Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #146 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: March 14, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Monday, March 14th.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Better Help, Blue Chew & DraftKings….. Go to https://www.BlueChew.com Promo Code: JOEY & Try For Free! Just $5 for Shipping! Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app, and use promo code JOEY to get $200 in free bets when you spend $5... If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP(AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat  (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 1-877-770-STOP (7867) (LA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA/MI/NH/NJ/NY/OR/ PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Min. $5 deposit required. Eligibility restrictions apply. See http://draftkings.com/sportsbook for details. Better Help Online Therapy - Get 10% off your first month of online therapy at https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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21 over, restrictions do apply. This fucking party started on a Monday morning. We're going to start with you on a Monday morning. We're going to start with you on a Monday morning. We're going to start with you on a Monday morning. We're going to start with you on a Monday morning. We're going to start with you on a Monday morning. We're going to start with you on a Monday morning.

We're going to start with you on a Monday morning. We're going to start with you on a Monday morning. We're going to start with you on a Monday morning. We're going to start with you on a Monday morning. Yo, what up? Monday the 14th of March. A beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint for another fun-filled Monday morning.

Take Tatte to get your week off and fucking running. I had a great weekend leading him down because it was going to snow Saturday. He didn't want to get stuck in the snow. Hopefully that's our last fucking snow of the year. That's it, man. And listen, it didn't bother me at all. It didn't bother me whatsoever. I got to be honest with you guys.

When they talk about global warming and all this shit, I'm not a scientist. I don't know much about it, but I will tell you one thing. February's in this state used to be fucking brutal when I was growing up. January's in this state used to be fucking brutal when I was growing up. January's, I will never, ever forget January's in New York City and in New Jersey. February's used to be fucking brutal. I still remember my eighth grade year. We didn't get out of school till June 30th because it just snowed.

They had two or three weeks off. The blizzard is 78. 83 when Rago beat up the fucking dude on the bicycle. Remember, no fucking skiing on Bergenlein Avenue. You know, those snowstorms are fucking legendary. We don't get these here. We didn't get them. Yeah, so this is what tells me that the tide is shifting here.

Like again, I'm no scientist. I'm no fucking Greta, whatever that little girl's name is. Greta Van Fleet. All I'm doing here is what I see, you know. When I grew up in this fucking state, listen, yeah, I was a criminal. I did a lot of fucked up shit. But don't believe the hype. You want me to tell you what kicked me out of the state?

Humidity. I can't stand fucking humidity. I mean, I can't stand it. My fucking hardest fucking moments as a child was trying to get my dicks up. 14, 13, going to parties and shit. I would wash thoroughly. Do you understand me? Because I never wanted somebody to say, you know what, I fooled around with Joey

and his asshole smelled like a fucking goat or anything like that. So I used to bathe pretty fucking good. And I would go uptown to these parties and not walk up that two mile walk. But the time I got up there, my hair would be fucking frizzy as shit. It was like a Jew fro. What do you think you guys, why do I think I put monkey spit in my fucking hair? Does I like that? No.

Because my hair fucking blow up every goddamn day. It goes from being an afro to being a fucking, I look like Zach Dolorocha from fucking rage against the machine. It's a fucking nightmare. So by the time I get there, my balls would be sweaty. My asshole would be sweaty. I would be sweating and my hair would be all fucking over the place. And I hated it.

You know how many fucking nights I came home with my jeans drenched from sweat? I could say 10 times. One time I remember after the Palladium show with AC DC, I fucking came home. The top rim of my jeans were drenched. You could squeeze it. You could squeeze it. I wasn't jumping up and down. I wasn't running up and down fucking Kennedy Boulevard.

You know, it's just, that's how fucking hot it is, guys. But that's not, that hasn't been the fucking case at all. So whatever. I don't give a fuck. As long as it don't snow no more this year. It was what we got. Three snowstorms, four little fucking snowstorms. One was a big one, but not really.

We were fucking back through it the next hour. You know, so, but anyway, what I want to talk to you guys about was Thursday night, I went up to North Park. I went up to Cliffside Park. I went up to Rudy's. I seen my nephew, Nicky. I saw Uncle George. I saw Lisa, but I had to meet a friend of mine, my agent at Rudy's, you know.

So at first I'm like, fuck, I don't feel like taking the ride. Then I was like, fuck, yeah, let's go up there. You know, I'm not doing nothing down here. I shot up there. I got up there on time. I brought a couple of gifts for the people. I brought a nice looking little jar, ABX edibles, my man Tommy. He sees those things.

He scoops up a bowl of clam chow to the Rhode Island. If you go to Rudy's, get the Rhode Island clam chow to fuck New England, fuck Manhattan, go Rhode Island. That motherfucker will set you free. I had a heart on the whole fucking drive down from the crab meeting. God knows what else was in that fucking Rhode Island. But, you know, whenever I go, like maybe not the last three times I went up, you know, when I go to North Bergen, I just want to get the fuck out of there.

Like when I go to Cliffside Park, I eat, I relax, I laugh a little bit. And what I usually do is sometimes I'll drive through North Bergen, but sometimes I'll just take tunneling and fucking shoot on the three, whatever West, East, whatever the fuck it is, and I'm back home in an hour, 55 minutes, you know. But there's just something like I got a next couple of weeks. I got to go up there and put some flowers on my mother's grave. I got to drive her on the neighborhood, see how it's looking. Maybe some old spirits made a comeback, you know, the whole fucking deal.

But Thursday night I went up there and I'm like, you know, it's, I got there at five, we were done by seven. It was a little dark out. It hadn't gotten too dark yet. So I said, let me just take a fucking ride, you know, let me just see what's cracking in North Bergen. I went down Bergen line Avenue. I passed the fucking Burger King.

I put my dick on the fucking counter. I went down. I went down to 76, whatever, and I hooked the fuck, not even, not even. What am I saying, Joey? I hooked the right by, I don't know, 85th Street. And I went down to County Boulevard. It came out to Mareg's with the old Mareg's. It's not Mareg's no more.

Mareg's was a bar up there. So I wanted to go down 91st Street Hill and see Kurt's house. Kurt DeLorenzo's house. But you can't make a fucking left turn into fucking 88th Street. So I went down 90th, whatever, and I came up Smith Avenue. I don't even know what the streets are anymore. You know, I just drive in from what I remember. I know that you can't make a right and go down 88th Street Park anymore.

You know, so you have to come up from it, from the bottom, whatever, Grand Avenue. So I hit Grand Avenue and I fucking, I hit Grand Avenue and I popped up Kurt's. You know, for some reason, I was just saying, Kurt, like I just wanted to see, I drove by Ronnie's house, fucking the streets are fucking like midgets. I don't know how to fucking grew up there. I really don't. I really fucking don't know how I grew up there because the streets are fucking nothing. Like nothing.

I was petrified. I was going to hit a car with my rear view mirror. I mean, it's fucking scary as shit. So I make the fucking right from Grand Avenue, go back up the Kennedy Boulevard. I stopped the car and I didn't stop it like I was doing two miles an hour on the turn. And I looked at Kurt's house. It's changed this shit. I remembered fucking like 83 seen cars halfway up the corner of the fucking Kennedy Boulevard

to buy Coke from Kurt. They'd be in a fucking line like an ATM machine. Just craziness. And as I'm heading up the fucking Kennedy Boulevard, I go, Holy shit. And I looked over and there it was. Now I know it's not the same one. Like I've been there and I smelt it. It's definitely not the same one.

But I saw my rocket ship. I saw my old hotel. The outdoor when I was fucking homeless. And I got to tell you something. I looked at it guys. Like I looked and that's when it dawned on me and I had to pull over for a second. I didn't get out of my car. There was nobody at the fucking park.

I mean, it's not when we were kids. We were always at that fucking park like at seven getting our night started. So it had to be about seven o'clock. There was nobody at the park. But I just parked the car for a minute and I looked at that because I had forgotten all about the fucking rocket ship. I really did. I forgot everything to do with being homeless. We covered it in the books, but God knows that was maybe last year.

So I just pulled the car over and I just looked at that thing. And I could not believe that I slept there for about three fucking weeks in December of 84. I just couldn't believe it. I just could not fucking believe it. Let me tell you the weirdest thing that that whole reason when I was homeless and living in that rocket ship was because the family on that corner had offered me if I wanted to stay with them. They were like, listen, we're sick and tired of hearing these stories about you. Why don't you stay with us in the basement? We got the kids here and the families and you get on your feet, get a job, whatever.

But you know what? I don't even remember when I moved in with them. I think I was there a fucking month, maybe, maybe a month I was there. And a couple of nights I would go home and that's how I knew about the rocket ship because I couldn't get in. I didn't have keys. So I had to go home by two or three. There were two kids in the house, Tommy, and I would tell Tommy, leave the back door open. Sometimes he'd forget and I'd have to go to the rocket ship and just sit there until they opened up the house when the kids went to school at eight and I'd sneak in.

And, you know, who knows what my life was about that? You know, I had no fucking idea. I just know that I sat in that car for like 15 minutes and I did not feel good. I just did not feel good about myself. You know, and I was doing great that night. I was having a good time, but just that whole situation fucking killed me. And to make it worse, Friday, I was on Facebook and I saw a picture of the girl that lived in that house. That was my dear friend.

I mean, she was my dear friend. And, you know, I moved in with them. They were very nice to them to let me move in. I was going through. I was just a fucking junkie. I wasn't going through anything. I was just a fucking junkie. It was 19 fucking 84.

That shit was everywhere. You know, that shit was everywhere, guys. If you're young, you would never understand how much cocaine there was around his fucking neighbors. By 84, 85, everybody was doing coke. Your mother, your father, your aunts, your uncles, your cousins, everybody was sniffling. Everybody thought they were Tony Montana. It's such a fucking hard picket to describe, you know, like when I think about living in LA, when the weed stores really were at their peak, like right now weed stores retail, you know, people are realizing that the weed prices went up and then you got to add the taxes to it.

So people like, fuck it. I'm back to where I was. I might as well go to my dealer. I might as well go to my fucking dealer and get it. I get on the black market. It's a black market. Who the fuck knows what that even is? So it all started with that fucking hot man.

I was, I was not in a good space. You know, that's why I'm happy when Justin May Paluso came on here and we spoke about, you know, grief, you know, let me tell you something, man, that shit is worse than a fucking addiction because you don't even know when it's crawling up on you. You know, you don't even feel it. You just know you're going through some changes. And then when you hit rock bottom, you, when you, you know, do a self inventory or what the fuck is going on with you. You're like, I miss my mother. I miss my best friend.

I'm, you know, whatever the fuck it was. And I was not stable those months at all. Like I wasn't suicidal, but I also didn't want to keep doing what I was doing. I didn't deserve to live what I was doing. It was grief. It was, uh, you know, when you feel bad for yourself, self loathing, whatever it was that it was, and then the, the cocaine didn't, you know, when you're fucking unstable and then you add cocaine to the fucking mix. That's the beginning of the end. That's the beginning of the end.

When you're in that point of being unstable, I shouldn't even have been getting high. Like I shouldn't even looking back now, you know, looking back, but I will tell you something in other parts of my life. And I felt a little unstable like last year when I was going through what I was going through. That's why I don't like smoking pot. If you're going to rebuild, you got to rebuild from strength, not from fucking drugs or whatever like that. That, that was, that's my assessment of it. You know, so it was just, oh my God. And I didn't want to get out.

Like I was thinking of getting out and walking over to the rocket ship. No, that's too strong. I did that. I did that. I went up there with my daughter and my wife, five, four years ago, six years ago, and I went and touched the rocket ship. First off, I'm not going to lie to you, it's not the same rocket ship. That rocket ship was 19 fucking 83. And there had probably been that 20 years.

There was some rusty spots. There was some spots where you get caught on the fucking bolts, like your clothes. This was not a kosher rocket ship. You know what I'm saying? I wouldn't let my daughter play in that old rocket ship. This was one from like the 60s when they opened up that park. The one they had there now is just a new one. Listen, it's not even used.

That thing has probably been there for 10 years and maybe, you know, it's gotten five days of use. It's not like when we were kids and we were in that park or, you know, that whole neighborhood had a bunch of fucking kids. They hung out at that park. They started by writing the fucking things and then you go play baseball and there's a huge basketball court. Then that's the fucking park where we ended up mugging the Chinese dude. We met him delivered down to the park and we mugged the Chinese guy and we took his car and delivered Chinese food. We went to the park later on, the cops were there with the Chinese delivery driver. Oh my God.

Yeah, we made like two or three deliveries, you know, picked up like 60 bucks. We thought we were gangsters. We're driving around in the fucking guy's stolen car. Hey man, that's what it was all about back then. I'll tell you, we just made like three deliveries. Nobody went to jail. Nobody got beat up. I think we duct taped the delivery drive.

We took them out. We took them down or something like that right at 88 Street Park. Fucking hysterical guys. This is childhood shit that will never happen again because they'll throw you under the jail. For doing something like that. Fucking just taking a delivery driver out and delivering Chinese food. And even the people looking at you, we're like, why are you delivering? Where's the Chinaman?

You know what I'm saying? Where's the Chinese do with the railroad? So it was just fucking, uh, that was such a fucking horrible time. Such, you know, and I, I started going in that direction. I, and I took it right back to like LA, like I was starting to feel like it was taking me down. And I started thinking about being on stage and all that shit. How, you know, I did so many things from that point in my life, but I'm going to be as honest as I can with you. I still know it, but I was fucking homeless.

I still know it. Like you don't even want to, most people wouldn't say that. It's like being a prostitute. You know what I'm saying? Like if you're a prostitute and you meet a bunch of new people and they go like, what have you been doing the last eight years? Uh, you know, I've been a prostitute. No. I just been busy.

That's what I felt like. I just been busy. It's the truth. You're busy. I'm busy. It's, uh, I'm embarrassed about it. And I still remember it deep. Like it cuts deep in there with the prison shit.

See, I've never listened. The only way I could alleviate the pain from all that shit I'd done to myself was to make fun of it. That's the only way they listen. You're a true comedian when you can make yourself laugh in a tough situation. That's when you should really consider maybe I'll do comedy because if you could do that for yourself, could you imagine what you could do for other people? I knew that. That's one of the biggest traits of being a comedian is cracking yourself the fuck up. I love cracking myself up because the first thing I do is take whatever the fuck I just said to Mike or Lee or whoever.

And I put it in a notebook and we work from there. You work it from fucking then you take it, you write out the fucking way. But that's the true test when you're like fucking feeling down, you know, and you're like, I can make myself laugh. And that was also around the time like that was a rough fucking two months guys. And there was no fucking better help for me than like, you understand me? Like I wish fucking better help was there with me at that time while we're here. Let's read better help for you. There was no better help.

In fact, when I talk to her next Monday, I'm going to bring up this thing that I'm talking to you guys about today. Because that dog, there was no better help. There was no fucking nobody to help me out. There was nobody to fucking pain. Because remember, maybe it was in that genre from mid September to December 31 of 84. One of those weekends was when I got high, like from Thursday all the way to Sunday. And instead of going to the rocket ship, I broke into Mike Runney's house who just called me a couple of minutes ago, my brother. And he used to have like a room where we lifted weights in the basement.

It was like those glasses that you put in individually, but then you have to spin it around and the glass goes like this. Well, I figured out how to take the glasses out and climb in and I put the glasses back and shit. Then one night one of the glasses broke and I'm like, fuck. But one night I went over there and they had this dog Duke. I love fucking Duke. But when Duke didn't go out, he was shit downstairs in the back room. So when you walk down to the basement, they'd have the washing machine and they had the washing machine to dry. And then you walk straight.

There was a bathroom. There was mine and Mike's room on the left hand side. And then there was another room over there that was the weightlifting room. We put chairs and shit in there. We would dip and we had an inclined bench in there that we've made from fucking scratch like Puerto Ricans. And then in the back, back room was where the boiler was and where the dude checked the fucking meter. But back there, whenever, you know, Duke couldn't go out, he would just go back there and drop a piece of shit. There was like maybe four pieces of shit.

Duke didn't shit in the fucking basement all the time, but fucking decides to crawl into the gym and then go into the back room. So nobody would see me. They wouldn't even know I was back there. There were two old mattresses back there and I would just put them on the floor. And one night, oh my God, one night I was high for fucking three days. Yeah, it was like a Sunday night and I had been going since Thursday night, guys. Think about it. I don't know what happened on Sunday.

I do not remember. But at one point of the day, I ended up at Mike Ronnie's house after a three day fucking run. I'm fucking, I crawl through the window. Boom. I usually, I do my usual, I throw down the fucking mattress real quietly. And I'm fucked up. I don't know what I got in me. I got blow.

I got booze. I got, I don't know what type of metal and metal to do pills. You know, I'm fucked up, guys. I had already puked. It was horrible. It was the end of a three day binge. You know, you're all out of fucking dopamine, you know what I'm saying? So you're fucking just depressed.

And I'll never forget that I drew the mattress down. Like I just took the mattress from the wall and laid it down. And as I started taking my jacket, I didn't notice where I put the mattress. I took the jacket off and I folded up to use like a pillow. I threw it down and when I laid on the pillow, I opened my eyes and I was fucking just, you know, like when you lay down and you're like, ah, finally, you know, I could breathe. But when you do coke, if anybody ever done coke at the end of a coke binge is when you sit on your bed, your dick won't get hard, you know, you try jerking off.

That's not working. And then you fucking finally realized the position you put yourself in. I just don't cope for three days. I can't get hard on. I'm broke. I got $8,000. And in that last minute, you go to take a breath like, what am I going to do with my life, you know? And I'll never forget that I was like, just not feeling good.

I wasn't, I was on that mattress for about maybe 10 minutes. Just my mind was racing with all the fucking, my mind was racing with all the shit that I'd got. You know, like when this is going to end type shit going on with your brain. And I said to myself, I don't forget to say God, you know, man, I'm going to fucking sleep for a few hours and I'm going to end this. I'm going to end this. I had a cousin who jumped off the George Washington Bridge. I go fuck it. I'm going to walk to the George Washington Bridge and jump off the fucking bridge.

Let me take a nap for a few hours. Let me get my paperwork together. Let me write a will. You know, I'm going to leave my jacket to somebody. You know, that's all I had at the time and something like, all right, let me, you know, you don't say let me turn over. Like I went like this, like to turn over and I smelled something funny and maybe like this was my fucking face over here. And right here where this water was, Duke had taken a little shit that was frozen or something like it disintegrated and it came back to life. Like, I don't, you know, you ever see Michael Jackson remember the time, the video, they have like the sand and then it comes back.

Like that's what it was. Like a little mountain of sand. But as depressed as I was at that moment, when I opened up my eyes and I saw a little piece of shit. I'm like, I'm killing myself today at lunchtime. This is that, that piece of shit right there. That's the sign. I got to ice myself. I can't keep doing this to myself.

You think I'm fucking kidding you, Mike? I'm out of my mind. And I broke down. I cried a little bit. I'm like, how bad am I that after everything I'm going through, I had to actually lay down next to a piece of shit. I'm waiting to think about that when you, you know, how bad is my fucking life? You want to tell me guys? And I'm just laying there for two minutes looking at that piece of shit going, you know what, I have to jump off this fucking bridge.

That's my sign. That's my future shit. I'm going to jump off the fucking bridge. I woke up at lunchtime. I walked like halfway and I said, fuck it. Let me get a palm of sandwich and let's find the $50 bill to get this party started today. You know what I'm saying? Whatever the fuck you were thinking.

It's so quick. Like that night I had a plan. I'm going to fucking kill myself. I'm going to jump. I'm going to eat a hot dog, you know, all this shit. And I get up and it's a different fucking plan. It's the same thing like when you make a plan not to get high anymore. I'm going to stop getting high.

I'm going to stop fucking my aunt. You know, I got to, I got to move out. You know, like you're just in a fucking horrible situation in your life. Dog, I've been in those situations a fucking lot in my life. When I wrote that book, I thought about all the times I started over. Holy shit. Nobody. That's why I know how to start over.

I give you the best advice. If you call me and you say you got a warrant, a misdemeanor warrant and you're sick of living there anyway. I'll give you the whole fucking plan. A to Z for free. I know exactly where you go, how they won't find you, how to get a nice laborer's job and stand to the fucking radar till the heat blows over. Anyway, and now for a word from my sponsors over there at better help, who I fucking love. The joint is sponsored by better help online therapy. Listen, everything takes work that you're going to do.

Nothing is just you show up and it's done. A lot of us will drop anything to go fucking help somebody. I got a brother, George. Forget about it. You know, before he goes to work, no. I had to go help this guy change the flat. I had to fuck you. Go to work.

But there's people who live their life like that. But instead of taking care of themselves, like they take care of the people, they don't. We need to invest in ourselves, all right? I invest in myself. I go on exercise, therapy, acupuncture. I get my blood test fucking this morning. I got to go to a knee doctor. Better help online therapy wants to remind you to take care of the most important relationship you got,

which is the one you have with yourself. Listen, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I called a few therapists. Everybody wouldn't take me. I went on some website because I didn't know what was going on. I wanted to talk to a third party. My wife don't know everything. You know what I'm saying?

I contacted a friend of mine. She told me to go to better help and contact Dana and I'll tell you what. After like six, seven, eight weeks of talking to Dana, I feel tip top. You guys have seen the change. I feel fucking great. I did a couple of worksheets. You touch base with them. You know, you could see the appointments once a week or twice a month or whatever the hell you want to do,

whether it's hitting the gym, taking time for a haircut or even trying therapy. Your greatest asset is to invest time and effort into yourself. You understand me? So better help online therapy that offers video, phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anybody on cam if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in person therapy. And you could be matched with a therapist. You ready for this in less than 48 hours, less than two days.

Give it a try and see why over 2 million people have used better help online therapy. The joint is sponsored by better help and listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash Joey. That's betterhelp.com slash Joey. Let me tell you something. Give it a shot. Trust me, you're going to be happy you did. Everybody needs a third opinion, a second opinion to run things by and this is the way to go. Better help.

It's cheap. It's affordable. And Uncle Joey gets you a little 10% off for your first month just by using code Diaz, D-I-A-Z. So I didn't jump off the fucking bridge and I continued my little fucking onslaught of being a full-time fucking junkie. And December 12th, 1983, 84, I went to the house and they sat me down and said, listen, you've been here for a month. You haven't showed. You showed zero of wanting to do anything with your life.

I'm like, you're right. For right now, I just want to get high. I want to go out at night. That's all I want. Can you imagine that? I didn't want to work. I don't want to do nothing. I just wanted to sell a little bit of Coke and keep getting high.

That's it. I didn't care that I was homeless. You know, when you choose addiction over a home, there's a problem. Again, when you choose addiction over a fucking home, an apartment, a space, there's a fucking problem. And I had a fucking problem. But I didn't know how long I was going to ride this fucking ship to. I'm like, fuck it. I have no fucking prospects.

I got nothing in front of me. Nothing's going on. Nobody's going to hire me. My skin looked bad. I mean, I was 20, 21, 22 years old. I was in great shape, but I wasn't doing nothing with it. My mind was gone. And, you know, looking back at it now, that was the time period where that little anger started building of the things I didn't have.

I started worrying about that shit. I started building and I'm going to be honest with you. Looking back on it now, it's so weird. I went to Jiu Jitsu Friday. I went yesterday. I went Saturday too. And the guy was saying the attack begins way before you think the attack begins. You think the attack begins when you're in psych control and you're going for an American, right?

But he was saying, no, the attack starts when you start rolling your body and they don't know it, that the attack is starting. They think you're going into a choke or something. I always feel that that was the beginning. That was when I let the, that's when I turned the switch on. And the final result was me kidnapping Vella. But that's the way ahead of ourselves right now. But that's how deep and dark I had gotten. My life had never, ever been that dark.

When I think about that time period in my life, I don't feel good. You ever think of something? Right away. You don't feel good. I don't feel good because I wasn't healthy. I wasn't healthy physically, but most importantly, I wasn't there fucking mentally. I had, you know, by December of 84 guys, I had burned every bridge in my arsenal, every bridge. I maybe had Mike Ronnie, maybe three or four people that loved me and took me.

Everybody else is a little on the jaded side with me. If you know what I mean, you know, I had pissed a couple of people off and they were childhood friends. A lot of childhood friends that weren't mad at me. They would just, uh, I disappointed them. You know, and I still remember and I, I made amends with a lot of those guys. And I apologized to them for, you know, bringing shit into their lives because that's all I was at that time. I was just bringing shit into your life. If I bumped into you, Mike, guarantee in a week there was going to be something going on with you.

You were missing money. You gave me money for Coke and you never got it. Your car was missing. You know, that was what I did in people's lives. And I'm really sorry for that part of my life. But listen, we all know somebody like the guy I'm describing to you. When you look at me and you listen to my stories, you're like, Joey, that couldn't have been you. No, that was me.

That's why this road tastes so much better to me. Like this was all because I didn't, I wasn't just the guy that got myself out of the fucking prison system and became a comedian. I pulled myself out of so many different fucking holes to become there. I had to pull myself out of 20 holes just to become a human being, just to be a human being. Like I was way off fucking track as a developmental. I was gone. That was all gone. Thank God that the pieces got put together for me and eventually I made it happen.

But guys, this, this was not good for a long fucking time. You know, I went to lunch with Lisa a couple of weeks ago, right down the corner here on the nine. Went to get some sushi and we were talking. I brought it up. Do you remember me and 84? Like, I'll never forget that I went to a party, a Christmas party and I saw at the party. I was fucking homeless. I was showering and stuff and I had cocaine.

I had money, but I was pretty much homeless. And I saw at this party, you know, I love them. I had a crush on her. She was the only fucking girl. I looked at her as a meal ticket. I looked at her as a way to get me out of the mess. I was and maybe getting a part. I didn't fucking know.

I didn't know. I didn't know. I had this, you know, like when you have this mind fuck going on that you're going to sail off into the sunset. You know, this chick was motivated. She was working. She was going to school. And I saw at a party on my, you know, can I talk to you? And she's like, no, that's not a good place.

I'm with my new boyfriend. I was fucking heartbroken. That was a horrible Christmas. That was like Christmas Eve. And I remember I said to a listen, I need to talk to you, please. I kept asking and asking and asking. And she's like, okay, let's go into the bathroom and went to the bathroom. We were there for like four minutes and she just smacked me in the face and walked out like she was like, I can't do this anymore.

I don't even know who the fuck you are. You know, at that time, my, my nose is always stuffed. I always had a bloody nose. You know, I heard a story about a comedian years ago. I got to the club and they were telling me at the comedian that was dead a week before was doing coke and his nose. Yeah, he did a line during the show or something like that. I don't know. And they said that the blood was falling from his nose onto the stage.

And it was just like, you know, like fucking dog. When I heard that story, I'm like, I'll never forget when the club manager told me that this had to be years ago. Six years ago, seven years ago that I was like, ooh, I hope he's not talking about me. I mean, that never happened to me as a comic. But in 84, my nose was so bad that I would just start bleeding anywhere. And I would put a tissue in my nose and continue to talk to you like nothing happened. And then the other nose would start bleeding. Oh my God, guys, you have no idea.

There were times I wake up in the morning and I couldn't breathe. Not because of sleep apnea because between the cocaine, the cut and the fucking blood, it would collogulate in my nose. And there was just one little thing in there and I would wake up because my fucking nose was clogged from powder and blood. I've never said these things anywhere publicly before because of the shame I had. And this all came to me the other fucking night when I was just looking at that rocket ship. It was like a 15 minute, you know, like when they have a, like the longest show it has one that shows Burt Reynolds hitting me, then it shows the guys breaking into a locker, then it shows her Burt Reynolds hitting me again. I don't know what that called, montages.

Guys, it was like I'm the drive home. I was like, I got to get the fuck out of here. My mind is speeding and I had a little vapor pack. I brought buds with me for my friends and some ABX edibles, but I didn't have a joint with me or anything rolled. I had a lighter in the car, but I said, fuck it. You know, I'll, I'll figure something. I just did not. It just was not working for me.

I can't believe how much of a like for me to tell you guys that I lived in a rocket ship and all this shit. God damn that was big. I wouldn't even tell my, I wouldn't tell anybody that shit. I didn't tell my wife, then girlfriend, maybe like eight years into the relationship that I was homeless in 84 and she was like, what? Why? And I, you know, I was ashamed and I told, I told them on the church what's happening now. And people were like, what the fuck are you talking about? Man, when you sleep outside, that builds a little bit of fucking character.

Like you remember those nights. I tell you, this night I go to bed now, like maybe once a month, twice a month when I lay down and I put the sleep apnea mask on and shit. And I put the blankets on my head. I'm like, fuck. Could you imagine if I was living like by a train station, like underneath, like I had a friend that lived. He wasn't a friend, guys. He was a guy bought drugs from a New York city. He lived by when I used to work at the Sheridan 52nd Street.

He was a homeless guy. And one day he wanted to show me, we had become like friends. The guy never failed me. He was one of those street connects. They'll take you over there, get a bag for 20, but give me five bucks just to hook me up for me taking care of you. He was one of those guys. So one day he showed me where the fuck he lived. He lived by Washington Square Park.

You went down to the subway downstairs and he keep walking. And it was like when it turns black and there's no more war, he would walk back there. Thought we walked like 10 feet and you could hear mice, rats. It's exactly what you would think it would sound like. And all of a sudden he goes into a hallway and he fucking swept the floor. He put bricks on there and he put it out. I mean, it took him like a month to sport bastard, but he lived underneath the train station somewhere in New York City. And he goes down more.

There was like fucking caves where there were 30 homeless people. They kill pigs and dogs in there. They eat them. They don't come out of the fucking tunnels. Oh yeah. That's some creepy fucking shit in the New York City train. There's people at the dog. He said that there's times when they catch cold.

He wouldn't live, leave that thing for two or three days. He had a little bottle of piss. He had a little toilet and makeshift like a spackle bucket. He had one of those. I got a hand at the people like that. They're crafty. He had pictures up of his family. He had like those lights that you take camping that you fill up with gas or whatever the fuck.

He had it all. He took showers at some church when he wanted to take a shower or something like that. And listen, being homeless ain't that bad. It sucked for me. I didn't have my shit together. I didn't have no pictures of my relatives or fucking a blanket or none of that shit. It's a jacket dog. It's a fucking jacket.

I would buy like a fucking pint of vodka and go to the bar and put vodka in the orange juice like the puke that I am, you know. And I would save like three fingers of it. So when I got back to the fucking whatever, that's what I would drink before I go to sleep. When you're outside. No, I would sip on it all night. I've never drank vodka again since then. It just reminds me it's a fucking ugly memory of the. They weren't screwdrivers.

I didn't have money for harvest juice. It was an unscrewed driver jack. Wait, I think I was homeless, but I had money for harvest juice. I was in the fucking my little rocket ship making cocktails like Tom Cruise and shit. Get the fuck out of here. I was living it rough, man. I only won't know what the fuck happened that year. Like I just I went up to my base of operations then was the Midtown lounge.

It was Sharples is joint. And yeah, you go up there, you could put lunch on the arm. You could put we ran a tab for alcohol. So, you know, I would go up there, eat, have a couple of fucking sodas, put it on my tab, sell some coke, pay the tab off. It's a fucking horrible life. But I got to tell you something. It was working. I was just doing this every day and I had no idea what my next move was.

At this time, I owed my Godfather money. He was looking for me. I owed some Cubans money in West New York. Oh my God, I was a fucking mess. But all I did every day then was fucking wake up at the fucking rocket ship. I would walk either the either Curt DeLorenzo's or Mike Runnies. I would try to get something to eat at Kurt's and then go to Mike Runnies, his mother and his father went home so I could take a shower in the daytime. His mother was a cop.

So sometimes she stopped at the house. I never bumped into I think one time I was leaving and she was coming in. What are you doing here? I came to leave something for Mike. Nobody knew my secret life. I would just walk down, walk down the park down the Grand Avenue. I would go to Kurt's, maybe steal one of Kurt's wrestling shirts or something like that. Just a different t-shirt to put on.

Just so I wouldn't, I'd have like a change of clothes and mics. I'd walk to Mike Runnies, take a shower there. And then I'd go to Hashways. I put like a semi breakfast on the tab. Mrs. Hashway loved me. And then I'd walk to the Midtown Lounge and wait for the day to pop open. Who needs a pound of weed? Who needs a gram of coke?

Who needs an eight ball? Who needs 10 heads of masculine? That was my job. And usually by one o'clock somebody will walk in looking for something. And me and my fucking buddies would help them out, an eight ball, whatever. And then we'd start from there. We got a half gram off the top. That's 50 bucks.

What are we going to do? Let's sell the half gram. Let's borrow 100 from with it. You know, it was just getting eight balls and selling them. I was just making enough to break even. And if there were days that I made enough to break even, I would get a hotel room for a night. And I would go there like at 12, take a tremendous shower, sleep.

I'd get a late check out. You know, I'd stay off the street as much as I could, every minute that I could. And one day I went down to the Midtown Lounge. It was like the 26th of December. I had nothing going on. I don't even know what I was waiting for, guys. I was just waiting for something to happen. I didn't know what.

I just knew something was going to happen. I fucking was at the Midtown Lounge one day and I would just went outside to get some mail, you know. And I remember in those times, that's the only places I went in the daytime with bars. I was either at the Midtown Lounge 90% of the time. Or if I did something bad for a few days, I would go to Corkies and hide for three or four days. And then I'd go back to the Midtown Lounge. And one afternoon I'm in front of the Midtown Lounge, minding my own business, just looking at the traffic on Kennedy fucking Boulevard. And one of my teachers was driving by and he beeped on at me.

And I was so happy to see him. Like I hadn't seen him in like a year or so. And he came out of his car and he's like, look at you. We fucking hugged and shit. What's going on, Mr. T? After the whole thing, he looked at me. He's like, bro, you don't look good. And I broke down.

I go, Mr. T, I'm not good. I can't stop snorting. I can't stop being a piece of shit. I need a break. I got to get something. I need something. I need, I don't know, I need a overall. I need an apartment.

I need money. I need a car. I need a bicycle. I need clothes. I need fucking to rest. I need to get my head together. At that time, I needed a lot of fucking things, guys, you know. And he's like, listen, man, I've been clean for a while now.

I'm involved with the AA and stuff. There was no NA back then. I don't know what the fuck there was back then. He goes, I know a lot of people in AA. They probably get you into rehab and get you some money or get you into a detox and get you a little money. They'll put you on a program and stuff, maybe a halfway house to get on your feet. And at that point, I would say yes to anything.

I was like, let's do it. And he goes, take my number, five, six, eight, nine, four, five, seven. We're fucking thinking of dealing with guys 40 years later. And I said, listen, I'm going to get my shit together. I was planning to somebody was how to go down everything. I had been fucking just spinning my wheels for the last 60, 60 days. Something had to go down. And at that point, like I said, this, that was the beginning of my criminal real

criminality when I had it like somebody needs to fucking step up. I'm going to need to fucking mug somebody with guns. And I'm not talking about 3000 bucks. I got to go in there fucking heavy. I ain't got time to fuck around with these people. So I fucking told him, I call him in a few days. He says, you'll get me in. He says, I'm going to go to my mother's house and get on the phone right now and

start getting you a detox or whatever I could get you. And I said, let's go for New Year's Day 1985. He goes, okay, I'll be around. So at this point, I had started fucking slinging code for this kid. But he had his eye on me. This motherfucker was slick, smart. And I could get nowhere with him. I had been working with him like maybe 60, 30 days.

And this motherfucker knew my angles from all directions. But I knew eventually he was going to open up. You know what I'm saying? It's just like you get to you going for the Kamara, the guy straightens his arm out, switch it around and go for the choke. Now he raises his arm and you got his arm right there. To slam it down. So I knew, I knew eventually I would catch this guy off guard.

And sure enough, the opportunity came New Year's Eve. He goes, I'm going to be in the city hanging out all night. What I'm going to do is just give you a couple of ounces. You don't have to keep calling me. And I'll square up with you first thing fucking New Year's Day in the morning. I said, fine. He fucking gave me a couple of bags. We sold them.

New Year's Eve came. He gave me a couple of ounces. I did everything perfectly. And I had my fucking day planned to fuck out. I was going to sell all the fucking Coke pocket the money. Joel was supposed to pick me up that morning at Tunnelly Avenue, the hotel. That wasn't happening. I was going to fucking leave before he even fucking knew what the hell was going on.

I called Mr. T. I told him I was getting everything ready. He said he had spoken to the people at the rehab. And they couldn't get me in. But the people at the detox could get me in. And that was a 30 day detox. So I'm in a hotel for 30 days. It's going to be beautiful.

I could detox. They'll give me food. I could get a phone, make some call. They put a couple of dollars together. I was fucking psyched. New Year's Eve came. My man came through, gave me a couple fucking OZs. I sold and snorted every fucking last drop of that motherfucker.

Because you know how Uncle Joey's a fucking fiend? I slept maybe an hour. And I called Mr. T. And I said, pick me to fuck up at the Tip Top Hotel on Tunnelly fucking Avenue. That's the name of it. TikTok or Tip Top? I don't fucking know. It's disgusting in this hotel.

Disgusting. When you lay on the bed, even if they have sheets on, you can smell sperm. I mean, they have a jacuzzi tub. I rented it one night for like the small 60 bucks. Oh my God. You know how you ever see a jacuzzi? Like the foam goes around the sides with the bubbles. And you have to like scrape the bubbles from the wall.

That was mixed with sperm. So when you hit the bubbles, it was just got dark. I wasn't even fucking. And those hotels are still there today. The same hotels. There's one on 91st and Tunnelly Avenue. And that one I was talking about, the Tip Top, whatever the fucking is, that's still there. Disgusting.

That's why I got my fungi. Don't help them. No showers, no dirty hotel rooms. That's why I got my fucking shit. But dawg, I never, ever, ever thought I was going to get myself out of that hole. In fact, when Mr. T came to pick me up, when I got into Mr. T's car and slammed the fucking car, as I looked up and put the seatbelt on, Joelle was driving into the hotel. He had just called.

Like I woke up that morning, called T and said, T, come get me. He goes, we got a snow storm. It's going to be about an hour. And all of a sudden I'm packed. I'm ready to go. And the phone rings. It's Joelle.

What's up, Joelle? Listen, I'll be down at about an hour. I'm like, fuck. If Joelle shows before T, I won't have any money to leave. I put together like maybe four or five grand, a couple fucking grand. Yeah, yeah. I had it down, Jack. Wow.

I just got bad news. My sister passed away in Cuba yesterday at 6 p.m. Are you serious? Yeah, they had only given her a week. I'm so sorry. Yeah, they had only given her a week. Yeah, they called me. That's not good, guys.

It happens, guys. It's weird, too, because when, before I got the call from my niece to tell me my sister was sick, for some reason, I just kept thinking about my mother. Like, it was just like I couldn't shake it. You know, I'm like, fuck, what the... And then I got the text last week and I'm going to tell you what the fucking saddest thing in the world is. I couldn't get a calling card all week. I went to every fucking gas station.

I went to Wawa. I went to the gas station up the corner. I went to a liquor store. I couldn't get a fucking calling card. So, what are you going to do, guys? It's just another fucking day and her birthday is... She would have been... Her birthday is Sunday, the 20th.

My birthday is February 19th. Her birthday is March 19th. We were born a month, a fucking part. Well, this is a Monday morning fucking podcast, motherfuckers. We ended with a death. That's the way to really fucking end the podcast. No. But my message today on a Monday morning was,

if I got myself out of the mess I was in, that was a fucking 10 month curse. If I would have... It was deep, guys. I needed a lot to shake that off. It took me maybe a year to get on my fucking feet. I mean, I got on my feet in like six months financial. I didn't get high anymore.

I didn't get high for about two years. I did pretty fucking good. Like I said to you guys, that little homeless, that little step we talked about today, it's deep in my fucking soul. I never wanted to go back there. I don't mind going to a couple places. You never know.

I might clock some guy in the head with a pipe in two years and go to jail for fucking life. You never know. But I know one thing for sure. I don't ever want to be homeless. I don't ever not want to have a dime in the bank or any security whatsoever. I remember the jacket I had.

Somebody bought it for me. A friend of mine goes, you have winter jacket? I don't know. He goes, come on, let's go down the fucking slush and just buy you a winter jacket. I'm embarrassing it. And then they got into a fight.

Two nights later they got ripped. So the fucking jacket, that whole winter when I was homeless, I was walking around with a winter jacket. And the whole fucking hood was ripped. We got into a fist fight and they were holding us back. So my message is if I got myself out of that fucking hole and there was no plan, there was no goals back then. There was no notebook that was like,

well, let's take me six months. There was nothing. It was just me against the motherfucking world. And I think till this day, me getting out of that was my strength. I always knew if I got myself out of that one, I'd get myself out of anything ever. Anything.

Anything they threw at me. And till this day, like the prison sentence I got, me getting divorced and the situation with my daughter, this situation I told you about, these were the stories that defined who I was, guys. And it's so weird to think that these, I never knew that that homeless thing had affected me so much until Thursday night, basically 39 fucking years later.

I didn't know that it pissed me off. And even though I didn't have parents, I didn't have, I had good friends, but I had let them all down. I had let everybody down at that time. But who gave a fuck about that? I had let down the most important person in my world, which was me.

And I never wanted to be there again. Ever. If you're in this position right now in your life, if you're struggling and you think it's that fucking far away from you to get healthy, I'm here to tell you, you're wrong. It's right around the fucking corner. Because if I got myself healthy from that in 85, 84, guys, I never thought I was going to recover from that.

You heard me. I didn't know what my next move was. I had nothing coming in. There was no way I could get a job. I had three pair of pants, two T-shirts and a winter jacket or something. And I barely had that. It was just a bad fucking time in my life.

And when I look at those situations, these situations taste that much better. And yeah, Joey, what are you worried about? It happened a long time ago. Nobody remembers. I remember motherfuckers. And that's the most important person. There's a lot of things I don't remember.

I keep those memories really close to me, but this one from Thursday night, I'm going to keep even closer. Because I never wanted to end up in that place again. And it wasn't even sleeping on the rocket ship when they had shit. It was what was going on in my life and around me. I never want that confusion again.

I'll stick with the fucking weed and we'll all be fucking happy forever. Laughing gases and stock cock suckers. The NCAA finals are here. And it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Thank you for watching the joint. Thank you for listening to my ear beating. We got a tremendous guest on Wednesday

and we'll be ready to rock. I love you motherfuckers. Stay black. Have a great day. I'll see you cocksuckers Wednesday morning. Tip top magoo. I love you Spotify. All right, you bad motherfuckers.

I want to thank you for listening today, for having my back and always supporting me, whether it's here, the Patreon, laughing gases and stock rainbow ruts, white truffle and the cocoa killing motherfuckers. But anyway, let's start the party off with the joint is brought to you by DraftKings. Listen, this weekend is the NCAA basketball tournament.

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