Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #140 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Monday, February 16th.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by BetterHelp, BlueChew & Lucy.co….. Go to https://www.BlueChew.comPromo Code: JOEY & Try For Free! Just $5 for Shipping! Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Go to https://www.Lucy.co Use PROMO CODE: JOEY for 20% OFF! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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Now, without further ado, let's get this party started. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday, the 21st of fucking February. Shit is moving quickly on a daily fucking basis, but we're here for another fun-filled episode of Uncle's Fucking Joey's Joint. First off, thank you for all the birthday wishes. It was a lot of fun, my birthday this year. You know, like, when you don't expect something and shit happens,

it's a good fucking birthday, you know what I'm saying? It snowed a little bit. I told my wife that my mom used to always take these pictures of me on my birthday every fucking year from the time I was, you know, two years old, walking into the bar. Like, when I was two, obviously, she carried me in. And I remember I had those albums. My albums went from two to 13 the last year I did my birthday party,

and the only thing that those albums had in common was that every year on my birthday there was fucking snow on the ground. And I told my wife this, I go, every year on my birthday you could guarantee there's snow on the ground. We woke up Saturday morning, my wife goes, huh, you fucked up, there's no snow on the ground, I go, give it a couple of hours, and sure enough, like at 10 o'clock it was snowing like,

just, you know, for a couple of minutes, it just went away. But they said we were going to get hit with something, I forget what the fuck, a shunk, whatever the fuck it is, I'm not a weatherman. They said they were going to hit us with some fucking hour of snow. So I figured that was it. We went to my daughter's friend at a basketball game, so we went over there with a bunch of parents and hung out. When I walked out of the basketball game it was fucking sunny as fuck,

tip-top, my Google cold as fuck, but it was still sunny out. I came home, we were going to go out to dinner, we had to drop my daughter off at a party. Let me tell you something, my wife was talking to me about something, I was downstairs, I went upstairs and I go, what the fuck happened to the sun? And I looked out the back door and guys, it looked like fucking Colorado out there.

It looked like fucking Colorado. Now I had plans, we had birthday reservations at a restaurant, I couldn't get any reservations anywhere and I wanted to go somewhere new. I wanted a fucking branch out to Red Bank or fucking Long Branch or fucking New Brunswick, but every restaurant I called had, you know, I like to eat early, six o'clock, five, thirty, I like to get it out of the way. I don't want to be there at eight because if you get there at eight, the people who sat down at six are enjoying themselves

and they don't want to get up now, so now you're standing in the restaurant waiting for them, so I hate all that shit, I hate waiting. So I always get the five, thirty or six o'clock table, I call like ten fucking places and every place was packed up. So me and my wife called, I didn't want to go to El Nido again, I mean they fucking live in El Nido, you know, I haven't been there in a month, I haven't been there the whole month of January and February, it's crazy. I haven't been there since December, so we picked the Osteria.

They said, we'll take you, but I told my wife, listen what we'll do, we'll go to the Osteria, but if it's a nice day, what are we going to do? The kid wasn't home, she was fucking at a sleepover party up the corner with ten other lunatic girls. In fact, they would ask Sunday till like four in the afternoon with the mothers having brunch only in fucking New Jersey. I went over there just to bring my wife something, there was twenty fucking parents over there, they had donuts,

mimosas, bloody marries, they fucking live it up in Jersey. So I was going to take it right up north, maybe go to stop at Rudy's or something, maybe get something Cuban, you know, whenever we go out to dinner, we go out to dinner, boom and we're home, like fucking old people. I like to do something, maybe go for a walk afterward, see the New York skyline, once I saw the snow, all that shit went out the fucking window.

I said, fuck it, we'll just go to the Osteria and I'm happy I went there. The dude, the fucking chef was like, listen, the specials tonight are like, my god, they got such great fucking food over there, and it's so weird how every restaurant in this area is very good, but different. That's what I really like about down here, you know? So I got the, I got a nice little fucking salad, what do I get for an appetizer, I forget now. I forget so much because I told my wife, listen,

I don't have an appetite like I used to, I could smoke 80 joints, and my appetite isn't what I used to. I go, for me to get an appetite, I got to eat a couple ABXs, and that's what I did, I inhaled three ABXs, the 200 milligram motherfucker, this is my birthday Jack, I'm going to cut it up at least a little bit, I'm close to the house, I go, let me eat three fucking ABXs. So what I open up with, that's terrible, I can't tell you what I opened up, but I opened up with a Tuscan salad

with no fucking cherry, dried cherries, and extra tomatoes, and that motherfucker, you know how Uncle Joey loves his Jersey tomatoes, and then I switched it up, I had the short rib, fucking tremendous, with mashed potatoes, I got to tell you something, the mashed potatoes tasted like fucking heaven, they tasted like fucking heaven, it just went in your mouth like snow, you ever have snow, it goes in your mouth and it melts, that's how, oh my God, it was fucking delicious.

For the dessert, I had some fruit with some cream, I kept it nice and light, so when I walked, nothing worse than going to dinner and walking out there like you're fucking pregnant, you can't shit, you can't fucking breathe, you're dizzy, fuck all that, I wanted to keep it light, I ate half the short rib, half the mashed potatoes, guess what else I did last night, for my 59th birthday, I had a fucking tequila, I had a margarita, and shit, who's better than Uncle Joey, I had myself a little jalapeno margarita, my asshole was on fire on the Lord's Day, I couldn't even,

every time I thought of a Lord, I thought of my asshole, to please have mercy on my asshole, that jalapeno fucking margarita destroyed me, but it was perfect, and then on the way out, the one kid said, listen, I want to buy you a shot for your birthday, I'm a Cuban dude, I said bring it on, cock sucker, so he threw me a shot of lemon jello, whatever the fuck, lemon jello, I don't fucking know, so Uncle Joey was in real fucking form last night, but hey, it's your birthday, so again, thank you for all the well wishes,

it was great, I had a great time at the house, listen, like I told you motherfuckers, I didn't move back here to go to studio 54, I just moved back here to have a normal fucking life, I went down to Austin this week, tremendous, I tell you what though, I'm not gonna fly again till they remove the fucking mask, I gotta be honest with you, through the airport, you're not gonna get me to put a mask on, I really don't give a fuck, I think one person said excuse me sir, put your mask on,

and they winked at me, it was Jersey, they don't enforce shit, I walked right through, nobody said nothing to me, you know, I got to the fucking plane, I gotta be honest with you guys, I understand why people are fucking beating the shit out of each other in the air, I get it, so if I said any derogatory remarks about you in the last couple months, please forgive me, you know me, the bigger the man, the bigger the fucking mistake, let me tell you something, those tortoises on that fucking plane got on my last nerve, because they won't stop with the put on the mask,

now you guys know me, I'm not in business to get banned off a plane, you know, I don't wanna fly, but I'm also not looking to not being able to fly, it's a big fucking difference, okay, it's like you may not get in your car for a fucking month, but when you got a DUI, you can't get in your fucking car for a month, that sucks, remember when you can't do something, that's when you all of a sudden wanna fucking do it, that's when people be calling you from all over the world for all these exotic jobs, and you're like, well I can't fly in United because I fucking told the stewardess to go fuck herself, guys, you know me, I'm a gentleman, I would never disrespect the student,

but a stewardess, I'm sorry, a student, I would never disrespect the stewardess, but Jesus Christ, they didn't say anything to me, I don't give them the ammunition to have to come over to me and say, sir, put on your mask, this is a warning, I was on a flight where they gave warnings to people, for no reason, you know, they tell you, and then here's the fucking thing that pissed me off, okay, we gotta wear the mask, I understand that, now, let's say you get a gin and tonic, again, I don't drink gin and tonics on a fucking plane, but if I did, I'm sticking up with a gin and tonic guy, they don't give you no cocktails at takeoff, now, I'm not an Alki, but I feel for you, I'm a fucking pothead, I understand, you know, you get on a plane, I understand how the mind of the drinker works,

and I wish I had it, I'm not putting you down or anything, there's nothing more, there's nothing prettier to my eye, there's nothing that makes me more envious of somebody, when they order a 7-in-7, a Coke, a Jack on the Rocks or whatever, I do not judge you, I enjoy watching you get that drink, put the napkin down, put it down, look at it, and go, and you can see that whole body just come to a fucking rest, I envy you, I wish I could do that, I wish I had come home at night, take off my fucking shoes, and a fucking 7-in-7 would take away all my problems, I wish, I fucking, when I was a kid I grew up on watching people do that shit, so from the age of 14 to fucking 20, I'm like, I can't wait to have a drink with somebody like Sinatra, and just, you know, just hang and talk shit, it looks so fucking appealing to me, but they can't even do that anymore,

I know the people in my area weren't fucking drinking, you have to wait till you're up in the air to drink, and then they'll tell you on the loudspeaker, 80 fucking times, in 3 hours, if I didn't hear it, 25 times each plane ride, I'm fucking lying to you people, while you're eating, like I ate breakfast on the way out, but I didn't eat anything on the way back, it just looked like it was the first time the food scared the shit out of me, the girl next to me got the chicken with the yellow rice, it smelled so bad, and it looked so bad, that's somebody's fuck, a magician is missing a fucking dove somewhere right now, he's got wanted signs, have you seen my dove, that was a fucking dove that poor lady was eating, it was like a chicken breast on, I don't want no part, I try to keep it simple, I don't eat eggs on a plane, they'll give you a fucking headache,

those powdered eggs, they'll fucking kill you, those things, so, yeah they let you eat now, but they keep saying to you, in between bites you have to put up your mask, in between drinks you have to put up your mask, and they keep saying it to you, while you're eating, remember FAA rules, you gotta fucking put on your mask, after the fucking fifth time guys, you feel like banging your fucking head off the wall, and then she walks around, which is her job, again, I'm not saying nothing bad about her, it's her job, if that was your job, that's what they're making you do, listen, go around the cabin and tell people fucking till blood comes out of their eyes, that you gotta have a mask up, in between your sips, that is the most fucking ridiculous thing I've ever heard, especially when there's what, a thousand cases in the hospital in New Jersey right now, a thousand cases, that's it, it's over,

and we're mentally over, like you could tell people are fucking over, and that's why for months I've been baffled on what is all the fucking drama on these planes, to fucking store this and drive you crazy, and again, if this was me 15 years ago, I would have fucking snapped on that plane, after the eighth, you gotta put your mask up in between meals, I want you to listen to what you just said to me, I want you to think about what you just said to me, so after I take a bite of that fucking rotten chicken you give me, I gotta put my fork down while I chew and pick my fucking mask up, and then when I'm ready, oh by the way, let's say that dry chicken gets stuck in my throat, now I gotta pull my mask down again and get a fucking water and drink that, and when I put that water down I gotta put that mask up, now in ten fucking seconds, I gotta pull that mask up to get another bite of chicken,

it's not gonna happen, you might as well throw me off the plane right now, I hope you got some fucking parachutes, cause I'm diving out right now over St. Louis, that's how easy it is, I'm not gonna get it, so I'm not flying again, til they fucking take away the mask thing, that's it, that is it, that mask three hours, and what about the people go from California to LA, California, I'm sorry, to Kennedy Airport, that's six hours and 31 minutes, with a fucking mask on, sitting right down the plane waiting to go down, cause nothing makes you wanna fucking kill yourself more than having a mask on on a plane, and you're also waiting, like you can't wait for this fucking plane to end, like as soon as I get on the plane, I go what, how much time do I have on the plane, and they actually really tell you, like it says we're gonna land in fucking 330,

and they're like this flight is two hours and 21 minutes, and you're like, where the fuck do I see 330 there, that spells me out at 230, so what the fuck are you talking about 330 in the afternoon, they always give you that extra time in case they get stuck on the fucking, whatever the fuck you call it, tarmac or on the way, and the guy that picked me up, the Uber dude, was telling me, he goes, hey man, I gotta be honest with you, you're very lucky to be in and out of here as fast as you are, I go, he goes usually if you fly in United and land in Newark, it's an hour wait for your luggage, and I was like, well, you know what, we're gonna get flying and fucking breathing, but it was nice to see Joe, I did the whole fucking flight in one day,

so I took the four hours down, three hours of chit chat with him, and then the four hour flight back, I don't have to tell you how my back feels from my fucking lower back to my asshole, everything is fucking sore, I was fucking sore, I took that plane on Wednesday, Thursday I felt good, Friday I was walking around like the fucking tin man from the Wizard of Oz, everything was sore, my hamstring, my fucking knees, I mean it was all fucking sore, so I don't recommend flying anybody two flights in one fucking day, maybe, like if you gotta go from San Francisco to Vegas or Burbank to Vegas or something, I recommend those flights, but fuck, anything longer than an hour, and I did one from California last year, you motherfuckers forget, I took a 6am, got to California 11, and then got back on a plane at 7 o'clock at night,

that one was no trip to the fucking, that one was horrible, and I was doing my thing back then, I was withdrawing, so my heart wouldn't stop beating, that was fucking god awful, so, if you need to fly, think about it, that's all I wanna tell you, cause that's a fucking rough goddamn mask, but seeing Joe was great, the barbecue in Austin is fucking off the hook, I forget where we went after we did the podcast, I went down there with Mercy's Godfather, it was a hit and run, I got him out of Jersey for the fucking day, he only has Wednesdays off, so I was like come on, you're coming down with me, and I asked him on the way home, where we going next Wednesday, Chicago, I mean where the fuck we going, we gotta go somewhere,

I like that shit, just going away on Wednesdays for the day, maybe going to Chicago, it's a one hour flight from Jersey, landing, you know, avoid getting stabbed in Chicago, walk around, get a hot beef sandwich, maybe go screwing with Bible Lingus, and fucking, that's it, speaking of Bible Lingus, I wanna thank him for sending me the best birthday present I got this year, check this out, it's an old school 007 knife, I don't know, if you heard me talk about this motherfucker many a times, this fucking knife is a, I can collect this edition, as ugly and as plain as this looks, you can't see it in here, but in the grip, it says like Rocco 007 in this grip right here, this knife's gotta be 50 years old,

50 fucking years old, this is the knife I bought in the third grade, I used to see this knife all the time, being advertised in magazines and shit, and I was like enough is enough, I gotta stab a motherfucker, now that I'm in the third grade, I gotta earn my bones, so I went to a knife shop in like 150th and Broadway, and I think it was 10 bucks back then, 9.99, I bought the fucking knife, and I was ready to stab a motherfucker, I'm walking down Broadway with my little mama, what, what, what the fuck are you talking to, say it again, I'll stab your ass, and what you did was you brought this home, and you put like, you put like DW 40 in here,

so it could be slippery, and then you put DW 40 in here, it's like a week, you had greasy hands, every time you took the knife out, it would fly out of your hands and shit, you're like hold on, let me pick my knife up from the floor, but then it gets nice, it's not a switch blade, so you basically gotta open it a little bit and go, what the fuck are you talking about, cock sucker, you want some of this, you ever seen those old movies in New York in the 70s, they always had a fucking knife, and I wanted a knife, so I actually went, I bought it, and I was walking around with this motherfucker for a week, I had this motherfucker, like that's when I used to go to, no, that's when I used to go up to my godmother's on the weekends,

I had that holiday week off that April, you had that little Easter week off, and I went up there and I bought this motherfucker, and I told my mom, I was staying at my godmother's all week, she's like, something don't sound right, this motherfucker would come to the bar and torment me, not that week, I walked around Harlem, flashing this at motherfuckers, what bitch, I would go to the movie theaters, what do you mean it's PG-13, I'm walking in this motherfucker, and in those days my mom used to do sneak attacks on me, which that means that she would take a cab from 88th street to fucking 148th street,

and I'd be playing on this street with my buddies, throwing rocks, chasing some fucking bomb or whatever, and all of a sudden she'd get out of the cab and say, oh San Antonio, come here, and I'd have to walk up to my mom and have to wipe my face, and she'd go look at the fucking shape of you, you dirty, your pants are ripped, you look like a fucking, what would she call me, matapero, that means you're out killing dogs all day, getting the fucking house, and she would chase me to my godmother's house and yell at me in front of my godmother, my godmother would go, what the fuck's he doing, he's just playing, he's a little boy,

let him fucking play and get dirty, he's not supposed to be clean in a three-piece fucking suit, and my mom would go fuck that, and while my godmother was talking to me, I'd be in the shower, and then when I come out my mother would already be there with a new set of fucking clothes, she'd go around the corner to like one of those fucking boys clothes things, and she'd get me like a new pair of fucking white shorts, a new t-shirt, brand new sneakers, and she'd go, you gotta put this on, you gotta look clean, I can't have you on the street looking fucking dirty, and I'd put on this little half-a-fag suit she'd have, like a little sailor shirt and shit, and as soon as she got in that cab, my godmother would look at me and I'd go, take this fucking sailor shit off me,

these kids will beat me up up here for wearing this, this is what you wear on the lowest streets on the Upper West Side, you can't wear this fucking G.I. Joe suit to Harlem, they'll beat you up for fucking sure, I caught a couple fucking beatings up there as a kid, like three or four fucking beatings, just to doing the same weird shit, but once I got that knife, nobody was fucking with Uncle Joey Jack, so my mother fucking dropped the fucking bomb on me, oh, San Antonio, come here, so I was cool, I had carpet to pants, and that's why you wore carpet to pants in those days, to put the knife in your side pocket and shit, and nobody could tell, and if somebody fucked with you, then you went for your little double seven, like what, cock sucker, but my mother goes, she's researching my pockets, she's like, how much money you got on you,

I don't know, a couple dollars, and all of a sudden she went to hit my pocket, and she felt that fucking knife dog, and it was over, she took that knife out of my pocket, she's like, what the fuck is this, and I'm like, my, it's like a science project, she's like, science project my ass, that's a fucking knife, get the fuck to your godmother's house, and when we got to my godmother's house, my godmother tried to protect me, but she couldn't defend the knife, yeah, he's fucking eight, why's he got a knife, no, I know he's a boy, and he needs a knife to cut twigs and shit, but that's somebody to kill somebody, either he kills somebody with that knife, or he's gonna fucking fall and cut himself, so my mom fucking took the knife from me, I was pissed, I had saved up money and waited a year

to talk myself into going into a store and buying this fucking knife as she put me in Catholic school, that knife is the reason why I'm a fucking Catholic fucking prude, because this motherfucker got me in so much trouble, but I always wanted another one, and I never got a chance to do it, and by the time I realized what was going on, I didn't really want to carry a knife, but the other day I opened up a box from Bob LaLingus, and I see this knife and it took a little wind out of my sail, that was the original fucking, before blow, this was my fucking weakness, I love knives and stars and shit, I would buy the fucking stars and they come uncharping, oh that sucked, because your dick was hard, you're like I'm ready to go fucking throw a fucking star at somebody, oh my god no, they wouldn't even stick in a wall when I got them, I used to get pissed, so I'd take them to a hardware store,

and the guy would have to put them on like a fucking thing and then fucking sharpen it, he would ask you, what are you gonna do with this, I don't know, I'm gonna fucking kill frogs, just don't throw the human beings, as soon as you gave me the three stars, you were out there whipping them at homeless people, and bums and shit, what a shame, I had such a shitty fucking childhood, it's funny that we brought up Action Park on Rogue in the other day, and it's funny that he had never seen it, when I got there we were outside talking, and I think somebody said it, hey man you're from Jersey, how far were you from Action Park, so I started telling stories with one of Rogan's buddies, Joe heard part of the story and he goes stop it, we gotta talk about this, go to the podcast, what the fuck, and we forgot what half the shit we were saying about Action Park, if you haven't watched that, you saw it right Mike,

when it first came out, I think you were the one that told me about it, to watch Action Park, you know, I always said that bothers me a lot, that my daughter is not gonna have the same child that I had, now look, I don't want my daughter stealing, I don't want my daughter hitting people on the light bulb, hitting people on the head with light bulbs and fuck them whatever, there's a thousand things I don't want from my daughter, she's a little girl, you know last, two nights ago when we went to eat at the Osteria, a mom came in, and she sat next to us and she's like I don't want to embarrass you, but my son's a big fan, you know, and we started talking, and she was very nice, very attractive mom, Italian from Jersey City, and I go you know what made you move down here, and she goes listen, when you're in Jersey City it's great for kids,

it's great, it was great for me to grow up there, she goes you become hip to the street, you become very street smart, you see it coming, she goes when I move my children down here, she goes I always wanted my children to be street smart, but she goes the street smart today is a little different, so when they were about eight I moved them down to Central New Jersey, and she goes yeah we give up a little bit on the street smart, but it's a better, they grow up better, they grow up, they grow up hidden from that street smart shit, but the quality of growing up is better, they're always busy, they don't have to fucking get on a tunnel, they don't have to get on a fucking train to go have fun, you know growing up up there, you know the city is a stone's rock for me, so it's very hard for me to tell my son Mike don't go to the city, you know after a while you're going to go fuck you, there's something over there,

and I'm not saying that my daughter's not going to get on a fucking bus and go to the city right from the corner here on Route 9, they got buses that take every ten minutes into the city and to other parts of Jersey, so don't expect me one day to be pulling my fucking hands out, because my daughter told me she was going to go to the museum in Long Branch and they got into a bus into the city, you know what, every kid does that, and if I get pissed off at her for that, I'm being a fucking hypocrite, because every kid does that, you're fucking 35 minutes away from the American metropolis, remember if New York catches a cold, the rest of the country fucking sneezes, it's just that fucking simple, and that's the way it's always fucking meant, so it's tough to talk a kid out of going into fucking New York and jumping up and down and getting fucking stabbed to death, so this is my thing, this is where I always thought,

I always thought that they had those places like Action Park and there was another place I used to go to in Tuxedo, New York, there was the quarry, there was like five or six places that we had in the greater New Jersey, New York area that you piled in a car when one of your friends became 17 and your father or grandfather gave him that station wagon, they had the family edition, the country edition, years ago, Chrysler, Chrysler Dodge, Dodge sold the minivan, but they had a minivan that was called the country, whatever package, and that's got the extra seat, that's got the air conditioner in the back, you know, when we were kids, you had no fucking air in the back, so every weekend a kid died in Jersey from being in the fucking, in the third row seatback, there was no air, that poor kid's back there yelling, help, help, I can't fucking breathe, there's ten kids in the car, they don't give a fuck,

they're like, what's wrong with your brother, you can't breathe, fuck him, we're over here playing tic-tac-toe, listen to 10CC, I'm not in love, so don't forget, so if you were in the backseat, every two weeks a kid died, when I was growing up, kids died all the fucking time, think about it, oh my god, kids died all the fucking time, you think I'm fucking kidding you, when the first, I'd listen, I could lie to you guys and tell you I was going to Action Park when I was eight and up, I went to Action Park later, when we were kids in the Northern New Jersey area, our fucking place, our go-to place was Palisade fucking amusement park, did you ever get to go to Palisade? I had the picture here, I had it somewhere, is that, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, Palisade amusement park, Palisade amusement park was on the, was in Fort Lee Cliffside up there, and it was by the rocks, where Piccolissimo was, and all those restaurants I talk about, and it had a pool that was a real wave pool, alright?

If I close my eyes, the only time I can remember from Palisade amusement park is how fucking good that vanilla ice cream cone was, holy shit, holy shit, the vanilla ice cream cone at Palisade amusement park was fucking tremendous, do you understand me? And I remember the wave pool and shit, and then that closed, when I was like six, Palisade amusement park closed down, they built condos on, that's the first time we got zapped by fucking politicians as a kid would even know it, but I'm the Palisade amusement park, it closed, they're building condos. I'm sorry to interrupt, but the joint is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy, listen, relationships take work, a lot of us will drop anything to go help somebody we care about, we'll go out of our way to treat somebody else well, but how often do we give ourselves the same treatment? I invest in myself every Monday morning with my therapy,

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and see why over 2 million people have used BetterHelp Online Therapy, including your Uncle Joey. Now, the joint is sponsored by BetterHelp, and listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com, slash ds, d-i-a-z, that's betterhelp.com, slash ds, b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p dot com, slash ds, that's better help, go take care of yourself, and now back to the joint. The only reason why I didn't get mad at those condos is because Jackie Gleason moved in there years later, so whenever you drove by, you go, that's what Palace Head of Music Park used to be, those motherfuckers put up condos, yeah, but Jackie Gleason lives in those motherfuckers, so you kind of gave him a fucking pass.

And then there was a fucking, Six Flags was in Jackson, New Jersey. I didn't really go to Six Flags until I was maybe 17, I came down here, but when I was 11, when I didn't live at home those years, when I was like in the sixth grade, and I was scared to be in my house because there were spirits in my house, I lived with a family, a Torres family, the Bookmaker family, I stayed with their youngest son. When I was a kid, see guys, I got hustles coming at you from all over, you could never say nothing bad about Uncle Joy that he didn't hustle because it was in my fucking blood. When I was in the sixth grade, I had a scam going on that I never even talked about,

I didn't fucking even remember until I moved back to Jersey. The area where I moved into was a big scam area for stolen shit. English Town, the fucking, the flea market and English Town where the fucking cars used to race, the fucking go-kart races and all that shit, we grew up on them. But I used to come down here like in the sixth grade to buy stolen sneakers at the English Town auction. I used to get limousines for the feet with your converse sneakers, the Julius Irving sneakers. They're the ones that only come in one fucking cut, they're high sneakers with a star on the side and the converse fucking whoop. This was the fucking neighborhood to come, English Town, New Jersey, right by fucking Brooklyn South, the pizza joint,

where they make the upside down fucking Sicilian, tremendous, right across from there is the English Town fucking mall. But we started going there, but there was another place down here that we used to fucking go to. I used to come down here with Jose Torres to McGuire Air Force Base. There's an Air Force Base down here and it's next to the town next to Jackson, or it could be Jackson. You can correct me on Twitter if you know this. But he had a scam going on in there, he would buy cigarettes in there and they were untaxed. So you could save like five bucks in the seventies. It's like on a Delaware.

So I started taking orders at my mother's bar and on Sundays I would go down with him and I would wait for him to go in and do his cigarette shopping and then I would go, let me borrow your pass. Why? Because I want to go in there and buy something and I would fucking go in there and get 10 cases of cigarettes myself. They didn't give a fuck how old you are. They didn't ask you for ID and then I get like 15 cases, 10 cases, $5 profit. I make 75 bucks on a fucking Saturday and he didn't even know it. I get on the, we used to take the bus down. There was like a city bus that took you down to fucking McGuire Air Force Base and back and that had to be the sixth grade.

Me and Jose Torres on fucking Saturdays then me or me and Frankie Balzano on Sundays came down here and we'll get the fucking sneakers. I've always been a fucking savage like that. But when I moved to North Bergen, every fucking weekend these motherfuckers went somewhere. They would either go to like, there was a place in Tuxedo, New York. We used to go to and I'll never forget one time I went there and I was fucking the highest fuck. I was hanging out with my boy lefty Cortina. They got to turn me on to weed in the beginning. I knew about weed.

He just made it easier for me to smoke. I went with lefty to the city. We went to cop something and we got really fucking high and I ended up going to this pool in Tuxedo, New York. If anybody remembers the name of that pool, please send me the message on Twitter or whatever. This place was huge, Mike. Huge. It looked like action park. But it was a lot less complicated.

It was just a long pool. Not an Olympic pool. I like to tell you it was an Olympic pool. No. It was just these white dudes who ever built it said just built the biggest pool in the world and they put diving boards all over and shit. When you get there as a kid, it's great. You go up there with a fucking, the town used to take us up there at first. You take your little towel with the bikini in the middle and your mom will give you a buck for that orange drinking shit.

And the town will give you a brown bag county jail lunch. And we would go up there for the day. And that was all great. But then as I started getting older, you start smoking one joint. You start smoking two joints. You start smoking three joints. You start going up there, jumping in the fucking pool and going nuts up there. And I remember the summer of 79 when I was already done with action park and I had already got my experiences with the quarry and all these other places around New Jersey.

The famous that you go to on the weekends. I went up to the sex seat on New York, like four of us, one in the car. And on the way up dog, we kept fucking puffing one joint after the other. Look, look, this is more than I had ever smoked in my life. At that time in my life, I was one of those like, Mike, this Saturday, we're going to buy a nickel bag and we're going to get seven joints and we'll smoke one of them. And we'll save six of them for the black Sabbath content. You're like, okay, that sounds like who's going to hold the six joints? I don't trust you, Joey.

Well, I'll give you three and you give me three. And then we're even then you show up in the concert night with three little skinny joints. What the fuck? You smoked in my head. I'll never forget that. We went up there and we fucking bought like a nickel bag or something and we smoked every fucking joint that bag. And then we got up there and it was hot out. It's humid.

It's fucking 90 fucking degrees out, you know, and we started playing like tag and two hand touch football. We're trying to be fucking cute. We're playing two hand touch football, whatever. And after the game, guys, I was used to being out. There was no computers in my house. We fucking grew up under the sun. You know, we were tougher fucking kids than today, but not really. And I went to get a soda at the hot dog stand, you know, like they have like a little outdoor stand.

They have hamburgers and hot dogs and shit. And I walk over there like nothing happened. I got online. You know how they have those bars where to navigate you now? Like when you go to airports, they have that shit to make you walk crooked. They already had that in 79 over there. And it was pretty much bars, you know, like they look like gymnast bars. There were just two bars next to each other and you walked up and back, you know, so there was no, no big fucking deal.

So I was hanging out on the fucking thing. I've never told anybody this shit. I'm hanging out on this thing waiting to get my soda. There's got to be 20 fucking people in front of me. And I'll never forget that it started. Like the sun was right on you. It's four in the afternoon. You're right there.

If it was 90 degrees, now it was 95. The sun's burning at you. And I'll never forget that something made me touch the railing. And I go, I remember going, ah, it's fucking hot. And then I remember the sun kind of hit me a little bit. Like I heard like birds and I grabbed onto the railing, no matter how hot it was. And my right side went out like I just fainted in the sun. And I did one of those loopy loops on the bar and just landed on my back and dog.

I had fucking people. I had people standing around me. You know, I woke up to like 20 people fucking in a circle. Like looking at me and they're like, sir, are you okay? Hey, man, are you okay? Hey, hey, North Bergen, because I must have had a North Bergen shirt on. I'll never forget them fucking shaking me, shaking me, shaking me and me, like, waking up and then going, are you all right, sir?

I'm like, hey, yeah, I'm all right. And I went to get up and I went to touch my head. And guys, I had a three inch bump coming out of my head that when I touched, I went, ah, and they're like, do you want us to call an ambulance? I'm like, ambulance, not a million fucking years. Well, you know, fuck you. And I remember walking. It was expensive.

Plus I would have to call my mother and tell her why I was in a pool up in New York state without her fucking permission. I was supposed to be down the corner at the Balzanos house. You know, I was one of those motherfuckers that, yeah, we're going to the corner. Meanwhile, we're 80 miles away. You know, and I knew she was going to come call up for me. It was Sunday. I knew she was probably going to leave to go to the track at two, you know, whatever.

So I'll never forget them fucking waking me up and going, Mr. Sir, whatever. Hey kid, you fucking, you okay? And I'm like, yeah, what happened? They're like, I don't know. You passed out. And I'm like, I passed out. And as I went to get up, I touched my head and it was like, oh, like I just spun around and landed on my head.

Thank God I didn't break my fucking head. And I remember walking back to my little towel with my friend and I'm like, what the fuck you been? I'm like, man, I fucking fainted. We got to get out of here. And they're like, Jesus Christ, it is getting hot. But that was like one of the least things that happened to me. But every weekend we would go to a different place.

And like I've said before, no disrespect to anybody. One of my dear friends, they all went swimming and he fucking drowned. Like a Pac-on or the quarry, whatever it was, God rest his soul either way. Dominic, I loved him with all my heart. I still remember him every Sunday. And like I said to you, I wish I was telling you it was a joke. No, when I moved here, one of the first weeks I moved, I moved to Jersey, August 19th. And I moved into this house September 2nd.

So like September 2nd was maybe a Monday or something like that. I think September 3rd, I actually took my daughter around the block to Jimmy. Jimmy goes, come over. The kids are out. It's a nice day. You know, my daughter had never been out of L.A. She had never played in L.A. on the street. And if she did, it was just the two minutes, you know, now she gets out of the car.

I introduced her, you know, Jimmy's son, who I loved at that. And then there's a bunch of other kids playing. You know, she gets introduced and they're playing with the ball and all this shit. The normal Jersey shit that she's never done. I was really happy in a way. But I remember Jim going, you know, come in, let them play outside. I'm going out there. I was worried.

I kept checking on and checking on and checking on. I don't know, you know, this whole new Jersey parent thing is new to me. So finally, they're out there till 6.30 at night. And then the mothers come out and ask the kids to go in for dinner. And I went and got a pizza at Carlos and I brought it to Jimmy's and Luke and we all ate. And I'll never forget that I was ready to take her home. Luke goes, no, the kids are coming back up the block. It had to be seven o'clock at night.

I had mercy out of the house since three. Now, in L.A., I would take her out before an hour and a half. I would never do this. And the mother kept texting me, Joey, where are you? Joey, dinner's set. And I'm like, they're eating dinner here. You know, they're playing. We'll get home when we get home.

She had school next to her. And I'll never forget that it was dark out. And I go, Jimmy, I got to get this girl out of here. She's not used to this shit. And I remember walking up to the street and going, where's my daughter? And looking in the middle street, first of all, Jimmy's street has no light on it. Maybe one light for the whole fucking street. And it's like a mile deep and it's all downhill.

I look up and there's every little boy in that neighborhood on a shopping cart. They're all standing around it. And there's three girls in our shopping cart. One of those girls is my fucking daughter. And I'm like, oh no. And the other girl is really cute. And she's got on like a, you know, a girl's dress and I had no idea. But she had on like Cleopatra shoes.

You know, like the boots that you strap up the sandals. And I'm like, that girl's going to lose her toe. And I'll never forget looking at them and going, mercy, be careful. And them going down the block. It was like an episode of Little Rascals when they stole the fucking cart with the mule. And they had a boxing glove next to it. Every time they pulled up at a light, they would hit the button with the boxing glove. And while he was waiting for the bus, we'll get punched in the face.

It reminded me of that fucking cart of them going downhill. And they weren't doing, they were doing like 15 miles an hour. And they were all screaming and shit. And I'm like, holy fuck. It all comes back to me now. Now this is why I know that kids are so fucked up today. This is why kids are behind the eight ball. It's not that kids don't want to have fun or not that kids aren't athletic or anything like that.

It's that they got raised under a different, a different circumstances. Kids today, my daughter, who's nine, as much as I've tried to break this, she runs around with a fucking phone at hand. Does she make any phone calls out of that phone? Not even if she wanted to. Unless she's fucking, what's the dude who invented Alexander Graham Bell? She's not going to figure out how to make a call out of that fucking phone. Trust me, she ain't that fucking smart.

But she runs around with a phone in that fucking hand. I'm trying to break that habit for them, but that's how kids are growing up today. When my daughter goes to a restaurant and we have other kids, we got to take their phones away. And these kids have phones, not to dial numbers or anything like that. They're too young. They have phones to play games on. My daughter can't live without the phone. So now she's not allowed to have it the whole week.

Only on weekends during the fucking, like I told my wife, this has to end with this phone. That's just why these kids never get to fucking play or live like we did. It's not that parents are different. It's not that kids are different. Kids still come out of a fucking snatch like any other fucking kid. Kids are born. It's like you could fucking, what's that shit when you mimic? When you, I don't know, there's own clone kids and shit now.

Kids are the same that they've always been. We just don't push them to do what we did as kids because maybe we're fucking scared or whatever. But I'll never forget her going down that fucking hill and me going, Holy shit. I just got it when I was a kid. I didn't go out to fucking play. Like we didn't go out to play marbles. We didn't go out to fucking, you know, yeah, we played like a hot peas and butter. Go get your mother and buck buck and shit like that.

Yeah, there were little games we played, but we didn't play for that. We played for keeps. We didn't go out to play and jump up and down and scare each other. We went out to die. I never thought about that till that fucking night. That's the difference between the kids today and the kids 30, 40 years ago when I was out there. The kids, I hung out with women out there to fucking die. I told you stories of us fucking robbing trains.

I told you stories of us getting chased by Chinese people. We'll use Chinese Palace and we'll use Chinese Palace and the Wing Fong. These are all dangerous fucking things. I told you about us fucking robbing the Chinese delivery dude and fucking delivering the Chinese food. This is shit you get shot for, but we didn't give a fuck. We didn't go out to be conservative and not to hurt somebody's feelings. It wasn't that we were bad kids. The focus is underlined the word kids.

What are kids supposed to do? They're supposed to have fun. They're not supposed to know about the problems of the world. They're not supposed to know about fucking politics. They're not supposed to know about anything. When I was eight, I didn't know about anything and I didn't want to know about anything. I knew about like, you know, dumb shit. I had heard of Watergate. I knew the president was fucking Nixon, but it's not like I was at the basketball courts with kids going,

what do you think of our political system? Fuck you. We were chasing Mr. Martini. We were killing rats. We were running down a fucking, you know, riverside drive and fucking, you know, getting into trouble. And that's what kids do. I can't get mad at my daughter. You want me to get mad at my, what kind of fucking dad would I be? What kind of, what kind of, I hate being a hypocrite.

One thing about me is I fucking hate being hypocritical. And trust me, at times I find myself there with little things, not things that matter. You know, the person you were 20 years ago, isn't the person you are today. The person you were 40 years ago, isn't the person you are today. So you're going to find yourself in hypocritical situations. But as a dad, I got to be honest with you. She's fucking nine. What do you want me to do to teach her to be a fucking nun?

No, no, I'm in business for her to have a great time. That's why I got on that plane. That's why I moved my family from one coast to another. What she's doing, what she did yesterday, Sunday. She wouldn't be doing that in California. A fucking sleepover with 10 kids, 10 girls, with 10 fucking girls. And then to make things fucking worse on Sunday morning, like we had to sleep over. Yeah, we got breakfast for them and we had a couple of things,

but we didn't have no fucking party for the adults. When I went over there on Sunday just to drop it on them and say hello. There was all the kids we hang out with, like the little boys that we go to their games, they were there, their parents were there, they were eating, they were happy, you know. I didn't ever had that in LA. And if we had that, it's because the celebrity was going to be there. Don't miss Sunday. Lawrence Fishburne will be there.

Who the fuck gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck if Lawrence Fishburne will be there? That's the whole thing about LA. Nobody could just have a party. Everybody had to have a party and your lure was for me to have somebody famous there. So you could come and bring your fucking stupid script or show them your fucking stupid picture, tell them your stupid fucking story, and you know, it's not going to work out for you. That isn't the case here.

We hang out with other people because we fucking dig them. There's nobody that's going to be there that could change your fucking life. That's bullshit. So the life she's living here is, and that's what I told you people, kids didn't go out to fucking play. Now they do. These kids, listen, I used to call them half a fruit case and shit. It's not their fault.

It's guys like my fault. I want my daughter to play. Do you think I want my daughter robbing trains? Do you really think that? Do you think I want my daughter knocking on doors and telling people she's selling stickers for the CYL meanwhile she's pocketing the money? You don't need that in your life. Yes, it would be kind of cute, but I don't need that from my fucking daughter.

I don't. I don't even think it's cute. It's something we did that we sold CYL stickers that were fucking hot and all that shit. And listen, I had a fabulous time. And, you know, I would want all that shit from my daughter without the criminal element. And there you go, Joey, you're being hypocritical. Yes, I am. I don't want my daughter to end up in prison like I did.

I don't want my daughter to even have those type of fucking thoughts. I wanted to have individual thoughts. So when I made that statement, it's a fucking funny joke. But here's the funny thing about that joke. I'm not lying. We didn't go up to, you know, I still remember that kid Valentine Farrow building a ramp on my fucking block going downhill. I remember having to pull him aside and go for valentine. You're not doing this on this block because you're going to fucking end up with a broken neck.

I'm looking at me going, I don't give a fuck. I'm doing this. He was one of those dudes. Valentine Farrow was the kid I used to always give my bicycles to and he'd fucking crash and fall. I swear to God, man, that's the first dude. Say what the fuck you want. My good friend John Salami is a big B of Mexico out of New Jersey, out of this area right here, Old Bridge. He loves this.

When I told him I was in this area, he was going nuts. I got to be honest with you. I think Valentine Farrow in the 70s was one of the first kids that I saw this motherfucker build one of those ramps like the Hot Wheels that you actually jumped off and then landed on another one. And that's, that's what everybody did. And that's fine. I think I even did it a couple of times. It scared the fuck out of me. It wasn't for me when you land, like everything turns around and shit.

You got to like balance yourself. That ain't for Uncle Joey. I was never fucking, I was never one of those dudes that's going to walk a tightrope, but uh, Ferney also, I also saw Ferney, not Ferney, Valentine Farrow. God, I hope he's doing well. He's a dentist, but I also saw Valentine build a ramp one time that was for him to spin around and he didn't do it on the street. We went up to the soccer field because I still remember him dragging it up the fucking woods and me going, bro, what the fuck are you doing? You're fucking nuts.

Him dragging like this. He would build it in front of his house. Him and this kid game, Michael Clemens that had fleas when we were kids. Nice kid, but he had beer. And Michael Clemens is also one of those bicycle, dead devil nerds. I saw the both of these motherfuckers go up there and build one of those things that they wanted to flip the bicycle over and they did it on the soccer field so they wouldn't get hurt. Thank God for that. But I think they did it twice and they're like, nah, we don't know how to do this.

You had to go like the professional park, like down here where it was a little bigger for BMX riding where they looped the loop and shit. But all those motherfuckers were scary as fuck growing up. And even like, I was never a dead devil. I don't, I don't need to be a dead devil. I was, I was a walking dead devil. I still remember being in the seventh grade and walking up to Carvel on 38th street on Bergen Line Avenue. It used to be next to the bottom of the barrel, this mafia restaurant. And it used to be below the Saikido school.

It was called Kung Fu school. And I still remember walking up there being like a dumb kid, like in the fucking seventh grade, the first time. Because you guys know I got left back in the second grade. So it's the second grade. I got a lot of chapters in my life. I got second grade, third grade, no, seventh grade, first time, second grade, second time. And I got before the kidnapping and after the kidnapping. So when you see those and you hear those words, always keep that in mind that that's what's going on with Uncle Joey.

What were you talking about? I don't even fucking know anymore. Who gives a fuck? What were you talking about? So, yeah, like when I was in the seventh and eighth grade, I was part of that little dead devil crew for a while. But then it wasn't for me. I'm good at jumping into pools and shit. I would jump off like a, like a...

Diving board? Yeah, oh yeah. I was the king of the diving board. But I'm also into jumping off. Like I could do one of those things from almost famous where he calls himself a god, a golden god and he jumps off the roof into the pool. I did that all the time because we used to go to like Lake Apecan and we used to go to somewhere else, the quarry. The quarry had that where you could jump. And I gotta tell you guys something that I think in the eighth grade, there was one Sunday when we went somewhere.

And I took a hit of acid with this dude Vinnie Lynch that was older than me. And I was drinking Heineken's and shit. I went home and I was so fucking drunk that I puked on myself. But when I woke up, there was a piece of gum and I always talk about the story. I had a great eight track player at the time and I had dark side of the moon on eight track. But I'm not trying to make this seem weird. When my friend Dominic died and I heard about it, you know, he drowned on a Sunday. And when he drowned, I still remember him going to that and asking me if I wanted to go.

And at that time, my mom had already died. It was the summer of 1980. I wasn't living in my house, but I still lived in the neighborhood around the corner and I would still see those guys. Those guys are still my friends. I was a little bit more spread out when my mother died. I would go uptown and stuff, but I still hung out with those guys. And one of the reasons why I didn't go with him that day was because I always knew I went to one of those little Sunday parties. At the quarry, we had to get in the car and get cases of beer and drive out there.

And then people get fucked up and people go swimming or some guy would climb a wall. It was always something dead devilish. And I remember after one of those trips, I was like, you know what? I'm not going on these anymore because I want something's going to happen. Like somebody's going to fall. I never thought of that. I would love to tell you that I knew somebody was going to die. No, I just knew that there was too many of us.

You know, it would be 1617 kids, couple girls and we would play buck buck. We would play shit like that. But you know, the diving and stuff and jumping and all that, when you add alcohol to it and you add fucking drugs to it, something's going to happen. Like somebody's going to slip and fall or something. So I never thought it would be one of my close friends. So when they came back that Sunday and told me he drowned and they had to look for the body all night. I was like, that's the last time that was when I ended my fucking games of going out to die because now I knew it was fucking possible. You know, I didn't say this joke as a fucking joke.

I meant this as real when I was growing up. The level of play, I mean, guys, I almost died twice. The night that New Jersey won the state championship, I took a hit of really strong acid that I should have never taken. And I was walking the streets one night and dog took his day. I remember a fucking car coming at me and I was so high on the acid that I just was like, look at the fucking car coming at me. And he must have been drinking or whatever because he didn't slow down. If it wasn't for a friend of mine pushing me out of the way, we wouldn't be having this fucking podcast right now. You know, I remember like stupid things.

I looked at myself and go, wow, one night I went over to Joe Lucci's house. It was his birthday this week. My birthday is the 19th. His is like the 14th or the 15th. I sent them a merry Christmas. Happy birthday on Facebook. But Joe Lucci, I went to his party once. We were going to go to a fucking concert.

And I started eating quailudes and doing bumps and drinking. It wasn't even the sun was still up. And I remember that. I remember waking up Sunday morning having puke all over me and everybody around me was passed out. I remember sitting there for an hour thinking what the fuck happened last night. And I couldn't fucking remember what the fuck happened. And I remember just getting up and sneaking out of there and getting home. That's when I was staying with the benders and somebody calling me saying, are you okay?

Fuck, we thought you died last night. We thought you, O.D., you know, I don't remember anything. They told me my fucking eyes were pinned in the back of my fucking head. And that had no color to me and that fucking, you know, it didn't look good for a minute. But that was the Joe Lucci crew. If you passed out of something, you were on your own. You know what I'm saying? It wasn't like they were going to put our towels on you.

It wasn't one of these comforting houses, you know, so I was doing some coke. I was eating some quailudes and I was drinking and I went into like I just fucking passed out, guys. And I woke up. And I remember that when I woke up that time and then people told me the next day what had happened. Then when I went to high school that Monday, a couple of people pulled me aside and said, hey, man, we were concerned about you. And that was possibly when I realized how unhappy I was with my life. Like I was trying to kill myself for my mother's death. I was doing it, but I didn't really want to do a type deal.

And that scared me and I said, fuck it for now. I'm going to have a little bit more control. I only eat two quailudes instead of four from now on. And we're still fucking here. But it's amazing how a kid's life has changed. And when I talk about a kid's life, I talk about it all over the country, but I talk about it here. You know, when I used to travel to different cities every weekend, that's the one thing I would do is, you know, drive around and go, wow, maybe this town has a neighborhood where kids are playing.

No, it's not a thing anymore. Very seldom do you have even here around the corner. Like I said, Jim's son, he's out there a couple of days a week. Maybe one day all the kids come out, but it's not how it was when I was growing up. And even over here, I have the neighbors across the street. I got the neighbors around the corner. The kids come out and all of them meet, but it's like a very weird thing. Three of them or four of them will get together.

But we really have two, three, five, seven, eight kids part of this fucking little development where I live. And if three of them or four of them get together, it's a lot. Every once in a while, oh, I hit them around. There's actually two other kids too, so that counts fucking 10. And again, I don't want my daughter to go out and die in New Jersey. You know, I'm already scared of her going down the shore. You know, Mike, I don't have to tell these people how bad the fucking that shore is down there with the under toes and the undercurrent people always fucking die down the shore. Holy shit.

Today this podcast is about dying. No, it ain't. It's about fucking just the dangers of what it is to be young and want to have fun, man. You know, sometimes things are going to go awry. I look at my life. Sometimes I'm like, fuck, I'm surprised more people didn't die with the shit we were doing, whether it was the drugs, the pills, the jumping off buildings, hitting each other with light bulbs, the fucking quailudes. I mean, I'm very thankful. You know, like when I see what happened with Kate last year, you know, how many fucking times that could have happened to me?

You know, I'm in Houston, Texas doing a weekend as a feature act and I go to a party after fucking whatever and somebody just dies and you're at the party. Now you got to give a fucking statement to the cops. Now they call the comedy club. The agent wants to talk to you about it. You have no fucking idea how much murder I got away with from how lucky I was that a lot of things could have happened. So analyze your life. Yeah, we had a good time growing up. We jumped out windows.

We robbed trains, but how fucking lucky are we really? How fucking lucky, you know, one of the things I do every morning and it's crazy that I've been doing it for a while. You guys remember when I started some other time we had Catherine Narduchian. It's something that Ari told me to start doing. And that's going to shine when say five things you're grateful for every day, you know, and then I did one better when I get up in the mornings and I grab that cup of coffee before anything fucking comes into my head. I go outside as cold as it is. I don't give a fuck how cold it is. I go outside at eight in the morning and I sit on my chair outside and get a little fucking cold air in my lungs.

It's good for your immune system. And I try to make eye contact with the sun. I mean, I try to look at the sun. I thank God for giving me another day to be a bad motherfucker. And I just, I do five things I'm grateful for. I'm grateful for Mike being in my life. I'm grateful for my daughter. I'm grateful to God for the house he gave me.

I just remind myself five things every morning and how fucking weird is it when I got the whoop watch the whoop act when you sleep at night. You're supposed to press a button and tell the watch that you're going to, that's your activity is sleep. But when you wake up the next morning, as soon as I pee in the morning, I brush my teeth. I come out. I stopped that timer and then I go get coffee. I sit outside when I finish with all that. I come downstairs. I plug my phone in and before that application for tomorrow could go process to sleep every morning.

Whoop. Ask you a couple questions. They ask you, uh, you know, did you use your sleep apnea mask? Did you use, did you sleep with a humidifier? Did you have sex last night? Did you sleep with somebody on the bed? Did you have a cat or an animal in the room when you slept with you? Think about this shit.

I've always loved sleeping in my room with an animal. I always think that you pet them, whether it's a dog or a cat, they sleep next to you and it helps you go to sleep a lot easier. It just stops your fucking day. It asks you if you use the CBD product and ask you if you stretched and asked you if you were grateful. It asks you a couple fucking really cool questions. But the question that I really couldn't believe it asked me was, did you practice being grateful today? So it kind of like you have to, I don't write down what I'm grateful for. I already say it to the universe every morning.

They ask you, you know, when I just write, I did write that I'm grateful. They ask you like 12 or 15 questions. If you write, yes, you have to explain yourself. So be careful what you're right. Yes, but I like all that shit. I like it that it's actually psychologically good to do that to say every morning what you're grateful for, even if you're in jail, even if you're missing an eye. Who gives a fuck? There's got to be, there's got to be something you're fucking grateful for.

Even when I was in my darkest fucking times, there was always something I was grateful for. So this week, you know, think about going out to play and dying. But the most important thing I want you to think about this week is what you're grateful for every day because it makes a big difference in your life. I thought Ari was playing tricks on me and fucking the geniuses at whoop fucking do it. So the geniuses at whoop and do it. That means we got to fucking do it. Anyway, that's today's motherfucking podcast on a beautiful Monday morning. I got my little Bob LaLingus double all seven night and I'm ready to fucking go.

I love you, cocksuckers. Thank you very much for listening every Monday morning and getting in fucking tune with the world. And thank you for always having my motherfucking back. You know, I love you cocksuckers with all my heart. It's going to be a great week and it's up to you to decide what hand you're going to sling dick with me. I'm using both motherfucking hands to sling with this week. I love you. Have a great week and I'll see you guys Monday the 23rd tip top.

Magoo. I think it's Julius Irving's birthday. I love you cocksuckers. Stay black. All right, you fucking savages. I want to thank you guys for watching the podcast or listening or whatever you do. And I want to thank you guys for having my back. But remember one thing.

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Tip Top Magoo. Stay Black. www.mooji.org