Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #149 - The Church Of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: February 10, 2014

Comedian Vicky Pezza calls in. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded live on 02/10/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey that's huluplus.com slash joey and by dollarshaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay in retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church that's dollarshaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollar shave club banner and again welcome to escape pod tank dot com they have everything you need to get a deprivation tank right in your house they save you thousands of dollars and they'll even save

you two hundred fifty dollars off if you mention the church they'll send it right to your house they'll come and build it for you they're great and thank you guys for joining us oh shit you bad motherfuckers monday february 10th the day the devil was buried at sea kicking this motherfucker off your little judas priest unleashed in the fucking east are you kidding me so what he's fucking a homo so what the singer fucking his dad don't give a fuck this guy could sing i are you are you fucking kidding me it's monday bitches get the oatmeal get the alpha brain

pull the skin back on your helmet wash that motherfucker what do it lee you bad motherfucker let me see you wiggle concept oh shit oh shit look into you sexy fuck what's happening baby we had to hit him heavy with some priests this morning to get him up and fucking start it you know i'm saying it's monday the 10th it's a little cold people get a little retarded it's no who gives up get out there you fuck it's amazing how nothing like now would sound like that live what's happening nothing nothing like justin beaver nothing like this nothing today would sound like that live that's amazing that you know that this is one of the very few live

they don't make live albums at all i was surprised when he told me to say live i was like okay but no no this is a live album that was taken in 1979 in japan steve runny turned me on to this fucking album like in the homeroom wherever you go and study home high school and i was blown the fuck away at equality how good it sounded until this day i read listen to victim of changes live i read listen to diamonds and rust live i read listen to the center live but that's just me you know everybody's fucking different the church what's happening now welcoming you monday february 10th you bad mother fuckers it's a beautiful day to be alive get out there fucking stab somebody in the fucking neck do something to your life something you gotta do

something fucking something i know it's dark out there i know you sit there sometimes and you're scared what's gonna happen to my future you know what nothing if you're fucking sit there in the dark in the kitchen look at the fucking computer you gotta get out there what's up with you baby how was the weekend i had a pretty shitty weekend but i'm feeling better now you're recuperating see the fucking flu escalated well i had a cough for like the last month but i i got the i got the cold and it just threw it into into fucking overdrive and i actually went to the clinic yesterday and i'm i'm fine now they gave me some antibiotics but it's fucking crazy how this stupid flu works and then what's escalated over the years you know it started with a little

cough in your eyes and you get sick and a fever and it's blown into this like 19 different fucking flues and every time you know and every time you get on the plane every time you go to a different car every time these things mix it's like these these hurricanes and these things that get stronger and stronger the flu gets stronger and stronger now there's been over a hundred deaths in california from the flu and people can't put their fucking finger on it now a couple years ago when i was living in hollywood still my last christmas in hollywood i caught a fucking case of the flu slash bronchitis slash jungle funk slash you know this thing was just horrible and it was what happened to you it was a six week long and and what happened what people don't get is that the

flu enters your body you get sick for a few days they have this pill that you take if you grab the symptom the second day that that that little tickling your throat and that little once you start getting it if you go to your doctor they have this pill called tami flu okay that's five days straight you take it five days straight it eliminates the fucking flu eliminates everything in your system your toenail fungi your fucking eyebrow i mean everything it kills it you you even get dizzy you even feel that dizzy well but it kills the flu inside you but who the fuck has the time to catch the flu and go down there because sometimes you just feel shitty and you pray to god you don't get the flu but here's the problem you get that first initial bout and it takes you

down people and you know what we all have jobs and you know life goes on you know after the third day hopefully you catch it on the weekend that you don't lose that much work because not everybody's fucking you know uh the wolf of wall street right so yeah you you after a four or five days you start feeling better and what happens is you get up and you go to work and it's those days when it's really cold out in the morning and by lunchtime it's 80 degrees yeah so you bundle up in the morning but then in the afternoon you go for lunch and you walk you walking breaks a sweat and now you leave your jacket open and for some reason that cold there goes underneath and catches that little bit of moisture that's in your chest whatever area and i'll tell you what the next

fucking day you're set off and running and it gets worse and worse then your cough escalates then your inner chest gets filled with fluid and it's a fucking nightmare and i think that's what people are dying from so the secret is that once you get the flu no matter how good you feel the fourth day when it starts to trick you you have to and it's like when i told my friend eddie bravo eddie bravo got it and i go eddie don't fuck around i guess wednesday last week he worked out and by thursday friday it was full blown brykates he couldn't get on the plane you know i hope he's feeling better but it's the truth guys you once you get this flu you gotta just chill you got a dose with vitamin c and the old adage was a thousand milligrams a day that's before fucking indian people and

portuguese people started jumping up and down and bringing them and i'm not insulting them but i'm just saying that every day the airports you know this is years ago you know when you take vitamin c it just washes right out if you eat what vitamin c the next time you pee your body fucking you know really so you got to stock up on vitamin c people in the winter time you really do got to stock up on vitamin c and all those pills that you take to prevent whatever all those commercial fucking anecdotes you know what they may work they may not work who the fuck are you try it you know you go into a room there's 20 fucking kids the flu is in there the flu is fucking in there and when you go to supermarket the flu is in there when you go to the gym and you lift

the kettlebells and you go in your car you're putting the flu on your handle now that's on your fucking steering wheel i know i mean i felt bad i had to go to the grocery store to get juice and tissues and stuff i'm like i was coughing and sneezing i'm like i'm doing it there has to be thousands of other people doing it you know it's just a it's a it's a thing and and the flu like i said it keeps getting strong and strong it's like a hurricane yeah every hurricane's getting strong and stronger well these flu bugs are getting fucking strong and strong do you take a flu shot i don't fucking know i didn't i didn't get one maybe i should have meaning that my wife in mercy did but that's another thing i noticed because i uh i went to the clinic and i have

insurance thank god through my mom but that's ending in july when i turned 26 and she's been bugging me to go look at like obama care and all that stuff and i just haven't done it and i just out of just the jewish in me i asked her how much did i save by being on insurance she said well the visit would have been 80 and then i got three prescriptions and i saved like 150 bucks on that so i can't imagine doing this without it without insurance these days so insurance you know and that and that's the other side of the spectrum that this would have cost a person who makes 12 bucks an hour 15 bucks an hour you know 600 gross a week take home 450 420 410 this would have cost you half your check 80 dollars for the doctor 80 dollars for the in a cvs not even

a doctor in a real doctor you went to a real doctor but in the cvs who's working no it was it wasn't a real doctor it was a nurse practitioner wow wow so you paid 80 fucking dollars and how much of the prescriptions would have been like 200 and i paid 60 i think yeah yeah no no no dog insurance is crucial and you know i never took advantage of it for years i had level one now i'm back to level one insurance means i go to rehab okay i go to mental health now i'm gonna listen to those voices in my head uh you know your deductible is lower but i also had to be with the union i've been with the union since 1990 fucking seven so i'm going on 17 years every year you have to make a certain percentage of money for them to give you level one or level two insurance after 45 and you've

been with them for 10 years you're vested okay so you always get level two worst-case fucking scenarios so these are the things that are very important to me now that 20 years ago they weren't important to me when you're 25 insurance if you get it is great if not who gives a fuck i don't plan on fucking getting sick yeah anyway you know i'm saying when you're 25 you don't plan on fucking getting sick anyway you know so uh but you know that we need fucking and what are you gonna do in July i'm gonna do a bottle here one of those things you go look at see how much it is yeah for you no is it expensive oh no no it's 42 dollars you could afford i don't know i thought it was like a hundred bucks yeah it's fucking expensive is it really like fuck yeah look it up right now it's

gotta i thought i'd be like a hundred bucks a month or something no you're gonna go for like two 10 a month oh jesus christ oh yeah it's over you're gonna have to fucking walk around with a body cast on and the helmet looking straight because i know you you won't get insurance you'll save the money oh if it's fucking 300 a month or something let's go suck everybody's complaining i know people who have three kids i know a lady who's got three kids and her husband she said that she just went on the webpage to check how much it would be and it would be fucking 800 900 a month you're a single fucking god they're waiting for you oh my god they got a big glove with fucking glue on every finger stick it up you the fucking gulo you know what i'm saying gaga gaga gaga gaga gaga gaga gaga gaga

well how how was your weekend you had a your wife left oh it was uh brutal i missed the baby yeah but what are you gonna you know listen i always talk about making some of these days i made some buddies that you know i was really pissed i didn't want to go back a couple months ago because i didn't like how they uh they wouldn't pick her up and but you know what my dad's sick you know god knows what he's got left i didn't want him to pass and for her to be sitting and going i could have gone isn't i'm going on here for her and the baby yeah what do we do you know my wife works three days a week two days a week do you know the fucking days you take it to any of the multiple of parks let me go eat lunch some way and we walk around we go to a mall

you know but as far as family i said what the fuck you you know go home for 10 days get your fix you know let them i think 10 days a little too long i think my wife fucked up again but that's you know she'll be begging me in six days all the things like come back i think she went too long you know but you know what she got a she got bumped up she got a first class ticket on the way there the baby got a free ticket in the first class because they was empty you know she flew to nashville on a saturday there ain't nobody on the fucking planes are you guys disappointed you won't be together for valentine's day oh yeah yeah can't you see the pain in my heart who just a fuck lady disappointed the fuck what's what the fuck is valentine's day it's it's a it's a day

hallmark made up to suck you dry yeah i know that's all it is it's a day hallmark what what plans do you have what are you gonna do take paul out and cough in the face no i'll be fine with but no i dropped like 150 yesterday because i had to get stuff for paula my mom and then paul told me her mom got me something so i had to get her mom something so what are you taking paula friday night i don't know we might we might do saturday night we've been talking about that because it's so expensive and so busy on on valentine's day it's gonna be packed everywhere you know it's going and you're like what the fuck what well yeah me and terry really upset like jesus when i got to be valentine what are we gonna do is i told it would be if it was slow

i was thinking of flying back okay it's not gonna work because she's flying back tuesday i got a podcast monday morning i got no time for that shit you know so but it's great you know you see your family but sunday is sunday i gotta come back i should have done one fucking monday yeah you know uh and i'm happy i made that day they called and thanked me they said you know thank i know it's hard for you to be alive it's not hard for me to be alone i love it i just think that uh my my daughter should have a a relationship with her grandfather she should fucking know what the hell's going on drink something please stop coughing in the fucking mic cucksuck a yumbo blew my ear drum off i got eight things here eight things but uh eight things or what

water and soda soda what else you got you got clop drops oh yeah you got the fucking blast for your throat you got a pussy ass talking to me gotta eat some pussy when you got a fucking cough that pussy juice helps did you know that look it up on wikipedia it says it says sex when your sick helps yeah wikipedia not well they say sex but think about your half-and-half and it's eating that fucking monster that little pussy juice look it up look at wikipedia pussy juice let's say pussy juice is tremendous for the fucking fluid again you don't want to swap spit and give it a fucking flu or sweat on it it's eating that fucking muffler there's something in that ass and that pussy that makes the flu just fucking vanish i wish i'm telling you it's fucking fact

if i had the flu i'd eat that fucking monkey sour pussy too two in the afternoon type sour not even in the morning like two in the afternoon after they pissed a couple times it's monday cocksucker where's the music where's where's toni benet you're fucking slipping today it's a beautiful day to be alive you're in it's a beautiful fucking world baby oh shit pick up the pieces when we once in your fucking mouth oh you know you're starting to look like body language where to be true i was looking over like a low that looks like already left you know

got the beard from here i thought you did the wig they want to give you a wig you know that right it seems alone you'll never wear a wig you will too pay company where's the music cuts like to snap your fingers let's do it oh shit wait to leave i want to be around now to see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits let's see if the puzzle fits are you kidding me or what are you fucking kidding me or what what's happening baby league nothing dude you know what's kind of where i want to get your opinion on stuff when i was sick all weekend i had ESPN on and i would just wake up and see what's happening and two things happened this weekend what the guy at Oklahoma State shoved a fan

and then last night i got an athlete came out as gay and i thought i hate i just hate how both things were handled because of course the athlete it was a black athlete a white fan and he got he got suspended and everyone was saying how terrible he was and and i mean when you saw it he fell and his back was to the fan and then the fan said something and then he went and shoved him and you know he said something fucking terrible he's admitting to saying you're a piece of crap you know he said like the n-word and all that shit and then the gay the gay guy they which is fine with me but i'm not a fucking NFL player like and no one on ESPN had the guts to say yeah they're not gonna like it you know it's it's great how everybody's applauding these gay fucking athletes

coming out of the closet and i applauded too you know it's great that we think nobody ever do these guys are the first guys in the 50s and 40s there's always some guy who wants to dress up like a batman and i applaud that they come out of the closet and stuff but what are they really doing they're causing a distraction even if they what are you really doing yeah you know i love black people love them to death this black history month to shout out i love black people but they're not going to tolerate if you know anything about black people anything about black fucking athletes is they're not going to tolerate that shit they're not going to tolerate it i don't give a fuck with you know there was rumors that ricky williams got traded from new allen's because

there was rumblings of the word gay really people said we ain't going to a locker room with that motherfucker you know it's just the way it is people it's just the way life is you can't blame they're black athletes they don't want to take showers they want to do nothing it causes too many fucking distractions and even even like let's say everyone was accepting of it now for the entire year all you're going to get is reporters what is it like having a gay gay teammate now what's he's about to go to the combine and be drafted black kid or white kid black but it's just and i'm not saying don't say anything but it's you know everyone is so scared on espn of getting fired because they had a couple people say something and they got off they got

fired really quick like i like it's just they're in the nfl i mean i like i just imagine you being like and i'm a player and you listen if i was an nfl player yeah it wouldn't bother me personally if somebody came out and said i'm gay i would say whatever i'd give them a hug i'd still block from i'd still throw them the ball there's still human beings but i'm not worried about me it's a team effort there's 56 or 52 people on a fucking on a roster and you'll be with them all year and ten people are gonna go we hate fucking faggots and they're gonna rumble it and it's gonna grow like a fucking weed yeah and that's just the way life is people i'm not here to fucking speed it up we're to say negative comments about it i'm just telling you what happened to the basketball player

from last year came out i never got picked up okay then i'm bullshitting you people i'm bullshitting you fucking people so whatever it's great but at the end of the day now i keep reading something about alex rodriguez yeah so he's back no no he got suspended for first it was like 200 games he appealed it went to one full season and he was saying he was gonna go to spring training and he was gonna sue the whole league and he finally realized that he was wasting too much money and he just he just took his suspension he stopped suing everybody and now he's gonna be gone for the whole next year so all next year that's it i mean that's what they're saying i mean i don't know leonkeys don't want to pay them they still owe them like two or three years after this

like 25 million a year so you know what i was thinking about i was thinking about for the players in the 50s and 60s that were gay uh-huh and that did have to go into a locker room and did have to hear the rumblings and how bad they felt oh it must be terrible it must be terrible so that's what you all still have to consider on the other side people no matter what my comments or leaves are or the announcers on espn there's two sides of this fucking coin if you want to come out of the closet that's fine i'm happy for you you're gonna get hugs and oh my god you're such a great but there's another side to that fucking coin you know when it comes to the mba or the nfl or the fucking uh baseball whatever the fuck they are this it's a team yeah it's it's a team and there's

going to be disagreement somewhere on that fucking team about it and you know with with the sports it's going to be even more they're not going to tell you about at home those players that have a problem that aren't going to raise their hands on national tv but it's going to be a fucking problem yeah as are they any gay ufc fighters do you think you know they jump up and down on each other's head there's got to be one of them with fucking tights there's going to be one of them that's gay is he going to come out i don't fucking know but i wouldn't put my sexual preference into this you know i'm saying i'm a fighter that's it i'm a comedian it's got nothing to do with her i'm fucking gay and i'm still gonna you know i'm saying yeah it's got nothing to do with who the

fuck you are you know yes it i'm sorry to say yes it does but you're a comedian yeah that's your first label that's your first passion that's your job if i was gay it would be up to me to decide whether i want other comedians to know or i want the public to know yeah but you gotta remember 60 percent of our choices today it's not like 1950 you know 1950 there was a a guy on a team that had a roster you know a team roster of 50 people there was one guy that was hardcore fucking gay and maybe one guy that was thinking about it today on a fucking team there's 50 people there's gotta be three gay guys and two guys that are thinking about it they may be in the closet they want a finger in their ass while they're eating their wife whatever the fuck you know whatever the

fuck you want yeah so you have to respect it you know god knows it's gonna happen with this guy i wish him a lot of luck in the draft you know let's see what team he goes to you know you gotta you gotta consider you gotta you gotta be honest with yourself rednecks like those redneck football players from texas yeah they ain't gonna go for it no i know it's interesting i was watching yesterday on tv they had a 30 for 30 but like the 51 dawns it was like the 1940s first integrated college football team and they went fucking undefeated and like they went when they went to the south like they would get punched in the face and like and when they went nine and oh and they would they didn't give them a ball game and i can't i can't imagine having discriminated like that

it must be terrible especially when you're doing the right thing yeah and he's a good player when you're doing the right thing i i know because if he's going drafted he's getting going to the Columbines he's gotta be a tremendous athlete yeah good fucking football player a good student all these things in general you know you raising your hand shows a one type of bravery you know one type of courage but at the other you have to be ready for what else is going to come with it yeah and i don't think a lot of people are ready i just don't that's a tough thing to be on a team for people to look at you weird and for you you know and i talk about it from being insecure yeah i'm insecure without being fucking gay you know i'm saying i've always been insecure uh

maybe because i didn't know the language when i first moved to new york city there were so many fucking things that i was insecure about i can't imagine being gay on a national football team you know and traveling to hotel rooms and these guys watching me now to see what i do at night you know the nfl has private investigators oh sure and they fucking follow you you know you're an investment they're not just going to handle the three million dollars team so it's it's a very uh it's i tell you what it is to me it's fucking hypocritical because it's what society wants but it's what society really doesn't want yeah you know what i'm saying like that i'm sure the nfl wants it but they don't want it supposedly they were going to make

an announcement this year of a fucking prominent player that was gay and they really was pointing their fingers at Aaron Rodgers to courted back really ring made backers that's why he was accused of being gay this season oh i didn't know that because the nfl was going to point some people out that they you know the nfl made an announcement that some people gonna that they were gay it's like a cliche now you know that's the new fucking norm also you know i was telling you guys that i tell you that my wife wants to take the baby to a daycare where derrick from from tainton vision takes his child there's a fucking waiting list it's a really good daycare oh the church and it's did i talk about this last week that it's a even jewish kids driving from orange county

and how the church was empty until full sunday and the church was at 10 o'clock and and the soup bowl was at 3 30 uh you know where the fuck were these people so all of a sudden they weren't fucking christians you know but that wasn't me to decide about i forgot what the fuck i was gonna say see what happens when you smoke weed in the morning my decision was that how everything especially in this town is effectively is affected by your social status you know being gay in hollywood lifts your social status so to me sometimes it worries me i mean i think this way that there's people that do certain things just to raise socially you know i was sitting once at the gaucho grill in hollywood and this couple sat behind me and i couldn't believe that

there was anybody gayer than this guy behind me like he was the gayest man in the world then i figured how did he come up with the voice and the mannerisms and the guy he was with was trying to outdo it was two guys trying to outdo each other's gayness yeah and it's kind of funny but it's not funny and i was trying to figure out which one of these guys was really straight but was being gay just to be accepted into a social thing oh you're taking in the ass just to hang out with a bunch of people you'd be surprised at what people are gonna do in these days just to advance socially yeah you know is that what you came up with that joke about like about how like real faggots and stuff in a way yeah in a way that bothered me i grew up when i grew up in jersey my mom had to bar

my mom had friends that were fucking real gay guys yeah and they didn't act like oh my god whatever they just were a little bit effeminate but the rest of them was manly yeah you know there's no men yeah yeah they're still men i could see where maybe yeah that guy could be gay and i would ask my mother and she would make a joke and we'd laugh and giggle and you know they would move on but i understood these guys now are like overly fucking gay and they can't nobody's that fucking you know it's uh it's great and you hate to think about it because he was a good player but everyone who came on said he's like yeah a third or fourth or fifth round pick he's gonna be a good player but he's not like the star so now you're thinking oh maybe he's

just doing it to get his name out there right before the combine like a linebacker i think or defensive end he was a co-defensive player the year for the sec so he's a good player but everybody all the people on the spn said oh yeah he's like a third round fourth round pick so you wouldn't even notice him usually hey fucking to each his own you know i mean uh you uh whatever the fuck i don't give a fuck you just blew this on me and i'm saying you just dropped this motherfucker on me and i like it oh look at lee talking about faggy plays no you know they gotta deal with it and it's a media thing also now you know when jeremy linn what's his name the asian basketball player it opened up new doors for the mba so now the mba

teams over there picking up chinese people oh yeah because they know that they were fucking cash registered oh they were cash register you know god forbid this guy does start god forbid this guy does go to pro bow i would love it you know what would they do now that means one two three to answer your question liz karmuch is gay but she's a chick in the u of six she's the one that's fighting me should take so she's openly gay and it's weird how it's different for girls i don't know if it's guys think it like it's a fantasy or something but like i i when he said that i know this come which is gay but it just it doesn't seem as it seems it's different you know she's got tattoos and she fights so she's got to be something other than you know but look at ronda rouse i don't think

she's gay right well i don't know tates got a girl so yeah like i said but she didn't make a big deal of it she's just gay and when she fights it brings out a big gay and she was marine wasn't she was coming or an army girl yeah yeah yeah it doesn't matter you know and that's what i'm saying it's what you let it be of you i don't like the people i've said this a thousand times that hold it against you that they're gay like like i'm gay i'm better than you because i'm gay or i'm better than you because i tell people that i'm gay like i tell somebody a secret i tell somebody a secret too i was hooked on below for 26 fucking years i tell somebody my ass smells funny i tell people secrets fucking too what's the matter everything all right over there yeah everything's

right you're uncountable you're all right i'm perfect you're sure yeah you're moving around no it's uh no i i understand what you're saying like it's uh though the people who like i'm really impressed with it like the soldiers like there's a lot of gay soldiers who had to go through the don't ask don't tell and they never seem to be the ones who were flaunting and i just don't ask don't tell work i think that's gone now i think in the last year or two it got rescinded and they were they were upset about it for a little bit but before like clinton put it in and it's just you just don't we're not gonna ask you about it and don't don't really publicize it and then you're fine because before that they weren't even allowed in and and i think obama rescinded it and now

you can you're allowed to be like legally like gay in the army and stuff and some of you old guys were really upset about it but i don't think there's not as well been any stories about it you know i cracked jokes so it doesn't bother me if somebody's gay like i said i just don't like when people look down on me like they i'm gay it's like the same people say to me you know i'm clean 30 years you know like when i go hey you want to smoke a joint and they'll try to uh uh be cool by making you feel a little bad about why i've been cleaning soap from drugs for nine years and i don't even eat sugar what the fuck is wrong with you you know yeah so who gives a fuck what do you do i ask you a question if you wanted to smoke this or not that's that was the fucking question yeah so i'm the same

way when it comes to a lot of fucking topics you know that that you know and by the way you know how many fucking emails i answered last night how many 93 fucking email in one week and 70 of them were by addiction wow so yeah i think it's time for me to write that to write that look on addiction because uh it does strike a big everybody's fucking hooked on something yeah absolutely everybody's fucking hooked on something it's it's really it's either the fucking pills and i think of different chapters like i was i was outlining different chapters and how my addiction grew and how there was one point where i like to bring party with six or seven people and then there was one time where i just wanted to be alone and if i brought a girl over sometimes you bring a girl over and

on the way over she go i text a friend of mine she went no no i might as well tell you no i don't want nobody else over there it's either you me or you could stay home i got enough blow for me alone and i'm cutting you in you know it's it's really weird how your addiction works so i'm happy that there was a lot of people who said that they didn't even know why they were telling me this in their emails so i'm really happy that you wrote the emails that means that you took the first fucking step that's awesome that and that's taking the first fucking step sometimes is being honest with yourself and saying hey man this is what i got who who shot that fucking duck lisa yeah when was the last time you shot a duck like that huh oh i had some i said i had some crazy farts this

weekend truly Mediterranean that hummus i love it juicy i love calling you telling you i'm going to Mediterranean it's disgusting it's disgusting and you're like yeah i'm going to have some meat and some salad you're gonna eat the fucking hummus no it's fucking good it's potato chips in the stop with the green what's what's on it on the greek salad don't forget about me vicki yeah right now yeah it's a quarter to seven bite what it's just it's rice grilled steak a little bit of greek salad in some moments that's it and what else should you eat over there that's it they have chicken too but i get the steak but don't they have a dessert like a flying fucking steak or something like flies through the air and you catch it no really i'm gonna have

over there but that's how many times you eat that Mediterranean food a week it used to be like two or three times i used to live right across the street from it but now now it's like maybe once or twice every day you're once or twice a day over there once or twice if i live closer we if that if we had gotten in the office right next to it i would have been there over there every day you like it that much it's delicious it's good it's grilled steak or grilled chicken and you eat the same shit every day yeah it's it's it's healthy it's well rice and fucking salad rice and salad so you're trying to fucking tell me what's going on vicki pezza what's going on guys how are you i'm sitting over here crossing this fucking this fucking jew telling me that uh you

know he eats that fucking hummus and that Mediterranean food is good for you and i know that shit's got to fuck up your asshole somewhere along the line morning everybody some other guy was some other guy was on the on my email page the other day on my fucking twitter page talking about halal meat what the fuck is halal meat h a la l meat it's like muslim kosher people drive from new york from jersey and i had to stop them like i don't know what fucking part of jersey you're from my friends don't drive over the fucking city you know halal meat so get it together cocksucker oh yeah we know we don't we don't why would i drive over there when i got the best fucking pizza in my neighborhood yeah seriously yeah no there's no need to drive

over for food there's no lack of food in new jersey i talked to my brother george this morning this is a kid that i've i've known for 35 fucking years i love him with all my heart but once a week he fucking disgust me by his fucking food choices living in new jersey because like i said i got three restaurants right in my fucking i could walk to to the world class chinese food chan's dragon you got the fucking rudies calamar where they got the chicken white wine they got the pasta and all that it's been there for 40 fucking years we used to walk up there in high school vicky peasant and then you got this place gilberto's cuban food just tremendous and every fucking time i talk to george once a week he depresses like yesterday he said he went to some house salvadorian food

at apapusa's in west new york new jersey if i could fucking stab him i would stab him right in the fucking neck but what are you gonna do vicky peasant i got problems you know i'm saying what's happening you sexy savage tell me something good oh my god how are you guys yeah and like back in belval there was like uh this deli like at the end of the block like you could walk and get amazing food i can't find like a good deli in la like where it's close enough for me to get my cold cuts and salads and things like that like i just go to the supermarket now well rouse has cold cuts they got the thumans which is whatever the fuck they call out here but the problem with those motherfuckers is two things they don't know how to slice the meat they slice it too thick and they

don't know how to package the meat you're supposed to package it with paper that's what keeps it fucking fresh it keeps the american cheese fucking folding you go to rouse the cheese lasts two fucking days because they cut it like it's thick like it's a bulletproof fucking cheese it's not gonna be shot in a sandwich and they fuck you know it's amazing now i go to gelsons and i get the cold cuts here's the difference they package the cold cuts distinctively they slice them thin they're impeccable i can go home right now and get the cold cuts i got on friday the cheese it's still bends in your finger you know me i'm yellow american all the way to the fucking death these fucking right these confused gentiles they eat this fucking cheddar cheese let me catch somebody

eating cheddar cheese around what's wrong with you i'm gonna fucking stab him that's the fucking gentiles all right but people who their last name is smith you don't eat that shit li okay you eat american cheese yellow if you have to eat the beige whatever but you go for the yellow why fuck around cheddar cheese it's for people in the midwest who see wings once a month and they jump up and down cheddar cheese you know and you want that yellow american thinly thinly sliced it's got a bend in your finger right you end up with one big clump of cheese stuck together thank you it's nice thin slices thank you these fucking savages don't know dick it just kills me i gotta tell you my favorite thing that you bring up is is the ranch dressing and how just fucking out of

hand it is here destroying and then they run they wonder why they're dying of cancer and their kids are a bunch of faggots walking around getting beat up and shit because they drink that fucking ranch asshole dressing that's all that is his ass wash for used it's like if an asshole got a yeast infection that's what it'd be ranch fucking dressing so next time you put on your french fries you fucking jerk off on your wings think of fucking an asshole leaking from getting fingered all weekend disgusting fucking disgusting there's already the perfect condiment for that sort of thing it's called blue cheese and that's how you eat buffalo wings and that's the end there is no discussion because there's no other way to do it listen dog i've been going we made me and my wife

they got this new lunch fucking deal over at arty arty mortons they got a lunch deal for 29 95 you get three courses but that's one lunch deal they have then they have this lunch deal they got like a $12 menu and they got a prime rib sandwich and they got a cheese burger which fucko got over there on a friday and they got all this shit well what was i gonna say what's wrong with me today what the fuck was it was it the $10 grilled cheese the $10 grilled cheese that's what you're really excited about it's all but it's so weird how uh everything i go in there for is tremendous vicky pez they don't have this shit no more i can't go anywhere where i feel at home with the menu a the fucking z i think that's what i was gonna say i don't even know

who knows right i know like like everything everything's like uh like you're negotiating like you're settling like things are good but it's not great you know you don't have that nice comfort like you would back home no no no no i like you know it's funny how now for years when i came out here vicky pez i had a friend that was a publicist and she asked me once if i had a resume and i go a biography a bio and i go not really and she goes let me write it for you i told her where i was from and the next day she gave me the bio and it said from hell's kitchen new york and i said but i'm not from hell's kitchen i'm from jersey why did you put that down and she goes it's not cool being from jersey she goes it's not nobody she goes except for springsteen and

manjovie and that was years ago nobody knows who the fuck jersey is now jerseys everywhere we got the cake boss we got the sopranos we got the fucking mob chicks the fucking uh what's that name of that show mob wives which is fucking disgusting i tried watching it two weeks ago i couldn't stop laughing but it's amazing how everything's pointing to that new jersey now they had the fucking super bowl in new jersey how desperate were those poor fucking people oh my god oh even watching that like every time someone was saying new york and i get it it's because of the giant and i get it and we you know we've been dealing with that our whole life but it's like they are not in new york they are in one country jersey just get it right

and oh my god they must have been freezing their asses off what a fucking nightmare that must have been people like crowd yeah i was at the super bowl in jersey freezing like a fucking mo mo you had to wait for a train that never came in the fucking darkness you couldn't get on root 3 unless my buddy steve of villa who i loved had a uh did a show at a bar behind the meadowland those poor bastards the guy charged 60 dollars a ticket or you could eat but you still had to pay for your cocktails they're like 10 fucking people they had to get there three hours before the show and then wait till the super bowl's over so that whole day was ruined oh that whole fucking day was ruined because they couldn't go nowhere on root 3 because they closed it down

i thought that was the worst idea ever having the soup bowl in fucking new jersey i didn't like it rogan had a show and he asked me 10 times to come back and i was like not in a million fucking years i definitely thought there was gonna be terrorism right yeah it's crazy like it's such a weird area like near um that stadium if you guys listening don't know it it's so like uh i don't even want to say industrial because it's not it's almost like swampy it's weird over there it's swampy meets industrial it's swampy meets industrial it's all east rutherford monarchy sea caucus let me tell you something they used to when i was a kid there was a place of monarchy called segovia it's still there it's a spanish joint it's like uh paella and shrimp and garlic

sauce and cream of shrimp soup look at lee your asshole would go on fire that i remember going there in 1982 and getting the surf and turf and the steak would fall off the dish with the fucking lobster tail and it was in such a shitty fucking area it was in such a shit fucking area and let me tell you something about monarchy new jersey it's like the twilight zone the ugliest people in the world live in monarchy new jersey everybody's got a big head everybody's got a two foot fucking plus length head it's fucking amazing it's like they all got shot with radio act uh active waste something is not right in monarchy fucking new jersey i don't want to do nothing behind there and they just opened up another comedy club in sea caucus i mean that

area is fucking booming that area is fucking booming right now yeah the hotels weren't ready they were like so she the hotels were like in so she because they were building a bunch of hotels by newark but they couldn't get them finished for the fucking soup bowl so it was like they were giving people fucking brown water at the hotels it's it was uh and i get it i get it now you know it kills me about new jersey get all this political backwash with the fucking governor which you know the rest of the country acts like oh my god what the hell is going on new jersey stupid motherfuckers this has been going on for the last three thousand fucking years in new jersey it's so hilarious it's so hilarious to me that they make it right when that bridge thing first came

out all right first of all my reaction was like that hilarious which is the wrong reaction to have you know it's like like all bad she you know he he really went for it you know it's so it's so blatantly corrupt but this is nothing new at all uh i mean corezine was very corrupt also that that's why you have a republican empowering the first place in new jersey it it's business as usual what i think it is is like the christie probably seems like a pretty good republican contender for the next election and shit's getting started now because it's so funny to me that any new jersey politics would be such a nationwide story but they're lucky they weren't paid they're lucky there was no internet when i was growing up they're lucky that they weren't national you know

retides roiders and stuff like that they really weren't big national networks that you caught the news you know they really picked and choose sorry about me and lee coffin lee's got the lee's got the flu he ate some bad ass oh no and i just got and i just got fucking reefer fucking throat and from smoking weed all fucking weak and i gotta stop but it's amazing how i've been turned off to life's politics because of the politics i encountered in early age in new jersey did you get you see what i'm saying to you like when i hear something about some politician now it's it's very so what to me because of what i grew up around i you know i i get it though i do get it it it's a little bit it's a little bit laughable you know um just the way everyone made such and i'm not saying it's not

a big deal i think i agree with you where it's like i guess i'm just numb to what a big deal it is which i guess isn't good it's laughable but sad because i look at something like my wife i look at something like my wife who was raised to respect the flag and raised to respect the country just how i was and once you see that type of stuff it's not that you lose respect it's that you lose that glee in your eye like when i see her talking about the american political system she still has faith she still has a hope where for me i know it's a bunch of thieves with suits on it's just a different way of robbing corrupting you want your fucking vitamin to pass you wanted to get FDA approval give me three thousand three hundred thousand for my campaign i'll talk to them and then

we'll shut them down if they don't it's all fucking money in politics it's advertising without the fucking advertising and the people that are involved involved in this aren't decent people are decent people it's it's people that we've done business with for hundreds of years whether it's a vitamin company or an aspirin company so they're all you know once you see what politics is really about how the money changes and how a bill gets passed or how it doesn't get to pass and that's what most americans don't know we take that thing for granted when you see these e-cigarettes for example okay let's start with these e-cigarettes for example you know this has probably been going on for six or seven years somebody went to a doctor and said i devised a way to make an e-cigarette

now who's the first people that would shut you down if you put together an e-cigarette the the e-fucking people the cigarette people right back a lot they don't want that yeah so who they're gonna go to a cop who they're gonna go to the mafia to beat you up they're gonna write to congress and say shut that down and then these people went away but they had to get enough voices to say this is healthy or unhealthy for you so yeah this is a healthy product for you in a way but guess who owns this when you look at the paperwork marbro right and now they've found a way to bring smoking back to being advertised on television and now you have steven dorf and jenny mccarthy essentially smoking cigarettes on tv but now there's a loophole

it's amazing how things change because the people who have the money to do this aren't your small business owners to pass these laws you know when i pass a zoning for me to have my waste from my warehouse to be dumped in some river you know even though we know that that's harmful products that you're pumping into that river but for a payout i'll look the other fucking way because my kids don't drink out of that fucking river right so once you see politics for what it is you get uh i don't know what you get to it you get kind of yeah like you said you get kind of numb to it and it breaks my heart because what my wife reacts to i wipe my ass with i look at i go are you serious are you fucking serious don't you see the fucking move here

and show look at me what the fuck are you talking about well let me tell you let me break it down for you then she'll go you're so cynical is that the word people use they'll say you're so such a cynic or whatever no i'm not a cynic i'm telling you because i grew up around this and then a year later when the shit back washes you go look did i fucking tell you ricky true what else is going on vicky pez it's true oh man i don't i don't know i i almost slept too long for this with that trust me i almost fucking slept too long i went to bed like 10 30 yesterday i think yeah i got pretty high last night and i went to bed at 10 30 and i got up at three the first time then i got up at four and i'm like oh shit i gotta get up in 38 minutes and i got a new alarm i use

the alarm on the iphone which sounds like the world's gonna end have you been walking up by the alarm on the iphone you think the world's gonna end it's like three degrees worse than a fire alarm it's like done done done done done done you wake up the whole hotel is banging up i mean i put it on the hotel one night when i fucking left the room i could see people like perturbed it went on like a five and six it's a horrible alarm the iphone you don't want it to go off you sit there fuck like if you wake up an hour before the alarm goes off you're like fuck i'm just gonna sit up and wait for this thing because i don't want this thing to go off it sets my nerve my central nervous system into a fucking complete oblivion so right i didn't want to get up this morning either

i wasn't in a fucking mood either what do you got coming up with uncle sam sam called in last week and it was a real pleasure to get him out he's a good dude sam trip i listened to you guys talk about you know like your back in the day stories it was really really great to think of uh sam as like a young punk kid i just find that awesome it's amazing that these guys were young when i moved here and they're still young you know i was 30 something when i moved here and now i'm fucking 50 right so if i've been here 17 years i pretty much got here when i was 33 years old guys like that's fucking long in the tooth jack but that's uh that's so encouraging to see the things you do now it's it's amazing you know i got it sometimes i feel like oh did i wait too long i got here when

i was like 26 i've been here like six years and and i'm always like oh man like i wish i came sooner like i wish i came like right out of college but honestly i don't i don't know if i would have even done what i was doing uh you know what i mean like that might have been too young i might have just fucked it up in a few months or a year and been right back home by now it's amazing what you could and what you can't handle a young age and i've seen it here you know i shot a couple of parts the other night i was sitting here watching tv and i caught on uh carlitos way the sequel they did did you ever see that movie fucking hell fucking horrific fucking horrific and the beauty of it was that they spoke to me about that movie i shot the pilot for lewis guzman on fox and the same

producer marty bregman jr who was on that pilot shot that movie and i and i and i and right then i remembered oh my god they talked to me about this fucking movie i didn't know they made the fucking thing so naturally i wanted to see who played a young uh al Pacino there was some spanish kid but there was a girl in the movie who was also in the pilot and i'll never forget that there was 20 fucking people there dressed in suits and women with nice dresses that worked at fox to see this girl like she was the next big thing she was the next jenna felope she was Puerto rican she was from new york city she was beautiful she had that white look to her she had straight hair so they could do shampoo commercials with her i mean it was fucking amazing her agency

was there they were 30 deep there was a black kid in the pilot who i saw years later in the sopranos him too they told him to be the next eddie murphy there was people there to see him guess what where the fuck are these people today so right from that chair i saw that girl and i was like what the fuck happened to that girl and i got up ran to the computer and put in db uh she hasn't worked since 2006 that was the last thing she did holy shit you know there was a girl when i fucking got here that uh was at a somebody from cbs or one of those companies or there's a new Orleans for a golf tournament and they put the tv on there in their hotel room and she was on national access what's that local access tv and they saw her and within three days they had her in

hollywood they gave her a half a million dollars they flew her family out the fucking la because my buddy was friends with her and he was telling me the story about what happened i'm like what and here i am at the story night doing blow and fucking you know and i can't even get arrested and here's these girls that this court girl was 19 or 20 years old so they grab her up here they bring her up here uh mbc throws her on a cyanide live she doesn't make the cut but they throw on a sketch show on fox some sketch show either the one shame attach was on one of those 10 years ago well the fucking show went into two seasons this girl had over her thing that she was a princess her whole uh her whole uh what do you call that shit her uh green to us her not where you change

her whole dressing room was like designed to be a castle and she was a princess and all this show oh my god bitch the show got canceled and that bitch gained 80 fucking pounds i just saw her in hollywood boulevard with a kid fat with a fucking guitar and now she takes photographs for a living she's like a headshot photographer for a living and i sat here and i said and i remember that girl couldn't handle it there's people who can't handle that success at that young age it's too much for them so in a way imagine if you came out here in a way where it was like we're going to bring you out and your family and here's money and here's here's already a job and and could you even imagine the fall from that like like in your head you're thinking like that's it i made hollywood

yeah it's all about this is my lunch now and it's like no you know many fucking comedians i saw at the store when i was fighting for my life that they gave deals to gave them half a million dollars and these guys are now gone broke back in their hometown because a half million dollars after taxes a quarter mill you still gotta pay your fucking commissions right which is nothing and now and now you buy a house you're like fucking i'm buying a house you buy a house out here and the deal don't get picked up you know it's amazing it's fucking amazing what happens to people you know that's why people they talk about this poor Justin Bieber kid and i shouldn't say poor Justin Bieber but they don't understand what happens to you they don't understand the creepiness that goes with

it's not just the money it's the creepiness it's what you see people you how you see people react in this town you know i see people sometimes how i go into a 7-11 all of a sudden one person will look at me and go oh my god you're the guy from grudge match holy shit not my guy relax i just robbed a bitch two weeks ago you know what i'm saying like i just fucking stole coffee at the airport and you're jumping up and down over some fucking fat dude that was in some fucking dumb movie you know it's amazing it's amazing the respect we give these people so i can't imagine someone like Justin Bieber who gets on a plane and the fucking stewardess wants to take a picture of him for a niece and you must have this power in this sense of entitlement and to get that so young like him

and Miley Cyrus and where it's like you're you're already a multimillionaire before you're 18 years old and everyone knows you and everyone loves you they all want pictures they all want to party with you i can't imagine having access uh just to that kind of never-ending fucking party at that age i don't i can't imagine that i could handle it better i don't know how they can come out and perform in these situations that they're in it's like as kids and what do you mean that age ten years ago if i was doing what i was doing now with the podcast with lee i'd miss at least three podcasts a month ten years ago at the age of 40 i still couldn't i still couldn't keep it together because i do that last line of coke at 545 and then call you and go lee i'm sick no podcast call vicky pezza

you know i couldn't do anything so it's not even the age of 19 or the age of 21 i know grown men that couldn't keep it fucking together you know this this fucking idiot i just seen him last night in the movie heat what was that idiot's name that hooked up with the fucking madam and went off the fucking you know what i'm talking about oh um shortly seen or no you time size more you know look what happened to adults in this town look what happened to michael fucking jackson the guy was 50 and he was inhaling the fucking shit that they give to people before they have surgeries and shit like that that's crazy like it's like i'm sorry that's like that's access to drugs that you wouldn't even think of like like to have your own anesthesiologist

on hand who the fuck thinks to even do that but uh billionaires like michael jackson uh they can do this kind of shit so the other hand so hard to say like i'll i'd be able to handle it because you don't know no and then i look at people like let's say brad pit let's say george cloney if i was brad pit do you know the things i would have done the women in this town if i look like brad pit do you have any after three years of people women going up to you're saying you're fucking gorgeous because that's what you tell brad pit correct oh yeah i can't it's like when you see that girl at a strip club and she's half naked as a man and you lose your mind and you go up to me you go you're fucking hot and i want to suck your fucking twat you say something

disgusting women have to say something disgusting to brad pit i mean i can't i'm thinking from the other side of the spectrum i'm thinking to if i was a woman and i saw a man who looked like brad pit come into a fucking bar and i had three cocktails and a line of blowing me and a grandma blowing my pocket what would i say to brad pit i go up to him and go honey you're fucking gorgeous and if i had 10 minutes i'd suck your fucking cock after you have women say that to you eventually you're gonna go you know what i'm gonna go and get myself five women tonight i'm gonna lay them all down i'm gonna sprinkle coke on them i'm gonna fuck them light them you know i'm just gonna do shit but he never lost it so i have to give a guy like him a guy like george cloney a guy like andy

garcia who you never really read anything negative about right you never really even andy garcia was here at a young age brad pit was here at a young age you know there's a way to handle yourself and there's a way not to handle yourself there's a way to if you want people to see you and know your business people will know your business if you don't want them to know your business and you don't want the paparazzi to see you the paparazzi won't fucking see you you know what's that fucking what's that fucking moron pirate of the caribbean i love him johnny depp johnny depp i love that fucking dude but here's a guy that bad mounts america remember i'm going to england because united well you were out every night guy on sunset you know like didn't he own the

viper room he owned the fucking viper room for a while i mean he owned it like when river phoenix was like you know dying from a speedball like you know you're immersing yourself in a very specific american uh culture there johnny depp so yeah maybe you can burn out on that it's so i enjoy it here quite you know vicki pezzo when i came here i didn't have any dreams of stardom i never wanted a limo i don't want to be in a convertible i don't want people calling me mr fucking deez you know can i get you a water mr deez this is the right thing i can do i hate all that fucking nonsense it drives me i couldn't imagine having a personal assistant did you know that i couldn't imagine once i need it once i come to you lee and i go i need a personal assistant

just stab me just slice me in the neck from behind i'll understand when i'm in the hospital stitching up i'll look at you and go lee you suck dick and you go no no no you told me to stab you if you ever thought about having a personal assistant i'm your friend and i'm just stabbing you because you told me to fucking stab you can't press charges on me remember what i'm saying to you i never remember this episode number lee just in case i never understood this evidence i'm writing it down right now i never understood all the things the importance that the the self importance that they put on themselves you know and and people get mad at me sometimes like the church or what's happened now it's not about what's happened now it's about sometimes you talk about

your past well the past is what keeps you honest i don't ever want to go back to addition i don't ever want to go back to prison i don't ever want to go back to living in a one fucking room apartment with my wife with nine cats you know and two air conditioners and direct tv we're living like Puerto Ricans you know we had a great apartment but you know i don't ever want to and that's why you have to keep those things so close to your rear view mirror because you never want to go through those things fucking again you know i never want to go through that drug addiction i had again never ever ever do i want to think that i have to get in the car and go to hollywood three in the morning get a package of coke or i couldn't do it again i don't think i had the

heart to do it again so that's what it's all about vicki pezza oh man aren't you happy you know to fuck up um yeah i mean i like that is that is one thing like with uh with drugs you know that i that i see here it's like man it is it is such a fine line between like you can have fun and and how some people it just it just grabs them and it won't let go to the point where it's like you you can't some people then they can't have a sip of beer they can't have a cup of a joint because that will just send them into this domino effect of very fucking bad things with me it was three drinks yeah that's that's the line with me i would walk in i would walk in you know i started in 79 i didn't drink and then i realized one day after like two years of doing blowing not getting

high that i had a drink to get high so then i would have a drink with the cocaine and then i said fucking i wouldn't do coke i just have a drink i can't go to a bar and not be sociable so i'd have my first right in those days i drink like southern comfort and orange juice or doers on the rocks the second one would be enjoyable but by the third one i needed to blow you know that's when i said to myself i can't believe i knew what i was doing from the beginning i was feeding the fucking fire i'm not a fucking idiot we're not idiots we know exactly what the fuck we're doing yeah and it's hysterical how an addiction grows and it becomes something else then it becomes something else it's it's we spoke about this last week after the philips even

were hoffman thing and you see it here you see it here oh my god because let me tell you something vicki peasant i know you've noticed this in the six years you've been here there's a very thin line between talent and mental illness yeah i definitely noticed that you go to the store on a fucking monday night for open mic you know you go to the ha ha for an open mic you go to a couple of these open mics you know i went to a farmers market last weekend there was a girl singing i'm surprised somebody didn't hit her with a truck i'm really surprised somebody didn't hit her with a fucking papusa truck or run her over eat and i didn't and i didn't say nothing it was my wife who turned to me and said look at that lady she's three days away from getting picked up and it was

sad there's a thin line between a genius and mental illness which we know but it's also talent and mental illness if you come here it's fucking close it's fucking very thin then you see the desperation and that's mental yeah it's the weirdest it's the weirdest um combination like personality when when you come here and it's like like there's there's a lot of talent and there's a lot of issues and then you're the the shit that you're subjected to on a daily basis i just don't feel like a lot of people could could live like that because it's a lot of rejection it's a lot of disappointment um but then there's also like really high highs like really good things will happen and it's just the struggle to like keep keep that going or keep that high going or you

know you always you always try to get the good things to outweigh the bad things and you start throwing so you like you have a lifestyle like that and you start throwing like uh you know mental issues in there or emotional problems or addictions and it it's a crazy stew of just fucking anarchy i'm very lucky to have made the progress i did i was a working addict you know i was uh one of those people who could uh still have an addiction and work and continue it i wasn't doing you know why you're doing it you're like i'm giving my life a hundred percent of my life but you know that you're really not right especially in hindsight yeah i was giving my life really 50 percent of it the other 50 percent of that talent was being wasted thinking about the powder and

thinking about how i was gonna put together my next high and uh i'm very fortunate that i snapped out of it i'm very fortunate that i didn't have gone to a rehab you know when i first moved to la the building i lived in with josh wolf was a very active building it was 14 it was 1740 north vista 1440 north vista something like that it was right behind elcan padre across my guitar center on that block oh wow nice right that block and that block was hell that block had hot chicks that block had fucking hot guys but what it had was drug dealers and on the building i lived at the third floor was a coat dealer like a tremendous coat dealer like a real this is what his family did a mexican kid that had long hair and he went out every night he slung drugs then he on the second floor was a real

weed dealer he was a promoter of black clubs by the same time that was his main money was dealing high level jamaican weed but on this on the first floor lived a girl a lesbian couple that they were on heroin and they were both trust fund babies that had come out here trust fund girls that had come out here and they were both on heroin and i used to have conversations with them by the pool and it was amazing what i learned from watching these two checks like they wouldn't take showers with soap because it would take the the they would clean their pores and they didn't want their pores to be clean oh my god they want their pores to be clogged so they couldn't sweat the heroin out oh my god it was fucking amazing the things they used to tell me how they would use chocolate the

active i don't know all the stuff i don't know that lifestyle and then they dawned on me like they were like i go where do you guys get the heroin do you go downtown do you go to a mexican neighbor and they go no two blocks away in hollywood and i go what if that guy's closed and i like when we go to the other two blocks other directions in hollywood right yeah i was uh there was a there was a very big heroin neighborhood in hollywood that nobody knew about that these people and you have to and then you have to you know when you look at all the reports about cocaine they say that i forget how many tons come into the country monthly of cocaine but me and my coked out delusion when that i cut that up and it's like broken down into eight balls it's like 30 million fucking eight

balls a month a state would have to do somebody's doing these fucking eight balls the same thing with this meth we read about there's tons of meth being produced somebody's doing it they we may not know these people just because we don't know them doesn't mean it's not going on it's like when you open up the fucking newspaper in the mornings and there's a dui and a family of six gets killed by a drunk driver just because you don't know those people you say to yourself that's never gonna happen to me that you know that it's us that's us we're connected in some way or another we just it's the same thing with drugs just because we don't have friends that do meth or we're not there's a meth circle somebody's walking around with fucked up teeth

and bad breath and it's freaky because you read you know well for me at least when i read about Philip Seymour Hoffman i was shocked like it it never would have gone on these like he's the last guy i would have ever thought would die from overdosing on heroin and then it makes you think to yourself well do i really not know people like this or are there people like this all around me and maybe my friends maybe people i see all the time and i just don't know this is what they're doing i have three or four friends vicky pes i know for a fact i'm on tremendous amount of pills that we don't even discuss it i don't even discuss it with them i love them that much that i don't really give a fuck but i know for a fact i know that two of them are in AA so they're not drinking

but the doctors are giving them other pills to cope with things which again i'm not mad at i'm an insecure fucking pussy i smoke dope all fucking day but don't tell me you're clean and you're doing pills right you know the biggest the biggest the biggest problem we have in this country right now is not to cocaine it's not the heroin they're pushing on you it's prescription fucking pills no matter how the fuck they slice it prescription fucking pills are destroying our fucking society it's it's like a slow cancer it's like a slow cancer getting off those things as a nightmare getting on them and and how you get on them is is a freak by nature it's not happening to people like me it doesn't happen to people like that are criminals it happens to people

like lee somebody who's right that starts working out and after six months you hurt your ankle lee you were running in north hollywood you hurt your ankle and you were borderline sprain and you start doing some vicarins and you start liking them lee and then somebody sucks your dick on vicarin and you like it even more you see purple spots and you see barney now they give you prescription pills but you you eat them off you eat them the 30 they give you they give you 10 you and they give them to you for the last a month you eat them in two days so this means now this means lee has to go out into the black market this means lee has to call up a guy like me a decent guy lee he's an editor he has a fucking job with benefits he has to call a dirty guy like me and go joey can you

get me vicarins and one of those days you're driving to get your vicarin and you're gonna get pulled over and you're gonna have 10 vicarins in a baggie and you have a prescription for them but that's not gonna be the ones in a baggie and you're gonna go to jail and and you create this this domino effect here's lee the sweetheart of a guy who would never harm anybody never did a legal drug in his life never still not doing a legal drug with the fucking vicarin it's legal but this is how easy it is it's not dirty people get caught up on vicarins and then Percocets and coding pills it's not it's people who come from decent family who believe they're doctor it's yeah exactly it's people that uh that have a medical problem at some point and

go to a doctor people with insurance people that that have a doctor to go to and get a prescription and then and that's how it starts yeah well i wouldn't be innocent i went to the doctor yesterday and i had bronchitis a year or two ago when joey gave me hash and they gave me coding uh that time and when they were giving me medicine yesterday i was gonna ask for coding but i decided not to even ask for it because i was like i don't want them to like set off an alarm and i'm gonna get arrested for it or i don't know so i just didn't ask for it you know now they gotta monitor yeah they look for that they gotta monitor you can't buy a lot of over-the-counter shit no more they monitor that's that's why i get scared to go buy the nose sprays you know i always buy them two at a fucking time

when i go in but i'm always petrified that they're gonna put me on computer or something like that which they do you know they have everything on computer so it just makes sense how the addiction process starts in this country it's not starting on the street with some black guy with a hat on it's not the biggest problem we have with doctors and that's what happens our belief in the doctors and i'm not saying doctors are bad people i'm just saying that accidents happen and sometimes you might take two of the pills you're supposed to take one and uh next thing you know you're at you're at a fucking party with a feather up your ass all vicki peasant what do you got next on your agenda talk to me um well there's a two things coming up on uh there's a big naughty

show live at the comedy store on february 20th all right um morgan murphy is going to be on it joe dorosa tiffany haddish it's going to be pretty awesome and that's uh i'm not in that i run that from backstage i keep it organized i keep spam from uh blowing the frames out try to keep them focused on the show um that's coming up uh if you're in la and uh if you are in the wittier area in california on march 7th i'm doing stand-up at uh it's this place called the ultra lounge it's at the radison hotel so i've never been down there before i'm going to check it out so march 7th come see me tell jokes if you're around you're beautiful shirts dollars you're beautiful vicki peasant i'm happy you're fucking called in so i missed you i want to talk to my jersey girl and

just keep me afloat twit me let me know what's happening in your life oh always and like i told rick shatiro said hi a lot of jersey people here i really love it yeah i'm gonna call rick to them and see if he calls into the podcast on wednesday so oh nice oh he would love that oh and i saw pictures of because that's what made me think of it i you know over the past few weeks i've seen pictures of both of you guys on the set of marin so i guess you guys are gonna be on marin which is gonna be fucking awesome when we should be on marin was he on recently um that might have been like a few weeks ago um i think there's it's not out yet season two but i saw some pictures from set so it's like i've just been seeing like all people i love like like all

these pictures coming out i'm like oh fuck season two it's gonna be so fun yeah one was great but yeah mark took care of me and there's good riders dunking birmingham that good guy so it took good care of my friend uh save entity works on that show and they're good people man i was really you know i emailed mark and emailed me back yesterday and he was in i was in shock i'm still fucking uh have a residual high from that show i really really do usually i do an acting show and i just move on with my life that one hit me a little harder because it was mark right and it was a guy that was me you know we all had nothing going on and now he has so much going on so i want to congratulate him again and now he's taking care of his friend season two well that's that's

what i fucking amazing and that's what's so great about watching that show i mean when i did i did it with mosha kasharia i did it with a bunch of motherfuckers that were cool so i can't wait for the episode to come out either but vicki i love you have a great weekend thank you for calling in oh thank you guys for having me talk to you soon bye mama bye bye let me give some shout outs real quick before i give a shout out to my mother fucking sponsors lebanon larry jordan co-pack with the cocaine kids joe gago west gaya rob odubai my brother rob aka abhubi aka lubai a 10th planet capo and soldier miguel pance and timothy avers some shit like that i don't know what the fuck his name is i want to give some shout outs to my sponsors i want to welcome

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and save you money go to escape pod tank dot com today also my favorite people who listen let me tell you something you fucking momo enough because i know the percentage of people who listen to this thing i'm mad enough with the stupidity dollar shave club you're gonna sit there with a rusty razor you got time to get on to a fucking pharmacy and stand online with a bunch of momos to spend fucking money on overpriced razors no you fucking don't no you fucking don't this is what you do you go to fucking joey Diaz dot net you go to a dollar shave club patch you click on what are you putting there church church and you get you get a tremendous fucking deal you get either one dollar a month you get either six dollars a month or you get nine dollars a month correct correct fixed

income not to do that you could also order the one white fucking charlie's and you could also get the shaving butter which is tremendous i just reordered because it keeps it smooth it got rid of some of the fucking scars i just got my first ingrown hair in fucking years so there you have it right there go to dollar shave club go to dollar shave club banner in my web page joey Diaz dot net or go to dollar shave club dot com press in church in the fucking box and get your fucking special deal today why you're not getting these is beyond me they get delivered right to your door hulu plus are you fucking kidding me or what half years of listening to this so you intend to tame it you're into movies you're into tv shows you're into documentaries

but bam that's where hulu plus comes in you get two free weeks to sample it when was the last time to suck your dick for free and then ask you when was the last time a coke dealer gave you a little bit of coke and said you got it for free not nobody does that if you go to the hulu plus fucking website they give you one week for free if you're a joey Diaz fucking listener you get two weeks on the arm fucking gratis boom for free and after that it's seven ninety nine a month boom that's what ninety six fucking dollars a year to get the best in entertainment whether it's television shows whether it's fucking films or whether it's documentaries whether it's original fucking programming that's how we do it here right and last but not least

let me tell you what i did last week last week was one of the best weeks for me ever and i'm going to tell you why because i had five workouts i went to three kettlebell classes where i did deadlifts and all of them and double fucking cleans and i went to two jujitsu classes i went to a fucking tuesday class and i went to a friday night fucking beginner class at gmak i never did five fucking workouts even when i was in the testosterone do you know why i got to do five workouts i'm gonna tell you people why honestly it was because of the protein powder and because of the fucking shroom tech i can tell you i take all these products and i take stevia and i snort it and i take the fucking no i stick to what i fucking know alpha brain and

that fucking shroom tech sport if you're having a problem in jujitsu you're having a problem with your fucking kickboxing class you're having a problem at the fucking gym on the stand master do me a favor just get one thing a shroom tech sport just one give it a fucking try go to honet.com go to joey d is what are you pressing the box church you get 10% off not only that they have stayonet.com where they come directly to your fucking mailbox just like dollar shave club and you get 20% off savings they also have a sweepstakes they're running the thing ends february 28th go to honet.com look at this chick with the titties baggage comes out ooh li what would you do to that would you hit him in the fucking ass with yamaka

go to honet.com go to joeyd's.net go to the honet box pressing church and get 20% off the fucking price i'm telling you right now dawg i'm no better than you i'm walking around at 300 fucking pounds i'm 50 years old i'm gonna be 50 fucking one years old i'm rolling around with guys half my fucking age you choke me the fuck i didn't say nothing about choking people up that's completely different i said about lasting the whole class and making it home and then going home and making a fucking hemp force protein shake and putting some glutacorn in there so your muscles don't ache and you're allowed to go in there the next day trust me i'm 50 fucking one guys i'm fucking heavy and a half of you motherfuckers go to honet.com go to the fucking box press church

and get the fucking 20 percent off go try shrimp tech go try the immune for your fucking so you don't get the flu like this fucking goots and go get the fucking sport so once you're healthy you can run around do fucking jumps and shit like that you hear my stomach it's growling but at six to five days this morning i had a hemp force protein shake with two scoops so i doubled the fucking protein powder and i put the fucking thing and it's still lasted in there i'm telling you honet hulu plus fucking dollar shape dollar shape club and escape pod tank dot com they're the ones we're back until they get your shit together cocksuckers you know what i'm saying get your shit together motherfuckers it's monday february 10th the day the devil was buried

at sea and you're sitting there thinking about how bad my life is i don't have money for val fuck you bitch there's always a fucking alternative that's when you sat there the last fucking month and jerked around now you can't get your fucking girl uh you're not even a lollipop on fucking friday get it together time is running out bitches you ain't got this shit what am i even talking about i love when i just go on a stupid fucking round with me too everyone else we got to go look at the office this week tomorrow yep i got a key you got to make an extra one for yourself and shit like that okay i got an itch right on my ass cheek remember this i love it i got a spray like an anti-fungal on my asshole every once in a while it gets itchy down there

i'm gonna do water and stuff just don't help baby power i baby powder too but then you get a conglomeration of stuff i don't want no barnacles around my ass all over to be direct gotta get healthy leave no more fucking coughing you understand i know fuck you're killing me i'm coughing because of the weed you're gonna even smoke and weed so we gotta get together basically i basically i'm smoking weed in this room but uh yeah we even hit me with the second hand smoke should i hit you with a microphone now i get high in this soldier you're fucking dead how do you get high in this room i do how do you get high in this room what are you smoking four joints during the fucking hour and a half i smoked one fucking joint just hit it two

or three times you're slipping on me once we move into the office you're not even gonna drive there the more you're gonna run over there the more you're gonna run there and back you're gonna be three four mile child you're gonna get healthy you're gonna go on the products you're gonna take some fucking shroom tech let's say it's over the party's over i can't hear anything you're gonna do jumping your head's gonna get all small again like when you were juicing and your eyes were creepy and shit look at that picture off twitter you're all creepy your eyes and your fucking head is all small take a picture now your head don't fit in that frame no more you are crude all you guys your little cheeky little nose and shit that's your little head was tiny and shit like a little

like that midget from the fucking what's we man not we man the other midget from the over in twilight mini me yeah yeah a little fucking head just like you i had a good weekend then when i tell you why i had a good weekend because i wrote a lot and i was writing about uh my laugh you know because i'm writing about the things that made me become a man you know and it's so weird how sometimes i was breaking your balls about a year ago by watching football on a sunday and i got a bunch of emails people are like leave the fucking kid alone and that's the only thing that keeps them together and i wasn't looking at it like that because i enjoyed watching sports too growing up i would sit there for fucking hours and watch basketball or baseball

and football but it was one day i had to make a decision do i want to be broke or do i want to watch football yeah you know that that's how it came about to me you know with me my life wasn't simple it's not like i figured this shit out on my own i had an option to take you know and so now i know that people survive without it that's why when you i was busting your balls and people were like i gotta watch football and something you know you survive without after a while you realized that night when you sit there and watch the highlights from all the games that's it that's all you need yeah that's all you fucking need you know that after a while it's just tough to so that time that you sat there for three hours watching the game you could have been working on your

term paper you could have been working on a high school homework whatever the fucking that i learned it the hard way you know and it's so weird i was telling you the story and i spoke to george about i called george right away and i go george you know i was leaving anyway i was leaving anyway like i already had a decision like tomorrow morning there's a couple flights there's one at one there's one at four i don't know which one i'll take but i definitely know i'm leaving in those days you didn't have to make reservations like now or you just called you could just show and especially this airline that we call people's express i'd spoken about this before they only sh they only fuck it they only flew and uh there was one of those places that

you just had you just had a fucking show up send ftd flowers are you reading a junk email no no somebody had emailed me and i didn't know what the fuck it was i'm just looking at send ftd flowers don't fuck yourself that's what ftd means fuck your flowers so uh i was leaving the next day anyway and i went out and i bumped into that kid that called the podcast one time huli over driggers and we were cousins growing up and all of a sudden he came up to me i went up to him to shake his hand and he was very cold to me he was telling me how uh my stepfather was looking for me that i had fucked up that you know a couple people were looking for me that i should get my life together and he walked out of that so i got really all paranoid i'm like we gotta get out of

here i mean there was no cell phones in those days he had to walk through a payphone and call somebody and then leave a message and then they call him back so if he went to call somebody i had time to get out of that but when i got outside i seen another friend of mine she was going on to have a drink and she came up to me after this guy told me this and said hey those people are looking for you for that fucking drug deal that you did they got a fucking beach uh so here i get two stories and then i basically go home and i go to bed and i get and i wake up the next morning i'm headed to the airport i see somebody else is looking for me and he tells me the next time he sees me he's gonna shoot me and it's just amazing how that night i went home and i was crying

because the reality was i was leaving i had to fucking leave you know and it broke my heart the last thing i wanted to do leave and i state my case to today was ever leaving new york city i don't ever want somebody to say oh well joey was smart he left no i left because i had to leave but it but something else came to me that night that i had to leave because of two other reasons i also knew i had to leave because i wasn't gonna grow there yeah i would never grow there i was so surrounded with drugs and the crime lifestyle and i had such a woe is me mentality at that time and i see it sometimes when i talk to people on emails i got a bunch of emails last night this was what i was going into when i got it that i got some great emails last night about people

copying to their addiction but i got a lot of woe is me emails and it made me think of that when i wrote into the book because i had that woe is me mentality as much as you guys will never believe that about me i had that mentality really i had the woe is me and the addiction and if somebody will help me mentality so i was a tough fucking person to be around you know it's a tough person to be around yeah and would maybe become a man would make me really move forward what made me walk into a square door without a triangle around me like i told them the joe rogan podcast about that luggage was for me to lose the woe is me mentality yeah the losing it's hard it's easy to have that mentality jesus christ it's fucking easy to have it but to lose it

is so fucking hard but i grew so much that night i didn't leave new jersey because those people looking for me i left new jersey because i knew i'd finally come into some money and if i didn't leave now i would never leave and i knew i would die there so it was so weird in this book that i was right i'm writing how i wrote that sometimes your life you know you already have a decision something just helps you make that decision a lot quicker yeah so i want people to keep that in mind today that uh you know lose the woe is me fucking bullshit you know i know times are bad and i know that you must have had a bad week i know society sucks and the church sucks and pavarotti sucks and the grammy sucked and woe is but you know bad come bad bad whatever's off tv

but you know what woe is me gets you fucking nowhere and it really made a man out of me losing that woe is me so for the people who wrote me the emails on addiction and shit i love that you sent me the pictures uh the the emails there was a bunch of people who sent me the woe is me i love you and i love you for listening but do me a favor lose it and your life's gonna fucking move forward fucking easily as fuck because you waste so much time doing it yeah you really do because you can go all day telling everybody the same story and if you just spent that time doing i mean i everyone does it so i'm not saying that like the if you wrote an email to joey saying that i'm not saying anything's wrong i'm just saying and no it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't a big woe is me mentality

i could just feel it in some of the emails about the drugs yeah you know i do drugs because of this reason and i'll tell you something else i got the woe it's funny because i lost the woe is me mentality in 85 but i got it back in like 94 and bolder when i had the problems of my ex-wife again yeah and again i had to leave again and i had to realize that took the woe is me mentality up my ass oh tuck it between my legs and be a fucking man again so that's the point of the fucking week listen it's february 10th valentine's day is friday we're gonna be back on wednesday we're gonna have tremendous guests we're gonna have a great fucking panel whatever the fuck we do and besides that listen we want you to have a great day today we want you to go out then

be prepared stab a motherfucker be focused and remember what i love you got dick because if you don't love nothing you can never be fucking good at it so get it together conch suckers i love you stay black and have a great day and quickly uh go to i have a website now it's called leeside.com so any any of the other podcasts i'm doing with with steve simone or rick ramos or jerry rocha they're all there so go to leeside.com check those out uh now that the show's over don't forget to sign up for your free trial of hulu plus hulu plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your tv pc smartphone or tablet support this podcast and get an extended free trial of hulu plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey or go to joeydeas.net and click on the

hulu plus banner and don't forget to sign up for dollar shave club dot com you get a high quality razor sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail uh now go to dollar shave club dot com slash church or just go to joeydeas.net and click on the dollar shave club banner and lastly go to escapepodtank.com and get yourself an inflatation tank for 250 dollars off and you save a bunch of fucking loot trust me oh shit have a great week motherfuckers uncle joey loves you thank you for listening today so Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah