Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #160 - The Church Of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: March 20, 2014

The nailed it life guys join in studio. Adam Carolla calls in to talk about the patent trolling case. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Streamed live on 03/19/2014

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey that's huluplus.com slash joey and by dollashaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollashaveclub.com slash church that's dollashaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollashaveclub banner. This show is also sponsored by Nature Box where you can order great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like Santa Fe

corn sticks and french toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code Joey that's naturebox.com promo code Joey and the guests of the hour nailed it life is here. Go to naileditlife.com all the wax and oil smokers out there. They already have the best vapor pattern for you and mention Joey Diaz no spaces and they're going to give you an extra 20% off because that's how they roll and they're in the house and mention the church when you go onto their website. Hello podcast fans. Adam Corolla here. I'm leading the fight against patent trolls who are threatening this medium. It's not about me. It's about the podcast you're listening to right now. If I go down this show could be next. So visit fundanything.com

forward slash patent troll for more information on how you can keep podcasting alive. Thank you. Oh shit. Wednesday, March 19th. The devil was buried at sea 2000 years ago today. Only you motherfuckers know that. It's a special edition. Church of what's happened now. You bad motherfuckers. Here you go. I'm telling you. Nothing like a fucking Wednesday stoner fest hanging out with your boom bars. What? Oh shit. Oh shit. This is as good as it fucking gets right here motherfuckers. Wash your dick. Shave your asshole. It's going down. It's Wednesday. You control this motherfucker. Here you go. Boom, boom, boom, boom. What? Oh shit. Lee, eat the fucking Gumi. Okay. To help me. God, I'll hit you with this

bong on the head. Talk. Suck it. Blast that motherfucker, Lee. Let these motherfuckers know what's cracking. If you're at work, maybe you're fucking sit at your desk. It don't matter. Right now. Make your legs tap. Play with your little hum. Play with your socha right there, right at the setting. Let everybody know it's Wednesday. Lee, hit it. Stop, stop. Turn on the music. That's fucking, it's like putting an entire, you know, if you have like a pack of gummy bears and then like in your suitcase and the whole thing melts in a one big bar, it's like the most intense fucking animal I've ever fucking, you guys don't mess around. For like you. That shit is, you know what? The only reason I choked was because I tried to do the

whole thing at once. That thing tastes great. I don't like to taste that. I don't like to taste the weed. That thing tastes delicious. It's jello. It's fucking jello and a gummy bear and 30 minutes later, you're fucking la la land. You're at original Joe's ordering the steak with fucking meatballs on the side and spaghetti. I'll tell you how strong this motherfucker is coughing from it. Who coughed from eating the meat? When we were in San Jose and you gave it to me, we went to original Joe's with Eddie Bravo and his friend, took me 30 minutes to get the courage to ask him to pass the butter for the bread. I was just sitting there. That chick wanted to sit on your face. You were doing how to take her upstairs. Remember that chick? She was ready to

suck your pipe. Yeah, but you, you gave me fucking, I had auntie Dolores Hedibles and then these guys and then we were smoking. You know how good your dick would have been that night? You would have been sweet. I wanted to, but don't get, give me like a sweet dick. You would have had the fun on and shit, shaking those fucking hips. Forget about it. That little juice burn comes out. It stains your leg. What's happening, baby? Not much. You're still recovering from the earthquake the other day. I'm not, I'm recovering from the edible last night. I don't do it two days in a row. We got to do what you got to do. You know, man, that's it. You got to commit to the fucking, what do you think? Fidel soldiers didn't commit. What do you think? They just tapped

out the day two and said, we don't want to do this. You're in. There's a movement. Some people around the country are taking anti fucking depressants. You're over here at 12 in the afternoon. It's 90 degrees out, 90 fucking degrees out there. The sun's out, birds are chirping, and you're reading a goomy bad drinking, what are you drinking? Champagne cocktails. Who's better than you? No one. What the fuck? My brothers have nailed their life out here. These gangsters look at them. I love these motherfuckers. I was just complimenting them because you meet all these people in your life and you meet all these fucking, my wife said a great word the other day, posers. I haven't heard that word in years. You meet all these

fucking posers and these two fucking savages come along. You pull these guys over, you ask them for ID, they whip out a pipe. You understand me? They got a pipe in their fucking pocket ready on a pipe and a lighter and a bag of weed. That's what I'm talking about. These people out here would mend this and all my neck hurts. Get the fuck out of here. And every time we see them, they have a new toolbox. A new machine. Because you're on the toolbox. Last year you came with one toolbox. This year you came in with another one. They come in with fucking toolboxes. So today we're going to fucking, you know, in the last couple of months, look at this shit. Look at this. This is like travel cases filled with shit. In the last couple of months,

the last couple of years, you know, I say some stupid shit sometimes, and sometimes people get mad. Sometimes people know I'm an idiot and they just live with it and I appreciate that one. But sometimes people get pissed off and they, and I'll tell you what, man, this started a big thing the other day. When I just said it, and this is how I meant it, let's clear the air. I have a desk like everybody else. I don't have a big computer. I have a laptop because I'm retarded. So my wife could unplug it and fix it. It's an area like this. I have a printer around there. Next to me, I have books. I have my little medicuna, you know, the fucking Cuban shit, my little Santa Rita shit. I got pictures of my friends. I got pictures, you know.

It wouldn't look good if somebody came in and there's a blow torch on my fucking desk. For years when I go to the weed store, they always give me the stuff to sprinkle on the weed. That thing with the fucking, you know, with the paper clip and all that. I don't like that on my papers. I don't like it on my hand. Remember when kids, when you ran out of weed during September and August, you cleaned out your pipe, you scraped the fucking resin, your fingers were black, all your pens were black. That was good for a couple of days. Then you looked at yourself and you go, what the fuck is wrong with my life? I'm scraping a fucking pipe to get high. What the fuck? You know, that's the truth. And that's how I feel when I do that type of shit.

I just feel dirty. I ain't gonna lie to you guys. You guys brought me a beautiful bond. Who's the guy that brought it for us? That's Mobius. Mobius. Look at this fucking thing. And it's these people. Look at it. This thing weighs, this is a bond combination weapon. Okay. If I tell you guys something, if I tell you guys something, you guys will not believe this. Legitimately. Legitimately. I started smoking pot, maybe 11, maybe 12. It was introduced to me maybe at four or three. I knew when I was smoked. Never smoked until about 12. Let's pretend 12, sixth grade. So I'm 50. So that's 38 years, right? That I've been smoking dope. I've probably had a bond in my presence for 90 days of that time. I always felt in the back of my retarded mind that if I had a bond, that was too

much of a commitment. And every time I've had a bond, they always break. One time we were talking about coke, but I was the cokehead. I don't know how I became a cokehead because I love marijuana so much growing up. I was the type to do that went into the city. You know, you're from Weston, everyone to the city, the cop. That was the first thing I did when I got out of school. There was no homework. Once I got to junior year, whoever had a car, bro, we'll give you 20 for gas and 10. What? No, come on, get in the car. Let's go. Bro, I've never been to New York. I don't do a fuck. Take an adventure. We take them up to Harlem, show them how to get a bag of people, get their mind blown. Then you stop and get fucking a slice of pizza for us. There was a way

of life. Since I was a junior year in high school, people couldn't have fathomed that. A lot of people could not fathom how lucky I had it. You're younger than me, but you know what I'm talking about. Right there. All we had to do was get on the fucking bridge and you had a candy store of life. Bazookas, you could rent a fucking submachine gun in New York. You'd do anything in that Harlem. So I don't know how I became a cokehead. And then I had a rubber bond. Do you remember when they were making rubber bonds? You guys are too young. In 84, they had these combination type bonds that were like a plexiglass. And you smoked and everything was fine. One night I went on a cocaine binge with the Bazookas. That's why I don't grow weed either from that experience. Because I had a plant

that was half good. And I took it out and I started smoking it. Without even fucking growing. And I put the coke on it to fucking... Do you remember the World Trade Center where they collapsed down? That's what happened to the bomb. I smoked it and put so much heat to that rubber bond that when I woke up the next morning, it was like an 18 inch bond. It was like a fucking three inch bond and melted right in the core. It's fucking really amazing, guys. It really fucking is amazing. I can't believe my doctor calls me now this cock sucker. And that's when they fucking call you in the middle of the podcast. And after that bomb, I didn't have a bond for years. And last year when I started the podcast, there was a company who kept sending

those bombs. But he had the company in Thailand. So it was like basically I go to the post office so she'd give me a bag of glass. It was fucking amazing. Every time I... Three bombs they sent me from Thailand, they were glass. And they were broken. So I stopped smoking bombs. I just smoked the pipe. And now I haven't smoked for 32 days. So now I've been smoking the vapors and that's why you motherfuckers are here with the best vapor pen in the market. This is amazing. I hadn't seen this. I had heard about it. Some guy emailed me and said, Joey, you got... Are you smoking on that? And I'm going on, I'm waiting for him to come in. This is superb. So you could put wax in here and the oil. Yeah, as long as it's not too runny, like the consistency of like maybe a little bit

more. I hope you guys brought me some oil. Yes, we do. Okay. So I can put it in here. I want you to fill one of these up till the next time I see you. I don't want to fuck with this. I'm gonna put a chunk in here and put the earthquake relief. It's easier to fill. I've brought enough for like maybe a hundred fillings of that. Oh my God. Thank you, brother. Thank you. Thank you. No, no, no. So let me ask you, let's get this out of the way. When I smoke it out of the pen like this, is it the same thing you guys are dabbing? Only without the heat applied? Yeah, it's the same. It's the same one that we're doing. That's what I was. That was my point, guys. I never said nothing. That was my point. I didn't explain myself. That's what I thought. But when I go to fucking

weed store in particular, and I want to buy that chunk they had, the guy told me when they goes, don't buy that. He goes, that's made with fucking arbitrage. You'll be in the hospital in six fucking weeks. He sells the oil and he likes it. But what was the other stuff that was going around? See, that's what I get confused with. There was another shit that was going around. Butane? Butane. Yeah, most oil that you see in the dispensaries is made with butane. So when they say they make it with CO2, that's how they make this one? There's a lot of places that are making so much of it. That's a different method, CO2. Okay. And what method is this that you guys use? We have butane oil. Butane oil. So this will fuck you up? Yeah. Your lungs, too?

Yeah. No, it's lighter than dabbing because you're vaporizing with that pen as opposed to with the dabbing, when you heat up the nail, if you get it a little hot, you're actually, you're burning it a bit more than you would with the pen. It hurts a lot more for a shorter period of time. And then you're good, you don't have to smoke. I mean, if you take the hits that No, no, this is tremendous. So can you explain because after he said it, I said it just because I watched a video online and it literally looks like they fill a tube and they pour butane oil through it and like they filter it. It must be healthy if everyone's doing it. But on the surface of you're like, I'm going to ingest butane oil, like it seems like that wouldn't be healthy.

Like what's like the health risks? Like or like, why is it better to do this than smoking? Or like, how is it safe to ingest butane oil? It seems like it wouldn't be. If you make it correctly, you can eliminate most of the butane by purging with the proper heat and vacuum. And they have test facilities also that test for residuals and to see if there's any butane left behind. So that's the selling point for some of these clubs, you know, like, hey, we have our stuff tested and it's got nothing in it. Okay. So if you're buying it from people who know what they're doing, it's safe. But the video I watched was there's a bunch of idiots like who are like meth cookers trying to do it themselves. Probably don't buy it from them.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And they're doing it indoors is a no. Well, yesterday was a great article. I think it was yesterday, the day before the New York Times about the reinvention of this and how kids are smoking the fucking vapor panel, weeding it in school. But everybody's in a $10 million corporation, $10 billion fucking thing this year. And this is it. There's the future. Listen, I, I, you know, it's like when you work out to lose weight, when you work out to lose weight, if you do for three months, you're gonna realize, even if you're working out hard five days a week, you don't realize you didn't lose a lot of weight, you're gonna get discouraged. And it's

a little twists in your fucking diet. You know, I'm saying, that's what happened to me, you know, problem 51, I got this baby, I've been smoking fucking reef as I was 12, with a paper, you know, old school, with a paper and out of a bong or whatever. You know, I got the beginnings of emphysema. You don't, you don't have to be a fucking physician to know by listening to the podcast that you could hear me breathing, you know, so I just wanted to give it a break. You know, I'm really happy that it was a smooth transition from the vapor to the edibles to the, you know what I'm saying? Because with the edibles they help, you get sizzled on fucking edibles, especially when you don't smoke. See, the problem with me guys is I was, I became a fucking reefer gorilla. I always

was a reefer gorilla. This just added to it. You know, most people smoke a joint, I had to smoke two joints and a gummy bear. You know what that is to eat one of these by yourself at two in the afternoon and lead says, how do you do it? How do you do it? Because it motivates me. You know what I'm saying? For me, it motivates me, gets me fucking going. For some people, it knocks in the fuck out. Last night at six o'clock, I was so high on my fucking couch. I ate a Chibo chew and something else, a fudge. They get, we got these new fudges trying, 250 milligrams. I was out of it. Out of it. You took both at the same time? Both at the same time. 450 milliliters, whatever, 175 and 250. So you got 375 and the 75 425 right off the bat. Why the fuck around?

For an idiot, me like a fucking punch to the head and pepper pig was on that cartoon. I was watching with my daughter, my wife came and go, you got to take it because I had forgotten I had taken it. You got to take it. So she took her, I eat dinner. I walked around, I drank some coffee, I took a shower and then I was okay to go down to get done and show last night. But that's gorilla type shit, bro. People eat a quarter and they're fucking seeing the devil. So it was time to get with a break. I mean, in reality, I get up at 445. I wash my pussy, I take a piss, you know, you brush your teeth, you make a protein shake, you get a cup of coffee, I'd sit down. I have no reason to lie to anybody in this room. I would do before I left the house to see Lee,

three pipefuls. Oh yeah, but a pipefuls, you know, when you get the whole button put in there, like, and I'd spark that motherfucker up. That's how I leave the house. Then I get to the podcast Lee on an average. How many joints do we smoke before fucking 730? Well, we have one, no, no, one before one before one during and one like one and a half hour. That's fine. That's three bowls and five fucking joints. That's not even nine o'clock yet. That's way past the fucking national requirement. That's late way past, bro. And then you go home, you eat, you play whatever you write, you smoke again. You know how it is. And then all of a sudden it's 10 o'clock and you got to beat the weed store because you're out of weed or you got enough just to wake up with. I hate going

to bed with just enough weed where you got to bank in the morning. You don't know what's going to happen in the morning. You might get devastating news. You need the fucking power of Christ early. And the thing is, I would get high off of half of that one joint, like three or four hits off of that one joint. I'd be high and at the old place, you would be smoking the joint until you were burning your fingers. And then, you know, and then they keep, then they give me, you guys are giving me this, you guys are giving me gummies. I'm trying. Like I just got off the phone with a dear friend that had some fucking strawberry coffee years ago. That's 28% that he was getting it tested from up in the thing. This weed was sensational. I'm telling you, this weed was

killing motherfuckers. I was trying it out on people and I tried it on an Ari and Rogan in Philadelphia. I even blew it into the crowd in the front row was fucking from the tear gas. It was on. It was fucking on. And I remember like people dying and I'm smoking a whole fucking joint. So you got to give it a breather, you know, and that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to give it a breather and the vapor helped me out. So thank you guys. This was, uh, thank you for opening my eyes to you and the other guys. No, organic. Well, like fucking vapor that minute. When you smoke weed with vapor, it ain't gonna work out for you. But if you just stick to vapor, I know this chick that's 19. And she goes, I quit smoking weed. I just vapor. And I know this girl, bro. I know

she's a fucking 24 seven stone. But she said the same thing. I want to run. I want to do all this shit. I can't breathe. So this is the fucking future guys. You know, we don't know what the health effects are yet. Nobody really fucking knows. It's like when you ask a doctor about these cigarettes, he looks at you and goes, you know, we assume it's fucking vapor. You assume because the NDA, whatever the vitamin people approved it, don't give a fuck. That's an envelope. That's an envelope. Everybody wants to quit smoking. You know what I'm saying? Everybody wants to feel a little healthier in smoke. No, why? Because I know in LA, they just approved a partial ban on these in public. What do you do? Anyone saying why? Like what the reason is?

Because if it's just vapor, they shouldn't be like, I don't know if anyone's heard like the reasoning why they're, I would guess because the medical testing is not there yet. They don't know. Okay. Well, they wouldn't have released them if the medical real testing was there yet. They wouldn't have fucking that. Yeah, it wouldn't have put these out. They got these kits that they call builder kits and you got to see the amount of smoke, but you can, I mean, it's still considered vapor, but you can feel the whole rule. Oh, like the hookah people? Yeah, they can really get it going. And those are the same thing as these. They're in the same category. So I imagine they're just trying to get a few puffs and versus that guy that's engulfing a room with this smoke. It's

secondhand smoke. No matter what, you know, if you really, maybe, maybe not. Joe, do you worry about that? Like, let's say you're walking mercy and there's someone smoking a cigarette outside. Do you go around them? I go around them. I can't yell at them. Okay. I can't say nothing about that. Can I say something to them? That's a freedom, bro. Oh, no, I'm saying, I didn't know if you don't register. They're doing some fucking, listen, if you don't want to smoke, don't fucking smoke, but shut your mouth just because somebody else knows you don't have a fucking reason to shut your fucking mouth. What do you care if somebody smokes? If they don't want to be healthy, they know it. How many fucking commercials are they? It's like McDonald's. Every year, every day,

somebody tells you how bad the food McDonald's drive passing McDonald's, give me a dollar. If you find a drive to that's fucking empty, I'll give you a dollar, dog. I'll give you five fucking dollars. We'll drive around all fucking day. We'll drive around all day. If you get me for $10, you'll be fucking lucky. They never empty. But they're bad for you. Right around crack is bad for you. How many fucking black chicks are walking around twinkling right now? You know, how many, you know what I'm saying? I mean, we love that shit. You know, what's the first thing would happen after that dude found dead with the heroin is on who went, they weren't looking for that heroin. They weren't looking for the heroin that killed. What's his name? That's what you're

looking for. You figure if it's half cut, we got a party. If it kills him, he's a junkie. I'll do a bump and I'm off and run. I might escape for three fucking days. So I don't know if it's just Massachusetts. There were a bunch of articles in the globe at the beginning of the year that there's something in it like a certain batch of heroin that like they were like 20 deaths in like the first couple months of the year. They're cutting it with so many things. Even the cocaine, there was a rumor last year that was 16 states that had been reported cocaine had something in it that was eating people's skins or giving them infections. Oh, I saw that. About two years ago. Yes. It's a great day. It was a great time for me to get away from all that shit. Thank God I never

got into any of that stuff. Like stuff. I can't imagine being addicted to something that eats away your skin and you're still like, yeah, but you don't know what eats away your skin. That's something they came up with now. You know, not 25 years ago. But once it starts, the worst thing that happens is you lose your house. You know, they tell you, as soon as they saw you the first game, you don't lose your house. Fuck it. It's that good. Fuck it. So, you know, I mean, I think this is going to go somewhere. I really think people people want to feel healthier, man. If it means I got to tell you something, I don't have that gunk in my lungs no more. I went to jiu-jitsu yesterday, guys. And I, you know, usually you do technique for 45 minutes,

you fucking around. Yesterday, the technique for like 20 minutes and the rest of the time, I rolled around yesterday. Even one of those days, I can't walk today, even with the fucking shroom tech. The shroom tech took me there. The shroom tech was tremendous yesterday. But I think the shroom tech took me a little bit too much because today I'm fucking feeling Jack. It gave me a little bit too much oxygen yesterday because today I'm fucking feeling it. So kudos to shroom tech, like I said, but it's amazing that you guys are putting this together to respond. You guys, you guys told me you're getting respond from all over the fucking world. UK. The UK like a model. A little bit of Canada. Um, everywhere in the United States, but like Hawaii, Alaska, I gotta

get a couple of guys in Alaska. Now people that, let's say you buy this in Michigan, which is legal. They sell oils in Michigan to fill these up with. I mean, that's up to them to get their oils. Okay. Like Michigan's legal, you know, there's a couple of states. Colorado and Washington. No, I heard something really interesting. I heard something last night that was really interesting because guys, I don't even want to get into this one. So the crime is up in Colorado now. I didn't hear that. Let me check. I think, I think I heard that one of those Nancy Grace ladies is trying to say that, but it's not willing to read. Let's crime rate Colorado. I hope not. Usually when crime like that goes up, it has to do with within the industry.

People are robbing each other in the industry. So crime looks like it goes up. The only article I'm seeing right now that's popping up is that the weed cases are like the number of them are, are, are, uh, they're slowing down. But no, nothing as the front of the Google. I think that's, I think that's what they're worried about. And I think a lot of like, it was weird. I saw something on CNN. It was a video piece and it was like, is this going to make people drunk and drive or smoke and drive? And is this going to cause things to go up? And they were saying it on CNN, but it was just like, they're saying, is this going to happen? So I think they're trying to, they're putting it out there, but it's not really news.

It's like, could this happen? And it's just, they have to fill airtime. So I don't think anything's happened yet. The whole ancient alien tricks. Yeah. Could the aliens have done this? Oh yeah, the big foot. Same thing. Yeah. It's really weird how, how people are very happy about this. Like it's good that Denver did it, whatever happens with Colorado, you know, but like I said, listen, I was in Colorado 30 years ago and it was the Wild Wild West for Reef and then it was just, it was like a place where people moved anyway, because they knew, like you met people, everybody in Colorado at that time, like I hung with Smoke Reef all ages. I remember getting on a ski lift one time and three fucking middle-aged men got on there and they got on there, very

fucking professional, very white, very, they had affluent, you know, and we started talking and they're like, yeah, I'm a surgeon, I'm a brain surgeon, I'm this, they're all doctors, just different genres. And all of a sudden they looked at me like three little scared kids and I'm like, you might hope we smoked that. And I was like, no, and they started sparking and they started telling me that wherever they were from, Cleveland, during the year they don't smoke that these 10 days, they go fucking nuts and they've been coming to Colorado 15 years with their kids, but since they have so many programs for kids and families to ski, these guys would get together and they'd smoke fucking big weed and they'd show me how they had a bellboy that already knew them

and he'd be saving weed for them all year so when they got up and at the end they'd give whatever they'd smoke back to the bellboy and he'd have it for them like, she had plus new shit he picked up, that was strong. So Colorado has always been a haven for good weed. There's always been fucking great. When I got divorced, I was broke, guys. I was fucking broke. And some guy, a waitress at this restaurant, they used to hang out with, she'd always say, my husband sent you this, my husband sent you this, my husband sent you this, and I would take it upstairs and it was tremendous fucking reef as a phone ring. Yep. All right, let's take this real quick. Matt, I'm going to need to pull my car out. Adam Corolla.

Joey Diaz. The church of what's happening now. How are you, brother? Thank you for taking the time to call us. I know you're busy with your TV show and the crusade and everything else you do. What's happening? I am, you know, I'm going to get in my car and I'm going to, if I can switch this thing over to my like Bluetooth. Okay, do what you do. I'm right here for you, brother. All right. Okay. Look at you. You fucking savages. I love it. Like I said, you know, the fuck is a 24 seven type of bastards. You guys never take a dull moment, never a dull moment. So Lee, can you smell that? A little bit, but not I don't know why they're complaining that much.

You smell it. Can you hear me? I can hear you, brother. Thank you. Sorry. Thank you for taking the time and calling, man. My pleasure. I watched you on Chelsea and you had me fucking rolling about about the, you know, he does this shit because he could dance. And then at the end, you busted her balls with the video and you go, Hey, I can't dance. I was fucking howling. So I do believe I swear to God. I mean, I think that's how Michael Jackson got away with it first long he did. And I'm telling you, no matter what you say about it, dude, if he can dance, that's what everyone will end the conversation with. That's very, you're right. No, I've seen it happen. Yeah, I mean, he can dance. He's a great,

he's so talented singer. What a shame. What a shame that's happening to him. Yeah, like they'll go like, Hey, that guy was drowning puppies all day long. It's going to go. Yeah, man. That's horrible. But he can move. He can move. So what's happened? Talk to me a little bit more about this. I knew something was going on. Then a couple of weeks ago, I did an episode of Mark Marin and I heard them, you know, back and forth and they filled me in and then I did some reading, but I want to hear it from you, brother. Fill me in on what's cracking. Well, we're being sued by patent trolls. Patent trolls are guys that just buy up patents and use them to sue companies. And

normally they sue big companies and, you know, they sue Apple and you go, well, they got a cajillion dollars. So who cares? You know, they have a team of lawyers who cares. This time they've decided to go after me. Now, I'm not sure why, but they've decided to come after podcasting. I'm the first guy they're going after. Eventually they'll get to everybody, I imagine, if this works. So what I'm doing is I'm reaching out to the podcasting community and I'm saying to them, let's all join forces. Let's start a patent troll fund, like a legal defense fund. Let's get all our listeners united to donate to that fund and then I will beat these patent trolls and then once I beat them in court, they'll go away and we're not

going to have to deal with them. Is there a link? Is there something that the listeners could read up more about this? Because I'm sure they're in on this also. They'll donate. They'll do anything it takes to keep this on it, to keep this movement alive. Sure. Sure. You can go to fundanything.com and forward slash patent troll. And there's, you know, a lot of the other podcasts are giving out perks and things like that that, you know, you could go to one of their shows and do that kind of stuff if you donate $50. You know, it's that kind of a grassroots thing. Unfortunately, to fight a patent troll, it costs over a million dollars. I know it sounds insane, but it's literally a million plus dollars in court, in lawyers, to fight a patent troll.

I don't have that money. And if we lose, then they're going to come after everybody. So I'm saying to all the pet, all, all my podcasts, brothers and their communities out there, support this fund, we'll beat them. And once we beat them, they'll go away because they're not going to come after Joey Diaz if Adam Corolla beats them. And they're not going to come after Mark Marin and Joe Rogan if Adam Corolla beats them. But if Adam Corolla can't defend himself or pays out or rolls over, then everyone's going to be next. And Adam, I talked to your producer, I produced the show. He said, though, even stuff like Netflix and the TV channels that stream online, that could go down too. It's not just podcasts. Oh, yeah. I mean, you could imagine if you could

successfully sue a podcast, what on the internet couldn't you sue? If you really just look at it that way, right? I mean, that's great. So these guys, these guys didn't do anything. It's not like these guys are inventors. They bought a patent that had lapsed from somebody else. And they're literally just going after you for the money. Yeah, don't don't think, you know, flubber or nutty professor or like hardworking guy, and we're ripping off his idea. No, these guys buy these things. They're basically dormant. They buy them and then they get together with their lawyers and most of them are lawyers and they figure out how they can apply them to businesses, even if there's almost no connection for ours. It's not even podcasting. It's the playlist. They claim to

have the patent to the playlist, meaning, you know, Monday show comes out on Monday and Tuesday show comes out on Tuesday. That's what they're claiming. And obviously, that could apply to almost anything that's on the internet. That's good. That's crazy, man. I mean, I just so so what like what what are you fighting? How are you fighting it? Is it the case? Like, what are you using the money for? Um, the money is being used to pay lawyers to fight the case. They set up in East and in East Texas of all places. That's where they choose to. That's where the courthouse is. That's where they do their battle. And they first they send you a letter and they hit you up for money. And they go give and we'll go away. And I don't know where they got that number. But of course, we don't have

$3 million to give them. And then they sue you. And the lawyers on our side, it's very involved litigations, very complicated. Look, I barely graduated high school. I don't know the ins and outs of this. All I know is it's incredibly expensive. And you're being sued. You have to defend yourself. And what we're asking is everybody who loves podcasting, everyone who gets it for free, everyone who wants to keep it free, everyone who doesn't want the man sticking his nose in it. Hey, if you've been listening to Joey Diaz and you've been enjoying his show and he's giving you his show for free, put in 20 bucks and keep it free. That's tremendous. No, no, I didn't know the ins and outs of it. Before I got involved, I thought they were going after the big guys

friend I didn't know. And then between Lee and what and it's a good damn shame, you know, you think criminals have guns, obviously they don't. They have pens and and attorneys. But no, we'll do whatever we could do to help out. Adam, anything I can do to Yeah, that's the whole the whole plan is what I don't think what they counted on was how powerful and how committed the podcast community was and that we have a platform and we have a voice. And when you go after some of these other companies, they don't have a voice, they don't have a microphone, they don't have a platform, we have a pulpit, and we can all rally together and rally the troops and circle the wagon and fight these guys off.

Done. When so the GoFundMe page is ready to rock fund anything.com. That's already up and active and doll up. We've already we've already raised over $165,000. Done. I'm going to put a link on my webpage and detour people with that link. And let's make this happen because there's a damn shame. There's a day it's a beautiful medium for us. And I can't believe they want to cut the legs off something that's so beautiful and free and it's become such a part of the society now. So well, as I always say, you know, how long was the man going to stand by the sideline and let us do what we're doing without trying to wet their feet, you know? It's a fucking nightmare out there, Adam Carolla. On the other thing, what

nights is your new show on? On Spike? On new shows, Sunday night, 10 o'clock on Spike. That's a contractor. Did it premiere already? Yeah, it premiered two weeks ago. It just came on. It'll be the third week will be this Sunday. Yeah, that's interesting that you were a contractor. I was a roofer and an estimator. So before this glorious fucking career, I was also an apprentice, a Mason apprentice, and I was also on the Electricians Union in Colorado. So I'm going to I like shows like this. Yeah, I was I was a hustler. You got to do it. You know, you had to get a ski pass. So to get the ski pass, I would chip Chilson was the ski instructor. So he'd tell me if you help me lay bricks, I'll give you a ski pass in the winter. And then

the same with the Electricians Union. And the roof and shit came later, came later on. And I loved it. So it's weird that you're a carpenter. Do you still mess around with it? Or do when you look at when you go to a restaurant, you see a table, do you look at the table and go that guy fucked up? Do you ever do that? Because I do it all the time with rubes and bricks and shit. Yeah, no, you I think you do. I, you know, my, you know, like a plastic surgeon looking at a boob job going shit, I would have done a better job on that. No, it's weird how it's still in my roots. Like sometimes I'm like, fuck this stand-up comedy shit. I'll get a job estimating and shit. I'm like, oh, that's fucking hard. That's too hard for a

50-year-old. Being on the roof does suck. Oh, oh, and I did flat rubes with rubber. And I never really got into the hot rooms in Colorado. It was all flat rooms or rubber. So it wasn't really that bad, you know, but you had to tear off the old things. And it was, you're doing, you're doing torchdown stuff. Yeah, I was doing torchdown stuff and ballasted when you got to lay stone down at the end of the day, you know, 40 yards of stone and shit. So it was, it was an experience, but it, you know, even I could tell that when you were talking about carpentry in a way it made you who you are today. Like you look at a lot of those lessons that you learned in carpentry. And I'm sure you're applying today, you know, in different parts of your life.

Well, it made me appreciate, you know, hard work. And it also made me think in a sort of mechanical logical way, because carpentry is very logical and it's very mechanical, you know, it's very linear and it's very practical. And so as a carpenter, you do learn to think in a very nuts and bolts kind of practical way versus comedian is kind of pie in the sky, you know, let's get a, let's rip a bong load and write down some jokes. This is very different than that. I ripped a couple bong loads and gone in that fucking roof. I'm Carola. So you have to. And when you're in Colorado, everybody was ripping bong hits. And this is 82, 83. I mean, we'd rip a bong and a half apart and then lay bricks for 10 hours and make,

you know, cement and all that shit. So it was, it's amazing. You know, I, I gotta say, first off, I smoked pot and hung the lid drywall on a ceiling and went right over the lighting fixture and realized I wasn't much good when I was stone hanging sheet rock. But the main reason I didn't like getting stoned before work when I was doing that kind of work is it may, I felt like the day took forever to go by. I don't know if that's your experience of pot or not, but for me, eight or nine hours digging ditches, swinging a hammer, scraping a roof on the pot, it seemed to, it felt like 20 hours. Yeah, but in a way, yes, it did in a way. You're right. Yeah. The sun felt hotter. That's what I remember. When you get high and you go

outside, the sun feels so much fucking hot. Now you did construction out here or in the east coast? I did it out here. I born and bred out here. I didn't go to college. I went right from high school to digging ditches, cleaning up garbage on a construction site. I still remember those days. That was quite the experience. So now you have this show on Spike and you look at and you bust these fucking guys that take deposits and don't come back and all this stuff, which is a great angle. I can't wait to see it because I know this is a haven for that type of shit here. Yeah. Now you're, it's on every corner and, you know, look, I don't take credit for the show. It's a great idea. It's a great idea. I didn't come up with it. You bust these guys, you bring them back

and you get them to do the job correctly. And of course, in between, you got the homeowner screaming at them. So that's always good. You know, I remember, I did all that stuff in Colorado what you have is you have hailstorms. So when it hails, all these scam roofers just shoot to those states where it hails to do, you know, get the insurance work and these phony claims. And it's amazing. They would go into a neighborhood and, you know, do a roof and while they were doing the roof, other roofers, other homeowners that come across the street, get estimates, they would get deposits, never deliver the material and they'd lie to a whole neighborhood and they'd pack up and leave and you never get a hold of these guys. They'd be like a scam thing

from like Kansas. And that's what they do when you have like, that's what probably happened in New Orleans after Katrina. I could, I could just imagine every, they were looking for construction people. They were turning bakers into contractors. So people go down there. They don't care. They just take a deposit. You just want the work done and they skip on you. And that's the end of that tune. So I could see how this show is going to be successful for you. Yeah. Oh yeah, it turns out yeah, I mean in, in New Orleans turns out the mayor was, uh, yes, that motherfucker robbed them completely. Yeah. They, they give, they send a lot of funds. People's fingers get sticky when that shit happens. Yeah, it happened. It happened with that in Jersey too. It happened in South

Jersey this last year. I read when I was back there this year, somebody stole the funds for that. And then after they built Jersey, they lit it on fire all over again. And it's hysterical because there was a fireman convention. They made sure it was like in Philadelphia. It was like two, two towns away. So they burnt down fucking seaside. So there you go. Yeah. Well, you know, unfortunately, uh, you know, I don't know if the nature of man is good or evil, but I do know one fucking thing. The nature of man is greedy. And when there's checks being cut, people are going to get in that line, even if they don't deserve to be in that line. And there's a lot of that going around. And we decided, let's make a TV show about it.

That's funny. Cause years earlier, I got approached to do a show where people who borrowed money from people and didn't pay your back like a true TV show. And we shot like a pilot. I don't know what happened to it. So if somebody lent you $500 and didn't give it back to you, they spy on them, they watch them go shopping and they watch them go out to dinner. And then you show, you showed up in a car and you're like, Hey, where's my 500 bucks? And they're like, I don't have it. Well, we show you the video footage. This is you eating a steak. This is you jumping on down the club in Beverly Hills. So it's a good contact. They'll probably come back now that you're doing this to, you know, find these fucking thieves and these fucking predators, whatever the hell it is.

So that's it, brother. What else you got for me? That's, uh, that's it. I mean, uh, fund anything, catch a contractor and, you know, uh, support my pirate ship and Adam Corolla.com. You're a beautiful man, man. Thank you for, uh, you know, thank you for fucking sticking your neck out for us, Adam. It means a lot to guys like me. And I'm really appreciate it a little bit. I appreciate it. And I think we all band together. We can beat these guys. I'll put this link up and, uh, I'll talk about on every podcast, but thank you for being the fucking man and for, uh, you know, grabbing your balls for this one. And I'm behind your brother

anytime. Thanks. Thanks, Joe. I appreciate it. Have a great day. Stay black and beautiful. You too. Bye. That's fucked up, man. Yeah, there's always people trying to, you know, people come, people talk about the fucking mafia. You ever see what you pay for taxes? Don't get me started. Don't get me started. Don't get me started. You ever look at what you pay for taxes at the end of the year, you look at it and you go, wow, wow. And then the union comes in and they want a percentage and then they want insurance. And you look at it and you go, who's getting fucked in the fucking ass here? Who's getting fucked? And, you know, when does it end? But I'm happy that he's sticking his fucking neck out for us. You know, he took, you know,

they've reached out to everybody. They've never reached out and said, uh, you owe us money, but I'm sure the day is going to fucking come, you know, and by supporting Adam and a week, look, if you go on iTunes, look at me fucking podcaster up now. From every genre. So we could beat this fucking thing. You know, if this goes down, this is a big genre to go down. This will be a very disappointing blow for the fucking system. If the system wins on something like this, you know, well, the system doesn't win some fucking scumbag fucking that trolls win, whatever the fuck they are. So now you know what it feels to get rubbed fucking Adam Corolla, John, what's up flying? You know, something that hit you. It's time for another one. No,

fuck you. I can tell you another one. Give me another one. No, thank you. Half, half's enough. No, I mean, it's just, it's too bad. We got a great sugar free. I'll show it, but I can't have it. You ain't showing up. You ain't showing up. I already had one, dude. We're going to go eat Benihana. Who takes care of you like me? You're not going to Benihana. Yes, we are. We're all going home to sleep after this. No, maybe you are. I'm not letting you. I'm tying you by the fucking neck. I'm dragging you. No more sleep on this shit, dog. We don't give you this shit for you to go home and waste down fucking sleep. You got to do something. You got to be active. It's 90 degrees out. Let's go to Benihana. Why would we go somewhere where there's fire on the table if it's 90 degrees

out? Because they got air conditioning. Why do you break everything fucking down in your mind so much? What'd you eat for breakfast? Nothing. So you haven't eaten nothing all day? No, I had a podcast at 9am. So you didn't eat anything? You didn't go across to 7-Eleven? I didn't have time. You had a bag of chips? Nothing. So you're walking around on fucking empty? Yes. You know what's going on to your body right now? Fire. Nothing. Nothing. You got no metabolism going. Nothing cocks up. You got to eat something in the morning. Something. A protein. We're going to get you some protein powder. It's over. That's it. Okay. A little on it. Protein shake in the fucking morning with some water. You shake that motherfucker up with some vitamins. You'll be a brand new man. Your metabolism gets

kicked away. If you don't eat till 2 o'clock, I'm going to lose you. No, I normally don't do this. You do it all the fucking time. I talked to you at 1am. I didn't eat nothing. I know you ate something cocksucker. I didn't. I know you. You wake up. You're fucking not hungry. I ain't no more. You're not hungry. No water. Nothing. No coffee. I had water. Jesus Christ. We're going to get you. That's it. It's over. We're going to get you some on it in the morning. You mix it with some fucking water, the chocolate, and you feel tremendous. 16 grams of fucking protein. You're off and running. If you want to eat something at 1am or 11am, you want to eat something every five hours, but your metabolism ain't going. I love you, cocksucker. I'm a fat fuck, but I'm

trying to help you out. I appreciate it. Fuck this fucking cocksucker. You're going to get headaches and shit. Your blood pressure's going to drop. You're going to get some fucking fuel in your engine, cocksucker. I love you. Suck a dick. Do something. Drink some fucking non-gluten sperm. I don't fucking know what they got out there no more. Had fucking whole foods. What's up with you, savages? Did you guys feel the earthquake all the way up north? Nothing, but you had one last week. I saw the video when you. Okay, you saw the video, but you hadn't won before. Nothing have you ever lived through an earthquake? I felt a warning when I was in Oakley. You know what the problem is? We used to live in a house that trucks used to drive by. So you didn't know what was going on?

Was that an earthquake? Was that an earthquake? We were always constantly like, and then one hit and we're like, that was weaker than the ones that we feel with the trucks. So show us the tool of the day. Set something up here. Let's show these motherfuckers what we got out here. That's the that's the that's the vape pen. That's the one you guys sell. That's a top vapor pen. That's the one you guys specialize in. You guys build this from scratch? No, we don't. We have this branded. Okay, so you have this and you have a patent on this also and everything. No, no, no, no. There's there's many companies. Okay, yeah, this is just my my brand on the pen that I felt a work the best. Okay, and it's not it's metal. It's like heavy. No, it's heavy. I like this

motherfucker. And what do you have that has oil and it has you could put a chunk of shit in there too. Yeah, you could put a wax in there oil as long as it's not too runny. And even if it is runny, I mean, as long as you keep it upright, like you can smoke out of it, it works off of a wick system. So as long as you have a little bit of oil in there, you can smoke, you're good to go. And so you get the gun, you get the pen in all 50 states. Yeah, 50 states. What you put in it, you can't get in all 50 states. That's up to you. No, currently, medical or legal states are the only ones that have what you could put in there. Do you guys know what the rules in Massachusetts are yet? Because that's just about to go medicinal. They I think they're decriminalized,

which is it's still illegal, but it's like a slap on the wrist, like Mr. Wiener or whatever. Okay. That's cool, man. I mean, take it. So you guys have the pens and the gummy bears, little gumis and manos. Yeah, and clothing and clothing. And you have the nail t-shirt, t-shirt and pants for my shirt. And keep it simple. Hat pins. What else? Hat pins. So what's the other thing you guys are going to show us? You're going to show us the whole fucking chemistry set real quick. We don't have to use it. Show you how to fuck us, how you travel, like Bon Jovi. We figured since you don't like electric, since you don't like torches, we will bring the electric now. Show us how that works. Show us how that works real quick here. This is the same company as

your piece, Mobius. Okay, so that's Mobius. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we've been using Mobius before we met the guy. We love their pieces. Damn. Yeah, it's like a whole contraption that you gotta put together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is tremendous. Put it together. We can't wait. I mean, we don't have another great metaphor. Oh, well, we put it up well with the owner of this company, like not put it up, but like, you know, just through through business talked about his product. This guy knows his product. Well, he knows every little piece of component on here, and he knows how to make it better. And it's currently making it better. And it's like, oh, that's 1.1. 2.1 is coming out next week or whatever.

It's just amazing tubes and shit. So this is what you guys have at home when you're living like doctors. Imagine you're trying to see the devil. Yeah, imagine you're like, you want to get high all the time, and you don't have kids, and you don't have a wife, and you just playing video game You just have this connected. It's on and you're hitting even in my house, you know, like I'll have it on in the garage, and I'll just go out to the garage and I'll hit it like keep it away from the thing. What is that right there? You got in your hand there. I got my first dive ready. That's your dad. And where do you put that? It's going to go around in the mail once it's hot. Takes about a minute and a half to eat up once he plugs it in.

And you don't even, oh, you have to plug it in. Look, he has to fuck it. Oh my god. They have the automatic plug. Can you imagine? How much, how much power do you have in there? I got this thing runs on less electricity than the Xbox or idol. It's like real light. The electricity this thing uses. That is fucking amazing people. You understand me when I'm talking about amateurs and professionals. You understand what I tell people? I wish you were here. I wish some people can't watch this, but if you listen to this shit, they got tubes, they got fucking computers. This is it. This is the future of fucking seeing the devil. You can even pick what devil you want to see, the red one, the Hindu one, the Puerto Rico one. You can

fucking take it, take it. Look at this shit. Oh my god. Lee, how are you doing over there? You're going to eat that gummi? You're going to keep staring at it. I had a gummi. That was only a little piece. You got to eat the other half. You're taking the dub, right? No, thank you. Talking about dosing, I have of my own guvies. I usually do about two or three though. Yeah, just to let you know. Now, when you burrow that and you blow it out, how bad does it smell? This smell, I refrew it. It smells just more less like the pen. I will do a dab. I'll do a little piece of wax paper that I have. I don't touch it. I don't touch it. No, the big one. I don't touch it. Unless it's in one of the bags or something like that. That's a mistake. Look at this shit. Unbelievable.

So, okay, so let's say, how does this compare to, like, a body hit? When I smoke a joint, what happens to me when I smoke one of these? What's the difference? Why would I want to do a dab instead of just getting a fucking purple butt of deck? When you smoke tree, the flowers, the only part of the plant that gets you high is the oily part of the plant. When you smoke oil, that's the extraction of that oily part of the plant. So, what's the difference? No, no, no. I'm saying, in my mind, you cut not the middle man. What's the difference? Yeah, you're cutting out the plant material that when burned or smoked, it does no benefit to you. So it's doing harm. It turns into, well, whatever, into smoke or whatever you're smoking it. Vaporizing

it is cool. There's people who use, like, little vaporizers and the plant material stays behind and the oil gets smoked. So that's why people vaporize because you're not really putting anything bad on your body. It's all science. Well, let's say, we were talking about percentages before. You guys know more about this than I do. I'm just throwing numbers at you. Years ago, there was a company in LA that was burning weed or so they said and telling you what the weed came back at. There was a couple of stores that were using the service. One was a store on Sunset and there was one on La Cienega, but there was one up here that had it. And he kept saying that he had this weed that was 28%. And when I smoked it, it did fuck you up, you know. I wasn't Matt, it was called Strawberry

Cough. Matt O'Gee said he was high. Remember, he had the paperwork too. Now, when I convert that into oil, what is there ways to say it? Like you said to me, Joe, I have three different types of oil. I have sour diesel. I have death. I have suck my dick. Suck my dick is strong. What percentage of oil is it compared to 28% of the reefer? Is it stronger? Am I going to get higher? Well, no, a good oil is going to be upwards of 70% THC. Instead of 28% from that weed. Because you're getting rid of all the plant materials, so you're just isolating the oils that have the compounds in it. Like last night was very weird. We vaporized all night

on the Doug Benson show. It was vapor, but it was a lot of vapor. When I woke up this morning, I felt it, but I was high last night, but I was high from a different school. Yeah, it hits you harder. It hits it harder. But it goes away real clean. Real clean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have that like after like all like, like real like.

Right. It was clean. It's the temperature that you're burning. I could have stayed up last night, or I could have gone to bed. It was up to me. I could have had it either way. So I'm noticing little changes in my heart. When you get stoned, you know, as Cubans that don't want to whoa, you know, like to have retard, you drool like I do when your mouth is open and shit. You know, some people like I like getting stoned. I mean, I don't want to fuck around. I don't want energy. I don't want to fly through the mountains. I don't know that fucking faggot shit. I want to get stoned.

When I get stoned is when I write my jokes is when I have my thoughts. I think about my past. I think about my future. I think about what the fuck, you know, that should scare you. You ever think about somebody who does a kid that scares you? Your heart starts pumping. That's being a fucking lit. It's paranoia. It's paranoia. I like all that shit. I like being paranoid. I like it too. We're too.

Careful of this thing. This thing is a little wiggly in there. Just... And it's hot. And it's hot. So it won't like smoke out of you? Yeah. No torch. It stays hot the whole day. I'm trying that out. I'm trying that out. I'm gonna stay like that.

That's what they're gonna smell. They're gonna smell smoke. Yeah, we're getting out of here today. They're gonna drink this today. Because they're gonna smell it. And they're gonna say so. I'll turn the fan on, I guess. Hey, you know what? I'll turn it. No. No, that'll blow it into the water. Hey, check it out. I'll send you something good. I'll check after the podcast if I have it.

But I think the name of it is called the Smoke Buddy. Yeah, I have a green thing. I have it. One of my buddies, Brian from Chicago, gave me one. But this is intense today. Holy shit. Yeah, I wish they mean I'm bigger for like a... Fuck out of here. Holy shit. That's all right. We'll take our chances, Columbus.

They will just walk out of here like we own the joint. We're all patients. We're telling them that those guys are medical and they were talking about medical stuff. Like, people get scared when you talk about medical. No, we just say we're smoking. Ignore it and deny it. What? No, no, no.

What's wrong? Not my room. Fuck, no. I don't give a fuck. Hey, listen, man. We're trying to do a podcast here to educate people on certain fucking habits, you know what I'm saying? What's that musically? What's a little fucking biggie, a little hypnotized?

Kick this fucking mood up to the Adam Corolla. My boys from fucking their little life. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Kick a leak. Wiggle phone for Joey. Wiggle. Who's better than you, Lee? No one. Wednesday afternoon, March 19th.

You bad motherfuckers. We're here making it happen. Vapors, blow torches, e-cigarettes. We're covering all the fucking spectrum. What? All right, Lee, talk to me. Let me give some shout-outs here to some fucking savages here. Did that goomy bear hit you?

Because I got another one for you, cucksuckers. It's hitting you a little. Oscar Nunez. You know, I love you down in Fort Lauderdale. Pat's D Keys. Wolf hashtag. Albert Jimenez. Stefan Quayle.

Fucking water box. I love you, motherfuckers. Thank you for always being there for me. You bad motherfuckers. I'm high. I'm high on the goomy bear. I was still high from last night. That's how I'm throwing it. You understand?

Yeah, they were bringing those bags back a lot last night. Yeah, there was 20 fucking bags going around, man. It was just really, it was real. How'd you feel the rest of the day after the earthquake? Did you feel anything different? You know what, man? No, I don't know if I've gotten used to it a little bit. While I was here, I mean, you could tell it

shook me for like 20, 30 minutes. Me too. I was a little shaken up. But by the time I got out of there, we were so busy that day that I just, I ran around. Just shrugged it off. Yeah. It was really weird.

I got a bunch of calls. And then anybody call you from the East Coast and say, what happened out there? I got a bunch of calls like people were like, what happened? You know, because they think the 4.7 is just, but it's really weird to experience. Like I could tell people were off the rest of the day. I was a little off.

I mean, I wasn't fucking. I'm not going to lie the entire day. I was scared of them. No, I just was. You seen your video that's going around? Yeah. Oh, please. Who's that anchor guy that crawls under the desk? That's the news guy.

That's the LA guy? That's the news guy. That's the KTLA, you know? I remember, it's a scary thing for some people. It's not like, I just know, you know the, once you hear those walls busting, like I've been here. You didn't see it moving. That's what we were shaking in here.

I looked at you and we were fucking bobbling. I knew shit was cracking, lacking. But it really is amazing that Lee made a point. No matter where you live, you're going to have floods, earthquakes, hurricanes, there's nowhere. I guess the best place to be the East Coast with just snow, but it still, snow sucks. Yeah, you're trapped for like a week or two.

When in the snow, they sometimes... Week, months. Let me tell you something, guys. You grew up in the West East Coast. You grew up on the East Coast. I don't know how long you've been gone from the East Coast. I know Lee's been gone for a couple of years. It ain't that fucking, it's very cold.

It's very cold. And the longer you're out here, at least you're prepared on the dog. I'm a street kid. I was out in that motherfucker, one glove missing some nights. You know, I'm not going to lie to you guys, but it's a different time.

The cold I got hit with in Chicago Sunday morning when I was going to the Midway Airport this week, not Midway, the other one, O'Hara, that was cold. The cold weather I got hit with. It wasn't cold when I went to New Jersey a couple of weeks ago. That week I was there, it wasn't bad at all. I missed the snow, I missed everything. The snow was that Monday.

But it's felt like when I went to Minneapolis this year, that was fucking cold. When I went to Buffalo, that was cold. When I got stuck in Chicago this year, I went to Nashville, that was cold. I looked at a good handbook I got. And it's true, anyway you move to, I mean you go to Nashville and have a tornado,

you have to have a fucking basement. If you live somewhere else, you have. Listen, you just have to have belief. I can't believe I've made it here for so long. They keep talking about the end of the world, these fucking earthquakes out here. And every day you wake up, when you go to bed, you say, hopefully I'll wake up here in the house,

won't fucking shake. Because that's what we'll be shitting, to wake up at four in the morning, you don't have no fucking power or nothing like that. That's fucking scary right there, so. But it's okay, what are you gonna do, bro? What the fuck are you gonna do? It's just a goddamn earthquake.

You know, you go home, you smoke some weed, and you pray for the bed. Imagine you're getting off on a fucking edible cross, and that. You know, how was it like being high during that? Because that would have been. I was high during that. And that's what I'm saying, how was it like high? You saw me, you saw my face.

At first I was scared for a minute because you're looking at the rattling. If it's rattling, I would have ran out of here, but it wasn't to that rattle. Yeah, it was, it was going shhh. It was more pissed, like he was pissed. Little rumble. It was like a fucking rumble.

So, we live out here, man. That's the fucking thing. And if there's an earthquake, you know what the best thing about it is? You got your fucking phone, and you can watch Hulu Plus. See what I'm saying? Hulu Plus is where it's at. HuluPlus.com, dawg.

I know how many times I gotta fucking tell you people. It's not even about the price, that's $7.99 a month for fighting. You get two weeks for free. That's over. You know what it's about? Enter fucking entertainment. That's what it's about anywhere.

On your phone, on your iPad, on your fucking home TV, on your stereo, on the back of your hand. Wherever you want fucking television, you could, wherever you want entertainment, you could have it. Go to HuluPlus.com or better yet, go to joeydeers.net.

Go to the HuluPlus.com box and press. Jelly. In the box. Automatically, you get two weeks for fucking free. If you go to HuluPlus directly, you get who gots. You get one week for free. You do with Uncle Joe. You get two weeks for free.

Binge TV. Watch all your fucking favorite shows. They got original program. What shows they got, Lee? I don't even remember. Lee, every time I look at my wife's list, I can't believe it. It's too much to remember.

I know they got that dirty show with the wife that blows everybody on CBS. I know they got Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I know they got documentaries. They got some great fucking movies, though. Go to HuluPlus.com or go to joeydeers.net. Go to the HuluPlus.com box and press. Jelly.

Ooh, you bad motherfucker. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. It's $7.99 a month. That's $8 a fucking month. Times 12. That's $96 a fucking year. You got a fixed income on your entertainment, bitches. Cut this shit.

It even leaves you $2 to donate to this fundanything.com. That's how we roll. You understand me? Who the fuck you got a kid? Now, let me ask you this, Lee. Have you ever thought about how much money you got in the bank? About $200 large?

$300 large? No. Let me ask you. For what's not in my overseas accounts, yes. Okay, so let me ask you this. There's an earthquake here. Yeah. They say that the electrical system goes on.

Your fucking balance goes to zero. What would you do, Lee? I don't know, man. That's the thing. I never have cash on me. Never. What are you going to do with this in an earthquake and you don't have no fun?

Not even a dollar on you? What kind of fucking Jew are you? How many times have I got to tell you? You're going to show up with a fucking juice drug filled with penny and chains. They're going to spit in your face the fucking lounge. You got to get it together, coca-laca. Has anyone pressured you into getting bitcoins, Joey?

What are they? It's that's the thing. And I know I know they've talked about it on other podcasts, but it's like this all online currency that they're starting to gain traction. Like they're putting Bitcoin ATMs out in public. But like one of the sites got rated so everyone's balance went to zero

and they just gone because it's not regulated. So it's like this online currency. I don't know what I want to deal with. Don't piss off my dick. I'm not giving my money to anybody. You know, listen, when you get beat by those people, you deserve to get beat by them. You deserve to get beat by them.

Be that fucking stupid, you know? I see those things. I just erase. Erase. I got emails from those people. I got nothing to talk to you about. What do you want to talk about? You're going to sell me what?

Nothing. I don't even want to know. I don't even want to know. It's like, well, you don't even want to fucking like that. It's not a joke, man. Seriously, when I was a kid, remember the guys that would dress up like women? I'm a burglar and I'm a Spanish.

People love dressing up. You know, there's no bigger fags than fucking Spanish people. When they go south, they go deep. They get the wig, the eyebrows. When faggots go fucking south, well, they go fucking into deep, deep waters. But Latinos, when they become faggots,

they go deep. They get Dracula out. I can't tell if it's a compliment or an insult. It's not like you're almost proud of them. You're like, I'm proud of them. No one goes faggot like that. Nobody's a faggot like a fucking Latino or an Arab. When they commit to faggotry, they fucking go for it.

But listen, if you want to be a fag, that's one thing. But when you want to be a cross dresser, you're trying to convince motherfuckers you're a woman. And the back of your head, when you leave the house, you're like, I'm the hottest chick in this fucking room. Meanwhile, you're the ugliest fucking creature from the black fucking room. You understand me?

Everybody knows you're a half a fag. You got an Adam's apple. Your hands are big. Look at the size of your fucking feet. Look at that big fucking toe with the fungi on your toe. I don't know why the woman has got a fungi toe and a fucking heel. So you're trying to sell me you're a fucking woman

in your head. Are you fucking retarded? But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I'll fuck with you. Come fuck with me. I'll punch in the fucking egg. Because at the end of the day, it's the same feel. I'll rip that fucking wig off.

I've done it before. But just thinking about Latin fags, they commit, dog. And they'll come up to you and try to suck your dick and everything. I guarantee everybody who has a story about taking one of those fags home and going for their dick with a pussy and finding like a lump in their pants.

Nine out of ten of those motherfucking Latins. I guarantee you, bro, I've seen Latin men dressed up like women that I've taken a double take. When you get up closer, you see them at the light. Like if you go to La Brea and Santa Monica and another block down or Highland on those blocks on Sunday mornings, that's Transvestite Parade. They're out all night.

They're out all night. Remember when Eddie Murphy got caught with one on La Brea? That's where it's at. La Brea and Santa Monica. There's a donut shop there. Or it's either Highland. It's Highland. They have a donut shop there and they hang out in the corner.

But if you go Sunday like at 4th already, you'll see 15 of them on the fucking floor. And they're there because somebody stops them. People stop on the way home. They can't find the chick. They said, fuck that. I suck like, you know, when you're coked up and you've been drinking for 12 hours,

anything can suck your dick. You know what I mean? If you're really working, if you're a predator that really wants to suck a dick, you could talk a druggy guy. I don't care how tough he is to let them suck your dick. At six in the morning, you've been drinking for 15 fucks. I've never talked a faggot's never talked me

at the second of my dick at five in the morning, but I've never really hung out with them at five. I see a fag at five in the morning. I know he's looking for the same thing I'm looking for. And we're not looking for each other. That conversation's over, you know what I'm saying? You see a fucking guy dressed up like a woman at six in the morning.

He's looking for something. He ain't looking for a career. He ain't going to some fucking audition. He's going to suck somebody's youth. That's just the way it works out. You know, I don't know if you know this or not. So just a little food for college. Do you think homeless people have sex?

Like with each other? Last day, I took my baby to the fucking park. But I took her to the park on Sunday and I could tell she was sick of that fucking park. This is more of an urban park. They got a little Flav, a couple of Mexican kids, couple of black girls. So I get out to this softball field there

and as I walk, I see something like a clothing by a tree. Like a piece of clothing. And as I get closer to this fucking homie when he comes out with like bruises in the head, like under her cheekbone, like a lip. And she's like, how you doing? Can you help me out with some change? My husband, I got home and he was with another woman

and he beat me up. And she had like feet were too dirty. Like she just didn't get thrown out. She had been thrown out. So I asked her, when did you get thrown out? She goes, this afternoon, you're lying. Look at your fucking feet that disgusting. You've been walking around for three or four days,

you dirty bitch. And I don't care. She asked me for change. I gave her a dollar, you know what I mean? So I walk in and with the baby and I come back like an hour later and there she is talking to a guy laying on the grass. And he was homeless with a pit bull.

So they're probably still there. Why would you be homeless with a fucking dog? Why would you do that to yourself? Like the dog is going to fucking help you. Like you got to feed you and the dog. Why would you do that to somebody? I heard the other side of this, like them talking.

Yeah. I need a companion is what they say. Well, maybe, you know what? Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I'm being stupid. Maybe they saved them from the shelter. You know, maybe we're going to die because anybody who takes a fucking dog

or a cat on the shelter before they... There's a lot of them. There's one over by, do you know, there's a Ralph's on Burbank and Van Nuys. It's one of the main ones. And there was this homeless guy who's probably in his late 20s, early 30s. He had a homeless cat with him.

On the shoulder. And yeah, he just walks around. I've seen that guy. I've seen that guy. Like I've never seen a cat like that. The cat was just hanging out. I gave money for food one day. I gave him like three bucks for cat food.

And there's a black dude on my corner. Listen to this. The black dude on my corner that has a shopping cart filled with stuff. I've spoken about him on the podcast before or somewhere. And he's very intelligent. With rim glasses. He's always reading outside.

You could tell he's... I know where he lives. He lives by the bridge on... Right before you hit Colfax. Yeah. The bridge that we hit when you're leaving my house there. He lives under that bridge as a side fancy. They go in there and sleep there at night.

They got rats and shit. You can see like rats shit there because they probably bring food. But in the daytime he stays by that bench. He makes a little fucking thing. Yes, two days ago the cops were fucking with him. He won't take my money but he'll take food. So if I have food I'll give it to him.

If I go somewhere I'll buy an extra. If I see him out there I'll buy a sandwich. But he doesn't sit there every day. He goes to the library. He leaves this shit. He goes to the library. He reads. He takes a shower somewhere.

Takes a shower somewhere in the morning. So listen man. You know, there's nine different types of homeless people. There's homeless people that are homeless because of a situation. There's homeless people that are homeless because of mental health. There's homeless people that are homeless

because of God knows what. Were you ever homeless? Never. I was homeless. Were you ever homeless? We homeless. No. I was homeless.

It's fucking crazy. Now let me ask. When I left the podcast on Monday we were taking out a box of bottles and I thought I was gonna throw it in the thing. I saw a guy looking through trash bins. And I went over to him. I said, hey man do you want these?

And he did. He took it. But I felt like I felt bad for a second. Should I have done that? Was that rude? No, no, no. You saved him time. Yeah, I just felt bad about it.

You imagine ripping a fucking three day old diaper out what that fucking smells like. So you know what you say? I do the same thing, man. If I got 10 bottles in the car it's amazing how much you have to give back. And there's some fucking people that are just out there running a scam.

There's some people that are homeless or whatever and I try to, whatever. Even if I go to somewhere with my wife I go buy an extra cheeseburger with black dude on the corner. And I go over and I'll say thank you brother. We don't even call him. I don't know his fucking name but he won't fucking tell me. I've asked him a thousand times.

I don't worry about it. All right, another my business, leave it at that. Take the fucking cheeseburger. That's where you can do some time. You know, there's people that do like charity events and they want everybody to know they're fucking business and they get all derbs and you go to their house

and you have to compliment them on how beautiful their house is. And it's people they want you to know what you do. You don't need that, man. You know, character is what you do when nobody's watching. You know what I'm saying? That's what you do when nobody's fucking watching. Those are the little things you fucking do. But there's two different types of people that think that, you know,

you see somebody who's fucked up. You just go up to them and give them two dollars. We know who's fucked up. You know, sometimes I see a girl that's fucked up. I go up and give her three dollars or something. That's the first guy I did. I went up to them, didn't want his dick sucked. You ever think about that?

So obviously you're fucking unique. You know, everybody else, why do you want them to go? I'll give you 10 bucks. They'll be stuck in my dick. I gave her three bucks. You don't have to do nothing. What's it like the first night of being homeless?

Like the first ever night? Let me tell you something, guys. And I didn't have to be homeless. I had made a decision to either snort coke or have an apartment. And I chose snort and coke. So I would go to a bar and talk to people. And you don't have people up,

or you want to come back to the house. You got a grandma blow up. Yeah, let's go back to the house. And at five, you go, dog, don't drive. That's it. And I'd sleep there. What was the difference? So I always had coke for later.

Because somebody would always say, come on, sleep on my, come on, stay on the couch. Where are you going to go? And I wouldn't tell them I was homeless. I'd make up a place. And I'd make up my friend's house. And if they'd drop me off there, I'd just walk into the yard,

and then I'd wait till the car pulled away. Then I'd walk out. That's fucked up, bro. Then when it got really cold, I'd just break into his fucking garage. I slept in his garage a couple of times. This is 84. This is 1984, bro.

I chose to be homeless. From July of 84 to December of 84. That long? Five months. I was homeless from, yeah. I was homeless. Every night when I went out, I took a chance. If I made a couple of dollars,

I'd get a fucking hotel room in West New York, or one of those prostitution hotels. I'm telling you, I would just take a shower. Where did you get the, where did you keep your clothes? My friend's backyard. I would just go back there and switch fucking clothes at night in socks and shit. Then I would take it to a laundry mat once a week.

Oh, no, no. It's a fucking horrible distance. I was homeless here. I lived in my car the first six months in LA. I would take showers at the comedy store. I would take showers at Ralphie May's house. And that's not homeless to the extent is homeless. But I will tell you this.

In 84, there was nights I went home and just, I went under a fucking, I had three dollars. Nobody had turned to, I had fucked everybody over, you know? Not to, it wasn't society's fault I was homeless. It was my fault I was homeless, you know? And I know a lot of nights, man, I slept all the, even with comedy, a lot of nights I would just fucking, you know, they don't put you up.

So a lot of nights you just got to go into a town early and take your chances, bro. And you know what? Eventually, little by little, you're not fucking homeless no more. But it's fucked up to not have a place to sleep and have your clothes out at your friend's house. But like I'm telling you guys, I chose the addiction over having a house.

I was 20 years old, 1984. I was 20 fucking one years old, guys. I was just, you know, you always think about, like I told you guys, you always think about, what was I doing 10 years ago? You know, I was doing 10 years ago, getting ready for the longest yard. The breakdown had just come out.

Oh, I should, 20 years ago, what was I doing? Starting comedy, fucking dying out of line. You know, and 30 years ago, oh, I was a fucking mess. That's when I was homeless. So you evolved, you know? You fucking evolved. Who was homeless? Somebody said somebody was homeless.

The other day, some famous somebody was homeless. And people always, that's how you get your strength. I know Jim Carrey was. When you're sleeping a fucking car and that's your night, you don't know what life, and you start to feel bad for yourself. You really do start to feel bad for yourself after a few nights.

When you're in a bad situation, bro, the moment I tell you the story, I used to break into my friend's house and he had a dog. Yeah. And in the winter, they wouldn't let the dog go out and shit. So they let it shit downstairs. But downstairs, there was a mattress on the wall. And I would break into his house

and turn the mattress over and sleep on the mattress. That had been pissed on. And I would use my jacket as a pillow. And one day I opened my eyes and there was a piece of shit three inches from my face, bro. The dog had just shit. Like, that's what woke me up. Like, the smell of shit.

And the dog had just shit three inches from my face. You know how bad you feel when you open up your eyes and there's a piece of shit three hours, three inches from your face. You probably got $2 in your pocket. In those days, I would get up, I'd have a toothbrush in my pocket. I'd brush my teeth on a fucking fire hose or whatever.

And I'd walk to Ashway's deli where I had credit. So I'd go in there, I'd get breakfast. I'd find out what was going on. I would say to him, Ashway, take a 20 out of the register. And I'll give it to you by eight o'clock. So I had $20 to work with. That means I got me into the bar,

I have a drink and talk shit. You got coke, I got $300. You know, at least it got me fucking lying. You know what I'm saying? When I took it in my hand, that could have been a 20. It could have been 19 singles. But that's what I used to do, though.

Well, those bars, I used to hustle. I used to walk from bar to bar. What was going on? None, bro. I got three kilos of coke. No shit. I buy it. Really, where is he?

He said, let me call him. I can't get ahold of him. So I'll give you an ounce. Can you just give me the money later? No, I can't. Yeah, cool. Now you got an ounce to work with for the day. You know, that's awesome.

And you know, in some days you get a hotel and some days you don't. Fuck. Fuck it, Lee. You got to take a chance. Columbus. You just go into a bar with my friends in North Bergen. And my friends knew I was homeless,

but they wouldn't say nothing to me. And I wouldn't have the balls to say something to them. I didn't have, they lived with their mothers. So what am I going to do? Tell them I'm only living in your house? So we would go on the topic, wouldn't even come up. Like they'd go, where you staying at Ronnie's house? And they'd say, okay, but they knew I was in staying.

Then they'd go, why would we see you walking? And they'd be like, ah, then they wouldn't say nothing. It's fucking bad. That's why, that's why I had Venere called last week. That's why I had people like, like Venere called last week. He's running for freehold. He was, uh, he had a funeral parlor on the end of Kennedy Boulevard on 50th, 60th Street.

The one that goes all the way through from Bergen line to Kennedy. There's a funeral parlor. Bro, I used to sleep on this fucking pool table. And he would tell me, coach, you can't sleep here every night, but if you're in a bind, call me. If I was in a bind and I had nowhere else to go, I would call Venere and go leave your back door open.

He'd open up the door with his robe, and I'd sleep on the fucking pool table with a pillow and a fucking blanket, you know. It's a party growing up, guys. It's a party growing up. It's who I was. And I never forget about those times because I always want them in the back of my mind.

Because I want you to always think about how fast you could be in the dumps. Things could happen, you know. Things happen in life. And you always have to keep that in mind. In fact, when I go to sleep sometimes at night, I may believe I'm homeless. I'm like, bro, I'm under a fucking bridge right now and shit.

There's a road's crawling on my foot. Why? I don't know, Lee. It's a fucking exercise, you know what I'm saying? Just in case. Because you always have to be fucking, you always have to be fucking thankful for what you got. I'll never forget those times.

I'll never, ever forget that. I'd rather forget a happy time than forget one of those times to keep me there, to keep my balls to the fuckers. That's how fast your life could change, bro. It's the fucking truth. So what's the story? What are you going to eat after this?

You're going to eat another goomy with me? You're going to sit there like a fucking mama look at a... Dude, this is a lot smoother than last night, but this is fucking... Well, let's make it smoother. Why not make it smoother? Let's make this fucking journey so we go home. I can't move right now, so...

Look, put on the song of the end by the doors. Look for the end, okay? That's what I'm going to listen to. But you're going to eat another goomy before we turn to this part of this. Let me talk some shit here. Let me talk some shit. I'm going to get on it on the fucking phone.

I'm going to send you some protein so you can make a nice honor shake every morning with water. Two scoops, 16 ounces of fucking water, you'll be brand new. You understand me, Lee? On it, don't fuck around. I'm telling you yesterday at the shroom tech, not yet, don't put it on yet.

What is this, apocalypse now? On it, that's the first thing I fucking do, Lee. And I take my medication with the fucking, with the milkshake. You can put some glutamine in there to get your system going in the morning. And I tell you what, when I make those shakes, I'm not hungry for at least two hours.

It gives me two hours to fucking do what I got to do. And at least you got something in your stomach. I don't wake up hungry either, especially now that I'm not fucking hitting that gauze. You know, you wake up at five, you hit that gauze. By five, 20, you got three eggs, cheese. You know, you got half a fucking pig, like ice cube until it was a good day.

So on it.com, let me tell you something. On it does some great things. I'm living an on it lifestyle. I go on an alpha brain cycle every four or five weeks just to give it a breather so I don't get too fucking crazy. You know, the strong bone I still use from time to time when I get pains and aches.

But they got some great new stuff. They got some digestive stuff you could take, some papaya enzymes. Like I said, they got kettlebells. They got so many things you cannot fucking lose on it. Go to joeydeers.net. Go to the on it box and press church, C-H-U-R-C-H

and get 10% off. They also have a stay on it program. You get 20% off when you register, plus the fucking 10, plus they send you your medication right to your fucking house on the first day. You never know what your alpha brain, you never know what your dick, okay?

And like I told you before, I'm here. I love these guys. I love them and respect them because of their commitment to the fucking reefer society. If you're gonna fucking smoke dope, smoke dope. Don't show up with a tattoo and a picture of fucking Cheech and Chong. You're gonna talk, tell me my fucking business.

These guys live the lifestyle and I'm happy. They put a fucking webpage together on the lifestyle for you. You go to the vape pens. You go, I don't think you go to the goomy pairs unless they have medication that they don't ship. But they have t-shirts. They got a whole thing cracking for you.

Go to naileditlife.com. Order one of these fucking vape pens. Get the oil from your own fucking neighbor and I guarantee you're gonna be a static about that. High quality, they come with a little stand. They come with a nice little fucking box. You could stash your shit in there. Who's better than you?

Put, tell them. Joey Diaz, Church, Lisa Yat. I know Jewish people, whatever. They'll give you 20% off, all right? That's how they roll. Naileditlife.com. Thank you. I got excited because they're here.

Come suck, all right? We don't fuck around. What else, Lee? What else you got for me? You gonna eat that goomy? Or you gonna sit there like a, you know, like a vampiro? A vampiro. You know what a vampiro is?

A vampire. A vampire, correct. You know what you were talking about earlier, Spanish gay people? Paula's cousin is gay and lives in Arizona and him and his buddies once a month drive all the way to downtown LA to get like fabric and stuff or doing that.

To be gay? Yeah, well to dress up like women. So that's what I'm saying to you. That's crazy. They drive from another state. And I don't mean in a bad way, but think of the confidence they have. You wanna have that type of confidence.

As a man to put a fucking way down lipstick a dress and go, I'm gonna go out there and get a big dick to that. That's confidence right there. So if you're lacking confidence, you gotta hang out with transvestites. What do you think about that, Lee? I don't know.

That's it. Give another goomy, man. That's it. So I'm gonna grab him by the head because I'm gonna force feed him down to the mouth. What color is that? That one's orange. Which one do you want?

Grape or orange, Lee? I'll take one for later, but I don't... No, no, one later. There's no later. Dude, I'll die. Dude, I'll walk out right now. I can't do that one. Where you going?

Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go? To die. I can confirm you won't die. You won't die? I don't want to. Eat another piece. Thank you.

Thank you. Eat another one. You and your buddy, Joey. Let's put it on. No, thank you. I don't love you no more, Lee. You're gonna suck it. I have one.

And when you gotta start... Dog, get it together. Cops suck it, all right? That's it. You gotta start eating another piece. Open it up. Let's eat one. And we'll go get some nice...

some at the Magnolia Grill. You want your uncle, Joey? Take it to Magnolia Grill. You get lollipop at the end. I mean, thank you. Mexican chicks work on it. I know you like the skinny Mexican chick. Look at the shape of you, Lee.

What the fuck is wrong with this crew? You see what I'm saying? Anyway, also... Their stuff works. Let's do what's on my mind. No, their stuff is tremendous. They wouldn't be sitting in those chairs. They were selling Susquehanna.

You know what I'm saying? What dispensaries are you guys at in California? We're in four clubs in San Diego. Anything with any platinum in it. And a handful of private membership clubs in Oakland that they're not accepting anybody new. We're not accepting any new orders anyway. We're pretty swamped with...

Are you really? Yeah, it's crazy. Vape pens and everything? Ever since you've been mentioning it. Well, thank you, bro. No, no, no, listen, man. You motherfuckers are professionals. I don't want nobody to listen to this podcast.

That's why when people say little things, I get rid of them. I don't want nobody around. You know what? This is somebody who jumps up and down and talks nice and whatever the fuck. I don't want you in unless you're fucking all in. You ain't no jet here. You understand me?

Once you're in, you're in. This is Son's attic. It is the mafia for people who go to church and have a fucking certain belief. Stop smoking because we've got to get out of here in five minutes when we walk out of here. I don't want this to look like grandpa's fucking house. Also, grandpa from the monsters.

I want to give a tremendous shout out to Dollar Shave Club. They're with us to the end of the fucking year because we don't fuck around. We got some men with fucking beads that need those motherfuckers to get shaved. And again, they're also thinking about your pocket. They have a dollar, a six dollar, and a nine dollar plan. You pick it.

They mail it to your house. Four blades a month. Tremendous. Write the house. You don't have to go to no store and stand behind some fucking lady who smells like onions and shit. Her asshole stinks.

You got to go get out of the house. You don't have to fucking leave the house. Just go to joeydeers.net. Go to the Dollar Shave Club Blink and press. Church. Boom. There you go. Who's better than fucking you?

No one. You get your razors sent to your house every fucking month. A dollar, six dollars, or nine dollars. You understand me? And what's nine times 12ly? Eight and 108. 108.

So for 108 and 96, I get your beads shaved. I get your asshole shaved. And Dollar Shave Club also has one wipe, Charlie. And they also have the cocoa butter shaved stuff. It takes away scars. Makes the razor go through your face like a hot fucking knife on Thanksgiving Day. That's how we wrote.

You're hungry. What do you eat, Lee? I'm open to any suggestions. What are you thinking about? You want Cuban food? You want Magnolia grill? You want Chinese food? No, not Chinese food.

It's too much pieces. So what do you want, Lee? Get it together. A Cuban sandwich. A nice Cuban sandwich. Look, we got to stand online. That place is fucking packed. I hope on Porto or something.

Yeah, that place. Which place? That place on Porto's is fucking packed. I was gonna go with my wife the other day at 20 afternoon. The line was around the fucking corner. Well, that's the bakery? Yeah, you got to catch them at 10.30. You got to catch them at 10.15 in the morning.

Yeah, we've been there super early in the morning. Early. Early. Not at 7. Yeah, normally you can't go early. Like if you go Christmas Day or fucking whatever early. But the problem with their food, that shit will fucking kill you, bro. Their food is Cuban food.

Listen, a fucking hamburger, a cheeseburger is eight points. A patty with a slice of cheese and two buns is eight points. Nine points. A fucking Cuban sandwich is 26 points. Half of a Cuban sandwich is 13 fucking points, bro. That's like Mexican rice. That'll kill you. A little bit of Mexican rice will kill you.

Benihana, the rice, that'll fucking kill you. That shit will fucking kill you. I love Cuban food. I'm fucking Cuban until the end, you know what I'm saying? I ain't fucking around. But those Cuban sandwiches, they're delicious for no reason. They're 20s. You know how many points you get for the day at Weight Watchers?

40. And it's 26. So you tell me how good that fucking sandwiches you cock suckers. Anyway, if you want healthy fucking food, we got to get Nature's Box. That's the motherfuckers. You like them, Lee? What the fuck?

I love them. I love the bagel sticks. What do you get from there? The bagel sticks. This is my favorite one, the cocoa almonds. Oh my god, I like those fucking rice sticks. I like the sesame sticks, the cocoa almonds. They got the fucking French toast granola.

They got the black and white granola. Guys, don't fuck around. Go to naturesbox.com or go to joeydears.net. Go to naturesbox.com and press the word Joey. Joey, get yourself 50% off your first order. That's right. What? 50% there.

20% off fucking nailed it life. A deal on fucking on it. A deal on Hulu Plus. A deal on Nature's Box. All I am is like a walking fucking deal for you people. You understand me? But that's how I make it roll on a Wednesday. naturesbox.com, pressing the code word.

Joey. And get 50% off your first order and you get all this sent to your house every month, every month, on the 5th, like the fucking welfare check. You understand me? What do you put music on for? What is that organ music for? Uh-huh.

What is it? That was your phone. My phone? That's not my phone. My phone don't even ring. No, I told people, don't call me. I'm busy. Oh, I'm so busy.

Whose phone is that? Turn those fucking phones off. We're trying to make it. That's the FBI. Trying to find out where the fuck you are, Alonso. Get it together, you know what I'm saying? Killing me, these motherfuckers. Thank you for chipping into the YMCA.

To the YMCA this way. Thank you for tuning in to the church of what's happening now, you beautiful people. Don't forget I'll be in Fort Lauderdale next Thursday to Saturday at the Fort Lauderdale, and probably one show on Thursday, two on Friday and two on Saturday, the following week, April 3rd to the 5th.

I'm in Tempe, Arizona with my other best brother, the other fucking Jew. How high was he last night? Oh, yeah, you guys were both. Well, he had a chiba-chiba before he started. So did I. I had a chiba-chiba fucking fudgy. Jesus.

You know how I do it. You guys are animals. Animals, and that's why you gotta eat another piece, because you've been slow to the fucking thing lately. You know, you don't want to eat, you don't want to get high, you don't want to dance, you don't want to ruin the fight in your face. Last night we were talking about eating ass and shit.

You should have seen him. I don't want to do that. That's it, it's over. I got a tough and yuck. Cock-Suck, I love you guys. Have a great week. I want to give a shout out to my sponsors again, Nature's Box, Wooloo Plus, On It.

Don't say no. Dollar Shave Club and NailedItLife.com. I love you motherfuckers. I want to thank Adam Corolla. I want to thank my two dogs for coming into the fucking studio today. From NailedItLife. I love you guys. Representing Western New York, you bad motherfuckers.

Always a little Jersey flavor in this motherfucker for you. And Lee, what are we doing? We're doing leeside.com to get flying GT shirts. And don't forget this Friday, one o'clock special edition Eddie Bravo. He's doing Metamorris next week, so we're going to get him in studio in the afternoon and talk a little Jiu-Jitsu with the master, just us three.

I got a bunch of beginner questions from a bunch of moos and stuff like that. It's going to be an intimate afternoon with Eddie Bravo. Thank you for tuning in. Have a great day. Stay black and be a bad motherfucker. It is the end. This is what Lee's going to hit tonight

as he's laying that bed after he eats the next goomie. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Wooloo Plus. Wooloo Plus lets you binge on thousands of it shows, anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Wooloo Plus when you go to WoolooPlus.com. Or go to joeyds.net and click on the Wooloo Plus banner.

And don't forget to sign up for dollshaveclub.com, get high quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollshaveclub.com forward slash church or go to joeyds.net and click on the dollshaveclub banner. And now that the show's over, remember to go to naturebox.com and order a great tasting, healthy snacks at 50% off. Snack smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats,

like everything bagel chips and baked sweet potato fries. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com promo code Joey. And again, go to naileditlife.com to get one of these awesome vapor pens for oil and wax smokers. Imagine Joey Diaz. This is the end.

Beautiful friend. This is the end. My only friend. The end of our elaborate plans. The end of everything that stands. The end. No say to your surprise. The end.

I'll never look into your eyes again. Can you picture what they'll be? So little red lights have prayed. Just greatly in need. Of some strangers have. Been a desperate land.