Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #152 - The Church Of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: February 19, 2014

MMA referee Herb Deen calls into the podcast. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 02/19/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus is the binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey that's huluplus.com slash joey and by dollarshaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church that's dollarshaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollarshaveclub banner. Also the show is sponsored by NatureBox where you can order great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks murder in the new year with healthy and

delicious treats like Santa Fe corn sticks and french toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off. That's half off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code Joey that's naturebox.com promo code Joey and for all of you oil and wax smokers out there check out the premier paper pan on the market at naileditlife.com that's naileditlife.com. Don't forget to enter the discount code Joey Diaz in those spaces and receive 20% off of your order. Are you fucking kidding me or what? I've never kidding. The world is a big time vampire and it sucks your fucking energy soul. Fuck it. Suck the fuck. Who gives a fuck? It's Wednesday February 19th the day the devil was buried in sea again.

Kick that motherfucker Lee. Are you kidding me or what? Either you're gonna suck a dick or you're gonna get your dick suck today. That's what type of motherfucker it is. Get up eat your oatmeal take a shit do some jumping jacks write your goals. Fuck the weather get out there. People get stabbed in the fucking snow people get stabbed in the fucking snow. It's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive except you're in this motherfucker. That's why it's beautiful. That's why it's fucking beautiful. The church of what's happened now Lisa at Joey Diaz. What's going on people? It's a beautiful fucking day. I hope you're up and

ready to rock. What's happening? What you been? Well, I've been here. Oh, you don't fucking ride on. I caught it. I caught it right. You said that to me every day. We talked four times. Come on. What's up? What do you mean? You call me up last night? He said, What's the problem? I said nothing. What the fuck? I don't hear from you all day. You got me in a pain on my list. You got me fucking you're out fucking having a good time at the country club swimming with a thong on. They don't want me in there doing fucking podcasts and shit. Thank you for all the birthday wishes. I am 51 today. It's fucking hilarious. It's fucking hilarious. It's like, you know, last night I had to pick the baby and the wife up at nine

at the airport and I left at 745 and whenever I prepare, yeah, I get there. There's no traffic. Of course, you know, there's never any traffic. You're probably there by 815, right? I was there by 815 and I fucking waited in the car by a gas station like a fucking robbery. Like I was going to rob that fucking gas station on a century Boulevard. And I was thinking about birthdays because you feel weird on birthdays. You always start off a little melancholy. You don't know what to expect. You know, it's your birthday and you always you're depressed for maybe a half hour of your birthday because you got a little older and you look at your other birthdays and what you're doing and you try to compare them or the

years or whatever, you know, I really don't look at the age. I give a fuck about that at all. I don't give a fuck how I look, you know, plastic surgery or fucking I have to return my gift now or dye my fucking hair or wear young jeans or whatever. You know, I feel younger when I go to Jiu Jitsu and I look around the room and there's 25 fucking year olds. Not that I feel younger as I feel okay, you know, like I'm doing something. But I thought you think about your birthdays like you're 25. You sit back. You remember your 18th birthday and shit, you know, and you think about the birthdays that stick out. And now that all the birthdays, I think that stick out on me is one of the last ones my mother had at the bar. You know, for some reason or another, you know,

because they we celebrated them every year. There was two birthdays that stick out that are really fucking crazy for me. There's one when I turned 16, where I broke into my house, my mother's house with my friends and we had a party in the attic. Was that the one right after she passed away? Yeah, it was like three months away. She passed away in November, February 19th. It was the same week as the wall. Oh, 34 years ago. You know, it was the same week as the wall. And it was like, it was midweek where we did that. We did that like on a Tuesday or Wednesday. The wall was Sunday night. This was just to keep the party alive. And I remember that was it was more than a than a birthday party. It was like a goodbye to the house. That was it was my goodbye party at

the house was my birthday, my 16th birthday. But then I look at another birthday I had that Lee, it was fucking sad. But for me, it was liberating. Okay, it was the birthday when I turned 22. It was 1985. So it was February 19 1985. To some people, it would be a sad birthday to me. It was the best day of my life. And I was telling George last night, I was living with George at the time. God knows where the fuck he was. And in those days, I was a very I wasn't doing blow. You know, I was trying to get healthy. I was trying to get my mind healthy. I was laying low, waiting for the next move, which was to get this law settlement. And I was going to move to Colorado. And I was 22 years old. And I had no friends that like nobody called me that day. Like I didn't have a phone

for anybody to call me or for people to send me cards. None that didn't matter. But it was, I was by myself all fucking day. But the highlight of the day came that night. When I don't know what I ended up robbing, I made like 75 bucks or something. And I remember walking over to George Washington Bay Bridge. Like I said, I wasn't doing blow. I bought a $20 bag of weed. And I had this Chinese food at this best Chinese place ever. The Enchanted Lily on LaMoyne Avenue in Fort Lee. Okay, dog. This is 1985. This fucking Szechuan beef was so good. I don't know if you've ever had shredded Szechuan beef with the carrots. I hate fucking carrots, but with an celery and your mix with the white rice fucking delicious.

But I remember sitting there all alone that birthday, like just fucking sitting there eating by myself and going, this is great. Yeah, this is fucking great. You know, no birthday cake. Nobody knows it's my birthday. Nobody knows how to get a hold of me. Like I said, in those days, I was hiding out, you know, who would have known four months later, I would have ended up leaving for Colorado for 20 something years. But it's so weird how I always think of that birthday. Because I think of where I come now I'm 51. And then I'm gonna celebrate a birthday with a wife and a fucking kid. Yeah. You know, when I was 25, when I was 22, I celebrate this birthday all alone. Were you depressed as it was happening? Or did you enjoy it? I'm not sure, Lee. No, no,

I wasn't depressed. In those days, being alone and having $20 in my pocket, that was my utopia. Yeah. That was as good as it got for Uncle Joey. Like, you know, to have refood, Chinese food, and to not have to depend on somebody or bother anybody or give me a ride or something in those days was fucking so big for me. It was such a self esteem booster. So that was that was like the fucking best birthday ever, like at that time, no blow, no movies. I probably even went to the movies. I just can't remember what I went. That was what I was into then. I would go to the movies a lot then. That was my mind fuck. I would sit in the movies, watch the movies and daydream about what I didn't know I daydream. Excuse me about being in movies. I daydreamed about being one of the

characters in the movie. I daydreamed about being the star of the movie. And I just daydreamed. You know, it was my four hours where I would go hide and escape, you know. So it's weird how birthdays are fucking weird. Birthdays, you always feel weird. You know, that's why people I think fucking get hammered on their birthday. There's a lot of pressure when you're younger. At least at least I feel some pressure sometimes. What on your birthday? Yeah. Like when you're especially around that age, 21, 22, you're supposed to do something crazy. I gotta tell you something. The other day I was watching something on TV and they were talking about pressure amongst teens. I don't get it. I think it's a lot about Facebook now because you

have to put the pictures up that everyone went to and I don't get it. You don't have to do nothing. Oh, no, that's true. But you don't have to do nothing. I don't get it. I think the most pressure I had on I had pressure on me at that age is like before before 16, I had no pressure on me. I went home. I ate. I wiped my ass. The laundry was done. You know, what fucking pressure do you have? The bills are paid. What pressure do you have getting a B? If you do your fucking homework on your study, you'll get a fucking B. You'll get a fucking B. You know, if you work a little harder, you get an A plus or whatever it is. You know, I didn't know now I was telling you that now you have to have like a 4.5 GPA. Were we talking about this last week that you know,

so you got to study now. You got to fucking hit the books. You know, yeah. Well, I mean, it's different. I mean, there's TV shows like the Super Sweet 16 where all the rich kids are going and getting cars and and then and then you have movies like the Hangover and you're supposed to go to Vegas for your 21st birthday and it's not supposed to do shit. Oh, I agree with you. You're supposed to play this life on your fucking rules. What's supposed to? What's supposed to? I don't understand what's supposed. I never understood that concept. I see people with the same genes on. I still got a fucking target by $30 fucking genes and I'm comfortable as fucking these wranglers or whatever the fuck line they sell. I think they're fucking amazing.

What are you supposed to do? You're supposed to be happy. You're not supposed to follow every who the fuck goes to Vegas when you're 21 to do what to do what? That's what I told you that weekend. Unless you're going to Vegas, predetermined to do blow, fuck a hooker, get fucked in the ass, all that shit for Vegas ain't worth it. If you're going to go tiptoe around, you know, look at her. Just stay the fuck home and have a party at your local bar. There's only one way to fucking do things. That's what I'm saying. That's what these kids think that you have to do something and be something. I didn't give a fuck. Listen, I grew up basically, you went there with me. We grew up six miles away from New York City. You saw that. Do you see me impressed with all

that shit? Did you ever see me talking about artists and all those words they use? You have to go to this hip club. The hippest motherfucker is always you. You know, the party don't start till Sophia Loren walks into that fucking party. The party in my life has never started till I got there. And the back of my mind, whether I was fucking 1051 or 26, the party is fucking me. And that's the way I've always fucking thought. The party don't start to Uncle Joey gets there anyway. So what's the fucking commotion? And if Uncle Joey don't get there, they fucked up, played no fucking party. But I never understood what's the pressure to be 21 to go to Vegas? Is that what it is? It's for a lot of people. And I mean, I actually had a pretty good 21st birthday

party. I didn't go anywhere. I'm old for my grade. So not a lot of my friends, because we're 21. So my parents or my dad rented me a hotel room and we just drank there. And I'll go 10 or 15 of my good friends showed up. There was a girl I was interested in. It was a pretty good day. Nobody brought a gun and shot you all, did you? No. 21 birthday. That's what I'm talking about. Did you dream of that night? Is that what you're dreaming about? No, I mean, you always get a hotel room and drink three beers with your buddies and go to bed. No, that's what happens. But everyone thinks you're going to go and get a limo and we're right around the corner. I know I love you like a brother. If that was my 21st birthday, I think I'd stab

myself in the eye and never talk to those fucking people again. So what do you want to do? At that age for me, it was so fucking extreme. Like my goal was to get fucked up. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, that's my goal was to get fucked up at any level of getting fucked up. But in the meantime, it was going to be a fucking magical mystery tour. You know, I knew how to throw a magical mystery. I never lived my life. To I never got off on what most people got off on and the people I grew up in North Bergen. Right now in my life, let's get this on the table. Right now in my life, I'm very happy with my life. I'm happy with my career. I'm happy with you. I'm happy with the Augustine. I'm happy with my life and my baby. I'm happy, a lot of things, but I need

something. There's something that's missing from my life. I need the circle. Well, not the circle, I need that feeling I had when I was growing up. That feeling lubes gave me. And my cascades gave me. And Georgie gave me. And Glen Conte, especially when I say his name, because they were friends of mine, never had a, I don't know what to say about this. It was like, we never had to discuss anything. We always knew just I never really built bonds like that before since then. And I really missed that, you know, it's fucking hilarious. I tell all these stories about getting high and everything. My favorite thing about the 80s, when I lived home, and it still is, is for somebody to pick me up at a quarter to eight, we put on a fucking CD or whatever

the fuck you put on, you smoke a joint, you go for a ride, you stop at a 7-Eleven or Dairy Queen, and you're home by 830. You know that that's my, that's, that's as good as it gets in my world. That's why I always tell you, and I call me back in an hour. Let me see how I feel. I'm just too old to do it anymore. But that was my life. That was my life when kids were going to the studio, when kids were going out there in the week, you know, when I was growing up, you had to start going out on Tuesday night. Tuesday night was a happy hour. Wednesday night was the dome. It was ladies night. Thursday night, it was happy hour somewhere else. But we always ended up at John Marys. We were always such big hicks that we always ended up at our bar. We would go into

the city and go to studio 54 in the rooftop and the limelight and all this shit. And at the 15 minutes there, we felt out of place. Me and my friends would look at each other and go, we're over here snort and blow. We could be over there snort and blow. And we'd look at each other, finish our tabs, get the fucking car, and we'd always close the bar up in our own little fucking neighborhood, you know. I never got impressed by that. I couldn't imagine wanting to, I fucking hate Vegas with all my heart. I have no use for fucking Vegas. No use for Vegas, even when I was snorting. I had no use for Vegas because I'm not an outside snorter. I can't do a line of coke and go play cards. Once I do coke, I'm in the fucking house and I

want to get my dicks up, close the curtains, don't call room service, don't bother nobody. So it was that type of thing for me. I never understood why somebody would want to go to Vegas. That's the craziest thing. Unless you're going to lose a limb. Unless you're planning on losing a fucking arm. Like, listen, I'm going to Vegas to lose a fucking arm. Like I'm going to dig it in some fucking hookers pussy. I never understood all those things at least. So I don't understand how a teenager can have fucking pressure. I don't get it. Well, I mean, there's a lot of peer pressure and then people don't, I mean, it's easy to say you figured it out now. Like I figured it out. I think I figured it out now, but I'm sure when I'm your age, I'll look back at what I was doing

now. I'm like, what a fucking idiot I was. So it's, it's hard because you don't have that much life experience. So you look at TV and you look at, you look at what the celebrities are doing and they're in Vegas and they're, they're, they're at, I mean, some rock ads, PDDs in Vegas on a private jet. You think that's what life's important? Like, I can see where it comes from. I'm not, I'm not defending it. I'm not saying it's, no, no, no, I see it. I, you know, you got to understand it was two different types of lifestyle. But I never even, I remember going to Vegas for the first time and going, really, this is it. Like this is it. This is what people go crazy about, especially now where it's such an open thing. You know, when I was growing up, you had to be

one of the beautiful people to go to a club. Now you could be an ugly fuck at an age and go to a fucking club. You know, I could put on some tight pants, a little wrist tattoo and grease my head back and fucking, you know, walk in like, Hey, how are you doing? Whatever. And a B 50 and keep a straight face around young people and try to talk to young girls, which I could never fucking do. There's the worst thing for me is when I go to a place and I see old people, like my age, trying to mingle with young people and trying to be cool and shit like that drives me crazy. It's always driven me fucking crazy. So I was, this, I was a kid a couple of weeks ago. It was a cannabis cup here in town and Chibo Choo, who I love, Auntie Dolores, who I love. I was out of town,

but I got back that Sunday at like three. And I thought about going down there. You know, I'm going to see them because I really liked those people, plus nailed their life. And I couldn't get myself to go down there because I remember when I was 30 and I'd go somewhere and I'd see an old guy with a ponytail, a Led Zeppelin shirt trying to be cool. And I look on them and go, Jesus, you're holding on for fucking nothing. You know what I'm saying? You look that bad. You look that fucking bad. You know, and sometimes you see a guy, look at grandpa. He's cool. He's cool for a minute. Then it's fucking embarrassing. The fucking grandpa doing it. The fuck home. Go throw your fucking grandkids up in the air or some shit. That's the

drives me crazily. What the fuck, Lee? You're sitting there like a motor today. Come on. Let's eat some fucking candy today. This is a hubby bar. This is the new. This has been around for a fucking while. They just they just fucking it's a tremendous. It tastes great. They're not that strong. But the big thing about them is that they're natural. I'll give you one. I mean, it's not that strong. And look how many slaves they give you. So you know, you're not getting fucked up. You know, I take care of my brotherly. What the fuck? There you go. Look at that. Look what I'm eating. Look what you're eating. Stop Jesus Christ. All right. Plus that's got antioxidants and minerals. Yes, it does. That's what the fuck the thing

about this company is that they put antioxidants in their medical marijuana. How good does that taste? It's good, man. Who takes Kay Uncle Joey like me? Do I put a candle on this or anything? You see me blowing whistles or who gives a fuck? Just eat the thing. You're fucking savage. Look at you. You fuck it. I'm in my way. I love it. Just how strong this chocolate is makes you cough. Mm hmm. Six in the fucking morning in California. It's 937 on the fucking east coast. And we're already eating fucking medical marijuana and chocolate. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with here, Joey Banana? Oh.

Some Stanley. It's black history month. What does that have to do with it? Fuck off. How good is that, Lee? It was good. I can't to the taste of weed, man. What does it taste like? Weed. You know how good it is? Who takes Kay like Uncle Joey? It'll be nice to find out the day while you're packing. I might be unpacked today. I better have to go take a nap. That's what you do. You succumb to it. Yeah. You gotta stop doing that. How do you push through it? You push through it. You go out. That's how you push through it. You get out of that fucking coffin you have for a bedroom. That's your coffin. You're gonna die in there. You want me to find you in there? You gotta get out. You gotta go out and get some sun. As soon as you start feeling a little high,

you gotta put your sneakers on and get the fuck out. Look how nice it is. The clouds are out, the birds are chirping. You take that high and you go for a fucking walk and you think. You take your iPhone with you, whatever phone you have, and when you get an idea, you're fucking talking to the iPhone. That's how you do it. What the fuck? You think I'm here talking to you wrong? That's what happens. You get a little high and you tap out. You run in that bathroom in that bedroom and you stay there until five in the afternoon. Yeah. And then we're like, oh, you know, I'm so high. No, because you should come to it. You gotta get out there. You gotta put your fucking army suit on. You're higher than fuck. It's Wednesday, cocksuck, February 19th.

How the fuck are you gonna act? There's no peer pressure when you're a child. I don't get it. I don't understand it. Unless you're paying fucking bills before 18, it's pretty much laid out to you. If you study three hours a fucking night, you will become something. You will become something. Correct? No, no, no. If you study 18 hours a week, you will fucking become something. What peer pressure do you have? The peer pressure to be what? To be cool. Yeah. You know, I swear to God. I swear to God. I hope I wish I was fucking lying to you. At that age, man, I didn't worry about that shit. And I don't know why. I've never known why I never worried about that stuff. I think I think it has a lot to do with TV and stuff, man. I mean, show like the Jersey Shore,

and I mean, I'm not saying we should cancel it, but I'm just saying that I think that's where a lot of it comes from. Like all the MTV channels, all those shows they have, I really think that's where it comes from. I think that your parents have to talk to you. Your parents have to make you feel like you don't want to be a fucking like, I'm not as a kid, my mother told me a thousand fucking times. If somebody jumps off a fucking bridge, you're going to jump off with them. Like every fucking day she asked me that 50 fucking times. Yeah, I think if somebody jumps off a bridge, you're going to follow them and jump. No, you're going to turn around and do your own fucking thing. You're going to jump off the other bridge. You're going to do your own

fucking thing. That's so important. That's always been so important to me. I've always hated when somebody says hot, like there was a bar in Northburg when I was growing up. I can't remember what the name was on the fair. Fairview border down on Tunley Avenue. And people made a, and I made it a fucking, I made it a fucking thing never to walk in there. Like I'm that type of guy, like, you know what, I'm never going to go in there. I could just tell what type of place that is. And if I go in there, I become that. You know, when I was looking for a fucking agent this year, a lot of people called me up and said, you come over to this over here. But I looked at their caseload. I looked at the other people they had. And I knew that if I went and stood next to those

people, I would become them. Do you, are you with me? Well, it won't wait. So they come them, become associated with them. Like that's bad comedy standing next to me. I don't want to stand next to bad comedy. That guy had his fucking day. He had his glory day. Now he's fucking, still talking about some movie that in 2001, I don't want to stand next to those people. Sometimes who you stand next to is who you fucking become and it's who they associate you with. Yeah. So I don't, I don't, I don't even know. But that's exactly right. That's the point. That's all these kids want to be associated with, with, uh, Snooki and whatever. And I, I, it's not like an old grandpa because I don't know any of their names anymore. But it's,

it's where the, like the biggest show is TMZ. And it's for people who are not in LA and, and horn of the major cities, I can see where that would be a big, oh, I want to go to LA and, and do the red carpet and go and I don't know. Like I once heard that young girls wanted to be Kim Kardashian. Yeah. You know, and it's great to, to walk around and to have people polish you when you walk into a club. You have all the, you know, she's going to have to pay for that somewhere along the line. Somewhere along the line, you pay for that. You lose your soul. You know, I, I've heard little rumblings, her family's falling apart. Oh yeah. Well, have you seen the commercial for the show? I don't know the name of it, but it's a, it's like Hollywood heiresses. This is the

show. And one of the, one of the lines in the commercial is I want this hot girl that looks at the camera and says, I want my only skill to be signing a credit card slip. She says that into the camera and it's, ooh, these heiresses are going crazy. And it's just, I mean, I know they have rich kids from Beverly Hills, honey or something like that. Those kids in 10 years, they're fucking worthless people. I don't care how old you are. Those kids can't do anything for themselves. I see adults out here that can't do anything for themselves. I speak to different agents and managers and they tell me about these people. Then 20 years from now, they're on TV saying they got robbed. You wonder why you got robbed. You're a fucking jerk off. You're a fucking

idiot. I would rob you too. It's a shame. Not more people are fucking robbing you. You fucking suck ass cock sucker. And then you got to mind your shit. You got to take care of your shit. Half of these people get robbed. You don't even know this thing. They only got robbed by their business manager. So you're going to give every fucking dollar you own to some guy to sign and pay your How long could you hold on to $3 million before one day you go, you know what, I'm going to borrow $100,000. Let's see if they know this. And once you borrow $100,000, you borrow another $100,000. And it's all positions. It's like acting class and comedy workshops have drilled me. These comedy classes that pop up all around. The comedians that teach

these classes, I wouldn't want to be fucking standing next to. And these kids pay all this dough for these fucking kids. And these guys can't fucking help you. They could give you their losing fucking facts. What have they done? You know what I'm saying? There's a reason why Tim Allen there's a reason why a lot of these people don't teach comedy fucking classes. But you get these guys are the mid level fucking horrible comics that teach this shit. And you pay $400 at the end you do a showcase. You don't understand how bad I would love to put a stand up course together and have kids that I fucking 10 per semester. And I'm not even looking like that. Me and the Agostino laugh all the time about Joey Dears' comedy college about how I would have 50 fucking

classes. I would milk you on every level. Because if these idiots can milk you, I can milk you on every fucking level acting for comics, acting one, acting two, acting three, acting four, I'll have you around like fucking a credit card. You know how a credit card makes you pay $42 a month. They don't give a fuck what you do. That's what I'll do. I'll have you around. If you're going to be that much of a sucker, there's acting cults in this town that I sit here and I wonder when they're going to get exposed. When is somebody going to get exposed? You know, every time you Oh shit. Oh shit. Good morning, Mr. Dean. Good morning, Joey. What's happening, baby? Thank you very much on the line. We got her Dean. Thank you very much for waking up when I spoke to you last

night. I said, I'll see you tomorrow at 6.45. You said tomorrow night. I said no tomorrow morning. You go, ooh, that's early. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm usually not moving that fast at this time in the morning. Okay. Yeah. All right. I imagine you have you have children, correct? I do. What time? What time they get the party started over there? Oh, they're up already. They've done their thing. But you know what? Most of the time I let them get up and do the thing. I get up and, you know, see them off. They get to school on their own, unless they're running late then I take them, you know. Hey, Herb Dean, how old are you? You know, they're trying to get independent, you know. Yeah. How old are the girls? 16 or 17. Oh my god. You're at that age.

You're really a new chuck of motherfucking the head. Exactly. I got a son. He's 20. You know, you should assist with those responsibilities, you know. Okay. Herb Dean, I didn't know you had children and how old are you, Mr. Dean? Oh, 43. Oh my god. You're a young man. Look at you. Yeah, you know. Yeah. But last night you may be great. Now they're there, you know, they're there at that age again, you know, do things together. It's great. It's good, you know. Last night you made me laugh when I got off the phone with you because I tried to drop some earthmen and fire knowledge on you and you fucking rebuttal that mean shit. So when I called you, man, that's right there. Yeah, I was, yeah, I'm serious about the earthmen and fire.

Now I like music, man. That's what I like about talking to you. We can get on the phone or on the airplane and talk about music all day. Oh, I love it. I don't know. You know, and it's funny that I thought I was the only person who remembered earthmen and fire. I'm so ashamed of myself and hear you. I listen to that's the way of the world at least once a week. One of my favorite songs of all time her being is Can I Love? Oh, that song is ridiculous. That song is ridiculous. That is when I was a kid and I heard earthmen and fire for the first time, I lost my fucking mind. The outfits, you know, Maurice White, I just loved everything about him, you know, so I didn't want. You know what's funny is that I didn't really start liking them. I mean,

I liked them a bit when I was a kid because that's just all you knew. But then my parents listened to it so much, they're like, my kids, I was sick of it. You know, and then, um, and then when I was about 17 years old, I discovered it again. I was like, man, these guys, these guys are great. You know, and, uh, you know, I wasn't saw him this year. They played at the Hollywood Bowl. Come on. Yeah, they played at the Hollywood Bowl, man. Three nights, they played. I wouldn't saw him one night. I'm embarrassed. My wife works at the Hollywood Bowl. That bitch didn't tell me I'm going to strangle when I get home. I don't look at the schedule that much, but it's amazing how I grew up on, you know, I don't like, uh, funk as much as I like soul.

There's a big difference. Right, right. Like I love the temptations. I love David Ruffin, a couple of jams. One of my favorite jams is all of all time is a walk away from love. There's nobody's voice that is better than David Ruffin on that song. And this is, people will listen to the show going, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm 24. People get some soul music in your life, some old school, Teddy Penegras and MFSB. You're fucking, you'll look at these rappers today and you'll see what they got everything. When Teddy Penegras was, you know, ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah. It kind of hurt me deep though when I found out about his orientation. Not, not that I have anything against orientations is just that

I imagine those songs a different way. You know what I mean? It's like Judas Priest. It's like Judas Priest. When I hear hell bent for leather, the whole arm delivering the goods, you're like, what the fuck was he talking about? But it's kind of makes me want to, this is what my picture, you know? No, no, no, I like that. I never heard it put that way. It's funny how that that music is when I hear a lot of rap today and I hear like sampling, I know, like I'll tell you another band who I love growing up, the OJs. Love the OJs. Oh yeah. You know, let me try. I think, did I see them? I think I saw them, the OJs, I saw them like a few years back, you know, speaking of orientation, you know, they, they played at that

Sunset Music Festival. The one down there and not when the before, when they still had that, like a few years back. It's funny. You really like music. Ari said he bumped into you at a festival in Seattle or somewhere, right? Yeah, I was in San Francisco. Ari said, yeah, Ari said, Herb Dean is great. I bumped into a festival in San Francisco. So you, you, you really dig it, man. You're out there. Yeah, yeah. You know who was playing up there? You know who was playing there? Sheik. Oh my God. Yes. Sheik was there. So, so Sheik had this, this album. It came out, must have come out in 78. And the first song was the song that came out to a bass riff. The Sheik Sheer, do you remember that?

Sheik's Hear. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's, yeah. You're the stupid couple shears. Sheik's Hear. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, and I'll never forget, man. I must have been in the eighth grade and I went to see Hoboken play Northburg in my high school and like the quarter finals of the States. And Hoboken, this is 1978, Herb Dean, Hoboken had these two young brothers Charlie juice Du Bois and this other guy his partner I forget what his name they both end up when going to Boston College one of them stabbed the motherfucker

It's over now But Charlie do they led the county and slam dunks in Jersey at that time and I'm not talking about little slam dunks I'm talking about Tomahawk and motherfuckers that type of shit and These guys came out to that song and started slamming in high school never mind college. This is a high school team I think out of the five starters three of them could slam in 78. That was big and I'm not talking about It was ridiculous and my high school ended up beating them by like three points It was one of the biggest upsets, but I'll never forget they came out to the chic sheer Cheek whatever she is here. I can't even fucking say it

Unbelievable, but you know when I came from Cuba My mom had the bar on 137th Street, and I talk about this all the time That was the first time I heard the transition from Cuban music to music was soul music and in 1966 when I came from Cuba 67 68 it really was soul music, you know, they were It was James Brown like I still remember hearing James Brown hot pants. I almost lost my fucking mind Joe Tex I got you You remember that shit Wow

Hot pants hot pants That's good music right there. So you grew how were you when you came from Cuba three Three by the time I was five or six. I remember being at my mother's bar on 137th and walking to like 125th no was 127th I'm sorry and walking like a half a mile to pick up the 45 single to James Brown hot pants Wow walking home again Well, you were older than you see I I was born in 70. Ah But by the time you were five they were still throwing some fucking jams at your house. Oh, yeah, oh, no

Oh, yeah, those you know brick house. Yeah, that was I was Oh my god fucking when the Commodores came around nobody can handle and then why no Richie, you know I heard endless love the other day by mistake. It was it was Valentine's Day I got in the car and I was driving endless love came on and it is such a bad motherfucking song him and Diana Ross It is such a bad fucking song. You want to just take your car and crash it. You're like god damn I got to go fall in love all over again. You remember being in high school I think the Commodores are playing somewhere in Vegas this week. I know they prayed already or they're gonna play with one of my buddies He does this he does this thing up there with magic with magic the clothing convention

He told me he's gonna have Commodores play it is that it isn't that With so much music around so much good music. You just go see they're really in a lot of these old-timers. They ain't going away Don't know that's how they make their money now. Like, you know people are you know people are giving away music So people got to play for their music now, and you know for their money, you know So what's happening her Dean? You've been the fucking ref of the year last year I mean every time you're around something's cracking lacking, which means you're the baddest motherfucker around you always come out I'm scared so you're the baddest motherfucker around I mean you were there when Anderson cracked his fucking leg and I watched that fight and I've seen how much you controlled it I

Saw how much you kept them together how controlled you were you know and Even man, thank you for it. Thank you for appreciating what I do man. That was unfortunate, right? Nobody wants to see something like that No, I mean everybody America's every the world everybody's heart stopped for a minute, right? Yeah Yeah, I remember I was thinking man. Did I just see this this really happened? Okay, well, I mean some things I got to do let me try to help the situation out a little bit man You know I was in the kitchen last week, and I saw somebody get kneaded in the face by mistake It was a bit accident. He was just he moved up and the kid moved his leg. It was a complete accident There was no blood involved or anything

But just that click I heard the click to his cheekbone. I had to turn around her Dean I'm sensitive. I can't see blood or fucking needles or people getting hit I had to turn around if I would have heard a man yell like that When Anderson was yelling, I mean you heard the yellows you were three fucking feet away I saw the one time when you put your hand down in his chest and you tried to talk to him and That's when I saw you know sometimes in this sport. It's not about The call or this or that it's what how a person reacts to it and that's night. That's the night. I realized your weight Was worth in gold how you reacted to him and how you stopped to fight now you you you know

You maneuver the men you were like a fucking street corner cop You were pushing the men yelling then you went back to Anderson. I saw that man. I Saw that part Yeah, you know, it's just you know, you kind of have some entity, you know I've had bad injuries before and and I've been uh, you know Man, I've had bad injuries before I don't know what's gonna happen And you know someone was there for me to kind of help me calm down and like let me know okay? Everything's together, you know, and that's kind of what you want to know, you know, you don't know what's happening

You don't know how bad it's gonna be and you know, okay? Well, that's one thing is hey, we got a doctor here for you and and he's a good doctor, so you know You know, they showed pictures of him kicking the fucking bag again. Did you see those? Yeah, man. Yeah, he's rifting weights and doing things. I mean, you know that guy You know a lot of people were asking me, you know, hey, that's a career ending That seems like the first thing everyone wants to say I was like, well look in man This is we watch the sport because these people are our betters they do things that we can't do That's why we watch them. So I don't have any idea about

You know what what would be career injury for most of your mortals will not be for you know for someone like him, you know No, it's very sad. I mean I'm sorry. It was very sad that night coming off to round the rosy fight. I mean that fight was one of the best fights of the year No, son, you're like, hi. What could top this? What could fucking top this, you know, Anderson silver Chris Whiteman And you're sitting in anticipation or someone you're seeing it go down. I mean, I Don't know. It was the weirdest night for me I couldn't feel for Chris Whiteman to because you know the when he won the first time there was you know people thought he had It was a weird circumstance. So people kind of you know, it just didn't have a clean transfer

He won the second time right all the attention is basically on on you know, the unfortunate injury that Anderson got You know, I didn't get to raise the man's hand, you know, it's like people seems like this, you know, I Don't know that didn't seem like there's the instant transfer of attention to him as champion, you know, right then that most people get No, well, he's got V door next, you know, yeah And I bet America's sitting there white ready to watch this fight to see how this ends and you know People always gonna fucking complain. I'm so sick and tired of fucking people complaining Because whether you win you knock them out they complain whether you win by unanimous They complain they complain about V door with the TRT. They complain about this

It's like they're never fucking satisfying the people who complain Herb Dean of people who've never even gotten punched in the fucking face That's why you're right about that. No, it drives me fucking crazy how these analysts and these Writers could say the shit that they say and they've never even taken a martial arts class They've never even gotten a fucking yellow belt and in the neighborhood karate school But they're sitting there fucking telling you about this and this and it drives me crazy, you know, nobody knows what's gonna I mean, it's a brand new sport. Like you said, it's 2014 What what an injury lasted ten years ago. They could do miracles with now Miracles with now, but it's always and man, you're right about the way

I mean some of you and some of the things some of the fans say some of them and we've got great fans MMA we've got some awesome fans, but some of the things that some of these people say man, man Man, I think I think some people should experience the sport a little bit get a little bit of a little insight sometimes, you know Well, they have these things like they have these You know that sports radio, you know when I was a kid I had a friend that listened to sports radio and hey It's huge. It's a huge market. I never understood it. I Never understood sitting there for fucking five hours and talking about this sport the draft The kids

My friends they listen to it all day and they and they can talk about They can they can talk about the sports just like You know just like the guys on sports radio like when they when they you know They start talking about who's over where and where they used to you know coach before and what type of Defense they're used to running and what type of program and such and such is the undercoach and he's affecting You know and man, they really can get into it and it's uh and which I mean I hear it And even my buddy Lee leaves a big devout sports guy, but Lee leaves it to a degree He's a big New England guy. He loves the the Red Sox look back at home back home in Boston when I was driving before podcast

I would listen to that all the time sports talk. Oh, yeah, and people arguing and people calling people calling in We're crazy crazy that to me has always been fucking absurd how they go after owners club owners and and It's uh, you know, it's people who haven't really experienced it in a lot of levels. Yeah, that's what burns A lot of information keep up with me Oh fuck yeah And you know what if they kept up in the information that they keep up with shit that doesn't matter to them with the infant Let's say they were fucking electricians if they kept up on the information of electricity the way they did on sports

They'd be fucking Einstein. They'd be inventing light bulbs out of fucking fingers and shit like that You know I'm saying but they focus on this shit for two. I have people come up to me with questions about MMA I really enjoy watching it and and I grew up in old-school karate programs So I've been kicked in the fucking mouth. I've been beat up. I understand it I and I and even now I to even understand it more at 50. I'm 51 for the Herb Dean I would just got my first stripe in jujitsu because you know I saw Ben Henderson's mother doing it and I hear all these stories about people and I said fuck it It's gonna keep me alive and the thing about jujitsu that really is gonna keep me alive

I even stop smoking pot Herb Dean. I'm just vaporizing Because I got sick and tired of tapping out. I got sick and tired of running out of fucking gas You know, I put a lot of work into this. I walk around I go to kettlebell class I try to go to two or three jujitsu's a week and I'm still Yeah, I'm with no test I train at a place called V-Mac in North Hollywood It's a John Jack Machado black belt and he's got a purple belt from from Cabrinha John Evan he's got another purple belt from John Jack named John Bud And it's a white belt school. It's perfect for a guy like me. I don't want to get beat up

I just want to get in shape and breathe and learn how to breathe better and breathe on my back If I can learn how to I got you that's that's what I'm trying to fight like I still train and people ask me You know what you're getting around now. I'm not trying to fight anybody. I just want to fight. I'm fighting old ages Yeah, I don't even want a stripe. I don't even want a belt I just want to go in there and sweat and have people choke me and get better at it And you know if something ever does go down at least I could take somebody down pull guard Break their fucking arm and get my car and go home before the cops get there That's the whole thing is about it with me

I have a 13 month old little girl and that's my biggest fear that something happens. I can't run with her You know, that's why I work so hard on the cardio and I'm going to myself It's like it's like fucking working out three times a day, but you go home and I need a carton ice cream You're defeating the fucking purpose. So why am I kettle-bellying it in Burbank three times a week with a stopwatch? I'm getting dizzy in this motherfucker and I'm still smoking like like I run the marijuana fucking festival So I had to give somewhere so I said fucking I'm just gonna go to vaporizing now So I could focus a little bit better at a and breathe a little better You know, I got sleep apnea, you know, I smoke cigarettes for 10 years. I quit now

I'm smoking reefer. You got to stop somewhere. So at least now I have something to do why I quit, you know And I'll give it a shot. Now do you enjoy it? You enjoy it better with the vaporizer the last three days Yeah, yeah, I've been enjoying a little better and I have been breathing a little better to be honest with you You know, I get up in the morning and 10 minutes in I'm already hitting two fucking pipe loads That's gotta do something to your lungs early in the fucking morning and I've been doing that since I was 15, you know, so It's time for me to get for you man. I mean, I know you always did martial arts, you know I remember you're always I was doing the pimple and stuff. Yeah doing that to get to man That's a whole different type of workout, right? Well, you know, listen man for years

We all know how to throw punches and we all know and I hang out around people that are just to hang out with Eddie And I see Joe a lot and you know, my friend is the purple belt and my other friends are blue belt They always talk about it and I was always very scared to go down there because I have sleep apnea and I'm 50 and I'm fat And I gotta tell you something. It's a tremendous workout. If a motherfucker just does 20 hip escapes a day, you will lose weight Yeah, yeah, if you do 20 hip escapes a day, they're fucking fun. Hippos, you know my start I could do four hip escapes and I'd be out of breath now I could do the length of the fucking floor and I got a stop for five minutes I could do it again and I could do the other ones

So it's been very fucking interesting, man And you know what I like about a herb Dean that accused me thinking if something keeps me thinking that means I'll progress I'll evolve I'll keep evolving as I'm learning about it. You can geek out about it, right? It's it's kinetic chess So you can get real geeked out about all the different moves and what you're gonna do next and when you you know How you as you there's always something to think about and you're developing your game too and that's what's great about it, too Everybody game is personal, you know, it's very personal you get at that everybody that other people want The thing about right you find your moves that you get to you know

I had a friend that went he was from Baltimore and he was telling me what you just want no complicated thing You find two or three or four moves and you work those motherfuckers and that's what works for you It works for your body type. You know what I like about it that when I finished you whenever I walk out of jujitsu Herb Dean It's like I did something huge. It's like I want an Oscar in my mind That's cool, man. Yeah, I did not know you were doing jiu-jitsu And neither did I neither did I and one day I got just got sick and tired last year throwing kicks and punches and forms and And I said I want to learn something. I've never I never even wrestled in high school. So when they show me a single That's something new to me

You know I'm saying when they show a fucking a Butterfly sweep that's fucking tremendous. That's new to me. You know, I don't go to jiu-jitsu at night Herb Dean because I won't sleep I'll go home and think about the move. Yeah, I try got to go on a daytime So I try to go Tuesdays like this week. I'm home. So I'll go Tuesday I didn't go yesterday because I went to acupuncture and I did a kettlebell class Monday I did a kettlebell class Sunday, and I ran Sunday So I won't do jiu-jitsu this week till Thursday Friday and Sunday I'm going to a he can machado because he's a big guy. So I'm going to his seminar

Yeah, he's got good game. He teaches big guy game, right? So I'm gonna go that he teaches big guy game So I'm gonna do that and listen man. I'm 50. I'm not going to be a black belt I'm just going to move on the floor and get a little better and to evolve to evolve as a human being is One of the biggest things that I love about life to just keep learning and keep it's like when you watch a UFC fight And a guy is good at something and the last two fights He's had rough fights and you figure he's gonna go to a camp and he's gonna work on a different Attack of his game. Maybe he's on a tight as you get to up with his wrestling

And then you see him in the third fight and his cardio is going already you feel heartbroken Because he didn't evolve he won and then did the same fucking move. He did the prior two fights He didn't evolve. He didn't try to even learn a flying sidekick And that's I think that's important for human beings But I'm learning trying to grow right all the different ways our mind body and spirit, you know And I see you I see you out there man, and you you're always Everybody loves you her Dean. I mean you look at all the guys that work around the UFC. There's always I don't even want to mention Their names, you know, they're always complaining

Fucking the boss is always saying some about him at the at the press conference after the fight You never really you're that good man, and you're that complex You know, I mean, I haven't made my last mistake and you know, I mean these were all people both You know, I I do take it serious as you say I would love for this stuff and you know, I mean that's a You know, I just try to do the best I can for these guys, you know, I mean and it's it's great And you get to be around all these people that you know have a lot of respect for and Yeah, well, I think we got the best athletes ever, you know It's kind of a weird thing my job though is when you pull somebody off of somebody and and you know, they're they're still

Uh, and you look down at your friend and he's still moving around and happy Sometimes you feel like oh, they're doing a disservice, you know, these guys want to leave it all out there You know, they want to leave it all on the table Well a couple weeks ago you had the one fight with your your ryer and the kid and they said some people called An early stoppage and I didn't see your rise hand either and he wasn't moving So I went with you and I'm not telling you this because you're on the phone with me I'm telling you this because that's what I saw I didn't see his thumb up and even if I would have some of the thumb up. You're still getting kicked in the fucking head

Yeah, well, you know at the end it's a similar some of the situations are pretty rough like sometimes me he stops because uh, you know a guy can't you know, that's the bottom line You know, you want a guy to be able to respond and and show you what he's what he can do because we can't feel what he's going through You know, I mean somebody some of these guys can take hammers some of these guys get hit with a punch And you know, it doesn't look like that much to you, but it catches them in the right spot You don't know what anyone's going through so we have to respond on what they're doing and sometimes guys get in a situation Where it's the position that hasn't been they just can't do anything with it right then and they They're not you know, they're not able to get out of it. They just got to take damage

So I just um, you know, at the end of the day those we want to make sure these guys leave it all out there And that's what I always try to do for them, you know to me Well, people and you know, I did feel like you're right So it's kind of a weird situation, you know What people understand is what you see when you're there and what you see on TV is two different things And I didn't know this I didn't know this mr. Dean till I went to the Mike Pierce John Fitch fight a couple years ago. I Sat ringside for that. I sat really ringside And I don't know if you worked that fight or if you remember that fight Mike Pierce was attacking John Fitch or a lot of body punches

He was really fucking hitting them bam bam bam bam I mean body punches that when you're sitting in the chair, you're kidding. He hurts. You're like kind of I could hear them I could hear solid punches and even though John Fitch wasn't reacting to them You know, he's gonna fucking be in pain for three or four days and he's gonna piss some hemoglobin The rest of the week a name in a piss blood. He's gonna piss hemoglobin that motherfucker bloody even gonna be made When I watched the fight months later at the house, I didn't get that You didn't see that I didn't feel that right, you know, yeah, you're right about that when he when you're right I favor or anybody. I'm just saying you're right. Anybody gets punched in the head. You're there. You hear that cheekbone

You hear those two bones colliding you know from experience if that punch is gonna do damage You don't see it. How many times have you seen even with Anderson in the wideman fight when he got hit with that punch I didn't see his eyes closed. You did when he got on top of him I saw that after the video play the the screen or whatever the fuck you call it the video replay But I didn't see that that night I just thought he got hit with a regular punch and he went down because he lost his footing Not because I was caught off balance, right? Yeah, right. So there's those are the things that you see Those are the things that you see that we see some completely different that you have to be there or be that close to see

Yeah, you know, that's what we try to do is like, you know, I go over every fight I agonize over and try to look at him after I'm done and see if I could have been in a better position or things like that You know, that's what we want to try to be in the best position We can't to you know, really see what's going on and try to you know, do a good job for these guys You got to make some really split-second decision, you know, and and like, you know, I always say, you know It's we have a split-second to make a decision and and these guys help us on the line But on the other side of it, they're dreams and aspirations and everything they work for and sacrifices on the other side, you know, so, you know You know, you know, you know people always say you're on the side of cock

But you got it, you know, you got a really and I take it really serious. It's it's my Sacred to me. So what's going on with the referee school this year? Let's see on Nate May 2nd and 3rd. I do MMA referee camp it's at my school in Pasadena and now it's your training We should come on by man. Come on by doing MMA class, too What on Wednesday nights? Wednesday nights are doing in a class. We get in there and move around. We teach a You know, I take take downs off the cage and stuff like that Which is kind of a little different if you never get to work in a cage

It's take downs off the cage is a whole little art form to that, you know, and we have a good time. What are you Academy? What do you teach over there? Where's your Academy? I don't even know you had an Academy. Yeah, right Academy Pasadena Right over here and what's the bottom? So Vanya, he's a former fighter. I mean you you've probably seen him He's fought in affliction and used to fight in the ISL. It's like a one little walking muscle You know, it's like just a muscle. Yeah, and so I teach over there on Wednesday nights and you know, you know you know, try to keep trying to keep active and But that's where I have the in the referee school and that's gonna be on the second and third you can go to

Herb Dean calm and find out about it. And it's a good time. We go over, you know, we just teach Um, you know make sure people understand how to interpret the unified rules we We go over referee mechanics We go we do judging we work with the scoring criteria. There's exciting stuff happening with that There's a move with the commission to try to us You know change kind of how they are actually scoring things, you know, I mean with the 10-9 I think it's being attacked, you know, because the 10-9 has been too broad So I think we're gonna start seeing more 10-8 given so that we can get a little bit more guys on doing the same amount of work

I mean different amounts of work, but give the same amount of credit So, you know, we we go over that and then also we have guys guys teach us technique because we want to make sure we have officials We understand the techniques of the sport, you know, I mean not just from watching them But understand it at a detail level with detail that it takes to be make sure that the technique is successful While you're gonna be about you waiting it and that's what we do and it's fun Then we're gonna end with I have some amateur fights at my gym and and the guys who are who show that they Understand, you know who passed the course and actually understand the sport get them in there and get them some experience judging and referee

You don't have Dean you're an interesting dude, brother I Well, I'm glad you think so man. I'm glad you keep having me on your show. It's about roughly 100 seconds You give him lunch money, don't be cheap. Oh, yeah, give me your tense, but don't be cheap her being You know her being it's so weird that I discovered MMA at uh, you know 45 or 46 and 40 and I've learned more from MMA Not to be a fighter or not even to be a tough guy

But the disciplines I've learned from MMA and some of the relationships I've made an MMA is amazing because we don't have anything in common, but we do You know, I talked to you I talked to Ivan salivary. I talked to to add sinister I talked to so many different people in the MMA world and I'm not an MMA fighter. I'm just a dirty comic You know, and it's amazing how we're so different, but we're the same We're both striving for the same thing to be the best at what we do, you know and people see the two fighters in the and

In the ring in the octagon and they see and they don't really look at the third guy a lot of people I do I look at all you guys and I see what they do and brother. You're ahead of but everybody else, man You're a fucking you're an animal Mandela would be proud. You know I'm saying it's black history month. Everybody would be proud. You're a bad motherfucker, bro You hold your own man. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate you, man And I definitely appreciate what you do man, you know We all need to laugh in our life man and on top of it, you know You do more than just keep us laugh and keep us thinking about just life and everything going on

So when you when you're gonna do stand-up again, and I'm gonna come check you out I'm I'm doing something Saturday, but you're in Vegas. You're there for round the Rousey and Call me right that's it. That's gonna be a great card. I'm at the ice house Saturday night We're gonna do a live podcast. I was on the call you then I realized you're in Vegas. So But next time I'm there, I'd love to call you for you to come out and you know, I know people that you've been on every time You're on the podcast. I get a great Responses people like what you got to say, man So I'm honey, I'll come around come out and do the live podcast. Yeah, that was fun

You know, I was kind of not I wouldn't make that format was different Just you know hanging out and just being yourself and having fun and I enjoyed it Man, I'd like to come and do it again some time Well, let's do it in April my brother before the before directing have a great weekend in Vegas now Love you stay black and beautiful. Okay. Love you to you. Stay black. Thank you. Bye. Bye You know, it's crazy man that I was thinking about this and last week I got into a Bruce Lee Craziness and it really fucking one of my wife went away. I put like two Bruce Lee movies on I analyzed them And it really broke my fucking soul last week in fact

I went on Rogans and broke the Chinese connection down And I gotta tell you what Bruce Lee showed me, you know growing up that that's maybe what it was That's maybe why I didn't become a sheep early on That's maybe what helped me keep my sanity because trust me I had a lot of sheepish ways and right before I would do something I go no, I'm not gonna do that, you know, and just against who the fuck I am I always wanted to be different and the movie that really got me that he did it It's not a it's enter the dragon and then through the dragon if it's about a guy that goes to an island To to get scope out information for the CIA or whatever and at the same time get revenge for his sister

And he goes to this fucking island. They all have to wear geese And he wouldn't wear a fucking G He wouldn't wear a fucking G and I remember being 10 It being July in 1973 and walking down Burger Line Avenue with my dad one because that's why I went to see the Chinese connection with Now all the fight scenes and all that all I thought about was him not wearing a fucking G Why didn't he wear the G? Why didn't he want to be like everybody else from where that fucking G? Watch that watch that

Watch the guy even comes up to me goes mystic Lee you're not in your morning ritual and Bruce Lee gives him a fucking look And in that look it's like because I'm not a fucking donkey like you look at the look I just filled it in for you and I always remembered that and my mom stressed My mom had a lot of faults as a mom and she had a lot of faults as a woman But one of the faults she she one of the strengths she had is the strength the same strength to run the rousies mother had I watched that that UFC presents run the rousies. You watch that. Yeah, you watch the whole thing the documentary Yeah, I know I Before her like two fights ago. I think they played it or maybe maybe I watched something different

And my mother always let me believe I could do whatever the fuck I wanted My mother always made me believe that I could do whatever the fuck I wanted listen to me people My mother always made me believe that I'm that given day I could do anything I fucking wanted to and that's one thing I took from her and that's why I never Wanted to do what I didn't want to do. I don't believe I have to wear underwears I don't believe I have to have a fucking watch on I don't believe that you need to do so many things that society Want you to do the night Lee and I had a very interesting conversation about marriage And leaves a sweetheart and I love Lee like if he's a son a brother or a best friend and

Lee I could see Lee wants to get married in two years or something. I'm like Lee. I Want you to live your life a little bit. She's not going anywhere, you know, she's gonna be a beautiful girl forever Yeah, and she's gonna go to law school and I'm sure that I don't want you to get married to to To realize life and then you're gonna be heartbroken That a lot of people get married and they don't realize that life gets in the way and I could see by her Dedication to her job that life's gonna get in the fucking way. Yeah, she don't want to be a mom right off the bat She's gonna take a career. She's gonna work 70 hours a weekly. Oh, yeah, you know saying so I never wanted you to expect like and I don't think that you know that I don't think that you see that in so many ways

I wasn't telling you not to get married and the other thing you're 27. You're 25 Yeah, I was talking to you as a part of Living your life a little bit more when I say that not even getting pussy It's not about getting pussy because that's not what makes a man What makes a man is life experiences how he reacts to them and how stronger he gets or what does he get weaker? Like a fucking little faggot you get stronger every fucking day as a man That's what being a man is every day you get fucking stronger So the shit that you know, if you might have sucked the cock at 14 by the time you're 28

You're definitely not gonna suck a cock. Get him saying speaking of second cocks shroom tech bone I mean listen when it comes to on it if you take on it, there's no way you're gonna suck dick Okay, there's no fucking way they make you a fucking man What do you want to or not with the ropes with the kettle bells with the fucking alpha brain with the shroom tech with the fucking Ultra bone with the strong bone strong bone. Sorry, but they do everything. They got so many altars They got too many fucking syllables whatever too many verbs adverbs I don't even know I got to go back to school

But my point is listen it helps you on 51. God bless me and every fucking day I try to do some and I got knee pains and I get back pains on my shoulder hurts But while I'm there on it makes me forget about all that shit with shroom tech Don't be a fucking mook all your life go to honor calm or go to joey deers net go to the box Press church in the box. You're 10% off They also have a stay on it program that reflects something like with dollar shave club that you get automatically at your fucking door on the first Of the month. They're also having which goal only goes up till next Friday Going now and register to win fucking two free tickets

Afternoon with doche jumping up and down the nappies with that cocksucker so you can straighten out You go to see Robbie Lawler fight Fidel down in Dallas March 14th or whatever the fucking day there's all right Speaking of people sending you shit every month. I'm not telling about the herpes Institute. I'm talking about dollars They don't fuck around dollars shave club. Don't make me tell you again They're taking it to the hoop on a daily fucking basis Why because they give you a fucking great product for fucking cheap cheap cheap you save don't rate me if you're a Jew You're on welfare. You're on food stamps dollar shave club is for you cocksuckers It's a dollar six dollars and nine dollars a month

Let's say you don't want to shave you take each blade on you make fucking little razor blade new chucks There you have it you can slice a motherfucker you do whatever the fuck you want go to dollar date shave club They got three different packets got the dollar package the six dollar a month package or the nine dollar a month package nine dollars times eight times ten is ninety a hundred how much one oh eight one oh eight a fucking year and you get full Razors every month for three blades fucking aloe a heavy-duty razor Listen, it's a fucking great deal not to mention go to their website get one white Charlies You get fucking you get one white Charlies. You get the cocoa butter shaving cream They look like it hurt or go to joeydears.net and press church in the box and get your fucking

Deal one dollar six dollar nine dollars a fucking month So they're fucking the word of the day is not to be a fucking pussy and live your fucking life There's no peer pressure if you grab your cock and say today. I'm doing what the fuck I want to fucking do Lee That's what the prom is that as a kid your parents never teach you that you're your own fucking person that today You're gonna do what the fuck you want to do you're the captain Kirk you're fucking enterprise You're gonna do something because some fucking Kim kid dad yummy dick sick kick my dashing You know me black fucking cocks. You had a sniff the helmet with that cock paste you get on and shit At least you had a sniff it and suck it and lick those fucking nuts and hail that shit people the fucking Armenian flag

They took it down half-mast that day that filthy fucking animal, you know these people they sell their souls Then they wonder why you know one thing about me man never sold my soul Lee You never sold your soul. You don't see me with fucking I'm going to birthday parties are jumping up and down a posting pig. I don't give a fuck about none that shit I give a fuck about my health about my buddy's fucking health. I'm not gonna walk around. Oh, I gotta need to do this So I'm gonna beat myself to fuck up fuck you peer pressure. That's what's wrong. You're right He's a little cock suckers and you better not have peer pressure no more. What peer pressure you got you're here with the fucking You're a handsome fucking Jew. Look at you. You got a beautiful like it. Look at your dome

Have you put some light on that mother you put some makeup on that fucking dome? smoking what I Me give some shout-outs later. What do you bother me for you play some music on sure what music yeah, what's the surprise? Are you fucking kidding me or what? It's the skings of debt On a Wednesday morning my 51st birthday shit I

Feel pretty nice. See you know you're all right. You feel good. This is what you said to me before I said listen You're not going you're not going to bet you're going out with me you're walking me to the car I'm taking your keys and you gotta come back and I'll come back on now Go get some sun. It's a beautiful day to be alive. What's the lesson? I got some vitamin D in your system. I don't know Yesterday I went to the hardware store yesterday. I don't belong there at all The fuck is we got to go with some vitamin D. I'm trying to get you nice and tightly You want to get fucking let me give some shout-outs. Don't stop playing that cuz I want the guitar solo today

I want to give some shit I want to give some shots of my man Daniel Lyon my man John Diaz Patrick Hawes John Pittering Pat Elon and ookey spooky Tammy. I love you sexy motherfucker play that motherfucker fast forward that thing for me How far to the guitar? I don't know another minute. Yeah, do a minute. What are you bothering me for? What's the way if you have this calculated in my fucking campaign? There's no fast forward button. Hit it again If you verify, please do There you go

Are you kidding me? Thank you. This ain't motherfucker You do this one listen to this shit you want to be a fucking sheep listen to this stuff right here. This will set you loose What are you fucking nuts look at this guy look at this guy got a tie on today cocksucker Before people ask me this is Led Devlin heartbreaker. I don't like 8,000 tweets. What's the name of the song? I'm trying to talk to these people. I just gave the shout-outs and what you really you're stepping on my fucking game here You know I'm saying it's my birthday. I shit to do Shit to do you're gonna go to Ernie Morton's. I'm not going on any more today. Oh, you're not fuck. No

Where do you where do you go for your birthday? I'm gonna go home I'm getting a carvel cake with the baby and my wife a little tiny one. Okay. I thought you I let you get a steak I don't know fucking steak. I don't need a fucking steak on my birthday. Everybody has to take on my birthday I just want to have a good time. I hope it stays sunny. I want to take it to the park. I haven't seen her in 10 days That's all I want to do. Yeah, how she was bad last night late last night. Was she okay? She was fine. She looked at me fucking look the other way Give a fuck she was so tired She slept on the plane and she's fucking back and I'm saying I'm happy she's back

I'll tell you what saved me when my wife was gone though a couple of those little rice snacks and shit from Nature's Box They fucking those things are good man. I never give you your end. I got some at the house Yeah, I got the fiesta peanut dip and all that other stuff I'll tell you that I saw he fucking granola is on the money I had that last week with with vanilla grown granola with vanilla yogurt the SA granola from Nature's Box With some raspberries and I sliced some bananas in there. I had the pie protein granola. You mix that shit up That shit is good. Yeah, I let me tell you something Nature's Box ain't fucking around I'm looking at their list because I look at them. I

Know we try it one time. I'm chili lime pistachios. They assaulted caramel pretzels Fucking around. I don't know what you get but the pretzel things aren't bad the peanut the little pretzels I had last yeah, the honey mustard the Jean pretzels aren't bad Oh, shit the rice sticks the sesame sticks are fucking delicious the cocoa almonds are fucking delicious I don't know what you're waiting for go to joey deers net Look at the tour dates go to the Nature's Box put in the code Joey and you get 50% off your first order Them too they ship it to you every fucking month and they'll switch it around every month here these things are nutrition They're fucking taste good. They're low. In fact, there's no artificial preservices. No artificial preserves

victims no artificial preservatives and What the fuck is wrong with me today? No artificial preservatives and it's nutritionist approved Don't fuck around go to Nature's Box or easy yet go to joey deers net see if I'm coming to your fucking neighborhood So you can get ATB whatever the alarm system is and then you put in the fucking box Joey and get 50% off your first order. That's how we roll here, right? So we gave you we gave you a dollar shave club

You got fucking on it and then we also give you a beautiful presentation from Hulu plus Hulu plus ain't fucking around I don't know what the hell you people waiting for I really don't know what the hell you people waiting for all I'm trying to do is save you people money and you sit there and you disrespect me it's still I'm not gonna tell you what you do what you need to do is if you go to Hulu plus calm and you enter whatever code Joey One week for free. No, oh relax. You get one week for free 999 a month as a church subscribe This is what I'm doing for you get two weeks for free at 799 a month original programming movies Fucking tremendous Hulu plus I get no complaints people love it. Give it a shot Columbus did it, right? That's how we roll

Yeah, what the fuck you think I'm talking about. Yeah, I have no idea anymore You depressed me I'm kind of depressed because it's my birthday anyway, why you're gonna got you have Carmel cake You're gonna play at the park. Just can't believe it. I can't you know Your birthday party dream when you're a young guy you think about like when I was young I thought about how I'll never make it to the year 2000 I kept looking at the year 2000 like I'm gonna be 37 years old in the year 2000 And then I was like wow when you get to 2000 you're like how much longer if I made it to 2005 I'm a going if I make it to 2005. It'll be a lot how old you have been

44 and 2005. Why did you pick that? I don't fucking know Lee I just who the fuck knows why the reason you do was it was 2000 a big thing for kids like who were born in your time Yeah, it seemed really weird. Yes. Yeah. Yes. It seemed like Such a long time ago like I remember when I got out of prison thinking about the year 2000 it was 1988 and going that's 12 years away and I have to be honest with you is as It was it was very short-sighted for me. I never considered Lee. I never thought about the year 2000

I never thought about it. I never Even conceived that it wasn't one of my goals I didn't it wouldn't surprise me any fucking day if I died of a heart attack and doom blow So when you live with that like I understood that are the side of it From the beginning if I was on the floor jerking for air Begging somebody to call the ambulance Unlike a lot of people I never believed that day was gonna come I knew that day would come because it happened to my father. Yeah, you know

Well, he ended up on the floor wanting for fucking air and your brains are coming out of your fucking nose and You know, you're thinking about God, but there's no God You knew the consequences as long as you know the fucking consequences going in I don't know. There was nights when I would look at myself in the mirror, you know, five hours in from doing coke It was like I was gonna die an hour in the back of my mind. I'm like, I'm gonna die in an hour My heart would pound so fucking hard, you know in your chest, you know So that's why you never look into the fucking future when you're an addict, you know When you think when you're living on that level, I never thought about it. So, you know, let

Let me tell you something the age of 50 for me. Wow, come on, but no, no beat it beat it Give me the age of 50 with a child now God has a sense of humor Yes, he does whichever God you believe in the Jew God the chink God Buddha Johnny Linda, you know, which one do you think has the best sense of humor? The Jew God You gotta have a fucking sense of humor, you know, but no I'm sorry. I was late this morning. I've got a bunch of calls and I had to take them from my

You know the the person who called me and I got stuck talking to while I was in the shower was taking about her I've been hanging out with this girl since I'm 15 fucking years old 35 years and there was so many nights that she was a part of my birthdays I know we had a party once at Joe Marry's at neighborhood bar and they bought a Carvel cake And they bought a bunch of food all these girls Went out of their way Because in my neighborhood, it was three birthdays came together. It was John Kelly's mine and Roger Holloway's these and so we Would always celebrate them at this bar

And these girls would put the money up and buy money go up and then make fucking lasagna And then they would go to car vellum by this cake and one night they did all this and me and my buddies got so fucked up on coke That nobody touched the ice cream cake and I remember the ice cream cake just melting and people going these girls work So hard for you guys and you guys didn't even put the time in to eat the food Like we never even thought of that We started getting coked out at five in the afternoon by the time we got to Joe Marry's the fucking you know, so It's shit like that that makes me feel bad, but it's shit like that that makes me feel better fucking do it

You know I'm saying yeah, that's it, bro We did it again. Let me tell you something else today. I got to remember I got to hit my boys up Pete and his little brother Because I got to get myself a vapor pen They gave me like three different ones that they're great the guys up at nailed it life calm I fucking love these guys These guys are my boys since the first time I met them and I met them by accident I fucking flappers and we ended up knowing each other and now they have one of the best vapor pens in the fucking market

Go to nailed it life that fucking calm These are the guys that have the goomy bears those goomies or monos the shit is off the fucking chain those goomies are off the chain I know they're listening. Don't forget to call me this afternoon fucking call me this So fuckers are not I fucking forget I was I put your name on this yesterday to call you guys had nailed their life And I fucking forgot I need for you to send me a fucking vapor pen and And if not when you come down here bring me a vapor pen and bring me some of that death you motherfuckers make So I figure out how to do it because I'm trying to save my lungs I don't want to fucking smoke reefer no more. I don't want to smoke with a fucking blowtorch

I just want to smoke vapors, but I want to smoke them out of a controlled area up. I don't want no stone I don't want to smoke with a fucking straw. I don't want none of that shit. I want to be fucking normal You understand me so listen for the best vapor pen at the mark in the market at half the price Go to nailed it life calm What do you need to do to get the 20% off? Put Joey Diaz no spaces no spaces Joey Diaz no spaces on their box Yep, and you get 20% off the vapor pen they ship it any fucking way You understand me what you do with the vapor is up to fucking you they just ship you the pen you fucking smoke it

They may they deliver it you smoke it on your own. You understand me go to my buddies nailed it life calm I love these guys with all my heart. I trust them these guys are fucking professionals You know every since that this big medical marijuana boom came in there's a lot of people getting to you know They get a fucking weed tattoo and right away. They're fucking Bob Marley. No whenever every time I've seen these guys They've been professionals every time I've seen they have a quarter pound of weed on them a pound of rolling papers These guys don't leave. They're like fucking businessmen. They don't leave without their American Express cars These guys don't go nowhere without their weed and every time I've seen them They've learned to contain on what I'm his eyes. Yeah, and they brought monkeys last time remember that border

She's they brought portos. I love these guys Nailed it life calm. Don't fuck around you want the best people always hit me Joey. What's the best bet go to fucking Nailed it life calm get your fucking vapor pen today. Trust me these guys are heavy-duty and also let me tell you something I still got some weed at the house like a little bit of weed I had left over and the other day I kept walking by and I kept smelling it and I gotta tell you some ever since the vine wellness closed I went to know how organic and I told me listen you motherfuckers divine wellness is closing you guys got to pick it up with the fucking We the edibles in the weed they bet they got some gravity Fuck Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. These motherfuckers got some gravity weed over there get the PR

You go to fucking let me tell you something you go to know how organic today You tell him uncle Joey sent you you want you want the shit the devil fucking smoked before he went into the seat That's the place to go get it. That's where I get my fucking Cookies, that's where I get my chibo chews. That's where I get my auntie Dolores. They got hubby bars now I don't fuck around is that we had today a hubby bar. Yeah, if you live in the fucking valley go to know organic I fucking around with you people you people think like I send you these places like I'm giving you this Because they give me weed or whatever no they don't give me this because they're the best in the business Whether it's nailed it whether it's Hulu plus whether it's dollar shaped love green fucking around here

And don't forget to get those peppermint ass wipes You don't want to open your asshole and it smells like a back cave. Oh, you want to smell like fucking ginger You know I'm saying when you eat Ashley, you want it to have the fucking petal You ever look at a girl's ass Lee and say to yourself. I want to eat that fucking muscle And I never looked at the asshole thought I wanted to eat it, but I do like asses. I'm a big ass guy But what do you do you squeeze it? Do you kiss the ass? Oh, yeah, I just don't you don't want to get right in the hole That's the one part of that. I'm not in a banner. You don't want to open and tickle it with your fucking tongue You're spitting that ass on you work it like a soldier

Nothing late. You don't like no that shit. No, I'm so sad that we got the girl coming up I really hope you don't bring your girl to show she's coming. No, you gotta cut her off. Tell her that it's gonna be a deep deep deep show I thought this a girl last night. It's on bitch. Okay And let's see you gotta open your mouth a little bit when she farts You know what man at this point it's been one almost two years or something if it happens it happens It's supposed to happen. I don't put it together for this week. That's why it's an enchanted evening Pardon the face makes it you see I didn't just call it a regular night with Joey Diaz or church of what's happened now No, it's an enchanted evening. You know why it's an enchanted evening

Lee why because she's gonna crack a lot like it always does with me and you around and that's your fucking show for today Cocksuckers 10th planet get in there get the last two weeks for free. I don't know what to tell you I don't know what the fucking tell you February 27th to March 1st I'm over there at the fucking Laugh Boston get your shit together and then the following week I think March 6th through the 8th. I'm at the stress factory in New Jersey But besides that I hope you had a great fucking show today today We talked about people not following people don't fucking gives a fuck about people you're gonna walk around I want to go to Vegas. There's no peer pressure. It's on your fucking mind

Right fuck that. It's your world. It's your motherfucking world. Why are you following these fucking slutty dirty people for? They are the fucking disgusting people you get what you got planned for the week and we're gonna move Office hopefully the next time we transmit on Monday We'll be in the new fucking. We'll see we'll see we might do a special surprise attack Sunday for you mother. Yeah We might have to oh and just go to leeside.com. We have a whole bunch of new podcasts for you Jerry LaRouche and I talked about Dungeons and Dragons My grandma's and I talked about three or four Sam Peckin Paw movies. What's pretty great? Steve Simone had Roddy Piper on his podcast this week and

Josh Wolf and Sarah Cologne and I had a Mark Trumbo from the Arizona Diamondbacks alone on their podcast last night He's a picture or something. He's a outfit. Yeah, you ready for baseball concert I am and I was saying to him and Josh. I think the season should be shorter Maybe go to the NBA season 80 81 or 82 fuck Season sure how you want to get into that sports shit? We talk it's a hundred and sixty-two games. Could you do a hundred and sixty-two? Shows like for three like three hour shows over that time fuck. Yeah It seems so it seems like so much to me and like come on. Let's go for a walk

It's a beautiful day to be alive. Don't worry about fucking it seems so much to me Who gives a fuck make a 10 million a fucking year They should be playing every fucking day and after that run around with let us watching people whip them and throwing rocks For that type of money they get all right 10 million they get a year and you're worried about whether they play not worried about it But you give a fuck who gives a fuck let them die Let them go out there and fucking playing the heat every goddamn day for 10 million fucking dollars Fuck it, man Let's see you go out me. Let's get the fuck out of here cock suckers

All right, have a beautiful day. Have a beautiful weekend. Remember you're a bad mother fuck the fuck these bitches stay blackish Now that the show is over Don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu plus whoo plus at the binge on thousands of it shows Anytime anywhere on your TV PC smart phone or tablet support this podcast and get an extended free trial Fuck Jack of Hulu plus me go to whoo plus comms last Joey or go to Joey Diaz. That and I might have gone a little too deep Get to sign up for dollar shape club calm You get high quality razors into your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay retail

Go to dollar shape club calm forward slash church or just go to joey Diaz.net and click on the dollar shape club painter and Don't forget to go to nature box calm in order great tasting healthy snacks at 50% off Snacks and water in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and baked sweet potato fries Support this podcast and get 50% off. That's half off of your first order. Go to nature box calm promo code Joey That's nature box calm promo code Joey and then also check out nailed it live calm You know all the wax and oil smoke stuff you need for 20% off of the best vaping out there Just put joey Diaz. Remember you just get the vape pen. There's no fucking all there's not where you get that What you put your vapor pen is all up to you cocksucker over here. We don't put illegal activities

We put Smells good. That's right. There's no illegal activities here. We hang out with juice. Have a great week and stay black wash your pussy And let it all hang out. Oh Shit Lisa yeah, you bad motherfucker direct Direct fucking Australia one of the baddest bands to come out of there 1980 August 4th. I saw him open up for fucking Ted Nugent master's great God I had no fucking idea who they were. I had heard the song. I would hang on line That's it. That's all I knew. I walked into that master's square garden. I don't know what the fuck to expect

We didn't sit in the red area. We didn't sit up at the seats He sat on the side me Chris Morgan and two other fucker than identified males and these motherfuckers came out and did the first side But they closed up with this song and they wanted to walk all over you and Touch too much and that angus young had to be a kid 21 22 He just rips this motherfucker rip it up. We hit it. What? What? I You fucking kidding me or what one of the most charismatic singers of our time the rest of them were kids

This guy was an old fucking man. He was like a 90 hit it guys name was bonds got in fact He died today is this fucking anniversary. He died February 19 1981 Fucking drinking getting all fucked up. So there you have it the spirits are in the air tonight Have a great day I I I

I I Tonight I I Gonna work on love you