Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #151 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, March 30th.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by DraftKings, CBD Lion & Zip Recruiter.…. Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app, and use promo code JOEY to get $200 in free bets when you spend $5… If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP(AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat  (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 1-877-770-STOP (7867) (LA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA/MI/NH/NJ/NY/OR/ PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Min. $5 deposit required. Eligibility restrictions apply. See http://draftkings.com/sportsbook for details. Go to https://www.ZipRecruiter.com/JOEY & Try it for FREE! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. What's happening you bad motherfuckers? Yes it is. It's Wednesday the 29th of fucking March or whatever the fuck 30th. I don't know who gives a fuck anymore. The 30th. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. I'm very happy that you guys enjoyed the podcast we did with the fucking three amigos.

It was really great seeing Lee and Steve Simone. When they left it was very emotional for me like I had a long day like I was fucking tired. Our tolerance is fucking definitely not the same. I mean I gave Lee an ABX 200 milligram with the fucking CBO in it. That motherfucker was fucked up on Friday night. Friday night we didn't really do much. I met them late. They had their Chinese food.

They were fucking excited. That motherfucker Steve Simone showed up with two pies, tomato pies from Philadelphia. I forgot the guy's name but I'm talking about, I never had a tomato pie. It's like pizza with your sauce on it. Holy fuck that thing was good. Then they woke up Saturday. I had errands to run and shit. They woke up Saturday and went to a crispy pizza up in Old Bridge on the 516.

Fucking tremendous. And then they went to Aiello's sandwich place, one of the best sandwich places in the area. And fucking Steve Simone being the Catholic of life on a Saturday. He went to church and prayed and fucking hung out with Filipino people. Only fucking Steve Simone could find the church in fucking Jersey that quick. I mean he got here Friday night and he was a church on fucking Saturday. Praying. They went to Carvel.

Then they got here and we fucking, I mean guys we didn't even really smoke. That was the crazy thing. He maybe took three hits off a blunt one night and then the next day he took a couple of blunts. But I gotta tell you something. I was telling Mike, when people say to me they're looking to change in their lives. You're looking for your life to change. And you keep trying really hard. You don't know where to start.

I have a friend that's really heavy. And when I see him, I can tell that it's wearing on him. And he's embarrassed about his size. But he doesn't know where to start. And sometimes in life, when you're looking to change, you're like what do I have to do first? And it's a tough thing. Some people work on changing and others just let the evolution happen naturally. It was funny because I hadn't seen Lee.

Listen guys, I had not seen Lee or Steve Simone since August 17th. I left on the 19th, but Steve left before me. And so did Lee left that Monday. I left on a Thursday. And it's crazy that we have not seen each other in whatever that is. September, October, November, December, January, February, March, 19 months. And looking at Steve Simone, looking at Lee, and looking at myself even, it's amazing how much we've changed. And we didn't change for the worse. We changed for the better.

Like if you guys thought I was doing great doing the church, I was. I was having a great time, but now thinking back, looking, we were not fucking healthy at all. I mean, that was, you could tell that I'm smoking again because you could hear the wheezing in my fucking lungs and whatnot. And I don't give a fuck. You know, it's not like I'm going crazy here or anything, but it's really hard to believe how much a person could change. Some people look to change with like a time, you know, it's even my diet. Like guys, I don't, I have all this great food around me. And I can honestly tell you that because I'm getting older and whatever, my diet is different.

Like my diet is completely different. I won't, I don't think even think my, my body could process like a quarter pound of a cheese. If I got to cheat at McDonald's, I go to McDonald's twice a year because anybody could afford, you know, when you work out and lift and take care of yourself, you also have to shit on your body once it recovers naturally. When you eat McDonald's, it breaks you to fuck down for a few days. I swear, at least it does me. Some people eat McDonald's and they fucking whistle while they work. Hitler is a jerk. Anyway, some people eat McDonald's and they fucking, you know, I eat McDonald's and stays with me for fucking two or three days.

And that's why I don't eat McDonald's. But when I do go to McDonald's, you know, I used to be able to eat like a fucking this and that and take two apple pies. I can't do that no more. Even if I want to, even if I'm stoned to the gills. If I overeat like I was overeating in my early life, I fucking feel like shit. I feel like shit. If I eat fried foods for a few days in a row, I feel like shit. And when you're a kid, you fucking eat fried chicken, 22 fucking pieces. You blow a little hot oil fart and you move on with your fucking life. You know what I'm saying? But once you get older, you just, but it was the change has been, it was very impressive.

You know, Steve is still doing his thing in Florida. He just took LA and brought it to Florida with him. You know, when you do that, listen, you could do stand up anywhere. That's the beauty of what we fucking do. Okay. You could do stand up locally. You could do stand up in your area, or you could do stand up on a national fucking level. You know, everybody has a different goal. Everybody has a different take. When you start a band, you ever go see a band that doing fucking cover songs,

the whole fucking hour and a half. And you're like, what the fuck are you going? Where the fuck are you going? Well, when you play a wedding and all that shit, you got to play devil with the blue dress on and shit and bars. I don't want to hear that shit. I don't want to hear that shit. I don't mind going to your show, but I want you to have a little original content. You know what I'm saying? Like a little original content, one fucking song. Everybody throws a song at you for fucking going to see them, right?

Like, hold on. This is a song we wrote. You're like, oh, Jesus, here we go. Violins come out and arrow flies through the fucking air. But I like that shit. But when you start comedy, you have to decide what you're going to do. When I started comedy, I started locally and you grow a little bit and then you have to make a decision. I could do fucking triple runs on my fucking life or I could try to duke it out with those fucking savages in LA. Some people go to LA and they leave in two months and that makes the decision for them. I know who I am now. I'm never going to be on TV.

I don't want to be on TV and I just want to do stand up from town to town 50 fucking weeks a year. You're still a stand up. Maybe people won't know who the fuck you are, but you're still a fucking stand up. And that's all that matters that you make a living. You know, sometimes being in a national spotlight is a little bit fucking overrated for some fucking people. Some people just don't fucking like it. You know what I'm saying? But you have to decide what you want to do. You know, like right now, when I came back here, my original plan was to team up with Artie and take over fucking New Jersey. That was my original plan.

When I was on the fucking plane coming back to Jersey here with my wife and Felicia and the cats, and I was like, you know what? I go back to Jersey, take a look around, say which way the wind blows, and then me and Artie will take over this fucking state. Now, since I got here and I didn't want to do it, but for me to be happy to do it again, I would have to just do it locally. I don't want to talk to fucking agents every goddamn day about offers and shit. And that's the decision I would make. I would just do Jersey, New York, Boston, maybe stretch out to D.C. and keep it there.

Maybe PA. I'm real close to all those gigs in PA. Too bad I don't want to fucking do comedy. But if I wanted to do comedy full time, I could take that. I already been through a fucking ringer right now. It would be easy for me now. I don't even give a fuck. If I got on stage, who's going to be the HBO? I'm not looking to shoot an HBO special.

And that's all the things you have to decide as a stand-up comic, or even as a human being. What do you want to do? What type of attorney are you? I'm going to be this type of fucking attorney. You have to narrow it down when you write your goals. It's fucked up sometimes, and I did it for years to write. I just want to be a good comedian. And that's as simple as can be. I just wanted to be a good comedian.

What's that? I know the basics. I could store retail. I could improvise a little bit. I could do anything. When I do stand-up, I could do anything. I could improvise as good of a lot of people that you've seen on the road. The problem with me is I don't like improvising because it could go a thousand different fucking directions. If I was doing an open mic and you guys pay five bucks to get in, I don't give a fuck what happens. But when you guys pay 25 and get a babysitter and dinner and the whole fucking thing,

I got to give it the best show possible. And if I start improvising, I'll improvise for three, four, five minutes, but I go back to the fucking set list and work myself around that. And that's what I always wanted to do, perfection. I wanted to go on stage. You're never going to be perfect. But I know that when those people left my show, they knew that I left 100% on the stage. I'm fat. My face is red. It looks like I'm going to fucking my head's going to blow. Listen, that motherfucker left it all on stage.

You know what I'm saying? That's classic. So when you're looking to change your life, you have to be very specific in what goals you're picking and how you word your goals. That's basically what I wanted to say about Steve. And I'm very proud of him. I'm very proud of Lee. I'm going to start to see him a little more. We made a little thing that maybe we'd see each other a little more from time to time. Next time, maybe Michael join us for dinner if he can.

You know, Mike's got to watch the kids and shit, the tough life having kids. I'm brother, fucking tough, man. I was supposed to do something Saturday, Sunday, your plans changed. When you have kids, people just don't really understand. Like even at Jiu-Jitsu, I can't go to Jiu-Jitsu at night. For many reasons. I'm too fucking old and by six o'clock, I'm already done. I'm pooped. I can't see myself running around or whatever. So I go to day classes and I know what I want to do.

This class I go to on Tuesdays and Thursdays over at his school at Hollis. Let me tell you something. They got a thing called like blue and they drill and fucking pass to God, drill, pass to God. Then you go back to fucking drilling, then you go back to passing the fucking guys. I've been there a couple of times and I'm still not in fucking whatever shape, but I'm going to catch up. I don't even know how we got on fucking Jiu-Jitsu. It's a dumb thing. But what I'm trying to tell you, motherfucker, is that if you are looking to change, don't sweat it. It takes time. Everything takes time. That's why I tell people all the time, just keep showing up.

Even when it came to Jiu-Jitsu, I'm sorry to bring this up again. I was talking to a kid in Jiu-Jitsu one day. He's not there anymore. He's in Mexico. He's a financial guy. He's coming back in six months. And we were talking about, he was telling me how he's not putting enough time into Jiu-Jitsu. And I go, why is that? And he goes, a little bit of fear, a little bit of, you know, he had a couple different, whatever. I can't think about it right now, but I focused on the fear part. You know, I have that fear too sometimes.

Sometimes before I go to Jiu-Jitsu, many times, maybe twice a month, I'm going to Jiu-Jitsu and I turn the fucking car around. Because I'm just scared that day. And I go, why the fuck? And then I feel like shit for not going. Then you feel like shit for not going. And the key thing here is just keep showing up. You're not looking to be the best guy in that motherfucking class. You're just looking to be consistent, which is the most important thing in fucking life. You know, podcasting, for example.

People always ask me, Joey, what's the number one rule or what advice would you give me? And I always tell them consistency, whether you got a crawl to do it, you got to do it on the same. I would love to just have a schedule like Joe Rogan. He puts a podcast up whenever the fuck he wants. I don't have it that good. I have to stick to a schedule so you guys know when to expect it. And I know when to give it to you. You know, Mike's got kids.

I got a fucking kid. You know, you're going into softball season. I'm like, you know what? I think I'm just going to start doing the podcast on Mondays and Wednesdays and putting that on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I know I can't do that because that would fuck up a thousand people's rotation. Why? Because I was consistent with those two days for the last fucking 10 years for the last 10 years. We've been popping up on your fucking YouTube every Monday and goddamn Wednesday. Consistency is so much in life to stick into the plan.

And guess what? It's fucking boring. Consistency is fucking boring, but that's what's going to get you over the fucking hump. It's showing up, showing up, showing up, showing up. Even me saying it is fucking boring, showing up, showing up, showing up. I can't fucking show up every day, but you can. But you can. Even if you're not there physically, you could show up there mentally.

Just because I'm not on stage doesn't mean I can't write, right? Just because you're not playing the guitar doesn't mean you can't fucking write songs. If your hand's broken, you can still write fucking songs with one head, you know? Whatever. Just the musical chords I'm talking about. Putting them in your fucking head, you know? There's so many different options. You know, and today I'm sorry I was going to have a guest today.

And we are timing, you know, this fucking Zoom shit sucks for me sometimes, especially when I got guys from California, because they think I say two o'clock, and it's two o'clock Cali time, it's really 11 o'clock. And this morning I was going to have a podcast with a musician, a dear friend of mine, new to the podcast, and we were going to discuss, you know, the, what happened this last weekend, you know, and you're like, what the fuck happened this last weekend? Because it's something that you...

I want you guys to grasp, because it's something that comes with life. We lost a fucking great musician this weekend. You guys know what's cool, a thumb I come from when it comes to music. I like all the guys, like the older sounds. I've always loved the Foo Fighters. You know, I think that every once in a while they get on my nerves because they do everything. They're always there. They're always fucking there.

Every Grammy, they're there. Every MTV thing, they're there. They were about to do the Grammys again in a couple of weeks, and I was like, fucking again with the goddamn fucking Foo Fighters? You know, and I love Dave Grohl. He's the, you know, constant professional. I mean, this guy, he's everything I love about him. You know, no ego, no dick.

He just, you know, I remember hearing this and I remember now talking to Mike about it. You know, his first album, he played every fucking instrument. That's Prince type shit. That's legendary type shit. But then again, if you know about Prince or you know about Dave Grohl, they were both in the same position. They were child prodigies. Dave Grohl was a child prodigy.

What's his name? It was forced to put him in the band because of the record label suggested him. The drummer, Dave Grohl. He was just a fucking kid. When David Grohl joined the Foo Fighters, he was just a fucking kid. Nirvana, I'm sorry. Nirvana. Fuck, I get confused.

His reef is killing me. Yeah, he was in a pump bag. He's a fucking young kid, but the record label thought he was a fucking, you know, like this fucking out of this world thing. So they talked to Kurt, I guess, and they put him in there. Him and Prince are the same. They don't give a fuck. They ain't waiting for you.

They ain't waiting for you. They're not like me that I got to wait for Mike. They ain't waiting for you. You don't want to play the fucking drums? I'll play the drums. I'll play the flute. I'll learn to play the saxophone just to play this fucking song. That's why I love Prince and that's why I love Dave Grohl because they're the constant musicians.

If somebody had an ego, they wouldn't let somebody else play the fucking drums. If they thought that they were the best fucking drummer, I like Dave Grohl because he's a team fucking player. He does whatever is needed to make the music go on. You need me to fucking kick you in the ass while you're fucking singing? I'll do it. You need me to play the fucking cowbell? I'll do it.

I think this needs a helicopter in it. I'll do it. And that's like with stand-up comedy. You can't be jealous of the other guy. You got to applaud that other guy because by you applauding that guy, that young guy, you're making yourself stronger as a comic or a musician. If I was Jimmy Page, I could just tell people to go fuck myself. Right?

If I was fucking Joe Perry from Errol Smith, you come to me with some fucking story about a guitar, I'd tell you to go jump out a fucking window. I've done a thousand shows in arenas. I fucking put together 10, 12 of the best albums you've ever heard and you want to come tell me a story? Get the fuck out of my face. If I'm fucking Joe Perry and somebody comes to me, oh, there's a new kid, Randy Rhodes. Go fuck yourself.

You know what I'm saying? I was doing heroin when Randy Rhodes was born. What is Randy going to say to me? And then you look at Randy and go, he's a fucking tank. But yeah, he was a tank. God rest his soul. And that's what this death reminds me of. This Taylor Hawkins death.

You know, it was weird that Ozzy Osbourne's David Tom Rhodes is Tom Rhodes. Randy Rhodes's anniversary of death was a week ago. And I know a lot of you guys were not around for this in 1982. It was crushing. I know you guys think I'm a fucking geek when it comes to music and I am. I am. I take it personally. I cry.

I get pissed. I throw shit like I told you. You call me a fat spick and I walk away from you. Tell me Led Zeppelin sucks. We're wrestling. We're wrestling. You know what I'm saying? Like we're going to argue first and then tempers are going to flare and we're going to throw

punches. You tell me my mother's a cunt. You know, she's dead. What do I give a fuck? She's a cunt in heaven. But, you know, if you want to argue with me, argue music, argue with you and the tempers will flare and the whole fucking thing. You know, but I remember like, you know, you got to set it up.

I mean, listen, the Foo Fighters didn't mean to me what they meant to Mike. Mike's a real Foo Fighters fucking guy. He lives and dies. He knows the sun. Yeah. One by one. He knows the songs backwards and front words. I know more about like Led Zeppelin.

I'm kind of fucking Foo Fighters, but they didn't live or die for me. But let me tell you a little story. My mother had died. I was lost and the only thing that was keeping me alive was listening to we sold our soul for rock and roll. As dumb as it sounds, people, as dumb as that sounds, there's sometimes that there's just a couple of things that are keeping you alive. You know it and I know it.

You know, you guys have rough days. You're like, fuck it. I'm going to go jump off a bridge and while you're walking there, you go, I can't. I love my tricycle. You know what I'm saying? Like I love my fucking bicycle, whatever. There's always something. It's the simplest fucking thing.

For me, it's all I had at 17 was fucking Ozzie and Judas Priest and AC DC. And I probably live vicariously through them because I didn't want to live my life because it sucked. I was hurting from fucking aided. I was a walking bandaid. Okay. And I still remember, man, fucking taking a hit of acid on my birthday. The day, the day, uh, bond Scott died in 1980 and we did a bunch of crazy shit and on the

walk home, we stopped at a magazine store and I'll never forget picking up cream, the magazine cream and seeing that, uh, Ozzie was putting a band together, blah, blah, blah, blah. They didn't give you names or nothing like that at the time. They just told you to put in a band together. That's why I was excited. That gave me some time to talk shit. I thought the band would be called, uh, Blizzard of Oz, which it was, which made me, you know,

I was a cocaine guy, anybody blizzard, snowstorm, any of that shit got my fucking dick card. So I just knew I even got a shirt made the Blizzard of Oz, you know, my own little blizzard with a fucking line of coke on it. I was a fucking retard. I get it. Then finally came the chance and the tickets went on sale for Ozzie at the Palladium and I got Rudy and you got Randy Rhodes. I didn't look at it.

And now I ended up being friends with Rudy so so 40 fucking years later. So I'm sitting there. We fucking get the tickets. We go to the concert. Tremendous at the Palladium. Think of seeing Ozzie Oz wanted a 1500 seat, maybe 1800 seats. It's like watching somebody at town hall in New York City and fucking phenomenal. Like when I went to see guns and roses of Bill Burr at the Palladium, you can't ask for anything

more. When you really want to see a fucking band, let it all out. I went. I had a great time, came home. I was hookline and sinker, Randy Rhodes fucking the guitar solo on a goodbye to know whatever, goodbye to romance, just so many fucking things. I was hooked and all of a fucking sudden my friends are going to pick me up. It's March.

We're going to go out. We're going to get high. We're going to do this. And as I got in for any boss of pseudo's car, he goes, did you just hear it? It came on the radio. Randy Rhodes died. I was blown away. You know, at that time in my life, anybody could have died and I didn't expect it, but

Randy Rhodes, one album, he had the other one in the can. I think when he died, the diary of a man, man, I'm not sure. I don't want to fucking make the wrong statement here, but it threw me for a fucking loop as a 17 year old kid. I was hurting for a few days as dumb as that fucking sounds. I was like, what the fuck can this guy die? This is just my fucking luck, you know, and then time moved on and, you know, you do more coke, you know, you do more drinking, you do more quailudes, the pain goes away.

But you know, this weekend, like I said, I'm not even a fucking big whatever fan, but I'm a fan of life. I'm a fan of human beings. I'm a fan of people. But when I woke up and I looked at Instagram without a fucking, I saw people posting pictures of him. I think that I go, there's a fucking mistake. I just heard last night that they're doing a fucking Grammys.

How can this kid be fucking dead? And it's, it's really fucking mind boggling guys, you know, like when somebody dies like that. I didn't know him. I love to tell you, I knew him, all the people put pictures up or jumping up and down with him. I didn't know him. I didn't need to know him to feel.

I didn't need to know him to feel, you know, and I wish I always have a little empathy when I see somebody died, a mom died, a dad died, a kid died, you know, I always have a little bit of empathy. There's some people, you know, 11 people who got shot at a baseball game. Fuck it. Why would you go to that game? It sucked anyway. Just dumb shit.

You know, like just dumb shit, but every once in a while, somebody dies and I got to fucking tell you a minute, throws me for a loop. I got to think about the situation and I got to process it as much as if I knew the human being. Isn't that fucking weird? Like I know, you know, Brody, I knew Brody, I knew fucking Ralphie, I knew these guys. I never knew Taylor Hawkins. That's his name, right?

Taylor Hawkins. Because I'm bad with names. I don't want to insult them when the guy's dead. If he was alive, we wouldn't be having this conversation, but I was talking to Taylor Hawkins. I would say anything, any other stupid shit, you know, but it's just weird how death fucks with you. Look at my sister. I haven't seen my sister since I was fucking three.

I'm not going to lie to you guys. For 20 some years, we didn't have contact and then we started talking again, maybe the last 10 fucking years, 12 years, you know, and we spoke maybe once a month. I offered to bring her up. She refused. I got a little put a hot under the collar, but I lived. The fucking main thing is that I didn't know her. Let's be honest.

How much did I fucking know? I knew her from conversations or whatever. I got a text one day on a podcast that she did. I got a text a week before that she was dying, but it's Cuba. They could save you because they just don't give you a pill and send you home, but they also gave her a fucking expiration that they said she should make it another week, but they'll try to save her when I got the fucking tax. Come on guys.

Who the fuck are you kidding? You know, I haven't seen her. I haven't seen her and since 1966, I gotta be honest with you guys. It's fucking way down me the last two weeks. I think tomorrow I'm going to go up and put some flowers on my mother's grave. I've been a little hesitant. It's been fucking cold in Jersey, snow and raining. So I got to do a little spring cleaning and maybe I'll go up there and bring a sandwich,

bring some flowers, bring the fucking thing and spend an hour or two on the grave, manicure in it, fucking killing some weeds, pull out, bring some gloves and put some flowers and just sit with her. Maybe eat a fucking sandwich, smoke a joint, blow the smoke into the fucking tombstone and go from there, you know, but I don't know her. And I gotta be honest with you, the last couple weeks, it's been a little difficult for me. I made my calls, I wrote a letter to her, I wrote a letter to my mother, you know, to forgive me for my behavior towards my sister even though I didn't do anything wrong.

You know, when I tell you guys something on a podcast, I also do it. I love writing letters. So I wrote a letter to her, I wrote a letter to my mother, put the address on it, North Bergen and everything, just didn't put a return address and put in the mail, man. I felt a lot fucking better guys, you know, you just feel better. Sometimes that's what it's all about is a lot of people call it closure, but I just like to fucking lock it down. And another fucking tremendous news that everybody's been bugging me about.

You guys, I didn't, I listened to the guys, I don't watch the Oscars. I got the fuck out of there, I don't watch the Oscars and I don't want to watch the fucking Oscars. I know exactly what they are. You know, I'm happy, I liked the movie King Richard, you know, I enjoyed it, I was excited for it. I wanted to see the story. Yeah, they put facts and bullshit.

I've always been a fucking movie buff and I've always had the utmost respect for movies. I fucking love them. I adore movies guys. I got into this business because of fucking movies because I loved everything to do with them. I like talking about them. I like everything. I did not watch the Academy Awards on Sunday night.

I woke up Monday morning to all this bullshit, the calls from newspapers, I had messages from newspapers that wanted to think what, wanted to know what I thought and stuff like that. Can you imagine, I'm a, yeah, I'm a fat fucking felon, you know, I had like two calls from newspapers for me to call back and give whatever the fuck I thought. I gotta be honest with you guys, I didn't think anything. I didn't think anything. I thought Jimmy this morning at the gym, Jimmy thinks it's a fix that it was staged

to smack because he actually bent over and waited to get smacked. It's kind of weird and, and we'll laugh and then we'll turn around when he was walking back to the thing he was smiling at. I didn't see the whole thing guys. First off guys, you know what, let's start with this. Everybody in that room is fucking disgusting in their own little ways. I know that you guys prayed to them and care about what the fuck they got to say and stuff. If there was 200 people in that room, if there was 200 actors there, five of them have the

ability to be real for more than a fucking an hour. Okay. Everything is great, tremendous. You were great. Oh my God, you know, amazing. I love when they use that amazing and they get all serious about it and whatnot, but I don't know what the fuck to expect. I don't know what the fuck you guys want me to say.

So let's break it the fuck down the way I saw it, you know, he said a joke. They giggled. His wife gave him a look. He went up there, smacked Chris Rock. Chris Rock didn't do a fucking thing. Not even throw karate block. I don't even know if Chris Rock ever went to fucking martial arts. You know, they got the fucking high block, you got the side block and you got the fucking

low block. I didn't put up a block and he walked back to the thing. No security was there. You know, a lot of people mad about where was the fucking security? Where was the smack in the face? Guys, I don't know. You're going to stump me with this one. Yeah.

Chris Rock looked at the side. I thought they were going to pull it down. I didn't guys. I don't know what to say. I love Chris Rock. When you guys know I made a movie with him, I've done a couple fucking shows with him. He's always been very good to me, but again, I don't know what happened and I don't want to say something on the negative side and Chris Rock finds out, but I heard that Chris

Rock has a big tour starting Friday and that he sold more tickets yesterday than he did when he started the tour and released the tickets for fucking sale, you know. I don't like getting fucking hit. I don't like getting hit. And one of the reasons during the pandemic that I did not want to go out for comedy is I felt that people were going to be a little wild. Let's flip it back here. If you guys listen to one of the Ralphie Mae churches, I don't know which one he said.

Yeah. I don't know which number it is. I don't know how many episodes Ralphie was on. But if you look at Ralphie's, one of the episodes he did, we had a conversation about some day we feel a comic is going to get shot on stage, like some day a comic is going to get fucking shot on stage and it stayed with me for a couple of minutes. I never really thought about it. You know, comedy clubs don't have metal detectors that don't have anything.

You know, you've heard of hecklers and comics getting into arguments with hecklers and the cops come and they get thrown out. I never liked when the cops come. I always think that there's a better solution to it. I didn't like it for the simple reason. I got a lot of friends that stand up comics to my brothers, some of them my sisters and my people seeing somebody walk up to the stage again. It's a once on a lifetime thing happening.

But I would hate to see it happen in real life with one of my comic friends, whether it be Bert, Tom, Joe, it could be anybody, you know, it could be anybody. I worry about that a lot. I worry about my comic buddies, especially what was going on in the world right now. You know, a lot of people are not mentally healthy. A lot of people want to laugh, but they go to a show and somebody says something wrong and they go to the manager or they'll get a fence. We're living in different times now, guys.

I mean, how we, how Lee and I and Steve and Mike and how we've changed the world has changed in fucking 19 months and people are just not healthy. A lot of people lost their businesses. A lot of people lost a lot of money. A lot of people lost wages. A lot of people lost loved ones and it's a rough time right now. I think that I know that you guys think that we're past it all and everybody's jumping up and down.

No, we're not. We're not coming on this fucking thing before we're back to 100%. I don't know what the answer is going to be to make people happier or whatnot or to make people realize that our behavior is wrong. You know, I'm seeing both sides of the spectrum on this Will Smith stuff. You see somebody like Tiffany Haddish that says it was a beautiful thing that it was a beautiful to see a man stick up for his woman. That's one look.

That's one way to look at it. Another way to look at it is people saying that it was he was too sensitive. People can't take a joke. So they want to go up there and smack somebody. Some people say that violence is never the answer with touching him or smacking him. I respect Chris Rock for not pressing charges. You know, I really do respect Chris Rock for not pressing charges. A final police report.

He stayed to his true comedian roots, you know, no police with street guys. I mean, I don't know if Chris is a heavy, you know, I don't know if Chris would turn around and try to smack him in the face or whatever. But I've never seen Chris like that. And I don't know, you know, me, I would at least try to throw a punch or a kick. But that wasn't me and I wasn't there. You know what I get intimidated because it was Will Smith. If I threw a punch back at him, will I ever work again?

These are all the things that got to be going through your fucking mind. The whole world's watching. This was a tough fucking night for everybody and nobody can explain it. And dog, I wish I had a fucking explanation for you guys, but I don't. I don't. I just think that I don't think it's. I don't think it was cool all around if Chris, this is a publicity stunt to sell tickets. I don't think it was cool if this was my man, Will Smith's way of fucking.

Listen, guys, the Will Smith, Jada Pinkett relationship is very fucking complicated. I'm not. I don't work for TMZ. I don't work for fucking people. I don't know any about this shit. I'm just telling you what I've heard from good friends of mine that know what's going on in that house or they have relationship with them. I just 15 years ago, somebody pulled me aside and he was an African American guy. And we were talking about African American comic and we were talking about all the, you

know, secrets in the black community. We were talking about, you know, Eddie Murphy being gay and how everybody fucking hit it. You know, how everybody had. And I love her. I hope nobody takes this out of contact. How Queen Latifah was a lesbian and she had all these little fucking girlfriends. Jada Pinkett being one of them again. I didn't say it.

I'm just telling you what I fucking heard and it's Hollywood guys. It's Hollywood. Listen, the mind of the actor is to be a little better than you. You know, the reason why they get $20 million a movie and whatever, you guys in your mind go, Oh my God, he's better than me, but he's not. He's not. You patient that he's good at and he built it up to make $20 million. But you on the other hand are like, Oh, I'm not good enough.

I will never be good enough to do that. And trust me, I was the same person. I would sit there for years and go, I'll never be good, good enough to move to LA. I'm never going to be good enough to do this or that bullshit. You're good enough. Put that fucking effort in, you know, but for some reason people in them have a set that all these people you see on TV, all these multimillionaires, they're better than you. They're fucking not, not by, they got no fucking class.

They got money. They got money. And you know what? Sometimes money does buy class. Will I have my status if I put a Georgia Cabana suit on and a tuxedo with a bow tie? No, I'm still a fucking pig. I'm still a guy that fucking put the guy in a trunk. I'm still a guy that robbed a fucking donation thing from a carvel one time for blind kids.

You know, even though they weren't probably going to get the money, they got a penny out of that fucking jar. You know, I still did it. So I know these things. These people in their mind, they think they're fucking better than you guys. And unless you're around it, you'll never know how that feels. You'll never know how that feels for somebody to be breathing the same fucking air you're breathing and to walk around like they're a fucking saint.

You know what? And guys, my first five or six years in LA, I played that shit. And once I got off that fucking cocaine and I got back to Joey Diaz, New Jersey, Joey Diaz, I realized that everyone, these motherfuckers put their pants on one leg at a time. All of them. They think they just fucking better than you. You them all use, put your pants on one leg at a time. So get that thought out of your fucking mind.

God didn't give extra talents to him or Dave Chappelle or fucking Kyrie Irvin or fucking Jimmy Page. No, these people put in the fucking time. And in contrast to that, somewhere along the line, they forget who the fuck they are. Again, I'm very tight with Tiffany Haddish. I love her to death. And I tell her this when I talk to her next, I saw what she said to the fucking reporter. You know how she went off the reporter and she's like, this is the look of money.

This is the look of all this shit. But that's what happens to you guys. You're around that shit. When I go on a movie set, if I have people bringing me water and asking me, how do you feel, Mr. Diaz? After a while, some people actually believe that they're better. Me, I always had a better head than I didn't believe that shit. Why you get me what?

I could walk over to get my what. It's like the concept of an assistant in LA. Who else has a fucking assistant that you know in Jersey, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Texas? Who's got a fucking assistant? In LA, they need an assistant because you have no idea how busy I am. I'm so stressed. It's a complete bullshit scene.

So you know, it's funny how in 1994, I was doing comedy and guys, I was not the best Joe Diaz at all at that time. At that point in my life, I was not a good fucking Joe Diaz. I was going through a divorce. I was stealing to stay alive. I was, you know, it was just, uh, it was a weird fucking time. And this is why I tell people all the time in your life, bro, be careful out there because you never know what that other person is going through at the time.

Maybe he woke up this morning and he got fired. Then after that, he went home and his dog got hit by a car that he found out his wife sucked the midget dick. Then he found out that he didn't get the fucking mortgage payment. And you have no idea what's going on with a human being. I went to do comedy one night because I felt that's what I needed to do. That's what I am. I'm a comic.

I got to get out when I was in 94 and I was starting. I was in the business for four years. If I wasn't doing three sets a night, I wasn't fucking working. What are you talking about being a comic? You got to get out there. Fuck TV. Fuck your girl. Fuck everybody.

Go out there, do comedy, snort coke and get your dick sucked, rinse, repeat, do it again the next fucking day. That's it. You're a comic. So one Wednesday night, I went to do my fucking, you know, my ritual and I got to be honest with you. I don't know if you guys know this story, but on Wednesdays and Sundays, I would have visitation with my daughter.

And when it left, when they would pick her up, I'd go to meet and they'd give me fucking attitude and I couldn't knock them the fuck out. I would be really upset. I think I was more in pain than when my mother died and when I wasn't seeing my daughter. To make a long fucking story short, I, on Wednesdays, they picked her up and I sat in my car for 20 minutes crying and I would roll a joint, leave it in my ass tray and I smoked the fucking joint and I said, you know, stop being a fucking pussy, cocoa, get your fucking pants on and go do comedy.

Don't worry about the kid and what's going on in your world. And that's what I went and did on the way home. I went to Denver or some shit on the way I stopped at my usual Haunt on Wednesday nights, which was club 52, club 58, whatever the fuck, and I get there and some kids are flipping bottle caps. You know, I noticed this while I'm eating. I'm an open mic. I got maybe 24 minutes of material and I go up there two before the headliner and when

I went up there, I wasn't in the mood. I just told the guys, I go, listen guys, don't flick any fucking bottle caps. The first bottle cap, I'm going to go fucking off and sure enough, this little dick flicks a fucking thing at me. And then I knew if I went into the audience, I would get beat up. So I called him a bunch of names and then he ran to me and I hit him in the head with the fucking microphone. You know, I don't want anybody in my area.

I don't know how I would, I don't know how I would do today if somebody walked up to the mic, especially with lawsuits and witnesses and fucking cameras and shit. But me in my world, you walk up to me when I'm on fucking stage, charging me or something like that. I don't know. I think I'm going to have to throw a fucking, this fat fucking leg up and kick you in the fucking head and then what's going to happen, you know, what's going to fucking happen. That's what I would have done, but I'm a street piece of shit.

So I respect Chris Rock for not going back at will or whatever the fuck happened. You know, guys, it's better we don't even talk about these type of subjects because at the end of the week, who cares the fuck? How does Will Smith smacking Chris Rock or Chris Rock smacking Will Smith affect your fucking life? You know, I do know one thing and this is what I don't feel good about. I do know that if Mel Gibson would have smacked Chris Rock that night, it would have been a different fucking story.

Mel Gibson would have been jail right now. Think about what I'm telling you. Again, I'm not speaking racism. I'm not speaking to anything like that. I'm just speaking. What if somebody else would have done this? What if somebody white would have done this? To a black dude on a fuck?

I mean, it would have been a war if Mel Gibson would have smacked Chris Rock. I mean, Denzel would have jumped on him and the fucking dude from Mateo's movies, the big black dude, that's a big motherfucker. Whether he's gay or not, that's a big motherfucker. So yeah, what's his name? Tyler Perry. I like his work. I like everything about him, but so I want you to think of that.

How would that have been different? You know, should the Academy strip Will Smith of this? Was the Academy in on the Chris Rock fucking thing? You know what, man? We all have an opinion and then we move the fuck on because like I said, it's got nothing to do with your life or nothing to do how you handle yourself. And with that said, I'm sorry about the guest today. It happens.

What are you going to fucking do? Welcome to the life of zoom after we did the podcast last week with the guest in here. I think it looks like we could do some fucking guests in the future and if there's somebody I really like and I wanted to come to the house, I'll fucking have me. That's the big thing about having a podcast at your house that people got to come to your house. People that don't know, you know, when you have these names, they bring their assistant. You know what I'm saying?

And that's the problem. I don't want those fucking assistants in my house. I don't want no fucking entourage is in my house. I don't want none of the bullshit in my house. And that's it. And that's that. I'm excited about this weekend. You got Villanova against fucking Kansas.

I don't know what the line is yet. Kansas got a great defense and you got North Carolina against Duke. And that's why you're going to go to fucking Draftkins. This is a great weekend to go to Draftkins. I think that's a final four with the fucking championship being the following Monday. I'm looking forward to that. I'm looking forward to my daughter's so poor games this week that comes back into into the fucking action.

And that's the end of fucking March, guys. We did it. We blew past this fuck mother fucking month. All I remember about March is St. Patty's Day and today and it's the fucking 30th. So it's all over. So Friday is April Fool's Day. So maybe they'll come out and tell us that that was an April Fool's prank.

What Chris Rock and his fucking compadre did. But without that and further ado, I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. We're going to keep making this podcast better. Mike is a fucking genius with the lights and this and that. And we'll figure it out in time. This will be the fucking savage fucking podcast and you guys will be happy. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. Have a great week and now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors Jack.

Are you bad motherfuckers? Thank you for supporting the joint for supporting me for helping me and Mike out and always having us on the fucking playlist. Listen, before we go a quick fucking note. This weekend is the NCAA fucking championship college basketball. And I'll tell you what, you got to join it on the action which left King sports book. This weekend is the week. People wait all year for this.

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Draft King is the best. The joint is also brought to you by CBD lion. When it comes to CBD, they're my fucking partner. I love them. I've been working with them for years. The kinesiology tape, the fucking cream, the gummies with melatonin. And now, like I said in the beginning, Delta nine and they're stronger than shit. But it starts with you.

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Make a little money this week with fucking North Carolina and Kansas. I love you. Stay black. I'll see you Monday morning. Tip top. Motherfucking Magoo. Bye. Bye.

Bye.