield right there we go you know uncle joey's got an answer for everything so when they pulled me over the guy goes listen i'm not going to give you a ticket for the speeding because obviously you didn't see the yellow light there was snow something was going on he goes but i got no choice with this warrant i got to bring you in with this warrant i remember i go you know what what's today's date it was like april something of 87 i remember looking at the cop he was a blonde head cop not a bad-looking guy not a bad guy i still remember it was an enjoyable arrest as they say because sometimes i always had enjoyable arrest

we cracked a few jokes blah blah blah he goes all right i got to take it down to your station i'll leave your car here but since i was nice he called the dealer he had like the he radioed into boulder and they called the dealer and he goes you know joey had a little problem no nothing serious he just had not standing warm i'm gonna go clear it out it was like 500 to get out of jail it was nothing but i remember the right in there i said he goes when was the last time you were arrested i go for fucking and a half years ago and i go not too bad and i go that was my first arrest so he goes ah you're not gonna have no problems you'll be out of here now until we got back to boulder county jail he goes hey man i gotta search you and i'm like

i got weed in my sock he's gonna take off my sock i was like i was 26 years old you didn't want to smell my feet back then they were fucking disgusting i was a real fucking athlete i didn't have the the infected toenail the the fucking uh whatever the fucking toenail back then so it didn't have that taste of romano cheese on my feet it was a different more robust cheese i had when i was younger it was a cross drew like fucking mufiletta and which is really a sandwich joey what the fuck are you talking about it was like some type of greek cheese and fucking foot odor i didn't think he wanted to smell my feet i didn't think so i never forget i'm against the wall he searches me god you're clean and he goes do

me a favor take off your sneakers oh my god damn he's gonna smell my feet i took my shoes off he goes you gotta take off your socks and when i took off my socks i thought that the weed would stick in the sock and i was just gonna pull it off but he turned the sock around and a bag of weed fell and he goes oh what's this sense of me a season is back and i'm like oh this guy's being a fucking dick so i thought he was gonna charge me then he came back to the sound he goes listen i'm just gonna get you out of here on the uh failure to whatever warrant and we're gonna make believe like i never saw the weed and i'm like okay and i saw him put in his pocket that motherfucker smoked my fucking green sense of me a weed that i just picked up from

Vince and i bailed out but i remember that i was very proud of myself for having like that little fucking four-year gap little that i know i was six months away from going down the whole the rabbit hole of my fucking life but listen i looked at it when you look at all that shit now man i'm happy it fucking went down i'm happy that i got all that shit out of the way guys haven't had police contact in a long time i mean there was a cop in front of my house the other day i was talking to him and his kid we were talking about bullshit yeah i talked to fucking cops there's another guy go see over at the pizza place and we meet once every two weeks whenever he's got time my office to kelly local guy just gave me some patches from my other geeky

brother i got an ex cop brother that fucking wants patches i love him to death and he always says to me if you get me cop patches so he gave me a couple north bergen patches and then when i meet cops i go hey do you have any extra patches i can i gotta trade them for you with my geeky brother and they're like ah we got a lot of friends who collect patches and shit like that so that's the only contact i have but i mean even though not all those 23 years i never i fucking i don't know after i left seattle uh i think the police got i listen i got arrested so many times in fucking seattle that that was enough to fucking san gineros 2020 fucking nine so the last i don't know it's 23 years in LA i had nothing i had one fucking ticket for being out of light and looking

at my phone to see what direction i was going to take beside that it's just so weird how i look back at my life and i'm like there was a time when i was always in the fucking having contact police problems this probation officer is going to meet with a judge and it's like that's now i had a cousin who called me about a year ago to tell me that a guy that trains with him a judge wanted to take me out to lunch i'm like i hadn't been out to dinner with a judge or anything i never went to dinner with a judge to be honest with you guys but it would have been a first for me but that's the first time i would have had a contact i talked to a lot of cops today as friends i support cops you know i feel about the blue i feel bad for all the officers we lost over the weekend in new york

there's about to be a fucking war over there i mean they shot four cops in four fucking days one is in the hospital clinging on to life you know i don't know what's going on but i do know the world is in a weird place right now and all we could do is heal it on our own with laughter listening to podcast smoking some reefer and trying the best that you fucking can guys be careful you know i love you motherfuckers with all my heart i'm sorry about last week we had a cold video situation but guess what motherfuckers we're back we're healthier than ever the multivitamin is back on i'm fucking the dick is in good shape on it is doing the on it six challenge you could win up to six thousand dollars i don't know if you guys are into that uh today's

podcast was brought to you by on it on it fucking uh black label alpha brain the best but they're doing this challenge six it's you could register till january 30th that's next monday you could register it's a kettlebell fucking uh bat you know mace and body weight workout that you do listen on it is on top of it i'm really happy to be a part of this i might do the challenge i don't have uh any mace but i have club bats and kettlebells and i got a lot of body weight so i'm gonna think about doing the challenge i don't know if i qualify for the six g's but i'll fucking try it go to honor.com right now and see how you could join up and be a part of the challenge and take the classes at your house and beside that i love you motherfuckers have a great week

and we'll be back wednesday morning tip top motherfucking magoo i love you cocksuckers and now for a word from my motherfucking sponsor jack all right i want to thank you guys i'm sorry i've been out of the loop but we're back we're pushing and listen we're gonna get the party started in 2022 with betterhelp.com i loved them the joint is sponsored by better help online therapy and i loved listen you guys know me from the church and before i was not a very therapeutic type of dude i spoke to somebody early on i didn't like what was going on but i had to give it a shot again i was losing my mind i didn't know what it was and better help online therapy was there for me i spoke to a woman called data and we broke down anxiety in every form we could and here i am today

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veterans and active military liquid iv is the best you understand me grab liquid iv in bulk nationwide at cosco i'm gonna give you 25 percent off when you go to liquid iv.com use promo code joey at checkout i want to thank liquid iv i want to thank draft kings and i want to thanks better help for having our back this week and i thank want to thank you guys for always being a part of the show i want to thank honnit for bringing you the podcast today i love you guys i'll see you wednesday tip top magoo stay black guys