Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #148 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Monday, March 21st.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Manscaped & Liquid I.V.…. Manscaped  Get 20% off plus free shipping with the code DIAZ at https://manscaped.com Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH Liquid IV Support the show and get 25% off at https://Liquid-IV.com by using code JOEY at checkout. Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #RodneyDangerfield The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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I love you. Thank you. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here on a tip top Magood Monday fucking morning. Great weekend. Great fucking. It's starting to get warm out. All you fucking penguins get back in your caves cocksuckers.

I don't want to see your spring is in the fucking air. Great weekend. You know, I had a good week last week. I worked. Woo. I did a documentary on Rodney Dangerfield. Rick Rubin's putting something together. I gotta tell you, it was fucking mind blowing.

It really was. I'm a big Rodney fan. When I got the call five months ago, they were like, Joey, you know, we want to know what you know about Rodney. I'm like, fuck, what don't I know about Rodney? I studied that motherfucker like a savage, you know, like I read as much as I could about Rodney. When I was growing up, like not growing up as, uh, as I was coming up in comedy, Rodney was. I loved Richard Pry growing up, right? No, there was no argument there.

But when I saw fucking Rodney walk out on that little short walk on a caddy shack and he comes out shaking and he tells the line in that was when he told the guy Ted Knight's wife. That fucking his wife could have been something before electricity. Like his wife must have been something before electricity. But he said it so very like, like he just looked at it and he goes, look at your wife. She must have been something before electricity and all this shit. I fucking lost everything I had when he said that that whole style over fucking ran me. When I first saw Rodney, I thought he was one of the guys that hung out at my mother's bar. Like, I'm like, this is one of these fucking savages.

God damn my mom's dead. I got to figure out what this guy's name like. I knew him like everybody fucking knew Rodney and it was all us young kids. It was a bunch of fucking 16 year olds and shit that were fucking Rodney crazy. Everybody's jumping up and down over lover boy and all these fucking young guys. And we're like fucking Rodney is King people. Like he's an old man, but that old man has fucking fled to a man. I was my first experience with him.

And it's not like you could have run home and go on a computer and see who the fuck that guy was. Like nobody knew we kept who's that old guy? Who's that old guy? And then somebody says a comedian. His name is Rodney Dangerfield and I was off and running. I was off and fucking running when I saw him. You know, listen, comedy was not even in my fucking thoughts. The only thing was in my thoughts at that time were eight balls.

That was all I thought about. There wasn't futures. I didn't think about all I thought about was going to Columbia buying the biggest rock of coke and snorting it till I died. Like sending a postcard back with me petting like a coke rock. Guys, I wish I was fucking lying to you. Those are my expectations at the age of fucking 20. Yeah, my fucking rock. That's all I wanted.

I wanted to go to Columbia and take a picture with a big coke rock and send it to the States. That was this fucking. That was my loser goal in life. So when you guys analyze your goals and go fuck, I got to switch it up a little bit. Think of your uncle Joey and his biggest goal at 21. And at this time I didn't write goals. I didn't have goals. I didn't know what a fucking goal was.

I just thought you woke up in the morning, you stabbed somebody, you took that money and you lived that life. There was no goals. There was nothing like that. So I see this fucking old man and I'm like, what the fuck? So, you know, I graduated high school. Well, I quit high school the whole fucking deal. I go to Colorado and I don't know what I went to see. I went to this movie theater in Aspen.

They only opened up like on Fridays and Saturdays and I went up there to see something. I can't fucking remember. And I saw the trailer for Easy Money and I lost my fucking mind. I'm like, that old guy is coming out with another movie. By now I know who he was. I had seen him on The Tonight Show. There was one set. He done The Tonight Show because for people don't know the Rodney story.

I'm going to give it to you in a fucking Puerto Rican note. Okay. It's basically the guy was doing stand up. He did a couple things and then he dropped out of the scene. He took a couple of years off to work. He was an aluminum siding salesman. This was the beauty about Rodney Dangerfield, but he kept writing all those years that he was working. He kept writing jokes, writing jokes, writing jokes.

So by the time this motherfucker got back on stage, I don't know. I don't know how many notebooks he had. He had like four fucking notebooks filled with those one liners. So when he got that little spotlight from Caddyshack, he started doing The Tonight Show. You know, like religiously, like every three months, the way I was doing Rogan, you know. And I got to tell you something. Every time he would go on it, he would be funnier and fucking funnier. That was the secret that he had four fucking notebooks filled with jokes ready to unleash on the fucking world.

And every time he had a performance, the sets were better. So you're like, this guy didn't tell, this guy did not repeat a fucking joke. He had hours of those. I'm ugly. You know, when I was so, when I was a kid, I was so ugly. When we played trick or treat, nobody came looking for me. All that shit, you know, all that, all that shit. He had hours of that shit in his book, you know, in his notebooks.

So when he came back, he was strong and a fucking whip. You know, when he did Caddyshack, he wanted to quit. Listen, everything I do is to learn. Like when I got analyzed that for some people, like, oh, Joey, that's great. You know, the movie sucked. But I did got that movie for one reason. I wanted to talk to Harold Ramis. I just wanted to talk to Harold Ramis.

That's it. I didn't care about De Niro. I didn't care about Anthony Lampoglia. I don't give a fuck. I wanted to talk to Harold Ramis. And I read years later before, like in between the Ramis stuff, I've always caught up on Rodney. You know, whenever they do like a show on Rodney on TV, I watch it.

There's nights that I would just go on a computer and go down a Rodney hole. You know, and he was such an inspiration to me. But when Easy Money came out, guys, it changed everything. It changed everything. I used to go to move. I'm a movie buff. I went to the movies every week, twice a week minimum for fucking years. Old movies, new movies, $2 movies.

I didn't give a fuck. That was my escape as a child to go into a fucking movie. And all my years, guys, you've heard all my stories about the longest yard, the cinema and Union City fucking office and the gentlemen in Harlem, you know, enter the dragon, the exorcist, all those fucking movies I went to. I swear to God. I swear to God. I never heard a person crack open a fucking beer.

And all those years and all those movie theaters on Sunday nights in 1981, we used to go to a porno place, a porno theater somewhere like in Teaneck, New Jersey. And we would just go out there to fucking beat people up and have a good time. But even in a porno theater, I never heard nobody drinking beer. My point is, I'll never forget going to Easy Money and like my friend going, you know, we're going to stop and get an eight pack. And I'm like, how are we going to fucking, you know, smuggle an eight pack in the movie theater? It's fucking July or something.

Like it was hot. He goes, we're going to put it on shorts and underwear. And we went into this fucking movie theater and I'm like really quiet trying to beat. Like I was a savage back then, but I didn't want to get thrown out of Rodney Dangerfield movie. So I'm just hitting the beers real light and I'm drinking from him. And I'm not a drinker, but within minutes, everybody who was drinking, put their beer bottles down and let them roll down the movie theater. So somebody started with that shit right about like 10 minutes into the movie.

Somebody let a bottle roll down the thing and you know what a beer bottle is. Nobody's going to sneak at you into the fucking movie theater. You know what I'm saying? Like a glass view. These motherfuckers and after that, all you heard was like a war. You ever hear like when they have like a World War War on like TV, you hear like all these bomb. That's what you heard after that. Like once one guy let the beer bottle go, everybody, you heard it every fucking five minutes.

The beer bottle spinning and hitting. The attendance were fucking pissed. Everybody was pissed. Movies sold out. Let me tell you something. There's a couple fucking movies I remember going to guys like the excitement of being in there. The excitement of being in the movie theater like fucking. I can't even describe to you all those early Bruce Lee movies.

When we used to go to the city to Chinatown to all that shit, to all those kung fu theaters and shit. Those movies were live. They were like interactive movies and we didn't even know it in 1970 interactive. How Joey, there was always a fucking good fist fight. There was always a tremendous fist fight in the fucking show. Either two opposing schools, a judo school from the Bronx and like a fucking cop keto school from Harlem. And they'd be in the same movie theater and they'd fucking go off. I think one of the best movies I ever saw in a movie theater.

I got to be honest. It was the longest your idea. Original guys. Everybody was on their feet. I was 10 or 11. Rocky, the first time I saw Rocky, the movie theater were on their feet. Guys in the 70s, we got up and if the movie was too good, we got up on the chair. Like for the longest yard and Rocky as a child, I remember still being on the chair yelling Rocky, Rocky, like a fucking asshole.

You know, you're a kid, man. What do you expect? All that shit. That was interactive movie. Go to a movie now and take yourself on out. There's always that one fucking shithead. Excuse me. Can you put your phone away?

Mind your fucking business. 15 years ago, you could be stabbing a motherfucker at a movie theater and nobody would say nothing. Nobody would turn and go, you know, they didn't give a fuck. Stab them. I'm over here getting a hand job in the popcorn box. You would do that. You put your dick in the popcorn box. They go to get it and give you a little cappuccino.

You throw the popcorn out. You put your dick in the hole. You guys never did that. What type of fucking Catholics are you? Cucksuckers. But the movies were always like fucking interactive. Then the latest movies that I went to see were like Rambo and 85. That motherfucking black movie theater in Harlem on 178th Street went off the wall.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Easy Money. That movie theater, when I went to see the fucking movie the first day was filled with adolescence seven. You could smell the sperm and the pimple medication. It was all of us had fucking pimple medication on that clear-sill shit. That's all you could smell in the theater. You don't want to mix that with the smell of sperm.

Sperm and clear-sill do not fucking go. I mean, the whole fucking movie theater. And I walked out of there. My head was fucking gone, guys. I was like, what the fuck did I just see? Rodney was on a roll. And somewhere another Rodney stuck in my psyche. And then I heard stories about him over the years that he got high.

When I found out Rodney Dangerfield was a pothead, are you kidding me? I started smoking with three fucking hands. And a lot of people, it's like Rodney didn't walk around with a 420 shirt, but he smoked all fucking dead. You guys have no idea and we're getting to it in a minute. So, you know, I'm still not into comedy. Back to school comes out. That's 87, 86.

Rodney steals the show. He's got Kenison in there. He's got a bunch of fucking comics in there. And I'm still not into comedy. I'm like, ah, guys, I wasn't even thinking about comedy. I'm not going to go comedy. Oh, yeah, no. That wasn't even.

I was still stealing. And eight balls was still the name. You know what I'm saying? You had to knock down the eight ball as the king of my hobbies. So fucking embarrassing when you're a loser. But, uh, so I don't know what the fuck happened. I ended up getting locked up and then dice came out. Dice came out and dice just fucking stole me away.

My comedy loyalty, you know, but I was always a pride guy. Like I was always a motherfucking pride guy. Rodney, you know, stepped up and stole my heart somewhere along the line. Rodney was like everybody I had grown up with. Like they all had their little fucking stuff to him. That easy money when Joe Pesci is smoking pot. And he takes the joint out of the Roche Motel. He has a Roche Motel in his bathroom and he fucking hits it.

And then Rodney smoking dope with his daughter's fucking eyelash things. Guys, come on, come on, guys, you know, you just see these are rough necks. And I was fucking, I was relating to him. I was, I was sitting in that movie. Did it going, that's me going to the track and fucking getting in fights and strip clubs. You know, uh, he's the one guy's talking to the girl and easy money. And Joe Pesci comes over and he goes, is there a problem? And the guy goes, yeah, your guy's getting a little rough with the girls here.

He goes, excuse me, don't like take your hands off him. Do you know who I am? No, who are you? He goes, I'm the guy that installed the bathrooms in this joint. And the strip club owner goes, that's why the place stinks so bad. And he get into a fucking fight. Oh, that's shit. That's fucking adolescent kid shit.

That's 18 year old shit. But listen, when it's on now, easy money, I still fucking watch it. And guys, I giggled like it was the first time. Listen, I never stole nothing from Rodney, but there's so many things I learned from him. They opened your mind. There's a scene in easy money when he's trying to lose weight and he's in the room like he used to draw by reason. His kid is practicing the violin and she's doing like, you know, scales.

And Rodney can't take it in the moment. He's trying to build the model and he's shaking his shit and finally just puts the model down. He grabs a kitchen knife this fucking big and he starts to stab himself, but he catches his own hand. And that's the scene of him going, Rose, Rose, stop it. Stop it because he can't fucking listen to the violin music and he's gonna stab himself. Nobody's ever done that type of funny shit. Nobody. So, I mean Rodney had my heart there.

So now Dice comes along, 87, 88, you know, I get locked up. I get fucking released two years later and Dice is the man on the fucking street. And I ran with him. I never dropped Rodney. Rodney was always my core comedian. He was the guy that lived inside my head, right? Like I always heard Rodney in my head. I hung out with a kid, Roger Holloway.

God bless the soul. Just, he was another fucking Rodney guy and he made me laugh. He had all those Rodney one lighters, you know, the fucking hand gestures, the whole thing. But then comedy came calling and I went to a video store, you know, that was in Boulder. That was the biggest video store on the West Coast. Three floors at the time. And I asked him about a stand-up section, you know, one of the guys on my Patreon, John Mickelson, great guy out here, they said he went to a comedy show.

They said that he was talking to some of the comics and that the comics didn't know who the fuck anybody was. Like they didn't really know like who their peers were. It's like me going to your musician and going to you listen to Alice in Chains and they're like, man, not really, I don't even know who they are. You're like, how can you be a musician? You know, you're not a student of the game. Before you get into any of these things that you're, whether it's music, whether it's art, whether it's whatever the fuck it is, you have to be a student of the game.

Listen, I don't want you to fucking tell me, like, I'm gonna tell you who's a student of the game. With all his fucking pot smoking, all the other bullshit in his life. The reason why I give him the respect that he deserves is Mike Tyson. You could talk to Mike Tyson about anything. First time I met Mike Tyson, I had like a t-shirt on with this Cuban boxer kid chocolate that nobody knows about. A lot of people praise kid chocolate, like a lot of older boxes love kid chocolate. But nobody talks about kid chocolate. Fucking Mike Tyson did a, gave me a 35 minute fucking lecture on kid chocolate.

On all his fights where he trained, how he came to New York City and he fucking got big eating steaks. I'm like, Mike, I'm fucking Cuban. I don't even know all this shit. And that's not where it ends. Mike Tyson could take you back to the first band, Knuckle Fight 1655 in England, you know, Mike Tyson will tell you he could be there. Like, you know, Mike, what time is it? I don't fucking know Mike.

There's two guys fought in fucking 1865. Michael just drill you out. That's what it takes to be a champion. Sometimes you really got to whether you like him or not. Listen, I love Bob Newhart. I fucking love Bob Newhart. Love Bob Newhart has a comic. Love Bob Newhart.

The whitest, not non-cursing guy, non-confrontational comic you've ever listened to in your life. I fucking love him. Nobody talks about him. Bob Newhart. Joy, I don't see you as a fan of Bob Newhart because you're a fucking jerk off. Because if you know anything about me, I have borrowed or gotten inspired by a lesion of fucking comedians. Just because I don't have my nose of Jerry Seinfeld's ass doesn't mean I don't respect Jerry Seinfeld. I'll sit here and say something bad about Jerry Seinfeld's personality or he's a dick.

You don't even say hello to nobody. All that, all that, I sweep because even Jerry Seinfeld contributed to my stand-up. I love Jerry's writing. Jerry has a fucking joke on one of those Rodney specials that he says, how does the hair in the shower move up? Doesn't have legs? You ever notice that when you're in the shower, there's always hair and it just moves up the wall? It doesn't have legs.

All those things, you know, like when Jerry had a joke about fucking, if you don't want to talk to people, jump in the shower. That you can't talk to people when you're in the shower. Excuse me. I'm on the phone. I want to talk to Jerry. I can't get to him. He's in the shower. You know, all that, all that.

So for me to learn about Jerry Seinfeld, I'm not a big, huge George Carlin guy. But there's some shit George Carlin did that fucking rock my world. You know, tomato, tomato, all that shit rock my world. But Joey, you don't have a George Carlin poster. It doesn't mean nothing. I took a piece of him somewhere in my routine. Is that a joke? Joey, no.

I took a piece of him, maybe a look, maybe a gesture. You know, the thing I liked about Rodney is he gave you permission to laugh for you guys. Yeah, for you guys who don't know what I'm talking about. A lot of comics give you permission to laugh. Those are the great ones. The ones that give you permission to laugh. Joey, what are you talking about permission to laugh when Rodney would touch his tie when he touches nose. That's a gesture to get you to laugh.

That's a fucking psyche type thing. That's a deep, deep motherfucking comic who really thought about all the possibilities before he got on stage. Very Joe Roganist. One thing about Joe Rogan, that motherfucker does his work for stand up. He investigates, he fucking researches. Me, I'm just a bum. I'm just a fucking bum from that shit. But I have borrowed a piece of all those great comics.

You have to. When you're in a musician, you don't borrow little pieces. Put on Soundgarden. Super unknown. The album of the week on Patreon last week. I think there's two songs in there that are very beatless. Once you get into the song we're writing, the album we're writing a song on it, on the flip side, whatever. The outside world.

Blow up the outside world by Soundgarden. That's Chris Cornell's fucking love for the Beatles. That's it. Listen to it. It's right there. When you're something seems to kill me. Yeah. That's fucking the Beatles.

You know, so did he steal from the Beatles? No. You could just tell he was a student of the fucking game from the Beatles. So to create Joe Diaz, I had to study all a bunch of comics and the ones I loved. And you're not even going to believe this. Joe Torrey. I rented the best of BET in 2000 and 1991. 1994.

I would watch the best of BET on this DVD or a VHS. And the two guys on there that I studied with Joe Torrey and Bill Bellamy. But Joey, you've never mentioned Bill Bellamy. So what? I'm just telling you that Bill Bellamy taught me how to smile on stage. You ever see Bill Bellamy not smiling on stage? He's always smiling. Did I always smile on stage?

Not really. But at least that was in the back of my mind. It was always in my ammunition box. When things get a little funky, smile at the end of that joke. And they'll put a little calming effect on it. These are all things that a lot of people don't see unless you're into comedy. But back to Rodney, all those comics. When I went to that video store, the first video I got was the best of BET.

Joe Torrey's got a joke in there that his brother. This is what I used to do, guys. Even though I was on Coke, I never watched this shit on Coke because I couldn't absorb what they were selling me. I couldn't absorb what the television or the video was selling me. But Joe Torrey, when I first met Joe, if you guys get a minute, watch Amazon. They have a show about Fat Tuesday. It was the best black show in LA for years.

And they gave me an opportunity to perform in there. It was really an honor because I had watched Joe Torrey. I studied Joe Torrey. For me to walk into the comedy store and see Joe Torrey in those days, I almost died. A lot of you guys don't know who Joe Torrey is. He's the sidekick in the movie with Janet Jackson and Tupac. He's the sidekick in that. He's fucking phenomenal in that.

I studied a lot of black comics in the beginning. I love black comedy. So him, the guy who did Bebe's Kids, Robin Harris, was one of my fucking... When he played big Dick Willey, sweet Dick Willey, and do the right thing. Come on, dawg, who calls himself sweet Dick Willey? You know what I'm saying? So it's funny how Joe Torrey used to have a joke that he had to save the whale brother motherfucker. You know, motherfuckers out there saving the whales.

This motherfucker don't have a fucking clue what's going on in the world. I just bought a gun. And he didn't like that either when I bought that gun. You shouldn't buy a gun. What are you gonna do with a gun? He goes, I need a gun. I live in LA. I need a fucking motherfucking gun. And he goes, now I'm dying to shoot a motherfucker. He goes, I'll go to the ATM at three in the morning dressed up in a tuxedo and shit. And I come up, where you at? You're in the bushes. You get out of the bus.

All that shit I studied, guys, as dumb as you think that joke is. When I met Joe Torrey at the store, I repeated that joke to him. He's like, damn, you're fucking serious. I'm like, man, I studied that shit. Bill Bellamy, Martin fucking Lawrence as a host. D.L. Hughley as a host in BET. And meanwhile, D.L. got a standing ovation as a host. I'm BET. You ready for this?

A standing ovation. Find it on fucking YouTube. That is one of the best sets you'll ever fucking see in your life. D.L. Hughley come up as an emcee and get a standing fucking ovation. Are you fucking kidding me? That's what I looked at. How the fuck do you get a standing ovation when you're the first comic up and there's a fucking headliner? You want to explain that one to me?

So those are the guys I fucking stay. It's true. I loved all that shit, guys, but for me to get to where I was going, I had to get deep, deep, deep, deep in this shit. Deep in this shit because that's the only way I felt comfortable is if I knew the A, Bs and Cs. Like if Mike was going to start a band, you put on the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, what the fuck you mimic, what the fuck, and you study. And you study different things. You learn about the recording styles. You know, the guy from Soundgarden took his bass chord and put on his guitar.

There's always a fucking story, you know, I owe me, switched them around. I don't fucking know. I'm not a fucking aficionado. But if this is what you want to get into, there's the things you got to look. So I was looking at all those B, T things and things, and I was running out of them. And one day I go in and the guy's like, have you ever seen Rodney's stand-up specials with a bunch of open micers and shit? And I was like, no. He goes, I got it. Let me get it. Well, you get no respect to something. There's two of them. Guys, it's like 12 comics and two tapes.

Listen, I could send you Gene Peret's writing book to give you exercises on writing. I could recommend a bunch of things to you. Guys, let me tell you a little quick reference about what happened. Last year, September 22nd, I started going to Jiu-Jitsu. The first couple of weeks I struggled. I couldn't move around. Then I realized I needed a warm-up, but I'm stiff in the beginning. So I started fucking warming up and stuff, and then I joined the class and I go to a big class. Now there's 20 people in the class and you got to run and you got to fucking do hip escapes and you got to do all this shit.

I've been there since September. I started the classes in December, the end of November. So by now, I got a lid on the classes, right? And I was just thinking about this last week. I got promoted to, now I can go to two more classes at the school. They offer like six different classes. Some of them are drill class. I go to this class called Blue. It's a blue belt class. And what this class is, it's basically you do a warm-up. You do a warm-up, you learn something, then you do King of the Hill, like seven or eight guys.

You have to break the guard or pass the guard, two-minute drills, and it builds you up. And then at the end, then you go back to drilling what you learned. Then at the end, you roll with people to close out the class. It's so weird how people always go, well, I want to join a gym and get in. I want to get in shape before I join a gym, you know, with jiu-jitsu. I'm a little older, so I went online and I studied all this shit about, you know, old man jiu-jitsu and how to train differently because you're a little older. But when I went to class on Thursday last week, that all went out the window.

What I'm trying to say to you guys is that, you know, I go to the gym two, three days a week. I ride the bike, I hit the bag, I do little fucking things just to stay, but nothing could prepare me for what I went through on fucking Thursday. I was flying through the fucking air, I was getting thrown around. I enjoy it, I'm not complaining about it, but what I'm trying to say is, nothing could prepare me for that. Like as much as I wanted to swing kettlebells and get in shape for rolling, nothing prepares you for that.

You have to go in there and roll, and it's the same thing with stand-up. You can look in the mirror, you can go on Instagram, you can fucking go on Facebook, and you can shoot videos with your fucking friends. It's not stand-up. It's not stand-up. You could be doing all those things aside from it, trying to get you to that spot. It's not fucking stand-up, okay? How do you get in stand-up shape by getting in stand-up shape, by doing stand-up?

We're talking about me working on a Wednesday. You know what, I had a drive-in hour in New York, drive-in hour back. I sat there for an hour and a half, and I talked for like two hours. When I got home Wednesday, I was tired. I'm not in working shape. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not in working shape. How do you get in working shape?

Well, you should run two miles a day. No. By working. And it's the same thing with stand-up. You can do whatever you want. I wrote, I did a podcast. That's not going to better your stand-up. Those are things you could do to help your stand-up.

I agree with you, but they're not going to improve your stand-up. And it's the same thing with stand-up. You have to watch it. You know? But at the same time, you got to go out and perform what you're learning. You can just watch so much stand-up if you're a stand-up. I want you to study the people and make notes about, you know, what they're, you know, with fucking Rodney. He had a great stage presence.

I love there's one lineers. And even if you don't like that style, hey, listen, you don't like that style. That's not what I'm talking about. I want you to know that style exists. That's all. That's all. You know, when the other day I got into Jimmy Florentine's car and he put on Japanese heavy metal, did you hear it? Fucking pretty good.

You know, Saki Saki, I don't know, Godzilla or some band. I don't know. Did I buy their album? Not really. They were great. I learned that they exist. So as a musician, I'm not going to buy their album, but I'm going to listen to it. What are they doing over in Japan?

Holy shit. Listen to that guitar sound. What do they do? Oh, he was eating sushi. He put sushi on the string or something like that. You know what I'm saying? Whatever. That's all things to help your career.

So these are all the things that you're going to have to do fucking anyway. You know, a lot of older comics are going on the road this summer. And I see like two or three of them are taking younger guys, you know. And a couple guys are going on the road and they're taking YouTube guys. And this is one YouTube guy I was looking at the other day. My friend asked me, did you know that this guy was going on the road with this young guy? And I go, no, I don't even know who that guy is. And I actually put on one of his tapes just to see what a guy was.

I want to say, maybe he's really good. I don't know. Guy was fucking terrible. He's a YouTube sensation comic. He's got nothing against these guys, nothing. But he's trying to reinvent the wheel with stand-up. Like he's like, well, you don't need to go to clubs. You know, how many comics are really thinking about Instagram and all this?

Listen, I appreciate what you're saying and what you're doing, but it's not stand-up. And at the end, you could put on the fancy clothes. You could put on earrings, your little skull cap. You could smoke a cigarette to be mysterious. If you don't come through on that stage, that little act ain't going to sell for you. I'm wrong there because there's a lot of little comedians now that have little acts that you motherfuckers dummies buy into. And then you go see him.

The comic is fucking horrible, but you're impressed because he's got tattoos or he smokes on stage. He's so dark. Go fuck yourself. All right? Go fuck yourself. The comic offers you from the fucking heart. You never see me go up on stage with an earring or a fucking shirt or a hat to be cool?

No, because at the end of the day, it's what comes out of your fucking stomach and through your heart to process it. That matters. So that fucking little outfit you're putting on, that little fucking, you know, get up, you got on, whatever. It's going to help you with that crew that gets impressed by that. Look at him. He's so, yeah, that's great.

But how many times are they going to pay the small 25 for you? Remember that. Just remember that before you put an outfit on or think it's cool to take a drink up on stage. You know, you know, look at me. I'm drinking. Yeah. Fucking category, but you didn't give me what I came to see. If I wanted to see a bunch of fucking poses, I could have gone to a fucking, you know,

I didn't want to see a bunch of poses. I want to fucking meet from the fucking potato here. So that's how I looked at things. You know, I wasn't the best stand up, but let me tell you something. When I went up there, you got your fucking money's worth. I put my heart on that fucking stage. I almost risked having a heart attack. You know, many times I left off the fucking stage going, I'm surprised I didn't fucking die tonight.

You know how many, but I did that to give you the value of the fucking dollar. Anyway, back to fucking Rodney Dangerfield. We went off the fucking crew there for a second. Jimmy's a big Rodney fan. And that's our connection. Like you just Rodney's just as fucking savage, you know, and dice was there. So the guy recommended at the store for me to watch the Rodney thing. And I was like, Rodney, really?

Wow. I brought him home. I didn't know what to expect. And it was an education, guys. The educate. Listen, if you're down to bad bones and you're looking to get into comedy, here's the fucking solution. You're ready. Grab a pen.

Get both of Rodney tapes on Amazon. I don't care if you buy them used. They're on there. They're on there because I look all the time. You got nothing or something like that. You got nothing with an N U T H I N. You got Barry Sobel. You got Lenny Clark.

You got fucking Roseanne Schimel. You got 12 Jim Carrey. You got 12 of the best comics of a generation going up and you got Rodney hosting. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? That's the Bible to stand up. Just watching Bill Hicks follow Andrew Dice Clay like nothing happened. And Andrew took that room apart.

Piece by piece. You could see him from stage throwing grenades at the different sections and people's heads blowing up. And Bill Hicks followed him. It's a fucking education. If you're a comic and you're not studying the Bill Hicks set following Andrew Dice Clay, get a different fucking career. It's not going to work out for you. That's when you want to get out of a hole, you watch Bill Hicks when he does in that set. And that's why you could listen.

I'm a junkie. I'm a lot of things. But I was a student of that fucking game. And me being a student of the game was what got me in with Joe. Joe didn't listen like I said a thousand times. Joe's got no reason to like me. You ever think about that? We have nothing in common.

He's a fucking savage. I'm a fucking criminal. But our mutual respect came from the respect I had for him and the stand up and the respect he had for me and my stand up knowledge. And everyone might stand up because I had a different approach to stand up. I had an honest view. When you bomb, you bomb. Don't blame it on the microphone. Don't blame it on the sound.

You bombed. Take it like a man and move the fuck on. Nothing's going to save you. You know who's going to save you, cocksucker? You. What's the answer? Notice what you did wrong. Stop saying it was the fucking audience and your wife.

Stop saying all that shit. It was you. Write down what you did wrong and go find this set and fucking correct it. It's that goddamn easy. That's how easy this fucking career is. That's how easy life is. It goes back to you. You're eating too much chocolate.

Throw the fucking chocolate out of the house. Why are you buying chocolate? Bring it to your house if you're eating a fucking pound of it. The neighbor gave me a pound of fucking raisinettes. I went to see Batman. I told the other day. I go to fucking raisinettes with terrible. They didn't even have raisinettes.

They had like fucking raisin company put chocolate on Ray. It was terrible. She goes, I'm going to bring you the best raisinettes in the world. I thought she was going to bring me a box or a bag. She brought me a Costco fucking container. I had to hide it. Anyway, so when I rented that Rodney thing, I studied that at night. In the daytime, I would wake up and write or hustle a job or a bag of Coke.

And at night, my goal was to do two fucking sets with what I had learned from that particular comic from the night before. That was it. I studied that motherfucker to no end. But in the meantime, I refell in love with Rodney. Something about Rodney when I got to LA. You ever read a book? Like if you read a book on Italy, you're going to read about this Palermo, whatever this

part of Italy, you're not really going to learn till you get there. So you put the pieces together. It's like anything else. It's like, it's like anything else. And it's the same with stand up. You could watch these two things. You could, I could talk to you about stand up for hours and charge you all the money in the world and tell you, you're going to be the best stand up in the world.

I'm not doing anything for you. If I'm your stand up coach, basically I pick you up at seven o'clock and we go to three or four different spots. We tape your sets. We write notes. And at the end of the night, we go to a diner and wrap it up. What'd you do wrong? What'd you do right?

Put this joke here. Put this joke there. You know, there's a fucking science for this guy. It's not just going up there. Trust me, I had a hard time understanding the science. But after a while, I just had a fucking surrender to it. Oh, I knew I wouldn't get anywhere in my career. That's it.

That's it. That's it, guys. It's that fucking easy if you want to do that. I moved to LA and I just, when I got to LA, I started watching a lot more stand up. I would go to the store, watch Mooney, Rogue and those guys, Shanling, you know, and then I would go home at night and write what I learned at the store and I would just compare, you know, just compare notes. I was always fucking learning.

But when I got to LA, I started seeing those guys that were at the Rodney specials, Barry Sobel, Schimel, you know, I saw Robert Townsend at the store a few times. He was very good on there. So I started seeing these guys come to life and in a way, for me, it was like, you know what, I could come to life. I've never done a set with Rodney or anything and I asked around to see if Rodney ever came up. Rodney was never in LA when I was there and I never, ever, ever got to see him at the

comedy store or got to see him perform or anything like that. My claim to fame with Rodney goes right here, motherfuckers. I loved Rodney. I had never met him. I had never seen him or everything I knew about Rodney was on tape and then later on what I had read on the Internet, right? So I'm at the store. I'm a fucking schlub.

It's 2003. You know, I had no success at stand-up at the time. I had success booking some stuff. I was ripping. I was rocking and rolling at the fucking store and having a great time. And, you know, they had those late spots at the store. And I'll tell you, when you're a young comic or you're, I just got to stop saying young. When you're at any fucking comic, you hate those spots.

You know, they, in a way, they reflect where your career is. You know what I'm saying? So you got to spot between nine and 1030. You're a fucking the real deal. If you get a spot after, you know, 1145 till two in the morning, you're in development and you come to terms with that. You learn that that you're going to go up that hot crowd that was there at eight o'clock. They ain't there no more.

They left. So you're working with a bunch of people. You're working with two guys that went on dates and the girls got sick. You're working with two other guys that went on dates and the girls bought drugs and sucked the dealer's dick and they left them stranded on sunset. You left with those type of schlubs in the audience, you know, when you go up at midnight at the store, it's just a bunch of fucking, you know, stragglers. That's what you want to call.

So, you know, I would go down there. I would do my fucking spot at any original room. And at that time I was dying a slow death, maybe midnight, 1215. And then Mitzi would let me close out the fucking main room. But Joey, you're closing it out. You're a headliner. Save it. I'm closing it out for fucking eight people who were drunk and don't know what the fuck

I'm talking about. So I would go back there. I would do my original store spot, hold off on doing coke because I had to do the main room, paid you like $200 at a time when I couldn't make rent. So 200 for me was like playing at the fucking garden. You know what I'm saying? So I would go down there and between the bomber, bomber, bomber, everything of me couldn't follow him down and bombing.

There was a couple of guys that I just got a thing in my mind that I couldn't follow him whenever I'd fucking follow him. So this went on for a year. So I was always kind of depressed on Saturday nights. Not depressed, but I wasn't like, here we go again. I'm going to get down and I get tortured. I'm going to bomb and then I'm going to bomb a bigger debt. The only thing I'm getting out of this tonight is $215.

$15 for my original room set and the deuce for the fucking main room set. So I get down to the main room. I come out on stage and guess what? Same result. There's fucking nine people in the audience. Oh, look out. We got another drunk scraggler that's coming in. Don't start your material until he sits down, you know, but I look in the middle of the

room and it's Harry Basil, Charlie Hill, God rest his soul, Alan Stevens. These are all old school comics from the store. They all worked at Kenison dice. That's the heyday of the store. Mike Binder, all those motherfuckers will go on there on Saturdays. They were old times. They weren't on the road anymore. They were just going up to the hang.

I think Charlie Hill still did spots up there. Now here's ironic. Charlie Hill was a fucking great guy. He was a American Indian comic, you know, you know, my name, I changed my name. My name used to be mountain, but I shortened it to hill like that type. Those type of jokes and shit. I love that shit. Okay, guys, I love it.

I don't give a fuck. Charlie Hill was my boy. I love Charlie. You know, I love Alan Stevens and Basil. Like I knew him from the hallways like hi, they were fucking royalty. I was a fucking, I'm going up in the main room at one o'clock. Nobody wants to talk to me. Me and Tripoli are going up late.

Nobody would talk to us. And one night I'm in the hallway. You know, I had seen them up there a couple of weeks. Like every other week they would go up there and just goof around and drink on a Saturday and they'd leave like a 1231 just guys trying to get out, you know, going out to hang out watching some stand them. At the time, Alan Stevens was a, he's always a great guy, Alan, but Alan was one of the producers on our list.

So they were all coming up on Monday. I didn't know what Basil was doing and Charlie Hill and some other guys. I didn't know what they were doing. And one night I get off the stage and fucking Charlie Hill comes up to me. He's like, Joey, you really made me laugh tonight. I just wanted to hug him and cry. Like I said, on Saturday nights, funny was the last thing on my mind. So for him to come up to me and say, you were funny.

He goes, you give me belly laughs. He goes, Joey, you give me belly laughs up there. And there was nine fucking people. He goes, keep doing what you're doing. I'm like, thank you, Mr. Hill, the whole fucking day. So every week was something different. One Saturday I get a lot of that and I bumped into them in LA. Hey, man, that was a great set tonight and fucking Basil said to me, Joey,

what are you doing this week? And I go, nothing. He goes, I might have an audition for you. He goes, write down your agents information. I go, all right. I write down my information again. When somebody asks you, you know, they got a job for you. Okay, you know, whatever.

Take it. Again, you don't hold it personal. You, they were thinking of you, you know, and sometimes it goes through. Sometimes they actually take it back to the supervising cast and director or whatever. And they go, no, no, we're going to go with this person. But at least they thought of you. Harry came up to me and he goes, you know, blah, blah, blah. And I wrote my name and I thought it was very nice.

He also invited me to his home to watch. He was a big fight buff. So he would always have like the good boxing matches. Great guy. Harry baseball Saturday nights. I'm always doing comedy. Harry now is he runs the live factory in Reno and in Vegas. That's how good of a motherfucker he is.

So Harry comes up to me. I got to give you something this week. I'll call you. Give me a number. Sure enough. I got a call from my agent. And she goes, I just got a call here. I have an audition for you for the new Rodney danger film movie.

I'm like, what? And she goes, Joey, you're going in for the Rodney danger film movie. Open up your fucking ears. What's the matter with you? Go to whatever, get the sides faxed to you and go in there at 130 or something. I'm not thinking anything of it. Then all of a sudden I get a text and it's Harold Bazel, a page and it's Harry Bazel. He goes, Hey, just to let you know, we called your agent.

You're coming in for the audition today. It was Harry who got me the audition for Rodney's movie. Okay, guys. So I do what I got to do that morning. I learned these fucking sides backwards and forwards. I know them in Spanish, Japanese, English. I fucking know. I stayed up all night.

You know, there's a Rodney movie. Guys, I go in a waiting room. I signed my name. I have my head shot with my little fucking faggy bio with the couple of fake credits and shit. And they go, Joey Diaz. I get up. I go in. How you doing?

And I walk in the room. It's fucking Harry Bazel and fucking Rodney Dangerfield. Guys, this is too fucking surreal for Uncle Joey. I told you guys, listen, in life, if you put the fucking working from your fucking heart, don't worry about what Mike's doing. Don't worry about what Joey's doing. Don't worry about what Lee's doing to Steve Simone. Just worry about what you're doing.

The universe will fucking give you light. Listen, I'd never belong to an ally. Like if you look at me, I never belong. If you hear me, I'm Rogan. You know what? That wasn't my world. I'm not a fake. I don't need them.

That's not my fucking world, you know, but Rodney was my fucking world. You know, so when I walked in that room and I saw Rodney, I was like, holy fuck. And they're like, sit, you know, tell us about yourself. I told them I'm a comic. I didn't fucking kiss Rodney's ass in the room. I was just, I'm a fan. I loved easy money, you know, but he's like, thank you. And all of a sudden I read the fucking sides and in my world, I hit him out of the park.

I was prepared guys fucking Rodney turns around. He goes, Joe, Joe, you were great. He goes, I just gave away that role though. I was like, God damn it. I shake Rodney's hand. I'm walking out the door. I hit the fucking street and I hear somebody go, Joey, and it was Harry Bazel. And he goes, listen, bro, Rodney wants you for this fucking movie.

He gave away that role, but he wants you to come in and he'll find something for you. Are you guys, here's a kid. I don't know if you watched the fucking the podcast. I did a couple of weeks ago with what's his name, Ryan Sickler. I was talking about agents at that time in 2003, 2004 guys, I was working my butt off. You know, just working your ass off. I'm doing movies. I'm going to fucking act and I'm not doing big movies.

I'm doing student fucking movies. Okay. Because I wanted to be good at my craft. I'm doing fucking student movies. I'm not getting paid. When do you think when do you shoot those student movies or anything? You shoot those fucking two in the afternoon. You shoot those at two in the morning because there's no money.

So you have to shoot those late 11 o'clock and shit. You guys have no idea. You guys get no. Here's all my friends. Here's Ari, Renazizi, all these motherfuckers got CAA, Josh Wolf. They got fucking three yards. This guy's got Gersh. I'm with the fucking coloring book.

Okay. The coloring book agency. An agency that was a kid's agency. She really liked me and she wanted to start working with adults. It was owned by two African American sisters, badass, dangerous bitches. One was an attorney and one really new fucking casting, like really new casting. So they fucking drilled out. They got me.

They got me a couple fucking movies. She got me a couple of TV shows. She got me mad TV. I always liked them a lot and I'll never forget like I had the fucking coloring book guys. I never got invited to Montreal. Nobody ever thought about me. Fuck. Nobody.

You know, I was at the store struggling fucking finding my way. I think I got a TV show that nobody saw National Lampoon with Rich Voss and fucking Brian Holtzman down. Guys, nothing. Nothing. So how the fuck do you think I felt? When fucking this kid, this sweetheart of a kid, Harry Basil, runs out the sunset to tell me that they gave away the role. But Rodney's going to write a fucking role for me. What do you think I felt like after that?

Do you have any fucking idea? You know what I felt like? Like all you motherfuckers could suck my dick. All you motherfuckers could suck my dick. I booked two movies. Yeah, I was in the longest yard and this and this, but I booked two movies that were crucial to my career. That were crucial for me to stay in the business. And those two movies were analyzed that and the Rodney movie.

Because in my world, there's not too many motherfuckers better than Rodney Dangerfield. And in the writing aspect of it, there's not too many motherfuckers in the writing movie business that did the damage Al Reimers did in the late 70s, early 80s. He was a fucking genius. He came from SITV in Canada, a fucking shout out to the fucking Canada producing him, John Candy. All these motherfuckers went to improv. The troupe doing like a weekly show. Saturday Night Live hooked them all up, but they didn't take Harold Reimers. Now for guys like me, Mike, you at home watching.

Can you imagine being around with five guys the last three years putting your heart out? Do you know what that's like to camaraderie? Mike's got kids. I got kids, but every night we still meet at the Cha Cha Cafe to do fucking sketches and we write sketches and then we go drink coffee till two in the morning to write sketches. Can you imagine after two or three years of doing that? Your five buddies got a TV show and you didn't. What would you feel like? So this motherfucker went and wrote like Caddy Shack.

You know, listen guys, I don't even... Ghostbusters. I mean, Harold Reimers did this fucking shit that, you know, so most people, if I didn't hire you would go fold under a fucking tree. Harold Reimers said, you don't want to hire me on Saturday Night Live. That show sucks anyway, number one. And number two, I'm going to rock your fucking world what I'm going to come out with. Ghostbusters, Caddy Shack, Stripes. You know, this is just off the top of my head that I remember now.

I remember I did fucking a thousand milligrams of ABX last night. I needed to sleep deep. I slept deep in the REM level with my fucking... Oh, I was deep, deep in the REM sleep last night. And Saturday Night 2, I ate a thousand milligrams. So anyway, I don't remember all his other fucking accomplishments. But my goal when I got to LA, I never thought I'd even have the opportunity to work with Rodney or motherfucking Harold Reimers. But both those guys sent me straight.

Sent me straight on who the fuck I was, especially Rodney Dangerfield. So in REM, you know, whatever his name was, told me I had the movie. It was like a week later, I had to go to wardrobe. And then the movie's available. It's not a fucking all-star movie. But guys, there's a lot of stars in that movie, the fat, the fat Scientologist. Just Chick Christie, fucking one of those brothers is in that movie, Paul Rodriguez. Oh my God, it's got an all-star fucking line up that movie.

None of us did anything with it, but it really the Harlem Williams. The guy from Vacation. I mean, there's a lot of hitters. I didn't know this at the time. I showed up to the set, and I'll never forget that. I got there, and I'm like, how you doing? I'm Joe Diaz, fucking... I'm here to work on the movie.

They're like, your name ain't on the list. I'm like, and also last year, the fucking dude from the Laugh Factory walking like, go, hey, Harry, I'm here. And he's like, come on, let him through with all this shit. And they take me with it. They're like, we don't know what we want to do with you today. We got to go ask Rodney. So we walk to Rodney's trailer.

I can't believe. Fat little fucking Joe Diaz, ex-felon Joe Diaz is walking with Harry Basil to Rodney Dangerfield's trailer to find out what I'm doing that day. We knock on the fucking door. Rodney opens the door with a fucking robe and his balls hanging out, and he's smoking a number. When I saw Rodney with a joint in his hand, I didn't want to smoke with him. I'm not one of those fucking idiot types.

I was so fucking happy that my fucking idol smoked dope. So I'm like, how you doing, Mr. Dangerfield? I'm here. First off, it's Rodney. Okay, kid. Number two, your name is Jojo. That's your name in this movie. It's Jojo.

I'm just going to call you Jojo. I don't know what I want to do with you yet. Stay close to me. So I went and changed, and they told me to stay close to Rodney all day. You guys know me, man. You know, I don't get, I don't get giggly about little fucking stupid shit. Guys, I was like a little fucking girl next to Rodney. I didn't talk to him.

I didn't bother him. I didn't ask him questions. I just watched the man. At the time he wasn't the Rodney that we all got to see. He was an older Rodney. His eyes were constantly bloodshot. He had bags under his eyes, and he couldn't remember his lines. You had to read his lines to him from across the room.

It didn't make for a good movie. It didn't win any Academy Awards. I think four people saw it. Comedy Central plays at two in the morning once a year out of sympathy. It didn't matter. To me, it didn't matter if the movie sucked. That's what you guys never understood. You know, last night, the many saints in Newark came on HBO.

The Sopranos were on all day yesterday. I didn't know why. And then I put the TV on to get the weather for last night. Because we were thinking on Saturday. Saturday, we were thinking of going up to North Bergen. And Saturday, the many saints premiered. And I saw that it was coming on. I had to leave.

I didn't watch it or anything. It was coming on later on. And even I thought about that. I thought about how that movie didn't do well. What do you want me to do? I'm going to shoot myself. You guys don't understand why I did that movie. I did that movie for the education.

I didn't care about the money. I didn't care if it won an Academy Award. In my personal opinion, I wish it would have done a little better. But hey, you don't understand what it did for me. So whenever back by midnight is on, I always get hate mail. Like, what the fuck was that? Rodney, it doesn't matter. Do you have the idea of what he did for me by putting me in that movie?

Nobody else would fucking talk to me. Nobody wanted to talk to me. I was a criminal. I snored a coke. Rodney handpicked me for his fucking movie. That was more important to me. It's like, I look at all this shit now with stand-up comedy and I'm unwinding. Let me tell you something.

At the end of the day, I got handpicked by Mitzi Shaw. You don't think I'm funny? Whatever. Go fuck yourself. I got handpicked by Mitzi Shaw. And I also got handpicked by Rodney. So for all the people who ran all the festivals, you know what I'm saying? All the festivals and we're gonna have so much fun.

And they didn't pick me. I never got my feelings hurt. Because it didn't really matter what you thought. Rodney thought I had it. In my world, that's all I need. What am I always saying that fucking thing? I said, you need three people to take over a fucking country. I need three bad motherfuckers to take over a fucking country.

And in my world, I did. I had Mitzi, I had Rodney, and I had Harold Ramis. I had a relationship with them. I got to talk to them. They touched my heart. I touched their heart. I don't know if I did or not. But I took their word over everybody else's.

I didn't give a fuck what any of those fucking agents, casting directors, anything, anybody who's got to do with comedy and comes up to me with a story. Unless you're on that stage, I tell you what, you go fuck yourself before you come over here talking about any fucking comment. Not just me. So do you understand when I sat down and stayed that night? That's where it all came from. It came from knowledge.

I took over a fuck listen. I'm a sack of shit. And I took over that comedy motherfucker. They could all suck my dick. And it wasn't because I went to Montreal. It wasn't because I was on the road with Jet Appletau. None of that shit. It was because the balls I got put into them.

I got to work with the Holy Trinity. By 2004, I had worked with the Holy Trinity. And you were in no danger if you thought you were going to fucking stop me. I didn't give a fuck. You know, Rodney got me on the track and then Harold Ramis polished me up. He's like, fuck these motherfuckers. He goes, I watch you stand up and I watch your auditions. If they don't want you in Montreal, they could suck your dick.

If they don't want you for this festival, they could suck your dick. You're the real fucking deal. You're here with me. You're talking to De Niro. You think I would have brought you in here? If this was a flash in the fucking pan. So when Harold Ramis told me that shit, I was like, fuck these fucking comedy clubs. I remember I called the comedy club.

I'm not going to tell you the name of the comedy club. Like in 2010, it's a comedy club in the area here. I called them up and I'm like, listen, I'm from Jersey. I was in the longest year. I like to play your club. And he goes, what's your name? And I go, Joey Diaz. He goes, I never heard of you.

Fuck you. And I'm like, you know what? I never heard of you. You're the cock sucker. Go fuck yourself. But if you want, watch this, watch the longest year. Maybe you'll get to know. Now me and the guy are tight.

He doesn't remember our conversation 10 years ago. Yeah. No, he's a good guy. He never remembered our conversation. But even those type of calls, I always told people to suck my dick. Hey, send me a tape. You know what? Rodney didn't want a tape.

Why do you want a tape? Who the fuck are you? Hey, send me a tape. Harold Ramis didn't want a tape. That guy wrote fucking Ghostbusters. Who the fuck are you? Some comedy club in fucking New Mexico. And I got to send you a tape.

You could suck my motherfucking dick. So when I come to you people and I talk about Rodney or the, you know, today's obviously is a comedy podcast on a Monday. Not really. It's just trying to tell you about who lit a fucking little fire under my ass and where I came from. That's where I came from. That's a school where I came from way before Rogan said it or anybody else said it.

My confidence level was out of the roof by 2004 because the guy I admired in the comedy world gave me a nod. That's it. Did I go on the road with him? I didn't need to. Just being, I think I worked nine days on that movie. That movie was a first for a lot of things for me because if you, at that time I was either, I did taxi and I was in the beginning of the movie.

I'm rolling on the bicycle and the credits are rolling. Analyze that the credits are rolling. I got shot. I always had, I never had the perfect scenario. Now I'm in a movie for fucking nine days. Most money I've ever made, but the movie sucks. You never get what you want, but you get what you need. And that's a podcast for today.

Monday, the fucking 21st of March, month is moving. We're moving. COVID's over. Get on the fucking bus. We're going downhill 90 miles an hour. All that bullshit came through an end. So we're here. We're queer.

It's Monday. It's the 21st and we're onward and onward. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. Have a great fucking Monday. Thank you for the support and love. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsor, Jack. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? I want to thank you for watching today.

You know what, guys? I'm lining up all these guests for you. And obviously you like me talking shit by myself on a fucking Monday, which I like too. But Wednesday, but anyway, let's join this brought to you by liquid IV. Listen, you want the best when you're working out, right? The best gym, the best trainer. Liquid IV is fucking tremendous. I didn't know how good it was.

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I want to thank Liquid IV. I want to thank Manscape. I want to thank Honit. And I want to thank you guys for having our back again this week. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Go enjoy cocksuckers. Stay black. I'll see you motherfuckers Wednesday.

Tip Top Magoo. Thank you.