Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #159 | LEE SYATT | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: May 2, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Monday, May 2nd.... Today, LEE SYATT, stopped over for a visit! This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Manscaped & CBD Lion.…. Go to https://www.BlueChew.com Promo Code: JOEY & Try For Free! Just $5 for Shipping! Get a 4 week trial plus free postage and a digital scale by using promo code JOEY at https://Stamps.com Support the show and get 25% off at https://Liquid-IV.com by using code JOEY at checkout. Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #LeeSyatt The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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What's happening you bad motherfuckers? Welcome to The Joint. It's another fun-filled week and another fun-filled fucking month. It's May the motherfucking second. We got a whole new set of rules and a whole new set of fucking, I don't know what. Anyway, we got my main man here, Lee Sayati, came in for my daughter's first communion. First communion. Fucking tremendous.

I had him in a church, the first Jew ever to walk in a fucking church in Madawan, New Jersey. Fucking tremendous. And you walked in and you got the holy water and I was like, I don't think I'm supposed to touch that. No, I threw some on your jacket. Look at the back of your jacket. It's like a burn mark back there. Like when they threw the fucking holy water at the exorcists. But it was great.

It was great. It's really crazy how you see your kids. Like you see anybody, your nephews and you see them and it's okay. You can't really tell what's going on. Take a picture of them and then look at the picture and you're like, what the fuck? So my day started, you know, Saturday morning. Lee was already here. We doing edible Friday night?

A little bit. The Delta 8. A mini one. We did like a mini one for the woman. Well, and I'll say this. I don't know what you did before I got here. You might, you might have done a full edible. Oh, no, I did.

What do you want? I probably did. I probably did 1400 milligrams that night. And then my wife came down with 15 milligrams and I said, fuck it. What's the difference at this point? 15, 2000. What's the difference? So I popped that and dog.

I slept like a baby. I slept like a baby both nights. Saturday night I threw down 1600 milligrams. No, no, no. I ate seven and then like, I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't feeling 1200, 1400 milligrams of ABX. So I took three more. No, you didn't.

Listen to me. Did you really? I put them in my hand and I went, I took Lee to my buddy's house and the mother fucker had pizzas, but he took out some bagels from Staten Island. Drop it on him Lee. You've seen Jersey bagels. Wait till you see Staten Island. Oh my God.

And there were kinds that never even heard of before. I think it was like an egg. Everything bagel. Oh my God. I didn't even know they made that. Jesus. And the thing is, so we were, it was, I don't know about you. I was fucked up.

I'll say that. I was already, like I was giggling and shit. You know, like the 1400 was hitting me, but it wasn't taking me toward the promised land. So when I got over the steams, I said, fuck it. And I went in my pocket and I had three of them in my pocket. And I took the slice of pizza and I didn't even eat them with water. I took the slice of pizza and I was talking to Lee and I just went. And I dropped and I, and then I went in my hand in my pocket.

And two minutes later, I realized what I had done. And I said to Lee, I'm going to die. And he goes, what happened? One of my pocket was one out of three. So that means I ate two. So I ended up eating nine last night, 1800 milligrams. Now we got back. Oh, then we got back and we fucking steamed clean.

The freeze pipe steam cleaned it, boiled it. The whole thing. I just didn't want no problems. You know what I'm saying? Like you just want to fuck when you have people over, you want it. He's a good host. I steamed that motherfucker. I took the freeze pipe out.

I steamed it in hot water. It was liquidy in there. That's how fucking, and I refroze it from scratch and I put in some maven. I mean, I love my gas laughing gas, but when it comes to the ice cream shop, they got great weed across the board. I had a little piece of maven and I put it in there, cherry something, 35%. I made three bomb hits for each of us, but I put a Keith layer, like that Jell-O from the 80s that used to have like you,

you put it in the refrigerator on a slant. So we get slanted and you fill the whipped cream and people go, oh my God, you were genius. No, you put the glass on the slant, you fucking asshole. And it goes to the side. What the fuck was wrong with you? You know what I'm saying? So we fucking, we did that.

We did three of them and Lee was fucked up. It took me to a different place, but my brother George, he took a big hit and I cleaned out the thing and he went by mistake and you could see his eyes. It was like I stabbed him in the stomach. You could see his eyes, like the panic. It was like training day when the guy shot him with the shotgun and sitting in the chair and he had to go breathe, breathe.

Cause I learned before the church even started, I went to his house and he had an office way before mercy was even born. He had this little mini-bomb and he would put ice cubes in it. It was like first, like, yeah, like we had met and then like a month later, cause we were talking about social media yesterday. One of the first time I went ever went to your house, you brought me to your office and I had, I taught you how to put a picture up on Twitter on the computer,

not even the phone and you call me an unadulterated genius because you had no idea how to even put a picture up and you had this little bong. I know. And he had this little bong and we take little hits and like I was brand new. I barely ever smoked before, but I started, I got a little cocky with his weed and then one day you put hashing and covered it up and I took a big weed hit. I turned as red as that, right on that thing right there.

His wife thought I was going to have to go to the hospital. They brought me to barbecue or fried chicken. I was still coughing. I coughed, that's how I started getting bronchitis. Cause I coughed so much off of that one hit and that was George, George sat down for like 20 minutes, he was coughing. He didn't know where he was. He was trying to cover it up.

He didn't know where he was. And then he left, right? And I'm like, let's get out of here, Lee. And finally I go, I look at the bar and I'm like, I see this big phone at the bar and I go, that's George's fucking phone. I go, this motherfucker forgot. I can't even call him. You know, you can't have women do sudden smoke signals.

So finally we're doing something. I go, let's get the fuck out of here. Cause I don't know if he's going to come. I look at the phone and I hit banging on the back door. It's, I go, that's George. He's like, man, I didn't even know. So this morning I called him. I go, how was it?

He's like, man, all I know is I'm happy. Your wife gave me the meatballs. Cause when I got home, I was, we gave him 25 milligram ABX, the sleepy ones. No, he only had a 25. No, he only had 25, but the 25 sleepy ABX is a little fucking deceiving. It's deceiver. The 25 is a little deceiving. It takes his time and you're like, Oh, I beat this.

I'm fine. Joey don't know what he's talking about. You know what I'm saying? Then you settled. Like once you, you know, when you get kicked on the legs and MMA, it's so you don't settle. Okay. Once you settle, you're like, wow, this took me to the promise. So he said, when he got home, he was fine.

He changed into his pajamas and he goes after he sat down, the room started spinning. It started turning purple in there. He started hearing people speak in Spanish and he goes, thank God your wife gave me those meatballs. Okay. Two of them. And it took him down. And then he goes, I'll never smoke out of that fucking freeze pipe again, which is, that's a tremendous. The freeze pipe's fault is 30%.

Well, people always want to blame the least fucking evidence. You know, a guy jumps out of a window with a fucking towel on and they go through his house. He smoked pot. Well, let's blame the reefer. Let's blame the guy. He was fucking retarded before he jumped out the window. The fucking reefer just helped him a little bit to get the fucking ad behind him to fucking. That's it.

But don't blame the reefer, cocksucker. You know, don't blame the freeze pipe. Blame your fucking mental weakness for fucking getting that high. That's why I tell you, you always got to prepare for war. What if the Iranians kidnap you and that's the torture? Yeah, but in this case, you're the Iranians. You're the one putting the hash in the weed. I'm getting you ready for the fucking, you know, for the great.

When the Russians come and they make you smoke a bomb. The Russians are gonna come. They're gonna sit you down and bit slap you with their dicks and make you drink vodka. I will not be prepared. You know what I'm saying? I will be sucking Russian dick because I don't drink vodka. But if they rip off that bong, I'm winning that fucking race. You understand me?

And I'm walking out of there laughing at all you motherfuckers coughing. I'm, hahaha. You're gonna die. You're on the next flight to Ukraine. You know what I'm saying? Fuck you. Fuck you. I ain't going out like that.

So you got to get ready for training, Daycocksucker. What if the Arabs come and they give you adibles? I'm 17 in. I'm looking at them with the 17 and they start looking back at me. Going, that's how I, that's how I, that's how I, this fucking didn't kill him. I'll walk out of there floating fucking with hummus slaps handles on. You know what I'm saying? You'll be fucked up if they break out the hummus.

What if they break out edible hummus? Well, your birthday video. That was the last time I had hummus. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible.

It's how they fucking whine you in. That's how they indoctrinate you. The next thing you know, you're fucking walking around with your hands up and shit. You know what I'm saying? It's like going to the 7-Eleven in North Hollywood by Laurel Canyon. Every time you went in there, those fucking attendants will give you those fucking Islamis. Like between 15 minutes, you'd be getting out there looking for a pipe bomb and shit. If you want to target tonight, you're taking out the fucking.

The pressure company? Oh my God. The pressure cooker department. It's the truth, bro. He'll tell you about North Hollywood. That was a joke amongst us, but it wasn't a fucking joke. And it became not a joke when they actually killed the owner. Then people started hitting me.

I'm going, Joe, you're on to something. How did you know? Go in there. They don't like Americans in there. You know when you buy a car and then you suddenly start seeing that car everywhere? Yeah. Or you start to look. That was it.

You told us, you're like, go in there. You're like, they play the music and then you couldn't. I could not see it. You'd go in. I don't know what radio station they were playing, but it wasn't. It was to provoke you. It wasn't until eighties on eight. It was to provoke you.

There was all the other seven, 11s had those same fucking dudes in them and they listened to like the seventies on eight. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, sunshine on my shoulder. You walk into the fucking Laurel Canyon window. You could tell. And I used to go in there at night to get like the vapor pens after the podcast. They weren't nice people at night.

And the shit that hung out in front of there wasn't nice. I was just going to say the problem was they had a 24 hour laundry mat. And if you're doing laundry at three, I've done that in LA a couple of times. When you're the first time I ever did laundry at like three in the morning, that Ralph's on, um, Cawang, like they used to be 24 hours where they had the cans delivered. Like that used to be open 20. I walked in there and someone got hit in the head with a liquor bottle. LA late at night is a scary place.

And what about now? Oh, now I wouldn't. I couldn't imagine even going. I hear all the drama is by what we used to live anyway for all that drama is on that block, Magnolia. They shot a guy outside that fucking diner. I would assume white lift that diner on fire. That's the worst food in the fucking country.

Nice people though. It's crazy when you fucking look back that to scary neighbor that night. That's a very scape scary neighbor. And it's getting scarier. Well, we were talking about it yesterday and it's like LA just attracts people with issues because they, they, people think they're going to go there and turn into something and mix that with drugs and mix that with running out of money. The scary, like even that diner, I go, people would ask me for like to use phones.

If I ever hung out, like sometimes you'd go hang out there and I'd be outside. Just to write. I used to, cause they used to let you smoke on the outside. Yeah. What a smoke. So there was nobody in there. I was telling somebody like towards the end, like I wouldn't meet people there. But it always, I always noticed that every time I went home, I had fucking flaming ass diarrhea.

No matter what I ate, cheeseburger deluxe, flaming ass diarrhea. All right. We switch it to chicken noodle soup, fucking more diarrhea. Okay. Bacon and eggs, fucking diarrhea. And then I started going in and going, you know what? Let me just get a milkshake. That's milk and ice cream, fucking diarrhea.

So I'm like, that's it. Everything in that gives you fucking diarrhea. We can't go in there no more. It was that bad. Mike, it was that fucking bad. And you tried. They got you with the breakfast wasn't bad, but the bacon sucked. It was ox meat or some shit, rabbit meat or something.

The coffee shop had the best bacon around. Yeah, I missed that. That fucking breakfast was, I would bring it here and it would hold its own. The bacon and the Mexican potatoes and the 1000 grain fucking toast with butter in the morning. They did a good job of Marie T. If I miss any place, I miss that place a lot. And George Elias always calls me. He's like, I just drove by there.

Salami always hits me up. I just drove by. You don't have a place around here that you go get coffee and chill out. Nothing. There's a Starbucks, but there's a smoothie king that you could drink a smoothie and sit there. They have tables. I just don't know where Panera bread is around here. I missed that.

I need to find the place where you could wake up in the morning and go write a little bit. Couple of jokes outside your house. Like it's good for you. Just to look outside the window. It's a change of fucking scenery. If you read the art of the one by the guy that wrote the Exorcist and all that, not the Exorcist. He wrote like Carrie Steven Spielberg, his Stephen King. His book is about like how he sits.

Yeah, I'm writing it. It's how he sits and how he faces a certain wall. You only listen to AC DC, which is rare because I can't even listen to music when I fucking try to write anything. If not, you're trying to write a joke next. You know, you're singing the lyrics and you're like, thank the lyrics. I want to suck. I'm trying to write a joke here, but it's really, uh, I don't have that here, but that's okay. You know, for now, like I'm looking forward to the pool to open because there's places that you can sit outside and it's shady and they got great fucking sandwiches that dog.

I can't tell you. I'm an old man and I'm looking forward to the pool more than when I was a kid. I got so much. I had such a good time. It was the first time in a long time. I just relaxed. It's like when people say that you want to go fishing and you're like, fuck, am I going to do fishing? You know, fishing isn't about catching fish.

It's just about sitting there and breathing and getting vitamin D and talking to your grandpa about, you know, when he went to World War Two and fought the Nazis, you know, it's just stupid shit. And at the end of it, you kind of feel good. It's like a therapy session, you know, and you're getting better at it. Cause you used to, I thought about you when I was in Florida, cause I sat down on the beach and I had a hard time for like the first hour. Cause I thought about you being like, what am I supposed to do now? And it took me a little bit to like relax a little bit because I was just sitting there with doing nothing. And I thought of you, but you like you, I could see you having fun with a coffee shop, but like the, my favorite part about yesterday was like the party.

Like the party was great. The food was great. But then we're like, you just, we just started like relaxing like your neighbors came over. You have a good setup down here. You have a good group of people and you know what? It's funny how like things, like they just really worked out like your house and it's in a perfect location. You have like a cool backyard. It's not too big. Like it's not like you're going to have to worry about it.

No, no, cause I'm worthless. I can't mow a lawn. I would chop my fucking foot off. I'm like Pat Riley on that show when he tried to fucking trim the trees on his roof and he cut himself on the foot. Right. That's me. So I knew that I couldn't get like people like one of them, they want no fixer uppers in this neighborhood. This wasn't a neighborhood fixer uppers.

So I'm just happy about that. You know, I think about the future and I'm like, I'm going to paint these walls. You know, upstairs you got to use a ladder to paint those windowsills and shit. You do paint. I mean, listen, I can paint. I can mow grass. You know, I know, I know how to paint, but I know how to paint right. Like I like fucking putting the tape.

I don't like runs in the wall. I'll take all the caps off the receptacles or everything. I'll do all that shit. But it's also like you're just like it just was smart how like the backyard's great to like relax in. But then like I was looking at houses in Florida mansions almost a million dollars. Like you could have this house and like be retired and I don't know what your payments are, but like you didn't go overboard. Like this is like a comfortable house. She showed me 30 houses and I looked at a house that first of all, it's me and my wife and my daughter.

My wife is in 40 and we're not going to get a cleaning person to help us. You know, so I said, forget about the big house. Like I'm not here for the Joneses. Right. It's a comfortable house for my daughter and my wife that we would like. I looked at a bunch of houses. Some of them were 800,000. Some of them were 850 and I'm like, we don't need that room.

No. What am I going to do? Airbnb? What am I going to do? It's a three-year. You know, six. You know, I can see a four bedroom house, three of us, you know, in an office and maybe her office or a playroom or something like that. I'm not a handy guy, so I knew I couldn't get something that needed work.

That's just not going to happen. I'm going to go broke. I'm going to go broke. You know, so I took all those things into consideration. I didn't know how long we were going to stay here, but by the looks of things, if you have a child in this world right now, then I'm never going to be able to get a house. No. So when you look at a house now, you better look at that house and go, wow, I'm looking at 30 years from now. How's this house going to look?

How's this neighborhood going to look? What we need to do, you know, because she's never going to be able to buy a house. Listen, nobody, and you really think about it unless you're just a perfect child and you go to high school and college and you come out and you marry a high school sweetheart. And all those summers, instead of going to concerts, you fucking work that PNC and made money. And you put away, you know, how many fucking 25 year olds could honestly say they got all that college, tuition's paid, whatever you call it, loans. Yeah. They got all their bills paid and they got $100,000 to put down on the house, you know, 50,000 and furniture. 25 year olds, almost none, like even like my age.

Okay. Okay. So what are we talking about here? How many 25 year olds are actually eligible for a house right now? If we narrow it down, come up with a specific number of American in the United States and go, how many 25 year olds could seriously right now today buy a house with good credit, no bills, no college tuition and 50,000 100,000 100,000. Let's say I tell you 25,000 is for furniture and, you know, a barbecue and from outdoor furniture and whatever 75,000 is your down payment. So 10% of your down payment is what they want. It could be as low as three could go as up as high as 20.

Okay. So if you putting down 20, 10% and it's 75,000, that's a $750,000 house. Right. And now you're left with, you know, $675,000 in debt plus interest plus depreciation plus your kids are coming. You actually got married. So you're having to have a fucking kid. Yeah. So what other chances?

Unless you're fucking perfect. Okay. And then your parents have to leave you money. We all needed a bump in our lives as a child. We all need a bump. Is it? So for some of us it's we're fucking retarded. We need 20,000.

But for some of us just 1500 to get us a roommate situation with a friend and we could start rock and rolling from their bed, a TV, a microwave. Good luck. Good dreams. I put you through college. You're on your own now. How many 30 year olds can I actually say have enough money to put down in a house and all that bills are paid. And now let's narrow that down. Joey, you're being a little hard.

Okay. So when you're 30, your loans are paid and you have $200,000 for down payment and furniture. But your bills, you all outrageous amounts on your credit card, which a 28 year old does. Okay. I don't know what, you know, unless your parents just, you know, like, and it's even 30s young. Because when, when you think about it, I was supposed to be, I signed on to pay my student loans for 15 years after I graduated. That would, and so that would have been, I should have been paying them off until like 36, 37. And I, with COVID saved me because they stopped charging interest.

So I paid them off. But you're going to have, most people are going to have student loans until they're almost 40. And that's like, that's if they're being lucky. And yeah, like you can save shit. But then I was going to ask you, like, as someone who went through hard times, if you, if you're trying, do you think it's usually just kind of work out in some sense? Do you think it might not be like the biggest house? But if you think stuff will work out eventually, if you like, it might not be when you want it.

At the age of 45, even after I overhauled my life and got clean on cocaine and I was on my way. I was still three, four, five years away from getting debt free. Like I never thought I saw the end of that because I had an outstanding child support. And it was revolving. It was like an American Express card. So even though I'd pay the 635 when I got the bill, there was $20 high every fucking week. So I never knew. I was like, this is never going to end.

And when you think about it, it makes you want to jump out of window. When you think about your bills and how you're going to get them situated, it makes you want to jump out of window. Okay, that's the truth. That's at any age. I know I felt like shit. And that's why I took paying bills so important. You got to pay your bills. You got to pay your bills because that shit will follow you.

I've seen it as a car salesman. I saw kids come in when they were 30 and go, I'm here to buy a car. And guess what? They had perfect credit. But when they were in a sorority or fraternity, they didn't pay their water bill for a year. You can't sell your car. That just chopped up your fucking interest payment, you know, to nine instead of four. You know what I'm saying?

Like something like that. So, you know, these are all these things that you come in with. So I never fucking saw the end of this. I sold the show and they gave me a lump sum of money and that took care of some of that shit. You know, over the years, when you wouldn't like to Joey Karate videos, I got a deal. So whenever I got a deal, I would take a certain amount and just pay a lump chunk. And I would send it and go, why am I sending that? Like, I'm never going to get ahead just because I paid them off.

I got 80 other people at my door. You know, when you get divorced and you get separated and you got to spend 150,000 attorney bills, I didn't see the end of that. That's what for me, it's the worst when stuff like it never stops. This is always going to be a bill. Like you finally start getting ahead and then you blow out a tire. Like that. Yeah, that's life.

That's life, guys. That fucking pisses me off. And that's the worst because when you blow out that, every time you blow out that tire, that pushes you one step circle to jumping off that bridge. And it takes a lot of fucking like, I don't know, like I'll tell you what happened, guys. Like I wanted, I got, I was okay. Even when I went to prison, guys, I was okay financially. I wasn't secure.

I had a couple of the house in the bank. That's what you want to hear. You know, 2000, 3000. That's a lot better. After that, you got to assume, you got to take the truth from 92 to maybe 2004. There wasn't even a bank account. That's crazy. Okay.

There wasn't even a bank account. You're a comic. You're a fucking rogue. I was a rogue. You know, I didn't know what tomorrow was going to bring. All I knew was I was getting $125 tonight and I had to pay child support. And I knew I want to fuck the bartender. So I got to have a gram of coke to do that.

Yeah. That's it. That's where your mind goes, guys. And then you, I don't know, but I never saw myself getting out of debt. But I did. Every time I got something, I paid something. You got to remember, I owed a hundred grand easy on attorney bills from the divorce. That's easy.

And I paid every dime. Guys, you look at my credit rate every dime I paid to the T and I didn't have to to the T. I just, it was something that if I was going to be a piece of shit in my life, at least I was going to have a good name for paying my bills. That's the least you could do, Joe. You just cause one part of your life is shitty. At least what a part of your life could be decent.

And that's why I paid my bills. But since we're on the subject. When I left Boulder, Colorado, June 29, 1995, 95, honestly, I was looking at a quarter of a million debt. And that's, if you look at everything, cocaine debt, you know, the 20 year old at the gas station, the $50 tab at the Chinese place, you know, when you look at that quarter of a million, all my attorney bills, I took all those credit cards and wore them out. That's what you do when you get divorced.

What are you going to do? Once you can't pay those bills, you might as well keep buying shit until they, until you go to that place and they're like, uh, decline, call, that's when you know. Time to use the next one. You put that in the back burner. You're going back to the safe to get the other three that are in there. You know, and I kept doing that. I got into comedy.

You don't want to work. It's not a hip thing to work. You want to get together with your comic buddies in the afternoon and smoke dope and write stupid jokes. But when I got the Taco Bell commercial, that's the first time I sat down and add up exactly at that point in August of 98th and August of 98th. The bill between us went from 250 to 150 because those are like the ones I didn't really have to pay.

Like that $13,000 drug dealer. Yeah. Those don't go on your credit report. The one discover card that said, we already sent you them. Whatever. Like if you called me and you said we had a problem and I go, what's the minimum payment? Send me 38.

I would send you the 38. But if you call me back and you said you sent me the collection, I'd rip it up. Go fuck your mother now. Now you're not getting. So that's another one down. So I tried to do good with these people. Then I was going to join that service that you go through and they pay your bills off. They'll say you need 2800 a month.

You give me that consolidation. I tried that and I failed at that. And I was like, I'm just hiding. So a friend of mine just goes, just drop off the radar and just pay cash. Just drop off the radar and eight years your credit will come back and sure enough. But I did pay off the attorneys. I did pay. Like I had two attorneys I owed money to.

I did pay off my child support. And then the kicker was at the end because when you're snorting coke, like it's great because you'll pay everything. Oh, I owe Mike 20 here. I don't know what I'm going to need that 20 back. You pay everything back. But once you stop snorting coke, I had to send 636 dollars a month for six years. Damn.

That was a heavy fucking loan guys. That was heavy. 636, 335 for child support, 700 for rent. I still remember. And I used to look at that number every month. Oh my God, I fucking do it. I'm getting $15 sets. You're getting $15 a set in that light.

But man, you just put your head down and your key. And then after I stopped doing the coke, then I was taking care of the big chunks. The longest yard in 2004, I was snorting big coke. That's what I was doing. 60% of my money, but the other money, every week I would have a list of who Terry was going to pay. A thousand to this attorney. And I can't tell you how many people said to me, like there was two guys that said to me, hey man, don't send me any more money.

We're good. You did a great job. Nobody sends you money 10 years later. You stuck to your word. Thank you. But I would have never got out of my holes without the Joy Karate deal, the Fox deal. You know, like those big, because that's what you need. You need $250.

Listen, a $600 a week job is only going to get you out of a little bit of debt. $150 a week maybe. $600 cash a week is $2,400. Between rent, food, restaurant, your gym, your jiu-jitsu. I'm sure you could squander it down to maybe $1,800. And then you've got $600 to either put away or pay bills with. So I could put away $3,600 a year, and I could also pay off $3,600 a year in bills. But that means I'm not charging nothing.

I'm not paying for boots. You know, I'm not getting a flat. I'm not getting hit at the supermarket. And I got to pay for that. You know, I still remember, you know, having two flats on my car. Because one flat, we could always put two credit cards together. Try to visa, discover, and call grandma and get there, you know. When you get two flats in one day because you ran over a bottle, that's $600 on a car.

Unless you go to the Mexicans on Silver Lake and you get them to give you like two different tires. I did that for all you motherfuckers. If you use a smaller tire, it'll align. Tell that to the fucking Marines because I did it for years. And you know that 300-mile tire when you get a flat? The donut? Yeah. What's the name of that?

Isn't it called the donut? Yeah, they call it donut. But they give it another name too, like a 2000 mark. Yeah, but no, another name. They have a mileage rating for it. Oh, okay. Like it's a $500, 500-mile spare. Tell that to Uncle Joey.

It's done for two years. No, I did it for two years. The car was driving. I would go down hill and shit. And I'm on a fucking angle because I got a bicycle tire. I used that tire. You know, when you're broke, you figure out all this shit that allies. Like people say, well, iPhone only works for a little while.

You know, after a while, the thing switches and you have to bring it back in. Bitch, you get a struggling comic, he'll fix that iPhone. You'll see that iPhone with a string and a can through it. Yeah, none of the apps will work. None of the apps will work because we'll make it work. No, I remember driving a car all over the country that had a fucking hole in the radiator. I drove around with those things, with the pellets that you throw in and it glues it up. The guy's like, you can only do it twice and then you'll need a new radiator.

I did like 80 times, bitch, and that radiator finally just blew up one day. I was driving. That motherfucker was on fires. I was driving. You have no idea. You have no idea the fucking rules I broke that people said you could never do all that. You'll never make it to Colorado on that tire. Watch me, dog.

Wasn't that the car that the exhaust would go into the car when you were driving? Yes, towards the end. And then the fucking dog. That car, I paid $600, $800 for that car. That car probably put, you know, and had $100 a show. You know, probably put $10,000 in my pocket, that car. That car, that car, I hit a car one night. Dog, I was headed to the Seattle Comedy Competition, the semifinals, and there's a guy in front of me.

I don't know how this happened. I'm behind them. Now there's a light drizzle in Seattle. It's always a light drizzle. And I'm waiting for the contest. I got to be there by the core today and I'm late for the fucking contest. I'm doing like 90 and also I hit that ramp and I'm like flying and the light turned green. Why is this fucking guy going?

He's like, wait, man. So I just went to put the brake on and I called him right. When I got out to give him my, well, I didn't even have a license. When I got out, he still had the sticker on. It was a brand new fucking car. It was a Friday night. He was bringing it home to go show it to his girlfriend. And I just fucked up his back.

I'm like, dog, he's got an insurance card. I don't have it on me, but I'll call you tonight with it. Give me a number. He's like, okay. He just took the car. Okay. Call me later. I never heard a thing from that.

Like the cop never called me. I never got a letter from insurance. I didn't have insurance at the time. I didn't have a license. I had nothing when I hit that guy. That car wasn't registered. He just let me off the hook. And I went over there and took fifth place that night.

I never believe it. I'm like, they're like, well, I got that result. Discombobulated. Like Joey, what's the matter? I just rear ended the fucking car. I almost threw him through windshield. It was a new fucking car. Jesus.

It's, it's really weird when you're young and you, you know, you rack up those credit cards because you don't, it's easy to go to a restaurant and take your girl and drop 80. Yeah. Get the cheesecake. Yeah. Get the fucking shot. And when that bill comes in the mail and you only made 400 a week and you got to pay

80 and then you start with those minimum payments. Well, it says you could pay me 80. You could pay me 19. Once you, once you pay the 19, they got into the fucking hell of destruction. Oh, and it's, it's, we talked a lot on the church about like if college was worth it, this and that. I moved to LA a week after graduating college. I never once stayed at home.

I didn't have roommates. I didn't want them now. Like what saved me over the last two years was living with my parents, having no, whatever called, no rent, unemployment. And I was lucky enough. I got to save a little bit of money. That if I was 21, if I graduated college now, live at home for four or five years, have no rent.

And that, that's the only way you're going to be able to buy that house. Cause if you're living anywhere, your rent's probably close to a thousand dollars at a minimum. And that's if we're roommates, not a great place. If you're living in LA or New York, that rent's a lot higher. So that's the only way people could save money now staying at home. Like if, if, if you had a kid and he stayed home till they're 25, that's the only way they're going to save a little bit of money.

Guys don't leave your parents. It's not worth it. If the bitch don't want to marry you cause we, your parents get rid of that motherfucker. You're marrying a woman that doesn't mind living in the basement. She's not looking for bigger things out of life. She's looking for laundry being done on time cause she's going to slip it up and fuck it up. And the meals are not, you know, when you get married, you got to marry this new check

and she don't know how to fucking cook. You got to go through it. And then your mom has to give her a recipe to stay with mom. I'm saving you so much aggravation. Your dreams and aspirations, you could do them at the basement living with mom. Don't leave mom guys. You know, you asked me a good question and it's funny because somebody was talking about and I'm one of those fucking serious business shows the other day.

I always lean going to college because I wanted to go to college. I thought that it was the best thing you could do as an American. That's what you're supposed to do is go to fucking college and be somebody. Right. That's my personal preference. But can you get somewhere without college today with just, yeah. I tell you what, I don't even know why these kids go to high school. I don't even know why these kids go to high school because high school is not going to

teach you what's missing from society today. And that's also, that's a kid saying to you, hey, mom, I don't want to play on the computer today. We got to figure something out because I got to make money. I got to deliver a paper. There's no newspaper. Well, that's right. I don't know.

Nobody's coming up with a hustle and that I can't teach you. So why are you in this fucking school? Why are you in this school? Yeah, the only hustle is online stuff now is like the kids making YouTube videos doing Twitch. That's really, and there's a lot. They have, they were talking about it yesterday. There's college courses now about being like a video game player online.

It's a major now. And like that, you could do that. I have a hard time saying don't finish high school because like you kind of, you need a GED. But one was, listen, we had this conversation a thousand times. All those jobs you went in, in fucking interviews, they never even asked you about college. Oh no, another college. When was the last time somebody asked you about high school?

No fucking thing. You can just tell them anything. Yeah. How many, dog, I had a friend who died in sophomore year went to work with his father. His father owned a fruit company. You know what? His dad died. He inherited the company.

He knew everything about the peach. You know, he knew everything about fucking fruit grapes, whatever. You know, I wanted people to go to college so they, they get the full experience of life, the sorority, the fraternity, the sports. But if it's going to put you into 300,000 to get that experience, forget it. I could just send you to a Nick game. I could, you know, I could just do so many fucking things to replace. So you're not 24 going out into the world and a minus and a minus and a big fucking minus.

And it's a big minus and it's a big mental minus when you owe. I mean, you don't even know when you're 24, you don't even know what $66,000 is. You really don't. Until you start working for it and go, that's a lot of fucking. That's what I'm making a year. Out of my fucking parents do this shit. You know, it's tough. But right now with all the shit I see, you know, there's kids at home fucking dying

their head purple, making a million dollars a year, you know, telling people they're selling products or whatever. It doesn't take salesmanship you learn from your bull sack, you know, hustle. You just get sick and tired of being on the couch and saying, I can't live like this anymore. How much longer? You know, I'm not going to go to ITT tech. You know what I'm saying? Like that ain't going to work.

They ain't going to teach you nothing down there. You know, and that's the cup. We ever stay home in the daytime and you put TV on. That's what you get. ITT tech. Learn how to cut hair. Learn how to fucking be a doctor's aide. No, you're not.

People go to college for eight years to be a doctor's aide. You've been sitting on a couch for three years. You gained 80 pounds. You got little bitters fucking veins on your legs. You smell like popcorn in your neck and you're going to go to some course for eight months and they got to teach you how to be a doctor's aide. Hello. Hello.

You know, I mean, it's just, and a lot of shit is just experiencing. You could do so much more just getting a job today and putting your nose to the grindstone. I still believe in that. It's going to be corporate and you're not going to like it. There's going to be rules. You can't tell that chick with the big tits. Hey, let me rub you a chat. You know, you can't crack those type of jokes.

I don't know if you can do that anywhere. I don't think you're supposed to say that to any girl with the big tits. But no, you know what I'm saying, guys, you know, you could still do it. You could still grow with a company. Yeah. If you could go to Lowe's, if you go to Costco, like I go to the jitter with a kid. He's a fucking kid. He's been a fucking Costco for 10 years.

Tell me since he graduated high school. Kid drives up in a nice fucking car. He's got a pretty girlfriend, you know, he lives with his parents. I would go to Costco. All those companies that are like that, you know, Chick-fil-A. And you're off on Sundays. And if you say fuck the gays, hey, he works at Chick-fil-A. You know what I'm saying?

Nobody's going to fucking hold you to it. The chicken's pretty good. The chicken's pretty fucking good. Nobody's seen like that? Well, they don't tell, like, and they do tell you and they really don't. They watch TV and movies and things look exciting and they look like life is going to be great. The thing about like what I'm learning about regular life and it sounds crazy because I'm 30. But I like what we had for 10 years, I got spoiled.

Everyone was fun. It was exciting. It turns out life is like, like when you're doing that nine to five, even if you really love your job, it's every fucking day you get to those two days off. And after a while, you're like, wait, this is every, this is every day. Because even in college, you know, I had one year I had class Tuesdays and Thursdays. Every other day was taking a nap. That's how that's what you take.

It's fun. But then when you have like a real adult life, you're like, this is bullshit. It sucks. It sucks. I still remember Lee being young and Lee going, that sucks. I'm like, this is every day. You get up. Forever.

Forever. Now a lot of people don't have this insight. And I got to be honest with you guys. I had this insight by the age of 28. That's what, by the age of 27, I was like, I'm going to have a tough life. This is going to be very tough for Uncle Joey. I'm going to have to either be a bank robber, I'm going to get shot robbing a bank. I don't know what I was going to do.

This is going to be fucking a doozy. And that's why I chose comedy. Because I was like, if you're going to listen, when you're taken in the ass, if you like it, it's not a job. Not a job. You know, you ever go, you ever see somebody who really enjoys their job, like a guitar attack. When you go to a concert, like he's like fucking like Tony, I always guitar attack or somebody

exciting guitar attack. You're like, wow, they enjoy their job. What can I do to enjoy myself like that? If you look at the clock twice in an eight hour day, that's not the gate for you. If you really think about it, I'm not here to fucking ruin your party. But think about it. If you look at the clock all fucking day, that's not for you. If you're dying to get the fuck out of there, that's not for you.

You know, we can do a podcast for 10 hours. We enjoy it. We can talk shit. We can bring the bong in here. Yeah. But a lot of people don't enjoy their job and that, that beats up on you. Listen, I was a strong kid. When I was roofing, I had a great work ethic and I wanted to be the best guy on that roof.

Anytime I went into a job as much of a junkie as I was, I always said, I want to be the best worker in here. I want to be a junkie. I want them to say this. I want to be the best junkie I can be. This motherfucker's a junkie, but this motherfucker, with the eight hours we have, I'll take my junkies. Like that was my prerogative to be the best on the job, you know, and that's a lot of

people don't have that. A lot of people don't have that work ethic and a lot of people don't have the work ethic to look and go, okay, I could work hard like this today, but do I want like my brother yesterday, Mike, you know, he came up for the baptism. He walks 10,000 steps a day now to the fucking regular American. That's like, that's great. That's nothing. Not when you're 58.

Six days a week. He said six days a week driving delivery FedEx packages. Nobody signed up on this planet for six days a week and 10,000 fucking spaces a day. You know what I'm saying? But only Jesus. Jesus wanted to walk every fucking day. He should have drove for fucking FedEx. But that, but it's also like, I can't like, if I had, if I had enough money, like I would

have, I could have seen myself maybe trying to stand up, but I don't want to, what you're talking about being broke like that. That's a different cut. That also, I think that scares a lot of people. Like how did that not scare you? Cause I was a loser. And when you're a loser, you're not going to make six or seven figures anyway. Right.

So I was in a hole. I was a felon. I was a loser and I knew it. I had the balls to look with it and go, this is what I got to offer anybody. This is what I got to offer anybody. It's like somebody was saying the other day, we were talking about, we went to a restaurant a few weeks ago and we dropped a buck 80 for lunch. It was great to food, but it was not Cuban food, buck 80 for four people, two appetizers,

no alcohol. That's a lot of money. I could go to Miami. I could take it to Miami and we could all eat that twice and it's 60 bucks. Right. You know, so, but then my friend said to me, I want you to think about it. Like Astoria has burger night on Monday night. It's 1695 plus a beer.

Okay. And he looked at me. He goes, that's a fucking deal. He goes, I went to some shit hole with my kids the other day and dropped. They wanted 30 bucks for the burger with the fries and everything. What you're paying for food now in a restaurant. You might as well go eat the best now. If you're going to go to a diner and pay 21 for a steak.

You might as well go to the place down the corner and pay 35 for the steak because for the 21 you're going to get, it's not going to be good at all. It's going to be like donkey meat. You stab it. It's going to jump up. It's still alive. So right now at this point in life, but what was your question? You were saying what, how did you like, how could you tolerate that?

Yeah. How could you tolerate? Cause like you saying, I was a quarter million in debt. I can't imagine waking up and like, okay. Okay. I went and got two fucking jobs. A main job in the daytime and then one from six to 12 at night. Right.

How long would I be in that debt for 250,000? A long fucking time. I would have still been in a 500 year debt and I wouldn't enjoy what I was doing. So I picked what I love to do. Yeah. You can't get blood out of a rock. I'm calling you up and I'm going, Mike, I owe you 20,000. I'm going to pay you that money.

I know you want 2000 a month and that's great, but you ain't getting it. I'm going to give you $50 a month before you lose your mind on me and call me a loser. I didn't have to call you. I could have just stiffed you and $50 a month is better than nothing. So this is the pay plan I propose to you. I'm going to pay you instead of till May. I'm going to pay you till May of 2018. That was the calls I was making.

The people that I love, the people that really I knew worked for their money and you know, that's what I did. Cause no matter what, I wasn't going to get out of debt. I might as well do what the fuck I want to do on my terms. I'm still going to pay the bills. They might not be the number you want. I know you're looking for a hundred a month. I'm going to send you a 50, but at least I'm sending you something.

I know this ain't the call you wanted to get, but five years ago, I would have told you to go fuck yourself and there's nothing you're going to do to me if I don't pay it. Now, at least I'm giving you the option. I'm calling you like a man. So everybody appreciated that right off the bat. Attorneys, everybody liked that when I called them up. Yeah. Cause most people probably just hide. Most people just go, go fuck yourself, send me the collections.

I didn't do that. I'm going to pay you 25 bucks. It's not what you want, but it's what I could do and I'm going to pay it all the way to the end. And I knew that nothing I was going to do was going to get me out of this debt. And like, it's also it's tough because I see a lot of people who get married really young. And like that when you start, when you have a family that you don't have the, I guess, luxury of maybe following a dream and doing that. I think that's how a lot of people get get stuck doing that. And it's, it's rough to feel like you have to do it.

And like the other thing is, is like, you also had no guarantee you were going to be a successful comic. I had no guarantees. I had no guarantees of anything, but I knew what was my choice. What was my choices? Boulder after 12 bucks, you're not going to an hour without a high school, without a college education. You're not going to get a job. So I was always going to be stuck at 500 a week and I would have had to get another job part time and selling coke. I was never going to make money selling coke.

I was always going to break even a lose a little bit. Okay. You're going to lose a little bit. So the Chinese food delivery, you know, I was, I was helping a guy like a guy would lay towel and I would grout for him. And he would give me 50 bucks. Have you guys ever grouted a tub? No. You rather get raped by 20 guys and they all come in your ear.

That's how bad it is to fucking grout a towel. Your knees hurt because you're on your knees and you got to pick it up and I used to grout. He would do them in the daytime and then give me the addresses and I would go at night and it would take me three hours to fucking do a tub. You know, I did all those jobs and I'd say, if I combined them all, didn't eat, lived in a fucking car and I would have never got out of that debt. When you, and as a young man, a young woman, you look at your debt sometimes and you're going to look at it. What I did one day was stop thinking about it because it just got me depressed. Every time I thought about my debt and the numbers, like the algebra, like you owe 210,000, there's 52 weeks in a year, it never added up. It never added up.

So I took a chance with the comedy. I believed when I booked the Taco Bell commercial, all those couple of little things, I always took money out and paid extra. And I told the people, hey, I booked the Taco Bell commercial and I'm paying you and they would be fucking ecstatic. Really? All right. So my money's going to work now. Now they were looking at us. How is their investment?

Right. So it was kind of nice. You know, it was a great feeling. There was, listen, there's no guarantees of anything, but I'm going to tell you something I thought about the other day because after you write a book and you hand it in. It's the way they think when you go to an audition and handed in on the way home, you're like, fuck, I should have said this. If you go up on stage and you come off, fuck, I should have done this. If you go on stage to play a band and you don't do that solo and you forget it, you're like, fuck, I should have played that solo. There's always something you could have done better.

And after I wrote the book, I realized something. I had that situation with my ex-wife and her boyfriend when he called me a spic. Right. And I had the two felonies and I knew that if I did anything across the street or did anything, I would go to jail for 25 years. It's called a lifetime offender and they throw you in jail. The day I hit him, the day I decided to hit him was the day I didn't know, but it was the day I succeeded. When you decided to hit him? Because I was looking at 25 years and I didn't think about that.

And that's a plus? That was a plus because I got away with that. That whole situation lifted me up one. I don't like living my life feeling like I was half-smacked and I was walking around half-smacked by that guy. So when I smacked him knowing that I could do 25 years, it's like at the end of the longest yard. The longest yard, the original longest yard. Why the original longest yard sets you off with Bert Reynolds is because he throws the game and he's sitting there and he's looking at that old man. But Reynolds keeps looking at that fucking old man.

And I watched that move when I was 10 and I thought about that move the rest of my life. And he looks at him and he goes, hey man, come here for a second. He goes, when you hit the warden, was it worth the 25 years? And that old man looked at him, came a look and he goes, yeah, it really was. When I was 10 years old, that move took me and spun a knife at me that somebody would be looking at 25 years and said, fuck it. I'm going to do what I fucking do regardless of what you want to do to me. And I'm going to do it and fucking believe in it, to have the belief. Never mind, just do it.

Some people say, you know, defunct the police and some other idiots are like, yeah, defunct the police. And you know, then like, oh my God, what did I say? You can't have that feeling. You're going and you're believing in what the fuck you're doing. So on the way down there, I was like, I'm going to take this fucking head off my shoulders. And I did, I smacked them. I felt good about what I did. But that move put me out there because I was looking at against the odds.

I was looking at a life sentence. There was going to be no comedy. There was going to be no mercy. There was going to be no church or what's happening now. There was going to be no Lee. So by doing that bad day and just going, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to go for it. And once I went into court, it's so weird when the judge says, I'm dismissing this.

I knew I was leaving town. I knew of it. Now I really had to go for comedy because this was a sign from God that you beat that. Now you got to go for comedy. And that's what really happened. That stupid decision I made that day was the one that took me to the next level. Now, what do you think? And you're different because you are very good at comedy.

But what do you think? Let's say this. Let's say you weren't at what point do you have to give up on a dream? Like, do you think that people should be honest with themselves about that too? Like at some point? It's the fucking hardest thing you could do is it's the hardest thing to look at Mike and go Mike, we're ending this band. Yeah, but we're doing great.

We've been together four years. It's, it's, it's, I don't know. It's just fucking tough. What was the question? Like, how do you like, if you were, if you were doing comedy and you were still doing a hundred dollar night spots, do you think you'd still be like, would you be struggling now at your age? Or what do you quit by now?

I would have been struggling. Listen, I look for a job for two years. There's nothing I could do. That means in other words, I would have been struggling. I could have probably been like, helped somebody deliver papers or something like that. But at 50, we were talking about this a couple weeks ago. We had a friend, Lee was friends with her from the comedy store that killed herself. Well, that's what we think.

We haven't gotten the full, she was a very sweet girl, you know, and she struggled a lot with comedy. It was very rough for her, you know, you know, when you get into comedy, they change the rules on you before you get there. Like, oh yeah, Lee, all you need is one commercial. You were a star. Then when Lee gets out there, it's 10 commercials. Well, you told me one for the longest time.

So all that shit is rough. And I ever since she's passed away, I felt really bad about it. I did a podcast about it. That when do you pull the plug? When do you look at yourself and go, you know what? I really wanted to be the next Jimmy Page, but it's not working out for me. That's rough, man. That's a rough day.

But then you have to look at your situation. Are you still 51 living in a basement by yourself, drinking, doing drugs? Or do you have a family now? Do you have to quit for them? Do you have to do something different for your life for them? When is the dream over? Right. I don't think the dream is ever over.

You just have to take the dream and condense it to what's going on in your life now. That's what I think. All right, let's say I was still struggling and me and my wife had mercy and I could get on. Right now I could get on cruise ships. Right. That's 2,000 a week. That's not bad money when you've struggled at 100 a set. I know most comics would like to play Radio City and you would like to play the improv,

but that's not available to you. So are you content with being on a ship and going, when I go on Facebook and I see Tom Seguretta Theater or Crystal Lea, am I going to be comfortable with that? I started with those guys. So it's all whatever you could. And that's the fucked up thing about like the entertainment world is you could be the best and for some reason you never took off. There's a good chunk of it.

That's luck too. It's luck. Listen, the best comics right now are not Dave Chappelle. They're not Joe Rogan. They're not Crystal Lea. They're not Joe Coy. I love those guys. They're my friends.

They're great comedians. But there's a fucking white dude that's on probation right now in Nashville that smokes crack. This guy could do 20 minutes just talking about his motherfucking mother, that type of shit. Those guys are very funny. They're just not like the best story I could use is there was a guy when Kenison was on the road and he walked into a club in Chicago and he saw this guy that I saw a couple of years ago. Great guy. I thought the guy was the best working comic in the country when I saw him.

He fucking had me laughing from the beginning to the end. And I once heard that Kenison thought the same thing about the guy. Like why didn't that guy ever go to fucking that light? Well, he had six kids and his wife's a teacher. And she's like a principal. She had great insurance and great benefits. So you have those guys. You know, college basketball, pro basketball.

Fucking, you know, Kylie Irving is great. You know, the guy from Golden State is great. There's a lot of great players. But guess what? There's a lot of black motherfuckers that'll take your ass to the hoop. They're blind. They're living in Philly. They must have shot a guy 10 years ago.

They couldn't get into college. Or maybe he didn't pass the A-S-A-T's. You know, when they had the Rucker League in New York, that was cool. That was a league. That was for guys that were not going to go to the pros. But Dr. J were going on and they got the best competition on Saturdays because these were the best guys. The guys you see in LA right now, I hope they're the best guys. I hope I'm a good storyteller, but I know in my heart that there's a black dude in DC right now that doesn't even know how funny he is.

It's like when you go to Nashville or you go to Knoxville and you see a hot blonde and you're like, that bitch does not know she lives in Knoxville. Because obviously she'd be on a plane to fucking Miami for somebody to give her a million dollars. She doesn't know. When you go to Texas, you'll see a blonde and you're like, what the fuck is that? And she's dating that fat fucking dude? Yeah. What the fuck?

That girl doesn't know that she, that pussy's worth $10 million. I'm not talking sex. I'm talking like L'Oreal. Like she's that pretty. She doesn't know that she could walk into LA right now and somebody had a dinos when they go, because I'm going to put you on a fucking commercial. Everything Cindy Crawford's beautiful. You know, there's always somewhere, somebody that's better than you at what you do.

He may not have the same situations or the same whatever that you have, but I feel this. I feel it. And I've seen it. I've gone to comedy clubs where I've seen a guy and go, fuck that motherfucker never buttoned. I hope that motherfucker never makes it out of here. Right. I hope his crack deal never goes to jail. You know, because that motherfucker will be out in LA smoking people.

Fuck. I've seen that too. But that's good. It's, it's, it's so cool to like get to see, like that was, like the people I got to see, you know, it's just cool to be around people that like actually live their dream. It's, it's very rare. Very rare. You know, that's why I had Wolfian.

I mean, when we got that way, we saw a bunch of people that were getting there. Now you see the Augustina. Yeah. He's working. Yeah. The Augustina. Oh, it is. Dear friend of mine, our friend Eric Rocha moved up a spot.

Rachel Wolfson, Wolfson just got in a fucking movie. So you feel very happy for those people. They, they're on the, when you see somebody getting to the rotation, you're like, okay, I'll be seeing them in seven years on something. I hope they know that. And that's why I remind those people all the time. Kim condom, you know, all those girls and they get a little bit of success. Don't give up yet.

Don't give up that fucking pussy for a kid. You know, hang in there, hang in there because you're six years away. And if you're a guy and this happens to you, don't fuck around because you're right there. Netflix just gave you a special and Adam Sandler put you in a movie. Yeah, but Adam Sandler, what he used to be, I agree, but you're in his movie. And if that guy put you in a movie, that means somebody else going to put you in a movie. That means somebody else going to put you in a movie. If you got into a movie and you got two lines and 10 movies, don't quit because if you quit,

you're about to get put in the whole movie. But you're going to quit. You only get put in two lines. That's how many people you've been in the movie. No, you. Okay, then. What are we fucking talking about here? How hard is it not to lose your cool and like start like you think like when you start making it,

like when you get that talk about commercial, was it hard for you not to like turn into like an LA douche bag? No, because you have to. Outlive the early things. It's, it's like when Mike is doing his open mic on Mondays and finally he does gets to write the solo right from you're all I got tonight. The cars first time, you know, like he had great solos in there. For the last eight weeks, you've been doing that fucking solo and you've been fucking it up. The week that you get it right and it's really good, like the week you get it right. It's not only right, but it's fucking better than the guys.

Will you not wake up the next morning and call guns and roses and say, Hey, let me talk this lash, man. I got something to tell. Listen, bitch. Last night I did. You're all I got tonight. It was better. You know, I mean, you don't know how many times I called like William Morris after a coped out. Like after like, I did a great set and then got coped up and during my coped up, my coped out self talked my stupid self that I'm ready for William Morris.

So I got up the next morning, opened up the Judy Carter book and called William Morris and said, I want to talk to one of your top agents. And they're like, who's this? And I'm like, Joey Diaz. I did 43 minutes last night and that you haven't heard the last to me. And also, and it's like, click. Hello. Hello. Hello.

And I called back and they're like, Joey, yeah, click. I was like, huh, so we all fuck up. It's just better to fuck up at that level. Then to fuck up in LA, like to get a deal in LA and pull up to the store with a Mercedes and start throwing spit at people and saying, fuck you, you're never going to make it. No, I never could. I always knew. I always knew it was luck. I always knew it was luck.

What's the definition of luck? Good luck. It's when preparation. Hard work. Hard work. I always knew that I would get that luck because I knew that that would pay off. And then it's just not hard work. It's what work you do.

It's what you're doing. Some people get up, you know, you need to, you need to fucking write a song. You want to get up and fucking play the tambourine. It's okay. I appreciate you playing the tambourine. I'm sure fucking humble pies getting back together. And they need a tambourine player or something like that in the next 10 years. But I needed you to sing.

Right. You know what I'm saying? So a lot of people, I think that I was very lucky, but I always knew that if you, you know, I always, like there's always somebody who's going to shit on you. Bro, I got the narrow movie. Yeah, but you only got two lines and you got shot in the beginning. You get depressed about that. But then your smart self goes, that motherfucker's never done nothing. Right.

That motherfucker's never done nothing. And okay, the movie was a bomb. And okay, I only had two lines, but you find something. But guess what? The guy did my lines with Anthony Lampogli. I used to train that. I'm a fat fuck. That's a junkie.

I could barely not snore coke. So I did something, do something good. So you have to take the little victories because eventually the little victories add up. And that's the fucking truth. If you're not satisfied today, my daughter's team lost yesterday in the double head of first game. They lost like 14 to one. She was throwing a, some girl hit a home run and Mercy got a hit. The girl was throwing, she threw 14 strikeouts and the only two people was the girl that got the home run and my daughter got like a little hit over single or something like that.

They lost. Mercy was upset. I found the silver lining. There's a silver lining and everything. And even if you get your ass kicked, there's a silver lining. It made you stronger. It did something. You know, so when I think of all that LA stuff, it's just going there with a clear head.

And when something good happens the next day, you wake up in the morning, you go, yeah, I booked the movie with the narrow, but guess what? I'm still a piece of shit. It's time to get back out there and work because your job is never done. It's Monday. You bad motherfuckers. I want to thank Lee for spending the weekend here. Of course. He made life a lot easier.

I was going to invite Mike, but Mike had a gig on Wednesday on Saturday, so I felt bad about that. But it's a great week. It's a great month. We're back bitches. It's Monday, the May fucking second. We're going into the summer months. The birds are chirping. The sky is blue and my balls are tremendous.

I love you motherfuckers. I'll see you Wednesday morning. Tip Top Magoo. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsor, Jack. All right. The joint is brought to you by stamps.com. Listen, if you got a small business, inflation isn't helping you out. You're looking for a way to cut costs.

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I love you. I'll see you Wednesday morning. Tip Top Magoo. Love a Mexican. It's Cinco de Mayo. We cucksuckers.