Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #158 - The Church Of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: March 12, 2014

Joey's childhood friend Anthony Vanieri calls in to talk about running for free holder in New Jersey. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Streamed live on 03/12/2014

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there, check out the premier vapor pen on the market at naileditlife.com. That's naileditlife.com. Don't forget to enter the discount code joeydsnowspaces and receive 20% off of your first order. And we have a little bit of a reward from our friend Adam Corolla. Hello podcast fans. Adam Corolla here. I'm leading the fight against patent trolls who are threatening this medium. It's not about me. It's about the podcast you're listening to right now. If I go down, this show could be next. So visit fundanything.com, Ford slash patent troll for more information on how you can keep podcasting alive. Thank you and mahalo. Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what?

Wednesday, March 12th. The day the devil was fucking hitting the head with 15 new chucks. Here you go. Oh shit. It's only rock and roll. I think 1973 or 75, the stones tremendous out. I don't give a fuck what you think. Time waits for nobody. Wednesday you bad motherfuckers. The flying Jew. Flavor. Bring it. Spark that motherfucker. Fuck the boss. Time to suck your dick. Elvis is dead. You don't feel so good yourself. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Love. What? It's a bitch. All right. Hit it, Lee. What the fuck? Wednesday,

March 12th. Are you fucking kidding me or what? If you're not thinking about stabbing the motherfucker today because they got your money in their fucking pocket, you better go back to bed, you motherfuckers. What's happening, Lee, Lee Leland? Feeling great, man. I'm back, bitches. I was a little fucked up this week. You were, you were nervous for everything. This is what happened. So every fucking Monday, every Wednesday I go on the road, right? So it's five, five in the morning, four in the morning. So I went in and I have two medicine cabinets. I got one in the kitchen and I got some medicine in the fucking bag, blood pressure medication. So I grabbed the medication by mistake that was for a staff infection. I had two years ago and those were the main pills. So when I went

to New Jersey, all I had was the staff infection pills, which I didn't find out till three days later. I kept taking the staff infection pills with the fucking water pill that they give me from blood pressure. So boom, Thursday I get to, Wednesday I get to Jersey and hang out, no problems. By fucking Friday I got a little headache, Lee, a little bit of a headache and it's escalating and I don't add, I add fire to it. I go do the fucking Epileptic for 40 minutes. I go do the two shows, get up the next morning, fucking the headache wakes me up. Wakes me up the fucking headache. I get up, I feel like puking. I think I eat oatmeal and some fruit and it gets, I take some Advil and it goes away. I go upstairs and I run on the fucking treadmill. When I got off that fucking treadmill,

my head was on fire so I popped an edible which don't, which don't help nobody. I went to the club and I did two shows and I hadn't sweat like that since I was doing blow. I noticed you in the pictures here. I sweat too fuck. I mean, my thick, my neck was thick with sweat. I didn't bring a t-shirt because I hadn't sweat in there. The valve, the air conditioner was on all three nights. So I go back to my room. I don't really sleep on fucking Saturday night because I was leaving. They changed the fucking clocks. I'm vaping like a mother. So I fucking get up and I'm half dizzy. The car picks me up. I go to Newark Airport. I'm a little dizzy in the morning. I'm just playing it. I mean, I'm just playing it awfully. I was hungry and I couldn't even eat because I

couldn't stand in order. So I sat down. I finally got water and I sat and I waited for my plane to board. I upgraded. They called me right in. I fucking shot on the plane. I sat down. I just closed my eyes. I ate breakfast on the plane. I drank a ton of water, kept drinking water, but it was pounding and every time I got up to go to the bathroom, I felt this dizziness. So when I got home, boom, I told my wife I went to sleep, got up fucking Monday morning when I was out of my mind, still showed up to do the podcast, dizzy or not. I just kept my head straight. Like I had a fucking neck brace on. Nobody even caught that shit. You understand me? That's why I don't fuck around people. So what? I'm dizzy. You got a job to do. I come down here before I left. I call the doctor

at the point for 10 o'clock when I walked in there. My blood pressure was 240 over 150. That's fucking stroke. What is it supposed to be? Can I just tell you? It's supposed to be like 120 over 80. Oh, so it was like double? Double Jesus. So they fucking gave me medication. They made me sit there. They did an EKG. They did a blood test. They did everything he called yesterday. The blood test was inconclusive. No diabetes, none of that shit. It was just my blood pressure was out of fucking control. So we went, we readjusted the medication. I got all the medication fixed up and now we took it to three and that city added one. So I'm back to fucking square one. My wife is fucking upset. She's pissed. So yesterday I got home and I didn't leave, but I took a nap when I woke up. The garbage

was full of shit. She was cleaning out the refrigerator. You know, just she's back on the fish and wild rice and you know, the salads for me and stuff. So you would think we were talking and like the stuff like all the different advances things are going on now and how like there's red box instead of blockbuster and stuff like that. You think they'd have a way to make like a one pill and take one pill a week. I mean, they've been taking medicine the same way for years. Like you think they do something like so that like, because that must happen a lot. You know how much money there is in the medicine business? A billion billions. They'll never cut it to one pill cells all because

then you took away fucking 92% of their income. These motherfuckers want you to take 50 pills. They want you under their trans doctors. I mean, I'm under there for blood pressure. You understand me? Anyway, you know, I go from I treat myself with acupuncture where I take pills for it. I don't have high cholesterol. I'm not prediabetic. I mean, he called yesterday and he said that he wants me to lose some weight. You know, he wants me to stay away from weights for a while and do whatever, you know, we're going to talk today at 10 o'clock. My wife's coming down, but no, I feel a lot better now. I bought a blood pressure machine. I have it at the house, you know. So no, it's post time. This is what I need to do. You know, I always was under great

medication. I always take great care of myself. I just took the wrong fucking pills. Oh, no, I understand. I'm just saying it's like, and I see what you're saying, but even if it was the same price, like just one pill that dissolves over a week, you would think that they have the pills they got on TV. How many times you're sitting in your own business, maybe you got a half a joint here. Maybe you don't think of a mood and they hit you with a commercial is to breathe better. Take this pill side effects and I include debt. Why the fuck do I want to take something that's going to fucking kill me? I might as well take my chances living mom living. Yeah, all these things they get now the, you know, we could, we could sit here for three hours and talk about the pill

business and what people are doing with the pill. You know, you know, I was talking to Burke Christ, his wife the other day, and she doesn't want to send her kid to some high school because it's a big pill school, you know, and I've heard this about Malibu High. I've heard this from Mrs. Rogan about the schools in that area up there. How they're very pill, you know, when you're kids, you look into this shit. Where do these kids get their pills from? For the parents. For the fucking parents. You know why? Because in this fucking area, all these weak fucks that you see with their iPhones and supposed to be, oh, I have a pilot present. All these weak fucks, they're all on pills. They'll laugh at a guy like me and call me immature for smoking weed.

But, you know, I mean, again, I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm an advocate. I'm fucking Jack Herred, Jr. I'm just telling you that, that, you know, there's no, I rather somebody smoke weed. Like, I went back east and somebody asked me for edibles, a friend of a friend I brought up back pretzels. And she said, the last time you brought these, this lasts me three months. She goes, I stopped eating Valium. Well, so, you know, anybody who knows that you eat Valium, you get fucking toxic. You're toxic. Any of those pills, you're fucking toxic. And you don't know why you're on them. You realize once you get off them, I give you a root canal today. I give you those fucking Vicodins, a nice guy like you, you go home, you're in pain, you're popping those fucking

things, you start feeling good. The wife comes over, you give her a stab on those Vicodin hardons, which is fucking tremendous. And then, you know, it goes on three, four days and prescription's finished. But for four days, you say, about a third day, you're starting to get depressed. You start to get gloomy. Really? Going into this Vicodin haze, and you don't see the haze till you're out of it. Once you're out of it, you go, you know what? I'll never fucking do those things again. So who knows? I've told the story a thousand times and they gave me pills for anxiety. And they were the worst feeling things I've ever had in my life. I can't believe they gave it. And people could say, yeah, well, they have to adjust the Medicaid. Listen, man, I have another friend

who stopped drinking, but now she's on 15 fucking pills. So what's the difference? They go to AA and say they clean and sober, but meanwhile they're popping 18 fucking pills. So what's the fucking difference? I do not get this shit with the pills of destroying us. And once they give me that pill bag, I mean, there's people that don't do shit without that fucking pill bag. And I know it is to be addicted. I fucking know. But I was also addicted to fucking Coke and shit like that. I wasn't addicted to some doctor giving me fucking pills. This is a doctor that's supposed to be taken care of you. But yeah, imagine if you could have gone to the doctor and said, here, give me some Coke. Oh my God, I would have mugged a doctor every three fucking weeks. I didn't have

a doctor when I was a kid, Orlando Del Valle. He's down in Miami now. He's retired. I go to see him at two in the afternoon and right in front of me. I do would do two bumps in the doctor's office. He was fucking legendary. Anybody who grew up in that area in those days and had Orlando Del Valle, whenever you bump into him, you're like, Jesus fucking Christ. I survived Orlando Del Valle. He was a great doctor. He was a great fucking doctors. You know, listen, man, can you imagine being a doctor is getting addicted all the time. I mean about it. They have to pills and fucking liquid fucking Vicodin and liquid fucking this and that. And the other the other thing that must be hard of is not selling prescriptions. Like, because especially when you start out,

I don't think you're making that much money. Like when you first get out of men's school, you're doing like the 12, 24 hour shifts at like the hospital. It must be, it must be hard not to like if someone's like, Hey, man, can I give you a couple hundred bucks for a prescription pad or something like that? It must be hard to have prescription pads no more. They eliminate that because of the fact, you know, everything's done on computer. I understand what you're saying. I stole a couple of those prescriptions. Yeah. I know a guy who sold them to you. Jesus. The book. Remember when you were a kid, if you didn't go to school, you have a doctor's note. A doctor's note cost you 25 bucks. A doctor's note cost you 25 bucks. Like if you didn't come up

with a term paper, they want to see a fucking doctor's note. So you got to get a doctor, a crooked doctor, give him 25 bucks. And he write, you know, he was under my care. He had the flu. He was seeing pink elephants. You know, whatever the fuck it is. It's funny though, when you drove me the other day, you know, I'm very happy. I have Lee gave me a right because I got a draw, but I was just dizzy. I didn't want to send traffic in the HOV lane. I always go with it whether I'm single or not. I don't give a fuck. But Lee drove me. It was funny because we were there for like an hour and 15, 20 minutes. Yeah. And it was fast. Like as soon as I got in, everything went real fast. He checked me. Boom. Let's go give blood. Let me tell you something. They took blood on my

right arm this time on those school chairs. And I used to, that's the time they took blood on my arm in the school chair was in prison. I ain't used to those fucking school chairs where you put your arm out and shit. Yeah, you think of a fucking algebra. What the fuck you're thinking of in the third grade or fourth grade, your times tables. So I get in there and she goes and Mario was there from the improv, this old fucking booze that you stand at the improv in the corner and get fucked up. He was there all blocked up, reek of alcohol. I said to Mario, I'll see you at the improv. And he goes, I gave that place up 10 years ago. He goes, I'm at a new spot. Bitches everywhere. This guy's got to be 80 years old. And he was sitting next to some old lady working.

She had nice little tits. I can see him. Look at that. I swear to God, you know, these old ladies have fake tits in Hollywood. Do they really? This old lady was like an old actress and she had fake tits. She had to be 70. How did they look? I don't know. I didn't ask. I didn't give her a dollar. What the fuck's wrong with you? I didn't look. Oh, can you see through the shirt? No, I saw the bump and I saw that this here, like the top of the cleavage. Yeah. And I could tell those aren't no fucking 80 year old titties, seven year old titties. That chick was banging. That chick was 70 still giving up that fucking monkey. She don't give a fuck that the Susquehanna juices run out of that shit. She's like, fuck it. Take this fountain dry. So I saw Mario,

I go and I'm talking to Mario, I go in, I sit in the fucking chair and my head's already spinning. I'm spinning my body's hot. You know, I'm clammy. I'm fucking rocking. I sit on this girl's great. This girl that takes blood out is brilliant. I have never felt the fucking needle. Well, that day I did. I felt the needle from there. I started squirming. She pushed me back. And next thing I released a ball of sweat from my body, I could feel it everywhere late. By the time she took the needle on the shit, she gave me a glass of water and she goes, you look like you just ran five miles. You saw me when I came out, I was drenched. I was fucking wiping my face. I took the towel, I wiped my face and I put it in my bag and I forgot about it. Later on, I went in

my bag. I was like, oh my God, this was drenched. I must have sweat like a gal in the fucking water at the doctor's office. Oh my God. But thank you for driving, man. That was fucking horrible. Got me nervous on the way back because driving with you is an experience I think most people should have because we didn't take Santa Monica to La Ciena. We were driving through people's backyards and when there was someone going slow, I've never heard you yell so loud. The guy in the green car that had like the weird engine, it was just going slow and your head was basically out the window yelling at the guy. I was like, please, I don't want to get shot. These fucking people, man, you can't, especially in Hollywood, when you're driving, when you're driving a valley

and this is a dumb statement, but it's very true, when you're driving a valley and you're driving Hollywood, it's two different fucking stories. Yeah, you know what you can see? You learn how you see what Hollywood is all about. Selfishness. You go to Hollywood and you go to the valley and you see what selfishness is about. What selfish people who think they have something coming to them, people who think they're entitled, the fucking people I can't stand, maybe they have $3 and maybe they co-starred on some fucking TV show. So right away, they have to have this fucking air of greatness around them and their pieces of shit because they have no character. They base their fucking friendships and shit on, oh my God, did you see, he went to producers

on fucking, they're all a bunch of cunts. So the other day, if you notice when you're driving Hollywood, there's always cars, double parked. There's always tourists fucking doing 30, making believe they're fucking Johnny Bananas in a convertible. Those dumb fucks. You know, if you're a real tourist, you wouldn't come here, you fucking dummy. How bad did Hollywood Boulevard smell? Tell these guys, with the fucking window closed, how bad did Hollywood Boulevard fucking smell there? They even said, do you smell that? Yeah, it smelled like the bad parts of Boston, like the alleys of Boston. Guys, for you to come to LA and walk around Hollywood to take pictures of dead movie stars, you know what, you're a fucking idiot. You're a fucking idiot.

I see you guys walking on Hollywood with your fucking camera. Look at the style of, and it stinks like, there is nothing on Hollywood but rip off fuckingville. If there's 100 restaurants in Hollywood, on Hollywood Boulevard, 96 of them suck that are un-eatable. You know that? They're un-eatable. I used to live right there, dawg. They used to be a Chinese, but those asked my wife, even the Mexican place, I took you to one place that's good. I was gonna say that. The smoothie fruit juice place. It's a healthy place. I've been going there for fucking 17 years. When I moved here, I'd do two plounds of blow at night. I'd drive down in the morning and drink 15 juices to recover. They have all these mixtures. They were doing kale and all that shit when your motherfuckers

were still drinking protein powder. So stop it, and they're from fucking El Salvador. If you look at the pictures on the wall, do you see how many people used to go there? 20 years ago from Denzel, Washington. Anybody who was training went there, and there's no fucking chick with muscles. It's three fucking Spanish chicks. I had their version of Orange Julius. It was delicious. Fucking orange juice with fresh oranges, with water, with milk, and honey. Are you fucking people kidding me? I mean, these people are tremendous. They make a chicken salad sandwich on seven-grain bread, and they give you a special for $8. You get a smoothie, and a motherfucking sandwich. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I bring to the table. I don't want to hang

out with people. The couscous was marvelous. Get the fuck out of my face. Meanwhile, you're paying 20 bucks in some fucking Puerto Rican dress as an Arab, and the back is laughing. Get the fuck out of here, you fucking idiots. Do you pay the meter things that are like the little stands where you have to pay for like the whole line? I pay all the meters, not even. Do you really? I don't fuck around. Because I almost didn't. They'll fucking tick at you. Really? They have an app now. So they don't have to go up to the box? They have an app on the phone that tells them when you park. So they're running right to you. So while you're walking, they're clicking. So you got to be very careful in Hollywood. That's how they make fucking 90% of their fucking profit in Hollywood

Boulevard on tourism. That's who they're ticketing. That's why you have to be very fucking careful down there. Jesus Christ. Yeah, look, I've only gotten one ticket in LA, and it was like 60 bucks, but I heard it's like getting even more expensive, like 75, 80 bucks. And once you get to drift the tickets, my apartment got towed. The little fucking apartment I lived in, Josh Wolf and Ralphie Mann on the fucking floor. My apartment got towed. I wanted to take a shower. They would stop and give tickets for it. Even if they see your plate is expired, they'll give you a ticket for that. It's got nothing to do with them. They'll give you a ticket for that. And then once they see your car, they'll come give you a ticket every fucking day.

Okay, you get the registration done. They're fucking sneaky motherfuckers. And it's not the, it's some of the white guys, but it's the black chicks, the chunkier black chicks in Hollywood. They're angry. They got that fucked up haircut. Those bitches are fucking angry. Yeah. And they will ticket you. So you got to be very fucking careful. I got a ticket from one of them in Santa Monica at three in the morning. It was one of my night jobs that they didn't give me parking. So I was parking on the street and it was right after I got my new car. I didn't put the front, no, you know, the front license plate on. I just didn't think you had to. I told you. And at three in the morning, they gave me a $30 ticket. They don't fuck around here. They do not fuck around.

When I first moved here, I got caught in a fucking, you know, in an array of tickets because you don't know. And I kept getting tickets and people I know kept getting tickets and people get towed in Hollywood. They don't fuck around by Gardner over there. They used to tow us all the fucking time, you know? Oh my God. No, you got to, but it's amazing whenever I go down there. For years, when I see tourists in Hollywood Boulevard, I feel so fucking bad for them as their kids. I feel so fucking bad for them. You asked me, like, have you been in the library of targets? And I haven't been, I haven't been anywhere. I haven't been the, not channed, but what the, what are the Chinese theater is? I haven't been to like Hollywood studios. I haven't been really anywhere down there.

I heard it's nice. Some of it's nice, but I just haven't, haven't had the time. Look, red tar, tar pits is a nice place. You go down there for an hour, you walk around. You know, I mean, either you're a fucking touristy type of person or you're not. Yeah. Either you're into that shit or you're not. Either you're a vacation type person. Oh, you really don't see it. You know, like, when I went to Boston, I had a great time just looking at Fenway Park. I don't have to go to a game. I got it. I get real close. I stare at it. I feel the love. My heart starts to beat. I get tears in my eyes. I walk away. If I go in, it's going to get ruined. When I went to Boston, everybody says that stadium's done now. It's just

yuppies. It's just. Oh, during the, for the games. Yeah. So then you can't get a ticket no more. Oh, yeah. It's not, it's not like cool people like us 20 years ago that went to have a good time. It's yuppies that go to be seen. You know, it's like every other scene. The bleachers, you can still kind of have fun like that, but anything along the sides or behind home plate, it's too expensive now. It's all and it's not even just yuppies. A lot of it's like corporations that can take it and then they give it away and people are having business meetings and it's last time I went and we were sitting behind or in front of two lawyers who were just talking about this case they were having. And I was like, they didn't even talk about the game.

And it was, it was kind of depressing, but I still love it. It's probably my favorite place in Boston. I thought even though I was sick the last couple of days, I've had a great time thinking about a lot of shit, you know, the people I saw this weekend. I really, really saw people who really helped me get my life together. It's weird. I was looking at my wife yesterday and my wife was responsible for so much of my life. Like she is responsible because she's the one that put the fucking whammy on me about, I care about what my friends think. I don't give a fuck about it. But the people I truly love and respect, I really care what they think, you know, and I never want to let them down. That's my always been my biggest issue.

I never want to let them down. When I went home this last week and I saw the people that push me without even knowing, without even knowing, just having them as my friends, looking in my eyes, you know, I was thinking about 98 when I first started dating Terry, 99. I picked up the condi store in her car. This is when I was sleeping on the floor at Ralphie Mae's house or Stacy's house or something. She came over and before I left that morning, she asked me if I had money and I got to be honest with you, I probably had $20 to go to New York in my pocket with no cab money or nothing. I didn't know how I was getting there. She gave me 40 bucks and she gave me like $43 that she had from waitressing and she gave me half a pack of cigarettes. Right there I knew

there was something. I always knew there was something. She didn't judge me, a woman would have came home and judge me and said, I can't believe it. And in those days, I would go to New York with $60 and I'd see three or four of my friends and I go, can I talk to you for a second? Listen, Brum Light. And they look at me like I was fucking crazy and they go in that pocket and give me 200 bucks cash. And I used to feel bad for doing it, but I knew they made money. I knew they spent money and I knew $200 wouldn't fucking throw their world off. I was broke. I was their friend. I was a starving comic. It wasn't like I was taking the money doing it for blood. In those days, I'd take the money for fucking food while I was in New York or a hotel or one of my buddies

and let me crash that. But when I went to Jersey this week, a lot of those guys came up and didn't say nothing to me about the past. And one of the guys that's calling today into the podcast is one of the guys I hung out with a lot. And he was, I mean, we were both 19 years old guys and we were fucking confused. We were fucking confused kids. He was told he had to go to college. I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. And we navigated to one another, you know, and in a way, I mooched off him. I have no reason to lie to nobody. If we went and eat, he always paid, you know, at the end of the night, I always asked him for 20 bucks. And he used to get pissed and whatever. One time I took a flight from People's Express from LA to New York after I tried to

mug my uncle, the one who was here last week. I tried to rob him one night and we got into a fist fight. It was bad. And I took a plane home and I had no money. When I got in the plane, in those days, you get on a plane with no money and pay for the plane ticket on the plane with a credit card. Oh, wow. So I said, Oh my God, I left my credit card in my luggage. And I thought I was just gonna walk off and run away. Fuck no, they had cops waiting for me. Oh, shit. They walked me downstairs, took my luggage, we went into a private room, we looked for my fucking credit card. It wasn't in there. So like, you got to pay this before you leave. It was six in the morning in Newark, New Jersey. I called this guy, I called Vinny over there. I'm at the

airport stuck, he gave me his credit card number. This is the type of person I was. I'm just letting you people know that this one, after my mother died, I had no character at all. This is what I had lost. This is what I fought back to get. I had no character. I didn't give a fuck. I was always living and the things went sour. Fucking let Lee pay for it. Let fucking Lee take care of it. Let my wife take care of it. Let somebody else take care of it. That's called not claiming responsibility. That was my biggest problem. But these guys never turned their heads on me. They got mad at me towards the N85, 84. They were a little disappointed me. I had fucked a lot of people over and they would hear the brunt of it. When people would come complaining and looking for me,

they would get the brunt of it. In 85, I left and I always called these guys. There was a handful of them that I called every day regardless just because I never wanted them to think that whatever they had done for me was just a throw or like fucking cocoa and never called back again. So I made sure I'd never wanted them to feel used. Do you understand me? I never wanted them to feel used. And every time I did something good, I called them first and said, Hey man, this is what's going on in LA. Wow, what the fuck Joey? And then when I went back, I took them off to my premiere at the longest yard. I mean, I've been good to my friends, the ones who took care of me. At the premiere, I took eight fucking people, seven guys and one girl. That girl came

to the show the other day with her husband and the seven people that I took to the premiere. They were all there this weekend. I said, one guy couldn't come. He met me for dinner. He was at the steakhouse, but he left. Okay. But that's the luckiest guy I am. But the story I'm getting to that, when I left in 85, I had a plan and this was my plan. Again, no responsibility, no fucking nothing. This is the days when everybody was going to hook me up. We're all in that memory. We're all in that phase. We're gonna get hooked up. We're gonna get hooked up. I'm gonna go to LA. This guy knows this guy's gonna hook me up with a job. My friend's got a job in Vegas. He could hook me up. Listen, nobody's gonna hook you up. Nobody's gonna hook you up. Nobody. That's

shit about you. I got a friend in LA. When you go out there, they ain't gonna hook you up. People have their own fucking lives. They ain't got time to hook you up because you're a friend of a fucking friend, you know? What was I talking about? When you left in 85, he's got me all fucked up. But anyway, my friend Anthony Venere was a political kid. He was a committee man. His father was a treasurer or something. His father was on the boat, you know? All these people in North Bergen were very political. And Anthony, the guy who was calling today, he was very political at that time. Not at 19. He just knew he had aspirations. And whenever we have three beers in us, we'd always go, oh, Venere's gonna be the fucking mayor.

And over the years, I've been disappointed because he's been involved in the game. But the mayor of North Bergen is too powerful. So what Venere did is became his driver. Venere's his top eight. So Venere drives him every way. Venere owns a funeral parlor, but he flips out as a fucking councilman and he's the mayor's driver. Okay. So when I was a kid, Carmine Balzano, the guy I talk about all the time, he was Peter Marcos driver. And Carmine just wasn't a driver. He was a fucking clean up town. Like this guy walked around with a walkie talkie and a suit on, he banging the head with the fucking walkie talkie. Carmine was my idol growing up. He's still one of my idols. I got his picture on the wall right there. He started loving to death.

But I always wanted to be Carmine. So I always, in the back of my mind, I had a notion that when Venere would become mayor, I would move back to North Bergen and become his driver. That was the plan. That was my life ambition at 21 years old people. That was my life ambition to be somebody else's fucking driver. So if you sit there and think about your life and where the fuck you're going, just think about it. At 21, I had none of this planned. I wanted to be somebody's driver. There was no comedy. There was nothing. That was my thing. I was going to go to Colorado for 10 years, get my life together and come back and be his driver until I retired. That was going to be my life. That was how fucking the drugs had me fucked up. That was how society had me fucked up,

because they had you thinking you couldn't do nothing with your fucking life. If you don't have a college degree or a high school education, you can't do nothing with your life. If you don't know people, you can't do nothing with your life. So it was a really funny fucking state of mind. I wasn't at that age for years. I kept saying it doesn't matter because in three years Venere was going to be the man. I'm not kidding you, Lee. I actually thought. What do you think would have happened if that had worked out? Can you imagine if you became his driver? Venere would never make me his driver because it's just too much. It's just too much. I would drive him fucking crazy. It's not that I keep in line as a driver and shit, but I know what you're saying. You're

thinking, no, that was my ambition. That was my fucking ambition. To get a job for 10 years, maybe 15 years, and a car wash, and then one day move back to Northbury and get three suits and become his driver. That's how pitiful. That's how pathetic my mind thought was at 21. That's where I thought I was going to be. Why is that pathetic? Because it's fucking pathetic. There was no college education involved. There was no children. I want to live like Charles Bronson in a fucking hole. And I wanted to live like a pauper. And then one day he was going to open up the Golden Gate for me. I want to live like that because I thought that's what I would end up doing. I was a loser, Lee. I was a fucking loser. So that's what I ended up fucking doing.

That was my thought pattern. It wasn't that I was a loser. It was that my thought pattern thought I was a loser. That's the best I could do. And I haven't even given it a try at that point. I haven't even given it a try. When I left for Colorado in 83 and I came back, that's when I started to experience a lot of stuff. And I didn't know if I could even come back. And I went back and my life was a disaster for 18 months. So when I left there, I left in such bad shape. But I remember getting on a plane that Sunday morning and thinking to myself, I'm going to prove to these people that I'm not really a piece of shit. I just don't know how. I just don't know how. Is it going to be with money? Is it going to be anybody could bump in?

Anybody could sell 50 kilos of coke and become a millionaire and hit the fucking jackpot. That's not what I wanted to do. That was one system. That's one thing I thought about doing to get money to start my life up. You know what I'm saying? That was always the sub-dream that I was going to sell 10 kilos and get $200,000 and then become a millionaire. That was it. But that has no plan. That has no nothing to it. So it's amazing now that we still talk after all these years and he's running for the assembly. No, he's running for a county freeholder in North Bergen and Hudson County in District 8. A freeholder is something they have in New Jersey. It's another word for... And I looked it up. I fucking couldn't really understand what they were saying. I'm not a

political fucking person. So I looked it up. I know it's that nine freeholders and this fucking thing. He's running with the Democratic thing. You know? Let me see what it says. I don't fucking know, man. I don't know. But anyway, the point to the fucking story is that my main man, the gear, is running for fucking assembly. The freeholder and it just does something to me. I feel like they're only good fellows when Tommy is going to get made. That's how I feel inside. I'm so happy for him that he's finally... And he's going to win. He's going to win. He's been doing this for 30 fucking years. We all grew up together. He's got the support of the fucking city, the town. People see him every day. He's very visible. He always has a suit on. He's got a long time fucking business

in North Bergen. 50, 60 fucking years if you know, Paula. I mean, this motherfucker knows what he's doing. Let me tell you something. He was 16. He was already running that fucking funeral, Paula. Oh, really? Yeah. When he was 16, he was already picking up bodies, driving them. So you know, this guy, I mean, I haven't been this proud of somebody in a long time. I get proud of people for a little shit. Like when people email me back to them and clean for four weeks and it's because they listen to the podcast, my fucking dick gets hard. I get a tear in my fucking eye. But when something good happens to one of my friends, any of you guys, any of you guys, something that I know you're yearning for, because sometimes you might yearn to be a

fucking chef, but you might end up being a bartender. Same fucking difference. You still fucking did something. Yeah, you still did something. You're still in your fucking way. You know, it seems like it's like a mini mayor is what it's saying. It says like you have to deal with the budget, but then you're also dealing with everything. It says you're dealing with welfare, education, roads, economic development, law enforcement. So yeah, it seems like you're kind of like like a sub mayor. I don't know. It says yeah, that's according to Camden's website. Yeah, I don't know if they have many worlds. They just happened in Jersey, correct? Did you check? I think that's a couple states that said that. I'll do check. Yeah, I think it's Jersey

and somebody else. I don't know what the fuck. I think we do have to get in that condition. Or just have them fix that one. Does it blow air? No. How do you know? Because it's hot in here all day. Really? I think it blows air. I can open the door. You sure you've never fucking opened it up and not going to try to open it and want to get on my shoulders. I'll pick you up by your feet like fucking curling the three stooges. Let's do it. But not on my bike. I'm all right. I just was asking. Okay. I think it's time we do that little fucking air conditioner in here. Something just it's not hot, but it will be in July. It will fucking be. Oh yeah. The church of what's happening now, you bad motherfuckers. Wednesday, March 12th, tomorrow,

I would be a fucking Zanies performing tomorrow night. And I'll tell you what people I'm fucking ecstatic. I love Chicago. I've been very lucky. I get to pick these fucking cities. I'm jealous. Chicago. I am fine. I talked to Ari last night. I'm right around the corner from Petrelis, whatever the fucking hot beef Italian place with sausage. The fucking second thing I'm going to do is I'm going to get a half a little tiny one with sausage with the fucking hot Italian beef. That's it. But I'm bringing my sneakers. I'm bringing my shorts. I'm going to run on Thursday and Friday and then Saturday. I'm going to train a 10 planet jiu-jitsu. I think I'm going to teach me some G stuff. Yeah. So I think that's everywhere now. Isn't it doesn't Eddie? How many did he have?

I think 20 something. Jesus. That's awesome. That's great. Listen, man, I'm going to have Eddie on next week sometime to call. You know, he's fighting Meta Morris on the 29th. Oh, that's what it is. He's fighting. So you got to watch it. Oh yeah. I know he's a little upset with me. You know, I booked a week before he had the fight. I canceled Miami December 26 and 27. They closed the club. Okay. So they rebooked it and I can't cancel now. You know, I just can't cancel now. So if I book a pilot, I can fucking cancel. Yeah. What's the matter? Nothing. We have a call. Come in. Gear. Yeah. Hey, how are you? What's up, buddy?

Going on. Thank you very much for calling Gear. I was just telling them that you're one of my best friends in life and I'm very happy for you that you're running for the freeholder position in Hudson County. There's nine freeholders. Gear, before we get this started, right? What does a fucking freeholder do? We're trying to figure it out. What does a freeholder do? Well, you have your local level of government. You have a county level government and state level government and then the federal government. But the freeholders sit on a county board. They're the county level government. It's just like almost having a mayor and council as a local level. You have a county executive and a board of chosen freeholders on

the county level. You know, freeholders, you could run in a district if the county so desires to have districts as far as separating the areas of the county. Hudson County does that. We have nine districts. I come out of the eighth district and it's better to have districts when you run for freeholder because when a resident has a problem with a situation in the county, they can go see their freeholder. As far as the county next to West Bergen County has 70 towns and they all run at large. So you could have like nine freeholders coming from one area and say the northern part of Bergen County has a problem. They don't know their freeholder really basically. There's no really a relationship between the resident and the freeholder. But a freeholder, you know,

they implement resolutions and the ordinances in the town, in the county. They oversee the county budget. They can bring a lot back to their district as far as revenue to fix up the roads, fix up parks. And one of the main districts, why is my district so important? It has second largest county park in the county, the North Hudson County Park, which we all grew up in. You remember that, right? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. We all grew up in that park. It's about 164 acres. It's the second largest park in the county and it has about a 16 acre lake. And it's beautiful. We just renovated the park. We spent like maybe I think $20 million on a park for kids. And it's simply gorgeous. And that's something that I want to preserve and keep for the residents to work in.

Now, let me ask you this, Anthony. Will you still be, what areas will you be covering as District 8? District 8 covers the whole town of North Bergen. It covers the second ward in Seekwalkers and two districts in Jersey City. Damn gear. Damn. You're gonna be reaching out. You don't have a hand over anything. I was telling these guys that, you know, when I grew up, used to take care of me a lot. I used to mooch off you and used to get mad at me. But I always knew there was a lot of love there from you when I left. There's never mooching. Yeah. And I remember that. There was never mooching. It was all friendship. And we always took care of each other in North Bergen growing up. That's where I was. No, it was never mooching. I slept

on your pool table. I mean, it was amazing how you took care of me. And I used to picture it. The best part is when my mother walked downstairs and saw you were sitting laying sleeping. Yeah, on the pool table. And I tell her I had someone living in the basement. That was so embarrassing. I run out the back. Her wig went woo. Her wig went woo. And I was telling them that, you know, you've always been involved in some type of politics since we were young. But one of your aspirations was to be the mayor. We used to just laugh about it. We just laugh about it as kids. And I always believed you had it in you, you know. And when I left and every kid has a dream, whether it want to be a cop or a fireman or a public official. I mean, I always want to try

to follow and follow. And I followed his footsteps. I tried to follow my father's footsteps with a business that I took over local funeral home in the area. He ran first in 1971, when I was about eight years old. And that's where I started getting involved in politics at the age of eight. I used to go out with literature and put them in people's mailboxes without even him knowing about it. Took it upon myself and my friends to do this. So I always had it in me and I was was interested in it. You know, what a lot of people don't know that I know is that you've been basically the de facto boss of that funeral policy since you were 15. You did everything. You did everything. You did everything. You did everything. I watched you do

everything. And I watched you used to get mad about hair in the sink. I mean, you were that much of a perfectionist. When you're that much of a perfectionist, you have to be successful, bro. You used to fucking scowl at that funeral. You you'd move little things. I still do. He moves a fucking inch. Like this doesn't belong here. No matter what's here, I always go over and that's just I'm just a pain in the neck in that way. And that's why I know I'd be crazy sometimes. Oh, no, no, you're Felix. I'm good. We were kids. We used to call you Felix without a doubt. You're Oscar Madison and we have a very good relationship. Yeah, I was telling Lee, Lee, say hello to Anthony is my but my one of my brothers. What's up, Anthony? Hey,

what are you doing? How are you doing over there? It's the flying Jew. He's going to vote for you. He's got his he's going to call all his Jewish friends in North Bergen. What's absentee valid? Absolutely. But it's so funny. Like when I left in 85, there's how much of a loser I was, Anthony. I was going to I was going to hide for 10 years. And I was in a way for you to be man. I was going to beg you to let me work for you became that was my aspiration. That was my fucking aspiration. I mean, that's how much who came out to see in Colorado. You did. You wrote me letters when I was going to go to prison. You did. We had a good time and asked when I took it down independence pass. And we had Mike running

in the backseat scared and shit and hiding it. Yeah. Gary wrote to Aspen. You don't hear what I was thinking about the other day. I mean, you're one of the guys that saw me do comedy in the very beginning. Remember when I did comedy? Are your son's baptism? How bad I was? I tell you what, you always were funny. I can't remember when you started these years of flying by. I mean, I just seen you 100 times and every time I saw you was hysterical. And the other night when I saw you, I think you were, you tapped off to your career because it was it was insane. I took people down there that I was bragging about you. And they saw firsthand how funny you are and how great great time we had together. We had a great time. They saw the

friendship how it bonds in the years, you know? Oh my God, it's 35 fucking years. I know you since the first time you gave me a ride home. And I had a feather jacket on one of those down jackets. And I cut my jacket in the Mustang and the wind Valour interior. Oh, and there was feathers all over the fucking car. He was pissed at me for years over that. It was crazy. It was like a dog that you put on your bed and you can't get rid of the fuck. Fucking now get tell me break the process down for me. So June 3rd is what? June 3rd is a primary election. I'm a Democratic candidate. I will face off any Democratic challenges. The deadline is May March 31st to file to run. I have my petitions ready to be filed. Hopefully, which I should win in June,

the Democratic primary. And then in November of this year, I faced the Republican challenger who met whoever that may be. And then hopefully I went there and I guess one in in January of 2015. And it's a three year term. When do you need me there? June 3rd or November to pass out ballots knock on doors because I will be there. You know, I'm going to be there June 3rd. I know you know, I'm going to be there. I already told my wife we're giggling the other day. I'm like a little kid. I'm telling you, I'm like the Nero when Tommy got made. It's fun and exciting to have everybody together. You know, you know, when you do things in life as far as you did in your movies and I'm doing this in my career and you see people, some of our friends became attorneys and

owners of restaurants and longshoremen bosses. And we just, you know, we're proud of everybody. You know, it's amazing. If you would have told me in the front of hash waste 30 years ago, we're going to be having this conversation. I tell you to go fuck yourself. I spit at you. I really wouldn't. That is people that should have been still here. You know, oh my God. So I know you you saw our friend Loops, the flying Jew knows Loops. He met him firsthand. Yeah, they met Looper. Yeah, they met Looper. Looper. You get a Loob job. You get a Loob job and you know, so these guys know our friends, you know, they've seen part of them. Crank call. Crank call. I called Carmine Balzano yesterday. Crank call. Crank call. I told him you were running. He

was so happy. He was so, I didn't know. He's a funny guy. Yeah, you're going to do great gear and I'm happy you took the time. I know you're busy, bro. I'm really happy you took the time because I never really get to talk to you like this. I love you and I'm proud of you and I can't tell you how proud I am. I don't want nothing from you. Right back at you. The other night I was laying down watching Longest Yard again. I know. I mean, every time you're on it, you know, keeping an eye on it, call my friends, you know, you know, text each other. It's fun. It's very, it's exciting. I took him. We went to see missing persons. This is my greatest memory with Anthony. Me and Anthony and Ferney Basasuda went with leather jackets to see missing persons out in

the Paramount Theater in Paterson, wherever it is, right out there. Yeah, I don't remember. Holy shit. You don't hear, you don't hear concerts like that. No, we went to. It was on a small theater. I'm from there with a chance dragging in. And he ordered chicken noodle soup. I almost fucking killed him. I wanted a chicken noodle soup. I wanted a mom's chicken noodle soup, but I guess it didn't turn out to be mom's. It was fucking Henry Lowe's gear. I love you. Congratulations and good luck and thank you for calling in and saying hello, brother. Anytime. Say hello to everybody. Love you, buddy. Bye. I'll always be here. Take it easy guys. Bye. That's really cool. A lot of people have a negative thing to say about

federal government, but it seems like, and I don't know anything about it. So I'm talking out of my ass, but it seems like local government still probably has a chance to help people. So it's cool that I don't know about local governments. I don't know. I can't sit here. I'm no political fucking whatever. I do know about this kid. And I do know about how much he loves where we're from. I know how much he loves the city. The same love I had for the city. I've had love for a lot of places where I lived. The only reason why I don't move back there is because I disrespected the place. I disrespected Northburg. I disrespected the people. That's why I wanted to go back as something. I always wanted this is ending perfectly for me. If I died tonight, I went back to North

Bergen as something. Do you know what I'm saying? And that meant more than me than going back as a fucking whore thief that what I was. So I know that he loves North Bergen. You know, I go back to that town and people bullshit about the mayor and he's dissing this. The proof is in the pudding, bro. The programs he's got, he's opened up for people, the roads, the schools, the security, the recreation programs. I have, you know, my brother George is a coach. I know what he does for these kids, you know, when he's involved with the kids and they have cameras on a lot of the heavy fucking gang areas and he really cleaned up this city and whatever. Listen, everybody's a fucking thief in the political scheme of things. Somewhere along the line,

not everybody's going to be happy with you. Not everybody likes you. You know, they're going after this fucking governor, whatever his name is, the fat guy in Jersey. You know, yeah. Listen, when it comes to politics, Chicago and New Jersey are off the fucking maps. Okay. They're the ones that wrote all that dirty politic fucking machines and all that shit. I mean, it's just, but for me, for Anthony, I'm very proud. I know that, listen, man, Anthony is the kind of guy you call him and go, Anthony, I can't find the job. Give him three weeks, he'll find you some. He got my friend's wife a job. Got my friend's fucking wife a job. You know, she was out of work for fucking years. I called him, I asked him for a favor,

took three weeks to fucking husband calling me crying on the phone. This is what these people do, man. They don't let their own starve. You know, but when I went, at that age, nobody would give me a job because I was going to fuck him. Somewhere along the line, I wasn't going to show up, I wasn't going to steal a car or a truck. So I couldn't blame him for not helping me. I couldn't blame him at that time for not helping me. Now they'll do whatever I need. If I want to move back to North Bergen, I'm hooked up from A to Z, you know, just, I don't know if I want to move back to North Bergen. Do you think you ever would? Like, I was just thinking, and it's kind of weird, if you're, if you're a child at home, everyone on the market, would you, would you move back?

Child at home, the one on a, no, you want to do that? No, that house is, that house is done. Really? Nobody knows what was done in that house. That house is done. That's what happened. That's what happened. That's why all the shit that happened in the house in the end happened. That house was just gone. Okay. The spirit of love had been taken out of that wood, you know what I'm saying? Sometimes you can't bring love back to fucking wood. Nothing you could do, brother. Nothing you could do. It's Wednesday, March 2nd. I want to thank Venere for calling in today. Let me know what's cracked. I like, what do you got planned for the weekend? What are you going to do? Well, I got two podcasts today and then tomorrow I'm going to look at some dogs, see if, see if

anything clicks and then that's it. You really going to go adopt a little dog? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to do it tomorrow this week or next week. I'm going to. A little one? Yeah. Oh yeah. It has to be a little, it has to be under 30 pounds in my place. But yeah, I think, I think that's missing from my life right now. You need a little dog, then you'll walk around clean dog shit. Walk around. That's why I love you. Fuck, suck it. Yeah. Let me give some shout out to you. Death Squad National, happy birthday. You know, I love you. All the death squads around there. I love you, motherfuckers. Keep pushing. Keep believing. Bad company, Haroon Kahar, Tommy Devine, Ricardo, Token Lair, Tony Farmer, and my man, Billy Boone.

I love you to fucking death. And I'll tell you what else. I had great sets last week and I didn't smoke no pot before my sets. I just, I didn't smoke no, I haven't been smoking pot. I will not smoke pot till Tuesday night when I do getting dug with High Live at the whatever theater. Largo. Largo theater. I won't be getting high sets a month. I stay clean for it. I don't think I'll smoke after that. I want to keep everything low and I want to excel at this shit, but I didn't go up high and I took the Alpha Brains. And I gotta tell you some guys, I had the sets in my life. I had such great sets. I even had a core Rogan and go, Rogan, we got to eliminate the reef from the Alpha Brain. Just do the Alpha Brain. Like I told you

the other day, I had people that had grown up with the third row and I didn't see them till 40 minutes in. And it's a, it's a clear place. So the lights were on. That's how heavy my focus was. I was on a different fucking planet. I was on a different planet and I do the Alpha Brains right. I do them in cycles. Like every 60 days, I take 30 years off. So I reboot it. It's like when you take Tryptophan to sleep, it's not going to work after 15 fucking days. So you got to give it a breather, go to Vellarion root tea or something and then go back after 30 days because it's not as like smoking the same weed every fucking day. Let me tell you something. I had the sets of my fucking life. I am very impressed. I've never been impressed with anything. I don't take

energy powders. I don't take none of that shit before I work out of nothing. I'm very impressed with Anna and what they've done, especially the fucking Alpha Brain, especially Alpha Brain. And it's got a money back fucking guarantee. Go to Anna.com. Take a look at the Alpha Brain. Take a look at the strung bone. Take a look at those new digest times and shit to help you digest proteins and carbohydrates. They got so much shit coming at you. It's fucking ridiculous. Go to Anna.com or joeydears.net. Look at the page and press in CH. You are CH and get 10% off, get on the mailing list, get special bargains. You know, they have a thing like just like they send you stuff every month on the automatic. So you don't even have to fucking order it. So this

is how good Anna is being. Give Anna the shot. If you're lacking, you want to start a workout program, go to your doctor, see what they got to offer, and then get on and start up without it. Take a chance. Columbus did. Hulu Plus. How many fucking times am I going to tell you, cock suckers, about Hulu Plus? What am I going to tell you about Hulu Plus? $7.99 a month and two weeks for free. You can binge. You can watch all your favorite shows. You can watch documentaries. You can watch movies. You can watch original programming. I can tell you all the fucking shows that are on there. I don't have the fucking time. Go to huluplus.com. Fill out the fucking box there. Go to joeydears.net. What are you putting

the box? Joey. Joey. J-O-E-Y. If you go to Hulu Plus, you get one week for free. You get who gots. It's a $7.99 a month. Me? I'm going the extra mile. I'm going to give you two fucking weeks for free. That's like getting a finger up the ass and a fucking tubular blow job. And then I give you fucking $7.99 a month, which is $96 a year for fucking entertainment. You understand me? You're not going to get that anywhere else. Go to huluplus.com, pressing Joey in the fucking box and there you have it. As I've been telling you, cock suckers, I'm not smoking weed no more. I'm trying to get clean. I really want more endurance from my jiu-jitsu. I mean, why fucking work on kettlebells? Why go for walks? Why go to jiu-jitsu if I'm

going to keep fucking going backwards in life? I had to give it a breather. Sometimes you got to move something to the side to make a couple fucking steps forward. Naileditlife.com. They're going to be here next Wednesday. They're going to show you how to do the fucking vapor pen with Adam Carolla calls. That afternoon, the next Wednesday afternoon, we're doing a tremendous podcast. You understand me? So Naileditlife's going to be here. They're going to bring the vapors, they're going to bring the fucking pen, and we're all going to smoke together like a fucking family, all right? And they're going to bring you a special Lisa Yagyamata Gumi bag. You know, why, Lee? Because people love you, cock suckers. That's going to be fun. Who loves you? What's a

tubular blowjob? A tubular. They take your tube. They take your tube on, suck it like a fucking capuzza. You know what I'm saying? We're giving it all to you today. I'm giving you fucking on it. I'm giving you a Hulu Plus. I'm giving you Naileditlife. And I'll tell you what I did this week. I tell you my wife what she did. I got home this weekend. And there was a box from naturesbox.com. Did I tell you about that? You didn't. My wife ordered it. You saw the bitch. That's how much she, you know, usually they send you like a sample. Yeah, like six weeks. My wife went out of her way to go to nature's box and order the cocoa almonds, the sticks, and the sesame sticks. That's how good those fucking snacks are. Nutritionalist approved. Go to

naturesbox.com. Look at the fucking shit they got on there. They have some tremendous snacks on there from peanuts to granola. I mean, it just never ends. That's French toast granola. I heard this fucking, the Augustine got it. I'm telling you, even my friends are ordering this shit. That's how good it is. They're healthy snacks. They come with a seal. You can put them away. You can put them right next to your bag, next to the weed. So you take the bonga, you take the fucking snacks out. You don't even have to leave the fucking chair. That's how good it is. Why are you wasting your money on little seizes? Get some healthy snacks. Go to naturesbox.com and order today and get 50% off your order today. 50% off your order. And then you can order every month after that. You can

switch up the snacks, see what works for you. Me, I like the sesame sticks. Me, I like the cocoa fucking almonds. And me, I like the rice fucking sticks. There you go. And they got a couple other things. They're just the apple fig bars. They got some shit that rocks. Please go to naturesbox.com and to Joey in the box. Get 50% off your first order. 50% off your first order. 50% off your first order. That's what I do. I save you fucking Geetus at the end of the week. Geetus, bitch. People talk shit. I'm saving you fucking Geetus. I'm telling you about wedding at a smoothie and a fucking tremendous sandwich for $8. $2 tips. You understand me? I don't fuck around, people. I do this all over the place. It's not that I'm a mooch. I'm trying to get you the most

for your fucking Geetus. You guys work hard like me. Why are we going to drive BMW and Toyota gives you the same fucking thing. You can jump off fucking clips or you need a BMW, so it's how you fucking fag your friends. All right, look at me in a BMW. You don't really need a fucking BMW. Your little Volkswagen works great, even though you're Jewish. God forbid this fucking concept. I got you driving a German car hanging out with the fucking enemy. This is what I'm talking about. This is the youth of America. Oh my God. I love it. I have a question for you. What questions? What's with the question? We watched a movie yesterday. We watched, what's the gene Wilder, Richard Pryor, one where they go to jail?

It's right here. Anyways, while I'm finding it, I didn't realize that they actually filmed it while there were people in the jail. When you were filming while you started, were the prisoners in the jail? On the other side. Oh my God. Not on my side. Yeah. Rick was telling me that they were in like the scenes or whatever. What do you think they do with these invicts when you're fucking shooting them or when they sound like they're all day in? I don't know. I thought they fucking had like old jails. It's called stir crazy. Stir crazy. That's a fucking movie. Yeah. That's a really good movie. How many movies did they make together? Four. Four. Okay. Look at

the league. Look at the league. Fucking work. It's from Rick. But God, I thought they had like old jails. Like when they brought it, when they went to a new jail, people would, they'd rent the other one out for stuff like that for films. I didn't realize they had fucking on the same jail. They had movie sets. Okay. When we did the longest yard, the building they built, that we built that. Paramount built that one faith entrance. Okay. That couple of jail that was abandoned. Please let's do this right now. Google Albuquerque Santa Fe Prison Riot. Okay. And I'm gonna let's just tell the story once and for all accurately, just so nobody gets there. New Mexico State prison. What's the name of the book?

Is it a book? Yes. The devil something, the butcher something. Let me find that for you. Put Riot Albuquerque, whatever Santa Fe Riot book and it'll tell you. Okay. Where we filmed the longest yard was I think a minimum secured, not minimum, but the medium one medium. The devil's butcher shop. The devil's butcher shop. Okay. Before we got there, I don't know what year it was when this riot occurred. 1980. 1980. There was a riot. Tell them what happened. There was a 33 inmates died and more than 200 inmates were treated for injuries. None of them, they took 12 officers. They took them, they took 12 officers captain, but no, they didn't kill them. But they did, they beat them and they raped them. Jesus Christ.

How many inmates got killed? 33 inmates died? Yeah, 33. Okay. So let me tell you the fucking story. Well, that will be great question, because somebody else emailed me about this and I go, it's too long of a fucking story. I think I touched on the Rogan podcast. Okay. I don't know the name of the jail. I'm not going to sit here and tell you. I don't know what the situation was. I know that when we got there, the first day, I heard that there was Indian priests, rabbis, every religion came to bless the fucking where we shot the practice. Okay. We did the practice field. We were fucking in the movie. We've seen the longest show I was on last night, the practice field. That's all the back of the prison that was abandoned. That was the where the riot was. Okay. Okay. The producers

had an offer for the six weeks, whoever slept in the jail and spent the night in the morning. We would get a thousand dollar cash bonus. No questions asked. Nobody fucking two people tried it. They ran out of there. Oh my God. That's how spooky it was. I wanted this picture. One, they had to take pictures inside that they called me to go. You have to go inside and take pictures in this old jail. I didn't know much about it. And that's when they started telling me about why the floors, they painted that there was so much blood that they painted the floors gray, but the blood would come up through the paint over the years. Okay. They said that after the riot, they went in and turned the lights on. They thought it was water running through it was blood.

There was a river of blood running through the fucking place three, four inches of blood. That's how much they would cut people's heads off. They put them on sticks. This shit was fucking violent. What's the name of the book? Please devil's something to really get the accurate story. I'm just giving you the synopsis that I heard. The devil's butcher shop. The devil's butcher shop. How much is it? You could order. It's got to be. So on Amazon, if you go through the link on joeides.net, it's 1853. Okay. What the fucking book? I don't make nothing out of nothing. I'm just saying to you. A lot of people always hit me up for books. That's a great book by Roger Morris. If you're looking for planes to riot and

stuff, I mean, it was a spooky jail. There was just so many fucking things. I can't remember right now. It's too early about what next to it where we walked through. Yeah, that prison was alive and kicking. We'd see the inmates, they'd wave at us. What's up, baby? What's happening, baby? What's up, player? What's up? Freeze. You know all that shit. We would walk through them. I'd have to walk through them to get the bus. That must have been crazy after getting you getting out of prison. Yeah, but I was 20 years earlier, but my trailer was on the property of the prison. Okay. Like Bert Reynolds trailer, Adam Sandler trailer, the quarterbacks trailer, Nellie's trailer. It was on the old jail where they got kidnapped. Me, Lobo, Nick DeToro,

Goldberg, the wrestlers. We were all got put into whatever. We got paperwork. They came in our trail and they found we, we get charged federally because we were on a federal fucking whatever jail property. So we couldn't bring that weed on the set. But you know what I mean? I don't give a fuck. I smoked weed in that trailer like I was going on a smile, like a fucking TP. Oh my god. So that's, that's people always ask me about good books. I read the book in Santa Fe, like it took me three nights to fucking read. Oh, they have a documentary on YouTube. Yeah. He searched 1980 New Mexico State Penitentiary Prison Riot. This is fucking crazy. This guys, you got to look this shit up. You know, you got to, this is, this is fucking crazy. Jesus. But yeah, Rick was saying,

and Pryor was saying, because we watched a clip from a live on the Sunset Strip that they, they were like the scene in the yard and that movie in Star Crazy. It was just, it was just inmates. And like Gene, Gene Wilder was playing basketball with them. And oh my god, I can't imagine. Listen man, it's men that have made a mistake. You know, they have some pretty bad ones. There's some pretty bad and good people. There was a kid that could hurt himself that was in there for, you know, a little homicide. He got drunk and killed his friend in the car. You know, that poor kid was living in hell every day. Sweetest kid in the world, but walked around thinking he was going to get raped. He had to make like 10 friends. I liked the kid. Nobody ever touched him. Nobody's

going to do nothing to him. Where I was, there wasn't none of that shit. I didn't know about it. You know, people getting raped and it was very light. You know, it's when you're getting those deep fucking prisons and they think they could get something out of you. And I'll tell you, it's one of those places where soon as somebody says something to you, you got to go. You cannot let one thing, one thing. What do you mean? Hey, fat man. Yeah. That's it. You got to throw up your hands. Why? Because if not, then they're everybody's going to call you fat, man. They're going to start praying on you. Hey, man, let me get some of your soup. Can you imagine some of that? Come on, come on. Let me get some of your soup. Get your sandwich. Like you get dinner three times a day.

You eat. Can you imagine? Again, like the course meals, like a meatball hero. Okay. And some white Aryan brother comes up to you and goes, Hey, Jew boy, give me your fucking sandwich. I was telling, I was telling Rick, I already, I've had a plan forever. If I ever, for whatever reason go to jail, I'm punching a guard. I can't even punch that hard. And as soon as they take me out of solitary, punch them again. I would spend the whole time in solitary. That'd be fine. What are you going to do? Grow your fucking hair? Eat roaches like Papillon? A little TV? Me in solitary? I could do that. There's no TV. Oh, shit. Still, I would die. I would die in in regular solitary. It's you push ups in your head.

And I'll pen the piece of paper. Fuck, I can't. One day or fucking week, you go out and you walk around to give you two showers a week. You know, your asshole smells like in that cell. It's better than fucking have been murdered. I don't, I don't, I don't think I could last eight seconds in jail. You'd be surprised Lee. I didn't think so either. Oh, my God. It was a big lie for me. I walked in there and it was a big lie. Really? Yeah. I couldn't fucking handle it. You want me to tell you I could handle that shit? I couldn't handle it. That's why I prepared myself to go in. From the minute I got out, I'm bailed. I was already in the gym. I was already preparing myself mentally because I wasn't stupid. I was coped up and I was a little addicted,

but I wasn't fucking stupid. I knew something. I wasn't going to pay my debt to somewhere. And somewhere I was going to have to justify my existence at some point in that fucking place. At some fucking point in that place. And let me tell you something. I got into a couple of misunderstandings. I got beat up one time. I got punched in the fucking head and they broke it up. And he was a friend of mine in the AIDS unit. He didn't have AIDS. We were in there watching TV. No, no. I don't know. And hopefully that'll never happen. You know what I mean? But it's, you'd be very surprised on what you can handle in your life. You'd be very surprised what happens to people. I've lived, you know, I'm 50 and a lot of you guys don't listen to this. And when you get

to be 50, you're going to see the different phases in your life. You've had dark places, like I'm fucking dark in my head. I'm fucking, I think the worst shit in my head ever. I think about the worst stuff ever. It's embarrassing when I think of, I got to stop and fucking pray every once in a while and go, Lord, please help my fucking thoughts, you know, but you can handle yourself. People don't think you'd be surprised. It's not just prisons. It's anywhere where you think you have a social phobia for. Sometimes you put in our head that we're not going to do good. I do it all the time. That's why I'm talking to you about this shit. Listen, I don't know about the moon. I don't know about the stars. I don't know about fucking pyramids. I don't know about energies.

I do know about one thing, drug addiction, because I lived it, how to get out of it, and how to fucking make your life better. How to take little fucking steps to adjust. When I go see John Evan, the guy who called it, and this time I'm going to jiu-jitsu move and John will say, move your hand three fucking inches, move this foot over here. That's what I know about life. How do I enhance it? How do I know? Because I don't need a fucking degree. I don't need a fuck. Right now, I could be the best drug counselor I could be right now. If I quit today, I could talk myself into something. I go, where's your degree? I don't need a degree. I was out there 27 years snorting, banging out. I even kidnapped somebody who went to prison for it. I don't need

no fucking degree. Actually, you're wrong. This is experience. And I know how to trim it up. I know how to trim the fat and how you get your life jump-started. The rest is up to you. There's a way to jump-start your life the same way you've seen us jump-start the podcast. The same way, you know, you've got to jump-start yourself. And that's what takes the fucking energy. That's the one that you've got to think it out and go, how am I going to jump-start this motherfucker? Because after you jump-start it, there ain't no turning back. There ain't no turning back. You fail if you turn back. There's no like, well, I'll give it a break for three weeks. No motherfucker. Now you've got to keep punching, kicking the door, waving the 4-4. Anyway, I get all excited. I'm just like,

what's fucking Wednesday? What do you want me to do? It's Wednesday, March 12th. I'm going to Chicago Italian hot beef sandwich. Don't worry, I'm bringing the medication with a big dick and a lot of personality people. We got Barry Katz calling it Monday, a very famous entertainment manager to talk about comedy. And he used to be a day and cooks manager and he had a couple big time clients. Wednesday, we got Adam Carole and the guys from Nail the Life. We got a fucking full fucking schedule here, bitches. You know what I'm saying? Fuck yeah, we do. Fuck yeah. And that's how we roll right here in fucking North Hollywood, California, motherfucking. I love it. So what are you? I've never been to Chicago. What is it? Awesome? I've heard it's pretty cool. It's awesome

from A to Z. Yeah. It's awesome from A to Z. The attitude, the food, the fucking people. You're having a tour of like really good cities. Yeah. I know Chicago from the north side, all the way to the fucking downside down there, fucking whatever city down there by by White Castle and shaking whatever the fuck. Stake and shake. They got a steak and shake down there. Have you been to Wrigley? Timley. Outside. Really? Outside. I've walked around outside. I went there in a game. I got there too late. The people who were supposed to pick me up didn't show up so I took the train up. I'd love to do that at some point. Not all of them because some of the new ones I don't care about, but maybe go to Wrigley. I would have, I would have, I'd

never got to go to Shayer or Yankee Stadium, but maybe go to like some of the major major parks. I have a friend that does a tour every summer. His name is Ralph Fusso. Oh, I love Ralph. Yeah. You might, Ralph. Ralph does artificial turf some years and then real turf, I guess. Oh, wow. Mix it up with something like that. So some summers he starts up in San Francisco and he does Oakland, Anaheim, San Diego, and they take a plane. I'm not kidding. Wow. So he takes a plane out to San Fran, goes to see the Giants, the A's, the next day or two, they go to the Anaheim, and they schedule it right. When everybody's around town, they might miss somebody. At least they do it right. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. It's a lot, you know, years ago I was into that. When I

went to Baltimore the first time, I ate at that Boo power place. I went to, I went to, you know, my Dallas stadium. That was a trip, not the new one. Okay, the old one. The old one where Dallas played, you know. I went to the, I never went to see New England, but I went to see the Bills, you know. That's my, you know, at that time that was my life, but it was also easy to scout. It was easy in and out. Yeah. Now I got to go through 19 fucking hoops and whistles just to see my favorite fucking team or just to see somebody play and I can't deal with that. I was, I was talking to Josh and he said that for Anaheim, there's an easy train right down there. Like you don't have to drive and sit in traffic like a crazy person. Apparently the train takes you right and drops

you off right in front of the stadium. Right in front of the stadium, in Shea Stadium too. Take the train to the plane, take the train to the plane. Same thing with JFK, I wouldn't shit. The fuck am I talking about? I don't know what's happening. This vapor pen has gotten me stoned to the gills. I'm happy you people watched the church the last two days. We had some great fucking topics and great people on the church this week. Like I said, we keep fucking buzzing along with you people on the program, whether you can hear it or not. I can see that nobody else complained of my little fucking rant on Monday, but I meant this in the heart because it gets disheartening. It's like, it's like when you give somebody, it's like that story is Tony

Soprani to tell about the lady with the roast beef under her arm that would complain because she had no bread. I'm giving you a podcast for free. Sometimes it's going to be good. Sometimes it's going to be fucking bad. But at least my heart isn't and that's all you fucking need to know. All right, cock suckers. Maybe sometimes it sounds fucked up. Maybe sometimes you stream is fucking up the video. I don't know what the fuck to tell you. You guys just know that my heart and soul is in this motherfucker. You don't even need to listen to it. Just put your hand on the page on iTunes and close your fucking eyes. All right, cock suckers and grab your cock and salute the flag and say to yourself ain't nobody gonna fuck with me today, motherfuckers. That's

what the church or what's happened about is all about bitches. I'm stoned. I got to get my life together. I love it. Is that it? Are we doing? I can't tell. I can't. I don't know. I don't want to end it now. They pissed me off the other day. What are you going to do? I don't know. I want to end it. I'll sit here and fucking smoke this fucking vapor pen to like pass out of my eyeball me. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus let you binge on thousands of hit TV shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey or go to joeyds.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner.

And now that the show's over, remember to go to naturebox.com and order great tasting, healthy snacks at 50% off. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and baked sweet potato fries. Support this podcast and get half off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code joey. That's naturebox.com promo code joey. And again, thank you to NailedItLeft.com. Get your vapor pen for 20% off and they'll be 20% off vapor pen. I cost 50 so you get it for fucking 40. Cut it out there, my fucking brothers. Get the vapor pen. I want to thank the people internationally getting the vapor pens and everything. I love you motherfuckers. One of the best vapor pens out there. We're going to

preview them here next Wednesday. Come back, have a good weekend, stay black and me and Lee love you at all on fucking hearts, cock sucker. Oh shit. Oh shit. Here we go, motherfuckers. Little rage against the machine for you, cock suckers. I don't want you leaving the house with a half a heart on you, understand me? I want your dick to be hard. I want your heart to be there. I want your shoes to be shine. You kicked your dicks clean. Your pussy's washed and somebody's going to pay you for what you fucking did today, cock sucker. If not, I feel fucking pity on those cock suckers. Oh shit. Here we go. Here we go. Break up the Asians. Here we go. Get out the new trucks and the fucking sticks. What are the Asians going to do? They got fucking stars. Here we go.

Just when you thought it was safe, motherfuckers, it's just getting started. The church, motherfuckers. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, come and everyone have to change when it's formidable and they changed the shot SHUT! Yeah! Yeah, back in this When you pull into my mind, I flex

Slippin' like bullshit People's never lackin' that furnace Who I got to, who I got to do Don't wake you up Just shake it up Don't break the structure up This blood still flows in the gutter I'm like technicals, bad boys

So in the shut up, set the groove Just think it moved like I was crashes From the start I stepped in From the left I pulled the fascist Yeah! The several federal men The cold schemes on retreat And pointed to my dead

You better beware Look at the future with my war 2020 bitches And murals with metaphors What's it worth? Keep your people calm You know we murdered X You tried to blame it on Islam

We turned the power to the half-nights They came to shut! Canned Hey lady, what's the shit that you said? The stream is 2050 Hey lady! What's the shit that you said? I think I heard a shot I think I heard a shot

I think I heard a shot I think I heard a shot I think I heard a shot I think I heard a shot I think I heard a shot I think I heard a shot Black National He may be a brain of pretenders, but that should surely abandon and suppose

obedience to white liberal doctrine of nonviolence and embrace Black Nationalism Through counterintelligence it should be possible to input potential troublemakers and neutralize them Through counterintelligence it should be possible to input potential troublemakers and neutralize them and neutralize them Wake up, wake up

Wake up, wake up How long, not long, cause what you reap is what you sow