Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #141 | LEE SYATT | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, February 23rd.... Today we catch up with our pal, LEE SYATT! https://twitter.com/leesyatt https://instagram.com/leesyatt This podcast is ALWAYS p...resented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by CBD Lion, Liquid I.V. & Express VPN….. Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order!l Go to https://www.Liquid-IV.com Use JOEY at checkout for 25% OFF! Go to https://www.ExpressVPN.com/JOEY Get an extra 3 months on a 1 Year Package! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #LeeSyatt The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in Code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, February the 23rd. The joint is brought to you. One of my fucking favorites, Liquid IV. Listen, I know you're thinking about getting that summer body ready for beat season,
Starting point is 00:00:28 but make sure you got a little Liquid IV in that gym bag. I gotta be honest with you, they've been my sponsor for a couple months. I didn't really know what Liquid IV brought to the table till I got COVID. And now I am hooked. One stick of Liquid IV in 16 ounces of water hydrates faster than water alone or anything else. It's made with premium ingredients. Liquid IV is vegan, non-GMO, and free of gluten, dairy, and soy. And there's support in frontline workers.
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Starting point is 00:01:35 I'm going to get you 25% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use promo code Joey at checkout. You're going to love it. Start off with the grape or the cherry. That's 25% off anything you order when you order promo code Joey at liquidiv.com. Experience better hydration today at liquidiv.com. The joint is also brought to you by CBD lion. Listen, how many times I got to tell you about CBD lion? It's the best.
Starting point is 00:02:08 I'm on the tinctures and I sleep like a fucking baby. And when I need to sleep, I'll pop a couple of those CBD gummies. Oh my God, the tropical fruit ones with the metal tone in them. You'll sleep like a foot. When the alarm goes off, you'll be thinking you're in fucking Mars. CBD lion, the best CBD on the market. Go to CBD lion.com right now. Read, learn about CBD, CBN, CBY.
Starting point is 00:02:35 Press Joey, join the church and get 20% off on the best CBD on the market today. Go to CBD lion.com and press Joey and get 20% off delivered right to your motherfucking house. And the joint is also brought to you by Express VPN. You've heard me talk about how important it is to have VPN to protect your online privacy. But choosing a VPN you trust is equally as important. Now, you know, Uncle Joey only recommends what I fucking believe in. And I can say with full confidence that Express VPN is the number one on the market. Here's why.
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Starting point is 00:03:44 So protect yourself with the VPN that I use and trust Express VPN.com slash Joey today and get an extra three months for free on the one year packets at Express VPN.com slash Joey. Again, Express VPN.com slash Joey to learn more. And now without further ado, the joint is coming at you tip top McGoo. Yeah. What's happening? You bad motherfuckers. Welcome to the joint Wednesday, the 23rd of motherfucking February.
Starting point is 00:05:19 It's been a great week so far yesterday. Fucking Monday. It was like 60 fucking degrees yesterday was like 60 degrees. It rained. So it's fucking springtime in New Jersey. But don't get your fucking. Don't put your winter jackets away yet. But anyway, I'm good.
Starting point is 00:05:37 It's been a great fucking week so far. A lot of years watched that. I know a lot of you saw the video that fucking Lee posted on Saturday for my birthday. Great job. Great video. I got to tell you something. That video even shocked the fuck out of me. It really did.
Starting point is 00:05:55 Lee looked like a million fucking bucks. I have not seen him since we left LA. I'm going to see him in three weeks. I'm really fucking excited to see him. We're going to get together on a Sunday. Mike's going to come up who gets some Chinese food. You know, he'll come in like Friday night. I'll do something with him Saturday.
Starting point is 00:06:15 You know, he doesn't want to do much sleep. But it's amazing how one, I miss him. And number two, I'm really fucking proud of him. And guys, I always knew it. You know, I tell you guys a big fucking lie. I go, listen, when I got into comedy, I didn't want to be on TV or any of that stuff. I didn't. But I got to tell you something.
Starting point is 00:06:38 The only thing that made me stay there was my belief. I had a fucking strange belief that something could happen if I told my story. And it did. I was correct. But at the same time, I had a weird feeling about Lee. I knew Lee was going to do great things. It was just to get out of that fucking, we were just caught in a fucking continuing hole. And it was brought on by ourselves.
Starting point is 00:07:04 Now that I think about it, I see, you know, what we put into the church. But listen, what I put into the church and what I put into the joint is two different energies. The church, we didn't know what we were going with. We didn't know what we wanted to do. And it became bigger than we knew what to do with it. Like I, I think now how big numbers were compared to the show now. And like, listen, I'm not upset by it at all. We all have to evolve.
Starting point is 00:07:30 People move on, you know, Howard Stern wasn't going to be the king of the airways forever. That proved, you know, now it's Joe Rogan. You know, he's the king of the fucking airways. But I always understood the evolution of it. But I knew I wasn't giving up. I knew I wasn't stopping. I'll tell you one thing now. Now I feel that whatever we were going through the last two years is over with.
Starting point is 00:07:54 So now it's time to fucking go for it. You know, we've all been pretty. We've accepted things the last two years and nobody has accepted things more than I have. And guess what? I don't like what I accepted. I really don't. I accepted a lot of mediocrity and it was the best I could do at the time. And you know, my 50% is better than some people's 100%.
Starting point is 00:08:19 But my mind wasn't right and all that's behind us now. So now I'm on a fucking mission to be as good as I could be. You know, I don't know what the future is going to bring. I don't know. But I do know I'm happy. I do know that I'm joining my time here. I know that there's a lot going on in the world and I don't give a fuck about it no more. Like it's just, I'm concerned with you guys, my Patreon, my house, my wife, my kids, and that's it.
Starting point is 00:08:47 That's it. Mike, his family, the people that are close to me, you know, you can't help everybody. I'm not in a big forum anymore. Like I used to be in California. I'm in fucking New Jersey, a little fucking hellhole. And guess what? I'm enjoying it. So this week after I saw that video for Lee, I just said, you know what, man?
Starting point is 00:09:07 It was funny how many people said happy birthday to me and I appreciate all the well wishes and the happy birthdays, but I gotta tell you something. I got just as many messages for my birthday as I did about Lee. People were like, we cannot believe how good he looks. We cannot believe the twinkle in his eyes back, you know, and I lost my twinkle in my eye too. I saw some of those old church videos and yeah, we're having fun and we were laughing. But I tell you what, the twinkle in my eye was gone. I was burnt out and it's okay to be burnt out. And the hard thing about being burnt out is acknowledging it.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Acknowledging it is everything. You never really know when you're in it, you know, but all that's behind us now. You know, I'm happy that you guys are still on board watching us. Some people have moved on. I wish them all well, but we're making a fucking strong comeback here. You know, and hopefully in a while we get a fucking like I stopped looking like during the pandemic, but now I'm back on it. I'm really interested in a small studio. We could fucking smoke up and yell and scream and tell people to suck my cock and have people banging on the door.
Starting point is 00:10:18 Stop smoking weed. I miss all that shit that I do miss and we'll figure it out. But for right now, man, I got you. We had a bust out of zoom this week. I know you guys aren't big on the zooms, but I had a bus went out. And we're going to bust one out the next couple of podcasts because Uncle Joey can't do all this fucking talking on himself. I can't until we get something going here. I just can't.
Starting point is 00:10:41 But today I bring you the beauty of Mr. Lee Syat. Enjoy cocksuckers. What's up, you bad motherfucker? Look at you. How's it going, buddy? You deteriorate into nothing and shit. You think you're funny with that fucking video? The hummus got you, huh?
Starting point is 00:11:11 Oh, it was too much. You're not supposed to eat a spoonful of hummus. That doesn't make the medicine go down. That fucking spicy hummus tastes like a Hindu's fucking toes after he fucking runs two miles in fucking India with the COVID invest. With the fucking COVID there. God knows what else hummus. When was the last time you ate hummus before that? Too long.
Starting point is 00:11:34 Almost like a little bit every once in a while. And the flies stop attacking you. You see that? You have no flies around you anymore. They were trying to say there was a fly on your neck. But I was like, these motherfuckers. I think it was. I think it was.
Starting point is 00:11:46 It must have been you. They haven't been a fly since I left LA. I mean, it's the hummus like I told you. When you eat hummus, it comes out of your fucking pores as shit. What do flies like the most? Shit. Oh. You ever see a piece of shit?
Starting point is 00:12:02 Take a piece of shit. How long do the fly lands on it? Fucking two seconds. And then he whistles for his fucking friends and his family and they all attack that piece of shit. So they get down to the fucking granola bit. I forgot you used to like have flies as pets and like do science experiments on flies. Now flies don't even come around me because you're not around. See, they knew I was related to you by fucking proxy.
Starting point is 00:12:25 Even though you didn't suck my dick and I didn't suck yours, but they fucking. I can't even catch. I don't even see a fucking fly no more. I was thinking about that. I found the candy out there. My little fly paradise. You took that home. You took that from to New Jersey.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Fuck that. I worked hard on that little fucking fly getaway and shit. That's my little fly getaway. I had a pond in there, some TAC deposits and shit. I had a fucking room where they could just hang themselves like a little rope and shit. Like just, it got too much. The TAC got too much. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:13:00 And that's so crazy. What are you down now, Tarzan? 144. Jesus Christ. And what are you going for? I want to get down to 150. So that's another. I want to get down to 150.
Starting point is 00:13:15 So that's another 40 pounds. And how much walking are you still doing? Four times a week. I do about at least three miles. No shit. How long does it take you? And now 45 minutes to an hour. It's really not that bad.
Starting point is 00:13:29 It's like I do. I do it on the walk with my Patreon. We just talk and it's a. I actually like walking now. I'm never going to be a hiker or like a huge working working out person, but a little walk. It clears my mind. It's fun.
Starting point is 00:13:46 That's why I like the city more. I like being able to like, oh, I'm going to go walk to the store now in LA. You're walking and looking at dirt and homeless people. It's boring. It's funny because you used to always say that the reason why you put on so much weight in LA was beside the edibles, the weed, the hummus, the fucking, you know, the, the cheese covered fries and shit was the not walking. And I just came on a couple of months.
Starting point is 00:14:15 You know, I went back to jujitsu and I noticed that my cardio was shit again. And you know, you lift weights, you do kettlebells, you try to do everything you can. I don't even know what cardio is. And then I started reading when I joined jujitsu and then I got the COVID. I started reading those days. I had the COVID. And ever since, uh, I don't know, the last week of December, I've been walking on a treadmill. And if so, wait, are you find that a lot about yourself?
Starting point is 00:14:42 Because I never looked at walking as anything big. I did it for fucking years in New York, walked from Port Authority to 150. That's 40 fucking blocks. You know, right? That's a long fucking. That's a long, and I used to do that all the time. I was a big time walker, but I realized when I started walking again and leave, do you have a whoop watch?
Starting point is 00:15:04 I don't. I don't. You got to get a fucking whoop watch. Okay. Whatever it is a month, 30 bucks a month, whatever. I got to tell you, man, I'm learning more about myself every fucking day. And every day it's a challenge. Like you have to beat the record from yesterday.
Starting point is 00:15:20 And that's the one that tracks your workout, your sleep. It tracks everything. It tracks your workout, your sleep, which your sleep is important. It, you know, it works on your fucking vitals, your oxygen, your heart rate. You know, for me being a fucking old goat, I like it. And it works. I've never thought that when I got it, it was a friend referred it to me at Jiu Jitsu. And I got to tell you, man, you learn a lot.
Starting point is 00:15:44 Like I think I'm working out hard, but you ain't doing it yet. Right. And then you go home and put the watch on and you're like, fuck 4.4. What the fuck? And they'll tell you, you went to lift, but you did more cardio based stuff. So get back to lifting, you know, and it just really, I like to sleep on it. Like now I'm learning to fucking go to bed early. I keep my kids.
Starting point is 00:16:06 They'll tell you go to bed at 1113 and wake up at 748. He'll tell you, right? They'll tell you what you need, what your body needs, water. It's fucking pretty intense. But man, I almost got as much as I swear to Godly. And this is why I called you yesterday. I said, I got as many happy birthdays as I got. Did you see Lee?
Starting point is 00:16:29 My Facebook had a lot of messages and 10 of them were, were really happy for Lee. You know, now I heard you got a podcast with the girlfriend. It's funny. Oh yeah. We just did. We did an episode about going to Philly to eat, but I appreciate it, man. It's, um, you were always in a nice way on me about working out, eating right. And I wish, I wish I had an answer to this, but I feel, I honestly feel like every person
Starting point is 00:16:56 just has to be there because I just wasn't, I just wasn't ready, I guess, because it's just, I've been on it for 14 months and I'm not doing really anything that special. I honestly, the walking is the working out I do. I threw my back out doing kettlebells and I don't do that anymore. And I have regular meals. It's just, I got, this is the lightest I've been probably since high school and I'm just, I like it. I'm down to a 36 now.
Starting point is 00:17:31 I was, I was over 50 inch waist when I left LA. I was, I stopped at a Walmart in Arkansas or wherever the head of Walmart is and I had to buy the biggest jeans they had and they barely fit. And now I'm down to a 36 and like even Steve, Steve Simone and Jimmy Schubert, they took me walking when, when we were still in LA during COVID, we weren't walking a couple times a week. I had to sit down on the street. I hated it.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Just little changes, man. I mean, look at you. I just, like I told you yesterday, I just watched the Sopranos movie. You were so much bigger back then. You, you lost a ton of weight too, I bet. You know, it looks like I lost weight, but it's deceiving. I'm putting on weight as we fucking speak. I've gained like 10 pounds since the COVID.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Is it muscle? Do you think? I don't have a muscle in my fucking body. I'm an old fucking geezer, but I don't know what it is. You know, I, I've been eating the edibles again and some of them, like the, all the Delta eights have that sugar on them and shit. Sugar is my fucking enemy. I mean, sugar is everybody's enemy between the inflammation and the weight.
Starting point is 00:18:36 I could eat 22 fucking pork chops and not gain as much weight as I eat one for fucking donut. That's what fuck me over. It's ridiculous. Like the sugar levels and I avoided as much as you can, but let's face it, everything's got sugar in it. You avoid going out to eat a lot, but you still got to break down and go out to eat some times when you go out to eat.
Starting point is 00:18:57 You got to look at the menu and say, you know, I look at my meat intake a lot. I really take a look at my meat intake, you know, and we all as young men, people who watch this podcast, we're all fucking big time meat eaters. You know what? I'm going to tell you something. I fucking couldn't imagine a life without a fucking steak. You know, I love steak. Everybody loves steak, but for me, I eat, I eat any meat after like six o'clock at
Starting point is 00:19:23 night. It's a fucking nightmare for me. What happened? We eats a steak at lunchtime, you know, I don't know. It's just, I got to watch my meat intake and you'll see guys, you know, I went to a friend of mine. I don't mean to insult him. Heavy set dude.
Starting point is 00:19:39 Great guy. One of my best friends in Jersey keeps sending me to, and this is, I want to tell people this. He sent me to the Marlboro Dino for the hash brown skillet. How good does that sound? A hash brown fucking skillet sounds like eggs on top and stuff. Eggs and bacon. Talk, it's got eggs, hash browns till you can't eat them no more.
Starting point is 00:20:04 And it's ham, bacon. And what's the other breakfast thing people eat? Sausage. Sausage, ham breakfast sausage. They put the three eggs on top and then they cover it all with fucking cheese. Now, if we're talking, we're smoking dope and we're talking, it's a great thing. Wow, you can get that. You know, there's a bagel place, bagel world on the 520.
Starting point is 00:20:28 I fucking love them. That whole mall is gold. They got plier bowl, which is like coconut milk. Instead of a side bowl on the bottom with granola and shit. They got red tomato pie, the tomato pizza over there. It's delicious. They got a chicken place. That's delicious.
Starting point is 00:20:45 But the place I like the most over there, they got a seven seas Chinese restaurant. That's fucking tremendous. But bagel world has a sandwich league. You can't even fucking finish it. It's got two eggs, cheese, a hash brown, sausage, bacon, ham and something else for the fucking Jews. You know, and it's like this. So I looked at it and I asked the guy go, you sell a lot of these dog, a ton of them. And I didn't get the words out of my mouth.
Starting point is 00:21:16 A woman ordered two of them and then she was eating one of them. Like she was fucking, she wasn't even chubby or nothing. She was just a regular woman, a workout chick, but she ate the whole fucking thing. You know, and when you look at those dishes, when you're 22, 28, 31, when you smoke dope, those dishes are really attractive. But I went down there and I ate that thing and I had fucking diarrhea and it was good. It was a fat man dish. It was so good. It overwhelmed me like the meat was good.
Starting point is 00:21:46 The ham was good. Everything was good. I only had half of it, but it was so overwhelming. I had to run home and fucking my asshole blew up. I heard noises and bones in the fucking toilet. I would have destroyed the fuck in my tushy, but it was so weird how I made. I go, it was good. It was really good.
Starting point is 00:22:05 If you're 22, 31, you know, 29, you hung over, you got your dick sucks. He sucked all the cum out of your dick. You need some food. But it wasn't for me at 58. Like it just wasn't for me. I have you in my head, man, because I got to be honest, the last month or so, I've been sort of going back and forth. I fucked up in December. I took Christmas off and I gained 14 pounds in 14 days and I lost it all.
Starting point is 00:22:31 I got back on the thing, but I have you in my head in LA when I used to eat that shit. You used to tell me like, hey, man, if you're going to eat Chinese, wait till you go back to Boston. If you're going to go eat this, have it be worth it. I would be worth it. And that's the way I, because like even with steak, you're just talking about steak. I had steak the other night, but I could have, I know you have chicken breast with weight watchers. A chicken breast is a few, a couple hundred, few hundred calories. A steak the same size as almost a thousand calories.
Starting point is 00:23:05 It's like, is it really? Yeah, I like a steak, but is it really worth it? And that's why I know you give me shit about the ground turkey. I have it. I'm, I want to lose this last 40 pounds and then see what I can do because that's going to, I've never been able to keep it off. Lee, you lose 40 more pounds. You're going to get a fucking AIDS slash cancer victim. You know what I'm supposed to be.
Starting point is 00:23:28 All you need to do is shave your eyebrows and people will be giving you free meals and bells and whistles and fucking. You're running a race and shit. I'll take a trip to Disney World. I don't care. Drop 20 and see how you feel. Drop 20 more and see how you feel. Cause you get fucking skinny. I'm 190 right now.
Starting point is 00:23:45 I haven't been, I haven't been under 200 in a long goddamn time. Since you were a baby. I get pretty much, pretty much, I was in a diaper at 190. It's like the honeymoon is when Ralph goes, no, did you send me pictures of me when I weighed 300 pounds? And he goes, no, I never did see any of your baby pictures. Oh, that's a great fucking joke. Yeah, no, it was true, dude. I was, I was huge at the end.
Starting point is 00:24:09 I just couldn't between, I just couldn't stop. And that, and I still have it in me. Like I saw in December when I took that break, I have to really be strict with myself because I can't. If I have a cheat day or let myself go off the tracks, I fuck, I still have it. I can still eat like I used to eat. Listen, we're fucking human, man. We're humanly. And I got to be honest with you.
Starting point is 00:24:32 So you don't feel too bad about yourself fucking. I was great last year. I really was. I did as good as a job as I could. I watched my weight. I watched what I ate fucking. I had COVID Lee. And I don't know what happened and people are laughing me when they hear this story.
Starting point is 00:24:47 My daughter had a box of fucking candy upstairs. Well, I tell you, it's a box guys. I got no reason to lie to you. It's she had a crate from Halloween from Halloween. We had to break it up and get rid of it. And I don't know if it was my wife. What too much kind of thinking my wife bought too much candy, but it was just. Stacks of fucking.
Starting point is 00:25:08 What's that shit? Reese's root. Oh, baby. Okay. Reese's fucking three musketeers. A hundred thousand dollar bar. The licorice. What's it called?
Starting point is 00:25:20 The red one. The cherry. Twizzler. Twizzler and the little packs. Oh, yeah. The fucking little peanut butter cups. I would go upstairs when I had COVID and fill my pouch of my hooded sweatshirt with fucking. And I couldn't buy that's never been me.
Starting point is 00:25:37 Like hasn't me since I was, you know, 20 every once in a while. I go off to deep and leave. I tell you that was from the 23rd of fucking December every night till like the second of January. I couldn't stop. I couldn't fucking stop by midnight. I'd have to go upstairs. I just fill my. And I was picky too.
Starting point is 00:25:57 Like, yeah. Babe roots. I would fucking devour. Oh, she had those more balls. Oh, the whoppers. God damn. So I went through the same thing you went through and I ballooned from the sugar. It wasn't even I was eating ice cream or donuts.
Starting point is 00:26:13 Not illicitly. Entomans is done. Really? In Dunkin Donuts is done. I mean, why would I go get a fucking donut if it tastes like ass? If it's dry, Dunkin Donuts is done. Fucking Entomans donut. My wife just bought it a couple of weeks ago for the kids.
Starting point is 00:26:30 They were going to come over. So she got the three pack, the chocolate, the cinnamon and the white. When I opened it up, it was so skinny, the donut. Yeah, look like Tony Bondi's dick. Tony Bondi's dick dude on club 38 that had the long dick, but it was skinny. Like real skinny. Like somebody pulled on it for an hour. His brothers pulled on it.
Starting point is 00:26:48 That's what the donut looked like when I was a kid. Those donuts were thick and I got to be honest. I broke a half of the chocolate and I took a bite of fucking Entomans. My favorite. If when I was 21, my goal was to fuck the Entomans building. Like to drill a hole in it and fuck the building and then eat it to death. Cause I fucking loved it. I don't blame you, dude.
Starting point is 00:27:10 I fucking loved it. And now I can't touch one of those fucking things. I mean, the coffee cake is still God. Yeah, coffee cake. Dude, candy. When I was gone, why do you think I went to the fourth wall every night? Cause it was next to 7-eleven and I would get two chocolate things and two gummy things towards the end. It was two, three thousand calories a night just in candy.
Starting point is 00:27:35 It's not, it's just can't, that's the one thing I miss. I eat my treat now are caramel rice cakes. I eat the fuck out of caramel rice cakes. I eat seven at a time. Oh, you just get shit. Let's just land in the toilet and stand up straight like a fucking sky rise and shit. Now I know why you shit. I mean, I know you weren't eating rice cakes, but now that I eat healthy, I'm having the big, I like when it comes out of the water, it goes all the way in the hole and then comes out of the water.
Starting point is 00:28:00 I'm having some good ones now. The best is when you go to wipe your ass and your knuckles hit the shit. That's when you know you're putting some fucking inches on that fucking toilet. I've never had that happen. Oh my God. Every once a month I reach down and I get a little shit on my knuckles. I got to get up, wash one hand like a fucking, like a fucking leper. I got to wash one hand and put cologne on the finger.
Starting point is 00:28:23 I was going to ask you if you watched it. I thought you might go to your friend or go to Mike and be like, hey, smell this. No, no, no. I'm too old. If I was there, you would smell this. If an old guy comes up to you and says, smell this, you could throw him in jail now. You know what I'm saying? You can put him in jail.
Starting point is 00:28:36 Some old guy came up to me and said, smell this. What the fuck? You know, they could just throw you in fucking jail now so you can't tell nobody to smell. Pull my finger. They'll throw you in fucking jail now if you tell somebody to pull my finger like some young girl. In the old days, you're like, yeah, pull my finger. You're going to jail for two fucking years. You don't do that to mercy.
Starting point is 00:28:54 You don't fart on mercy. I let her pull my finger from time to time. I'll blow a fart and ask if she smelled it and she'll say no. You know. Oh, that's hysterical. It's amazing how big she is, dude. I talked to her on her birthday. She's like a little adult now.
Starting point is 00:29:13 It's a different fucking animal. Okay. That's so awesome. Like dog, you're more calm. You're more quiet. No, no, I'm more in shock. I'm walking around in shock. I'm walking for a building to hit me because I know she's a year away from the hormones starting.
Starting point is 00:29:31 And I know that I mean, she's already like nine going on 13. She's very mature and shit. I really I'm having a great time. Listen, I'm gonna say anything right now. I am having a very, very, very good time. And we talk at night. I talked to her yesterday. Last night I took her to kickboxing on the way back.
Starting point is 00:29:51 She's like, dad, I don't want to stay home. Fucking moms got me all bored and shit. I said, fuck it. We'll hit the six o'clock pizza party in Carlos. So I took over the Carlos. We had a good time with her friends. You know, it's, uh, I'm talking to him once. She still don't know anything about the reefer.
Starting point is 00:30:08 No, really? No, no, she doesn't know anything. She's not on YouTube all day. I thought the kids were on YouTube all day. No. Thank God. No. No, her mother fixed all the computers and shit.
Starting point is 00:30:21 So she can only see like videos are gone with the wind and shit like that. So fucking. I don't need some fucking magumba looking motherfucker with a big dick showing a big dick or nothing. She's, I gotta, you know, listen, man, it's so weird how you expect something from your children, but you also want to protect your children. I want my daughter to be street savvy, but also for right now, for right now. I got her a little fucking shaded just because she don't need that in her life. She don't need to know about this or that.
Starting point is 00:30:51 It doesn't have nothing to do with what she's going for. Our goal right now is to giggle and what do girls do? They want to have fun. Right. I have accepted it. You know, when I was 21, I didn't want no bitches to have fun. Fuck you having fun on my dime. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:31:06 But now when I have a daughter and she's fucking nine going on 10 girls just want to have fun. What am I going to do? Yeah. She's going to have plenty of that later on. Yeah. She's going to have plenty of it. She's having the best life. I could give her right now.
Starting point is 00:31:19 She's got a ton of friends. You know, last night she said to me, I don't know if I want to go to kickbox. What are the options? There's no school. You're going to sit here like a fucking dunce. What are the options? All right. Two minutes in the school.
Starting point is 00:31:32 She's giggling. She's flirting with the boys. You know, she knows all the boys there and she throws them around. It's fucking hysterical. She throws them around. Then she looks at me and giggles and winks at me like she's got a great fucking hip throw over there. So listen,
Starting point is 00:31:48 Do you still let her kick you in the leg? Yeah. From time to time, I'll have to work the leg with the little, she got new fucking shin guards. A little harder. So I gotta be careful. They're the hard, the hard plastic ones like the one I got. Right. So she hits a little harder, but it's been a fucking experience.
Starting point is 00:32:07 You know, Lee, you look at LA, LA worked out the way it was supposed to. We did everything we can and we ended at the right time. We got off the air at the right time. I think that you were ready for something new. I was ready for something new and the timing was perfect at the time. It didn't sound good. It was like, what the fuck are we going to do with our lives? But it all worked out.
Starting point is 00:32:28 I gotta be honest with you now that I've spoken to like five or six people the last week and I can tell that they're moving forward. Like people have started moving forward, whatever things they wanted to do with their business or with their lives. COVID put it on hold. They're moving forward with it now. That's it. The country's been 75% infected with time to move on.
Starting point is 00:32:53 You want to walk around with a mask? Go ahead. I also got a fucking a do-wop album. You can fucking listen to, you know what I'm saying? That's like 50 years ago right now that fucking walking around with a mask. Listen, take it off. That was three fucking, that was 20 years ago. That's what it feels like right now.
Starting point is 00:33:08 It was 20 fucking years ago. Let's move forward. It's a fucking glorified cold. You know, it's a glorified cold. This will force you to take vitamins. This will force you to eat better. This will force you to get that one hour of sleep. And this is what this break has been for.
Starting point is 00:33:24 To look at your life, get healthy. We took a two year fucking break. Now I'm ready to sling dick again. You hear a hooker? For two years you've been like, you know, taking care of your pussy, painting it, spraying it, putting CBD all in there. It's time to suck dick again and let loose. We're going to sink that man in a fucking boat.
Starting point is 00:33:42 And that's it. We're going straight to the fucking world ends now. You told me something a couple weeks ago that reminded me. You were like, you know, I don't know nothing about nothing. All I know is in all my time in LA you were the hardest fucking working guy there. And it was funny because you were a felon and a fucking piece of shit. And it's the truth. And you know what?
Starting point is 00:34:00 I've taken a two year sabbatical from fucking life because I had to. It was time. It was too much. You know, I didn't take a fucking breather. It was a 15 year run without the coke and it was time to go what the fuck happened. And that's what I've been doing the last two years is just evaluating with two weeks away from finishing the book. Oh, that's awesome.
Starting point is 00:34:22 So today we do chapter 2020. And then the next chapter is how it went down. Me leaving us deciding to close the podcast, you know, me seeing that dude get hit in the head with the fucking two by four to four by four. Me seeing the fucking white dude punch the black hooker in the face during Black Lives Matter at CVS on fucking Lancashire. I don't know if I knew about that. Yeah, I told you about that when I went to CVS that morning to get my medication and fucking
Starting point is 00:34:50 a white dude was outside talking to a black chick. I don't know what they were saying. I had no idea. I just knew he was a fat dude talking to a hot little skinny black chick attending the fucking morning. But then when I came out, they were still out there and the argument had escalated. And he kept saying, where's my wallet? Where's my wallet?
Starting point is 00:35:07 She was sucking his dick and she pickpocketed him. That's the oldest trick in the book. So when you get a blowjob from a hooky, you put your wallet in the fucking back pocket because you're sitting on it. She can't pick pocket. If you have it in the front wallet, those chicks will pick pocket. When you get your dick sucked, you're looking up at God thinking, what happened? You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:35:23 This is the best thing in the world. Why'd you make me a welder? She's sucking away. She's fucking picking. They can pick pocket. You take a 20 out and put it back in your wallet. That's how good they are. She just took the white dude's wallet and fucking, he kept saying, where's my wallet?
Starting point is 00:35:36 And as I was getting the car, he just punched her with a right, a straight right to the jaw. She dropped and she started yelling, where's my pimp? And then that motherfucking pimp started coming up on his little Mazda pack with fucking death row. He had death row in that fucking car. And that's when it was time for me to leave. I didn't even wait for the cops.
Starting point is 00:35:54 I didn't wait. I could have been a good Samaritan and helped her up. That's not my angle. They have cameras. They only got cameras at CVS and they weren't going to prosecute them anyway. Right now, if you smack somebody in LA, they'll talk you out of prosecute. That's crazy. I was going to ask you, does Mercy miss it at all?
Starting point is 00:36:10 Does she ever say, oh, I miss LA? I miss people there? Not a peep. Wow. Not a peep. Once she came here, I never forget when she first bit into the pizza and her fucking eyes. It was like somebody hit her in the head with a two by four. She's like, I'll never go back to California.
Starting point is 00:36:27 Fuck Daniels. She had one connection. She has two connections to California, a little girlfriend and she lives in Godwood. Okay. And then the other little girlfriend that they were tight with for about a year. They stayed tight on the phone and shit. Her mother was supposed to come to Cape May and call my wife and my wife waited here all week for the fucking phone, typical LA people.
Starting point is 00:36:53 My wife was very upset. She didn't, she didn't tell mercy at the family was coming because she had a funny feeling that they were going to pull a California fucking great. And that's what they did. And Mercy's really tight with that girl. Mercy really likes that girl. But I tell you something, the last two or three months, she hasn't said nothing about her.
Starting point is 00:37:13 I slipped with her name the other day. I said her name and she didn't even say no. I haven't spoken to her or nothing. She just polished right through. She's, it's, listen, I was pissed off for a fucking year. Lee, if you know anything about me, I was really pissed off because I'm Johnny social. I've been trained and being social. I've been social all my life.
Starting point is 00:37:36 And when I moved here between my wife and my daughter, they were social butterflies. Me, nobody wanted to meet me. Like I was like, fuck, you know, but then I got on the other side. I didn't want, I didn't want to create what I created. And I like, like people fucking being my friend because of comedy. I want to, I want to people to be my friend because of me. And I remember, I met a few people. I remember the neighbor across the street, the poem is he came to me like we were friends
Starting point is 00:38:04 for about two weeks talking and shit. And one day he's like, Hey man, I saw a video. Yeah. And I remember that it sucked the energy out of me. It was like, kick me in the stomach like fuck my secret is out. Yeah. I don't like to see it. Like I thought these people didn't watch comedy or they didn't know anything about podcasts,
Starting point is 00:38:23 but I didn't adjust like they did. They were out the box. They were going to parties after a week meeting people after a week. I'm sitting down. They had to drive all the way to North Bergen to talk to my friends and whatnot. Well, I mean, I was listening to you on Rogan and I think what you said made a lot of sense that, you know, you went from Jersey to Colorado to Seattle to LA, all that shit happened. And you don't have, I had a minuscule version of that happen.
Starting point is 00:38:50 And I still, like it still blows my mind that as many people watch and listen to the church as they did. I don't really understand. I understand, but I really don't. I understand that, that people all around the world for 10 years, hundreds of thousands, millions of people, whatever listen to the podcast. It doesn't really make sense to me. I still haven't really fully accepted that that happened. It's, it's, it's very funny that right now I have the joint and the numbers may be a quarter of what the church did. It doesn't bother me like I could sleep at night.
Starting point is 00:39:30 I'm okay with it because I didn't know where the church was going. We never really knew what the church was going. We just kept doing it and kept getting high and kept increasing the numbers on the edibles. You know, we didn't know where the fuck was going, but it was bank. And you look at some of those YouTube numbers, they've been stolen and they've been re fucking put up. So we don't really have a gauge on what they've done. Right. But now looking back after a year and a half and not doing it, I'm very proud of the church.
Starting point is 00:40:02 Yeah. I'm very proud of the church. When I look at the church now, it's like looking at, I love Lucy and black and white. You know, that was what a podcast was. Then we tried to, you know, do the best we can and we did the best we can. We got to a lot of people. The message was, uh, you know, the message that, and the message still continues in, in my life. That doesn't matter what happened to you.
Starting point is 00:40:29 It doesn't matter what you did. You could always create a second chance for yourself. That's what I always call the church and the joint, the second chance podcast. They're for misfits. They're for people who've been made to feel like they don't belong. And guess what? They do belong. It was like me for years, man.
Starting point is 00:40:46 And still, I still feel like I don't belong as a standup. I never felt included. And then as a human being, I never felt included. So it just ran with that. But, and I know people who listen to it feel the same way. We never been included in the big things. You know what I'm saying? And yeah, I'm friends with Joe and I'm friends with Ari and I'm friends with Bert.
Starting point is 00:41:10 But look at that Netflix special. Look at those Netflix specials and who they give them to. They have a certain clientele and I was never one of them. I was never one of them for anything. You know what I'm saying? Whether it was Chelsea. But I kept overcoming and kept pushing forward. You can't worry about what you don't accomplish.
Starting point is 00:41:28 You have to worry about what you do accomplish and what's next, you know? And I think we did that with the church. We really raised the bar on podcasting as, as because it wasn't an information podcast. Right. It was an escape podcast. Go listen. That's what I wanted to create. I didn't want people to sit there and be like, fucking, we can't miss this word because
Starting point is 00:41:51 we're going to let. No, it's an escape podcast. You put it on for an hour and a half, you smoke a joint and you take the ride with the more so like a Pink Floyd album or a Led Zeppelin album. I'm not saying I'm Jimmy Page or Robert Plant. But what I'm saying is that's what we were going for that tag along. I didn't want to go on them be smarter than you and compete with Bill Maher. You know, Bill Maher is Bill Maher.
Starting point is 00:42:17 John Oliver is John Oliver. Rogan's Rogan and where who the fuck we are. What if we were to put fake shirts on? I don't think the podcast would have done that. Well, and that when I see a podcast that's not doing well. It's like a friend of mine. I'll check it out and I'll see that those two people on that podcast or those three people or four people are each trying to be something else.
Starting point is 00:42:39 If you keep it to yourself and keep it in your world and in your lane and what you talk about, everything will be okay. I didn't go on there. Even now I don't go on here talking about vaccines, not because I don't want to compete with Rogan because I don't know anything about that shit. Reagan stays up for days reading all that shit. I don't want to read about vaccines and MRAs and, you know, but he did and he presents knowledge to you and that's great.
Starting point is 00:43:03 But even when I went on Rogan last week, it was a feel good podcast. You weren't going to learn nothing from that. Right. But I think and I don't know Rogan that well, but I think if even if Rogan didn't have the podcast, he'd probably be interested in some of that stuff. I think the church did a great job of showing who you were and we had a lot of fun, but there were some serious podcasts, but it wasn't to be serious. It was just because that's where the conversation went.
Starting point is 00:43:34 It was a window into your and my life. It was who we were for a decade in LA. You know, I love that. We kept it a hundred percent. Like they say, we keep it real 100, you know, we're keeping it 100 this shit. No, we just, I like that. We never sailed above who we were. That was very big.
Starting point is 00:44:03 And I think that was what people enjoyed from it that we weren't trying to be anybody. But still for this day, I'm not trying to be anybody. I don't give a fuck what you think of me. I'm a fucking douchebag that started cracking jokes and somebody liked them. And here we are now. I don't want to do none of that shit anymore, Lee. Really? I like to come on in and tell people, you know, like I'd like to be not honest.
Starting point is 00:44:27 Yeah, honest and go. Well, not honest. I like to be optimistic and go, yeah, you know, I'm going to get on stage by June. I have no fucking idea. I know I don't miss it at all. I spoke to somebody last night from LA from my LA days. I spoke to him for about 45 minutes. I love this guy.
Starting point is 00:44:47 You know, I love him with all my heart. It was a difficult fucking conversation. I saw what I lost when I left that way. I lost that stupid LA Chittichatta that people writing to you. I love this guy less than I almost hung up on him 10 times because it was that fucking Hollywood Chittichatta. And it was funny when I got here right away. I caught that Hollywood Chittichatta and I tried to get it out of my world. I'm like, I'm getting this.
Starting point is 00:45:19 I got to get this out of my fucking world, you know, and little by little I did. And Rogan asked me the other day, he goes, you know, you don't really, you never really like that Hollywood thing. No, no. Who likes people lying to you? Who likes people looking in your face and telling you one thing then two weeks later. I didn't like none of that shit. Right. You know, I saw the when I watched the Super Bowl, I saw that that I saw everything I had left behind.
Starting point is 00:45:44 You know, the Super Bowl is a fucking biggest event in the country and all the celebrities were there. Jennifer Lopez with those fucking stupid fucking glasses on dancing like somebody wants to see that old pussy that's been worn out. Like I said last week, she fucked everybody in that fucking employee fucking area. You know, Matt Dylan with a fucking mustache looking like Joe fucking homo. Like he's about to make a porno with six fucking gay guys in West Hollywood. And then the rock. Like here's a guy that I don't get anymore. What America you can't tell a dude does steroids.
Starting point is 00:46:19 The guy is a walking fucking contradiction. All of them are all those Hollywood guys are walking fucking contradiction. You didn't see Brad Pitt there. He was busy getting his dick sucked by eight fucking legal immigrants somewhere in Africa. He don't give a fuck. But all that shit. I left that behind. Like I didn't want no part.
Starting point is 00:46:37 That was bullshit to me. Like how aren't people seeing this shit that you've eaten more steroids and have those football players on the field and you're not even playing fucking football. And you're out there yelling and screaming. You came full circle. Go fuck yourself. I'm so sick of all that. That's what I got sick of Lee and I got sick of that shit like in 2018. Like there's nothing.
Starting point is 00:47:00 There's nothing I hated more than waiting for somebody who didn't have a podcast. Like somebody who wanted to be a guest on the show and didn't have a podcast. They were always late. You know I thought about moving into a studio up north and I'm like Mike we're going to drive an hour and this motherfucker is going to be a half hour late. And I don't even want to get that started because I'll throw people out the window now. I'm not in the mood for that shit. If they show up at all. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:24 They show up at all. It was fucking a nightmare. Even with these zooms now I'm like you talk to somebody a week later. I can't do Tuesday. I can't do well. Go fuck yourself. I called you last week. So I'll just do it myself.
Starting point is 00:47:35 I'll come on in and talk shit for a fucking hour. But I just all that shit had to disappear from my life. It had to you know everything you have to think about everything. Just fucking do it like Nike. What are we thinking about? What are you fucking Copernicus? What is there to fucking think about? They talk and they want to meet.
Starting point is 00:47:53 Get the fuck out of here. Just get on stage. Write the 10 jokes and get on fucking stage. Right. Obviously I was never anywhere close to your level of stand up. I got it. I haven't done it in a few months. I miss doing stand up.
Starting point is 00:48:07 But I've never like I wasn't doing it for a living. I was just doing it for fun. And to be honest what I miss more than actually doing stand up is I miss doing with Eric and all those guys out in LA. I miss I miss that part of it. The camaraderie of stand up is a beautiful fucking thing. Yeah. I've been in prison.
Starting point is 00:48:24 That's one thing that that beats everything by a mile. The camaraderie of comedy. It really is something. When you're all on an evening ground and you're all looking for the same. You're all wanting the same thing. There's nothing like my comedy friends and I'll never ever forget them. That's like going to fucking jail with four people. It's like going to Vietnam.
Starting point is 00:48:47 You know, it's that's the camaraderie to go out. You don't think I miss comedy. I miss the simplicity. I miss the waiting all day to do six minutes. I don't miss the professional side of comedy. Right. I miss that struggle side of comedy that but now it wouldn't be a struggle. It would just be a struggle to get new material.
Starting point is 00:49:12 You think so? Yes. I can't fucking write comedy anymore. My comedy fucking chops disintegrated. I've tried to fucking write comedy and every once in a while I come up with a fucking Jen but nah. Dude, I went to hundreds of shows with you. I remember it's either you or the priest.
Starting point is 00:49:32 We were driving down to that first album recording. He looked over at me. He said, I don't know what I'm going to say. I have nothing to say. Did one set and it went to number one on iTunes for a month. I don't know. I think you could do it. Do you miss that?
Starting point is 00:49:46 Do you miss like making people laugh? Like that laugh? Like when there's a big laugh and I didn't get that many of them? That I miss. Listen, you miss a blow job. Everybody misses a blow job. You miss a blow job. You don't miss the ear beating you catch after they suck your dick and swallow.
Starting point is 00:50:03 Now you're going to take a half hour ear beating with sperm breath. You're smelling your fucking sperm in the air and she's telling you about her life and she wants to be a star and she wants to meet Kanye West. Jesus Christ. One of those two? Is that the freeze pipe? What's one set? That's the death pipe.
Starting point is 00:50:27 You know, what are we talking about? I feel like it came to the screen about missing getting laughs, about missing comedy. I miss the laughs, but I don't miss what comes with it. I got to hear your ear beating. I got to hear your story about how you ran over your mother and you got to, you know, fucking take a picture and get a shot of bad breath in my neck with deodorant. I used to love that. I miss, I miss little, I don't miss those things.
Starting point is 00:50:58 I used to love when you would do the, the, the meet and greets and someone will put their arm around you, like on the early show and then the late show, you would come back pissed. Oh my God. You would be pissed in the green room. How would you like to go on stage smelling like a fucking onion? No, and it's not you. It's not you. It's your mind smelling like a fucking onion and dealing with it.
Starting point is 00:51:21 Number one, I never go out of my way to smell like a fucking onion. I always try to wash your armpits and your ass. My car smells like pure straight rotten fucking ass. This morning I was thinking, I got to go not blow this thing apart. I got to go armor all this blow this apart and take that little place where my asshole sits and like fucking chop it up with fucking. Yeah, you just need a new, a new seat. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:51:55 You dare enter this motherfucking house. I love it. So you're coming down in two weeks. Absolutely. Not this weekend and not the following weekend, but the weekend after that, cause Terry's leaving the weekend after that for Nashville. Okay. I'll have to, I'll tell you, my girlfriend's kid has a birthday, but I'm sure, I'm sure
Starting point is 00:52:14 to work out off the look at this at the calendar, but I can't wait to come down. Bring the fucking kid. We're going to take him skinny dipping the whole fucking thing. Yeah. Oh, you would lose their mind. These I every, I've been with her for seven months. The stuff that I see now, I can't imagine doing what you used to do when Mercy was that young. Like six in the morning.
Starting point is 00:52:36 They're running the four year old. I shaved my beard. The four year old yelled at me and said, I don't like Lee's face. Go back to your room. I don't. Yeah. Oh, she doesn't, she, she doesn't fuck around. I don't know how, I don't know how you do it, man.
Starting point is 00:52:50 That's, I'm, I'm with her a couple of days a week doing it all day, every day. And then you were going out to the store till two in the morning. Jesus. Like I said, I had to pick a fucking flag and that's why I picked the flag of my family for right now. Leave her right now. She needs me. She's at an age where she likes to come home to me.
Starting point is 00:53:12 Yeah, absolutely. She really had a hard time last Wednesday when I left for the day. She had a hard time that morning when I left. And that night when I got home, she was fucking sleeping on my chair waiting for me. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. So that whole game has changed. Um, we've all changed and I'm happy that we did what we did every month.
Starting point is 00:53:35 And I look at you with the other day when I saw that video, I can't tell you, I got to be honest. I brought a tea to my like I was very happy for you. I'm very happy for what you've done. I knew you always had it. If I would have checked on you now and you would have been heavier than when you left, I don't think I'd be talking anymore because I knew you were a month away from giving up, but you didn't give up Lee and you look great.
Starting point is 00:53:57 Thank you, man. And you got a lot of great things happening in your future. Who knows? Maybe one day when I quit the podcast, you and Michael get together and start up a fucking production company and be the two biggest motherfuckers out in the podcasting arena right now. You know, but let's do it. No, I appreciate it, man.
Starting point is 00:54:13 I, uh, I did. There was a few months where I still ate the way I did, but I thought it's been, it's come, it's crazy. It's going to be like a year and a half now, whatever it's been since we left. And it's, I appreciate it. I miss you. I miss you. I'm excited to meet Mike and all that stuff, but it's, um, because it is, it's scary.
Starting point is 00:54:33 There's a lot of people, you know, whether you lose a job, you break up, it's a scary thing. This to basically start over, but it, I don't know. It's so far. Things have turned out pretty well. Let's hope they really fucking well. Have I considered that? I tell you the name of this podcast episode is you got to hit rock bottom before you start
Starting point is 00:54:56 pointing those missiles up and you did that. You, and you didn't hit rock bottom in this professional way. You hit rock bottom as a physical way. You know, I think that just everything about LA, the only thing that made you forget about what the fuck you're doing is stuffing your goddamn face. Yeah. I had the same problem now. Like brother, it wasn't just you, you know, me and my wife only miss one thing.
Starting point is 00:55:18 Yum, yum fucking donuts. That's one thing. All three of us have come to conclusion that we do miss yum, yum fucking donuts. They're, they're pretty. There's no donuts by you. I just haven't, I can't have a donut. There's no donuts at all. Great donuts.
Starting point is 00:55:32 I'm not in search of a fucking donut. It's not like I drive around looking for a donut. I'm sure in time you do. Oh, there's a place called rock goes and Worcester that I just, I look on Instagram all day. I'll bring you someone I come and visit. It's supposed to be fucking outrageous, but I don't, oh, I love donuts. Dude, I would eat a dozen donuts in a day. I would go to yum, yum.
Starting point is 00:55:55 You, you saw that girl. No, that girl knew me at yum, yum donuts. She was great. That girl has probably gotten robbed eight times since we fucking left. They got 22 Mexicans in there now. One with a Beretta, one dressed in poncho via with the bullets across his fucking chest. Now that's the name of this podcast. Cause I think I hit rock bottom at an emotional level.
Starting point is 00:56:18 That's why I was all fucked up in the Xanax and everything. And I think that you would just lost on what, you know, you had to do, you go home at night. It was kind of a sad existence for both of us. To be honest with you, you were working a lot of hours. We both were putting in a lot of hours. We didn't even enjoy life. Now we're enjoying life on all fucking terms. So I'm happy you came on today.
Starting point is 00:56:45 Thank you for the happy birthday video. I'm happy the hummus tasted like the skin on my dick, the turtleneck. I'll bring you something. If you try a little bit, it's good. Just don't eat a whole spoonful. Fuck, I wouldn't try that shit if you put fucking pussy juice in it. You understand me? You tried ranch.
Starting point is 00:57:01 You got to try a little hummus. I tried ranch when they had the cinnamon in it. The fucking hot sauce. Yeah, Sriracha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll bring you spicy hummus. No, I don't want no spicy hummus. All right.
Starting point is 00:57:12 Take that hummus and put it on your toes and see how it sniffs. You're going to smell it and go fuck. This smells like the fucking 7-Eleven where I go to get lottery tickets. She's still playing the lottery. Fucking never win. Well, I suggest, dog, you're the fucking mush of mush. They give you the ticket ripped up. When you push the lottery, he don't even push it into the computer.
Starting point is 00:57:31 He knows it's $2 that goes straight in his pocket. I found that we placed the same bet on, I was on DraftKings when I was in Philly because it's legal there. That Cincinnati plus four was nice. That was a good bet. You like that, huh? Yeah, that was a good bet. That's the same way.
Starting point is 00:57:46 You bet it. I would have fucking, did you take the under two? No. See, I fucked up. I did the Cincinnati plus four, but the night before I did the UFC and fucking basically lost half. So I ended up winning 60 bucks. I lost my first fight in the UFC, but then I came back strong with Tia with the dude
Starting point is 00:58:03 who drinks out of the shoe. Kai Tuivase, I won that one. Yeah, that one. I got a profit boost from fucking DraftKings and then Sunday, I bet that. I lost all my props, but fucking Cincinnati and the under was strong. Representing DraftKings today, even though a lot of people ain't betting right now, you'll be back for March madness. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:21 DraftKings is fun. So we'll be back for March fucking madness. But I love you. Love you too. The countdown begins. We'll make some videos when you're down here and show these motherfuckers what it's like to eat at Empire Szechuan. Because I know that's the number one place you want to go to.
Starting point is 00:58:35 We'll get you a little gentle chow. Yes. Get you a fucking Szechuan, twice cooked pork. Yes. Delicious. We'll get a couple egg rolls, seafood dumplings. Okay. We'll get a couple sushi rolls.
Starting point is 00:58:48 We'll mix the flags against my beliefs. You don't know what it's like to eat some nice fucking twice cooked pork and inhale a nice fucking soft crab shell sushi dipped in wasabi. You feel your asshole puckering up like fucking Lindsay Lohan's fucking pussy lips. You know what I'm saying? I thought it was banned from eating sushi. You said it was too boring eating sushi. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:10 Yeah. Because you eat like shit. You eat shit. You eat California roll and two pieces of shrimp. You couldn't even die. You can't even get like a fucking sushi disease. Right. Japanese.
Starting point is 00:59:20 Remember that lady a couple weeks ago? Wait a but. Went to an oil you could eat Japanese sushi place and she fucking went to the hospital and they interviewed and she's like, I'm going back to eat again. You're fucking Jamoke that fucking standstill sushi that's been there for two hours. That's with you. But when you come here, I'm going to turn you on to some soft shell crab. Okay.
Starting point is 00:59:40 Some fucking octopus tongue. Okay. Some fucking whale fucking asshole. They have whale asshole. These Chinese people eat right here in these coasts. You know what I'm saying? Not that fucking. I'll tell you the sushi at sushi Dan was world class, bro.
Starting point is 00:59:54 It was expensive as fuck. You went in and got raped for lunch. $50 for lunch by yourself. Yeah. Fuck. My wife's going to kill me. But God damn. They have a good happy over here.
Starting point is 01:00:07 If anyone ever goes back. They do have a good happy. They got the spicy tuna. Yeah. Oh yeah. They got a nice fucking temporary. Temporary. Whatever the fuck it is.
Starting point is 01:00:17 Temporary. Yeah. That's 13 fucking weight watcher points. Oh yeah. It's fucking fried. Just a piece of shrimp. A shrimp is zero. I know.
Starting point is 01:00:25 13 fucking 14 points. So if you put a couple fucking yellow tail and some misagi, whatever the fucking Australian sauce, you're fucking over the point limit. So I had to start and it's true. They put sugar in that rice. Oh, I'm sure they do. That shit that makes it sticky is not good for you. I read that and then somebody told me about it.
Starting point is 01:00:45 So hey, what do you want from me? You know what I'm saying? We're just trying to stay alive. I love your cocksuck. I'll see you in three weeks. Not this weekend. Not the following weekend, March 4th, but the following if you can, if not, we'll do the following.
Starting point is 01:00:58 Okay. I'll let you do a podcast on Sunday. We'll take it right to Empire Szechuan. And you get in the car with mom and shoot up. I'll give you a couple ABX fucking edibles for the drive. Stop every 20 minutes to write your suicide note. I can't wait. I love you.
Starting point is 01:01:15 Stay black. Have a great day. Thank you for coming on the joint. I love you and I miss you. Love and miss you too, buddy. Thank you, Mike. Stay black. You got a Tarzan.
Starting point is 01:01:23 Hit it, Mike. Yo, we're back. I'm happy you fucking enjoyed it, man. It was great to see him. We had some great labs. You know, I could, uh, you guys see that when we're together, we get right back to it. Listen, a lot of people say to me, you know, my wife said to me whenever she goes, would you ever consider bringing it back?
Starting point is 01:01:43 I go, not in a million fucking years. You see Seinfeld bringing back his show. No. And as much as whatever I think about Seinfeld, I'll tell you, he's very smart and he knows that you can never, you know, Led Zeppelin should come back. I think they would never fucking be even a third of what they were because you can't capture lightning in a fucking bottle. Even if Kurt Cobain made a comeback today, if Kurt walked out of a fucking casket, you
Starting point is 01:02:08 think Nirvana would be jamming? Fuck no. It's, it's, it's different. It was a certain time and a place in time. Well, that was all great. I really enjoyed my open mic days. I really fucking did. And now sitting here after two years of just sitting here and thinking, Jesus Christ, the
Starting point is 01:02:27 best part of my career was my open mic. I missed that camaraderie and the, you know, I miss all that. And it wasn't comedy in a professional level that I miss by no means. I don't miss theaters and comedy clubs. I missed doing the open mice where you went and you split an order and onion rings. That was your fucking dinner. That was your dinner. That was all you need.
Starting point is 01:02:50 30 grams of protein. Fuck you. I lived on a half order of fucking onion rings. That's why I got the 450 fucking pounds. But that's what you did. And that was the beauty of it, that camaraderie. Nobody cared about being fucking on TV. Nobody cared about having a number one CD or you cared about was being funny.
Starting point is 01:03:11 That's what I ended up missing. And in time, I think that I'll miss that so much that I'll just go into open mics or something and get a fucking couple laughs and go home just as a hobbyist. I do miss that. You know, Lee asked me, do you miss it? I do miss that part of it, but I don't miss everything else that fucking comes with it. So that's where I'm at guys. I'm happy.
Starting point is 01:03:32 I hope you enjoyed the podcast this week. I'm happy we're on fucking Spotify. Oh shit. And that's it. And that's that. I love you motherfuckers. Thank you for watching this week. Have a great week.
Starting point is 01:03:44 Thank you for all the birthday wishes. And we're on motherfuckers next week. It's fucking March. So stay black. Have a great week. And I'll see you motherfuckers Monday morning. Tip Top Magoo. Love you.
Starting point is 01:04:00 All right. I want to thank Lisa. Yeah. I want to thank Mike, but most importantly, I want to thank you motherfucking savages for always having my back to join us brought to you by express VPN. Listen, you've heard me talk about how important it is to have a VPN to protect your online privacy, especially like me. You like to see creepy things, but choosing a VPN, your trust is just as important.
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Starting point is 01:06:10 What does that tell you? CBD lion.com. Press Joey and I'm going to get your 20% off to live at the house. The joint is also brought to you by a tremendous, tremendous product, liquid IV. If you're thinking about getting that summer body. Listen, make sure your gym bed has some liquid IV in it. Why? Because it's tremendous.
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Starting point is 01:08:02 I love you motherfuckers. Have a great week. And I also want to thank honor for making my brain sharp again. I love you motherfuckers. Have a great week. And I'll see you Monday the 28th tip top Magoo. Stay black. You

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