Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #135 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: February 2, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, February 2nd.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is brought to you by Manscaped, DraftKings & Stamps.com….. Go to https://www.Manscaped.com Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 20% Off & FREE SHIPPING! Go to https://www.Stamps.com Use Promo Code: JOEY for a 4 Week Trial, Free Postage & a Free Digital Scale! Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $280 in Free Bets when you Bet $5…. Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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It's Wednesday 222. This won't happen again for a long fucking time until 444-333. So enjoy it. It's also the happy Chinese New Year. It's the year of the lion or something like that. I salute you. Fuck the guai lo. I'm with you Chinese people.

Fuck the fucking guai lo. If you want to know about the guai lo, if you don't know about the guai lo, you better check it out. But anyway, it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Wednesday, the second day of February, we got rid of all the bullshit, the fucking resolutions you made. I'm going to lose 80 pounds. No, fuck yourself. They're still eating popsicles like they're giving them up for free at the fucking county fucking jail. They do give up popsicles at the county jail.

They weren't bad and bolder, especially in the summertime when you're in there sweating like fucking, you know, they give you a little popsicle. You have a good time with it. But who gives a fuck? It's a whole new day. We got the ABX fucking live resin thing today. I already got high today. So if it's two o'clock, I fulfilled my obligations. The hits is short, but it does the trick, especially in the mornings.

If you don't want to go outside in the cold. But anyway, a little something for Buddha today for the Chinese people. I love you got to rub his belly. It's going to be a good year 2022. I'm fucking feeling it. But anyway, today's lesson, what I want to talk to you cock suckers about. I usually have a zoom on Wednesdays, but you know what? Obviously, listen, everything is turned to fucking zoom.

So I like to give it a breather from time to time. Next week I'll drop two zooms on you. If you want to watch it, you do. If you don't, I don't know what to tell you. But today, Wednesday, the second, it's Uncle Joey coming at you. Mother fuckers straight and direct. I'm doing this. You guys know I'm writing a book, but a buddy of mine who's the next cop writes like a column in Texas about.

He was a New York City cop, but he moved to Texas like everybody else. But way before the invasion, he moved to Texas like 10 fucking years ago. He writes for a website about crime. That's what he does now. It makes a little change. And we were talking about a week ago and he was talking to me about. These interviewing, you know, he goes, no offense. Some criminals.

I go, dog, I know what the fuck I am. Don't feel bad. You know, I was what I was. It's way past me. I haven't had those things in years, you know, but I go. He was writing about criminals and he was interviewing criminals and enlightenment. What was like people went to prison. Like, when did you know that you were going to get locked up?

Or when did you know that this was real? You know, and it was really interesting. I said, let me think about it. Give me like a week and I'll get back to you. And we did the interview. We just did it on the phone. No zoom or nothing. It was pretty great to get it off my chest.

What I wanted to tell people for a long fucking time, you know, as a youth, I grew up in Harlem pretty much. I was always in fucking Harlem. And I saw some weird shit, but nothing ever with me to be strictly honest. I got chased one time in the Bronx. That was it. Like in 19, who the fuck knows? I got chased like three blocks in the Bronx.

Besides that, nothing. I had never, I can't tell you what type of people I was dealing with. I knew that one from being a youngster. When I walked in Harlem, I walked as if I walked as if I was a fucking, you know, Don Vito Corleone. Like you have to walk straight, your shoulders, you know, out in the middle of the side. If you walk close to the building, that's a sign of fear out there. You're out there towards the street and you're bouncing, you know, and I was scared deep inside.

I, you know, I knew that any time anything could happen. But over the years, I learned how to just go cop. I'd eat some fucking food and I get back on the Lincoln tunnel or if I drove to the Bronx or whatever. I was one of those guys. I went there to get weed, but at the same time I tried their fucking food. It was like the Anthony Bourdain. This is fucking 30 years ago.

I was doing this 40 years ago. We would just pick a spot. Sometimes it was Staten Island. Sometimes it was the Bronx somewhere that was close to the spot. So we could always have an excuse for being there. If a cop pulls you over, you'll at least have two slides. What are you doing here? None.

We came to get Yankee tickets and a slice of pizza. Meanwhile, the fucking Coke is in under the car or whatever. But all those years, you know, when I went to Colorado in 84, I thought I was taking a break from the high level and, you know, of crime that I had grown up in. What a high level, Joey. The burglaries and the robberies and the shit that was going on around me. Like I grew up, you know, 20 minutes from New York City. So you're always reading about, you know, guys that were doing drug rips, you know, just, I grew up with it a lot.

It's not like if you grew up in a part of Michigan, you know, that's very nice. You wouldn't be exposed to all this type of shit. It's not that I saw it, but just hearing about it. It goes into your psyche or whatever. So when I went to Colorado, I was like, well, I'm stepping off this post. In fact, when I went to Snowmass, when I went to Basalt in 83, I slept the first three weeks. I slept the first three weeks because of the shit I had been going through since my mother died. This had been the first break I had taken.

It was four fucking years later, but I also slept because I didn't have that level of bullshit in my life anymore. When I got to Colorado, I didn't know nothing about nothing. I knew how to steal, you know, and at the beginning I was just doing, you know, people leave their windows open, shit like that. I wasn't really looking. I was looking to change my life, but that part of me was still there. If you're fucking stupid, I'm going to rob you. You know what I'm saying? If you're going to leave your wallet there, I got to take it.

So, you know, that was my first couple of things in Snowmass. And then I met a guy named Fred, you know, and Fred was different than anybody that I had met here. You know, he was after a month or two, he opened up to me and he knew about weapons and he knew about explosives and he knew about alarm systems. And he was white and he was smart. It wasn't like a ghetto profit. And that was the first time I was exposed to that. I was blown the fuck away. This guy wanted to rob a bank on Christmas Day with me and I was flattered that he trusted me to rob a bank with him.

But it's not what I went to Colorado for, but listen to me. I had never met anybody here. Here are you supposed to be from New York City and I'm from New Jersey. I'm supposed to be exposed to all these gangsters and shit like that. Yeah, I saw a body when I was fucking five and Harlem under a fucking piece of four by eight. But, you know, that's not what I really grew up in. I wouldn't grow up murdering people, nothing like that. I heard about things, but I had never met a motherfucker like Fred before in my life.

And that was an education and I feared Fred. I was like, fuck, this guy knows about everything. You know, it all started with us watching like, I don't know, some movie about weapons and me saying to him, wow, that's a great gun. And I'm going, let me show you what I got and be gone. What the fuck? You know, he moves a couch and he's got machine guns and shotguns and fucking grenades. And I'm like, what the fuck? And then he started telling me his stories about Vietnam.

So that really stuck with me, you know, and then I got in trouble at the electricians place and he told me how to beat up the guy. I mean, this guy had it all planned. I went to him in confidence. And, you know, at that time I had a big beef with my stepfather and I wanted to kill him. And he was training me to learn how to kill, how to walk, how to dog. I was in it. I was in it. And I'm like, holy fuck, how did I get involved in this?

I was never involved in this shit in New York where I thought I would be involved in something like this. This was, and I wasn't doing anything. I'm not claiming guilt or anything. He was just teaching me how to shoot, how to blow up this, how to fucking snap your neck. You know, it's stupid shit. Yeah, like this guy was teaching me some out of this world shit. But again, I came to New Jersey a year later and I kept in touch with Fred and his wife and, you know, I became a fucking junkie and I ended up in a rocket ship and the whole thing. And then June of 85, I ended up going back to Colorado and, you know, again, I was like, you know, I'm going to go there and relax.

And, you know, meet some cool people and just that, you know, you have the best intention when you get on a fucking plane, you know, even though your friends are telling you what the fuck you're going out there for. You're not going to ski to a bunch of faggots. You know, you heard all that shit from my friends, but I just knew I wanted to be around different people and I want to experience different people. That was, even though I was involved in all this stupidity at that age, I always wanted to get out of New Jersey. I thought getting out of, even if you came back, just the experience of going and coming back is huge when you're a young man. Not when you're 35, when you're like 22, shit's not working out in your neighborhood. Abandoned ship. There's 80 other thousand fucking neighborhoods you could try.

Pick one motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? Just pick one. So when I went out to Boulder in 85, I was a little bit more humbled, you know, I had been homeless. I was fucking a mess. Family had turned on me. You know, I had turned on them. So when I got back to, and I was thinking about this the other day, I've never told you the guys, these stories.

When I got settled in Boulder, after about a week, I'm living on 1012 14th Street. And I'm like, I got to cop some fucking weed, you know, so I didn't know where to go. I asked a couple people on my block, like a couple of the college girls, we don't smoke weed. Okay. So I, you know, I asked somebody at the gym. They didn't know, you know, I was training downstairs in Boulder, but they used to be a downstairs gym on the hill. God knows what happened to them. So I went, I asked a few people, they told me to go to Pearl Street more.

It's like an outdoor mall. It's what you go to Boulder for a fucking tremendous place, you know, and it was packed. It was July of 85. It was fucking packed down there. People all over the place. And, you know, unless you're a fucking retard, you spot the drug dealers right away. They're right on the fucking thing. They're hippies.

They're playing bongos, you know, Boulder's a complete, you know, in the city. It's like black dudes shooting dice and Colombians listening to salsa music, you know, or fucking Dominicans. You just pull over. Hey, what's going on? No, in Boulder, it's a bunch of fucking, it's a fucking bunch of hippies without their shoes on playing Congress. There's, oh my God, it's tremendous. They're playing hacky sack. They're fucking smoking rolled cigarettes.

You could smell the armpit with the petugia. And I'll never forget going up to one of the guys and going, how you doing, man? My name is Joey. I'm not a cop. I was 85. I was 22 years old, you know, and I'm like, hey, man, I need some fucking reefer. And we started talking and one thing led to another. And I'll never forget this shit.

They were like, nah, you got to talk to that guy if you want weed. He'll get it for you. And it was a guy, you know, I was looking at him from behind. He had short hair, a little scruffy, you know, a t-shirt like sweatpants, but he had something on. I can't really, he looked baggy for some reason. And I remember going up to him and going, hey man, your name is whatever. He was supposed to be like a street shaman or one of those fucking guys. So I'll never forget.

He turned around and he rattled me. His eyes were like fucking light blue and his skin looked like somebody to rass it at it. Holy fuck. I'm like, what the fuck is this? So Roz Ram, one of those fucking names, you know, and he had a bunch of young girls with him and shit. Like if he was dirty something, man, I was 22. He had girls that were my age and a little younger, like a bunch of 18 year old runaways, dirty chicks. You know, it was like a Charles Manson type fucking deal.

And we started talking. I told him I wanted some weed. He goes, can you wait 15 minutes? You're sure you're not the cop. I go, I swear to God, we started talking about New York City or Jersey and within 20 minutes I had the fucking weed and it was good. Whatever, I went home and smoked and about three days later I was looking for more weed and I came down looking for Ram or Rod or whatever his fucking name was. And he was there again and we started talking and he had some other buddies there. And in that same encounter, I met the dude Fred.

Don't do that Fred when we were in front of the Fox Theater and the guy was going to jump. So some dude was going to jump and me and Fred are at roses, whatever it was called, eating fucking chicken. They have rotisserie chicken. We had just met and all of a sudden some guys like, I'm going to jump. And all of a sudden I see Fred looking around, Fred's wiping his mouth. Jump, jump, you fucking punk. I went to Vietnam and all this shit. I'm like, oh my God.

But I met Fred through Ram down there. It was like a Sunday, a beautiful day out. I go down there looking for whatever his name is and he introduces me to his buddy Fred. And we all start talking a bunch of young guys and I walk back and Fred follows me. He goes, hey man, you're an interesting guy. You're from Jersey. I got a brother who lives in Connecticut. You know, we started talking and one thing led to another thing.

He goes, listen, I know a lady who's got better weed than fucking Ram over here. And I go, when? He goes up on the hill. So he goes, I go, she sell eights quarters. He goes, she sells 20s and eights. I go, all right, take me up there. So what a coincidence. If I lived at 1012 14th Street, this woman lived at 1014 14th Street.

She lived right in the bill in the house next door. Only she lived in the basement. I'll never forget him walking me downstairs knocking on the door. She answers the door. She's got to be like 49. She looked like a fucking frog, ugliest woman in the world. No shoes on dirty feet, hippie chick, but very cool. She welcomed me into a home.

She told me to sit down. Her boyfriend came out. This lady looks like a truck hitter and then picked her up and a bus hitter after that. But who am I to judge? I ain't no fucking, I ain't no Mel Gibson myself. You know what I'm saying? So I fucking, a boyfriend comes out of the bathroom. It's like a pseudo studio.

A boyfriend comes out of the bathroom and this guy is a fucking model. He's beautiful. He's got long market blonde hair. He looks like the dude from Sons of Anarchy, only a little shorter. And he's a fucking boyfriend, but he's like a fucking, like a book. This guy, he put his glasses on. I'm like, oh, this guy's really good looking. He's got fucking glasses on.

This guy was a fucking nerd. He knew about everything. And we started talking. She was from Illinois and he was from West Virginia. I still remember that. And there's more to this fucking story. And we start fucking talking one thing leads to another. She asked me where I lived next door.

Boom. She sells me a fucking eight or a quarter, whatever. And now, you know, I would go over there to buy weed and hang out with them at night. You know, and little things happen, you know, Fred kept going by. But then after a few weeks, she told me, she goes, this dude, you hang out with Fred. He's a stone cold fucking killer. I'm like, Fred. I go, no, he's a fucking, he was in Vietnam, but he was an EMT.

She goes, oh, no, no, I'm talking to you about the other guy's friend, Roz or Rod. He goes, that dude is a straight up fucking killer. Like, don't really put your trust in that dude. And I'm like, what are you talking about? She started, you know, I don't want to repeat out of line here, but she started rattling off all these places where this guy killed people and shit. Like he was under investigation for killing somebody at the time in front of my bar in one of those Boulder towns. Not like Lafayette or Louisville, but one of those other ones that are more secluded. I forget the name of the bar and I forget the name of the fucking place.

This guy was obviously a real deal. You know, he killed people in fucking Vietnam. That acid that I thought was on his face. Uh-uh. It was Agent Orange. They had shot it right at this motherfucker. Like he had all this and I hate to touch myself and show you. I mean, my skin ain't the best either, but he had all this shit covered on both sides.

This dude was a workhorse. And I don't believe in that and finally seeing Fred and going Fred, come here. This fucking guy I'm buying wheat from. What's this shit? That whatever. Eugenia. That was her name. Eugenia or something like that.

And they're talking about this. Like this guy is a fucking maniac. There's a couple of people missing since he came to Boulder. Like this is fucking crazy. You know, so I was like, it's good to fucking know. You know, and I saw him after that a few times, but to be honest with you, I wasn't ready for all that. I was not ready for all that. I had my hands full with Fred.

Fred had become my fucking buddy that summer. All of July, I bummed around with Fred and for years, I didn't know where he lived. I know he lived by Chautauqua Park and those little condos in the back, not condos. They're like little houses in the back, but I never visited him. He never gave me a reason to visit him. He would always walk to my house from Chautauqua Park and we'd start our day. Whatever. I'd go to the gym.

He'd go down to Pearl Street. We'd get some weed. I'd buy some fucking hot dogs at Musters Last Stand. You know, he was my dog and then he found that I was doing the credit cards. When I got the credit cards back, he was my fucking assistant. You know, we went out and banged out all these fucking credit cards, but to rush the fucking story. Like I knew Fred for all those years. I left San Francisco.

I left Colorado Boulder maybe seven weeks after I left Fred. And I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him, but I told Eugenia, the lady next door, that I was leaving to San Francisco, that the cops were on my trail. So I never really kept in touch with Fred, but when I got back in November of 86, I went looking for Fred and I found him within fucking 10 minutes down at Eugenia's and we hit it right the fuck off. And that's when I started seeing who Fred really was. So I was telling this detective buddy of mine that it was weird that I had grown up in New York.

You guys are saying like, what the fuck is he going with this? It's so weird who you're going to meet and who you think you're going to meet and who the fuck you think you're dealing with. You know, when I left Jersey and went to Colorado, I had an awakening. When I went to San Francisco, I was way out of my fucking league. You know, when I tell you guys I spent those eight weeks in San Francisco, those six weeks in San Francisco, I was living like one of those kids on the fucking wire. I was out there on the street and it was either, you know, I wasn't slinging crack or heroin.

My thing was weed, travelers checks, buying travelers checks, buying stolen stuff. That was my stuff out in the street, you know, I shared it with the people. Like if I put something on the corner, everybody got a taste. Even if I just walked away with 50 bucks, I gave everybody else a taste. You learn about that type of world. But in San Francisco, when I saw the white dude fighting the black dude with a sword and a two by four, I realized I was out of my fucking element on a dashberry. That was when I, when you go into the fucking tenderloin in 85, you know, when I got off the bus,

I'll never forget this. You get off the bus. You land in San Francisco and there are these buses and they take you to wherever that, you know, when they say downtown, they don't tell you it's the fucking, you know, that neighborhood. That's the worst neighborhood in the country. It is far. Now they're going nuts up there in San Francisco. But when you get to that bus station and you get off in that town, whatever downtown,

you're in the middle of that nightmare. And you see people on the floor stabbed and shit. First time I saw a motherfucking on the floor stab, I'm 21 years. I don't need to see this shit. This was crazy. I saw another guy with a knife in his stomach with the knife still in there. The dude moved it up and you could see shit coming out. He was in front of original joys right there on the fucking tenderloin and people walking past them.

Listen, in New York City, I've seen people, you know, bleeding and people walking past them. But a knife in the side and there's a puddle of blood and the blood is black. That's fucking real and scary. Was I scared? Fuck yeah, I was scared. I didn't have a weapon that night. I was in San Francisco. I had like a knife or something like that, like one of those barbecue knives that had the toothpick and the bottle open.

What were you going to stab with that? Some of you take that and stick that cork right up my fucking ass. You know, you're down there hand to hand combat and thank God to this day, nothing happened to me down there. But then I went back to Bolton and this is where the story gets fucking tricky. You know, you all see these gangsters on TV and all this shit. I don't know. I don't know. I have the time and I was meeting all these guys back here in 84 and all these drug dealers and I was obviously burning them and getting away with it.

You know, when I obviously went and robbed the jewelry store in September of 82, which were coming on the 40th anniversary. I'm going to make a videotape of me running around the video store and how long all the jewelry store and see how long it'll take me for the one year anniversary, September 15th or September 22nd in 1982. But even then, I remember those guys coming to talk to me and saying they want the jewelry. They're going to give me $10,000. It was a friend of a family friend. They were supposed to be in the mafia and I was like, nah, talk. I never thought I was going to make it out of that. I thought they were going to come back and kill me.

What they did was put the cops to squeeze me. That's a complete different squeeze. But they never did nothing. There was only two people I saw that I was definitely fucking scared of. When I crossed my Godfather, I mean, this motherfucker put baptism. He put the Bible. He put everything on the side. This dude was coming for me.

Was I scared? I was a little bit scared, but he had got more of my attention. Like I was 21 years old and I burned my stepfather, my Godfather, and this guy was not stopped until he put a bullet in me. That does something to you. It gives you a certain type of fear and it gives you a certain type of reality in my world. When I escaped that, I thought I was out of it. But when I went to the West Coast, you know, you always think that this is the worst place you live in until you go to those places and go, what the fuck am I involved in?

And even then, guys, I was doing stupid, petty shit on the fucking street. I wasn't doing nothing, you know, to go away. I wasn't doing no fucking burns. You got to do this from time to time. I felt a little hairy there. And fuck it. It's manscape day. So you got the fucking weedwacker.

This trims everything. Tremendous. See? This is how you do it. Nice and easy. Who's better than Uncle Joey? So here I am and I'm thinking, you know, you're thinking that you're in the worst place. You came from the baddest gangsters.

I'll tell you what, when I went out there in the real world, I could look you motherfuckers in the face and I was running in New York in the late 70s, early 80s. New York was in shit to what I was about to see out there. That's crazy. You always think, you know, New York, Brooklyn, the Bronx. It was nothing compared to what I saw out there in the real world, i.e. Colorado. Listen, San Francisco, Oakland, there's supposed to be some bad motherfuckers living there. Seattle, all that shit. There's supposed to be some bad motherfuckers living there.

You expect that. But when you go to the mountains of Colorado and there's bad motherfuckers there, that's where you go. What the fuck? So what I'm trying to tell you is that I went to the tender line. I went to fucking Boulder. I was at all these places where, well, when I went to Boulder, I didn't anticipate what I saw, but even Boulder, when I was there the first time, I was hearing things that were really surprising me for the small fucking community how it was. I was hearing about drug deals and packages.

I mean, I didn't know any of these people, but the biggest thing that happened in Boulder that led to other things. I didn't know at the time. I didn't know these people was they found, I think like 10 pounds of coke. You guys could look it up in a bus station in Boulder, eight kilos, 8.6. I forget what it was. They found it in a locker in Boulder. That changed everything. I remember that happening.

I remember going, fuck, both had eight kilos and a fucking train station. You know, I just, I was here in Union City and in New York and Harlem. That's where the bulk of the coke was. I had no idea he was in Boulder and I wouldn't learn until later on whose coke that was and what that bust led to like two years fucking later. So I'm in San Francisco doing what the fuck I'm doing. I'm watching these people bleed to death. I'm watching this fucking guy that's fucking two gay guys and he's making himself drugs. This is all like, you know, nothing compared to what I was going to say.

Like, so when I went back to Boulder in October of 86, you know, I went, I got a job washing cars, drying off cars, getting tips. You know, I was still shell shocked from my dealings in fucking San Francisco and shit or my dealings in San Francisco. So when I went, what's that? Oh, shit. When I went to Boulder and back in 86, I didn't know, you know, I was going back to the go on the up and up. That said, I had run the muck. I had run a muck in fucking San Francisco. I had run a muck in Boulder and now was back.

So I laid low. I didn't bother any, but I wasn't involved in anything. But then like by April, I started seeing weird shit in the paper like this Cuban kid was at the University of Boulder and they found this car and it was bludgeoned to death. There was blood everywhere, but they never found the body. And I'm like, really? This shit happens in Boulder up on the hill. And then there was this other guy that fucking they busted into his apartment and he fucking jumped out the balcony and he broke broke both legs and they took like, you know, four pounds of coke from him and cops will look him for the coke. And then a kid that I worked with that his father owned, not abos pizza.

He will own the other chain. Rayo, Rayo's Roman or something. Pizza was on. It was down in South Boulder. He had maybe three pizza joints. Not bad. They were all sucked, but he was a nice kid. His family sold pizza.

He was a really nice kid. He wanted to get away from the family business and he got a job with me at Bill Crowd Subaru. Before I got in trouble with the kidnapping. And one night he was just what he went home. He got out of work at nine and he went home to take his dog out for a walk. And he lived on 30th, close to baseline by Albertson's there. And he crossed the street. There was an abandoned lot in there by Albertson's tons of grass there, you know, and he let his dog off the leash and, you know, he's just a straight.

This guy didn't get high. I think he just drank. Good looking kid. I forget what his name is. I'm sorry. And 10 minutes there, he's looking at his dog. His dog is like fucking shaking his head at something. He goes over to see what it is.

And it's a fucking briefcase. It's one of those business cases, not the that you open up. It's one of the ones that you open up this way. And there was two fucking packages of blow and a bunch of cash. So he's a white kid. He doesn't know anything about this. I know he should have left it there, but he picked it up when he started walking back to his thing with it. You know, he wanted to call the cops.

He wanted to do something. He was panicking. He didn't know what the fuck to do. I mean, I would have shot the dog and ran the other way, but, you know, but no witnesses, but he went with the fucking dog. And next thing you know, before he hit his house, cars started fucking coming up from everywhere. People would chase them. They took him down. They took his dog from him.

He said they took him down on the fucking floor, took the bag from him and they all, you know, it was the feds. It was the feds. They're like DA, whatever they took him down. They handcuffed him and they set up a fucking tent right there to test the coke and to count the money. He goes, it was fucking surreal. This kid was shit in a pickle. He spent the night in jail. His father had to get him out in the morning on personal reconnaissance.

They realized it wasn't his and there was a misunderstanding. And when he came down, there was the cops were chasing somebody in Boulder. And this guy threw the bag out by 29th and baseline and they went back and they were waiting on him to come back and get it. So again, when I hear this shit, I'm like, there's some shit in Boulder. I got to tap into. There's some creepy shit going on here in Boulder. And, you know, I thought this was like a nickel bag type of city. There's no nickel bag type of fucking city.

These people are fucking making it happen here. And that's pretty much I got myself in trouble. Listen, I was thinking about the snow mass club. When I was talking to this cop, we spoke about the snow mass club. He said on my podcast that he had heard that I was a volunteer fireman and shit like that. I'm like, no, I couldn't climb up a fucking ladder if you paid me. One thing I was petrified of was lattice, but I was coming. I was going from, I mean, this is when I got myself a little higher.

You know, like I said, guys, you don't know you're in it. Though it's too fucking late. And you don't know you're in it till you're in it. Like at one point you're sitting there. You're on a plane. You got 12 ounces of coke on you. And there's a fucking guy next to you that you know is a cop. And the rest of the flight, you just praying that you just make it and get in the fucking car.

And you swear to God that if this gets through it, you'll never do it again. And that's the life I was living. I was so deep in the cocaine addiction. So deep in that fucking Miami vice make believe world that listen, it got me. And I'm not going to sit here and tell you didn't with all that shit going into me. That's what I wanted to be. No, there was no comedian in my future. There was no fucking student.

There was nothing. I just wanted to do blow and get the party started. Nothing wrong with that. But it doesn't work forever. You know what I'm saying? So that was fucking surreal. You know, I was looking. That's what I knew, man.

This was I was doing. I was involved in so many fucking things, you know, from trading cops, Coke for guns. They picked up. That's not who the fuck I am. I must have done that 10 times with the same fucking cop. God, he's not a cop anymore. He's somewhere in Jersey planting tomatoes or something like that. But it was just so weird.

The people I was involved in, but the day they came and knocked on my door, a dear friend of mine. And he's like, Hey, man, you owe me some money. I haven't, you know, said anything to you about it. I know you're going through your struggles, but here's the way you could pay me back and make a ton of loot. Instead of going to Jersey to get Coke and put yourself through all that. We got a big time connection here for you. And you know, me dog, I was a fucking idiot from New York City, Jersey. I'm thinking I could cover the spread.

I'm like, Yeah, I'll meet with them. I'll pack a gun and shit. And I'll go down there. I thought it was an episode of Miami Vice and guys, it did become an episode of Miami Vice. I met this guy, my friend. We drove to like Woody Creek somewhere, you know, and then we got out of the car. We met another guy and they're like, Do you mind if you put a hood on your head? I'm like, What the fuck is going on?

And I put my fucking hood on and we drove to this place. And when I got there, I walked into a warehouse and they took my hood off. But the two dudes I was talking to, didn't have had their hoods on. You don't need this in your life. And I was shitting the pickle. I thought they were going to fucking kill me, but they did make me a good Coke deal or whatever. And I agreed to it. But then a week later, the guy says to me, Listen, they don't hand it to you.

You have to become a member of the snowmass club. And I'm like, Are you fucking retarded? And they're like, Yeah, you call a number, you tell them you're ready. You go to the snowmass club, you give the chick at the reception your money and you go work out like nothing happened. When you get back to your locker, there'll be a package in your locker waiting for you. I was like, Oh my fucking God. What the fuck am I in? And right away, guys, you know me, though, I thought it was I'm into simple hand to hand combat.

I give you a package. You give me the cash. But no, this was if you think I was comfortable with giving some fucking girl, you know, $8,000, $10,000. I really fucking wasn't, but that's what they wanted to do. But for me to do that, I had to become a volunteer fireman. And that's when you got to sit back and go, Joey, that's when I stopped listening to you. How the fuck did you become a fireman? I didn't.

That's what I'm trying to tell you. They made me train and shit. I told them some stuff at that time, guys, I was strong. I was tough, but I was not down with heights. I was not down with heights at a job in Philadelphia at Glassboro. My buddy got me that I had a put 90 pound roll on roofs. That's all you did all fucking day. That's how strong I was 1817.

I would come down with Kurt DeLorenzo. God rest his soul. And he got me a job. They give you 75 flat a day. I would stab a motherfucking 1983 fucking 82, the winter of 82. I would stab you for $75 a day. I would fucking come down here on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, make two and a quarter and take that party back up to North Jersey and snuck coconut shoot my friends. But we went up a ladder.

But it wasn't that bad of a ladder and I got used to it. You know, it was like you went up the ladder with the roll on and shit like that. You know, hold on one second. I got that little nug over here again. I'm telling you. Oh, there it goes. See you. Sometimes you got to take the hair out like a violin.

You hear it? You hear that? That's that's fucking the weed whacker. So like they made me fucking run. They made me carry like a dummy up a ladder. I was shitting my pants, but thank God it was just like two floors and they were like to get to the next level. You got to go. Yeah, we'll burn that bridge when we get to it because they were building the battleship up in that and snowmass village.

They were building this big building. So they wanted you to prepare you when you had to go for a fire there. Everything in snowmass village is two floors, maybe three floors tops so I could handle it. But I was scared of big heights. So I got the training over with guys. I did it for maybe the training was like three weeks. I did it for maybe six weeks. And I'm like one night they contacted me for a fucking fire.

I was snorting up a storm with my girlfriend at the time, my ex-wife. And I'll never forget that my fucking walkie-talkie went off and I just turned that motherfucker off like the bodyguard narcos when the cops are coming. I just turned that motherfucker off. They even came to my house and fucking were like beeping the horn with like a pseudo fire truck. And I'm like, if you think I'm going to a fucking dumpster to turn it off at five in the morning with 80 fucking idiots because they were all gung-ho about it. I just stopped showing up and then one day they sent me a letter. You're getting thrown out. That means you lose your membership at the fucking snowmass club.

But by that time it was too late. I was already down 40 Gs to these motherfuckers and they were threatening to do a bunch of shit guys. They were like, we're going to come to your house and start taking shit first and then we're going to come again. If you don't have money, we're going to start taking it out on you. And I'm like, really? Obviously, you don't know much about me. They didn't even get to my house one time. I told them I'd have the money by Sunday.

They believed me like fucking assholes after six months of telling them. And when they came back, I was already going fucking south to Boulder, Colorado. I remember I had a friend up there, Mike Robuck. We were in touch. Nobody else knew that me and him were in touch. And we were laughing our asses off. He's like, dog, they all went to your house. They ended up taking a lamp who takes a fucking $10 lamp.

You know, they're probably still up there waiting for the money fucking 1986. Holy shit. Wow. That's 14 plus 22. That's 32. Holy shit. That was 36 years ago. Yeah, there's probably two of those guys.

And here's the funny thing when I got separated 90. Yeah, October 91. I wanted to go for a ride and I took the car and I went up to fucking snow mass. I went to, I went to Aspen first and on the way back, I stopped through fucking snow mass. And I go, let me go to the stew pot and get some fucking stew. I went up there. I got some stew on the way back to my car. Who do I bump into?

The guy who turned me on for that, that after I burnt them, they put the debt on him. And I'll never forget, I just went up to him, gave him a hug. He wasn't a heavy. The people he was with was heavies. I gave one up to him, gave him a hug. And he's like, after a few minutes, like, where do you live? Boulder. I heard you in Boulder.

And he's like, what would have happened to that money? And I go, dog, it was a long time ago. I really thought he was going to haul off and punch me. I really thought they were going to follow me to my car and beat me up. Nothing. I walked back to my car and nothing happened. I made another snow mass. Next thing you know, I was in Glenwood Springs.

And next thing you know, I never heard from them again. Am I proud of that story? Fuck no. But dog, you don't know the animal you're dealing with. I want you guys from my stories to always fucking know the animal you're dealing with. I came close to getting stabbed a couple of times, but I swear to God in all my history, all that shit you watch on TV in the movies, that's straight up bullshit. That wire, when you watch the wire, that street living, that was, I was close to that in San Francisco,

not in that circle. There was like one of those neighborhoods, maybe a mile away, one of the guys I hung out from there, Bambusi, Cuban dude, used to get his drugs up there. And dog, that was not a good fucking neighborhood. They were killing people there once a fucking week. I was never involved in that shit. But to get back to that eight kilos that were emboldened at that time and that locker, they belong to a man named Stephen Gray Bow.

Stephen Gray Bow was a fucking genius. Yeah, he's dead. They blew him up in a Jeep, but let me tell you something. When it came to distribution, they did. He was lifting weights December 12th or something like that in 1984 or December 30th for one of those fucking dates. It was during the holidays. Every night when he'd work out before he went out to the town of Aspen, he would tip the guy 20 bucks in the gym to go out there and start the car from this night.

The kid wasn't there. He went out and started the car himself and a fucking, they put a metal bomb under his Jeep. What people didn't know. I said, I said a metal bomb. They put a bomb under his Jeep. What people didn't know was that they were in that year of Jeep 84 or 83. They put a special metal steel on the thing. It was like the story in a casino at the end with that fucking dude.

How we go, you know, the Nero's character that that year they the same thing happened with the Jeep. That's why he didn't blow up, but a piece of the fucking bomb went straight in his ass like around his ass and he bled to that. That's what he died of. He didn't blow up even though the Jeep blew the fuck up and it didn't blow up. It's like the bottom went boom, boom, because the metal was there. So the bottom cashed out. The other side got burnt. He made it to the hospital and everything.

He was alive. He died from the internal bleeding. So that coke and the dudes I was that came up after Grabo got blown up with the people I was dealing with. They could have put a fucking car bomb in me too. Lucky they didn't. Well, I wouldn't be here to tell you motherfuckers the story of life. And, you know, it's just so weird that I always thought the baddest motherfuckers I grew up were in Jersey. Boy, was I fucking wrong.

There was a whole big out fucking. There was a big wide world out there. And when I got to Colorado and San Francisco, that's where I got to see it. But the biggest surprise ever was in those mountains of fucking Colorado. And again, I didn't know what Fred was about. Like my buddy Fred that I keep mentioning from Boulder. I didn't really know what Fred was about till I moved back to Boulder. And I got out of jail and I was married.

You know, there was a time I didn't see Fred. I would see Fred like maybe twice a year. I didn't know if he had moved or not after I got separated and got into comedy and stuff was when I started swinging with Fred again. I kept in touch with him. I gave him a few bucks when he needed it because he was a vet. He would get a check at the beginning of the month. He would smoke pot. I'd give him some pot.

We'd go sell pot. We'd go buy pot. If I wanted a shoplift, I got into shoplifting all those years. I'd have Fred come with me and I throw him fucking 100 bucks so he can make a living. But it wasn't till I got to my divorce and he saw the pain I was going through that one day I called. I actually go, Fred, what do you fucking live? I don't know what happened. And I drove or walked to his house and I remember when I walked in there.

I always thought Fred was a fucking medic. For some reason, you know, like when you think that or something, like I was listening to Studio 54 radio the other day and there was a couple on there. It was my favorite fucking episode of all time. They repeated. It's a podcast they have on Sunday nights and they said they went to studio like three, four years in a row and one night after four years, Liza Manelli asked her, what publicity company do you work for? And she's like, I'm not a publicist. I'm a dentist.

And she goes, why did I think you were a publicist? Yeah, I don't know. Same fucking thing. For some reason, I thought Fred was a medic. But when I went to his house, I started looking on those walls and I saw metal after metal after metal after metal. Then I started seeing pictures of him with fucking, you know, bodies on the floor and blankets on top of them. And I go, Fred, what's this? And he started telling me about this whole fucking thing he had belonged to, which was some ops and they came in after the Marines and threw cards on the body like apocalypse now and they shot villages.

And it was like, it was like a joint CIA army thing. And he, he was in the army, but not really. He was killing people for these other people. And I was blown the fuck away here. This guy that I had been total friends with was a master of killing. He started describing to me all the methods he had a killing people and what they did in Vietnam and gases and bombs and switches. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? What happened to my crazy fucking Fred?

I mean, he just won a tangent. And a few weeks later was when he came to me. He's like, listen, man, I don't like seeing you upset like this. He goes, I've known you forever. You know, this is 1991, 92, 93. I knew Fred since 85. Me and Fred were partners in crime. You know, he was way older than me, but I didn't give a fuck.

He was cool as fuck. And I loved him to death. But this is the first time I got to see Fred from a different angle. And he told me one day, he goes, if you want to kill your ex-wife and a fucking boyfriend, I'm like, what are you talking about? You know, people come up to you and offer you an attorney. They offer you a dinner. They offer you shit like that. Yeah.

Nobody comes to you and offers you a fucking, a murder. Like if you want to kill him, I'll help you. I got the way to do it. We won't. I mean, he had guys. It was, it was scary. You know, and somebody comes to you and you think they're crazy, but they're fucking not like he was telling me shit. That was off the chains of how to dispose of people, burn their bodies, throw acid on them.

I mean, this guy had a thousand ways. And in his world, you had to eliminate the bones. You know, you had, I mean, it was fucking crazy. I mean, Fred, how do you know about all this shit? And then, you know, I got a little bit more desperate. And I actually told him, I said, it's time for us to fucking hatch this plot out. And he's like, this is what we're going to do it. We're going to fucking put a guy, I'm going to, this guy wanted to set up like a fake detour.

Like a fake fucking detour and get an orange jacket and detour my ex-wife into fucking this side street. We'd kill her there. And then, oh, we put, we fucking put that stuff on her face to knock her out. Like the Iceman, cyanide, whatever the fuck they do. And then we're going to take her to Pasha, Taco and these weeds up there up in the mountains. Nobody goes up there, just hunters during hunting season or some shit. And he goes, we'll tie him up, we'll fucking sit him down. We'll put weights on their legs and we'll fucking rub maple syrup on him.

And I'm like, Fred, are you fucking serious? And he's like, oh, I've done this before. And right away, dog, the hairs on my neck stood up. I didn't need to know that shit. I thought he killed people hand to hand. You know, he shot arrows like Rambo in Vietnam, shit like that. I had no, I didn't ask. Guys, I don't ask.

It's none of my business. I like Fred. But when he told me that he had done this before, guys, I think that was like May of 95. And I've never discussed this with anybody. The other part of reason why I leave Boulder was because of that. It was just too fucking real. You know, there's one thing to say. I hope this person dies or this person gets in a car accident.

When somebody comes to you and they're telling you that they could help you, kill them. And you actually trust this motherfucker because between me and you, I trusted Fred like I know him all my life. Fred was a man's man. He was one of those real dudes that you meet every fucking 10 years that, you know, you don't expect to meet people like this because they have no responsibilities. They have no families. You know, that's the guy you call when you want to go to war. That's the guy you call when you have a beef with somebody.

And you know, it's not going to end peacefully. It's going to end with somebody going to a hospital or better yet, somebody fucking dying. And that was my reality. And I couldn't take that. That was not going to happen. You know, and every time I saw Fred, it was always like, this is a good weekend to kill him. It's going to rain. It's a good weekend to kill him.

It's going to be sunny. It's a good weekend to kill him. And it just got, and I didn't listen. You know, then I had a funny, I had a weird feeling about my wife, but then I'm very happy. I didn't do anything extreme. This was not worth murdering somebody. This was just a situation of getting your priorities in order when something like that happens. As a matter of fact, tomorrow is my, my first daughter's birthday, 32 years old.

As a matter of fact, today is 32 years ago. Today I got let out of the halfway house for the final fucking time. And the next day I had the kid and you guys know the fucking story, but I just wanted to cover today. You know, the people that you deal with. And now sometimes you don't know anything about these motherfuckers. Thank God we did a podcast today. We didn't talk about COVID. We didn't talk about the guidelines and misinformation because this is getting fucking old now.

So it's like I was telling somebody at the gym, you want to bury this? Anybody ever see the movie Coco? You know, whatever it is. I was going to say the Pollock movie. What's the name? It's not Disney. It's the other company here. Pixar?

Pixar, Pixar Pollock. No offense, no disrespect to my Polish family out there. You know, Coco's about a fucking guy, a spirit, a singer, whatever the fuck he was that he just wanted to be remembered. You ever think about that? He just wanted to be remembered. And that's what you do. When I put my mother's picture up, I keep her spirit alive. When I put Jimmy Page's picture up or Roberto Clemente, I'm keeping their spirit alive.

That's what you want to do. Every time I go to a dinner with people and it's not coming from me. 10 seconds into the dinner, there's an hour discussion of COVID. How are we going to get rid of this thing? Today at the gym, I was sitting there and it's a great guy. Came in with a mask on and I was fucking with him like a cocksucker, take the mask off. The numbers were under 2000 and he looked at me and he goes, you're right. He goes, my wife, fuck your wife.

Where's your wife? She at the gym though. She's at home watching Maury Povich and some shit. You're the one that's here with us, but the bottom line is this guys, we're done. We're done. You're done. I know you're done. I'm fucking done with this shit.

So the only way to conquer this shit now finally is to stop talking about it. Stop paying attention to it and live your fucking life. I'm done with this shit. I got it. I lived. I'm very lucky. I'm sorry for anybody who lost anybody on FaceTime. Goodbye.

Goodbye. You know, fucking death by FaceTime, whatever the fuck it was. But what I'm trying to say is you want to kill this thing once and for all? Stop talking about it. It's over. It's February 2nd of 2022. We're on to a new leaf. You had it.

It's over. That's it. We're going to take the mask off for kids of school pretty soon and we're going to move on and you're going to be stronger. That's all you control for right now. Whatever the news says or people around you say, shut the fuck up. The news go on and turn it the fuck off. You know what I'm saying?

There's a lot of shit going on right now. But the most important thing is that you're taking care of yourself, your mental health. You know, guys, I had my fucking issues. I'm backing all the fuckers. I'm scratching my balls and sniffing my fingers and wiping my ass with this whole situation because I'm ready to move the fuck on. You know what I'm saying? That was the past one to the fucking future.

Like the fucking mask on fire. Stop talking about it and let's move on with our motherfucking lives. I love you cocksuckers with all my heart and do not forget. Yesterday we released white truffle and I think today we released a new cocoa. I may be wrong. I'm sorry. I don't have anything to show you, but it's out. If you go to a, I'll pay you right now motherfuckers.

This is how I'm going to do for you. And I'm sorry. I didn't do the research last night because I was a little busy, but I'll give it to you now because I love you motherfuckers. Okay. Green Wolf dispensary and elevate dispensary a drop in all three strains next week. I don't know where Green Wolf is dispensary and I don't know what elevate dispensary is, but they're dropping all three strains. I'm very sorry for being unprofessional and not having this info for you, but I'll be better by Monday. I'll put up a video.

What am I looking at the microphone for? I gotta be looking at you motherfuckers. That's how retarded I'm getting guys. I'll have more info for you. Listen, I've smoked a white truffle before. It's tremendous a day cured it. And I mean, listen guys, it was fucking great. It is stony as fuck.

It's like 35%. When you put in your grind that you take the fucking key thing off and the key is all over that motherfucker. So listen, Kim condom is stopping by the ice cream. She stopped by yesterday and picked up a little sample bag. I'm going to jump on her podcast and talk to her podcast, the King condom, the shank. I forget what it's called with Sarah wine stock and Kim condom. I'm doing that podcast. Obviously we can't get no zoom guest here.

I'm trying. Look, we try to get this done by three o'clock because my daughter comes home at three. I don't want to hear me down here going the fuck off. If you see me doing a podcast, I'm being a little fucking quiet. It's because there's people upstairs. I don't like fucking going off when there's people upstairs. So I got to do my podcast from 11 to three, three o'clock is 12 o'clock in fucking LA. People are still fucking getting out of bed, you know, thinking of a, you know,

thinking of a song to write for a dead fucking celebrity or whatever the fuck they're doing in LA. So this is why it's tough for me to get those old guests. I'm trying to get new guests on the East coast. But until then you got Uncle Joey throwing heat here on a fucking Monday and Wednesday this week, the first Wednesday of the month. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart fucking Cincinnati Bengals against the Rams and the Super Bowl. You got draft Kings. That's it.

And that's that. I love you motherfuckers and you're 12 days away from Valentine's Day. That's why Manscape is here to save the day today. I love you cocksuckers and I'll see you next week. Tip top motherfucking Magoo. All right. Thank you for letting me give you a little tape talk today of life. You know, I love you cocksuckers.

I'm always thinking about you. And as usual, thank you for supporting the ice cream shop and cocoa weed. It's fucking tremendous and it burns tremendous with a freeze pipe. You don't even feel it going down your throat. It's like blowing a fucking, you know, anyway, the joint is brought to you by stamps.com. Time is money. The hassle of fucking getting in your car and standing online at a post office those days are over with. Stamps.com makes it easy to mail and ship right from your own house to your own computer.

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